Back to work.

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That is the goal.  I had hoped to hit the dishes right when I woke this evening.  That didn't happen and probably won't happen for a while.  There aren't that many, and they are oddball... many of them half gallon jugs from pickled pork hocks.  No bone, just meat on those.  Though there are some other odds and ends in there.  Not usual use items, but they had stacked up.  I'll store them in the basement.  The half gallon jugs would be good for storing home made sauerkraut, pickles, and such.  If I ever get to that.  I should also be able to get the box ready to return for the Duluth Trader pants.  I really like those pants.  They are just too big, all around.  I just hope the next size down isn't off as well.  They have a strange sizing system, at least on these pants, that skips two sizes.  I will get the number and name from the phone message tonight as well.  Other work may go forward.  If I do hit the dishes, then take a shower, I may hit the bathroom... clean it down to the shine.  That would be as much as I get done tonight though.

I am swinging sleep around.  I woke after midnight.  Part of the shift, I do believe, as always, is that there is more daylight.  Even hidden in my cave, my senses are acutely aware of what my conscious mind isn't seeing or understanding.  Spring is springing.  My body loves this time of year, but it does mess with my schedule.  I need to find a way to get out in it, burn up some of the energy extra sunshine creates.  But it's a sliding scale thing.  And my body is on a different, nearly static, sliding scale.  It's difficult for me to balance seasonal changes.  There are, potentially, eight difficult times of the year... when the seasons are in full swings of change and when the seasons are in full tilt.  The hardest part of winter can be too much, as with summer.  Fall and spring may or may not be a problem, depending on how severe, one way or another, they are.  In some ways I am simply prone to weather, and other related, changes and extremes.  No complaints though.  I think my weakness to those is less than living in a static weather environment.  Change is better than no change, is what I am suggesting.  I need... challenges.

Well, on to waking and then working, I hope.  Good day... night... whatever.

Some, not all.

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Moving slowly.  Work and goals simply didn't align with reality.  I did hit the dishes, then set them up for another soak.  I took a shower, dressed, and made it to the post office in time to collect packages.  That was pretty much it.  And that is pretty much it.

I simply couldn't converse well.  So making several wanted calls isn't possible.  Tomorrow.  Tonight I will line up the numbers and names, take a nap half way through the night, then call when it is good.  It's what I can do.  Yes, I want to get the last of this sorted.  I simply have to be awake enough, and I simply wasn't moving quickly enough this morning to set that up.  I'm pleased, given all, with what I did.

Mulholland Dr. wasn't all that much.  Not really my idea of a great show.  To me, it made perfect sense.  There are several likely scenarios, with two being prominent, to my mind.  Only one really fits, though, as I see things.  There are many "yes, but"s, which could be applied to any scenario.  Checked with reality and probability and that narrows drastically.  While I have lived, and some suggest am, the impossible, that don't confront me none, so long as I get paid on payday.  What is, generally, is.  What isn't is usually obvious.  Not my type of show.  No, I won't tell you which way I see what.  If you happen to watch it, I would gladly discuss it in an email or even in person.  Otherwise, I simply won't ruin the experience for someone who is interested in rarefied movies.  Not my type, but not at all awful, or even completely off my radar.  Just... so-so to my mind.  I have one more feature length, then a raft of shorts by him.  I'll wait until finances are all sorted before buying Eraserhead.  Oh, and then I'll get a keener sense of whether Michael's taste in movies...  we'll see.  Then again, first impressions can linger.  And if you watch a movie when younger it may have a very different impact.  Still... I think there might be something there to a telling.

Be well, work hard if you may, play nice unless you can't, and win until you cry... or die.  Good night.

Ah, I figured out the impossible.

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When the movie was presented... for my viewing pleasure... it was brought cautiously.  A cousin.  He knew me well enough to know something had gone off the rails.  He knew me to be rather straight... in many ways and in truth.  And yet I had seen, done, been, known, too much.  Still, I was seeking, so he presented the movie.  And I watched it.  I watched it a year or few later.  So, why did I remember almost nothing?  Simple.

At that time I did not remember her.  The lover who died in or about childbirthing.  Or... whatever.  I wasn't able to deal with such things?  Maybe.  It isn't the first thing like that to have happened.  It is just that, as time has gone by, and I have learned some of those dark secrets my mind was keeping, I... am more open to the world.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  I don't have memory gaps, for things, or at least no where near as many.  Now I can see, and remember.  This movie will probably not go away this time.

Now you, and I, know the... rest of the story.  On this anyway.  Probably.  It just came to me, so I thought I'd share out.  And, yeah, it makes sense.  That alone, maybe or maybe not.  But the burial in blood and death that came after sealed the thing for... well... until I was ready to see, know.  Much else I don't know, perhaps.  But I am getting much closer.  I went ahead and started watching Mulholland Dr.  I don't think I have watched it before?  Later.

Hmm?

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Okay.  The problem I was going to begin working on tomorrow seems to have been cleared while I slept.  Medicine.  No, I don't mean I took a bunch, or the body somehow leveled.  A call.  I received a call indicating that medicine should, or could, be on tap.  I will call tomorrow, as planned.  Now, however, I have an exact number to call, and a name.  Just in case, I will go ahead and resume medicine.  It'll take a while for me to trust that it will become regular.  On and off can hurt.  On and off isn't optimal, on many fronts, either.  It's a buggy way to live.  Not a choice.  Mess with things too much and the incentive to maintain regularity disappears.  We will see.

I will hit the dishes, then maybe take a shower.  I am not sure if I will need to wash the dishes twice or not.  A hot rinse, at a minimum, after the shower.  Then on to laundry.  Laundry is done, and somewhat sorted.  Some of it is folded.  Now just to finish that.  And, if I have enough energy, cleaning the bathroom would be the final house chore.  The phone call for medicine, a call to the refinancing office to let them know what is going on (can't begin that until after April 1st, but I am still interested), and a trip to the post office if my packages aren't in a box when I check tonight.

It's starting to seem as if the lilt of the deck is smoothing out.  One thing at a time, no faster than is possible.  Oh, and tomorrow, if I can remember, I'll see about the beef.  It could all be rather well set up soon, again.  Copacetic and everything.  Ah, one last thing.  I will keep one pair of pants in the size I ordered, for leisure ware.  The rest are being sent back for downsizing.  I'm down into 36-38 range, according to their line anyway.  Bit by bit.  I still weigh 280.  Of course, that is down from my high of 350-370 range of twenty years ago.  And the waist size is down from 44-46 from when I arrived in this state... six years ago or so?  Something like that.

Later.

One major issue resolved.

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The house loan, it seems, was purchased by another company.  Which means my automatic payment was ended rather than switched.  I was supposed to have received mail.  I did not, not to my knowledge.  Now, I couldn't clear it all up.  That is three months plus this coming month, which was simply too much.  I agreed to two months now, and two months payment April 1st.  Which... is fine.  That is basically what I usually pay.  That doesn't leave me open for setting up automatic payments or refinancing until after the final "double" payment goes through next month.  So... set, mostly, if it all works.

Oh, well, and I am awake past 11:00.  Pushing, hard.  A bit painful.  I made "supper", which ended up being quite good.  I made a whole package of pasta.  Hey, it's easy to get confused.  I'll store the sauce.  If the bread rolls are still good, I'll butter, fry, and top with the sauce.  If not... I'll figure something else out.  I had hoped to make it to the post office today.  Won't happen.  I am hoping they put the goodies in the storage.  I'll be in tonight.  If not I will push to get there tomorrow.  Tomorrow I am hoping to make another call, or set of calls.  Medicine.  Can't take it if I don't have it.

Yeah, there was some pretty terse conversation.  Frosty, if not quite uncivil.  Not fully.  Still, it worked out, probably.  We'll see shortly.  Oh, and I should call about the beef.  I can probably afford a full big one, but more if it doesn't go to the butcher until the end of the month.  If possible, that would help me.  Ugh.  I may try to call tonight, depending on when I wake.  It's about time to hit the rack like a train.  Good night.

Pushing.

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My sleep schedule is awful.  I can't seem to get it to budge.  Going to sleep just as businesses open.  Sleeping until after they have closed.  Medicine is off, again.  Then again, I'm getting low on it and there isn't a resupply available to point.  My work efforts came to a halt.  I haven't been able to push that back into action either.  Due to the medicine?  Maybe, though it may just be general stress from everything happening at once.  I honestly think they are trying to give me a heart attack.  I don't think it will work, though who knows.

I have been watching movies and gaming.  Dark Souls II, and down load content... game add-ons.  I still don't believe the game is as difficult as it seems.  I do believe that a character has to die a certain number of times before that character (or account generally) can go on to win.  It's that way with most of the bosses, though not all.  It is even that way with some enemies.  It's a cheap way to make a game seem more difficult than it really is.

Dinner?  Hmm, maybe.  I have hamburger thawed.  And I do have actual, not low fat, cream of mushroom sauce, pasta, milk, cream, and butter.  A bit of this and that and it can work well.  I should start making less pasta, then putting up the meat mix for over toast, eggs, or such.  Pasta simply doesn't hold up well once cooked.  It's always a race if I make too much.  I'd rather not race.  Yes, dinner.  And some gaming.  Later.

Impossible.

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I started considering which movie to watch of several that are now in, or back in, my collection.  I thought about watching a Lynch film.  Mulholland Drive, a new one to me, and a Lynch.  I just wasn't sure I was up to it.  I decided to watch Lost Highway, to ease my way back into that type.  Donnie Darko was a pushover, for me.  Though, to be fair, it was aimed at high school ages, if the potentially brighter among them.  I am sure I have watched Lost Highway at least twice, if ten to fifteen years ago.

