20:27?

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A long nap.  I went down just before 13:00.  Down hard.  Just waking.  Yea, my foray into daytime was shortlived.  Then again, I am not done trying.  I got just enough of a peak to like it, again.  I dreamed of finding one of my foster brothers, locating his home in a certain city, and visiting him there.  My other brother was with me, strangely.

He was scattered, between becoming paranoid as to how I found him, and nostalgic by the meeting.  He isn't the Jack I remember, but a life of medical practice will do that.  They required more liberalism from him before allowing him into the medical school, to start.  If you understand that liberalism is a form of stupidity... you begin to understand where that leads.  And... it does and did.  I don't have a brother who isn't liberal.  I don't think the sisters ever cared, so long as they could do as they willed... which, really, is just another form of that.  Oddly, the one sister who remains married IS the admitted and organized liberal.  But... she is the man of the house, literal.  In spite of having had three children, she actually works out of the house.  Her 'husband' stays home with the children.  And they call me weird?  Bleh.

Anyway... awake, but just.  I'll figure out what to do and what is possible.  I may be a bit under the weather after what all the last few days.  I can push, but then I have to take a break.  And push I did.  Still, it was beautiful.  If I can push today, I will.  Tomorrow?  I'll push every chance I get.  I hate being caged by illness, age, or whatelse.

Then again, if I were working, how much harm would I be doing in the world?  These days, it seems, the more successful one is, the more dangerous and destructive one is.  It doesn't matter if one is a doctor, an engineer, or a ceo.  Everything seems to be some form of genocide, destruction, or bureaucratic overreach and micromanagement of people you should merely be serving.  Evil.  So... yea, maybe it's... a good thing.  Instead of conquering the world, these days, men have chosen the path of conquering the will of their fellow man.

Still, I can try to improve my little chunk of the world.  Doing dishes, breaking down boxes, cooking, feeding and watering the critters, taking care of litter, writing my little bits here and there, and taking care of my body best I am able.  The little is what is left to me, the humble.  And I'm not good at it, or all that able, to add to the humility.  And, yet, I am grateful to have been shown humility... before others and before my death.  May you know it before you are shown it far too late to do a thing about it.  Embrace the humble, truly, or know doom.

Oh, blood sugar is 126 what I am calling fasting.  I took not a drop of fast acting insulin the whole day!  Wow.  Okay.  I am at about 38 cc's of slow acting in the evening.  And, it seems, at least today, no fast acting was needed.  That doesn't mean the same tomorrow.  And if I eat something like a potato from time to time, I would still like to dose with fast acting.  And this, like day cycle, doesn't mean tomorrow will be the same.  But... it is promising, an in the right direction.

A mouthful of exceptions there.  But... that is my life.  That has been my life for decades.  I live but by the will of God, and nothing more.  I surrendered my life, I tossed it away, and He said NO.  And, so, beyond my will and abilities, I am.  If with many exceptions.  So be it.  If, finally, with a gladness.  Amen, again, I say, right in this paragraph, if you have the eyes to see.

That was a pretty good steak.

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Well, there is room for improvement.  But, just for a trial run, not bad.  Next time?  Twenty minutes in the oven, and two minutes on each side, in the hot oil... then one minute on each side.  It was slightly more done than I absolutely want, and not as crisp on the outside.  Oil, butter, lard, tallow... this time I used coconut oil.  Next time one of the others?  It's not bad.  Different, a bit, but pretty good.  I just want to try one of the others.

I did turn the heat up.  And then again.  I finally warmed.  But I am so tired from fighting the cold that I will need a nap.  Hopefully just that.  Who can tell.  I've fed the girls twice today, plus offered them some of my steak.  Sam liked it, Sassy didn't seem interested.  Just small bits, but they were offered some of my meal.  They keep begging though.  Well, plus a treat (a small handful of treats actually), and all the hard kibbles they can eat, plus plenty of fresh water.  And, yet, they are still so very hungry.  I don't quite understand.  And I won't feed them more.

Well, on to a nap.  I... I just can't stay awake longer.  I will turn the furnace down, at least while I nap.  Ugh.  Later, or much later.  Can't tell how this will work.

Amazing.

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Still cold.  Not sure what the deal is, but I am just barely staying warm enough to be not quite frigid.  Just chilled.  I am wearing two to three layers.  I have the furnace up to 74, if that is only keeping the room 72.  Something... odd.  No, that isn't usual.  And, by the thermometer reading, it isn't just me.  I suppose I could put a (another) jacket on.  Not sure if that would help.

I am thinking of turning the furnace up just a few more degrees.  Not sure why it is that cold, both bodily and in the cave.  It is unusual.  Sometimes I have been cold, regardless of temp.  But usually the furnace keeps the place warm enough, up to the setting.  Not today.

The amazing thing, though, is blood sugar.  Two to three hours after breakfast, blood sugar is 103!  It dropped, even from fasting.  Weekly average is reading 126.  Though, I have to admit, having some wonder that low blood sugar (your average is my low) might have something to do with me feeling so cold.  Carbs burn fast, and hot.

Anyway... I have something else started.  I have the steak salted and spiced, and setting for an hour.  Then I will put it in the oven for half an hour, then fry to finish.  I am so hungry, if more mental than physical... there is the drooling.  Then again, drool isn't from hunger, necessarily.  Anticipation?

The problem with being cold is that getting going is difficult.  I can't believe, with as much as I am wearing, I am still cold!  Wool socks, liner, longjohns, thick pj bottoms, a long-sleeved shirt, and a fleece jacket.  Hmm... may see if I can find a cap.  Can't do gloves, makes typing and gaming impossible.  Bleh.

Well... so pleased with the blood sugar.  I don't really understand.  I don't have to.  This is what I have eaten often, in the past, or very similar.  It just doesn't make sense that it is working now.  Oh well.  I'll take it.  Later.

Cold.

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I checked around 06:00~06:20.  It read 25.  While nip, not terrible.  Then, as I looked out around 07:30, it seemed light enough to get to chore.  There was a brim of clouds just on the eastern horizon, above even the mountains, keeping the sun from clearing, but with the rest of the sky open so that light bumped on past the clouds.

As I got to chores, it sure seemed a bit cooler, colder.  So, as I finished, I check again.  It was down to 20 F.  A five degree drop.  It often cools before sunrise, just one of those things.  I'd like to say five degrees is a bigger than usual drop, but... come to think of it, I really can't be sure.  All I know is that it was terribly cold this morning, compared to usual.  Well, not seasonally.  It could easily be 0, or even ten to twenty below, from time to time, this time of year.  Just, I guess, from recent norms?  Something.

Every waterer which still had water was frozen.  The rabbits did what they could, but there was a limit.  Still, they were all exceptionally happy with the waterers, with fresh water, warmed from being indoors.  Happy furry four footers, to be sure.  None of them were out of food, strangely.  But that is fine too.  Still, I added in extra.  To make sure it will last until tomorrow morning.

In an hour or two, I will test blood sugar, then begin prep for whatever I will eat.  I am really thinking a steak and salad.  If so, then I will have a cheese and deli meat dinner.  I just haven't had a steak in such a long time, that I really want one.  As well, I may fry burger, and keep that for throughout the week, for taco salad or even spaghetti.  Oh, no worries.  I have made purchase of various keto noodles.  They won't be great, but perhaps they will do?  I have four different kinds.  Will just have to find out.  I didn't remember to obtain spaghetti squash, but that is on the list, in time, as well.

I really am doing well, both with eating, medicine, and insulin.  I would really like to keep up on that.  Heaven knows, if I have to be here, I might as well make the most of it, as is possible.  Lord knows I have tried.  To be honest, I think the world has given up trying to kill me.  As did I a very long time ago.  I understand, as probably they finally do, death is a God thing.  Some of us are simply required to suffer life in all it's forms.  I have submitted to that, perhaps they have too?  Useless?  To the world, yes.  A burden?  Then again, who isn't?  Aye.

Anyway... so it is going.  I am excited for dinner.  I think I will bake the steak for an half hour, at 350, wrapped in foil.  Then fry both sides in hot oil, until there is a good crust.  I will vary times and degrees until I can get a medium, medium rare, right in there.  But actually generally cooked, not so raw as I am like to do otherwise.  Just... an odd way of things.  I may, if I get the kitchen cleaned, try the water bath method, to precook it.  Then fry to finish.  Oh, I suppose, I could even try the air fryer.  I'm looking for a perfect fit and finish, and the easiest, surest, and best end product.  Well, and of course, there is grilling.  *licking my chops*

Back to gaming.  Now that my fingers have thawed.  I need to find gloves, for when I go out in that.  Silly lad, forget the easiest of details at times.  Later.

I was so sure.

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Down right at 16:50?  Okay, I thought it was 16:00.  Texts tell you when, and I signed off with a final text at that time.  Crashing immediately after.  Slept like a rock, so hard that one pillow ended up being enough for whatever reason.  And, just now waking at 4:00, pretty much on target.

I worked yesterday.  I did much.  Not heavy, all of it, but much more activity than I have been able to see myself through to for many months.  Just getting to town and groceries, alone, has been the sum of my heavier work load days for months.  Ugh.  And, yes, my body feels it today.  But, lightly oddly.  Just like a minor, regular, workout... not like a marathon.  Gently used, is how I would put it.  A good feeling.

