.
.
Feeling a bit rough. Right between the best and worst of yesterday. It hasn't changed much since waking. It is what it is. I am able to get to work.
Order of things? I just... can't remember. A shower was taken rather early on. Laundry was set. The load in the dryer was given a last spin, and since two loads else have gone through. Dishes were set up. Several meals have been had, little ones. I have only dosed once, as blood sugar was rather lower. The girls have been fed once, about to get a second meal... and their litter tended.
I am hungry though. Terribly hungry! I have looked around for something. Cabbage! I can eat a lot of that, with a few pats of butter, along with ribs warmed. I have eaten several things today already, but I am a starving Marvin. Best to feed it, if necessary overdoing in the fats, avoiding carbs and limiting proteins. I really want to get back to ketosis, but without crashing insulin or going the other way with it. Hungry! But even a whole head of cabbage is doable, and filling. I just chopped it, eating the heart as a chef's delight... I like them, usually, anyway. Raw but not wriggling.
Blood sugar was 178 fasting, and is 149 after several small meals and a smaller single dose, 10 cc's I think. It is really shaping up quickly, with just a bit of attention and care. Nice.
I may take a nap after a meal. I am terribly sleepy, tired, weary. Food might help, but it might put me more to sleep. Though, that is usually a carb or vastly excessive calorie consumption thing. I don't think I could eat enough cabbage. Even all I have, plus three or four ribs, just wouldn't work. Oh, best get the grill lit and going. That really helps the ribs. Bacon ribs! Something like that.
Bit by bit, I will get the house back in order. Catch up. Unless some other shoe or three falls. Back to work and happy for it. Later.
Sunday, September 27, 2020
Saturday, September 26, 2020
Better, for now.
.
.
Late, later, waking. A bit after 21:00, getting later each "morning". Which is fine. As I get back on medicine, and recover, this is as good as I can do. It will change. It would probably change with the weather, too, anyway. Until it hits winter, assuming it settles in to a reasonably stable weather situation, and until hard winter hits, I can't really hope for a stable sleep cycle. But it will arrive, probably.
It's dark when I wake, so I hurry to close the ducks up. When that sun goes down, duck eaters come out. Raccoons to skunks, and yes, skunks will kill birds. I am not absolutely sure what else comes out. I would guess coyotes, though those seem kept pretty much out of the equation. All I know is, every time I wake, and it is dark, I feel an urgency to get up and out and shut them in. And it is getting dark so early again.
Fasting blood sugar is 178 fasting this 'morning'! My average is down to 188 for the week! Four or five days ago it was at least ~550. Now I am going to have to be very careful with dosing. Now I will try, say, 8 cc's with a keto meal at that level... around 180. At 140 to 160 I might even try 4 cc doses. I... really need to be careful. A few crashes and the beast I wear may develop and employ plans of it's own. Don't starve the beast, at least not the one you wear... or... which wears you? Don't, just... don't.
I put the towels on for another spin. I didn't put the dishes back in for a second run, because I didn't get a shower. I brought clean clothes down for a shower this 'morning', then will set the dishes back up. I will get a pan of dishewater for cleaning counters and the stove top. I have been keeping up on litter, but will hit that before getting trash and recycling out. Sweeping, in the bathroom, sometime, perhaps mopping. Cleaning the toilet and sink while at it. Perhaps a shave to compliment the trim.
Little things. Perhaps a number of them. I'd also like to get to work on amending the bought leather thimbles... I need to expand on what is there... remove the old stitches, add a bit of new leather, and stitch that up. I have two bought styles to alter, several of each if I end up wanting that, plus I plan to make an all-leather one... actually two types... one with a seam on both sides, as two separate pieces of leather sewn... and the other with one piece of leather formed into twin forms, with a single edge stitch on the back. Why? Because I want to see what really works best, and for me. As soon as I can afford it, I would like to make that "pirate" shirt. Perhaps unlined, the first one. Later, a lined one. Perhaps modern men's dress shirts, after those? Just something real to do? Or a phase? We will see. Oh, and vests. I'd like to make a few sharp vests for those shirts.
Heart medicine is well back on track too. I think that is what was, and still is, causing a bit of a headache on to migraines. It was a bit heavy of a dose, and a bit fast starting up, after a longer hiatus. But I am almost to the other side, back on track. On to waking. I have the alarm set, to feed the girls and then take a shower, perhaps start laundry, in an hour or two. It's on! Later.
.
Late, later, waking. A bit after 21:00, getting later each "morning". Which is fine. As I get back on medicine, and recover, this is as good as I can do. It will change. It would probably change with the weather, too, anyway. Until it hits winter, assuming it settles in to a reasonably stable weather situation, and until hard winter hits, I can't really hope for a stable sleep cycle. But it will arrive, probably.
It's dark when I wake, so I hurry to close the ducks up. When that sun goes down, duck eaters come out. Raccoons to skunks, and yes, skunks will kill birds. I am not absolutely sure what else comes out. I would guess coyotes, though those seem kept pretty much out of the equation. All I know is, every time I wake, and it is dark, I feel an urgency to get up and out and shut them in. And it is getting dark so early again.
Fasting blood sugar is 178 fasting this 'morning'! My average is down to 188 for the week! Four or five days ago it was at least ~550. Now I am going to have to be very careful with dosing. Now I will try, say, 8 cc's with a keto meal at that level... around 180. At 140 to 160 I might even try 4 cc doses. I... really need to be careful. A few crashes and the beast I wear may develop and employ plans of it's own. Don't starve the beast, at least not the one you wear... or... which wears you? Don't, just... don't.
I put the towels on for another spin. I didn't put the dishes back in for a second run, because I didn't get a shower. I brought clean clothes down for a shower this 'morning', then will set the dishes back up. I will get a pan of dishewater for cleaning counters and the stove top. I have been keeping up on litter, but will hit that before getting trash and recycling out. Sweeping, in the bathroom, sometime, perhaps mopping. Cleaning the toilet and sink while at it. Perhaps a shave to compliment the trim.
Little things. Perhaps a number of them. I'd also like to get to work on amending the bought leather thimbles... I need to expand on what is there... remove the old stitches, add a bit of new leather, and stitch that up. I have two bought styles to alter, several of each if I end up wanting that, plus I plan to make an all-leather one... actually two types... one with a seam on both sides, as two separate pieces of leather sewn... and the other with one piece of leather formed into twin forms, with a single edge stitch on the back. Why? Because I want to see what really works best, and for me. As soon as I can afford it, I would like to make that "pirate" shirt. Perhaps unlined, the first one. Later, a lined one. Perhaps modern men's dress shirts, after those? Just something real to do? Or a phase? We will see. Oh, and vests. I'd like to make a few sharp vests for those shirts.
Heart medicine is well back on track too. I think that is what was, and still is, causing a bit of a headache on to migraines. It was a bit heavy of a dose, and a bit fast starting up, after a longer hiatus. But I am almost to the other side, back on track. On to waking. I have the alarm set, to feed the girls and then take a shower, perhaps start laundry, in an hour or two. It's on! Later.
A rough but good day.
.
.
Ups and downs, hurts and aches, but at it. The laundry was just checked. It needs another spin. I will trim the whiskers then shower, maybe shave after, then set up the dishes again. After, I will switch the, hopefully, dry laundry out and take that upstairs, setting the towels to dry. If I have anything left, I will fold clothes, or sew that one bit of the pj bottoms pocket which I botched. Perhaps both?
I am letting the girls go upstairs, lately. Uhrm, if I feed them enough beforehand that I think they won't regurgitate for one reason or another. I'd best feed them right after this post. The ducks are out, doing their thing. I pulled a second kiddie pool out. It does look, now, like there is a hole in the other one. I can't find it, but the draining is daily. I won't simply replace the other pool, I will use it as a liner, so most other holes, hopefully, won't go through both layers... the new pool on the outside.
Dinner was good. Needed? Wanted. I was about to dose, when I decided to check. Wow... 114 after a couple of hours on from the last meal. I decided to check again, just now... 104? How... odd. It started at 331 or so this "morning". I am both dosing and going back to keto. It really can work fast. I'll have to be careful, which is why I checked. Oh, the new glucometer is superior in every way. It requires very little blood, the stick pen is designed to accomplish that and just, and it is a slick total package. The V.A. did very well in this procurement.
I best feed the cats, then trim the whiskers. I'll need a break after that. In part because I am pushing my day into tomorrow, and I have worked a bit. Not a great deal, but, given my shape, yes... a lot. Hopefully more tomorrow! I need to get going around here. He is coming, I still sense it. I rush, but as a mosquito caught in sap. Time is passing, if too, it isn't what it seems. I will continue, as diligently as possible. Pray for any sinner, or those who support darkness, that they may see the light.
Whether His coming is final, or just a visit, personal or larger... He does as He does. Best to be prepared. I'll just say it. If you vote for pro-abortion politicians, knowingly, willfully, you are an abortionist. There will be no sparing, no salvation. You will be naked and alone for the rest of eternity. Quit that, sin no more, and find forgiveness or you will die a death eternal. The only thing you will lose by changing is no more children will be murdered in your name. Here's your card, choose wisely. Vote for Trump? Not even I do that. No wall, as I suspected. No vote, as I promised.
Later.
.
Ups and downs, hurts and aches, but at it. The laundry was just checked. It needs another spin. I will trim the whiskers then shower, maybe shave after, then set up the dishes again. After, I will switch the, hopefully, dry laundry out and take that upstairs, setting the towels to dry. If I have anything left, I will fold clothes, or sew that one bit of the pj bottoms pocket which I botched. Perhaps both?
I am letting the girls go upstairs, lately. Uhrm, if I feed them enough beforehand that I think they won't regurgitate for one reason or another. I'd best feed them right after this post. The ducks are out, doing their thing. I pulled a second kiddie pool out. It does look, now, like there is a hole in the other one. I can't find it, but the draining is daily. I won't simply replace the other pool, I will use it as a liner, so most other holes, hopefully, won't go through both layers... the new pool on the outside.
Dinner was good. Needed? Wanted. I was about to dose, when I decided to check. Wow... 114 after a couple of hours on from the last meal. I decided to check again, just now... 104? How... odd. It started at 331 or so this "morning". I am both dosing and going back to keto. It really can work fast. I'll have to be careful, which is why I checked. Oh, the new glucometer is superior in every way. It requires very little blood, the stick pen is designed to accomplish that and just, and it is a slick total package. The V.A. did very well in this procurement.
I best feed the cats, then trim the whiskers. I'll need a break after that. In part because I am pushing my day into tomorrow, and I have worked a bit. Not a great deal, but, given my shape, yes... a lot. Hopefully more tomorrow! I need to get going around here. He is coming, I still sense it. I rush, but as a mosquito caught in sap. Time is passing, if too, it isn't what it seems. I will continue, as diligently as possible. Pray for any sinner, or those who support darkness, that they may see the light.
Whether His coming is final, or just a visit, personal or larger... He does as He does. Best to be prepared. I'll just say it. If you vote for pro-abortion politicians, knowingly, willfully, you are an abortionist. There will be no sparing, no salvation. You will be naked and alone for the rest of eternity. Quit that, sin no more, and find forgiveness or you will die a death eternal. The only thing you will lose by changing is no more children will be murdered in your name. Here's your card, choose wisely. Vote for Trump? Not even I do that. No wall, as I suspected. No vote, as I promised.
Later.
Well played.
.
.
The dishes have been done, at least the first go. Laundry... the first load is being finished. It just wasn't quite dry so I had to put it back through. May have to spin it again. Couldn't hang things out, it looks like it could rain at any moment. I'm not sure if that is bad for clothes or not? But it would definitely not get them dry quickly. The ribs were cooked nearly finished. Actually done, but I want flame to kiss them before eating. I did have one rib. Not bad, but baking isn't the best for taste or texture. A bit of flame tightens and... adds something... something special.
I have enough for two more meals. The extras have been bagged and refrigerated. Yes, I will have a good supper. Oh, almost forgot to put the green beans out, but they are going. I'll add the ribs in about ten minutes. I like the beans to have a chance to heat well first. After supper, a shower. Hmm, a trim first, then a shower.
After, laundry will go up. I'll set the last load for the day to drying. Then play a game for a bit, until bedtime. Not sure when that will be... when I crash or when I feel ready, able, to sleep. Tomorrow... probably in the morning, when there is light, I will begin tearing the branches down. I have piles in the front, back, and both sides of the house. It is amazing how much wood was up there.
Two minutes until the... Bah... I'll put them on now. Later. Or good night, and day.
.
The dishes have been done, at least the first go. Laundry... the first load is being finished. It just wasn't quite dry so I had to put it back through. May have to spin it again. Couldn't hang things out, it looks like it could rain at any moment. I'm not sure if that is bad for clothes or not? But it would definitely not get them dry quickly. The ribs were cooked nearly finished. Actually done, but I want flame to kiss them before eating. I did have one rib. Not bad, but baking isn't the best for taste or texture. A bit of flame tightens and... adds something... something special.
I have enough for two more meals. The extras have been bagged and refrigerated. Yes, I will have a good supper. Oh, almost forgot to put the green beans out, but they are going. I'll add the ribs in about ten minutes. I like the beans to have a chance to heat well first. After supper, a shower. Hmm, a trim first, then a shower.
After, laundry will go up. I'll set the last load for the day to drying. Then play a game for a bit, until bedtime. Not sure when that will be... when I crash or when I feel ready, able, to sleep. Tomorrow... probably in the morning, when there is light, I will begin tearing the branches down. I have piles in the front, back, and both sides of the house. It is amazing how much wood was up there.
Two minutes until the... Bah... I'll put them on now. Later. Or good night, and day.
Breakfast?
.
.
Not exactly. Dinner, supper really. Ribs. I had them thawed for last week, but it just didn't work out. They still smell good. But won't last much longer. So, into the oven, then a bit of grilling afterward. Hmm, some veggie? Green beans if I have them, or beats? I'll rummage through the fridge. Blood sugar, last I checked, was at 160. I am... being cautious with dosing. Crashes send me on a rollercoaster, which, last time, ended with me eating packs of carb tabs, dozens of candy bars, and five pounds of spaghetti. I don't want to end up there again. I completely lost control after a few crashes, I think. The hindbrain, or subconscious, just... when faced with a few near deaths... does it's own thing.
Laundry has been turned, dishes... actually I reset a few and set up some more. They should be ready in... about now. The ribs will be in for an half an hour, so I may try to get the dishes done, then a shower. Perhaps forty five minutes for the ribs... hard to be sure. I am cooking them slower today, I don't need to rush. I should get the grill started, it takes a while to get that to speed.
I am hoping to finish both loads of laundry, and half the dishes, plus supper. Tomorrow I will hit the counters and sweep, plus get trash and recycling... I think... ready to go. Not enough recycling to take to the curb, but a bag to the bin. Trash? I'll... get it out for sure, and probably to the curb. I ought to see what else I can fit in there. Begin getting rid of whatever is possible. It's free... or... already paid... required to be paid... might as well use it.
Feeling a bit better again, but not quite as good as that start... or shortly after waking. That was... bliss. Ugh. All good. The pain seems to have gotten me started. How is that for a show. Later.
.
Not exactly. Dinner, supper really. Ribs. I had them thawed for last week, but it just didn't work out. They still smell good. But won't last much longer. So, into the oven, then a bit of grilling afterward. Hmm, some veggie? Green beans if I have them, or beats? I'll rummage through the fridge. Blood sugar, last I checked, was at 160. I am... being cautious with dosing. Crashes send me on a rollercoaster, which, last time, ended with me eating packs of carb tabs, dozens of candy bars, and five pounds of spaghetti. I don't want to end up there again. I completely lost control after a few crashes, I think. The hindbrain, or subconscious, just... when faced with a few near deaths... does it's own thing.
Laundry has been turned, dishes... actually I reset a few and set up some more. They should be ready in... about now. The ribs will be in for an half an hour, so I may try to get the dishes done, then a shower. Perhaps forty five minutes for the ribs... hard to be sure. I am cooking them slower today, I don't need to rush. I should get the grill started, it takes a while to get that to speed.
I am hoping to finish both loads of laundry, and half the dishes, plus supper. Tomorrow I will hit the counters and sweep, plus get trash and recycling... I think... ready to go. Not enough recycling to take to the curb, but a bag to the bin. Trash? I'll... get it out for sure, and probably to the curb. I ought to see what else I can fit in there. Begin getting rid of whatever is possible. It's free... or... already paid... required to be paid... might as well use it.
Feeling a bit better again, but not quite as good as that start... or shortly after waking. That was... bliss. Ugh. All good. The pain seems to have gotten me started. How is that for a show. Later.
What goes up...
.
.
Several hours after writing about the improvement... after the last post too, I think... something slid south. Blood sugar was at 150, after my last fatted coffee and dose. I had one more, without anything and a bowl of buttered popcorn. Anymore, I am careful with the butter. It's a fat, needed to get me back to ketosis, but is so calorie laden. Anyway, I'll test in a bit. If need be, I'll have another small meal or snack, and a dose. I won't mess with it unless it goes to 180 or higher.
Remember when I was getting to 150, regularly? Just not far back? Right. That was without insulin. Then I slipped on candy bars and spaghetti. At least I know, or think, that with a food logger, some willpower, and consistency, I can probably actually get off insulin. Actually, I know I can. It's... a matter of staying well enough, long enough, to track and control. But I did it, there for a bit. It's... a start, a hope coming to life.
A migraine set in. Not the worst I've had. As well, every part of the body woke and decided each was in pain. I am a bit overloaded by it. Aspirin just went down. I had hoped to avoid it, avoided it for three hours or so, finally gave in. Neck strain, hands, ribs, innards, back, headache, and a few odd incognizable, inscrutable, pains and aches... just there, but without a means of defining, even describing, or locating. Ah well, I had a moment of peace. I will enjoy the memory.
