I really feel awful.

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I have been tired all week, or the last two.  Internals feel a bit off, just not feeling well, not able to wake well, or sleep well.  On the good side, I sleep enough.  Probably too much.  But have been able to keep a regular day.  Getting to bed around 18:00 to 19:00, waking from 3:00 to 5:00.

Too much sleep, if a more regular schedule.  Waking a lot, to pee in the night though.  Frustrating.  And, yet, keeping the swelling in the feet down.  Not as good as with waterpills, but... better than usual when off medicine.  Then again, there were times, even with medicine, even medicine and compression socks, when swelling would occur.  Usually when I feel awful, like I do now.

Blood sugar is, of course, high.  But, given that I am not taking insulin, it's actually not too bad.  I want to see if kefir is elevating blood sugar, so I will begin testing through the week.  I won't list numbers, just whether kefir helps or hurts.

As is, with kefir, I ferment it for twelve to eighteen hours.  Then, with the storage jars, I drink the oldest batch, and shift everything from youngest to oldest.  Refilling what has been just refilled from the fermenting jars the last time.  So, the kefir gets fermented at room temp, then is fermented over the next few days.  With three jars, it takes two days to be shifted into the last jar, and be ready for consumption.  So, it gets a cold ferment process as well.

Then again, I drink about half a gallon of the stuff a day.  Not sure that is good for me.  Not sure if that is part of the problem.  Though, really, in deep winter?  I always, or often, feel terrible.  Usually I can't do much.  And, while it took a week, I did get a water heater fixed and back in action, and sorted a leak which sort of baffled me, both in a week or less.  Then again, those tasks pretty much pounded me pretty hard.

Though I did get three... no four... loads of laundry through since then.  Haven't gotten to the store, but did get out.  Meant to make it to the store the times I was out, but started crashing too hard.  Soon, one can hope.  I should check to see if the new slacks I bought... months ago but couldn't try before the return window, fit.  I have two or three pair to try.  If I am still waiting for dress shoes to appear before getting in to confession.  I think I have some dress shirts, wrapped still from the dry cleaners.  I wonder if they do just fine for an extended time after dry cleaning?  I'll find out.

Few remember the parable, of the invitation to the wedding.  One of the things, of great import, was to dress properly for the festivities.  Don't... take that lightly.  I'm still a bit... bothered that the churches shut down in a great time of need.  And... there are other problems.  But... I need some things, and will... forgive.  Or, some aspects of it.  I guess, last time I checked, there was still a signup sheet to even attend, after an extended period when they didn't have mass at all.  Only woke programming on y.t., of no interest or spiritual guidance value.  I am not one they would want, so I didn't bother signing up for a rare, occasional, spot.

Well... on to the day.  A few painkillers, I think.  Some gaming.  A shower when I can get to it.  I tested blood sugar, but want to check it in a few hours, then have kefir, then check an hour and two after to see if kefir is part of the problem.  Plus, a check at bedtime.  Do this for a few days a week, through the next two weeks, and see if kefir is good or bad.  It's mostly what I eat, so I really ought to check.

Now, it didn't seem to be a problem, before, on meds.  But, I was drinking a cup a day, or two.  Not six to ten cups.  We'll see.  Definitely curious, but also being cautious.  Later.

Awake.

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Have been for an hour and an half.  But, started browsing the web, got lost in it.  A bit of kefir for the day.  Should be able to reset it shortly.  I think I have made enough room to do so.  The jars can only hold just so much.  Essentially, I have to clear a full half gallon in order to have enough room for a full reset.

I must be honest, I end up a bit over full from it.  Still, it's... better than being perpetually hungry.  As well, it is as much liquid as solid?  I think.  Though, too, I think it manages diabetes... to a degree.  When eating bundles of candy, or eating out a bit too often, there are limits.  But, it does help.  I think.  It helps with lots of things.

My guess is, if you are susceptible to colds, the flu, and such?  This stuff would help with that.  It eats, if I would have to guess, even the flu.  If this stuff ever starts eating people, we will lose.  Hard to kill, too.  *grins*  The Blob, indeed.  For now, it is happy to clean my gut, colon, and else.  Even from the inside.  Amazing stuff, truly.

A bit tired, but I am sleep well.  Down at 18:30, up at 5:15, give or take.  A bit long of a sleep, if I'm not sure why.  I wasn't all that tired when I went to bed.  And I slept warm, or warm enough.  Sometimes I have to kick my feet out, to cool off.  Sometimes I have to tuck back in and under.  Not sleeping quite as well as I was on medicine/insulin.  But... not too bad.  

Peeing a lot more, too.  But my waterpill replacement is mechanical, long compression socks.  I did buy a number of types and sizes.  Was going to send the looser ones back.  But ran out of time, wasn't able to try them all.  As it turns out, that was a good thing.  It means I can use the extremely tight ones for a day or two, take them off this day, or that night, then use lighter ones for a few days.

Compression socks can be a bit... uncomfortable.  But, without them, I will drown internally in my own fluids.  So, mix, match, and keep the fluid going.  But, as mentioned, it does work.  Pills are easier, and with the other medicines help me modify intake and output better.  This is more like being wrung out, rather than altering the system so that it just works better.  But, it... works.  That and wearing shoes rather than flipflops.

It is 22 and snowing, lightly.  Just a skiff, if that may be nearing an inch?  Half an inch?  Enough to cover.  Yes, finally, we are getting snow.  I think, a few years of going without, or decades, it's good to see it coming back.  Not sure if it will continue, or mean much, but... it's... there.  Will see through the winter, and years.

Watching what is happening in China?  Yea.  Looks like the disease is much more toxic to them.  I am beginning to wonder if it had been thought to be as bad for everyone as it is for them.  But, the truth is, it was made based on local dna, which simply isn't the same.  I would guess everyone who was involved in the making of it thought it would affect everyone equally.  It... doesn't.  Or doesn't seem to.  The West overreacted, and while China seemed to have overreacted, even more so, maybe not.  It was based off Chinese dna and that just isn't the same as Western or other dna groupings.

Of course, that is assuming any news out of China can at all be believed.  Or out of the West, to be honest.  If it is true, what is coming out?  Then, yes, the Chinese are much more susceptible.  Though, how much of that is genetics, how much is the "vaccines" they used causing the susceptibility, and how much is from the basis that the virus was created basing it on Chinese dna characteristics is... all... a crapshoot.  Historians may, someday, get legitimate information from actual science... if that body of people and knowledge can be salvaged from politics and big pharma.  Perhaps, someday, maybe, it will be known, understood.  But, not for now.  Everyone is being paid, big ton o' loot, to say whatever they are told to say, or threatened, or just follow-alongers.  Someday, maybe, they may know.  But not with the political powers that be still in power.

Even though I despise the Chinese government, I do feel bad for a lot of their people, who are crushed under a regime that will kill them one way, or another, and not care.  They will never have a day in court, or anything right, for it's own sake.  Then again, we are at that point.  It's... done here, too.  When even India has far better election processes, honest, fair, right... America is falling into shadow.

I can see why many nations are turning their backs on America.  I am surprised Europe isn't, or yet.  A few very cold, hungry winters, added to insane inflation and else, might change that.  We'll see.  I hope, if they can escape us, they will burn the EU while at it, and become a collective of nations.  As is proving, even in the US, it seems a federal bureaucracy is at least as bad, if not worse, than a dictatorship.  Just another form of it.

Well... on to... something.  Gaming, for a bit.  A shower.  Laundry is going.  A bit rough, but... I'll... keep at things as is possible.  Good morning, day, or whatever schedule you are working.  Prayers and well wishes.

Been awake for a while.

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I forgot to unlock the front door.  Padlocks.  Wanted to look out, see what was happening.  Then I remembered the recycling, and got it to the curb.  Not enough trash to even gather, let alone take to the barrel.  So that just wasn't needed.  But recycling was a bit more than half full.  Good enough.

The front sidewalk wasn't scooped, so I happily got to that.  It is so much easier, when it is a length.  And the snow is light.  All good.  And, I like to be out there, sometimes.  While the thermometer reads 24, there is a solid, cold, breeze coming through.  It definitely isn't 24.  Still, it isn't negative ten, or such, either.  More like ten?  Maybe zero, F.  Wouldn't want to get locked out in it, but can handle ten to twenty without too much issue.  I'm an Iowa boy.  Old, but... still a boy.  *squirrel!*

Turned over kefir.  That's... almost a hobby.  Having to eat nearly two quarts to keep up.  May try to back it off, just a bit.  I have three ways of slowing the fermentation process.  Lowering temperature in the house, adding fewer kefir grains (probably more "less", as it is more a vague volume thing, than a number of them, but it sounds better given how it is phrased... as if you could count the grains).  I do enjoy doing it, and it provides much of my daily food.  I may be cutting back on cream though.  We'll see.

I went to bed at right at 16:00 yesterday.  Given that I had so little sleep, that wasn't bad.  I woke at around a quarter to three?  Right, I think so.  Or three thirty, I just can't be certain.  It is almost eight already.  Crazy.  I hope I didn't miss recycling though.  Hard to know.  They can be by rather early.  Depends on the week, the cycle, and all.  I'll know before long.

Wow, the sun is just coming up.  Cloudy, so there isn't a lot of sun.  I guess I forget how late the sun is to rise in mid winter.  Then again, I often sleep through this part of winter.  And, even if not, I don't remember much of it.  Sleep or winter fog of mind, keep memory from sticking.  Still, enjoy it.  Definitely enjoy winter more than summer.  If I am learning how to enjoy more of that too.