The lights are working.  A steak was offered, and Santa took it.  Keep the milk and cookies?  :)  I found an easier extension cord, but may look for another, and my timer.  Borrowing one of his, for the time buying... for expediency.  Gratefully.  Still, would like to see a preferred extension cord and my timer might be found and employed.  If only while trying to do other things?  It's a matter of... pride?  Not the bad kind, but... yes.  I tire of being in need all of the time.

I won't say days and nights are switched.  My schedule is wholly unstable when first switching.  It could flip back, or move forward two, five, ten hours... in a moment.  But, for today, it seems to be switched to daytime.  Or... mostly.  A 04:00 wake up, and twelve to sixteen hours of awake time, means a day schedule... assuming I don't crash around noon, and stay down until midnight or something.  It happens all the time.

Oh, what I was sure about?  I was sure, somehow, that blood sugar would be ugly t his morning.  For good, or no, reason whatsoever.  My sacrifice of fries, and even buns, would have been for naught.  I just knew it.  Still, I took it before I might eat or drink anything that might, somehow, skew the results.  And... sure enough... 106 fasting?  WTF?

That screwed up my whole pessimism scheme!  Oh my gosh though.  Seriously?  I have been aiming very solidly at keto, low carb, no sugar, even cutting artificials or alternatives to near nubs.  I have been eating carefully, watching things, choosing less, better, right.  And it is paying off.  Difficult to do, when I can't always make it to the store, or elsewhere.  But it is paying off.  Bigtime.

The only one fasting read I remember being lower, I think, was a 103, once, very long ago.  Jean commented on it, too.  Once, in all the years I have been trying.  Or,, since the last time I became diabetic.  Crazy.  Cheese sandwiches, chia breakfasts, and a pseudo regular supper, including a potato once or twice a week?  Yep.

Now to tweak even that.  Turn the three meals into two slightly bigger meals, and move them closer together, eating only for eight, then six, hours a day.  And, cutting calories in the doing.  Perhaps, in time, even moving to one meal a day, and adding one and two day fasting every seven to fourteen days... as much for health as sacrifice.

I... am almost sure I can, at least when medicine becomes... stable.  Still looking for the last heart medicine to bring bp under control.  Will see if this one I have loaded into my medset will be the one or will have to look for another.  At least, this time, I have been through one that took me down too far, so have an idea how to... possibly... manage that.  Heaven knows, I am doing as I can.

So... yes.  A very good day, and month.  Now to extend that to a very good year.  It only took them, then me, nearly 35 years to find a... path back to maybe something of a life?  Why they didn't just tell me it was heart problems from the start?  That was evil.  And, yes, I do blame the general medical.  For it wasn't just the Navy, the VA and civilian medical both had to know it was a bad heart, and completely ignored it.  It was a medical decision to just let me die.  Evil.  I guess medicine has been corporate for a very long time.  All of my adult life, at least.  So be it.

Anyway.  Today?  Well, I'll wake a bit, then maybe set up some dishes.  I may fry a steak, as a gift for work well done.  When the sun is up, or as close as it might get, I'll get the rabbits fed and watered.  The cats, and their litter, shortly... probably as I do a chia breakfast... I'll have the steak for lunch... on or with salad.  Then, maybe, boxes?  I can hope.  Good morning and day, night if your on the other side.  

Well, bedtime, no choice.

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Amazed I was up this long.  It is 16:10.  Now, I am extremely exhausted.  This isn't stealing back the day so much as crashing through reason to finish some projects and requirements.  Unsound, I tell you.  But I got so very much done.  How I could have possibly thought I could have done more is beyond me.

I did get chores done.  I may check waterers tonight, but not food.  I am transferring feeding from evening to morning, the literal sorts.  Since I am encroaching into day again.

I wanted to stay up, to see if blood sugar would spike on the fast food, even without the bun and soda.  I just knew it would.  But, to find out how much.  Blood sugar was 115, without insulin.  I ate there, and find that fasting acting doesn't do much if taken a bit after a meal.  So... excellent!  An hour and an half, to two hours, after the meal, and blood sugar is super.  At least I know how I can eat.  My guess is just stripping the bun from a McDonalds burger should work just as well, but that will have to be tested.  Oh, I am quite happy.  I worried that my need for more food destroyed my keto and diabetes work.  But, no!

Now to begin watching calories.  Yes, that's the only way.  Not sure my willpower will work, but maybe.  As well, to squeeze my meals closer together, perhaps just two meals over eight, then six, hours again.  Fasting a few days a week or every other week after that.  I think I can.  I've done it before, just fell down for various reason.  Getting back to it.

Now I can sleep with a good conscience.  Goodnight, afternoon, and day.

Well, more.

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I went to do chores, but found I didn't have enough feed for a round.  So, I decided to head over to the coop.  Problem?  Fuel light was on.  Which meant... going to the coop, then to town if they didn't have feed again, would be a problem.  Actually, just going to town might be pushing the tank.

So, I decided to just go to town.  Beside feed, I wanted too look for more waterers, anyway.  They only had small and large.  I don't need more small?  Actually, I should have gotten them.  Bleh.  I did get some larges.  They had no mediums.  But that wasn't it.  Just the start.

Then on to the store.  Enough for a month, and change.  Save for veggies, which always have to be either bought fresh at least every two weeks, or gone without.  I did buy steaks.  Plenty of steaks.  As I am going back to keto, strongly, successfully, Those will be my treat, once, or occasionally twice, a week.  If I get hungry for fast food, that will be my diversion.

Now, I was hungry.  I have pushed, and worked, and... was hungry.  Though, thinking ahead, I meant to bring perrier.  But, forgetting that, I bought bubbly water at the store, nothing but carbon added.  Have to be careful, some of those sure sound like just bubbly water, but aren't.  Wow, almost put two in my cart, but then decided to check, and gladly and rightly so.  Some of those were worse than regular pop!

Anyway, I did stop at Wendy's.  Two doubles... I did say I was hungry, right?  Two of those, just the sandwiches, no pickles, on lettuce leaves.  Perfect.  Those and carb free waters.  Dirty keto?  Sure, but keto.

Everything is in, and up.  The rabbits will be fed before I go on to sleep.  I just need a break after bringing groceries and feed in.  This time I got 50# bags, and a little bit less, if still more expensive than the coop by half.  Still, I had to be sure.  After I go through the first bag, I'll go see about more local feed.  Local?  I suppose not, if they ship it in?  Anyway...  I'll give them a shot, again.

A bit toasted.  But... good.  I did send a text to the neighbor, with gratitude and a couple of questions.  He can't text, necessarily, while working.  I mean he could, but he generally doesn't.  Sound business practice, unless it is a critical thing, not just a general thing.  On break, or after work.  Good call.

Plus, it is 14:12... so I have stretched into the day.  I am not quite done.  Need a break, then to do chores.  Then, probably, to cool down and relax before I can sleep.  It's just how it goes.  Hope your day is going well.  I'll pray for your worries, some of you by name, even if you don't chat or even visit much these days.  Age can be a trouble, life a toil, and I can be... well... harsh.  Still, I'm pulling for you.  Amen.

Finally!

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I did make it to the post office.  Boy was that box full.  Plus, there was a package.  I was informed yesterday, and said I would be in.  I just made it this morning.  Had hoped to be out later, but getting the shower took... a while.  It was supposed to be the first thing of the day, ended up near the end.  So be it.

That isn't what the "Finally!" is about, however.  Gizzards.  I loved them, how my mother made them.  I have tried to make them... a dozen different ways?  I'd bet.  Never was I satisfied.  Well, today that changed.  I put them in aluminum foil, with salt, pepper, garlic and onion powders, and baked them for 45 minutes at 400 F.  Then I put coconut oil in a frying pan, got that good and hot, and put the gizzards in, with a bit more salt.  I fried each side for about three minutes on medium high.  Then, salted them just a bit more before digging in.

I was afraid the coconut oil would be offputting, with these.  Being that these really are a savory dish.  But, no.  That was fine.  I started worrying that I had added too much salt.  But, again, no.  These need salt.  And, while lard, a mild one, or tallow, would have been even better, this was a success.  I now know how to make gizzards.

Oh, and it looks like my neighbor got the Christmas lights up!  Last night?  The night before?  I am never sure when things happen.  I'll have to text him a thanks.

Getting a goodly little bit of projects done.  While I haven't gotten to boxes yet, I'm... digging my way in that direction.  I may go ahead and start feeding the rabbits in the morning, this morning.  Checking their waterers while at it.  I think I got litter tended, though may check again.  And, one final feeding?  More treats.  I sliced one of the gizzards, and offered it to the girls, but it just wasn't their thing.  More for me.

Later, or goodnight, morning, and day.  Amen.

Yes, finally.

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A shower, as well as else.  Very pleasing.  I'll have to get supper going in a bit.  Hungry, if not really.  I just know I actually do need to eat.  I have gotten thing sorted, foodwise, and am on a very good track.  I just need to get kefir back on track.  Which... might even be attempted yet today... tonight... this morning.

I was a little worried about blood sugar, with such a small lunch.  Just one cheese sandwich, an extra slice of cheese, and a handful of pork rinds.  But blood sugar is... good.  At 95 I simply can't complain.  And, no, I didn't take insulin.  It was too low.  Won't take it with supper, either.

You know, I think the gizzards, fried, on a bed of lettuce, with some dressing or other, does sound good.  I will bake them first, for say an half hour... just to get them done.  Then fry them.  I think that will work out best.  So hungry, but I have a few last things to do.  Then I can get to it.

