Chilly.

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That isn't the only problem, just one of them.  The old motor grinds while I attempt to kick it over.  I had realized that this might be the last of my medicine, so had stumbled a bit, again, about taking it.  When I realized how low, and how much last time had taken to get a resupply... if it hadn't gone through I was just going to let that go.  I still had my eye on another path, but that was unlikely.  I realized, about a week ago, that... something was going to happen or a major failure was due.  Anyway, with a resupply on the way I can take what I have with some confidence, plan a doctor visit, and get back on track.


Oh, I... didn't think that would end me.  Just that it was going to hurt.  And I might lose my drivers license.  And... thus my home.  Plus who knows what else.  It was already hurting, as I froze for a few days as I contemplated my next move and considered rationing down to nubs, if need be.

The cold isn't helping.  Though it's not just that.  Some days 66 F is just fine, some days, like today, 76 is chilly.  Odd thing?  If I am chilly, or warm, it doesn't seem to matter if I am in doors or out.  I take my comfort, or discomfort, with me.  And there really isn't a way around it.  Some say that is diabetes, but I had that, usually on the hot side, long before I had diabetes, even when I was a child.  Now, however, there is a chance that I will be too cool.  Lately I have been not only too cool, but too cool too often.  It's difficult to sleep or stay awake in this condition.  Maybe when meds get back on track that will sort itself out.

To the post office, or so I have promised.  I'll want a shower first.  I would like to make a trip to town.  I simply can't.  The things I want to do would be a bit beyond me.  Not that they are any work on my part, mostly.  It's just the time involved and a need/want on my body's part to stay at rest.  Too tired.  No sun, though I am not sure, today, that would help.  The winter blues?  A bit.

Of this next song, you sort of have to understand German to make heads or tales.  Ich will does not mean I will, it means I would, if I could, sort of.  For me, this song is about changing the world, or doing some wrong in hopes of doing more good, or even just getting lost in the world.  None of which makes sense.  Not any more.  I can't change the world to the good.  I can attempt to do good.  I can try to live so that others attempt to emulate, in a positive way.  I may attempt to fix myself, though through Another, and through paths, and with the right teachings and such.  But I can't save the world.  I can't force goodness.  Many of those old ideological notions, through wisdom, have been burned away.  But if I could, there is always the hope that I would.  Simply I know better.  That is what this means... robbing a bank to deprive bank barons?  The idea is there, ideal perhaps, but it never works in practice.  No good is ever done.  But... if I could... if I somehow could no longer know better... if.  I'll stick with wisdom, and yet... if.  If only?  Maybe.

Even this next song isn't so much as a certainty, at least at this time, as a rebuff against elites.  They should know better.  We have met on this field before.  They often win.  Concessions, assassinations, carrots and sticks really, have allowed them to keep what they will always lose, one way or another, eventually.  So long as they keep their evil to themselves, and serve a purpose, they are allowed.  But when they forget, and dig, eat, steal too deeply, they lose a hand, then more, then all.  They don't lose in time, time itself is taken from them.  Our elites are pushing it, beyond actually.  It now isn't a matter of when, but how, they will be thrown down.  How many?  I think, in the end, pretty much all of them.  How harshly they are thrown down will depend on how quickly they decide to step down and stand away, surrendering their ill-gotten gains.  It's coming.

Lots on the mind.  If I could just get going.  If I could just warm.  Hmm... might dump the old coffee.  Not for need of taste, just to add something hot to my stomach.  Later.