In it goes.  I remembered the first, say, fifteen minutes of it.  Then?  Nothing.  I remember just a few other things or scenes.  The road rage part.  I remember the bits with the "stranger" in it, or about half of them.  The highway scenes, along the dotted or not lines.  I remember the shack, but only as a picture, nothing that happened there.  Nothing else.  That is quite strange.  I remember movies I watched as a kid.  Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, which was more laughable to me because even as a child I understood the neurosis of the feminine.  If not so much how terrible it could be, still don't other than how it can play out badly.  I haven't seen Demon seed since it came out, but could probably remember most scenes in the movie.  Even a movie, such as Creator, would be fairly well remembered, even if watched as a child, not since.  Odd.  Oh, and Rammstein is in it.  That floored me.  Should have known that.

Anyway...  I am caught up on it.  While definitely not recommended for kids, they won't understand... might bruise their brains.  While it seems... mature, and has that content.  It's easy to see why some things are everything but what they appear.  If you know how to look, and look closely, you won't see sexy things, you will only see unmet hungers that grow to become monstrous, right through the seeming feeding of those needs and wants.  The wrong way.  It's like eating bleached white untreated flour products.  Or, heck, even vitaminized flour of the same sort.  Empty.  Leaves only a hunger that can't be fulfilled.  That's not all it is about, there is a lot in there, if one knows how to look and isn't afraid, or unable.  Still, I wonder if I will forget what I saw, again, before long.  It is possible.

Later... Or, actually, good night.

Considerations.

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Thoughts.  A few things to check, or not.  Might just let things slide.  Not sure I have much of a choice.  Still, the world hasn't let me down yet.  Not in the ways that matter.  I haven't won, can't win.  I simply haven't lost everything, at the very least at least not yet.

Saturday night flick.

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I've been holding back from jumping into the Lynch movies.  I've seen the first, and would like to watch that first.  However, like a rare treat, something that is a bit excessive, there is a time and place for such things.  This was not it.  A movie was recommended to me long ago, and then many times since by vary strange and different sources.  I... avoided watching it, believing I wasn't quite ready.  Or maybe not ready.  Tonight was the night.  Donny Darko was the title.  Not bad.  For me, actually, not even strange.  I won't say I believe, or don't, only that some of the possibilities, for some, are probabilities, in the positive sense of the more common understanding of that term.  Maybe.  Anyway, I think so.  Or I did, or will.  I can't always remember.

I did set the dishes to a fresh soak.  The laundry is all done.  Some things need folded, some things need hung.  I hope to do a bit of work in the bathroom as well.  The kitchen will be after that, along with tearing down boxes.  Trash will be readied for taking out Sunday night.  As well, I am hoping to swing my sleep schedule around a bit.  I'll need a bit of luck and a lot of push for that.  Medicine... yeah... I keep missing that.  Though if that is at an end, I should just get used to the fact.  I lived without it for decades, I suspect I can do so for more decades.  Time isn't what it seems, nor is life or death, really.  Important, in a certain way, but not at all what some would tell you or believe.

Hmm...  I'll get going in a bit.  Just a bit of music, then maybe back to some work.  Then rest and work through the night and maybe on through tomorrow if I can push.  Later.

Friday dinner.

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The last time I visited my friend, he had been talking about pork shoulder roasts.  While we were out shopping, I noticed several on sale so bought them.  Since I bought, he offered to cook.  Cool.  So, yesterday, he set one for a very long slow cook, calling me when it was nearing completion.  I grabbed various rolls and a movie.  Monty Python the Life of Brian was the movie.  He hadn't seen that one fully.  I also have In Search of the Holy Grail which, while he has seen, it's been a while.  That might be the next movie the next time.

I considered Lost Highway, and some others by that director.  But I wanted to... test the interest before just rolling those bones.  David Lynch is either enjoyed or simply not, or far too much.  I'm still thinking about it myself.  I actually haven't seen anything else other than the one show, but mean to change that.  I'm still trying to get a grip on what is what.  That IS the point to his movies, from what I can gather and what I have seen.  There isn't another way to things.  And it's not an easy road to nowhere, not for the simple, the mild, the meek, or some other sorts.  It's a thought engine that doesn't really ever shut down, only goes away as it gets buried by life over time, and mostly not fully ever.  Still on my mind after decades since being watched.  When I broke, I went looking for answers.  I knew those answers weren't in the mundane or medical, or not the medical that was being offered.

The roast was quite good.  Yes, you can mess them up.  But a little diligence and some reading and thought and a decent roast will all but do itself.  Still, people have messed those up.  I also took over a mild dessert, toffee and chocolate covered almonds.  Well, some nut, if I think it was almonds.  Those went over well too.  My last woman type introduced me to those.  I'd send her some if I could figure out where to purchase them online.  And I'd need to check to see if she was still there.

No, I wasn't able to wake in time to do anything, businesswise, Friday.  Frustrated, but stuck in a web of sleep cycle hell.  I can't seem to push or pull my way into daylight, and I have been trying for a week.  Just off.  I'll keep at it.  It beats being awake but immobile.  I hated that as a kid.  Hmm, what can help me push around is housework.  I might make a stab at really digging in.  Cleaning the bathroom, start to stop... finishing the last of the odds and ends dishes... and finalizing the last of the clothes.  All the clothes are done, they just need a final sorting and putting away.  That might push me back into days sooner than not.

Later.

Alright, I see some problems.

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It looks like someone is really working me over.  I have heard nothing back from the V.A. regarding an appointment.  That was supposed to have been arranged within five days.  I will be giving my doctor a call tomorrow, then calling the center again, if I can find the number.  My guess is that has gone nowhere, a circular file.  Which means I am, again, running low on medication.  Again, I have to decide whether to cut it, stop it, or continue.  Again.

More?  Ah, the refinancing has been canceled, again.  Why?  It might have timed out, I was thinking.  I remembered that there was a problem with them accepting my payment this month, and actually never checked back on that, to make sure my custom auto payment went through, after the second attempt.  I noticed paperwork from the company, so opened it.  I am told that I am behind for, it is looking like, two months, maybe three.  I have been on automatic payments for years.  It looks like they are trying to rob me of my home, on top of everything else they are doing.  I'll call tomorrow, though I doubt if I will get any straight answers.  That is why, most likely, the refinancing failed.  Oh, it isn't as if the payment information has changed.  They are literally returning the payments.  It's not a missed thing.  They are doing this on purpose.

This does not bode well for life as is.  I can't keep a home if the loan company won't accept payments.  I can't keep one, let alone both, eyes on these bastards.  I'm just not able to keep up.  Yeah.  There is definitely trouble ahead.  On the good side, it isn't winter.  If they refuse payments, I'll save up until they boot me then go on to somewhere else.  Trouble indeed.

Work, work, work.

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At a turtles pace.  That isn't bad.  Everything I will be washing in the machine is washed.  The last load is in the dryer.  All the coats are done and hung, save one that just won't dry.  I refuse to use high heat, so I'll let that air dry the rest of the way.  Clothes are sorted, but not quite all folded and/or hung.  The last of the regular dishes have been put away.  A shower, then I'll set the irregular and new item dishes to soak.  Seriously, a really good run going.  Now to keep it rolling.

I'm about to hop in the shower.  After which I'll set the dishes to soak, but leave room to get in with a bucket so as to do a strip wash/clean of the bathroom.  Yeah... it's coming along fine.  After the bathroom is finished, the last of the dishes are cleaned, dried, and put up, and the clothes sorted and put away, I hope to hit the boxes.  Breaking those all down and getting those in to town the next next day I go in.  And hitting the kitchen so hard it hurts sparkle.  Yeah, we'll see.  Taking care of boxes will begin the process of sorting out several other rooms too.

I've continued prepping, if more slowly.  Canned butter and cheese, most recently.  Not a lot, just enough to run, perhaps, a year of having those things as very irregular treats.  There are a few other things going in, here and there.  At some point there is only so much more to do.  Of course, when I get to an exact point, I want to start using.  Actually I am using some of it.  Legumes of various sorts, and canned goods of the medium term larder, go into regular use and  replacement.  I have a grain grinder, so the wheat may begin being cycled through.  And other grains as well.  Bit by bit, it takes time to fully implement a program.  And it's never quite perfect.  Building a lifestyle and life cycle around foreign ways takes a bit.  Thankfully I have the rest of my life in which to do it!

I best get going.  I called my friend, offered him to go out, and it sounds like he is in.  He has been stuck at home for a while too, by the sounds of it.  One or the other of us will eventually push and pull the other, I think.  I just need to get my hiking gear together.  Actually, he's better at my gear than I am.  I suspect I'll learn a thing or three, but that's part of the point.  I used to know more, but dead batteries, for too long, has wiped memory and the will to things which were once nearly native.  We'll see.  Later.

She visited.

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In my dreams, she arrived.  Moved, by recent notions, dubious about some things too.  She asked how I could deal with such powerful things, as what she presents.  I simply opened her eyes to the rest of the story.  Always two sides.

Awake and about to hit it again.

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I'm not good at fine detail, on some things.  House cleaning is, well, stuff, something, etwas.  The last of the dishes should be dry, though I have irregular dishes and new items to wash.  That should be easy though.  I have a few more loads of laundry, coats and synthetics, whites, and wools I believe... if I have enough wool to wash.  Something I ordered to help keep the bathroom in order arrived.  Have you ever been in the hospital, as a man, and been unable to get out of bed, but been conscious and somewhat able?  Yeah, the urinal they offer?  It isn't because I am sit or bed bound, it's because, even with an extra heavy duty large and tall toilet, I am still quite a ways off the deck.  Splatter, that's what I am saying.  These will mean I can go without sitting, and without endangering the water supply by going au natural.  Some things just aren't designed for even midget giants.

