At least she called.

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Good show.  She called just a little bit ago to explain things.  I'll take her at her word.  It seems she had to do an emergency trip, didn't have my correct number as she had miscopied it anyway, and then her cellphone was dead and her car charger doesn't work so she couldn't, presumably, call the shop and get the correct number.  Well, could be.  That's... all I am saying.  So I proposed that she figure some time to do a lunch, there in Logan.  We will see if she makes plans for that.  Since I am, again, a day man, that should be fine in the shorter term anyway, though a day notice would be good.  You all know how my days and nights can get flipped in a heartbeat.  Still, that she called... it does make a difference.  In some odd way it really does.

I have decided, since regular soda doesn't seem to jack my blood sugars that I will include it in my diet.  No, not every day, or even every other day, just in case.  A couple of times a week, a couple of cans.  I love the stuff.  The diet stuff, and Splenda coffee is fine, but... it's just fluid.  No love there.  Coffee with sugar, on the other hand, I do love, but it's the same with regular soda in that I can't do it too often.  I will continue to monitor my blood sugar, but so far so good.  I know a woman who is blind and on dialysis three times a week from diabetes.  I may get to be in really bad shape because of my heart, or worse shape I should say, but I don't want it to be because I refused to watch my blood sugar.  I think she only makes it because she has the money to do so, and the will.  Though women have a severe ability to survive, something only very few males possess.  I think mine is better, but I am not sure mine is... purely mine... or anatomic...  Something else there, I sense.  Shotguns not going off, for example, has nothing to do with anatomical survival.  One of many examples.

I honestly think a woman, a wife, would do me a world of good.  Kids would add to it.  Oh, yeah, I'd be tearing my hair out often enough.  But... that is actually a good thing.  Rather than knowing I am on the edge of extinction and just waiting to die, I'd be busily HOPING for death.  *evil grins*  No, the time would pass much more quickly and fruitfully and well.  Even the bad times end up being quite a pleasure to remember... should you survive long enough.  You can trust me on this explicitly.  Far enough from even lethal levels of pain and those moments become something to ponder, chuckle about, remember.

I'm still not really kicking up into activity as I had hoped the ac might allow.  Then again I didn't completely expect that, just hoped for it.  And on days like today, when the outside temp just now was a mere 84 and it has been partially (?or seems like it?) overcast at times, I can barely get to what I normally do.  I nearly fall asleep playing my game.  I even took a nap.  It just... the lack of heat and sun or something.  While I am a winter man, I do better when miserable, within constraints.  I was made to be put in the grinder, the trap outnumbered, against the odds, surrounded, and then to kill and/or eat my way out.  Even if I complain about it...  I was made for "the shit".  Even in my condition I do better than most while in it, if I am not close to being up to original specs.

Dinner alone.

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Other than not having company when I thought I would have company for a meal, I am rather fine with it.  I noticed my money is a wee shy this month, my nest egg is ever so just on the edge, so... there was that.  I am a little disappointed.  If she didn't want to go, she could easily have said so.  Some women simply don't have the stomach for that it seems.  And she had a week to call, and my number for sure.  No hard feelings, she just probably isn't the one so I don't have much invested, it's the notion.

At least I got cleaned up, and I cleaned up well enough, for an ogre.  And I was there way early.  No, not to impress or for want, simply because I couldn't remember how long it took to get there.  It's been a while.  So I am pleased that I did my part and ended up with a pound of ribeye for the effort.  Couldn't eat it all tonight though.  I'm chalking that up to summer temps.  It does something to the digestion and basic ability to consume.  It was delicious and I did bring home the remnants for later.

I have a week to get refreshments for the meeting sorted out.  I have several sodas to take, and some insta-snacks.  I think I will skip on fresh fruit to be honest.  It's just that it has to be bought fresh, as in that day almost.  And much of it has to be processed, all of it at a minimum needs to be washed.  Several varieties of nuts, a few candy bars, some cheese/peanut butter filled crackers, and drinks.  That should do.  I don't know how many to expect which makes it all a bit tricky.  I have all but the beverages in stock, and keep all but lite beers on tap, or mean to.  So this first time shouldn't be too difficult.  One of the other duties is to set the room up according to specs.  I don't know the technical specs, but I have been to meetings so I can guestimate it and go from there, learning anything else that needs doing through the other officers and senior members.  All good.

Oh, I decided to give the lawn boy his games and system today.  I thought about it... why wait until school.  He will then have school, plus homework.  He will get to enjoy his games very little soon enough.  Because it was sort of a snap decision I hadn't charged it.  But... he was just fine with that.  The last few times he has been by he has mentioned that chair I bought.  Something about why isn't it together yet, and when am I going to... So... I enlisted him in helping me put it together.  That'll teach him.  I told him this is the trick to use on women, too.  When they nag about something, give them tasks to do to either help or set it up the task.  It buys time or makes the job easier, both really.  I don't think he thought that was all that funny.  He just wanted to go home and get his game going.  Hahaha!  Nope.  So, my chair is finally together.  Doom's deathchair is fully operational!  And it is wonderful to have a chair that has a solid back on it... not like the surfboard on a stick I had been using.  Nice.

Well, that's that.  Ah, right.  I have been, slowly, a cd or two a month, been buying some of that music I play here.  Nightwish, Tarja herself, Disturbed, that Siouxsie and the Banshees song that kicked me into gear for a while or the album it was on...  Slowly be surely, buying what I have been playing.  Then again,  I still wonder if part of the reason my comments are being blocked is because of showing the music here.  You would think they would just email me a warning or something.  Either that or some of the pages I comment don't tend to appreciate what I say and flag me?  Dunno.  All I know is I can't comment on most of your pages anymore, again.

Good night.

Life moves so fast.

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Just when I think I have things squared, I end up in a dome.  Anyway, it works out.  I was going to need to change my date around due to a meeting tomorrow night.  That has been rescheduled to next week.  Which is fine, and good to know.  Thankfully I hadn't rearranged my date.  She still might, I'm not sure how prompt she is about finding out what she has to do or informing me of things.  This is something to be learned.  Of course, if not this week, then another day or week will have to be chosen.  Still, I like it when things get scrambled a bit.  It makes it more exciting, somehow.  Yeah, okay, your right, I don't have much of a life.  *laughing*

I keep resoaking the dishes.  Eventually they will be done.  Further, I purchased disposable (some of it potentially reusable) bowls, "silverware", and I've had the plates for a while now.  I plan to make my life as... convenient as I can.  Oh, I'll keep the good stuff, probably with dust covers, for good or special meals.  Mostly though I will simply use disposable/reusable stuff.  My one caveat, for now, is that I NEED real glass to drink whatever out of, when a liquid container is required.  I love glass.  Thick, clear, heavy, hard core drinking vessels.  They don't have to be expensive, I think I bought my stuff at Walmart for a dollar or two per.  It just has to be glass.  No colors.  No real texturing.  Just... glass.  And clean glass at that, like what you would find at an upscale bar.  It's my way.

Oh, I didn't shave last night.  I best do that yet tonight.  No, I simply realized that standing there shaving for an half hour would make it so I couldn't get to town.  I have to make choices about energy use.  I can't choose the $3 dollar thing and the $5 dollar thing when I only have $6 dollars and no credit.  It is that simple.  Then again I thought the date was going to be delayed so I didn't press it.  Now, I did use the trimmer and took the stubble down to the near, so that part helps.  By the way, going to town last night was not the best idea if it was a good call.  I had to get some things and stumbled into a great deal on some of what I needed.  But it made it so that I could not get to sleep until 5:00 or 6:00 (?) this morning.  I heated up and could not shut down, ac or not.  Core temps just don't drop quickly with me, even if it is freezing.  I suppose I would have extremeties freeze off long before I actually even got to the point of hypothermia.  I am strange that way. Actually, I am not even sure about that. When others must wear hats or lose ears, I can quite easily go without and usually have to go without a hat or, again, even in freezing weather, risk overheating.

Not much else going on.  I'm going to try to hit it a little earlier tonight.  I can skip sleep, when I am doing better (and I am, mostly, if still not all the energetic), but doing it too often or too heavily will begin to erode my slim grasp on the world and all, quickly.  Sleep well yourself.

I really don't want to.

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Going to town can be fun.  And when things are needed, it can be just a job.  Things are needed.  But more I'm not really interested in going to town, leaving my home, or such.  Ah well.  I have something Tuesday, and possibly next Tuesday, and I need to get medical going again.  So I might as well get used to it.  And the sun is down, crowds have dissipated, so it should be an easier outing.  A trim, then a shave, a shower, and getting dressed, then going in.  I need to shave for the date anyway and it usually takes a few days for my face to normalize after a clean shave.  This time I won't be shaving at the last minute.  Yeah, it does make a difference somehow.

I keep losing weight.  Just a bit more but I am down to 263.  My usual is 275 to 300, give or take.  The wonders of the summer I suppose.  Well, and playing a game that is probably as addictive as crack!  Well, maybe not, but... you know what I mean.  I am nearly through.  I have one add and the last of the final mission.  Then I get to play it through, this time to perfection.  It is amazing what the first run teaches, then the second run makes sense if there are still huge mistakes.  My guess is you can't run a perfect game.  Too many details, especially if you are a collector and use a hack or three that creates odd limits.  In the final rendition, however, I don't need to worry about trophies, collections, or any of that.  I got started on collections because of the need to collect unknown items in order to build things in-game from blueprints.  Once I started I just couldn't stop.  Managing various amounts of everything to be found in the game, finding places to stow everything, it's... quite a hassle.  That alone added a third of the game time.  As well, I learned to sneak, and sneak well, in-game.  But that slows things down incredibly as well.  The last playing should be much quicker.  Less reviewing of game "advice", no collecting save a few items and weapons (strictly for use, getting rid of worse when better comes along), and a few other things.  I'll still have to ferry goods to the dealers, but now I know how to get a companion very early on to help.  That will cut the carry and sell time in half.  Though at some point there will simply be no need to sell, sooner rather than later without having to repair every weapon type and variant in my collection up to useful parts or full if unique.  Argh!  No, the last run through should be the culmination of much learning.  Did I mention addiction?  Yeah, well.  It's a matter of getting things right.  Some missions I won't even begin because the endings, either way, are wrong.  Like I said, I try to game like I live, within reason.

