.
.
Reading at one of my usual blogs, I see the notion that creating a educated populace might not lead to prosperity. And more, that the reverse is probably the case. Now, I could get all statistical but I am not about to do so. The simple reality is that education comes from a need for improvements on existing systems in order for education to be an economic factor (well, a positive one). Assuming all education is equal, of course, for the sake of argument. Without a need, demand, or serious call of some sorts by individuals to perform better in their professions, by industry to evaluate and improve efficiency, or the military by raising attrition while limiting personnel and civilian casualties, any costs related to education are not warranted and will become a drag on the economy, often in many ways.
It is not just in African nations, Europe and America have an overload of a underwhelmingly educated class of people who end up needing to work for the government because there simply is no other place. Jobs are created and the government begins doing "work" for which it was not designed and which it does poorly. Even that is coming to an end, as the destruction caused by such backward thinking has lead to a devolution in education and a burgeoning government the people are revolting about. The quantitative easing in education has made what was once a guarantee of work for the best and brightest a meaningless piece of paper, not even parchment these days(?), where the wheat and the chaff are combined.
I see in this, and many other attempts by the left to emulate Western success in foreign places by doing everything except what would actually create success in those nations. Looking at the symptoms, often, of success, and equating that to the causes, is typical of the backward thinking of progressivism. While I am highly skeptical of progressives, believing many if not most actually intend to harm the economy and devalue human life, I am sure there are some well-meaning among them. They too, just as Christians, have more wolves than sheep in their flocks.
What would allow progress in impoverished nations would be an end to imposed international regulations, support of governments which support financial gain instead of ignoring the rule of law, and allowing exceptions to many of the Western imposed limitations which bind even the few nations which have some semblance of a legal, real rights based, government. In other words, just like here, if we want people to strive for more the regulatory jackboot has to be removed from the necks of those being forced to live in malaria, cholera, and other disease ridden places to first use things like ddt and chlorine in their water supplies, begin burning those horrible CO2 producing fuels in order to even get a leg up to then even have a chance at putting together cohesive civilizations. Greens talk about destroying mother earth as a risk to human habitation, yet many of the third world people already live in a destroyed habitation, and are kept there, by the greens.
You cannot give man equality. You cannot give him wealth or wisdom or health. But standing on his head while he is barely keeping it above water already, then indoctrinating him while you do it will only make him hate you. Go figure. Oh, and I actually do support trying to figure out how to make other nations actually, generally, wealthier. Wealth, as it turns out and oddly to some, is one of the surest sign posts that a nation will actually respect the spit of dirt it lives upon. When a man struggles to feed his face, he has little time to worry about how doing so might impact the little birdies or even himself in the long run. We may soon know that a bit more intimately.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
No pain!
.
.
I did not find sleep until it snuck up on me and clobbered me with a 2 x dream. I woke without pain, too. I know I dreamed, and incredibly but only the notion that I did so remains. The colors, fragrances, textures, sounds, and such were lost so quickly I did not even glance the images before the smoke left the mirrors. They must have been benign, as I woke in a pleasant mood and somewhat refreshed. As refreshed as sleep has left me for some time. I truly hope for good sleep before too long. As with food, I have learned to live without, I simply prefer to feel rested and fed.
After having been called stupid, I have continued to pursue conversation. I actually see being called stupid as, well, childish. And, the conversation continued if via other commenters. I think the crux of my response is that there are no candidates of any great worth in the field at this time. Paul will merely cut up whatever is there, pulling enough of the votes for Obama to win again. And, at this point, it almost does not matter.
Further, when the republic was gutted for democracy, it ensured an end to both. Much like with the economic throes we are going through, we are going through political throes. They are coming to a head at the same time, as was most likely a hoped event by those who put these things in play. As with economics, politics will not change until it is forced to be changed, whether internally or externally. As I see things, we are at the end of the middle game. Something which is sort of boring. The end game, as I suggested, will be a little more exciting (and I understate). Building a nuclear plant, fine. Building it near a fault line? A little shaky but possible. Building it on a fault line, near the ocean where tsunamis are known to occur and not even designing well for those particular events? Fail. We have done the same thing with American culture, politics, and economics. Expect fail, not if but when.
On the good side, I am dying. Ha! Hey, a little humor always makes the bitter more palatable. Even dark humor, I think. My faith will not save my life, here and now. But if you understand things, you should know that it was never meant to do so. This life was always forfeit, lost before I came to attempt to seek the source of wisdom, and certainly after. Many cannot or will not see that truth, knowing a great hand from the sky will simply scoop them out of the pile of manure we have helped to create. No, no, there will be suffering. It is just that those who truly have faith will have it in pain, tragedy, and mortal death. Those who do not will turn on those who do. The wolves are among the sheep, they are the majority. On another good note, wolves are a protected species! Ha!
Fie, it is what it is. Let not your head or heart be troubled by such. It is the way it has always been. The apocalypse is not all it seems. In the time of the writings, it was the unveiling in a marriage ceremony after up to two weeks of celebrations. The apocalypse is many things, including when Christ sees the true face of His bride. Just... some hopeful thoughts to end this thing.
Good day.
.
I did not find sleep until it snuck up on me and clobbered me with a 2 x dream. I woke without pain, too. I know I dreamed, and incredibly but only the notion that I did so remains. The colors, fragrances, textures, sounds, and such were lost so quickly I did not even glance the images before the smoke left the mirrors. They must have been benign, as I woke in a pleasant mood and somewhat refreshed. As refreshed as sleep has left me for some time. I truly hope for good sleep before too long. As with food, I have learned to live without, I simply prefer to feel rested and fed.
After having been called stupid, I have continued to pursue conversation. I actually see being called stupid as, well, childish. And, the conversation continued if via other commenters. I think the crux of my response is that there are no candidates of any great worth in the field at this time. Paul will merely cut up whatever is there, pulling enough of the votes for Obama to win again. And, at this point, it almost does not matter.
Further, when the republic was gutted for democracy, it ensured an end to both. Much like with the economic throes we are going through, we are going through political throes. They are coming to a head at the same time, as was most likely a hoped event by those who put these things in play. As with economics, politics will not change until it is forced to be changed, whether internally or externally. As I see things, we are at the end of the middle game. Something which is sort of boring. The end game, as I suggested, will be a little more exciting (and I understate). Building a nuclear plant, fine. Building it near a fault line? A little shaky but possible. Building it on a fault line, near the ocean where tsunamis are known to occur and not even designing well for those particular events? Fail. We have done the same thing with American culture, politics, and economics. Expect fail, not if but when.
On the good side, I am dying. Ha! Hey, a little humor always makes the bitter more palatable. Even dark humor, I think. My faith will not save my life, here and now. But if you understand things, you should know that it was never meant to do so. This life was always forfeit, lost before I came to attempt to seek the source of wisdom, and certainly after. Many cannot or will not see that truth, knowing a great hand from the sky will simply scoop them out of the pile of manure we have helped to create. No, no, there will be suffering. It is just that those who truly have faith will have it in pain, tragedy, and mortal death. Those who do not will turn on those who do. The wolves are among the sheep, they are the majority. On another good note, wolves are a protected species! Ha!
Fie, it is what it is. Let not your head or heart be troubled by such. It is the way it has always been. The apocalypse is not all it seems. In the time of the writings, it was the unveiling in a marriage ceremony after up to two weeks of celebrations. The apocalypse is many things, including when Christ sees the true face of His bride. Just... some hopeful thoughts to end this thing.
Good day.
No sleep.
.
.
No sleep and I cannot just stay in bed as I did last night. I gave up after an hour and change. Blogging is hit and miss, but at this hour no one else is writing. I did get called stupid tonight, by someone who ought to know better. Ignorant, stubborn, maybe. And I will accept stupid on some things. For example, do not allow me to do your interior decorating. I like plastic bags, they are better at filling a general space, cheaper than nicknacks, re-usable, and quite disposable. I would avoid using me as your accountant as well. If you have spare change, you should be putting it into things that will possibly hold some value or be useful. Why, $1,000,000 is pocket change when it comes to prepping. If I might be right, I might not be the best guide in any case. Concentration and... Oh, cat!... such being problematic. Some things are simply not my areas. Still, it was fun. I munched a bit on that in rebuttal but the thread seems done for now.
I keep reviewing various things. Research in the dead of night is generally a peaceful thing. Even the cats seem to have learned to sleep at night. Sassy has run out of steam and Sam found a nice little cubby hole to call her own. I realize now, that whether I have a game and play it or not, my sleep is just as variable and I do end up sleeping more. Activity does not pick up either. I had some hope that I might be wrong in my previous assessments. Nope. More sleep and actually probably a decrease in activity seem to be the fact of life without game. I am hoping I hear something about the computer soon. This loaner is problematic, it turns itself on after being turned off, whatever security on it is not all that secure, but the security measures do attempt to keep me from doing business online. Still, it is... something.
Back to... research I guess. Later.
.
No sleep and I cannot just stay in bed as I did last night. I gave up after an hour and change. Blogging is hit and miss, but at this hour no one else is writing. I did get called stupid tonight, by someone who ought to know better. Ignorant, stubborn, maybe. And I will accept stupid on some things. For example, do not allow me to do your interior decorating. I like plastic bags, they are better at filling a general space, cheaper than nicknacks, re-usable, and quite disposable. I would avoid using me as your accountant as well. If you have spare change, you should be putting it into things that will possibly hold some value or be useful. Why, $1,000,000 is pocket change when it comes to prepping. If I might be right, I might not be the best guide in any case. Concentration and... Oh, cat!... such being problematic. Some things are simply not my areas. Still, it was fun. I munched a bit on that in rebuttal but the thread seems done for now.
I keep reviewing various things. Research in the dead of night is generally a peaceful thing. Even the cats seem to have learned to sleep at night. Sassy has run out of steam and Sam found a nice little cubby hole to call her own. I realize now, that whether I have a game and play it or not, my sleep is just as variable and I do end up sleeping more. Activity does not pick up either. I had some hope that I might be wrong in my previous assessments. Nope. More sleep and actually probably a decrease in activity seem to be the fact of life without game. I am hoping I hear something about the computer soon. This loaner is problematic, it turns itself on after being turned off, whatever security on it is not all that secure, but the security measures do attempt to keep me from doing business online. Still, it is... something.
Back to... research I guess. Later.
Being different.
.
.
While it might seem childish or small, watching one of the X-men movies tonight re-opened a thought file. In the movie, researches had found a "treatment" for mutants. With a slight poke and a little sting, mutants could be normal. Though not technically a mutant, I am certainly different. I would like to have been more like the Nightcrawler or even the Beast, I ended up being more like the klutzy Wolverine, if I had to pick. Rather than trying to reason through or simply being able to deal with my differences, I simply push through.
I was told they had a way to make me normal. And to be fair, I gave them 12 years of my life to find that magic medicine. That it made me neither normal nor functional, I realized they simply either know not about that which they speak or they are liars. Given the penchant of medicants to be in the trade for money, my guess is the latter. Though they do not know, they know they do not know.
The question is, today, if offered a pill that would make me like you, would I take it? At this point, I strongly wonder if my differences are like the rust on an very old car. If they removed the rust, nothing would be left. Would you, in my shoes, choose to cease to be as you know yourself? Would you become normal? I think, for good or ill, I would stick with Magneto. No pun probably intended.
.
While it might seem childish or small, watching one of the X-men movies tonight re-opened a thought file. In the movie, researches had found a "treatment" for mutants. With a slight poke and a little sting, mutants could be normal. Though not technically a mutant, I am certainly different. I would like to have been more like the Nightcrawler or even the Beast, I ended up being more like the klutzy Wolverine, if I had to pick. Rather than trying to reason through or simply being able to deal with my differences, I simply push through.
I was told they had a way to make me normal. And to be fair, I gave them 12 years of my life to find that magic medicine. That it made me neither normal nor functional, I realized they simply either know not about that which they speak or they are liars. Given the penchant of medicants to be in the trade for money, my guess is the latter. Though they do not know, they know they do not know.
The question is, today, if offered a pill that would make me like you, would I take it? At this point, I strongly wonder if my differences are like the rust on an very old car. If they removed the rust, nothing would be left. Would you, in my shoes, choose to cease to be as you know yourself? Would you become normal? I think, for good or ill, I would stick with Magneto. No pun probably intended.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Holding off.
.
.
Sometimes, no matter my intent, I find that holding off is for the better. In regards to starting Church attendance and involvement again, despite the strong urge (which remains), I realized the timing was bad. Not for me so much, but for the community. While going through Lent and nearing Easter, I realized the priest and any one else whom I might wish to make an acquaintance might well be quite busy. Of course I decided to wait just a bit. And, next Sunday will be the last of it, as I see things. Calling for an appointment for next week is a goal of mine. I have to see if I am a fit for the closest Church. If not, I will have to review the options. As well, I need to consider other means of receiving the host. While I hate the idea that sometimes I may need to have this done in my home, due to incapacity, I think it might be time to simply humbly ask for this along with trying to get in on my own. Pride can be an awful thing, so to shame.
After having found two books I was looking for, I am now searching for another. I found my bibles and the missal, I am still missing my catechism. And, yes, I have read it, several times. Beyond wanting to read it again, along with the bible (Old and New Testaments), I want to have it available for reference. I used to keep it right next to my dictionary and thesaurus. Lame, perhaps, but my memory is not all that good, in any of those areas. Actually, I still do not have my dictionary or thesaurus handy yet either... or my little brown book for English writing. More books to find. I am... right on that. As usual, boss. (Meaning I am right on it, if taking weeks to find it is allowable). I have 500 books down and on shelves and a thousand books scattered through a dozen or more boxes. Add in my inability to remember to do simple chores, let alone 'unnatural things' (like looking for books), and so it goes. But, as I said, within my variances, I am right on that.
I do enjoy my cats. Sassy is no longer allowed the run of the place. She has outlived the speed and agility of her youth, taking on a girth, height, and weight which preclude that, and further she has lost her cute innocent helpless appeal, so that Sam has put her paws down and created dominance. I did fear for real damage, but as often as I hold and pet them, I realize no serious damage or cuts are taking place. And, from my own experience, I know that should either want, or lose concentration and do so thoughtlessly, they can both inflict serious harm. Sam, again, is queen of the land. While Sassy may be the princess, she knows not to cross the 'ol' witch'. Papa can be toyed with, so long as she scatters when he hollers and then comes back later and re-wraps him around her... paw. Lord knows she has pegged me, and rightly, for a sucker for her charms.
I am feeling rather good today. I was in bad shape before I ate a bit, tired, headache, sore. The food did help, this time, oddly. Then again, I was not looking forward to today's appointment. I suspected he would try to bring high blood pressure into this again. Just leave the scab alone unless you intend to actually do something, I say. And I know they will not and cannot. In any case, I am hoping the good sense of self and all lasts. I would like to... I do not know for sure... get out for a walk? Do some yard work? Look over a few more washing machines? Preferably a mix of those events. I just want to do something while I feel up to it. I fear waking tomorrow to another zombie day. I wish I could turn this feeling on and off, saving it for a time where I can use it. At 20:30, there is little I can do and it was raining earlier. Oh well, I will do something outside soon.
I must say, things are looking rough. Gas and food prices are seriously going up. They suggest food prices have only risen 6.5% since last year. I suggest someone is pulling someone's leg about those numbers, but not mine. I would say, since I moved from Iowa, food prices have risen more like 30% or more, as much of that in this last year as before and probably more this year. Going to the store went from being a little hairy to being outright frightful. Meat, milk, and soda. Even if I liked veggies, I am not sure I could really afford them. Certainly not the salt free fresh frozen type. And I really do not believe I could afford to eat three proper meals a day. And fruit... well, if I remembered to eat it, or ate it in a timely manner, I might do that a bit more. Too much fruit goes bad too often, and buying less since I rarely shop would merely mean nearly as infrequency of consumption as I get now.
I have not moved a bit on storing more food for the long term and I have used my short term supplies. Between the fear of the expense of a new or used washer, the tree limb conundrum, and getting tickets so my mother can leave her broom at home and fly with class (I did not write that, if you are reading mom... I've been hacked), plus the simple costs of life as is, I have been holding back on any and all other spending. Until I get sorted out, I am stuck, sort of. But I feel the pull. I see the problems, and they are only going to get worse and for some time to come. Even if the jackboots are shoved out of office, cleaning up the mess (if the replacements can or will go there) will take a decade or more. Further, cleaning this mess will be like getting barbed stingers out of the skin and meat of our economy, and personal lives. It will hurt more, possibly, in the short term, than simply letting the morass continue. No matter what, we have some bills coming due and what we have to pay that with is worth less, times are about to become tough(er).
One last post for the night. Not sure if anyone is reading anymore. Then again, that is not why I write. I ought to put a nickel for every word into my piggy bank? No, I would quit writing, I cannot afford it! :p
Good night.
.
Sometimes, no matter my intent, I find that holding off is for the better. In regards to starting Church attendance and involvement again, despite the strong urge (which remains), I realized the timing was bad. Not for me so much, but for the community. While going through Lent and nearing Easter, I realized the priest and any one else whom I might wish to make an acquaintance might well be quite busy. Of course I decided to wait just a bit. And, next Sunday will be the last of it, as I see things. Calling for an appointment for next week is a goal of mine. I have to see if I am a fit for the closest Church. If not, I will have to review the options. As well, I need to consider other means of receiving the host. While I hate the idea that sometimes I may need to have this done in my home, due to incapacity, I think it might be time to simply humbly ask for this along with trying to get in on my own. Pride can be an awful thing, so to shame.
After having found two books I was looking for, I am now searching for another. I found my bibles and the missal, I am still missing my catechism. And, yes, I have read it, several times. Beyond wanting to read it again, along with the bible (Old and New Testaments), I want to have it available for reference. I used to keep it right next to my dictionary and thesaurus. Lame, perhaps, but my memory is not all that good, in any of those areas. Actually, I still do not have my dictionary or thesaurus handy yet either... or my little brown book for English writing. More books to find. I am... right on that. As usual, boss. (Meaning I am right on it, if taking weeks to find it is allowable). I have 500 books down and on shelves and a thousand books scattered through a dozen or more boxes. Add in my inability to remember to do simple chores, let alone 'unnatural things' (like looking for books), and so it goes. But, as I said, within my variances, I am right on that.