I am surprised.  A quarter after seven, and dark out there, last I looked.  Not sure if it is just from overcast?  No... it... really is hitting.  I guess the weather makes it seem earlier in the season, so the sun being so late just doesn't make sense.  It is pretty heavy winter, even if it doesn't feel like it.

Gosh but I love those showers.  I wish I could figure out how to take them daily, or every other.  And bath once a week, that would be double splendid.  I love water, I suppose.  Then again, whatever I am doing seems to be helping.  Staying warm, dressing warmer... as needed.  Eating regularly, taking medicines including insulin, and moderating that.  I think I am at 38 cc's of the slow acting.  If that can get to the point where I don't need fast acting, that could be good.  And, if I could begin cutting even that, even better.  I still dream of clearing diabetes, again.  Not sure it is possible, can hope, and see.

Well... a quick task, then to check on the rabbits, then to supper.  Later.

Slow?

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As fast as I can, I suspect.  A bad heart really is a tough row to hoe.

Waterers all done.  I was surprised.  I thought it would take another bucket of water.  But, nope.  What I had worked.  Breakfast as usual.  It takes an half hour to hour to get that from start to the table.  But... I'm good with that.  A hot breakfast, or at least solidly warm.

Then the girls.  Their litter first, then feeding.  And, finally, when I was able to get to chores, fresh water plus an extra bucket for ongoing waterers.  And, after four or five hours, a second feeding.  chores were easy.  The closer group of rabbits... only one needed new water, and he wasn't completely out.  I may feed them in the morning, so I didn't mind leaving their waterers at half, though some of them had more than even that.  Running low on food, I'll check soon... the local coop.  If not, back to town.

It is chilly out there.  I would say below freezing, but not too far below.  Just enough that you know it's winter, not spring or fall.  Funny thing?  Winter, just like summer, requires more water!  To drink.  I have been drinking more than I had been through the mild fall season.  So, until I adjust, I may go up on the water pill.  Saw swelling in my feet, though that may have other causes as well... wearing slightly constricting longjohns seems to play a roll.  Just, did notice I had been drinking more, then sorted out why.  Cold or hot, on either extreme, requires more to drink.

None of that seems like much, but it did wear me out.  No shower yet, but that is the next thing on the list.  Then dishes, and maybe boxes?  With... my list getting shorter, those last two might actually get hit tonight.  I am playing games between work efforts.

I did get medicines, including slow acting insulin in.  With breakfast, I took 8 cc's of fast acting insulin?  Actually, 12 cc's, I think.  If that is too much, I'll begin cutting it to 10 or 8 cc's.  I'll check my blood sugar in about an hour.  I will have either another tuna salad for lunch, or a cheese and deli meat sandwich.  

I am hoping to have fried chicken gizzards for supper.  It's been a while, and those are among my favorite.  If they are too tough for you, boil them first.  Extra work, but it's up to you.  I love them.  Would have them once or twice a month if I could remember.  Hmm... would make excellent "croutons" on a salad, and go quite well with ranch, roquefort, a vinaigrette, or italian dressing.  Or... as I see things.

Well, back to gaming.  To get my breath back after chores and pales of water in.  Then a shower, blood reading, and lunch... or what passes for my lunch.  Good evening, night, morning...

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Blood sugar is 84.  Very good.  I can, at that range, cut to probably 8 cc's.  With lunch, of course, no insulin.  But another check in two to three hours, or more.  Right before supper, so I know whether I should dose or not.  

Up and trying to get at it.

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Late, was the hour.  If earlier to bed than hoped.  Still, with bills paid, trash and recycling out, and a few other things tended, I won't complain.  I did what I could and much of what was needed.  Some days that is all that can be had.  And, I was tired, and worn... if pleased.

It was 21:17 when I woke.  Later than wanted, but it will do, I suppose.  I would like to kick back into daytime, if possible.  As I am remembering that it is cold, and dressing more warmly, and bumping the furnace from time to time, that may be more possible.  Odd, but in the cold or even cool, sleeping through the day is something my body just does.

The cats have been fed.  The water is heating for breakfast.  When the girls are done, after I set breakfast to warm, I will get their litter cleared.  After breakfast, a shower.  Perhaps chores after litter, or after breakfast, depending on if I have the wind for it.  Ugh, but first I have to reset waterers.  Right.  I might do that right after litter, then see if I can do chores after that?  Something.  The goal is to get the little things out of the way as soon as possible, and get the rabbits fed shortly.

If my days are slipping, and I won't be able to feed the rabbits in the evening time range I prefer, I am thinking I will start feeding them in the morning, as I go to bed.  Just switch it to an earlier time.  I'd rather them slightly overfed for a day, than underfed for a while.  Oh, I need more rabbit feed, at that.  Ugh.

Blood sugar wasn't as good today, but still, at 138 fasting, it is... becoming better.  That is still the second best number in a very long time, and in a row.  And, I was snacking a bit too much on nuts, yesterday.  Pistachios and brazil, early then late.  though my meals were very low-carb... chia for breakfast, a two chicken thighs for lunch, and a tuna salad for supper?  And I only ate, probably, three ounces of nuts total.  Hmm...  Maybe it was that I was eating sort of all day?  Dunno, but, still, it's okay on the very good side of that.  It just needs some slight improvement.

Now for morning meds right away.  And I should get the slow acting insulin in.  I'll just do my best to take that in the evening, literally, between 18:00 and 22:00, but run it late, if my day is flipping, until I can be awake to the mid to late afternoon, then take it then.  It is tricky, living a life where control of schedule isn't possible.  No, don't even think I have choice.  Like a hamster, or cat, or... something.  I crash, and then wake, with very little control.  I can push, but that neither means I'll get what I was hoping, or keep it when I do get it.  Though I have noticed, when medicine is regulated, and once I have acclimated to the season, I can do better.  Winters, of course, are more difficult, with it sometimes being darker for longer.  Summer is actually helping, now that I am handling heat a bit better.  Ugh.

Well, on to some things.  Have a great day, night, morning, or... whatever your world or life is presenting to you.  Ciao.

Just about bedtime.

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Trash and recycling, as mentioned.  Cats and rabbits tended as needed.  A tuna salad as a final meal.  All medicines taken, as rightly as possible.  A rather good morning.  Certainly not everything I had hoped, but... some things.  A bloody nose is delaying bedtime a bit.  I'll give it just a bit then go on to bed.

Just an hour after supper, testing because I am beginning to crash and don't want to forget.  And it was a very good number.  At 98, I am not worried about going to bed.  Oh, well, some worries.  Just, I... think I can manage any potential problems.  I have probably only gone to bed with that low of a reading maybe... two or three times in my recent (the last decade) past?  So it's new territory.

I really am not doing all that much different.  It doesn't make sense.  I have been on even lower carb meals.  It's as if I was being sabotaged.  Or... something.  Whatever.  It is working now.  I'll just keep doing what I am doing, changing or adding things slowly and one thing at a time.

BP, I took that today.  It's a bit high.  I had to take it several times to get it a bit lower, but then I remembered... I missed the last four night medicine groups.  Or so.  Or recently.  One or two days back on it, at full blast, won't work.  And, these medicines don't quite take it all the way down, either.  Still, after a few tries (they do that at the doctors office) I got it to a... mostly passible low 130s/80s with a 78 pulse I believe.  It will do.

Then I got bills paid.  I have three bills I have to pay myself, and I pay by phone.  I should check utilities.  I am trying to stay up on things.  I did order my mother something for Christmas.  Should be there in plenty of time.  I just hope she enjoys.  Just little things she thought she might enjoy.

Not perfect, but not bad.  Now to rest for the rest of the... oh... one more thing to try to manage... car registration and house tax...  They sort of go together.  May try to do it online.  Not sure it will work.

Yes, now on to bed.  Good night, morning, and day.

Nice!

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For the first time in a while, I actually, definitely, got trash and recycling together and out.  I am not even sure if it is recycling today.  Doesn't matter.  Done!  While I was taking bags out, I checked the rabbits.  All have food, and most had water.  Save the doubled ladies.  So, I got them a bottle of fresh water.  They were low, was curious how long that would last at night, had hoped... while doing trash and recycling... I might check.  Actually, there was a very little bit left.  Even so, when you pair rabbits, best feed and water them well.  Or they may well kill each other.  A terrible lesson learned.  Though, even if you feed them very well, too many in too close of a proximity, and... they will kill each other as well.  Brutally.

I am hoping to have a salad shortly.  And maybe get a shower taken.  Oh, I try.  I might get to it.  If I get a shower, I really am hoping to set up some dishes.  Ugh.  I have been so fail, for so long.  I am dying to dig in.  I like to work.  Liking working and working are two different things.

Oh, it is 25 F out there.  I was worried the waterers would freeze, but I don't think so.  The rabbits drink just enough to keep it flowing through the night.  Most of them realize that it helps, so do it.  Rabbits aren't exactly the smartest creatures on God's green earth, but even a dunce figures out how not to be thirsty.  Hunger is a different thing, can't do much about that.  But water... can take a nip, from time to time, to keep it from freezing.

Yeah, a salad, some gaming, then a shower?  More gaming, setting up dishes, trying to stay up into the day, paying a few bills, and... all good.  Oh, may have to feed the girls.  With none of us really enjoying the chicken, which I very regretfully tossed, they will need something.  Perhaps redoing waterers, too.  And getting fresh water, from outside, for the girls.  Yeah.  We'll see.

