.
.
Oh, I know. I have doubts, concerns. And yet I... at face value... which does take faith... of which I have little for men, a bit more for some men including a good neighbor and Vox (even Jesus can't be held in account for misguided, corrupted, or even spoiler followers). I, especially in the pangs of poor health multiplied with terrible rest, can cast about a bit.
The thing is, Vox is setting up a video information and discussion platform. I have said, and do believe he is a source for needed thunder. Men do need to wake, he can help. Calling them pussies doesn't seem to help. So much for my method. I have watched him take swarms of nerdy, metrosexual ass clowns, moderates, and even darker types and guide them to better places in the manhood, logical, and Christian ways. I'll vouchsafe this.
Like, agree, always? Christ doesn't always get that, less all other men. Yet, within that caveat, and beyond what he is doing for other men, his cultural war front... something he was reluctant to engage as recorded in one of his books, SJW's Always Lie, is something which is having a profound effect on that war. It isn't based only upon logic, but also history, other forms of reason, and simple (and not so) reality.
The thing is, he is opening a video center, as mentioned. I wish him great fortune and wish to spread the word while offering my endorsement... for what that might be worth. Here is a link to the official announcement. Did I mention he is a rather underrated author of entertainment prose as well? Anywhile, there you go.
Here is a link to the official announcement. I... haven't found how to do links well on ps4. As is, this all had to be manually copied, then laborously clicked in. I may have to check and edit to get it to even work... so be patient if your first clicks are ftf's.
-------
Ha! Sank the battleship on one go with one shot. Bitches!
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
Sleep, for what It was worth.
.
.
I'll avoid complaining excessively. Stating that rest was not obtained in sleep. Not full deep rest. I am grateful that I did sleep, and wake. I have had far worse.
The toilet became clogged yesterday. My mind was not in a good situation for problem solving. Note to self and others... with a clogged toilet, turn off the tank fill valve, then tinker. It takes a messy long task (IF there is a slow drain)down to about a thirty second nothing of a job. *shakes head* Just was not well awake and could not force the issue. Still got it in time. Rare with this toilet, once a year or so.
I have been trying to drink less. Good and bad coming from it. Not sure drouhgting is sustainable.
Hoping to do more work today. If I can wake! Later.
.
I'll avoid complaining excessively. Stating that rest was not obtained in sleep. Not full deep rest. I am grateful that I did sleep, and wake. I have had far worse.
The toilet became clogged yesterday. My mind was not in a good situation for problem solving. Note to self and others... with a clogged toilet, turn off the tank fill valve, then tinker. It takes a messy long task (IF there is a slow drain)down to about a thirty second nothing of a job. *shakes head* Just was not well awake and could not force the issue. Still got it in time. Rare with this toilet, once a year or so.
I have been trying to drink less. Good and bad coming from it. Not sure drouhgting is sustainable.
Hoping to do more work today. If I can wake! Later.
Can't sleep enough.
.
.
It is more a failure to find or create a rested state. When an attempt to sleep enough is made that ends in failure. I simply can't sleep long enough or in tight enough cycles to make a dent. Actually it ends being worse. While pulling, mostly, standard duty is between dry and brutal, when I can, it is far better than the options. At least, so far, it hasn't been making me too grumpy.
I did a few things today and yesterday. Mostly starting or catching afew minor things up. I can't keep at it. I tire so very quickly, as when the body figures out winter has returned. Going to crash again shortly. Hoping to be ready to push a bit harder tomorrow. Later or good night.
.
It is more a failure to find or create a rested state. When an attempt to sleep enough is made that ends in failure. I simply can't sleep long enough or in tight enough cycles to make a dent. Actually it ends being worse. While pulling, mostly, standard duty is between dry and brutal, when I can, it is far better than the options. At least, so far, it hasn't been making me too grumpy.
I did a few things today and yesterday. Mostly starting or catching afew minor things up. I can't keep at it. I tire so very quickly, as when the body figures out winter has returned. Going to crash again shortly. Hoping to be ready to push a bit harder tomorrow. Later or good night.
Monday, September 11, 2017
I thought they got this machine as well.
.
.
I woke, started my routines, including beginning the long boot cycle for this system. I guess filling the ad queu is vital. As I go about other things, I pause to turn the television on, letting THAT boot, later choosing my id. Then, finally, if it all worked, and when I have finished with first things morning active dailies, I can sit and begin my e-dailies.
Not so this morning. Blank black screen. The machine was on, obviously running, but without visuals... exactly what happened with my computer. I thought either Vox is using his crew do rid certain people, or has lost control? Both? Or maybe not. I don't think he is at all who he presents, if he generally admits that. Does even he know his salt, or is he lost in possiblities? Not exactly active accusations... thoughts, concerns.
After some tinkering, a lot actually, it fired up. Running it too long? Are attempts being made to shut me down, by whom or what? Is video streaming to much for this device? I do know I need a better solution soon... or to just walk away. That won't get me off any lists. They never forget, even to desecration after life.
Back, for now. Later.
.
I woke, started my routines, including beginning the long boot cycle for this system. I guess filling the ad queu is vital. As I go about other things, I pause to turn the television on, letting THAT boot, later choosing my id. Then, finally, if it all worked, and when I have finished with first things morning active dailies, I can sit and begin my e-dailies.
Not so this morning. Blank black screen. The machine was on, obviously running, but without visuals... exactly what happened with my computer. I thought either Vox is using his crew do rid certain people, or has lost control? Both? Or maybe not. I don't think he is at all who he presents, if he generally admits that. Does even he know his salt, or is he lost in possiblities? Not exactly active accusations... thoughts, concerns.
After some tinkering, a lot actually, it fired up. Running it too long? Are attempts being made to shut me down, by whom or what? Is video streaming to much for this device? I do know I need a better solution soon... or to just walk away. That won't get me off any lists. They never forget, even to desecration after life.
Back, for now. Later.
Sunday, September 10, 2017
A shift to the right.
.
.
To the good, of course, for those of you with any familiarity with the books of wisdom, newer and older and of course biblical. For those who choose not to know, continue in your blithely blissful heathen ignorance. It suits some, many, perhaps most. At least look at some of the 'pretty' ancient stained glass windows or epic murals, those were made to give the dull, unwashed, and ignorant from any cause a chance too. Scroll up, as a fact. You... never even noticed before ? How blissful your world must be.
Oh, I mean I think health might be improving. I showered and all, then went shopping. Cat needs, food, a few extras. I don't fear running out of food. So far water has always been on tap. What does frighten is..? running out of toilet paper. Have you ever wondered what you would use if production stops. Leaves? Do you live in even a small town? Just how long before such became illegal on pain of immediate death or even a village became denuded of plants?
When I returned, I could only find three rolls. Being so sick I couldn't get out! I really worried. Being a man, however, even as luxuriously as I use the stuff, and three full rolls is a lot of paper. I was sort of used to being at my mother's. I swear women must not only use it as per normal, but also eat it and bath with it. Perhaps, like cats they also paw it to shreds as play and/or a passive-aggressive swipe at the man? Anyway... I did find a 3x8 of super extra big rolls. While that eased my mind, truth be told I Iike to have two of those. Two full could be close to a year supply, for a man. Less and much less for a women. They are natural heavy users. If they find a cache they zing up consumption. It's how they do, an aspect of them. Sometimes cured by putting them in charge of finances... if... that bears it's own tallies. Innit. *grins*
(whispered from a small distance) He's de debil. - No, but the "debil" is in the details, some of which is quite familiar. Plus... *grins* never le mind.
Anyway, I'll see about trash and other small work starts. It's Sunday, I am still in the weakening grip of something, and tired, so I won't attempt to bulldoze big tasks... just... start a few things, prepare for a few others, and bring a few things back up to where they were. Oh I bought a few new brooms. I am going to see if there is a good way to clean and maintain brooms while I am at things, soon. Not that expensive but why be wasteful if too, who wants to use a filthy broom? Later.
.
To the good, of course, for those of you with any familiarity with the books of wisdom, newer and older and of course biblical. For those who choose not to know, continue in your blithely blissful heathen ignorance. It suits some, many, perhaps most. At least look at some of the 'pretty' ancient stained glass windows or epic murals, those were made to give the dull, unwashed, and ignorant from any cause a chance too. Scroll up, as a fact. You... never even noticed before ? How blissful your world must be.
Oh, I mean I think health might be improving. I showered and all, then went shopping. Cat needs, food, a few extras. I don't fear running out of food. So far water has always been on tap. What does frighten is..? running out of toilet paper. Have you ever wondered what you would use if production stops. Leaves? Do you live in even a small town? Just how long before such became illegal on pain of immediate death or even a village became denuded of plants?
When I returned, I could only find three rolls. Being so sick I couldn't get out! I really worried. Being a man, however, even as luxuriously as I use the stuff, and three full rolls is a lot of paper. I was sort of used to being at my mother's. I swear women must not only use it as per normal, but also eat it and bath with it. Perhaps, like cats they also paw it to shreds as play and/or a passive-aggressive swipe at the man? Anyway... I did find a 3x8 of super extra big rolls. While that eased my mind, truth be told I Iike to have two of those. Two full could be close to a year supply, for a man. Less and much less for a women. They are natural heavy users. If they find a cache they zing up consumption. It's how they do, an aspect of them. Sometimes cured by putting them in charge of finances... if... that bears it's own tallies. Innit. *grins*
(whispered from a small distance) He's de debil. - No, but the "debil" is in the details, some of which is quite familiar. Plus... *grins* never le mind.
Anyway, I'll see about trash and other small work starts. It's Sunday, I am still in the weakening grip of something, and tired, so I won't attempt to bulldoze big tasks... just... start a few things, prepare for a few others, and bring a few things back up to where they were. Oh I bought a few new brooms. I am going to see if there is a good way to clean and maintain brooms while I am at things, soon. Not that expensive but why be wasteful if too, who wants to use a filthy broom? Later.
Saturday, September 9, 2017
Persistent.
.
.
Some say that about me, usually in a dark way as in weed. I write about the fever. It is mild asthey go. A few degrees of elevation only. Being that I run cold, literally, it might not register. I know it, feel it... exactly behind the skin and bones of my face. A week now? Or longer. I've hacked a few times as well. No other symptoms, save possibly exhaustion.
One more bill to pay, then finances need to be figured and sorted. Work as I may, too. All with caution. Do not wish to exacerbate this mostly sleeping monster.
There is something else I mean to do for my mother. Can't until next month, but that works. Then back to birthday, Christmas, and random occasional or need. She has mostly learned how to live on air. Well, and she makes herself useful. That... never hurts. People can love you all you or they want, but most won't, many can't, split out even a nickel unless not doing so would cost even more. Fair, not? Reality, cope. She is and has been useful well and long enough to have serious resources, which she very rarely, and not without great cause, employs. Better to gift her from time to time or deep in debt to her one remains. Some can live with and like that. I can't.
Later.
.
Some say that about me, usually in a dark way as in weed. I write about the fever. It is mild asthey go. A few degrees of elevation only. Being that I run cold, literally, it might not register. I know it, feel it... exactly behind the skin and bones of my face. A week now? Or longer. I've hacked a few times as well. No other symptoms, save possibly exhaustion.
One more bill to pay, then finances need to be figured and sorted. Work as I may, too. All with caution. Do not wish to exacerbate this mostly sleeping monster.
There is something else I mean to do for my mother. Can't until next month, but that works. Then back to birthday, Christmas, and random occasional or need. She has mostly learned how to live on air. Well, and she makes herself useful. That... never hurts. People can love you all you or they want, but most won't, many can't, split out even a nickel unless not doing so would cost even more. Fair, not? Reality, cope. She is and has been useful well and long enough to have serious resources, which she very rarely, and not without great cause, employs. Better to gift her from time to time or deep in debt to her one remains. Some can live with and like that. I can't.
Later.
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Fried?
.
.
Yeah. A bummer thing. I don't think it was overworking, the heat, or even standard health issues. If correct, it is the illness my uncle had. I do wonder about... bad medicine. Anyway, I thought I had gotten over it. Not so. I guess I'll need to take it easy, tend myself a bit better, and just try to find or wait for healing. I'll keep at it, more slowly.
My mother did find habanera, and is making salsa already! My cousins were there. She is who they have left, especially at this moment. All good, especially the eldest... who had started going his way, alone. His father dying may have opened something for the good. Yeah, I am getting it too. Anyway, one of them teased that they would eat all the salsa. I goofed for a bit, then hit on check and mate. None of them can even handle her hotter jalapeno salsa. Little dogs can't eat the big dog food! Ha!
I did find the number and bump the bug spraying. Now to get the cave sorted out. As well, I need to figure out medicine, pay a major bill, and learn of my finances sum total. Well, and a few other big problems to sort or solve. Including a new machine, computer. Just not sure a tablet would do. Later.
.
Yeah. A bummer thing. I don't think it was overworking, the heat, or even standard health issues. If correct, it is the illness my uncle had. I do wonder about... bad medicine. Anyway, I thought I had gotten over it. Not so. I guess I'll need to take it easy, tend myself a bit better, and just try to find or wait for healing. I'll keep at it, more slowly.
My mother did find habanera, and is making salsa already! My cousins were there. She is who they have left, especially at this moment. All good, especially the eldest... who had started going his way, alone. His father dying may have opened something for the good. Yeah, I am getting it too. Anyway, one of them teased that they would eat all the salsa. I goofed for a bit, then hit on check and mate. None of them can even handle her hotter jalapeno salsa. Little dogs can't eat the big dog food! Ha!
I did find the number and bump the bug spraying. Now to get the cave sorted out. As well, I need to figure out medicine, pay a major bill, and learn of my finances sum total. Well, and a few other big problems to sort or solve. Including a new machine, computer. Just not sure a tablet would do. Later.
He has died.
.
.
With how things have been I don't know when, exactly. It was during the day, and not really foreseen. He seemed to be doing well. He sent another of my uncles to do a few errands. When that uncle returned, he found his brother dead. My mother suggested, from his expression, that he didn't suffer... maybe he dozed and never woke. I am grateful to have had this last visit.
I didn't mention this, but I am pretty sure he wasn't seeing me as I generally appear. He has known me all my life, but... Something in his eyes, the way he looked at me. I've seen that expression before, in the elderly, the dying, sometimes children. I've not asked or been told what that is. Usually it seems pleasant, or at least not unexpected. Beyond that I don't know.
During my scheduling experiment, I failed disastrously. I am now just between sleep and waking, but in the most horrible of ways. Brutal. I'll get back to it when I can. Later or good night.
.
With how things have been I don't know when, exactly. It was during the day, and not really foreseen. He seemed to be doing well. He sent another of my uncles to do a few errands. When that uncle returned, he found his brother dead. My mother suggested, from his expression, that he didn't suffer... maybe he dozed and never woke. I am grateful to have had this last visit.
I didn't mention this, but I am pretty sure he wasn't seeing me as I generally appear. He has known me all my life, but... Something in his eyes, the way he looked at me. I've seen that expression before, in the elderly, the dying, sometimes children. I've not asked or been told what that is. Usually it seems pleasant, or at least not unexpected. Beyond that I don't know.
During my scheduling experiment, I failed disastrously. I am now just between sleep and waking, but in the most horrible of ways. Brutal. I'll get back to it when I can. Later or good night.
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
New schedule.
.
.
Sleep happened. When it became too hot to work or even think, before I zombified into that deadzone, I crashed. Sleep was good. Am in the waking stage. In another hour a shower shave and general start.
Back to the spare bedroom. I did much but there was so much to do! No plans, other than the bigger final goal, not overheating or overworking, eating, and keeping up on the usuals such as cat care... including attention. But, yeah, the sleep trick worked, at least this time. I am guessing when I burn out no trick will work save restorative rest over time.
A better interface is being researched, for easier better blogging. Until then this is as good as it gets.
Later.
.
Sleep happened. When it became too hot to work or even think, before I zombified into that deadzone, I crashed. Sleep was good. Am in the waking stage. In another hour a shower shave and general start.
Back to the spare bedroom. I did much but there was so much to do! No plans, other than the bigger final goal, not overheating or overworking, eating, and keeping up on the usuals such as cat care... including attention. But, yeah, the sleep trick worked, at least this time. I am guessing when I burn out no trick will work save restorative rest over time.
A better interface is being researched, for easier better blogging. Until then this is as good as it gets.
Later.
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
No way in hell!
.
.
Every step in every direction is a compound problem, not even including how to incrementally shift items through intermediate places toward a final point if just for this objective. Don't get me wrong, it is doable, perhaps even by me, only not in a week. I will keep at it but I am rescheduling.
I have been at it off and on most of the day. It is about time to nap, hopefully, then hit it later when the world and myself have cooled a bit. I am doing decent work at a decent pace, there is simply far more to do than I could see, vastly more. One day, task, item at a time. Including naps.
Oh, recycling was taken. Later than usual, double return duty. Trash was still there when I checked. If so, that bin can be brought back. Trying to keep up while catching up. Later.
.
Every step in every direction is a compound problem, not even including how to incrementally shift items through intermediate places toward a final point if just for this objective. Don't get me wrong, it is doable, perhaps even by me, only not in a week. I will keep at it but I am rescheduling.