I do enjoy my cats. Sassy is no longer allowed the run of the place. She has outlived the speed and agility of her youth, taking on a girth, height, and weight which preclude that, and further she has lost her cute innocent helpless appeal, so that Sam has put her paws down and created dominance. I did fear for real damage, but as often as I hold and pet them, I realize no serious damage or cuts are taking place. And, from my own experience, I know that should either want, or lose concentration and do so thoughtlessly, they can both inflict serious harm. Sam, again, is queen of the land. While Sassy may be the princess, she knows not to cross the 'ol' witch'. Papa can be toyed with, so long as she scatters when he hollers and then comes back later and re-wraps him around her... paw. Lord knows she has pegged me, and rightly, for a sucker for her charms.
I am feeling rather good today. I was in bad shape before I ate a bit, tired, headache, sore. The food did help, this time, oddly. Then again, I was not looking forward to today's appointment. I suspected he would try to bring high blood pressure into this again. Just leave the scab alone unless you intend to actually do something, I say. And I know they will not and cannot. In any case, I am hoping the good sense of self and all lasts. I would like to... I do not know for sure... get out for a walk? Do some yard work? Look over a few more washing machines? Preferably a mix of those events. I just want to do something while I feel up to it. I fear waking tomorrow to another zombie day. I wish I could turn this feeling on and off, saving it for a time where I can use it. At 20:30, there is little I can do and it was raining earlier. Oh well, I will do something outside soon.
I must say, things are looking rough. Gas and food prices are seriously going up. They suggest food prices have only risen 6.5% since last year. I suggest someone is pulling someone's leg about those numbers, but not mine. I would say, since I moved from Iowa, food prices have risen more like 30% or more, as much of that in this last year as before and probably more this year. Going to the store went from being a little hairy to being outright frightful. Meat, milk, and soda. Even if I liked veggies, I am not sure I could really afford them. Certainly not the salt free fresh frozen type. And I really do not believe I could afford to eat three proper meals a day. And fruit... well, if I remembered to eat it, or ate it in a timely manner, I might do that a bit more. Too much fruit goes bad too often, and buying less since I rarely shop would merely mean nearly as infrequency of consumption as I get now.
I have not moved a bit on storing more food for the long term and I have used my short term supplies. Between the fear of the expense of a new or used washer, the tree limb conundrum, and getting tickets so my mother can leave her broom at home and fly with class (I did not write that, if you are reading mom... I've been hacked), plus the simple costs of life as is, I have been holding back on any and all other spending. Until I get sorted out, I am stuck, sort of. But I feel the pull. I see the problems, and they are only going to get worse and for some time to come. Even if the jackboots are shoved out of office, cleaning up the mess (if the replacements can or will go there) will take a decade or more. Further, cleaning this mess will be like getting barbed stingers out of the skin and meat of our economy, and personal lives. It will hurt more, possibly, in the short term, than simply letting the morass continue. No matter what, we have some bills coming due and what we have to pay that with is worth less, times are about to become tough(er).
One last post for the night. Not sure if anyone is reading anymore. Then again, that is not why I write. I ought to put a nickel for every word into my piggy bank? No, I would quit writing, I cannot afford it! :p
Good night.
To the doctor and back.
.
.
Sleep has been so crazy the last few days, I was really worried about missing my appointment today. I went to bed early but could not sleep most of the night. Instead of getting up though, I just continued to rest. I can do that once in a while. That requires patients and a strange sort of fortitude. You do not believe me? Okay, some time when you are not capable of sleeping, go over, lay down, and make yourself comfortable. Now, stay there for eight to ten hours. Then shut it. Yep. In any case, I did get some sleep, but not until after 5:00. The alarm went off at 9:00, I reset it for 10:00. I did not really hear it, or consciously, or mostly, until about 10:30. With little time to prepare and go, I dithered almost beyond a reasonable time, and then some. Then again, I have no idea how long it takes to drive to the clinic. Every day I go is different. Traffic can be slow or fast, so an hour before I think I should go will get me there just in time and yet a few minutes late like today can find me there an half hour early. But, there I was, in more ways than one and on time, give or take.
The blood pressure is actually a bit better at 185/120 or 180/124 depending on which reading you like. My pulse was 110, not so good. This is a new doctor so I simply was not sure what to expect. As I said, I only went there for the lungs. And I had to keep reminding him of this. I told him directly that I consider myself on palliative care, at this point, so suggested he just stick to what he can service. He refused my suggestion that I am on palliative care. I thought about asking him what he calls the inability to treat a powerfully life threatening illness, but let it slide. He, instead, went over and over the high blood pressure issue. I told him that he was the umpteenth doctor who had been here, I told him that the medicines either do not work or the side effects are too severe. On and on. I only ever finally just barely got him to deal with the lungs.
After hearing my complaints, listening to the lungs, and fiddling on the machine, he asked if I was allergic to antibiotics. Not to my knowledge, and for short term I would suffer through allergies, I have been on much worse which I was supposed to take for the rest of my life in spite of it having no positive affect. Have you noticed doctors (not just him) spend half or more of their time fiddling with the computer? He asked, again, why I was so interested in taking care of my lungs with this other health issue hanging over my head. I simply told him there were three reasons. The first is, I have had high blood pressure for over a decade, this other is new. Second, high blood pressure is not messing up my life, the lung thing makes me nervous to sleep sometimes, fearing I will simply stop breathing. And last, I have put over five or six years in on treating the high blood pressure, lost my ability to go to school on the junk, found something that worked only to now have it refused as a treatment option. I suggested if he was really worried about the high blood pressure, then he offer me a treatment plan that I can take. Damn, every time.
So, he did give me an anti-biotic treatment of some sort or other. Two of them today, then one a day for the next three days... or something like that. Directions are on the medicine. He also doubled my water pill in spite of me saying I only take it occasionally. Does anyone listen? I did not bother to discuss that, as I was pretty worn out by then. Double it or triple it, whatever, I am not taking any more of it than what I already take. *sigh* Oh, I did mention that, in looking at possible problems, cortisol came up as perhaps being a problem, even more than Cushing's Syndrome. Neither have actually been tested from what he can see. Why would you have such a problem, he asked? Let me see, sex abuse, child abuse, lots of fights, near death in the Navy, and a couple of suicides, oh, and dealing with my mother when she was suicidal by trying to help her walk off an overdose. Yeah, maybe something like that? And that I cannot relax, maybe? Yeah.
He also set me up for a number of tests and another consult with psychiatry, ostensibly to see about being put on Ritalin (which I already know they will not do so, I am not willing to lie to obtain them and will not jump through imaginary hoops again, ever). Why, I do not honestly know. Some of it is legitimately to see if the lungs have other problems, some of it is to check the heart. I wonder where I fit in the office dead pool? I almost bet I am shorter on the list, but having more data might make guessing easier. If I was normal. If I was normal, I would already be dead. Oh, yeah. He asked about my Ha1c. I noted that it was lower than the time before, at 5.6, well within range. I also told him that it means I am probably not diabetic. I told him I have been drinking regular soda and eating sweets (Orios!) for three to six months now. The look on medics faces when things are not right! I tried not to be snarky, for all I know next time it will be 8.0 or something. Still, since I am just dying, I will not let them have even one of my taste sensations, salt and sugar are back on the menu. Hurrrumph!
Still, I actually feel better for having done this. And, I do have something for the lungs. I did suggest that I have a LOT of bats in my house, and no real means of getting rid of them. He asked why I could not get rid of bats, like such a notion was silly. I suggested my ability to function, work, is very limited. Only more limited is my income. And that getting rid of bats was actually quite a chore, one pest control companies will not even guarantee. Doctors. They makes tons of money and have no clue about anything outside (or some might say variances in) medicine. Bah!
On the way home, after not having eaten more than a meal in the last two or three days, I decided to stop at my favorite restaurant. I ordered a skirt steak burrito. Since it was the lunch menu, I was expecting a petite, if well prepared and sauced, tortilla envelope. Nope. I got the big burrito! I was only able to eat half of it, the rest waits for my distended belly to normalize and empty. I thought I was hungry, and I was. But the stomach really shrinks after days, and weeks really, of rather irregular and light eating. I almost still hurt from half the burrito. I then stopped at the grocery store and bought a few essentials. Meat, milk, and soda.
I saw the ginger I like at the store. She reminds me why I like women. For whatever reason, some boys and some girls (and I think it starts at that level often) simply like each other. When they grow up, even though we are grown up, something more could happen. And, yeah, it could. But she is married and I have become a prude about such things. I suspect she actually knows this and so it is safe to be genial with me. Cats love to test the length and strength of the chains dogs are bound by. Ha! Still, I do enjoy light and natural flirtations. It gives me hope. Sort of like the light at the end of a tunnel. It might be an oncoming train, but as long as I die blissfully ignorant of the mistake, I am okay with that too. *grins* *stupid ear-to-ear grins?* *evil grins?* Bah!
Well, on to seeing who died, why, when, and whether they saw the light first. Blog reading IS the new daytime drama. Later.
.
Sleep has been so crazy the last few days, I was really worried about missing my appointment today. I went to bed early but could not sleep most of the night. Instead of getting up though, I just continued to rest. I can do that once in a while. That requires patients and a strange sort of fortitude. You do not believe me? Okay, some time when you are not capable of sleeping, go over, lay down, and make yourself comfortable. Now, stay there for eight to ten hours. Then shut it. Yep. In any case, I did get some sleep, but not until after 5:00. The alarm went off at 9:00, I reset it for 10:00. I did not really hear it, or consciously, or mostly, until about 10:30. With little time to prepare and go, I dithered almost beyond a reasonable time, and then some. Then again, I have no idea how long it takes to drive to the clinic. Every day I go is different. Traffic can be slow or fast, so an hour before I think I should go will get me there just in time and yet a few minutes late like today can find me there an half hour early. But, there I was, in more ways than one and on time, give or take.
The blood pressure is actually a bit better at 185/120 or 180/124 depending on which reading you like. My pulse was 110, not so good. This is a new doctor so I simply was not sure what to expect. As I said, I only went there for the lungs. And I had to keep reminding him of this. I told him directly that I consider myself on palliative care, at this point, so suggested he just stick to what he can service. He refused my suggestion that I am on palliative care. I thought about asking him what he calls the inability to treat a powerfully life threatening illness, but let it slide. He, instead, went over and over the high blood pressure issue. I told him that he was the umpteenth doctor who had been here, I told him that the medicines either do not work or the side effects are too severe. On and on. I only ever finally just barely got him to deal with the lungs.
After hearing my complaints, listening to the lungs, and fiddling on the machine, he asked if I was allergic to antibiotics. Not to my knowledge, and for short term I would suffer through allergies, I have been on much worse which I was supposed to take for the rest of my life in spite of it having no positive affect. Have you noticed doctors (not just him) spend half or more of their time fiddling with the computer? He asked, again, why I was so interested in taking care of my lungs with this other health issue hanging over my head. I simply told him there were three reasons. The first is, I have had high blood pressure for over a decade, this other is new. Second, high blood pressure is not messing up my life, the lung thing makes me nervous to sleep sometimes, fearing I will simply stop breathing. And last, I have put over five or six years in on treating the high blood pressure, lost my ability to go to school on the junk, found something that worked only to now have it refused as a treatment option. I suggested if he was really worried about the high blood pressure, then he offer me a treatment plan that I can take. Damn, every time.
So, he did give me an anti-biotic treatment of some sort or other. Two of them today, then one a day for the next three days... or something like that. Directions are on the medicine. He also doubled my water pill in spite of me saying I only take it occasionally. Does anyone listen? I did not bother to discuss that, as I was pretty worn out by then. Double it or triple it, whatever, I am not taking any more of it than what I already take. *sigh* Oh, I did mention that, in looking at possible problems, cortisol came up as perhaps being a problem, even more than Cushing's Syndrome. Neither have actually been tested from what he can see. Why would you have such a problem, he asked? Let me see, sex abuse, child abuse, lots of fights, near death in the Navy, and a couple of suicides, oh, and dealing with my mother when she was suicidal by trying to help her walk off an overdose. Yeah, maybe something like that? And that I cannot relax, maybe? Yeah.
He also set me up for a number of tests and another consult with psychiatry, ostensibly to see about being put on Ritalin (which I already know they will not do so, I am not willing to lie to obtain them and will not jump through imaginary hoops again, ever). Why, I do not honestly know. Some of it is legitimately to see if the lungs have other problems, some of it is to check the heart. I wonder where I fit in the office dead pool? I almost bet I am shorter on the list, but having more data might make guessing easier. If I was normal. If I was normal, I would already be dead. Oh, yeah. He asked about my Ha1c. I noted that it was lower than the time before, at 5.6, well within range. I also told him that it means I am probably not diabetic. I told him I have been drinking regular soda and eating sweets (Orios!) for three to six months now. The look on medics faces when things are not right! I tried not to be snarky, for all I know next time it will be 8.0 or something. Still, since I am just dying, I will not let them have even one of my taste sensations, salt and sugar are back on the menu. Hurrrumph!
Still, I actually feel better for having done this. And, I do have something for the lungs. I did suggest that I have a LOT of bats in my house, and no real means of getting rid of them. He asked why I could not get rid of bats, like such a notion was silly. I suggested my ability to function, work, is very limited. Only more limited is my income. And that getting rid of bats was actually quite a chore, one pest control companies will not even guarantee. Doctors. They makes tons of money and have no clue about anything outside (or some might say variances in) medicine. Bah!
On the way home, after not having eaten more than a meal in the last two or three days, I decided to stop at my favorite restaurant. I ordered a skirt steak burrito. Since it was the lunch menu, I was expecting a petite, if well prepared and sauced, tortilla envelope. Nope. I got the big burrito! I was only able to eat half of it, the rest waits for my distended belly to normalize and empty. I thought I was hungry, and I was. But the stomach really shrinks after days, and weeks really, of rather irregular and light eating. I almost still hurt from half the burrito. I then stopped at the grocery store and bought a few essentials. Meat, milk, and soda.
I saw the ginger I like at the store. She reminds me why I like women. For whatever reason, some boys and some girls (and I think it starts at that level often) simply like each other. When they grow up, even though we are grown up, something more could happen. And, yeah, it could. But she is married and I have become a prude about such things. I suspect she actually knows this and so it is safe to be genial with me. Cats love to test the length and strength of the chains dogs are bound by. Ha! Still, I do enjoy light and natural flirtations. It gives me hope. Sort of like the light at the end of a tunnel. It might be an oncoming train, but as long as I die blissfully ignorant of the mistake, I am okay with that too. *grins* *stupid ear-to-ear grins?* *evil grins?* Bah!
Well, on to seeing who died, why, when, and whether they saw the light first. Blog reading IS the new daytime drama. Later.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Right.
.
.
I forgot about shooting today. Digging into the machine and looking around as I did, checking the internet for information again, and it just slipped. Still, I wanted to go into town and look at washing machines. I gave my friend a call and stopped to pick him up as looking over machines and getting a bite to eat sounded like a plan. Perhaps we will go shooting tomorrow.
I have found a number of washing machines in the $600 range, well, before taxes, any necessary or desired pieces, extended warranty, or delivery and installation. Those things take $600 and turn it into about $1,000 in some cases. Some places offer free delivery and installation, for other places the price for those was about $150. All of them take the old machine. One of them had a sale on washers that ended today, their $600 machine just jumped to $850, and who knows how high with all the additional costs, and that place charged for delivery and installation. I have a few more places to look. I keep checking the used machines available, but either their is something wrong with the machine according to the seller or the machine has terrible reviews. Further, I have no real means of transporting a washing machine or getting rid of the old one. I did hear that LG might not be such a durable good. I did hear, from two different sources, that Whirlpool (which makes Maytag and several others now) is pretty good. I will do more digging on the scuttlebutt.
We went to the smoke house restaurant. It has a new name, the original owners failed it seems. The food was good. I would like thicker cuts of brisket though. The amount was fine, I just like slabs not slices. The next time I go I will see if they will cut it thicker for me. I will know from then on whether to go back. I always check the mac and cheese at new places. I am not exactly sure why, considering that I do not generally like what I get. This place was different. Though the noodles were softer than I prefer they were firmer than what is often found, the flavor and texture otherwise was 'good enough'. That is about as good as my home made mac and cheese ever gets even with firmer noodles. And I did like their sauces. From sweet vinegar, to medium heat and sweet, to pretty warm, I used some of each on various bites of meat. My guess is I am less sensitive to pepper heat than most. I had eaten half of my pickle when the waitress came by and suggested we eat our pickles with caution, as they are pickled with jalapeno. I had noticed nothing, and finished the last of it without sensing any heat. I am guessing most people could not eat their hotter sauce. I did so without so much as a flush, though I did notice it was pretty toasty warm. My friend ordered pulled pork. His sides included a baked potato and baked beans. With his small appetite and how much he liked his beans, he ended up taking most of the meat home.
On my way home I stopped at the post office and checked my mail. I received a letter with the results from recent blood tests. I have been drinking regular soda, and four to six cans a day, for the last... month, two months? I expected my Hemoglobin A1C to be troubling, not so much. At 5.6, it has actually dropped since the last time it was tested and is well below the 6.0 they want it under. Go figure. Lots of things on my test are out of whack. Some things were high, like B 12 and calcium. Potassium is still low. Most of it is very marginally above or below average, including wbc, rbc, hgb, save for a few hormones(?), minderals(?), or whatever that I am unfamiliar. Some of those are stratospherically out of bounds, like microalbumin (169.7, where it should be 0 to 2.0) and microalbumin to creatine ratio (747.2 where it should be 0 to 30). I did note, on those last, they said it was probably due to high blood pressure which I am said to have refused medicine regarding. I refuse only to take what I have demonstrably been shown to be unable to take. There is a difference. I am amazed at the ha1c though. My blood sugar, assuming I am diabetic as they suggest, should be into the 8 or 9 range, not 5.6.