The drive was cleared.

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I even tried to pay.  But, no, not this time.  I thought... after someone left... the transfer would go through.  Nope.  Bah!  Grateful though.

Not much done, but I am up at 14:49.  I only slept four hours, so... not bad.  Can't do much.  I did try to shovel.  I got about a four foot square area, give or take, then had to just... come back in and sit.  I had hoped to push through a bit.  Wasn't possible.  Tired.  In ways that aren't healthy.  Still, that I even thought to try, and make solid plans, was... something.

I finished my first run through Mass Effect 1 through 3, and have started a second run.  I learned... bits and pieces.  Am hoping to learn more, this time.  So that, next time, I could run through on the hardest difficult.  There are a few elements I still haven't fully integrated into play, which will be required on more difficult settings.  Hope to square those circles this time though.  Maybe will happen.  Found reading material to better comprehend these things.  Just... have to be in good enough shape to read, comprehend, and develop plans of action from those first things.

Oh, I best get meat out, thawing.  Though, too, I hope to get to the store Monday or Tuesday.  Though it could end up being Friday.  Or... next week.  Sort of rough, of late, if not too awfully terrible.  Just, a bit... off.  In... a lot of ways.  I don't hurt, mostly.  Ache, occasionally.  And, this and that, including a mild fever?  Seems to.  But, not the worst of any single thing, just a lot of little nagging issues.  Painpills helped.

A call and a visit yesterday.

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Well, and a bit more.  Call?  Email.

Two invitations.  One to several events.  Can only make one, but will.  The other was for a meal and conversation last eve.

Went well.  And, will do a raincheck on the one I missed, or will miss.  My heart is just... too tired.  I may be crashing again, shortly.  Clean, but I don't have proper shoes.  I need to check on dress shoes, and slacks.  I bought some, but was in such a state I never tried them on in time to return them... if they don't fit.  I... guess I should try them on.  Have dress shoes on the way.  The 15's of those were clown shoes.  So I ordered 13's and 14's.  As is, I may order a second pair of which ever size fits, in another color, next month.

Oh, and the washing machine is running dry.  I started with a small load, then ran a ton of whites... a massive load.  Worked quite well.  Though, while at things, I may clear and clean that back room, so as to sweep, mop, and clear it up.  Not... today.  This week, sometime, when able.  But, yes, I will get to it when possible.

I had hoped to go shopping, while getting out last night.  Wasn't possible.  I did get some cash out, into the wallet.  Good to have a few dollars here or there.

Feeling a bit rough this morning.  Didn't get down until 23:30.  It... just took a while to cool down.  But woke around 3:30, give or take a bit.  The arteries in my neck hurt.  No... great worries.  I've had this before.  But, I will be taking a nice extra boost of aspirin, just as a precaution.  There are some aches and pains I... worry, a bit, about.  Even if I have had it worse, I've always been cautious about certain pains.  Arteries should hurt.  If they ever wise up, and get rid of the mask mandate on the V.A., I'll try again with them.  Though with the little dictator being puppeted by anti-humans, that may never happen.  If they can't get you with the disease, or so-called cure, they'll get you with something else.  They merely want us dead.  I don't have a way around it.

Still, really, I am doing better than ever before, off medicine, possibly on medicine.  Not sure if the medicine was all that much better?  Well, I am probably more susceptible to extremes, of weather, barometrics, and such.  But, when extremes are managed, I... do rather well.  It is 59 in this room, and I am doing well.  Learned how to dress just right for the cool/cold.  Summer will be another thing, but... we'll see.

I may well have another thirty even forty years, even off meds.  God may have given me an Achilles heel, but He didn't seem to make it final.  Actually, it's the only thing that allowed me to come to Him, hear Him, listen to Him.  But, he built me like a damned tank.  While I couldn't run as a warrior, chasing off to battle.  If war came to me, it would... learn what an old master could teach.  Easily a final lesson to many, perhaps most.  And, live thirty one years beyond my... retirement plans the Navy set out for me?  

They should have just done the heart, killed me early.  Stopped "finding" heart transplants.  Wasn't my call.  *grins*  *rictus grins*  And, I outlived the muzzy doctor who blatantly, medically malpracticed against me.  I don't care how he died, just glad he isn't a typical politically correct doctor pick, practicing as if life meant anything.  And, he proved my point through his actions.

I'll stay up a bit longer.  An hour, two.  Then... probably no choice but to crash.  Should be up in time to get the recycling out.  No extra trash, but recycling is nearly full?  Probably.  Will look around, check things out.  Oh, and I need to thaw some meat, and probably set up the next batch of kefir.  Good morning.

The first good sleep in... a week or two?

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No sugar, yesterday.  Well, maybe some in the morning, from the gift pack.  But no hard candy, or all day.  Yea, I know.  As well, I was being thirsty no matter how much I drank.  So I put a cultured vinegar, electrolyte, and water concoction together.  About a quart of the stuff, at fairly significant doses of the stuffs.  It was hard to take down, but worked.  Especially while removing sugar from my diet.  Well, and a heave amount of kefir.  That stuff... does things.  Good things.  So, yea.  And, with the hard candies gone, and the sweets in the gift box gone, I'll do better.  Though, probably, if a smaller whole and partial doses, I'll have another vinegar, electrolyte, and water combo again today.

It... sounded like it was raining, as I began writing this.  Raining?  On December 31st?  Nutz.  I had to go look.  Yep,  It is raining.  And things are thawing.  It is 34, so just warm enough.  Of course, that makes me nervous.  It could just freeze in a snap, become really ugly out there.  And my driveway is snowed in.  Bleh.  My system isn't put together, I probably can fix it up, and... that is that.

I got payments made yesterday, and a plan on the way.  Hmm, I need to get money in to utilities, then see about setting up and autopayment plan.  Last month I was ahead on this.  This month, though, I need to pay again.  And, as mentioned, get it set up.  My incoming check was larger this month.  So, I will, initially, be using it to get clear of a few things.  I paid two cards off, will be paying heavily on one card, while using one of the paid off cards to sort through monthly things, giving me a bit of cash on hand for the meanwhile.  Yes, financial planning is a thing.  Finally, in my life.  Even so, the goal is to have as much left, at the end of the month, to put more on a card.  No choice, really.  I had things to do, and limited maneuvering room.

I definitely need to thaw some meats.  A pork roast, hamburger, and maybe something else.  As well, I need to mop the back area.  I may not be going fast, but I am getting it done.  I suspect this will finish up quickly, dry quickly too, and be put back in place all yet today.  Probably a load of laundry in, while at it.  Hopefully it all fits and works rightly.

I forgot to put my dairy list in.  I am staying with the four gallons of milk and quart of cream.  I need to find out what my balance is, so I have an idea of what I need to add to it.  Still on last month, actually.  With four Saturdays this coming month.  And, probably, nearly a hundred in the black going in, give or take.  Still, each week is ~$40?  Something like that.  But, kefir, at this pace, really handles a lot of food wants and needs.  As does the fatted coffees or such.  And, I think the kefir has been covering for eating candy.  It... does something to that, processes it in a different way.  It could only help so much, and for so long.  But, yes, it... does help.

Now, without sugar around, I should be able to get back in shape.  I just hated throwing that out.  Without insulin, though, keeping it around was just too great a temptation.  Gone, one way or the other.  Oh, and I finally found my old glasses prescription.  And ordered a few pair.  I broke a pair last month.  Am wearing a pair which don't quite work, but... do.  If they work, I will order a few more.  If it looks like I need to get a newer script first?  Utah changed the law, so that if a prescription is too old, they won't allow you to order it online.  I really don't want the government involved with these things.  As a fact, they should back out of medicines.  If it's not a narcotic, I should be able to order it.  Docs don't seem to know or care, as long as they get their service fee.  And, they are just woke instruments of destruction, at this point.  Certainly the new ones, but often even the old ones.  We are just money, for them.  Nothing more.  Well, and woke indoctrination subjects.  Fix prescriptions, which aren't narcotic, and leave us alone if they are going to not treat us without a mask or bundle of cash.

Hungry.  I might have something available.  Eggs and bacon, maybe corned beef hash?  Dunno.  Good morning, day.

She is tight!

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My checking balance.  I was afraid, with the double mortgage, and all else... from Christmas to wedding gifts, and repairs etc, I would have fallen out of grace.  I was sure they would have ended up taking money out of savings, to cover.  But... I... just hid from all that, and did what I had to do.  Nope.  Today, when the banks open, will be payday.  And I just checked.  My account stands at $1.05, and they didn't pull from savings.  Ugh.  Tight!  Pleased.

I received a gift, yesterday.  But I know not, for sure, from whom.  I checked with my mother.  Nope.  Didn't think so, but... Being in a nursing home, she just doesn't have money.  Called my brother.  No answer.  Could be someone else, but no tag, or card, or... anything.  Cheeses, meats, and sweets.  I have enjoyed some of it.  Did check the sent to name, to make sure it was sent to me, and... yes.  Dunno.

I have been eating the candy, in the house.  I had thought to throw it, but... just couldn't.  Though I thought I would be out by now.  Nope.  I think I will throw the rest, minus what I got in the gift box.  Not all that many sweets, and it's part of the gift.  But the hard candy is getting tossed.  Or it will kill me.  Ugh.  Not even half way through?  Crazy.

Well, maybe a few more.  But I threw away the vast majority of what was left.  Life Savers.  Most of the bag.  I really thought I had eaten through a lot more than I had.  Nope.  All good or oh well?