I have been at it off and on most of the day. It is about time to nap, hopefully, then hit it later when the world and myself have cooled a bit. I am doing decent work at a decent pace, there is simply far more to do than I could see, vastly more. One day, task, item at a time. Including naps.
Oh, recycling was taken. Later than usual, double return duty. Trash was still there when I checked. If so, that bin can be brought back. Trying to keep up while catching up. Later.
Almost.
.
.
A slightly different tack might make it happen. I was able to sleep earlier, but not by enough to really matter. So thought went into how to... work with things as they are. Naps. For which a frigid bedroom is required, that is simply how I was constructed. As mentioned, if a walk-in deep-freeze were available or affordable to create and run? Yeah, it would be my bedroom. Seriously. At least in winter, with no vent in there, it is as simple as opening the windows.
It is not winter, so cranking the ac will have to do. The plan is to hit it as hard and long as possible, then stop cool a bit then crash as needed, cycling those as possible. While the full task seems impossible, that doesn't mean I am surrendering. Geronimo? As always.
There are other tricks and methods being explored. I may lose, but it wouldn't be from a lack of effort.
Today? The spare bedroom, half of the living room, finishing the bathroom, and doing light follow-up in the computer/front room. Gotta happen. Later.
.
A slightly different tack might make it happen. I was able to sleep earlier, but not by enough to really matter. So thought went into how to... work with things as they are. Naps. For which a frigid bedroom is required, that is simply how I was constructed. As mentioned, if a walk-in deep-freeze were available or affordable to create and run? Yeah, it would be my bedroom. Seriously. At least in winter, with no vent in there, it is as simple as opening the windows.
It is not winter, so cranking the ac will have to do. The plan is to hit it as hard and long as possible, then stop cool a bit then crash as needed, cycling those as possible. While the full task seems impossible, that doesn't mean I am surrendering. Geronimo? As always.
There are other tricks and methods being explored. I may lose, but it wouldn't be from a lack of effort.
Today? The spare bedroom, half of the living room, finishing the bathroom, and doing light follow-up in the computer/front room. Gotta happen. Later.
Monday, September 4, 2017
I am thinking not.
.
.
The heat is back at full velocity. It's wrecking me. Things are getting done, just nowhere near well or fast enough. I'll give it until Wednesday, I just don't believe so. The dishes, bathroom floor and sink, laundry if it needs finished, and a few other tasks are done. The heat is really killing it for a large push though. I might try to sleep through the heat, if I can't always sort that out as I would prefer.
The trash and recycling haven't been taken. Is it a holiday? Other neighbors had theirs out before me. Maybe habit... or need. I'll leave it another day, then call if it remains.
A bit of gaming as the ac works the bedroom, then I'll give sleep a chance. Later or good night.
.
The heat is back at full velocity. It's wrecking me. Things are getting done, just nowhere near well or fast enough. I'll give it until Wednesday, I just don't believe so. The dishes, bathroom floor and sink, laundry if it needs finished, and a few other tasks are done. The heat is really killing it for a large push though. I might try to sleep through the heat, if I can't always sort that out as I would prefer.
The trash and recycling haven't been taken. Is it a holiday? Other neighbors had theirs out before me. Maybe habit... or need. I'll leave it another day, then call if it remains.
A bit of gaming as the ac works the bedroom, then I'll give sleep a chance. Later or good night.
A new sensation.
.
.
No, nothing funny in any form of that term. Overwhelmed? I think that would be it.
I couldn't do as much, or more what I had hoped last night. Other things were in the way. I did get the bathroom sink, floor swept, toilet cleaned, and redid the dishes... which I set to a final fresh soak this morning. Dishes were in the way, laundry had been forgotten and it was critical to finish those, and then, being Sunday, trash and recycling had to be wrangled. I only ended up doing recycling last night, right to the curb. I hoped I could do trash in time this morning... check. More of it than I had supposed.
The bed is *cough* made. Shut it, mother. I am presentable(tm), ditto mom. Breakfast, eggs and chops, was enjoyed. Dishes were reset. Trash fully collected and out. After this and a break and resetting laundry drying or a fluff, laundry, a shower and shave, mopping the bathroom, then another break then into the spare bedroom. A little attention will go to the room I hit yesterday and the kitchen.
Damn straight. Even mostly dead, given a reason and back almost to my feet there is a chance I can still do a bit. I can't go in lightly and have a chance. Wish me luck, help, or bes get out of the way. Later.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Certainly. Right?
.
.
What? Come again? It sounded good. Spraying for bugs, then quarterly thenceforth. Costs were right. Safe once dry. It also gets mice, which the girls aren't doing anymore... probably due to them finding one too many poisoned ones? I think so. So... what could be bad about that? They will be spraying outside, and in! I may need to delay. But, for now I am acting as if the preps can be made in time. That will mean a lot of work. Every room needs pretty serious effort.
Good, if I can do it and not injure myself or worse. I hit the computer room a bit this afternoon. It isn't finished, but as is they should be able to do their work. I will hit the bathroom after a break and meal. That was already on my short list. The aim is to hit the bulk jobs in a rush, then when I can't rush go back and sort pre-hit areas more thoroughly, slowly, and deliberately.
With my recent resolution, which is going better than anticipated so far and this early on, my plan to order a dumpster to get rid of much, to have purpose, and to clean myself? All good. Thing is the deadline is next Saturday. *shrug* If Wednesday rolls around and I am not 45-50%, or more like 65? Then I reschedule. Done. I want it DONE, so I will be gunning for it.
If I finish those two rooms tonight, I then have six and the difficult rooms remaining. Plus I'll need to go back over everything. An eye will be given to organizing and sorting what to be rid. The challenge as it stands. I accept, with trepidation. Good night.
.
What? Come again? It sounded good. Spraying for bugs, then quarterly thenceforth. Costs were right. Safe once dry. It also gets mice, which the girls aren't doing anymore... probably due to them finding one too many poisoned ones? I think so. So... what could be bad about that? They will be spraying outside, and in! I may need to delay. But, for now I am acting as if the preps can be made in time. That will mean a lot of work. Every room needs pretty serious effort.
Good, if I can do it and not injure myself or worse. I hit the computer room a bit this afternoon. It isn't finished, but as is they should be able to do their work. I will hit the bathroom after a break and meal. That was already on my short list. The aim is to hit the bulk jobs in a rush, then when I can't rush go back and sort pre-hit areas more thoroughly, slowly, and deliberately.
With my recent resolution, which is going better than anticipated so far and this early on, my plan to order a dumpster to get rid of much, to have purpose, and to clean myself? All good. Thing is the deadline is next Saturday. *shrug* If Wednesday rolls around and I am not 45-50%, or more like 65? Then I reschedule. Done. I want it DONE, so I will be gunning for it.
If I finish those two rooms tonight, I then have six and the difficult rooms remaining. Plus I'll need to go back over everything. An eye will be given to organizing and sorting what to be rid. The challenge as it stands. I accept, with trepidation. Good night.
Saturday, September 2, 2017
Thank God it is...
.
.
Well, I know the phrase suggests Friday, for my money Saturday works. The weather has something to do with it, the bulk of the exaustion is due to pushing so hard after such a harsh and long fall. Still, trying to slow without stopping. Laundry is moving along. Less than I had thought, which adds to impetus. A shower and shave, cleaning the bathroom, after a bowl of chili and a few dishes? At least a jab toward those ends.
The hope was there to get to confession, then mass. Just can't do that today. Back on track for that though. Soon, very soon. I need and want it. Clothes and shoes need to be arranged. While the feet and ankles are good, if going to church regularly is to start, the need for shoes for "fat" days will be required. Thankfully clothes aren't usually a problem that way.
Called my mom. Asked if she could make habanera salsa. Asked for no sugar. No problem there, she doesn't ever add it. I suggested I'd take a lot if she was up for it, and that while I couldn't help, I would gladly pay to cover costs and plenty more. The woman likes requests and offers. If she doesn't need, or cash, or now, she has a string or three for in time and need. She lives on shoestrings but makes out better than seemingly possible. Though I think she was happy with my gifts, work, and sharing this visit and ongoing. She had suggested she needed a few things. On the way and plus. Still gladly pay for a small horde of red hot gold, and be grateful for the work. And she'll love being useful . It's how mothers do.
I best have that bowla, then get going. Later.
.
Well, I know the phrase suggests Friday, for my money Saturday works. The weather has something to do with it, the bulk of the exaustion is due to pushing so hard after such a harsh and long fall. Still, trying to slow without stopping. Laundry is moving along. Less than I had thought, which adds to impetus. A shower and shave, cleaning the bathroom, after a bowl of chili and a few dishes? At least a jab toward those ends.
The hope was there to get to confession, then mass. Just can't do that today. Back on track for that though. Soon, very soon. I need and want it. Clothes and shoes need to be arranged. While the feet and ankles are good, if going to church regularly is to start, the need for shoes for "fat" days will be required. Thankfully clothes aren't usually a problem that way.
Called my mom. Asked if she could make habanera salsa. Asked for no sugar. No problem there, she doesn't ever add it. I suggested I'd take a lot if she was up for it, and that while I couldn't help, I would gladly pay to cover costs and plenty more. The woman likes requests and offers. If she doesn't need, or cash, or now, she has a string or three for in time and need. She lives on shoestrings but makes out better than seemingly possible. Though I think she was happy with my gifts, work, and sharing this visit and ongoing. She had suggested she needed a few things. On the way and plus. Still gladly pay for a small horde of red hot gold, and be grateful for the work. And she'll love being useful . It's how mothers do.
I best have that bowla, then get going. Later.
Friday, September 1, 2017
Cold, for so early.
.
.
I woke around 2:00. Knew then it had really cooled overnight. Inside, it read 71-72. Not cold, but a large drop given the rock nature of my home's construction, the season, and all else. I didn't check the outdoor reading until 8:30 or so, 46-48 F. Sun had been up for a couple hours. Wild. Yes, that means, on top of pushing the last few days I am moving a bit slower. All good, this is a rest day. A very few last dishes, a shower and maybe shave, small loads of laundry... only as fast as I can easily fully complete, and maybe hitting the bathroom hard. More? Less? It's just a rough plan. Absolutely no guarantees. On any of it.
A resolution. In hope, faith. First, to be dressed and clean enough(tm) for company as a first thing when I wake. A minor addition here as I write, and something I was starting before my trip, to make my bed daily, changing sheets weekly. And then working on getting then keeping these front two rooms company compliant(tm). Some of it will take time. Some of it has been happening for a while, mostly. All of it will need practice, sometimes great effort, and a bit of trickery from time to time. Appearances may be hollow, if hollow can be better than nothing... especially to a shadow, even a shadow of light. So... don't just sit there, pray!
Already had a few eggs and toast. Well enough back that a snack is in order. After that, I may track a few tools such as my carpenter's square a compass (not that kind, though that can be employed in the correct plain) and some others so as to figure the angle(s) needed for mocking up triangular blocks for curtain rod hardware. Should be easy. With a circular saw, 2x4's, assuming the angles are good and are recreated rightly. Did I just read "snack" somewhere? Later.
.
I woke around 2:00. Knew then it had really cooled overnight. Inside, it read 71-72. Not cold, but a large drop given the rock nature of my home's construction, the season, and all else. I didn't check the outdoor reading until 8:30 or so, 46-48 F. Sun had been up for a couple hours. Wild. Yes, that means, on top of pushing the last few days I am moving a bit slower. All good, this is a rest day. A very few last dishes, a shower and maybe shave, small loads of laundry... only as fast as I can easily fully complete, and maybe hitting the bathroom hard. More? Less? It's just a rough plan. Absolutely no guarantees. On any of it.
A resolution. In hope, faith. First, to be dressed and clean enough(tm) for company as a first thing when I wake. A minor addition here as I write, and something I was starting before my trip, to make my bed daily, changing sheets weekly. And then working on getting then keeping these front two rooms company compliant(tm). Some of it will take time. Some of it has been happening for a while, mostly. All of it will need practice, sometimes great effort, and a bit of trickery from time to time. Appearances may be hollow, if hollow can be better than nothing... especially to a shadow, even a shadow of light. So... don't just sit there, pray!
Already had a few eggs and toast. Well enough back that a snack is in order. After that, I may track a few tools such as my carpenter's square a compass (not that kind, though that can be employed in the correct plain) and some others so as to figure the angle(s) needed for mocking up triangular blocks for curtain rod hardware. Should be easy. With a circular saw, 2x4's, assuming the angles are good and are recreated rightly. Did I just read "snack" somewhere? Later.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Well?
.
.
Between over planning, previously overdoing, and a weather system which moved in, I won't get to it all. Well, and the dishes... I thought they were ready for a rinse then drying. Nope, had to be washed then rinsed and finally dried. A lot of dishes.
I did finish those, got the laundry back for later, put up one rod gizmo, did some general cleaning here and there, ate, and a few other things. More, more will yet be done... just not all of it. I may be regretting my push to days, too hot. Ugh.
I'll get to things, soon or late. Keeping at it. Later.
.
Between over planning, previously overdoing, and a weather system which moved in, I won't get to it all. Well, and the dishes... I thought they were ready for a rinse then drying. Nope, had to be washed then rinsed and finally dried. A lot of dishes.
I did finish those, got the laundry back for later, put up one rod gizmo, did some general cleaning here and there, ate, and a few other things. More, more will yet be done... just not all of it. I may be regretting my push to days, too hot. Ugh.
I'll get to things, soon or late. Keeping at it. Later.
Mostly a day of rest.
.
.
The last few dishes, a shower, and cleaning the bathroom sum total are the bigger tasks; a few curtain rods, a meal or two while food lasts, and some cleaning in the kitchen as minor efforts. As well, prepping for painting the bathroom... which also means work on the wall... drywall replacement... and maybe cupboard door work; getting clean but unfolded clothes from before the trip ready to wash-freshen then tend rightly, plus laying a general plan to get things back to order around here.
Who ever knows? It is not about knowing though. Doing, as one may... in faith? Well, that is my way, gig, story. I'll stick with it. If you want, you could add these efforts to your prayers. I'd be eternally grateful, if I might have a (good) alterior motive to that request.
Get to it people! And good morning.
.
The last few dishes, a shower, and cleaning the bathroom sum total are the bigger tasks; a few curtain rods, a meal or two while food lasts, and some cleaning in the kitchen as minor efforts. As well, prepping for painting the bathroom... which also means work on the wall... drywall replacement... and maybe cupboard door work; getting clean but unfolded clothes from before the trip ready to wash-freshen then tend rightly, plus laying a general plan to get things back to order around here.
Who ever knows? It is not about knowing though. Doing, as one may... in faith? Well, that is my way, gig, story. I'll stick with it. If you want, you could add these efforts to your prayers. I'd be eternally grateful, if I might have a (good) alterior motive to that request.
Get to it people! And good morning.
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
More, as expected.
.
.
Mail, after the shower and shave. As well, I watered the plants also using the shower humidity to give them a bonus. Then set dishes to a fresh soak. After mail, to town shopping. Everything and then some. Watermelon, which... after a fresh few slices... has been diced and stored, surprising even myself.
Everything went up and away quickly. I am fried, though. All good. A bit of gaming as the bedroom cools, then I'll crash. Good night.
.
Mail, after the shower and shave. As well, I watered the plants also using the shower humidity to give them a bonus. Then set dishes to a fresh soak. After mail, to town shopping. Everything and then some. Watermelon, which... after a fresh few slices... has been diced and stored, surprising even myself.
Everything went up and away quickly. I am fried, though. All good. A bit of gaming as the bedroom cools, then I'll crash. Good night.
Very good.
.
.
Much has been done. The work load has slowly been ramping up. Yesterday and Monday were about equal. Today is looking to equal those combined, perhaps more. So far, I finished the remainder of the initial dishes, washed the last group but am waiting to take a shower before soaking those, a huge load of laundry was completely cycled and is all folded or hung and put away, plus the chicken was roasted... so far.
A shower and shave, checking the mail, then? I suspect at least three more decent sized tasks. As well, I mostly have days back, if the heat and nature of high summer are getting to me.
I need to shop, grocery and hardware... window latches, rails/rods, and wall mounts for the rods. I'll have to do some mock-up, as some walls are angled. Uhrm, I guess that means I am nearly back to it.
Oh. Something I found out while home? I AM read there, and by far more than I would have imagined. Not just family. These are folk who knew me, and some of the stories here. Worse? They... have conspied and compared notes, even people who I thought didn't talk, I thought they were enemies. Bah! So much for enemies these days. That... throws me a bit. Rainman? Really? What throws them is how much I don't lie. They still won't go for the Z-axis stuff, yet. Not my circus.
Later.
.
Much has been done. The work load has slowly been ramping up. Yesterday and Monday were about equal. Today is looking to equal those combined, perhaps more. So far, I finished the remainder of the initial dishes, washed the last group but am waiting to take a shower before soaking those, a huge load of laundry was completely cycled and is all folded or hung and put away, plus the chicken was roasted... so far.