It feels warm enough that the windows might stay open all night. I do not think my mother or lady friend would like it. Thankfully, it is just me. The fresh air is a fine thing. When I can enjoy cool air without the worry of freezing, that is a huge plus. I am going to check my cash and credit availability tonight. I am not interested in going without a washing machine much longer. I have a couple weeks of clothes, if I... do the bachelor tip toe I could probably run it a month and a bit. And, I might if I think it will make this a cash deal. It sort of depends on where everything sits. I really ought to figure out that outstanding income, which would make this easy. Yeah, I ought to get right on that.
Good night.
.
I forgot about shooting today. Digging into the machine and looking around as I did, checking the internet for information again, and it just slipped. Still, I wanted to go into town and look at washing machines. I gave my friend a call and stopped to pick him up as looking over machines and getting a bite to eat sounded like a plan. Perhaps we will go shooting tomorrow.
I have found a number of washing machines in the $600 range, well, before taxes, any necessary or desired pieces, extended warranty, or delivery and installation. Those things take $600 and turn it into about $1,000 in some cases. Some places offer free delivery and installation, for other places the price for those was about $150. All of them take the old machine. One of them had a sale on washers that ended today, their $600 machine just jumped to $850, and who knows how high with all the additional costs, and that place charged for delivery and installation. I have a few more places to look. I keep checking the used machines available, but either their is something wrong with the machine according to the seller or the machine has terrible reviews. Further, I have no real means of transporting a washing machine or getting rid of the old one. I did hear that LG might not be such a durable good. I did hear, from two different sources, that Whirlpool (which makes Maytag and several others now) is pretty good. I will do more digging on the scuttlebutt.
We went to the smoke house restaurant. It has a new name, the original owners failed it seems. The food was good. I would like thicker cuts of brisket though. The amount was fine, I just like slabs not slices. The next time I go I will see if they will cut it thicker for me. I will know from then on whether to go back. I always check the mac and cheese at new places. I am not exactly sure why, considering that I do not generally like what I get. This place was different. Though the noodles were softer than I prefer they were firmer than what is often found, the flavor and texture otherwise was 'good enough'. That is about as good as my home made mac and cheese ever gets even with firmer noodles. And I did like their sauces. From sweet vinegar, to medium heat and sweet, to pretty warm, I used some of each on various bites of meat. My guess is I am less sensitive to pepper heat than most. I had eaten half of my pickle when the waitress came by and suggested we eat our pickles with caution, as they are pickled with jalapeno. I had noticed nothing, and finished the last of it without sensing any heat. I am guessing most people could not eat their hotter sauce. I did so without so much as a flush, though I did notice it was pretty toasty warm. My friend ordered pulled pork. His sides included a baked potato and baked beans. With his small appetite and how much he liked his beans, he ended up taking most of the meat home.
On my way home I stopped at the post office and checked my mail. I received a letter with the results from recent blood tests. I have been drinking regular soda, and four to six cans a day, for the last... month, two months? I expected my Hemoglobin A1C to be troubling, not so much. At 5.6, it has actually dropped since the last time it was tested and is well below the 6.0 they want it under. Go figure. Lots of things on my test are out of whack. Some things were high, like B 12 and calcium. Potassium is still low. Most of it is very marginally above or below average, including wbc, rbc, hgb, save for a few hormones(?), minderals(?), or whatever that I am unfamiliar. Some of those are stratospherically out of bounds, like microalbumin (169.7, where it should be 0 to 2.0) and microalbumin to creatine ratio (747.2 where it should be 0 to 30). I did note, on those last, they said it was probably due to high blood pressure which I am said to have refused medicine regarding. I refuse only to take what I have demonstrably been shown to be unable to take. There is a difference. I am amazed at the ha1c though. My blood sugar, assuming I am diabetic as they suggest, should be into the 8 or 9 range, not 5.6.
It feels warm enough that the windows might stay open all night. I do not think my mother or lady friend would like it. Thankfully, it is just me. The fresh air is a fine thing. When I can enjoy cool air without the worry of freezing, that is a huge plus. I am going to check my cash and credit availability tonight. I am not interested in going without a washing machine much longer. I have a couple weeks of clothes, if I... do the bachelor tip toe I could probably run it a month and a bit. And, I might if I think it will make this a cash deal. It sort of depends on where everything sits. I really ought to figure out that outstanding income, which would make this easy. Yeah, I ought to get right on that.
Good night.
Back to the washer.
.
.
I was able to get the front panel of the machine off. It ended up being quite simple when I finally got around to actually simply trying. I am a bit stuck at the moment though. I had hoped, if I could get the front panel and at least one other panel off the machine, I would be able to see the fittings, hoses, or if nothing else run it while open and look for the leak (is that even safe?). My problem is the rest of the machine is a solid surround. It looks as if there is a front panel, the top panel with the load opening, and the rest is a single piece of formed sheet metal. I suspect I could possibly see where the leak is, or get a better idea. But the compartment is too full for my mechanically lummox sized hands to reach in anywhere. And, I am not sure I actually could see the leak.
Taking it apart further might be possible. This would require, if only simple connections are holding it together, a serious reach at some incredible angles, using a screw driver or socket with one hand and blind. It is not looking all that likely, thought I am going to poke and prod around the machine for a bit to see if there is something I am missing. Some of the bolts look like they might be inside a covered area, requiring either an L screwdriver or open wrench, but they are in the far back of the machine. Oh I hate this. I am betting there is an easier way. Or do they really build these things so as to keep people out?
By the way, knee pads really do make a lot of work much easier. I remember beating up my knees when I used to do various things. When I was younger, beating up the knees was incentive to get the job done quicker and to not put myself into a position in which I would have to work on my knees. Old and poor, knee pads are the thing. Besides, I actually like working on things now. I just... do not know how. Yet? And, actually, even my cheap pair will probably last me years, maybe a lifetime. I suppose it might pay for contractors, in several ways, to buy the good ones. Actually, when my mother arrives, I will probably buy her a pair. No, I do not like her down on her knees but how in the world do you stop such a woman? I think she will be surprised. Initially puzzled, perhaps a bit dismayed at the seemingly silly "gift", but in the end I think she will be quite pleased. How odd the things we never consider until they drop on us?
Well, back to it. I just wanted to bark a complaint in a way somebody might hear. I do not listen to my own whining anymore and the cats just look at me when I bark the way women usually look at men when we say there is a mechanical problem of some sort. I get the feeling they see my unhappiness as a... personal problem. Only interesting because I use such a rich vocabulary or have neat expressions on my face. Then they go right back to preening once their fascination has ended. Ah well. Back to the dungeon.
Update:
While looking online, again, despite little luck to date, I came across a bit of helpful information. At least a notion. The idea is that there is supposed to be a way to flip the top of the machine up, in my case. Going back to the machine, I see there is no real way to do that. The top is connected with machine screws and perhaps zipstrips (which suggests someone else has worked on the machine more recently). As well, one of the other problems my machine has is brown spots on clothes.
Since I found a couple sites which seemed more on target, I decided to review that problem. It seems that the most likely culprit is the seal around the agitator shaft, allowing water down into the transmission. Oil being lighter than water, floats up into the washer. And water stays in the transmission. The fix for that is a new seal and transmission. Beyond being a lot of work, the cost is quite high, assuming I could find the parts. Along with a leak of an unknown source and the difficulty even getting into the work area, I think I am calling this one dead.
If I had more room, and then a way of disposing of the machine, I would love to take it apart by any means necessary just to look things over. Actually, it comes down to space. Oh, I could rip it apart in the living room. I could fill the garage with it and the parts. But I think neither idea really works. So, I am going to close this up and beginning looking for a good new or used machine. A used machine, if new enough where parts could be found and reasonably(?) might be an option. But do I really want to have to tinker with a machine even so? And yet, many new machines are just as bad right off the truck. LG seems to be a decent brand and would come with the offer of an extended warranty.
I am thinking...
.
I was able to get the front panel of the machine off. It ended up being quite simple when I finally got around to actually simply trying. I am a bit stuck at the moment though. I had hoped, if I could get the front panel and at least one other panel off the machine, I would be able to see the fittings, hoses, or if nothing else run it while open and look for the leak (is that even safe?). My problem is the rest of the machine is a solid surround. It looks as if there is a front panel, the top panel with the load opening, and the rest is a single piece of formed sheet metal. I suspect I could possibly see where the leak is, or get a better idea. But the compartment is too full for my mechanically lummox sized hands to reach in anywhere. And, I am not sure I actually could see the leak.
Taking it apart further might be possible. This would require, if only simple connections are holding it together, a serious reach at some incredible angles, using a screw driver or socket with one hand and blind. It is not looking all that likely, thought I am going to poke and prod around the machine for a bit to see if there is something I am missing. Some of the bolts look like they might be inside a covered area, requiring either an L screwdriver or open wrench, but they are in the far back of the machine. Oh I hate this. I am betting there is an easier way. Or do they really build these things so as to keep people out?
By the way, knee pads really do make a lot of work much easier. I remember beating up my knees when I used to do various things. When I was younger, beating up the knees was incentive to get the job done quicker and to not put myself into a position in which I would have to work on my knees. Old and poor, knee pads are the thing. Besides, I actually like working on things now. I just... do not know how. Yet? And, actually, even my cheap pair will probably last me years, maybe a lifetime. I suppose it might pay for contractors, in several ways, to buy the good ones. Actually, when my mother arrives, I will probably buy her a pair. No, I do not like her down on her knees but how in the world do you stop such a woman? I think she will be surprised. Initially puzzled, perhaps a bit dismayed at the seemingly silly "gift", but in the end I think she will be quite pleased. How odd the things we never consider until they drop on us?
Well, back to it. I just wanted to bark a complaint in a way somebody might hear. I do not listen to my own whining anymore and the cats just look at me when I bark the way women usually look at men when we say there is a mechanical problem of some sort. I get the feeling they see my unhappiness as a... personal problem. Only interesting because I use such a rich vocabulary or have neat expressions on my face. Then they go right back to preening once their fascination has ended. Ah well. Back to the dungeon.
Update:
While looking online, again, despite little luck to date, I came across a bit of helpful information. At least a notion. The idea is that there is supposed to be a way to flip the top of the machine up, in my case. Going back to the machine, I see there is no real way to do that. The top is connected with machine screws and perhaps zipstrips (which suggests someone else has worked on the machine more recently). As well, one of the other problems my machine has is brown spots on clothes.
Since I found a couple sites which seemed more on target, I decided to review that problem. It seems that the most likely culprit is the seal around the agitator shaft, allowing water down into the transmission. Oil being lighter than water, floats up into the washer. And water stays in the transmission. The fix for that is a new seal and transmission. Beyond being a lot of work, the cost is quite high, assuming I could find the parts. Along with a leak of an unknown source and the difficulty even getting into the work area, I think I am calling this one dead.
If I had more room, and then a way of disposing of the machine, I would love to take it apart by any means necessary just to look things over. Actually, it comes down to space. Oh, I could rip it apart in the living room. I could fill the garage with it and the parts. But I think neither idea really works. So, I am going to close this up and beginning looking for a good new or used machine. A used machine, if new enough where parts could be found and reasonably(?) might be an option. But do I really want to have to tinker with a machine even so? And yet, many new machines are just as bad right off the truck. LG seems to be a decent brand and would come with the offer of an extended warranty.
I am thinking...
My uncle.
.
.
I remembered, while waking up this morning, one of my uncles. He was, I suppose, my favorite uncle. Perhaps I had more to do with him when I was younger, perhaps I liked his toys and notions, or maybe he just filled in for a father when I did not have one. Whatever is the truth, however truth is measured by hormone driven emotional beings, is not absolutely knowable or important so long as it is a genuine understanding I suppose.
I remember him as a pretty straight shooter. He told it as he saw it, though sometimes he saw that saying something probably was not the best way to go. Though too, just as often as not he decided to say it anyway or did not notice he was going into uncharted territory. He was a strong man, a bench press competitor and arm wrestling champ at one time too. I suspect he brawled from time to time in his youth as well, if that was not discussed. I was a fighter, I know my kind. He was not a fearful man, and certainly not henpecked. Though I think he realized having a good woman around was worth a few "yes dears", at least after his first divorce, and had a good notion of when to drop those, and about what. He was not a rock star, a hero, or superman. But he was a little larger than life, and projected that. Due to being a rather powerful man, having moods, and pushing the edges, I certainly held a respectful fear of him.
I realized this morning... I am him. No, not exactly or specifically. But I am the same genus within the species that is man that he was. Disabled and all, this type of men just are what we are. I am not sure if this is good or bad, though I prefer it. I have seen the worms, the henpecked, the sour nerds. I have seen the devoted, the well heeled or otherwise trained, the powerful. I am just a common canus humanus americanus. I suppose we are about a fifth or so of the American male population, perhaps less.
I actually realized that the last time I saw him... he was a rash young man, of 40. Ha! It is good to realize what shoes I wear. Sometimes they fit oddly, sometimes I do not like being in them, but for the most part I am good with this. One other thing I learned from him was that, no matter were you are in your life or what shoes you happen to be a best fit for, you still have to go from where you are right now to were you will be or want to be one step at a time. You may never get there. As well, you will be tested. You will fail here, you will succeed there. Yesterday's test was, well, yesterday.
I do not know why, but I feel much better for the notions. I am going to get going, get some clothes together for washing, grab a few guns, and go shooting, shopping, and to the laundromat today. No, I still have not gotten into the washing machine yet! Bah! Barring that, I will do this. One way or another I must move forward as I can. Only how is up to me, within my given limits. So, forward it is. Later.
.
I remembered, while waking up this morning, one of my uncles. He was, I suppose, my favorite uncle. Perhaps I had more to do with him when I was younger, perhaps I liked his toys and notions, or maybe he just filled in for a father when I did not have one. Whatever is the truth, however truth is measured by hormone driven emotional beings, is not absolutely knowable or important so long as it is a genuine understanding I suppose.
I remember him as a pretty straight shooter. He told it as he saw it, though sometimes he saw that saying something probably was not the best way to go. Though too, just as often as not he decided to say it anyway or did not notice he was going into uncharted territory. He was a strong man, a bench press competitor and arm wrestling champ at one time too. I suspect he brawled from time to time in his youth as well, if that was not discussed. I was a fighter, I know my kind. He was not a fearful man, and certainly not henpecked. Though I think he realized having a good woman around was worth a few "yes dears", at least after his first divorce, and had a good notion of when to drop those, and about what. He was not a rock star, a hero, or superman. But he was a little larger than life, and projected that. Due to being a rather powerful man, having moods, and pushing the edges, I certainly held a respectful fear of him.
I realized this morning... I am him. No, not exactly or specifically. But I am the same genus within the species that is man that he was. Disabled and all, this type of men just are what we are. I am not sure if this is good or bad, though I prefer it. I have seen the worms, the henpecked, the sour nerds. I have seen the devoted, the well heeled or otherwise trained, the powerful. I am just a common canus humanus americanus. I suppose we are about a fifth or so of the American male population, perhaps less.
I actually realized that the last time I saw him... he was a rash young man, of 40. Ha! It is good to realize what shoes I wear. Sometimes they fit oddly, sometimes I do not like being in them, but for the most part I am good with this. One other thing I learned from him was that, no matter were you are in your life or what shoes you happen to be a best fit for, you still have to go from where you are right now to were you will be or want to be one step at a time. You may never get there. As well, you will be tested. You will fail here, you will succeed there. Yesterday's test was, well, yesterday.
I do not know why, but I feel much better for the notions. I am going to get going, get some clothes together for washing, grab a few guns, and go shooting, shopping, and to the laundromat today. No, I still have not gotten into the washing machine yet! Bah! Barring that, I will do this. One way or another I must move forward as I can. Only how is up to me, within my given limits. So, forward it is. Later.
As I hear or think of things, I begin to dig.
.
.
I have been hearing the word, cortisol, come up frequently lately. After hearing it one too many times, I decided to find out more. It seems cortisol has an odd function in the body. It does many things and in seemingly rather unrelated areas. The ones that are important to me are proper glucose metabolism, the regulation of blood pressure, and insulin release for blood sugar maintenance.
When there is a minor excess of cortisol the following occur; (X)a quick burst of energy for survival reasons, (X)heightened memory functions, a burst of increased immunity, (X)lower sensitivity to pain, and (X)it helps maintain homeostasis in the body (hemeostasis allows for an internal regulation of the body over various parameters when external factors are changing, heat regulation for example).
Excessive or prolonged heightened levels of cortisol, brought on by stress, can cause; (X)impaired cognitive performance, (?)suppress thyroid function, (X)blood sugar imbalances such as hyperglycemia, decrease bone density, decrease in muscle tissue, (X)higher blood pressure, lower immunity and (X)inflammatory responses in the body, (X)slow wound healing, and (X)increase abdominal fat.
I have marked the common, if occasional, notions which match my situation. If I were to guess, I would say that I go through very short periods where I am at slightly higher cortisol levels, and then spend most of the rest of the time at excessive levels. I do not think I ever go to a resting or reset stage. I have known for decades that I cannot relax. Beyond not knowing the way, I have a huge fear reaction when attempting to relax. Attempts at hypnosis have caused rage. That there, I do believe, is probably the crux of my problem. I will see if there is a means of reducing those levels, alternative or not. That is what is killing me, or at least making me sick and problematic. Then again, no medicine may work if I cannot learn how to relax. This also explains why my blood pressure dipped into the 140/90 type range last summer. I was getting massages. Unfortunately I cannot afford them, they were a part of the treatment after the accident.
.