Later.

Dinner wasn't great.

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.

Is chicken just lower quality?  Or did I overcook it?  Still, I had nearly two thighs.  Just... because.  I didn't eat anything else, really wasn't hungry enough for more.  I may have a salad in a bit.  Perhaps with canned tuna as well.  I didn't dose, take insulin, with the meal.  Testing blood sugar just now, though, and it is 112.  Very good.  If I have a tuna salad, I may well take a small dose, say 8 cc's of fast acting.

I'll try to get trash and recycling together and out to the curb.  Maybe a shower.  That'll be it, if I can get to it.  I best get going, they arrive early these days, or seem to when I am running late.  Fair enough, it's all luck of the draw if that seems to work against me.  Yea, best get to it.

Oh, even the girls really didn't like the chicken.  This isn't old, either.  I bought it perhaps two to three weeks ago.  It just isn't very tasty.  It was put in the freezer straight from the store.  And the thawing was mostly done in the refrigerator.  I added spices and herbs.  It just didn't taste very good.  Not bad, just... not good.

Well, on to trash and recycling.  Later or goodnight, morning, and day.

Chores, at least.

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Took a long time to get to chores.  Just finished.  But the rabbits were good.  Most still had water, all were waiting on food.  My goal, lately, has been to feed them sometime between 16:00 and 22:00.  Late, tonight, but it happens.  The girls have been fed twice, and treated.

The oven was turned on and up, in preparation for roasting chicken.  I don't think I have any veggies?  Ah, actually I have salad.  That will work.  With breakfast, I did dose a bit, a small dose, of fast acting insulin.  It looks like it hit it about right, and my after breakfast... pre-lunch... read is 107.

I can't remember the range my doctor wants blood sugar in the morning, fasting.  I think it between 80 and 100.  I'll give it a few days, just see where it goes.  If it stays, I'll add some more slow acting.  If it continues to lower, I will wait until it becomes somewhat stable.  Oh, but I best get in to the post office, see if my medicine is in.  A new medicine.

A shower, the rest of the trash out, and recycling out?  That is the hope.  As well, maybe start in on boxes.  There is no way I can do them all, but I can do... some?  I can hope.  I'll keep thinking on it.  Not sure I turned the furnace up.  If I didn't, I may.  Feeling a bit cold.  It isn't all that bad out there, just... cool enough to get to me.  Later.

Awake and moving.

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It was 18:28 when I woke.  Pretty early, considering I went to bed after 10:00, perhaps as late as noon.  I just can't remember, just that I definitely saw 10:00, and was awake at least an half hour after.  My mind was shutting down.  Those chops, and that stupid grill, kept me up far later than intended.

Testing blood sugar can rarely be good.  It is 128 fasting!  And is 155 for the weekly average.  I was worried the chops would throw it, so took a small dose with the meal.  Then was actually feeling a bit odd, so took some candies.  I kept it light, but it was, I hoped, a corrective.  It looks like I did pretty darned good.  Perhaps it would have been lower without the candies, but it might have been too low, or for me, quite yet.

It might be working better, as I am raising my slow acting.  I... we had set that up, for me to raise it, from the start.  But I had forgotten, that bit had gotten lost in falling off some or all medicine, summer heat, and other problems.  This last consultation with my doctor, he reminded me of that medical advice.  And, with everything going so well, it was done... or is being done, implemented.  I am up to 35 cc's.  

Going up slower.  It might even end up being sufficient, by itself, at a lower dose?  Maybe.  Maybe.  If I can keep on a low carb diet.  Then again... I keep hoping, in time, as I get better at keto, then intermittent fasting, perhaps I can reduce then eliminate insulin altogether.  It has happened, not sure it is possible again, these days.  But, maybe.  Weight loss would be a part of it, which is as much of the problem as anything else.  I ought to get back to that food app.  It really was helping.  Well, and I need to get back into kefir.  That stuff is a golden addition to my diet, in a dozen ways.

You can't just change numbers that have been of one's body for decades, quickly.  The body, itself, rejects lower blood sugar and lower bp.  It just doesn't like "new" things.  I am almost getting better at this.  My body is starting to get used to a lower bp and blood sugar, and eating less and better.  My metabolism is absolutely shot, I doubt if I even can lose weight.  But, who knows.

On the good side, of staying up way late, is that I was able to take my "night" medicine.  Today I am going to take 'morning' medicine right aw... done!  Sometimes I write, with intent, but nothing gets done.  Even taking medicines.  I have to do it right now or I will get lost in fog and it won't be done.

Water is heating, for breakfast.  I really need to start back with eggs.  I absolutely love eggs.  Perhaps boiling a dozen, for the week?  An easy way to prepare them.  Then, begin dishes and cleaning the kitchen so that I an fry some eggs, from time to time.  And, an excellent keto food.

Well... time to begin getting breakfast going.  Cleaning and clearing litter while at it.  I am wearing a fleece jacket today.  If you have to, just do it.  I need more warmth, or nothing will get done.  One more layer, I am hoping.  I keep the place at 70, bump it to 74 if I think it will help.  Lately, even that hasn't been helping.

Oh, a shower, too, after breakfast.  Yes.  Then chores, what is left of trash out, and recycling gathered and out.  I have to set goals.  I have to try.  Even if I fail, I am going to set up for, plan for, success.  I don't care if I fail every day but one in one hundred, or one thousand.  I will plan to win, to do, to work, every day possible.  Is today the day?  Let's find out.  Good morning, evening, and day, innit.

Up later than planned.

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As I was going to bed, I was about to put the thawing meat into the fridge.  The pork chops seemed thawed.  I was still hungry.  So... I started up the grill. Now, for whatever reason, getting the grill going today was a bear.  It took nearly two hours for it to really start.  It isn't that cold out there, around 38 when I started.  It just wouldn't start.

I checked it every twenty minutes.  Every other time, for several times, I had to restart it.  I've never had that much trouble, even when very cold.  At most I have to restart the coals twice.  Still, it finally got going.  And I finally got my chops.  Then, because I was tired, I overdid them a bit.  Still, it was okay.

I did take just spot of insulin.  Now on to bed.  Yea, I'll pray.  I said a little one as I was writing, but I like to say a follow up.  It'll be short and sweet, as I am awake way later than... is reasonable.  Who knows, it might help me kickstart getting back into daylight hours, even if just in the early part for a while.  All good.  Goodnight, good day, and good luck with your day.

Yea, well?

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Not much.  Blood sugar was 73 last time I checked it.  I'll check it in about an hour, see if food might be needed again.  Or something.  After that reading, I had three of those... crackers.  Cream cheese and some deli meat on top.  Will find out shortly if they create an insulin spike.  I definitely don't want to go to bed with a blood sugar in the 70s.  I am not sure about the 80s, either.  Though I may risk it in the 80s.  As blood sugar often, for me, goes up in the morning.  Or whatever passes for my morning.  But the 70s are too close to trouble.

The crackers are rather good.  I tried them without anything on them.  They have a mildly sweat, if naturally sweet, flavor.  If you have had rice puffs, or such, imagine a rye puff?  Something in that neighborhood.  And these are 13 carbs per three crackers.  There are other varieties which are 11 for two, for example... and among several types.  I am hoping these work out.  Nothing fancy, but as for carriers, or even crouton replacements, perhaps even crackers in soup, these may really work well.  I may try one as a crouton on a tuna salad if blood sugar is still a bit low.

The strange thing is, I dosed rather lightly, and only once.  I had two meals and a snack of an ounce of brazil nuts.  I could say, plus a fatted coffee, but that was actually part of a meal.  Oh, and eyes are clearing up a great deal.  It's been off and on, but the last few days it has been much more on than off.  Not sure if that was the new medicine which was dropped, or blood sugar clearing up?  No, blood sugar has been controlled, while vision was blurry.  Pretty sure it was the canceled medicine.

I suppose I could feed the girls one more time.  If they beg.  I sort of wait for that, unless I know enough time has passed.  Sometimes they don't beg.  Actually, I sleep extra long at some point.  I won't get much done before sleep.  I turned up the heat, but just couldn't get warm today.  I really think that is part of it.  If, too, I don't think the cold is environmental... it's my body not keeping warm, for whatever reason.

Carbs, I know, will help keep the body warm, if it has a price.  I need to find low carb foods which help.  Tea can help, a bit, for a bit.  But whatever is wrong just doesn't even allow that to warm the body for long, or all that well.  And, I can't drink it fast enough.

My sweeteners don't help.  Monkfruit and erythritol, allulose (a new trial type), liquid stevia and sucralose (only allow two drops per day, usually, though occasionally a few extra drops for coffee or a second chia breakfast of such).  None of those offer a fast burning item, if the liquid sucralose will cause a blood sugar spike if used more than I suggest, sometimes).

Oddly, even potato doesn't help.  My body runs cold, now.  Good for the summer, not as good for the winter.  I need to figure out how to warm up!  I am wearing double layers, a long sleeve shirt, warm socks, something on the feet besides, and a winter cap.  Do I really need to wear a fleece jacket too?  Or a bathrobe around?  Meh, may have to try it.  I NEED to be warm!  Can't seem to get to work without something more than what I have.  May have to turn the furnace up a bit more, or for a bit in the "morning"?  On top of more clothes?  Maybe.

