Yesterday was a bust.

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No, not a head figurine sculpture!   Gotta love English though.  Then again, those sorts of art creations are generally of politicians, successful businessman, and other elite... so if by accident or through intent, I... get the connection.  Still, love them or hate them, they have a place, a necessary one, in society.  They, if true to their nature, make the crappy decisions which allow many to live with rules were only few could live without.  Choose, for yourself, if places for other than the civilized are becoming scant, and lack amenities... even civil esprit de corps.  Though, too, the rot of corruption and political bias, at the highest levels, are bittering what little flavor any freeman should have for civilization.  Bleh.

Hmm?  Oh right.  Yesterday, was it?  It was.  The cold, and dark, took me to my knees.  Once there, all efforts to rise were quickly and easily squashed.  I can't be sure when I ended up going to bed... for it was as if I had worked a long hard day.  I think it was between 19:00 and half after.  I looked, but only remember the first two numbers, barely.  The last two numbers shift every time I try to recall, 17, 26, 34, 43, 47... I... can't pull it.

I woke at 3:30ish, as my soft wake.  Then, say, a quarter to five when I could finally lift out.  Mail first, then a shower.  I'll set the alarm for three hours before feeding critters.  I am trying to keep them on a more even feeding schedule.  So strange to go backward in waking time.  Just a situational phenomena?

After I return, I will set up dishes, perhaps start a load of laundry, then begin vacuuming, and moving boxes to vacuum everywhere, and to create those zones.  Then hitting steps and down here.  Hopefully, later, to begin softly in the living room in my personal office/seating area, then maybe on to the couches.

A day off may not have been preferred, but it wasn't bad.  I needed a rest.  Just... rest.  I did put some dishes away, completed a tiny load of them, went through a few more boxes in the kitchen side room, plus did some minor work upstairs.  But, mostly, I rested.  No complaints.  And I am quickly back to it.  It might be another slower day, depending on the weather.  But, if I can keep to what is planned, it will work well enough.  Though I think more work upstairs and a second load of dishes may well happen?  Or... not.  Later.

Oops!

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Good plans.  Bad configuration.

I was toodling along.  Breakfast was eaten.  A few things done.  Then I crashed.  Not... quite a sleep crash, more an unnoticed slowing.  A few hours went by before I could focus, realizing something was wrong.  Figuring out what the problem was was easy.  Cold!  It had dropped to below 64° in here.  It was 58° outdoors.  I had windows open and there was wind.

Shutting everything down and turning up the furnace still took a bit.  Now it is storming, and raining, out there.  Probably shockingly cold out there.  No worries.  It did take a bit, but I am recovering.  I drained and got the lettuce up, the veggies are in a colander for later processing.  Then I made a reasonable vinaigrette, which I had with the last of the lettuce, cucumber, and tomato from last week.  Some browning, just on the tips.  An easy fix if I doubt it mattered... so light, rare... still.

Now to do that small load of dishes, trim, shower, then shave.  Perhaps vacuum, as to the plan.  Oh, best check upstairs.  The two windows are open... dry, up there.  Not even a drop got in.  Still, I have to warm up first.  ...  Pebble hail now.  Quite a weather run, from 80° to 58° (if probably colder), from 73° to dropping to 60° indoors, and from sunny to raining and hailing.

I had forgotten the laundry.  Got it.  Had to turn the furnace up a bit more.  I'll get the showering and vacuuming out of the way, plus some work upstairs... besides vacuuming, which requires moving a couple of piles of boxes, I would like to set up a few zones.  An area for the cot and for the double card table.  Then get those items set up in their areas.  As well, a bit more organizing plus measuring for a closet bar.  I keep having to organize, but I keep taking stuff up.  Pay attention.

:p

Yea.  A weaker day, but a good one.  Hmm, if the rain lets up, or not, I should check the post office.  Yea.  Later.

Up!

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Pretty early for being late.  "Hmm?", you ask?  Well...  Let me explain.  No, no time for that.  Let me sum up, Buttercup.  Instead of waking with the sun at a bit after five, it was half to quarter, or a shy closer still, to seven!  I, at first, wondered what I had done wrong... pushed too hard yesterday, stayed up too late?  No, I keep the curtains pulled, so there wasn't that.  As it turns, it was simply heavily overcast.  I seem the definitive leo.

Still, I was up and out by a bit after eight.  The sun was out about then too.  So I got to work on the socks.  Okay, not nearly what it seemed.  Pairing, then putting into cotton and dress sock section, or wool, liner, compression sock pile.  I'll... bet good money I have as many more still out there, lurking in the shadows, as what I have compiled.  Each of those piles filled a medium small box, say what would hold twelve larger olive oil tins.  If, remember, I wear 13-14, so one of my heavy woolies might be your rolled up sweater.

There were other clothes, swim wear and gear... which reminds me... anyway...  I sorted. Some came down, to be washed.  The sun quit as I finished.  I checked the temp outside, 58° a bit to half after nine.  So I opened everything back up, cleaning litter on the way.  I also set the timer for an hour, to feed critters.  Then grabbed a perrier, my beer replacement, and began blogging.  It's... definitely not beer, but it also doesn't jack diabetes.

Today?  Hopefully two sets of two small loads of dishes.  One small load of laundry.  The other ac in.  Perhaps vacuuming parts of upstairs that were recently opened up, then moving things to get the rest of the floor, then hitting everything still open again, doing the steps... partly from up there, partly from downstairs, then vacuuming the open parts of the living room.  And, possibly, digging around my chair and the couches as an initial second wave assault on the last of the living room.

Maybe?  Or... is that for the day or week?  Hmm, actually, I need to get lettuce and else soaking, and have a morning bite.  A small piece of that chuck roast and the last of the old lettuce... which is as crisp as the day I processed it.  Oh, a trim (beard), shower, and shave (also beard, just closer) as a middling, timewise, thing?  Yea.  The cool is keeping ME crisp!  As I like it.  Later.

Nearly finished.

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For the day.  Probably.  Mostly.

All dishes that have a place were put away.  Then all dishes soaking, fit to finish, were done.  A few thermos's were forgotten, with fatted coffee.  Gnarly, but getting there.  A bit of organizing upstairs.  A small basket of clothing was found, everything was folded and put away, save towels which... I forgot those up there!  Next time.

Then I started through socks.  But I... thought I saw more in my room.  Yep.  I grabbed a box and headed back up.  But... wait... weren't there more, a lot more?  Yes, yes indeed.  Four socks for every of Imelda Marcos' pairs of shoes?  By volume and number!  I wore myself hauling two more boxes and two huge totes!

I must have... stored then forgot?  Wow.  Anyway, I was so overwhelmed that I just organized those for a run tomorrow, tonight, or the rest of the week!  Gobsmacked, he says, he being I.  And he and I would know.  I ran away, while also sneaking, like my good friend Sir (or otherwise) Robin... or was that Bwian?  No, no, Brian.  ..smack..  Oww!

Oh, right.  If no company, or just the familial sort, shorts.  Pj's perhaps, in the morning. Pants for polite company.  I'm almost growed up!  Having clothes where I can easily see, sort, find, and reach helps a ton.  Oh, the sheet just fits the cage shelving perfectly.  If I want more, I need to craft another unit.  Easy enough to construct.  I just want to see if I... SOCKS!  All my glorious socks will have their own home!   :p

Later.

Bad headache.

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Still with plans.  I've done a bit more.  Will do even more.  Upstairs shortly.  After hitting dishes again.  Perhaps the ac install, but definitely more organizing.  I may have to begin packing things away.  I don't want the upstairs to become a storage space, mostly.  It is just to be a bedroom.

It is 71° inside, 74° outside last time I checked.  Partly cloudy, just enough for reasonable cooling.  I'd still like to get the other ac in.

After dishes, I will set coffee brewing.  I'll just dump that first batch... rough water, brewed too long, and maybe the coffee isn't my style.  I'll give it another shot.  If all else fails, I'll see if the local coffee roaster is open in some way, buy four pounds... freezing most of it.  Half a pound, or so, should do... perhaps three quarters... to taste.

Later.

Tiny bits and pieces.

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A bit of fussing, just rearranging, with portions being tossed.  Dishes were put away, mostly.  I am choking finding places to put some things.  It is almost 70° out there, so I shut the windows.  I requested the weedwhip back the other day.  I checked on it, got it special delivery.  Oh, and the water main cap has been replaced!

I am having difficulty going.  I had breakfast, a bit of beef and green beans, with a glass of milk.  I also have started cleaning tea jugs and refilling them with fresh tea.  They look and taste a hundred percent better, at least.  Truly.  I do believe I will redo the coffee, tasting it from time to time, until it is right.

Cats and ducks, food, water, hay or litter.  Happy critters.  I am keeping a bowl for fresh water clean and ready for when Sam wants out.  The elder queen gets as she wishes.  I even go out and enjoy her company from time to time.  She really appreciates that.  I'll even walk around the house a few times with her.  Sam and Trouble on patrol!

A shower, then upstairs for some sit down work.  Uh-oh, that means finishing dishes.  I best make it snappy.  Perhaps one slightly heavier effort, getting the ac installed in one of the east windows.  So tired.  So very tired.  Perhaps a nap later.  Ugh, but to get these things done first.

Too hot.

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It was 73° upstairs and down when I went to bed.  I stayed awake to two, without realizing I was drifting into insomnia from the warmth.  The next warmest day I have seen, in the cave, was 70°, several times, but just for short bits.  It looks like with clouds gone, the heat is back.  To stay?  Probably.  If I am not done.

Still, up softly at five, out by an half after seven.  I woke, enough, this morning, immediately, to look at what was truly waking me.  It definitely is the sun just before it crests the mountains.  I can almost feel it.  With plain eyes, it probably looks... simple.  With my eyes, it is... terrible, and beautiful.  Not THE, but a creative destroyer.