I have been hearing the word, cortisol, come up frequently lately. After hearing it one too many times, I decided to find out more. It seems cortisol has an odd function in the body. It does many things and in seemingly rather unrelated areas. The ones that are important to me are proper glucose metabolism, the regulation of blood pressure, and insulin release for blood sugar maintenance.
When there is a minor excess of cortisol the following occur; (X)a quick burst of energy for survival reasons, (X)heightened memory functions, a burst of increased immunity, (X)lower sensitivity to pain, and (X)it helps maintain homeostasis in the body (hemeostasis allows for an internal regulation of the body over various parameters when external factors are changing, heat regulation for example).
Excessive or prolonged heightened levels of cortisol, brought on by stress, can cause; (X)impaired cognitive performance, (?)suppress thyroid function, (X)blood sugar imbalances such as hyperglycemia, decrease bone density, decrease in muscle tissue, (X)higher blood pressure, lower immunity and (X)inflammatory responses in the body, (X)slow wound healing, and (X)increase abdominal fat.
I have marked the common, if occasional, notions which match my situation. If I were to guess, I would say that I go through very short periods where I am at slightly higher cortisol levels, and then spend most of the rest of the time at excessive levels. I do not think I ever go to a resting or reset stage. I have known for decades that I cannot relax. Beyond not knowing the way, I have a huge fear reaction when attempting to relax. Attempts at hypnosis have caused rage. That there, I do believe, is probably the crux of my problem. I will see if there is a means of reducing those levels, alternative or not. That is what is killing me, or at least making me sick and problematic. Then again, no medicine may work if I cannot learn how to relax. This also explains why my blood pressure dipped into the 140/90 type range last summer. I was getting massages. Unfortunately I cannot afford them, they were a part of the treatment after the accident.
Friday, April 22, 2011
What really is happening in America, Europe, and the rest of the world?
.
.
I do believe only a few people in America even consider what is happening to the economy, what social decay is about, how education has been destroyed, and other notable issues. Many people do blame the government, bankers, unions, spending, taxes, and various other culprits. Many of the few, who have decided to review things, take a relatively short view or some expansive view that takes us to, Hippocrates somehow, or even further back.
As I see things, though what is often called the left, progressives, Democrats, socialists, communists, among other names, have been planning changes in America since the nation was created, little was actually accomplished until F.D.R. When only those who paid taxes, landowners essentially, were allowed to vote there was a strict limit on government growth. Even after they gave the leisure class the vote, it took decades for action to begin. The first part was the expansion of government programs for the poor. I am not certain if these programs were as cynically installed as, say, what led to Roe v. Wade, though I suspect they were. The government, by those then in power, was seen as not only necessary but it was deemed by them that the government should run most things and have influence even in the matters it did not directly control. The only way it could do that was by buying votes, until votes no longer mattered. This was socialism on a state level, the state of the nation that is.
The next step is broader. The next step was the notion that if the government that rules best should rule universally. This is called global government. Whether it had been discussed prior to the first acts to implement national socialism or not matters little. Men have planned and plotted all sorts of mischief, most of which never came to fruition. I would suggest J.F.K. was the first to begin, in America, this next step. The Vietnam war, if anything, was a distraction. What he did do was to change the racial makeup of immigrants, and expand vote buying. Working with Europe, who was attempting to do the same thing, it was decided that the only way to make Europeans surrender to their betters was to give them no place to emigrate. Further, part of the globalist goal is to create a universal multiculture, similar in the U.S., Europe, South America, Asia, everywhere. Laws, taxation, regulations, much of it has been specifically designed to create the America we have today. They are not finished. I would guess we are merely a quarter of the way to completion, just on the racial front.
While this is occurring, the next steps are well on their way to being implemented. When the EPA became activist in the early 1970's, in some self-proclaimed environmental protection notion as a front, it was actually simply decided that it was time to begin equalizing wealth, income, manufacturing capital, technology, and the rest, equally around the world. That means, in time, the goal is to have Africans, Europeans, Americans, and everyone else receive the same pay for the same work. And more, light bulbs will cost the same in Portugal, South Africa, and Austria. Or, that is the theory. Most people are looking too small, too local, and are missing the whole point.
Of course, there are flies in the ointment. Not everybody is on board. Further, traditional institutions, by their nature, reject such changes. The family, religion, social connections, ethnic preferences, all natural and all fairly powerful. The family is nearly gone, certainly in Europe, as with the Church. Social connections are controlled by neo-social programmers, controlled by government regulations. And forced desegregation is how the last is handled.
As well, who can literally be trusted and who cannot, even within their cabal, is far from certain. There are differing opinions on how, when, or if to use force, for example. There are those among their ranks who realize that, at certain choke points, if they stop the progressive movement they may enrich themselves grandly. I would even speculate that some of the economic difficulty we are seeing comes about for that very reason. Though some of our economic woe is specifically planned and necessary for global equalization, if it was believed that this process could be done more smoothly. Of course, others merely notice the trends, gain wealth from those, then use the reality of corruption to maintain their grip on the layer of golden eggs. Beyond that, there are those who will not surrender power. Aspects of governments, agencies, and even people, common people like you and me. Though we weaken as more and more suck on the tit and cannot figure out how to not be spoon-fed.
I am not sure if the sleep of death many American citizens and politicians are in will break in time to make serious changes or if the deal is already done. Again, I have my suspicions. The housing market? Gas prices? Your retirement accounts? If I were you, I would look a little farther, a little more fearfully. Look back at America in the 1980's, the 1950's, and further back. Read about 1900, 1850, 1800, 1750, just bits about life, the economy, the government at various levels and their impact on the average man. We did progress. We did become educated. We did advance medicine, scientific notions and methods (if not improving the method itself). Then, at some point, it all began to fail. All of our institutions, from the family, to medicine, to education, to religion have fallen to the lowest common denominator and then lowered more. When did that begin? How was that allowed? I can easily pinpoint when it began.
I have to think that being a bit poorer, living only to 72 instead of 76, but being free to work on my own home, sell goods and services out of a wagon should I come up with some stake money, having greater familial, community, and religious ties, and being a free man far surpasses the world I live in today. Murdering a child in a mother's womb is not only not illegal today, it is a sought after service in which science, medicine, our government, and women collude. Yeah. There is that. Social morals and values may change, but morality does not move one iota.
The sad truth is, even if every American read this, understood it, and agreed, many if not most would simply surrender to what is. Actually, I think many of them have. I sometimes feel like the only one who does not realize, like everyone else, that we lost a long time ago. It is as if I slept through a communist take over of the nation and no one wants to tell me the truth, preferring to let me live and eventually die in my little world. A real life version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" or something.
Well, just thinking about some things and decided to kick this out.
.
I do believe only a few people in America even consider what is happening to the economy, what social decay is about, how education has been destroyed, and other notable issues. Many people do blame the government, bankers, unions, spending, taxes, and various other culprits. Many of the few, who have decided to review things, take a relatively short view or some expansive view that takes us to, Hippocrates somehow, or even further back.
As I see things, though what is often called the left, progressives, Democrats, socialists, communists, among other names, have been planning changes in America since the nation was created, little was actually accomplished until F.D.R. When only those who paid taxes, landowners essentially, were allowed to vote there was a strict limit on government growth. Even after they gave the leisure class the vote, it took decades for action to begin. The first part was the expansion of government programs for the poor. I am not certain if these programs were as cynically installed as, say, what led to Roe v. Wade, though I suspect they were. The government, by those then in power, was seen as not only necessary but it was deemed by them that the government should run most things and have influence even in the matters it did not directly control. The only way it could do that was by buying votes, until votes no longer mattered. This was socialism on a state level, the state of the nation that is.
The next step is broader. The next step was the notion that if the government that rules best should rule universally. This is called global government. Whether it had been discussed prior to the first acts to implement national socialism or not matters little. Men have planned and plotted all sorts of mischief, most of which never came to fruition. I would suggest J.F.K. was the first to begin, in America, this next step. The Vietnam war, if anything, was a distraction. What he did do was to change the racial makeup of immigrants, and expand vote buying. Working with Europe, who was attempting to do the same thing, it was decided that the only way to make Europeans surrender to their betters was to give them no place to emigrate. Further, part of the globalist goal is to create a universal multiculture, similar in the U.S., Europe, South America, Asia, everywhere. Laws, taxation, regulations, much of it has been specifically designed to create the America we have today. They are not finished. I would guess we are merely a quarter of the way to completion, just on the racial front.
While this is occurring, the next steps are well on their way to being implemented. When the EPA became activist in the early 1970's, in some self-proclaimed environmental protection notion as a front, it was actually simply decided that it was time to begin equalizing wealth, income, manufacturing capital, technology, and the rest, equally around the world. That means, in time, the goal is to have Africans, Europeans, Americans, and everyone else receive the same pay for the same work. And more, light bulbs will cost the same in Portugal, South Africa, and Austria. Or, that is the theory. Most people are looking too small, too local, and are missing the whole point.
Of course, there are flies in the ointment. Not everybody is on board. Further, traditional institutions, by their nature, reject such changes. The family, religion, social connections, ethnic preferences, all natural and all fairly powerful. The family is nearly gone, certainly in Europe, as with the Church. Social connections are controlled by neo-social programmers, controlled by government regulations. And forced desegregation is how the last is handled.
As well, who can literally be trusted and who cannot, even within their cabal, is far from certain. There are differing opinions on how, when, or if to use force, for example. There are those among their ranks who realize that, at certain choke points, if they stop the progressive movement they may enrich themselves grandly. I would even speculate that some of the economic difficulty we are seeing comes about for that very reason. Though some of our economic woe is specifically planned and necessary for global equalization, if it was believed that this process could be done more smoothly. Of course, others merely notice the trends, gain wealth from those, then use the reality of corruption to maintain their grip on the layer of golden eggs. Beyond that, there are those who will not surrender power. Aspects of governments, agencies, and even people, common people like you and me. Though we weaken as more and more suck on the tit and cannot figure out how to not be spoon-fed.
I am not sure if the sleep of death many American citizens and politicians are in will break in time to make serious changes or if the deal is already done. Again, I have my suspicions. The housing market? Gas prices? Your retirement accounts? If I were you, I would look a little farther, a little more fearfully. Look back at America in the 1980's, the 1950's, and further back. Read about 1900, 1850, 1800, 1750, just bits about life, the economy, the government at various levels and their impact on the average man. We did progress. We did become educated. We did advance medicine, scientific notions and methods (if not improving the method itself). Then, at some point, it all began to fail. All of our institutions, from the family, to medicine, to education, to religion have fallen to the lowest common denominator and then lowered more. When did that begin? How was that allowed? I can easily pinpoint when it began.
I have to think that being a bit poorer, living only to 72 instead of 76, but being free to work on my own home, sell goods and services out of a wagon should I come up with some stake money, having greater familial, community, and religious ties, and being a free man far surpasses the world I live in today. Murdering a child in a mother's womb is not only not illegal today, it is a sought after service in which science, medicine, our government, and women collude. Yeah. There is that. Social morals and values may change, but morality does not move one iota.
The sad truth is, even if every American read this, understood it, and agreed, many if not most would simply surrender to what is. Actually, I think many of them have. I sometimes feel like the only one who does not realize, like everyone else, that we lost a long time ago. It is as if I slept through a communist take over of the nation and no one wants to tell me the truth, preferring to let me live and eventually die in my little world. A real life version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" or something.
Well, just thinking about some things and decided to kick this out.
Interesting, in a personal way.
.
.
After struggling with the need for sleep in various other ways, tonight I am without it altogether. I went to bed at the appropriate time. I did my usual tossing and turning. Then I did more. After four hours, without much fuss, I simply realized I was not going to sleep. This is a time where I miss having my own machine, with my game on it. I have not and will not put the game on this machine. What else is there to do in the middle of the night? I cannot focus to read, I did try though. Even researching projects and purchases is difficult. I merely find that as I look up one product or procedure I drift into other things which have nothing to do with my original intent until I find myself blithely reviewing whatever catches my fancy.
Sassy is fascinated with a spider on the ceiling, one she cannot reach. Sam has scolded her several times to no avail. I actually enjoy her activities myself. She trills when she wants something. Sam is trying to teach her, I think, that hunting and sound are a poor combination. Well, that and Sam prefers quiet. Oh, she might purr rarely, and even let out a play warning when I play "tickle da belly" with her. But mostly she stands, stalks, and glides silently through our shared dreamscape. Even so, she has learned she can rarely sneak up on popo, though she continues to try. Sassy is such a klutz, as housecats and really naive kittens cum cats can be. It will take her some time to even think to try to learn how to sneak up on me. I suppose I am practice for hunting? What a mouse I would make!
I have been praying more lately than usual. I try to remember to pray each night and before each meal. Sometimes I pray for specific graces at specific times. If I can pull back from aggression while driving, I often pray for the grace of patience and the wisdom of taking things slow and easy. For whatever reason, recently I have been having long conversations with God through my prayers. Not that these times are any more difficult, pleasurable, or otherwise remarkable. I just feel the need. Perhaps I am looking for something I have not yet hit upon. The strength and concentration to do what needs to be done? No, if that is included. Some certainty of understanding, that what I am really is as good as I can be? No, though that is put forth. I do not know. Am I just feeling the need for a closer relationship with God and am seeking it? Maybe.
Life is good. I am having sleeping problems again, obviously. My will is weak and I have much to do, of course. But these are not new, they will come and go, and I will remain until I do not. They concern me, and are frustrating, but these things are on the periphery of life as I now know it. The only goal I have, at this point, is to live as truly and rightly as I may until I stand before Christ. Something I do fear. Only there, as I understand it now, may true death ever be a potential. Actually, more like undeath. Life without the possibility of love. Still, I am here and must do my best to live here and now. I suppose being a S.O.B. does not bother me, so long as it is the correct version. But is it? Many questions, few answers. Still, as I said, life is good.
I merely dream write, currently. I am almost not sure what I am doing. Sleep beckons but only teases. Parts of my mind have shut off. My imaginings are more like dreams and run wild in the background. If only I could capture some of those for others to view. Some are simple and might be boring to others, fascinating to yet another group. Some are bold, dark, hard imaginings. Blood, war, hunger, and the rest. Struggles through the fetid world of men gone bad, surviving as I may, looking for the leader to set things right or the death any who lives by the sword rightly deserves. I like the simple imaginative ones better. Just as real dreams, however, I have little choice in which "channel" flickers into view at any given moment. Sometimes they run together in some twisted view of beauty and horror and love and sacrifice, leaving little but a bitter-sweet taste of what I typical equate with this existence to date, but freshened to the edgiest peaks and valleys anew.
This too is good. Plus, my cats love me. Later or good night or good morning or whatever it all means.
.
After struggling with the need for sleep in various other ways, tonight I am without it altogether. I went to bed at the appropriate time. I did my usual tossing and turning. Then I did more. After four hours, without much fuss, I simply realized I was not going to sleep. This is a time where I miss having my own machine, with my game on it. I have not and will not put the game on this machine. What else is there to do in the middle of the night? I cannot focus to read, I did try though. Even researching projects and purchases is difficult. I merely find that as I look up one product or procedure I drift into other things which have nothing to do with my original intent until I find myself blithely reviewing whatever catches my fancy.
Sassy is fascinated with a spider on the ceiling, one she cannot reach. Sam has scolded her several times to no avail. I actually enjoy her activities myself. She trills when she wants something. Sam is trying to teach her, I think, that hunting and sound are a poor combination. Well, that and Sam prefers quiet. Oh, she might purr rarely, and even let out a play warning when I play "tickle da belly" with her. But mostly she stands, stalks, and glides silently through our shared dreamscape. Even so, she has learned she can rarely sneak up on popo, though she continues to try. Sassy is such a klutz, as housecats and really naive kittens cum cats can be. It will take her some time to even think to try to learn how to sneak up on me. I suppose I am practice for hunting? What a mouse I would make!
I have been praying more lately than usual. I try to remember to pray each night and before each meal. Sometimes I pray for specific graces at specific times. If I can pull back from aggression while driving, I often pray for the grace of patience and the wisdom of taking things slow and easy. For whatever reason, recently I have been having long conversations with God through my prayers. Not that these times are any more difficult, pleasurable, or otherwise remarkable. I just feel the need. Perhaps I am looking for something I have not yet hit upon. The strength and concentration to do what needs to be done? No, if that is included. Some certainty of understanding, that what I am really is as good as I can be? No, though that is put forth. I do not know. Am I just feeling the need for a closer relationship with God and am seeking it? Maybe.
Life is good. I am having sleeping problems again, obviously. My will is weak and I have much to do, of course. But these are not new, they will come and go, and I will remain until I do not. They concern me, and are frustrating, but these things are on the periphery of life as I now know it. The only goal I have, at this point, is to live as truly and rightly as I may until I stand before Christ. Something I do fear. Only there, as I understand it now, may true death ever be a potential. Actually, more like undeath. Life without the possibility of love. Still, I am here and must do my best to live here and now. I suppose being a S.O.B. does not bother me, so long as it is the correct version. But is it? Many questions, few answers. Still, as I said, life is good.
I merely dream write, currently. I am almost not sure what I am doing. Sleep beckons but only teases. Parts of my mind have shut off. My imaginings are more like dreams and run wild in the background. If only I could capture some of those for others to view. Some are simple and might be boring to others, fascinating to yet another group. Some are bold, dark, hard imaginings. Blood, war, hunger, and the rest. Struggles through the fetid world of men gone bad, surviving as I may, looking for the leader to set things right or the death any who lives by the sword rightly deserves. I like the simple imaginative ones better. Just as real dreams, however, I have little choice in which "channel" flickers into view at any given moment. Sometimes they run together in some twisted view of beauty and horror and love and sacrifice, leaving little but a bitter-sweet taste of what I typical equate with this existence to date, but freshened to the edgiest peaks and valleys anew.
This too is good. Plus, my cats love me. Later or good night or good morning or whatever it all means.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Oh well.
.
.