Tea is being made as I speak.  I just got my hands on white peony tea and green gunpowder.  I would also like to purchase some other, dark, teas.  Lately I have been consuming mostly tea.  I have been experimenting with multiple steepings of various teas as well.  Actually, that is turning out much better than I thought.  That first steeping, while stronger in caffeine, is also usually much more acidic(?).  It can be a bit overpowering.  But by the second, third, perhaps even forth pass, it is fully tamed.  Go too far and you end up with warm water, though you can get a good idea by the third pass if anything is left for more and yet usually have something-something in your cup.  Not necessarily something I would offer company, unless they too were more aficionado or curious.  No, I'm not truly an aficionado, I'm just discussing that some others of my acquaintances could and or have been such.  For some reason I meet the oddest of folk.  Hmm...

It's been quite good.  Work.  I am well ahead.  I am going to continue.  It feels like, after recovery from shoveling, I have been able to shift that effort back into the cave.  If I can keep it going, then add hiking, maybe fishing, a bit of travel, and such into it, I might get life to be a much more pleasant thing.  It will always be a grand effort.  You have no idea how much push there is just to get out of my chair.  But that is, and always has been, my style.  As weak as this seems, it is as if I was coming out of a tomb.  The tomb, it seems, just won't have me.  And, finally, I am glad for it.  Later.

Work.

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I'm not going much more than a snails pace, taking rests like the hare takes naps.  And yet it is getting done.  The last of the regular dishes are air drying.  I dried all the glass and metal, but drying plastic is for the birds.  One load of laundry had been, mostly, folded and put away and another will be through shortly.  One more load is in the washer, but that is it for that on that tonight.  Ah, and the baskets for the freezer have been washed and returned.  Plus I measured so as to consider shopping for bottom freezer baskets.  It's just much easier to organize with additional baskets.  Keeping like meets together, stacking even those, and still having some room for bags of ice or other assorted items.

Feeling a bit rough, for some reason.  I think I am staying on medicine, and eating.  I just realized, it has been years since I went without food for a week or more.  Yeah, that hurt.  Starving hurts right up until it doesn't.  If you then eat, you might be tempted to (and I often did) overeat.  That hurts just as bad.  Amazing.  I am surprised none of that ended me, at least on top of everything else.  It was torturous, boys and girls.  It was truly harsh.  Now, a few days without food isn't totally unusual.  It just never goes so long it hurts to a crescendo then stops hurting.  Oh, I started up the grill, too, tonight.  Brots, steak, and a small beef roast... should keep me in meats for nearly the week.

I hope to do a bit of business yet tonight, at least the paperwork.  If they sent it to be printed.  If not I may try to get to the post office tomorrow.  The problem is the post office is open, currently, during my down time and I don't seem able to shift that much.  We'll see.  Tomorrow evening I hope to get out.  Ice, milk, cat food, minor usual needs.  As rough as I feel, I might be able to sneak a nap in and wrangle the morning to my ends.  We'll see.

Later.

No wasting of this day.

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It was difficult waking.  A false start or two, if way too early.  When the time was right though I was on my feet almost at a jog.  Dreams, which I will discuss later, both pulled me back to sleep and were an incentive to wake.  Odd how one thing can cause two opposite reactions.  Up, up, and out.  I set a pot of tea, washed the dishes and set them aside to be soaked after I showered, showered, then put the dishes to soak.  Oh, and before I showered I pulled the clean jackets out of the dryer and hung them.  I have a few more jackets to wash.  I wash them by material, so they simply don't all wash together.  Bam.  Pleased.

The dreams... for the last few weeks I have been seeing my children, future or potential, in my dreams.  Dealing with them as a father would, sometimes when they are children, sometimes when we are all adults.  And her.  She is often in there, if not always literally present.  Supporting, or even wishing I would go another way.  But her presence is often known, even if offstage.  Odd how the moon can pull even the sun, or so it seems.  Terribly wonderful dreams.

What else today?  I don't know.  I'm still, a bit, limping.  "Morning" sprints... are just a maybe.  The hope is to finish dishes and keep going with laundry, perhaps get to town just to go, or maybe tomorrow.  Oh, and to check my phone messages and figure out some other business operations.  Bleh.  And, tomorrow, make another call.

Though, now that the cave is coming to some order, I may not discuss why I have been hiding, beside just health.  I feared that the odor from the freezer had... gotten onto everything.  And yet I couldn't force myself to cleaning and washing.  It was all just a bit too much and I had nothing on offer.  Over the last week or three I have slowly sorted it all out.  That's just as fast as the machine would go.  Now the freezer is cleaned, cleared, and back in operation.  I added a fresh box of freezer baking soda, opened (on both sides... huh, go figure on that! :p).  The dishes are almost all done.  The cat litter has been cleared, cleaned, and is being maintained.  The bathroom is about to get a complete clean and clear.  Oh, and the tub drain has been sorted out and is running like a top, which was part of the holdup.  And every stitch of laundry is in the process of being washed.  As weather warms, I will be able to open up and allow fresh air to finish the job.  So... yeah... there.

On to the day.  A bit of gaming to start the actually wake-up procedure.  Hmm, after a bit of blog and "news" review anyway.  Later.

Something just wasn't working right.

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I did some work.  Then hit a snag, then another.  I couldn't even game well.  I did get medicine in.  If you have ever had a vehicle that was spotty, would run then not, start then quit, that's what it was like.  The vehicle just quit last night.  I got things going enough to do a few things, simply couldn't maintain for long, or well.

Bedtime.  I have a dozen things I really mean to do, in the house, business, and more broadly social and religious.  I simply can't get to it, right at the moment.  Perhaps it is too much, maybe I am just a bit low.  I'll keep at it, just not today.

At least I don't really feel poorly.  Though that is almost insult to injury.  If I feel bad, and can't function, that makes sense.  When I feel fine but simply can't work then I wonder.  More used to wonder.  Now I know, if knowing doesn't really help all that much, or change how I feel about it all.  Never mind.  I'll keep trying to figure things out.  I'll keep doing what I can, when I can.

Good night.

What a nap.

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Did a few things, was gaming in between, then something went south.  A nap, I thought.  I crashed hard.  A knock on the door at 19:00, 19:30, somewhere in there, woke me.  Dinner.  I am up and have been since, if not terribly awake.

I have run a load through to the dryer, put a second on in the wash, and have my last jackets and synthetics ready for a wash next.  I should hit the dishes before too long, when I can stand to do it.  After that, those will go into a hot soak, then be dried before the night is through, I hope.  After that I have some odds to wash, and new products that need to be washed first.  I might have a load or two of laundry for my next wake cycle.  Still, I will be well ahead if I can get these things done.

If I can work in my next wake cycle, beside finishing laundry, and maybe just the few odds and new dishes, I'd like to break down boxes and put them in the Xterra.  Then get those in when I shop next, Wednesday or Thursday.  But that nap thing sort of caught me off guard.  No major concern, I can work around such.  Must be the medicine restart.  At least it isn't hurting.

Bit by bit I am putting things back into play.  I may check my balances, and if food, order four duck.  One of which will be roasted as soon as it arrives, or close.  I'd like to make one to share out with my friend.  As well as a good gravy and mashed potatoes.  We'll see, but... as soon as I can afford it, duck is back on the menu.  Later.

Unhappy, but I had to chuckle.

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I thought I was going to make it to bed early.  I mean really early, as in last evening.  Anyway, I went about tinkering and not really paying attention.  A bit had passed, I thought maybe I would sneak in and sleep early.  I looked at the time and just had to laugh through minor bitter tears.  It was almost 5:00 am.  I mean, like... ten hours passed and I had no idea.  Hopefully, if I can keep up on meds, that won't be a problem here on in.  Until it happens again.  pftftftf  I sort of just went about things since it looks like turning back the clock isn't going to happen.  I don't know when I finally went to bed, but I would peg it at between 7:00 and 9:00.  I just woke at about 14:30.

The cave is coming together.  The first thing I do, when I can get to it, is the dishes.  Hmm, or maybe I'll sort a first load and do laundry first first?  Yes!  I am going to, pretty much, wash everything.  As I said, I don't think the freezer odor infected everything.  Just that, when messing with it, it gets in the nose and I smelled it everywhere.  I hope.  Not taking chances, is all.  Plus, it's spring.  A good time to wash coats, jackets, and all else.  Then sweeten the air with open windows on the better temp-wise days which also have a touch of wind.

I did get the cat litter cleared, trash and recycling out, and finished shut and initiate the freezer.  I did spots of this and that else, for work.  I'm simply not really able to keep up on things.  But, once in a while, I can do more, for a while.  The kitchen really is getting closer to being a one shot kill.  And, some day this week I may see about breaking down boxes for a delivery of them to town the following day.  Men simply aren't house keepers.  Not all women are but almost no man is.  Just the facts, ma'am.

I'll keep at it.  Later.

Almost ready to get ready.

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I wasn't sure much would happen today.  As it turned out, I missed two days of medication, except insulin.  Why I remember part of it but not all, I don't get.  I keep it right there together and I honestly mean to take it all.  Back on it as of today, I think.  I know I have taken it all today.

I hit the dishes but late.  I wanted to get a shower before dinner arrived.  But dishes were in the way, at the least slowing my will to it.  The call came a goodly bit earlier, but I understand.  Schedules change and things work out as they do.  I often work like that, or even have to cancel.  Anyway, that prompted me to push through the first set of dishes.  They just needed a final wash and rinse.  But if I was going to do that, I was going to go ahead and dry and put them away.  It's the only way to be sure they won't just be left for later, often much later.