Oh... I did a blood draw a bit early.  Though that probably means more twenty minutes shy of two hours, than one as it might seem.  Still, the draw was doable at 116!  And, weekly average is running at 157.  Very good numbers.  And I can sleep with that.  I expect 'morning' numbers to be high.  But this, this is good.  That was, pretty much, a heavier, if keto, meal with no insulin.

I missed medicine again today.  I had thought I took it, but didn't.  When I went to take night meds, I realized the problem.  Too late to take both, so... again... night meds will be missed.  Won't risk doubling up this close.  If it were five hours, I might try it.  But not one or two.  Terrifyingly heavy, these meds, not to be trifled.

Yes, now I can go on to bed comfortable that I won't die, or struggle to get sugar in me.  Even thinking of that stuff... I hate loving sugar, but I really do.  The longer I am away from it, the more I want it... at least when I smell or think about it.  With tobacco, when I got away from it I was gladly away from it.  Then again, I... haven't really escaped sugar.  It is in almost everything, naturally occurring sometimes, if more often manufactured.  I wonder if even meats aren't getting sugar added somehow.  They mean to kill us.

Goodnight.  I'll put some prayers in.  For some of you ladies, that your life, music, and loves be good... from family to friends.  And that you gents are finding life interesting, and yourself able... even if just able to sleep well, think as you prefer, and perhaps enjoy a woman, or your woman.  Well, and for those who hate me?  I pray you figure out what I did ages ago... hate only hurts you.  It'll never hurt me, even, especially, if you use it to murder me.  Odd that, but true.  Goodnight, sleep well, dream as you prefer, and maybe see you on the other side.

Almost awake.

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Cool, but not cold out there.  Cool even in here.  Turned the furnace up, just a bit.  Doesn't seem to matter.  Still chilly.  The rabbits were good.  Food, of course.  But waterers were not completely down.  And, were running, not frozen.  I have sorted out the ones who drink more, and gotten them the larger waterers.  And, yes, it works well.  None go without, save perhaps for a very short time.

The girls have been fed, and I think I got their litter cleared.  I will check when I go out to make a coffee.  Just had breakfast, but feel the want of a bit more.  Perhaps coffee, fatted, might do.  Slow acting insulin was taken, along with fast acting with food.  If it drops too much, this time, I will separate the doses by at least a few hours.  Tricky, what all has to be done.  I suppose I suspect, I just became lazy tonight.

Ugh, nothing thawed.  I really need to keep up on that.  I need meat.  Perhaps not every night, but three packs, thawed, for the week.  Four, if one of them is just a couple of chops, or just a small pack of brats.  I will get something out, and thawing, tonight.  I suppose I can have a tuna salad, an ounce or two of nuts, and... something hot tea for tonight.  Well, and I do intend to try the keto crackers with cream cheese and deli meat.  With tea, again.  Gotta have something warm to hot with each meal, or it all shuts down in there, or at least I shut down.  Warmth, in winter, is as much as the protein, fats, and carbs.  Gotta have some heat.

Maybe some work tonight?  Recycling, and a few boxes?  Litter, a shower, and dishes started?  Who knows.  I do know I need to heat up!  Ugh.  Later.

Awake and roughly at it.

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Not sure when I woke.  Perhaps around... ah, I called my mother right as I woke.  That says 15:42.  An hour has passed.  I was looking around  on the internet, after the call.  Oh, and while I won't spend more, I had ordered things on the first.  Which showed up today?  They weren't scheduled to be delivered until Tuesday and Thursday.  Which is part of why I won't be shopping as much with them from now on.

Blood sugar was high, this "morning".  At 224 fasting, I just don't get it.  It was, I think, like 164 hours after my last meal, and with fast and slow acting insulin in on a timely manner last night.  Then again, I am taking the slow acting at the literal evening, not my 'morning' evening...  I mean I am taking it between 18:00 and 22:00, which is more like my morning, rather than taking it at my "night", which is around 6:00 to 8:00.  Still, that is how I try to do it.  Or I might end up overdosing, because my days and nights can get really slippery, and I can have two or three days in one day.  I need to stick it to a time, and stay with it, as close as possible.  It's a dangerous game I play, lethal or quite near it, with any of these meds, if I am not careful.  Lucky, so far.  But... just, mostly.  I think I have gotten a taste of death by jumbling meds a few times.  Ugh.

Their prices are part of it, adding taxes is part of it.  No, amazon has sort of doomed itself.  There will always be a place for amazon, for items which really can't be found locally.  But, from now on, not only will I look locally, but I will price check.  Sometimes it really is worth the wait, for a good price, on certain items.  Though I am guessing, amazon will begin losing a lot more.  Still, why the three day, given the late nature of the order, delivery?  Remember when it really was two days, not two weeks?  Or even a week?

Well, and buying less, overall, is good.  Actually, now, I need to go through much and... downsize.  Ugh.  Mostly what I bought was food items I think will work with keto.  A box of strange keto crackers, or keto-friendly.  Actually old-school stuff, with carb counts which work, and a price that seemed reasonable.  I had thought they would be tiny, but these are... sort of amazing.  I haven't tried one yet.  Should go good with everything from lox and cream cheese, to deli slices, and who knows what else.  

Can't eat a lot of them, but two to three... two Saltine sized... crackers, a few times a week, would be easily worked into my carb allotment.  Actually, that amount would only be about 11 to 13 carbs (depending on which type).  So I could use more, and more often, but the trick to keto isn't to do 20/30/50 carbs (whichever is your allowed, and works for you and ketosis), but to cut carbs out as completely as possible.  The maximum isn't actually the goal, it is merely the number you really want to stay under.  As well, variety.  Say, crackers on Tuesday and Thursday, cheese and deli on the other days?  Something like that.

Mother sounded good.  She had her guy bring in some furniture, just a stand really... to set up her Christmas decorations.  As well, she obtained wood oil, and shined that stand, her dresser, and the door to her room.  I... told you.  The woman won't go down.  While I might not die well, she just... won't quit trying to improve her lot.  I'd trade her, gladly.  But that isn't how it goes.

Chores, in a bit.  Then feeding the girls.  I may try some of those crackers as water heats for the rest of breakfast?  Nah, I'll have it with a "lunch".  I am excited to try them.  Even if they aren't the greatest, I will try to use them anyway.  I thought these were going to be tiny, AND, even in bulk, a small package.  Nope, These will take some work to even find a place to store them.  I really am pleased, especially given the carb count.

They make a "bread" like these, which I want to try next... after being amazed by these.  I don't need them to be tasty, I just want the utility.  I miss bread and crackers, or some equivalent.  And, while they say you can make them, I haven't had great success or satisfaction with what I have been able to produce.   If, true, I haven't tried everything possible.  Though, too, who wants to cook everything from scratch, keep up on it all, and... it... is overwhelming.  If I had a woman type, who could help, and wanted to cook and help with cleaning, on top of what I do, that would work.  But solo, on solo, on solo, on the house, laundry, cooking, dishes, etc?  I... simply can't do it.

Oh, best get on to setting up breakfast, then chores and the girls' food.  Later.

Nowhere, and... yet...

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Dinner, at least.  Plus the cats.  Chores earlier.  A few small things, plus trash out, and litter switched... the old going out with the trash.  Nothing fancy.  No boxes done, no dishes started, not even a shower taken.  Medicines in, for the second night in a row, rightly and all of them, including insulin... fast acting with food and slow acting... well... just sort of as a night thing, on it's time schedule.

Blood sugar is 168.  Not great.  I did dose.  But I ate a pretty carb heavy meal.  Beans and beef.  Part of it on lettuce, some of it just on a plate, with cheese and sour cream.  The thing is, I'm not sure how long ago I age.  It may have been just at, or under an hour.  Or two?  Gah, memory sucks tonight.  Even so, it's not too bad, given all the givens and possibles.  I am actually more worried about a crash, as it lowers, than having it a tad high.  For now.  That'll change as things settle.  Ugh.

The world isn't moving fast.  But it has... spun just enough to do some things.  Oh, and I remember not to spend a nickel more until bills are paid.  If I am not awake early enough today, I will get them on Monday.  But, again, no more money out until bills are paid.  It... keeps things in order.  Plus, I have to remember to keep money in the account for later bills, such as gas and electric.  

Electric did, finally, come down.  It really looks like they are two or three months behind.  Very strange, but I had stopped using ac's by late August, I think?  And even fans by shortly after that, if I only used those at night, and occasionally.  It wasn't until this last bill that the drop in electricity showed up?  Very strange.  I was worried that electricity had just jumped and wouldn't be going back to anything like what I remembered.

Of course gas will now go up?  Uhrm, maybe, a bit.  But I have it on autopay and averaged out.  It might go up a bit, as they are probably still charging more no matter demand or else.  Biden has unleashed these people to rob us.  As well as charging them more for everything government related and cutting access and else.  Weaponized.

Well... a bit more gaming, then on to bed.  Oh, I will hit litter one more time, to keep it fresh, tonight.  Maybe do waterers, and refresh the girls' water?  I can hope.  Goodnight, prayers, well wishes, and... that's about all folks.

Litter and trash.

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Not... all the trash.  All litter though, for now.  The girls will almost be happy.  Their litter and food good, now to change their water.  I should have enough, after refilling waterers, to get them a fresh pan of water.  Sam drinks so very much, that smaller amounts offered just don't work.