My will is good, my butt is in "park" with a do-not-disturb sign firmly affixed thereon. So, reading blogs and news, and writing, is what is left to me.
I just read an interesting piece. A fellow blogger posted a link and quotes from the link. I cannot seem to specifically link to AoS's piece by ArthurK, titled 'Bastiat. The dude knew how to write about liberty and stuff.' so I will do what I can to give credits and whatnot. The author of the piece being quoted is Frederick Bastiat, in a piece titled "The Law", written in 1850. The following is the bit that caught my attention and helped me understand, or remember, part of why the Civil War was so troubling to me.
What interested me was the notion that both slavery and tariffs were claimed to be evils. And, as it ended, the Confederacy supported slavery and was against tariffs, the Union was against slavery and not only supported tariffs but used these as a means of engaging in a war by which to end slavery. Essentially, there were no winners, no matter who won, if the author is to be believed. While I am against slavery, I do not agree that war was the right path. Slavery, as an institution, always crumbles. It is unsustainable. It ensures whatever society maintains it a choice of being overwhelmed or changing. Tariffs, however, were not only evil in themselves as well, and used as a reason for a unjust war, they were from then on institutionalized.
I have been pondering responses, both here and elsewhere, to my comments, posts, and emails. When I am not outright considered a partisan or Catholic absolutist, fairly or otherwise, I am often viewed as a relic of a time past or even a time only existing in the fog of ideals. Seen as a S.O.B., quite often, even in that light. I do consider this. I wonder if there is truth to it. And then I think about actual just laws of men, and of God. Is a hefty fine for going fifteen miles over the speed limit, a thirty year sentence for a crime, or a rightful death penalty carried out properly, in order, to conclusion S.O.B. acts? Is the wiping off the face of the earth all men save Noah and family, the turning to salt of a man's wife for merely peeking at God's wrath, or the request for a man to sacrifice his son (if he was released from that request), S.O.B. events? Again, am I an S.O.B.? My guess is, yes, I can be. Actually, I attempt to be but I am weak at times and fail almost as often as I succeed.
Being a S.O.B. is not all it is cracked up to be. It is a burden. It is hard. It means making choices. It means learning and trying to understand all about good, forgiveness, justice, and such or being hung by the very rope I might offer. It is a heavy cross. I would guess only Christ knows the true weight of it, for He alone will judge all men. Not collectively, not based on skin color with caveats for this and that group because they be har' pressed and o'pressed. He will judge the quick and the dead. In current worldly terms, Jesus will be the greatest S.O.B. alive. Though when it is done, even the new "oppressed" will know that the judgment is just. So, given that, I suppose I can live with the tag. If too, I think you do me too great of a service to label me so. I am not that good.
Well, maybe I can get something going. Something like dishes. Gah! Later.
.
My will is good, my butt is in "park" with a do-not-disturb sign firmly affixed thereon. So, reading blogs and news, and writing, is what is left to me.
I just read an interesting piece. A fellow blogger posted a link and quotes from the link. I cannot seem to specifically link to AoS's piece by ArthurK, titled 'Bastiat. The dude knew how to write about liberty and stuff.' so I will do what I can to give credits and whatnot. The author of the piece being quoted is Frederick Bastiat, in a piece titled "The Law", written in 1850. The following is the bit that caught my attention and helped me understand, or remember, part of why the Civil War was so troubling to me.
What are these two issues? They are slavery and tariffs. These are the only two issues where, contrary to the general spirit of the republic of the United States, law has assumed the character of plunder.
What interested me was the notion that both slavery and tariffs were claimed to be evils. And, as it ended, the Confederacy supported slavery and was against tariffs, the Union was against slavery and not only supported tariffs but used these as a means of engaging in a war by which to end slavery. Essentially, there were no winners, no matter who won, if the author is to be believed. While I am against slavery, I do not agree that war was the right path. Slavery, as an institution, always crumbles. It is unsustainable. It ensures whatever society maintains it a choice of being overwhelmed or changing. Tariffs, however, were not only evil in themselves as well, and used as a reason for a unjust war, they were from then on institutionalized.
I have been pondering responses, both here and elsewhere, to my comments, posts, and emails. When I am not outright considered a partisan or Catholic absolutist, fairly or otherwise, I am often viewed as a relic of a time past or even a time only existing in the fog of ideals. Seen as a S.O.B., quite often, even in that light. I do consider this. I wonder if there is truth to it. And then I think about actual just laws of men, and of God. Is a hefty fine for going fifteen miles over the speed limit, a thirty year sentence for a crime, or a rightful death penalty carried out properly, in order, to conclusion S.O.B. acts? Is the wiping off the face of the earth all men save Noah and family, the turning to salt of a man's wife for merely peeking at God's wrath, or the request for a man to sacrifice his son (if he was released from that request), S.O.B. events? Again, am I an S.O.B.? My guess is, yes, I can be. Actually, I attempt to be but I am weak at times and fail almost as often as I succeed.
Being a S.O.B. is not all it is cracked up to be. It is a burden. It is hard. It means making choices. It means learning and trying to understand all about good, forgiveness, justice, and such or being hung by the very rope I might offer. It is a heavy cross. I would guess only Christ knows the true weight of it, for He alone will judge all men. Not collectively, not based on skin color with caveats for this and that group because they be har' pressed and o'pressed. He will judge the quick and the dead. In current worldly terms, Jesus will be the greatest S.O.B. alive. Though when it is done, even the new "oppressed" will know that the judgment is just. So, given that, I suppose I can live with the tag. If too, I think you do me too great of a service to label me so. I am not that good.
Well, maybe I can get something going. Something like dishes. Gah! Later.
A changing world.
.
.
I keep having some thoughts cross my mind. There are realities which are complicated by the differences between the world we live in and the world that was.
One of those topics which has been giving me pause for some time is the notion of beggars. It was, in time past, seen as right to give to men, women, and children, poor and on the streets, money to buy food. There, for the most part, was no such thing as welfare. People in need had to rely on their family or on the good will of the generous to whom they came in contact. The bible tends to indicate that giving is good, sometimes more directly sometimes more generally.
The problem is, beggars of today do not buy food, not here in America. There are many programs to help people who find themselves homeless, out of work, or whatever else might legitimately lead to that condition. Beggars are more likely, perhaps exclusively in some areas, to use any money for intoxicants of various sorts. I do think things have changed to the point where giving to a beggar is actually doing far more harm than good. I am, finally, convinced that should people wish to give, that they give to food banks, shelters, rehabilitation centers of various sorts, and not to the beggar directly. This goes against my traditionalist ways. It almost seems to fly in the face of my beliefs, but in the end it is probably the better path.
The other notion that has been in and out of my thoughts is taxation. While I honestly believe the federal income tax is unconstitutional. I do believe they could amend the code to be correct, I am not sure about the spirit of the thing. However, this sort of thinking led me to consider something else. While today, most people work for a paycheck, that was not always true. Beyond that, people who were paid with money were paid cash. Simply put, there were no really good means of ensuring tax collection with regard to income. This also means, taxes have always been progressive. Landowners paid, those who chose to make purchases of various items paid, but not everyone paid. Then again, not everyone voted either if that is another issue.
I see ideas being floated regarding flat income taxes and universal taxes. I am all for a flat tax system, if I still believe those below the poverty line should pay like all others. I am completely against a national tax on goods and services, as I see that as just a means to eventually add in an income tax once the frogs get used to that water temperature or people begin saving and so the government is "forced" to introduce income taxes as well, again. I would actually prefer to see only one, or at worst the other, in both federal, state, and local. But before any tax changes can be made, we need to make sure spending is capped, based on income. A constitutional amendment would probably be the only way to ensure that though, and with Demoreactionaries and RINOs alive and well and in the houses of power, I am not sure this will happen. Still, something locking the government spending to some percent of GDP (flawed as that really is) would be a stopgap measure. Though know, any such a move would trigger an attempt to repurpose the statistics that make up the GDP. Bah!
Anyway, the point is, taxes do have to be raised. And, how income is generated and transmitted today is far different from how it was done in the time of the constitution. I will almost always argue for a smaller government and lower taxes, I do have to realize that the same game is played with different rules today. Now, regardless of the rest of this post regarding taxes, I actually am not sure how best to go about, constitutionally and securely, raising the appropriate amount of revenue. Nor am I sure I really want states to become the de facto tax collection agencies. It is not so simple when one actually sits down and contemplates the complexities of everything involved. It is far easier to simply say one does not like how things are, regale about how things were, and point fingers are people who could no more have created it than can probably find a solution and that is assuming they would want to do so.
You know though, in most states, municipalities, and such, there is a requirement to review all laws every so many years. One of the weaknesses of the federal government is that there is no such requirement. Oh, it would take generations to go through all of the written tax code, to be sure. But a built in option, which would render a law defunct without legislative review, might light the fire a bit. Yes, I would like to see something like that go forward. I would guess such a law would end legislative power being doled out to regulatory committees, departments, and any agency other than the whole of congress. Tie that in with making senators governor (or otherwise state) appointees as was intended, and I would be interested in seeing how things turn out.
Well, notions. I have no idea of where those things will go, what would happen, or how to go about any of it. But I do think it would probably be a change for the better. I think it would slow the government down. If nothing else, that would buy time to make some appropriate corrections. One can dream.
Later.
.
I keep having some thoughts cross my mind. There are realities which are complicated by the differences between the world we live in and the world that was.
One of those topics which has been giving me pause for some time is the notion of beggars. It was, in time past, seen as right to give to men, women, and children, poor and on the streets, money to buy food. There, for the most part, was no such thing as welfare. People in need had to rely on their family or on the good will of the generous to whom they came in contact. The bible tends to indicate that giving is good, sometimes more directly sometimes more generally.
The problem is, beggars of today do not buy food, not here in America. There are many programs to help people who find themselves homeless, out of work, or whatever else might legitimately lead to that condition. Beggars are more likely, perhaps exclusively in some areas, to use any money for intoxicants of various sorts. I do think things have changed to the point where giving to a beggar is actually doing far more harm than good. I am, finally, convinced that should people wish to give, that they give to food banks, shelters, rehabilitation centers of various sorts, and not to the beggar directly. This goes against my traditionalist ways. It almost seems to fly in the face of my beliefs, but in the end it is probably the better path.
The other notion that has been in and out of my thoughts is taxation. While I honestly believe the federal income tax is unconstitutional. I do believe they could amend the code to be correct, I am not sure about the spirit of the thing. However, this sort of thinking led me to consider something else. While today, most people work for a paycheck, that was not always true. Beyond that, people who were paid with money were paid cash. Simply put, there were no really good means of ensuring tax collection with regard to income. This also means, taxes have always been progressive. Landowners paid, those who chose to make purchases of various items paid, but not everyone paid. Then again, not everyone voted either if that is another issue.
I see ideas being floated regarding flat income taxes and universal taxes. I am all for a flat tax system, if I still believe those below the poverty line should pay like all others. I am completely against a national tax on goods and services, as I see that as just a means to eventually add in an income tax once the frogs get used to that water temperature or people begin saving and so the government is "forced" to introduce income taxes as well, again. I would actually prefer to see only one, or at worst the other, in both federal, state, and local. But before any tax changes can be made, we need to make sure spending is capped, based on income. A constitutional amendment would probably be the only way to ensure that though, and with Demoreactionaries and RINOs alive and well and in the houses of power, I am not sure this will happen. Still, something locking the government spending to some percent of GDP (flawed as that really is) would be a stopgap measure. Though know, any such a move would trigger an attempt to repurpose the statistics that make up the GDP. Bah!
Anyway, the point is, taxes do have to be raised. And, how income is generated and transmitted today is far different from how it was done in the time of the constitution. I will almost always argue for a smaller government and lower taxes, I do have to realize that the same game is played with different rules today. Now, regardless of the rest of this post regarding taxes, I actually am not sure how best to go about, constitutionally and securely, raising the appropriate amount of revenue. Nor am I sure I really want states to become the de facto tax collection agencies. It is not so simple when one actually sits down and contemplates the complexities of everything involved. It is far easier to simply say one does not like how things are, regale about how things were, and point fingers are people who could no more have created it than can probably find a solution and that is assuming they would want to do so.
You know though, in most states, municipalities, and such, there is a requirement to review all laws every so many years. One of the weaknesses of the federal government is that there is no such requirement. Oh, it would take generations to go through all of the written tax code, to be sure. But a built in option, which would render a law defunct without legislative review, might light the fire a bit. Yes, I would like to see something like that go forward. I would guess such a law would end legislative power being doled out to regulatory committees, departments, and any agency other than the whole of congress. Tie that in with making senators governor (or otherwise state) appointees as was intended, and I would be interested in seeing how things turn out.
Well, notions. I have no idea of where those things will go, what would happen, or how to go about any of it. But I do think it would probably be a change for the better. I think it would slow the government down. If nothing else, that would buy time to make some appropriate corrections. One can dream.
Later.
I did get back to sleep!
.
.
A couple of things helped. I took another handful of Tylenol, I cracked the window a bit, and though it took an hour or two, sleep was found. I think the cool air was the key. Which means this trick will not work in the summer. Still, I take what I can get when I can get it. I was not able to wake until noon, despite having the alarm set at 8:00, then resetting it to 10:00, and finally turning it off. So half of my day, and then some, is gone. I feel like a bug which has been hit by nearly fatal amounts of insecticide even after several hours of being awake and doing my wake up routine. It is better today than yesterday so there is more hope for tomorrow.
I am not sure what I will be able to get to today. I have a few things in mind. A few more pain pills might help, or not. I am nearly dragging bottom on the "go get em'" meter. Still, I have my eye on several prizes and am hoping I can figure something out. I know I will in time, I simply do not have a clear fix on when.
I do not know what is going on with the news. It seems as if Fox has been slanting much more strongly to the left. I am simply amazed at what a corrupt leftist administration can do with regards to the media, all of it. It seems more as if the "conservative pundits" are more provably actors (as many of us contend anyway) day by day. Politicians cave right along with them. There truly is not much hope that way. I suppose we could redraw maps, showing D.C. as an uncharted area upon which the words "Thar be Dragons" written across the zone. Well, and land sharks too. Republicans have caved more to political correctness, "conservative" blogs are caving even faster and harder. They have to make sure they support any black candidate that even appears to be somewhat, somehow, or could be, "conservative". They are more multicultural than most "liberal" newsrooms.
Ah, well. Any solid Christian cannot say they have not been told. I think hope is not for the world itself, that it will be good or right or kind. Hope is merely that should we be humble, that we maintain that. Should we be righteous, that we endure the pain of the rejection of that and hold fast. We will be rejected. Righteousness will be rejected. And God, too, by the many, will be rejected. Eventually those that hold fast will be harshly treated and worse. Just remember that when communism comes, those who work hard, are kind, are beautiful in truth, ar good or seek that... those will be sent to gulags so those who live in filth, laziness, pride, lust, and such will not have to be shown the difference. They know, they just choose not to see. I wonder if those who know have their own version of the nuclear clock?
Then again, the Church survived many dark ages. They rekindled the world after many attempts to wipe out history, society, faith, and more. More martyrs, real martyrs who died for real faith (murder bombers do not go to the back of that bus, they aren't allowed on it (for obvious reasons)), were never recorded than in all the annals we have or are aware of having existed. Such a heavy test though. And fewer will pass that test, by far, than will cross over that line. Regardless of what the one sitting next to you in the pew says, whether for himself, his wife, or their children, he will not walk that far. Sadly, he does not understand these new barbarians. As with Pol Pot, these new ones will only achieve the fall from grace and still provide a familial coup de grace.
A few aspirin, planning to try and utilize what I have energy to do, and then... who knows. Have a good day.
.
A couple of things helped. I took another handful of Tylenol, I cracked the window a bit, and though it took an hour or two, sleep was found. I think the cool air was the key. Which means this trick will not work in the summer. Still, I take what I can get when I can get it. I was not able to wake until noon, despite having the alarm set at 8:00, then resetting it to 10:00, and finally turning it off. So half of my day, and then some, is gone. I feel like a bug which has been hit by nearly fatal amounts of insecticide even after several hours of being awake and doing my wake up routine. It is better today than yesterday so there is more hope for tomorrow.
I am not sure what I will be able to get to today. I have a few things in mind. A few more pain pills might help, or not. I am nearly dragging bottom on the "go get em'" meter. Still, I have my eye on several prizes and am hoping I can figure something out. I know I will in time, I simply do not have a clear fix on when.
I do not know what is going on with the news. It seems as if Fox has been slanting much more strongly to the left. I am simply amazed at what a corrupt leftist administration can do with regards to the media, all of it. It seems more as if the "conservative pundits" are more provably actors (as many of us contend anyway) day by day. Politicians cave right along with them. There truly is not much hope that way. I suppose we could redraw maps, showing D.C. as an uncharted area upon which the words "Thar be Dragons" written across the zone. Well, and land sharks too. Republicans have caved more to political correctness, "conservative" blogs are caving even faster and harder. They have to make sure they support any black candidate that even appears to be somewhat, somehow, or could be, "conservative". They are more multicultural than most "liberal" newsrooms.
Ah, well. Any solid Christian cannot say they have not been told. I think hope is not for the world itself, that it will be good or right or kind. Hope is merely that should we be humble, that we maintain that. Should we be righteous, that we endure the pain of the rejection of that and hold fast. We will be rejected. Righteousness will be rejected. And God, too, by the many, will be rejected. Eventually those that hold fast will be harshly treated and worse. Just remember that when communism comes, those who work hard, are kind, are beautiful in truth, ar good or seek that... those will be sent to gulags so those who live in filth, laziness, pride, lust, and such will not have to be shown the difference. They know, they just choose not to see. I wonder if those who know have their own version of the nuclear clock?