You know though, most game "advisers" generally go for the short and sweet.  They would rather you kill someone rather than work it out some other way.  They are metrosexuals, they are neutered males often (or might as well be), they are very young, and they don't know a thing about nuance, practice, patience, or such.  While I do find some of their data good, I find their ways and means to be poor to useless.  Well, the other thing is, these are game junkies who only have just so much time to play a game before they have to hit the next one.  Short cuts are all they know.  It's... probably what got them hired.  It's probably why they should be unemployed.  Ah, but for a perfect world.  *Cheshire Cat grin*

Sam seems to be seriously liking it outdoors.  What I had done as a punishment she is taking as a pleasure.  When I fed her outdoors during her punishment, she realized how good it was.  Now when I go to let her in, she just lets me know that food, and a water refill, would be good enough, thank you very much.  And so she gets it.  I don't know if she will come in at night.  It's up to her.

Blathering.  Later.  Or, actually, good night if a bit prematurely.

Grumpy?

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Why so grumpy?

Dunno.  The last few mornings have been heck.  I wake quite displeased with the world and all.  OFF with their heads, as the Red Queen would demand?  Probably.  An half hour, an hour, maybe two, and I am back to a bit better of a mood.  It's pleasantly moderate, temperature wise.  But it has been clouding over, I think.  Maybe that is it?  Maybe I am just sitting too comfortably and need to get going?  I don't know.  I just know *GRUMP*.  At least the girls have learned that when poppo is being a big baby that leaving him to stew in his own juices is the best policy.  If too, they will, eventually, come over and let me know they are there for me (and food) when I am ready.  :p  And that does help. You know though, the sun is starting to shine less, and beginning to slant. Perhaps that is all there is to it?

Not much going on today.  I just don't have a real plan yet.  I never did get to those dishes, so I may put those to a fresh soak.  I would like to make it to town to do some shopping later tonight, which means a shower and... well, an actual shave.  I figure if I am going to ask a woman out to dinner it behooves me to be clean shaven.  Should I ever find a wife I am under no illusions that other than a clean shaven man, until I train her and even then only from time to time, I will need to be whisker free.  Not that she will put her foot down, it's simply that women and whiskers don't mix really well.  Oh, yes, I know this.  At least I have learned to put the toilet seat down, automatically, and do it even without a women in der Nähe.  Actually, I sort of live as IF I had a woman here.  Gives me something to grumble about when all else is well.  Ha!  Oh, trash and maybe recycling will be put out, hopefully on my way to town.

Have a great day. 

     

Oh?

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It seems I will have to delay the date.  I have a meeting Tuesday at that exact time.  And I promised to be there, with refreshments, and at a station.  So... I will simply have to rearrange my date.  Then again, the date was a bit iffy as was so I don't mind.  I just hope I can contact her in time.  I just realized it this evening.

And about Ryan.  Yeah, I was surprised.  And, well, impressed.  Romney didn't pick the black female.  Perhaps that wasn't available.  Perhaps he is trying to shore up the conservative base.  He certainly didn't pick the easy way.  But he did pick the serious way.  It doesn't change a thing I think about Romney, that he is soft, that he is more liberal than conservative.  But the choice does, somehow, make a difference.  Even though it really doesn't.  The VP is a face.  There is no power there.  Although it could be a steppingstone TO the presidency for someone I would be happy with as president.  No, I'm not talking death.  While I don't agree, I am pretty sure, with much of what Mitt is truly about, I like him in the way I liked the Bushs.  Religiously all three are one off, though I don't hold that too serious as one off is... about as good as I will see.  The last, and maybe only, "religiously correct" president would not have gotten my vote and is someone I put in the ranks of destructiveness to this nation at the level of Obama, for his time (JFK if you can't snap it).  Along with Pelosi and the rest of the Kennedys, there are few political Catholics I have seen fit to give my vote to as a Catholic.  No, no, one off is as good as it gets.  Politically?  Realistically?  I suspect that, as the system exists today, a real conservative has no chance.  Not only would he be fighting the msm, the left, and all normal else... he would be being attacked and backstabbed by much of the "right".  Much of the Republican elite ARE socialists... old Democrats really.  The ones who thought communism was too far but can't stomach free trade, business and medicine without government interference.   Romney is a milder version of one of these.  That, as I said, is probably as good as it gets.  While I didn't care much for R. Paul, I liked where he was going.  I'm not sure if part of my dislike is media driven (from, as I mentioned, the left and the right), or whether it was his style and certain specific points.  Well, the cult-like feel of his adherents didn't help Ron either.  Not his fault(?) but there it is.  A bit of all of those I would guess.  Still, it would be good to see someone similar rise and rest the crown at some point.  We will see.

Oh, in a few words... good choice.  At least for a serious candidate wanting to send a peace offering to real conservatives.  A risky choice, if the talking heads have any truth in them.  But a powerplay at the same time.  Yeah, he gets kudos for that call.  If someone can pull it off, he can.  Then again, he's playing to a home team against the zombies.  It's his campaign to lose.  Mostly... probably.  We'll see.

Hey, time for me to hit it.  I let Sam in a day and a half (or two) early.  Sassy actually begged me to let her in.  Doh!  They gang up on poor old poppo!  Sweet dreams.

Stretching my days.

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It's not too brutal or anything, yet.  I should learn to back this down though.  I simply end up staying up far to late, or even early into the morning really.  While I can, with all other  factors managed, handle this occasionally and short term, it isn't in my best interest for any period of time.  Plus I do like a day schedule and I am on one again.  I get into a part of the game that I either wish to power through or I become fascinated with... or a bit of both.  I figure in another week I will have completed the game and all add-ons, including all of the side missions allowable given my decisions.  Then it will be time to run another character through to try and get the whole game... just... right...  Yeah, I know.  But I decided, after abadoning the first two game starts that, like with playing music, quitting and starting over only creates a bad habit.  You just play through, mark the mistake in your mind, and work on that part itself later or whatever.  Don't stop just because you made a mistake.  But I forgot.  You have to do the whole game to get that feel for when you try to do the whole thing right.  Weeks of data lost to fidgetry!  Then again, I didn't realize how immense this game was, either.  In one sense, it can be as short as a week or two of heavy play.  But if you do the side quests, find all (or most?) of the locations, and really work it, it can take upwards of nearly a month to play full on, more so if you never played it before.  I don't know how people with real jobs can play this game!  It would be like two hundred chess games one play a week.  Sure, you'll get there, eventually, but... You'd almost go half crazy in the interlude, especially at the higher levels of play and it would take forever(tm by teens).

Sam got kicked out of little Eden last night.  I caught her clawing my leg when I was asleep.  I think it was about food.  First, I feed the girls pretty well.  Sam doesn't get as much or she will simply chuck it.  She loves to gobble then blow chunks.  Poppo doesn't like this so much.  She doesn't care where or when.  Poppo, again, does.  Besides, while I seem to be oddly diabetic, I am.  And lacerations in my lower extremities worry me.  So, she has been banished for 3 days.  I will take food and water out to her, but she won't be let back in until that time is up.  No, she won't like it.  But she does know why.  I happened to wake right when Sam was doing it and Sam knew she was in trouble for it.  I don't want her teaching Sassy her bad ways, either.

Well, on to my day.

Overcast.

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Oh, not complaining.  When it is this densely overcast it is simply cooler.  The fans are all off and the ac isn't kicking in.  I slept quite well, perhaps even a bit too well.  I set my alarm for 9:00, just in case.  I had a feeling this morning would be tough after yesterday.  And it was.  I had to reset the alarm for 10:00.  Even then I almost just reset it or turned it off.  Intellectually I didn't want to do that, but the animal side was not as negotiable.  I woke on the wrong side of the bed to boot.  Still, I made it out at 10:00.  It took a good half an hour of wakefulness before the grumps retreated to a mild case of heat hangover, I suppose that is what I would call it.

I have set the dishes to a fresh soak and am eyeing the place to see what else needs done.  Or, not really what else but more what else I can knock out quickly if I can rise to the occasion.  Uhrm, there is a lot to do.  But it comes down to what I can do.  Work, for me, isn't about knowing it needs doing, it is about how to do it in such a way that I don't overreach.  It's quite a trick to even sweep and mop usually.  But that is what I have been eyeing.  That and picking up.  Laundry has almost been completed but nothing has been folded.  So... I go with wrinkled clothes until at least the next time I wash.  Ah well.  It's not like I am having to showcase being handsome or something though!  There is that.  *chuckles*

The girls got a small taste of my grump this morning.  And, for the most part, they let me alone to "enjoy it".  But they aren't at fault so I fed them shortly after I let them know I was grumpy.  I don't mind them leaving me alone but I also don't like them not getting fed fairly.  Grump or not, they do deserve to eat and more or less on a regular cycle.  Sam is already outside basking in the day.  She is just that type of girl, she seriously hates winter because she simply can't go out with snow and ice everywhere or if it is too cold.  Sassy is fat and happy almost always.  Chunky little girl, but quite a doll.  When she isn't acting on her feral instincts.  Hmm, sounds like the rest of us.  Ha.