A shower and shave, checking the mail, then? I suspect at least three more decent sized tasks. As well, I mostly have days back, if the heat and nature of high summer are getting to me.
I need to shop, grocery and hardware... window latches, rails/rods, and wall mounts for the rods. I'll have to do some mock-up, as some walls are angled. Uhrm, I guess that means I am nearly back to it.
Oh. Something I found out while home? I AM read there, and by far more than I would have imagined. Not just family. These are folk who knew me, and some of the stories here. Worse? They... have conspied and compared notes, even people who I thought didn't talk, I thought they were enemies. Bah! So much for enemies these days. That... throws me a bit. Rainman? Really? What throws them is how much I don't lie. They still won't go for the Z-axis stuff, yet. Not my circus.
Later.
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
Better?
.
.
A bit. A lot, actually. Still not back to it fully. Better is the correct term.
Dishes are nearly finished, from before and after the trip. I am watering the front lawn, finally, again. This will only be the second time since returning. At least it isn't a total failure. Though I may have lost the jerusalem artichoke. Just couldn't get to things. It helped that it was exceptionally cool those first weeks after returning.
Food has been scant. A good thing as things stand. Feasting on starvation seems wise for some things. I am at 260, last I checked. In spite of weighing more than my previous low I have lost much more in volume. At 240 I still wore xl underwear and had two notches remaining on my belt. Now I fit large and have no notches left. Very strange.
Doing real cooking again. Black beans, from dry. I worked with them carefully. I watched, tended, sparing no effort. I wanted them right for once. I got it! I think one of two things (or both) have been the problem. Mainly, I believe, I was boiling them. That simply toughens them. This time, after bringing it to a boil, I backed it to a right mild simmer. The other thing was skimming. Now, I always skim my beans, once or twice. This time I skimmed them every half hour. I always check beans on the half hour anyway, so that was just a minor add. It still takes longer than others suggest, but these were good and more! I have enough for beef and bean burritos and a decent batch of chilli. I even stored the beef and beans, plus put the pot to soak and cleaned the frying pan. I'll finish those today an roast a chicken tomorrow. When that all is gone, back to feasting´ (´ = not... never mind ).
Bills! *shrug* The Lord knows I try. Later.
.
A bit. A lot, actually. Still not back to it fully. Better is the correct term.
Dishes are nearly finished, from before and after the trip. I am watering the front lawn, finally, again. This will only be the second time since returning. At least it isn't a total failure. Though I may have lost the jerusalem artichoke. Just couldn't get to things. It helped that it was exceptionally cool those first weeks after returning.
Food has been scant. A good thing as things stand. Feasting on starvation seems wise for some things. I am at 260, last I checked. In spite of weighing more than my previous low I have lost much more in volume. At 240 I still wore xl underwear and had two notches remaining on my belt. Now I fit large and have no notches left. Very strange.
Doing real cooking again. Black beans, from dry. I worked with them carefully. I watched, tended, sparing no effort. I wanted them right for once. I got it! I think one of two things (or both) have been the problem. Mainly, I believe, I was boiling them. That simply toughens them. This time, after bringing it to a boil, I backed it to a right mild simmer. The other thing was skimming. Now, I always skim my beans, once or twice. This time I skimmed them every half hour. I always check beans on the half hour anyway, so that was just a minor add. It still takes longer than others suggest, but these were good and more! I have enough for beef and bean burritos and a decent batch of chilli. I even stored the beef and beans, plus put the pot to soak and cleaned the frying pan. I'll finish those today an roast a chicken tomorrow. When that all is gone, back to feasting´ (´ = not... never mind ).
Bills! *shrug* The Lord knows I try. Later.
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
The rest of the story...
.
.
On several matters, some updates, and such.
Do mothers really flirt with sons? Hell yes! Not with end intent, mind you. Initially just to pick on us, then to teach and harden us against simple "hussies". They attempt to battle harden us as they can. Love really is war. While doing their various routines, and "shit" testing (real term, look it up), they decide if we are "good enough", do a general ranking, then maybe put a contract out on us. If for no other reason than that a settled son is a good for her.
I must have passed muster. I had about seven...opportunities. None would do. Two were currently married! What about practicing Catholic is confusing? Only one was, technically viable, if only on one of the three major measures. Those? Nubile. Attractive enough and willing to give that first meaning. Then, being able and willing to be wed in the Catholic church. Impossible you say? Cool, I say. I don't expect to find a wife.
I am good with that. My mother, at least one other indirect player, and a pasle of dames are rather... put out. Women join, then go to foodwarfare. If I am correct, this has been happening for a while. That is over. I am getting much better, if still recovering. No food from outside, and I am even changing how I shop. Paranoia? We've been over this. Piss off with pseudo pop-psych. I'll do what is plainly, obviously, good for me. No mom-food in two weeks, and even w/o antib's my legs are water free and new and old wounds are nearly healed. After those wounds wouldn't heal for, what, six months. Coincidence? If so, no matter. The world is changing.
Mothers, women, the sisterhood... enrage it you'd best be ready to cut them off, out, and excise the whole lot as needed. You will always be on that groups short list, and that may well follow wherever. I suppose I may be forced into the he-man women-haters protection system. Not seeing much loss if those seven women is all left for me, well that and being fed to death and mutilation.
Ah, something about the ghosts... somethings... I used to think the girls didn't see them. Turns out? They do. They just became practiced at ignoring these... things. Even sounds. I suppose, while away the ghosts/spirits weren't here. The girls fell out of practice. I've caught both of them, several times each, being startled then quickly hiding their reactions and seemingly putting effort into ignoring what was mutually heard and/or seen. Little scaredy-cat traitors! At least I finally know. You need not believe yourself, scaredy-cat. But for me it is terribly good to finally have some external confirmation I personally trust... at least as to veracity Little bitch cowards!
I would add much more detail on some of this, but the ps4 is quite subpar. Simply it is all I currently have.
.
On several matters, some updates, and such.
Do mothers really flirt with sons? Hell yes! Not with end intent, mind you. Initially just to pick on us, then to teach and harden us against simple "hussies". They attempt to battle harden us as they can. Love really is war. While doing their various routines, and "shit" testing (real term, look it up), they decide if we are "good enough", do a general ranking, then maybe put a contract out on us. If for no other reason than that a settled son is a good for her.
I must have passed muster. I had about seven...opportunities. None would do. Two were currently married! What about practicing Catholic is confusing? Only one was, technically viable, if only on one of the three major measures. Those? Nubile. Attractive enough and willing to give that first meaning. Then, being able and willing to be wed in the Catholic church. Impossible you say? Cool, I say. I don't expect to find a wife.
I am good with that. My mother, at least one other indirect player, and a pasle of dames are rather... put out. Women join, then go to foodwarfare. If I am correct, this has been happening for a while. That is over. I am getting much better, if still recovering. No food from outside, and I am even changing how I shop. Paranoia? We've been over this. Piss off with pseudo pop-psych. I'll do what is plainly, obviously, good for me. No mom-food in two weeks, and even w/o antib's my legs are water free and new and old wounds are nearly healed. After those wounds wouldn't heal for, what, six months. Coincidence? If so, no matter. The world is changing.
Mothers, women, the sisterhood... enrage it you'd best be ready to cut them off, out, and excise the whole lot as needed. You will always be on that groups short list, and that may well follow wherever. I suppose I may be forced into the he-man women-haters protection system. Not seeing much loss if those seven women is all left for me, well that and being fed to death and mutilation.
Ah, something about the ghosts... somethings... I used to think the girls didn't see them. Turns out? They do. They just became practiced at ignoring these... things. Even sounds. I suppose, while away the ghosts/spirits weren't here. The girls fell out of practice. I've caught both of them, several times each, being startled then quickly hiding their reactions and seemingly putting effort into ignoring what was mutually heard and/or seen. Little scaredy-cat traitors! At least I finally know. You need not believe yourself, scaredy-cat. But for me it is terribly good to finally have some external confirmation I personally trust... at least as to veracity Little bitch cowards!
I would add much more detail on some of this, but the ps4 is quite subpar. Simply it is all I currently have.
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Someone thinks...
.
.
Hmm... Well? I have been sent indirect communications, in a number of ways, to interesting (to me) sites, books, etc. If that is advertising through my wall of ad-hate? I'll take it. Okay, though, I should admit... I hid from it for a while. Why? Too close to the heart, or possibly. Example? While these didn't bug me, they are mighty on-target, here is one. Scratch that...can't add a link on this. One was to a book about Pythagoras, written in the mid 1600's. The other another book, though more or truly, esoteric.
I have, cautiously begun tracking and will start... playing ball. Why? Saw lines in book from a poet who remembered me before and after he could have known me... us. Fine, I will type it in, and source it. Not exactly sure where to start or stop, I'll do my best.
"They saw the serpent temple lifted above, shadowing the island white:
They heard the voice of Albions Angel howling in flames of Orc, seeking the trump of the last doom"
It does go quite on. To many that means exactly nothing. To some, including my secret sender? It has much to... say, suggest, or... something. Even the blind who read here can gladly see that a poet (William Blake) has just written some potentially very modern history... of a sort... even if it is only as he and I, perhaps, who say it. "Hush little darling, now don't you cry." You may, as I when I must, simply deny. Or shut up and take it. Reality is, can be, hard. Impossible for some. Me? I shall endeavor to percevere.
Enough for now.
Wait. Thought to update health. No bloody noses for a day and an half. Gladly, too. Drank more of my own gore in those days than in the last 5 years combined... hate to bitch, but could have used garlic. A twofer? Maybe. No migraine for two days . I am not doing well taking medicines, missing half nights and one day in just the few days I have been trying. Goes to condition. Still it is helping. I'll keep at it. Oh, and the moving thing? Don't believe everything you read. Oh, that has gotta hurt. More to come on more fronts as well. Though you... never really know when dancing in the pale blue... with Orc.
One last thing. In the last week in Iowa the ghosts/spirits found me or.... whatever. I did several things to check. Maybe it was stress or general poor health. I don't have the tools to check that (but neither do the "pro's"). I did my best and it sure seemed real. So I thought I'd have a month off here. Not so much. Like giant dark blurs, usuall but not alway off to a side. And other things. Perhaps I am simply close to death? Dunno. But they, assuming for argument they are real, are with me now. Want to see? Literally? Raise your hand, as you did in school. Just raise it, with intent, then let your arm down. No promises, no time-scale. Though if you don't see anything in two weeks... you probably won't .
They aren't and weren't back in droves, as recently. Curious to see if this is just a ping/drive-by, or if this has legs or even serious legs. Still don't know if I am haunted or a nexus of some kind... or maybe just very close (like another serious coughing spell/stroke) from "there".
Well, now that is all. Good night.
.
Hmm... Well? I have been sent indirect communications, in a number of ways, to interesting (to me) sites, books, etc. If that is advertising through my wall of ad-hate? I'll take it. Okay, though, I should admit... I hid from it for a while. Why? Too close to the heart, or possibly. Example? While these didn't bug me, they are mighty on-target, here is one. Scratch that...can't add a link on this. One was to a book about Pythagoras, written in the mid 1600's. The other another book, though more or truly, esoteric.
I have, cautiously begun tracking and will start... playing ball. Why? Saw lines in book from a poet who remembered me before and after he could have known me... us. Fine, I will type it in, and source it. Not exactly sure where to start or stop, I'll do my best.
"They saw the serpent temple lifted above, shadowing the island white:
They heard the voice of Albions Angel howling in flames of Orc, seeking the trump of the last doom"
It does go quite on. To many that means exactly nothing. To some, including my secret sender? It has much to... say, suggest, or... something. Even the blind who read here can gladly see that a poet (William Blake) has just written some potentially very modern history... of a sort... even if it is only as he and I, perhaps, who say it. "Hush little darling, now don't you cry." You may, as I when I must, simply deny. Or shut up and take it. Reality is, can be, hard. Impossible for some. Me? I shall endeavor to percevere.
Enough for now.
Wait. Thought to update health. No bloody noses for a day and an half. Gladly, too. Drank more of my own gore in those days than in the last 5 years combined... hate to bitch, but could have used garlic. A twofer? Maybe. No migraine for two days . I am not doing well taking medicines, missing half nights and one day in just the few days I have been trying. Goes to condition. Still it is helping. I'll keep at it. Oh, and the moving thing? Don't believe everything you read. Oh, that has gotta hurt. More to come on more fronts as well. Though you... never really know when dancing in the pale blue... with Orc.
One last thing. In the last week in Iowa the ghosts/spirits found me or.... whatever. I did several things to check. Maybe it was stress or general poor health. I don't have the tools to check that (but neither do the "pro's"). I did my best and it sure seemed real. So I thought I'd have a month off here. Not so much. Like giant dark blurs, usuall but not alway off to a side. And other things. Perhaps I am simply close to death? Dunno. But they, assuming for argument they are real, are with me now. Want to see? Literally? Raise your hand, as you did in school. Just raise it, with intent, then let your arm down. No promises, no time-scale. Though if you don't see anything in two weeks... you probably won't .
They aren't and weren't back in droves, as recently. Curious to see if this is just a ping/drive-by, or if this has legs or even serious legs. Still don't know if I am haunted or a nexus of some kind... or maybe just very close (like another serious coughing spell/stroke) from "there".
Well, now that is all. Good night.
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Closer.
.
.
Closer to death. Every health issue I have is maxxing in the negative. B.P., pulse, blood sugar, and maybe some other things. On top of those is reacclimation and either pneumonia or the flu... or both.
I thought to hold off doing anything for a while. But I had to deal with business and the doc. I rested otherwise, holding off medicines. Nothing was improving. It was all getting worse, the coughing was exacerbating everything. I feared what medicine would do. It was my only play left.
Miraculously medicine helped. I am far from back to trim. The cough occurs with regularity, I am having explosive bloody noses and migraines still often if both frequency and intensity have much diminished. Ido have a low-grade fever, not from the leg infection but from the flu/pneumonia/flu+pneumonia, easy to tell as the leg is healing.
Oddly, I have lost 20 pounds. I ate grandly at my mom´s home. And it was mostly the wrong stuff. That doesn't make sense. Oh, and found my invitation. It was for July, 29th. So either I was not really invited or fill in the blank as to what else might have gone wrong. I will call if I ever feel good again.
This sore throat and fiery lungs aren't helping, and I am still sore as hell from the extended driving due to construction and getting lost in that a few times. I am not healing with all else wrong.
I´ll keep at it.
One last thing. In two years, maybe four as things can go, assuming I survive this and time, Iwill be moving. Ilove the notion of Alaska if Iam not sure that is possible. Something could dramatically speed or slow the process, mind you. I have simply realized some things. Gotta go.
.
Closer to death. Every health issue I have is maxxing in the negative. B.P., pulse, blood sugar, and maybe some other things. On top of those is reacclimation and either pneumonia or the flu... or both.
I thought to hold off doing anything for a while. But I had to deal with business and the doc. I rested otherwise, holding off medicines. Nothing was improving. It was all getting worse, the coughing was exacerbating everything. I feared what medicine would do. It was my only play left.
Miraculously medicine helped. I am far from back to trim. The cough occurs with regularity, I am having explosive bloody noses and migraines still often if both frequency and intensity have much diminished. Ido have a low-grade fever, not from the leg infection but from the flu/pneumonia/flu+pneumonia, easy to tell as the leg is healing.
Oddly, I have lost 20 pounds. I ate grandly at my mom´s home. And it was mostly the wrong stuff. That doesn't make sense. Oh, and found my invitation. It was for July, 29th. So either I was not really invited or fill in the blank as to what else might have gone wrong. I will call if I ever feel good again.
This sore throat and fiery lungs aren't helping, and I am still sore as hell from the extended driving due to construction and getting lost in that a few times. I am not healing with all else wrong.
I´ll keep at it.
One last thing. In two years, maybe four as things can go, assuming I survive this and time, Iwill be moving. Ilove the notion of Alaska if Iam not sure that is possible. Something could dramatically speed or slow the process, mind you. I have simply realized some things. Gotta go.
Thursday, August 3, 2017
One more, anyway.
.
.
Post that is, while I am at it and it is available. I used this device to create a rout home. On both sides is Logan, on a highway 30. Yeah, I didn't even know Iowa had a Logan. I also made a reservation for a stay tonight. Reservations are good, but finding the place can be a trick. While I was on the machine, I decided to post.
I had mom wake me this morning, to see her off and say farewells. She cried up a storm, couldn't help it. All good, that is how they reset, sort, and such. It'll hit me, perhaps, when I am home and well rested. All good. I have most of my stuff packed and out. I just had a few items for use and wear today, a fan, monitor, and screen to pack and put in as last items. Oh, and some canned goods to take as well, salsa and such. More, I am told, will be made this fall for me to take next spring.
A rainy day. One of only a few since I have been back. They are nearly at drought levels. But a storm on my way in, and out, may lead to better things for them. Not sure they will get an earthquake. I either get those wrong or the timing is way off on those. Dunno. Everyone seems to have a weakness, flaw of particular note. And, while I see, I see for my purposes, not for... others.