Then again, the Church survived many dark ages. They rekindled the world after many attempts to wipe out history, society, faith, and more. More martyrs, real martyrs who died for real faith (murder bombers do not go to the back of that bus, they aren't allowed on it (for obvious reasons)), were never recorded than in all the annals we have or are aware of having existed. Such a heavy test though. And fewer will pass that test, by far, than will cross over that line. Regardless of what the one sitting next to you in the pew says, whether for himself, his wife, or their children, he will not walk that far. Sadly, he does not understand these new barbarians. As with Pol Pot, these new ones will only achieve the fall from grace and still provide a familial coup de grace.
A few aspirin, planning to try and utilize what I have energy to do, and then... who knows. Have a good day.
Waking up too soon!
.
.
Waking around 2:00, I have been working on getting back to bed since. Why tonight, after mostly having a problem with sleeping too long or a bit late for many months, I can only guess. Actually, I am coming up empty on reasons. It simply is. I love waking like this, but at 6:00 to 8:00. I know I wanted to sleep all day but did not give in to it, knowing it would throw my sleep patterns off. I stayed awake until 22:30. Frustrating. I did need to take Tylenol before trying to sleep, but that is often the case. Waking to pain, an unusual thing and so shortly after having taken pills, I am not sure of anything.
Well, a bit of reading might help, as some have suggested. A few more pain pills as well, or I will not have even that slim chance at getting back to bed. Never bother to ask, "Why me?", it is more about since it is me, here, now, what should I do. If I know little else, I know about finding oneself in a miserable situation for no apparent reason. On the good side you might ask? Should I want to be grumpy, I always have a good reason! *grins* Meh, I will live.
Good night, again, I hope.
.
Waking around 2:00, I have been working on getting back to bed since. Why tonight, after mostly having a problem with sleeping too long or a bit late for many months, I can only guess. Actually, I am coming up empty on reasons. It simply is. I love waking like this, but at 6:00 to 8:00. I know I wanted to sleep all day but did not give in to it, knowing it would throw my sleep patterns off. I stayed awake until 22:30. Frustrating. I did need to take Tylenol before trying to sleep, but that is often the case. Waking to pain, an unusual thing and so shortly after having taken pills, I am not sure of anything.
Well, a bit of reading might help, as some have suggested. A few more pain pills as well, or I will not have even that slim chance at getting back to bed. Never bother to ask, "Why me?", it is more about since it is me, here, now, what should I do. If I know little else, I know about finding oneself in a miserable situation for no apparent reason. On the good side you might ask? Should I want to be grumpy, I always have a good reason! *grins* Meh, I will live.
Good night, again, I hope.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Time for bed.
.
.
Whether I wanted to sleep or not, at this point I have little choice. The aches have returned as well. A handful of Tylenol and then to bed. I have no idea why today was so rough. Not being able to sleep then needing eleven hours of sleep. Resetting the alarm every hour from 10:00 until 13:00 did not help. And still needing sleep all day until now, and going to bed so very early? I clearly wanted to be out of bed and doing things. I simply could not do it. Those of you who think you have too much on your plate everyday, and yet get up and do it? Yeah, that is my fantasy. Just... something to make getting up tomorrow a little easier for you. Well, that is the intention.
The good thing is that I am making inroads into the work I have scheduled. Oh, just bits and pieces, here and there, off and on. Nothing is completely done but most projects are getting some attention once in a while and progress exceeds regression. This is the truth of things for the last week, if in a rough manner and very haltingly at times. I am pretty sure tomorrow, the day after, or the day after that I will get another load of things started, a few done, and redo my list. Like climbing a ladder, it is best one rung at a time. Further, eventually you have to come back down. It is a cycle.
The weather, cool and cloudy as it has been, might be a part of my problem. Being that I barely skim the surface of consciousness often, not having the sun is difficult. Little things mean a great deal more to me than to most. Others can set aside gloom and get on with life. Any stressor seems to have an exaggerated affect on my ability to simply function. At least my moods are independent for the most part. At least, after I realized things are as they are for me. And trying to shove through the unlikely or at times impossible is not how life can go forward for me.
In any case, my goal is to get to some of the things on my list the next chance I get. I am sure it will happen soon. I pray for the strength to do what I have before me, but now I add a request for the wisdom to live through what seems intolerable. A broken body that works only when it wants to, ignoring my will, and seemingly more whimsical than functional. It is all good. Now that I understand, or... accept.
Good night. Sleep well.
.
Whether I wanted to sleep or not, at this point I have little choice. The aches have returned as well. A handful of Tylenol and then to bed. I have no idea why today was so rough. Not being able to sleep then needing eleven hours of sleep. Resetting the alarm every hour from 10:00 until 13:00 did not help. And still needing sleep all day until now, and going to bed so very early? I clearly wanted to be out of bed and doing things. I simply could not do it. Those of you who think you have too much on your plate everyday, and yet get up and do it? Yeah, that is my fantasy. Just... something to make getting up tomorrow a little easier for you. Well, that is the intention.
The good thing is that I am making inroads into the work I have scheduled. Oh, just bits and pieces, here and there, off and on. Nothing is completely done but most projects are getting some attention once in a while and progress exceeds regression. This is the truth of things for the last week, if in a rough manner and very haltingly at times. I am pretty sure tomorrow, the day after, or the day after that I will get another load of things started, a few done, and redo my list. Like climbing a ladder, it is best one rung at a time. Further, eventually you have to come back down. It is a cycle.
The weather, cool and cloudy as it has been, might be a part of my problem. Being that I barely skim the surface of consciousness often, not having the sun is difficult. Little things mean a great deal more to me than to most. Others can set aside gloom and get on with life. Any stressor seems to have an exaggerated affect on my ability to simply function. At least my moods are independent for the most part. At least, after I realized things are as they are for me. And trying to shove through the unlikely or at times impossible is not how life can go forward for me.
In any case, my goal is to get to some of the things on my list the next chance I get. I am sure it will happen soon. I pray for the strength to do what I have before me, but now I add a request for the wisdom to live through what seems intolerable. A broken body that works only when it wants to, ignoring my will, and seemingly more whimsical than functional. It is all good. Now that I understand, or... accept.
Good night. Sleep well.
What a rush.
.
.
I simply cannot hurry, as it turns out. I did a good deal of cleaning and sorting, and the dishes were set to soak (again). But I simply ran out of whatever it takes to get things done and the dishes remain in the soak. Today's visitors will be visiting again in a week. I have another opportunity to clean to a new level and have the dishes done, then kept up. Worst case scenario, the house falls apart. Then again, they have seen the worst so this is something more to avoid than to fear.
Some days are tough. Even with the push, and what I did complete, I was using energy I simply did not really have. With a thousand things to do, my body simply wishes to go back to bed and sleepppp! I will resist and try to stay up until this evening. Reading is probably not something I can do, as focus and concentration will come and mostly go. At times I might be able to do a little research online, for snippets of information regarding various topics or product information. I so want to simply crawl back into bed.
I have turned off the furnace, opened the windows, cracked the front door, and am again getting fresh air. With the chill of possible rain riding the breeze, I am not sure how long I will keep things open. Fresh air is worth the slight chill felt for the time being. Even the cats become frisky and playful with fresh air. I do not think they mind the chill at all. I have been using Fabreeze in a few places as well. While not perfect, it is much better. My man-cave bathroom is next to be cleaned. Sweeping and vacuuming the rest of the house is next on the list. I would guess I am nearly half way to having my home prepped for when my mother visits. If company continues to arrive, I should have the incentive to keep my place neat.
I still have business I need to get done. I still have not applied for the tax credit on the purchase of the home and I believe there will be a settlement for the accident from last summer. But how to go about these things. I simply do not know. The sum could come to $20k, perhaps more. Yes, I could use that. I would pay off all minor debts, put a few month's bill expense in savings, and consider what to pay a large chunk of with the remainder (house or car, the car has higher interest and would be much closer to being paid). But the money seems more like a dream, a taunting one, being that I seem autistic or something in my will toward obtaining the money. Bah!
Later.
.
I simply cannot hurry, as it turns out. I did a good deal of cleaning and sorting, and the dishes were set to soak (again). But I simply ran out of whatever it takes to get things done and the dishes remain in the soak. Today's visitors will be visiting again in a week. I have another opportunity to clean to a new level and have the dishes done, then kept up. Worst case scenario, the house falls apart. Then again, they have seen the worst so this is something more to avoid than to fear.
Some days are tough. Even with the push, and what I did complete, I was using energy I simply did not really have. With a thousand things to do, my body simply wishes to go back to bed and sleepppp! I will resist and try to stay up until this evening. Reading is probably not something I can do, as focus and concentration will come and mostly go. At times I might be able to do a little research online, for snippets of information regarding various topics or product information. I so want to simply crawl back into bed.
I have turned off the furnace, opened the windows, cracked the front door, and am again getting fresh air. With the chill of possible rain riding the breeze, I am not sure how long I will keep things open. Fresh air is worth the slight chill felt for the time being. Even the cats become frisky and playful with fresh air. I do not think they mind the chill at all. I have been using Fabreeze in a few places as well. While not perfect, it is much better. My man-cave bathroom is next to be cleaned. Sweeping and vacuuming the rest of the house is next on the list. I would guess I am nearly half way to having my home prepped for when my mother visits. If company continues to arrive, I should have the incentive to keep my place neat.
I still have business I need to get done. I still have not applied for the tax credit on the purchase of the home and I believe there will be a settlement for the accident from last summer. But how to go about these things. I simply do not know. The sum could come to $20k, perhaps more. Yes, I could use that. I would pay off all minor debts, put a few month's bill expense in savings, and consider what to pay a large chunk of with the remainder (house or car, the car has higher interest and would be much closer to being paid). But the money seems more like a dream, a taunting one, being that I seem autistic or something in my will toward obtaining the money. Bah!
Later.
Late is the hour.
.
.
I could neither sleep early nor wake at a reasonable hour. I seem to have started paring my pillows to one sometime in my sleep though. Waking with fewer aches means I am attempting to go without painkillers. If nothing else, I hate taking gunk. I despise ingesting any gunk for any reason. But it is so late! And company will be arriving in an hour or two.
I am hoping to do the dishes, or get a good start, before company arrives. A bit more neatening would be good too. I had hoped to work on the reloading station. If I had woken early enough, that might have been possible. There was no sunshine this morning, I think, but neither was it raining. It is partly cloudy and has been, if I was seeing things rightly through sleep clouded eyes. But it looks like rain might be coming. I did review the instructions and take measurements again. I will have to check those measurements as I begin that process in earnest and more completely. I cannot build the thing in the room, or it would be too small for my needs. Even building it outside and bringing it in has me a little concerned. I am beginning to think that constructing it mostly out of the room then completing the fronting when I get the nearly completed bench in might be the only real option.
As I see things, I can get four feet in length whatever I do, but I could only get just under 22 inches of depth if finished before moving it into the room. I might get an extra two inches, or more, if I leave the front unfinished. However, moving the bench with an unfinished front might be tricky. Maybe using a few remnant pieces of wood as wedges between the shelving on the front, might allow for a more stable move. This stuff is all new to me, so I am merely guessing. Even at four by two foot, the bench will be small and might not be all that stable. The weight of three slabs of half inch plywood and a good number of two by fours will help, but making the thing very level and square will also be required. Additional bracing, if considered with forethought, might be wise in any case as well.
I did review my climbing gear. I only truly need a few things up front. Though a helmet would be wise, and a few other things would be good, what I really need is some auxiliary line for prussic knots, a micro and two hefty pulleys, half a dozen varied lengths of nylon webbing, all could probably be had for less than $100 after a light review of prices online and give or take, a helmet would add $70 to the project. I am guessing there might be sources for the goods locally. If I surrender on a chainsaw and go with a manual trimming device for now, and buy the ladder I suggested, and then buy this gear, I could be doing the work early in May. I just need to make sure the pruning device can handle the problem limbs. Though, figuring out the washing machine is my first priority. Ugh.
Well, time to get cracking. It is already well into the afternoon and I am well behind. Dishes, some minor cleaning, and a good deal of small scale sorting should see the place in decent repair for company. Have a good day.
.
I could neither sleep early nor wake at a reasonable hour. I seem to have started paring my pillows to one sometime in my sleep though. Waking with fewer aches means I am attempting to go without painkillers. If nothing else, I hate taking gunk. I despise ingesting any gunk for any reason. But it is so late! And company will be arriving in an hour or two.
I am hoping to do the dishes, or get a good start, before company arrives. A bit more neatening would be good too. I had hoped to work on the reloading station. If I had woken early enough, that might have been possible. There was no sunshine this morning, I think, but neither was it raining. It is partly cloudy and has been, if I was seeing things rightly through sleep clouded eyes. But it looks like rain might be coming. I did review the instructions and take measurements again. I will have to check those measurements as I begin that process in earnest and more completely. I cannot build the thing in the room, or it would be too small for my needs. Even building it outside and bringing it in has me a little concerned. I am beginning to think that constructing it mostly out of the room then completing the fronting when I get the nearly completed bench in might be the only real option.
As I see things, I can get four feet in length whatever I do, but I could only get just under 22 inches of depth if finished before moving it into the room. I might get an extra two inches, or more, if I leave the front unfinished. However, moving the bench with an unfinished front might be tricky. Maybe using a few remnant pieces of wood as wedges between the shelving on the front, might allow for a more stable move. This stuff is all new to me, so I am merely guessing. Even at four by two foot, the bench will be small and might not be all that stable. The weight of three slabs of half inch plywood and a good number of two by fours will help, but making the thing very level and square will also be required. Additional bracing, if considered with forethought, might be wise in any case as well.
I did review my climbing gear. I only truly need a few things up front. Though a helmet would be wise, and a few other things would be good, what I really need is some auxiliary line for prussic knots, a micro and two hefty pulleys, half a dozen varied lengths of nylon webbing, all could probably be had for less than $100 after a light review of prices online and give or take, a helmet would add $70 to the project. I am guessing there might be sources for the goods locally. If I surrender on a chainsaw and go with a manual trimming device for now, and buy the ladder I suggested, and then buy this gear, I could be doing the work early in May. I just need to make sure the pruning device can handle the problem limbs. Though, figuring out the washing machine is my first priority. Ugh.
Well, time to get cracking. It is already well into the afternoon and I am well behind. Dishes, some minor cleaning, and a good deal of small scale sorting should see the place in decent repair for company. Have a good day.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Not a bad day, not at all.
.
.
Bit by bit, the home is beginning to come into shape and form. Sweeping and then mopping the kitchen has been a huge step. I touched that up when I arrived home. The dishes, a bit of tidying in the living room, and a few other chores will render the place clean and neat... mostly. Come on! I am a guy, and a bachelor at that. I have to have messy areas here and there. Fine, I may eventually get to even these, if I will only smooth some of the rough.
I did call my friend. He was interested in shooting. So, a short drive, a quick stop at his place, a little business while in town, a couple of boxes of .45 ammunition, and into the hills we went. He suggested he would be bringing his .357/.38, and suggested I bring magnum ammunition if I was interested. Of course, I was interested and so meant to do so. Forgetting it, this time, was a non-issue, as I had to drive right by my place on the way to shoot. Bada-bing. The shoot was rather short, as daylight and for him temperature became insufficient. In town it was decided that dinner out would be good. He was going to have his usual, either a roast beef sandwich covered in gravy or simply roast beef with gravy, a bit of Texas toast under the beef being the only slight difference. I was thinking about liver. I was going to ask how it was cooked. I knew it came with gravy and onions, but unless it was cooked in the gravy liver is usually too dry for my tastes. It ended up that their special sounded better to both of us, so fried fish and shrimp if in slightly different takes. He went with lemon pepper, I went with cajun spiced.
I am hoping to get to bed early, and rise early, again. I still have not closed the windows, but as chill as it is getting, I will need to do so as well as turn on the furnace or waking will be quite a chore. I hope to finish the kitchen tomorrow. I have a few business projects which might require a run into town again. As well as I am doing, mostly, it still amazes me how long simple sounding chores take. You do not just sweep and mop. You need to move everything in order to sweep and mop. Then you get to sweep, an easy one. But mopping takes preparing hot sudsy water, getting things wet, treating tougher areas sometimes several times, then clearing the cleaning gunk out of the mop and bucket and mopping off the gunk that you used to clean the junk off the floor in the first place. Then, of course, you need to clear and clean the mop again, and the bucket, and set those things to dry. I was thinking a half hour to hour would see me done. Nope.
I am not sure how much I will get done tomorrow. I may get stuck cleaning and not be able to make it to town. So be it. I would rather have my home clean, especially now that I seem to be on some kind of a wave. Ride the wave as long as you can. More so if they are exceedingly rare. I think I will review my climbing gear tonight, then do more reading on the subject. Then it will be bedtime.
Good night, Jehoshaphat. May all walk your walk.
.
Bit by bit, the home is beginning to come into shape and form. Sweeping and then mopping the kitchen has been a huge step. I touched that up when I arrived home. The dishes, a bit of tidying in the living room, and a few other chores will render the place clean and neat... mostly. Come on! I am a guy, and a bachelor at that. I have to have messy areas here and there. Fine, I may eventually get to even these, if I will only smooth some of the rough.
I did call my friend. He was interested in shooting. So, a short drive, a quick stop at his place, a little business while in town, a couple of boxes of .45 ammunition, and into the hills we went. He suggested he would be bringing his .357/.38, and suggested I bring magnum ammunition if I was interested. Of course, I was interested and so meant to do so. Forgetting it, this time, was a non-issue, as I had to drive right by my place on the way to shoot. Bada-bing. The shoot was rather short, as daylight and for him temperature became insufficient. In town it was decided that dinner out would be good. He was going to have his usual, either a roast beef sandwich covered in gravy or simply roast beef with gravy, a bit of Texas toast under the beef being the only slight difference. I was thinking about liver. I was going to ask how it was cooked. I knew it came with gravy and onions, but unless it was cooked in the gravy liver is usually too dry for my tastes. It ended up that their special sounded better to both of us, so fried fish and shrimp if in slightly different takes. He went with lemon pepper, I went with cajun spiced.