The heart, at least, feels better still. Not sure, yet, if that is good or bad. Seriously. Every time I think something is a good sign, or omen, I... end up paying a hefty bill, fine, or ego hit for my ignorance. At least ignorance is bliss, right up until it isn't. Still, all good. I will deal with this. Haven't done much yet, think I want to put a load of laundry in, set up dishes, and then rest until I can hit the dishes once, turn the laundry, and take a shower before resetting the dishes. Bleh. I think I can.
I am starting to think... pain is my friend! A friend I'd rather not need. Since it seems to help, so be it. A grace, if my Lord is any indication. I sure... know how to pick them. :p Later.
-----------------
Started! Dishes are set up, laundry is going, and a dose of insulin with a pumpkin seed snack. Oh, by the way... pumpkin seeds taste nothing like... pumpkin. :)
.
Several hours after writing about the improvement... after the last post too, I think... something slid south. Blood sugar was at 150, after my last fatted coffee and dose. I had one more, without anything and a bowl of buttered popcorn. Anymore, I am careful with the butter. It's a fat, needed to get me back to ketosis, but is so calorie laden. Anyway, I'll test in a bit. If need be, I'll have another small meal or snack, and a dose. I won't mess with it unless it goes to 180 or higher.
Remember when I was getting to 150, regularly? Just not far back? Right. That was without insulin. Then I slipped on candy bars and spaghetti. At least I know, or think, that with a food logger, some willpower, and consistency, I can probably actually get off insulin. Actually, I know I can. It's... a matter of staying well enough, long enough, to track and control. But I did it, there for a bit. It's... a start, a hope coming to life.
A migraine set in. Not the worst I've had. As well, every part of the body woke and decided each was in pain. I am a bit overloaded by it. Aspirin just went down. I had hoped to avoid it, avoided it for three hours or so, finally gave in. Neck strain, hands, ribs, innards, back, headache, and a few odd incognizable, inscrutable, pains and aches... just there, but without a means of defining, even describing, or locating. Ah well, I had a moment of peace. I will enjoy the memory.
The heart, at least, feels better still. Not sure, yet, if that is good or bad. Seriously. Every time I think something is a good sign, or omen, I... end up paying a hefty bill, fine, or ego hit for my ignorance. At least ignorance is bliss, right up until it isn't. Still, all good. I will deal with this. Haven't done much yet, think I want to put a load of laundry in, set up dishes, and then rest until I can hit the dishes once, turn the laundry, and take a shower before resetting the dishes. Bleh. I think I can.
I am starting to think... pain is my friend! A friend I'd rather not need. Since it seems to help, so be it. A grace, if my Lord is any indication. I sure... know how to pick them. :p Later.
-----------------
Started! Dishes are set up, laundry is going, and a dose of insulin with a pumpkin seed snack. Oh, by the way... pumpkin seeds taste nothing like... pumpkin. :)
Friday, September 25, 2020
Improvement almost immediately.
.
.
Mostly. Actually both hands are... giving me fits. Things had to improve enough I could notice. But the rest of the body just feels better. No aspirin was taken. But insulin was taken, both sorts. I take slow acting this time of day, generally, and took fast acting with a fatted coffee. As well, I took heart medicine. And, yes, that... did something. I think both did... something. If, too, I think the body is just improving.
Narcissist? If you lived alone for decades at a time, couldn't really get out, have limits this way and that, can barely stay awake, wake up, or go to bed, have few controls or outside inputs, and standing for an half hour has become a stretch due to health, you... will find that what little you can deal with has to do with self. My body is such high maintenance that it is almost all I do. I added cats, then ducks, and soon rabbits. But...
And I don't dare discuss real people. My mind flies. I see, suspect, live in shadows. So... it's... best I not discuss real people. And, yet, blogging is one of the few hobbies I have that I seem able to do regularly. There isn't much I can do, even house chores are often beyond me. My conditions are what I have to offer.
Further? I... doubt if anyone actually reads here. I see visitors, counting to from 3,500 to 7,500 a month. But that doesn't mean anyone reads anything. I can't remember when someone wrote a comment? Jean was the last, I think? So, really, I am... or believe I am... alone in this little box, chirping at the wind. There really isn't anyone there. I... know that. The one who is foolish enough to call me a narcissist is either a blind fool or a devil of some sort. Not my problem, in either sense of the word.
I suppose Fable is a narcissist too? When alone, and bound to be for the rest of ones days, one gets into peculiar habits. If you don't like it, can't take it, walk. I... won't notice. I... don't believe you are here anyway. Scoot.
Later.
.
Mostly. Actually both hands are... giving me fits. Things had to improve enough I could notice. But the rest of the body just feels better. No aspirin was taken. But insulin was taken, both sorts. I take slow acting this time of day, generally, and took fast acting with a fatted coffee. As well, I took heart medicine. And, yes, that... did something. I think both did... something. If, too, I think the body is just improving.
Narcissist? If you lived alone for decades at a time, couldn't really get out, have limits this way and that, can barely stay awake, wake up, or go to bed, have few controls or outside inputs, and standing for an half hour has become a stretch due to health, you... will find that what little you can deal with has to do with self. My body is such high maintenance that it is almost all I do. I added cats, then ducks, and soon rabbits. But...
And I don't dare discuss real people. My mind flies. I see, suspect, live in shadows. So... it's... best I not discuss real people. And, yet, blogging is one of the few hobbies I have that I seem able to do regularly. There isn't much I can do, even house chores are often beyond me. My conditions are what I have to offer.
Further? I... doubt if anyone actually reads here. I see visitors, counting to from 3,500 to 7,500 a month. But that doesn't mean anyone reads anything. I can't remember when someone wrote a comment? Jean was the last, I think? So, really, I am... or believe I am... alone in this little box, chirping at the wind. There really isn't anyone there. I... know that. The one who is foolish enough to call me a narcissist is either a blind fool or a devil of some sort. Not my problem, in either sense of the word.
I suppose Fable is a narcissist too? When alone, and bound to be for the rest of ones days, one gets into peculiar habits. If you don't like it, can't take it, walk. I... won't notice. I... don't believe you are here anyway. Scoot.
Later.
Even better.
.
.
As general pains dissipate, swelling goes down, and things begin to shift to a more normal mode, specific persistent pains become more noticeable. I really think I bruised some of my internals. It could definitely have been worse. But my innards are rather worse for the wear. Which is why, in part, my hindbrain... hindbrain? subconscious? something like that... wanted me awake later that first day, beside the other things. It wanted to make sure if swelling or pain increased, that I could get help.
Blood sugar was high this morning... evening... as I wake. At 313 fasting, I have a bit to go. But that is down from ~550, at least, three to four days ago. So, the trend is good... or... better. Everything is trending better, if I am not quite there yet. I'll keep working on it. And I can make a medium fist with my left hand. The two little fingers are still wonky, wouldn't trust that hand with much weight, but better, much better.
Oh, even if the chainsaw doesn't arrive, I can get the sawzall out there. It is amazing what those can go through. I have a battery powered DeWalt and a plug-in no-name. Both, I would guess, are about the same prowess when it comes to cutting. Cordless is nice for climbing in, over, under, without worry... but weighs a lot more. The corded is superior for easy to reach limbs, if a plug is close enough. I'll get to that tomorrow.
I was able to stay up until 13:00 and small change today. I didn't mean to, but I am wanting to get back to days. That is nearly there. It is more as if my body is rolling, like a gator in a muddy spit with a deer in it's maw. I am... my conscious mind... just... the deer? Yea, something like that. I woke at right around 20:00. It is 72 up there, even now when it is 65 outdoors? I had the fan going and windows open. Not sure what that is about. Ugh. Still, sleeping well enough.
Some dishes, a shower, a shave or trim, dinner, and... that might be it for tonight? Oh, I could gather trash, get it out. In the morning, my evening, I'd like to do some trimming of the branches. Then, tomorrow, laundry and counters? Hmm, could put a load of laundry in tonight, as I set up dishes for a first run in a few hours? Something along those lines.
Back to it? Yea, maybe. I will take some aspirin though. If I start ripping and tearing, it's going to hurt. All good. It's about time for more pain. It's... all that is really keeping me here. God keeps me alive, it seems. But I don't have to be here just because I am alive. I can be non-present to the pain. But that... profits me nothing. Later.
.
As general pains dissipate, swelling goes down, and things begin to shift to a more normal mode, specific persistent pains become more noticeable. I really think I bruised some of my internals. It could definitely have been worse. But my innards are rather worse for the wear. Which is why, in part, my hindbrain... hindbrain? subconscious? something like that... wanted me awake later that first day, beside the other things. It wanted to make sure if swelling or pain increased, that I could get help.
Blood sugar was high this morning... evening... as I wake. At 313 fasting, I have a bit to go. But that is down from ~550, at least, three to four days ago. So, the trend is good... or... better. Everything is trending better, if I am not quite there yet. I'll keep working on it. And I can make a medium fist with my left hand. The two little fingers are still wonky, wouldn't trust that hand with much weight, but better, much better.
Oh, even if the chainsaw doesn't arrive, I can get the sawzall out there. It is amazing what those can go through. I have a battery powered DeWalt and a plug-in no-name. Both, I would guess, are about the same prowess when it comes to cutting. Cordless is nice for climbing in, over, under, without worry... but weighs a lot more. The corded is superior for easy to reach limbs, if a plug is close enough. I'll get to that tomorrow.
I was able to stay up until 13:00 and small change today. I didn't mean to, but I am wanting to get back to days. That is nearly there. It is more as if my body is rolling, like a gator in a muddy spit with a deer in it's maw. I am... my conscious mind... just... the deer? Yea, something like that. I woke at right around 20:00. It is 72 up there, even now when it is 65 outdoors? I had the fan going and windows open. Not sure what that is about. Ugh. Still, sleeping well enough.
Some dishes, a shower, a shave or trim, dinner, and... that might be it for tonight? Oh, I could gather trash, get it out. In the morning, my evening, I'd like to do some trimming of the branches. Then, tomorrow, laundry and counters? Hmm, could put a load of laundry in tonight, as I set up dishes for a first run in a few hours? Something along those lines.
Back to it? Yea, maybe. I will take some aspirin though. If I start ripping and tearing, it's going to hurt. All good. It's about time for more pain. It's... all that is really keeping me here. God keeps me alive, it seems. But I don't have to be here just because I am alive. I can be non-present to the pain. But that... profits me nothing. Later.
A rather rough end to the day.
.
.
The heart, she is being funky. Hurts. It makes sense. In recovery, I have lost track of medicine. Don't shoot the messenger. I do my best, but when I am doing good to get out of bed, stumble someplace to sit, and sit... doing other things just don't happen. The girls and ducks have been being fed, watered, and generally tended. I have been eating. Always something, though, falling through the cracks.
I am on it. At least medicine is set up. It's not like I have to set it up. I have three weeks of medicine set up. Yes, I... forgot insulin too. I realized that, first, without realizing I had lost track of heart medicine. Then again, I first got on a candy kick, then went to pasta. I have been having spaghetti a lot lately. I am finished, flushed that through. Blood sugar got up to ~550, that I saw. I started taking insulin for a bit, got it to ~250 in a few days, but then... veered port, hard, again. I'll... I'm... on it.
When it goes bad, it goes all bad, I guess. No intention. The spaghetti was just easy food, and I was almost in a form of shock... so clear thinking wasn't happening.
On the good side, the new glucometer arrived. I... was feeling bad, that no one had contacted me. Then I remembered... they can't! I know, it seems odd that someone would not remember they didn't have a functioning phone, but that is the way of it. I best get things arranged. I have the medicine beside me, now. Actually, I put it where I can't miss it, and will keep it there. As I get better, it should become easier to remember. But, I'm not sure I'll get much better without medicine?
The weather has leveled. It is hotter upstairs. It has been as warm as 74, while I sleep. Yet I have been able to easily sleep in that heat. I guess my tolerance is much better. Actually, I still feel a bit cool, sometimes cold, at what used to be way too hot for sleep to even happen. I still have the mats set out with the extra blankets from the cold spell, and still need them. Bleh. Yeah, back to meds.
Good night... uhrm, day too.
.
The heart, she is being funky. Hurts. It makes sense. In recovery, I have lost track of medicine. Don't shoot the messenger. I do my best, but when I am doing good to get out of bed, stumble someplace to sit, and sit... doing other things just don't happen. The girls and ducks have been being fed, watered, and generally tended. I have been eating. Always something, though, falling through the cracks.
I am on it. At least medicine is set up. It's not like I have to set it up. I have three weeks of medicine set up. Yes, I... forgot insulin too. I realized that, first, without realizing I had lost track of heart medicine. Then again, I first got on a candy kick, then went to pasta. I have been having spaghetti a lot lately. I am finished, flushed that through. Blood sugar got up to ~550, that I saw. I started taking insulin for a bit, got it to ~250 in a few days, but then... veered port, hard, again. I'll... I'm... on it.
When it goes bad, it goes all bad, I guess. No intention. The spaghetti was just easy food, and I was almost in a form of shock... so clear thinking wasn't happening.
On the good side, the new glucometer arrived. I... was feeling bad, that no one had contacted me. Then I remembered... they can't! I know, it seems odd that someone would not remember they didn't have a functioning phone, but that is the way of it. I best get things arranged. I have the medicine beside me, now. Actually, I put it where I can't miss it, and will keep it there. As I get better, it should become easier to remember. But, I'm not sure I'll get much better without medicine?
The weather has leveled. It is hotter upstairs. It has been as warm as 74, while I sleep. Yet I have been able to easily sleep in that heat. I guess my tolerance is much better. Actually, I still feel a bit cool, sometimes cold, at what used to be way too hot for sleep to even happen. I still have the mats set out with the extra blankets from the cold spell, and still need them. Bleh. Yeah, back to meds.
Good night... uhrm, day too.
She keeps at it.
.
.
She likes causing problems. She is good at it. I... know why she sticks with me.
.
She likes causing problems. She is good at it. I... know why she sticks with me.
Thursday, September 24, 2020
Continuing with the better thing.
.
.
Still sore. Probably more sore than recently. As swelling goes down, pretty much everywhere, there is more room for things to jiggle and wiggle, which hurts. Added to what already hurt, it's a bit more. However, the pain has been subsiding on the rest, and this new stuff is mild and temporary. The hand will take weeks to fully recover. But I finally was able to lightly fully close it. I still can't make a fist. Too much swelling. That doesn't hurt, at first, but will get me later, oddly. Still, I try every once in a while, when I remember. I just... let the pain happen as it will.
Sleep is still a bit rough too. Lots of rolling. No charlie horses, though I am careful how I do things or they would develop. I am sleeping well, when I can sleep. Now that control of chastity seems strong, I tested both using and not using abuse as a means of getting to sleep and waking. Without, it takes about three more hours to wake, give or take an hour, and I spend two or three more hours awake. Which makes my wake cycle longer. Actually, it makes my sleep cycle longer too. I am... surrendering to the losses of control of sleep and waking in order for chastity to be implemented more fully. I just... had to know what I was losing. So be it.
I am moving slowly. I am careful when walking. I don't know how much balance, or ability... strength... to catch myself if I started to fall. I am well and truly burned out, physically. Between the damage and output that day, I am toasted... on both sides. *grin* But, it was a good day. I have found my limits, and I surpassed them. If such a thing will eventually kill me? Not the intent. God said No, and I will abide that until He decides otherwise. I'll even enjoy it, even when it hurts though too. And, I did.
You know, while you are saying hello to Jesus, in the morning? It wouldn't be a bad thing to say good morning to Mary, too. I sort of think she likes that, and so does He. Later.
.
Still sore. Probably more sore than recently. As swelling goes down, pretty much everywhere, there is more room for things to jiggle and wiggle, which hurts. Added to what already hurt, it's a bit more. However, the pain has been subsiding on the rest, and this new stuff is mild and temporary. The hand will take weeks to fully recover. But I finally was able to lightly fully close it. I still can't make a fist. Too much swelling. That doesn't hurt, at first, but will get me later, oddly. Still, I try every once in a while, when I remember. I just... let the pain happen as it will.
Sleep is still a bit rough too. Lots of rolling. No charlie horses, though I am careful how I do things or they would develop. I am sleeping well, when I can sleep. Now that control of chastity seems strong, I tested both using and not using abuse as a means of getting to sleep and waking. Without, it takes about three more hours to wake, give or take an hour, and I spend two or three more hours awake. Which makes my wake cycle longer. Actually, it makes my sleep cycle longer too. I am... surrendering to the losses of control of sleep and waking in order for chastity to be implemented more fully. I just... had to know what I was losing. So be it.
I am moving slowly. I am careful when walking. I don't know how much balance, or ability... strength... to catch myself if I started to fall. I am well and truly burned out, physically. Between the damage and output that day, I am toasted... on both sides. *grin* But, it was a good day. I have found my limits, and I surpassed them. If such a thing will eventually kill me? Not the intent. God said No, and I will abide that until He decides otherwise. I'll even enjoy it, even when it hurts though too. And, I did.
You know, while you are saying hello to Jesus, in the morning? It wouldn't be a bad thing to say good morning to Mary, too. I sort of think she likes that, and so does He. Later.
Wednesday, September 23, 2020
Better.
.
.
Swelling and pain are muted. The volume goes down a bit at a time. It'll go up, from time to time, asleep or awake. But it's okay. I suffer as well as I may. If it wakes me, I often just roll to a comfortable place and pray for a while. Not for relief, just... while awake, and unable to do much else, it is a good time to pray. Actually, I am grateful for the moments.
While awake, I often find something more distracting, or just acknowledge, set it aside, and get back to whatever I was doing. It is making me drowsy again tonight. I will try to sleep again. In just a bit. If I only get a few hours in, so be it. The knuckle dimples for my two littlest outside fingers are black, have been since later the evening of the events. They are still rather crippled, but I am trying to use them more each day.
