Down for a bit.

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At around 21:00, I hit it.  Surprised.  I have been sleeping later and later, nearing 05:00 the last few days.  Didn't sleep long.  Woke up too hot.  It was only 67 up there, so it wasn't the actual temperature, just me.

After tinkering on the web just a bit, I am going to game just a bit.  Then a shower, and possibly back to bed, if at all possible, earlier... perhaps in an hour or two.

I woke crying.  Don't know why.  Oh, sure, there is the recent stuff.  But... that was from dreams and things I do remember.  Not sure what this was about.

As the world closes down, closes in... when even standing for too long is difficult...  It becomes difficult.  I understand my mother better, albeit from a different perspective.  It is the lack of strength to... do... live... resist.  And, yet, the unwillingness to just surrender.  It isn't a dying thing.  That will happen when it happens, unless someone else decides to intervene... against one's wishes.

No, it's a weakened ability to do much about anything.  The humility of it.  Anger too?  Sometimes.  Still, we will keep trying, until it is our time.  I think I got a good deal of that from her.  She hasn't had the easiest life.  She knows it isn't fair too.  And, yet, she gets up, with a smile, as often as she may.  Says a few prayers, and figures out the rest of her day as she is able.  She likes to work, and is usually more capable than I.  If... as I catch up to some of her... concerns, worries... she is learning my dysfunction.

I wish I could call.  Hopefully, this coming month, I will be able to get a phone.  Maybe.  Later.