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No real memory of when I went to bed. Three? Five? Seven? I just... I think it was still dark? Though... maybe not. I slept well, though my leg wound kept hurting. I rolled, often, heavily... like an alligator with pray. Not sure why. It wasn't all night, but when it happened, pillows went flying, blankets got totally messed up, but strangely the mattresses didn't become unaligned? Walrus rolling!
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I dreamed I met a younger woman. But she was a bit heavy, for my tastes. We did talk. I told her about losing a lot of weight, and that I was only, say, two thirds the way through? Or so. She asked how. I asked if she was just asking, from being polite, or if she really wanted to lose weight. She said she wanted to lose weight.
So, I told her my current formula. I also told her it would hurt, a lot. That she shouldn't start exactly where I am, but slowly go from her way of eating to mine, over, say, a month or two. And some other things. I left it there. I don't know, from the dream, is she ended up losing the weight, but I doubted it. Not only do you have to deal with your own cravings, you have to deal with a world that wants you fat and stupid, probably dead. And the people you are with? They also want you to fail... either with them, or because of some slight hate they have for you.
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No one will help you. Your doctor(s) is (are) against you. Your friends will mock you, even if they see you succeed. Your enemies will tempt you (which... tells you about family and friends?). No one is on your side. Nothing is on your side. The food industry will try to fool, trick, poison, throw you off, at every turn. Renaming sugar all sorts of things, or using forms of chemicals that act as sugar, but aren't labeled as such, for example. You will have to face the wind, and walk into it, with spit and spite aimed at you frequently. Believe me.
And, your worst enemy? The one in the mirror. Wouch. That hurts the most? No, and... yes. It's an odd thing. Though, I will say this? If you can make the one in the mirror a friend, without becoming your idol? You will win more than just this fight. Then, surrender what passes for ego, and superego? Find God? You'll be amazed at what opens up to you. This will tame even your external enemies. It just does. They might still hate you, but they will come to find you absolutely crushingly pleasant to be near. Then they will either disappear, or... find their own way.
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Oh, as to compression? I had thought I'd jump on that and do it daily. Well, not so much. It really binds, hurts, the waist. So, really, I'll only be able to do it a few times week. However, what it also did, was helped my isolate, figure out, my abdominal muscles. So now, both when wearing compression gear, and not, I can, from time to time, work those muscles.
I'm not sure what working those muscles will do. It won't burn off fat (not really), or anything. It will build muscle, under there. Those muscles, for whatever reason, are still good. Going through life, prepared as possible for sucker punches, changes... ones physique, in strange and wonderful ways. Paranoia, hard earned, has... some pay off... if you can keep it from eating the whole of your life. Some of my worst enemies have made me much, much stronger.
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I ate a lot of food yesterday. Two to three months of near starvation has left me hungry. On the good side, I have things sorted. I have foods that, if I am going to over eat, are the foods I would want to be consuming. Foods stocked primarily with good proteins and high fats. I have nearly eaten a whole tub of cottage cheese.
I have yogurt, steak, more cottage cheese, and plenty of raw whole whipping cream. And, for now, I will eat as needed. Living on 300 to 500 calories for three months, mostly, was brutal. Even when I was eating storebought food, for the weeks I had that, I was still only eating, maybe, 1400 to 1800 calories. Too lean, far too lean. I need... things. I can tell. So, for a week or three, I will stuff my gullet as I am able.
Satiety will return, on these foods, and probably quickly. Then I can begin cutting to one chunk of meat/animal based protein a day, or two, plus the fatted coffee(s), tea(s), and then getting back to intermittent fasting. But, for now, it looks like I... will be eating, over eating. Oh well.
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On to a shower. Some laundry. Dishes set up. The freezertop cleared and cleaned, ready for dishes again. Bleh. Hmm... first, a bit of that steak, to go with my coffee. Later.
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