I am hoping to get to bed early, and rise early, again. I still have not closed the windows, but as chill as it is getting, I will need to do so as well as turn on the furnace or waking will be quite a chore. I hope to finish the kitchen tomorrow. I have a few business projects which might require a run into town again. As well as I am doing, mostly, it still amazes me how long simple sounding chores take. You do not just sweep and mop. You need to move everything in order to sweep and mop. Then you get to sweep, an easy one. But mopping takes preparing hot sudsy water, getting things wet, treating tougher areas sometimes several times, then clearing the cleaning gunk out of the mop and bucket and mopping off the gunk that you used to clean the junk off the floor in the first place. Then, of course, you need to clear and clean the mop again, and the bucket, and set those things to dry. I was thinking a half hour to hour would see me done. Nope.
I am not sure how much I will get done tomorrow. I may get stuck cleaning and not be able to make it to town. So be it. I would rather have my home clean, especially now that I seem to be on some kind of a wave. Ride the wave as long as you can. More so if they are exceedingly rare. I think I will review my climbing gear tonight, then do more reading on the subject. Then it will be bedtime.
Good night, Jehoshaphat. May all walk your walk.
Nice.
.
.
Not that I have done many things, or even any one thing completely, but I have been tinkering toward completion on a number of things. And, I have been doing it at a time I have not even been able to be awake for a week. Realizing the time, it felt like waking up to having more done than I thought would even be done. A few more simple chores are on the list, but being a good day, I will then call my friend and see if shooting might be in the cards for today. I want to investigate a few things in town as well.
If the profits of Atlas Shrugged, whatever the movie name actually is, were going to other than Hollywood, I would consider seeing that this evening. As is, I simply refuse the refuse. Between guilds and the liberal elite and establishment in general in Hollywood, and elsewhere ($35k a plate Obama fundraiser in Hollywood, for example) feeding off the revenues, I know the profits will be used to make more leftist stinkbomb propaganda movies. If I do something, I will buy the book.
Even that is not so interesting. Ayn Rand could, at best, be called an ally of convenience. I would fit her in with the rest of the pop-culture default liberal fiscal conservatives. As I see things, no matter how principled one is regarding budgets at the outset, if one leads an otherwise unprincipled life one will eventually have to make a choice. The choice for most is to go completely unprincipled, as we see with many politicians, judges, and icons. Addictions, once allowed and then normalized, infect all other aspects of who we are. Without all-encompassing ground rules, there eventually will be no rules. So, that is out.
Airing my home is always good. It clears so much, invigorates, and refreshes, as my mother's would have said more than I. To me, it just seems better. The finer points are for smellier noses, or some such sentiment. Sweeping and mopping are the tasks I wish to do before heading out. Though I sort of like the stench of cleaning chemicals, that scent is better after having been mixed with fresh air. Which makes a perfect pairing of work with an outdoor misadventure of some sort, such as the one I propose.
It is so good to be almost done with my day's work before I had even been waking! I just cannot express that strongly enough. Why today and not yesterday, the day before that, or any particular day? The sun? The temperature? Or just because some enzyme which is always supposed to affect some cells which fire a message that it is time to get going, or even to allow neurons to simply fire in enough quantity to allow consciousness? Fie. I will never know but I will never give up. And, today, I win!
Later.
.
Not that I have done many things, or even any one thing completely, but I have been tinkering toward completion on a number of things. And, I have been doing it at a time I have not even been able to be awake for a week. Realizing the time, it felt like waking up to having more done than I thought would even be done. A few more simple chores are on the list, but being a good day, I will then call my friend and see if shooting might be in the cards for today. I want to investigate a few things in town as well.
If the profits of Atlas Shrugged, whatever the movie name actually is, were going to other than Hollywood, I would consider seeing that this evening. As is, I simply refuse the refuse. Between guilds and the liberal elite and establishment in general in Hollywood, and elsewhere ($35k a plate Obama fundraiser in Hollywood, for example) feeding off the revenues, I know the profits will be used to make more leftist stinkbomb propaganda movies. If I do something, I will buy the book.
Even that is not so interesting. Ayn Rand could, at best, be called an ally of convenience. I would fit her in with the rest of the pop-culture default liberal fiscal conservatives. As I see things, no matter how principled one is regarding budgets at the outset, if one leads an otherwise unprincipled life one will eventually have to make a choice. The choice for most is to go completely unprincipled, as we see with many politicians, judges, and icons. Addictions, once allowed and then normalized, infect all other aspects of who we are. Without all-encompassing ground rules, there eventually will be no rules. So, that is out.
Airing my home is always good. It clears so much, invigorates, and refreshes, as my mother's would have said more than I. To me, it just seems better. The finer points are for smellier noses, or some such sentiment. Sweeping and mopping are the tasks I wish to do before heading out. Though I sort of like the stench of cleaning chemicals, that scent is better after having been mixed with fresh air. Which makes a perfect pairing of work with an outdoor misadventure of some sort, such as the one I propose.
It is so good to be almost done with my day's work before I had even been waking! I just cannot express that strongly enough. Why today and not yesterday, the day before that, or any particular day? The sun? The temperature? Or just because some enzyme which is always supposed to affect some cells which fire a message that it is time to get going, or even to allow neurons to simply fire in enough quantity to allow consciousness? Fie. I will never know but I will never give up. And, today, I win!
Later.
A few thoughts.
.
.
No, my thoughts are not always happy thoughts. They may sound harsh, or unhappy, or this, or that. The truth is, they are generally not emotional at all. Frustration can ring through, of course. Though I often use that as an attempt to give myself a leg up. Anger can show. Much like when one curses when hurt, reflexively, others should merely note that curses mean something and perhaps look at what is wrong rather than the curses. The harsh words themselves should only be used as a placeholder for the magnitude of pain or anger. Now, to my thoughts.
I have it on esteemed authority that the middle ages of man, at least, are unhappy years. I beg to differ. What I suspect is simply that at about my age, a man is finally old enough to know better, educated in the world enough to know about what he speaks, and informed well enough on current topics to have a relevant opinion. Most of us are not optimists. Further, we know that when we are promised sunshine and beautiful women for eternity, barring muslims but that is cult related, we are being "shined". We want neither to be pacified, mollified, nor coddled, and we certainly do not want our hands held while we figure out what we already know... there are problems. We do look for solutions, we do attempt to alter our personal and collective world for the better, and we speak our minds. Further, we have little time for, or interest in, sugar coating, being sensitive to idiocy, or foolishness. Thus we are called grumpy. Okay, next.
I like reading Michelle M's blog. It is interesting to note how many conservative bloggers share and cover for each other on topics and such. Cool. But stop with the pictures of what I suspect is a dead woman. Keep looking for her, until he body is found, but stop aggravating me every day with pictures of a tragedy. It sucks the nerve right out of me every time I see her picture, most particularly with my certainty that she is dead and died a hard death. Cease and desist. Insensitive on my part? Perhaps. But having to deal with this truth all the time and everywhere, for me, is just as insensitive. Keep looking, use the legal system for what it is worth, use private agencies where available, and post this once in a while. But every day? Preach to the choir, do not accuse it or abuse it.
I was able to wake today, and earlier. I was not able to sleep until after midnight. Sleep was difficult to achieve as well. I actually woke before the 8:00 alarm, and several times, though without much function. I did note something odd though. When I attempt to go to sleep, I need two or more pillows to rest upon. Yet this morning, I realized that my pain seemed to be exaggerated by having two pillows under my head. I had to cut it to one pillow. How odd, both the variability and that I had not noticed this before. Whatever, 1500 mg of aspirin seems to have put things to right, and that last hour or two before the alarm with a single pillow was bliss. Nothing like taking the pebbles out of your shoe, even if only for the last few miles of the hike.
Time still flies with activity levels on low. Then again, for the last week or so I would not even be awake yet, blogging and newsing would not be half finished, and the tasks of the day would not be under consideration. The sun is out, too, for the first day in... quite some time. Further, due to the sun, I have the windows open and heat off. Fresh air can only help.
Well, if I am grumpy, then so be it. Still, I think my way of looking at things is not superior, it is actually simply correct. I simply know how to take the notion from thought and express it in written form while most "grumpy old men" do not, or at least I cared to do so and many do not bother. And with news rooms and college graduate teams being mostly girls and boys, checked by really old men, I expect little more. So, off to my "grumpy" day in my "grumpy" way. Have a good "grumpy" day yourselves. And for good measure... :p
.
No, my thoughts are not always happy thoughts. They may sound harsh, or unhappy, or this, or that. The truth is, they are generally not emotional at all. Frustration can ring through, of course. Though I often use that as an attempt to give myself a leg up. Anger can show. Much like when one curses when hurt, reflexively, others should merely note that curses mean something and perhaps look at what is wrong rather than the curses. The harsh words themselves should only be used as a placeholder for the magnitude of pain or anger. Now, to my thoughts.
I have it on esteemed authority that the middle ages of man, at least, are unhappy years. I beg to differ. What I suspect is simply that at about my age, a man is finally old enough to know better, educated in the world enough to know about what he speaks, and informed well enough on current topics to have a relevant opinion. Most of us are not optimists. Further, we know that when we are promised sunshine and beautiful women for eternity, barring muslims but that is cult related, we are being "shined". We want neither to be pacified, mollified, nor coddled, and we certainly do not want our hands held while we figure out what we already know... there are problems. We do look for solutions, we do attempt to alter our personal and collective world for the better, and we speak our minds. Further, we have little time for, or interest in, sugar coating, being sensitive to idiocy, or foolishness. Thus we are called grumpy. Okay, next.
I like reading Michelle M's blog. It is interesting to note how many conservative bloggers share and cover for each other on topics and such. Cool. But stop with the pictures of what I suspect is a dead woman. Keep looking for her, until he body is found, but stop aggravating me every day with pictures of a tragedy. It sucks the nerve right out of me every time I see her picture, most particularly with my certainty that she is dead and died a hard death. Cease and desist. Insensitive on my part? Perhaps. But having to deal with this truth all the time and everywhere, for me, is just as insensitive. Keep looking, use the legal system for what it is worth, use private agencies where available, and post this once in a while. But every day? Preach to the choir, do not accuse it or abuse it.
I was able to wake today, and earlier. I was not able to sleep until after midnight. Sleep was difficult to achieve as well. I actually woke before the 8:00 alarm, and several times, though without much function. I did note something odd though. When I attempt to go to sleep, I need two or more pillows to rest upon. Yet this morning, I realized that my pain seemed to be exaggerated by having two pillows under my head. I had to cut it to one pillow. How odd, both the variability and that I had not noticed this before. Whatever, 1500 mg of aspirin seems to have put things to right, and that last hour or two before the alarm with a single pillow was bliss. Nothing like taking the pebbles out of your shoe, even if only for the last few miles of the hike.
Time still flies with activity levels on low. Then again, for the last week or so I would not even be awake yet, blogging and newsing would not be half finished, and the tasks of the day would not be under consideration. The sun is out, too, for the first day in... quite some time. Further, due to the sun, I have the windows open and heat off. Fresh air can only help.
Well, if I am grumpy, then so be it. Still, I think my way of looking at things is not superior, it is actually simply correct. I simply know how to take the notion from thought and express it in written form while most "grumpy old men" do not, or at least I cared to do so and many do not bother. And with news rooms and college graduate teams being mostly girls and boys, checked by really old men, I expect little more. So, off to my "grumpy" day in my "grumpy" way. Have a good "grumpy" day yourselves. And for good measure... :p
Monday, April 18, 2011
Oh, well... I am trying.
.
.
I may be late. I often am late. Still, I hope your passover was good for you, your families, your friends, and your faith.
Shalom.
.
I may be late. I often am late. Still, I hope your passover was good for you, your families, your friends, and your faith.
Shalom.
A few things done.
.
.
I am slowly but surely beginning to neaten the place. Dishes, of course, remain to be done. I truly hate doing dishes. Cans and paper are being herded into their rightful places, dishes are going to the proper place to be cleaned, and things are coming together that way. I called my mother to check on her. I had, from the news, believed there had only been a few tornadoes in Iowa and none close to her. It turns out Iowa had between twenty and thirty tornadoes, one ripping up farms as close as two miles from her. So much for general news, which was more interested in the other areas ravaged by tornadoes to even note what really happened in Iowa.
I am planning to cook a roast for dinner. A real meal should be quite pleasant. Home cooked, as I have always said, is the best. Sure, I may not be making sauces, but those are often merely to cover up how little meat there is, how poor quality the meat might be, or how old it might be. I will probably not have vegetables but if so they will be either from a can or the freezer, but vegetables are often merely filler. They might be good for you, but I doubt the recommended servings are necessary and certainly not in restaurants. But the flavor of properly cooked large chunks of meat, medium rare through and through, salted for an hour before cooking to enhance tenderness, and with the correct time and temperature to make the meat both tender and juicy, all combine to produce the finest of meals. Here a woman might be nice. If I could find a woman who knows how to cook vegetables, and then we shared, We would probably be good.
I have a bit of day left. Waking up so late in the afternoon leaves little to do what I want to do. I will finish a few tasks, I believe. Perhaps more in the kitchen, a load of dishes, and a review of my climbing gear. Little else is probable, if something else could be done it would be more reading and perhaps some practice with knots.
The washer languishes. I am nervous about the whole project. Though knowing makes planning easier, bad news means more waiting. I suppose I try to split the difference, but with so many projects and purchases in waiting, the procrastination used to even things out tends toward infinity rather than resolution. The only way to focus on one project and ignore all others requires a stronger disconnect from life than what I can muster. And yet trying to do even three tasks at once is overwhelming.
I think there is a way people find there way to these things. I have to guess, from childhood on, they were given a static set of rules, requirements, and freedoms, which they learned to live within, eventually expand, and then they learned how to negotiate these with both other people and static realities so as to be rather functional individuals, and better self-starters. I missed that boat. Is that genetics, economic prosperity from which they started, intelligence, education (of the real kind), some combination of those things, or even any of a number of things not listed? I do not know. My illness does not help, but it is not the whole of it either. Regardless, I think the only question which bears any pertinence to my life at this time is, can this weakness in me be overcome? Time will tell.
I am going to try to get to bed early and rise early tomorrow. I have some things I really want to explore and do, and daylight is the best time to do so. It seems so odd to be writing to people who have to force themselves up, at times, and at least five days a weak. People who have no understanding of not actually being able to do so. I can only imagine what goes through your mind, reading a (mostly) cogent writer and not being able to see any reason for not doing what you have to do. Even saying I want to do so means nothing, I would guess, at times. As my mother probably said, "Want to my foot, just do it"! Yeah, there is that. Tried and failed.
Later or good night.
.
I am slowly but surely beginning to neaten the place. Dishes, of course, remain to be done. I truly hate doing dishes. Cans and paper are being herded into their rightful places, dishes are going to the proper place to be cleaned, and things are coming together that way. I called my mother to check on her. I had, from the news, believed there had only been a few tornadoes in Iowa and none close to her. It turns out Iowa had between twenty and thirty tornadoes, one ripping up farms as close as two miles from her. So much for general news, which was more interested in the other areas ravaged by tornadoes to even note what really happened in Iowa.
I am planning to cook a roast for dinner. A real meal should be quite pleasant. Home cooked, as I have always said, is the best. Sure, I may not be making sauces, but those are often merely to cover up how little meat there is, how poor quality the meat might be, or how old it might be. I will probably not have vegetables but if so they will be either from a can or the freezer, but vegetables are often merely filler. They might be good for you, but I doubt the recommended servings are necessary and certainly not in restaurants. But the flavor of properly cooked large chunks of meat, medium rare through and through, salted for an hour before cooking to enhance tenderness, and with the correct time and temperature to make the meat both tender and juicy, all combine to produce the finest of meals. Here a woman might be nice. If I could find a woman who knows how to cook vegetables, and then we shared, We would probably be good.
I have a bit of day left. Waking up so late in the afternoon leaves little to do what I want to do. I will finish a few tasks, I believe. Perhaps more in the kitchen, a load of dishes, and a review of my climbing gear. Little else is probable, if something else could be done it would be more reading and perhaps some practice with knots.
The washer languishes. I am nervous about the whole project. Though knowing makes planning easier, bad news means more waiting. I suppose I try to split the difference, but with so many projects and purchases in waiting, the procrastination used to even things out tends toward infinity rather than resolution. The only way to focus on one project and ignore all others requires a stronger disconnect from life than what I can muster. And yet trying to do even three tasks at once is overwhelming.
I think there is a way people find there way to these things. I have to guess, from childhood on, they were given a static set of rules, requirements, and freedoms, which they learned to live within, eventually expand, and then they learned how to negotiate these with both other people and static realities so as to be rather functional individuals, and better self-starters. I missed that boat. Is that genetics, economic prosperity from which they started, intelligence, education (of the real kind), some combination of those things, or even any of a number of things not listed? I do not know. My illness does not help, but it is not the whole of it either. Regardless, I think the only question which bears any pertinence to my life at this time is, can this weakness in me be overcome? Time will tell.
I am going to try to get to bed early and rise early tomorrow. I have some things I really want to explore and do, and daylight is the best time to do so. It seems so odd to be writing to people who have to force themselves up, at times, and at least five days a weak. People who have no understanding of not actually being able to do so. I can only imagine what goes through your mind, reading a (mostly) cogent writer and not being able to see any reason for not doing what you have to do. Even saying I want to do so means nothing, I would guess, at times. As my mother probably said, "Want to my foot, just do it"! Yeah, there is that. Tried and failed.
Later or good night.
How can it be this difficult?
.
.
My final goal, yesterday, was to collect the trash, get it taken to the bin, then move the bin to the street to be picked up this morning. I actually started planning to do this Saturday. Saturday rolled by and there it was Sunday. All day I kept thinking about it but just not getting to it. Often I end up going to bed, somehow unable to do a simple thing. This time, finally, at 4:00, I did it. It was not that complicated, it did not take much energy. Even cleaning the litter boxes was a minor thing. It is almost as if my body, the muscles, nerves, and such, betray my will. Perhaps it is merely an inability to concentrate.