A shower after, life was good.  Then I put the last of the dishes, mostly, in for a soak.  I have since washed those once, then set them to a second soak.  Yeah, they need it.  Not as bad as the worst, just... if more for my satisfaction, really, than need.

I may yet hit those again, and put a load through the washer and into the dryer at least.  As well, I might get the last of the coffee out of the freezer.  I think it really did work.  I just need to wash under the freezer for the last of the scent of rotted duck.  If the stink isn't in the freezer, then it will fade with time.  That is, I do believe, the case.  Though the coffee has tamed both inside and out.  It didn't actually stink up the hole house, somehow.  Just a small area around the freezer.  That is tended.  If I finish up the freezer tonight, and restart it, assuming it passes muster in a few days, I should be set for the beef next month or the month after, and replacement ducks.  A duck on the quarter is good for the mind and stomach.

I will, after the beef arrives, order a pig after that.  I'm giving a pretty hefty bit of the beef out, and will probably be giving a bit of the pork out too.  Though the pork will be given in parts.  That friend's freezer won't hold too much.  Still, I'll probably end up giving him a quarter, or more.  Urhm... if everything works out.

Yeah, I'll get the trash and recycling out.  This all will make me much closer to really getting started, as I suggested.  Tomorrow I have business in town, if I can make it.  I hope to also hit more laundry and finish the dishes.  I have bigger jars that aren't really dishes, in that they aren't standard or regular, that need to be done next... soon.  The bathroom has to be hit, then the kitchen.  I keep digging in, not quite getting done, falling back, and then moving in a little more.  It really is three steps in, one or two back, and on.  I'm getting closer to actually hitting things really hard, and right.

Later, or good night if I don't return.

I do my best.

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Sometimes it just doesn't matter.  I missed medicine again.  Last night for sure, though probably all of yesterday.  The day before?  It just slides away.  One, even two days off, can be fixed pretty easily.  Four or more days of missed medicine means lots of pain when going back on it, or can.  Odd how sometimes it's easy, sometimes it is brutal.  I know heart medicine is rather potent.  Still, why the difference I can't say.  Hmm, actually... I suspect it is because sometimes my heart is much worse off, sometimes it is better.  Heart?  Perhaps my whole system.  It is rather, extremely, variable.  Back on it today.

I didn't finish the dishes yesterday.  I'll get started on that this morning.  I really hope to kick it out today, and do some or all laundry.  Maybe work in the kitchen.  I have been doing bits and pieces out there.  Even if I just do a few more bits and pieces that would be fine.

Alright, I did just a bit of looking today.  My electronic thermometer, for outside, was reading 36 F, which means thawing.  Just barely.  A few degrees, over time, is enough to cause little pools or damp areas from thaw.  No such thing, currently.  That tells me it is probably off by a goodly bit.  Even at what I suspect is just 32 and a fraction thawing happens.  I need to see about a thermometer for outside which I can be certain about.  I don't trust weather stations any more than my own instruments to date.

It's been a slow week.  I can't seem to get geared up or pushing on or out.  I'm doing good to be awake, and not all that awake.  I'll keep chiseling at it.  Perhaps with a full spring thaw?  Life is such a strange thing.  I just reviewed spring from this one through to when I must have been... what... seven or so?  Not every spring, can't remember them all, but a lot of them.  We really don't get life, or ourselves in it.  Easier to see our oddities, misconceptions, and such, from a distance.  Can't every, fully, see that in the current time.  But, with a bit of preview, top-down consideration, and a bit of luck, I can make the current oddities out to some degree of reliability... on the rare occasion I think to assess and spend the time.

Oh, have you been reading politi-blogs lately?  One of them, supposedly all about being anti-moonbat (moonbat = hard left) suggested that Cruz is the only way for non-moonbats (though maybe it is anybody but an actual American?).  Cruz and Rubio aren't even, in the truest sense, American.  Being open border, Rubio is for the destruction of America.  I am pretty sure Cruz has no intention of doing anything against "immigration".  At least I know where people stand.  I also know false advertising when I see it.  I'm not sure if they are shills or just wrong.  Though there is no complication with people being both, they do it daily.  Look, if you are going to support some people, do it squarely.  Admit they are shills for mega-corpa, admit they don't give a crap about America, sovereignty, our borders, or the middle and bottom parts, and call it what it is.  Heck, they don't even care about the American wealthy.  It's only international wealth that they serve.

Well, on with my day.  Later.

Reviewing a recent review.

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Sort of.  Over at Vox's, someone was saying something about something.  A movie.  I suggested the movie sucked.  That Alien, the series, was better.  They called me on that.  Since I really hadn't seen the movies in a while, I really wasn't prepared to back it up completely.  Still, I was sure, to my tastes, the Alien series was better.  Dated?  I just didn't know.

As I am replacing lost movies I am also filling some gaps.  One of those was the Alien series.  I refused to buy the movies until they were packaged together, and all in bluray.  It just so happens, that as I was selecting movies, I found the Alien series as I wished and on sale.  Okay.  I pulled the trigger on that without much fuss.

I was very surprised that the first movie was out in 1979.  Seriously?  As I remembered it, it was out in '85.  It might have been that in never came to where I lived.  Small towns had one movie house, which often only showed one or two movies, and showed those for a long time.  We just didn't get the newest, biggest, or those the owners considered controversial.  What may have happened was that I didn't see the movie until I was in the Navy.  I remember it was Orlando, Florida.  It was 1986, in late spring or early summer.  I was in nuke power school, and had my first real weekend without having to wear dress blues off base, and without serious restrictions regarding time, plus I had some money.  I could rent a car.

I am almost certain it was the first movie.  Perhaps they were bringing it out with, or in advance of, the second in the series?  I just can't be sure.  The thing is, now that I review them, the first movie isn't really too badly dated (as I see things).  Actually the second movie is more dated.  Too histrionic, among other things.  I have seen the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd so far.  The first and third are still okay, the second was just a bit too silly.  I am betting the fourth is, as I remember it, my favorite.

It isn't the best sci-fi/horror out there, by far.  It just isn't too bad.  There are huge secular and feminist type flaws in it.  And yet, it's about what you can expect.  In these times I would reject such, out of hand.  This series, as with much of the pop-culture of my youth which I have an attachment, is grandfathered in to a degree.  Very little of it would be acceptable if new.  Some of it just went away anyway.  Some of it stayed.  Well, now I know.  I'll go to bat for it, at least compared to some of the worse stuff, one way or another.  A Space Odyssey, for example.  Bleh.

Good night.

Yes, awake.

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Not until 13:00 or so.  Up.  I fed the girls first thing.  Not something I usually do.  An extremely rare action.  Still, once or twice a year and they feel special.

I set some dishes to soak last night.  I hit them first thing this morning.  They need another wash according to how I see things.  Mostly flatware, serving and cookware, pots, and a few bigger bowls.  The detail oriented items.  After I finish those, I'll take a shower then set up the bulky but easier to wash items in the bin.  I'm using the pots to contain what I am washing.  It's easier to manage.

I have started considering an electric dish washer.  Utah, a few years back, changed what is allowed in dishwasher soap, so it might not be worth it.  I'd rather have to slog through hand washing dishes, for myself, than mess with scale on everything.  And I'm not interested in attempting to become a chemist in order to attempt to get something like clean dishes.  I haven't done much research on the topic since I heard they had nerfed dish washing powder here.  Lots of complaints, never saw a solution to it, then lost track.  Of course, buying a dish waster is the first part, then getting it installed, and well, is the next part.  Don't even think you can or should do such.  I've learned my lesson several times over.  Limits.

Today?  I don't know.  I've been running rough lately.  It's a great day, in the 50's.  I'd love to get out but it just isn't going to happen, or at least not as I would like it.  Hiking, or even a drive, would be fantastic.  If I get out, it will be a run for food, or to the grocery store, not anything of a non-utilitarian nature.  I would, however, like to do more work in the cave.  I really am thinking I am nearing the possibility of getting the cave cleaned.  It could happen.  Sooner or later I think it will.  Dishes, a shower, soaking the rest of the dishes, and a couple of loads of laundry... start to stop... would be good.  Later.

True?

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No, not me.  Advertising.  I suspect this vid has some truth to it.  I've cut ads drastically.  I use various browsers, cut cable, am still considering getting away from the "smart" phone altogether (but don't use it for anything by calls at this point anyway), use ad blocker on all of my various browsers, and... do everything else I can to shut down, turn off, erase, remove, and destroy access to advertisers.  And, no, he isn't really selling anything.  Just crying in his beer.  If he pretends to be advertising all sorts of things.  Though one does wonder how much, or if, he was paid by various companies.  The gig might have been a trial balloon for an extra revenue stream.  Or just humor.  Or fact.

Okay, and resting.

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It's not a bad day, just not a busy one.  The temp got up to, according to one of my thermometers, 64 or maybe a bit higher.  I opened up the place just for some fresh air.  Nice.  Really.  Then the temps plunged to 54 in no time.  Something, weather or atmospheric, must have happened.  The sun was the same, so that wasn't it.  All good.  A bit of fresh air was nice, has to help with mood and maybe health.

I've been meaning to order pants for hiking.  The thing is, I hadn't been getting out.  Jeans are my favored pant for common day to day, and some cargo pants.  The jeans aren't the best for hiking, and the cargo pants are showing their age.  New was needed.  I looked far and wide, compared what companies were offering.  I'm not going to pay $100-$300 for "hiking" pants.  I don't care how "high tech" or groovy they are.  Duluth Trader makes excellent seeming pants, cargo, light weight, nylon, sturdy, and on sale a good enough deal.  I ordered three regular and one pair of lined.  Unless I hike for months at a time, and probably even so, these will last a goodly number of years just for that.  My only problem, which I wouldn't mind, is if I really hike a good deal I might lose enough weight to have to size down.  Wouldn't mind at all.  I'll review them when I receive them, and after using them a few times.  I picked these out long ago, just haven't been out enough to spend the money on them.

