I'm in such bad shape.

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Why?  I reviewed insulin... all medicine.  Actually I am taking it correctly.  I reviewed my diet.  Both from memory, yet I am confident in the memory by comparing memory to things which could be, were, verified.  Not an absolute guarantee but three different topics and times were able to be shown true, some actually over periods of time.  I have been doing well.  The thing that is off is sleep.

Some days I am being awake eighteen to twenty eight hours.  Sometimes I get a nap if usually not.  My actual sleep cycles can be in the five to six hour frames, if usually seven hours.  I, personally, would rather eight, even to twelve, hours of sleep, especially when my days run out of control the long way.  I simply don't have control.

Now, at least I probably know why diabetes is higher.  What else I am controlling is keeping blood sugar in the low 200s.  Until sleep and wakefulness can be limited, or my body acclimate, or a comprise of those two, I may just have to hold on.  Keeping medicines and food on track is all I can do, but I am doing it rather well, regardless of the givens.  It... spring is tough.  But this is the first spring I have maintained so well for so long.  Now to keep it up to and through summer.  If I am pretty sure deep summer will shatter me like a porcelain doll this year.  Just... a feeling.

Still, I have the list, and intent.  I won't quit even if I can't win today, tomorrow, or...  I will keep looking to the list and willing it.  Eventually, someday, they may put me in a room with a window to peer through, and I will just... look...  Until then I will take what victories I may.  I am not finished, not yet.

Later.


I can't believe what she says sometimes.  I don't know how she gets through either.  I only know I enjoy her little gifts.  Ego boost?  No.  Just... a shared smile.