In any case, going to bed at 4:00 makes for rising at a reasonable time difficult. I have not been able to get away with sleeping six or eight hours lately, instead sleeping for more like twelve hours or more. Pain killers are often needed even then. I wake after six to eight hours, I simply cannot... connect consciously enough to wake fully and rise. That is when pain pills can help, but it takes them time to work. Frustrating.
I did a bit more reading yesterday, regarding climbing, knots, and other systems and devices to ease the tasks that lie ahead with regard to tree trimming. I will be looking over my kit today, taking a full inventory, and experimenting with some knots. The Prussic knot is one I remember, though from the past it was an emergency knot. If I remember correctly, I was well geared with micro and other pulleys, ascender/descender devices, and other more technical equipment. There are always knots involved, but those pass from memory faster than unused languages do.
I knew, even then, that knots could offer purchase when gadgets were not available, but that would require a good deal more training and a great deal more time to implement. I would guess we learned as we went, about knots, but that was another time. I also worry about my raw strength and endurance. Then again, if I remember correctly and probably even with knots, endurance and strength are not as much of an issue as would be thought. Balance is a king. And for whatever reason or how, I neither know nor care, my balance is impeccable as I currently understand things. Perhaps I could not walk a tightrope, but I can do things many fitter younger men cannot. I am hoping I am correct and might be able to grow my strength and endurance for such work as I do the work. Of course, there is the brute blind strength I have. A thing I forget about until it accidentally triggers. Endurance, however, is an obstacle. I will know soon enough whether my assessments are correct and whether my hopes will fruit.
The next thing on my list is to try and tinker with the washing machine. I have no idea what I will be doing. After days of looking for any resource on the particular model washer I have, I realize there probably is not a manual, tech guide, or website available to offer even a hint about my exact model. In any case, I will be looking at other washing machines over the course of my attempts. I simply cannot put all of my coin on one horse in this race.
Yes, a brute nerd who is good at neither anymore. Perhaps pushing through, failing or succeeding being irrelevant, I will gain some semblance of what it is to be a man in a real world, again. I suppose I should only say again lightly. I am not even sure if I am a has-been or a never-was. That, too, does not really matter. Not at this point. So, time to dig in. Have a good day.
.
My final goal, yesterday, was to collect the trash, get it taken to the bin, then move the bin to the street to be picked up this morning. I actually started planning to do this Saturday. Saturday rolled by and there it was Sunday. All day I kept thinking about it but just not getting to it. Often I end up going to bed, somehow unable to do a simple thing. This time, finally, at 4:00, I did it. It was not that complicated, it did not take much energy. Even cleaning the litter boxes was a minor thing. It is almost as if my body, the muscles, nerves, and such, betray my will. Perhaps it is merely an inability to concentrate.
In any case, going to bed at 4:00 makes for rising at a reasonable time difficult. I have not been able to get away with sleeping six or eight hours lately, instead sleeping for more like twelve hours or more. Pain killers are often needed even then. I wake after six to eight hours, I simply cannot... connect consciously enough to wake fully and rise. That is when pain pills can help, but it takes them time to work. Frustrating.
I did a bit more reading yesterday, regarding climbing, knots, and other systems and devices to ease the tasks that lie ahead with regard to tree trimming. I will be looking over my kit today, taking a full inventory, and experimenting with some knots. The Prussic knot is one I remember, though from the past it was an emergency knot. If I remember correctly, I was well geared with micro and other pulleys, ascender/descender devices, and other more technical equipment. There are always knots involved, but those pass from memory faster than unused languages do.
I knew, even then, that knots could offer purchase when gadgets were not available, but that would require a good deal more training and a great deal more time to implement. I would guess we learned as we went, about knots, but that was another time. I also worry about my raw strength and endurance. Then again, if I remember correctly and probably even with knots, endurance and strength are not as much of an issue as would be thought. Balance is a king. And for whatever reason or how, I neither know nor care, my balance is impeccable as I currently understand things. Perhaps I could not walk a tightrope, but I can do things many fitter younger men cannot. I am hoping I am correct and might be able to grow my strength and endurance for such work as I do the work. Of course, there is the brute blind strength I have. A thing I forget about until it accidentally triggers. Endurance, however, is an obstacle. I will know soon enough whether my assessments are correct and whether my hopes will fruit.
The next thing on my list is to try and tinker with the washing machine. I have no idea what I will be doing. After days of looking for any resource on the particular model washer I have, I realize there probably is not a manual, tech guide, or website available to offer even a hint about my exact model. In any case, I will be looking at other washing machines over the course of my attempts. I simply cannot put all of my coin on one horse in this race.
Yes, a brute nerd who is good at neither anymore. Perhaps pushing through, failing or succeeding being irrelevant, I will gain some semblance of what it is to be a man in a real world, again. I suppose I should only say again lightly. I am not even sure if I am a has-been or a never-was. That, too, does not really matter. Not at this point. So, time to dig in. Have a good day.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Found.
.
.
After searching my stuff two or three times that I remember, I finally found both books. One is a climbing book based on tree work. The other is an encyclopedia of knots. Neither is perfect, but for what I have in mind they should be enough. I have been reading the tree work book, bits and pieces of it anyway. I have a pretty good idea of what I will need to do to climb, and safely. I now have a more refined understanding. I will have to practice some knots, buy a ladder and a chain saw now.
After several runs at the washing machine, I may give it another look in the next few days. Perhaps there is a way to pop some of the panels, or something else that does not include taking the whole machine apart. In my work so far, I have not seen a way. And yet, I have to think that even trained repairmen would want a way into the belly of the beasts that exclude extensive electrical and mechanical disconnecting and trying to reconnect it all, tipping the machine upside down, or other crazy things. The only thing I am sure about, from what little I know about repair, is that the goal is to do as absolutely little as possible to check a few likely problems. I have not looked specifically, as I initially believed disconnecting the control panel would be much simpler than what it has proven to be.
I am still reviewing new washing machines and checking sources for used ones. I have seen several, in the $600 range, which might work well. Of course, that probably will not include delivery, installation (and some of them do require installation for a number of reasons including allowing what warranties are available to work, though would not include any electrical work, which may be needed and adds up very quickly, but would include some venting work), tax, charges, other fees... How in the world does anyone make it these days? And, have you seen the warranties on these things? Most of them are about a year, some with longer warranties on specific components such as the motor, and some places offer extended warranties, but... Really? A year of manufacturer provided warranty on $600 to $3000 items?
I need to clean the cat litter boxes, get the rest of the refuse together, get that out to the dumpster, and haul that to the street. I may do a bit more reading regarding knots and safety techniques. But I will save practicing knot tying for tomorrow or later.
I have static military climbing rope, a harness, several types and sizes of carabiners, and some other equipment. I know I could use nylon webbing straps of various lengths, a micro pulley or three, a couple of heavy pulleys, more rope of both static and dynamic formulation and construction, a few more various sized carabiners, and a few lanyards. I used to almost know something. Reading has refreshed the little I knew. Of course I know that knowing a little from the past and then reading a little can actually be far more dangerous than knowing nothing. I do not know if I have the money for those things, so I will also be looking at alternatives through knot tying. This work is either dangerous or expensive and I have no real money for all the things that need to be done. I would guess that paying for the necessary pruning, considering all involved, would cost as much as one of the more expensive washers, at least. And I cannot make a washing machine. No choice. Plus, this equipment will allow me to do other, less vital but still needed, chores along similar lines.
Well, I best get to things and then get to bed. Good night.
.
After searching my stuff two or three times that I remember, I finally found both books. One is a climbing book based on tree work. The other is an encyclopedia of knots. Neither is perfect, but for what I have in mind they should be enough. I have been reading the tree work book, bits and pieces of it anyway. I have a pretty good idea of what I will need to do to climb, and safely. I now have a more refined understanding. I will have to practice some knots, buy a ladder and a chain saw now.
After several runs at the washing machine, I may give it another look in the next few days. Perhaps there is a way to pop some of the panels, or something else that does not include taking the whole machine apart. In my work so far, I have not seen a way. And yet, I have to think that even trained repairmen would want a way into the belly of the beasts that exclude extensive electrical and mechanical disconnecting and trying to reconnect it all, tipping the machine upside down, or other crazy things. The only thing I am sure about, from what little I know about repair, is that the goal is to do as absolutely little as possible to check a few likely problems. I have not looked specifically, as I initially believed disconnecting the control panel would be much simpler than what it has proven to be.
I am still reviewing new washing machines and checking sources for used ones. I have seen several, in the $600 range, which might work well. Of course, that probably will not include delivery, installation (and some of them do require installation for a number of reasons including allowing what warranties are available to work, though would not include any electrical work, which may be needed and adds up very quickly, but would include some venting work), tax, charges, other fees... How in the world does anyone make it these days? And, have you seen the warranties on these things? Most of them are about a year, some with longer warranties on specific components such as the motor, and some places offer extended warranties, but... Really? A year of manufacturer provided warranty on $600 to $3000 items?
I need to clean the cat litter boxes, get the rest of the refuse together, get that out to the dumpster, and haul that to the street. I may do a bit more reading regarding knots and safety techniques. But I will save practicing knot tying for tomorrow or later.
I have static military climbing rope, a harness, several types and sizes of carabiners, and some other equipment. I know I could use nylon webbing straps of various lengths, a micro pulley or three, a couple of heavy pulleys, more rope of both static and dynamic formulation and construction, a few more various sized carabiners, and a few lanyards. I used to almost know something. Reading has refreshed the little I knew. Of course I know that knowing a little from the past and then reading a little can actually be far more dangerous than knowing nothing. I do not know if I have the money for those things, so I will also be looking at alternatives through knot tying. This work is either dangerous or expensive and I have no real money for all the things that need to be done. I would guess that paying for the necessary pruning, considering all involved, would cost as much as one of the more expensive washers, at least. And I cannot make a washing machine. No choice. Plus, this equipment will allow me to do other, less vital but still needed, chores along similar lines.
Well, I best get to things and then get to bed. Good night.
Searching.
.
.
Between internet searches for a solid machine within a reasonable price point and physically going through the many boxes stored upstairs, my mind whirls. I already know some things on my purchase list, for example the Stihl or Husqvarna chain saw and the ladder of choice. I already have the roofing material, down to the nails, purchased. And I do have some rope and harness gear. Much of the rest of what I need to do depends on figuring out finances in a way that allows even the rental and construction of a construction grade dumpster.
I take breaks from trying to figure everything out. Sometimes it takes days to get back to solving and looking, as if it mattered to a degree. It will take months, perhaps years, and some calamity to force some issues. Is this merely training in patience? Is it simply the truth of reality, something most people do not attempt to solve?
Sam and Sassy keep me active, involved, and offer lots of attention. Sassy, still being a little one, also provides plenty of trouble. Her curiosity and hunger for something other than cat food lead us to impasses on a regular basis. All of these things are actually quite pleasant. Well, barring scratches in my sleep and vomit in my bedroom, if I have solved these by attempting at all cost to keep the girls out of my sleeping area at all times. Oddly, they seem to like me much more for the separation. And I sleep better not having to worry about rolling on one or both of them.
A little more goofing, then maybe back to digging through the boxes for the books pertaining to arbor work, climbing, and tying climbing knots. Have a good day.
.
Between internet searches for a solid machine within a reasonable price point and physically going through the many boxes stored upstairs, my mind whirls. I already know some things on my purchase list, for example the Stihl or Husqvarna chain saw and the ladder of choice. I already have the roofing material, down to the nails, purchased. And I do have some rope and harness gear. Much of the rest of what I need to do depends on figuring out finances in a way that allows even the rental and construction of a construction grade dumpster.
I take breaks from trying to figure everything out. Sometimes it takes days to get back to solving and looking, as if it mattered to a degree. It will take months, perhaps years, and some calamity to force some issues. Is this merely training in patience? Is it simply the truth of reality, something most people do not attempt to solve?
Sam and Sassy keep me active, involved, and offer lots of attention. Sassy, still being a little one, also provides plenty of trouble. Her curiosity and hunger for something other than cat food lead us to impasses on a regular basis. All of these things are actually quite pleasant. Well, barring scratches in my sleep and vomit in my bedroom, if I have solved these by attempting at all cost to keep the girls out of my sleeping area at all times. Oddly, they seem to like me much more for the separation. And I sleep better not having to worry about rolling on one or both of them.
A little more goofing, then maybe back to digging through the boxes for the books pertaining to arbor work, climbing, and tying climbing knots. Have a good day.
The list.
.
.
The list grows and options become difficult. Branches need to be cut, a washing machine needs to be purchased, laundry awaits, a new roof needs to be installed on the hen house, a window needs to be purchased and installed, branches and materials need to be removed and somehow disposed, plane tickets need to be purchased, and of course the house needs to be cleaned.
Most of those purchases, chores, and combinations are multiple step items. For example, installing the roof requires a removal of materials and a tearing down of the old roof. If the wasps still are not dead after three or four attempts, that too will have to be finished before the teardown can move forward. All of the items, save cleaning my home, I think, will cost money. The roofing material has been purchased, but renting some sort of disposal container is still out there, and at this time an unknown cost. Many of those jobs require skills I simply do not have at this point, so many of them will be sheer will, the use of whatever common sense through ignorance, and brute force.
Beside my natural illness, which holds me back, the volume of needs is a bit overwhelming. Beyond that, I know of other tasks which simply have not made it to the list but are simmering on another waiting list of items, such as filling and resurfacing my driveway.
I am pretty sure I could do a whip job on much of it, making it all look good (enough), and calling it done. I also know what poor work quality and simply covering holes and problems does. Since I plan to live here for some real time, that is not an option. Simply doing nothing is actually better. Why? Because it costs nothing, does not hide the problems, and will not require double the work of removing then refitting the real solution should I ever get to it.
No one said it would be easy, or cheap. But I did not think it would be quite this bad. I have to guess that most home owners come to a similar understanding, or grew up knowing it. It is the difference between homeowners and the have nots. Homeowners realize that the world, even their own personal world, is fraught with doubts, problems, compromises, and dangers. There are always things to be fixed, there are always ways to improve upon what exists, and that perfection cannot really be attained. The have nots simply do not understand what it takes. Many people in history have wondered at the great castles, keeps, and homes. Not the owners, save those who live in a part of their portfolio wherein the maintenance costs are calculated into their capital and all the work is performed by contractors while the owner is at one of his other villas. Few are those.
I, of course, will stay. Wise? Who knows. It is my notion that, to ever gain access to more than a peasants way of life, one has to sacrifice. Since I still hope to become a family man, this home is as much a part of my chosen life as it is about teaching any potential children about the real rigors of owning and leaving them something, small as it is, for their use or sale. If too, in honesty, I plan to give most of what I have to a potential eldest son, which may not technically be "legal" so it will have to be done before I die. It is amazing to realize the state has crushed the will of people, even to whom they may will their goods and wealth.
By all of the legal changes regarding estates and wills, by regulating even simple business models into the ground, through taxation and fines, our government has broken the ability to create lines of wealth and prosperity through insuring that those who will do not have the means except through graft and bribes and other people's money. It is an amazing time we live in. It is an amazingly evil time we live in. Then again, not even are your children your own. We are indeed socialist.
.
The list grows and options become difficult. Branches need to be cut, a washing machine needs to be purchased, laundry awaits, a new roof needs to be installed on the hen house, a window needs to be purchased and installed, branches and materials need to be removed and somehow disposed, plane tickets need to be purchased, and of course the house needs to be cleaned.
Most of those purchases, chores, and combinations are multiple step items. For example, installing the roof requires a removal of materials and a tearing down of the old roof. If the wasps still are not dead after three or four attempts, that too will have to be finished before the teardown can move forward. All of the items, save cleaning my home, I think, will cost money. The roofing material has been purchased, but renting some sort of disposal container is still out there, and at this time an unknown cost. Many of those jobs require skills I simply do not have at this point, so many of them will be sheer will, the use of whatever common sense through ignorance, and brute force.
Beside my natural illness, which holds me back, the volume of needs is a bit overwhelming. Beyond that, I know of other tasks which simply have not made it to the list but are simmering on another waiting list of items, such as filling and resurfacing my driveway.
I am pretty sure I could do a whip job on much of it, making it all look good (enough), and calling it done. I also know what poor work quality and simply covering holes and problems does. Since I plan to live here for some real time, that is not an option. Simply doing nothing is actually better. Why? Because it costs nothing, does not hide the problems, and will not require double the work of removing then refitting the real solution should I ever get to it.
No one said it would be easy, or cheap. But I did not think it would be quite this bad. I have to guess that most home owners come to a similar understanding, or grew up knowing it. It is the difference between homeowners and the have nots. Homeowners realize that the world, even their own personal world, is fraught with doubts, problems, compromises, and dangers. There are always things to be fixed, there are always ways to improve upon what exists, and that perfection cannot really be attained. The have nots simply do not understand what it takes. Many people in history have wondered at the great castles, keeps, and homes. Not the owners, save those who live in a part of their portfolio wherein the maintenance costs are calculated into their capital and all the work is performed by contractors while the owner is at one of his other villas. Few are those.
I, of course, will stay. Wise? Who knows. It is my notion that, to ever gain access to more than a peasants way of life, one has to sacrifice. Since I still hope to become a family man, this home is as much a part of my chosen life as it is about teaching any potential children about the real rigors of owning and leaving them something, small as it is, for their use or sale. If too, in honesty, I plan to give most of what I have to a potential eldest son, which may not technically be "legal" so it will have to be done before I die. It is amazing to realize the state has crushed the will of people, even to whom they may will their goods and wealth.
By all of the legal changes regarding estates and wills, by regulating even simple business models into the ground, through taxation and fines, our government has broken the ability to create lines of wealth and prosperity through insuring that those who will do not have the means except through graft and bribes and other people's money. It is an amazing time we live in. It is an amazingly evil time we live in. Then again, not even are your children your own. We are indeed socialist.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)