I am hoping to get a shower, then mop the wash room... at least where the washer normally sits.  Then, when that area is dry, push it back in place and clean the rest of the floor.  Sweeping and mopping.  As well, get the washer hooked back up, then start a smaller load... see if it holds.  Gah!  That ended up being a few dead ends, a few mistakes, and, yet, I think it should be good.

In spite of the frustration, I love working through problems, and solving them.  If I would really enjoy it far more if money wasn't so tight!  Though, too, I have a few more tools.  And equipment... the pump.  Items I can trust to work.  A few will be arriving soon.  Gifts, for not paying someone else a few hundred to do.  Then again, if I paid, the jobs would be done.  There probably wouldn't have been a spill on the floor back there.  Though I would have learned nothing and spent as much, or nearly.  Next time?  And, if I live long enough there will be a next time, I will be ready.  As well, for other jobs like it, I will be a bit more knowledgeable and prepared with the right tools.

It is about 25 out there.  Not bad.  Could be much cooler.  Was there for a bit, down to 2 F, as the coldest I saw.  If I haven't been checking all that often.  We had a few days up to 34 to 38, thawing.  Didn't get rid of all the snow, even with rain.  But cleared off some things, removing ice from the driveway.

Have to finish waking before I can get a shower in.  All good.  But a bit achy, tired, sore, even now.  Could be worse.  Though could be better.  Not sure.  Being off medicine, that... may be as good as it gets from now on.  All because they want to force me to wear a mask I can't breath through, which doesn't do an f'ing thing for health, nothing positive anyway.

Not even sure I can game, but may try.  Have a good morning and day.

Up and going.

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Well, not actually going.  Having done anything yet.  Did turn on the water to heat, and poured a goodly shot of kefir for my morning start.  Grabbed carrots and celery for a morning snack.  Next time I am out that way, I will check the litter boxes, make fatted coffee, and?  Maybe make something more filling to eat.

Not feeding Sassy, not yet.  Set a timer.

I did sweep where the dryer goes, and today am hoping to mop the area.  Then set the fan to dry the area before reinstalling it.  Though, after that, I would really like to clear the whole area, sweep up the rest of it, then mop over even that.  I think I can do that while still doing the last of the laundry.  

As well, a shower today.  Then, later, cleaning the bathroom like I, hopefully, have done with the laundry room.  I haven't kept up.  I won't likely catch up.  But... I... can try.  And I will try, when I can.  I think I am finally acclimated to winter.  The dark, as always, can be a little harsh.  The cold still sneaks in, even with the leaks managed.  But, I have learned to dress warmly, rightly, even differently from time to time.  And, as a treat, a day, or two, a week, I turn the heat up to 74/75.  Or take a road trip to town.  Being in a hot auto, for a while, works to warm the bones too.  So it won't be perfect, in deep winter.  But, it is better, much better.

While I haven't been terribly physically busy, I have been experimenting with things.  From kefir, which I have nearly perfected given it is a home processing thing, to getting and keeping my pee jugs clean with less use of bleach.  Can't... get away with out some, can learn to minimize.  A water closet up there would be nice, but would cost a fortune to install.  Even if I could do it myself.  Up lines (don't think I would need a pump, though.  A drain line.  A vent.  Complicated, more so than some think.  Anyway, for now, it is what it is.

Though, too, I have been doing home repairs.  While it's keeping me on my toes, it is crushing me.  Not that I mind, but it... slowly gets to me.  Having to work when I am not really ready or able.  A bit more to do, then maybe some rest.  Or, at least lighter duty.

Payday is Friday.  I think.  I'll want to get to the store, grab a few more meats.  I have been eating less, trying to store more than eat.  Though, that isn't working well, with meats being bitter of late.  Buying three packs of chicken, having to toss all of it because it tastes so old, and I fall behind.  Even pork has been rather sour of late.  And beef is simply far beyond my finances to buy.  Even with hamburger, I wait for sales unless I simply run out.  Then I just buy a few packages, hoping eventually, the prices will become sane.  We are becoming the USSR.  They make it look like it is there, but it is either trash food, or too expensive to consider.

Well... on to my day.  A bit of browsing, then gaming.  A fatted coffee, somewhere in there.  Then... to some work after I wake a bit better.  Down at 17:30, up at almost two.  I can live with that range.  Would like to sleep just a bit longer, but don't want to push or pull too much.  Scheduling is always a tight-rope walk for me.  Some boats just don't tolerate almost any rocking.

Good morning, day, still night?  Meh.  Be well, blessed, right.  Amen.

A reasonable cycle.

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Down at 17:00 to 17:30, awake at 2:30.  A reasonable sleep.  Slept warm.

Kefir and reading, looking at the web feeds.  Not much use in reading, at this point.  Just waiting for more shoes to drop, if I'm not sure that information will get out until it is too late.  It's... already too late.  The funny thing is, they'll be going after the soft targets first.  The ones who are sure nothing is the matter.  You'll... understand, in a short time.

Strange dreams.

Yesterday, I was visiting some relatives.  My mom and myself went to a birthday party?  Something like that, or a small local festivity.  Thing is, I needed to change close, but was having difficulty getting privacy.  These are more... tribal... of my kin.  And, they aren't used to privacy.  Mostly kids and granny types in the house.  No locks on the doors, and they would burst right in.  Ugh.  Eventually figured something out, got changed in a modicum of privacy, then went on to the event.

The other one was about finding a very old ceramic nick-knack in my home, behind drywall.  Painted beautifully, mostly in whites and baby blues, with a shine to it.  Ceramic?  I would guess, or something like it.  It was guessed to be four to five hundred years old.  But, someone had installed some lights in it, and radio.  Thankfully, they didn't harm the piece in the process.  Though, even the lights and radio were first gen in there times, so were of some value themselves.

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I was told it was worth a literal fortune.  And, while I didn't really want to sell it, I didn't want it to fall apart under my care, or lack there off.  So, I was just... slowly... coming to the realization that preserve it, I would need to sell it.  Worth many millions, so I would have gotten over the sting shortly.

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And, last night, other dreams.  Flying.  One of my favorite.  Oh, and talking to my wife.  Never been married, but have been close.  If you are married, you know, those conversations at night, when you are arranging your next week, and maybe month?  Figuring out what events must be attended, where you each, together and alone, are expected.  Little disagreements and negotiations.

Can be a bit annoying, but sure makes life easier.  It often never quite works out the way we think, in our planning, but it makes it easier.  Some obligations are required, unless someone gets really ill, or a major malfunction occurs.  It can be an enjoyable time of life.  When a women isn't be an hysteric, and I am not being bullheaded, it is good to interact.  Women aren't... always wrong.  Nor are we.  Though, sometimes, it sure seems like we both are trying to be, or at least ONE of us.  Always the other, of course.

And, really?  It's nice to talk to the opposite sex.  I mean, just interact with them, without sex being the topic, or arguing purely, or... whatnot.  One of the things I miss about school, especially high school, was having well dressed, clean, proper, and mostly platonic relations, with a lot of women.  A winsome smile to a pretty glance, a casual tap on the shoulder, maybe even a shared blush for good or no reason, with a pretty girl.  

By the time they get to college, they often start going through a... horrible phase.  They only talk to those they consider sex with, if even them, of the opposite sex.  They become defensive, or too loose, depending on the day, their circumstances, and whatever else may affect them.  But in highschool, they were still... somewhat sane, sweet.  Mostly.  I wanted almost nothing to do with college girls.  Something wrong with them.

Well, on to waking.  A bit of gaming.  I did get through the second game in the series.  But, I think the problem, was getting through the game on harder levels.  I have to admit, the third game is a multiculti, queered up, crapfest.  They were all somewhat questionable, but in the third game they really amped it up.  I usually shit on idiots in the game.  But, whatever.

Not sure if I will still have problems with higher difficulty settings.  We'll see.  Just, to keep any updates off the machine until I finish.  They absolutely destroy playability with updates.  I guess they feel obliged to give their quota employees something to do.  So, killing an older game is what they are for.

Hungry?  I'll have a few glasses of kefir.  That stuff really does well.  Milk for diabetics.

Oh, I hear it helps with leaky gut?  When I... finally figured out what leaky gut is, I had to laugh.  Still haven't heard the official truth of it, but I think they mean peanut butter bottom?  When your no-go zone gets a bit greased?  Had to laugh.  That happens from eating too much, or the wrong foods.  It's a gut consistency problem, more than else.

Though kefir might help your gut digest things in a better way, and I think it does, it won't help if you throw garbage in.  Even too much, literally, peanut butter... especially high sugar, bad fats, sorts of peanut butters.  I go with really simple peanut butter, low carb as possible, and then only a teaspoon or two, from time to time.  If I eat a quarter of the (even then) smaller jars I have, I will get "leaky gut", no matter how keto attuned I am.

But, I larfed and I larfed.  When I finally figured out what that means.  My bum stays in very good condition, even without kefir, so long as I don't stuff down (too much) junk food.  Too much isn't very much.  But volume itself can be junk food.  Bleh!  Larfing heartily.  Something about, when I figured it out, the way they were hiding the meaning, and what it means (probably), just... I had to laugh.

Well... on to my day.  A bit of music first?  Maybe.  Good morning, day, and later... more likely tomorrow.

Had to throttle things.

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Down at 18:30 and change.  Awake at 23:30, the first time.  Pushed for more sleep, wasn't sure it could happen.  Kept rolling over and looking.  23:40, 23:45, 24:00, 24:15.  Gah!  So, I stopped rolling over to look.  Still, not much time seemed to pass.  Sassy came up.  Feed me!  But, even then, no.  I gave her a massage, scratched behind her ears, and her back, as she prefers, then slept a bit longer.