I am tired, as if I ran a marathon. More, as I rested up from it, and through it, I got settled. Now to pick up and finish the race is the hard part. Two days of ugly driving. A night at a strange place in a hostile world. Then back to the world I know, or knew. All good. I am ready, if I am rather worn.
When home? Ah, I promised I would get the kitchen sink and plumbing to trim first thing. So a call, and shopping for a sink faucet, a high one. I will just have a plumber do it. Replumb underneath, the drain, and put in the faucet. Then I will check on fees for a dumpster, while beginning to set things aside to be removed. As well, I may begin shopping for a big/tall man's recliner. I really need to figure out how to get the feet elevated more often. Lots of other things to do, but not much else will happen until I have rested up a bit. I feel, honestly, as if I have run a marathon and now have to run home too. I'll... get there.
Time to pack up the last few items and hit the road. I wrote the instructions, and will by more exact maps for Iowa and Wyoming... rather than the general regional map which simply doesn't have many small towns on it. I made it, I suppose. And would make it back. I just like a little more surety. Good day, perhaps goodbye?
.
Post that is, while I am at it and it is available. I used this device to create a rout home. On both sides is Logan, on a highway 30. Yeah, I didn't even know Iowa had a Logan. I also made a reservation for a stay tonight. Reservations are good, but finding the place can be a trick. While I was on the machine, I decided to post.
I had mom wake me this morning, to see her off and say farewells. She cried up a storm, couldn't help it. All good, that is how they reset, sort, and such. It'll hit me, perhaps, when I am home and well rested. All good. I have most of my stuff packed and out. I just had a few items for use and wear today, a fan, monitor, and screen to pack and put in as last items. Oh, and some canned goods to take as well, salsa and such. More, I am told, will be made this fall for me to take next spring.
A rainy day. One of only a few since I have been back. They are nearly at drought levels. But a storm on my way in, and out, may lead to better things for them. Not sure they will get an earthquake. I either get those wrong or the timing is way off on those. Dunno. Everyone seems to have a weakness, flaw of particular note. And, while I see, I see for my purposes, not for... others.
I am tired, as if I ran a marathon. More, as I rested up from it, and through it, I got settled. Now to pick up and finish the race is the hard part. Two days of ugly driving. A night at a strange place in a hostile world. Then back to the world I know, or knew. All good. I am ready, if I am rather worn.
When home? Ah, I promised I would get the kitchen sink and plumbing to trim first thing. So a call, and shopping for a sink faucet, a high one. I will just have a plumber do it. Replumb underneath, the drain, and put in the faucet. Then I will check on fees for a dumpster, while beginning to set things aside to be removed. As well, I may begin shopping for a big/tall man's recliner. I really need to figure out how to get the feet elevated more often. Lots of other things to do, but not much else will happen until I have rested up a bit. I feel, honestly, as if I have run a marathon and now have to run home too. I'll... get there.
Time to pack up the last few items and hit the road. I wrote the instructions, and will by more exact maps for Iowa and Wyoming... rather than the general regional map which simply doesn't have many small towns on it. I made it, I suppose. And would make it back. I just like a little more surety. Good day, perhaps goodbye?
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Getting ready.
.
.
As I pack, and bring it all together, I am thinking. I have had a pretty good stay. I know my mother doesn't get it all. I think she is starting to get some of it. Who I am, what I want, where I am going, how things are. She has not understood, or believed, until now. Not that she absolutely believes, but she is beginning to see that, as straight as I can tell it, I have. Though as I have gotten better, some of the memories have been cleared up, at least a bit, for me. I can't be certain about some things, never will be absolutely sure at this point. Still, she... is beginning to understand. Which makes it easier for us to be around one another.
This has been a good trip. It is probably the best visit since I have been an adult, and the longest. AC, in the upstairs window, the ability to just say when I have had enough, and the willingness and ability to mostly do what was requested... if on my timeline... also helped. It was good to get her home a little more as she wants it. I even did finally seal the gutter seem that was leaking and lower the ends to allow better flow. It's not perfect, just better.
We spent a long time in dealing with my uncle today. I am on his side, so long as he understands. A nursing home, or other facility, by force, is not a good thing. As long as he understands that staying home, alone, means death... I don't advocate death, but I am not sure a nursing home will be salvation either. I just wish they would get ac in his home. He had other problems in that house too, which weren't treated well or timely. Still, if he is, and I think he is, understanding things, then letting him choose is best. The homes just want whatever money they can get. The medical just want a new paying customer. No one, honestly, cares. Still, it really isn't my call.
He has had four close calls in this last month. He is feisty, ornery about it all. But I think he really does get it. He doesn't like it any more than we do. I don't think he really wants to die. But he also doesn't like being poked, prodded, and pushed. And they do that in there. They sort of have to, mind you. But it is annoying, and encroachment, a test. I am simply praying and leaving it God's hands, my mothers hands, my other uncle's hands, and hoping it works to God's will. Well, and learning. I may have to go through this with other family, such as my mother, and may end up on the receiving end in time.
I best get a few more things in the vehicle, do a bit more packing, then listen to some more music before eventually finishing and crashing. Good night. Oh... I don't know when I will post again. It won't be until I receive my phone refund, or know it will be arriving and am sure I have enough on hand to work it. If I can find a device that fits my bill, at all, that is. If not, good bye and good luck. Just remember, if something like me can be brought through, and I believe I have been, there is.... probably room for you.
.
As I pack, and bring it all together, I am thinking. I have had a pretty good stay. I know my mother doesn't get it all. I think she is starting to get some of it. Who I am, what I want, where I am going, how things are. She has not understood, or believed, until now. Not that she absolutely believes, but she is beginning to see that, as straight as I can tell it, I have. Though as I have gotten better, some of the memories have been cleared up, at least a bit, for me. I can't be certain about some things, never will be absolutely sure at this point. Still, she... is beginning to understand. Which makes it easier for us to be around one another.
This has been a good trip. It is probably the best visit since I have been an adult, and the longest. AC, in the upstairs window, the ability to just say when I have had enough, and the willingness and ability to mostly do what was requested... if on my timeline... also helped. It was good to get her home a little more as she wants it. I even did finally seal the gutter seem that was leaking and lower the ends to allow better flow. It's not perfect, just better.
We spent a long time in dealing with my uncle today. I am on his side, so long as he understands. A nursing home, or other facility, by force, is not a good thing. As long as he understands that staying home, alone, means death... I don't advocate death, but I am not sure a nursing home will be salvation either. I just wish they would get ac in his home. He had other problems in that house too, which weren't treated well or timely. Still, if he is, and I think he is, understanding things, then letting him choose is best. The homes just want whatever money they can get. The medical just want a new paying customer. No one, honestly, cares. Still, it really isn't my call.
He has had four close calls in this last month. He is feisty, ornery about it all. But I think he really does get it. He doesn't like it any more than we do. I don't think he really wants to die. But he also doesn't like being poked, prodded, and pushed. And they do that in there. They sort of have to, mind you. But it is annoying, and encroachment, a test. I am simply praying and leaving it God's hands, my mothers hands, my other uncle's hands, and hoping it works to God's will. Well, and learning. I may have to go through this with other family, such as my mother, and may end up on the receiving end in time.
I best get a few more things in the vehicle, do a bit more packing, then listen to some more music before eventually finishing and crashing. Good night. Oh... I don't know when I will post again. It won't be until I receive my phone refund, or know it will be arriving and am sure I have enough on hand to work it. If I can find a device that fits my bill, at all, that is. If not, good bye and good luck. Just remember, if something like me can be brought through, and I believe I have been, there is.... probably room for you.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
Dames.
.
.
I was just thinking... mothers, sisters, daughters in time, loves and lovers, they all share a certain aspect. A meanness that is ruthless. It is a bit of a test for men. If they won't cross that, the woman knows the man will either become a lapdog type or won't even be worth that. He can be turned into a drone. Those who cross it, cancel it, and don't miss a beat? That is how men are measured in a woman's world. If he can do it without violence, that's the golden boy, with violence he is the bad boy, perhaps there are other rankings. I doubt if women even realize they are doing the testing, or know, consciously, the results. They just "do", and then work on what remains.
Women have to test. They, before doctors/medicine took over fitness testing, women did that work. And, if a man fell ill, and was't likely to recover, unless he had means... such as stored wealth he still controlled well, or thick family lines which still loved him, they would put him down. The testing isn't just for that... limited resource use, but also for breeding. Women only want the very best, more so that their kids have a chance at more, or better, or simply a real chance at survival.
Until my health improved, I didn't realize that even my mother was doing this. All women, kin or not, take jabs at testing a man, if they get the opportunity. Now that I am well, and realize some things, I have been understanding that my mother isn't "just a "b...."", but is testing. They do it by nature. I... have been treating that differently, now that I realize. Oh, I knew it with other women, just didn't realize that was her gig too. Of course, they... can end up crying. But this is good for them. They have that as an outlet, for a reason. Once cleared, they are right as rain and have the data they were seeking. I think, finally, she is believing some of my story, now that I have come, to some degree, back into my rights. She knows, if not true, it could have been. As good as it can get unless she had been there, I think. Yeah... there is music for that.
.
I was just thinking... mothers, sisters, daughters in time, loves and lovers, they all share a certain aspect. A meanness that is ruthless. It is a bit of a test for men. If they won't cross that, the woman knows the man will either become a lapdog type or won't even be worth that. He can be turned into a drone. Those who cross it, cancel it, and don't miss a beat? That is how men are measured in a woman's world. If he can do it without violence, that's the golden boy, with violence he is the bad boy, perhaps there are other rankings. I doubt if women even realize they are doing the testing, or know, consciously, the results. They just "do", and then work on what remains.
Women have to test. They, before doctors/medicine took over fitness testing, women did that work. And, if a man fell ill, and was't likely to recover, unless he had means... such as stored wealth he still controlled well, or thick family lines which still loved him, they would put him down. The testing isn't just for that... limited resource use, but also for breeding. Women only want the very best, more so that their kids have a chance at more, or better, or simply a real chance at survival.
Until my health improved, I didn't realize that even my mother was doing this. All women, kin or not, take jabs at testing a man, if they get the opportunity. Now that I am well, and realize some things, I have been understanding that my mother isn't "just a "b...."", but is testing. They do it by nature. I... have been treating that differently, now that I realize. Oh, I knew it with other women, just didn't realize that was her gig too. Of course, they... can end up crying. But this is good for them. They have that as an outlet, for a reason. Once cleared, they are right as rain and have the data they were seeking. I think, finally, she is believing some of my story, now that I have come, to some degree, back into my rights. She knows, if not true, it could have been. As good as it can get unless she had been there, I think. Yeah... there is music for that.
Monday, July 31, 2017
A gooder son.
.
.
Not the best son, but a better son. I am not economically successful. And I am difficult to work with. At least now we understand why. As well, I am doing enough better so as to work better and more. This last helps my standing as a son. My mother, in some ways, is old school. Men work, women feed.
I helped paint part of the first room and most of the second room. This, besides being a thing she wanted desperately, was something she really shouldn't have been helping. I simply wasn't sure what I could do. She had to do the organizing. But the actual painting was a bit much for her. After painting the first room, I realized I could paint well enough, so did most of the next room. This pleased both of us. I like to work. I more have trouble organizing. She is good at that part of it.
As well, I cut branches so that she can park without scratching her vehicle, mow without having to duck, and removed a few shrub-trees which were becoming a nuisance. Oh, and just today I cleaned her gutters, changing the heights of various places so they should drain better and calking a seem that was dripping on her.
Beyond those things, I took care of most groceries, gave her some money for utilities, helped with the dishes and cooking chores, among other things. Domestics really isn't my forte. But I can help, and did, from time to time.
We have had a few arguments. When it gets too hot, that just happens. And yet this has been one of the best visits I can remember. I am doing my level best not to leave on a sour note. We used to do that. My brother does that. It is good.
I am planning on returning next spring, for a family swoop in to see my niece's graduation. I have not met my brother's daughters. I have only seen my brother twice since his wedding. We will, if all holds, be in a small caravan of folk heading south for the graduation. And, when we return, I asked... tonight... if we can begin planning a family reunion. I can't do the calls and such. Not my gig. But I can be her legs. I can do actual work, as needed. Between the two of us, and perhaps a lady cousin, we might yet have a family reunion... perhaps the year after... so two years hence, give or take.
Yeah, now that I am not just a mental, i will begin being a part of the family again. Believing I was crazy kept me from being involved. I even passed up some opportunities at good women. Yeah. They really did mess me over by lying about the nature of my illness. Whatevs. I'll heal what I can, and redo what I can. It's been good, perhaps it will be better from now on... mostly.
.
Not the best son, but a better son. I am not economically successful. And I am difficult to work with. At least now we understand why. As well, I am doing enough better so as to work better and more. This last helps my standing as a son. My mother, in some ways, is old school. Men work, women feed.
I helped paint part of the first room and most of the second room. This, besides being a thing she wanted desperately, was something she really shouldn't have been helping. I simply wasn't sure what I could do. She had to do the organizing. But the actual painting was a bit much for her. After painting the first room, I realized I could paint well enough, so did most of the next room. This pleased both of us. I like to work. I more have trouble organizing. She is good at that part of it.
As well, I cut branches so that she can park without scratching her vehicle, mow without having to duck, and removed a few shrub-trees which were becoming a nuisance. Oh, and just today I cleaned her gutters, changing the heights of various places so they should drain better and calking a seem that was dripping on her.
Beyond those things, I took care of most groceries, gave her some money for utilities, helped with the dishes and cooking chores, among other things. Domestics really isn't my forte. But I can help, and did, from time to time.
We have had a few arguments. When it gets too hot, that just happens. And yet this has been one of the best visits I can remember. I am doing my level best not to leave on a sour note. We used to do that. My brother does that. It is good.
I am planning on returning next spring, for a family swoop in to see my niece's graduation. I have not met my brother's daughters. I have only seen my brother twice since his wedding. We will, if all holds, be in a small caravan of folk heading south for the graduation. And, when we return, I asked... tonight... if we can begin planning a family reunion. I can't do the calls and such. Not my gig. But I can be her legs. I can do actual work, as needed. Between the two of us, and perhaps a lady cousin, we might yet have a family reunion... perhaps the year after... so two years hence, give or take.
Yeah, now that I am not just a mental, i will begin being a part of the family again. Believing I was crazy kept me from being involved. I even passed up some opportunities at good women. Yeah. They really did mess me over by lying about the nature of my illness. Whatevs. I'll heal what I can, and redo what I can. It's been good, perhaps it will be better from now on... mostly.
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Sleep eventually.
.
.
It never really cooled much. Without ac up there, I think the high 70's is as low as it will get. I suppose, with the fan, and getting tired enough, I finally fell asleep. I will figure it out. I slept well when I did sleep, if I am still tired this morning. Starting meds and sleep delays both are playing their parts. So it is, and will always be, in my condition. Just another thing on another day. All good, or not, it is what it is. Honestly, I am thankful for what is.
Not only has the swelling been nearly eliminated in my legs, but one of the wounds has, almost miraculously, healed since I started my trip. The other, what had been large tear which wasn't healing, has shrunk and is on the way to healing. I have done nothing different, for the wounds or the swelling. I don't know the fix(es). I just know I am well pleased.
I put my mom's dog out for a bit already, but would like to shower and get him out for a longer walk. I have gone north and west, I think... not quite sure in this town but I think so. In any case, I plan on going a different direction with him today. I am hoping to get walking with him several times a day, and for longer distances. Who knows. I'll do what I can. He sure enjoys getting out, I like the company and the walks as well.
I promised I would weed whip today. I would also like to have the dishes, the few there are, finished and away when she returns. Odd how such things aren't noticed. But that... isn't the point, always. Much as with prayer, when they are silent. Sometimes public prayer is good, but sometimes it really is just between me or you and God. As with good deeds in general, quite often. I hope to do a quiet little task or two each day, plus the other stuff, and a few listed items. It's... a goal.
Good day.
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
Too hot.
.
.
I purchased a fan for upstairs. It makes it feel better. I was up there for a while, unable to sleep. I didn't quite understand. Then I checked the temp. While the fan makes it feel better, the truth is it is still 78 up there. No matter how one dresses some things up, they just won't work. I may have to further purchase a small window ac for up there, close it up, and use that as needed. I know I can sleep at 70, maybe at 72, possible 74, but not at 78. And I need my sleep.
While I have misplaced some of my medication, so been off it for a few days, I have somehow nearly completely drained of fluids. I would have thought, with the added heat stress, drinking "bad" fluids, eating the wrong foods until I can sort things, that I would be even worse than before. Nope. My feet are down to normal. I started back on medications tonight, resetting the spare medicine container. Though I cut the water pill to just one. I fear what two might do, with me being this low on fluid.
On the other shoe, so to speak, I seem to have obtained a pretty hefty foot fungus. I'll be working at erradicating that, if possible. Perhaps the more recent, and severe, swelling left my feet vulnerable. I have heard that daily, or twice daily, soaking in an apple cider vinegar and water mix will fix it, in a month... along, perhaps, with vix vapor rub? Anyway, I might give that a try. If I can find a foot bath that fits, or something that will work beside... hmm... one of those storage totes... but will require a lot more fluids. This world is not built to be convenient to even pseudo-giants.
