What does it mean?

.
.
Your Aspie score: 106 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 105 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits




I have no idea what most of this psycho-babble is all about. I keep looking though. Now, I take these things very seriously. Just like my horoscope. No, I am not being literal. Or I am but then twisting it. NO! I do not believe in horoscopes. The hints I have to leave. *sigh* Whatever, there it is. If you know what it is supposed to mean, I would be curious to hear. Of course, I do admit to believing, before this, that I dip into the autistic somehow. Then again, that may simply be profound dissociation. Who knows.

Waking was, as usual for the last few months, a rough thing. Not necessarily that waking up is difficult by itself, merely that waking up through powerful neck and shoulder pain along with a powerful headache is a bit of a chore. I woke a little bit before my eight hours of granted sleep was finished, but in pain. Since I have to take a trip this afternoon, I decided to take some aspirin with caffeine and go back to bed. Since it was really time to get up, according to my internal clock, I only rested a bit. The pain lifted rather quickly and I was still out of bed before my alarm alarmed me. I love shutting that thing off before it goes off. I wish I could do that all the time. Though I love the invention of the alarm clock, I despise waking to it. I truly have a convoluted love-hate relationship with the device. I ought to marry one! Too funny! After writing that my mind just had an explosion of things I should not say regarding the intricacies of such a union. Screw time, though thought a little more in a vulgarized vernacular, for example. I love chuckles first thing in the morning... or actually any time. Now I have a mine for chuckles to ward off sour-puss-me that should last the day.

I am so behind on so many chores, business dealings, and such, that I do not know where to begin. I have an appointment today and tomorrow, which means little else will be completed for those two days. I have some small hope that getting out will give rise to more getting out. Then again, with the weather as gloomy as it has been, getting out has only been for grocery shopping. With money concerns, even that has not been all that much fun. Adding in a lack of real hunger and an inability to maintain my kitchen (though at least this time I stopped when I got a single full sink of dishes pretty much), grocery shopping is almost just for milk and soda and often only days after running out of one, the other, and just as often having both be gone for half a week.

Still, getting out might help. Further, the appointment tomorrow regards my lungs. Lungs which have been becoming compressed and seem to be collecting liquid. With a reduced capacity to breath, occasionally wheezing for no reason, burning lungs, and pain when breathing (all only from time to time), life has become slightly more complicated. I am hoping it is a minor upper respiratory infection which allows for a simple anti-biotic or other treatment and then... *bing* better. It would help. It seems to be the little things which can trip the giant. Big things are ignored or crushed. I wish they were all big, or at least accessible. Uhrm, I should probably be careful with my wishes though too? Yeah.

Having the computer back puts me back into the computer room. This room actually stays much warmer for a number of reasons than the rest of my home. This, I think, is helpful at this time. Of course, when it gets too warm, I can cool off a bit just a few steps away. Summers do not offer such refuge, for the most part. Then again, only for a few weeks last summer was refuge as sought a thing. It is odd how such little things, things of which I am often consciously unaware, tend to stack for or against me. Then again I know these things only marginally affect the outcome and would be impossible to regulate due to changes in how I react to them or when I react to them. Messy.

I best get going. To help you on your way I will offer a two part piece of advice. Find something good and solid to dissatisfy you, something to gnaw upon intellectually. Then find something to chuckle or otherwise cluck pleasantly regarding then do so. When one of those bones gets a bit stale to your palate, begin chewing on the other. And may the rest of your day fill your thoughts enough that both do not become too dull at one time. Have a great day.

Oh, on a quick review of my regular blogs, I happened upon another test. Here is my "diagnosis":

Verbally and mentally fluid, you are refreshing and illuminating to those around you. This is occasionally somewhat discounted by the obvious pleasure that you take in exercising your mental acuity. *evil grins* Although generally peaceful you can take a verbally aggressive tact in relations with the world, which can often be misunderstood by those around you. *sigh* Innovative in the extreme, you can often think yourself right out of the correct answer to a given problem. *Doh!* Many times you are referred to as your own worst enemy. You tire very quickly of routine and so make poor clerks or administrative help. *zzz* You also have no respect for authority and little patience for those you regard as inferior, most especially those in charge. Experimentation is your watchword and can lead to experience for it's own sake and shallow decadence. Your thought can sometimes be scattered and disconnected.

Well, there is something to it. Uhrm, those "*" are my additions. There cannot be that many like me, but there must be some. Too bad? Whatever. Still, horoscope stuff. But... interesting. If you like it, or it seems to fit... it's less likely to be accurate... I think?

It is still rough.

.
.
I am thinking that the lack of sun has been a part of my ineptitude of late. Of course, having lungs that seem half full of fluid along with coughing, having no computer to organize my thoughts through blogging and writing out goals, losing contact with the few people with whom I have familiarity, and a few other things do not help. I never thought I would admit this, but I am looking forward to warmer weather. Not so much for the warmth as for a hope to see more sunshine. I am no sunophile, to be sure. I simply realize I need sunshine as much or more than I need a regular diet. Food has not tasted good lately. I have been struggling to work up the energy to cook, and then clean to cook again. Even my favorite foods taste good mostly from memory rather than present consumption. And yet, deep inside, I am as hungry as ever. I want to want food more than have actual hunger, but it is there.

If I suffer from depression to any degree, it would be when the sun does not shine enough for some period of time. How long it takes to bring me down I cannot say. How long the depression lasts once the sun begins to shine I am not certain. Then again, my guess is that quantity and quality depends a great deal upon other factors and so would never be quantifiable by any static metric. Of course, something else I realize is this means my main complaint probably has little or nothing to do with depression. While depression comes and goes, broadens and diminishes, for me it goes away but without giving me anything of my life back. No one could be depressed for this long or have it be this deeply disturbing without simply dying from not eating, I think. No, I am crippled. Depression is something I share, occasionally and rather typically, with the rest of the human races. Never mind the overpaid bureaucrat types who believe their sheepskin wallpaper actually means they understand anything. Mommy or daddy or their own peculiarities lead them to a cushy job with no real measure of success other than money and the prestige conferred by A-list clientele.

I have passed several opportunities to buy a chainsaw, but that is the next thing on my list. I need it more than want it, and sooner is far better and wiser than later. With electricity to my home being threatened, along with various dangers such as fire and atypical electric shock therapy for me and mine, I need to get on that. I looked at the situation and am not sure a ladder would directly help. It might, however, make climbing the trees easier by getting me closer to the branches which would potentially support me, assuming that would work at all and there is some reason to wonder. I will say, the chores ahead of me will be fraught with danger. Just imagine three hundred pounds of man, machine, and gear out on some limb balancing and trying to use a chainsaw thirty feet off the ground. My balance is extremely good, reflexes are great, but stamina is shot and all of the other variables are new to me. How much weight does a particular branch hold? How much will that branch swing when some chunk of it is cut off? How am I going to keep that cut off chunk from doing exactly what I am cutting it to prevent, breaking the electric wire? I have some limited climbing gear, but that too is untested. Should be interesting. I might have to sell tickets. If I survive, the proceeds might come in handy. If not, perhaps the money could help bury me.

My finger has fully healed, by the way. I guess I forgot about it and it is now as flexible as ever. There is still a solid scar lump at the wound entrance. But if you did not know to look for it you would not see it, or even really feel it. How odd. I do heal well, better than I have any right to heal, and faster than I would suspect. I would guess I heal better than most people can heal. I was made to be wounded! I am really not looking forward to tree trimming, with that realization. Ah well, any wounds would make for blog fodder, assuming my hands are still attached... and my head.

Good night.

Have you spoken to anyone recently?

.
.
Being sequestered in my little world, I rarely get out. As such, I rarely converse. However, I keep bumping into conversations which remind me of one reason I do like academics. Though academics are not good at logic and reason, and though they usually know very little about history or politics despite their devotion to what they do not understand in the direction a lack of understanding would indicate, they can pronounce their words well, form complete sentences, and communicate well. To be honest though, that is rather weak. Actually, it is worse. Having all of the training to go forth and learn and then not doing so is far worse than simply not having the skills thus not using them. Still, speaking with academics lends to the notion that there might be intelligent people with whom one might converse. I am a picky bastage, but that is the way it goes. In one of the better recent conversations, I did hear a good horse, in this area, will go for around $1,200 and if feed is only needed in the winter will eat about 4 tons of hay.

I see in the news that the Republicans have garnered what many hail as a victory and others trumpet as a surrender. I have a foot in both camps, at least within the various regions of the conservative libertarian circles. My practical mind understands (believes) that Rep. Boehner probably got every bit that he possibly could barring shutting down the government. And while I actually favor a government shutdown, I have to hold my personal feelings aside and realize that a shutdown would have been a very possible political loss for conservatives. To say it would not be a gamble is to lie. Further, I look at the bits and pieces cut as a sort of gift to even be able to negotiate in the first place. Had Democrats crafted a bill and sent it through when they were in the total majority, not only would we not being seeing cuts, as anemic as they are, we would very likely have seen more spending than what was proposed before cuts were negotiated.

Does that change how I feel? No. I wanted hundreds of billions or trillions cut. I still do. What is worse, I doubt if such cuts are even possible, regardless of what the magic negro is being puppeteered to say at this point. I know I cannot blame a majority of one third of the the parties in power for finances. However, I also do not trust the minority majority. How much are they resisting cutting. Sure, there are the 50 or so we can count on, but the rest? How steeped in government money both politically and personally are most representatives and senators?

