Pretty good.

.

.

Going to bed at midnight thirty, I didn't think I'd be up at six, was hoping for eight.  I did wake a four to six, but no, yeah, I couldn't get up.  I had to hit the snooze twice, after the eight alarm, but was able to get up then.  No serious pains, not just crawling out still with a sleepyhead.  Fed Sassy first thing.  Well, after going to the bathroom.  And emptying the pee jug.  Three liters out, again, last night.

I hate peeing again at night.  I had, before the wreck, gotten to where that was a rare thing.  Between wrong but necessary food, limping to the bathroom so not going as often, this, that, and the other thing, I'm back to peeing at night.  At least I'm not wetting the bed as I did in my early teens.  Bladder hadn't grown fast enough to keep up, and sleep was difficult even back then.  When the world hates you, whether it knows it, or even knows why, you... sleep... lightly.  Violence, of one form or another, may be visited on you in an instant.

No, I don't blame parents.  They... try to make the ugly duckling normal, whether it is just another ugly duckling or swan.  Parents command conformity and assimilation.  Not quite to the point of forcing a kid with a broken leg to walk straight without assistance, but... along those lines.  Some figurative legs just won't work that way.  Living in terror, as a child, for things you don't even understand?  Even just not wanting to disappoint, but it's... all you have to offer?

As I said, I don't blame them.  I... appreciate their efforts.  And, it... may have helped, overall, in the final analysis.  But... it was a difficult childhood.  Parents can see right into your mind, sometimes.  And, when trying to reinstall a certain set of thoughts and behaviors, that... is... harsh.  As I said, I appreciate the time and effort they afforded me.  Am grateful.  But... it... some things linger.

I actually feel sorry for many parents.  They do what they can, but there are serious limits.  And, they can't fix all that is wrong with their child.  Some things are just beyond them, beyond fixing.  Or... easily, quickly.  I praise their efforts.  Yeah, sometimes when they suggest this will hurt them, more than it hurts you, it doesn't seem possible.  But, when you get older, you... may, hopefully, come to understand the truth of that.

Anyway.  Up.  Probably not going to get to much.  Best turn the heat, on, and up... to 72 or so.  At least until the early afternoon.  Hoping to get to laundry, maybe clear off the freezertop.  Clean it.  Get ready to set up dishes tomorrow.  Not pushing it.  If I need a nap, later, get that in too.  Sleep as much as is needed, when needed.  

I've been pushing.  Doing okay.  Would like to keep pain down, healing up, and begin in on things again.  Nothing fancy, not fast, just... get back into a rut, but a rut that goes somewhere.  No food, probably, this week.  Mostly water, oh and electrolytes.  I'll... get some of that going in, while I get the furnace going.  Good morning, day.  Later.