Well, on to a bit more waking up.  How odd that as soon as I get used to summer I hit, mid-summer, a winterish day... and crash.  Oh, never mind.  I really won't ever figure it all out.  I will simply learn to live a little more surely through a tried and true simplicity.  That simplicity will be complex, just the least complexity I can manage.  Just like everyone else, only with some serious weak spots that others don't have.

Have a great day.

Never a break.

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I made it to town in time to load my friend on board and get to the hair cut appointment, but barely.  Even with a flat tire.  It seems there was a huge gash in the sidewall.  Now, I had to drive on it a bit, but I made it to a gas station immediately after realizing it was going flat, added air there, and it was gone in less than a block.  Somehow, through heavy duty SUV tires, while driving, the side of my tire was gashed.  And I am a road watcher.  There was nothing in the road.  I'm just not sure what caused that.  Could someone have tried to cut the tire but not quite gotten it done, then it gave out at some point?  That's the only thing I can imagine that would have done that.

I tried to change the tire.  I was stymied by how to get the spare off the hook.  I really need to figure the whole process out rather than wait for another such instance.  The tire shop couldn't fix the tire and didn't carry that size of tire.  They did put the spare on, and showed me how to get the spare off, and didn't charge me a dime.  Quite nice of them, really.  That was a Big-O shop.  And, yes, when I can, from now on, that is where I will take my business.  Went there last time, when I had a leaking valve.

Right now I am driving on the spare.  And, it works just fine, for now.  I would love to simply replace the flat tire, but that won't work.  With three old tires and one new, things don't work well.  Even two new and two old doesn't work.  So it looks like it is time for new tires.  Bleh.  I had hoped to stretch this out another 10k, but it just doesn't always work that way.  Oh, and the spare doesn't seem to gauge right.  I get a dummy light that there is low pressure in one of the tires, which meant a stop on my way out of town.  All were pressured correctly.  It must be that the spare doesn't have the device needed.  At least it is a full size spare.

After the haircut (I went with a flat top and, at the advice of my beautician, kept the tail), my friend wanted to go to the hardware store.  Tin snips, it seems, are needed.  He had asked to borrow mine, but I keep forgetting.  When I make it to town that is.  Oh, and I set up a date for next Tuesday, if her schedule is clear.  Barring that the Tuesday following.  Hey, it's something fun and new.

Have a good night.

Oh well.

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Not much done today.  Actually nothing was done.  I did, however, enjoy the day.  I mean it was a fine day.  I have had about a week of them.  All good.  I have been playing the heck out of Fallout 3.  I've almost gotten to the point where I might consider almost beginning to start doing the end projects.  Not quite, but close.  The game is massive, especially with five add-ons, on two of those have been explored (in a previous playing).  So, really, I have to finish the main game and finish the adds.  THEN... I get to start all over, this time setting out to create the perfect game.  *shrug*  It's what I do.

I did, actually though, call my mother today.  Just a feeling.  And she was rather down.  Some days she is in pain, arthritis.  Most days medicine works.  Today was a less than optimal day.  She wants to come out closer to Thanksgiving.  She has been worried about me being all alone on holidays.  I had to chuckle out loud a bit.  She hurts more for me than I do.  I don't even notice being alone on holidays... or... ever, really.  And, sure, I would like company, such as a wife, and more kids, I do just fine all on my own.  I do have some company, occasionally, when folks bring food.  If I can get my place cleaned up I will invite them in for a more proper visit.  And I do sometimes anyway.  I'm just not the lonely type?  I've been there, at times, more when I was younger.  Though some of that was dealing with other issues too.  Still, Thanksgiving it is. 

Tomorrow afternoon is time for a haircut, or two.  I should be quite ready to get out again.  I need milk as well.  A few other things would be nice also.  Getting out hasn't been so bad, with the car ac and some cool going on here at home.  I can deal with it, if not as often or well as when it is cool or even downright cold.  I do miss the winters, if I am getting to an age where after a while they can tend to drag on a little long.  Age does make one a little less... appreciative of extreme weather, in either direction. 

Have a good night.

Yeah, sure, you had to know it.

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While relaxing this last week, my cooking has slumped.  Not that I was doing much before, but at least enough for a one to two meals a day when the incoming meals were added, usually.  What I found myself doing was bad... raiding my candy bar midterm stash, and drinking the non-caffeinated but sugar filled drinks I usually keep on hand for the young man who does my yard.  I also stopped checking my blood sugars as I knew that must be terrible by now.  But, finally, after one last gulp and bite, I... checked.  Hahahaha  It was 103.  They want it below 120.  Go figure.  No, I don't plan to continue that though.  Just... probably not wise for a thousand and one reasons.  Still, it looks like I passed the test.  It really was Gatorade.

While shopping yesterday I looked for other sorts of treats.  There were snack bars and discreet bundles of various nuts, in bulk.  I mean, the bulk was that I was buying a large amount of small packets.  Peanuts, cashews, and snack bars.  They officially go into my larder, but I bought a second grouping for up here.  Oh, I'll still have a soda from time to time, and a candy bar.  I just don't want that to be even an everyday thing.  If for no other reason than that I am getting no nutrition per calorie.  Hmm, and I have still lost and kept another 10 pounds off.  Really, seriously, go figure.  Living on snickers, Squirt, and Seven-Up, plus four meals incoming, and my blood sugar goes down and I lose weight.  Way too funny.

Tomorrow I hope to finish the laundry.  Just a bit remains.  As well, I really need to hit the kitchen.  Barring that, I really don't have too much planned.  I can push but that usually nets me less than just... doing a little at a time.

The game system I promised has arrived, as have three of the games.  I spoke with the father tonight, and asked if I should give them (the parents) the games, and let them dole those out.  He said no.  He said if there is a problem, he will simply confiscate whatever needs taken.  Yeah, I like that.  As he suggested, he is not their (his children's) friend, he is their father.  And he will do what he has to do.  Absolutely fantastic.  Fair always?  Pffft.  The world isn't fair.  But it is good to have a relatively stable force to keep young ones on the right path.  That is where children learn most of what they ever will learn.  And they need to learn it young, and over and over and over again.  And he has pretty good kids to show for it, from what I can tell.  He has one rebel, but he is... at that age.  Gonna happen.  Still a good kid though, just unsure of what is going to happen, what changes are taking place, and graduation.  He'll do fine though I think.

Well, on to bed pretty quickly.  I have been doing close to 16 hour days with 8 hours of sleep, so it's mostly working.  All good.  Good night.

Not bad.

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I actually didn't want to push it and get out again today.  Seriously, I just got better.  Still, I had thought one of three things would force my hand.  It turns out all of them were smoke on the horizon without a fire to them.  I called to check on a haircut, as I had told my friend I would.  It turns out Thursday is the only reasonable next day for that.  So I set it up.  Since the meeting isn't until next week, I can shop for the beverages I will be taking when I next go to town, and the snacks can be bought right before the meeting give or take.  So, I get to stay in today.  But I did keep my end of the bargain on several things, so far, and I did let the people know who needed to know what they needed to know.

Today is just a chill day.  I think the cool well in back is helping.  But I am not sure it will, in the end, help all that much.  Time will tell.  On to goofing!

*Pop*

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Two days in a row I have made it out of bed, before 9:00, like an ice cube coming out the tray when everything works.  The girls are hungry first thing.  And I have not been in such a mood as to facilitate their desires.  So, I set the timer for an hour and a half.  They are then being taught to leave me the hell alone until I've had my morning waking time.  Some mornings are better than others, but these girls are spoiled.  I'm not going to mar them further.  I implemented this long ago, actually, but now that I am looking to be heading toward a regular sleep cycle again, it might mean something for them.

I plan to get to town again today.  I want to check on a haircut.  And while I do, I will check for my friend.  Further, I need to do a bit more shopping.  More meats, more milk, and there is something else.  I think I will be back for dinner time though, or that is the plan.  The foray into town today is meant to be short and sweet.  As any time in town really should be.  A town or city really, is just a bunch of people trying to get what they want, do what they want, go where they want, all when they would rather not (usually) be doing what they are doing but for their need to eat.  It is not a happy place.  A farmer may not always be happy to be awake or doing what he is doing but he is alone enough to be more congenial when he does happen upon another human face.  City folks... not so much.  While you are feeding them, you are another smelly human who has "slaved them" to some master so they can eat.  You are part of their problem.  Some are better, some are worse.  Some wear their slave collar well, others buck at every chance.  And those who think they have thrown their slave collar are often predatory.  Who is the master you ask?  Flesh.  We have biological needs and wants, we sell or rent (depending on a number of things) bits of ourselves, or more, to obtain those.  Like it or not, what I have isn't worth sale or rent.  But I am still a slave to food, fluid, and some other things, I just don't get to earn my way anymore.

I had, sort of, wondered if the meeting was coming up.  Nope, next week.  I at least knew what day it was, I just hadn't reconfigured my system data to know what day of the month it was.  I have been asked to do something for the meeting and I mean to do so.  Setting up the room, bringing refreshments, and such.  Nothing fancy, but I take it seriously.  It isn't quite possible to please everybody, but four types of liquid refreshments, a small plate of fruits, and some other nibblings should do.  It isn't supposed to be a meal replacement, just something that allows a minor snack.  I can do that.