Politicians, like professional athletes, mob bosses, even teachers are groomed to fit a post. They do everything they can to carve out their little niche. They are helped by those who agree or believe that any investment will be returned. These people are not there to do you, me, or even their sponsor's will, those are hoops to the goal. The goals, if varied, include wealth, fame, power, and simply making it to the top of their field. Most will not make it through to the presidency, but they are close enough, getting much glory, gold, and power but with a much reduced glare of the limelight, should they choose that. It cannot be in these men that we place our hope. They are tools though, and if they can be guaranteed to not reach real power through grassroots activism, they may come in handy. It would be much like using a hammer that does not really want to hit the nail, of course.

The only real thing to have trust in is citizens. If elections have any reality to them, there is a hope that our votes will and have been counting. The problems with that, however, include suffrage and allowing voting by people who only take from the system, though often that is the same thing. Someone who is not paying in significant taxes, often any taxes, who can vote for politicians who will give to them anyway, endangers the whole system. Given that, the thing gets slim.

I suppose the only thing to hope, politically, is that when the cards crash to the ground, that the republic part of the government will be strong enough to bind and protect what is (including citizens as a part of the republican apparatus and by citizens I mean men) and enough local (national, really) capital to attempt to rebuild some of what we had to a point where we do not simply fall first to barbarism and then to nearly prehistoric sustenance living. Ah well, who knows.

By the way, I was looking at bikes recently. At the first bike shop I saw a few that looked good. I looked them over more closely. Then I about choked on my tongue. The model that caught my eye at that first place was... are you ready?... $4,500. You know, I cannot even imagine buying ANY manual piece of equipment for that price. Then again, I am not even sure I could buy a snowmobile or motorcycle for that price, but those at least are not manually operated. *sigh* Still, my friend said Wal-Mart carried bikes for $100. I thought he was kidding or mistaken so we went and looked. It is true. I looked around a bit and found a bike, dirt bike style so that I (think) I could ride it on gravel, on the side of roads, and maybe a bit off-road, if need be and yet it was large enough for me. I also looked at a more comfortable seat (those ball breakers just aren't quite my style). I also looked at a light system, several reflectors, tool and tube repair kits, mirrors, and a few other doodads. The price, sum total, would have been less than $200. Of course, I would like to see reviews of such a bike (Schwinn), see if there are recommendations regarding upgrades, whether the bike is just a rust bucket about to happen (or already happening just covered for the moment), and whether it can actually handle my weight and the simple dirt roads it might have to take. I have no plans for mountain biking, I will leave that to the young guns. I keep thinking, what in the world could possibly make one bike worth $4,500 and another quite similar bike be worth $160. Someone is way off.

Later.

Back!

.
.
Sort of back. After a bit of research, I figured out which defunct email address I needed to use to sign in. It is sometimes more difficult than one would think. Still, it is done. Now I can both post and comment on other sites.

While the machine has been down and before I received a loaner, life got very difficult. I have been able to stay awake most of days, but even keeping up on little things that I had been tending became impossible. My breathing has remained an issue as well, so much so that I finally made an appointment for that. As well, I have set up that appointment with a different medical provider, if still within the V.A. and at the same clinic. I will not pursue blood pressure treatment, I know how that will go no matter where I go within the V.A. I have two appointments coming up this week. That will be difficult to do, being back to back and in my current condition. I am quite motivated to see these through, though. Headaches and shoulder pain continue to plague me. Aspirin or Tylenol (I do not mix) neither always takes care of the problem at this point. I simply do not know why this started at about the same time my breathing problem and heart palpitations began. The heart has settled and is completely normal at this time though. Enough about medical.

I spoke with my mother about a drive to Iowa. That is not possible. Between looking at the mileage, my vehicle's mpg, and the cost of fuel, I realize it will be a long time before I make it to Iowa again. However, a round trip non-stop flight from Iowa, last I looked, was less than $300. If she wants to visit that looks like the way. So, she has asked that I buy tickets for this summer. I am right on that... tomorrow? Yeah, something like that.

I keep finding problems in and around the house. The water heater in the master bathroom leaks after showers sometimes. It is coming out of a pipe that looks like it was made for that. Still, it means something needs to be done. Just having gotten the internet back, and somehow becoming more on my feet, I will begin exploring troubleshooting. As well, I realized that a branch is growing over the main line from the pole to the house. I called the utility, they said that if I wanted, they would send someone out to watch me do the work. Watch me? No thanks. So, I have to figure that out. There is another power line from the house to one of the outbuildings that is also endangered by a branch. I simply hope a powerful storm does not end up cutting my lines. Further, the washer, the one I thought I had problem solved, is again not working. It is not very much cold water through the line. Further, it is leaking. I am considering dismantling it. Calling in a repairmen, even if it is the final step, will more than likely mean replacing the machine. Parts often cost more than what a machine is worth, when added to the time and service charge before work is done. While getting a machine I prefer does not break my heart, the expense is something to consider.

Money, as always, is tight. I really am not sure how people can own homes. I suppose making another $20k per year, even with higher monthly costs, would smooth things out a bit. But being a single guy, spending actually quite little on food and other things, it is rough. I literally am living paycheck to paycheck and sometimes not quite making it. So figuring out how to fit a new washer, a chainsaw, a ladder and other gear for trimming twenty to thirty feet in the air? I remember how I felt when I found out that just enough roofing to cover a twenty by eight foot part of a roof was, what... $400 to $600. I really wonder about people who make what I make, have to dress professionally and drive to work every day, and have even a wife must feel. I am supposed to be median income on top of which I pay no taxes, state or federal, and little property tax. Insane, I say, crazy.

The kids are doing good. Sassy has been out a time or two, if not far and only if I stand right there and hold the door so she can come back in at any moment. Sam remains the passive-aggressive sweetheart she likes to be. I have kicked them out of my bedroom as I have been sleeping later and Sassy has been scratching me for doing so. She really is a brat. When I wake and find her doing this (which I do not always do), she finds that my foot and the wall make for an uncomfortable combination. I have scratches though, which I must assume she has caused while I have been too asleep to wake from. I would allow Sam in, but being that I might sleep long, I think it best to leave her out with food and water.

Well, enough of an update. I will write a few things about this or that too, in a bit. Later.

Why the Fed was not canceled this last time.

.
.
I keep thinking about this. One obvious answer keeps coming to the fore. Every time they created something like the Fed in the past, after about twenty years it was deactivated. It kept coming up, and it failed every time save this last time. Voters not only could but did watch what was happening, previously, and eventually shut it down. So, what changed between 1913 and 1933, and continues to this day? What changed with the electorate? If you do not know, consider not voting next election. If you do know, consider how else that change may have impacted politics, social norms, even religion. Yeah, there is that.

Things on my mind.

.
.
I just thought it should be known, cats are just as passive-aggressive as women. Sam kept pestering me to go outside. I got up four or five times to let her out. Usually I go to the front door right near me, which is fine with her. Sometimes she prefers the back door. Today, however, she would go to the close one, then head to the other door. So, I obliged and followed her to let her out the back way. Then, with a look asking what I thought I was doing, she simply sat near the hallway to the back door and then stayed in the house. Having tired of her games, the next time she did this, I gently picked her up, walked her to the back door, and out she went. Gently mind you. Still, since she may really have not wanted to go out, preferring to play with popo a bit more, she got me. Scratching me in the belly, but with just one claw and not too deeply. Yeah, passive-aggressive to be sure. I have been in relations with enough women to know that when I see it.

I just happened to be reading the local news. Well, state news IS local news hereabouts. I always look over accident reports, they stick out. At least viewing the headlines and maybe a few lines down to get a notion of what happened, ages, possible reasons for the accident. You know. Well, it turns out that an older couple (in their late 60's iirc) from town have perished in a one vehicle accident. I am not sure what to do. Being a small community, a death let alone two is significant. And yet I have no roots or other connections here. Does one send a card to the family? Is attendance at the funeral the way to go? Or should I simply offer a prayer for the rest of their souls and that their family find peace in time? It is not that I am uncomfortable with what to do here, I have always been a stranger in strange lands. I have never known the proper things to do. Every place I lived was a little or a lot different from the other places. This place was mostly Lutheran, that Catholic, my last was atheist, and this one happens to be Mormon, and I just do not know. From my understanding, to the best of my knowledge though, bachelors are not expected to... do anything. Which is part of why we are supposed to marry. The wife arranges and contacts and such. I think? So, a prayer is probably the way of it.

The news is rather empty these days. There is Japan, of course. A nuclear situation that "newsmen" will tell you is either eminently catastrophic on a global scale or just a little glitch to be of no concern. I weight the latter, only giving credence to the former with regard to potential global economic collapse which really only needs a little shove to begin... or end... or something like that depending on how you see things. Libya, and a waffling she-man so-called president is also eating up much of the scant news. Between going to war in spite of not being at war or even really going in... Huh? Yeah. As far as who we are helping, it seems to have become extremely clear that our men are in danger to support the muslim brotherhood and al-quaeda. Huh? It is not like people were not warned about Hussein before they elected him. How is egalitarianism for the sake of same working out? Ah, but you feel better, right? Whatever. The rest of the news seems to be muted, with minor stories of anarchist unions in Britain doing what they do, Madonna realizing that some places cannot be improved and being sued for attempting it, and such.

Oh, what news would I like to see reported or updated? I would like to know who is running the various muslim revolts. I can speculate, and probably correctly. Of course, getting the real story would be even more dangerous than what the newsmen face currently. Most of them seeming to be doing an Arab version of a running with the bulls, cheering the bulls as they go. How about doing some actual reporting? Who is in the leadership roles within the revolts? Is there more than one sponsor of the activities? If they are happy to investigate here, why not there? Chickens.