I said I would get the weed eater going tomorrow. She has an electric. It may not be a single shot, as today it was 90, with high humidity, putting the index up to 100... a bit dangerous for pets and gimps of various sorts, and the young and old. I can probably get to it if I don't push too hard or long at any time. Probably. I'll be giving it a shot. It is actually too hot to take her dog out, at least until later. I have been walking him from time to time, for both of our sakes.
While I won't take care of complete care and feeding, I would like to see about walking more and more, and doing some of the care. In consideration of obtaining a dog myself. I could use the incentive to walk, and pal on the road. But it can be a lot of work on all ends. Dogs need and want a lot of time and attention. Perhaps too much time and work. Even a small dog needs quite a lot of time and a moderate amount of attention. Though they walk much better than cats... which, on a leash, produce more like a drag... which is illegal in many states, immoral in even more. ;p
I have been trying to make myself handy. Not sure living together would ever work out though. She loves to work, And loves everyone else within a two square mile area to work with and for her. I have let her know to make lists. And, if she asks for something, do it when I am already up or getting up, not when I am in the middle of something. She has done better with that, so far, mostly. But that will always be a challenge for her. Still, I think, with a bit of patience and effort on both sides, it might be possible. While she is healthy enough. And well worth it, with some pains to keep it sorted. I just don't see her really doing it. Oh, and she could go to my brothers for longish spells when it gets cold there, or just because. I could probably keep up, for a while, if the place was mostly in order... or even afford help for when she was gone.
As I suggested, I have doubts about the veracity of her consideration. But if she really gets to that place, I'd do what I could to make it happen. To that end I really need to get back to work on cleaning and clearing when I return home. I'll definitely be getting a dumpster in when I get back and clearing much out. Then cleaning harshly and powerfully. I may not get it all up, and keep it up, but I will approach that and shut some areas off, then hit a room every other month or something. Ugh but housekeeping is just not my forte.
Not sure what to do tonight. I would love to sleep, want it, but it's just too warm. There is the couch, down here, but it is a bit too small and uncomfortable for me. I may go up, read, and hope it just clicks, in time. Good night.
.
I purchased a fan for upstairs. It makes it feel better. I was up there for a while, unable to sleep. I didn't quite understand. Then I checked the temp. While the fan makes it feel better, the truth is it is still 78 up there. No matter how one dresses some things up, they just won't work. I may have to further purchase a small window ac for up there, close it up, and use that as needed. I know I can sleep at 70, maybe at 72, possible 74, but not at 78. And I need my sleep.
While I have misplaced some of my medication, so been off it for a few days, I have somehow nearly completely drained of fluids. I would have thought, with the added heat stress, drinking "bad" fluids, eating the wrong foods until I can sort things, that I would be even worse than before. Nope. My feet are down to normal. I started back on medications tonight, resetting the spare medicine container. Though I cut the water pill to just one. I fear what two might do, with me being this low on fluid.
On the other shoe, so to speak, I seem to have obtained a pretty hefty foot fungus. I'll be working at erradicating that, if possible. Perhaps the more recent, and severe, swelling left my feet vulnerable. I have heard that daily, or twice daily, soaking in an apple cider vinegar and water mix will fix it, in a month... along, perhaps, with vix vapor rub? Anyway, I might give that a try. If I can find a foot bath that fits, or something that will work beside... hmm... one of those storage totes... but will require a lot more fluids. This world is not built to be convenient to even pseudo-giants.
I said I would get the weed eater going tomorrow. She has an electric. It may not be a single shot, as today it was 90, with high humidity, putting the index up to 100... a bit dangerous for pets and gimps of various sorts, and the young and old. I can probably get to it if I don't push too hard or long at any time. Probably. I'll be giving it a shot. It is actually too hot to take her dog out, at least until later. I have been walking him from time to time, for both of our sakes.
While I won't take care of complete care and feeding, I would like to see about walking more and more, and doing some of the care. In consideration of obtaining a dog myself. I could use the incentive to walk, and pal on the road. But it can be a lot of work on all ends. Dogs need and want a lot of time and attention. Perhaps too much time and work. Even a small dog needs quite a lot of time and a moderate amount of attention. Though they walk much better than cats... which, on a leash, produce more like a drag... which is illegal in many states, immoral in even more. ;p
I have been trying to make myself handy. Not sure living together would ever work out though. She loves to work, And loves everyone else within a two square mile area to work with and for her. I have let her know to make lists. And, if she asks for something, do it when I am already up or getting up, not when I am in the middle of something. She has done better with that, so far, mostly. But that will always be a challenge for her. Still, I think, with a bit of patience and effort on both sides, it might be possible. While she is healthy enough. And well worth it, with some pains to keep it sorted. I just don't see her really doing it. Oh, and she could go to my brothers for longish spells when it gets cold there, or just because. I could probably keep up, for a while, if the place was mostly in order... or even afford help for when she was gone.
As I suggested, I have doubts about the veracity of her consideration. But if she really gets to that place, I'd do what I could to make it happen. To that end I really need to get back to work on cleaning and clearing when I return home. I'll definitely be getting a dumpster in when I get back and clearing much out. Then cleaning harshly and powerfully. I may not get it all up, and keep it up, but I will approach that and shut some areas off, then hit a room every other month or something. Ugh but housekeeping is just not my forte.
Not sure what to do tonight. I would love to sleep, want it, but it's just too warm. There is the couch, down here, but it is a bit too small and uncomfortable for me. I may go up, read, and hope it just clicks, in time. Good night.
Monday, July 3, 2017
Home.
.
.
I made it back fairly easily. It really didn't cost all that much. I enjoyed the drive. I made it in time for all needed. Though I was pushing things. Too many hours on the road, too little sleep... just could not sleep. Typical of when I travel, it seems. Whether to Burning Man, local or main, home, or anywhere. I slept very little in the two days leading up to the drive and very little the next few days. Finally, sleep is normalizing. Heat was a problem last night. I bought a fan today. Maybe that will be enough. If not, maybe a small window air conditioner. I need sleep, and I need to be cool enough to do it.
The humidity is higher, but it really isn't bothering me. The heat is, or can. At least at the moment. The drive was good for me. I have been having a huge problem with swollen legs and feet lately. While the house shoes are helping, for some reason, driving allowed me to lose almost all the fluid buildup. My feet and legs look normal! I haven't even been taking my meds regularly. Strange. I'll take it.
I get the feeling, however, that I am not terribly welcome. I may be being... seeing what isn't there. I just don't think so. I definitely believe I am not terribly welcome. This is the shire. Even if I happened to be Gandalf... only some of the locals care for me. Not even family. Though I was adopted, there might even still be that. Though it is more. I do think I am read. Why read if it is so upsetting? I write what I write, believe what I do, and see, dream, and feel as I put it. That won't change. So... why bother?
There is mother. While she is difficult to be with, at times, I am finally convinced that she does love me. Yes... I... question everything. I had to. I still have to. I've been through too much to take anything at face value, or just trust. You get what you earn.
Perhaps I was a bit off... at the gathering... having driven too long and stayed up too long. My body may have just been... unhealthy. Maybe I smelled a bit off. Though I really think it is this blog and my notions of things that saw me pushed to the outside and excluded. I don't mind, in one sense. The initial sting was harsh. That passed. I might still see a few family, who seemed interested. Most I... will simply understand.
I have been doing little bits and pieces to help out here. Sometimes an idea, sometimes work, I do make the effort. I even bought a small took kit for my mother. If I am going to do stuff, I need tools. But they are good for her to have on hand as well. Not all potential handy-men have tools with them. Sometime this next week, I will even be replacing a window pane, the old fashioned way and type. I like to do these sorts of things. Especially with someone else, mostly, keeping up on the house. I'll even split out some of the cooking, cleaning, if more lightly in those areas. Just the way it is.
Whatever else, I came to see my cousin buried. She came to me so powerfully. It tore me up. Real? It was to me. I got to see her set to rest. Even if I felt the need to defend myself, and be on hostile ground, to more of a degree than I thought would happen, I... pay that price gladly. I feel right with her about it all now. I can't help these things. Not sure I would if I could. I just wish... in time...
I also saw my uncle, the one who fell ill. He is doing better. Not home, as I was told. Only back at the local hospital. I will see him again, off an on, before I go... if such is available. He is, most likely, going to a nursing home, at least short term, until he heals and can walk. Stubborn. A trait of the family, like it or not. Even so, we don't always win.
I may post, from time to time. I don't have my own new item, but that may be in the offing. I did fix my mother's machine, so... Be well.
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
So much to do.
.
.
So little time. I think those are the rules.
Was worried about the doctor. Finally set that up. It was timing. When I get back is soon enough.
Set up lighter hoses for watering. Watered lawn for the first time. Had to cut it short, harshly. That should help with weeds, if it might burn the grass. A price and risk I see as reasonable.
I need to get dishes and laundry, packing, and as much straightening as possible, plus have plants, cat food and litter, and worm food all centralized. It is getting hot on top of things. I’ll do what I can. Oh, and a chore list. The doc was the big headache. If that went south, no driving... legally.
.
So little time. I think those are the rules.
Was worried about the doctor. Finally set that up. It was timing. When I get back is soon enough.
Set up lighter hoses for watering. Watered lawn for the first time. Had to cut it short, harshly. That should help with weeds, if it might burn the grass. A price and risk I see as reasonable.
I need to get dishes and laundry, packing, and as much straightening as possible, plus have plants, cat food and litter, and worm food all centralized. It is getting hot on top of things. I’ll do what I can. Oh, and a chore list. The doc was the big headache. If that went south, no driving... legally.
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Tech problems.
.
.
Either the monitor, cable, vid board, software, or worse is wrong. I will, when I can, get in to buy a new cable. Until then? I am using my ps4, which is painfully slow and annoying. Just saying I am not dead or really ill. Some have complained when I go without some word.
If it isn‘t the cable... it might be a while. Might go with a tablet, dump computers, and see if that is enough. So long as it has wifi, can hook to a monitor, mouse, keyboard, and printer, should be enough.
Now you know. Later. Maybe much later.
.
Either the monitor, cable, vid board, software, or worse is wrong. I will, when I can, get in to buy a new cable. Until then? I am using my ps4, which is painfully slow and annoying. Just saying I am not dead or really ill. Some have complained when I go without some word.
If it isn‘t the cable... it might be a while. Might go with a tablet, dump computers, and see if that is enough. So long as it has wifi, can hook to a monitor, mouse, keyboard, and printer, should be enough.
Now you know. Later. Maybe much later.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
No class reunion.
.
.
Which is fine. It would have been nice, not saying otherwise. It just wasn't the highest priority. I suppose, somehow, I could squeeze that out. But I don't think I could find enough places to stay to be out of the way while there. My mother might well love for me to stay that long, in theory. But as we all know, that... simply... doesn't work out. Parents and children, living together, no matter how much we love each other... If it has to work, sometimes it does. But it is rocky. Actually, living with anyone is a tough gig. No matter how pretty, useful, helpful, she has always become a ball and chain. Love it? Well... there are times I would have sworn to it, much at when in engineering I swore I loved math. No. The only thing that might have gotten me to stay with a woman is children. Otherwise it just doesn't last. And, even that, is more like a guilt trip, until the children are old enough to begin programming to do stupid pet tricks. Which is short lived as well.
Anyway, yeah, no. I'd love to stay longer, in one sense. That I haven't been there for a long time. Hmm... actually? I was thinking of being there a month anyway. If I went later enough, and held my breath at times, I might be able to make it. Leaving a few days before the end of this month, returning in early August? You know? Especially if I could stay with other family, from time to time. Not sure. I'll think on it.
The good side to everything being off is I have more time to attempt to clean, clear, and be very ready to go. Today is a rough one. It's cold again, not sunny. It was down to 64 this morning, in this front room (without vent from the furnace). So... yeah. Even so, I have dishes soaking again, and laundry about to begin being processed, switched out, and all. I have to fold these. Ugh... Lots more clothes than I thought, as some were still in the dryer.
It is shaping up. Not sure, even now, but... maybe. Later.
.
Which is fine. It would have been nice, not saying otherwise. It just wasn't the highest priority. I suppose, somehow, I could squeeze that out. But I don't think I could find enough places to stay to be out of the way while there. My mother might well love for me to stay that long, in theory. But as we all know, that... simply... doesn't work out. Parents and children, living together, no matter how much we love each other... If it has to work, sometimes it does. But it is rocky. Actually, living with anyone is a tough gig. No matter how pretty, useful, helpful, she has always become a ball and chain. Love it? Well... there are times I would have sworn to it, much at when in engineering I swore I loved math. No. The only thing that might have gotten me to stay with a woman is children. Otherwise it just doesn't last. And, even that, is more like a guilt trip, until the children are old enough to begin programming to do stupid pet tricks. Which is short lived as well.
Anyway, yeah, no. I'd love to stay longer, in one sense. That I haven't been there for a long time. Hmm... actually? I was thinking of being there a month anyway. If I went later enough, and held my breath at times, I might be able to make it. Leaving a few days before the end of this month, returning in early August? You know? Especially if I could stay with other family, from time to time. Not sure. I'll think on it.
The good side to everything being off is I have more time to attempt to clean, clear, and be very ready to go. Today is a rough one. It's cold again, not sunny. It was down to 64 this morning, in this front room (without vent from the furnace). So... yeah. Even so, I have dishes soaking again, and laundry about to begin being processed, switched out, and all. I have to fold these. Ugh... Lots more clothes than I thought, as some were still in the dryer.
It is shaping up. Not sure, even now, but... maybe. Later.
Looks like the cold war is heating up.
.
.
A senator and staffer, or several of one or each, were shot. An attack by a bernieite. Leftists have been pushing this, hard, since the harder left lost to the softer left in this last election. They have become completely unhinged. Which wasn't much of a movement. Of course, they are going after their own allies. From what I can tell, if they murdered every republican in the senate and the house they would be doing 'conservatives*' a favor. We aren't represented, currently. All our leadership and reps have sold out to the biggest foreign money. But replacement value is where it really might be at, and the change in attitude.
There will be many republicans who attempt to negotiate, to play nice about this, and to attempt to make amends. Hopefully up close and personal. More hopefully, with the same results of what we got here. Then, and probably only then, will repbulicans start realizing that their foreign owners don't care, that the side they are trying to make peace with only wants the peace of their death and the deaths of many they say they mean to represent, and nothing else will satisfy them... Choices. They can, for less "money", begin truly representing America and Americans, and even limiting who and what those things mean, or they can end up in that shallow grave, if they get that, but from each side. In a hot war, being in the middle absolutely sucks. It's going hot.
Hatch, I think, bothered me with a call last night, to suggest he had some live event going on. No. thank. you. Keep it. I'm not interested. I've watched his work, and simply have no interest in being involved. I remember when he was about to be replaced, and the state GOPe butchered the process to make sure he kept his seat. He is neither an ally, or friend. That is how I feel about republicans! Dems? Well, no need to even go there.
At this point, cya. If you know decent people, do what you can for them. Watch your back, the animals are out and crazed. If they come, do not hold back. You might well lose, but better to lose giving than just taking. If there is no pain, to them, they will never stop. And, who knows, you pop a couple of them rightly, you might just turn the numbers game against them. Angels, it is said, will still fight with righteous men. Leave politicians to their chosen fate, defend yourself and yours. Oh, don't start it, not unless it comes to that point. But finish it if possible. Good day.
.
A senator and staffer, or several of one or each, were shot. An attack by a bernieite. Leftists have been pushing this, hard, since the harder left lost to the softer left in this last election. They have become completely unhinged. Which wasn't much of a movement. Of course, they are going after their own allies. From what I can tell, if they murdered every republican in the senate and the house they would be doing 'conservatives*' a favor. We aren't represented, currently. All our leadership and reps have sold out to the biggest foreign money. But replacement value is where it really might be at, and the change in attitude.
There will be many republicans who attempt to negotiate, to play nice about this, and to attempt to make amends. Hopefully up close and personal. More hopefully, with the same results of what we got here. Then, and probably only then, will repbulicans start realizing that their foreign owners don't care, that the side they are trying to make peace with only wants the peace of their death and the deaths of many they say they mean to represent, and nothing else will satisfy them... Choices. They can, for less "money", begin truly representing America and Americans, and even limiting who and what those things mean, or they can end up in that shallow grave, if they get that, but from each side. In a hot war, being in the middle absolutely sucks. It's going hot.
Hatch, I think, bothered me with a call last night, to suggest he had some live event going on. No. thank. you. Keep it. I'm not interested. I've watched his work, and simply have no interest in being involved. I remember when he was about to be replaced, and the state GOPe butchered the process to make sure he kept his seat. He is neither an ally, or friend. That is how I feel about republicans! Dems? Well, no need to even go there.
At this point, cya. If you know decent people, do what you can for them. Watch your back, the animals are out and crazed. If they come, do not hold back. You might well lose, but better to lose giving than just taking. If there is no pain, to them, they will never stop. And, who knows, you pop a couple of them rightly, you might just turn the numbers game against them. Angels, it is said, will still fight with righteous men. Leave politicians to their chosen fate, defend yourself and yours. Oh, don't start it, not unless it comes to that point. But finish it if possible. Good day.
