Every time...

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In this last month, every time things were looking up they faltered.  On the other hand, every time life was looking to crash, it didn't.  It has been a very slow, mild, middling, but low, roller coaster.  Nothing done but nothing broken.  No great function but no terrible pain(s).  It's 8 F out, and I'd love to be out in it.  I can handle it, if I am not sure I could do much.  And it might wear me down a bit over the line... or not.  I do like the cool, usually.

I still haven't arranged my clothing, or dug into the freezer or kitchen.  But, today, I am going to make a move on those things.  If I can get clothes together, and keep pushing my day further into the real day, I may attempt to make an special appointment for confession, as it might be a month or so before I can be awake during the regular time...  Then, if I can do that, figure out a weekday Mass.  Even just one a week, though with the hope of more.  And, as time rolls around, a high Mass, one on Saturday or Sunday.  Or both.  I also need to arrange some other things, with regards to church and charity.  I know, I know.  God forgive a forgetful lost fool.  The intent really is there, the mechanics and such are often lacking.  Perhaps I can be there on the next high holy, Easter.  And I would like to help out with lent meals.

Pushing?  Yes, but why I have been asked.  I have had many answers to that question, through time.  Now, though, I believe I have the real answer.  Even when it hurts, perhaps especially when it hurts... when it pains me in other ways, as an annoyance, even a grievance... when it would be easier to just quit, to give in, or up, or out... among other things...  That is when holding on, making all effort, continuing... even if those things are just in my mind... that is holding on to life, and the truth, perhaps Truth, of life.  When God chose me, and I chose Him back, I have come to realize, that was a very large part of the package.  Not as a generality, or theory, or even some certainty but without any real costs or price.  Life is holy.  Even mine.  And it must be sought, right through the shadow of death.

Rather than condemn me, join me.  Not for my sake, for yours.  Sad to see so many who have a full whole life who throw it away, abuse it, reject it.  I have every reason, of a worldly nature, to do just those things.  Not only do I not, I literally dance on my grave.  I know, in time, it will be proven false.  I know, even now, what I suffer is just as false... in the whole of Truth.  Yes, join in the rhythm of life.  Later.