Oh, ouch, right. Right?

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I fell of medication.  And... I don't know.  Was that the whole problem?  Cold arrived, or returned, I think.  Or was that simply a sensation from falling off medication?  Nothing has been right, or even wrong.  Everything just went away for a bit.  I have been sleeping, and then awake, watching those series, gabbing, blogging(?).  Numb, though.  I remember little.  No pain, just... nothing, mostly.

Empty spaces be-

tween drops known as time.

I can know nothing.

I am not back, not fully.  I am merely aware of where I am, or when?  Or... a bit of what I am?  Something.  As well, I have decided to pick a direction, or destination, and make my way as I am able.  It might sound silly.  If so, you have simply never been to the void, to forever, to never, to tomorrow and yesterday at the same time.  In time I do believe you will learn of that which I speak.  Perhaps not until you, in repose, near death.  Women know this place more often, before that time, but not all women.  For them it is fear, fragility, uncertainty, and/or their part in the reproductive.  That part for them is of a pain near to death and is a place alone.  Other women may understand, literally bear sympathy, but each woman has to know it alone, in her time.  The men who see these places have know death or war or better both.  Why I know it I can't say, only that I know it better than most, far more deeply.  It is almost home.  God says I have things to do yet, and I have agreed to be his beggar servant.  And, so, I only visit home from time to time.

Medicine was restarted tonight.  I hope to use the weekend to get sorted back into place.  I reset medicines for the next month, while at it.  I will reset the first medicine dispenser as soon as it runs dry, and set it up for a full dose of carvedilol.  Yes, just being on that leads me to home.  If I can stay on it, for long enough, and don't let them talk me into taking more, I can return to this place, land my feet on the ground, and get back to things in shorter order.  Those medicines are messy.  I'll do what I can though.

Dishes, I hope, tonight.  Maybe a bit of laundry.  A shower.  If I can do this, the rest of the weekend will be finishing laundry.  If so, and if medicine doesn't blot me out as the lack of it has, perhaps I can begin in the kitchen, bathroom, and main bedroom this coming week.  Ugh...  UgH...  UGH!?!  I'll... keep at it.  Good evening.