I may borrow a chainsaw and get to work soon. As mentioned, I plan on cutting the logs into lengths, then splitting them. A few each morning? When I go out to tend the ducks perhaps? Yea, that is the plan. I won't start in until ribs, torso, hands, and such are... a bit better... and after I have rested back up a bit. Even cutting the logs into chopping size will take a bit. I'll see if there were any pictures taken... perhaps take a few more.
Well, on to something else, just for a bit. Then on to bed. Good night.
.
Swelling and pain are muted. The volume goes down a bit at a time. It'll go up, from time to time, asleep or awake. But it's okay. I suffer as well as I may. If it wakes me, I often just roll to a comfortable place and pray for a while. Not for relief, just... while awake, and unable to do much else, it is a good time to pray. Actually, I am grateful for the moments.
While awake, I often find something more distracting, or just acknowledge, set it aside, and get back to whatever I was doing. It is making me drowsy again tonight. I will try to sleep again. In just a bit. If I only get a few hours in, so be it. The knuckle dimples for my two littlest outside fingers are black, have been since later the evening of the events. They are still rather crippled, but I am trying to use them more each day.
I may borrow a chainsaw and get to work soon. As mentioned, I plan on cutting the logs into lengths, then splitting them. A few each morning? When I go out to tend the ducks perhaps? Yea, that is the plan. I won't start in until ribs, torso, hands, and such are... a bit better... and after I have rested back up a bit. Even cutting the logs into chopping size will take a bit. I'll see if there were any pictures taken... perhaps take a few more.
Well, on to something else, just for a bit. Then on to bed. Good night.
Remember when?
.
.
There have been times, when I suggested it felt like I had been hit across the torso with a 2 x 4? I suggested that it hurt as if? Well? Actually, that was rather accurate. That is exactly how I fell, in a way that would emulate that. It's nice to know I wasn't just thinking it would feel like that but being wrong. Even so, it grows milder in intensity every day. And, since I think I am past the point where the damage could be fatal, I can ignore it as much as possible.
Swelling of the hands is down. My whole body is tight though, from some seriously heaving lifting. It doesn't take much to stress my body. This was that and more. With probably every muscle group, and most muscles, stressed beyond what they have seen in some time, there is a glow and tightness... I am assuming from swelling. Muscles, when stretched, for me, tend to swell when repairing. My whole body has an extra quarter to half inch from that. Skin is tight.
Not a complaint. If I could do that more often, I really would. It's a grace to be able to work like that. And to suffer like that. A little joy, at least usually. It didn't kick my days and nights around. It, for a bit, disturbed the sleep cycle. But... not by much or for long. And I haven't the strength remaining to fight through it.
I couldn't move the branches from around the hydrant. That will take a chainsaw and a few days. But I was able to reach through, balance on one branch, then another, to finally reach in and pull the lever. The ducks have been fed, watered, and released. Being so late, and them having so little for the last few days, I will put food and water in with them tonight and tomorrow... help them regain anything lost.
I am not sleeping the best. When everything hurts, I wake from time to time. Mild pains, now, but when they all complain at once it gets my attention. Still, I get back in there, and get what sleep I can. A shower shortly, perhaps a shave. The girls of course, need fed and tended. I'll bet their litter pan really needs care. I can only do so much, and I'd already done too much. I catch up when I can.
It is a good day. Good morning, Jesus. Yes, He is real, He is alive, He does hear. He is present, even to a lout and fool. Good day and later.
.
There have been times, when I suggested it felt like I had been hit across the torso with a 2 x 4? I suggested that it hurt as if? Well? Actually, that was rather accurate. That is exactly how I fell, in a way that would emulate that. It's nice to know I wasn't just thinking it would feel like that but being wrong. Even so, it grows milder in intensity every day. And, since I think I am past the point where the damage could be fatal, I can ignore it as much as possible.
Swelling of the hands is down. My whole body is tight though, from some seriously heaving lifting. It doesn't take much to stress my body. This was that and more. With probably every muscle group, and most muscles, stressed beyond what they have seen in some time, there is a glow and tightness... I am assuming from swelling. Muscles, when stretched, for me, tend to swell when repairing. My whole body has an extra quarter to half inch from that. Skin is tight.
Not a complaint. If I could do that more often, I really would. It's a grace to be able to work like that. And to suffer like that. A little joy, at least usually. It didn't kick my days and nights around. It, for a bit, disturbed the sleep cycle. But... not by much or for long. And I haven't the strength remaining to fight through it.
I couldn't move the branches from around the hydrant. That will take a chainsaw and a few days. But I was able to reach through, balance on one branch, then another, to finally reach in and pull the lever. The ducks have been fed, watered, and released. Being so late, and them having so little for the last few days, I will put food and water in with them tonight and tomorrow... help them regain anything lost.
I am not sleeping the best. When everything hurts, I wake from time to time. Mild pains, now, but when they all complain at once it gets my attention. Still, I get back in there, and get what sleep I can. A shower shortly, perhaps a shave. The girls of course, need fed and tended. I'll bet their litter pan really needs care. I can only do so much, and I'd already done too much. I catch up when I can.
It is a good day. Good morning, Jesus. Yes, He is real, He is alive, He does hear. He is present, even to a lout and fool. Good day and later.
Just a few hours down.
.
.
Not sure why. Actually, I do know. It was warm upstairs. With windows open and a fan going, it was 68 in the central area, 71 near me. The fan was right on me, the window beside me open. I wonder if it really has warmed a good deal? Ah, maybe just having that branch over the house gone is enough that it is hotter. It may collect and store the heat a great deal more.
Still, a few hours down has helped. I gamed when I woke. Just a bit. Can't do much. Hands are still rough. Even so, I am hoping to get to a few more things today. Dishes, another shower, opening a path to the hydrant... water outlet for the lawn and ducks. Perhaps some cooking. I have hamburger already cooked, in crumble form. It is still good. Spicing, and herbing, food, as you cook it, helps it last. There are limits, but this is well within the limits.
I was called on the carpet for not voting for Trump, due to the wall not being built. I don't care, I refuse. That is the only promise I really wanted to see. As I wrote there, half finished, the other half funded and with intent, and I would consider voting. It isn't going to happen, in spite of him winning the court battles against installation and pulling money from the military. Why? Because he never intended to win, or build the wall. So be it.
I was also called a pussy for saying Trump's attack against critical race theory being used against white employees, beyond the general government and on into the military, contractors, and such, would be stopped in 3,2,1... by a judactivist. It is going to happen. Will it make it through the courts, successfully? Even if Trump gets a replacement for Ginsburg, the court is at best a mess. And, with a woman to replace Ginsburg? Probably not. These judges all seem broken. Women are all feminized.
I don't care about that slight, either. Hell, if I follow mother Teresa's advice, I will have to accept that smack with a smile, perhaps a "thank you". *grins* Some parts of humility really aren't all that hard. Black pill? Okay. Pussy? Whatever. Can't you... do something interesting, new, refreshing? I'm not even being... rude about it. I just... don't care, or mind, or... anything. But I wouldn't mind being shocked, feeling really insulted, or... whatnot. You gotta try. Work with me, people!
Anyway. I'm... on to something? Heading back to bed? Uhrm... I... just... don't know. Later.
.
Not sure why. Actually, I do know. It was warm upstairs. With windows open and a fan going, it was 68 in the central area, 71 near me. The fan was right on me, the window beside me open. I wonder if it really has warmed a good deal? Ah, maybe just having that branch over the house gone is enough that it is hotter. It may collect and store the heat a great deal more.
Still, a few hours down has helped. I gamed when I woke. Just a bit. Can't do much. Hands are still rough. Even so, I am hoping to get to a few more things today. Dishes, another shower, opening a path to the hydrant... water outlet for the lawn and ducks. Perhaps some cooking. I have hamburger already cooked, in crumble form. It is still good. Spicing, and herbing, food, as you cook it, helps it last. There are limits, but this is well within the limits.
I was called on the carpet for not voting for Trump, due to the wall not being built. I don't care, I refuse. That is the only promise I really wanted to see. As I wrote there, half finished, the other half funded and with intent, and I would consider voting. It isn't going to happen, in spite of him winning the court battles against installation and pulling money from the military. Why? Because he never intended to win, or build the wall. So be it.
I was also called a pussy for saying Trump's attack against critical race theory being used against white employees, beyond the general government and on into the military, contractors, and such, would be stopped in 3,2,1... by a judactivist. It is going to happen. Will it make it through the courts, successfully? Even if Trump gets a replacement for Ginsburg, the court is at best a mess. And, with a woman to replace Ginsburg? Probably not. These judges all seem broken. Women are all feminized.
I don't care about that slight, either. Hell, if I follow mother Teresa's advice, I will have to accept that smack with a smile, perhaps a "thank you". *grins* Some parts of humility really aren't all that hard. Black pill? Okay. Pussy? Whatever. Can't you... do something interesting, new, refreshing? I'm not even being... rude about it. I just... don't care, or mind, or... anything. But I wouldn't mind being shocked, feeling really insulted, or... whatnot. You gotta try. Work with me, people!
Anyway. I'm... on to something? Heading back to bed? Uhrm... I... just... don't know. Later.
Tuesday, September 22, 2020
Oh, a supper indeed.
.
.
I had meat thawed. No need to wash heavy pots, cook other than to light the grill, so I did. A few brots and a steaklette. Nothing fancy, but a meal of real food. I also did have the fatted coffee. Actually, it was that which got me going enough to... seek. The warmth, in my hands. I took turns holding it. Both hands are weak, had to change hands anyway.
The food, warm, meaty, fatty, fed some... need, deep inside, when I am hurt. Of spirit more than body, for I could do so little, and less successfully. But the flesh is battered. Real food helps. Now I will, definitely, go on to bed. And pray, probably right on into dreams. I wonder how many other people do that, or just a few of us freaks? Whatevs, good night.
.
I had meat thawed. No need to wash heavy pots, cook other than to light the grill, so I did. A few brots and a steaklette. Nothing fancy, but a meal of real food. I also did have the fatted coffee. Actually, it was that which got me going enough to... seek. The warmth, in my hands. I took turns holding it. Both hands are weak, had to change hands anyway.
The food, warm, meaty, fatty, fed some... need, deep inside, when I am hurt. Of spirit more than body, for I could do so little, and less successfully. But the flesh is battered. Real food helps. Now I will, definitely, go on to bed. And pray, probably right on into dreams. I wonder how many other people do that, or just a few of us freaks? Whatevs, good night.
I am hungry.
.
.
I'll have a fatted coffee and call it good though. My hands, both of them, are too swollen and sore to work with easily. But more, I don't have the energy to cook. I have a few pots which need washing, a real cleaning, if a final one. I was able to do them well enough to get them out of the shower, then take a shower. But, now, couldn't do that. Good thing I got that taken care of before the swelling began.
It's not horrible swelling, just enough that it feels like my skin is foreign, and too tight to even grip things well or properly. As if wearing gloves a size or two too small. All other pains, all pains really, are numb, so it's pretty good. They are there, under there, if I push I feel. Otherwise they are just hidden from sight, if not quite out of mind fully. I'll put the ducks up, then check about somethings. If nothing is happening tonight, I may actually attempt to go on back to bed.
The pots are out of the shower, so I can shower again tomorrow if needs be. Why do I still use the tub? Some of my pots are just huge. They really don't fit well in the sink. They are the last catchup items, from falling behind on dishes... if others are still stacking up... Perhaps tomorrow I can finish catching up! Swelling or no, a good night of rest might make that possible. Or... mostly.
So hungry, but I can't clean, or cook, or even stand. Just putting tea on pretty much punches my ticket.
Oh, I had a dream. In it, a voice in the dark was suggesting I shouldn't serve, or even try, now. That I deserved to be served. I had to laugh. Oh, I don't agree, I just don't have much choice. I have been humbled to the point where I can't serve, not even myself. I have what the voice suggested I deserved, and only agree in that it creates a lot of humble pie. Having to ask, and receive, what I don't have any right to do either, is a tough thing. My pride? Well, it's... I... there was no saving it.
If God wants a poverty fulfilled, He gets it. All I wish is to serve, I told it. As for deserts? Perhaps, but not in the way it meant. A humblement for a prideful doer? Yea. Further, I am not even allowed to suffer bitterly while trying to help. I can't even do more than receive minor wounds while trying to work beyond my station. I can't even break properly, or die like a good little soldier. I suggested, if they could, they should serve. Do it for me. I laughed, oh did I laugh. No reason to cry over a little spilled milk that has created a fine cheese? Something like that. Later, or good night.
-----------
No, nothing on for tonight. So very tired. Ducks, a fatted coffee... maybe two... a bit of gaming as that goes down, then sleep. Early... like an hour or two max. I'm just trying to push sleep a bit, in the hopes I will sleep long... maybe even reset the day. Good day... night...
.
I'll have a fatted coffee and call it good though. My hands, both of them, are too swollen and sore to work with easily. But more, I don't have the energy to cook. I have a few pots which need washing, a real cleaning, if a final one. I was able to do them well enough to get them out of the shower, then take a shower. But, now, couldn't do that. Good thing I got that taken care of before the swelling began.
It's not horrible swelling, just enough that it feels like my skin is foreign, and too tight to even grip things well or properly. As if wearing gloves a size or two too small. All other pains, all pains really, are numb, so it's pretty good. They are there, under there, if I push I feel. Otherwise they are just hidden from sight, if not quite out of mind fully. I'll put the ducks up, then check about somethings. If nothing is happening tonight, I may actually attempt to go on back to bed.
The pots are out of the shower, so I can shower again tomorrow if needs be. Why do I still use the tub? Some of my pots are just huge. They really don't fit well in the sink. They are the last catchup items, from falling behind on dishes... if others are still stacking up... Perhaps tomorrow I can finish catching up! Swelling or no, a good night of rest might make that possible. Or... mostly.
So hungry, but I can't clean, or cook, or even stand. Just putting tea on pretty much punches my ticket.
Oh, I had a dream. In it, a voice in the dark was suggesting I shouldn't serve, or even try, now. That I deserved to be served. I had to laugh. Oh, I don't agree, I just don't have much choice. I have been humbled to the point where I can't serve, not even myself. I have what the voice suggested I deserved, and only agree in that it creates a lot of humble pie. Having to ask, and receive, what I don't have any right to do either, is a tough thing. My pride? Well, it's... I... there was no saving it.
If God wants a poverty fulfilled, He gets it. All I wish is to serve, I told it. As for deserts? Perhaps, but not in the way it meant. A humblement for a prideful doer? Yea. Further, I am not even allowed to suffer bitterly while trying to help. I can't even do more than receive minor wounds while trying to work beyond my station. I can't even break properly, or die like a good little soldier. I suggested, if they could, they should serve. Do it for me. I laughed, oh did I laugh. No reason to cry over a little spilled milk that has created a fine cheese? Something like that. Later, or good night.
-----------
No, nothing on for tonight. So very tired. Ducks, a fatted coffee... maybe two... a bit of gaming as that goes down, then sleep. Early... like an hour or two max. I'm just trying to push sleep a bit, in the hopes I will sleep long... maybe even reset the day. Good day... night...
A bit before 17:00 anyway.
.
.
Waking was difficult. At least getting to sleep wasn't. I feared going up, laying down, to all of a sudden realize I shouldn't have laid now. Then, not being able to get up, be stuck there with internal bleeding or some such. I really hit hard. Sleep was easy, as it turned out. The aspirin took care of all the mild pains remaining, throughout the sleep.
I am waking feeling it. Little and bigger pains everywhere. Just getting out of bed without invoking a charlie horse in my leg was a trick but I did manage it. Then again, I was staying vigilant when rising, for any sharp or wrong pain. Oddly, the mechanical process of getting out of bed was the easiest it has been in weeks. I don't always get that.
A shower, first thing. I have the last of the dishes on hold, which means in the tub. I had to drain and scrub those a bit first. Oh, it's... been a while. I haven't been functioning well in any case, the tree just was one more thing... if the biggest. Pretty beat today, and sore, and as I said I hurt. Places I didn't realize were even touched, yesterday, hurt today. Some don't even show as damaged. Weird, but... I'll happily suffer that considering the options.
Oh, yea, I didn't use the peppermint soap! I have so many little nicks, cuts, scrapes, burns, and combinations that it would have been a near-death by a thousand cuts... revisited! I put lotion on thick, after. It might help wounds heal? It adds and keeps moisture in the skin, anyway. What a kick! I'm telling you, I feel better. If I might not be able to stand for long, maybe not even stay awake for long. We will see.
I let the ducks out, before I went to bed. So, all good. They have plenty of, if dirty, water. I couldn't fight my way through to the water source, even to turn it on. That'll be a priority. Still, muddy water, ducks? Like they even notice. Strange critters, but it is what they are. Later.
.
Waking was difficult. At least getting to sleep wasn't. I feared going up, laying down, to all of a sudden realize I shouldn't have laid now. Then, not being able to get up, be stuck there with internal bleeding or some such. I really hit hard. Sleep was easy, as it turned out. The aspirin took care of all the mild pains remaining, throughout the sleep.
I am waking feeling it. Little and bigger pains everywhere. Just getting out of bed without invoking a charlie horse in my leg was a trick but I did manage it. Then again, I was staying vigilant when rising, for any sharp or wrong pain. Oddly, the mechanical process of getting out of bed was the easiest it has been in weeks. I don't always get that.
A shower, first thing. I have the last of the dishes on hold, which means in the tub. I had to drain and scrub those a bit first. Oh, it's... been a while. I haven't been functioning well in any case, the tree just was one more thing... if the biggest. Pretty beat today, and sore, and as I said I hurt. Places I didn't realize were even touched, yesterday, hurt today. Some don't even show as damaged. Weird, but... I'll happily suffer that considering the options.