I got right to work.  Not heavy, hard, or fast.  But to it with goals, within larger plans, as a part of grander schemes.  Yes, folding and putting up underwear and pajama bottoms... leads to more.  *le sighe*  More than that.  This and that.  I thought to put in the eastern ac, but the sun was fierce.  Later, or tonight.  I put the western one in instead.  A few more items up, arranged, then down to sit.

But first, a window trim review.  I closed the bathroom window.  It faces east.  That side is baking.  The others windows will remain open for another hour, as it is cool enough aside from the eastern side.  Cool enough the front door was opened.  An attempt to freshen the air, and grab some of the cool before it hits eighty or higher.

Tea is going.  Not sure I can handle hot drinks anymore.  I need ice soon... make the fatted drink while warm, but not hot, then add the ice after well blended.  Too hot and the cream curdles.  Too cool and it doesn't mix.  If I must bother, than I'll bother correctly.

A rest.  The timer was set for an hour, to feed and otherwise tend critters.  I ended giving the dishes a shot last night.  I'll put the last loads of dishes up before long.  Then do that load, and then take a shower.  I don't plan a daunting day of labor.  I'd like to sort through my general area.  Then, hit the boxes on the couches.  Perhaps do more sorting and clearing in the bedroom.  As well as another load or two of dishes.

I won't do laundry today, but I would like to set up some loads, for a quick start tomorrow.  Hmm, might want to do some straightening upstairs around bedtime.  Letting the ac run to cool the place off as needed.  To be ready to fold clothes and else tomorrow.

It sounds like a lot of work, but it really isn't, fifteen minutes here, thirty there, never on my feet for more than fifteen, or I get into trouble.  From two to four hours of work, four to five days a week.  And I hurt all the time.  And I am becoming afraid.  Everything done seems a drop in the bucket.  Everything exposed exposes even more and different types of work.  Impelled to make way, though.  So I set my fears aside and work... well beyond my means.

That's it.

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A few dishes set up after the last post.  That was and will be all.  I tried gaming, to wake, push through.  Nothing doing.  Ducks were fed and watered.  Sam wanted out, to be out, for the first time in years, really.  I have been cycling clear water through the coffee pot.  One more time, or it might be ready.

Traveling shoes, I think.  Not immediately, regardless of anything else.  Soon.  Where?  I'm not sure.  Trouble is coming.  Some of it is, was always, here already.  The rest?  Just a sense.  Not what else I see arriving.  Even if the other ends in what some might see ass badly, even that would be a... good thing.  Goes to source.

Duck, or... keep an eye open... two if possible.  If you see it, don't just watch.

Later.

All but a nap.

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Up to the nap, that is.  It all took longer, I needed rest between projects, and I set two small loads of dishes, plus washed from the small meals and cleaned the coffee pot.  I thought there was more to do with packing and boxes.  Less than ten?  Or so.  What can be recycled and empties are stacked, with three smaller boxes of plastic packaging burst bubbles and other trash packing materials.  And all where I wanted it.

Resting after the shower.  Yes, I needed that.  A long rest.  It is up to the low 70°'s inside, it was 80° out there.  Ugh.  It's about that time.  I'd best get ac in, and close windows first thing.  Airing the place, day and night, has been nice, but is done.  Still, at night, I should be able to keep it open... for a while.

With ac only upstairs, the downstairs, I am hoping, will stay slightly cooler.  I found that closing off the upstairs was required to have any effect.  Hot air rises, cold air drops.  Opening up means nothing but a useless transfer happens.  I am hoping to replace the "smart" ac.  It might not be good for my needs, but perhaps for someone with nothing, it might work.  While I will never buy a smart one again, I'd like to find one with a timer.

I'll do a bit more work and organizing upstairs, perhaps just as I go to bed.  A few hours, easy work, just enough to ease into sleep.  It really is moving along.  My mom would have done my four weeks of work in days, a week at most.  I do what I can.  And it is, slowly, looking much better.

As I empty my main bedroom, I can begin using that as a general collection and sorting area.  If I can get that room cleared and cleaned in the process, the bathroom... perhaps I can get help in there.  Some of it I will try solo.  I may turn it into the winter room.  As the house, and that bedroom, gets cleared, I can move sorting hq next door, and begin turning the main bedroom back into a proper bedroom again.

Yea, it's getting to where looking a bit further ahead holds promise.  Later.

So rarely as planned.

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Not complaining, noting.  Dishes first.  Those in the kitchen sink.  Done, if air drying.  Looking good.  The r.o. seems to be working better.  I forget that it takes a while, after changing filters to wet the activated charcoal and clear the lines, and get back to heavier faster flow.  As well, there has always been a limit as to volume output.  Mine advertised a gallon, but that was always bogus.  A half gallon at a time is pretty much it.  I have considered adding a second, or larger tank, but space limits make that questionable.

Anyway.  I'm cleaning the coffee pot, running a vinegar and water mix through a few times, then a few rinses.  Between the r.o. having quit, plus what tea does, then charcoal settlings, it's gotten a bit rough.  With the r.o. at normal, it was time to clear that next step.  The coffee isn't great.  Perhaps I brewed it too long, maybe the coffee really isn't very good, and or it has charcoal bits.  I will try it a few more times.  If it doesn't work for me, I'll try it all over again.  May have to refigure coffee solutions.

Next, I cleared space in the front room, by the window, for empties, then got them out there.  As well, I started a few tiny chicken thighs.  I then took a break.  The chicken was finished as I finished and was resting.  Fantastic chicken.  I put the chuck roast in as the chicken was cooling.  The roast will be meat for the rest of the week.  I might have just a bite when it is finished.

As well, I found packages of jerky meat, precut round... something something.  I created a slurry, then tumbled and am letting it marinade for several days.  It is very old, may not work.  Smelled and looked good though.  I have to Wednesday morning to get my dehydrater out, dusted, washed, and ready.  This one is a soy, worcestershire sauce, with ghost pepper, garlic powder, ginger powder, and onion granules.  For simple consumption.  If it works, and I find more such meat, I'd like to make jerky to be used in pemmican.

Soon, a shower.  Trim first, if I think it is needed.  A shave either today or tomorrow.  Oh, but actually I think, with all that room up front, I will go through the boxes of packing materials, and get the remnants out there or in the trash.  I... really want more room in the living room, to just have more space!  I have felt so claustrophobic, so buried in... stuff... for so long, without being able to do anything.  I want more open space.

Then the shower?  Yes.  Then a bit of air drying.  When the hair is dry, a nap.  Hopefully to organize the upstairs when I wake.  Quite a thing.  I'll keep at it.  If probably not much else today, if that might be a bit of work upstairs.  I don't know how I am doing this.  Oh, can't wait for the beef!  Though, I am extremely full from the three half, or tiny, thighs.  Not sure I can eat.  Bleh.  Later.

As is becoming the usual.

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Waking, softly, at shortly after five, if not fully waking and rising until an hour or three later.  It was a bit after 8:00 this morning, if I went to bed a bit after 23:00, and have been working a bit harder, and far more continuously, than even normally possible.  I think... it is the sun rising, and perhaps the morning wind, or something as such flowing down from the mountains.

I sleep right beside an east-facing window now.  It sort of reminds me of submarine berths... sleeping pods.  We had curtains, as doors.  I am almost certain I dreamed of opening those to look upon mountains.  I finally get to live that dream.  But, too, the sun begins waking me, more gently.  The sun hasn't crested the mountains yet, but that corona is almost... magical.

No hanging of shirts this morning.  There are some left, but no room in the closet.  They don't fit, fully... too long.  But some are in.  I will do more tinkering up there, later. I keep taking clothing and bedding upstairs.  I have enough for a while.  I also want to get a measuring tape up, to find the lenght in order to add a bar to the real closet.

A shower, first thing, if the first thing won't be fast.  Then, in no particular order, the dishes set up last night... mostly jars... given a first washing, a new load put in the tub... after a shower, the rubbish bin brought back (after it has been emptied), opening a space to put the empties in the front room then moving them there, working on the boxes with packing materials then moving those to the front room, plus a more full accounting and clearing of the fridge, and, finally, a bit of measuring, figuring, organizing upstairs, plus installing one of the ac's today.

Ugh.  For today or the week?  They are all light jobs, but time isn't two-dimensional.  We will see.  I need to get a list, for hardware and grocery shopping.  Sometime this week I need to sneak out.  I found face masks, plus a throat gater for over those which usually ends stupid questions before they percolate past lips.  I have meat thawing.  As soon as it is thawed, I'll get that going.

Not too bad.  It's killing me, but... so what.  I'd rather die living, or trying to live, than just setting.  This is the first opportunity in a long time, if... it isn't mundanely natural, or sustained by my will, flesh, spirit, alone.  This is a gift, if one that might kill me.  All good, and yet... I am hoping it isn't the end.  Not quite yet.  I'd... like to enjoy the fruits of my labor, a clean organized... ship of fools.  If just for a while?  His will, as I was taught, not mine.  Later.

Quite a lot for not much.

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Memory must be shot.

I didn't think much was done. I don't remember work, save in an odd, offhanded, way, as if watching from a rear view mirror, and not all of it.  All the dishes, then some, were done to the air drying point.  All the jars of eggs, very old kefir, and pickles, plus dishes, have been pulled out of the fridge or off the shelves, drained, and set to soak... in the kitchen sink.  I want a quick shower tomorrow.  Won't set dishes going in there until after a shower.

A shower was just taken.  No trim or shave, but hopefully a trim before bedtime.  Garbage has been collected, and will be going out shortly.  Ducks will be fed and watered as well.  Bins won't be bagged until tomorrow, too tired to wrestle, and there are still several bags in the yet bagged ones.

I do plan to organize the closet, and see if shirts will hang well.  If so, I'll put a bunch up, finish any leftovers in the morning.  Aspirin would be fantastic right about now.  Oh well.  I'll put it on my list for the next time I go to town.  Not a bad day.  I still overworked, but not as terribly as yesterday.