Hmm, a few hours to wake up, another shower, then to simply air dry while I plot my escape from the dungeon.  I'll begin putting the chair together tomorrow.  Oh, I noticed the back area of my home might be used as a "cool well" or some such.  Yeah, I am making up terms for all I know.  But what I mean is, it is closed off, like an old porch.  But it has been fully upgraded to a part of the house.  It is now the wash area and the basement access.  So, at night, I am opening the windows in that area now, and closing them with at the due time.  I am experimenting with things, now that I have some balance to do so.  How to keep my home cooler, longer, more efficiently.  It is the sort of thing I would do professionally if I could, if at a steeper degree of complexity in the working world it will do for now.  I don't think the upstairs can be used.  But more, I don't always have the energy to trudge upstairs twice a day, open and close eight more windows, and remember to do that in a timely manner.  And, if I were to guess, it might even be that opening those in the day would be the thing...  I can't be sure, but that is how I think that would help.  Hmm, though maybe only if we had more wind.  The valley, while not quite stagnant, is not very breezy even really.  If I had more on the ball I would figure that portion out too.  Hey, my whole world, fighting and learning and practicum has been about observing patterns, making enough sense of them to utilize them to the advantage of whatever I am doing, then implement that to the best of my ability.  I can't quit that until I die, if when I get laid up I do end up more like a beached whale, that is not by choice!

Oh, hey, most of you wouldn't know this but... I've been posting at your sites and it hasn't been posting.  I can't do a thing about it though.  Looks like the system, for me, again, is broke.  I'm finally in health enough to go check for responses and... I'm not seeing my posts.  Aardvark, Sig, Aunty, Neo, Jean, and... all of you I normally visit and yak at?  Yeah, it's... not publishing my comments again.  And hasn't been for a while if I haven't been of a state of mind to notice.

Have yourself a fine day.  Keep cool, though, kiddies.  Life ain't fun when you cook.

Out like the big people!

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After a week or so of recovery, I was finely truly able to get out.  My friend was glad to see me, he had to get rid of his reloading contraband.  For a crusty old salt he might have been too open with the wrong people.  I can't fault him for that though, that is a good quality.  It's just too bad it isn't always appreciated.  Well, that and the fact that he smokes, never mind that he only does so out of doors.  Anyway, to make up for my negligence, I decided to bribe him with a free meal.  Not that that works, but... not that it doesn't.  Whether it works or not, it is all I have to offer and about all I can do since there are no cat houses around.  Ha!  Oh, don't get so serious.  He wouldn't be all that interested and I wouldn't offer such a treat, even if it was available.

But before dinner I went to Sam's Club.  I restocked what I think I remember using.  I hit some things a little extra hard, like beans.  While I love to cook my own beans from dry, the summer is not the time.  Further, I am not always up to a four to six hour cooking episode.  Canned may be salty, may have other problems, but... put a can or two in with a pound of frying hamburger, add cheese or sour cream or tortillas or whatever you like, and *bam* dinner, for two or three days maybe longer.  Love my beans.  While I was there I ran into the post mistress I like.  I spoke for a second outside the store.  But then, inside, ran into her again while I was looking at a new large/tall office chair.  She shared a little story about someone she recently helped out with a chair, I told her my bit about my current chair, and she assured me I should get it.  Now, I was only window shopping, pricing, and such.  What happened?  I ended up with a new chair.  Doh!  Never mind.  Too funny.  Women do that to us, don't they guys?  They don't even have to be "our woman".  We just have to like em' in some reasonable fashion.  So, I have a new chair and needed it.

I got everything in, then spent time trying to chill back down.  I can handle getting out for a bit now.  With the ac in the X and ac at home to come into, I can venture forth.  But it still bites me pretty hard.  I don't think it is just the weather being extra hot, I think I my illness is catching up to me in this particular way at this particular time.  Or even the heat is just adding that final touch to a bad time.  Now I need to get back in touch with medical and try to sort things out.  I am running out of medicines in a most drastic manner.  That... won't do.

Have a great night.

Alright boys and girls, time to get out.

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I told my friend I would be over a few days ago.  It just didn't happen.  I completely lost track.  He called today, and I had planned to go in today, so that works.  I took a shower last night, almost hoping I would get in then.  Another shower today and I am ready.  I knocked off some of the beard that was forming with the trimmers, but as is my usual anymore I leave a decent amount of stubble on.  Now to get dressed and going.  Oh, I best let the family that usually feeds me know that I will not be here so they don't have to fuss.  I need to remember that in the future too.  I... just would prefer to be fair about things.

The ac in the room is great.  This house must truly be built well.  Even when it hits well into the 90's the ac keeps the bedroom quite cool, which leaks into the rest of the house, and yet it doesn't run all that often or long.  That bedroom isn't in the stone part of the house either.  It must simply be very well insulated.

Time to get going.  I should do some shopping too.  Have a good day.

So darned cute, when they want to be.

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I think the girls knew something was up.  As I was preparing to exile them for the evening they became oh so lovey dovey.  Playing cute and nice to poppo.  Did I ever mention that I'm a softy?  Well, sometimes.  Don't test it.  It can be as close, being mostly a man, as testing God as you want to shave with.  Still, the girls pulled it off with flying colors... and behaved.  Bah!  Still woke up six hours later.  But I know it wasn't them.  I'll figure it out.

The cool has been wonderful.  I keep the room closed, and the ac on 70, until nearing bedtime, then I put the ac down to 66 if I can't tell that much difference.  Just having that one room cooler just cools the rest of the place enough to be easily livable.  I keep meaning to take breaks/naps, but that durned game I am playing is as bad as Evercrack (Everquest).  There is no pause, there are no long load times, quests can go on and on, and I have played three different toons through trying to get the game just right.  I am trying a female toon now, to see if they get an unfair advantage.  I think they do.  But... that is actually a part of reality.  Oh, you know better.  Don even look at me like that, Lucy.  She can't pick locks very well though, even with 100 in that skill (maxed).  Anyway, that game has me glued to it.  It'll be a while before I can ween off it.  Yeah yeah, but it is all I had to distract me from the heat, and it did, if the heat was tearing me up.  Good game if you don't want to mess with needles and heroin or something.  Gah!

Well, at least I have been cooking and eating a bit.  Not much else.  Still feel that overcooked feeling from the heat.  Headaches and almost a hot chill, if you know what I mean.  Probably dehydrated just a bit.  Working on that.  Hmm, I think I have pickle juice.  That might just be the ticket.

On to the rest of my day, or a quick nap.

Blasted cats.

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Not sure what is up with the girls.  They are used to not sleeping with me regularly.  I let them in sometimes, on cooler nights.  But when I need sleep or when it is too hot I don't let them in, which has been the case for a month or so mostly.  Since I put up the air conditioning, Sassy and maybe Sam have been bashing themselves on the door to get in.  I've offered to let them sleep with me but they don't want that.  My guess is they are used to me being awake so long that I feed them every six hours.  They wake me out of good sound needed sleep, banging on the door after only six hours or so.  So, from now on and for a while, when I go to bed, they go outdoors.  Until they learn not to do that.  I need extra sleep to catch up.  It seems if it isn't one thing it is another.  There are, however, always solutions.  Sassy doesn't like it outdoors so this should solve her problem pretty quickly.

My friend, it seems, is no longer going to be allowed to reload where he lives.  It is considered a fire hazard or something.  I think they are probably picking on him because he is a smoker, but that is really unfair.  He is one of the only smokers I know who never ever smokes in his apartment or home.  Seriously, never.  I've known him for years and in several apartments.  He simply doesn't smoke indoors.  But that is the way the prejudice goes, it is blind.  Still, he needs someone to get his powder.  Which I will do tomorrow.  I'm just not up to it yet and today.  If he can get to walking I will set his reloading station up upstairs for now, and let him reload here.  The problem is travel.  I really wish there was a transport from Logan to here, even once a week.  I simply don't get to town all that often.  I can't be counted on for that.  But every few weeks, I suppose, is better than never.  He loves to do it and it saves him some money... or at least is a good hobby to keep his mind attentive.

Me?  Still in recovery mode.  It isn't helping that the cats have been doing a good job of waking me every six hours or so.  That just isn't cool.  I'll see if my fix works that out.  If not I'll check into some cat repellants, air and noise systems that I have heard are very affective near doors.  To be fair, my changing sleep cycle probably does twist them up a bit.  There is very little I can do about that.  While wild and feral cats are used to fast and feast, domestic cants aren't.  Regularity and passivity is part of what makes cats domestic though, too.  Well, on to my day.  A wonderful one, with some cool going on.  My brain and body are slowly coming down out of that fevered state.  It takes time.  I do think I will add afternoon chillout naps to the routine, as well.  All good.

Be well.

Well, it sort of fits. And... it does make me feel all better, somehow.
[video clip gone]
Never mind.

Technology can be quite pleasant.

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Oh, sure, go off and live in those hills.  Live off the land.  Become a friend with the flora and fauna.  Zero emission, no trace, and whatever else there is out there to consider.  Me?  Not so much.  And, while if I do happen to figure out how to get out there into the hinterlands, I will use some of that, understand it is to both preserve what is there and to attempt to go unnoticed by any other yahoo out there, not to pretend to be a native.  And, of course, only to the extent that the modern world has given me the means by which to do so and within the borders of sane kempt right living.  Any other way is pure folly.

I slept, long and hard.  Needing to use the facilities once, otherwise I slept for a good... 18 hours was it?  Something.  And, yes, I needed that as much as I needed the cool.  I figure it will take me a week to shift my body and brain back to looking at trying to do anything else.  Who knows, I might feel fit enough sooner, and begin digging in on something, you never know.  I am just putting out the proposition.  I know I am terribly sleep deprived.  I also know heat has a way of beating you into the dirt in ways you simply can't fathom.  I do know that the ac has already helped the way a cool glass of water helps a man dying of thirst in the desert.  I needed it, it wasn't want.  While I can tolerate cold, so long as I can remain inactive, I cannot really deal with heat.  I used to have to, but that was then, this is now.  Let young men go sell their comfort in order to do good things and play with neat toys.  I like being just what and where I am, and it is getting better.

