Awake and pretty good.

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Not only have I figured out how to begin taking care of myself, and then doing so, there is more to it.  Sun yesterday and today has helped.  Medicines going in, and getting easily back on track.  Getting out.  Taking care of the pile of things that had been stovepiping other efforts, and even each other.  Too much down too small a delivery pipe and nothing was getting done.  And, yet, there is even more.

I did see Death sneaking up, approaching, nearing, call that action what you will.  I usually take that personally.  And, in this case, with health so fringe, it was fair to believe the toll was for me.  Oh, I suspected I would live through it.  As usual.  Eventually I won't, but that is a very long time off.  However, when Death approaches, if it is for me, it means pain.  I don't know if you have ever been kicked in the guts?  If you have, and see that coming and have no means of stopping it, you learn to curl into a ball.  It'll still hurt, just not as much, or in as important of ways.  So, probably reflexively by this time, I curled up hard.  You can't truly harden yourself, but you can protect vitals.  And that is what I did.  But the pain isn't always, or always just, physical.  When Death opens that door, some things on that side flood through, or attempt to visit, as well.  Not all of them are favored, friends, or allies.  Less so the ones who were once beloved, if I have any guilt about their hushed memories.  Or simply know them as friends, allies, or lovers but can't figure out where they once fit, how they died, or such.

As I am improving, after the memorial, while doing more, much of the feared pains have either passed or not materialized.  I am back to living, and some comfort of mind and body.  I'll keep at it, as I may.  I may not get to much.  It may be a serious struggle.  Yet, whatever, I am... enjoying life more freely again.  Still a bit crippled up.  But with no time dependent hoops to fail in the immediate future, I should do just fine getting some things done, in their sweet time as needs be.  Now to figure out where my friend is buried though...  A visit, in my time, will set that to as much rights as I am able.  Later.