Just deserts, cursed, what?

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That used to be how the questions went.  Always unsure.  Oh, certainly, deserved.  True of all.  The bible is rather clear about what we deserve if left to our own devices.  Truth is, now, that isn't the issue.  I've been offered salvation, and to my knowledge, accepted it.

I don't always see it coming.  I sure feel it when it arrives.  Sometimes I wonder if I am just being silly, until it hits again.  A thing of the past, a thing from inside, only sometimes is it external, and often even so it is at such a distance that there is nothing I can do about it.

I suspect as long as I keep fighting, as long as I don't quit, as long as I keep getting up or giving that my best, it will work out as it should.  I'm not the first, I won't be the last.  Just how much I have done to remain, and pushing to get back to my feet, I doubt the world will ever know.  You honestly can't understand the pains and issues I have survived.  I know I shouldn't be alive, just by health.  The pain for just that is immense.  Add in the rest and my existence doesn't make sense.

I suspect, now, that there is a reason.  Probably not in this life, maybe not in a next.  In time, to be sure, I will need what I am going through to bolster me for the real challenges.  So few Christians believe in the other things.  Nephilim are but one, angels, demons, those bearing the mark of Cain among other marks (such as that of the berserker), and there are other notions.  When a demon is here now, it is only through possession.  Should you meet a demon possessed of it's own flesh, you will meet something you do not wish to know.  When those things, most of you do not believe exist, to include the walking dead arrive...  Well, it will take you by surprise.  But there were things made to counter those things, or stall the time to allow what else needs to happen to happen.  Only the lost will be here, then, mostly.  So it won't be for an allowance of the honorably faithful.  It will be for those who might yet choose salvation among the lost, both of man and other.  I am being prepared.

Neither friends nor enemies, if some family.  Neither good deeds nor evil, just a role.  Until I understood I really didn't understand.  Even so I couldn't surrender.  Now it isn't even a difficulty.  I may not be who am, but I definitely am.  More, I am grateful for the opportunity.  It'll get ugly for everyone before it gets better.  Even Jesus will shed enough blood so that it flows like rivers.  It will be good to see Him fulfill his role, and take command of that aspect.  While the rest might do God's will, none do it so perfectly as Christ.  He does it without the darkness of shame, or hunger.  I can't.  A price for service, as always.