Oh, yea, I didn't use the peppermint soap! I have so many little nicks, cuts, scrapes, burns, and combinations that it would have been a near-death by a thousand cuts... revisited! I put lotion on thick, after. It might help wounds heal? It adds and keeps moisture in the skin, anyway. What a kick! I'm telling you, I feel better. If I might not be able to stand for long, maybe not even stay awake for long. We will see.
I let the ducks out, before I went to bed. So, all good. They have plenty of, if dirty, water. I couldn't fight my way through to the water source, even to turn it on. That'll be a priority. Still, muddy water, ducks? Like they even notice. Strange critters, but it is what they are. Later.
She visits when I hurt.
.
.
Sometimes at other times. But if I hurt myself, or should have, she almost always appears. As with ravens. I don't think I saw a raven this time, must not have gotten close enough? But her? Yes. She is here. I don't know if she is here to offer comfort, to remind me what real pain is, to show me a way out... a way I can't find, or... for some other reason.
.
Sometimes at other times. But if I hurt myself, or should have, she almost always appears. As with ravens. I don't think I saw a raven this time, must not have gotten close enough? But her? Yes. She is here. I don't know if she is here to offer comfort, to remind me what real pain is, to show me a way out... a way I can't find, or... for some other reason.
Finally getting to bed.
.
.
I just couldn't sleep. It was a good night. No, I didn't game, or for long. A few hours, I have put limits on that. If, too, I have limits. Just... getting old. I mostly browsed the web, a very small circle of places. I... just got lost doing nothing, really. I couldn't find my way out or down. I couldn't have slept anyway.
The hand is doing better. Not bad, as I had my full 280ish pounds being held, as it turned out, by the pinky and next finger over. That had to stretch things out in there. It still hurts, in odd ways, from time to time, or if that area even accidentally brushes up against something. I would wrap it if I thought I could? But, might not be the best play either, so... I'll just let it go.
Everything else is a bit sore, but not terribly painful. A second load of aspirin, just to help with sleep, and to perhaps help me stay asleep. Just in case. The odd thing? I think some of the rips in my skin have already partly healed. Impossible, right? I know. But I saw the tears. I looked over the area carefully. Those bolts up there are sharp, they bit as I went down. About a quarter, maybe an half, of those, are healed somehow. Crazy, but honest, true. No, God doesn't do that. I mean, He could. He just... doesn't. And I don't think Satan can. Not that one's area. At all.
Oh, not sure why she keeps showing up, but... she does. And this one I wished to share. If it's not your thing, so be it. But this is not only one of my favored people, women, it is also a favored topic. As suggested, through my poverty. This is an area I, at the least, must stretch to... even see, let alone do. Now, mind you, humility is more a... tool. For some it may be an end. I don't mean it's a thing to fake, but living fully humbly is to become a door mat. No, absolutely no, offense intended. But, it isn't an absolute end for all, nor should it be. However, there are aspects of it which can be accepted at all times, if ones dare. Yielding, to islam, for example, as a Catholic, is not acceptable, as an example. But there... is much to choose from, and to know. And, within reason, to accept. So, I share.
Anyway, on to bed. Good... night... and day.
.
I just couldn't sleep. It was a good night. No, I didn't game, or for long. A few hours, I have put limits on that. If, too, I have limits. Just... getting old. I mostly browsed the web, a very small circle of places. I... just got lost doing nothing, really. I couldn't find my way out or down. I couldn't have slept anyway.
The hand is doing better. Not bad, as I had my full 280ish pounds being held, as it turned out, by the pinky and next finger over. That had to stretch things out in there. It still hurts, in odd ways, from time to time, or if that area even accidentally brushes up against something. I would wrap it if I thought I could? But, might not be the best play either, so... I'll just let it go.
Everything else is a bit sore, but not terribly painful. A second load of aspirin, just to help with sleep, and to perhaps help me stay asleep. Just in case. The odd thing? I think some of the rips in my skin have already partly healed. Impossible, right? I know. But I saw the tears. I looked over the area carefully. Those bolts up there are sharp, they bit as I went down. About a quarter, maybe an half, of those, are healed somehow. Crazy, but honest, true. No, God doesn't do that. I mean, He could. He just... doesn't. And I don't think Satan can. Not that one's area. At all.
Oh, not sure why she keeps showing up, but... she does. And this one I wished to share. If it's not your thing, so be it. But this is not only one of my favored people, women, it is also a favored topic. As suggested, through my poverty. This is an area I, at the least, must stretch to... even see, let alone do. Now, mind you, humility is more a... tool. For some it may be an end. I don't mean it's a thing to fake, but living fully humbly is to become a door mat. No, absolutely no, offense intended. But, it isn't an absolute end for all, nor should it be. However, there are aspects of it which can be accepted at all times, if ones dare. Yielding, to islam, for example, as a Catholic, is not acceptable, as an example. But there... is much to choose from, and to know. And, within reason, to accept. So, I share.
Anyway, on to bed. Good... night... and day.
To bed?
.
.
Bedtime has been being around 08:00 to... early afternoon? Waking around 17:00 or later? Today changed that, of course. Not by much, a 15:00 wake, or so. I think I will go to bed before 01:00, or close. All good, I... prefer days. Mostly.
I didn't mention, but the first mistake I made, was when climbing to the upper area. I slipped. First, falling full weight onto my torso... lower rib area. I was sure something broke. Then I slid, catching the ladder. My right leg went in, caught a rung, and we went down to the lower roof, where I fell again, but this time full weight on the ladder, with my ankle in one of the rungs.
I... wasn't sure. Things hurt, for a bit. But... I got better. Until the thing with the rope. My hand hurts in very strange ways. And I did lose some skin to rope burn. But, helping out seems to have helped that out. It kept the bruises from swelling, broke up clots perhaps. But that is what still hurts.
As to the first? I really should be in real pain. I should have broken ribs, the way I hit, how hard and level and singularly I hit. My leg, too, I... that's... not quite right. It should have broken, or sprained. I... don't think so. I don't think... anything is wrong with those areas. Hand? Maybe, maybe really bad. But the rest, I think, is somehow okay. I'm telling you...
Anyway, good night. I'll play a bit of a game, then crash. Hopefully gently. I did take aspirin, after waiting to see if any pain would let me know something was really wrong... just an half hour ago. It's helping, but needs just a bit more time. Good night?
.
Bedtime has been being around 08:00 to... early afternoon? Waking around 17:00 or later? Today changed that, of course. Not by much, a 15:00 wake, or so. I think I will go to bed before 01:00, or close. All good, I... prefer days. Mostly.
I didn't mention, but the first mistake I made, was when climbing to the upper area. I slipped. First, falling full weight onto my torso... lower rib area. I was sure something broke. Then I slid, catching the ladder. My right leg went in, caught a rung, and we went down to the lower roof, where I fell again, but this time full weight on the ladder, with my ankle in one of the rungs.
I... wasn't sure. Things hurt, for a bit. But... I got better. Until the thing with the rope. My hand hurts in very strange ways. And I did lose some skin to rope burn. But, helping out seems to have helped that out. It kept the bruises from swelling, broke up clots perhaps. But that is what still hurts.
As to the first? I really should be in real pain. I should have broken ribs, the way I hit, how hard and level and singularly I hit. My leg, too, I... that's... not quite right. It should have broken, or sprained. I... don't think so. I don't think... anything is wrong with those areas. Hand? Maybe, maybe really bad. But the rest, I think, is somehow okay. I'm telling you...
Anyway, good night. I'll play a bit of a game, then crash. Hopefully gently. I did take aspirin, after waiting to see if any pain would let me know something was really wrong... just an half hour ago. It's helping, but needs just a bit more time. Good night?
Monday, September 21, 2020
Down, and power and cable are still up.
.
.
I... was able to get up, and try some more. While we were up and cutting, someone down below suggested it was a good thing we weren't afraid of heights. I had to chuckle, while I suggested I actually am frightened of heights. Yea. I have worked on it. Just when I think I have it licked, I find I don't... driving over a bridge, where you don't realize you are driving over a canyon until you are on it? or getting in an elevator, all happy and shiny, to realize the floor is glass... see-through? Right. Or... being on a lift, forgetting where you are, and suddenly looking... down... DOWN. Yea.
Still, most done. Power and cable still on. The major final threat to the cave is gone, if too so is about half the natural air conditioning. And, I was able to help. Actually a decent bit. Yes. Later.
.
I... was able to get up, and try some more. While we were up and cutting, someone down below suggested it was a good thing we weren't afraid of heights. I had to chuckle, while I suggested I actually am frightened of heights. Yea. I have worked on it. Just when I think I have it licked, I find I don't... driving over a bridge, where you don't realize you are driving over a canyon until you are on it? or getting in an elevator, all happy and shiny, to realize the floor is glass... see-through? Right. Or... being on a lift, forgetting where you are, and suddenly looking... down... DOWN. Yea.
Still, most done. Power and cable still on. The major final threat to the cave is gone, if too so is about half the natural air conditioning. And, I was able to help. Actually a decent bit. Yes. Later.
It is coming down.
.
.
The branch. It's about forty to fifty feet, or was. It is being pared down, bit by bit. Some of the branches off the thing are as big as standard twenty foot full trees. A heck of a thing. Impossible, it would have been, for me to do. I have a migraine, have for days now. Not sure what all is wrong. Just getting up there was... a mistake.
I did get to the peak. Not a problem. Getting down was... another thing. I wrapped my hand in the rope, and tried to get down. I lost my feet, and was hanging by that rope. If not for the glove, I wouldn't have skin on my left hand. As is, it was badly burned, at least sprained. There may be broken bits in there. As well, the bolts holding the roof on scratched me. It looks like I was playing with a mountain lion, and she got a bit peeved. Mostly holy and bruised, not a full tear all along, but twelve to sixteen inch shreds. Meh, I can still type, at the moment. Swelling may change that. Pain? Comfortably numb, oddly? Actually? For the moment.
A bit of nausea. I am guessing there is a bit of shock happening. No worries, I've definitely had worse. I am more worried about the others. These guys have to work for a living. They can't get hurt and just be okay with it. Always pray, when dealing with such things. I would try to help more, but climbing the ladder just to the better part of the roof causes me to nearly pass out. So... best not. I tried to get past it a couple of times. Not yet.
It should be done tonight. Power is on, for the moment. Don't know if it will be. Hmm, right, and I don't have a phone. Bleh. When it happens, it all happens? Maybe. Oh, I wonder about those little phone kits, cheapies you pick up at Walmart or else? Late, this time, but a consideration next time... a temp phone that I only pay when I use? Might be able to get that anyway.
It sounds like the machine is here. I best get on out, to be there. Later.
.
The branch. It's about forty to fifty feet, or was. It is being pared down, bit by bit. Some of the branches off the thing are as big as standard twenty foot full trees. A heck of a thing. Impossible, it would have been, for me to do. I have a migraine, have for days now. Not sure what all is wrong. Just getting up there was... a mistake.
I did get to the peak. Not a problem. Getting down was... another thing. I wrapped my hand in the rope, and tried to get down. I lost my feet, and was hanging by that rope. If not for the glove, I wouldn't have skin on my left hand. As is, it was badly burned, at least sprained. There may be broken bits in there. As well, the bolts holding the roof on scratched me. It looks like I was playing with a mountain lion, and she got a bit peeved. Mostly holy and bruised, not a full tear all along, but twelve to sixteen inch shreds. Meh, I can still type, at the moment. Swelling may change that. Pain? Comfortably numb, oddly? Actually? For the moment.
A bit of nausea. I am guessing there is a bit of shock happening. No worries, I've definitely had worse. I am more worried about the others. These guys have to work for a living. They can't get hurt and just be okay with it. Always pray, when dealing with such things. I would try to help more, but climbing the ladder just to the better part of the roof causes me to nearly pass out. So... best not. I tried to get past it a couple of times. Not yet.
It should be done tonight. Power is on, for the moment. Don't know if it will be. Hmm, right, and I don't have a phone. Bleh. When it happens, it all happens? Maybe. Oh, I wonder about those little phone kits, cheapies you pick up at Walmart or else? Late, this time, but a consideration next time... a temp phone that I only pay when I use? Might be able to get that anyway.
It sounds like the machine is here. I best get on out, to be there. Later.
Sage advice.
.
.
You... don't need to be Catholic to hearken to this. If you believe in Christ, give this a shot. I am hoping to start with this. It isn't that I don't wish to pray, or more. It is that I am not... able to do more, often. But this? I can do this. I do pray, often, when I can. Sometimes just a fleeting thought I wish to share with some aspect of God. Sometimes a concern arises, or becomes known. But, sometimes, I can't remember my name, almost, so doing more isn't possible.
Actually, this isn't for Christ, He knows. I am as close to God as I can be. It is for me. Just a reminder of what this is all about. Where I wish to go. Who I wish to know, emulate, worship, and follow. A little reminder. It isn't, for my part, even a prayer. It is merely acknowledging that God lives, and that I not only know Him, that I wish to know Him better.
Such a simple thing. Give it a shot, I think... you might be amazed. Good day, night actually.
.
You... don't need to be Catholic to hearken to this. If you believe in Christ, give this a shot. I am hoping to start with this. It isn't that I don't wish to pray, or more. It is that I am not... able to do more, often. But this? I can do this. I do pray, often, when I can. Sometimes just a fleeting thought I wish to share with some aspect of God. Sometimes a concern arises, or becomes known. But, sometimes, I can't remember my name, almost, so doing more isn't possible.
Actually, this isn't for Christ, He knows. I am as close to God as I can be. It is for me. Just a reminder of what this is all about. Where I wish to go. Who I wish to know, emulate, worship, and follow. A little reminder. It isn't, for my part, even a prayer. It is merely acknowledging that God lives, and that I not only know Him, that I wish to know Him better.
Such a simple thing. Give it a shot, I think... you might be amazed. Good day, night actually.
Sunday, September 20, 2020
To sleep very late.
.
.
Awake very late. Was it fourteen hundred? Seventeen hundred? That latter, and large change, I would guess. I think I just woke, but can't be sure. So tired, still. The ducks were let out. No ducklings left. I had nothing that would work. I could have put the ducklings in a bin, but I had no way to heat it, nor one tall enough to allow the mother hen in. So... yea.
It isn't as if I didn't try. I realized this might be coming, and order pieces and parts. The problem is, the fencing didn't arrive. Everything is on backorder. My notion of the bins also didn't work. They simply aren't large enough. Next time, there will be something arranged. If I could, I'd like to have two or three pens for broody hens. I get closer, but... it's... always problematic. Especially with it taking months for items to show... I have had some things canceled.
I will thaw meat tonight. I will be checking on things with the branch tomorrow. I'm not sure how things will work, it will be a chore. Still, there is that and it must be figured out. Hmm, I wonder what to eat today? I'll figure something out. Oh, best get the girls fed. I wondered why they were being so... close. Yea, I'll feed them now, actually. They can get rather feisty if not fed well. I have been doing well, even while my day is flipping. But, yea, best feed them right now. Later.
.
Awake very late. Was it fourteen hundred? Seventeen hundred? That latter, and large change, I would guess. I think I just woke, but can't be sure. So tired, still. The ducks were let out. No ducklings left. I had nothing that would work. I could have put the ducklings in a bin, but I had no way to heat it, nor one tall enough to allow the mother hen in. So... yea.
It isn't as if I didn't try. I realized this might be coming, and order pieces and parts. The problem is, the fencing didn't arrive. Everything is on backorder. My notion of the bins also didn't work. They simply aren't large enough. Next time, there will be something arranged. If I could, I'd like to have two or three pens for broody hens. I get closer, but... it's... always problematic. Especially with it taking months for items to show... I have had some things canceled.
I will thaw meat tonight. I will be checking on things with the branch tomorrow. I'm not sure how things will work, it will be a chore. Still, there is that and it must be figured out. Hmm, I wonder what to eat today? I'll figure something out. Oh, best get the girls fed. I wondered why they were being so... close. Yea, I'll feed them now, actually. They can get rather feisty if not fed well. I have been doing well, even while my day is flipping. But, yea, best feed them right now. Later.
Saturday, September 19, 2020
Flirting.
.
.
Almost certainly. But... who? The Devil you say? I might say, but only in the vernacular. I know better. It isn't her though, or... who she really is. Or... just her. Entertaining anyway.
.
Almost certainly. But... who? The Devil you say? I might say, but only in the vernacular. I know better. It isn't her though, or... who she really is. Or... just her. Entertaining anyway.
Troubles.
.
.
I wondered why the broody hen was staying so close to the chicks. I feared I knew why. The other ducks are dangerous. They have killed all but one of several. I got her back in, alone. There are a few more eggs. One chick remains alive. Ugh. I'll have to build them something, or just take them and put them in a small heated system? I don't know.
I really don't know how to get it to work. There is reduced food, and a small bowl of water in, for them. As if that will matter without something else. I'll... think on things.
As well, the branch over my house has given way. It is a threat to electrical, and structure. Not sure what I can do about it. I have contacted someone, who might... have ideas. It's a bit spooky. Nothing I could do alone. I am just hoping it is wedged well enough to keep it from... doing other things. It was the branch I had discussed removing, and had spoken with another about already. He just hadn't gotten to anything yet. Time... it... is a strange thing.
Girls and ducks have been fed. I am hoping to finish dishes. Perhaps eat something first. I need to thaw some meat, burgers, brots, a rib plaquet... placket? Placket. Plackette? :p It isn't hot or cold. I'm not sure about the temp out there, but it felt like the 60s or 70s. It was 66 upstairs, with the windows open, similar downstairs if just by feel.