Decided it was time to give up and get up.  Didn't think I had slept long, so didn't really worry about checking the clock.  As I sat up and was preparing to get dressed, I decided to look.  More out of habit than anything.  I had made it to nearly 3:00.  Nice.  Not a perfect day and night, but not a bad one.

Why is it I can't sleep when I am nominally tired, or when I am terribly tired?  Only when my body thinks it is time.  And, if I miss that, stay up a little too long, I lose my ability to sleep for a long time, four to even eight hours out of queue.  Though, and then again, I pushed to be up to when I was awake.  If, actually, I bent the queue a bit even last night.  I had meant to be in bed by 15:00.  I pushed beyond and only got to bed when I could.

I'll check the floor in the wash room shortly.  I want it dry, so I can sweep and mop in there.  It's not terrible, it was clean water.  But it needs it.  And, while it is out, might as well hit it.  Then, let that dry, and put things together and see if a load of whites will go through?  Actually, I'll try a smaller load.  Then whites as the final proof.

Hungry.  I do have burger crumble.  I have hearts of romaine.  Not sure how good either is.  Sure would like if they would bring salads back.  Perhaps, currently, it simply isn't affordable to make.  They sold out.  I wouldn't mind if they skipped the tomatoes, until the price comes down on that.  Though the lettuce was becoming rather... hard?  The leaves.  Perhaps they just can't get quality produce?  Enough?  Lettuce, purple leafed lettuce or cabbage, and carrot shreds, would be nice.  Might not have enough employees?  Sit people idle for a few years, they realize working their asses off for a few bucks really... isn't worth the hassle.  And, you just taught them to do without.  Didn't you think there would be consequences?  Even the better pay?  

You are often forced to work with lazy idiots, and a boss who really doesn't have the employee, business, or even consumer in mind.  Just a little play dictator.  Seriously.  I understand.  I'd love to work.  I just couldn't keep it up, or even keep on a schedule.  Just the facts.  But, that is different.  Even the higher pay?  That just ends up making everything more expensive, the whole thing, as is, is a trap.  And, you work, and pay in, and watch as the most uncouth, nasty, lazy, and such, get a free ride from your efforts.  Even if you can make a bag of cash, is it worth the hassles?  The long hours, the foolish degree that actually means nothing?

Even in engineering, they don't teach you engineering.  They try to whittle you out with stupid pet tricks, and let your employee train you.  Your degree just gets the attention of someone who thinks you might have the aptitude to learn bits and pieces, but even then never enough to diy it.  They are afraid of competition, and damned well should be.  Corpos are sloppy.  A lean company would eat their lunch, and toss them to the curb.  Can't have that.

Well, enough grump for the morning.  A bit achy this morning.  Pushing the day around sort of hurts.  Will try to maintain, at this point.  Down by 17:00 to 20:00, hopefully earlier.  Up by 3:00 to 5:00.  All give or take, if I can.  Not on meds, so slippage is more possible.  For any, or no, reason.

Hungry.  Not quite ready to dig in though.  Kefir!  I'll have some of that.  And a fatted coffee in a bit.  Good morning and day.

Not bad.

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The back room is drying well.  It was 37 F out earlier.  I had a lot of kefir today.  Will be setting up a new batch as I go to bed.  Been taking care of Sassy through the day.  Oh, even got the trash out.  Not sure what day it is?  Actually, it has to be Monday.  But I keep forgetting.  I often, these last few days, forget which day it is.  I pushed, pulled, shoved, and else.  I overdid things.  Too tired to remember, but doing things, so I... can pass on knowing what day it is, as long as I can work.

I have been gaming, to keep the stretch going.  It is almost 18:00!  But my heart hurts, is sore, tired.  Fine.  I'll be getting to bed shortly.  Just trying to finish one last push in this game.  We'll see, it seems to be... having difficulties.

I'm not sure if they got both trash and recycling, if I missed one, or if it was only trash.  I know they, pretty sure, picked one barrel up.  I heard them at it.  Him, actually.  Only one man crews, these days.  The driver, with an automated arm.

I am hoping, the next time I wake the floor will be dry.  If it is, it means I did figure out the water problem, or second one.  Then to just connect the hoses and try it out.  I need whites, to be honest.  So, there I go.

There are a few other things in the works.  And, some things I am contemplating.  I didn't realize sceptic tanks needed cleared every few years.  I'll see if they work in the winter.  I won't schedule it for sometime in January, but February.  At least have them inspect it.  With only one person, using a family unit, it may or may... no... it's been a decade and change.  So, I'll plan on them emptying it... or whatever they do.  That has to be the backup problem in the bathtub.  Bleh.  Live and learn, I guess.  I just didn't realize it had to be pumped every three to five years (if that's more for a family).  Though, even just for me, probably in the seven year range?  I hope it isn't too expensive, but... yeah.  Although that, or some of it, if it is over a couple big bills, could come out of savings.  Savings is for the house.

Well... on to a bit more gaming, then to bed.  Good day, evening, and goodnight.

Ah, probably figured out the washing machine, et el.

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Embarrassed to say.  But... I heard something, couldn't find it.  A drip?  I hoped.  It was either that or something electrical, somewhere.  The washing machine was unplugged, but... there are other things.  Including wiring in the wall.  Ugh.  But, no.  When I finally got tired of waiting for the flow to stop, I pulled the machine out, started looking around.  Even then, I couldn't just see it!

I could hear it, but the sound was dispersed.  Still haven't figured out why.  However, I did find the problem.  the cold water shutoff valve was dripping.  Not from there being a flaw, simply because it was not shut off completely.  The thing is, I know it was not leaking when I initially removed it.  Higher pressure at times?  Maybe.  Or... it just took a while to get through.

Still, I have it off.  And am just letting a fan go in there to try to dry the room better.  And, with the obvious drip from the line into the machine, for the cold water, I think I have the problem solved.  I will just let the room dry.  When it is dry, I will put things back together, then let her rip.  If those things haven't fixed it completely, it, I'll... sort it from there.  Rather strongly suspect I have figured it out.  We'll see.

Actually, this has been a better Christmas in a while.  I had enough leftover chicken, from the deli, to feed me the weekend, and well.  I got to eat, say, three times a day.  Mostly meat, some potato and salads, even a bit of desert.  Not the greatest.  Pressure cooked chicken doesn't do well for seconds.  But, it was... good enough.

As well, I went ahead and ordered four gallons of milk.  I don't get that much in return.  Unless I am really lucky, and even then only mostly.  If I can catch the kefir in ferment, just at the point where I have about as much grains made as were put in, then I get the optimal amount of kefir out.  Which is pretty much what was put in.  But, often, just because of the vagaries of fermentation, I end up getting rid of a LOT of kefir grains, and then mostly only getting whey.  Still, it works, just a bit more grainy.  If probably with even lower carbs than my twice matured kefir.

Even so, this will allow me to have more kefir, daily, than ever before.  I really like the stuff, too.  Does it do me any good?  I don't know.  But it is some solid food for me.  Food I basically trust, and generally like.  Pricey, but given the cost of other foods, not so bad.  Especially with meats tasting old, or gamey, or worse.  And veggies being just about as expensive as meats, these days.  Fresh.

I'm not sure if today is a pickup day for trash.  I could see them getting today off too, and I could see them NOT getting today off.  I just don't know.  It's time to get some out.  But I'm so tired.  Thinking on getting it out, then watching the neighbors through the morning, to see if they pull their barrels out.

Ever been teased by a fine looking woman, from a distance?  She is pretty sure not, as am I.  But, like a cat and a dog at a window... doesn't hurt to bark and hiss.  I just... had to laugh.

Merry Christmas.

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Ah, there is that too.  I... lost track, between current events, troubles, and solutions.

I hope it is a good one.  Be well, know the holy, and enjoy good food and company.

There was always another option.

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Sewage backup.  And, at least in part, that is the case.  I didn't install the inlet hoses.  And, this morning, there was a lot more water on the floor.  So.  Okay.  Now, I did get a better look at the back.  And, yes, it was dripping, definitely, from the cold water inlet.  Definitely.  But that, obviously, isn't all of it.  Today it was none of it.

Wow.  There are so many things that could be the problem.  I have finally started sorting through a few of the easier fixes.  Potential fixes.  Potential OTHER fixes.  As replacing the cold water fill hose will solve one of the problems.

I am sure there is some backup.  Last winter, the plumber had set my tub faucet to drip, so it didn't ice up, and back up for that.  It went very well, last year.  But... the drip he crated became more serious, a flow.  And there was no way to fix it.  But, finally, that too was fixed.  But, now, without a drip, I think the drain pipe is icing up again.

However, I am thinking, perhaps, to let the faucet just drip, by cracking the faucet just enough for a very light, occasional, droplet to go.  Somewhere, my drain line is too close to the cold.  And, we just went through a cold snap, a hard one.  It's up to 20 F, tonight, and got even to 28 earlier today.  Even so, I think that is the (current) problem.  Usually it doesn't get to the washing machine, but... who knows why that is doing as it is.  Bleh.

Though, here are a few other options.  Will see.  Oh, and there are smaller line inserts for in house drain pipes, even one for sink drains, and other smaller problem areas.  I have them in my basket, but will be looking at H.D., to see if I can get one before (at least) January 4th... though give or take a week given the season and amazon's current problems.  I definitely want this fixed before then.

A very long day, yesterday.