No boxes were wrangled, if I think the fridge, jars and bottles, and counters ended up being more work.  It wasn't supposed to be that way.  Well, and I am not quite done.  A very good day, if I overdid it, and still can't quite stop.  Ducks, trash to the curb, organizing the closet, hanging shirts, and testing a flat sheet over the cage shelves.

Good night.

Slow.

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Dishes, in the sink and tub, had to be hit twice.  The area cleaned off for them was clear.  I think the previous dishes were put up last night?  Wow, keeping one step ahead really helps.  The final wash and rinse was finished, if later than hoped.  Tired, sore, achy, moving slow.  I cleaned another counter, and the stove top after use from last night.  Improvements are quite noticeable, striking.

I still want a trim, shower, and shave.  Perhaps a bit of work upstairs... hanging shirts, if they fit the closet.  I finally got everything out of the sink so fresh tea can be brewed.  As well, now I can work with the cold brewed coffee.  That'll be a treat, unless it has been brewing too long.  At least I will have hot tea.

I really want to make room for the empty boxes in the front room, then get them to the front room.  Then work on the boxes with packing.  That should reduce volume, leaving more empty boxes.  Then collect certain items, here and there, that are keepers.  It is all rather simple.  But will take time and legwork.  Maybe, though.

First, a salad.  With chicken, tuna, or salmon?  Or a wrap.  Yes, something.  I am so HUNGRY!  Doesn't matter, I can't seem to eat.  How very peculiar.  I'll eat what I can now.  Hmm, perhaps with green beans, a fatted coffee, and... that would be it.  I couldn't eat more.  Not sure I can finish that.  Later.

The strangest sleep lately.

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Crashing so very hard, fast, if sometimes earlier or later.  I couldn't do more work yesterday, after that last post?  I couldn't even game.  I simply went into fog, an insomniac state.  I... looked, online.  I didn't see anything, I remember nothing.  I had ideas.  There were things I wanted to learn or understand.  I remember neither what roused my curiosity, what I found out, or even if I ever made it to beginning a search.

Tired.  Exhausted.  Beyond the meaning of those words.  But I couldn't sleep.  I kept looking, lost in the fog, trying to figure out what I wanted to figure out, but never either obtaining or remembering what I learned.  Lost.  It was right at 23:00 as I went to bed.  Why did I remember that?  Surprise.  It, radically surprised me.

This morning I started, again, waking at five.  Two days ago-ish? I couldn't wake until eight, yesterday it was more like seven before I could roll out.  For the last week, five has been when I begin to wake.  All week?  This morning it was a bit after six when I actually got out of bed.  With or without cats, it's... something is different.  I don't understand.  Happy for it, even being wet, cool, dark, perhaps dreary.  Some hope in there.

I began folding and sorting first thing.  I... was amazed to more fully wake with the last item easily available for folding in my hands.  I sought what else was available.  Not much, but done.  Then a minor reorganization was crafted.  Amazing how fast things can go.  So?  More.

The closet was reviewed.  It seemed... reasonable.  A few pieces were put on backward, or incorrectly.  One piece broke.  I... did this and that.  Despite all, it is together.  The broken piece could be a problem.  While I will use duct tape, I found a number to call.  I will see about a few extra parts.  Still?  Impressive.

It's 8:21, after an half hour down here looking online and writing.  It was all sitting work, and I wasn't truly awake for all of it.  Nice.  I think part of my problem yesterday was planning too much.  I do have plans today, but fewer.  I just won't, can't successfully, carry out, or even plan, very much work.  I need a break.

I have one trash bag out.  I would like two more smaller ones.  I will have to dig for it... in the fridge, cat litter, jars of stuff to empty... anywhere I can find it... trash.  A shower and shave as well.  Other than feeding, watering, etc, the critters and myself, today is a rest day.  I only do trash because tomorrow, potentially early, it is picked up.  Oh, and making sure each inside barrel or bin has three bags in it.  In case liquids spill through, but generally to give me time in case I fall.  At least I can take recent refuse out, probably for a month or two before having to rebag.  I may check a flat sheet, as a dustcover for the shelving... the closet came with it's own.  From that I can decide if more columns and/or rows can be added.

On a side note, the closet is mostly shelving.  There is a hanging section, if I have doubts whether it is long enough for my shirts, and there is no adjustability.  I will check out the actual closet, take a tapemeasure with.  A pipe, two threaded actually, with a splitter fitting, or a round and rectangular cut to drop a whole length of pipe in... whichever works best with what is there.

Finally, a real room that works with my size, climatic needs and wants, and with some small charm and handsome fixtures and fittings.  A few more big jobs and it will be right.  If those are yet a month or two off, one requiring a dumpster.  It is moving along nicely.

The neighbor said there... it's more comfortable to visit.  Dishes and trash, especially a few specific forgotten ones... and clumping cat litter.  And it being nice enough to air out.  If doing dishes, washing laundry, and cooking help in their own ways.  A few more dishes today, and a bit more airing.  Sprinkling, but that is a pleasant scent.  Later.

Slow, but paced.

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Kitchen sink dishes were reset.  Laundry was loaded for my next trip upstairs.  Breakfast was had.  Perhaps a few other things?  I went looking for the two bottles of aspirin I had backstocked.  Gone.  I noticed my shampoo is empty.  When only I am using it, it lasts about a year.  This was gone in three months.  Not sure if there are multiple users/thieves or just one pig.  And, went to check my unopened diabetic carb tabs.  All had been opened and emptied.

I will be sorting this out.  The thing is, leaving my home leaves it vulnerable.  There really isn't an easy way.  But there are ways, beyond just very fallible locks.  More so since just asking would provide a loan, or one-time gift.  But, no, they want to take what they want, when they want it, without debt or gratitude.  That is why you don't feed certain ones via government.  They come to expect it.  Though there are the feral, and those who think they deserve what isn't theirs, for any of a thousand reasons.  Those of islam are like that.

Anyway...  It'll get fixed.

A shower, then fresh small load of dishes set.  I'll hit heels while I rest for a bit.  Eventually I'll make my way upstairs to fold clothes and examine the closet.  No nap needed or wanted.  I was sure it would happen.  Small enough efforts, completed at the easiest pace, if it still surprises.  Maybe later.

I would really like to get the empties to the front room, deal with the boxes of packing, then move the empties and remnant full boxes to the front room.  That will depend on if I put the closet together, and if that takes more than anticipated.  I want it DONE!  All of it, fast!  It... no matter... will take a while.  Still, every job completed, even if a temporary move, like a piece on the checker board, gets me one step closer to the finish line... whatever the outcome, whether just to the conclusion, or my own conclusion before the place is finished.  If, I tell you, conclusions, of any sort, really are just beginnings.

Now to rest for a couple hours.  Later.

Crashed hard.

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I can tell.  Sore throat, with a hard lump.  I must have been exhausted, terribly so.  The week caught up to me.  I don't remember nearly waking, dreaming, or anything until about five.  I couldn't fully wake until seven, mostly.  I got right to the baskets of laundry.  My snoring must have loosened the roof!  The throat problem is linked to snoring.

Everything has been separated, but only hand and a few other towels were folded, and since brought down.  I was doing another small load, which was drying.  So that will go up shortly.  I put away the last load of dishes, so finished the load that had been soaking.  A shower, then I will set another small load of dishes, work on the heels for a bit, then take the small load of laundry up, and begin folding.  I won't say I will get it done, there is quite a lot.  But I will do a compartment at a time... shorts, socks, pants, miscellaneous, pj's, unders, etc.

Even for as busy as it has gotten up there, it... is looking rather handsome.  Rougeishly bachelor flares, neat and squared, with little areas for this and that.  When the toss boxes go, I would like to begin seeking a cedar chest for woollens, or two, and a couple of folding room separaters so as to... add dimension, separation, quietude.  Yet be completely removable for that studio living look and feel that can be cool, add air flow, just not feel so limited, or even other reasons.

I will at least look at the closet in a box.  If it looks too complicated or heavy, I'll wait for another day, Monday most likely.  Otherwise I might hit that.  Waiting for my morning... event.  Dailies, at least.  Then a shower.  I will have the laundry ready by the stairs to go up, the dishes put away, and supper dishes done in the kitchen sink, by the time I go, then shower.  Yes.  With the kitchen sinks and one and a quarter of the two adjacent counters done, I will start doing daily dishes in the kitchen.  I will clear and clean the last counter, Fully, Monday.

Not a lot else?  Maybe begin stacking empty boxes in the front room?  I won't put them back where they were, that blocks both bedrooms downstairs, which I am digging through now that they are open.  I will have those right and ready shortly...  then mothball them.  As is, I can't really afford to put the bathroom back together.  I do have a new water heater, a new toilet, sinks plus fittings for the sinks (would like two sinks, if possible), and several floor drains to choose from.  But it would need flooring, a medicine cabinet, lamps, and counters or something to hold at least one of the sinks.  Uhrm, plus installation, whether paid or by the sweat of my brow.

Hmm?  Is that... fantasy island I see?  Well, I will get a few things done.  Parts of folding, more dishes, a shower, and just maybe the closet.  But, mostly, it will be a day of rest.  Perhaps a very few other tiny tasks?  Maybe.  Later.

A lot more than planned.

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A load of dishes, on the smaller size, set up.  Then clean laundry upstairs, two baskets.  Then four boxes of clothes, and two hampers of really old clean clothes upstairs.  Too big for more that single loads.  Plus a standing lamp up.  Nice to be able to see!  As well, I moved some of the keeper boxes, with plans to opening a better space for a table as well, perhaps, for the cot.  Finally, I hit the dishes.  They will need another wash, and rinse, but first I have to put up yesterday's wash.

I've gotta rest!  I feel life as a poor sob chained to a treadmill!  I got stuck working, couldn't stop.  Burned out long before I could stop.  A long break.  A fistful of aspirin.  Though food, I do need food.  Then perhaps a nap.  I hope, yet today, to go through some of the clothes... hopefully all the fresh laundry, then make room for the table and perhaps cot, then place those.  Oh, and set up a lamp desk and get a chair in place.