Well, we will see how things progress from here.  But for now, at least for the next two days, I am buttoning up and staying put.  I am enjoying the cool, letting my body and mind repair, and just hanging out.  Period.  Then again, I am not sure I have much choice, but it sounds better when it looks like I am putting my foot down.  Ha.

Cool much?

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Ahahahhahahahaha

Cool?  12k btu's of cool, baby!  I went to put the thing in place last night but ran into a snag.  My brain simply wasn't up to the tasks my muscles otherwise would have had no problem with.  The packing the company did was beautiful!  Well, if you... luck into it.  I didn't unwrap my present until I was pretty much at the spot of installation.  Why carry the extra weight?  Perhaps to make sure all parts and pieces would be right there.  Perhaps just because so shut up.  I do things a certain way, which... may vary.  Anyway, while unpackaging, the thing nearly unfolded itself.  While I was, at first, trying to figure out how to get an 80+ pound device out of a tight and tightly packed box I just happened to lift on the edges of the box.  With the strip tape gone, the sides simply came up and off.  Beautiful.  Masterfully well done, from a shoppers perspective.

Anyway, the thing had a bunch of parts and pieces that might have made all my efforts fruitless, but I couldn't make hide nor hair of a thing written at that point in a long hot day.  So, I put it all up, goofed just a bit more perhaps, then crashed.  Waking time isn't the best time for that sort of thing, either.  So, here it is, just after noon, and in the last hour or two I figured out what of their stuff would and wouldn't work, put my stuff and their stuff together, and *bamb*!  Right in the kisser, Louisa.  The weight was never as much an issue as (if I didn't suggest it, at all) I might have feared.  I really can carry 81+ shipping with one hand.  Getting it up into the window was zilch of a problem either.  And I had to do that a half a dozen times tinkering with this and that, all while making sure the "platforms" didn't slide one way or the other.  Easy, sneezy, breezy, beautiful, pig.  :p

I had to learn how the wood slats system went into the window, but that was easy enough when I had call.  I've looked at the thing and wondered before.  Now I know.  The company provided the perfect "catch", to provide structural hold and a bit of weatherproofing.  Only my "platforms" were allowing a huge draw.  Ah!  My mother, or lady friend, had created a rag bag when they were here.  Probably mom...  A bit of (very little) searching, and there it was.  I put those rags into the holes.  Good, for what they filled.  One more hole though, a big one.  Yeah, got that filled.  Batteries in the remote, plugged in (and reset as per instructions), a click, and... Poof.  I set it to 66, just for a while.  Oh, then the shade slats had to be reinstalled, if with a minor alteration.  Then the drapes back up, plus fitted to the new device so it's still dark.

I wish I could say, "If I knew it was going to be THAT easy...", but I can't quite say that.  It was easy, enough.  But there were so many small steps, there was some thinking, tinkering, and effort.  Mild as that is to many, that was... a man's man type of job for me.  And I am proud to have stubbed my toe at the base of the great mechanical engineering handy man mountain, if all I did was get to the base and stare up at the vast expanse of possibilities otherwise.  No, never to worry.  I got the cool going, the thing arranged, and did a lot of little tasks in there.  I didn't lose a finger, break through a wall, cut the power cord, or such either.  Pleased, little things, but... that's what I have to give, and rarely.  I just need to put the tools back.  Tomorrow, maybe.

Actually, I think the girls are happy too!  While we don't think of cats getting too hot or cold, and in a way they don't they just change their behavior until things change, they really were panting a lot lately, and going through water.  They don't like the noise but... who does.  It's the price, and an easy one give or take.  A few days or a week of cool, then I go to using the thing in the evenings.  Very very nice.

Good day.

Hoping for the best, planning on the worst.

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You know what that will usually get you, right? About half the time it nets you saved time and effort, half the time you get what you were begging for. Heh! This time? *face palm* No, just no way. I was mildly expecting a somewhat finicky cut and bit of minor work. Yeah, a cut to this length to this depth. I figured it would run me, given that it is me and I am way out of practice with anything practical, about 3 to 5 runs to get a template created for the second of two platforms. So, I went rough/rough the first cut. I did an eyeball (and pen) measure, then measured depth roughly, and planned to simply chisel out the whole of it to see how all of that would work. Some days.

As it turns out, that first rough shot was good enough, so two platforms were kicked out in less than the time to get my tools plugged in, set up, and out, not including tear down or setting up my sawhorses, and that platform. The sawhorses and a bit of plywood, without anything else, worked just fine for a bench. I didn't need to attach anything. So damned easy. And here I've been sweating for weeks, out of my mind in a perfectionists nightmare over... the ease of slop. Never mind. Now, I am all done in. The ac will not go in until I have time to catch my wind, but that should be by this evening. If I am too rung out from heat by then I will simply take a long shower to get my temps in order, then hit it. It will be done, now that the "hard part" is completed. Someone just shoot me? Meh, wouldn't work. I may not be bulletproof, but... God said no. Save your bullets. Just, next time I funk on junk, kick me. Won't hurt me, though be careful with your foot. I am dense in more ways than one. Believe it.

Hey, well, just wanted to share the news. You've all been sweating for me for... a while now. I thought it fair to let you in on the fact that ac is practically in. Odd, cutting then chiseling a few pieces of wood wore me out more than dead lifting the 81+packing ac into the other room then up into the window. And getting it out of the packaging will be the most testing of the the work packets involved with that assembly. What gives with that? Never mind. I hope you are cool! Later.

Today, I do believe, is the day.

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While I didn't get the trash out... hmm, might still be time so this will be brief... I do intend to get that ac in today, and running.  I might run it for a few days, or a week, to get some semblance of function back.  I do need to chill.  I won't take a shower, but I will dress, put on a baseball cap, and get to figuring things out.  Taking the last of the trash out before digging in, which means kitty litter change time.

I'm not doing any better today, really.  It is just that... it has been on my mind a while, the heat has a direct impact on my life, the game crashed... or... a conflux of events lead to me being at the point where I am about to get to it.  That is, simply put, all I get in this life.  But I take it with relish, and a bit of mustard if I may.  Hehe  Yeah, I like it here.  I think I'll like it in heaven, or even purgatory if I... miss the queue a bit.  Yeah, I need to work on that.  Getting visiting communion would help, for a while, till I can get back on my feet.

Well, it is time to get to it.  Have a loverly day.  If that fails, plan on one tomorrow.  And don't quite planning even if you never have another loverly day.  It's... always about hope.  Later.

Awake, on a cool morning.

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I think there is something else to the heat.  When I don't sleep well, something heat interrupts, I become additionally subject to heat.  It's a cascade effect.  Everyone has it, but those of us who are turtles and slugs... simply get hit worse.  No worries, at least I am young enough to survive it and in a place where, even within the week, I will have figured out a solution.  I have it, actually, it is simply implementing it.  What bothers me are those people who are too frail and poor and alone.  It bothers me greatly.  Then again, I can barely do what I need, there is little I can do for the others.  Well, prayer.

I am going to tinker a bit this morning, then, maybe when I close up the windows, I will get out of my pajamas and put on something a bit more social, and get to working on the window treatment.  I doubt if it will take an hour.  My guess is a saw horse platform will got together in less than an half hour, which is the first thing.  Will I get it cut just right!?  Not the first time.  I will undercut and just edge out.  How long will I have to tinker with the saw horses and plywood to make a platform?  Who knows.  On the good side, once I know something... I just know it.  Next time I won't have two projects, just one.  Oh, sure, seems quite simple.  And it is.  It is just all new and I live in fog.  Distances and complexity combined with newness all make anything seem... risky, untouchable.  How did I make it through some of the courses in engineering school?  Sleeping a month then studying a few days before a midterm, or final.  Who knows.  And I never know what I know so I never quite can be sure if I can do something, if I always seem quite able when it comes down to it.  An old man?  Yes, I have become a very old man in a rather young man's body.  Plus I think I will make it to be an old man on top of it.  Spooky, but... not... too.

Well, on to waking, then that task.  Have a good morning.

Ah well.

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Zombified, for the last few... while...  I ran out of tobacco a few days ago.  So, after suffering withdrawals for a relatively long time, I finally got to town today.  Of course, while getting ready to go to town I found a can of tobacco.  I simply thought I had used it already.  At least the last few days, until today, were cool enough.  Today seemed like it was murder hot.  Just to get that ac in...  Yeah, yeah, I know.  I guess I was born to suffer.  At least I can survive it.  Amazingly well even.  I just don't like it.  I actually pray that my suffering here helps someone in purgatory.  I have heard that it can do that.  Perhaps they just say that to try to make pain and discomfort more... amenable.  Perhaps they believe it.  Perhaps it is true.  After my experience there, if that is what it was and it did happen at all... I do hope it helps some poor soul, or dozen, get through that and on to the rest of their way quicker.

I have been doing bits and pieces.  Several loads of laundry have gone forward.  A little picking up has occurred.  Little things here and there, if nowhere near where I really want and need it to be.  Yes, the ac will help.  But just getting that in seems impossible at times.  Things have to be just so and I won't rush or short the task.  It has to be right.  It has to be by my hands.  It will happen.  I honestly think I might have it in tomorrow morning.  That IS the plan.

The girls are weird.  I wasn't sure I was feeding them right, for a few days anyway, so I started using the timer.  But... that wasn't their problem.  My game is stealing too much of my time.  And, yes, there is that.  So, I am trying to cut the gaming down, include them when I can into my life, and either pester them (in the most nice of ways) or chase or let them hunt me every few hours.  Yeah, they love their ogre.  Of course, I love to pester them when THEY are napping sometimes.  Payback and all.  They certainly pester poppo when he goes to bed.  Queen of the ogre, scratch and wake, let's check poppo's breath with our whiskers... lots of fun bedtime games!  Bwats!  Tsokay, as I said, payback is a pleasure. 