While boxes are a priority, trash was... there.  And looked to be an easy target.  And, if it isn't boxes, it is something, and done.  Now, whether I will get to boxes next, or the remnants of trash and recycling, I can't say.  That did wear me out a bit.  So a break.  Then... something.  Maybe something small, like waterers and the cat water next.

Still, I think I might get to a few bigger jobs tonight.  Success leads to success.  And I have been dreaming, the last few days, about getting the house cleaned up... a bit or more.  I'd like to see that dream come true.  Even if just in bits and parts over the next week.  I had been doing well, then medicine started and I haven't been able to do much since.

I am sure, if medicine can be arranged, and a few things checked, there is a possibility that I can do better for longer, do more.  I... it is almost beginning to possibly be a reality.  Not there, but it really might be closer.  I have never seen bp in this range.  Well, and I have noted that once blood pressure comes under control, diabetes is easier to manage.  It's either a twofer or neither.

Bills, tomorrow.  I won't buy or spend another nickel, until bills are paid.  I wait until the third though, to make sure they don't try to say I paid last month instead of this month, or other treachery.  Big companies hate us.  We are just money to them, like exotic dancers.  If you give them a dollar, then that is all you will ever be to them... a wallet.  And they hate you for having more in than what you offer.  Only, it's gotten worse.  This government helps them fleece us, weaponizes everything from big corp to the dollar to government involvements against us, for them, and corporations.  The big guy can't get his 10% without graft and corruption.

Oh, and inflation?  It isn't what you think.  Inflation is merely the removal of reserve currency status.  You can thank Joe.  They did it the back door way, but that is what has happened.  I'm surprised some of the 'clever bois' haven't noticed, understood.  Not paying attention, with the covid bs running so strong, I guess.  But, that is what has happened.  It can get worse, it won't get better.  Get used to it.  Thank you, Joe, and big biz.  Assholes.

Anyway... on to some gaming.  It, at least, keeps me awake. 

Crashed.

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Didn't get to breakfast, chores... anything.  Wait, I think I fed the girls.  Took medicine?  Nope, but did feed the girls.  Waking at around 18:00, a bit after.  Chores, first thing.  They were dry and hungry, but just.  A few had some water remaining.  I expect food will be gone, and it was.

Still rather warm out there, given the date.  December the third?  I don't think it froze today.  I am sure it didn't.  The few with water in them were still flowing.

A shower, and boxes... and else... in this front room today.  Anything else might be incidental or supplemental to that.  Assuming I can even get to that.  Will see.  The water is being warmed for breakfast.  Just the same old, same old, but it really does work for me.  At this point, I don't need exciting food for every meal.  Some regular, some changes, it works.  I'm actually just glad I am eating something.

How do you know your food is good?  Toilet paper tells you what a doctor should.  Well, and the ease of passing.  If it's difficult, you aren't eating correctly.  Since starting chia as a nearly daily morning ritual, life has been much easier.  It was only a problem from time to time.  Since, though, I simply haven't had a problem, no matter what else I eat.  Kefir was good too.  I need to get back to that.  I could see chia breakfast, kefir lunch, then a "meat and potato" within just about any calorie and macronutrient generally given for the day without regards to breakfast and lunch at all.  

Trust me, those things might as well be zeros the way I set them up and consume them.  Well, and a kefir with supper as well.  Just a digestive dose right before I eat.  Kefir... does something to the digestive system.  I suspect it helps pull nutrients, and push out what doesn't belong or do well in the body.

I just need to get kefir going, and get back to cooking.  If I cook rightly, I can cook just three meats a week, and have them last.  And I have a few new ways to cook veggies which won't take pots or pans.  But... I have to get kefir going again, and get the kitchen cleaned back up, and ready for cooking.  Meats... I can grill, roast, fry, or try the airfryer on eventually.  Well, and the instapot for soups.  It is soup season again.  Ugh... got to get the world back in order!

Especially since medicines might actually have started working.  If I could get it all going, at once, perhaps I could have more of a life again.  I won't ever have my life back.  That went out with the heart.  But I might be able to enjoy more of it.  Hiking, snowshoeing, camping... winter and summer.  Little things.  But... I want some of my life back.

Later.

Awake, if strangely.

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I woke, really, around 11:00~11:30.  I didn't get up until 13:00 or so.  No more awake than I was asleep between those times.  Just not doing well.  Then again, I don't hurt.  It's just that my body doesn't seem to be able to figure out whether it's awake, asleep, has to go to the bathroom or not, or what!  I'm just stuck trying to figure life out in a body which doesn't want to shut anything off or turn anything on.

In spite of oddities, blood sugar is down a bit this morning, at 184.  Up, down, left, and right, even that is really odd.  I did get both pill medication groups in yesterday, and while I wasn't dosing as I should have been, I did get some insulin in yesterday.  And it shows.  I had a few pistachios before remembering to test.  It may have been lower still, not sure how fast blood sugar begins to spike after eating?

Sam did come up and visit last night.  Not sure why.  She actually visited two different times.  I enjoy their company.  I do wonder if they get peeved about some things, and just don't visit for that reason?  Litter, keeping up on litter.  Not doing so, and, yea, they get... annoyed.  Or if food is a bit slow or lacking.  And if I don't shower often enough.  Forget to brush my teeth for a bit...  Women are... women... cat, bat, human, or else, I suspect.

Anyway...  Oh, actually, I think I'll go back in to bed for a while.  Ugh.  Later.

A bit to eat and medicine.

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Not much else.  Good enough though.  Insulin and pills.  And, about to go back on to bed.  I keep hoping to get more done.  I keep failing.  Odd.  Probably more the weather than else.  Even as warm as it is, the 30s to nearly 50 in the day.  So... quite warm, for winter.  But... cooler.

I really need to get to some work.  I keep failing.  Thursday, going on Friday.  I have been trying to remember the day... trying to remember without having to look.  Doing well, really, lately.  Yes, technically actually Friday, but that's not how it seems when you are awake, to start, on the day before.

Oh well.  On to sleep.  I will leave the door open, for the girls.  If they don't seem interested lately.  Not sure why.  Goodnight.

Good afternoon-morning.

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Up and... just up.  Cats have been fed, teeth brushed.  Pills, vitamins, and electrolytes in.  I can probably slow down on electrolytes now... say every other day?  Those have allowed me to cut my drinking to, probably, less than a gallon.  If I still drink more, for good or ill, just not much more.  Enough that one water pill will do.

I won't be cutting that anytime soon.  I had thought about it.  And, in time, may.  But only after I am on a more finalized regimen.  Then I will contemplate going to half a pill, perhaps, if that works out, even dropping that.  It is one of the medicines which causes kidney issues, for certain.  The problem is, in the summer, I may end up drinking enough to need to be on them, one... or more.

Chores, soon.  Then, maybe, more work.  One can hope.

Sleep was good.  Warm.  I did have to redo blankets, but knew that and pulled them yesterday morning.  One of the blankets had three twists, only the full length of it?  I... don't even know how that happens.  It is a thick blanket, double thick, heavy.  It is in with the other blankets.  I didn't notice it with all of them, but this one.  Very strange.  Like a gator did a barrel roll with it.  And, that was one of four, two are very heavy blankets, the others are even relatively heavy.  I wonder if I will spin half so well in my grave?  Don't doubt it.

Well... on to waking.  Good day.  God's speed.

Crap. Drats?

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Coffee.  I thought to have more.  I ate the last of the baby carrots out of the bag of veggies as well.  But... something seemed off, so I tested again.  Blood sugar is 72!  Ugh.  I have to figure something else out.  Very... peculiar.  No dosing since it started to slide.  I don't even think I dosed with the meal prior to the fatted coffee and carrots.

What to eat which won't drive the blood sugar terribly high, or leave it to fall?  I don't really have...  Well, maybe.  But that might drive it too high.  Beans and beef?  On salad?  Or, maybe I will try frozen chimichangas.  That... might do.  Or it will drive it high.  I could add cheese and sour cream.

Thinking has become difficult.  Trying to avoid candies.  Then again, that may be about what this is.  Still, I'll have a few of those, plus the adds, then go on to bed.

Goodnight.  And good morning.

Hmm, well?

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Not doing much.  Keeping the girls in food, and myself.  Feeling slightly wonky, so I did a blood sugar draw... 77 a few hours after my last meal.  Okay.  Low, but... seems stable.  Still, I really need to eat something.  Something... ketoish.  A fatted coffee might be a fast and good way?  I will try it.

I'd like to get trash, recycling, a shower, and start some dishes.  Don't know.  Let me get the coffee down, first.  It gets spooky when blood sugar is that low.  I did take "morning" pill medicines.  Actually, I have been taking the first set of medicines well, it's the "night" medicines I have been missing, for days.  I'll... fix that.

I can try.  Best get to that coffee.  I need something, something, or I will crash.  Right on the edge.  And low.  So, yeah.  I can hope to get a few things going tonight.  It's still possible.  Later.

Up and at it, a bit early?

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Yesterday it was 17:00.  This morning, it is 15:00, so, yeah.  Though I think It will be chaotic for a while.  Still, got to chores, and feeding and watering the girls first thing.  Gee, that takes longer than I thought.  Forty to fifty minutes to just do those things, and with a swing in my step.  I go as fast as I can, and yea, I can move.  Especially on a warm day.