Well, perhaps a shower yet today?  I will shave Sunday morning.  Whatever passes for a morning.  Tomorrow?  A lot less.  Going through the old clean clothes.  Setting up a hamper up there, putting one in the bathroom, and taking the last few to the laundry room... with any clothes needing washed or rewashed.  Perhaps another load of dishes... probably.  And naps today, tomorrow, and Sunday.

It is a dark, gloomy, wet day out there, if that is helping.  Still... ugh.  Later.

A next day.

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We didn't return home until 22:00.  Driving a new canyon, at night, while tuckered, was a challenge.  Obviously not beyond my ken.  Sleep was nearly instantaneous.  Did I do anything?  I think I fed the girls?  I don't remember.  But sleep was stupendous.  It was a cool day, and night.  With the bed made, all was good.

I started waking at five, but that was too early.  It's been a busy week, with a busier final heavy work and play day.  I am not giving up.  I am slowing down.  Now, I won't juggle through three or more tasks at once.  If I put a load of laundry or dishes going, I will just see that one chore through.  Moving to the next task in single file.

If I have extra energy, I won't burn it all, but will trim it, by, say, taking laundry upstairs to be folded, or work on clearing an area, where I can sit to fiddle.  Neither will I rush it.  An easier pace, without lagging.  It seems to be taking forever, but the improvements are striking.

It still looks bad.  You would have to seen it from before I started, to appreciate.  If even then... it... you notice changes, movement, separation and collection.  Although, the upstairs is definitely sparser, cleaner, almost comfortable.  Then again, I'v spent seventy to ninety percent of my time up there to date.

Okay, that... brings cheer back to the project.  I really haven't done as much down here.  Dishes, laundry?  Not as noticeable, either.  Only noticed if not done.  So even much of the work done has been stealth ops.  Still not working hard this weekend.  I am too tired.  If possible, I just won't completely stop.

I need to set up a table, and lamps, upstairs.  For paperwork, maybe beginning puzzles again, and eventually a computer and gaming station.  The table I have is a folding table, twice the lenght, and much heavier than a standard card table.  It Should do.  Plus I have two chairs up there.  It's just... I'll need to move the boxes and arrange a few other things.  Still, it's on the menu.

Still not finished upstairs?  Not even after that.  The trash boxes still have to go, storage mats have to be arranged better, the standing closet has to go up, and clothes have to go up, in, and something put over the shelving, and the actual closet needs fitted with a hanging bar, plus the lights need fixed... while also continuing to slog through the downstairs and keeping ahead of the present and future business messes of life, living.  Ugh.

When certain visitors are thought to be arriving...  It isn't one of the propitious or momentous moments, I think.  If the truly humble present in grand subtlety?  Yes.  Not sure why the visit.  Like an old hound, called by a good lord, I will do as I may to heed the summons, right through death it seems.  Or too it.  In this, it might be the thought that counts.  Later.

Not bad, and more.

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Another bounty of dishes finished, though air drying.  Quite a lot of dishes again.  I was upstairs, finishing the cot, which is now set up as a day or hot-weather bed.  I took a break before beginning the storage unit.  The Boss stopped by.  Shooting this afternoon?  Wanted more .22's, and my vehicle, and me?  :p  Problem... said I.  The .22's are behind the wall of cardboard.

No way I could dig through that, floor to ten foot, multiple box stack, on my own, then find the guns, and be fit to go.  Offer... help and haul away the broken down?  DONE.  We got through three of the five stacks when his time, our energy, and the bed of his truck were spent.  Close enough.  I moved the last stacks, letting him go.  I actually felt bad.  That... was a heck lot more work than might be believed.

I have found two of the four, if one isn't on the menu.  I had to rest.  Then I got going on the storage.  Done, for now.  I may add or remove a column or row, depending on how the sheet fits.  I set up the cot first.  Everything about that cot is brutal work!  Still, done and done.  Now to find the other.22, take a shower, and maybe shave.

So tired.  Might not even shoot.  Will go for fresh air, the sound of music, and possibly a meal out.  Ugh.  A good day.  I think I am finished with work, heavy work, for the week.  I'll do little things... straighten small areas, were I can sit, working for a few minutes to half hour at a time, perhaps showering daily, a pretty regular thing, taking clothes upstairs and folding portions at waking or bedtime, and maybe single very small loads of dishes and/or laundry per day... OR...  Nothing.

It's getting there.  Removing thee fifths of the boxes was a major unexpected victory.  A lot more energy burn than planned, but a super deal.  As we said in the Navy, pfm.  Pure... ...magic.  I am tired.  Got my money's worth.  Really and truly digging out.  There is easily a month left, to a rough but true trim.  But I will get there.

Don't skimp!

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When working, more than usual or not, certainly more and more often, you really have to eat, heat and/or cool, plus tend the body well.  I was stuck in my chair this morning.  I had a bite, but not enough.  Plus it was too cold.  I was crashing, if not nearly as severely as the other day.

More food and turning the furnace up has helped.  It might take an hour or two, but I will get there.  Though I may push dishes after this post.

While generally eating less, and better, I am eating a more varied diet.  I tried a mix of spices on pears.  Like bourbon, or whiskey, but no longer imbibe?  Ground cinnamon, ground ginger, and ground turmeric, on juicy pairs.  Seriously, I would never have thought.  Guilt free, or healthy, as you prefer.

I didn't have much more.  Still hungry.  I... think that is how it has to be, should be.  I have to be aware enough to maintain hunger, otherwise I eat until full, and then some.  If I can remain conscious of the situation, I can use a slight hunger as a driver, to push me along in my efforts.  I call it eating my hunger.  Lots of people do it.

Ah, tools for the feet.  I tried bladed scrapers.  Terrifying things.  After one too many near misses, and becoming a nervous wreck, I set it aside and won't touch it again.  I ordered various tools, in case one type didn't wotrk.  Thankfully the second set of tools were exceptional.  I hade great doubts, I was wrong.T

hese aren't finger fiddle small, they fit my 2x hands easily, with massive and medium paddles, but light enough for deft deployment.  I didn't want to say boo about them until I could order a few more, for backup.  Can never tell the lifespan of good tools.  I've done that three times before, without yet reordering, only to see the product sell out and disappear.  Not this time.  Buy them out now, for all I care.  Yes, works on the heels and calluses, each piece, at various speeds of removal.

Yes, dishes, while I chew on hunger.  Then either a nap, or putting up the first storage unit(s).  Well, and setting the coy up as a proper sleeping and clothes folding unit.  I have been making my bed almost every day, as I wake.  It's a little improvement I quite like.  Though, for buffalo people, either do it in the morning, or at bedtime, or sleep cold!  Still, it's a chore.  Later.

A pleasant rest.

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Down about a quarter after 18:00, that's six, pm, to some of you.  Up at 2:00, which is... two, am, to the same, other, group.  :p  Right at eight hours?  Unexpected.  Chest hurts, still.  Headache, mild.  Forgot the aspirin last afternoon, will take it this morning.  Cool.  64° upstairs, 66° down for the furnace.

I'll wake a bit, let the aspirin do it's job.  Then dishes.  I prepped the cucumber.  The seeds were soft, and not bitter, so I left them in.  More food.  I cleaned up after.  Zealous for a clean spot, wanting to clear more.  Getting there.  Doing dishes a few dozen at a time is slow, but more sure.  It allows me to keep up, and not crash... or at least not so hard or for days, weeks, or more.

Yes, dishes.  Next the wire cage storage.  With the cot assembled, I will set that up for naps.  With ac, and it being off the ground, it is a cooler day sleep option, with underneath airflow.  As well, it will be great as a sit down clothes folding station.  Beyond that, I would like to manage packing materials, and tear down some of the definte non-keeper boxes.  Taking those out to the vehicle after each armful or two.

Other than that, food and the critters, perhaps a shower and actual shave.  Maybe a bit more light digging on the table.  Pieces, parts and bits.  The bigger jobs take what time they require, the little ongoing projects can get one to five minutes, to twenty, if and as I can.  The trick is to allow zero backsliding.  Absolutely zero.

Ugh, aspirin.  Later.

Yes.

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Coffee and tea made.  The orange pepper sliced, bagged, and put up... that area cleaned after.  A few other things, plus a light meal.  Dishes got their first hit.  I should give the clothes one more tumble.  And the whiskers have been trimmed.  Then a long break.  I thought I might be finished.  Cat litter.  A very small task, I must be getting that without remembering?

Then upstairs.  I took the small breaker bar, just in case.  I was wondering if the task was less difficult than remembered.  Nope.  It was an absolute pita.  I struggled this way, then that.  Ah, the warm dry climate has shrunk the fabric?  If the task was qite difficult out of the bag.  I spent an half hour wrestling, finally, this time, winning!

Then on to the box transfer.  A snap after the last task!  As well, I wrangled four boxes down.  Too amped to sleep now.  So a post and some gaming to ease me down.  What I will be doing is boring, should help settle me down.  I didn't think I would make it.  Being awake or the work.  I'll try to stay up to 18:00 or more.  Trying to reclaim the day.

Aspirin, tea, gaming, then a long deep dark sleep.  I may dice the cucumber, as a last task?  Maybe.  Youtube has shut down video sharing, for me.  So that is done.  Good night, sooner or later.

Odds and ends.

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A shower, if not mentioned.  Then the feet.  The last layers of dry hard skin is slowly being removed.  This time bag balm went on, and cotton socks to help.  I changed out the r.o. part, but that didn't help.  So I changed out the other filters.  Nope.  There is a bulb, in the tank, that acts as a diaphragm.  It requires enough pressure to facilitate maintaining the pressure to both resist input so stop filling, and expelling water on demand.  I'll... look into it.  Tomorrow.

Laundry was put in the dryer.  I'll get to dishes shortly.  Then go upstairs for that bit.