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Can't be sure when I woke, then night before.  I am thinking either around noon Thursday, or 17:00?  Anywhere in there, I suspect.  But I had made a promise.  I kept it.  Which... required me to be awake until 15:00, and then through a few more hours.  With the promise kept, I crashed very hard when I got home.  At... sometime.  Probably around 18:00.

Usually I need a longer wind-down period.  Not so much yesterday.  Just a bit of time, probably less than an hour, and I was in bed.  And I slept very well.  Not for as long as I wished.  I can't be sure when I woke, if I don't think I was able to be down to midnight.  I couldn't sleep longer, probably 22:30?  I think so.  Not much sleep, but that is the way it goes, sometimes, when I try to adjust days and nights, fail, but push through.  It'll take a few days to see if I have affected the sleep cycle.  Though, I suspect, I will need to go to bed again, before long.

I did get the washing machine hoses.  I looked for the tools.  I thought Lowe's carried them, and even saw something indicating Home Depot carried knipex branded tools.  Nope.  Neither place had, or heard of, such tools.  Are they worth it?  If you have ever used one?  And have work that they would perform well in?  Yes, yes indeed.  Having tools that slop a job is okay, mostly.  But having tools which absolutely, positively, fit, hold, work, and are strong enough to rip and tear?  Priceless.  So, to amazon, and an order.  That is my gift for doing this job, and the tools I need to do such jobs.  Not toys, precision tools.  There are more expensive, if I wanted to go flashy.  But for function?  These can't be beat, in my humble, brutal opinion.  So, yes, worth... a small pile of bills.  Two tools, though no more expensive than the big wrench set purchased and appreciate for the last job.  One of them no more than the tech, expansive, screwdriver set.  Bleh.

I purchased food, for the meeting.  Shared it out.  I don't get to eat with folk often.  So I take the opportunity when I can.  Still, there were leftovers.  A few were shared, beyond the meal, but most was sent on back with me.  So, just a bit ago, I warmed some of it up.  Not the best, but sure spendy.  Deep fried chicken, or pressure cooked, and some salads, and a minor desert.  A bit of that tonight, don't want it to go to waste, if it might well.  Ordered a bit more than necessary, as it turns.  Still, good to eat several days in a row.  Not sure if I'll eat more until "tomorrow", whatever that turns out to be.

Well?  I may try to push through.  I forgot to give a dairy list, and I might try to push through until early afternoon anyway.  I'm clean, having just showered.  I'd like to install the water hoses, see if that is the problem.  And... maybe take another shower.  Sooner or later, and perhaps shave.  I cut my beard off a few days ago.  Oh... trust me.  I know what I am doing.  I do, almost nothing, without reason.  If... that reason might, to you, well seem insane.  Assume you could even understand, if I trusted to tell you.  They say insanity is the obverse to genius.  I tell you, sometimes... it just is what it is.  Don't always believe "them".  Though, if sanity is worldly, then I am definitely insane.  *smile*  You want your world?  You can keep your world.  I shipped off a long time ago.

Good morning, good day, goodnight, or... whatever may happen, and all that jazz.

It may be an easy fix.

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The water inlet hoses?  One of them was definitely crusty, and leaking.  Hard water will do that.  As will a mix of metals, which it seems to have had.  I've pulled them, and will replace them.  More, I will buy two more, for backup.  

Do both need to be changed?  I prefer to do things in groups, but that depends on the price.  The reason I now suspect it is the external line hoses is because there is now water on the floor, but I haven't used the washer in several days.  I simply suspect that is the only place which would leak this long after use.  While they were dry, the suspicious one had obvious signs of having leaked.  And, that may happen when the city water is at higher pressure.  Which... probably depends on water usage, and maybe cyclical pressurization.  So... yeah.  I suspect.  Only one way to find out.  But, the hose(s) needs changed anyway.  It is definitely leaking sometimes.

Always reach for the low hanging fruit first.

A shower, now.  Then a bit more this and that.  I'll get to that when I can.

Oh, I tried cabbage by itself, and with burger.  Not terrible, but not my favorite.  So, this time, I tried it with a group of other veggies.  Cauliflower, celery, and carrots went into the last batch.  Again with butter.  Much, much better.  The combination kept the blandness at bay.  Even with butter, simple steamed cabbage is... really bland.  Great with whole meats, only so-so with burger, even with cheese and butter.

Oh, when I get out, I will look for the tools I want.  Or tool.  If it is far too expensive locally, I'll just have to wait.  I won't pay a twenty or higher premium for local.  Especially with a tool which will run.  It's not like returns are difficult on this one.  Now, whether I'll buy one or two depends on what is available, at what price.  It won't be cheaper than amazon.  But if it's close enough, I'll go for it, or two.

On to a shower.  It is staying rather cool.  After the 28, it dropped.  A lot.  Last I checked it was 9.  Though I think, the time before that, it was 2?  It may have been colder, haven't been checking all that often.  But I have been keeping the furnace up a bit for the last few days.  It's just been nasty cold.  So a shower should be a bit more reasonable.

Good day.  Get to it.  Later.

An addendum.

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Before tearing down the machine, from simply to more deeply, looking for the leak, I need to check one more thing.  I have had hard water for quite some time.  Every time I would initiate the water softener, someone would shut it down.  It's a mechanical bypass, not something the machines would do on their own.  So...

Anyway.  I have reinitiated the softener, after purging and refreshing the whole system several times.  And it is working.  Lathering everything from dish soap to hand to hair with shampoo takes a LOT less cleanser.  And it is difficult to remove?  Or seems like it.  But, it is very nice for showering, washing, and else.

However, it may be causing the water to suds up too much?  I use little soap, always have.  But... maybe not little enough.  It is laundry soap made for he machines, but still.  I'll do a bit of research regarding that.  I may have it too soft, as well.  I'll... do a bit of research on that.  

As I was gaming, I was thinking.  I am sure I have heard things about that.  I simply don't have enough experience, or data, with which to figure this out.  So, I came up with a plan of research.  It's... all... sort of make-believe.  But, it can turn to engineering, or even science if I was that bored.  Just... make it work.  That is engineering.  Actually understanding it is supposed to be science, but science has become a total whore.  For sale, and not even just to the highest bidder.  To anyone willing to put in a few dollars.  Meh.

So... there are those too.  Would rather check those out first.  Only if they fail to prove out will I begin tearing into the machine.  I have most of my laundry done, for a while, so... there is that.  Still.  I... have to push on.  If it requires some things, I have a tool I want.  A higher quality channel locks (of the jaw, tongue, and groove variety, to be specific).  Thought about ordering them through amazon, but not wanting to wait a week or three.  If I end up needing them, I'll buy them more locally.  Tools are my payoff for doing something.  Though, I don't just buy them because they are "prettier".  I buy them because they are serious upgrades in function, or offer different or more sizes that what I have, but need for the project.

So... yeah.  I'll do a bit of research today or tomorrow.  Good day, morning, goodnight?  I... don't even know which, from my end, quite yet.  A prayer and good will your way, I suppose, will have to do.

Still alive.

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Doing better?  Mostly.  Mother called this morning, or yesterday morning?  But... this morning IS yesterday morning?  Right, but... you... know what I mean?  I mean my yesterday, not day/night cycle yesterday.  Either Wednesday morning or Tuesday morning.  There you go.  She didn't want me to call back until later in the day.  I didn't see it until late enough to call, so did call.  Just... a check in.  All good.

For all my faults, I am keeping up on making the bed in the morning.  But I may stop using the electric blanket.  It... confuses me.  And, it seems to use a lot of electricity?  We'll see.  I have started keeping the computer off, most of the time.  The router too.  I can't keep it secure, it is being used excessively.  So, if It's not on, it can't be used.

I found it on when I woke.  Not sure if someone was in, turned it on, or whether I crashed and left it on.  If I am almost certain I hadn't left it on.  Problematic.

Steamed cabbage and burger, again, tonight.  Not a bad meal, really.  I am into a second cabbage.  It lasted well, and might have sweetened, strangely.  Very good, both of them.  I eat the hearts, while cutting the wedges.  The first one was almost literally sweet.  This one's heart was... meh.  Plain.  But not bitter or peppery.

The floor in the wash room is getting wet.  Not sure if there is some sort of break in the drain line, or inlets, or if the water pump has failed.  Wasn't sure even how to analyze it.  I found a video.  Not the exact same one, but...  I know now where to look.  The thing has a ten year warranty.  But, if it's something easily fixable?  I don't trust the warranties.  I suspect they will still require pay, of some sort.

That was odd.

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I was informed that someone would be by, this morning, to clear the driveway.  It had become a bit snowpacked.  I can't shovel, lately.  My lawn machine isn't fitted with the scoop.  So I was sort of out of luck.  I slept a bit last night, but wanted to thank the fellow doing the clearing.  Actually, had a twentyspot for him.  Not all that much, but if you aren't expecting anything, it... can be nice.  A gesture at least.

I turned on the lights, to make it easier.  But, as I was turning on the back lights, I could see the drive.  It roughly looked like that had been cleared?  I opened up and went out.  Sure enough.  Usually I hear that.  And I only slept a few hours last night.  Difficulties doing so.

Oh well.  I guess, in this instance, it was literally only the thought that counted, and only to me.  I do try.  This time a day late but not a dollar short.  :p

I had made chili, a drier one, yesterday.  Had some left.  At that this morning.  Mostly gaming.  My heart is tired.  My body aches.  But I've certainly had worse.  I... think.  My problem is sleeping.  Too cold?  Maybe.  Or just not able to warm.  I did put one load of laundry through.  Want to take a shower, then start another as the other dries.