Another set of news I would like to know more about is where the various lawsuits regarding the recent Supreme Court ruling regarding firearm ownership is going in Chicago, D.C., and a few other places. How about where the state laws regarding exemptions from federal laws regarding firearms manufacture and sales? I would almost guess that gun ownership, where it is being forced in, will cause the blacks to do exactly what they have been doing in D.C., Detroit, and other cities. Eventually, gun ownership will make gang activity too dangerous for even stupid thugs. It will decentralize populations to a greater degree than any federal desegregation ruling or law. It really could lead to an integration, something Democrats and possibly Republicans do not want. A gun in the hand of law abiding citizens makes numbers of people less useful. Especially when many of those will not be allowed to have guns and that will be enforced in smaller populations of any specific group.

As well, I am seeing a few very light stories (one so far, actually), without much in the way of specifics, regarding laws being enacted around the nation restricting abortion. Through that one article, I read that one of those laws is on my own governor's desk. I did not read that in the local "news", I read it in some obscure piece from some obscure source. I would not even have known the bill existed except through an arbitrary reading of a link on a post I often do not follow. It could be that these bills are moving forward in such a manner so as to be stealth. Or it is more bad news, according to "liberals", that they just do not have the "heart" to present to an already downtrodden "left". Perhaps they are on board, realizing that an end to a continued illegal voting bloc is written on the wall, and they know the only way to have more "liberals" is by making sure minorities cannot get rid of their "unwanted" offspring. If the last is true, I laugh. The "left" is so bad about unintended consequences. What will happen if minorities cannot access abortion is that they will begin to act civilized, create rules of engagement, and enforce marriages. Especially with what is happening with public housing, social programs, and civil unrest about socialist programs.

Of course, even the "conservative" news outlets really do not go there. Why? I guess they have fallen into the pop-culture thing. Madonna is more important than abortion or gun rights issues. An idiot "president" who obviously does not know what he is doing as commander in chief somehow deserves article after article while stories of real interest are not only not carried from other sources, but not explored by their own crews. The same seems to go for many bloggers. At least there are two that offer up their perspective and links to what otherwise might be buried articles regarding finances and a few other topics. Some bloggers, more like say me, do not really get into stories, preferring more a discussion of life or thoughts, some preferring art or such. But for those who are into news, I think most of them have sold out to the pop-culture. Well, that and many so-called conservatives simply are not conservative. Republican, perhaps, conservative, no way.

Lightweight.

.
.
Yesterday, I thought a beer sounded good. And I was correct. Well, if one was good, what would two be? Better, definitely. I doubled down to six. Oh, not a usual thing, to be sure. I might as well have had a case, considering how deep into oats I got. Oh, I did not see if my garage really is flammable, hunt the kitties, or dance in the highway. I did, however, post comments. Ah well. If I put a breathalyzer somewhere, it will be on my electronic communication devices. That is all I am saying right there.

Still, I stayed up until somewhere into mid afternoon or early evening before sleeping. And, actually, I slept quite well, rolling too. I still wake up, every single morning, with neck and shoulder pain. I am pretty sure I roll, usually. I turned up the heat a bit in my sleeping quarters to try and ensure that. I am not sure it helped but I know it did not hurt. The pain usually disappears in an hour or three though. In any case, my days and nights are on their way to being sorted out again. It is not that I recommend drinking even that much beer frequently. But I do recommend a couple, my usual, now and again. Some suggest a couple every night but, for me, I know better. I recommend that volume only for those who wish to become alcoholics. Same, and probably more so, with regards to wine.

Being Monday, I am hoping to redo the urine test, get that one bill paid and maybe arranged for automatic payment, and at least find a place to take my vehicle for a tire repair. If I do go in for that, I have to make sure I void before I head out so as not to miss that and then probably do a little shopping while in town. I really need meat and a few other things. Who knows what will happen today. I can only make plans and, really, hope. I would love to get my hair cut as well. That might be pushing things while also trying to do a urine test and all the rest.

Today, or tomorrow. If these are done today, perhaps I can get the hair cut tomorrow on my way in to deliver the ua. Perhaps anything I miss today on that list can be done tomorrow. I have doubts about what they will find in the ua. Then again, I will never know until I do it and return it. I have no hangover. And, oddly, no sense that I even had a sip yesterday. I think the reason beer was beating me up in the recent past is because I was on a zero sugar intake diet. As such, it was probably just the metabolizing of the sugar, not the alcohol, that was giving me a hard time. Now that I am on sugar again, it is just another source and not that large of one comparatively.

Well, on to waking up and getting going. Good day.

Food.

.
.
Tired of just barely being able to eat, I decided to spend as much time and effort as I could muster on a simple yet edible meal. I have little in the house, of the better variety. Canned this and that, but I hoped to find something raw to work with. It just so happens that I have a few frozen fillets of one of my more frequently used fish. Fish did not sound good. Like eggs, some things are just not working for me. What else was in there? Ice cream bars. No. Ice. No. Just fish. I have potatoes but that is not really anything other than a part of a meal.

Grumbling, I decide to watch television. Generally, television is a wasteland. Weekend television is a step down from week day television. I was not hopeful. Then I hit upon one of my favorite cooking shows. While it is on PBS, something I generally avoid, I actually like this show. I have, in the past, ordered one of their cooking magazines, just called Cooks Illustrated. Now, understand, at least the owner, main editor, whatever, is a liberal, the magazine is not only excellent, it is as flawless and full, one might say as scientific, as a periodical cooking book can be. Now, food is non-partisan. I am not. It is not often you will see me regale anything done by a liberal. And, I would prefer people to keep their liberalism in their trash, where it belongs. In this one case, in spite of their mistake, I would recommend the magazine. Actually, they have several magazines and an online version, with videos.

Okay, why this magazine over others I have viewed? It takes a recipe we have all heard about, often one that is a classic. Sometimes the traditional means of cooking the recipe requires very long complex cooking, for days in some cases, and has an ingredient list a mile long or using rare or extremely pricey ingredients. Other times commonly available recipes produce less than stellar, or even edible, results. Their job, as they see it, is to cut the cooking time, complexities, and ingredient list to what a home cook can do or find, to make it a sure bet, and to make the recipe not just work but sing.

In my experience, they do this. Further, they explain the actual science behind it. From the chemistry of the ingredients to why one process, ingredient, or temperature works while the others did not. The magazine has a main dish or three, a desert or two, a salad (salad is not just lettuce mind you), and a side dish or more, all meticulously worked through to both taste right and well, be reasonable to make, and even suggest the best ingredients by name for use. All of this laid out in such a way that you can repeat their successes, and even mistakes leading to their successes. As well, they have cooking reader supplied tips that are often excellent, sections on culinary gear, a letter to the editor type section, a part where they identify an obscure piece of cooking gear a reader wants identified, and a few other goodies. While I have and do differ in opinions on minor Culinary practices or goods, that is due to taste. Further, they do not push "organics", high end gear, or anything else... unless they truly find it to be necessary for the absolutely best tasting food or ease in the kitchen by use or function.

Well, while I was watching the show, I started thinking about the fish. The last time I ate it, I tried to cook it using my traditional butter frying method. Due to it being older or lower quality than what I am used to, it simply did not taste good. With the right quality of fish, I can turn out a meal that is absolutely divine seeming. Several of my last girlfriends hated fish, until I made this for them. I am not exactly a fish guy myself, save fresh fish cleaned and cooked nearly on the spot. So, what to do. I knew I wanted to slice and fry some potatoes. I decided to bread the fish. I decided to add flour and corn meal, then cook the coated fish it in butter.

Next time, no corn meal. I think one needs to be careful when buying corn meal. I bought some higher end stuff, though I think it was meant for something else. Still, it was not too bad. However, the flour added a great deal to the fish, and frying it low and long, and even putting it in the oven for a bit, seems to have made a difference. I used every trick I have to coax good flavor from lame fish. I could tell it was not the best fish, but it was actually quite a bit better this time. And this time I was not in the mood for even the slightest yucky taste. So, it was probably a lot better.

All I can say is that I am pleased to have pushed the little bit it took to really try to prepare a tasty meal. I needed it. It may not do much more than make me feel better and put a few extra needed calories in, but sometimes just one good meal can get me going through another bit of time. Being so hungry and yet, not. Getting so picky that nothing will do. Being unable to function well in other areas. It all stacks on. So one good clean filling meal really helps. And, that, actually, I will credit to watching that liberal cooking show. It got the juices flowing in both my stomach and the cooking part of my mind.

Well, in spite of my hopes, it seems like a nap is necessary. I might have eaten just a bit too much. Yeah, yeah, 18:00 plus, I know. But it has been days since anything tasted good so even the moderate meal I just consumed is hitting me like a full Thanksgiving dinner and several extra servings to boot. Later or good night.

Building my own computer?

.
.
I am certainly looking over components. I have put together several computers in the past. I have the parts list stored at Egghead. And it is a machine every bit as top notch and lasting as I can reasonably ponder, perhaps too much. I am considering an Intel 3.46ghz 6core chip, an Asus P6T7 motherboard, an Asus Ares video card (crossfired 2ghz chips on one card), a Soundblaster sound card, 12gb of 1600mhz RAM, a 1200 watt power source, 2 'cd' players one of which is blue-ray read/write and the other a dvd read/write, a 50gb ssd, 2 150gb x 10k rpm hard drives, and a 2gb back-up hard drive, 3 25" monitors, a (non-liquid) cooler for the cpu, and a very good case. The price tag, so far, is about $4.5k. Okay, probably fantasy. But it gives me something to look at. Something that cannot be an impulse buy.