I received pool shock today.  It can be used to create chlorine.  Using three grams per half gallon produces standard chlorine... if I remember correctly, and if what I heard was correct.  I have some, but it is too old.  It has a shelf life of ~5 years.  From now on, I will be crafting my own chlorine, rather than let it just go inert.  I will simply reuse chlorine bottles I already have.  I will be checking several other sources for actual use and mix instructions.  Verify when tinkering!

Hmm... hungry again.  Not sure what to have.  A brot, a small piece of baby swiss, and a glass of milk?  Oh, I did get the romaine tended.  Two thirds halved, all well spun to drain, then bagged.  The last third was kept as whole leaves, in order to make wraps.  I just left the veggies out, in a colander to drain, for now.  The lettuce, of course, has been refrigerated.

So many pieces and parts.  Nothing seems to just get completely done.  And yet I am seeing so much going on, it seems success will happen.  Yes, the dishes will be hit and set back up, I will have a small meal and probably feed the girls.  Then, upstairs with a crowbar, to finish the cot, then redo the last box and get any resulting and remaining empty boxes down.  Finally a nap.  Heart hurts, perhaps aspirin.

Only mostly, plus. So far.

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Forgot to trim.  Now I have to wait until the beard dries.  Should be good after my break.  Everything except the box transfer.  Plus, I ground coffee and have everything set up for a cold brew, just waiting on the reverse osmosis to... actually, I should change the main, actual, filter... the r.o. part.

I changed the two pre and post filter a year ago, technically the life of those.  This system is set for a family of four so I go two to four years.  Actually, I think this is the first main filter change.  Family of six?  Even if I changed it one other time but forgot, I definitely know I didn't change it twice.  At worst they last four to five years.

I use r.o. for all cooking and drinking.  I stopped using it for pets, at a time access became dubious.  They, in a side by side, prefer tap.  No judgements, and they may be right.  I just don't mind a regular flat taste, and no scum on the water.  A wrong-headed thing, unhealthy, emotion based?  I... actually don't think so.  Anyway, I'll do that, then check flow.  Bleh.

So, filter, or filters, changed... right after this post.  Then my break.  Then the box upstairs?  Anything else?  Perhaps turning laundry?  Maybe a first hit on dishes?  And, of course, coffee.  I make it half the strength of an espresso, which is still plenty stronger than typical American joe.  Usually I cut it, unless I need it strong, stronger.  If I need blackstrap, I do a french press, espresso level, gullet bomb, booster.

I couldn't find bulk reasonable, instant... low acid.  I did find low acid whole beans.  Whole beans don't usually cause acidic upset.  Still, it was similarly priced, available online, and should fit the bill.  As for some complaints about lower quality?  If I got used to instant, there is probably only one direction regarding quality.  Up.  If that other brand ever goes back to it's old price, I will pick some up.  I have two bottles for travel emergencies.  If I can keep it from being stolen.  It is getting real out there.

Yea.  I'm starting to fade.  Not sure a break will do.  Will focus as intently as possible.  Later.

Not what was anticipated.

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The plans were sound.  They just weren't what was needed or seen as primary tasks in the immediacy.  Cat litter, feeding the ducks and cats, making fresh tea, while sipping on cold tea.  Supper, or breakfast actually, made.  Brots, in the oven.  Then the dishes put up, mostly.  Figuring where some things will go is stumping me as to putting away some pieces.

Oh, my delivery did arrive.  Whole head romaine, plus a cucumber, tomato, and green... orange... pepper.  I wasn't awake when those arrived, and couldn't have dealt with them then.  I have parted the leaves, and put those and the veggies in for a cold water soak.  I'll halve the leaves, use the spinner to mostly dry, then put the leaves in two bags, with a few paper towels.  I will probably process the cucumber and pepper, if I am split on the tomato.  Slice, dice, then put in an airtight container OR just put into a ziplock bag whole, unti first use?  OR, OR, leave it out to ripen just a bit?  Probably dice, actually.  Romaine doesn't do well soaked too long, so I'll hit that very soon.

Next, a shower... trim first.  Then a start to the rest.  If I can trim, shower, start two small loads of dishes, a load of laundry, then redo that last box, I may nap.  Not sure I'll make it that far.  Nor will it necessarily be a choice.  I'm not worried.  It'll get done.  Mostly light work, but it adds up.  On the good side, I'll probably have an afternoon work session... a mix of light... say working on packing and breaking boxes down, and a heavy, like setting up storage and/or finishing the cot.  Lordy but that thing is difficult... at least without a crowbar or sich.  Yes, sich is a word.

Hmm, while resting after the bathroom adventures, I'll work on the feet a bit more.  I will be using bag balm to help with moisture loss, and future care... initially everywhere, if later just on the areas that cause trouble.  Between that and anti-fungal, etc., foot sprays and powders, life in that department is turning golden.

Ugh but life takes a lot.  I am still failing, in so many ways.  It literally is impossible for me.  I'm still not sure if that is not the point or if that is the whole of the point.  To contemplate fully?  Look at the tip of your nose with your right eye.  Got it?  Now your left eye.  Keep your right eye on it as well.  Got it?  Now... without looking away from your nose, go look at yourself in the mirror.  Oh, you can do it, just not well.

Well? I... got some of it.

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I guess not randomly crashing was a save of sorts?  And staying awake until 20:30 was a trick.  I was waiting for a delivery.  Had tried to nap, but wasn't able to do that.  Yes, I did more with boxes, empty and with objets d'art... my version of said.  As well, I washed the dishes twice, rinsed, and put out to air dry, having stored the previous dishes.

The house is being aired, upstairs and down.  It is 67° in all primary sectors.  A fan is running upstairs.  It really is vastly improving.  I had hoped to do more is all.  Still, on my side, I nearly collapsed before starting.  That never quite let go, I was haunted by a spectacular fatigue, even at my fresh awakening.  And there were a lot more dishes than anticipated.  Actually, utensils are murder.  But there was a lot of other things on top of it.  Well, and that wasn't all.  Small little nothing tasks, between this and that.

Oh, and my heels.  With the equipment, and dry, I removed... almost everything in one go!  I am amazed.  A pedicure might still be good, for circulation.  But I don't need it for  callus or heel dry skin removal.  There is more to do.  I'd like to try it after a shower.  Not a bad day.  If, as written, I had sorely hoped for more.

Today?  Since I didn't reset new dishes to soak, a shower and facial trim... soon.  Then to set dishes and start a load of dishes and laundry.  Afterward, that final box upstairs, the cot finishing, and at least a start on the storage units upstairs.  If I can find a few unmatched flat sheets, I can create a quick and dirty dust cover for the cage shelving.  The closet is self-contained.  If any or all that proves too much, I might deal with packing, bursting air bubbles, and begin tearing down boxes.  Yea, I'll... get some things done today.  Not likely all of it, if hopefully a decent chunk?

Every time I dig down, I find more.  Not always worse, though sometimes.  It is momentarily disheartening... when I am aware.  I get over it, often just by digging further, or reviewing my other successes.  If, as mentioned, the improvements don't quite look like improvements at every stage.  But I know what work it took, or probably took if I don't remember.

Ah!  SSA called.  I had been... meaning to contact them.  I let them know a phone conference would be fine, but asked for a delay in the hearing... to obtain a lawyer.  He agreed, but I have to put in paperwork he will be sending, and the delay will be at least as long as my request, depending on their available schedules.  Ugh, but it has to be done.

Later.

Almost crashed.

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Some sort of failure occurred.  I... have plans.  Logical, pathed well, reasonable... in spite of being impossible.  And I have been regular... for three or four days.  I suppose I thought... I had more time to be regular.  My eyes, tunnel vision.  My body became even more lethargic, clumsy.  Pins and needles, as if I just overdosed on chocolate, sugar, something rich.  I assure you, I hadn't.

I thought I was going down, hard.  I started resisting by trying to remember my list of tricks.  Even that was a struggle.  A spot of tea, cold first.  Couldn't stand for both, and a bite.  A small salad and a few pieces of cheddar.  Very small, but that works best.  Then sitting, trying not to fail.  After a few hours of procrastinating my ass off, I was able to do hot tea, make then fix.

To be honest, other than knowing I sat for six hours, I don't know what I did.  I didn't sleep.  Anyway, the hot tea helped.  I started coming around by 6:30.  Finally, I hit the dishes.  Then reset them.  Another wash, in an hour or two.  A fast rinse, dry, and set to air dry.  I'll put the other dishes away first.

The outside is 60°, after several hours of a weak sunup.  Cloudy.  All good.  I opened up after dishes, no fan needed.  As well, I took laundry back.  I'd like to do a load shortly, but for strategic reasons, I'll wait until after dishes and a shower.  It will get done.  What else?  Hopefully the last of the empty boxes gathered, and changing the box over upstairs.

I don't plan much else today, and might not get all of that done.  The only extra I hope for, is setting up two small loads of dishes.  Perhaps working on those, and cleaning the kitchen sinks.  If they are two, it's a pair, ask any woman.  Amen.  And, maybe, giving those a first wash.  Oh, a nap may happen.  Later.

Warmer.

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I woke to find it 72° upstairs.  Still cool enough, mostly, with the fan going.  It is 68° downstairs.  I may check the temperature outdoors.  If moderate enough, I may open the windows.  If similar to indoors, I might turn a fan on low.  I can put on a sweater or warmer jacket if too cool.  Below sixty and no deal though.

Asparagus, as mentioned, went to seed fast.  Much of it is up to my waist, high.  The rhubarb is higher.  I need to cut the seed bulbs.  Horseradish is doing splendid as well, both in the ground and pot.  But the jerusalem artichokes seem to have died... not even shoots.  I had heard they were impossible to kill?  Guess not.

Dishes first, so I can shower if needed.  Perhaps collecting the rest of the easy empties, then tearing them down?  Wait.  I want to transfer that full box to a better box.  It's a flat box, needs to go into a rectangular box.  THEN, after collecting the last few empties, then tear them down.