Awake, about on time, with a minor headache.
.
.
I think the headache is from shifting sleep cycle. The cool... changed something. It being, in real terms, cool not actuallycold (in here and to me), I was able to stay up longer. But that is hard on the body. Resistance to wakefulness disappeared, that threw things off. The headache is mild, it will pass on it's own, so no aspirin.
Brushing two to three times a day, shaving every other day or three, keeping up on food and the girls, and now attempting to put the cave in order before I rocket out. Or, even if I don't. Bits and pieces, one thing at a time... nearly. A load of laundry right after this post, then running fresh hot water for the dishes, looking for a suitcase or two... a larger one for four or five sets of clothes, and dress clothes, plus a small personals pack. Only extra socks and underwear, the rest can wear longer. Trying not to over-pack, but I hate having too little as well. Good to be a man, on some things, even so, if I take too much as men often go. Then again, I used to take a lot less and end up having to buy. Not good.
I don't know how much I can get done. Yes, yes, talk, talk, talk, mostly, so far. But, for me, it helps to talk into it when I am not quite ready to do. I coalesce the mind in that direction, beat the war drums, and hope to instill urgency, focus, intent. I have to do a lot of a work to do any work... which is why that doesn't happen as often as I would like. Well, and the work I would rather do is expensive. I'd rather be fixing things, working on the roof, even painting. Not just expensive work, but also complicated. Paining a room would me, for me, usually, stripping it. Even in the big, current, bathroom, before I paint I will remove the toilet. I'll have to do a new wax ring. Which is fine, I want to lay a new double bead of silicon calk anyway. But, see, it... gets complicated, and paint isn't cheap either. Choosing a color? Gah!
However, the work that is for me, to make the cave a bit more reasonable to have 'guest workers' is what there is on my list. I will do it as best I am able. Quickly, tirelessly as possible, and as efficiently as I can. Yeah... sounds like when someone else is prepping you for work. But I don't have anyone else. Oh. Best set up my medicine as well. The half hour is up, so now, after brushing, I can have tea. Just that will keep teeth from being white without silly efforts. Stained, maybe, but I've had fewer cavities, none since 1993, than most of you. Keep your pearlies, if they have to keep drilling.
Right. Tea. Plus finishing waking. Oh, but a load of laundry in and dishes a refresh. THEN, an hour or two to wake and stretch into things. THEN back to work of some kind. I do like to work, if some of this mumbo-jumbo house cleaning and sorting stuff is... a struggle. More than most. Not my problem, sort of, it is what to do. Work, work, work, go, go, go, ready, aim, fire, shut the fuck up and get up! Later.
.
I think the headache is from shifting sleep cycle. The cool... changed something. It being, in real terms, cool not actuallycold (in here and to me), I was able to stay up longer. But that is hard on the body. Resistance to wakefulness disappeared, that threw things off. The headache is mild, it will pass on it's own, so no aspirin.
Brushing two to three times a day, shaving every other day or three, keeping up on food and the girls, and now attempting to put the cave in order before I rocket out. Or, even if I don't. Bits and pieces, one thing at a time... nearly. A load of laundry right after this post, then running fresh hot water for the dishes, looking for a suitcase or two... a larger one for four or five sets of clothes, and dress clothes, plus a small personals pack. Only extra socks and underwear, the rest can wear longer. Trying not to over-pack, but I hate having too little as well. Good to be a man, on some things, even so, if I take too much as men often go. Then again, I used to take a lot less and end up having to buy. Not good.
I don't know how much I can get done. Yes, yes, talk, talk, talk, mostly, so far. But, for me, it helps to talk into it when I am not quite ready to do. I coalesce the mind in that direction, beat the war drums, and hope to instill urgency, focus, intent. I have to do a lot of a work to do any work... which is why that doesn't happen as often as I would like. Well, and the work I would rather do is expensive. I'd rather be fixing things, working on the roof, even painting. Not just expensive work, but also complicated. Paining a room would me, for me, usually, stripping it. Even in the big, current, bathroom, before I paint I will remove the toilet. I'll have to do a new wax ring. Which is fine, I want to lay a new double bead of silicon calk anyway. But, see, it... gets complicated, and paint isn't cheap either. Choosing a color? Gah!
However, the work that is for me, to make the cave a bit more reasonable to have 'guest workers' is what there is on my list. I will do it as best I am able. Quickly, tirelessly as possible, and as efficiently as I can. Yeah... sounds like when someone else is prepping you for work. But I don't have anyone else. Oh. Best set up my medicine as well. The half hour is up, so now, after brushing, I can have tea. Just that will keep teeth from being white without silly efforts. Stained, maybe, but I've had fewer cavities, none since 1993, than most of you. Keep your pearlies, if they have to keep drilling.
Right. Tea. Plus finishing waking. Oh, but a load of laundry in and dishes a refresh. THEN, an hour or two to wake and stretch into things. THEN back to work of some kind. I do like to work, if some of this mumbo-jumbo house cleaning and sorting stuff is... a struggle. More than most. Not my problem, sort of, it is what to do. Work, work, work, go, go, go, ready, aim, fire, shut the fuck up and get up! Later.
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Fried.
.
.
It isn't just from what I wrote. I have been working, on the side, to try to get things arranged before I go. Laundry is going, the toilet has been cleaned with the intention of hitting the whole bathroom tomorrow then keeping it pristine until I go, the bedroom I am in is being treated, as will a few other places. I want to make it as pleasant for any who must enter to do the chores needed. As well, to not come home to... well... what I have been living in.
The potential for travel has given me cause to scoot and shoot. Work, work, work... At least the drive is there. The practical? I get bogged down so easily! Distracted, confused, tiring out easily as well. Still, I... I have done more today, here, there, this, and that, than I have in quite some time. Push. I want a whole lot more done. The main thing are the things which would be troublesome for many reasons. Then the stuff that is just clutter. Finally, perhaps, some neatening and refining, if I get that far.
Beyond, I want worm and cat food prepped and easy. I want the indoor plants put where they won't be as easily missed when tending to the girls (cats). Hmm, I might even leave treats for whoever visits. Various candy bars, ice cream bars, or... something. Honey is far better than else, for drawing kind deeds, and spurring the behavior. I have to think about even more. Not sure what niece aged girls like, want, need. Mix and match in there. Hmm... I will ponder on the tree of woe... when estrogen is set to waft. Or call my brother, he has two of my other nieces. He might know. I dunno.
I might change out the hoses, and put lighter ones out. The ones I have are murder for even me to work with. Yeah, glutton and pain both belong in the explanation for that. Not that it's all that serious, I nap more than pain myself. Still, the idea is there. I do try. I'll toss the clothes in the dryer, let them fluff as done as they will get, and get ready to do more in the morning. Thankfully I really don't have many clothes to do. I do have a lot of dishes though. Hmm... I'll probably run a load of those before I go to bed to. Let them soak. Ugh.
Medicine, brushing, then? Good night. That's what's next. Sleep well or work hard, whatever is left to you... or just enjoy, if that's open and else is as done as it can be.
.
It isn't just from what I wrote. I have been working, on the side, to try to get things arranged before I go. Laundry is going, the toilet has been cleaned with the intention of hitting the whole bathroom tomorrow then keeping it pristine until I go, the bedroom I am in is being treated, as will a few other places. I want to make it as pleasant for any who must enter to do the chores needed. As well, to not come home to... well... what I have been living in.
The potential for travel has given me cause to scoot and shoot. Work, work, work... At least the drive is there. The practical? I get bogged down so easily! Distracted, confused, tiring out easily as well. Still, I... I have done more today, here, there, this, and that, than I have in quite some time. Push. I want a whole lot more done. The main thing are the things which would be troublesome for many reasons. Then the stuff that is just clutter. Finally, perhaps, some neatening and refining, if I get that far.
Beyond, I want worm and cat food prepped and easy. I want the indoor plants put where they won't be as easily missed when tending to the girls (cats). Hmm, I might even leave treats for whoever visits. Various candy bars, ice cream bars, or... something. Honey is far better than else, for drawing kind deeds, and spurring the behavior. I have to think about even more. Not sure what niece aged girls like, want, need. Mix and match in there. Hmm... I will ponder on the tree of woe... when estrogen is set to waft. Or call my brother, he has two of my other nieces. He might know. I dunno.
I might change out the hoses, and put lighter ones out. The ones I have are murder for even me to work with. Yeah, glutton and pain both belong in the explanation for that. Not that it's all that serious, I nap more than pain myself. Still, the idea is there. I do try. I'll toss the clothes in the dryer, let them fluff as done as they will get, and get ready to do more in the morning. Thankfully I really don't have many clothes to do. I do have a lot of dishes though. Hmm... I'll probably run a load of those before I go to bed to. Let them soak. Ugh.
Medicine, brushing, then? Good night. That's what's next. Sleep well or work hard, whatever is left to you... or just enjoy, if that's open and else is as done as it can be.
Pulling teeth.
.
.
I had added extra money into my Home Depot account, in order to have money in it to pay off the lawnmower, or get a start on it anyway. As it turns out, their credit department refused to use that money. They wanted me to buy an in-store purchase card with it, then use that along with the regular balance and whatever else. The in-store guys advised against it. If the store-chit, or whatever it is called, wouldn't process, then I would be stuck. They can't return those. They weren't sure it would work. So I had to use another card. Which... makes things tight. They wouldn't up the card, or do anything else to help. I may have to get rid of that card. They do it to themselves. At least the store people were trying to prevent me from being scammed. Still, it was messy.
Now to get it back. I ended up going with the larger mower. It was on sale for less than even the smaller mower I had been considering. The 10% off I had brought it down to where, if they had used the card, that would have paid it all. It does have the 50" deck. Oh well... the good is having the 24 hp engine. I hope it's a good. When I get back I will order the scoop. I'll install it, then just detach the scoop portion. The brackets stay on it. You never know until you know, I guess.
I did a bit more shopping. Cat food, litter, and a few needed items. Shorts, a few caps, and house shoes... or good enough for that. For when I travel, though they were needed anyway. That sure added up fast, but... what can you do? I may find out tonight, when I can get the mower. I'd like to ride it at least once before heading out. I am excited about it. I never thought I could afford one, to be honest.
I'll tell you, whatever else, I seem to be either somewhat appreciated or absolutely hated. I can't always tell which it is. Don't really care, on the one hand. But it... when eyes are burning holes in your back... then again, I'm a little nervous when the herd closes in, friend of foe. I'm used to being alone. Honestly I don't know if I could fight my way out of a wet paper bag, but push come to shove I'd give it what I've got. Might go down like a bag of potatoes or might end the thing before most people could blink. Depends on me, what I might be facing, and... Well... I'm getting old. I'm well past when most people die, from a thousand things. I've been dead three times. I shouldn't even honestly be able to have this sort of conversation... but there it is.
If you are going to do it, shoot me several times, well placed shots. Shoot my again, very well placed while approaching. Then chop off my head. You really don't want me coming back again. No jail or prison will keep you safe from me. Though, I think mine would get you if you succeed. But they'll just kill you. I'll rip parts of you off. Don't tease. Do it or leave it alone. Yeah.
Later.
.
I had added extra money into my Home Depot account, in order to have money in it to pay off the lawnmower, or get a start on it anyway. As it turns out, their credit department refused to use that money. They wanted me to buy an in-store purchase card with it, then use that along with the regular balance and whatever else. The in-store guys advised against it. If the store-chit, or whatever it is called, wouldn't process, then I would be stuck. They can't return those. They weren't sure it would work. So I had to use another card. Which... makes things tight. They wouldn't up the card, or do anything else to help. I may have to get rid of that card. They do it to themselves. At least the store people were trying to prevent me from being scammed. Still, it was messy.
Now to get it back. I ended up going with the larger mower. It was on sale for less than even the smaller mower I had been considering. The 10% off I had brought it down to where, if they had used the card, that would have paid it all. It does have the 50" deck. Oh well... the good is having the 24 hp engine. I hope it's a good. When I get back I will order the scoop. I'll install it, then just detach the scoop portion. The brackets stay on it. You never know until you know, I guess.
I did a bit more shopping. Cat food, litter, and a few needed items. Shorts, a few caps, and house shoes... or good enough for that. For when I travel, though they were needed anyway. That sure added up fast, but... what can you do? I may find out tonight, when I can get the mower. I'd like to ride it at least once before heading out. I am excited about it. I never thought I could afford one, to be honest.
I'll tell you, whatever else, I seem to be either somewhat appreciated or absolutely hated. I can't always tell which it is. Don't really care, on the one hand. But it... when eyes are burning holes in your back... then again, I'm a little nervous when the herd closes in, friend of foe. I'm used to being alone. Honestly I don't know if I could fight my way out of a wet paper bag, but push come to shove I'd give it what I've got. Might go down like a bag of potatoes or might end the thing before most people could blink. Depends on me, what I might be facing, and... Well... I'm getting old. I'm well past when most people die, from a thousand things. I've been dead three times. I shouldn't even honestly be able to have this sort of conversation... but there it is.
If you are going to do it, shoot me several times, well placed shots. Shoot my again, very well placed while approaching. Then chop off my head. You really don't want me coming back again. No jail or prison will keep you safe from me. Though, I think mine would get you if you succeed. But they'll just kill you. I'll rip parts of you off. Don't tease. Do it or leave it alone. Yeah.
Later.
Cool, actually really cool.
.
.
As I was heading out, I noticed my furnace thermometer. I thought I saw something that shouldn't... couldn't... be. I have it set at 66, and really should have it off. No matter, it still flashes between the time and the internal temp reading. I could have swore it read 66, in that nano second as I was speeding by and just happened to glance. But that... couldn't be? It's JUNE 13th! So, in spite of being a bit in a hurry, I paused to see. Indeed. It read 66 F, in my house, and that is with the furnace on. I wonder what it might have gotten down to otherwise? Absolutely crazy. I'm betting snow really is coming. That wasn't just a... freak dream... daydream... vision. Or has it already snowed? They aren't telling the real news, currently. They are hiding much. Trump and the other clowns in D.C. are covering over the real events with their bullshittery. Is he now owned, or undone? Or... we'll see. You too, maybe.
I got to the post, though, and in time. Two sinks. Never ordering that way again. They really dropped the ball on shipping. I did get a water bill today, though I haven't heard back from the accountant. The bill shows that I am $19 in the black, but I think I have a $50 check to be cashed yet. For some reason I wrote them for the middle of the months? I have no idea why I did that. That is totally out of character. Was I ill, or really... problematic... when I wrote them? I just... don't know. Anyway, I'd like to see, generally, what my bill comes to, when it would be due again... roughly... then get a couple of years worth of checks in. Ugh.
I haven't heard from my mother, either. Though she might not have the time until later. Plus, she is having to call someone else, perhaps playing phone tag as well. Life is never straightforward when two or more gather for a job... save worship. Unless it's a well hones team. A gaggle of women, transmitting information... can go either way. *grins* No complaints, I just don't transmit, mostly.
I shaved again. One thing I am finding about shaving? If you do it, you sort gotta keep doing it. Or the face itches, the whiskers get sharp, the skin dries out terrible. Either shave or do not shave, but don't horse around. When I wasn't, officially, shaving, just using the trimmer was a good way to go. Brushing and shaving are becoming very regular, and medicine, and food. Not back to work yet, but... Oh... if I go home, I'll have my mother make a list of things to do. No promises, at all. But, if I can, I'd like to try to work there. When she is at work. I might do the list, or do other things. I've... learned my way around a home, if I can't keep one up, not fully, not solo. I'll bet I can surprise her. Or... not. :p
.
As I was heading out, I noticed my furnace thermometer. I thought I saw something that shouldn't... couldn't... be. I have it set at 66, and really should have it off. No matter, it still flashes between the time and the internal temp reading. I could have swore it read 66, in that nano second as I was speeding by and just happened to glance. But that... couldn't be? It's JUNE 13th! So, in spite of being a bit in a hurry, I paused to see. Indeed. It read 66 F, in my house, and that is with the furnace on. I wonder what it might have gotten down to otherwise? Absolutely crazy. I'm betting snow really is coming. That wasn't just a... freak dream... daydream... vision. Or has it already snowed? They aren't telling the real news, currently. They are hiding much. Trump and the other clowns in D.C. are covering over the real events with their bullshittery. Is he now owned, or undone? Or... we'll see. You too, maybe.
I got to the post, though, and in time. Two sinks. Never ordering that way again. They really dropped the ball on shipping. I did get a water bill today, though I haven't heard back from the accountant. The bill shows that I am $19 in the black, but I think I have a $50 check to be cashed yet. For some reason I wrote them for the middle of the months? I have no idea why I did that. That is totally out of character. Was I ill, or really... problematic... when I wrote them? I just... don't know. Anyway, I'd like to see, generally, what my bill comes to, when it would be due again... roughly... then get a couple of years worth of checks in. Ugh.