Oh, I see Ginsburg has finally been declared dead. Probably happened a long time ago. I am hoping president Trump replaces immediately. I'm not sure he, or the senate, have what it takes. But I can wish. And, not that Amy critter. She has the same tar-baby problem Roberts has, and her weak pseudo pro-abortion stances aren't enough. Plus, if all the "right" media is pushing for her? You know she is no good. Same with Ted Cruz, who isn't even an American, twice removed. Cotton might be okay? I don't know enough about him, in practice.
The "right" media is just another organ of the left media. From being pro multiculturalism (notice how they all have pet negros and etc), to pro-illegal immigration (but they work so hard! and the BBBureau says they need them!), to actually being pro-abortion when it comes down to it. Most pro-aborts are actually racists. They want just enough browns and blacks to do slave labor for little pay without producing too many children. They add color to elite establishments, if you can find a few well spoken, polite, ones. They manage their slave labor, right or left, and that is just one means of it.
A trim yesterday. A shower and shave today. And back to keto. I've gone so far off that track. I'll... do what I can. Later.
.
I wondered why the broody hen was staying so close to the chicks. I feared I knew why. The other ducks are dangerous. They have killed all but one of several. I got her back in, alone. There are a few more eggs. One chick remains alive. Ugh. I'll have to build them something, or just take them and put them in a small heated system? I don't know.
I really don't know how to get it to work. There is reduced food, and a small bowl of water in, for them. As if that will matter without something else. I'll... think on things.
As well, the branch over my house has given way. It is a threat to electrical, and structure. Not sure what I can do about it. I have contacted someone, who might... have ideas. It's a bit spooky. Nothing I could do alone. I am just hoping it is wedged well enough to keep it from... doing other things. It was the branch I had discussed removing, and had spoken with another about already. He just hadn't gotten to anything yet. Time... it... is a strange thing.
Girls and ducks have been fed. I am hoping to finish dishes. Perhaps eat something first. I need to thaw some meat, burgers, brots, a rib plaquet... placket? Placket. Plackette? :p It isn't hot or cold. I'm not sure about the temp out there, but it felt like the 60s or 70s. It was 66 upstairs, with the windows open, similar downstairs if just by feel.
Oh, I see Ginsburg has finally been declared dead. Probably happened a long time ago. I am hoping president Trump replaces immediately. I'm not sure he, or the senate, have what it takes. But I can wish. And, not that Amy critter. She has the same tar-baby problem Roberts has, and her weak pseudo pro-abortion stances aren't enough. Plus, if all the "right" media is pushing for her? You know she is no good. Same with Ted Cruz, who isn't even an American, twice removed. Cotton might be okay? I don't know enough about him, in practice.
The "right" media is just another organ of the left media. From being pro multiculturalism (notice how they all have pet negros and etc), to pro-illegal immigration (but they work so hard! and the BBBureau says they need them!), to actually being pro-abortion when it comes down to it. Most pro-aborts are actually racists. They want just enough browns and blacks to do slave labor for little pay without producing too many children. They add color to elite establishments, if you can find a few well spoken, polite, ones. They manage their slave labor, right or left, and that is just one means of it.
A trim yesterday. A shower and shave today. And back to keto. I've gone so far off that track. I'll... do what I can. Later.
Friday, September 18, 2020
So very difficult.
.
.
Just waking was nearly impossible, again. The extra blankets are wonderful. It just... they don't matter. Sleep is deeper, better, though. But that doesn't seem to be the problem. I'll keep working on it. I'll quit when I'm dead... in theory. If in purgatory again, not yet through, in truth. Aiming just a wee higher, now that I know, though... as well as I am able. Being mostly dead truly makes getting to church more regularly, and doing other things in a timely matter, more... difficult. I can't even wake up well, every day. Certainly not in a timely fashion. The Lord does know.
Ducks are out, but they really didn't want to go out. Odd. It's a bit cloudy, or was that just smoke from California, or a mix? I wasn't awake enough to really quite sort things out. The girls were then fed. I have a few other things to do today. Hopefully finishing the dishes, cleaning some counters, and... I don't know. So very tired, sore, weak, ill, odd. Those things aren't a problem... unless they are. I try to ignore and work beyond them, when possible.
.
Just waking was nearly impossible, again. The extra blankets are wonderful. It just... they don't matter. Sleep is deeper, better, though. But that doesn't seem to be the problem. I'll keep working on it. I'll quit when I'm dead... in theory. If in purgatory again, not yet through, in truth. Aiming just a wee higher, now that I know, though... as well as I am able. Being mostly dead truly makes getting to church more regularly, and doing other things in a timely matter, more... difficult. I can't even wake up well, every day. Certainly not in a timely fashion. The Lord does know.
Ducks are out, but they really didn't want to go out. Odd. It's a bit cloudy, or was that just smoke from California, or a mix? I wasn't awake enough to really quite sort things out. The girls were then fed. I have a few other things to do today. Hopefully finishing the dishes, cleaning some counters, and... I don't know. So very tired, sore, weak, ill, odd. Those things aren't a problem... unless they are. I try to ignore and work beyond them, when possible.
Thursday, September 17, 2020
So tired, but why?
.
.
I've been going since a bit before nine. I was waken quickly. So tired then, and to now. Ah! I hadn't gone to bed until four! That'll do it. At least that makes sense. I was beginning to worry that something was really wrong. So tired it hurts. But, yes, that will often do that. Thankfully I don't have to work through a whole day. I wouldn't be able to, let alone stay awake.
.
I've been going since a bit before nine. I was waken quickly. So tired then, and to now. Ah! I hadn't gone to bed until four! That'll do it. At least that makes sense. I was beginning to worry that something was really wrong. So tired it hurts. But, yes, that will often do that. Thankfully I don't have to work through a whole day. I wouldn't be able to, let alone stay awake.
Wednesday, September 16, 2020
A tough wake.
.
.
It took from a bit after eight until a bit after noon... perhaps thirteen hundred, to wake. Oh, I tried. The girls helped, without clawing or biting. They can be very helpful, if they will be patient.
Ducks were tended first, then the girls. Sam seems to have regained her composure, so I won't force her outdoors... or yet. But it is a nice day. I think she would enjoy it. Coffee has been made, and is cooling just a bit. I don't do hot off the press coffee. I like it cool enough to drink without slurping, or burning my mouth anywhere, yet warm enough to warm my belly on a hot, middling, cool, or especially cold day.
As well, I like setting my tea up for the day. Filling drinking and storage bottles, all half gallon jugs. Changing out a jug if it is looking or smelling a bit old, which... I haven't been keeping up on. With all the dishes nearly done, I can begin going back through them. I have several clean extras just waiting, so that isn't a problem. I do drink a lot of tea, even now. From a gallon to three a day, more as the heat returned just a bit.
It is running to the 70s and 80s outdoors, staying well up to the high 60s and low 70s indoors. It's about as good as it gets, especially since I need do nothing to obtain that. I am just enjoying. Actually, upstairs, it got to 71 with windows open, a fan going, and the downstairs door open. It was perfect, temperature wise, to wake... at least by the time I was able to wake. I suspect the temperature is what allowed me to wake.
It is cloudy out there, or seemed it. It can change fast, but I still get the sense that weather is encroaching. Not sure we will get rain, or cool, or cold, but it could happen. It just seems, from sight, as if something could happen. Weather forecasting has never been good, and with it's intent on AGW, it has surrendered what qualities it once had. It always pushes an agenda through it's weak lenses, which are currently always in the wrong direction. It all but has to be wrong, most of the time. No use watching. Though, it seems, they can get occasional severe bad weather right. I suppose they have no choice there, some form of government requirement? Which probably means the government isn't interested in putting out real weather news most of the time? At least at the bureaucratic level, when it intersects with academia, which makes a lot of money on government through the AGW lies, via grants and such. Makes sense, if it is evil.
Later.
.
It took from a bit after eight until a bit after noon... perhaps thirteen hundred, to wake. Oh, I tried. The girls helped, without clawing or biting. They can be very helpful, if they will be patient.
Ducks were tended first, then the girls. Sam seems to have regained her composure, so I won't force her outdoors... or yet. But it is a nice day. I think she would enjoy it. Coffee has been made, and is cooling just a bit. I don't do hot off the press coffee. I like it cool enough to drink without slurping, or burning my mouth anywhere, yet warm enough to warm my belly on a hot, middling, cool, or especially cold day.
As well, I like setting my tea up for the day. Filling drinking and storage bottles, all half gallon jugs. Changing out a jug if it is looking or smelling a bit old, which... I haven't been keeping up on. With all the dishes nearly done, I can begin going back through them. I have several clean extras just waiting, so that isn't a problem. I do drink a lot of tea, even now. From a gallon to three a day, more as the heat returned just a bit.
It is running to the 70s and 80s outdoors, staying well up to the high 60s and low 70s indoors. It's about as good as it gets, especially since I need do nothing to obtain that. I am just enjoying. Actually, upstairs, it got to 71 with windows open, a fan going, and the downstairs door open. It was perfect, temperature wise, to wake... at least by the time I was able to wake. I suspect the temperature is what allowed me to wake.
It is cloudy out there, or seemed it. It can change fast, but I still get the sense that weather is encroaching. Not sure we will get rain, or cool, or cold, but it could happen. It just seems, from sight, as if something could happen. Weather forecasting has never been good, and with it's intent on AGW, it has surrendered what qualities it once had. It always pushes an agenda through it's weak lenses, which are currently always in the wrong direction. It all but has to be wrong, most of the time. No use watching. Though, it seems, they can get occasional severe bad weather right. I suppose they have no choice there, some form of government requirement? Which probably means the government isn't interested in putting out real weather news most of the time? At least at the bureaucratic level, when it intersects with academia, which makes a lot of money on government through the AGW lies, via grants and such. Makes sense, if it is evil.
Later.
Tuesday, September 15, 2020
It's been a difficult morning, day really.
.
.
I had been fighting to get up, wake, since before eight. It wasn't until nearly thirteen hundred when I finally woke. It looks like someone let the ducks out? Or did I forget to close them in? I just don't know. I just can't remember. But their pool goes dry about every other or third day. If it was every day, I would suspect a slow leak. As is, I suspect a group of larger animals, deer to even musk oxen, might be out at night, and just... this is one of their paths through town.
Sam is outside. I will let her in at night, but begin keeping her out for a few days. She has been terrorizing trash cans... even empty ones, Sassy, and myself. Begging, yeowling, vomiting in strange and very displeasing places, and just being a general shit. So, out she went. No allowances are to be rendered until she regains her gourd. If it looks to be a warm enough night, and she keeps it up when allowed in at dusk, out she will go again. Then again, I could put a blanket in a box, or even create a blanket surrounded box, and leave her out on colder nights. Yes, she gets food and water. But just the basics.
I had been feeding them twice a day, plus keeping all the hard food available that they could want, PLUS giving them snacks three to five times a day... say six to eight smaller kibbles which they seem to quite enjoy. She wont get snacks, and doesn't have access to dry food. Hmm, I could put dry out for her too, though. But no snacks for her. I don't know what got into her, but she has been an absolute shit for the last three or four days... actually, since about when my own hunger went off the charts! Hmm... I am almost back in control of my food... almost.
It was both a bit painful to wake this morning, and difficult from being tired. Too cold? Not really. I did shut the window beside me, but that wasn't enough. An hour later I turned the fan off. It took an hour after that for me to wake, or so? It was an absolute bear to wake this morning. Still, I am up, did get the ducks and girls tended. I hope to get a trim, then maybe a full shave yet. Brots for me, spaghetti for my visitor. Though, might as well enjoy spaghetti myself, with everything off still. Although, making brots for tomorrow wouldn't be bad. Just something real to eat through the day.
I had given most of the rest of the candy away. Uhrm, right? But another pack appeared today. I tried to cancel them, but... oh well... So, yea, I'm diving back in. I'll give this lot away tonight. I... can't have Halloween candy on hand ahead of time, this year. My hunger is currently disordered. The only safe way is to get back to keto, back to dosing, back on at least a high fat diet, until I can get the food logger back on and running, and get used to the sudden weather changes. Ugh... Candy will be purchased right before Halloween. Yea, I like the kids. I really do, and in the right way. Blessings to the world, as they are, for as long as they are. Anyway... Later.
.
I had been fighting to get up, wake, since before eight. It wasn't until nearly thirteen hundred when I finally woke. It looks like someone let the ducks out? Or did I forget to close them in? I just don't know. I just can't remember. But their pool goes dry about every other or third day. If it was every day, I would suspect a slow leak. As is, I suspect a group of larger animals, deer to even musk oxen, might be out at night, and just... this is one of their paths through town.
Sam is outside. I will let her in at night, but begin keeping her out for a few days. She has been terrorizing trash cans... even empty ones, Sassy, and myself. Begging, yeowling, vomiting in strange and very displeasing places, and just being a general shit. So, out she went. No allowances are to be rendered until she regains her gourd. If it looks to be a warm enough night, and she keeps it up when allowed in at dusk, out she will go again. Then again, I could put a blanket in a box, or even create a blanket surrounded box, and leave her out on colder nights. Yes, she gets food and water. But just the basics.
I had been feeding them twice a day, plus keeping all the hard food available that they could want, PLUS giving them snacks three to five times a day... say six to eight smaller kibbles which they seem to quite enjoy. She wont get snacks, and doesn't have access to dry food. Hmm, I could put dry out for her too, though. But no snacks for her. I don't know what got into her, but she has been an absolute shit for the last three or four days... actually, since about when my own hunger went off the charts! Hmm... I am almost back in control of my food... almost.
It was both a bit painful to wake this morning, and difficult from being tired. Too cold? Not really. I did shut the window beside me, but that wasn't enough. An hour later I turned the fan off. It took an hour after that for me to wake, or so? It was an absolute bear to wake this morning. Still, I am up, did get the ducks and girls tended. I hope to get a trim, then maybe a full shave yet. Brots for me, spaghetti for my visitor. Though, might as well enjoy spaghetti myself, with everything off still. Although, making brots for tomorrow wouldn't be bad. Just something real to eat through the day.
I had given most of the rest of the candy away. Uhrm, right? But another pack appeared today. I tried to cancel them, but... oh well... So, yea, I'm diving back in. I'll give this lot away tonight. I... can't have Halloween candy on hand ahead of time, this year. My hunger is currently disordered. The only safe way is to get back to keto, back to dosing, back on at least a high fat diet, until I can get the food logger back on and running, and get used to the sudden weather changes. Ugh... Candy will be purchased right before Halloween. Yea, I like the kids. I really do, and in the right way. Blessings to the world, as they are, for as long as they are. Anyway... Later.
Monday, September 14, 2020
The ribs were to die for.
.
.
I really have decided, mostly cooking meats in the oven, then grilling them as a final... say third... of cooking, is about as perfectly a way to cook meats as there is. Pure grilling makes the meat too smokey, for my tastes... save for very slow cooked, low heat, meats. But baking, really, just doesn't allow for a crust, or proper rendering, and a few other things... like having some smoke flavor... the real stuff.
Spaghetti tomorrow, if I think I am going with brots. Nothing fancy, but it does well.
Very tired. I nearly missed a day of medicine... if after somehow taking an extra day of medicine a day or two before that. Odd. I do my best. My best isn't always the best. It has been three months solidly on medication. I have to guess all medicine can do is keep me alive. It can't help me do more. I will try, using the food logger, to lose weight. I have doubts if that will really help either. I will give it a try. I will continue with medicine unless that fails.
Ugh. So tired. A shower, anyway. A trim and shave tomorrow? For some reason, my beard is growing like gangbusters. It does that, from time to time. A trim and a shave? Maybe. Good night.
.
I really have decided, mostly cooking meats in the oven, then grilling them as a final... say third... of cooking, is about as perfectly a way to cook meats as there is. Pure grilling makes the meat too smokey, for my tastes... save for very slow cooked, low heat, meats. But baking, really, just doesn't allow for a crust, or proper rendering, and a few other things... like having some smoke flavor... the real stuff.
Spaghetti tomorrow, if I think I am going with brots. Nothing fancy, but it does well.
Very tired. I nearly missed a day of medicine... if after somehow taking an extra day of medicine a day or two before that. Odd. I do my best. My best isn't always the best. It has been three months solidly on medication. I have to guess all medicine can do is keep me alive. It can't help me do more. I will try, using the food logger, to lose weight. I have doubts if that will really help either. I will give it a try. I will continue with medicine unless that fails.
Ugh. So tired. A shower, anyway. A trim and shave tomorrow? For some reason, my beard is growing like gangbusters. It does that, from time to time. A trim and a shave? Maybe. Good night.
A lightly rough day.
.
.
The pain is mild, if persistent and pervasive. It will, most likely, pass before long. Waking was difficult, if not a terrible rise at 9:30. It was 68, which is actually what probably woke me. That is about as warm as it has been up there in some long time. It must not have cooled much overnight, as it was 60 when I got the trash out. It might have warmed some this morning, but not all that much... if at all. Sometimes it does, more often it doesn't.
I am not sure I got the trash out in time. I did what I could with the time I had. I was unable to rise, and do that, last night. So, this morning, as soon as I woke. Though, knowing the trash needed to go out was another part of what got me out of bed this morning. It mildly hurt everywhere, I am still very tired, and I didn't want to face the world this morning... for whatever reason. I just wanted to hide. Sleep. But... no. Oh! Trash was out in time, not sure about recycling. But didn't have much of that anyway.
I had spoken with my mother recently, about the muscovy ducks. She said they could, and would, fly. To keep them clipped. I am not clipping them, but I told her about their flight into the upper reaches of their enclosure, up onto the shelves high up. I asked her about them flying into trees, that I'd heard tell... No, she suggested, they don't do that.