Litter already tended.  A shower after dishes.  Perhaps a single load of laundry.  I did get the storage units (cage box shelving and freestanding closet) upstairs, so perhaps starting in on that.  Or, and, finishing the cot.  Well, and putting ac in.  It isn't quite needed, but when it is, it's double the struggle to install.

It sounds like a lot, too much.  If I am lucky, can hold it together, perhaps this list will be done by Wednesday end  (which means Thursday morning).  Most likely this will be the work for the week, perhaps with a few smaller loads of dishes and a few loads of laundry, plus clearing and cleaning a few nooks, drawers, and/or spaces.

It IS getting better.  But as I dig down, sometimes I find unpleasant surprises.  Now, rather than closing my eyes, going back to sleep... if I might shut it down and back off while I think... I create a gameplan, and get back to it.  I found a drawer, yesterday, that had gotten wet, mildewed badly.  I didn't have enough stomach, or garbage space for all the contents.  I got out what I could, if leaving it open to dry a bit before hitting it sometime later in the week.  Most of the place isn't that bad, just dry clutter.  Either way, one portion at a time.

Now to wake.  Feed the girls first, actually.  Later.

A bit more.

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Dishes were set to a soak.  They will need to be washed twice.  No problem, with space made, and more opening up, plus a strong call to it.  A few more boxes sorted, empties.  I will break those down, after dishes, the next available extended work cycle I can develop.  I've created a mid-level headache.

More was done than that, but groups of small things, just minutes at a task, when I was up for something else.  Can't eat well.  It's all hitting my stomach like rocks.

It was 78°, or thereabouts, outside.  Partly to mostly cloudy.  It stayed 68° until I opened the place up.  Even then it only reached 70°, where it remains.  Fresh air was quite pleasant.  With trash out, litter being well managed, laundry happening, and dishes being done, plus fresh air, life is improving.

Bad headache.  Getting worse. Pain pills and sleep.  Good day and night.

A nice little run.

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The dishes which were ready are done, dried, and stacked to air dry as could be needed, while I figure out the rest.  Before that, work on storage.  A nice chunk of that.  As well, trash is sacked or out, about half of each.  Cat litter was tended and topped off as part of those projects.  New dishes have been set to soak, in the kitchen.  I will be putting those in the bathroom, about two loads, along with a load that had been washed, but then sat for too long.  I prefer just two loads, so as to keep up on drying and putting away.  But this will finish all new, plus catch me up to where I had been prior to those!

I am holding off washing the new cotton whites for the sheets.  Everything else is moving ahead as able.  Sometimes that can't be done until those are finished or moved.  Plans are great, but foresight is limited by the variables and lack of experience in this arena.  I don't let confusion stop me.  Actually, I don't remember working, so that's probably an excellent thing.  I am always confused.

Almost forgot to get the garbage to the curb!  Never can tell when they will be by.  No fault, the world is randomized in a miraculous way.  Right down to a single decision by any of us, on any given day and moment.  You have no idea what you are doing.  One of the most aware suggested that.  It is true, in more ways than that.

I am aware of... resembling that remark.  Are you?

I'd best check something before I crash.  Later, or good night.  I just can't tell.

Mother's Day!

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Already?  I thought it was next Sunday.  My mother called yesterday.  I called her back today.  She has to work for it, but she gets her dues.  She was cheery.  Is back to work, even today actually.  Three days a week.  Feeling better, if it is too cool and dark there as it is here.  She is living with her friend most of the time, unless she works late.  I... think life has dimmed pride?  All good.  Not more than company, but... good for both.

Remember your mother, alive or not.  Wrong, right... difficult, she did her best, and a lot.  She still does, whether here or not, for many?  I suspect so.

Little bits, here and there.  Some storage, more empty boxes, and food all around.  The girls have been crazy hungry, the ducks are barely eating.  I continue to sleep far too much.  But the not-work work continues.  It's as if someone else was doing it, but it's happening while I am awake.  I'm... not quite that unaware.

Up at midnight.  I think?  Started crashing at 10:00, but made it to 13:13.  Fading fast, hard.  Good night.

I... can't... remember.

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When did I go to bed?  Was the sun still, or yet, up?  Something is just terribly off.  No pain, if no nothing.  The boxes keep being found stacked.  Mostly empty, though there is a stack of lightly filled boxes too.  I... don't remember doing that, mostly.  Already on a second stack, third depending how one counts, stack.

The funny thing is, the last time I dug down to the table top, I cleaned and straightened it.  It... remains just as it was.  More needs removed, but it is clear to see.  I had to laugh... modern archeology 101.  Dishes today, and a shower and shave?  Yes.  And some of the white cottons that arrived.  I would also like to finish the cot and at least move the storage systems upstairs.  Those will be quite simple to assemble with so much open space!  They do take time, and concentration.  Finally, to have easy to access clothing and bedding storage upstairs!  I will begin folding clothes again... and hanging... after the installations.

Well, I will get some of that.  Dishes, laundry, a shower, and trash out.  With bags in place, trash will be very easy.  I have been keeping up on tossing as I go, so just pull, drop in the barrel, and to the curb.  I do want to clear one area, but down to one from everywhere is doable.  I can't believe the improvements, especially without remembering.  I have a very long way to go, but I have done very well.  Just two to four hours a day, three to five days a week... if a bit more by grabbing boxes as I do other things.

Crazy talk, right there.

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In the simplified world of a child, perhaps.

I... finally realized why I am sleeping twelve to... as much as thirty hours at a time.  When I got busy, then fell, I also ran out of preset meds.  It... was on my mind, until nothing was.  And so it remained until now?  To the best of my recall.  That wasn't all of it.

Temperatures had been rising, plateauing, then rising, rather regularly.  I had turned the furnace off.  Temperatures started dropping again, recently.  I simply did not notice.  I set the furnace at 70, trying not to overheat the cave, after seeing how low it was dropping.  Before long, heat will be the problem.  It was getting as low as 62°.  I just wasn't aware, until yesterday.  That's just too cold, more so for someone with little circulation.

I think, with some heat, now that I am rested, I can set meds back up.  The month medsets are in, which should help.  I have two of two different sorts, in case one type doesn't hold enough medicine.  No wonder I felt like I was dying.  Too tired, undermedicated, and too blasted cold.  I can't focus well enough to reset medication, but soon.

I have been doing little.  But I have been collecting boxes, clearing here and there.  Things aren't moving fast, but they are moving.  And, actually, faster than I would have dreamed.  Better?  Being so exhausted, I don't remember the effeort.  It seems I have formed an subconscious habit?  Or memory is extremely short lived?  I'm betting on the former.

Later.  Actually good night.  I had started this when I woke at midnight.  But blogger went weird, so I gave up.  I finish and post as I crash at 11:00.  Anyway, good night and day.

The nap that ate Tokyo?

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Nap?  I had planned a nap.  And I started one, at a very good time, or I thought.  Down right at five.  So cool.  So dark... comparatively.  Everything I have missed, going to sleep during daylight usually.  It was glorious.  A few hours, maybe five I thought, going into it.  How about twelve?  Yea, no choice.  Even with the girls meowling for food everry few hours from about noon on.

The girls and ducks have been tended.  I looked through my usual sites, online, after that.  Two hours have been lost.  I may have to go back to bed.  Will try a trick or three.  But if it doesn't lead to work, I'll back down and allow a crash.  I need to feel rested enough to work, or just go back to bed until I do.

A bite, and tea, while I think.  Later.

Down late, up early.

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Strange how that worked out.  I made it to almost 14:00, erring up to an half hour either way.  Which is exceptional.  So late in terms of my day, I can't recall.  Waking right at 19:00 isn't ideal though.  I'll nap to balance it all a bit in a while.  I am hoping to be able to work shortly.  While waking was impossible to avoid, I couldn't work right off.

Dishes, getting that going, is my first goal.  Transporting boxes into stacks, and putting mail into the shredder... collecting it first.  It would be good to clear a surface every few days.  The problem with opening surfaces is that they become collection points.  I'd love to think I can change the future, but... that... isn't as easy as it sounds.

Speaking of that, have you ever truly tried to change your behavior?  Whether it is something odd, like not allowing items to collect on open surfaces, or quitting something.  The latter I know is possible, but not in a vacuum.  I couldn't quit tobacco until my mom did.  Or, I could but would fail when visiting.  I quit four times.

As for alcohol, that slowly stopped being used.  Has that been two or three years now?  I have a bottle of vodka from my last run.  A two liter of mid-grade, unopened.  I wonder if it has a shelf-life?  I have thought about it, from time to time, as with tobacco.  The want slowly gets weaker, fading with time.  They say it was good to quit, for health.  My real reason was because of squirrely behavior with alcohol, and a useless addiction regarding tobacco.

As to other behaviors?  I keep trying to add cleaning and neatness or organization routines in, but I simply haven't found a way.  With my days and nights, and capacity on any given day, in chaotic flux, regularity isn't possible.  Just working eight to twelve hours a week crushes me.  Sometimes I can't see the world around me.  Still...  What does work is going to salads, using disposable plates, reducing (I am hoping) access to as many dishes, pots, and pans... putting many of them away in boxes initially... will help.

Some things I can't change, within a paradigm.  Figuring out a new way of doing things, whole cloth, on the fly, untried... not possibly known even... is tricky.  It is reverse engineering an idea, or whole stack of them, into practical applications.  It's possible, I am doing, trying.  But it's a potent trick for a walking dead man.  I don't think I am all dead yet.  Might as well try it.  What do I have to lose?

Later.

No more work.

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I did what I could.  I was surprised at what was done, starting with staying awake.  That, I was beginning to think, was going to be it.  Then I got two short bursts.  Enough to say I did something.  Plus developing a plan, to begin gathering empty, to start, boxes for tearing down.  I didn't implement that last night, no focus.  It will be happening going forward.

Daydreaming, almost as if I was asleep.  I don't remember what about, or how my mind can do a sort of split screen, were... is my mind taking turns, or are they "playing" at the same time, my vision choosing which to see what moments?  Very strange.  Yes, nearly asleep.