I haven't heard from my mother, either. Though she might not have the time until later. Plus, she is having to call someone else, perhaps playing phone tag as well. Life is never straightforward when two or more gather for a job... save worship. Unless it's a well hones team. A gaggle of women, transmitting information... can go either way. *grins* No complaints, I just don't transmit, mostly.
I shaved again. One thing I am finding about shaving? If you do it, you sort gotta keep doing it. Or the face itches, the whiskers get sharp, the skin dries out terrible. Either shave or do not shave, but don't horse around. When I wasn't, officially, shaving, just using the trimmer was a good way to go. Brushing and shaving are becoming very regular, and medicine, and food. Not back to work yet, but... Oh... if I go home, I'll have my mother make a list of things to do. No promises, at all. But, if I can, I'd like to try to work there. When she is at work. I might do the list, or do other things. I've... learned my way around a home, if I can't keep one up, not fully, not solo. I'll bet I can surprise her. Or... not. :p
Don't believe everything you hear.
.
.
Actually, believe nothing that you hear. Test it, check it, verify... even then... doubt. Even when you know it, be looking for how, when, why, not. This includes God. He will check out, has for me anyway, so far. Yeah, I... keep at it, both on Him, and myself. Doubt will do you great favors, checking is necessary, so times of peace when you reach a plateau of consciousness will bear exceptional fruit from it. It's... how it has to be, and will be, whether you like it or not... if you intend to live, and learn.
.
Actually, believe nothing that you hear. Test it, check it, verify... even then... doubt. Even when you know it, be looking for how, when, why, not. This includes God. He will check out, has for me anyway, so far. Yeah, I... keep at it, both on Him, and myself. Doubt will do you great favors, checking is necessary, so times of peace when you reach a plateau of consciousness will bear exceptional fruit from it. It's... how it has to be, and will be, whether you like it or not... if you intend to live, and learn.
What? Right.
.
.
After days of pushing to make it to 17:00, making it once then falling back, I was awake until 21:00 and change last night. Not good to stretch that far, at least on an 'empty stomach'. When traveling, I can do it, and much more. Just sitting at home, especially adjusting to medicine, not so much. I woke at 4:00, pretty much exactly. Seven hours isn't bad, considering everything is out of bend. Still, it's an ugly morning for it, at least starting out. Headache.
.
After days of pushing to make it to 17:00, making it once then falling back, I was awake until 21:00 and change last night. Not good to stretch that far, at least on an 'empty stomach'. When traveling, I can do it, and much more. Just sitting at home, especially adjusting to medicine, not so much. I woke at 4:00, pretty much exactly. Seven hours isn't bad, considering everything is out of bend. Still, it's an ugly morning for it, at least starting out. Headache.
Monday, June 12, 2017
Maybes are adding up.
.
.
Financials look good. I spoke with someone about tending the place. The girls will miss some things. I just can't take them with. And vet 'storage' just... isn't right, or affordable. A list of duties, I am told, is what is needed. A timeline, and duty list. I can do that. It won't be extremely simple, but it won't be terribly difficult.
Off hand... water the outside plants, perhaps lawn, two to three times a week; when here, doing that, check the water for the cats, ensure they have dry food, clean out their litter; Water the house plants... I will move those back where they are right near the cat stuff. Hmm... and worms? How to have... I might just buy produce, and process that. Freezing small bags of it, one to be added to the worm bin along with the rest? Yeah, I can do that.
The girls aren't going to like it. I don't know what to do if Sam, or Sassy, escape. I'm not sure what to do about heat, and 'trim' of windows and such. If the back is left open, they can go to the basement if it gets too hot. Still... I don't know. I'll have to think of something something, too. I'll... think. I have my ways, fool that I am.
Now, I still don't know if the gig is on. There are other things to know, other things to consider, this, and that. But a notion, in my hands, can be created, destroyed, even quickened if killed by almost any means, on short order. Not only was I, at one time, a man with the tools and means, but a man who could. Was that just a dream? I think... it depend(ed)(s) upon whom you ask(ed).
It would be good to see family. To be there for a moment. To... travel. Maybe for the last time, at least in a very long time. But you know what happens over long periods of time. So... maybe last time. Especially if my feet have their way with me. Woden, or one of them, should not be nailed down. Only for... special reasons. And she... never mind. Not one of my problems. Later.
.
Financials look good. I spoke with someone about tending the place. The girls will miss some things. I just can't take them with. And vet 'storage' just... isn't right, or affordable. A list of duties, I am told, is what is needed. A timeline, and duty list. I can do that. It won't be extremely simple, but it won't be terribly difficult.
Off hand... water the outside plants, perhaps lawn, two to three times a week; when here, doing that, check the water for the cats, ensure they have dry food, clean out their litter; Water the house plants... I will move those back where they are right near the cat stuff. Hmm... and worms? How to have... I might just buy produce, and process that. Freezing small bags of it, one to be added to the worm bin along with the rest? Yeah, I can do that.
The girls aren't going to like it. I don't know what to do if Sam, or Sassy, escape. I'm not sure what to do about heat, and 'trim' of windows and such. If the back is left open, they can go to the basement if it gets too hot. Still... I don't know. I'll have to think of something something, too. I'll... think. I have my ways, fool that I am.
Now, I still don't know if the gig is on. There are other things to know, other things to consider, this, and that. But a notion, in my hands, can be created, destroyed, even quickened if killed by almost any means, on short order. Not only was I, at one time, a man with the tools and means, but a man who could. Was that just a dream? I think... it depend(ed)(s) upon whom you ask(ed).
It would be good to see family. To be there for a moment. To... travel. Maybe for the last time, at least in a very long time. But you know what happens over long periods of time. So... maybe last time. Especially if my feet have their way with me. Woden, or one of them, should not be nailed down. Only for... special reasons. And she... never mind. Not one of my problems. Later.
Useless terror.
.
.
I finally got around to checking messages, on my phone. I found one suggesting I was behind on my water bill. By a lot. I thought I had taken care of that! I was almost sure I had! So I scrambled to call and figure this out. The woman who had been doing this was no longer in charge. She sort of remembered, maybe, handling a pack of checks from an out-of-state account, maybe me, but... just wasn't sure, and no longer had access. She did give me a couple of names and numbers to check things.
While I was talking, I was checking my account online. Well, after looking through my checkbooks to figure out which account was used and what the numbers might be. Actually, there were only two of the copies, though I was certain I had written four checks. I had thought they were $200, $150, and two $50's. It looks like, or my bank recorded, that there were two $150 checks... which should put me well over, into the black by a long shot, as utilities aren't that much and I wasn't that far behind. Must have been in a rush while writing them. I was terribly embarrassed. It was the last cleanup after the attempted house theft of ought 17. :p
Yeah, the bank suggests those checks were cashed. Still, quite a fright. Sometimes, like a sleeping animal, something awakens something primal. Being mostly dead, I sleep often. I wake in a hurry, from pain or fear. Primal. It is as things are. Still, good to have that almost cleared. She will be checking, and getting back to me, for sure, today or tomorrow. By that, I will plan a whole grouping of more checks, a year or two worth, post-dated... I think it should be pre-dated but that's not the convention. Sometimes I catch when I have lapsed, sometimes I don't. I do my best. But, yeah, even as a ghost, I'm still a darned kid... sometimes, in some ways.
Oh, from a few things... I might still be able to go home, if that all works, and get the lawn tractor. How? Well, shut up. That's how. It'll take me down to scrap, but that was... sort of going to happen no matter what. A major purchase will do that, especially with me just coming out of the attempted house theft of ought 17. Damned kids. Get off my lawn! Wait, not the ones mowing, or raking. *sigh* Know when you are beat? Shut it. Good to be king. Later.
.
I finally got around to checking messages, on my phone. I found one suggesting I was behind on my water bill. By a lot. I thought I had taken care of that! I was almost sure I had! So I scrambled to call and figure this out. The woman who had been doing this was no longer in charge. She sort of remembered, maybe, handling a pack of checks from an out-of-state account, maybe me, but... just wasn't sure, and no longer had access. She did give me a couple of names and numbers to check things.
While I was talking, I was checking my account online. Well, after looking through my checkbooks to figure out which account was used and what the numbers might be. Actually, there were only two of the copies, though I was certain I had written four checks. I had thought they were $200, $150, and two $50's. It looks like, or my bank recorded, that there were two $150 checks... which should put me well over, into the black by a long shot, as utilities aren't that much and I wasn't that far behind. Must have been in a rush while writing them. I was terribly embarrassed. It was the last cleanup after the attempted house theft of ought 17. :p
Yeah, the bank suggests those checks were cashed. Still, quite a fright. Sometimes, like a sleeping animal, something awakens something primal. Being mostly dead, I sleep often. I wake in a hurry, from pain or fear. Primal. It is as things are. Still, good to have that almost cleared. She will be checking, and getting back to me, for sure, today or tomorrow. By that, I will plan a whole grouping of more checks, a year or two worth, post-dated... I think it should be pre-dated but that's not the convention. Sometimes I catch when I have lapsed, sometimes I don't. I do my best. But, yeah, even as a ghost, I'm still a darned kid... sometimes, in some ways.
Oh, from a few things... I might still be able to go home, if that all works, and get the lawn tractor. How? Well, shut up. That's how. It'll take me down to scrap, but that was... sort of going to happen no matter what. A major purchase will do that, especially with me just coming out of the attempted house theft of ought 17. Damned kids. Get off my lawn! Wait, not the ones mowing, or raking. *sigh* Know when you are beat? Shut it. Good to be king. Later.
Not welcome.
.
.
Wow, I tell you, things are changing. While writing a response, the whole thing disappeared. Why? I think they are monitoring and editing, on some blogs, while comments are being written. Rather than reject after the fact, for this or that reason, they are... if they catch it in time, rejecting it immediately. Is it political correctness? I am thinking so. It was at Vox Day's blog.
He has been writing about the convergence, or the appearance of that, regarding some new writs for the Southern Baptist Convention. And, while I understand what seems like frustration, there are... problems... How can you call to account another when you aren't holding yourself accountable? Or... you have areas or people who are flagrantly wrong, who you hold close?
We are all sinful. We are all seduced by sin. We all have, beyond simple needs and wants, dark hungers. We fail to resist, sometimes... more often... to repent. Most people live with and in sin, and won't change. Christians who actually live the Christian life, confining themselves, refusing those who don't abide to some reasonable standards, are few. Most go by law, and leave it at that. I like to think I am among Christians, failing often, and only God will have that say, but the idea is there. And I do reject those who won't accept that there is sin, that sin is not acceptable, that they sin, and that redemption is an ongoing heavy process. They must be told, of course. Though some, who are brazen, have no need of being told.
Causality. Or how those who only believe in the world would have it. When we try to live our own lives, our own way, and reject the wisdom behind the notion of sin, and why or why not, we end up suffering. The world wants us to eat of the many fruits, and die from it. Knowing, finally, but without the wisdom to do a thing about it. Forgiveness? Yes, but it must be sought. For it to be sought, first it must be known to be needed. From what? That must be known. From whom? Raw fruit of the world is deadly poison, no matter how it may, at first blush, seem. Ah, believe or else, there is a right place where butterflies never die. In a different way, but... I think... well... you'll learn.
There was a time when human, anyway, causality, and what it bore, was my aim, goal. She taught me, the hard way. I learned, and went on to do, in ways she could never have fathomed. Though I had always been seeking the blowfish skin soup that would do the trick. She just... unleashed all reservations. Thankfully, now, I have been called back from that blackness. And, mostly, even in dark times, facing my Lord, it is okay. And more.
But this isn't about judgment, exactly. Only, if you accept sins, great sins, and the sinners who do them... bringing them in, holding them tight, literally or virtually, how can you judge others who do the same. Actually, regardless of how you go about it, if you claim others are doing bad by including those who shouldn't be, while doing so yourself, the problem... Well, that is why churches are failing.
I couldn't post this there, in abbreviated form. I'll try it here. I understand. Some just can't handle hearing that they seem to be throwing rocks while living in glass houses. Or their guards make sure they don't hear the negatives. Is there some method to his madness? Yes. But it is a very dangerous method, and may not be... fruitful rightly. Actually, I don't think it has ever worked... to my knowledge. So be it.
I was given not a second chance, but seven times seventy, daily, for much of the darker parts of my life. Thank God my foolishness was never truly accepted, allowed, coddled. Not even by me, if that was half the point? Amen.
.
Wow, I tell you, things are changing. While writing a response, the whole thing disappeared. Why? I think they are monitoring and editing, on some blogs, while comments are being written. Rather than reject after the fact, for this or that reason, they are... if they catch it in time, rejecting it immediately. Is it political correctness? I am thinking so. It was at Vox Day's blog.
He has been writing about the convergence, or the appearance of that, regarding some new writs for the Southern Baptist Convention. And, while I understand what seems like frustration, there are... problems... How can you call to account another when you aren't holding yourself accountable? Or... you have areas or people who are flagrantly wrong, who you hold close?
We are all sinful. We are all seduced by sin. We all have, beyond simple needs and wants, dark hungers. We fail to resist, sometimes... more often... to repent. Most people live with and in sin, and won't change. Christians who actually live the Christian life, confining themselves, refusing those who don't abide to some reasonable standards, are few. Most go by law, and leave it at that. I like to think I am among Christians, failing often, and only God will have that say, but the idea is there. And I do reject those who won't accept that there is sin, that sin is not acceptable, that they sin, and that redemption is an ongoing heavy process. They must be told, of course. Though some, who are brazen, have no need of being told.
Causality. Or how those who only believe in the world would have it. When we try to live our own lives, our own way, and reject the wisdom behind the notion of sin, and why or why not, we end up suffering. The world wants us to eat of the many fruits, and die from it. Knowing, finally, but without the wisdom to do a thing about it. Forgiveness? Yes, but it must be sought. For it to be sought, first it must be known to be needed. From what? That must be known. From whom? Raw fruit of the world is deadly poison, no matter how it may, at first blush, seem. Ah, believe or else, there is a right place where butterflies never die. In a different way, but... I think... well... you'll learn.
There was a time when human, anyway, causality, and what it bore, was my aim, goal. She taught me, the hard way. I learned, and went on to do, in ways she could never have fathomed. Though I had always been seeking the blowfish skin soup that would do the trick. She just... unleashed all reservations. Thankfully, now, I have been called back from that blackness. And, mostly, even in dark times, facing my Lord, it is okay. And more.
But this isn't about judgment, exactly. Only, if you accept sins, great sins, and the sinners who do them... bringing them in, holding them tight, literally or virtually, how can you judge others who do the same. Actually, regardless of how you go about it, if you claim others are doing bad by including those who shouldn't be, while doing so yourself, the problem... Well, that is why churches are failing.
I couldn't post this there, in abbreviated form. I'll try it here. I understand. Some just can't handle hearing that they seem to be throwing rocks while living in glass houses. Or their guards make sure they don't hear the negatives. Is there some method to his madness? Yes. But it is a very dangerous method, and may not be... fruitful rightly. Actually, I don't think it has ever worked... to my knowledge. So be it.
I was given not a second chance, but seven times seventy, daily, for much of the darker parts of my life. Thank God my foolishness was never truly accepted, allowed, coddled. Not even by me, if that was half the point? Amen.
At this point, there is no reason to read the news.
.
.
There have been news sources which were more reliable. There were sources which would gather at least the news that was important, and let you sift through the dirt in hopes of a few nuggets. At this point there is nothing but fluff, propaganda, and diversion. They are actively using the news to thwart information, the real stuff, the important stuff, from being released. Attacking, or defending, Trump... stories of leftist doings, or the counters... this isn't what is happening in the world, save what college kids and leftists might like to think. None of it is important. It's all fiction, like going to a circus. Whether you like one clown or another really doesn't matter concerning where to put your money or what is happening with the national debt; what your government is doing, where, and hwy; or what our military is about.
There is no news, as this point. Even blogs have just become a part of the side-tracking of the search for real information. It is all being hidden behind a facade of foolishness. I just won't read anymore. There is nothing out there, being offered, to actually inform me. Comey? He is only important to himself. The dems are a dying party, republicans are following as closely as possible, doing an actually impressive job of truly leading from behind successfully. I really thought that was a joke term, until I realized what the republican party really is doing.
Heck, even the weather? I checked the weather reports yesterday. It was suggested that Monday would be 66, Tuesday 64. Not even, say, twelve hours later and... now it is 65 and 67. Wow. They wonder why no one believes they can even forecast a year, let alone a century, down the pike? I haven't been able to find the actual temps, when they happen, and they constantly scrub their old guesses. I understand, it's not a SCIENCE (as it is commonly termed). But then stop acting like it is.
What is left? Ah, reading, gaming, working, cleaning, clearing... when health allows. I don't know. All I know is the news is useless. It isn't informing. It is absolutely avoiding informing. Convergence does that, I guess. But, then, why are all, in spite of knowing that it is disinformation, engaging with it? That is a very good question. Go with the simplest answer, ask your inner child. And... follow that wisdom and advice, and sever ties.
.
