An okay sleep?

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Waking at 14:30, warm.  Not too hot, but definitely warm.  Ac can only do just so much.  Upstairs, near me, it was 77.  In the rest of the upstairs it was more like 75.  That will often leave me sick.  Fans and ac helped, I guess.  As I don't feel too wretched.

Downstairs is 73 in the main, 80 up front here, and 93 outside.  Brutal.  A shower may help the ac, giving it something to bite.  Then I'll be ready to start in on dishes.  I don't even have that many, it's just that work of any sort is pushing it beyond my ability, lately.  Focus, energy levels, etc.  With meat thawed, and being cooked, then going in, there is some hope that things will improve.

Medicine is continuing.  Doing what I can.  Still surprised I am still alive.

Dreamed, last night.  Women, on the mind.  Oh, not... just sex.  More about... our... relationships.  The reason we, men, don't like talking about it, is because it is... pretty much just sex.  If women want to think we are friends, okay.  But it's not true.  Further, they don't like us, either.  Just the way of it.

We don't get together for social hour, dinner, a clean house, to collectively become wealthier, or any of that.  It's just the jazz we are after.  Which... is only really great once in a rare while.  Some bury themselves in it, become blind to the world.  Others try to do the once or twice a year thing.  I'm not sure which is worse.

Further, whether any wishes to admit it or not, sex has nothing to do with pleasure.  If it isn't procreative, it is sort of a waste of time.  If that isn't even possible, I am not interested.  I suppose, if a woman gave me children, then... sure.  But if not, no.  Way too much energy spent for very little gain.  I can do that myself.  Just saying.

What is seriously funny, is that my ideas have completely reversed from when I was young.  Though, too, losing a woman and child, the first, did... something to all that thinking.  Mostly had me running away from pregnable women.  If even that didn't work well.  The funny thing?  Running from a woman will have her end up chasing.  As I suspected, they are predators too.  They win by losing, as I have always said.  Your seed is what they want.  They can't ask for it, or literally chase it, but they can be where they need to be when you want them there.  It's... like a deer hunting for headlight thing.  And... they do.

Still, I dream of them.  Some of it purely sexual.  I... would like to like them.  But, everything about them, from a man's secular, militaristic, logistic, and other, bases tells him that women are... wrong.  They want to surrender.  They want to talk.  They believe the most unbelievable things.  They are born to lose, surrender.  And they like it that way.  They don't just have a want to take a hit for the team.  They'll take a hit for the enemy, lukewarm friends, their girlfriends, whoever.  Whatever?  Sometimes.  Hungry... to lose.

Never mind.  I won't say I've got it all, only that... the dream was so deep, broad (no pun intended), and varied, but about women and...  I... sometimes want to hate them, but I can't quite bring myself to do so.  If I could get out, and among some, I... just might take one on again.  Of course, the thought of one, and the reality of one, is... very different.  Once you have one, you can't escape.  And... I have... escaped.  :)

Women are good for building a family, not so much as life partners without other cause.  Unless she is a real homekeeper.  Even then, that just might end up with you being homeless?  Or worse?  Check.  Dreams...  Women...  Sex...  Else.  But damn!  Bah!

Yea, I... get it.