In looking over components, getting past the "gee whiz", and "oh boy", of easily impressed boys or zealous salesmen is the first trick. Why, everything brand new and top of the line is the most fantastic thing ever, if you go back and look at their previous "reviews". When you get to the nuts and bolts of having apples compared to apples, quite often the improvements are modest or non-existent. Although, you have to really read the results, then compare costs and complexity and stability of the components being tested. The video card, for example, actually comes in a bit behind several other card configurations. The problem? First, the comparison is done without overclocking usually. Second, the other board configurations are dual, so you would have to buy two of them, then configure them, then, hope for stability, and often add cooling systems as they as a system run a bit hotter. So many things must be examined, several sources need to be reviewed, and still, in the end, it comes down to making a decision and hoping it is the correct one.

You can spend huge amounts of money and all but guarantee, in many cases, both good product and good service. You can step that down to extreme hit or miss with companies that might fold on their first call for a return. Some times, with some things, I am willing to compromise or outright gamble. On other things, no so much. Some products are all questionable, as the products are so simple that competition is extremely fierce so that producers are all bottom lining it, and praying. I can only imagine this is not that too dissimilar from buying components to build a custom vehicle.

I see a lot of kids who, somehow (pot sales? drug running? something not right to be sure) with loads of cash buying machines they can and do over clock, water cool, and still manage to burn up in months to a year. It amazes me to see them back in, doing the same thing, over and over. I suppose I would think it nice to have that kind of cash flow, but I would rather have a machine that outperforms chipsets that came out even three and four years after my machine, and able to perform quite well eight to nine years after it was made (other than a hard drive problem, and that hard drive actually being new). I would choose right what I have, less cash, more wisdom or intelligence... Something like that.

Well, on to more looking. I have other topics to research. I am trying to stretch my days back to real days. It is a weekend and I have little else I could otherwise do. I stayed up until 18:00 yesterday. A bit more of a stretch today would be good. What I can, as I am want to say, when I can. Later.

No hunger.

.
.
Beside being limited in action, my appetite has died. This is actually a rare thing. Often during even the worst of my affliction, I would happily eat steak or roast or chicken (done correctly), eggs bacon cheese, rice beans and all manner of strange exotic or mundane foods. Milk, a staple, is still consumed, two to three gallons a week give or take. I have been eating, what I can. But food is without taste, the texture is unappealing, and some of it such as fried eggs or even scrambled eggs are nearly nauseating. I hate the rare times this happens as I truly love food.

My game, after switching from unavailable and back several times, has been unavailable again since about Tuesday or Wednesday. So it is not my game chewing up my time. I have been sleeping more for it. And getting the machine fixed is another task on a growing list. And, here I sit in spite of it. Some game addict I turn out to be! I simply cannot get to work, get going, do even a few little things. I am at an impasse. I suppose this will pass. Oh, I really need to get a haircut. It looks fine, give or take. It actually looks better a little longer. But I am no longer interested in how it looks. I am more interested in fitting in and the ease of care a shorter cut offers.

In my free time, I have been researching various items for my home. Prices for solid wood kitchen cabinets, for example, have dropped hugely. My guess, however, is that this is a short term thing, having to do with the overstocks from an artificially created building boom that has just died. I have noticed many products and services are similarly declining. Now would be a very good time to work on getting some of those moneys in and considering updating the kitchen. When stock is gone, I can only guess that prices will skyrocket. As well, good work is difficult enough to come by now, but what happens when the work force that does exist goes on to other work? Not good.

So many things I need to get done and no way to get them done. I have been trying more heat, caffeine, and sugar. It simply is not working. The one good thing about going back to regular soda is now I can drink more water, and am doing so. Still, it was not the boon otherwise that I had hoped. Still, I will chug away and get to what I can when I can.

By the way, one of the V.A. people called Friday, I think, and spoke regarding the MRI. No flaws were found and my organs, arteries, and glands all look good. There is a chance for a false reading, so I need to complete that 24 hour ua. I tossed the one I did earlier this week. I suspect it would simply be too old by the time I got it in. I am hoping, say Monday, to get a new one completed and get that in the day after. I cannot guarantee that, I cannot guarantee anything at this point. On the list it goes, and high on the list.

Not much else going on. Back to research and such. Good day.

Dreams of women, thoughts on such, and celibacy.

.
.
As difficult as the whole notion of a woman, marriage, celibacy, and holding fast on any one let alone all of those topics can be, I think I have been sticking to my choices rather well. I am no dedicated monk. Well, not the best of them to be sure. And yet I am so far beyond where I was even a year ago, and so much further into self restraint than when I began my effort. Resistance is no longer futile. And yet, as a man who is still interested in finding a mate, I do not think it is possible to become much better. Women are on my mind, and consciously. I have several women who, if I happen to see them again, I am going to consider asking to join me in doing one thing or another. One is... rather young. The other is slightly younger. Legal, of course, and easily. I am just comparing ages here. And so, women are actively being wooed, if so far only through being chosen as possibles without actually having been functionally... approached.

Of course, my plan is to not have sex until marriage. Plans can go astray, though I think my will is good on that now. I know that any woman I consider will, who accepts an opening proposal, will by merits of such, eventually become open to dalliances of various natures. Kissing, minimally. And kissing does lead to touch and touch can lead right to trouble. I was born in the dog house, and for much of my life, preferred the place. This new life I lead will be my first test in controlling that. Then again, it is not like I even put forth an effort or saw a reason for restraint in the past. Still, this is all new. My goal, as I have said, is no sex before marriage.

Dreams tonight, if I do not remember who or what, strained my self control as much as it has been strained in the last week. I am trying to capture that energy and put it into other things. I successfully rebuffed the desire this time. I am uncertain about celibacy. I do not know how difficult it is for others. I have looked for information, though it seems one either finds some academic treatise which has no real human nature application, a completely spiritual treatment of the subject, which again has no real human components, or some other writing which completely misses the point regarding how to do it, what the pitfalls are and how to sidestep them, and how truly difficult any individual finds the practice to honestly be. I do not know if nuns find this any more or less difficult than monks or priests, or really whether women and men have different pitfalls and recourses to those.

I do know that, one of the reasons I am not married probably, is my difficulty getting into that doting love stage. I do not like acting stupid as love seems to demand in so many men and women. I have seen others do it. And, I am sure that the initial infatuation does... diminish my intellectual capacity to some degree. I also know it is not to the degree I see even intelligent well educated people fall. Even married couples, when signaling readiness to copulate, often dip into 'the stupid'. I am not sure if I wish I could or am glad I do not or cannot. But there it is. I have, in the past, been rather firm and direct about need or want. That has worked well enough. I am learning from game, that a little heads up earlier in the day or even several days in advance if not physically present through phone conversations, will make the process smoother. Well, that is the theory. And, should I get to the point where that can be functionally tested, you know I will test it.

I suppose, as I resisted a very strong impulse tonight, I am writing it out of my system. I am not sure if there is any other point to this blog. I am exploring the subject, looking for responses, thoughts from others, feedback. I am, in all truth, quite clueless about the truths of life and the body and sexuality. I have, for most of my life, merely been an actor on the stage of life, taking queues and hints and scripts from whatever sources were available. I have only attempted to become the writer and playwright of my own story in the last decade or so. As such, I am quite naive, I am sure. I am ignorant no doubt. And yet, here I am, writing my story and then living it to the best of my abilities.

Fail.

.
.
With all my plans in hand, if a bit too much on the schedule as usual, I had a bit of breakfast, coffee, and was just cruising until it was time to get going. When that time came, I could not quite get going so I changed my activity and did a little cleaning in the kitchen. Time crept by and it is now too late to do what I had planned. Oh yes, frustrating. I honestly thought I could get some of it done. I may make it to at least one of the stores later. I am completely finished for now. I am nose diving after failing to lift off.

Once again, I see that no plans of mine can necessarily come to fruition. I am stuck. I will keep pushing to get these things done. I will try to corner myself in such a way that through trick or treat, I find a way out to take care of business. I had planned to have lunch or dinner at my favorite restaurant upon the completion of the majority of my proposed deeds. Not even treats seem to get this body to work. Some days I simply lose.

By the way, I have an idea of one of the things they are looking for using the MRI scans. It is called Cushing Syndrome. There are only five symptoms which I note as having, but they are rather significant. If nothing else, it leaves the possibility that my issues truly are purely physical. How many other diseases offer similar complaints? Why were physical ailments never ruled out, let alone considered? Twenty years into disability and I am just now being reviewed, and tentatively at that, for physical issues? Angry, yeah, I suppose. Much more so if it proves that a single non-problematic specific hormone uptake blocker can fix the issue. A world of idiots, that is what I live in, and sheep. How, exactly, was I supposed to protect myself when I can barely stay awake?

Anyway, I will attempt to make the trips I need to take on Monday. I will make at least one trip into town before that though, and hopefully get the tire fixed and maybe do some shopping. It is embarrassing to just sit and to not be able to do a darn thing about it. It is shame inducing. It is frustrating. And there is not a thing I can do about it but write. I leave these bitter things to God. It is all the fruit I have. Not the lack of function, but the suffering it produces. Perhaps that not being fruitful causes shame and suffering is cause for celebration in a world were most would cherish my situation?

Well, on to figuring out what I can do and when. Or maybe back to bed. I am so beyond exhausted at this point I am not even sure what I am writing.

Update: You know it is bad when you are too tired to do anything, including sleep. I really am simply stuck. Someone reboot me, please?

The wave is off.

.
.
My days and nights are still screwy. Still, rather than fighting that, I am simply going to try and get some things done anyway. I think I will be able to get a bill paid today, one that has been on my mind for far too long. I believe I have taken care of, in the short term and in most cases completely, the rest of the bills. I have this one which I will cover and try to automate today, and another that is a bit in arrears but handled temporarily. I could pay the one in arrears off as well, I have the money, but it would take some shuffling that would leave things... thin. Not that I would be broke, merely that until the transfer, and a slow one due to several issues, went through, access to cash for any emergency would be highly problematic. So, take care of the one today and complete the other one around the first of the month.