Hmm, on to bed.  I am absolutely beat by this heat today.  I enjoyed three or four days of relative cool.  It helped recharge a bit.  Maybe enough to do that one simple task.  Good night.

You know...

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While I grumble about my incapacity, I do realize that, setting my will and want aside, I am at the apex of human existence.  No, not healthwise, if that isn't quite as bad as it sounds in that it has proven to be quite non-lethal for all the hubbub surrounding the issue.  No, I mean, I am living... completely free and clear.  I make enough money, not working, to sustain myself easily, and even entertain some of my crazy and crazy like a fox notions.  While I may not be sitting on piles of gold, not a goal ever though anyway...  While I may not be wearing designer clothes (if some serious gear), which also is not a goal...  I am quite easily sustaining a mild, easy to live, life.  Why I want to be in the grinder God only knows.  Some people were made for it, I was one of those.  I would love to trade a perfectly healthy layabout for my position, given their perfect health.  Even at my age, what I could do with health is probably... almost otherworldly.  Oh, no, I wouldn't change the world, bring about world peace, fix cancer, save the earth from "X".  No, I would merely take what was at hand and make something of it.  A few people would know and respect my work.  And, yes, I would definitely have a wife and kids.

Still, I have what I have.  But I can't stop, sometimes, and just laugh my arse off.  Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth, but there I am. 

No, the ac is not up.  But I have gotten to a few things, hope to get to a few more things today, and we will just see. 

I have been enjoying Fallout 3.  Now, usually, I eat games.  But sometimes they are simply too big and they eat me.  This game has eaten me, so far.  I started out, as usual, not reading anything.  I just jumped in and played.  After messing up two or three major plays, after playing only, maybe, a fifteenth of the game, I decided a little research was due.  So, I started over.  And over.  Finally, on this last nearly quarter playthrough (not including side quests and tons of places to visit otherwise), I am getting better.  It's an easy rough game.  So many details, so many items to tend, so many things to do, no way to redo some things easily or naturally.  The game simply has no boundaries, and then you fail or win a situation or bonus.  It would be like one of the huge mmpg's, only for single player.  While it is laid back, the intensity comes in a few short spurts, but seriously enough to keep you (me anyway) engaged.  The one good/bad thing?  Load times are rather fast for this sort of game.  You never... rage quit from exhaustion combined with long load screens.  Yeah, I see why many makers add long load screens... as a sort of... nicety to us junkies.  :p  Still, I love the short load times as well.

Just... putting something out.  Be well.

Doesn't make sense.

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It's cold this morning.  I mean downright chilly.  But... the mechanical and electronic thermometers all say it is the same temp this morning that I was sweating at yesterday morning.  Huh?  And the swelling in my feet is gone, from water retention.  Getting out, just that short bit, might have helped?  I don't know.  All I know is that things don't really make sense because there are too many variables in play.

Like heat for example.  I have several things that affect felt temp.  Blood sugars, but that is now in check.  There is something else in my body that... I think Chinese medicine would call it chi.  Our medicine simply can't find the real problem though.  I would call it metabolic flux, due to heart issues, if I think the only cure would be a fully functioning heart.  As well, when I retain water a bit more on one day than another, that somehow either makes the heat worse OR makes me more vulnerable to any temperature extremes, while the term extreme is shrunk to just a few degrees outside of optimal.  And finally, if there might be other variables, the actual temperature.  Even that last is based on variables I do not completely understand.  Of course the water volume in the air has an affect, as done the intensity of the sun (angle of strike, hours behind clouds, who knows what else).  I simply can't keep track of all the variables at all times, so I can't know why one morning is hot and one is cold, the day after, at the same temperature.  Never mind.

Mentally I am not doing the best, regardless.  Medicine is being taken, mostly very regularly.  Food is being eaten at least daily.  But the heat is just a bit intense.  I did create the template for the base for the ac, and hope sometime today to cut and possibly chisel the pieces to fit.  It will be an easy task.  The idea of just putting in wood, without cutting it, and setting the ac on that, sounded good.  I just don't think it would be stable enough.  And I don't think the ac would handle a five foot drop well.  Still, I think this task will be done by days end.  Odd though, I think the felt chill of this morning is disabling me just as much as the felt heat of yesterday.  Ha.  What an absolute gas.  So, what may need to happen is a short nap.  Hmm, maybe some food first.

You know, the good thing about stocking up on foods, even just the shorter term stuff so far, is that if this type of thing lasts too long, I can still live fairly well for a short bit.  If I really can't get out for milk, I have several options.  I do have some food delivery as well.  A freezer would help with things as well as canning meats myself.  And, while many things seem impossible, and I don't seem always able to get to much, my guess is it is probably surprising, if you think about it, what I actually have done, given my situation.  Yeah, I pull off things by the skin of my teeth, but... in the end, does it matter?  I'll stick to it.  I have a method, just not always the means.  And yet I am moving forward. 

Good day.

Forgot the rest of the last post!

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Yes, still awake, yes about to go to town, yes I have measured out a rough template that I will attempt to cut/chisel when I return.  Milk, and whatever else I needed... oh, chew!  Was there any other reason to go to town?  I'm actually reading back in my blog, which is why I am still here, to find out what all I wanted/needed.

But I noticed I hadn't finished my first blog of the day.  Something about horror.  Right, that is regarding some of the games I play.  People are... idiots.  Not only do they play poorly, they also don't learn from it!  Oh, I make mistakes.  I even create a pattern with them.  I hate trying a "new way", if that way is significantly different from how I LIKE TO DO THINGS.  Actually, due to mechanical-intellectual interfaces, sometimes I can't do something an exact specific way.  But I can learn, adapt, change, to a degree.  And, mostly I do that without clues or hints.  Failure and success provide all I usually need.  But my goodness, there are people out there who are honestly too stupid and immature to... be morally allowed to comment.  Oh, let them play, but for heavens sake, take away access to places where they can simply create a whole area for themselves to write.  Sad?  Embarrassing (for them)?  Yeah, being a bit harsh.  You'll just have to trust me.  There are people who can and do type, can and do think, but who can't actually...  Make any sense of anything they perceive.  It's terrifying.

Later.

Amazed and horrified.

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I'll get to the title in a bit.  First though, just about how things are doing.  I woke at about 5:00 or 6:00, so I didn't get much sleep.  I set the alarms, once I woke up, to try and prod me out of the house and on to town.  I NEED a few things.  I set the alarm for 8:00, then 9:00, here I am at 11:10.  Yeah, well, I need a shower first, and then to get dressed.  I ought to at least fillet the whiskers to a degree, too.  And, I would like to get a 2x4 and simply mark out a rough 'cut here' guide.  Yeah, I think D.C. is right.  I really need to stop this hemming and hawing and just hit the fucking nail with the hammer.  Pardon, but... I've been dinking with this for too long, I am too hot, I need some real sleep and some decent cool.  I am, in short, annoyed.  Pardon the language, understand it comes from sentiment.  Oh, well, the good thing about going to town?  AC!  Plus, if when dressed and ready, I find myself in possession of a marked for cutting board, I will use the ac on the way home too, since I can almost be sure that the ac will be going in tonight.  Oh, I should stop for some sealing tape and paneling for the extra areas. 

Yeah, I best get going.  But, just a thought.  The last few days have been cooler, for as much as that is worth.  And I keep getting a vision of God, looking down, at me wasting the cool, doing a face-palm.  Yeah, I know it can't happen.  God simply doesn't do that.  A secular version of this would be a "perfect Fonz".  He is so cool, nothing flushes Him.  It's... more of a funny notion than a theological one.  Jesus though?  He walked as a human, He... might know the face-palm thing...  And you can't say He was "the perfect Fonz", He truly lost His cool with the money changers and I would guess that if some fool had picked up the rock when He suggested that the one with no sin do so... I think we would have seen a very temporarily angry Jesus and a very dead (though possibly then resurrected "client").  Never mind, mind playing...

Oh, right, on to town.  Good day.

Hmm...

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Not the best of things.  At 1:30 I am still awake.  I simply cannot cool off again.  I thought about heading into town, but after a spell of dizziness from the heat and the long hours up, I decided against that... at all.  I am completely out of tobacco and milk, so... I need to get in there.  Caught in a catch-22 though.  I need to cool down in order to gear up, yet by the time I have cooled down I need to sleep.  Now, in there somewhere, I need to figure out how to rig my ac into the window.  Yeah, and I can't see straight sometimes.

Whatever.  The house is cooling a bit, but it isn't very cool outside.  It is supposed to hit 54, and it may, but not until 5:00 or 6:00.  Still, there are things rumbling through that might keep it a bit cooler today.  Mostly it looks like mid 90's for a goodly number of days.  I'll just have to figure something out.

Good night, I hope.

Sleep!?1!

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Yeah, I could sleep.  I could go in, right now, and crash like I was... never mind.  I was thinking something rude... about you.  But I could go to bed without any problem.  The thing is, it is just... about... to.. cool.. down.  Just enough that I could open the windows.  If I go to bed now, the windows will be shut, and I will simply sweat through the sleep and wake to a stuffy hot home.  No, I will, somehow, stay up just a bit longer.  Not bad, really.  Four or five days ago I was going to bed at 6:00 and waking in the... around noon or so I think, at the latest.  Couldn't sleep through the heat.  Quite a change.  And very quickly for me.

I am cooking though.  The days are still brutally hot, for me.  I need to get that ac in.  When my body started the shift all of my plans were left on the drawing board.  I simply don't have enough energy remaining with this shift to even eat, let alone do something.  And cooking during the day is rough.  Though I would rather work through it then half sleep through it, then to wake when it begins to peek and have that as a "morning".  Still, because of that, nothing will go forward until I can get my head out of the oven.