As I was setting up food and water, this morning, a huge mourning dove came down toward me. I'd... never seen a mourning dove approach so closely. Usually they stay completely out of sight, I only hear them. And this one was HUGE! I'd never seen one that... it... was my duck, the one aptly named Mourning Dove! She flew down from at least twenty feet up, maybe higher! So... yes, muscovys will fly up into trees. And the lowest area, branches or trunk areas, which would support a duck, would be twelve to fifteen feet or higher yet. So it's not like she skip hopped from low to high. So... when I can talk to her again, I'll have to rub it in!
Now, to see about life and the morning, day. I hope to work, but standing is difficult. So tired it hurts on top of else. A nap in a bit, I hope. Barrels in, the last of the dishes, laundry, trash and recycling barrels back, perhaps another puzzle, and... or... something, some things, else? I don't know. It hurts. A lot. Have a good morning anyway. Later.
.
The pain is mild, if persistent and pervasive. It will, most likely, pass before long. Waking was difficult, if not a terrible rise at 9:30. It was 68, which is actually what probably woke me. That is about as warm as it has been up there in some long time. It must not have cooled much overnight, as it was 60 when I got the trash out. It might have warmed some this morning, but not all that much... if at all. Sometimes it does, more often it doesn't.
I am not sure I got the trash out in time. I did what I could with the time I had. I was unable to rise, and do that, last night. So, this morning, as soon as I woke. Though, knowing the trash needed to go out was another part of what got me out of bed this morning. It mildly hurt everywhere, I am still very tired, and I didn't want to face the world this morning... for whatever reason. I just wanted to hide. Sleep. But... no. Oh! Trash was out in time, not sure about recycling. But didn't have much of that anyway.
I had spoken with my mother recently, about the muscovy ducks. She said they could, and would, fly. To keep them clipped. I am not clipping them, but I told her about their flight into the upper reaches of their enclosure, up onto the shelves high up. I asked her about them flying into trees, that I'd heard tell... No, she suggested, they don't do that.
As I was setting up food and water, this morning, a huge mourning dove came down toward me. I'd... never seen a mourning dove approach so closely. Usually they stay completely out of sight, I only hear them. And this one was HUGE! I'd never seen one that... it... was my duck, the one aptly named Mourning Dove! She flew down from at least twenty feet up, maybe higher! So... yes, muscovys will fly up into trees. And the lowest area, branches or trunk areas, which would support a duck, would be twelve to fifteen feet or higher yet. So it's not like she skip hopped from low to high. So... when I can talk to her again, I'll have to rub it in!
Now, to see about life and the morning, day. I hope to work, but standing is difficult. So tired it hurts on top of else. A nap in a bit, I hope. Barrels in, the last of the dishes, laundry, trash and recycling barrels back, perhaps another puzzle, and... or... something, some things, else? I don't know. It hurts. A lot. Have a good morning anyway. Later.
Sunday, September 13, 2020
A bit ripe.
.
.
Ribs, pork ribs. I took them out about a week ago. If refrigerated the whole time, they... often can make it. But I took it out early, for a day and more, as I thought it was going to be cooked. Nope, so back in it went. Then I put it out yesterday, as I planned to cook it. Nope, so it was out overnight. Even refrigerated for a week, it would be touch and go. But, this?
It smelled... interesting... in a bad way, when I opened the packaging. I rinsed it, and soaked it just a bit, then rinsed it again. It... was still a bit... tight. But, possibly, doable. I really didn't want to throw such a fancy cut out. So I patted it dry. It... smelled... okay? A maybe? Garlic and onion powder, salt and pepper, and carolina reaper powder. Then, into the oven at 350, for about 45 minutes.
Well? It was a bit tight still. Though I wasn't quite finished. Oh, and a cleaver? Yea, no doubt, that cuts twain like a hot knife through butter! I'll never not use that cleaver to part ribs from now on. That made it a cake chore. Anyway, onto the grill, for finishing and that crust. Plus it rends fat, which is what will turn funky first, and be the most funky.
About five on each side, and... actually? Seriously good. I saved that quite well. I had a good couple helpings. The rest is bagged and away. I don't know if that is going to be edible as a leftover, but maybe. The heat helped, spice... but too, the grilling did render out the funky fat taste. So, there is a reasonable opportunity that it will be good tomorrow, for lunch.
I also have other meat out, thawing, for this week. I may yet end up with at least a, occasional, dinner guest. I do well with pork ribs, even a questionable placket, but I do much better with beef ribs. Those are set. The rest are more humble cuts. Mostly. I may get in to town soon, to try another shot of potato salad. Or? Maybe I could make a simple egg salad, minus potatoes? Sure!
As well, I'd really like to make coleslaw. I have to find a keto recipe, or general recipe to see about making it keto friendly. I can't use sugar, but I can use a monkfruit or other sweetener as a substitute. I don't do dijon mustard, it has honey. But I can add sucralose liquid to various standard mustards. There are options, usually, for almost anything. Though some aren't enough of a problem, say soy in the occasional mayo. It just isn't worth the expense and trouble of tracking other options down. And I can't seem to make my own mayo reliably. Something just doesn't always work as it should. Perhaps the eggs need to be older than home raised? Or of a different feed? Or, maybe, eggs just don't always work without weird chemicals they put in the commercial stuff? Dunno. Still, if there is a will, there is a way. Sometimes that simply requires to pipe down and shovel it in, and not worry so greatly.
Ducks are in. It is about that time. I may be up an hour or two more. I'd like to get trash out. And recycling, I believe, as well. Bleh. Then on to bed. It is just hitting the lower 60's. It stayed about 78 most of the day, from fairly early actually. It has been a nice day. Hopefully a good night of sleep, and a new week. Back to work, now that I have the major stress items managed. Later or good night.
.
Ribs, pork ribs. I took them out about a week ago. If refrigerated the whole time, they... often can make it. But I took it out early, for a day and more, as I thought it was going to be cooked. Nope, so back in it went. Then I put it out yesterday, as I planned to cook it. Nope, so it was out overnight. Even refrigerated for a week, it would be touch and go. But, this?
It smelled... interesting... in a bad way, when I opened the packaging. I rinsed it, and soaked it just a bit, then rinsed it again. It... was still a bit... tight. But, possibly, doable. I really didn't want to throw such a fancy cut out. So I patted it dry. It... smelled... okay? A maybe? Garlic and onion powder, salt and pepper, and carolina reaper powder. Then, into the oven at 350, for about 45 minutes.
Well? It was a bit tight still. Though I wasn't quite finished. Oh, and a cleaver? Yea, no doubt, that cuts twain like a hot knife through butter! I'll never not use that cleaver to part ribs from now on. That made it a cake chore. Anyway, onto the grill, for finishing and that crust. Plus it rends fat, which is what will turn funky first, and be the most funky.
About five on each side, and... actually? Seriously good. I saved that quite well. I had a good couple helpings. The rest is bagged and away. I don't know if that is going to be edible as a leftover, but maybe. The heat helped, spice... but too, the grilling did render out the funky fat taste. So, there is a reasonable opportunity that it will be good tomorrow, for lunch.
I also have other meat out, thawing, for this week. I may yet end up with at least a, occasional, dinner guest. I do well with pork ribs, even a questionable placket, but I do much better with beef ribs. Those are set. The rest are more humble cuts. Mostly. I may get in to town soon, to try another shot of potato salad. Or? Maybe I could make a simple egg salad, minus potatoes? Sure!
As well, I'd really like to make coleslaw. I have to find a keto recipe, or general recipe to see about making it keto friendly. I can't use sugar, but I can use a monkfruit or other sweetener as a substitute. I don't do dijon mustard, it has honey. But I can add sucralose liquid to various standard mustards. There are options, usually, for almost anything. Though some aren't enough of a problem, say soy in the occasional mayo. It just isn't worth the expense and trouble of tracking other options down. And I can't seem to make my own mayo reliably. Something just doesn't always work as it should. Perhaps the eggs need to be older than home raised? Or of a different feed? Or, maybe, eggs just don't always work without weird chemicals they put in the commercial stuff? Dunno. Still, if there is a will, there is a way. Sometimes that simply requires to pipe down and shovel it in, and not worry so greatly.
Ducks are in. It is about that time. I may be up an hour or two more. I'd like to get trash out. And recycling, I believe, as well. Bleh. Then on to bed. It is just hitting the lower 60's. It stayed about 78 most of the day, from fairly early actually. It has been a nice day. Hopefully a good night of sleep, and a new week. Back to work, now that I have the major stress items managed. Later or good night.
Better.
.
.
Part of my problem has been trying to get the bank sorted... my account figured out really... get the return together and out... which required pulling data and figuring things out. I... it... was difficult. And I still didn't do it all. I pulled the chip from the phone, but didn't erase the phone, I think. Oh well. It's too late now. Still, it was what I could do.
However, it took weeks to get that done. I was so tired. The cold hit, but there was more. Simply not doing well. I couldn't get it done! Well... it is as done as it can be. Some things won't be returned, because it is too late, but little things. Messy. A bit angry at amazon. Their return system is wonky at best. I am sure I didn't set those things up that way, it just randomly chose how to do things, no matter my input. Still, it... I got most of it back.
Oh, it looks like the refund has been sent. Being that the bank probably isn't open on Saturday? or that late Saturday? I doubt if an actual refund has been made. Still, in theory, that is quite good. I will check Monday. It isn't... a holiday, again, is it? I never can tell. As to getting a new phone, though? Or spending any other money? No. I won't spend a nickle until any possible extra expenses, bills, or such, have gone through. I should have enough food. But I might buy a few packs of brots, fresh lettuce, and a few other items. But, keeping it below fifty. As well, if I can get a larger trash container in, I'd like to do that and get at least one fill in and gone. Maybe two. I'll wait on a phone for the last week, and that depending on how much money is left. Bleh.
Oh, I have been sitting out with the ducks in the mornings, after feeding and setting them up. They have been coming by, lead by a greyish hen. But even before that, I have begun naming the drakes, and one of the hens, and thinking about naming the others. The senior indian runner duck is named Henry. It... just is. The two indian runner hens are, Henrietta... the hen with a white patch between her eye brown and bill, and Ruth is the one whose bill to eye patches are brown all the way.
The new hen, I called penguin girl to start due to her appearance, is keeping the term as her name. The two drakes... the white one is Thor, the mottled one is Herc (short for Hercules). Of the three hens remaining, I have only, for sure, named the greyish girl... after my mothers favorites. I am naming her Mourning Dove. The last two I can identify, I am just pondering on their names. When I am able to recognize, I... naming becomes natural? It took a while, but it is finally happening.
Oh, something to eat. A fatted coffee. Then something grilled. No more milk, but fatted drinks galore. I have two quarts of that, to try to get back into keto. A couple weeks to maybe months, of cream, will help me return to true keto. It'll take a while though, I have been eating very incorrectly. Still... I'll get there. Later.
.
Part of my problem has been trying to get the bank sorted... my account figured out really... get the return together and out... which required pulling data and figuring things out. I... it... was difficult. And I still didn't do it all. I pulled the chip from the phone, but didn't erase the phone, I think. Oh well. It's too late now. Still, it was what I could do.
However, it took weeks to get that done. I was so tired. The cold hit, but there was more. Simply not doing well. I couldn't get it done! Well... it is as done as it can be. Some things won't be returned, because it is too late, but little things. Messy. A bit angry at amazon. Their return system is wonky at best. I am sure I didn't set those things up that way, it just randomly chose how to do things, no matter my input. Still, it... I got most of it back.
Oh, it looks like the refund has been sent. Being that the bank probably isn't open on Saturday? or that late Saturday? I doubt if an actual refund has been made. Still, in theory, that is quite good. I will check Monday. It isn't... a holiday, again, is it? I never can tell. As to getting a new phone, though? Or spending any other money? No. I won't spend a nickle until any possible extra expenses, bills, or such, have gone through. I should have enough food. But I might buy a few packs of brots, fresh lettuce, and a few other items. But, keeping it below fifty. As well, if I can get a larger trash container in, I'd like to do that and get at least one fill in and gone. Maybe two. I'll wait on a phone for the last week, and that depending on how much money is left. Bleh.
Oh, I have been sitting out with the ducks in the mornings, after feeding and setting them up. They have been coming by, lead by a greyish hen. But even before that, I have begun naming the drakes, and one of the hens, and thinking about naming the others. The senior indian runner duck is named Henry. It... just is. The two indian runner hens are, Henrietta... the hen with a white patch between her eye brown and bill, and Ruth is the one whose bill to eye patches are brown all the way.
The new hen, I called penguin girl to start due to her appearance, is keeping the term as her name. The two drakes... the white one is Thor, the mottled one is Herc (short for Hercules). Of the three hens remaining, I have only, for sure, named the greyish girl... after my mothers favorites. I am naming her Mourning Dove. The last two I can identify, I am just pondering on their names. When I am able to recognize, I... naming becomes natural? It took a while, but it is finally happening.
Oh, something to eat. A fatted coffee. Then something grilled. No more milk, but fatted drinks galore. I have two quarts of that, to try to get back into keto. A couple weeks to maybe months, of cream, will help me return to true keto. It'll take a while though, I have been eating very incorrectly. Still... I'll get there. Later.
Saturday, September 12, 2020
What horrible luck!
.
.
To town. To return the phone. At $500, it was all I could hope for. Without that return, not only would I not be able to get a new phone, I would be out of that money... stuck with a phone I can't hear, which won't work with earbuds, and won't accept voice messages. So, in I went. With it and accessories.
Only, when I get there, the code that should have been on the phone wasn't there. The woman suggested I drop that return request and request another return. Okay. But... then it was saying no returns, it was outside the window! What! Right! I wasn't used to the phone app, but that's all that would work on the phone. So, she helped.
We tried requesting a return several different ways, to no success. This, that, the other thing. I was at whits ends! We got what of the other things through that were possible. We had to print, I had to pay. It was supposed to be coded! Then we got back to the phone. She tried a couple of things, then had them try to call me? I'd... not heard of that before.
Too late, he said. But... it's broken. I explained. He put me on hold. A long hold. He called back, suggested another thing. I asked if he could send the same as it had been. Okay. So... it did go back in. Now, how was that lucky?
If she hadn't had me bail on the initial return, without us knowing it would have been too late. It wouldn't have been accepted. It was only because I bailed, and had their support reauthorize after the deadline, that the thing went through. This, people, is how my life works. Nothing, not one thing, is allowed to be easy. But... it... sometimes... gets done.
I pulled names, numbers, sent a text with a secondary phone number... I did what I could. I pulled the microchip. Ugh. I don't know when to expect a return, but... there should be one. Perhaps enough for a simple phone to get me through to the end of the month? I don't know. I did look at phones, the other day, I may have mentioned. But on my pay program, it won't allow a termed purchase... cash up front or not. Which... is a problem. Anyway... we will see.
Later.
.
To town. To return the phone. At $500, it was all I could hope for. Without that return, not only would I not be able to get a new phone, I would be out of that money... stuck with a phone I can't hear, which won't work with earbuds, and won't accept voice messages. So, in I went. With it and accessories.
Only, when I get there, the code that should have been on the phone wasn't there. The woman suggested I drop that return request and request another return. Okay. But... then it was saying no returns, it was outside the window! What! Right! I wasn't used to the phone app, but that's all that would work on the phone. So, she helped.
We tried requesting a return several different ways, to no success. This, that, the other thing. I was at whits ends! We got what of the other things through that were possible. We had to print, I had to pay. It was supposed to be coded! Then we got back to the phone. She tried a couple of things, then had them try to call me? I'd... not heard of that before.
Too late, he said. But... it's broken. I explained. He put me on hold. A long hold. He called back, suggested another thing. I asked if he could send the same as it had been. Okay. So... it did go back in. Now, how was that lucky?
If she hadn't had me bail on the initial return, without us knowing it would have been too late. It wouldn't have been accepted. It was only because I bailed, and had their support reauthorize after the deadline, that the thing went through. This, people, is how my life works. Nothing, not one thing, is allowed to be easy. But... it... sometimes... gets done.
I pulled names, numbers, sent a text with a secondary phone number... I did what I could. I pulled the microchip. Ugh. I don't know when to expect a return, but... there should be one. Perhaps enough for a simple phone to get me through to the end of the month? I don't know. I did look at phones, the other day, I may have mentioned. But on my pay program, it won't allow a termed purchase... cash up front or not. Which... is a problem. Anyway... we will see.
Later.
Wow, what a temperature climb.
.
.
Between 08:30 and say 10:15 it went from 35 to 60. The sun is out, but it's often out... lately... for now. It must be the air. Something warm was brought in and has sorted the season a bit. I turned the furnace to 72, even so. I had a fatted coffee. But, you know what? I am having a lot of trouble getting going. Just... keeping my eyes open is a heck of a task.
I have things to do!
I played a game, Doom, of... course? I have had it for months, since it came out. It seemed too difficult, initially. Old. I am getting old. It is somewhat difficult, but that is written into the game. No one wants to play a game that isn't challenging, or seem to not get better, so they create the environment from very difficult to later being much easier. The stuff you get in the game doesn't do that much improving. It is simply written to be easier because of certain finds. Like it or not, that is how games work now. They are trying to bring in people who can't play well. It kills my interest on many games. Assuming it isn't even more severely woke broken anyway.
I realized, while sleeping, that it is over. There isn't an America anymore. Of course, what others are busy rebranding had just become a commercial commodity anyway. They are selling it, now, to whoever will buy it and play by the new rules. No complaining, no sassing elites, just do what you are told. Whites, and those similar, are no longer included as elites and will be replaced.
A lot of locals don't realize. In time, they will be setting up replacement camps, for the new people, even in small towns. They have pretty much destroyed Europe that way. It is coming here. If you want a job, government anything... even when that is supposed to be what it was there for, education, etc, you have to be in line. Even banking and other commerce requires acceptance that you are allowed, not a customer anymore. They have to power to shut you out.
.