It is a really good day.  I think my sleep is going off the rails as the world warms up.  It seems to have warmed so much and so quickly that I've been taken a bit by surprise and storm.  Loving it though.  It means hiking is much more likely.  Even just a short foray or dozen, as the thaw sets, would be good.  Oh, and fishing.  I might have a fishing partner.  Yeah, when you are this ill, it's difficult to get out on your own.  A partner in crime helps.

Later.

No, no, yeah, no?

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Medicine is going down like clockwork.  My internals seem to be repairing, feeling better.  Sleep is sliding into the afternoon.  Not much work is going forward.  Yeah.

I seem to be in rest and repair mode.  I can't really push beyond it, quite yet.  I suspect I will improve quickly if all goes well.  Then I just have to attempt to keep on track.

Life isn't bad.  It is improving.  I am frustrated with a lack of ability to work, but I think that is coming.  I might be able to get a good run in.  If I can layer an occasional hike, perhaps even a bit of camping, in with work, I might be able to build up better than even my best to date.  I am honestly hoping to line things up for a full year of not just being awake and aware (which has become commonplace) but active.  How active?  A clean cave, regular food, and weekly, perhaps bi-weekly, hikes plus monthly camping trips.  Yeah.  We will see.

Spring is in the air and it is super.  I didn't mind the sub-freezing temps.  It really wasn't awful.  Spring, in a way, is often colder.  While the temps are higher, rain and wind really change the perspective, or reality even.  Still, I am healthy that way.  I should start getting my gear back together.  It's mostly all ready, just needs to be rearranged.  Later.

Finally did make it back to sleep.

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I think it was 3:00.  The wind has been gusting.  Though it is warming.  My thermometers are in disagreement, by a lot, and online sites... when I check... seem to split the difference.  And yet I trust my mechanical thermometer more than the others.  It's a bit frustrating.  However, I suspect that beside choosing poor places to measure ground temps, weather "scientists" are just as well choosing instruments that do not measure accurately.  No, I don't trust them.  Often I believe they mean to get it wrong, and arrange it to fail.  Even so they are failing.  Which means, if anything, global cooling.  Since that would be contrary to man-made affairs, they have lost the battle.

I set the alarm, changing it to go off a bit later.  I couldn't wake though.  Sleep was just too off.  I am pretty sure the phone rang a number of times, which I haven't checked yet.  Though I might have just dreamed that.  Yeah, that happens, about fifty fifty.  Or I will get one call then echo that in dreams.  I really should turn my phone off when sleeping, or trying to sleep.  Nah, tried that.  I then have a solid chance to forget to turn it back on.

Today?  Hmm... a bit of waking.  Then I'd like to dig into the bathroom and kitchen.  A shower, then setting up dishes, putting a load of laundry to go, and then seeing where I can go after that.  In the upper 40's F, outside, it would be nice to clear and clean enough to open the windows for a spot in the afternoon, if it stays this warm.  I did vacuum most of the stuff out of the freezer.  I left what was in pie pans in there.  And I need to wash the inside surfaces.  It seems that the freezer had fluids inside of it, which came out.  That caked what had been dry coffee and baking soda.  It doesn't really make sense.  In any case, I need to wash the interior again.  It still seems like there is a minor odor.  Though, perhaps, I just need to move the freezer and wash under it.  Bleh.

Spring seems to be arriving early.  If this is just a moment, all good.  If it is for real, that is all good too.  Just having a break, either way, is good.  I had finally gotten used to it being locked in.  Not terribly cold, just solidly below zero.  Hmm, perhaps there is a chance to get out more often, maybe get to hiking a little earlier.  Nothing fancy, no massive hikes, just little spots out in the fresh air.  I think my friend is hoping he can get out too.  Between the two of us, I might end up out a bit more often.  Sometimes solo, sometimes as a crew.  My ability to carry gear, like a bite to eat, extra water and water purifying, and even a couple of hammocks and shade cover, could make for fairly reasonable outings.  Danged kids anyway!  *grins*

Well, on to waking.  Yeah, I still feel bruised to the middle.  I can't be sure what is causing this.  I've had it before, but only when off medicine, or going back on after a poorly stretch off, or if I had been in a fight a few days ago, maybe a week ago.  If my opponent was any good at fistwork and reasonably sized to put that in play against me.  I almost felt bad for the idiots who decided to check a known false with me.  Effort won't earn an A here, just a clobbering you won't forget if you survive.  I'm not sure what is up with it.  It's not bad enough to keep me down, I don't think.  Just annoying.

An odd cycle.

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Usually when I go to bed I stay asleep.  There are things that can cause problems.  If medication isn't regular, if I push too hard or too long, if I ate something bad or as my friend calls it a gut bomb, if temps are too high, though there are others.  Dreams can pop a can of no-sleep on me, the worst of them.  If dreams have been bad enough I will avoid sleep.  The thing is, none of that was the problem.  I went in at 20:30, then fell asleep easily and well.  At 23:00 my eyes were open and that was that.  Here at 1:36, I am wide awake.  I have avoided anything that might keep me awake.  I had a bite to eat and milk, I think I had milk anyway.  Tea, even caffeinated, usually puts me to rest, as does coffee.  I might try that.  No dreams, no problems, medicine has been regular, food has been more regular, I just don't quite get it.

I'd sure like to rest, to keep my schedule going.  The cave is sweeter smelling with the work I have been doing.  I'd like to keep up on some things, and get ahead on a few others.  I don't need a regular day schedule for all of it, but some of it might be much easier to do with a day schedule.  Which I have been keeping for a goodly while.  Whatever.  Something to drink, then I'll try to hit it again.  The only thing off is that my innards feel as if I have been in a fight recently.  They have felt that way for the last week or so, off and on.  Everything else seems good.

Good night, again, I hope.

Ah, wind and... something else.  Weather is being funny.  I think that's why I can't sleep.  Gusts blow my sleep mojo away.

Feeling better today, this morning.

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It's not terrible, the way things have been going.  More like being a bit grumpy of body and the systems within.  Enough things off that it hurt and I couldn't get comfortable.  Today that is gone.  Perhaps getting out more often is a good thing.  If I can just focus and do that.  We'll see.

I am going to rest a bit today.  I have been doing a lot for the last four days, or five?  Something.  Getting out when I didn't feel like it.  Doing chores when it was a stretch.  No complaints, I think it does me good.  And yet I do need to keep from overdoing.

A rest no longer means a stop.  Sometime today I would like to vacuum the baking soda and coffee out of the freezer, then let it set for a day, closed.  Then check it.  If it's good to go, which I suspect it might be, then I am ready to order ducks and will be ready for beef.  If not, another go at the powdering of the absorption concoction and some more time.  I do have some time.  Enough time really.  But I need to stay on that.

As well, I might want to hit laundry and dishes.  At least put a load of laundry through and have the rest ready, then soak and give a first wash to a large load of dishes.  With the freezer cleaned and being deodorized,  cat litter managed, dishes at least being somewhat maintained, and some other things, the cave is becoming a bit more pleasant day over day it seems.  Oh, I might hit the bathroom while I am at it.  I want to prepare for the next warm day, so as to be able to open up and get fresh air on top of the clean.  Delicious.  Even an ogre enjoys such.

Hmm?  But first, some gaming just to get me going.  Go on, enjoy your day, do your work as you may, even whistle through it if you can.  Work won't free you, that is false, secular, dead.  Works with, perhaps more in faith, will help you along the way.  Just don't claim the glory.  Hand it over as with all else to where such belongs.  Odd thing, He doesn't claim it, just, if things are right, receives it.  I suppose He lays it in as larder for those who reach glory.  He too, as a true King, is the greatest of Servants.  Later.

I really didn't think so.

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Out, again, today.  I was feeling so rough this morning.  I almost called things off.  I was up late.  I kept thinking to call and cancel.  I procrastinated about doing that.  The sun was out and it looked like a really nice day.  In the end, I went ahead and showered, then called, and went in.  I wanted xylitol too.  I bought some tea, though may look for more elsewhere.  Then on to the visit.

This time a trip into the mountains seemed a part of the plan.  I didn't even have to drive.  I'm not used to having a driver.  Often I feel a bit queasy about someone else driving.  I generally give people a chance.  If they aren't up to my standards, I won't complain, it just won't happen again.  He seems to drive really well.  If I don't notice their driving, then it is really good.  Then discussions through the day, a bite to eat ordered in, then a movie.  Fight Club.  I consider that a story, or at least movie, that captures of lot of my age-group's angst.  At least for men.  He, I think, mostly caught it.  Not sure it was exactly his thing.

It was pretty late when I returned.  I am tired, but not too bad.  Life smoothed out, a bit.  And yet I keep stretching things.  A bit of rest on through the week.  Only one piece of business to manage in the next day or two.  Two, no three, pieces of business actually.  But they can be done at a snails pace so long as they are done by Thursday, I think.  Bleh.  I can get a lot of it done tomorrow.  Probably.

Good night.

An off day.

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Like a bad olive, something is just off.  Can't quite tell what.  The internals feel rough.  Muscles are a bit achy.  Sleep didn't quite do it.  You know those days.  Not quite terrible, but not great, not even good.

I have plans for today.  I don't know if they will work out.  I'm going to give it a shot.  Then I could take the week off.  Otherwise I will have to attempt to get out some other day this week.