As well, I have been keeping up on the dishes. I have not gotten to cleaning and neatening, but it is on the list. Maybe today or this weekend will see a bit more work completed. I might be able to do some serious work, or not. My exhaustion is weakening, but in spits and spats. Along with fighting my sleep schedule, things can get very mushy. I do have the intent, a plan, end game goals, and congressional approval. Well, maybe not that last. Still, that is more than the president has even without the approval.

Further, I will get into town today and do a few things. If I can push, and get that bill first thing, I might take the urine sample into Ogden. While there, I can get the blood work completed. Fresh it is not, but it is as good as I can do. I did, reluctantly, have to put it in the fridge. Wrapped as if it was nuclear waste, but cool to be sure. The two bags of ice were not enough. Since I am not on a time schedule, life seems easier.

However, before my trip and after paying that bill, I might try and get that tire fixed. I simply hate having a tire that drops 5 psi per day. In my rush to get to SLC the other day, I did not remember the tire until a quarter into the trip. Not knowing how low it might be, I stopped before I got onto the freeway. I found a free, imagine that, air fill station. Wow! Free was good, but beyond that it filled my tire in moments, unlike the lousy pay to fill air stations. I had started to think my tires were just too big. Nope, cheap pay air stations are where you really do not get what you pay for.

If all works out well, I will stop on my way back, do some shopping for meats, buy dish detergent, and maybe look for maple stock. Just pricing it mind you. But if I think it is reasonable to buy enough hard maple stock, glue, and various clamps to reasonably build a couple of twenty four by thirty six by four inch end cut cutting boards, I will jump on it. If nothing else, having some real costs floating around in my mind will help me better gauge when my finances are better prepared to do so. I suspect I should, eventually, look into carts or tables I could convert into stable platforms for one or two cutting boards as well. This while work languishes on projects I have the materials to do? Yeah, well, look at it this way. If you are having trouble with your bowls, perhaps you simply need to eat more. Something about a chain of events, volume, pressure, and... Something like that.

I have an hour or two to use until I need to shower and get going. I will check and probably fill the tire here, with my kit, before going anywhere this morning. But that will take no more than five or ten minutes. My thing is, what to do with that time. Yeah, I could get to cleaning. Doing so might blow my ability to get going later. It does, I just do not have that kind of energy reserve, being more like how electric cars are turning out to be than anything else. Gauge says it will get me 30km, reality says the driver should hope they filled the gas tank for that part of the system (or that it has one). Bah!

Odd thoughts.

.
.
The last time I went to the V.A., as I was checking out a woman came to a counter to get change. There was a long line. Seeing that her request would only take moments while the rest of us were going to take five minutes or more, I suggested she cut ahead of me. The other guys in line were not going to offer this, it was immediately clear, so I did. There were some grumbles behind me and I really did not care. It ended up, though, that she merely needed a few quarters for a dollar. I had that in pocket and just gave her change without any fuss.

She was a rough looking woman. She had never been beautiful, though perhaps she was or could have been pretty at some time. Between, probably, drugs, alcohol, and bad men, her thirty to forty year age seemed a harsh age. Who knows, she might have really been in her late twenties. I knew bits about her immediately. I have seen her in a thousand faces. I know the world uses and abuses her, and her kind, at a whim. She knew me too. She knew I do not. She probably also noticed I was not a mark, not an easy target. She also knew that I would neither target her nor try to help her, other than being simply compassionate when that was reasonable.

So many people live in such small worlds. The men in line were either so into getting what they wanted and to hell with everyone else, or did notice her and her simple request but saw who she was and considered her below consideration. She usually keeps to herself and continues on her way in darkness hoping light will somehow get in. Whether her addiction to abuse, drugs, alcohol, or some mix of those is all she feels she has, or if she knows nothing else at this point, I do not know. But I do know I see into those worlds, not always willingly. I do have compassion. I also know there is nothing I could do. Entering such a life, other than with honest kindness on a very limited basis, would either end up with my throat slit or becoming one of her abusers.

What is a human to do? I suppose what I did is about all I can do. And perhaps to pray for her. So many women, women who want to make it on their own and take one too many shortcuts, end up right where she is. I honestly do not see much difference between her and thirty five year old never married women, even if they happen to remain secular virgins. Her vices and actions considered less clean by some, she has at least looked for love... and found some forms of it. Still, what to do in a world that is dying, looking at the living symptoms of it? Me, you say? Well, I can still probably find a wife, should I be willing and while knowing I would most likely lose the marriage and my children and home. Further, I have been and am crippled. So the comparison does not work. But I still live in the world and am able to see the horrors of secular humanism. Praying, I suppose, is all that is available to me. But, I will add myself in, as one of the symptoms of sin. I just wish I was the worst of it. I wish those few like me were the majority, as the numbers would be quite small. But I am seeing a tidal wave. The other men in that line were the rest of it, there and then.

Punishment.

.
.
I hear, every once in a while, that the whole world, this group or that, and sometimes even specific individuals, are in trouble. Of course, this is true. The stars do not need to be lined up, the earth will not need a major (or extra) natural calamities, and nothing really needs to happen for a great falling of men to occur. We have done all the work all by ourselves. While our politicians and elites continue to make the situation worse, even good politicians probably cannot stop the disaster we are about to face and on a global scale, which by the way has nothing to do with CO2, warming, cooling, change or such. Actually, our seeming decision to attempt to intervene rather than adapt to natural changes is a major part of the harm that is to befall us.

In baited breath, I often hear how this will be God showing His anger. Often by disgruntled Christians. This often sounds to me much like the sayings of the secular elites regarding global... whatever, change is it now? His anger at our "rape of the world", His anger at abortion, His anger at this, that, and a thousand other things. And, while I do believe God has anger, it is not necessarily at us. It is at sin. I understand the bible discusses God's wrath. I also think that portion of the bible was written to men in such a manner that they then and now could read it in human terms, without an assumption of an understanding of God, and still gain certain things.

When God says, "Though shalt not...", He is not telling us "...or else". He is simply trying to teach us true physics. If He said, do not climb that mountain without ropes and tying in well, people would understand the thing as merely wise advice. But when He tells us to not do something seemingly would do in a natural seeming way, like coveting a wife, property, or such, many shake their fist at Him and say they will do what they like. God, when He gives warning, is not threatening. He simply suggests that if you do this, that will happen. Often He does not say what will happen. Hell, of course, is an option. But too, social decay, economic failure, and all manner of other ills are possible while we are still living.

I do not believe, as well, that the anger of God is manifest in the way people believe. Should we do unwise things, we will obtain bad or no fruit. If we jump off a mountain, we will fall to our death. If we drive our car with great speed into a concrete barrier, we may well die and will most likely at least suffer greatly. So, in the time we suffer as we fail, it would be best to consider that it is not God who is punishing us, it is merely that we have ignored His advice and now must bear the bad fruit we have produced.

So many people think so literally and linerally that they must, by needs, always blame God. Little people will lead little lives. Hating the only being truly capable of loving them, even in their sin, seems so odd to me. Blaming the physicist for advising about gravity does no good. Further, do what you like but you will still pay a price for ignoring that advice. That, friends, is not punishment. What remains to me is to attempt to follow His advice no matter what else happens. Even if there were no heaven, a better life is worth the small costs of following simple advice. Thankfully, there is a system in place for when I fail. And punishment is simply reality.

For America to survive, some things have to happen.

.
.
Our borders have to be secured. Not slightly closed, illegal immigrant traffic not slowed, but the whole process of escaping to America and then disappearing into the crowd has to end. Further, those here now must be found and deported. A thing only worth the cost if the border is secure. And it is not just the borders. Airports usher in, some say, more than half of the illegal population. They simply have to be returned from whence they came. Make it a cost to the airlines, not taxpayers, and I guarantee that behavior will be curbed almost overnight. Nothing is happening on this front, yet. There is not enough federal political power in the hands of conservatives. Not... quite... yet.

What also has to happen is the abortion and divorce mills have to end. American men and women have decided not to have children, or often even to marry. The government and tax codes have not helped. Equal pay (super equal actually), employment entitlements for women, education super equality, a broken "family court system", terrible laws regarding marriage and divorce, and a number of other surprise inducing federal and state actions have all but killed the traditional family (just like the surprise shrinking home sales numbers... surprise, really?).

The last election cycle saw me hopeful but doubtful. Sure, a lot of Rs were elected and many Ds were dethroned. But, what, really, did that mean? Where there to be any real changes, or was one group of manure producers sent in to replace the last group, a bovine being a bovine, and no change to occur? I really did not know. It seems, however, that one part of the necessary change is beginning to happen. In states across the nation, new abortion restrictions are popping up, faster than organizations on either side of the issue can seem to track. Some are on governor's desks, others are making progress, some are merely suggestions or in committee. One of them is on my, Utah's, governor's desk as I write. Perhaps already signed or being saved for a signing ceremony? I can hope.

As is, it has been suggested through census data set to be released soon that 90% of population gains in the last decade... are to minorities. Mostly Mexican and such, who now have (minimally, admitted, using bureaucount procedures) about 50 million people, or one seventh of the population, give or take. Oh yes, things to ponder. I would guess that laws regarding marriage, divorce, and tax rates have no effect on some large part of this population due to the fact that they are here illegally or so marginal income-wise as to be unaffected by such, so avoid laws, taxes, and the consequences to the family, almost altogether.