Between 08:30 and say 10:15 it went from 35 to 60. The sun is out, but it's often out... lately... for now. It must be the air. Something warm was brought in and has sorted the season a bit. I turned the furnace to 72, even so. I had a fatted coffee. But, you know what? I am having a lot of trouble getting going. Just... keeping my eyes open is a heck of a task.
I have things to do!
I played a game, Doom, of... course? I have had it for months, since it came out. It seemed too difficult, initially. Old. I am getting old. It is somewhat difficult, but that is written into the game. No one wants to play a game that isn't challenging, or seem to not get better, so they create the environment from very difficult to later being much easier. The stuff you get in the game doesn't do that much improving. It is simply written to be easier because of certain finds. Like it or not, that is how games work now. They are trying to bring in people who can't play well. It kills my interest on many games. Assuming it isn't even more severely woke broken anyway.
I realized, while sleeping, that it is over. There isn't an America anymore. Of course, what others are busy rebranding had just become a commercial commodity anyway. They are selling it, now, to whoever will buy it and play by the new rules. No complaining, no sassing elites, just do what you are told. Whites, and those similar, are no longer included as elites and will be replaced.
A lot of locals don't realize. In time, they will be setting up replacement camps, for the new people, even in small towns. They have pretty much destroyed Europe that way. It is coming here. If you want a job, government anything... even when that is supposed to be what it was there for, education, etc, you have to be in line. Even banking and other commerce requires acceptance that you are allowed, not a customer anymore. They have to power to shut you out.
Oh, it IS cold out there.
.
.
I set the furnace down to 68 last night. 66 is too cool, with no direct heat upstairs. Higher and it is too warm up there. I keep a fan on low, for circulation, right on me. No windows open, anymore, or for now. It was 66 in my area, 64 in the general area. But outside is 35! This front room reads 65, the main reads right at 68. Warm pj's and socks is enough. At 66 it is just a bit too cold. That is my breaking point, currently. When winter hits, even 70~72 may require extra clothing. When it is cold 'in the corners too', and when it's been too cold for too long, then extra just helps. This is my first real year trying to fight it, so we will see.
Graces seem to come and go, but one has become a near staple. Even when willfully against it, it seems truly, now a gift. Odd how I can set out to undercut the grace, and still lose. So... when does grace and sinlessness become easier then sin? I can't tell you, or if it stays, only that I have it for the moment with stupendous gratitude. It isn't mine to take, or borrow, or such. It is mine, for the moment, to enjoy. I had one sin continuously plaguing me, one I couldn't stop. It has been gone for a while now. And I tell you, it... is beyond me. A gift. Truly. Something I have been struggling with for fifteen years. The will and way remain, but the flesh... is graced.
I always wonder, at such times, if I am dying. Or if death is immanent? I suppose we are all dying, we were born dying. Like an airplane, and gravity, we stay above death just so long but we all must land, sometime. I am not, as it were, a glider. I am a tank with wings. When engines failed, I should have dropped like a rock. Yet, here I am. That, too, is a grace, if a painful dark one. And, yet, a cross I bear with as much grace as I have to give. It... ain't pretty. It just is.
So... what to do. A shower, again, shortly. Working on the feet again. They don't really seem to get much better, even with daily bathing, then rasping every other or third day, plus heavy balming. They remain... in difficult shape. With my extra weight, if I were on my feet all day? Maybe. But I sit most of the day, with nearly no weight on my feet. And, I keep socks on, all day. And most of the night. Even then I keep them under the blankets. Difficult to manage, but I do my best. Not sure it actually ends up mattering almost at all. *sigh*
Well, yes. A shower, laundry started, the last of the dishes, ducks and girls. A bit of gathering and sorting. The bathroom. Lots to do, if I am so tired. Will... see. Later.
.
I set the furnace down to 68 last night. 66 is too cool, with no direct heat upstairs. Higher and it is too warm up there. I keep a fan on low, for circulation, right on me. No windows open, anymore, or for now. It was 66 in my area, 64 in the general area. But outside is 35! This front room reads 65, the main reads right at 68. Warm pj's and socks is enough. At 66 it is just a bit too cold. That is my breaking point, currently. When winter hits, even 70~72 may require extra clothing. When it is cold 'in the corners too', and when it's been too cold for too long, then extra just helps. This is my first real year trying to fight it, so we will see.
Graces seem to come and go, but one has become a near staple. Even when willfully against it, it seems truly, now a gift. Odd how I can set out to undercut the grace, and still lose. So... when does grace and sinlessness become easier then sin? I can't tell you, or if it stays, only that I have it for the moment with stupendous gratitude. It isn't mine to take, or borrow, or such. It is mine, for the moment, to enjoy. I had one sin continuously plaguing me, one I couldn't stop. It has been gone for a while now. And I tell you, it... is beyond me. A gift. Truly. Something I have been struggling with for fifteen years. The will and way remain, but the flesh... is graced.
I always wonder, at such times, if I am dying. Or if death is immanent? I suppose we are all dying, we were born dying. Like an airplane, and gravity, we stay above death just so long but we all must land, sometime. I am not, as it were, a glider. I am a tank with wings. When engines failed, I should have dropped like a rock. Yet, here I am. That, too, is a grace, if a painful dark one. And, yet, a cross I bear with as much grace as I have to give. It... ain't pretty. It just is.
So... what to do. A shower, again, shortly. Working on the feet again. They don't really seem to get much better, even with daily bathing, then rasping every other or third day, plus heavy balming. They remain... in difficult shape. With my extra weight, if I were on my feet all day? Maybe. But I sit most of the day, with nearly no weight on my feet. And, I keep socks on, all day. And most of the night. Even then I keep them under the blankets. Difficult to manage, but I do my best. Not sure it actually ends up mattering almost at all. *sigh*
Well, yes. A shower, laundry started, the last of the dishes, ducks and girls. A bit of gathering and sorting. The bathroom. Lots to do, if I am so tired. Will... see. Later.
Friday, September 11, 2020
So difficult.
.
.
By late afternoon, before the sun was going down... I think... I believe it was 65 out there. No, not cold. But... quite cool. Very cool for this time of year. I keep checking for weather that seems right. I found one which was right, several hours, the other night. But it hasn't been right since. It is as much as ten degrees warmer than my readings. No, raw numbers, not counting indexes.
They are often warmer to hotter, and for much of the time. Sometimes they get the lows, and or highs, but they numbers they are feeding are false. I can see why they don't want anything but manipuable electric, often connected by wifi or bluetooth, sometimes directly. They can be altered by systems. My guess is, even corporate stations are pregnable, if too, many of those working for those companies are corrupted. They don't even know how to tell the truth anymore.
Oh, broke. Out of cash. I went to the bank, for a balance sheet. I can't tell if it's been corrupted or not. I will have to look things over. I also checked about getting a new phone. Not for now. It looks like I will have to go without the phone for a while. Until a refund has been submitted to my bank. Oh well. That is the way it goes, for now. I asked about my online banking. One of the women, tellers, suggested her husband had a problem with my browser at the bank too. Had to use some other browser, just for that.
It is cool, getting cooler. But it isn't going back down to freezing, or at least it hasn't been since, and doesn't seem to be heading that way. But it isn't exactly recovering. It's a very cool early fall. It might be a rather long winter. If this is fall, it's... almost already here... winter. I almost want to put woolens under, medium to light weight. But it could get too hot, hard to get those off out in the city. Still, I may do that. Though I won't be going in for much, broke as I am.
Ugh... I'll... figure things out, as able. Later.
.
By late afternoon, before the sun was going down... I think... I believe it was 65 out there. No, not cold. But... quite cool. Very cool for this time of year. I keep checking for weather that seems right. I found one which was right, several hours, the other night. But it hasn't been right since. It is as much as ten degrees warmer than my readings. No, raw numbers, not counting indexes.
They are often warmer to hotter, and for much of the time. Sometimes they get the lows, and or highs, but they numbers they are feeding are false. I can see why they don't want anything but manipuable electric, often connected by wifi or bluetooth, sometimes directly. They can be altered by systems. My guess is, even corporate stations are pregnable, if too, many of those working for those companies are corrupted. They don't even know how to tell the truth anymore.
Oh, broke. Out of cash. I went to the bank, for a balance sheet. I can't tell if it's been corrupted or not. I will have to look things over. I also checked about getting a new phone. Not for now. It looks like I will have to go without the phone for a while. Until a refund has been submitted to my bank. Oh well. That is the way it goes, for now. I asked about my online banking. One of the women, tellers, suggested her husband had a problem with my browser at the bank too. Had to use some other browser, just for that.
It is cool, getting cooler. But it isn't going back down to freezing, or at least it hasn't been since, and doesn't seem to be heading that way. But it isn't exactly recovering. It's a very cool early fall. It might be a rather long winter. If this is fall, it's... almost already here... winter. I almost want to put woolens under, medium to light weight. But it could get too hot, hard to get those off out in the city. Still, I may do that. Though I won't be going in for much, broke as I am.
Ugh... I'll... figure things out, as able. Later.
Up, hopefully to get at things.
.
.
A real day. The coolest I saw it last night, if I did go to be earlier, was right around 50, plus or minus a few degrees. I didn't think it would get too much cooler, and I doubt if it did. This morning, at 10:30, it is right at 60 and warming. Really, it could hit seventy, perhaps eighty, hard to tell. It depends on other factors at this time of year. The sun is only a part of the equation, and become less of it.
Upstairs was 65 near me, 63 out in the open, with a window partly open and a small fall running. The downstairs was 68, as per furnace, and this front room is 62. All good. I have clothes down for a change, after a shower. The pool for the ducks was reset. No freezing, of course, but I do check. Their standard water and food were reset, and the Quackens were released! Or weleased? No, it wasn't Bwian who released them. :p Yea, word salad'ed that one, in so many ways, but okay. You either get it or... well... you are normal.
The cats have been fed too. I change their water every few days, or when I shower. I water them in a massive kitchen/wash basin, as it keeps it fresh for them. It gets changed every other to every third day. They keep much cleaner having gobs of water to drink. And they throw up fewer hairballs. You can't quite ever fully get rid of those. Mostly from Sassy, who is too lazy to go drink more water to make it all go down, I think... usually. Sam cleans both of them, a lot, I believe.
I noticed there was a lot of peeing going on. At first I thought, maybe, Sassy had diabetes. But, a couple times when Sam was out, after freshly cleaning the litter box, I realized Sassy, by herself, pees just a few times a day. Sam must drink half a gallon a day! I then thought it was because she was ill, but I think she cleans herself and Sassy, where Sassy can't reach. She's a bit of a chunky bunny, so can't get her back well. So... that is why Sam drinks like a fish, to help with the hairballs, which she almost never regurgitates anymore. The investigative services of Doom, on the job.
Brushing teeth, showering, working on the feet just a bit, then figuring out the day. I have a few burger patties cooked and ready this morning. Perhaps heated, and with a fried egg or two? Maybe. The ducks aren't laying at them moment. Which is odd? One is broody, sitting quite well it seems. I'm not sure, with the cold, any will make it. As mentioned, I will give her to the end of the month. If nothing hatches, they just go. Though I may try to light behind them, see if anything is trying... give it a week or two more if so? Assuming messing with the nest doesn't bother her. Gloves, those plastic or such medical gloves... that might keep my scent off. Worth a shot. Later.
.
A real day. The coolest I saw it last night, if I did go to be earlier, was right around 50, plus or minus a few degrees. I didn't think it would get too much cooler, and I doubt if it did. This morning, at 10:30, it is right at 60 and warming. Really, it could hit seventy, perhaps eighty, hard to tell. It depends on other factors at this time of year. The sun is only a part of the equation, and become less of it.
Upstairs was 65 near me, 63 out in the open, with a window partly open and a small fall running. The downstairs was 68, as per furnace, and this front room is 62. All good. I have clothes down for a change, after a shower. The pool for the ducks was reset. No freezing, of course, but I do check. Their standard water and food were reset, and the Quackens were released! Or weleased? No, it wasn't Bwian who released them. :p Yea, word salad'ed that one, in so many ways, but okay. You either get it or... well... you are normal.
The cats have been fed too. I change their water every few days, or when I shower. I water them in a massive kitchen/wash basin, as it keeps it fresh for them. It gets changed every other to every third day. They keep much cleaner having gobs of water to drink. And they throw up fewer hairballs. You can't quite ever fully get rid of those. Mostly from Sassy, who is too lazy to go drink more water to make it all go down, I think... usually. Sam cleans both of them, a lot, I believe.
I noticed there was a lot of peeing going on. At first I thought, maybe, Sassy had diabetes. But, a couple times when Sam was out, after freshly cleaning the litter box, I realized Sassy, by herself, pees just a few times a day. Sam must drink half a gallon a day! I then thought it was because she was ill, but I think she cleans herself and Sassy, where Sassy can't reach. She's a bit of a chunky bunny, so can't get her back well. So... that is why Sam drinks like a fish, to help with the hairballs, which she almost never regurgitates anymore. The investigative services of Doom, on the job.
Brushing teeth, showering, working on the feet just a bit, then figuring out the day. I have a few burger patties cooked and ready this morning. Perhaps heated, and with a fried egg or two? Maybe. The ducks aren't laying at them moment. Which is odd? One is broody, sitting quite well it seems. I'm not sure, with the cold, any will make it. As mentioned, I will give her to the end of the month. If nothing hatches, they just go. Though I may try to light behind them, see if anything is trying... give it a week or two more if so? Assuming messing with the nest doesn't bother her. Gloves, those plastic or such medical gloves... that might keep my scent off. Worth a shot. Later.
Thursday, September 10, 2020
Cool, but...
.
.
I can't be absolutely sure. I suspect it won't get frigid tonight. It will be cool, perhaps into the forties. But maybe not far into the low of those? No wind, at the moment. I am grilling a few burgers for dinner. Of course, the sun is down. Has been for a while now. The ducks were put in. This time I left the inner gate open, and put food and water in the entrance area... a vestibule. Why not.
I have started worrying about their food and water, especially should I get ill. My memory isn't doing well. I keep forgetting things, even to turn on a timer while cooking. Something is just off... has been for a week? Two? I have found a few ways to... avoid greater problems. I am having difficulty just keeping up, awake, on things.
Yeah, well... I'll keep at it. If it warms again, perhaps I can find a better balance before winter officially starts. This cold spell was something else. So fast, after an already cool summer, but one which was just starting to... actually begin! It had just gotten hot, or at least mildly warm... almost summerish... when it crashed to below freezing, with a couple of massive drops from the highs to lows, to the lowest. Crazy.
Well, best check the burgers. Probably good night.
.
I can't be absolutely sure. I suspect it won't get frigid tonight. It will be cool, perhaps into the forties. But maybe not far into the low of those? No wind, at the moment. I am grilling a few burgers for dinner. Of course, the sun is down. Has been for a while now. The ducks were put in. This time I left the inner gate open, and put food and water in the entrance area... a vestibule. Why not.
I have started worrying about their food and water, especially should I get ill. My memory isn't doing well. I keep forgetting things, even to turn on a timer while cooking. Something is just off... has been for a week? Two? I have found a few ways to... avoid greater problems. I am having difficulty just keeping up, awake, on things.
Yeah, well... I'll keep at it. If it warms again, perhaps I can find a better balance before winter officially starts. This cold spell was something else. So fast, after an already cool summer, but one which was just starting to... actually begin! It had just gotten hot, or at least mildly warm... almost summerish... when it crashed to below freezing, with a couple of massive drops from the highs to lows, to the lowest. Crazy.
Well, best check the burgers. Probably good night.
Why listen?
.
.
Because sometimes, just sometimes, you hear. I couldn't quite sleep, so I started in on a recent find I enjoy. Oh, she can... be a bit biting. Sometimes wrongly, and she admits it. Now, does she go too far? Who doesn't. Anyway. The point was well taken regarding her mistake. Charity. It is the greatest of the three. And, yet, the easiest to not abide well.
I just... got learned. Thought I'd share it. No, you don't have to be Catholic to enjoy this bit. And, perhaps you were curious what Catholic nuns are about, beside calling them penguins. We did, even in school, if... not usually... to their faces. :p Yes, we have sisters too. Sheesh. Anyway, thought I'd share it. Later.
.
Because sometimes, just sometimes, you hear. I couldn't quite sleep, so I started in on a recent find I enjoy. Oh, she can... be a bit biting. Sometimes wrongly, and she admits it. Now, does she go too far? Who doesn't. Anyway. The point was well taken regarding her mistake. Charity. It is the greatest of the three. And, yet, the easiest to not abide well.
I just... got learned. Thought I'd share it. No, you don't have to be Catholic to enjoy this bit. And, perhaps you were curious what Catholic nuns are about, beside calling them penguins. We did, even in school, if... not usually... to their faces. :p Yes, we have sisters too. Sheesh. Anyway, thought I'd share it. Later.
A difficult day.
.
.
I've been trying to break through, do something. I did make a meal, enjoyed it. I can barely keep my eyes open. Something is terribly broken. Tired? Cold? To be honest, it feels like I am on the edge of death. I'm not, I just... can't do much, as if I were. So tired some parts of my body hurt. I'll take a nap, see if that will help. I've been sleeping well. Still... Later.
.
I've been trying to break through, do something. I did make a meal, enjoyed it. I can barely keep my eyes open. Something is terribly broken. Tired? Cold? To be honest, it feels like I am on the edge of death. I'm not, I just... can't do much, as if I were. So tired some parts of my body hurt. I'll take a nap, see if that will help. I've been sleeping well. Still... Later.
Self control.
.
.
I lost it, regarding food... and work to a lesser degree, recently. I am working, a bit each day. Only not as much as I would hope. Limited. But is that a weak willpower or illness. That one I can't quite tell. Food was... something very different. A bug in the helmet, I was... am... so hungry. I am trying to aim my consumption at good foods. But it is still there. I have started praying regarding it. It might just be a reaction from the combination of dieting and the cold snap.
