Hmm...

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Okay.  I keep trying to figure out a musical response.  And, while I can do it safely from my side, the music that fits would too easily be misconstrued to most other minds.  Probably all.  Even those who know me best know me not half so well as they should think.  Well, and we all have a predilection to see ourselves as the center of things.  Not a judgment.  I'm just as guilty as any other, often enough.  Further, for the most part, the quickest way to confuse someone is to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Still, I'm working on it.  I might have it, or not.  Thinking...

While I do need a bit of rest, that effort was rather heavy duty, I also don't want to fall too far.  Actually, I don't want to fall at all.  My goal is to get out even tomorrow.  I don't care what it is I do.  Most likely a very little bit of shopping.  Grocery shopping and for a small spool of lighter fishing line... say 3-5# test, perhaps another a bit heavier, in order to begin practicing with the fly reel and rod.  I am out of milk, and just about out of cream.  Hmm... though for a while, until I get used to not having coffee, perhaps I should look for a cream substitute?  Nah.

I really am going to have to figure out how to change my life.  Perhaps coffee is sort of still necessary.  At least until I can get into some kind of real shape, if that is possible.  If I get to a spot where I am able to do more, for longer, then I should begin looking at options for change.  I may begin eating a lot more eggs, boiled mostly.  It's a very cheap, here anyway, form of protein and fat mix.  Some beginning body builders start with those.  Not that I am even considering becoming a body builder, but I do need to increase muscle mass a bit, and push stamina.  Eggs would be an extremely good food for that.  But only if I am burning enough calories to handle the fat.

I do plan to begin working out, as well.  An empty olympic barbell, to start.  Along with empty dumbbells, and the curl bar.  Plus hiking and paddling, and simply getting out more often, even if just to shoot.  I need to keep my body about as sore as it has been for these last few days, pretty much nonstop.  I have to relearn to not just push through, but embrace the pain.  I need to actually regenerate my sweettooth for physical pain, or I will not be able to survive in the wild.  Even then, it may be a test.  Once I get set up, then I can gear down a bit.

As I go through things, I will need to shift various things.  There will be no milk out there.  Even when camping, milk doesn't last long.  Eggs don't either.  And while coffee lasts, it isn't an easy thing to keep in supply, and tend.  It's a lot of work, a modern, technical, and civilized, consumable.  A luxury I won't want to maintain, at least until I have done the work to make it possible more easily.  But, for a while, I can continue to live on the milk and honey of the land of the lazy and weak... until I can pull away, a piece, part, food, notion, at a time.

Oh, and that does mean I plan on figuring out how to keep my place clean, what I need to start getting ready to remove from my life and home, and things like that.  I won't just focus on the physical.  I have to focus on all aspects, and push.  You can't be unkempt in bear country.  You have to do either do the easy part, and maintain, or do the hard part and figure out how to make those things easier and then do the hard part of making that happen.  It's just the way it goes, if you want to actually live, survive.  I'm not considering these things just to go out and die, or set myself up for failure.  While I might well fail, it won't be from being an idiot.  Or... a willful idiot anyway.

Later.