I have to feed the ducks.  The cats have been fed already.  I should be into the dishes quickly tonight.  I don't think there is enough laundry of any sort for another load yet.  But that reboxing project, and storage.  Perhaps empties in as full boxes out, too.  Anything to create efficiency, and speed the projects.

The sun is out.  It seems slightly dark out there, but will know more shortly.  Oh, the barrel back from the curb too.  Good night.

Awake, if that is it.

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So far.  I will finish laundry, drying whatever needs it.  I am hoping to do just a bit more trash collecting.  Perhaps finish clearing the space for dishes.  If so, I hope to hit the dishes, that which is ready...

Well... the Internet died for a bit.  During that time I got the area cleared, and checked laundry.  I was pleasantly surprised.  I hadn't, as feared, left a load in the washing machine.  I reset the load in the dryer on medium, or the second notch into warm.  I think my machine has five heat settings and a fluff setting.  The final heat setting, which is for cotton, white cotton, if you want it sanitized.  Or getting rid of evidence?  :p

Some trash cleared, dishes collected, plus this and that, while figuring it out.  It isn't quite ready for dishes.  It needs washed off.  I'll do that when next I hit dishes.  I'll just empty a basin, fill it with hot sudsy, then change out for rinse, then let it dry as I finish dishes.

Not fancy.  Not much.  Not fast.  But I pulled out of a collapse and have started up.  Yea.  I have done the things that worried me most.  There is far more work to do than the feared work.  But I can do the remainder a box at a time, if required.  Actually, every time I go to the loo, or for tea, or go anywhere, I should stack a few out.  It will cut down on concerted effort.

A bit rough.  Achy.  I never did take that aspirin.  I will tonight.  It sure might help.  Hmm, best bring the trash barrel in next time I feed the ducks.  Later.

A few tricks.

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I hate wasting, even a wake-up.  So I tried every trick at my disposal.  I don't think it is working.  So... this one last time.  Blogging, a procrastination to hold off sleep, while my eyes burn for sleep.  Probably a losing effort.  How many efforts in life are likely?  You, I, we... aren't here to win.  To fight, or just live?  I have no choice.  Life, for me, is a fight.  One I have already lost.  Still, why give up even now?  I have nothing to lose.  Only the pain and struggle give this life meaning, structure, a weak grasp of the real.

I realized my feet need care.  Without being able to afford a pedicure monthly, I lost track.  My heels are so harsh they bruise other parts simply through light contact.  I ordered a few pieces of equipment to see if I can fix that.  Wouldn't want them to crack, either.  The tools and pieces cost less than a single trip to the now closed anyway spas.  Gotta do it.

I am still waiting on flat sheets, ordered over a mont ago.  White cotton, simple but they bleach well.  Pillow cases, of that sort, ordered on payday, are almost here.  For toys, I ordered steel marbles.  Can't play against glass with them, they will be their own set.  Now I have room, upstairs, to practice.  Silly?  In a small way, I hope so.  While life is a losing battle, perhaps partly for that, partly in spite of that, and partly aside from that, life shouldn't be taken totally seriously.  That is losing, on steroids and speed.

An uncomfortable start.

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Innards feel bad.  Sleep didn't leave me rested.  Lungs burn.  Even so, a better day than I am used to waking into.  My first chore is to decide whether to wake or go back to bed.  It looks like the sun is out solidly if not fiercely?  I'll know more when I feed the ducks.  Whether shortly, or later, I am looking forward to today, and the rest of the week.

It isn't just the work, it is more the idea of the finished product.  But the hope of being able to do the work is a good.  At this pace it will take a while.  But a while is much faster than never.  And, yes, I do see it coming together.  Little stations will be cleared.  One for sorting through boxes, one for tearing down boxes, one for processing dishes, possibly other stations.

As things get done, the processes behind them will become burned in.  Keeping up should become easier.  There is nothing like being buried in a kingdom of dirt then digging out of it to make one appreciate open clean clear spaces.  As well, eating mostly salads will limit dishes.  I may even downsize some of my dishes and else.  Some set aside, some tossed.  Gotta clean, clear.

Remember when I received grief about buying styrofoam bowls, for feeding the girls?  Now, considering the source, I didn't take the reprimand seriously... if I could be wrong.  He can be intractable.  Anyway, I only bought that because there wasn't a choice.  I thought them too light, flimsy, to work.  Not only do they work well, hold up, but they clean up exceptionally well and easily.  I have only had to replace a few, mostly from external abuse such as being stepped on.  I don't have to waste water washing as with ceramic bowls, or toss the bowls after two or three meals as with paper bowls... all thr types I tried became nasty, fast.  Super for feeding cats.

I'll probably be going back to bed shortly.  But I will be digging in when I can stay awake.  Later.

All night.

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I didn't work all night.  It took until now to complete what was to be done.  I did more of this... less, fewer, or none of that.  I did more than my list.  After setting up dishes, I washed and set them back up.  Couldn't finish them, no good place to put them.  Washed them twice.  But they are ready.  Two loads of laundry.  I need to check dryness of the first load.  As soon as it is dry, I'll put the other load to dry.  That'll be that for that.

Trash wasn't the first thing.  It was the last.  But... I started on it.  Quite ready to finish off through the week.  As well, the counter opening is well on it's way to a reality.  My next wake cycle should see those completed.  Finding empty boxes, and stacking them somewhere... where I can sit to process them, is next on the list.  As well as sorting storage boxes down here, storing supplies better, and getting toss boxes down and or in a pile of their own.

I probably should stick to two 2 hour sessions a day, four days a week.  Perhaps push at the end, if I see a way through to a neater finish.  Too much more and I drop for a week or more.  I can't push too hard.  I break.  Still, if I can open up those eight hours, as I have, I can see serious improvements.

Weeks to months.  I will be ready or dead.  All good.

Late AND early?

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Ye-as.  A day later than planned, but earlier (within what passes for my day).  I... can't be sure if, or how, my day is changing.  Losing or gaining hours.  Sleeping once or twice a day.  Two long naps, or whole extended sleeps?  I'm... never... I don't... remember.  At least I usually wake knowing where, and when, I am.  Mostly.

A shower, plants in for a short spot after me... for their biweekly or monthly sip.  No, they flourish.  I need more.  Then a few small loads of dishes set.  Finally a load of laundry set.  It doesn't sound like it is running...  Yep!  It is a quiet machine.

A week lost.

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No telling if the fall is over.  I made plans last night, for the weekend... today.  That box transfer, a load of laundry, a shower, a load of dishes, opening counter space, and putting sacks in trash cans while collecting trash.  Finish it all?  Dishes can be left to soak, but if so, two smaller loads.  If laundry is put in late, then it can go until tomorrow.

Sleep was good.  Most pains have subdued to the point they aren't, mostly, felt.  I have to think about them to feel them.  Which is avoided.  Still, aspirin as I wake, so they won't come flooding back.  I expect it to return.  I am hoping to ease the return of pain.  The fan makes life, sleep, reasonable.  Hopefully the ac won't be needed for another month, regularly.  But who knows.  The girls were fed right away, as I slept long.  And litter was refreshed right after.  Fresh water after I shower.  Ducks shortly.  The ladies are doing super with their egg sitting.  I don't know if that will work out, but I am hoping.

Yes.  Plans.  Up late, but that has no influence on work, save that I am well rested.  I have so much to do and time is ticking.  Is an important visitor truly on the way?  Is it who I perceive?  Why the visit I can't say, if so.  Death, life, or... just... because.  Excited.  Insane?  You probably should hope.  Nothing is just about me.  Nothing.  A servant isn't... visited, for their own sake, even if for the servant's seeming sake.  One as such is never simply passing through.  I... will be ready, if it kills me.

Later.

I thought...

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I started seeing these in the lineup.  I avoided them at first.  Then I noticed "foamy".  Could they be related to an infrequent visitor, somehow?  I didn't think so.  Only one way to be sure.  Nope.  But a few reminded me of my early years, my mom, and...  So, I decided to present a few.

Food isn't helping.

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I had a small hope that food would help.  Not only is it not helping, I am feeling ill from it.  No, it's good.  My body just isn't able to deal with it.  The cats have been fed, litter and the ducks next.  But that is it. Back to bed.  I'll keep a lined pail nearby.  Food may not stay down.  Didn't have much, doesn't seem to matter.

Good night.

So much sleep.

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Most of this week has been sleep.  I wake for five to ten hours, then crash for ten to eighteen hours.  I do wake, from time to time, during sleep.  But it isn't sustainable.  Either I never really wake, or I wake well but can't sustain, like a flash in the dark.  It is getting warm, 70° to 71° up there, even at night.  It is usually a bit cooler downstairs.  With just the fan, so far, the heat is tolerable.  Actually, I am usually cold.

It wasn't the knock on the noggin, if that isn't helping.  A headache and the rest does return occasionally.  But it is milder.  Sleep is helping that.  No other major problems, other than exhaustion while awake.  Just of the body, the mind is clear.  Minor aches and pains, aside.  Aspirin isn't required.

I best try to do a few things.  Feeding all, perhaps a load of laundry, cat litter, and changing that container box upstairs.  If possible, breaking down the boxes upstairs.  Best hurry, sleep is calling again.  Hmm, actually, aspirin is required today.  If I don't work, I can do without.  The headache increased while just planning.  All good, even if the pills don't work.  Later.

A 15:00 wake.

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It wasn't until 7:00 to 7:30 before I could sleep.  I felt so good.  The temperature was just right, it was the first painless session I have had in...  I... can't even remember.  I thought about working, but I knew that would bring back the pain.  No, I wanted that little piece of a nearly normal life.  I rode it until sleep arrived.

She came to me again.  Rested with me.  This time honestly.  As a sister, cousin, platonic.  She was with me every time I brushed consciousness.  I sensed her even beyond.  But... she... isn't a sister, or a cousin.  And she is beautiful, sexy, feminine.  I... almost made it.  The failure was mine.  I am not... that strong.  If I am not sure I wish to be.  Some strengths are flaws?  I think so.