It has been in the 50s lately, in the day.  Since I wasn't up, or out, I didn't notice.  Today, on top of being warmer, the sun is out.  It is actually hot out there.  While 48, in December, is pretty hot, at least here, when it is cloudy, 48 just feels... blahish warm.  With the sun out, it feels like beach weather!  Wow.

Getting water for tea, thinking about a shower, brushed my teeth while at things.  More may be possible today.  I slept warm last night.  Broke the bedding down this morning, so that it has to be remade tonight.  I like sleeping warm, and think there is a chance at keeping that up.  Too warm?  I can deal with that.  Feet out, for a bit.  A whole leg if that is too much.  Perhaps the cap off.  Yes, a sleeping cap really does help, if you can keep it on.  Though, I suspect, it gets tumbled off if I start warming, then rolling.  It's almost an automated regulated heater... or insulator, really.  The only heater, up there, while I sleep, is me.  Even when the girls come up, they just eat my heat.  Thankfully I am, usually, more like a pot bellied stove than not.

Hmm, reminds me...  I left the door open last night, but the girls didn't visit, meowl in the night, or anything.  Odd.  Very odd.  But, I slept great, and they had the opportunity.  No skin off my nose, at all.  

Yea, a shower, again today.  Then, hopefully, some dishes in.  Just enough to finish yet today, or early tomorrow, so as to shower again.  And trash and recycling out.  Yea.  I... think so.  If I get through the couple of dish pans, I may start another load.  And?  Boxes.  If I can get to those, that would be wonderful.  Even just a start.  And move some of the purchases out of the way of the door?  Ugh.  Bleh.  Yes.  We will see.

Oh, and the waterers.  I did get two buckets of fresh water in.  Refilling the girls' waterer, washing it out first.  Not many left to do, I have been keeping up.  I now have enough waterers for a two and a half days, of two changes, for each type.  Oddly, the rabbits have slowed their drinking.  I do have to the change the waterers in the building every day, but just once a day.  Those are the smallest waterers.  The other rabbits only need changed every other day, though I check at least once, often twice.  As to food?  They will eat all I give them.  So I have backed off feed.  Once a day, about four to six ounces (at least).  But... just once a day.

Well, on the looking around the web, gaming for a spot... on a timer.  To make sure I go get a shower, then set up dishes.  Then back to gaming, on a timer?  Something like that.  With browsing tossed in, from time to time.  It's as good as I can do, atm.  I'll keep at it.  Good morning, afternoon, and day.  I'll say a quick prayer for the world, and the fools upon or near it.  Good day indeed.

Feeling great.

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Just not doing much, or even staying on meds.  I guess... well... I'll... keep trying.

I was surprised, when I got out.  The rabbits hadn't consumed much of their water.  It was still flowing, too.  Their food, they needed and wanted that.  But not so much water?  Very strange.  I won't be checking them, again, until I wake.  The girls have been hungry as bears.  I won't feed them all the time.  I will... add in extra, when they really seem hungry.  Especially if it is both of them.

I baked the rest of the vegetables, tonight.  Having that as my actual supper.  A bit of sea salt, butter, pepper, garlic, and onion powder(s).  I should have skipped the powders.  Didn't really add anything.  But the veggies were good.  Delicious.  It's been a long time since I roasted veggies.  And, just on their own?  Broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots, along with the rest.  Rather a good meal.  A bit higher in carbs, but the type of carbs I allow.  Carrots being the one standout, unusual, add.

Oh, and I finally tried pink grapefruit perrier.  Wasn't sure that would work.  I try to taste all of the flavors, but if prices are too high, I skip.  Finally found this flavor at a price I could tolerate, so took a shot.  Wish, now, I had bought several.  Then again, these don't last long.  And, plastic is always questionable at best.  They say you can store water stored in plastic for a year, but... I have my doubts.  I wonder how long the ones, stored in foil, last?  Anyway...  It really is... good, different, solid.  Missing something, but I think in a good way.

I did get a shower, if I hadn't mentioned it.  Needed, and enjoyed.  I had trouble staying warm last night.  I had the blankets right.  Finally, though, I reset everything.  And that seemed to work, for some reason.  Well, too, I added a cap.  I hate nights when I can't get warm.  Never can sleep well.

I think I'll go on to bed shortly.  Sweet dreams, pleasant sleep, or really good nightmares, if you... enjoy them, as I do?  Oh, I do.  But I like good dreams too.  If you are just waking, good morning.  I'll put in a prayer for you all.  You know you need it.  Goodnight.

Da fuck.

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I started playing an old game I had.  Why?  There is, in a month or two, set to be released a second part.  I wasn't sure I liked the original.  Got my juices flowing, looking over the new title.  So, I... stuck my head in.  At first, just a few hours at a time.  It's all I could play, maybe twice a day.

However, as my acumen, stamina, and else, increased, I... am... lost in the game.  At least it isn't a bottle I crawled into.  Or... encased me?  Whichever.  In the bottle... game... I am, with barely a cork to pop for release.  Loving it.  And, I am not sleeping excessively.  Mostly.  Every few days, I suspect, I will crash for longer times, in order to make up for the excessively (at least for me, thought that seems to be changing) days.  Then again, I think my days are expanding.  Instead of twelve to sixteen hour days, I am hitting more like eighteen to twenty four hour days.  And, that may extend further.

Of course, medicine, food, and else, are also going back into the shitter.  I'll... try to keep up on that.  I may put something into my phone, and keep the meds out there, since I am no longer sitting this machine.  Bleh.  So weak, and yet so powerful at some times.  If I could target this, I would go back to engineering school.  If I could sustain it, I would be back in school, then doing engineering somewhere.  But, even for gaming, it will only last a while, then I will crash out and not be able to do anything for a while again.  Or die.  I just... don't die well.

So be it.  I did have that last supper.  But, even after it, and candies, as I was going to bed, without having dosed, I was crashing again?  I had to take more candies, but just two.  I... just don't get that.  Something is really off in things.  I'll... keep trying.  

On to chores, feeding the girls, litter, and gaming.  Oh, and breakfast.  Later.

A second meal, that is all.

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Started stumbling.  Into sleep.  Couldn't push much more.  Gamed, with timers, attempting to... do something.  I was done back then, just didn't know it.  Bedtime.  Goodnight.  Sleep well, and warm.  I'll pray for you... us.  

Just about crashed.

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As chicken was finishing, blood sugar took a dive.  Hard.  I couldn't wait for super.  I took some of the hard candy.  Okay, I ate six to eight pieces.  Better than what is often the case.  I tried just three.  A while later it was still bad, so I took a few more.  And, finally, I took three more just because it was all still wonky.  I wanted even more, but I am trying to control the urge to just gobble dozens, or scores.

Not sure what happened.  All I know is, it shouldn't have.

The chicken was only so-so tonight.  It took forever for it to cook, and even then wasn't quite done?  I did put the broccoli and cauliflower in with it.  I have never done that before.  That must have been it.  I wasn't happy with it at all.  I have decided to have a potato after all.  There are two pieces of chicken left.  About half way through, I am putting the chicken back in the oven, and I'll try for a better meal shortly.

I am dressed warmly, had the furnace up (to warm the waterers, but forgot it up), had a warm to hot supper, and still am chilled.  A cup of tea, it is hoped, will knock the edge off.  And supper, in a bit.  Still, it is very strange.  I do my best, but sometimes it all sort of just falls down, like a house of cards, in a sudden breeze.  I'll keep at it.

Just about to go check on the rabbits.  Just waterers, tonight.  Food in the morning.  I am hoping to get cat litter sorted, this evening.  Perhaps a shower in.  And, just maybe, trash out.  And recycling.  Then I'll go on to bed.  Hmm, if I get the rabbits done, and the litter finished, before supper... then get trash and recycling... and then a shower...  I might be able to get to bed in a few hours.  Breaks between.  I can try.  Oh, that tea is a treat.  I... think I can get to the rabbits right now.  Later.  Or goodnight.

Hmm, well?

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Finally having breakfast?  Only four hours after waking.  Ha.  Still, it works.  First, chores, then feeding the girls, blogging, and then starting it up.  A bit of gaming after that.  And, while having a problem I can't find a way around in the game, I decided to go look, and remembered breakfast.

I realized I had forgotten medicine over the weekend.  Disappointing.  As far as I could remember, I was almost certain I had been taking medicine.  Almost none of it, it seems, was taken?   I can't be sure, but pills definitely weren't taken.  I honestly am sure I remember taking it.  Odd.

However, there is something I noted.  The blurry vision?  Is gone.  It must have been one of the medicines.  Crap.  I may stop the amlodipine.  Well, how about this.  I will restart medicine.  If the blurry vision returns, I will stop the amlodipine.  If that doesn't do clear it, I will go back onto it, but back off the carvedilol.  Though, who knows, maybe it's a problem with lower blood pressure.  Perhaps my body simply isn't used to it?

Chicken, tonight, again.  Just oven roasted.  I will have a potato again.  Yea, but... few choices.  I really can eat only just so much lettuce.  And, right now, I am not quite up to... wait... I have veggies.  I could roast those right in with the chicken!  That would do.  I don't mind a potato a week or so.  Hmm... might split that, bake it and split it.  I ought to check how much a larger potato has, for carbs... 60~64 carbs?  Okay, so half, twice a week, as all my carbs for the day?  

