Chores and... a few odds and ends.

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Nothing done, recently.  I'm trying to solve that.  I want things done.  Besides having things removed from the checklist, however temporary, work is it's own pleasure.  It really is.  I suppose if you are working like the devil, for right or wrong, you don't have time to smell those particular roses.  But, someday, if the ability to work eludes you for whatever reason, you will... rue the day.

It doesn't even matter if you no longer have a financial need to work.  Not being able to work is seriously painful to the mind and body.  These were tools, made to... do... something... anything.  Perhaps it was after the fall of men.  Perhaps it was true before that?  Though, I would guess, while it is suggested that man must hereafter the consumption of the forbidden fruit live by the sweat of his brow... he may have done that before, but it wasn't a chore.  Much as women may have suffered birthing, before, but did not suffer it in the same way.  It wasn't a pain to know pain?  Or... pain simply wasn't the same.  Didn't know, would forget?  Dunno, I think there is more... to it?  Right.

Anyway, I... prefer to work.  It is bad enough that I am down to attempting domestic work.  But, that I fail in this as well?  It is... humbling.  I suppose God has sensed a need for that?  Offered an opportunity to know it?  Or maybe just the fall has led to these things?  Struggle with whichever cross(es) offered, in all the ways you may, but carry them as best you are able.

I... am not always pleased with these things.   And, yet, I was just thinking, the other day, how grateful I am to have been shown the mercy of humility through suffering, a lowly status, and such.  As... difficult as these things can be, they offer opportunity my pride, in my station, would not have allowed before.  Took a long time to see it, appreciate.  But, once that was done, I have true gratitude for this suffering.

Still... would like to work.  If, perhaps, today, God, you would... lift the curse, just for a few moments at a time?  Though, if I must suffer even not this, so be it.  Amen.

Oh, do not think I jest.  Do not think I merely say this as an excuse to do nothing.  You have no idea how much I would love to work, hard.  How much I do, when I can.  It is in my bones to work hard, get things done, which is why it cuts so.  It is too late, but I did everything I could in order to attempt to escape the poverty of disability.  Almost killing myself in the process.  No joke, I'd gladly have lost my disability if only I could have been able to make it back to work.