I even made my bed, for the second time in half a day, or something.  Trying to push days and nights back around.  They keep pushing back.  Not quite sure how to do it.  In parts?  Don't know, exactly.  Was glad to get the kids going, with the last bits of wedding gifts.  He is looking pretty good.  Not as... worn as I expected.  The young Mister has health.  And looks rightly healthy.  All good.  Then again, he is well wise for his, or even my age.  Which is why, despite any reservations I might have had, and aired, for what that mattered, in the end I easily signed off on that.  For that that was worth.  I believed he would choose very well.  Yes, I'm mean, sort of.  Honesty can be mean?  Yea.  Still, all good.

On to a shower, a bit more gaming as I dry, then on back to bed.  If I wasn't too tired, I would have more cabbage.  I had pork and cabbage yesterday.  I feared the cabbage would be too dated, but it was very good.  Almost sweet.  I want to eat the last have.  Have to steam it though, and not up to that.  Tomorrow, or... when I wake next.

Good day, morning, and goodnight.

Late, hard.

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Waking.  Headache, and else, kept me down.  Got a text.  Was by, going.  So, I texted back, and got him back.  The last of the wedding gifts went out.  And shoes I am returning were tried.  None fit.  I think, now, we pretty much wear the same size shoes.  My feet have finally decompressed, and are usually rarely 14's, usually fifteens, sometimes 16's.  Pricey, but.  Oh, and don't buy Chinese (or asian really) shoes.  Even if it says 15, it is usually more like a 13 or 14, on the smaller size.

So, now I can return some shoes.

Plus, I got some things out the door.  And have more counter space.  Oh, and as he was going, he said the only thing they didn't get, that they want/need, was a blender.  I just... happened to have an extra.  No time to dust/wash it, but it should clean up easily enough.  Glad he mentioned it.  No, he didn't expect it.  I had already meant to ask about that, and is an extra, so... perfect.  One less item collecting dust.  Actually, if I see him before too long, again, I have one other item they may or may not need.  It is... handy, very handy, for a small kitchen.  We'll see.

Having to jump and go, the aches and pains dissipated, but a new one came.  The heart got tired.  Odd how things work.  Pain, one way or the other.  But... fine.  That is my life, now.

Oh, and I finally got food going last night.  I fried the pork blades, ate one, put one up.  Later I fried the burger, putting most of it up, having some with cheese and beans, spiced to heaven (or hell if you can't take the heat), and with some of the creme fraiche.

Oh, and yes.  I will be... cutting blogging.  This is probably it for the day.  On to... whatever else today.  Ugh.

Up late.

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I've been awake for three or four hours.  Not feeling great though, and cold on top of it.  Just... saying I'm not dead.  Not much else to say, currently.  Later, or tomorrow.

Not feeling the best.

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In recovery mode.  But, that's... not a bad thing.  I may be able to get to bed early!  So, get back to days and nights almost naturally.  I'm hungry as can be.  Would really like some food.  Can't quit cook tonight.  Thinking about things.  Thinking for certain.  But, really, I don't think I can get out, or cook.

I did pull some meat out of the freezer.  Yes, the meat which had been in the fridge smelled like anchovies, set on the counter for a few days.  No, that's... not how hamburger is supposed to smell!  So, it's... gone.

Dairy arrived.  Kefir was reset.  Sassy has been fed, her litter tended, I'll probably feed her and check that one more time before bedtime.  Gaming, mostly.  Well, and catching water up.  Oh, and I did a few dishes, to keep caught up.  And have been catching up on the water supplies.  I try to keep two just of r.o. water ready, plus the carafe, plus the reservoir set.  But, with the r.o. machine off the freezer top, to do dishes, I fell behind.  I just don't have enough of a place so that everything can have it's space.  But... some of that is my limits, space limits, and some other things.

Still, the things I was behind on are becoming lessor.  Now to get some laundry caught up, and get back to cooking a bit.  I really need some real food.  Kefir, fatted coffee, these are okay.  But they just don't quite give me something to dig my teeth into, or to work at digesting.  I need meat, don't just want it... need it.  I'm not sure how long it has been, or worse... how long I have had it regularly.  I need to eat.  Sardines aren't bad, but not on a stomach empty of realer meats for too long.  I can't eat it when desperate, my stomach can't handle it, not even my favorite.

Do you know what it is to be starving, with food all around?  Trust me, it's not laziness.  So hungry I am almost ill, sick to the stomach, from just that.  Bleh.  I'll keep trying.  With clean dishes and meat thawing, life should work it's way out shortly.  I shouldn't have milk, but it's... something.  A bit low on kefir.  Three jars was too much, used the milk too fast.  We'll see about two jars.  Later.  Or, actually, goodnight.

Awake, in the out of bed way.

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I kept waking, through the morning.  Couldn't get up.  That is when I should be up, or has been that way for a while until I hit a string of roadbumps.  Around 14:30?  Something along those lines, is when I finally woke up.  Fed Sassy, first thing.  Did a few other things, but memory does not serve.  Looked for a few things.  Found one of them.

It looks like the last item for the month is out of deliver?  While a Saturday, it is Christmas season, so... maybe.  Never can be sure when amazon posts something is happening.  Either the taggers or drivers are off key from time to time.  Not complaining, just noticing.  It was a miracle, when people liked the far better than typical pay for footwork.  When they got bored, and wanted more, things changed.  Well, and as the economy caught up with stimmies, overpaid no-skills, and such.  It's all fun until someone lets all the air out of the dollar.

Anyway.  Whatever the cause, we'll see if it does arrive.  All good, this would be a rare early delivery, so I won't begrudge it in any case.  Even if it doesn't show today.

Oh, and the sun is up and out!  Blinding, out there.  So very bright.  All white, valley to mountains.  And the sun hasn't been out for weeks.  So... yeah.  Brings a tear to my eye, though... a mechanical, not emotional, thing.  I can pretend it is emotional though?  :p

Don't know what I'll get to, or into, today.  I'd like to do a few loads of laundry.  Perhaps clean the bathroom a bit.  Oh, and check meat, pull something to thaw.  Probably have to toss what is in the fridge... but I'll check it.  So hungry, but not sure I could cook today.  Hmm, maybe some steamed fresh veggies, and butter?  Not fancy, but it's... something, something.  Well, and any possible meat that might still be good.  I'll... find out soon.

A shower, at some point, as well.  Don't need one.  Still rather clean.  Want one.  Now that the water softener is running?  Showers are so much nicer.  Same with just washing the hands.  I had it on 100, set it down to 60.  Might go on down to forty.  Just to see.  At 100, it was like washing with soap, just using water.  A bit too soft.  I wonder if that affects dry skin, in truth.  I ought to do some research.

Anyway... on to looking about the web, getting a coffee, and then gaming a bit, to wake.  Good 'morning', day, and afternoon I guess.  Depends on how your day runs lately.

Just getting to bed.

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I did make the bed.  Then... got lost gaming.  If, though, too, I couldn't sleep so it really didn't matter.  If I try to sleep, when I can't sleep, it just doesn't work.  If I can stay down, I am miserable.  Staying down doesn't mean sleeping.  If I go down, get up, and repeat the cycle a few times, that gets... rough too.  No, best to sleep when I can, push a bit when possible, and slowly get days and nights back in order.

I simply worked too hard this last few weeks.  Something has to give.  And it did.  Still, not a worry.  It's winter.  Ten snows in, here, if smaller ones.  That's winter.  I don't care what they say, or what is technical, or else.  So, in winter, and working, I can't expect much else.

First, I need to rest, and relax.  If too, keep up on showering and figure out food again.  Then, slowly, adjust my day and night around.  Bedtime, now.  So very tired, finally.  All good.  Just nearing six.  I guess it will do.  If It's a shorter sleep, that's fine.  If it's longer, I'll try to add to it, staying in longer.  Would rather a longer time down.  Not always the choice available.  Goodnight, and morning.

Better.

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Popcorn may not be real food.  Aspirin has limits.  Those are what I had, and could use.  Did.  A bit sore.  Two weeks of pushing things through has left my muscles aching.  All good, I like it when I push hard enough to hurt.  Unfortunately, it doesn't take much.  Still, bruised and a bit battered, but the aspirin has relaxed the heart and eased the other pains.  Popcorn, with real butter, helped fill my belly a bit.

Real food would have been better, but I just couldn't get to it... cook.  I have pans and pots cleaned, ready.  I just don't... have what it takes to get things cooked.  I probably have meat in the fridge.  Probably all bad.  I... just... couldn't cook, on top of what else I was doing.  So, I'll toss it, tomorrow.  And pull fresh out from the freezer to thaw.

Still, I am up to grade.  Keeping up on water, food and litter for Sassy, this and that.  Now, I just have to push days and nights back around.  I'll... do what I can.  Yes, I did tear the bed down, and reset the mattresses.  Will have to set those up before bedtime.  Hopefully shortly.  Actually, I may just go up, and get those set back up, and at least partly made.  Not sure I can push through, for long, even on such tasks.  But, getting the mattresses down and the sheets and pillows down, could be a start.  Blankets later?  Maybe some right then.  Depends on how worn I get, and how fast.

Do that, a bit of gaming, then maybe on up to bed in an hour or two?

Later, or goodnight.

Hurts.

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I've had worse.  Just a tight chest.  No, not dying.  Just... not.  Working at things for two weeks, even littler things that I did, but pushing until they were done?  When I have little to offer.  It's how it happens.  Still, aspirin.  A small handful.  It often helps.  I suspect when it doesn't help, it doesn't hurt either.  Or may help in other ways.