Yes, I could do that.  Could spend my carbs better, or better go without.  But... shut up.  Further, due to size (and it being actual size, not just fat size) I do get a few more carbs than most, more like 45 to 50.  If, still, I try to do cleaner, better, carbs, and cut rather than go for the limit.  Then again, who to believe, on anything, differs.  I still am trying to stick closer to 20 to 30 maximum carbs, and trying to cut even that.  It just doesn't always work.

Yea, cauliflower, broccoli, and chicken, baked in juices...  Veggies removed at the end, while the chicken gets crisped under the broiler?  Sounds good to me.  Just water, to wash it.  All good.  Perhaps a bit of butter, on the veggies?  Yes.  Plus salt, pepper, and a touch of ground coriander?  Aye.  If I wanted to add that reddish brown, I could add paprika... or smoked paprika for the color and some smoke?  No, not this time.  I love considering what will be done.  Even if I end up not doing it, it's almost like I got to eat... two or three times if I follow the considerations to their ends, in thought.  Food is so good.  Smoked paprika next time?  Maybe.  When you can't grill, or don't want to, there are other ways which really do, or can, work.  With a little practice.

I'll check the rabbits later.  Just their waterers.  Food, from now on, will be offered out when I wake, or earlier in the day.  Water twice a day, as I am able.  I best get cat litter caught up.  I... drop the ball on that often.  Ugh.  I do my best, and it will have to do.  Later.

Uhrm, right?

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Can't be sure when I went down.  I did reset the waterers, out there, and fed them too.  They got their double feed Thanksgiving.  I woke right after 13:00, small change after.  Got right to a few things.  Chores, first.  Of the ten cages, only three were out of food.  No waterers needed changed, either.  I will check again tonight, they should be out by then.

It is 48, or so.  Didn't look exactly, just roughly.  A nice day, really.  I am working on breakfast, it is brewing as I write.  When I go out to check it, I will feed the girls.  I will refresh their water tonight, and try to catch up on waterers when I reset them tonight.

I am not sure gaming is helping, or is just a sign of slight improvements.  I really didn't do well on the other medicine, it was just too strong.  Oh, but I did reset the pillbox yesterday, so it is up to 10 mg per day of the older new pill.  I didn't pull the old medicines though, that will just happen as it happens, or, maybe, when the new new pills arrive.  We will see how that goes.  

To be honest, even the medicine I can tolerate has me right on the edge.  If I am having trouble with the next medicine, I may try a few other things.  I actually do have two other things I can cut, one of them definitely is difficult for me to take.  I have two doses of carvedilol twice a day, one is big, the other small.  But, even that small one is a difficult task, and probably only takes 5 points off bp.  That is the one I would remove, to try to tolerate the other medicine, if necessary.  Then again, it might be good to drop that right off?  I don't know.  That leaves me one more lever to pull, halving the amlodipine.  Ugh.  At least I didn't crash so badly that I lost it all and had to start over, again, again.

Well, boys and girls, it's back to life.  I have breakfast to sort, some gaming to do, then maybe on to some work.  Yeah.  Later.

No dice.

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I had hoped to do something today.  Nope.  I will get the rabbits an extra feed, plus their second water check.  And the girls are eating pretty good.  Plus, I did cook the burger, and had taco salad.  But that's it.  Mostly.  My list just won't be done.

Gaming may eventually help.  Currently, I am not able to play for long.  I am playing well enough, remembering where to go, what to do, how to create or manipulate things in game.  But I can't play for long.  I... just get lost.  Still, it is the path to something more.  Maybe.

I had meant to get to the V.A. last week.  The problem is, money is too low.  I need gas money.  I have a bit of cash, but not enough.  The tank is low.  As gas is, I can't fill the tank, and probably reload when I get back.  I wouldn't make it.  There might be enough in the account, but it would be pushing it.  I'll... do what I can, when I can.

Tired.  Exhausted.  Best get to chores before I just lose complete track and go to bed.  Getting foggy in the noggin.  Good night.

Not moving quickly.

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I did get completely caught up on waterers.  All filled and portioned.  Though I may be switching a few things soon.  During the day, the warmer parts of it, I will put out larger waterers.  But at night, I would prefer to have smaller ones out.  Smaller ones will freeze quicker, but will thaw quicker too.

I have enough for two water changes, for two days.  Which means I have to hope they thaw in time to be put back out.  Currently, it is, or was, 48 F out there.  Which means the ones I put out in the morning should be good most of the day, or all day.  Whatever I put out later in the afternoon will probably freeze quickly.  Then again... Weather is begin odd.  Very cold here, warmer there, and I'm not really able to be sure what will happen next.  I'll just do my best for them.

I am thinking frying burger, and spicing it well, added to salad, will be supper.  Though, maybe, I'll have chicken again too.  Hungry.  For good food.  And it is easy enough.  Baking chicken is okay, but a recent trick really does improve that dish.  Using the broiler, it crisps it up.  I've been experimenting how long and the temperature.  It looks like right at 400, for three minutes, on each side (for chicken drumsticks) seems to be about right.

I must have forgotten to take insulin after my meal, blood sugar is up to 261.  Or I just ate a bit ago.  I just... can't remember.  So sleepy?  Tired, more like it.  Brain fog.  All I ate was chia, with cream and spices.  It shouldn't have jumped.  Until it comes back under control, sensitivity can be peculiar.  As well, when I mess with blood pressure medicine, that has a strange affect too.  It's just the way it is.

I am getting hungry.  I'll have a fatted coffee, a dose, and start thinking about supper.  I'll try to push a few things through.  That may work or not.  So tired.  Exhausted too.  Not really sleepy, if I could sleep if I would allow it.  Later.

Awake, finally.

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No idea when I went to bed.  It is just 14:08, after waking, dressing more properly... at least to go out, and then doing chores.  I am hoping to feed the rabbits twice today, as their Thanksgiving feast.  All of their waterers were freeflowing still, only one needed changing because it was empty.  Yes, we all have one of those rabbits.  Still, I don't mind.  I may have to put a bigger jug for him.  Actually, there are two rabbits like that.  One is a boy, the other a girl.  The buck is of the big breed, the doe is of the small breed.  One is favored, the other is not.  And, yet, I will tend them as I can.

Trash, recycling, a shower, and then?  I am hoping to get to more.  I am feeling better, other than blood sugar doing weird things.  Blood sugar is 210 this morning, fasting.  Which really annoys me.  Hmm, I had milk with supper, okay.  Still.  With it dropping to 66, and just having one meal after that, and mostly keto...  Then again, raw straight milk is pretty harsh.  Right or wrong, I am still annoyed.  Why can't it just do right, regardless of me!?!  Still, I'll keep at it.  On the good side, at least I didn't need candies or such.  I handled it, if the landing was a bit rough, with just food.  Glucose tabs and candy would have driven it a bit to a lot higher.  There is that.  Then again, again, milk was... is... a form of candy.  It is.  

I am not bothering with bp because it will be high.  Oh, but I realized I was supposed to increase amlodipine to the full 10mg per day, but had forgotten to do that.  I started last night, but need to go through my pillbox and reset that.  Which I can do whilst tinkering this morning.  Bleh, always something forgotten, set aside, or figured out, causing more things to be done, in a world I can't keep up with all that well.  I'll... keep trying, until I die, I guess.

Well, a bit of water, with electrolytes.  And pill medicine as water warms for breakfast...  Then on to some other things, perhaps gaming to wake a bit, then to work... or just those should-be daily chores...  Gaming is limited.  I can't get glued to it, as I have in the past.  Just a few hours at a time, but it... activates parts of my brain which have been idle for a long time.  I can't game for very long... an hour or two at a time, then I'm... I need a break.  Excellent though.  That is perfect for segmenting my day between mental, physical, and various options among those.  Then again, and too, I can't stay busy all of the time.  Which... is what the computer often offers... like switching channels, to see what I can see, but trying not to think too much, or do more than consider what is proffered.  Most of which is... not real these days.  But oh well.

On to looking over the web, meds, and hydration, then breakfast.  Later.

A pretty good dinner.

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Just pork chops, grilled, on a salad.  Italian dressing, and the salad has cucumbers, carrot shreds (light), and tomatoes... cherry, and very tasty.  I added shredded cheddar, just a touch.  Quite good.  As well, I shared out about a quarter of the third chop with the girls.

Was feeling a bit rough.  Odd, as I have abused myself, with a potato yesterday, and fast food several days in a row.  I was dosing a bit stronger, with insulin, because beyond eating poorly... wrongly... I had forgotten insulin for a few days.  Well, yes, it didn't seem to matter.  Blood sugar was at 66 and I could tell it was dropping.  So, as much as possible, I hurried my meal.

Now I feel truly terrible.  I think I got food in, but the time it took cost me.  Like it or not, my night is finished.  Tried to game, and do some other things, to dent the fall.  No good.  I am trashed, done, for the night.  Headachy, a few other aches and pains.  Rough.  I had hoped to feed the critters more.  The girls have gotten extra feed, not so the rabbits.  I'll... they'll get their thanksgiving when they get it.  And they will, just not tonight.  Ugh.

Night meds, I already took slow acting insulin.  One of those new migraine pills and pill night medicine.  And... that should be it.  I'll have to go on to bed and try to sleep it off.  I have candies up there, in case it continues to fall.  I should take some water, to get the cloying of sweets from disturbing my sleep, just in case.

Still, all good.  I got a bit more done today.  I keep digging at it, trying to get even more done.  Falls, spills, accidents, but... so be it.  Goodnight.