A bit of sorrow.

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I was... am being... hit.  From this side, and that.  Just being something, or having thought something innocently for my part, is enough for one group.  Having realized being something, even that same thing, was an untruth is reason enough for another side.  For some there isn't a way out, according to some.  Thankfully there is Christ.  Never will there be sympathy, and rarer yet empathy.  Even assuming any group even stops to consider what it was all about.  Oh, yes.  I understand.  I had a place at each table, and feasted on each of the various truths, of the right and wrong kinds.  I had thought to lament and lambast.  I did, actually, but pulled that.  I wanted, instead of reacting, merely responding to the pains and barbs, to... consider.  And so I did.  Funny thing is, the song was about something else entirely.  I didn't understand the squawk until I viewed the thing.  Might I remind, I was a skirt chaser more than almost anything else, it's just the why and wherefore sometimes varied.

Having been at each table, for various reasons, in different seasons, with various levels of maturity, I have everything I need to understand.  I have even been a pretender... for fear, in self-loathing, in hatred, and at each table.  Sometimes I just tried to believe in order to correct something, but at a juvenile level.  So, I know why each has their stance.  Better at those?  Certainly not of as great of a length of time as others, but just as certainly as any other who has held them.

The pain.  It is fear of pain, of loss, of some other things, that can make men take a stance.  Defensive, at times, offensive at other times.  A war with self, with others, attempting to exchange a stance against the sin of another to cover for one's own sins, or the sins of those one loves.  Even one's own sin, being fought but wrongheadedly.  A fools errand, but when the barrel is empty leaving nothing else to offer, it is the easy way to go.  There is less pain to hunger if a cause, right or wrong, can be found?  Perhaps.  If you abused drugs in the past, should you really go into drug counseling?  Really?  Or if you are sinless in one area, should you really be casting stones at those in it?  There are times to be defensive.  When someone tries to get you to lift one sin or another, raising it to just a choice, you need to, and should defend.  And, further, if someone tries to legislate sin as a mandate, even of a milder sort, that should be directly attacked.  Just... know which is which.  Not easy in these times, but look closely, ask, directly.  Don't just start throwing stones.  I suppose the hardest part is for those in sin who wish it not to be sin.  They honestly don't have a leg to stand on, so they deny and defend.  It's an empty gesture, and will lead to very bad things.  Some have to be left to it though.  A very hard thing.

No, I won't fight.  There is nothing to fight.  These people are fighting their own notions, using me as both the focus and the target.  I know the pain.  I left people in a place that never was to come to the truth.  Death isn't always, or just, physical.  I have known many forms of death.  But I am not going to try to sit at either table, for both have great flaws.  I will sit at my table, of understanding.  Those who choose to join me on the feast of humility, hardships, sadness, forgiveness, but life, love, joy, and truth, may do so.  The rest, as usual, if sadly, will have to go their own way.  With prayers, and hope.  I know those tables well.  Bitter, untrue, wrong, but a place, somewhere.  I had to make choices, and did.  Neither table.  Christ set one, and I join Him at it.  He has even more right than I to be bitter, at me, the world, sin, but... chose to invite even me, a sinner of many circles, a denier and liar, a student, and now I believe a brother once I stopped... trying to go wrong to be right?  In truth.

I will pray.  But take no offense, just as much for me, even or especially here and now, as for you.  But you will be in the prayers no less.  Unless you wish to take offense, of course.  Nothing I can do about that, either.  Yes, I think this is the answer I needed.  Glad I took it to God.  He is wiser, has a cooler head and, really, a softer yet surer hand.  I need that too.  I see where women get that part.  He, like they... a trap!  :)  A right trap, but a trap indeed.  Later.