I did wake at 14:48 or something.  But for a few seconds.  I thought, perhaps, I had messed up.  But, no.  I also woke at 17:30, then just now at 20:00 or so.

Stripped the bed, reset the mattresses, dressed for the house, though I could drive through a drive-through, if I had money.  Just wouldn't go in anywhere.  I really don't get that.  It's an old guy thing, I guess.  I remember when people dressed properly even to go to the store?  But that was small town, not certain about bigger cities.  Flying, shopping, even going to the auto shop or the dentist.  Then, one step, or three, to go to church.  Even a doctor or lawyer visit some attention to detail was required.  Times have changed.  If I'm not sure lawyers ever quite deserved respect they got.  Maybe then?  Maybe.  Some today, if those are less likely to get the respect, oddly.  Upside down, everything.

A fatted coffee, see if there is some cheese to slice, perhaps the last few slices of deli meat?  Hungry, know it.  Just... not sure I can do much about it.  If I can get a bit in, perhaps eggs and bacon in a bit.

Oh, and I should put the last of the dishes away.  Perhaps start a load of laundry, try to get a few through, then try to be to bed by midnight?  Dunno.  Will see.  It's a bit of a rough one.  Pushed too hard.  Headache, neck ache, bones, muscles, in the shoulders.  And just so achy from being so tired.  Sleep didn't really help, it was at the wrong time, if in plenty.  Ugh.

Still?  Suffer with a smile, if at all possible.  And, I can do that.  Not walking around it, walking right through it.  Will see if aspirin will help.  But not worry if it doesn't.  On back to gaming.  While I snack?  Or... while browsing the web while waking.  Whatever.  Good evening, day, and night.

Up?

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Sort of, for a while?  Wanted to get to the post.  Been weighing on my mind.  Kept failing.  Today.  I... couldn't sleep well.  So, after a few hours down, I woke and am just waiting for them to be open and ready.  I'm not sure when they open, eight? nine?  I am sure of the latter, probably the former too.  But I just want to go once, so I'll head out around nine.

Nothing fancy.  A bulk box of facial tissues.  But, at the price, yeah.  Then I am stocked for, probably, a year or two.

After?  If I can get back to bed for a while, I will.  If not, I guess my day gets a harsh restart.  

Changing kefir resets, from three jars to two, a day.  Either that, or I will have to order more milk.  Just not willing to go with four gallons a week.  Yea, I burn through three gallons pretty easily.  For a while, initially, that was too much.  Then the kefir colonies strengthened.  Now I can get a reset every twelve to eighteen hours, with just a few tablespoons of the grains.  With three jars, I was having to stretch the milk, so ending up with more curds and whey, which I... don't prefer.  Ugh... getting these things to balance out, when everything runs on a bit of a curve, has been frustrating.  Still not sure I have it.  Working on it though.  Ugh!

How many days has it been dark, now, in a row?  A week?  Two?  It seems like a long time.  Oddly, it isn't throwing me too far off.  Sure, I am tired, and achy with not all that much work.  But, off meds, that's the way of things.  And, usually, much worse.  Perhaps the meds have helped the heart and else in a more permanent way?  Or, maybe, it just allowed Atlas time to shift the world on my shoulders, and get used to the grist mill of life.  And maybe knowing what is really wrong allowed me a... chance to alter my perspective?  I think it's a number of things.  Though, how long or short that will do is a whole other thing.

In a foreign country, such as Argentina or Cambodia, I could afford medical.  I just don't have what I would want, need, yet, to get there.  With the house having become unsellable at the price I would sell, I'm sort of stuck here.  Dreamed of selling up, for a premium, last night.  And moving out.  Just a dream.  A good one, as it turned out.  As mentioned, I can't afford an American wife.  And... I found one down there.  A few kids, too.  Those dreams seem so long.  Weird, when waking just a few hours after having gone to bed, to realize twenty years hasn't passed.  I'm not twenty or thirty years older.  I don't have a wife and kids.  Crazy how real that seems.

Well... going to research a few things on the new game.  Then get to the post and then back on to bed... I hope.  Goodnight, again.

On to bed.

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Starting a new game, sort of dug in.  I'll set the alarm for eight and ten, see if it's possible.  For now, on to bed.  Oh, and I did get a shower.  Part of why I am still awake is I was waiting for hair to dry a bit better.  Just wouldn't dry!  Bleh.  All good, I suppose.  Ready for bed now?  should sleep well.  If I can wake well, and early enough, I will.

I was able to get out.  Earlier.  Hoping it doesn't snow more though.  Then gain, if it snows more, not sure anyone will be out for anything?  We'll see.

Goodnight.  Sleep well.  A few prayers going out.

Eh?

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Still haven't showered.  About to.  Did get a fatted coffee going.  Can't even drink it very fast.  Been nursing it for... an hour?  Vodka would fix that!  But... bring it's own problems.  No, I'll... just go slow.

A few things are missing, that I have been looking for the last few days.  Irritating, how that can go.  I did find some of the things.  The instapot, and accessories for it.  I had forgotten about the accessories.  Thankfully they were right there with it.  As mentioned, they won't really help with the 8 quart.  Just won't fit.  So no use to keep.  And, yes, having two pots with that thing really helps make a variety of meals in a week... if you... can do even that.  

A roast one day, a chicken stew the next, and that will get you through the week.  Sure, leftovers suck to eat (sometimes, often).  But, with the price of food of late, I have learned to eat the suck.  Meh.  Actually, I've just learned to eat less.  Would rather go without than eat that much.  Especially when even meat quality is going down the shitter.  There is a limit to the price I'll pay for what is turning out to often be inedible.  I won't go too heavily into canned food, that's... what they do with what they should be tossing?  Bleh.

Still, the idea is sound, if you can find good meat.  Did we just all get exported to North Korea?  I swear, things are really a problem, and it is so as a decision of big money, big governments, and churches/faiths of all sorts.  One thing or another will give.  There is only one group they are trying to eliminate.  Then again, even arabs will be in trouble if there are no buyers for their oil.  But africans, wherever they are?  Who will feed them?  Everyone looks at the little picture, or just themselves, theirs.  There is... the whole of the story to see.  Meh.  It'll work itself out, or not.

Oh, on to a shower.  Then a bit of gaming.  New game though.  I dumped Witcher 3.  It is unplayable in it's current form.  I can be one-shotted, coming out of a scripted event, on a mission that is five levels below my current level, before I can even raise defenses or move?  Right.  No.  The game is broken.  I'll look at other games.  Though, I have to admit, I am really looking forward to the ssd.  That should cut startups, game loads, and transitions by... a significant amount.  Well, so they say.  We'll see.  May try Mass Affect.

Trying it first, with the current hdd, will give me a better comparison, for when I get the ssd installed and running.  Got a serious deal.  That's always a bit spooky.  So, I have incentive to get it in, and going, well before the return date occurs.  One of the things I am looking for is a usb drive.  They aren't that expensive, these days.  But I don't want to buy more. 

Yes, on to a shower, then a bit of gaming as I dry.  Goodnight.

Supper, anyway.

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Made it out.  Just fast food.  Not proper, I suppose.  But it is what I could do, between need, want, and ability, that was that.  When I got there, I reached for my wallet.  Not... with me.  I felt like weeping.  Tired, hungry, cold... but, no.  Then I remembered.  I... had a few dollars here and there.  Pulled enough for a meal.  Check.

Now just trying to figure out how to get a shower going.  Seems easy enough.  It's not.  Tired.  At least pain seems to have passed.  Even the headache is finished.  Still, a bit hungry.  Though, as before, can't really do much about it.  A fatted coffee will do, have to do.

Back to gaming.  But, I realize they have zapped a bunch of things.  Healing rates, refresh rates for casting signs, a bunch of things have been zapped to hell.  It made an already difficult game much more difficult game.  Currently playing on the hardest settings.  They even made a side game more difficult.  Had been playing on the medium setting.  That became difficult.  So I went to the easy setting.  But?  That made it worse.  Their settings are broken.  Can't be sure what to do, only that the game has become a lot more difficult.  I have learned how to survive, but when it takes five minutes to beat a simple mob at my level?  They have messed up terribly.  The whole thing, if I had to guess, is to turn this single player into another turd of a multiplayer.  And, this is some sort of "balancing" thing.  They just cut a lot of their standard players.  But, they don't care, there are a lot more cucky multiplayers who just want to die, stupidly, over and over, for nothing really.

Coffee, and see if I can sort this game out.  If it were a choice to accept the download, that would be one thing.  But, it will download and install in the background any time you turn your back.  I didn't realize this was happening, was watching a show.  Assholes.  Later.  Or... probably goodnight.  If I can sleep in the next few hours, I will.

Dishes mostly done.

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The last batch and an half are done.  Most of the rest are completed, including being put up.  I washed the instapot, and some of the extras.  The extra seals and relief valve will be sitting for a while, so they'll need to clean those when that time comes.  But, all ready to go.

No I just have to catch my breath, rest a bit, then get a shower going.  Nothing fancy.  Would like to eat.  May get out to order something.  I just don't have it in me to cook, but food would be really good.  Two ounces of cheese and two ounces of salami, soup, popcorn, and fatted coffees, for the last three or four days.  I... want something more.  I can't do much else without getting out.

The headache has eased.  Didn't do anything for it, just... wasn't thinking about what might be done to fix it.  Heart is still a bit tired feeling.  It won't get better.  Off medicine, it's just a quicker slow coast to the finish line.  Still, may well take another twenty five to thirty years.  Just the way of it.