However, chastity has been... superior. Even when I lose my will, which has happened, there seems to be... something else involved. Initially frustrating, when I realize... something holy is involved, or seems so... I am most humbly grateful. I say a string of prayers, giving thanks. It's as if Mary herself just says no to... something else. And so it doesn't happen. Truly, grateful. Not perfected, yet, but well on the way.
Still pretty chilly. I may take a short nap. I will keep the door open, but the windows closed, see how that works. The extra clothing may not be enough. I tried to keep the furnace at 66. I'm thinking 68, at least, probably 70, plus the layers. So cold! Well, as well, I may have to try to work, to create physical warmth. Calisthenics every hour? A few push-ups, setups, jumping jacks? Something. I suspect, without energy burning, almost no furnace setting will be warm enough... right until it is too hot.
After the nap, a shower. Then a few burgers. Laundry set. Dishes sorted again. Then a few calls?
Later.
.
I lost it, regarding food... and work to a lesser degree, recently. I am working, a bit each day. Only not as much as I would hope. Limited. But is that a weak willpower or illness. That one I can't quite tell. Food was... something very different. A bug in the helmet, I was... am... so hungry. I am trying to aim my consumption at good foods. But it is still there. I have started praying regarding it. It might just be a reaction from the combination of dieting and the cold snap.
However, chastity has been... superior. Even when I lose my will, which has happened, there seems to be... something else involved. Initially frustrating, when I realize... something holy is involved, or seems so... I am most humbly grateful. I say a string of prayers, giving thanks. It's as if Mary herself just says no to... something else. And so it doesn't happen. Truly, grateful. Not perfected, yet, but well on the way.
Still pretty chilly. I may take a short nap. I will keep the door open, but the windows closed, see how that works. The extra clothing may not be enough. I tried to keep the furnace at 66. I'm thinking 68, at least, probably 70, plus the layers. So cold! Well, as well, I may have to try to work, to create physical warmth. Calisthenics every hour? A few push-ups, setups, jumping jacks? Something. I suspect, without energy burning, almost no furnace setting will be warm enough... right until it is too hot.
After the nap, a shower. Then a few burgers. Laundry set. Dishes sorted again. Then a few calls?
Later.
We definitely got hit.
.
.
It was good, indoors, upstairs and down. I set the alarm at 66 before bed, or it wouldn't cool. At the 68 setting, it was as high as 72? Nevermind. But that was too warm, even to sleep. I left a window open, a fan on, and the door open for the girls. Sassy actually joined me last night, the first in a long time. It stayed 64 upstairs and 66 downstairs in the main, and 61 or so in the front room? As I recall, though the front room might have been cooler?
I will, from now on though, either keep the windows, or the door, shut. If I want it cooler, I will shut the door and open the windows. It seems, even without a furnace access, the upstairs will stay pretty close to the downstairs temp. The only reason it didn't was because of open windows. Which means the furnace ran more than I would have wanted. Live and learn.
I am, mostly, up this early because of a bellyache. Too much and the wrong kinds of food yesterday. Back on the chain gang today, of dieting? It is hoped. I am managing clothing already, even just with pj's. I didn't want to put on full woolens yet, but did want something. I tried acrylic leggings last year. Yea? Shut it, they work, are cheap, and allow for a medium between just heavy pajamas, which aren't enough, and even light woolens... which are too heavy for inside. That and an overlayer... either a jacket or robe as I currently have, plus tshirt, heavy pj's, and two layers of socks. Actually, the balm helps keep the feet warm. And rubbing it in warms the feet, and gets the circulation going too. I do care for my body, when I can, can know to do so. I try.
I also hit my feet again this morning. Rasping them with several levels of fineness grits, then slathering balm on. If I don't catch up, and keep up, cracks will form. I am surprised, and lucky, to have recovered from wounds on my feet in the past. I don't want to risk that. So, balming and rasping the dry off, and then baby oil with extras after showers. I'll keep at it until they are doing much better, then just keep up a bit, from time to time.
Oh, hit? Yes. Outside it was down to 28! 28 F! Oddly, none of the water sources for the ducks have frozen, even skimmed, even in part. That is a strange freeze. While out, I let the ducks go. It's a bit early, and cold, but they don't even notice. And, dressed as I am, neither do I. Actually, for now, I am ditching the robe. I'll keep it handy, in case a chill creeps back in.
Oh, this morning? When I can wake? Dishes, laundry, a shower, and... planning. Later.
.
It was good, indoors, upstairs and down. I set the alarm at 66 before bed, or it wouldn't cool. At the 68 setting, it was as high as 72? Nevermind. But that was too warm, even to sleep. I left a window open, a fan on, and the door open for the girls. Sassy actually joined me last night, the first in a long time. It stayed 64 upstairs and 66 downstairs in the main, and 61 or so in the front room? As I recall, though the front room might have been cooler?
I will, from now on though, either keep the windows, or the door, shut. If I want it cooler, I will shut the door and open the windows. It seems, even without a furnace access, the upstairs will stay pretty close to the downstairs temp. The only reason it didn't was because of open windows. Which means the furnace ran more than I would have wanted. Live and learn.
I am, mostly, up this early because of a bellyache. Too much and the wrong kinds of food yesterday. Back on the chain gang today, of dieting? It is hoped. I am managing clothing already, even just with pj's. I didn't want to put on full woolens yet, but did want something. I tried acrylic leggings last year. Yea? Shut it, they work, are cheap, and allow for a medium between just heavy pajamas, which aren't enough, and even light woolens... which are too heavy for inside. That and an overlayer... either a jacket or robe as I currently have, plus tshirt, heavy pj's, and two layers of socks. Actually, the balm helps keep the feet warm. And rubbing it in warms the feet, and gets the circulation going too. I do care for my body, when I can, can know to do so. I try.
I also hit my feet again this morning. Rasping them with several levels of fineness grits, then slathering balm on. If I don't catch up, and keep up, cracks will form. I am surprised, and lucky, to have recovered from wounds on my feet in the past. I don't want to risk that. So, balming and rasping the dry off, and then baby oil with extras after showers. I'll keep at it until they are doing much better, then just keep up a bit, from time to time.
Oh, this morning? When I can wake? Dishes, laundry, a shower, and... planning. Later.
Wednesday, September 9, 2020
Definitely going cold.
.
.
Lighting the grill, I could tell. At not yet 21:00, it is dark, windy, and just hitting 50. It will be dropping hard. Oh, but the wind is from the south, not the north which is what I heard would be the case. Same yesterday, I do believe. Which... doesn't make sense. From the south it should be warm. This isn't... what they are saying it is. This isn't a polar vertex, or vortex, or... any such thing. This is just plain... wrong.
The wind is strong. Remnants of the hurricane(s)? Something else? Unusual. It isn't from the north.
Burgers, but just with some veggie or other. As much as I need, want. Something is really off, foodwise, hungerwise. I asked my mother, but I haven't had a thing like this, that I recall. But I have never tried to control diet before, either. It sure seems to be a reaction to the cold. So... so I best try to manage the cold.
I am dressing warmer, but I don't think even that is enough. I need to add not just warm pj's, but also try the woolen and synthetic layering items, of various thicknesses. I feel slightly cool, but not cold. But... it's... wall to wall cool. I think I had best treat that. If I want to control hunger. As for falling off the diet? I am not worried about that, so long as I can figure it out, manage it, and remember how to do that in the future. Minimalism will not work. I have to start taking care of my body, as if it were a child or infirm person on it's own. Or... it will do what it feels is required to do to tend itself. Choices... or no conscious choices? Yes, something like that.
I bet it will drop to below freezing tonight. Unless clouds and rain or snow hits. That limits the temp drops, save at higher elevations. But I just don't see snow or definitely not rain with this sort of wind. It would have to be a huge front moving in. Possible, just not likely to stick together in this wind. Will see tomorrow. And, I am keeping the furnace at 72. And dressing warmer. It is, pretty much, winter weather, here, already. That wind is something. Later.
----------
In the fifteen to twenty it took to get the grill going and get veggies out and on, it has dropped to 45. And, that is downwind from the grill, which is a roaring roasty cooking hot! I'm not sure that will affect the thermometer, ten feet away, and about two feet higher, but it might. Yea, it will get cold tonight.
.
Lighting the grill, I could tell. At not yet 21:00, it is dark, windy, and just hitting 50. It will be dropping hard. Oh, but the wind is from the south, not the north which is what I heard would be the case. Same yesterday, I do believe. Which... doesn't make sense. From the south it should be warm. This isn't... what they are saying it is. This isn't a polar vertex, or vortex, or... any such thing. This is just plain... wrong.
The wind is strong. Remnants of the hurricane(s)? Something else? Unusual. It isn't from the north.
Burgers, but just with some veggie or other. As much as I need, want. Something is really off, foodwise, hungerwise. I asked my mother, but I haven't had a thing like this, that I recall. But I have never tried to control diet before, either. It sure seems to be a reaction to the cold. So... so I best try to manage the cold.
I am dressing warmer, but I don't think even that is enough. I need to add not just warm pj's, but also try the woolen and synthetic layering items, of various thicknesses. I feel slightly cool, but not cold. But... it's... wall to wall cool. I think I had best treat that. If I want to control hunger. As for falling off the diet? I am not worried about that, so long as I can figure it out, manage it, and remember how to do that in the future. Minimalism will not work. I have to start taking care of my body, as if it were a child or infirm person on it's own. Or... it will do what it feels is required to do to tend itself. Choices... or no conscious choices? Yes, something like that.
I bet it will drop to below freezing tonight. Unless clouds and rain or snow hits. That limits the temp drops, save at higher elevations. But I just don't see snow or definitely not rain with this sort of wind. It would have to be a huge front moving in. Possible, just not likely to stick together in this wind. Will see tomorrow. And, I am keeping the furnace at 72. And dressing warmer. It is, pretty much, winter weather, here, already. That wind is something. Later.
----------
In the fifteen to twenty it took to get the grill going and get veggies out and on, it has dropped to 45. And, that is downwind from the grill, which is a roaring roasty cooking hot! I'm not sure that will affect the thermometer, ten feet away, and about two feet higher, but it might. Yea, it will get cold tonight.
It was cool again, but not quite cold?
.
.
That, however, was before the sun went down. It is down. It will get cold. It may already be cold.
The ducks are in. Some of them are going up onto the shelves. Not all of them, oddly. Perhaps it's a cliche thing, or maybe the two smaller hens just can't fly well? I'm not sure which ones go up. I'll have to try to sort that out, just to know. I wonder if they are taking bedding up there? I no longer leave water in the hutch, that gets far too messy. If it also means I absolutely have to open up and feed and water the ducks. They can go without food for a bit, but not water, not even for a day. I may see about figuring a different thing out. Though, truth is, in the winter, it freezes anyway. I have to water them in the winter, daily. Though, perhaps, this time, if I have problems, I may see about help.
The cold got to me. I have been absolutely famished. I have been eating as if I had starved for a few days, to a week. I can't seem to eat enough, or find what it takes. HUNGRY! Terribly, horribly, voraciously, hungry. I can't seem to stop. Is it the sudden cold, and need of my body? Is it losing weight recently, on top of it? I have tried various types of foods, and none of it seems to be enough, or quite satisfying whatever is missing. Or... I just don't know. A platter of burgers for supper tonight, ribs for tomorrow supper. Burgers aren't enough. I have veggies. The salad is done for, so that is that. I'm not up to arranging coleslaw tonight, or I'd do that.
I did turn the heat up, in hopes that would help with general but mostly hunger issues. It really doesn't seem to help. I did get a shower in. And I worked on my feet heavily. I best wear socks at night, at least until my feet get too hot. They are chapping too much. Just cotton socks, and bag balm under those. Yea, it works well.
I called my mother, to see if they got the cold too. Yep. And I asked about hunger. Yep, when it gets cold, she can go through spells of that too. I let her alone, she wasn't pleased that I was bugging her again. Oh well. I'll leave her alone for a month. If she remembers to call, so be it. If I happen to notice. Nothing personal. I suppose she just doesn't need or want too much bother.
I'll... figure some things out tomorrow. Later, perhaps good night.
.
That, however, was before the sun went down. It is down. It will get cold. It may already be cold.
The ducks are in. Some of them are going up onto the shelves. Not all of them, oddly. Perhaps it's a cliche thing, or maybe the two smaller hens just can't fly well? I'm not sure which ones go up. I'll have to try to sort that out, just to know. I wonder if they are taking bedding up there? I no longer leave water in the hutch, that gets far too messy. If it also means I absolutely have to open up and feed and water the ducks. They can go without food for a bit, but not water, not even for a day. I may see about figuring a different thing out. Though, truth is, in the winter, it freezes anyway. I have to water them in the winter, daily. Though, perhaps, this time, if I have problems, I may see about help.
The cold got to me. I have been absolutely famished. I have been eating as if I had starved for a few days, to a week. I can't seem to eat enough, or find what it takes. HUNGRY! Terribly, horribly, voraciously, hungry. I can't seem to stop. Is it the sudden cold, and need of my body? Is it losing weight recently, on top of it? I have tried various types of foods, and none of it seems to be enough, or quite satisfying whatever is missing. Or... I just don't know. A platter of burgers for supper tonight, ribs for tomorrow supper. Burgers aren't enough. I have veggies. The salad is done for, so that is that. I'm not up to arranging coleslaw tonight, or I'd do that.
I did turn the heat up, in hopes that would help with general but mostly hunger issues. It really doesn't seem to help. I did get a shower in. And I worked on my feet heavily. I best wear socks at night, at least until my feet get too hot. They are chapping too much. Just cotton socks, and bag balm under those. Yea, it works well.
I called my mother, to see if they got the cold too. Yep. And I asked about hunger. Yep, when it gets cold, she can go through spells of that too. I let her alone, she wasn't pleased that I was bugging her again. Oh well. I'll leave her alone for a month. If she remembers to call, so be it. If I happen to notice. Nothing personal. I suppose she just doesn't need or want too much bother.
I'll... figure some things out tomorrow. Later, perhaps good night.
A cold one, again.
.
.
A friend read the forecast, hour by hour. Down to 45 by 22:00? As low as 25. At 20:00, it was already down to 40! However, I don't know what it got down to. By 00:20, it was only at 38. Still, that... was cool enough for my tastes. I went to bed about then. The internet stopped working. Actually, the internet has become a fragile, irregular thing anyway. Sometimes there are just too many people on it?
The hardware is only meant for, what, a 20% load, maybe 40%? And that is max, and for a short period? This 150%, or more in multi-households... that's... plus they won't remove non-payers, at least of a certain type. Actually, I wonder if they removed non-payers... of phone, internet, and rent... how much "antifa" and "blm" activities would be shunted, and how much better police would be able to do their jobs safely?
Oh, those groups, whichever they really are, would still have advanced communications. No doubt. But that communication would be advanced, taggable, and traceable. It would all go back to the money, and not be lost on obama-phones. If they want to win that, they have to fight it. To fight it, they have to know where the money is coming from. That isn't difficult. It is what we do with any terrorist org. How do you think osama was taken out? His whole org is a shadow, and remains it. Money.
To be honest, they are helping Trump. Dems thought it was helping them. All Trump has to do is precisely what he is doing. If dems move against them, they are so infested with the rot that they might well receive a vitist. Might anyway. But a visit, and a "visit"... a beating or death, or blackmail. Dems can't move against, now, nearly their handlers. Still, it's cities. They really did vote for this, out of mistaken sentiments, going along to get along, or evil intentions of their own... I got mine, everybody should get the remaining crumbs. If everyone is evil, decisively, then nobody is? It just doesn't work that way. So... I can't care.
Hmmm? Oh, whatever. Woke in a fit? Not really, just mumbling to wake. I had the downstairs set at 66, because at 68 it was staying 72! Upstairs, I had a window and fan going. It was 63, if probably only because the furnace was on, and heat rises, even as shut as I had things. Ugh, I'll shower, then check the temp outside. Later.
.
A friend read the forecast, hour by hour. Down to 45 by 22:00? As low as 25. At 20:00, it was already down to 40! However, I don't know what it got down to. By 00:20, it was only at 38. Still, that... was cool enough for my tastes. I went to bed about then. The internet stopped working. Actually, the internet has become a fragile, irregular thing anyway. Sometimes there are just too many people on it?
The hardware is only meant for, what, a 20% load, maybe 40%? And that is max, and for a short period? This 150%, or more in multi-households... that's... plus they won't remove non-payers, at least of a certain type. Actually, I wonder if they removed non-payers... of phone, internet, and rent... how much "antifa" and "blm" activities would be shunted, and how much better police would be able to do their jobs safely?
Oh, those groups, whichever they really are, would still have advanced communications. No doubt. But that communication would be advanced, taggable, and traceable. It would all go back to the money, and not be lost on obama-phones. If they want to win that, they have to fight it. To fight it, they have to know where the money is coming from. That isn't difficult. It is what we do with any terrorist org. How do you think osama was taken out? His whole org is a shadow, and remains it. Money.
To be honest, they are helping Trump. Dems thought it was helping them. All Trump has to do is precisely what he is doing. If dems move against them, they are so infested with the rot that they might well receive a vitist. Might anyway. But a visit, and a "visit"... a beating or death, or blackmail. Dems can't move against, now, nearly their handlers. Still, it's cities. They really did vote for this, out of mistaken sentiments, going along to get along, or evil intentions of their own... I got mine, everybody should get the remaining crumbs. If everyone is evil, decisively, then nobody is? It just doesn't work that way. So... I can't care.
Hmmm? Oh, whatever. Woke in a fit? Not really, just mumbling to wake. I had the downstairs set at 66, because at 68 it was staying 72! Upstairs, I had a window and fan going. It was 63, if probably only because the furnace was on, and heat rises, even as shut as I had things. Ugh, I'll shower, then check the temp outside. Later.
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