The rest of it will not be possible until federal power changes hands, and even then we will have to watch. We can do nothing about the current corruptocrat, he has ears for no American. But even as bad as Bush, the Last, could be, we did have his ear. He rolled on at least a half dozen issues, including not ending up with Meyers or amnesty for illegals. Even a typical dumb Republican will dance when we play the harp, with exceptions for Redemcocrats in love with the msm like McCain. Just a little bit, a bit longer, holding fast, we will see this country whole and perhaps be able to pick up the pieces after our, and the rest of the world's, necessary fall from grace. I only hope that, through the pain, we realize socialism is the monster which caused the pain through untions, handouts, public ed, public housing, food stamps, and the ultimate destruction of the family, the free market, and attacks on God. I hope we learn. But for now, let us get things set up for recovery.

What I eat.

.
.
Regardless of what they tell you, you are not what you eat. Well, I do make an exception in that understanding to exempt vegetarians who definitely are what they eat. However, what you eat will affect how you perform. I do have difficulty with food. Simply, eating right is a rather difficult chore. I refuse to become an absolutist, but I have been trying to drift to a better stock menu. And, my body has blessed me. Those size 40 pants are becoming a bit big. My stomach seems to be the most resistant, and yet there it goes.

So, while reading an article this evening, something that has been on my mind started receiving a bit of research. Whey products, as I lose fat and my body tightens, has been popping into my consciousness. Whether at a store and seeing the stuff, or seeing a jug of it in the background unrelated to the topic, and such occurrences. Even in my haydays, I did not use the stuff. Then again, I did not look like a body builder. I did not look half as strong as I was. And yet, I am considering it now but for more reasons other than gaining muscle mass.

It seems whey, when formulated for body building, can actually be an excellent prep food storage item. In a survival situation, short or long term, physical activity will be in high demand, so building and maintaining muscle to fill the physical demands would be quite useful. I am not, however, certain, at this point in my research, whether this material stores well. Just because something is dry does not make it a good candidate for long storage, think wheat and more wheat flour (without excessive due diligence). I found a chart, if I of course promptly lost it, which indicates protein absorption rates. The gold standard of stock foods is eggs, at 100 (not sure about the measure, exactly or what is measured... something to do with protein availability to the body from the food). There are things better than eggs, mixes of whey, cocoa, egg, and other ingredients that can be stratospherically absorptive, going as high as 160. Milk, meat proteins, and a few other of my preferred foods are rather high as well, in the high 80's and low 90s. Beans and rice (needed in combination for a "complete protein" and wheat (and other grains) are considered "dirty protein" delivery systems. The problem with my usual diet is my usual diet is highly dependent upon refrigeration, having livestock in large enough quantities, or other things which would not be available in a civil system shock, or at least not to me.

Still, as my body tightens, I am considering looking at these types of products as multi-purpose additive to my diet. This is where it becomes tricky. If the supplement is to be edible, and that is sort of required due to consumption decline or cessation caused by tolerance incapacity, and quickly in a bad situation, being worse than having lower grade but edible foods available. The better tasting products contain either artificial sweeteners, sugar, or fructose. To my mind, though more research will take place, the fructose is the least of the evils offered. This, still, does not guarantee it would be edible, but narrowing the huge field of variables even a bit makes a search more manageable.

What is good, is the article I read strongly suggested having dried eggs, powdered milk, cocoa powder, and a few other items which seem to be reasonably to store for long periods to add to the mix in order to produce a complete, possibly more edible, supplement to a diet. It is something that I could begin using immediately and it is recommended that I do so, both to get used to it, get it all in stock, and for the health benefits as is. But finding the right product with the best or least worst additives which is edible and mixes well is, as usual, a whole other can of worms to begin exploring. This while I am having trouble paying a bill at a place probably a thousand yards from where I live due to an odd inability to get going on time and to see things through? Well, yes. Something about doing what you can.

So, I am curious. Have any of you tried any of these products? What do you think about this notion? I noted that many of the whey powders are quite questionably produced, contain soy products, the sweeteners indicated, and even heavy metals. Heavy metals? Yes, heavy metals, when manufactured with little or no oversight, as much of the supplement industry is. Talk about a whole other headache inducing can of worms, there you go. Still, I am looking.

I have a steak, one that eluded quick glances in the freezer until now, thawed and salted, sitting for an hour, getting ready to be fried. It was under an ice tray... odd. It is an inch and a half thick. I will make a baked potato and plenty of butter to go with it, and a large glass of milk or two on the side as well. And, in about forty five minutes, considering the timer and proposed cook times, I should be up on my proteins. Oh, I tried sweet potatoes. And, while they are good, I think I will stick with standard baking potatoes. While the sweet potatoes were tasty, they just do not offer my taste and dietary expectation a sense of rightness when eaten. For me, sweet potatoes are a mood food rather than a menu staple.

Have a good night.

Update: The more I look for the right whey product, the more I realize you really cannot have exclusions. You do not want sweeteners added? Then find some source of medical whey, which will cost... more than you can afford, assuming you have even a slightly above average income. Even then, because of cost constraints, I have not looked at the ingredients on the medical whey products (for gastric bypass patients and such). For all I know, they are filled with gunk. So, it comes down to choosing which poison. The best I have found, on that regard, is a product that is honest and uses fructose (not the high-fructose, such as the corn syrup type). The problem with that manufacturer? Well, at a glance and so far, they use lecithin. They only suggest it could be either from milk or soy. I do not mind milk lecithin, I do not want soy lecithin.

All of these things, of course, depend upon dose. Regardless of what the FDA says is safe, all you have to do is look at the number of medicines which have been thoroughly tested which end up killing people and harshly to know that these other ingredients are simply modern gambles. How much is too much, or too little, probably cannot be compiled in a manner that makes any sense for you, the individual, as the world's smallest minority.

I have to wonder about the people who die young of some odd disease, syndrome, or even cancer, and what they ate or did that may have inadvertently lead to their demise. We live in a world of sin, therefore disease and death. But we can increase or decrease our chances at that. The problem? There is no reliable source on nutrition, even exercise, or other choices, the more so the smaller the sample source becomes. Oh, I do believe the government, nutritional scientists, and others in those fields work mightily at it. But the truth is they will never know enough. Further, should they figure out how to get you to live to 100 or whatever (though I think socially this would be a sin in modern medical ethics, as people are not wanted who live beyond their functional time) following those recommendations would just as likely not work for any given individual. A regimented controlled life, even if enforced through a lack of choice combined with no knowledge of no choice, would just as likely lead to distress and death. I would say it would be much more likely to cause either suicide or revolt.

Well, back to whey. The search will continue. Once I find a product that is best suited to consider, I then need to actually investigate the brand, find out where it is manufactured and how, look for chemical testing of the product (independent if that is possible), and make a decision. And, then, find out if that particular type of product is suitable for long or even medium storage potential. And people wonder why people just go with what is popular or simply go without? This has been true for all of time. We do have more choices today. But the bad choices seem to outweigh good product by a 10, 100, even 1000 to 1 ratio. The one who advertises, cuts corners, and outright cheats, lies, and steals will get the majority of business. The hope is that all the manufacturers of truly good product do not simply fold or sell out due to the competition. Money, while a resource and a limited one, should not be wasted in some false hope (like many of the "survival" equipment pieces (saws that could not cut a cardboard match)). With food, for storage or use, when it is highly processed, even more scrutiny and care must be lent. Imagine those people who, when it hits, find their food inedible or rotten... or poisonous!

All I need to do is find one needle in that haystack, then hope they stay in business. All the while weighing whether a small dose of this is congruent with health or not. How much artificial sweetener or soy product is simply irrelevant? By the way, they have about a thousand ways to name artificial sweeteners and notifications about soy product are often so small that they can be missed quite easily. You have to wonder though, if a manufacturer feels the need to hide artificial sweeteners and soy additions, why not look for something without those? I honestly wonder, not even being able to find bread without sugar added, and yet with a health industry decrying such, who is pulling the strings and getting junk added to everything? The manufacturers? Really? In spite of demand, medical advice, national health issues? Soros is not that rich, but his boss may have that kind of influence.

I made it.

.
.
I did forget the 'jug of apple juice'. I remembered it about fifteen minutes out but decided that turning around was unwise. A good thing too. I made it in time to fill out the paperwork and have just a bit of reading time. No rush, no hassle, all good. The device was interesting. I barely fit in there, even with my arms raised and laid back out of the way. No, it was not my stomach. I have a fifty two inch chest. That might have come down some, as I have lost weight, but not much. I swear, half of the test is to see if you can hold your breath for seven to twenty seconds at a time, at irregular intervals, over the stretch of an hour.

Now, I had zero difficulty holding my breath for such short periods. I can hold my breath for nearly 3 minutes the last time I checked and after a few days of trying. When I was swimming recently, I was able to swim two laps underwater. I have great lungs, if anyone needs them when I die. Smoking the little I do smoke does not seem to hamper that. Actually, at one time, I only smoked, cigarettes, three to four packs a day. It turns out though, this was not a single MRI scan, but two. My renal arteries were being investigated, as was my endocrine system (or some such).

The machine, beside being a rather tight fit especially with the board they strapped on top of me, was rather loud. Loud enough that hearing protection was provided. I could hear the operator and the voice command to take a deep breath and then to hold it anyway. The tech seemed okay at first, then became a bit surly for some reason, and then was fine and actually pleasant toward the end. I am not sure what he saw or what caused the change. Perhaps having a client who simply did what he was supposed to do, maybe he saw that I am dying, and maybe he was just moody today. One never knows for sure. Still, I would rather have a bit gruff and masculine than so many of the fey freakshow "men" one often finds working in the medical field. I do not care if they are gay so long as I do not have to know about it.