The sun seems to be out.  And it seems rather warm out there, compared to recently.  I'm good with where it has been, still a sunny warm day would be a bit of a treat, even for me.  Plus I would like to get some of that 'near-sugar"... xylitol?  Something like that.  Though I am mixing and matching my sweeteners... I mean, using various types at various times.  Each sweetener functions better for certain things, plus not depending on just one opens up some options and keeps the bad parts of any from becoming an issue itself.  Is sugar bad for you?  Probably no worse than any of these things.  And, yes, they are all bad at some higher level.  So... a bit of this, a touch of that, and so on.  I have four sweeteners now, and would like to add a few more if I can find a few more of the ones I want the way I want them.

Hmm?  Oh, I suppose.  I'll just get ready and head out.  Buying xylitol on my way.  I'll take a few movies and order lunch when I get there.  Later.

Out and a bit.

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Pizza on the town with a friendly family.  I really like the huge pizza pie you can order.  Just getting out is fun.  Sharing a meal is super.  No one has to cook or do dishes, well on our side of the event.

I had thought to return home after.  Traffic forced me to head toward home.  That last is probably why I didn't return to my home.  I hate being pushed, one way or the other.  Back into town, for a bit of shopping.  I decided to go ahead and buy baking soda, to add with the coffee, to deodorize the freezer.  As well as some for cleaning the drain, along with vinegar.  The tub drain is off and on.  A lot of plunging will bring it back.  Still, I'd like to do a chemical treatment, to see if that might help.  It's just the tub.  Everywhere else drains fine.

I had to buy gas.  That is sure decreasing in cost slowly.  If oil bounces up a nickle, they tack on a dime before the news can travel on the radio.  Criminal, in a true world.  Not much else though.  Ah, but I did put in platters of coffee mixed with baking soda in the freezer.  Initially just that way, though later I sprinkled some of the dust around the base and in the baskets.  I'm hoping that pulls the stink out.  I initially left it closed, but have since opened it up.  I can smell the coffee, even out here.  I have to be closer to smell the odor I am trying to remove.  I'll keep at it until I run out of patience, powders, or the odor seems to be defeated.  Opening it sometimes, closing it other times.  I'm not really sure what I am doing.

Another day to town tomorrow.  A few movies will go with.  I'm not sure what the game plan is, or if there is one.  Hmm... it would be fun to make a meal while I am over there, I just don't know what to make.  I'm not quite up to thinking on that.  Oh, but I could order duck... or as soon as the freezer is back in operation.  That is truly a good food.  Roasted with the big three or variants, perhaps with sauerkraut, or perhaps a few other ways.  Gravy is easy enough too.  Oh, and maybe mashed potatoes.  I'd like to get set up to do a bird quarterly, a special meat roast quarterly, and... well... I can't find definitively non-foreign seafood, so I won't buy that until I do.  But fish/seafoods, if I can find American, I would like to do on Fridays.  It's a Catholic thing.  An old one, but one I'd like to begin.  I might see where such fish/seafood might be had, or what else I might use... or... go fishing?  Maybe.

Good night.

I am beginning to wear thin.

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I have a few more days of events planned.  Some of them are happenstance, some were roughly planned and are coming due.  Tired.  I'll plug along anyway.

This and that today.  I even did research about how to deodorize the freezer.  I have seen several pieces of advice suggesting ground coffee.  Not my good stuff, mind you.  So, while in town, I bought preground canned coffee.  I'm not up to messing with it yet tonight, but I have the stuff.  It might just be residuals in my nose, if I don't think so.  It's not the whole house though either, just when the freezer is opened.  I put two bags of ice in there, I think I am going to write those off.  There was room in the other freezer for two other bags, so I am not out of ice.  And, right now, I need ice.

Ah, right, cat litter too.  I changed that out right when I got home, along with unloading and sorting then storing groceries.  As well, I took what remained of the trash out, then got the bin to the curbside.  Yeah, I'm getting things done.  I don't always feel like it.  I definitely didn't want to shovel.  I didn't want to go to town.  I was sure I was done, but got the litter changed, trash out, and then to the curb.  Good, really.  But it is a major push.

I am falling behind on other things.  I would like to get in on helping with Lenten meals, and go to a few that the others are putting on.  Support back and forth makes it all work better.  And I do like to work.  Work won't save me, but they are necessary, in my belief.  Scrappy or half dead, you gotta at least try.  So... I'll try to get that sorted out this week.  And get clothes ready for confession, Mass, and the next meeting.  I feel like roadkill, but I'll keep at it.  I think I'm digging out, in more ways than one.  Not sure that is truly possible, so it might just be all pain until I fall down again.  Though there is only one way to find out.

Good night.

I did get out last night.

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Just to buy ice and stop to visit with my friend.  I offered him food but he had already feasted and was quite satisfied.  So we just chattered.  It was getting pretty late so I headed on home.  That meant that a shower and some other things had to take place first.  I had hoped to squeeze a cleaning of the bathroom first.  No such luck, just didn't have it in me.  I may yet do that today.  I have a few more things on my short list in an attempt to make the cave a bit more livable.  Cat litter is the next major... issue realignment.  Today?  Not sure.  Maybe though.

So, I busted out and pushed and pulled every gear and lever to get some things done and break the impasse.  Fair enough.  It was truly needed.  I went to bed late, but read for sleep.  I slept well.  I woke, used the facilities, and while doing so realized something was... different.  The dark ribbon of a driveway I can generally easily see through the frosted bathroom windows wasn't dark, or there in a way.  No, maybe not?  After doing my biological, I investigated a bit more.  Yep, snow.  Oh well.  After that terrible spat winter relaxed it's harshness.  I really can't complain, all in all.  My wonder was how much was really there and how heavy it was.

I checked the time.  The people who might have snuck over and purloined my snow were probably just getting ready for church.  So I had time.  Oh, I appreciate it, I do.  It's just nice to surprise people once in a while, if I can.  Wasn't sure today, busted out yesterday as I said.  After dressing and getting out, I did a quick check.  The snow was only an inch, inch and an half maybe, and rather dry.  I was able to pump it, and some of the frontage.  I lost some of the frontage due to road salt slush and constant freezing.  No complaint, mind you, just the facts.  Still, I have a good twenty to thirty feet on each side of the drive.  Shorter runway, in Navy parlance.  It works.

If I get the cat litter situation amended, and the bathroom cleaned, I am going to dig into laundry.  I have some small fear of smelling like a cat lady, or something.  I am also going to do some research about sweetening the freezer.  If I can't get the odor out, I may junk it and buy a new one.  Yeah... it might be that bad.  Or the stink from the cleaning is simply stuck in my nose.  That can happen.  I'll give it several efforts, this way and that, before making up my mind.  Well, and clean the kitchen around it too.  That's a large charge.  I'd rather figure out a way around replacement, if I can.  But I won't live with that scent, if that is an actual fact.

Later.

Not perfect.

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I think perfection is saved for one here and others in another time.  Even though I am here to stay forever but not today.  Work, I mean.  Done.  And more to go.  I cleared off the light but varied items from the freezertop, no small chore that.  While I was at it I sorted trash and recycling from the top and other places.  Not all of it, just a sort of clearing while I was at it.  Then into the depths of that wretched freezer.  Nasty nasty.  Though not as bad as it first was.  Bleach and dish soap... helped.  As it sat, they vied with the rot and neutralized each other, mostly.

I scrubbed, got fresh water and towels, scrubbed more.  Again and again.  The hard part was the lean over the edge.  Thankfully, for me, I can do that flatfooted.  Still, it's like doing setups.  Only with added angles to the exercise.  Over and over, I washed until the water and freezer smelled like a over-chlorinated pool.  Then I did it one more time, with soap and bleach.  I really ought to wear gloves.  Then I rinsed with clean water and a clean towel.  It actually isn't befouling the cave, might be helping after all that actually.  If you like the scent of ode de swimming pool?

With that done, I may attempt to get a shower in.  Since the drain is still flowing well.  I decided to shower after.  While a shower before and after would have been nice, I just couldn't count on it.  Too much is just too much.  I am already doing more than I thought, certainly from this morning, though even after my first gallon of coffee.  Half way into my second gallon and I have done well, though I need some down time, to cool off.  Yes, a shower.  And if I can keep it going, a trip to town.  A bite to eat, a bit of shopping, and... I don't know!  Not bad for being mostly dead, I will continue with that.  I actually do think I am just warming up.  A woman would... open things up, I think.  Later.

Perhaps.

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*grins*

That definitely helped.

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I started feeling good, then very good.  Still can't do much, but at least I don't feel beat up, dragged through mud and water, stretched like a hide to dry, and all dried out.  Yeah, plus the migraine.  There are still complaints.  I can live with those easily.  No nap needed, as it turned out.  I haven't gotten to any work, but I have more hope for that than before.  I might have gotten to work, and yet I still may not.  That's just how it goes.  As to which helped?  I'd place it at about 70% coffee, 30% anacin.  I'm making another pot, but that should do it.  I might not even drink all, or even much, of the second pot.

Yeah, everything has to be sort of right.  If I miss one thing, which for me is quite easy, I can fall.  Food, medicine, enough fluid and sometimes the right kind of fluid, sleep, and environmental and personal temps... one thing off and the rest and go off-kilter.  I no longer fall all the way, rarely even down to a middling level, and almost never for all that long.  A few months, not a year or two.  A mid-level fall, not a total blackout.  A bit of haze, not a total fog.  And I do think the improvement is ongoing, if it has tapered off.  If I can get medical locally, and change until I trust them and know them, I might be able to take a few more steps up.  Mostly likely I blew something in there really bad.  Like driving on a flat for too long.  If there are no spare parts, you will never have that tire quite right again.  You, then, just have to drive a little slower, a little more carefully, plus keep what will help when the tire fails again.  For me, that can be quite a bit over what was expected.  Shoveling snow was well beyond what is recommended... by a lot.  It did beat me up, but not enough to make me quit.