Anyway, a few more hours, for the world to at least get even with the house, then I can open the windows so the house will be cooling as the world does, while I sleep.  That makes waking, and sleeping, a joy.  Good night... eventually.

Yeah? Well?

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Life is certainly a bit strange this summer. Finally having figured out how to make life slightly cooler here in the cave I haven't quite been able to set up the ac yet. See, it's not about want. It isn't about being lazy. It just is. Concentration, I would guess, is most of it. I don't understand it anymore than you do. I should be able to simply plan something, then do it, right? I mean, it isn't that physically demanding, I have the tools, if I haven't done this exact project before I have done many quite similar. So... why can't I just do it?

On the good side, my days and nights seem to be tipping back into their correct places. It is an ongoing project, one which I simply found myself partaking in. I didn't really choose it. Whether my body chose and began implementing it, or it simply reacted to the changes in temperature, I will never really know. My body is an interesting thing. It is mostly animal, with all that goes with it. While I can maintain a sort of moral control, at least up to some sort of stress test I haven't seen tested to date, I can't actually just tell it what to do. It is quite strong when it needs something. It can endure things I thought were lethal, or at least dangerous. Sometimes it is best to just let it do it's thing.

I've been playing a new computer game. Fallout 3, while dated, is rather entertaining. It is a nice change of pace from the last nearly dozen first person shooters. While it is still a fps, it is more a rambling quest based game, without the direct intensity of some of the other games. Exploring a 1950's USA, or two hundred years later, after a nuclear war, you fight, meet folks, do them favors for favors, and such. It is, however, quite a long game. And, my guess is, there may be nearly no end to it. The fighting mechanics in it aren't very good, either. But fighting, thankfully, isn't the main of the game, just something you have to do in order to do what you have to do... if you know what I mean. At least it keeps my mind active.

The cats have been banished to the outside. Sam for vomitting again, Sassy for excessive begging. Oh, not too long, just until noon, or another hour. It saves my sanity just a bit when one or both does what they know I would rather they not. With Sassy, she becomes... pretty close to violent sometimes.

I did make the corned beef and cabbage. It was, and remains, delicious. Why I not only like, but love, cabbage now, I could never say. I can't even say it's the flavor. It certainly isn't the texture, though for a boiled vegetable it does have a more solid texture, which I do like. It's more that my body seems to like something about cabbage. Carrots are more for color. Potatoes I have always loved, so all good there. It is pleasing to finally have gotten around to a home cooked meal. I did it early morning (like, 2:00). Yeah, it seems odd that I would be up at 2:00 while my internal clock is readjusting, but like I said, my body was stretching my days to make the schedule shift. So, when you think of day stretching in a more extreme manner, it makes sense.

Just... saying I am alive. And... kicking about just a bit. I'll keep trying. Never give up, never surrender (unless they serve really good chow). :p Good day.

I really hate when that happens, mostly.

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My body, having some limited cool in the night finally, and with a bit of control of the fierce of the day heat, has decided to switch my days and nights around.  Only, it didn't tell me.  It just went ahead and... started doing it.  If you have ever switched from night work to day work on the fly, you know that is about as much fun as nailing one of your fingers to a table.  Well, not literally, of course.  Still, they are in the same area, differing only by intensity.

In any case, I am in the middle of switching days back to nights for sleeping.  It isn't going perfectly, it will get there in a week or so.  Now, everything else I had sort of planned to get done in order to facilitate what is taking place has been tossed up in the air.  Too grumpy from both lack of sleep and discombobulation due to the shift leaves me barely able to even think about what to do, let alone how to get to it.  It is quite like my body has it's own will and way.  No, I think that is exactly what it is.  Sometimes I am just a tenant.  My will is not good, always, often.  Then again, I would guess that I still live merely because my body would not let me override it's wants, or needs really.  I am ignorant.  It may be too, but it is "dumbly functional".  It does what it must for reason I cannot fathom.

I went three days without food in this twist of schedule.  Oddly, it didn't hurt.  Sometimes it doesn't.  I broke fast with a large meal, probably what a typical family of four to six puts out for a hardy dinner.  It worked.  Dishes are finally soaking again, I am hoping to hit those tonight.  I am also hoping to put the brisket on, and have a dinner of that in the cool.  The way, it seems, my body is going about trying to shift days to nights is by staying up very long hours.  Eventually something gives, sort of like when you visit a chiropractor or something.  A little stretching, stress, and pressure, perhaps pain, then... *pop*  All good, if you believe in that.  It did help me last summer, though I have some... separate thoughts on why.

I still need to get that ac in.  So, tonight, along with the other things, I am truly hoping to get the template laid out.  I will not, as I first supposed, attempt to do anything fancy, like cut the wood form fitting.  All my plans center around simply cutting out a portion of wood in a box or rectangular form so as to fit snugly to the two window tracks it will cover.  Even that won't be easy, exactly, if it will be a lot simpler than trying to custom cut two tracks snug, plus create a half dozen grooves of various heights within those.  Now, to be honest, that probably isn't that hard.  But for a first time project keeping things simple is probably best, for my mind, so that I can even begin such things.  The world simply isn't digital, and to be honest, analog is frightening in that it is completely open to interpretation (along with constant change, everything from swelling wood to changing metal).

Ah, to wake up a bit more then figure out what will get done.  I need to hit town soon, too.  Milk, tobacco, and other foods and goods are running low or simply are gone.  Yeah, I'm right on all of that.  Right on it, boss.

Yeah, well.

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It won't all get done on some arbitrary timeline I develop.  I didn't do much tonight.  All good.  I am nice and cool and about ready for bed.  This will be the third day, I suspect, where I am able to get some real sleep.  I believe getting the ac in will make it so I can sleep much earlier and better.  Even now, though I am sleeping long and well, I don't think I am sleeping as well as I could, should.  Just, with the lack of sleep of late, the need is so great that a minor improvement simply allows me to sleep through what would normally not work.

Oh, but I realized, if one 2x4 isn't enough?  Attach two of them together, well.  That will do just fine.  No need to go out and buy thicker wood.  Nothing else happening here.  Bedtime.

Very nice, all over again.

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While I am still stuck not doing much, I am at least enjoying it again.  Another long sleep session today.  When I finally do wake up, the world is already cooling again.  The curtains are a Godsend.  And, so far without research, I do believe I am going to push to create a template for the ac platform tonight.  I will simply figure out how to cut it when I get to that point.  Being that I wish to be a decent neighbor I will not be outside running my circular saw after midnight.  The thing is, if the cuts needed are too deep, I may need to go to something thicker than a 2x4.  I'll see shortly.

As for cutting, if all else fails, I may see about plating my sawhorses, somehow, with a smaller sheet of plywood, very securely, then simply clamping whatever wood I will be using to that.  The sawhorses aren't wood, so I can't simply nail the work pieces temporarily.  Or, yes, I would do that.  I will have to review my devices and see if there isn't a way to make it work.  I actually have no problem being creative in finding solutions.  I merely use the fear of such to cover my actual inability to even begin getting about something.  Misdirection.  I even use it on myself, in order that I don't have to stare at the sad fact that sometimes I can't even do more than sit.  Just so you know that I know.  And I do know you know.  Now we know we know, you know?  Heh.

I may need to make a run to town tonight.  Milk is low.  I could always make some of that powdered stuff, too.  It isn't all that bad, really.  It just... well... it simply isn't milk.  It will do in a pinch, and well.  But who wants to live in a pinch?  So, to town.  Hmm, goat cheese sounds good too.  I wish I could find some real fetta.  Oh, I know, the stuff people buy in the stores is supposed to be good enough.  Most other store bought cheeses honestly are as good as the 'better stuff'.  Not so with fetta.  Never mind, just... trust me.

Sassy is back to normal.  Though I think she has really backed off the begging/demanding.  And that is good.  I am more than fair with the girls, they eat often, well, and I throw in treats.  They have no reason to be that ornery.  Sam is usually pretty mellow.  And, usually, when she begs... it is fair.  Sassy?  She has pretty much been a pest.  She will beg within two hours of being fed, even becoming demanding.  When I put her on ignore, that usually works.  Sometimes I have to chase her off, and that is usually it.  But she has been pushing that line a bit much, until she finally crossed it.  She is a bit... more... mellow... currently. 

To tinker a bit more, then at about 2:00-2:30 I will work on creating a template, tinker some more, and finally I will try to be out by 4:00-4:30 for my run to town.  Yeah, sleep patterns won't be changing quickly.  Probably not until I install the ac.  While I am sleeping better, I am still running a little too warm most of the time to settle in any earlier for sleep.  At least I am getting some serious sleep.  That was needed, is delicious.  Later.

Very nice indeed.

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The drapes in my bedroom made even a larger differences than what I has hoping, setting aside my doubts.  After seeing what they did for the living room and computer room, I had hopes about the bedroom.  But each area is quite different, and sleep is just a strange animal for me no matter what else is factored in.  As before, the darkness they bring allows easier sleep and the cool they brought was truly significant, but what I had not factored was noise reduction, or the significance of all or even any of those regarding sleep.

Going to bed at my usual time, around 6:00, I was able to sleep until 16:00!  Oh, and I needed that sleep.  I will probably oversleep a bit until I find myself back in some kind of sleep balance.  I have been sleeping for under six, often under four hours per sleep cycle. Yeah, that didn't help any of the rest of it. Further, not waking to burnt air was quite good.  While it does get a bit warm and slightly stuffy, it really wasn't bad.  It wasn't as bad as evenings used to be, before any drapes!  I am hoping, even just with the drapes in place, to possibly begin getting to bed earlier.  With the house cooler, that may be possible.  My core temps have to hit some specific temp (but not go below another) for me to sleep.  I ought to try to figure that out but my guess is... that is variable, depending on everything from the amount of sunlight to foods I am eating to... who knows what all.  Crazy thing, this drape tech.  And way too funny.