All in all, it was a fine experience. In spite of the sound, breath holding, and tight squeeze into the space, I was rather comfortable. I pretty much napped my way through, just being there enough to follow directions. At least I did not hum with the machine, or sing(?), as I did when young and at the dentists office (and that to the sound of the drill). I amazed some people that day. After that my mother just chuckled. She had been upset, I think, fearing at first that my... actions... might embarrass her or make the dentist angry. Once that proved not to be a problem, it just became something she knew would happen. No, I did not do it to be cute, funny, or such. I was just entranced, feeling no pain, and napping sort of? Something.

However, the hour long time out in there has left me quite exhausted. Weird, I know. I was not able to do anything on the way home but stop for a bite to eat. I am trying to stretch my wakefulness by writing this but I am failing fast and hard. The day is wonderful, weathewise, so I have opened my windows and turned off the heat. I think I will crash, leaving things as they are, and hoping for a freshened home. I am sure I will wake in some little bit to a quite chill environ. Fine, fine, but the house will have been sweetened! Oh, so nice!

Good day, good night, and later.

Time to go.

.
.
It is always so difficult for me to settle down and focus when it is time to get ready and leave. There are so many things I want to do on top of what I need to do. A shower, beard trim if needed again, and dressing, of course. But I need to check the tire and probably top it off. Then I need to remember to take the urine sample. I have to be there at a certain time, and early. Actually earlier than that because I want to drop off the urine sample. When I get there, early of course, I have to fill out paperwork they suggest may take 20 minutes to complete. And then into the tube I go.

After that, I am hoping I can make it to the Ogden clinic for blood work. On the way home I want to find a tire shop and get that troublesome tire tended and then stop at the butcher shop and a grocery store for other meats, and dish detergent. More? Well, yes, if I am not burned out, I would like to then stop at minimally one lumber store and ask about hard maple stock, preferably four inch by four inch by four inches though longer would be better. And, somewhere after Ogden but before a crash, I need to eat. There are other things, like checking how much money I have available in one of my accounts and writing a check from the other account if necessary. Wait, I can check before I shut the machine off. Ugh. I also want to pay a bill, but that may not be possible as that office will be open only after I should be on the road and closes at 11:00 or so. Double Ugh!

And, yet, here I sit. I even need to use the restroom. I get... stuck... or something. Argh! I must get going. I will put the water on so that I can have a quick cup of joe on the way out. I am supposed to fast for the test, I can only hope a cup of coffee is considering fasting? I need to be fasted for the blood work too. When did I last eat? Late last night. Midnight maybe, 1:00? Something like that. Too many mice racing around the maze, so many things that are supposed to be exact. Uncertainty about this and that. Go, go, go.

*poof*

Taking a beating.

.
.
Today is a tough one. I wondered if it might be the sugar. I think not. I was starting to hit bottom a day or two ago. I think the cold came in hard and fast and wiped me out. Well, that and, since I ran out of my regular tobacco, I was outside smoking my pipe. Oh, and pipe tobacco always used to seem to wipe me out as well. One of things I purchased in town was my usual tobacco, so I am off the pipe and not going out into the cold. The temp, last I looked, was at about 30 F. Which really is not bad. But when you add in sustained high winds, you get to chill quick. Ha, I was out there barefoot for the early part of one of the cold smoke days. Yeah, not normal. Maybe that beat me up more than I thought? Maybe the smoke?

I have an appointment in SLC fairly early tomorrow. The good news is that I should have enough mojo left when I leave to shop for meats and maybe find out who repairs tires and get that done. I have been sleeping off and on, hard, for the last few days. Since before I missed my appointment. I would have made that appointment, too, in spite of my exhaustion. Sometimes my sleep patterns work out right, sometimes (usually) not.

Dazed and confused. I am hoping that after this appointment, with some food in the house, and after managing one more bill that has been eluding me for a bit, I will find my way to more cleaning. At this point, sugar has been neither helping nor hurting. I suppose my guts will begin hurting again, before long. But that is the price of even the small successes I can attain from it. All medicine has a side effect or three. Bah!

Just recompense.

.
.
When I was in the Navy, if anyone figured out a means of reducing costs and after a few trials the process or device proved as a money saver, that man was awarded 10% of the savings. Save the Navy big, you could retire. And I promise you, some men did and with millions or tens of millions of dollars to go with their retirement. While reading the news today, I noted that a woman, after being attacked in her home, along with her fiance, shot and killed a recently released convict. The idea clicked.

I have to wonder how much the state and possibly federal law agencies and courts would have spent trying and then housing the convict, how much he would have cost in lives and damages had he not been killed, and such? Now, I would not ask the state and federal government to reimburse based on speculation or even the worth of lives. However, the costs of trying and housing are a sure thing and are getting out of control. So, my proposal would, in obvious cases such as this, reward the shooter (assuming death of the criminal) a fixed 10% of the projected costs involved.

Would this, perhaps, lead to abuses? Why, it just might. And, exactly, who would be being abused? Ah, criminals. Rapists and murderers for the most part, would feel the brunt of any abuses. Oh? Oh yeah. And, really, I am quite fine with that. If you want to see violent and sexual crime decline, at a reasonable cost in both dollars and real civil rights, engage the public in such a manner that they would happily oblige. I still think most would not simply give a coup de grace. I doubt if this woman did, the guy probably just would not go down, could not believe his "date" could or would do this to him. Still, I have no problems with those who might very well choose to do so, even merely for the financial benefit.

It is obvious that the criminal justice system is a failure. It is obvious that keeping thugs off the streets for a short time does little to change their behavior. Death seems to work really well and, at the cost of a handful of .38's, she did what millions of dollars, risk to the jailers, and all the time spent holding this fool. Hey, on a simple apples versus apples sliding scale, the state losses. Justice? He finally got that, but from someone who should not have had to provide it. Pay her. Heck, she is not even union!

I am not a good listener.

.
.
I come into things with preconceived notions and pretty much stick with those. I can be 'learned', but you best have a good grip on logic and even wisdom. If you are weak in logic or sureness, or are too sure, you will likely have me laugh you off the podium. I prefer action to talking. Either do something or do not, but discussing a problem has never lead to a solution as I have seen things. Talking might, and I do mean might, lead to action. Action which might solve the problem. And, when you add women in as the ones who wish to talk, my patience ends about as soon as she begins speaking.

I think the sexes ought, probably, to be segregated for that reason alone. Men to go off and do things and solve problems, women to talk about problems or create problems through discussion that never existed before and will never be solved in any case. Which, actually, is pretty much what happens wherever one finds oneself in the world. Americans do it one way, Europeans do it another, and all cultures seem to have a means of keeping the sexes apart, bringing them together mostly to mate.

I am always surprised to hear men and women say that their partner is their best friend. I have to think there is some grain of truth in there. I know a few couples who are almost inseparable, in more ways then one (I am not discussing the kissy face clingers here either). They think as one, are always together, and act as one. The she becomes slightly more masculine, the he becomes slightly more feminine, and they take turns finishing each other's sentences. But I still feel that these types, usually childless or empty nesters, are an aberration of either age or natural cycle. In other words, it only works if family creation has failed or ended, only sometimes then, and is not an approach plausible for a developing family.

I am not certain about all this, or more about how this all works. But I do not think men and women can really be friends as they set about creating a family. The realities of body, chemistry, social interaction, intellectual function, and possibly spiritual realities cannot allow for other than a hierarchy favoring male dominance. Anything else is a modern remake of past failed social experiments.

I suppose that is why, when a woman sets about to discuss how to help men be men, I cannot be bothered to look more into the details. Even if she happens to be on target... La lalalala I cannot hear you. Take no offense, just understand some men need no help being men. If I knew her better, I might send her flowers though. Something about the notion that it is the thought that counts.

When all else fails.

.
.
I have decided to go back to regular Coca~Cola. The stuff I have been drinking has brought diabetes under control. But my throat is always terribly dry and the caffeine alone is not enough to enervate me the little extra bit regular soda can. Poison, of course, but it seems anything that helps has some risk or other. Besides, I realize that since they cannot find a medicine or regimen that can control my high blood pressure, diabetes really does not matter. Would you deny a man with a hole in his liver extra morphine ostensibly for his health while he bleeds out? As well, sugar is a little pleasure. I see no reason not to simply enjoy my life a bit since the medical establishment has essentially simply sent me home to die. Oh, they cover themselves by offering medication that either does not work or which I cannot seem to take. In essence, they have washed their hands of me.

The tire did need inflation, looks can be quite deceiving. Being that I looked at night, even with a good flashlight, means little. If I can keep it going, I will take the car in and have someone check the tire today. I would also like to make it to the butcher shop. I stopped for a few groceries tonight, to include soda and milk. Meats, however, remain on the list. My computer seems to have repaired itself. The secondary hard drive is now functioning, though my game is not available as they are doing work on the servers. Go figure there. I cannot take my machine in to be fixed without the problem being present. Oh well. I still think some one is tinkering with my machine.

With the dishes being done, I am avoiding cooking for a bit. With the rice and beans, meat I will be buying soon, and clean storage bowls, I should be able to stretch my cooking out. And with travel due to this and that, eating out a bit more seems to be less of a stretch. If I can keep the dishes to a minimum, perhaps I can get to other parts of the house. As I said, before I leave for Iowa I would greatly appreciate having my home clean and tidy. To have a welcome place to return with my Mom, only needing to stock a few groceries and rest a bit after the drive back, would make life much simpler.

No, I have not given up. I am simply self medicating with the only thing that seems to offer some small measure of added function. I am dying anyway. Milk, meat, sugar, and caffeine, it is what I have left of life to enjoy. I do, however, now need to be seriously looking for a shelter I can be sure will place Sam and Sassy. And, I need to become a little more social so as to find someone who can check on me when my health goes into serious decline. It, at this point, is just the business of closing up shop in as reasonable a manner as I can. Soda, real soda, will help with that.