Anyway... coffee.  Yeah, gotta keep that going.  Not every day, though most days.  Just can't quit or forget that for three days to a week.  Bleh.  I think I caught it just in time so as to not start becoming terribly light and/or sound sensitive.  Such a silly thing.  I'd quit the stuff, have before... caffeine.  It just doesn't work for me.  If you can live without it, go for it.  I can get beyond the headaches, I cannot get beyond the exhaustion.  Later.

Still not good.

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A migraine has slipped in.  A milder one.  Medicine is on track, and has been, mostly, for a bit now again.  Food is okay.  Ah, coffee.  If you are going to be a coffee drinker, don't just stop.  Although I think that I can miss coffee goes to my innocence.  I don't miss things on purpose.  Any coffee drinker knows that you don't just stop drinking that.  It can happen, but it isn't a logic or choice thing.  If, what I am suggesting, you can fall of an addiction, then you have little chance of staying on stuff that beyond not being an addiction is a pain to use.

I've got a pot going.  I'll take anacin with it.  I may end up needing to attempt to nap through it.  Which is fine, so long as the nap isn't too long and that it actually works.  In this condition, I can usually sleep right through a bright dose of caffeine and pain.  Probably.  Not bad, I've had worse, but far from optimal.  Later.

Rough, but a better type of it.

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A minor headache, just a bit off elsewise, a bit sleepy even after a truly good sleep if with no capacity to sleep more, with cranky joints for no reason I know.  All of it minor singularly, even collectively more annoying than damaging.  Focus is off.  Still, I got a bunch of business done this week, I did some housework, and I got to town for social and larder.  There is more that needs to be done, of course, always.  Still, I can't complain, if I have no idea what is happening for the moment.  Hopefully, as the day goes along, I can figure things out a bit better and maybe hit a few targets even yet this weekend.

The tub drain seems to be, finally, after days of plunging, getting it to run, and having to start over every other day on it, running several days in a row.  Given that it happens when it gets cold, I'm almost suspecting that some part of the pipe might be in a draft down under there, and freezes up?  Maybe not though.  I really ought to have a plumber in to look around.  The sink water pressure and the tub and bathroom drains can go slow.  You would think if the tub was slow or stopped, the sink would be two.  Nope.  Where they block up has to be different, and along their own lines.  It may be a plumbing problem, or something to do with the hardware.  I don't want to use the harsh stuff to open the drains, especially when I don't think that would really help.  I believe I have tried that, to no good ends.

Anyway, a shower is in the running.  There is a good chance at it.  Then the freezer, I think, hope.  Maybe some of the kitchen after that.  Then another shower.  Oh, and probably trash out after that.  Assuming I can even kick things off.  I'll know by noon if an early work day will be had, and by 16:00 if anything is likely to happen.  I'll... try to focus.  Later.

Hmm?

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Oh?  Not doing the best, but doing some things.  An email here, a call there.  I keep making jabs at getting things done.  The beans have taken flavor from the ham, at this time, so that is much better.  I rushed the cooking, and soaking really, in an attempt to get it done in a single day.  Initially a bit bland.  Now it is tasting good.

It seems I may have found a way through to the V.A. program for local medical care.  I don't know if it will all work out.  I am on hold after an initial set of paperwork.  It's 14:30, no guarantee I will get this finished today.  There is no guarantee this will work or be accepted, even though I fit the profile.  It's just the way it is.  -  Okay?  Well, it looks like it is going through.  My doctor has to accept, of course.  The program sets up the first visit, then it is ours to manage.  A card will be arriving soon.  And, once this gets going, I may see about local cardiology.  Or not.  Depends on if my doc wants to work with that part or not.

Fine.  Odd that the two areas the phone-tree leads didn't know anything about the other side.  I felt like I was speaking a foreign language.  The last woman I spoke with knew nothing, and was simply confused about... everything.  I am not sure what the other branch even exists to do, only that it had nothing to do with me.  I must admit, I had delayed calling because I was... more confusion would have been a terrible problem.

Well, we will see.  I am pretty sure if this all starts working out, I might be able to lift my head a bit out of the water and not be dragging bottom so harshly.  If things seem to be working out, and continue to for a while, I won't have to fear being forced out and then having to live under a bridge somewhere until I die.  Yeah, I'd do it, rather than have no choice and no option.  We'll see.  Glad I decided to end my nap and make a call.

Later.

Normalizing.

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For now, anyway.  Woke at 6:00 today.  I think it was around then yesterday.  Medicine is normalizing.  I do have to find out if the V.A. has finally, for sure, crapped out on insulin.  I'll keep doing what I am doing until that is for sure, then figure things out from there.  I got lost in yesterday and didn't call them.  I made some other calls, but not that one.  Lots of things going on.  I'm not really up to a gauntlet.  What gets done isn't ordered.

Another foggy day.  I am hoping, as the sun comes up it stays as is.  I would like to do macro (micro?) photography on the tiny icicles, really, on the icicles.  I don't know if it will pan out that there is all that much design, or photographic interest, but it might be there... or it might take just a bit of tinkering to bring it out.  Lots of photos, if I can get to it, then a bit of work in editing, perhaps.  Or, maybe, it'll be right there.  Not sure I can push through, even for that.

I did end up finishing the ham and beans.  The beans are a little dull.  The ham helps.  Hopefully the ham will infuse the beans before long.  At least I have food for a bit.  I'll probably need more beans in a few days.  Yeah, just run it until it's out of meat or goes bad.  Works for me.  Later.

Some things happening.

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Not fast, not heavy, a bit troubling.

I received a business email today.  Instructions for going forward.  I read it several times.  The links were to instructions.  Fine, but there wasn't a link to the site through which I was supposed to use the instructions.  It took reading and clicking several times, trying various different ways of doing things, to realize there was nothing actionable involved.  I checked spam, not there.  I had no choice but to email back.  I can't do what I can't do, literally for literally.

Earlier I set beans to soak.  Ham has been thawed, along with some other meats.  Ham is for the beans, so was primary.  The rest may be grilled at a slow pace.

I also noted someone is looking over a number of related posts and music from the past.  They seem, mostly, to be hitting gold.  They know what they are looking for and where to find it.  It always amazes me when someone does that.  They must have notes, as if my blog were a study.  They go back to see if what was matches with what is, or to remind me what I already suggested.  Interesting.

I also worked on the tub drain.  Something just isn't right.  It has been blocking off.  Plunging helped a bit, now and again.  Today I spent a good deal of energy on it and it looks like it helped.  For how long is anybody's guess.  A blocked tub means showering and dishes are delayed.  Not that there was a high probability, just that the odds went from slim to none.  Though back on track, if it remains open.  Bleh.

I am a bit too tired to stir more than I am.  The icicles have frost fuzz on them!  They are wonderful to examine.  I have a proper micro lens, a fine camera body, and a super mono/tripod.  I just can't get it together.  So very frustrating.  I see how plainly beautiful this is, yet just can't get to it.  Gah!

Later.

Someone remembered.

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Mother, of another sort.  Cheeky bitch, true.  I used to know her better.  No love there, though... it's good to know one's roots.  And, as far as such creatures go, there was a form of deadly love involved, and better and worse from time to time.  Oh, but never trust her fully.  Then again, trust not well the mother of flesh from the daughters of Eve or Mary and from the sons of Adam.  She did not mingle angle and demon, merely angle and man... or... woman, daughter actually.  Starting, truly, with her.

The pull of flesh.

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Still strong despite all else.  I keep the dreams generic, for it is not wise to dream specifically.  Prayers aren't optional when the attack happens within dreams, as this one.  I can only guess that others who have vowed celibacy must know these things.  More so, they must know why when all else fails, that keeping them generic is the only way to avoid worse things.  I could not take such an oath without hope of reprieve, but I learn much from it.  Whether the hope is ever fulfilled is another thing, that it exists in theory is enough.

Another thing from the list.

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I finally called the woman from my childhood.  She had kept my bacon out of the fire, in a serious way, back when.  More, she was my one source of non-judgmental conversation about things few even now understand or tolerate.  Right or wrong, sometimes, what is, is.  And so it was.  I do believe she prevented some serious beatings.  Not all of them, she wasn't always there.  And, sometimes, she was simply a delay.  I won't say that they were wrong.  Only, sometimes, a break from them might be best.  I don't approve myself, for myself, but that is another thing.

We spoke a bit.  She is 93, and... memory is weak.  Still, I hope she remembers why I think of her as fondly as I do.  A big sister, to my child's mind.  Though more, too.  As much as a child may have an adult as a friend, so it was.  Without any sorts of abuses or wrongness.  I know, at times in the past, she has been curious how things ended up.  I'm just not sure she now remembers why, or what it was all about.

In any case, I let her know some things.  She might have hinged a bit, as she did ask if I had been married.  Four engagements and even more girlfriends, I told her, and by far more girlfriends.  Plus a remaining hope for marriage.  I think that satisfied her curiosity as far as she could take it or remember.  I think that is, to a lessor degree, what she wanted to hear.  No matter her neutrality, I think she always wanted to see me with a good woman.  And, really, if flawed by the works of darkness, how better to undo their harm then to end up being rightly fruitful?  If something makes Satan lose sleep, it is the undoing of his designs.

I let her know she was in my prayers and would remain so.  She was pleased with that.  I probably won't call again.  While she hasn't left the world, she is on her way.  Her past is on the way out and her life is simplifying.  I will, however, and just as I suggested, keep her in my prayers.  She is a good woman, a kind woman.  I suspect she will be until she meets God.

A dream.

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Nothing fancy.  I don't know if I was teaching or being taught, or just listened.  This is what was presented.

