Up, if late.

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Little I can do about it.  I have been going to bed around 18:30, give or take an hour... 18:00 nearly sharp last night.  And, yet, I sleep later.  This morning I was awake until 07:30.  Yesterday, I think, about 06:30.  Getting later.  I am fighting to keep days.  Found my way to it by accident, have kept it... by effort and happenstance.  Turning the furnace up during the day, down at night, might be helping?

I finished prepping the last of the rabbit waterers this morning.  Letting them warm to the furnace, as it makes the place warmer.  I'll get to them and the ducks shortly.  It seemed cold last night.  The upstairs was 55 F.  Which is fine for me.  Sometimes I'd actually prefer it cooler... if that may not be good for me, unless in hibernate mode... which I haven't been able to attain for years, since they started heart medicine.  I used to be able to sleep nearly a month, probably two or three with a few hungry wakes.  I almost wish I could get back to that.  Oh, but that is a bit cooler than usual, and there was no wind that I could tell last night, so I checked outdoors first thing.  It was 0 F, or -18 C for those on the left side of the world.

I used to do more in my sleep than a thousand men could do in a lifetime.  Many lives, flying, near teleporting, visiting alien stars and planets, swimming the depths of the oceans, learning science that isn't ever going to be understood by academics, finding making and performing wonderous music, and just having a ball.  Even swimming within Leviathan, fighting demons, seeing the first dawns of new stars and the deaths of old ones.  Even so, realizing this is just a clockwork, made by God.  Designed for us to learn... not what He learned... but to learn, or decided, what is right and good, in a shorter period of time than what it took Him.  

Within the constructs of time and space and some other things... the laws of physics as an example... the sorting could be done much more quickly, and much less painfully.  I tell you, I saw "where" He went through this thing, and it causes me horrid nightmares if I ponder upon it for too long.  Some things are far beyond our grasp.  Further... something of what God is not still abides there.  It is... Lucifer's siren song, what called that one away, to the dark.  Fervid sweaty dark nightmares of living dreams and dying and pain live there.  Real?  What of God is not real, even that which He discards is real.

Anyway...  I no longer do that, so now that I am... sort of... back... I try to make do, do better, do more.  Not always, even usually, successful.  Yet, I pray, and work, and try.  I have seen where He derived, and how, in extreme brevity.  It makes all my efforts seem as nothing.  Even when I successfully pull work past broken ribs.  I will keep trying, until I too have been relieved of the effort, and set to be judged.  I do not expect to be forgiven, I only submit to the need for it and the grace of it should it be offered.  Amen.

Well... a bit of tinkering.  To wake.  Then to game a bit.  I would like to put water out, but I want it to warm first.  Then chores and work, as possible.  With gratitude.  A smile even.  If too, maybe a cross word to later be laughed at.  Sam doesn't care, as long as she knows she was a proper pain in the... ask me later... she is happy.  Womenz!  Sassy too, if she's a scaredy cat all the way, usually.

I'll set the alarm, and get to it in a few hours.  Hmm... a shower right first though?  That would be good, after the net work anyway.  Sam is getting so very old.  I can feel her, snapping back.  Her neurons twitching.  She is staying alive as much for attention and love, to remain here with me for a bit.  She finds places where she can sit and just look at me, at my face.  Such love in those eyes.  It is difficult to stay angry at her, even when she is being a turd.  I know why, she just wants... a little more attention, even if it's anger.  Bleh... stupid critters.

Later.