20:27?

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A long nap.  I went down just before 13:00.  Down hard.  Just waking.  Yea, my foray into daytime was shortlived.  Then again, I am not done trying.  I got just enough of a peak to like it, again.  I dreamed of finding one of my foster brothers, locating his home in a certain city, and visiting him there.  My other brother was with me, strangely.

He was scattered, between becoming paranoid as to how I found him, and nostalgic by the meeting.  He isn't the Jack I remember, but a life of medical practice will do that.  They required more liberalism from him before allowing him into the medical school, to start.  If you understand that liberalism is a form of stupidity... you begin to understand where that leads.  And... it does and did.  I don't have a brother who isn't liberal.  I don't think the sisters ever cared, so long as they could do as they willed... which, really, is just another form of that.  Oddly, the one sister who remains married IS the admitted and organized liberal.  But... she is the man of the house, literal.  In spite of having had three children, she actually works out of the house.  Her 'husband' stays home with the children.  And they call me weird?  Bleh.

Anyway... awake, but just.  I'll figure out what to do and what is possible.  I may be a bit under the weather after what all the last few days.  I can push, but then I have to take a break.  And push I did.  Still, it was beautiful.  If I can push today, I will.  Tomorrow?  I'll push every chance I get.  I hate being caged by illness, age, or whatelse.

Then again, if I were working, how much harm would I be doing in the world?  These days, it seems, the more successful one is, the more dangerous and destructive one is.  It doesn't matter if one is a doctor, an engineer, or a ceo.  Everything seems to be some form of genocide, destruction, or bureaucratic overreach and micromanagement of people you should merely be serving.  Evil.  So... yea, maybe it's... a good thing.  Instead of conquering the world, these days, men have chosen the path of conquering the will of their fellow man.

Still, I can try to improve my little chunk of the world.  Doing dishes, breaking down boxes, cooking, feeding and watering the critters, taking care of litter, writing my little bits here and there, and taking care of my body best I am able.  The little is what is left to me, the humble.  And I'm not good at it, or all that able, to add to the humility.  And, yet, I am grateful to have been shown humility... before others and before my death.  May you know it before you are shown it far too late to do a thing about it.  Embrace the humble, truly, or know doom.

Oh, blood sugar is 126 what I am calling fasting.  I took not a drop of fast acting insulin the whole day!  Wow.  Okay.  I am at about 38 cc's of slow acting in the evening.  And, it seems, at least today, no fast acting was needed.  That doesn't mean the same tomorrow.  And if I eat something like a potato from time to time, I would still like to dose with fast acting.  And this, like day cycle, doesn't mean tomorrow will be the same.  But... it is promising, an in the right direction.

A mouthful of exceptions there.  But... that is my life.  That has been my life for decades.  I live but by the will of God, and nothing more.  I surrendered my life, I tossed it away, and He said NO.  And, so, beyond my will and abilities, I am.  If with many exceptions.  So be it.  If, finally, with a gladness.  Amen, again, I say, right in this paragraph, if you have the eyes to see.