So odd.

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Couldn't sleep until well after 20:00, nearing the next hour.  Woke a bit after 1:00.  I'll pay for it, not a choice.  The excitement, and working past the real or perceived dangers flooded the bod with certain chems.  I used to jones for those... an adrenaline junky.  Attempts have been made to restrict that diet and end the dark life which was required for constant resupplies.

Never my choice, save that I refused the pecking-order(tm), would take a knee to no other boy or man, save loosely organisationally as in employment, respect for reciprocal teachers and coaches, et al.  Bullies, bullyboys of the system, the raw system itself, in the smaller and larger writs, all mean, combined and separately, to break people.  Women, females, are favored by that system as they are born broken... subservient, fearful, weak, easily swayed by waves of real or artificial virtue signalling... to be held as templates for boys, men, in the new Babylon.

Those who refuse leave, find our own way.  We also pay a handsome fee in many ways.  But I tell you it is a grander life.  By the way, though... if you aren't strong enough to be a free man here?  Heaven... won't be what is hoped.  Both attempting too much freedom, and surrendering too much, can lead to darkness.  Still, if heaven awaits?  As above so below, and in this case, the obverse.

As a payment for running the gauntlet I should have travel as a fearless option again... or shortly.  Too, some decent amount of stress has been lifted.  The body feels better without all those psychic tics and fleas.  Now to not only scratch at the others but be rid of them sum total.   I'll check on meds today.  I was told doc won't do refill orders?  Wha?  If it was painpills, sure.  But heart medicine?  I don't know about him, but with so many docs tossing narcs like candy, having a doc who won't keep vital refills on order?  It's a mad, insane, world.  I won't play games.  If I don't have clear safe semi-private access to medication, without a doctors boot on my neck, I'll quit them or find a new doc.  This isn't rocket science, a social call, or a negotiaton.

Why is this so difficult?  Ah, right... refusing to sit to pee.  Gotchya.  I hate when I meander into my own lesson target area.  I suppose that is... part of the point.  *shrug*  Housework, today.  This time for real.  Later, good morning and day.  *taps tophat brim to gain your focus*  *tips hat, bows head ever so slightly while angling my face to a quartering degree, wearing a foxlike grin*