Someone had questioned God.  An answer was given.  The speaker and listener were both men.

The one who offered the answer offered the choice between these two statements.

The government loves you, personally.  It wishes to help you in your life, to succeed, to enjoy life, and to do the right things regarding morality and ethics.  It is there for you, not itself.  (As for women, since women seek a man or power to deal with them, the question could be stated that women are better off with the government tending them than God or a man.)

God loves you, personally.  He wishes to help you in your life, to succeed, to enjoy life, and to do the right things regarding morality and ethics.  He is there for you, not for Himself.  (In this case, God has recommended that men and women depend upon each other, though has an allowance for women to be 'wed' to Him as servants of men in nunneries or other mission work.)

Which, he asked the man who had asked the question, but from a group of men and women, is more likely to be true?  That was pretty much it.

It is simple.  As well, you could change government for corporations/businesses, or a host of other fleshly, mundane, non-faith based organizations, to include science, feminism, academia in general.  God is not replaceable.  He is the only thing we consider to be outside of space and time.  Everything else which might attempt to fill our lives is within those constraints.

What does it mean?  It's plain to me.  I was thinking it made perfect sense.  It is a simple comparison.  And, either you believe one, or the other, is true.  Some thing both can be true.  I do not.  It is why, for good family men, God is before even the family.  The family is variable, God is not.  Governments are variable.  God is not.  While the bible suggests doing some things angered God, I suggest that is merely a way to express being outside of God's allowances in a way that makes sense to people.  Being away from God is simply not a good place to be, and most understand an angry father idea.

Yes... a simple dream, really.  I think most know the government isn't on their side.  More, it will run right over people for it's own purposes, and knowingly wrongly.  It isn't sacrificing anything for anyone.  It, at this point, steals from high income earners (which are even truly the wealthy) and hands that over to people who now expect they deserve what isn't theirs.  The government isn't and won't ever by your friend.  If it is stealing from the rich in your behalf, it isn't because it likes you.  It's because the process gives them power.  If you become too expensive, they will drop you in a hole or exile you.

Odd dream though.  I bartered, on both sides, to obtain clarity.  Listened to others.  Later.

Way off.

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I figured Iowa was rigged.  NH too?  Maybe.  While Trump may have gotten a blowout, I suspect he has been shorted even so.  Though NH is, well, it's like Iowa.  Politically not much and not very astute.  That Kasich did so well is what causes me suspicion.  Is the GOPe trying to punt to anyone who might do well in a region, hoping they will be good little troopers and surrender all of their numbers to the politician of their choosing?  I mean, really, if all else fails, and they apply enough pressure, !Heb! might pull it off without actually getting more than a few percentage points.  Though I think grey men would begin swinging from the trees and !Heb! would have a hell of a time.  He might have to move the WH south (of the border).

Crazy and creepy.  As for Hillary?  Who cares.  Neither of the leftist monsters have a chance.  Something has gone wrong.  The DNC is as out of phase with it's base as the RNC is with it's.  Their attempts at pushing, pulling, and threatening aren't going anywhere.  I don't think they quite realize it yet, like slave owners who don't quite understand that the slaves aren't playing along at all now.  They are hiding behind bullet-proof glass, hoping the "authorities" will save them, even if at the cost of the neighbors.  They don't realize the "authorities" have bunkered in, just like them, and for very similar reasons.  If they haven't, they will be shortly.  Funny thing is, it's the criminals doing us a solid, thinking they are helping themselves.  Business is business in these parts, as any other parts.

We'll see how this goes.  I think it'll go bad for the elites, or worse.  They created the monster, they lost control of it, now nobody is on their side.  Wait until they turn on each other... right before the riot reaches them.  That'll see a long rerun season.

Not really my deal.  I just see what has happened, what is happening, do a bit of math and logic, and realize what will happen.  A billion dollars won't save you from the hate of the world.  Not even a trillion.  Less so when currencies are crashing faster than people can swim.  They will notice you.  They are hungry.  Good luck.

Mostly a day of rest.

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The tub is being cleaned, I hope to do a few other things.  No whole rooms, or large projects, simple tasks... as much as tasks can be simple.  I went to bed a little later, nearly midnight, but woke early and well.  Sleep was good.  Life is alright.  If not everything I hope to do is going forward.  Like the KoC meeting I will be missing.  I can't do it.  I thought I would be able to go, and last month.  I've... I'm... I'll get there.  And then try to hit it several times, perhaps even make it a regular event.  I like to go.  I like to be involved, even if it is just listening.  Adult Boy Scouts, or at least when the Boy Scouts were worth being involved with, or at least not dangerous.  They have had their first boy rape cases going forward, because of allowing homosexuals in that program.

I did do a few bits of business.  I am attempting, and looking to be successfully, to get my home loan changed from adjustable (if that was better than what I had before it) back to static interest for the life of the loan.  No cost, so I am told.  Yeah, just for peace of mind.  They get a point and change up front for the removal of the risk of a five point rise over the live of the loan... which I do expect would happen.  How much will that save?  Enough.  Further, it means the monthly won't ever rise.  I don't have to worry.  Risk assessment and management, nothing more or less.  Is there better?  Maybe, though with a company I haven't worked with the added risks accumulate.

I also finally was able to get through to a number given to me via a woman at my doctor office to the V.A.  It was supposed to connect me to someone, with a file needed a bit more data, to ensure medicine was delivered.  There are several trees in the automated system, I tried one today, perhaps one tomorrow.  The one I followed today ended badly.  Something about that being a call center, with no "So-and-Whositz", no file on me or even opening for that sort of thing, no knowledge of me, and not functional as to what I was seeking.  The woman seemed truly perplexed as to everything I asked.  No, I kept it clean and neat, just business.  She wasn't all that nasty, just... she obviously had no clue what I was discussing.  I'll try one more branch, as there really are just two for me (the other branches are for providers).  Then I'll call the woman in the office of my doctor, see if she can find out more or... something.  Garbage and jokes, I guess.

I finally get back, get back, on medicines and I am coming to realize that they are going to cut them again, again, again.  Oh, yeah, I really can live without them.  Have for ages.  Not as well, probably not as long, and definitely not here.  I'll work on it until it proves unfixable, then figure out where and how to get on with my life.  That, my friends, is the government helping those it promised to help.  Can't even help itself.  Doesn't even seem to know what it's doing, or care.  It just hires who no one else can hire and lets them do whatever they are capable of doing, doesn't worry about, you know, doing what it is supposed to do or says it will do?  I guess.

Later.

A new week.

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Enough better, from re-re-starting medicine that perhaps some things will be done.  Recycling and trash need to go out before long, if a shower before that.  Then waking.  I have needed a lot of sleep.  My waking time has been short and mild.  Forgettable, if not forgotten, of late, life goes on.  It's not horrible, mostly.  It's just winter with too many demands and a horde of ankle biters confusing the mess.  I will be working on some of the ankle biters today.  Perhaps clarity and direction can be arranged going into the future.

Yeah, the meds can help, a bit, when I can take them.  This time the failure to take medicine wasn't... a logic or will failure.  It just happens.  I suppose I pushed so far over that line that everything fell.  No biggy, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  And this time it hasn't hurt, one way or the other.  Plus, I did keep up on the snow, mostly.  And that wasn't all.

You know, I might purchase a smaller choice of deli meats and cheeses today, then some specialty bread, again.  It's an easy meal.  My tastebuds seem to be getting fussy or going lame.  I can't seem to eat easily.  Not even sure the deli goodies will work, but worth a shot.  I just can't do it, sometimes.  Have to find some odds or ends food that I can consume.

I can't just fix one thing, when it has all unraveled.  Food, medicine, sleep, cleanliness, this, and that.  It all has to be sorted out or it will stay in a mess.  So... I'll begin.  I do think it can begin to be arranged.  Hmm... I may even take two pair of slacks in for dry cleaning, in hopes of making it to confession and Mass this Saturday.  If I can figure out laundry, I might make it to the KoC meeting tomorrow.  I'd like to help with the Lenten meal this year, and the hog roast later in the summer.  It is good to work and serve.

Later.

Figuring things out.

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Medicines, again, are back on track.  Sleep has been pretty heavy, six to eight hours up then down.  I don't have a lot of energy, so I have been targeting it.  Snow removal gets first dibs.  If that works, then I make an attempt at cleaning and getting out.  Monday will be a day of calls, then a day out if I can.  Then a few days of rest as medicine, hopefully, stays on track.  The sun is out, that helps.  Hmm, yeah, should open the curtains.  Dark is why I fell a bit more than should have been required.

I thawed a few ribeye, then grilled those.  These are from my favorite store.  Not good.  They taste like dense meat with fat only on the very edges, and not much even there.  You really have to have marbling.  Now, they looked okay in the package.  Perhaps they are rushing these animals to market.  Pushing them through the line without any real care for quality.  I know, as much as they cost, I will be eyeballing the packages extremely carefully from now on.  The meat has the textured of worked muscle, not fattened beef.  Cardboard.  Then again, you can't tell if it's Mexican or Canadian, or even other, beef now.  And, yes, there is a difference.  I know, with the drought recently, culling of herds because of feed costs, and other things, quality was bound to dip.  But opening the borders to foreign meat won't help either.  I expect a fair deal for good money.  Not getting it.

Today?  I'm just barely getting by.  My mother called.  She is visiting my brother.  She was sick the first few days but is doing better.  I am extremely pleased that she is there.  I had worried.  She was sounding like travel was no longer in the picture for her.  Her surgery really did help things out, gall stones.  They were minor, but enough to really be tearing her up.  Her shoulder is better.  It seems gall stones can mess up your shoulder.  Odd, the body, and how everything fits and works, or doesn't, together.

Well, on to something, or a nap.  Later.