Why run.

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At first because there was no choice.  Every instinct, every fiber of muscle, all my knowledge, and every piece of wisdom I could lay my hands upon, demanded it.  From what?  To where?  Absolutely did not matter, the only sense was to be not here.  Everywhere was here.  Move!  Run!  Go!  There was preferable, as quickly as possible.  No one believes.  I don't believe.  Not then.  Even now I am only scraping of some of the necessary disbelief from that time, at times, for times, to see what lies beneath those bandages, scabs, holes.

Believe or not.  Only what is real matters.  Some of what is real can drive men mad.

Not hard enough, not fast enough, not strong enough.  No escape, no way to escape.

So much in this next video.  Symbols and ideas, directions, kin, the why of some things.  None of it can you understand.  Nor will I elucidate.  Nor will you ever know or learn or appreciate, not on this side of the veil.  But be at ease.  The call of the beast has been tamed by a Lord.  And while I love my kin, and even their wild ways, that is no longer my way... or, at least, I have surrendered my way, or for my machinations.  Man will face his own truths in his own way.

I finally realized some things.  Running would not work.  Could not work.  And, so, initially, I ran in the other direction.  Chasing my fears, what I had thought were my demons, looking into dark places, impossible times and events, the real and the unreal, looking for the truth.  Running this way, or that, in the end, was the same.  And while I still run, I do so without movement.  This too, you may not understand.  In time, if you have a glad heart and a soul for light, you will know this thing.  Truth, as it turns out, found me.  The bigger part of Truth anyway.  Some things, some aspects of my forging, are lost to me.

I realized my darkest fears.  And while not given immunity, not granted a certain freedom I had hoped to obtain, I was given an allowance, and a home.  And I took it.  I believe it will yield much fruit, in the end.  A dark thing to face, no doubt.  But there was a way, just not my way... any of them.  So be it.