Good day.

Up way too long, but more to go.

.
.
I have gotten every dish, pot, fork, and plate in this house clean. The kitchen still needs a good deal of work as well as the rest of the house. No laundry was done, but it is ready to go. And I have been dragging my feet about getting the tire repair kit and reading the instructions. It is a new technology, and one which seems dubious. Me? A doubting Thomas? I... I doubt that. Or... And? *sigh*

I ran out of my usual tobacco, so I have been smoking my pipe this morning. Along with some heavy French pressed coffee, I think I might make it to SLC. Then again, I am considering whether to simply cancel the appointment. They have nothing to offer, nothing I need or can use. If I do that, I will still have things to do today, so I will not sleep much sooner. I have a tire to get repaired, a computer to drop off, a meat and grocer purveyor to visit, and... who knows what else. Oh, right, hard maple stock to investigate. There might be other things, but. Oh, yes, whether I go to SLC or not, I do have to take the urine sample in. Still, if I am awake, I should make my appointment. But time, other things, and the fruitlessness of the appointment?

Bah! I hate decisions. Most people think I just sit here, not thinking or doing. And, sometimes, that is exactly true. But quite often I see everything, a bit too closely I think, and cannot decide. Time, as a tool, always makes a default ruling. You do not believe me? Just sit there for a bit, now longer, now... longer. You would be surprised how much people do that is absolutely unnecessary in spite of being absolutely vital in their mind. Just saying... Am I, however, the birds written of in the bible? Fear not, for as God sees to these, He shall see to you. Worry not. Or am I the canary who is going to be sent into the cave to find where noxious gasses kill me and show the others they should get out?

My paranoia entertains even me! Yes, I larf and larf and giggle when I catch myself at it. Well, until I hear the helicopter but cannot see it or the other way around! *google eyes* *larf* Oh, no doubt, they are out there, they might be watching, they certainly have the technology and perhaps the interest. But I do not think they have the power. Even if they do, I would be so far down any list that even I would see it coming a mile away. Or in the worst (best?) case scenario, I would be erased before I even knew I no longer lived. Heck, that would be better than a heart attach and would be based at least partly on my great faith, which would make me a martyr. Okay, I can actually deal with that, too. (larf)

Well, I suppose, I should get a shower, trim my beard a bit, get the tire kit in and look over it after checking my tire, then decide what else the world holds for me. Good day, good fortunes... later.

Tankless water heaters.

.
.
More research, of course, as I try to kill time and stay awake. This time the title says it all. The previous owners left a tankless gas water heater in the basement for the main of the house and an electric tankless water heater for the master bath. Neither has been installed. I have looked into this before, and really, keep hitting a wall. Installation costs for a gas heater run, give or take, $1,200 dollars. The savings offered seems to run in the $70 dollar range (though with high usage, which would make savings much less for me). As for the electric, that is often not compared (except by manufacturers or their admen) because just installing it might require upgrading the electrical system in a home. Ouch. I have not priced that, save remembering bits when considering solar energy. I may have to see if I can sell those. I am not sure if there are enough rich fools left, but one can always try. And further, one of the other reasons electric water heaters are often not compared is that until you get to the luxury model price range, they are incapable of handling a whole house. Further, none of the models (regardless of brand) were rated well, even the more expensive models, by people blind tested or conscious of the trials.

Green technology is not only not really all that green, it is often a detriment to people's lives. Hey, if you want to go live in the desert in a sand filled soda can house, raise your organic pot and chickens, and shout at the government and the moon, by all means, do so. If you want to use bogus technology which will fail you and leave you with huge bills, either getting the real deal in or trying to band aid your junk, by all means, go for it. Building your home on sand has been ill advised for longer than we have consciously been alive. But if you really want to do that, to save gaia, just understand that no matter how deep your wallet is, it will not make fiction work and it will not bring back the dead. The whole notion reminds me of people who go to Las Vegas and come back, swearing they are ahead. They won. And they do it every time. Wow! (Chumps)

I swear, liberals are all about complicating their lives to the point where while they should be living fairly carefree pleasant healthy lives, they instead eat vegetables (or nothing or vomit their food... or rush it through their systems via various methods), they live with dangerous less than solid technologies (such as the new mercury light bulbs (while I cannot get a fucking accurate and much rarer by use mercury thermometer!!!)), and destabalize the only rational government in centuries while praising and sticking up for people like Obama Hussein, and screwing every one else with their poor political and economic choices (such as organic... you know what that is doing to the food market and how unsustainable because of the work load organics are, among other things?). They are all but ensuring Monsanto controls the rest and shortly buys them out. Do not kid yourself.

Now I will tell you how I really feel. Ha! Actually, it is not even how I feel. It is more that I feel snookered for having ever considered for a moment a thing out of an idiot Democrat, liberal, green, or other such mouth. Look, these water heaters, such as they are, are free to me. And I tell you they are not worth installing! There is a reason that when a nation becomes infected by them enough to take power, the first people they kill are their own and those like them. They know to kill stupid people, first, immediately. It almost makes one wish for them to finally just create the NAZI state type government they desire which will kill many of them off! Almost. Not quite but almost. Too many real and good people would be killed, some good people trying to save their sorry liberal, fag, NAZI asses (and just as likely ratted out by the very people they were trying to save, as a final 'thank you').

Doing research in my off cycle time.

.
.
Something I have been considering is what to do in the kitchen. Now, it is fully functional, more so when clean. So, that is not really the issue. Not completely. What I have a problem with is usable counter space, hence the notion regarding installing an island, perhaps now as a temporary device and later as a stationary piece. (Should I ever get that far, survive my health issues, come up with the money, blah, blah, blah.) I really enjoy butcher blocks, for a number of reasons. So a three inch thick, or thicker, block, on a mobile island, would be a wonderful addition. Not only would it provide "counter space", it would be wonderful to have counter space I could feel secure chopping, cutting, and otherwise slicing away upon.

So, I went shopping. Internet window shopping is not new, though I have not been doing much of that in quite some time. And, that is probably why I have a few coins still in my pocket (for what they are worth, again though... beside the point). First I looked at what a pre-built island or even stand would cost. The going rate for something as small at eighteen by twenty four inches started at nearly $600 dollars. All the starting models included was the three to four inch butcher block on top of four too skinny looking legs. The price for a near island of the thicker butcher block material began at about $1600, then up to topping off my blood pressure. Hmm, nice notion. So, I decided to consider, again, a dyi project and began looking for ideas. I also looked for notions regarding cutting boards and butcher blocks. What I noted in most dyi projects and purchased butcher blocks is that none of what I saw worked with the offered specs regarding butcher blocks.

End cuts were always recommended by dyi'ers and were advertised by sellers. Check, that works. The problem is the recommended size of those end cuts, which was nearly four inches by three inches, was never used in either dyi'ers' plans nor pre-built offerings! Usually what was shown was, say one and three quarters inch by two to three inches on down to one inch by one inch looking end cut blocks. Too picky? Maybe. I also looked at lumber offerings. The only thing I saw in an hour of searching was one offering of four by four by thirty inch blocks, marked as furniture maple. I did not see hard, sugar, rock, or mountain designations and these (I think) were marketed for turning as table legs. Which, to my way of thinking, means they were probably soft maple.

If I get to town today, before heading to SLC, I may stop at a lumber store or two and ask about their stock in, say, four inch by four inch by whatever (at least four inches) pieces of hard maple. My guess, either not available or custom thus much more expensive. I would like to get prices for stock to know if a dyi project is even remotely worth the savings, or if there are any savings. It is so bad today, when everyone will sell you anything and not know what they are really selling you, not care whether it is what you actually need or want, and have a stupid punk smirk on their faces the whole time. They think it is cute to sell in an almost nihilistic manner. Look at the next stranger, after the sale. I swear, they are evil anymore. They think they took you, and probably did.

Why would a butcher block be cheaper to buy than to make? Well, let me see, some place like China where they use questionable wood (might not be hard maple, let alone hard wood), companies who are legitimate finding that millionaires to buy their overpriced goods have disappeared into the woodwork needing simple cash to get by and letting stock go for less than they paid for it as a short term hail Mary, and a few other reasons. Well, that and you almost cannot beat mass production, even counting your time sometimes. All that and the recommended cuts for butcher blocks have to be set aside because the lumber does not seem to be available.

Crazy? Me? Who are you kidding? People are living in a fantasy. They have $1,600 and up pieces of furniture that are, essentially, only for looks. I happened to glance at furniture too. Other than Amish, I saw bedroom sets for $5k, which were... veneer? Really? They are deluded. How many other things do people have, which they think will always work and well, which are frauds? For one, I think of the automobile industry. Most cars, if they are not flat cheap basic models, unless they truly have extra features which add to true utility (where it can go, what it can haul, how many it can haul) is based on a fraud of selling points by slick advertisers. You can almost simply melt most vehicles without all that much heat. Bah! Angry, not crazy. Still, I will stop at a couple of lumber stores and see what I can see.

Oh, and never buy furniture from almost any store if you are looking for anything but trailer trash furnishings. The Amish seem to sell better solid wood furnishings (mostly minus walnut, as it is much harder on hand tools). But if you want pieces that will last, I would recommend estate sales (but look the items over closely, anything made in the last half century is suspect) and the Amish. You will pay much more to the Amish than you will to JC Penney or RC Willey but your furniture will last longer than you will. If your future ends with you, ignore all I say. Though mine, currently, does. I at least pray to change that. And, so, I prepare.