There have been news sources which were more reliable. There were sources which would gather at least the news that was important, and let you sift through the dirt in hopes of a few nuggets. At this point there is nothing but fluff, propaganda, and diversion. They are actively using the news to thwart information, the real stuff, the important stuff, from being released. Attacking, or defending, Trump... stories of leftist doings, or the counters... this isn't what is happening in the world, save what college kids and leftists might like to think. None of it is important. It's all fiction, like going to a circus. Whether you like one clown or another really doesn't matter concerning where to put your money or what is happening with the national debt; what your government is doing, where, and hwy; or what our military is about.
There is no news, as this point. Even blogs have just become a part of the side-tracking of the search for real information. It is all being hidden behind a facade of foolishness. I just won't read anymore. There is nothing out there, being offered, to actually inform me. Comey? He is only important to himself. The dems are a dying party, republicans are following as closely as possible, doing an actually impressive job of truly leading from behind successfully. I really thought that was a joke term, until I realized what the republican party really is doing.
Heck, even the weather? I checked the weather reports yesterday. It was suggested that Monday would be 66, Tuesday 64. Not even, say, twelve hours later and... now it is 65 and 67. Wow. They wonder why no one believes they can even forecast a year, let alone a century, down the pike? I haven't been able to find the actual temps, when they happen, and they constantly scrub their old guesses. I understand, it's not a SCIENCE (as it is commonly termed). But then stop acting like it is.
What is left? Ah, reading, gaming, working, cleaning, clearing... when health allows. I don't know. All I know is the news is useless. It isn't informing. It is absolutely avoiding informing. Convergence does that, I guess. But, then, why are all, in spite of knowing that it is disinformation, engaging with it? That is a very good question. Go with the simplest answer, ask your inner child. And... follow that wisdom and advice, and sever ties.
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Wanted?
.
.
Well, maybe not. Though my mother would like me to drive there. I don't think I am actually being read, or it didn't sound like it. But you know how that can go. I did get in touch with her. Oh, I have a school reunion coming up, as well. She is going to check on that. She knows one of the girls... woman... who was in the class ahead of me, but dated a guy in my class... plus. They have a child together. I may have missed it, or am really close to missing it. Not sure. If I can get the cats and watering arranged, I could be there in short order... if I haven't missed it. Crazy. And, my uncle is still going. There is a chance to see him. Well, and other family. It's been a while.
I will have to pack, arrange things, see the doc if possible or at least set that up for next month. It's... getting late. The lawn tractor will just have to wait. Assuming I can get else arranged. Ugh! The idea of travel, seeing family, being a part of the family doings... even the hard ones... it's a good thing. But that hot, humid, Iowa summer... tight. It'll remind me of just how good the weather is here, even when it's too dry to spit. That's a feature, in my world. There is no dry place in Iowa. Later.
.
Well, maybe not. Though my mother would like me to drive there. I don't think I am actually being read, or it didn't sound like it. But you know how that can go. I did get in touch with her. Oh, I have a school reunion coming up, as well. She is going to check on that. She knows one of the girls... woman... who was in the class ahead of me, but dated a guy in my class... plus. They have a child together. I may have missed it, or am really close to missing it. Not sure. If I can get the cats and watering arranged, I could be there in short order... if I haven't missed it. Crazy. And, my uncle is still going. There is a chance to see him. Well, and other family. It's been a while.
I will have to pack, arrange things, see the doc if possible or at least set that up for next month. It's... getting late. The lawn tractor will just have to wait. Assuming I can get else arranged. Ugh! The idea of travel, seeing family, being a part of the family doings... even the hard ones... it's a good thing. But that hot, humid, Iowa summer... tight. It'll remind me of just how good the weather is here, even when it's too dry to spit. That's a feature, in my world. There is no dry place in Iowa. Later.
Can that be for real?
.
.
If the mapping service is correct, the distance is 1,109 miles (always give or take, add 10% just to be sure). If my vehicle gets the same highway miles it usually does, and all else fits, giving gas at $2.50 a gallon, that came out to ~53 gallons of fuel, costing $132. Can that be right? I am really tired. I'll do the numbers again later. If true, then all I have to do is figure out how to get some other things managed, for a while. I would have to have purchase food anyway, so that isn't a real problem. But putting things off for a bit is... But, yeah.
I'll make sure what I thought I heard is what I heard though. And... check some things. I just don't know about this. Maybe having another place or two to stay, just so I don't become too much of a problem any single place? Something. I still don't know. Haven't received a return call. I'm about ready to crash, too. I just can't stay awake. Hmm... depending on timing, might try to get in to see the doctor. Ugh.
I hate it when I was up until 17:00 yesterday, easily, and I am crashing short of that. Progress sucks when it isn't. Then again, most of that notion is bunk. Good night.
.
If the mapping service is correct, the distance is 1,109 miles (always give or take, add 10% just to be sure). If my vehicle gets the same highway miles it usually does, and all else fits, giving gas at $2.50 a gallon, that came out to ~53 gallons of fuel, costing $132. Can that be right? I am really tired. I'll do the numbers again later. If true, then all I have to do is figure out how to get some other things managed, for a while. I would have to have purchase food anyway, so that isn't a real problem. But putting things off for a bit is... But, yeah.
I'll make sure what I thought I heard is what I heard though. And... check some things. I just don't know about this. Maybe having another place or two to stay, just so I don't become too much of a problem any single place? Something. I still don't know. Haven't received a return call. I'm about ready to crash, too. I just can't stay awake. Hmm... depending on timing, might try to get in to see the doctor. Ugh.
I hate it when I was up until 17:00 yesterday, easily, and I am crashing short of that. Progress sucks when it isn't. Then again, most of that notion is bunk. Good night.
It seems I am wanted.
.
.
Well, not in a bad way. At least, I don't think it's a bad way. A funeral, though not the one you might have thought. Or... not yet. Who knows, if I make it back, I might be able to see... everybody else, even my uncle who is ill. It has been a while. The thing is, it changes all my plans, it confuses some things, it sets some things back financially, and I have to figure out about cats, lawn, and plants. Ugh. When did life get so complicated?
I get the feeling that what I wrote about her... was seen there. I had hoped it wouldn't be. I didn't know how they would take it. I know some, there, read from time to time. I suspect they miss much. Or, well, have. In any case, I think they are actively watching now. It unnerves me a bit. Strangers can write it all off. Those who know, some of it... well... People are literally recognized in some music videos. If all of you, who know bits, got together, compared notes, you would find... there is more there than you now imagine. Some of it might be story, or hope, or doubt, fear, etc. More than you would like to know isn't. Still, they watch. It seems to not be a problem. Probably.
I called my mother back, left a message. I am not sure... of anything. I'll need to check how much travel would cost. And, to have any chance at reasonable future plans, even this, I really have to consider all. I couldn't come back until next month, without draining the coffers. But cost of living still... I still have to eat there. It's complicated. We will know more soon. Though it's frustrating to be missing calls. I am worriedly excited.
I'll go see about travel costs, review my accounts, and eventually speak with the folk, all of them, who might or might not have something to do with anything. Ugh. Later.
.
Well, not in a bad way. At least, I don't think it's a bad way. A funeral, though not the one you might have thought. Or... not yet. Who knows, if I make it back, I might be able to see... everybody else, even my uncle who is ill. It has been a while. The thing is, it changes all my plans, it confuses some things, it sets some things back financially, and I have to figure out about cats, lawn, and plants. Ugh. When did life get so complicated?
I get the feeling that what I wrote about her... was seen there. I had hoped it wouldn't be. I didn't know how they would take it. I know some, there, read from time to time. I suspect they miss much. Or, well, have. In any case, I think they are actively watching now. It unnerves me a bit. Strangers can write it all off. Those who know, some of it... well... People are literally recognized in some music videos. If all of you, who know bits, got together, compared notes, you would find... there is more there than you now imagine. Some of it might be story, or hope, or doubt, fear, etc. More than you would like to know isn't. Still, they watch. It seems to not be a problem. Probably.
I called my mother back, left a message. I am not sure... of anything. I'll need to check how much travel would cost. And, to have any chance at reasonable future plans, even this, I really have to consider all. I couldn't come back until next month, without draining the coffers. But cost of living still... I still have to eat there. It's complicated. We will know more soon. Though it's frustrating to be missing calls. I am worriedly excited.
I'll go see about travel costs, review my accounts, and eventually speak with the folk, all of them, who might or might not have something to do with anything. Ugh. Later.
Weather might be part of it.
.
.
Today is supposed to only, outside, get up to 84 F. Tomorrow it is supposed to only get to 66, and Tuesday is supposed to get down to 64. This is June, mind you, and a third into it. How unusual is this? It's... unusual. A storm is coming. Down in the valley, if it does arrive, rain most likely. In the higher elevations? We'll see. Yeah, the thought of snow was in a bundle of dreams or visions or sights after the really big one. Jumbles of oddness, but there it was. I think I wrote about it, if just a quip. Of course... I was sort of mocking my own visions. Sort of. A bit. Well, and a bit frustrated.
I may take a nap in a bit, but hopefully just a nap. The cooling is tiring me. Not much worse than what meds are already doing. Just an extra forty in a fourforty. Or more perhaps an extra hundred and forty in that... yeah. Adds to the stretch, for sure. It is pleasant though. Being sleepy is good, so long as you don't have things to do, pressing matters of home, state, love, or health. I, mostly, don't.
A nap might make it so that I can be awake when I wish to be tomorrow. I want to do some business and some other business, plus I need to make it to the post. I believe I will be closing my amazon prime account. No need for it. I'll just call stores in town when I need something, price shop that way, locate, perhaps even order. I think I can order food online, and just do a drive in pickup. I just... don't trust. They want us old people not to enter, so the kids can play their queer music, and do whatever, I think... without objections.
Well, and they don't like us in there anyway, so it seems. I wonder if they realize, that when we stop actually showing up? Their jobs are done. They will just have packagers. Low wage mexicans, with white delivery people, give or take. No, they don't... think that far ahead. I don't want to order food for that very reason. As much as I really don't like smarmy teens hating on straight white males, it's better than hiring in cubans or haitans, hidden back in there, poorly funded, doing God knows what all to the food, at cut rate prices. It looks like that, really, is what amazon does? Done with them, for the most part. If I simply can't get something anywhere else, though even then there might be better places to use. I think amazon really stuck it to themselves. Though, maybe, they just couldn't keep up? Maybe that is just reality. I don't have the information to know for sure. But... amazon, either way, just cut it's own throat.
Later.
.
Today is supposed to only, outside, get up to 84 F. Tomorrow it is supposed to only get to 66, and Tuesday is supposed to get down to 64. This is June, mind you, and a third into it. How unusual is this? It's... unusual. A storm is coming. Down in the valley, if it does arrive, rain most likely. In the higher elevations? We'll see. Yeah, the thought of snow was in a bundle of dreams or visions or sights after the really big one. Jumbles of oddness, but there it was. I think I wrote about it, if just a quip. Of course... I was sort of mocking my own visions. Sort of. A bit. Well, and a bit frustrated.
I may take a nap in a bit, but hopefully just a nap. The cooling is tiring me. Not much worse than what meds are already doing. Just an extra forty in a fourforty. Or more perhaps an extra hundred and forty in that... yeah. Adds to the stretch, for sure. It is pleasant though. Being sleepy is good, so long as you don't have things to do, pressing matters of home, state, love, or health. I, mostly, don't.
A nap might make it so that I can be awake when I wish to be tomorrow. I want to do some business and some other business, plus I need to make it to the post. I believe I will be closing my amazon prime account. No need for it. I'll just call stores in town when I need something, price shop that way, locate, perhaps even order. I think I can order food online, and just do a drive in pickup. I just... don't trust. They want us old people not to enter, so the kids can play their queer music, and do whatever, I think... without objections.
Well, and they don't like us in there anyway, so it seems. I wonder if they realize, that when we stop actually showing up? Their jobs are done. They will just have packagers. Low wage mexicans, with white delivery people, give or take. No, they don't... think that far ahead. I don't want to order food for that very reason. As much as I really don't like smarmy teens hating on straight white males, it's better than hiring in cubans or haitans, hidden back in there, poorly funded, doing God knows what all to the food, at cut rate prices. It looks like that, really, is what amazon does? Done with them, for the most part. If I simply can't get something anywhere else, though even then there might be better places to use. I think amazon really stuck it to themselves. Though, maybe, they just couldn't keep up? Maybe that is just reality. I don't have the information to know for sure. But... amazon, either way, just cut it's own throat.
Later.
Baby, it's cold out there.
.
.
Depending on what thermometer I check, the readings range from below 70 (as low as the one in the kitchen does) to 72. But it doesn't feel like it. I had to put my thick robe over all, might add sweat bottoms... my winter wear. It... I'm almost getting the notion that I will be seeing my breath before long. Something about this isn't normal.
Now, it could just be... something, something, atmospheric, something, too fast of a change, something, or other. I don't know. Or? Or my body is not doing well. If you can't keep body temp up, the world does feel cold. If it's 80 ambient, but you can't stay warm, even that will feel cool... cold. It doesn't even mean I have to be sick. I have gone through this before, though not terribly recently. It is cold enough that my digits have a bit of pain to them from it, and numbness.
I can't tell if it is me or the weather quite yet. So strange. Now, this isn't a complaint, just a note. I like it cold, as you well know if you read here often enough. The cold is my preference. Hmm? Right.
.
Depending on what thermometer I check, the readings range from below 70 (as low as the one in the kitchen does) to 72. But it doesn't feel like it. I had to put my thick robe over all, might add sweat bottoms... my winter wear. It... I'm almost getting the notion that I will be seeing my breath before long. Something about this isn't normal.
Now, it could just be... something, something, atmospheric, something, too fast of a change, something, or other. I don't know. Or? Or my body is not doing well. If you can't keep body temp up, the world does feel cold. If it's 80 ambient, but you can't stay warm, even that will feel cool... cold. It doesn't even mean I have to be sick. I have gone through this before, though not terribly recently. It is cold enough that my digits have a bit of pain to them from it, and numbness.
I can't tell if it is me or the weather quite yet. So strange. Now, this isn't a complaint, just a note. I like it cold, as you well know if you read here often enough. The cold is my preference. Hmm? Right.
Time can fly.
.
.
I was trying to stay awake until midafternoon. I looked at the clock at about ~11:54, give or take 11 to 3 minutes (back or forward). Then I just started tinkering. Nothing much. A bit of music, a bit of gaming, some blogging and thinking. Next time I looked at the clock it suggested 17:00. I must have lost time, or a sense of it, for it was as if moments, maybe an hour, passed. As I have suggested, here, before, I don't go through time. For me, time drags on. Moments turn to seeming years. Whatever, this was good enough.
I was only able to sleep until half to midnight. And with the time it takes to fall asleep, I only got, maybe, six hours in there. I would have stayed and tried to sleep longer, but a seventeen hour day will see me back to 17:00. I might add a few hours to it. Oh, and the cave is down to 70 (well, when I am not in a room). I generally raise the temp of any room by about two degrees, or more, depending on a few factors.
I have, roughly, started intermittent fasting. One meal a day, or meal time... which spans, for now, up to eight hours. In time I hope to reduce that to a four hour feeding window. I am not all that hungry anymore, so a pound of beef will do. Though some greens in there would be good. I did check my blood sugar the other day, and as expected, it was 208. That is where it stays, pretty much, if I am not eating dozens of donuts and lots of regular soda... which... okay, I have been going on donut binges. But not that recently now. I am guessing, if I can keep to the fasting, and add in three day fasting, by the time I see the doc this next month I should... be in order, or well on the way. I need to remember to take in the tester, and use it regularly. Blood sugar was 238 fasting, today... night... just now.
Later.
.
I was trying to stay awake until midafternoon. I looked at the clock at about ~11:54, give or take 11 to 3 minutes (back or forward). Then I just started tinkering. Nothing much. A bit of music, a bit of gaming, some blogging and thinking. Next time I looked at the clock it suggested 17:00. I must have lost time, or a sense of it, for it was as if moments, maybe an hour, passed. As I have suggested, here, before, I don't go through time. For me, time drags on. Moments turn to seeming years. Whatever, this was good enough.
I was only able to sleep until half to midnight. And with the time it takes to fall asleep, I only got, maybe, six hours in there. I would have stayed and tried to sleep longer, but a seventeen hour day will see me back to 17:00. I might add a few hours to it. Oh, and the cave is down to 70 (well, when I am not in a room). I generally raise the temp of any room by about two degrees, or more, depending on a few factors.
I have, roughly, started intermittent fasting. One meal a day, or meal time... which spans, for now, up to eight hours. In time I hope to reduce that to a four hour feeding window. I am not all that hungry anymore, so a pound of beef will do. Though some greens in there would be good. I did check my blood sugar the other day, and as expected, it was 208. That is where it stays, pretty much, if I am not eating dozens of donuts and lots of regular soda... which... okay, I have been going on donut binges. But not that recently now. I am guessing, if I can keep to the fasting, and add in three day fasting, by the time I see the doc this next month I should... be in order, or well on the way. I need to remember to take in the tester, and use it regularly. Blood sugar was 238 fasting, today... night... just now.
Later.
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