My hope, after getting sleep back in order, is to begin reconfiguring my days and nights.  With medicines set back up, sleep getting tended, and cool back in play, the hope is recovery will be rather quick.  And, just maybe, during that time, I can actually get the ac in, begin work on the water heater, and start cleaning the place.  With all the givens life had become unmanageable.  Hopes mean nothing when you are in a blast furnace.  I still need to get that ac in, that will be like nitrous.  It should give me the boost to handle the day, or really the heat.

Sassy and I had a little spat tonight.  I'm not sure what was up with her.  She has been being fed plush lately, to be sure.  And she has been being fed regularly.  She was fed well nearly three hours before our spat, and I believe her problem was simply that she wanted more food NOW!  She jumped up on my tray, knocking over pills and bursting the pill container I had just painstakingly set up, knocking off a dozen other things, including my phone.  Because she was hungry?  Oh, yes, we... had it out.  She lost, if I didn't come out completely happy about it all.  Sorry, yes.  Both of us if for very different reasons.  Ah well, she will get over it or not and she will learn or not, if I hope I learned just a bit.  Brat...

Tonight I will be researching how to use what I have to take a template and score wood in such a way that I might get the program under way to build a structure to hold the ac.  It is vital.  I am a fool for not having done it before, if too I was doing much better last summer.  I still wonder if doctors, if they think you are doing too well... change your medicine.  Yeah, paranoia perhaps.  But... they say medicine won't change it's affect and yet it always does with me.  It is like they want to keep me just a bit down, or more.  They don't want me well.  Beware the fully awake dragon?  Doesn't make sense, unless there is a deep tinfoil hat thing going on though.  I only play that game, I don't... take tinfoil hattery too seriously.  Mostly.

Well, on to a few things.  Hmm, food sounds good.  My cats eat four to five times a day, and are STILL brats about it, while I eat once!  Bah!  Later or good night.

It is going forward.

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While it was my plan to get the curtains washed and dried and the rods up, I wasn't sure that was going to happen.  Let us call the notion a shot at the moon.  I'm still just not right.  And yet it is almost done.  The rods went up, the drapes were washed then put in the dryer on 'nearly dry' just in case, now finishing.  My tools have even been sorted and put up.  Now, when installing the rods, the top screw where I placed the rod holders hit nothing but air.  The bottom one hit something, but... not wood.  I have no idea what is in there, could it be cement that came with the window, from it's previous location?  I simply don't know.  With only one screw holding and with heavy drapes, I decided to use 'gorilla' screws on that bottom hole.  They are supposed to be good for 50 pounds each.  That should do.  Nothing ever quite works exactly right, but with a little thought, it can work out somehow.

I reset my medicine.  I received medicine from my doc, but it did not include my water pill or main bp medicine!  I'll... have to call... next time I'm awake enough during the daytime.  I have enough of each to get me through at least two weeks, but after that it gets questionable.  I'll... call... soon.  Again, nothing works as it is supposed to work.  Ever?

I have no idea what day of the week, or month, it is.  Something about shortly after... then.  I'll look before I go to bed.  But then again, I keep checking.  It simply doesn't stick in my mind.  I have no way of... figuring.  Like a man lost at see, trying to maintain a heading or even merely discerning directions become impossible tasks.  I am lost in the sea of the mind, perhaps even one could say the inane.  Without a need to work, without purpose, there is just... me.

I once thought I was rōnin.  I have since learned I am no such thing.  While, true, I no longer have a master such as dogs usually require, I realize I never really did have a master as I had thought.  Oh, I have always had a master.  It is just that at one time I confused my instructors, seniors, and handlers as being masters.  They are not and only a few of them could have truly filled that role.  No, my master is what it always was.  Principles, truth, things that all belong to God.  Odd how... when one is blind one sees so clearly.  But it is good to finally realize who my Master was and always will be, in the big and small terms and ways.  It is also good not to be required to do what a rōnin must... if actually I did do that thrice.

I'm going to goof a bit, while the curtains dry.  When those are done they will be hung with much fanfare.  I didn't create a template for cutting wood.  But then, as I was thinking about it, I am not exactly sure how to do that.  I do have sawhorses.  I do have clamps.  But I am not sure those will work in conjunction for this effort at all. I will contemplate this on the tree of woe (or internet) this evening.  I think I read somewhere that nothing ever works out just as one would suppose, or some such phrase.  Bah!

Good night.  Uhrm, morning, too.

Where have you been in the states?

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Anarchangel had something up about where he had been.  That was international though, and for me, none of my business, or yours.  Plus I don't actually "know".  But they had something about the States.  That I know, mostly.


visited 33 states (66%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or Free ipad travel guide

I can't say I've "visited" all those states, but then again I have lived in at least a quarter of them.  So I call it even.  Some states *cough* Ohio and Nebraska *cough* were merely transition states, though I may have stayed in Omaha overnight a few times... Can't remember for sure.  Most of the rest I have been in for some reason and time or other.  Yeah, for a dead guy I do get around.  Heh.

Some cool.

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The weather has shifted.  Thunderstorms, or at least rain storms, have been passing through, cooling the place just a bit.  And I needed that.  I haven't been doing much.  I purchased a couple of new games and I have been hitting those hard.  Other than that I have almost exactly literally been doing nothing.  Unable, truly.  Perhaps tonight that ends.

The game, one that never hit my radar before, is called Rage.  It's no where near as... difficult or harsh as it sounds.  Mostly it's a typical first person shooter, of the older vein.  There isn't that much tricky, glitzy, or such in it.  It is an older game.  But it is one of the best PS3 games I have played.  And more, it is a multiple of games.  Beside the obvious and main element of first person shooting main quests, they through in a bunch of side quests.  Some of those require sniping (and a bit of trickery).  They also added in racing.  I HATE RACING GAMES.  Or... I thought I did.  I was enjoying the game so much I decided to push on through on those.  Not bad, not bad at all.  Especially for someone who traditionally abhorred racing.  Add in some mini-games, a whole lot of shooting, a way to cheat that is easy and simple, and all is good.

I played the game, first time through, on nightmare (the hardest) mode.  A site recommended that.  While it is the opposite of my usual m.o., I actually might start doing it that way from now on.  Now, I did no previews, didn't look anything up, so I didn't find the cheat until my second run of the game.  Actually, I didn't look anything up.  I simply ran the game as it was supposed to be run.  Yeah, it... took a bit longer.  But what a kick in the pants.  After that run through, I worked up another run, to get more/most of the trophies for the game.  I have two left (actually three, but those two along with others I have, will give me a third trophy).  Mini-game trophies.  One of them I don't think I will like, the other is simply unnerving!  I personalize in this mini-game wayyyy too much.

But tonight, after a bit of goofing to wake up and a meal a bit earlier, I will be putting up the last of the drapes, meaning a bit of work.  The drapes have been in the dryer for a bit, so I am simply going to rewash them and run them through again.  Further, I am going to create a template for cutting out a window platform for the air conditioner.  If I can get that cut out on two boards I can then begin figuring out how to support the platform so as to keep the unit in the window, mostly, without ruining the window.  Yeah, well, I best get to it.

I just don't know.

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It's not like I don't know what I should, or am supposed, to do.  It's not like I don't want to do it.  It is simply that I truly can't do it.  Not right now.  I'm all tripped up.  Further, my mother is coming soon, I have a friend who wants to visit, and I still have an air conditioner to put in and drapes to put up, a home to clean at least to human standards, an hot water heater to buy and install, and a credit issue with the hospital to negotiate.  But I can't seem to... do anything.  It's not even like this all snuck up on me.  I can't even take my medicines regularly.

I actually wish this was merely because I was lazy, a drunk, or something.  Those things can be fixed.  I am not sure if what is wrong with me can be fixed.  Is it the heart?  Is it the lifestyle I have learned in order to survive?  My body does it's own thing, relegating me (my will, my intellectual self) to the proverbial children's table.  What I want comes behind... survival instinct?  Something.  So, why won't it let me put the ac in?  Hmm?  Bastage.  Heh.

What gets done is what will get done.  As I have mentioned, I have learned to relax and not push, even while I continue to try, plan, aim, and work.  It seems like an impossible mission.  I think... nuanced... would be a better term for it than impossible or even improbable.  Much like war, actually, if you get really good at it.  At times your body will be in full rage but your mind and actions within the allotted permittance, are completely yours and professional.  It is an odd thing.  Animal and... not animal... working in conjunction in a way that I am not even sure was ever intended.  It is, in a word, mastery... of self.  I had once thought this part of me had broken, but now I see it is merely a physical issue.  In one sense, it doesn't matter.  Broken is broken.  On the other hand, it allows me to... attempt to regain what aspects of that are still available.  Oh, these are both fleshly things, not of the spirit, soul.  But... there may be some connection.  A moral killer?  Something.

Well, it's bed time.  I've been up too long.  I let the cats sleep with me last night and Sam, finding herself unable to wake me (after a mere six hours of sleep, so it wasn't like she could have been starving since I fed her all day before and right before bedtime).  She retched right near me, on my bed!  If this had been an accident, or just something that happens, I wouldn't have minded (as much).  But this was purposeful.  So, she is exiled to the out of doors until I wake up later today.  Any time she does that, on purpose, to pout or wake me, or such, willfully, she will be exiled.  I bet that breaks the habit before it starts.  Angry.

Good night, and morning.