Chastity? And, up and at it.

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No... connections... in the title... mostly.

I can't be sure when I went... wait!  It was just after 23:00, 11:00 pm to some of you.  I couldn't work, much, couldn't shower, couldn't cook, couldn't eat.  I got a bit done, but had to drag the day clean around to get very little completed.  Still, it was important, what was done.  Then I couldn't get to sleep!  The day just wouldn't let me go for my... good deeds?

I slept well.  Odd thing, from the title?  As I am wounded, healing, damaged, ill?  It is then when chastity is most difficult.  My resolve is weak.  My mind drifts.  Oh, I have been doing well.  It's just... I am noting when I am weakest physically, I am still strong enough to be weakest in that way.  How can that even be?  You'd think, with pain seething around me like pools of hate blood pouring out of me and attacking me, when my flesh is physically weakened, when my mind is confused, that women would be the last things on my mind?  You would think that God would give me a break, while I'm down?  Nope.  That's when it's unnervingly intense.  Challenges.

Hail Mary's, Our Fathers, and I need to add a few more.  If I could just wake up and get just a bit ahead... ever again!  Horrors.  I had, at one time, gone through and memorized about a dozen to score of Catholic basic prayers.  Longer and shorter...  Then had to learn a few more for the rosary, if some never quite got fully memorized.  I need to go back and... get those back under.  The creed, and other longer (or shorter) form, to St. Michael, a few traditional standard and special issue prayers... and actually the meal prayer?  I have a good one, I use over every meal, and now snack.  But I think there was a traditional Catholic one.  Why learn a traditional prayer?  To be a part.

I really don't play nice with others.  But... separating playing nice and becoming a part of a holy union?  I don't have to play nice to know, and want, my place.  Well, in the short run.  I think it is required in the long run.  (musings of a great and terribly sinner, like... everyone else I guess, but coming to the faith later in life, and weaker in all ways)  It has taken God a lot of work to get me to even this point.  It's not His fault, or weakness, it is His... patience, and the rough material He is working with.  No complaints, on either side.  Like a special needs of the spiritual sort child, I just... take some work.  But I know it, and allow it as possible.  Like Xavier and Logan, or Jean... and... especially after, if truth were told and written, the singularity.  Keep what you kill.  *wink*

Pain is light to breezy, with a slight possibility of chill or fever, the shakes, and exhaustion.  So far, though, so good.  AND???  The battery, according to the device, is not only repaired, but fully charged!  Yeah!  Seriously.  That thing has saved to batteries to point.  And charged one.  It has proved worth it's cost if it breaks tomorrow.  That just in battery replacement cost!  Considering pulling it, driving it in, possibly buying new because... they say so... and all the song and dance and drama of dealing with service, sales, and travel?  Oh, double or triple in cost and aggravation.  A very good buy.  Uhrm, assuming it... holds the charge, and is as it reads.

I will, when the sun comes up, after letting the quackles out, put the battery back in and give it a start... see what happens.  Rough, but... it... I am doing what I can.  Oh, I woke right at 5:00.  Struggled with chastity this morning.  Lots of prayer, much internal resistance, worth the effort.  It's sort of fun, once you get the hang of it, if you can succeed.  It's like playing a complicated bit on the piano, or memorizing a speech, or... being right when your inclinations are otherwise disposed.  Amen.  Later.