I dreamed of meeting some younger vocational in my faith.  I began to notice peculiar absences, bruises and other marks.  Antifa?  Rioters?  No, that wasn't it.  Near.  It took my mind a bit to "see" what the young priest, nun, and cohort of other vocational and avocational folk were about.  It made an old, idealistic, aspect of myself beam with pride, a pride I have long since abandoned.

They were going into dark places, in civvies, passively resisting evils.  Taking beatings without offering resistance, perhaps worse.  I finally, once I had it down without a doubt, if without collecting evidence... if without any intention of doing so, requested a meeting with the young priest, he and I alone.  I was certain he was the pack leader, although without official power save example.

I let him know I understood what they were doing.   I let him process this.  He remained quiet, attentive, cautious.  I proceeded to explain something I don't think he knew... why.  Sacrifice, justice, mercy, not, or always, in that order, and more.  Penance, a sense of unworthiness, and more... but these would do as the majority of the majority. He... actually nodded, almost with relief.  He really wanted to speak.  Neither of us was quite ready for that yet.

I suggested I understood, if from a slightly different angle.  I remember when dying for some perceived good seemed better than living in one's own sinful skin.  Even when not acted, the thoughts, so sinful, itched to be released.  His thurst for the young nun was plain for me to see.  If her ardor was lost to their passion for sacrifice, a dangerous thing if awakened in flesh, tipping her one of two very dark ways.  I see much.

I only suggested he, they, had more important duties than to tempt God, by casting themselves down, counting on angels... or in a way worse, not counting on God to spare them.  To live, humbly, with the vices of flesh, with only divine mercy as a saving grace no matter their station or other graces.

To give their lives to humble, difficult, failing, limited service, and to find the rare joys in a simple, humble, uneventful slog to a long life of gifting himself to the ungrateful.  No, it isn't sexy.  But pain, even provoked death, isn't the way to salvation.  An unprovoked martyrdom is an express ticket.  A provoked death is merely suicide.

I told him some of my story, basically service in suffering.  It's not fancy glorious or dignified, but it seems to be what God asks of me.  I don't know if it is enough for all.  If I don't seem to have been given a choice.  I also told him one of his crew was about to die from a not-yet received aneurysm.  And one of the women, shortly thereafter, would lose a baby she didn't know was there.

I didn't press, or talk of it again.  I did notice the bruises heal, mostly not returning... over time.  The nun became pregnant.  Things became tense, then peace was found.  And life went on.  Harshly, simply, humbly, but... as rightly as we dare, can.  Amen.

Couldn't sleep.

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The headache and nausea were too severe.  Aspirin did it's work, slowly.  As I browsed what little of the world isn't hidden through duplicitous deceit and overt and covert censorship, the various difficulties dissipated.  It took a while.  I could have gone to bed an hour or two ago, but it felt so good being temporarily pain free, that I have enjoyed the moments.  Hard headed, to be sure.

Thankful, for the pain.  The appreciation for the scant fleeting moments without it is greater than the boredom of never knowing the difference.  A little more balance would be pleasant.  Who has the time for pleasantries?  Oddly?  No bump or sore spot where I hit.  Must have hit it flat on flat, not on a corner.  All good.

I'll be turning in shortly.  Then trying to get to my list the next time I wake.  Perhaps tending the litter box, then having a snack after.  It is good to feel like I don't hurt, for a while.  No worries, I'll dig my way back into pain shortly.  It, I am beginning to think, is part of why I am still here.  I do it well.

Later.  Good night.  Good morning.

Banged that drum.

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While toodling around, trying to do something or other, I hit my head hard.  Ran into wood, but size and sturdiness negated any believed give from the material.  At first I thought it would be a simple forgive and forget.  Then my hearing was off.  I thought, perhaps, it just caused nasal backfill, but that wasn't it.

It was as if my listening organs were dislodged from my receiver.  As if they were out of sync, sideways to each other.  Then a headache set in.  I had to sleep.  A bit after midnight the girls reminded me I had not fed them.  I hadn't eaten either.  So I crawled out.  It was tough getting up.  I have well and truly wrung my clock.

Hearing is back to normal.  Tinnitus is a bit more pronounced, the headache with the addition of leaving me slightly nauseous exists, and now my neck bones are off, out, sore.  A dose of aspirin and a bite, after feeding the girls, and it is back to bed.

I had never tasted a cured beef.  Similar to a cured ham?  I recently bought some to try.  Along with cheeses.  It's not really my thing, but I will try not to waste.  Live and learn.  They suggest capers, lemon juice, and olive oil... also commonly served with beef tartare.   I may seek other ideas as well.  Perhaps diced into a salad.

Wow.  I hit hard.  Ugh.  At least hearing has normalized.  Oh, ouch.  Good night.

Lots and lots of sleep.

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And problems.

I called my bank.  Too late, they said, to cancel one of the bills.  In spite of telling me last month they wouldn't pay accounts early.  My bank seems to be working with creditors, against me, in an attempt to create overdrafts and other fees and charges.  I have changed some things Which should end that.  As well, I will be fixing other problems.

I heard the doorbell.  Then knocking.  Shortly after waking.  Couldn't find a cover... hat.  Still, peaked out.  Didn't see a vehicle in my drive.  If there was a vehicle out front, I would have had to look in such a way as to be seen.  So I didn't look.  Shortly after I heard a vehicle moving.  It was my known neighbor.  I texted him.  Nothing back.

And, for the last bit of time, days, a week or two, her.  Several of them?  It is difficult, the celibate life.  Real, imagined, memory, ghost, an actual psychic reaching out... or tease, or else, I cannot say.  It does stress my way and will.  She has to know the price.  It is available, but costs a ring.  On the good side, my price frightens her a lot more than her offer disturbs me.

Phantom alarm.

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Okay, well, no.  The alarm was real.  However, I hadn't turned it on.  It hasn't been on since I changed batteries a month ago.  Nonetheless it went off at midnight.  Just one.  Though they probably both defaulted to midnight, or 00:00.  I hadn't touched the alarm since before midnight yesterday, thus phantom.

The fan is helping, but it was 69° F upstairs, 68° downstairs, with the furnace set at 66°. I will have to open things up.  That is getting too warm for sleep, yet it can't be so warm that ac is already needed?  Ugh.  Open the downstairs during the day, upstairs at night?  Until it gets too hot out there.  That might be nearly here.  The weather isn't what it used to be.  The weathermen will tell you, no matter what happens, it is manmade, even when men aren't doing anything.  Or... have they piped that bs down? Is... anybody watching?

I fed the girls right off.  I will tend their litter before going back to bed... whenever that is... probably in two to five hours.  I may not be able to do more than little and light work tomorrow.  Changing out the box, perhaps using the riding mower if needed, and setting up a small load of dishes after opening up a counter.  Even that may be between sleep sessions.  Assuming it doesn't rain.

Everything I try to do is conditional.  If this, then that.  When or where this or that, then those.  Some say that is true for all, but not to this extent.  Oh, right, I have to start meds back up.  Crap, always something.  Yea, a light load tomorrow.  A shower yet tonight.  Medicine reset.  Ugh.  Later or good night again.

Hours.

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It took hours, after feeding the girls, to feed and tend the ducks.  Both have very good nests going.  Not sure it will end in ducklings, but I am pulling for them.  We will see.  I also ate myself and treated the girls.  Running out of treats, so rationing.  Still, it beats nothing.  And they nibble anything I don't finish.

Still dark out.  Not cold but cool.  I am about to go down again.  Not as grumpy of body and mind.  If heading toward insomnia if care isn't taken... given.  Some of it is age.  Some of it health.  If the majority is recent efforts.  I keep pushing to see if there might be a way through, over, under, or around.  The risk is insomnia.

Still, being this exhausted from work is a good thing.  Much as having shame, while difficult, is better by far than not having it.  So very, nearly deathly tired.  So tired I sweat?  Or is that from the pain?  Can't wake enough to discern fully.  Not sure if that is the only difficulty understanding.  Proximity to death confuses too.

Good night, or more.

The sun went under.

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Clouds must either have formed, had just a stitch open to the east, or blown in or closed.  Whatever the case, I don't remember what I had done or been unsuccessfully trying to do.  I do know I had set the timer to feed the critters, but shut it down seven and change minutes before it sounded.

I didn't know much, only that I couldn't do those chores.  I was failing so hard, terribly, fast.  I don't remember going upstairs, or resetting the bed.  One blanket?  I remember the last part.  I didn't question my previous unremembered decision at that point.  I don't remember crawling in.  I did, right then, realize how it was possible.  Shade from the sun didn't make it possible, it left no options.

It was up to a quarter before or likely after ten when I went down.  It was about 15:30 when I woke.  Mostly to do the groundhog thing, and feed critters.  When the ducks get theirs, I'll probably crash again.  I am probably going to sleep a day or two.  Yea, I overdid recently.  And, when I can stand without wobbling, I will do more.

Other than that box needing reboxed, and the removal of toss boxes as possible, the upstairs is done.  Downstairs?  *sigh*  There is only... everything.  As written prior, I do have plans.  Opening a place to dry dishes, and starting in on those.  As well, collecting empty boxes, wherever they may be, then breaking down non-keepers.  It is good to have a small stack of sturdy boxes ready to enlist quickly.  As well, begin going through boxes with items as I find them.

It might be a day or two before I can start.  I hurt, as if being stepped on, with everything inside wanting to get out, tired beyond my means to stay awake.  If the sun isn't blasting me.  Lungs on fire, with insomnia trying to take control.  Muscles to ligaments strained, which hurt right to bones.  But the call is more potent than pain, right to risking life... if it looks more like my body shuts down as I reach that point.

Still, I am happy with it.  I just wish I had a way to push through.  All ahead full, damn the torpedos.  Later, or much later.