I haven't worked on the rubik's cube, other than just keeping what I have.  Practice, from time to time.  It takes between 1:45 and 2:30, usually, to finish a messed up box.  I see one area I would like to work on specifically.  I know what needs to be done, just not quite yet how to do it.  I think it was in a video I presented.  Thing is, I have to be in a right condition to sort out what is being shown, when it will work... work best... and a bit of how it works.

I think, before I get to that, I will work on tearing down boxes in this room.  Actually, now, all over the house.  Ugh.  Still, all good.  Things to do this next week.  Would like to get to confession, so as to be ready for events coming up.  I have been poor at getting going.  But, doing better in winter than usual.  By a lot.  Not all that active, but not nearly dirt napping.  Meh.  I'm not sleeping extremely long hours, and only waiver in my schedule when I push a bit too hard.  Not bad, really, not bad at all.  Just... not superior.  Yet.  I think I might have picked up a bit.

Hopefully to bed in time to get up, to be at the post, on time.  It's been rough, trying to get through.  But... that isn't too uncommon, for winter.  Or high summer.  It was 22 F out there, last I looked.  So, not too terrible.  And, not too bad, as winter goes.  We have snow, which will help.

The state capital seems to be having trouble.  As the Great Salt Lake evaporates, toxins dumped there, and naturally occurring, are rising into the dust.  Heavy metals and else.  As is, nine percent of the lake bed is exposed.  More is occurring.  And with water shortages?  Some by drought, some from ag, and actually not all that much by consumer use.  If you look at it, whether here or Cali, residential use is a rather small part of it.  If larger metros are their own thing, a bit different.  Growing in deserts, from Utah to Arizona, to Nevada, and Southern California, plus massive metros in the deserts.

They keep suggesting making more reservoirs.  But, I think, they realized the cost of that.  It would, most likely, increase the speed at which the GSL is disappearing.  And, when it is gone, so too, in very short order, will be SLC.  Don't need, can't use, that salty water.  But it keeps the dust from making the whole place a toxic waste sight, that won't improve for centuries.  Damned if you do, damned if you don't.  No, I don't have a solution.  There simply may not be a solution, at this point?  They will do something, even if that is doing nothing.  And, what happens, will happen.

So, rain, and snowpack, and cutting...  They are cutting water use, mostly to residential.  I'm not sure about ag, but haven't heard... thought not one way or the other.  Though I see corn grown, and wheat.  Can't be too cut?  Twenty year droughts?  They have had those a few times, even in modern times.  Have there been longer droughts in modern times?  Most I have heard were two decades, or so.  It happens.

On the good side, even if it is failing, finally, the damns really did help cover through a lot of years without water.  The reservoir system did well.  Further, the only reason it is on the brink is because someone decided not to cut water usage, believing it would last forever, I guess?  Cutting ag?  Prices would go up, usage would go down.  Less waste in the stores?  Fewer foods that aren't healthy for us?  Not a totally bad thing.  I have certainly cut my consumption, and changed it.  If not in the best way.  Then again, the food they are offering is of vastly lower quality.  I'm not sure what I am eating, even when eating meat and veggies which are supposed to be raw.  Rawish?

Just... thinking.  Not much to do about anything.  This will fix itself.  Useless eaters, like bureaucrats and myself, will be... managed, one way or the other.  No choices.  Hope they choose wisely, though that won't necessarily include sparing me, mind you.  When it comes down to getting enough food for everyone, and there isn't enough food, choices will be made at many levels.  From neighbors making choices, to local governments, on up.  It won't always be fair.  Definitely watching.  If... everyone has to sleep.  

I'll hope to get a shower, and food, before long.  Later. 

Horribe.

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I pushed, when I could.  Too late and too far, all said and done.  Waking around 14:00.  Sassy came up, on her own, got me going.  Fed first thing, for her efforts.

Terrible headache.  Heart is tired.  Still, I have things to do.  I put up the dishes to be put up.  Then reset the dishes in the last to batches.  Closing in on a shower.  Of course, I missed the post office hours.  But, tomorrow.

I'll get things done, maybe do a load of laundry, then rest today.  It isn't just what was done, it was pushing through the day to try to get to it, more than the work, that got to me.  I was awake until... 4:30?  I just couldn't work fast enough.

I'd like to eat today, but I'm... just... not up to eating, or cooking, or... else.  Maybe there is something easy enough?  Hmm, bacon and eggs, just those, might work.  Still snowed in out there.  Should be able to get out tomorrow?  We'll see.  The UPS truck just drop up the drive, which is fine.  But that was a few days ago.  We have had at least two snows since his last visit?  His footprints are almost not visible.  We'll see.  No way I can shovel, and the scoop isn't on the lawn tractor.

Well... on to something.  Probably just resting for a bit, then dishes a bit after that.  Gaming between.  Later.

Slowly.

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I finally finished clearing the freezertop.  Then washed it.  Putting a few dishes in for a soapy soak while at it.  Had to take a break.  Did so.  Now to get to the dishes, so as to get to a shower.

Well, and I pulled the instapot.  It looks like it is the one they wanted, too.  Plus, there were some extra parts.  An extra pot, which is useless for an eight quart.  Plus, a few extras beyond that.  Dusty, but I'll get to that as I do dishes.

I may be able to finish off the dishes, and get to a shower.  As slow as I am moving, may have to just try to stay up to get to the post today.  If I sleep, I'll miss it.  They are only open until noon, or so.  Getting to things.  I guess.  Just, as mentioned, slowly.  Just to get into a shower will be worth it.  And, maybe fore a few days.  With dishes pretty much tended for a while.  Ugh.

Not bad.  Yes, I have been taking care of Sassy.  She has been extra hungry, but I can't give her more food.  And she just won't eat extra hard food.  Probably doesn't sit well with her.  

The game wasn't completely broken, but they did jank it up pretty badly.  They aren't good at what they are paid to do.  If... that might be the whole thing, these days.  Though, when your main effort is to hire based on equity, anything that was supposed to be done goes by the wayside.  And... you get what you get.  Every.  Single.  Time.  Then again, I think they did that to make people so mad we wouldn't notice they were trying to steal data from our gameplay.  Not sure why they really want it, it isn't for improvement.  Probably just another way to get into our business.  Who knows what they really can access, when given "permission".  Then again, I have serious doubts if they won't take the information anyway.  Companies, these days, as always, really have no morals, ethics, and don't abide laws... pretty much with the permission of modern governments, for their share of the take.  What, 10% for the big guy?  Right.

Bleh.  A bit of online browsing, then I'll get started on dishes.  A few small batches at a time, I suppose.  Later.

A bit of a start.

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Nearly have the freezertop cleared.  Made popcorn, haven't eaten anything solid in... a while.  I did have some cheese and salami earlier, but not much.  Can't really get to cooking, not all that terribly interested in eating, food hasn't been tasting all that good lately.  I'll work on things.

A bit of a break, to game.  But the update they did yesterday may be really bad.  Everything it upgraded isn't worth using, most of it.  Further, it seems to have made some things nearly impossible.  I'm not sure what they all did.  Not all of it is listed.  They must have the C team working on it, or are trying to force people to not play it, or upgrade their systems.  It looks like they are trying to kill ps4's.  Shouldn't have upgraded.  Not sure if there is a way to undo that, without undoing all the upgrades?  Well, they have even introduced problems in game saving.  Either they let idiots patch it, ore meant to break the game.  Or nearly break it?

I might get dishes done, and a shower.  Not sure I could do more though.  No laundry, no cleaning.  But that would be enough, a good start.  And, after a shower, I will probably bag the shower head, and soak it in vinegar overnight.  Then hit the bathroom sink faucet tomorrow.  Possibly get to dishes, and maybe a bit of cleaning.  As well as stopping at the post.  Ugh.

Gaming, for now.  Later.

A few small things.

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.

Hoping for more.

Several of my faucets, and kitchen sprayer, were blocked up, a bit.  So?  A baggy and vinegar, wrapped and secured, given an half hour to two per, and a better flowrate.  A trick I heard about.  Doubted, but... you never know.  I gave it a go, and it went, swimmingly.  I need to hit the bathroom sink again.  And I'd like to do the showerhead before long.  The sink wasn't finished, for a hole developed in the bag.  And I ran out of energy.

The goal, tonight, is to get a shower.  Which means dishes, first.  Which means the freezertop.  Everything gets backed up, overlaid, and one thing in the way of the others.  Sometimes in multiples.  So far, just... linear, for now.  Bleh.  Still, I... keep trying.  Didn't make it to the post office.  Will make great effort to do so tomorrow.  A shower is required, which means dishes are required.  Which... I think it is just those two things in the way.  Bigger things.  But... just those.

As well, if possible, I would like to get a load of laundry done and drying.  I wouldn't mind putting them on the line, but a) we keep getting snow and b) I am too tired to mess with being outside.  I turned the heat up, yesterday, in an attempt to warm the coldblooded body my corporeal form has become.  Doing much better this year, but... it's... still limited.  Though too warm isn't better?  Aye, but that is subjective.  Today, 72 is warm enough, tomorrow 75 is what it takes, then 75 is way too hot the next day.  Sometimes 72 is too warm.  It's... a bit of a mess.

Still, working on it.  Saying prayers.  As men I know die, it's... strange.  All I can do is pray.  Though, I really need to get to confession, and figure out how to do that regularly, with someone who speaks in a way I understand, and who I believe understands my words.  That has to be clear.  I'll... look around, again.  And, since I can't do it on Saturdays... not... well...  I need to figure out... that.  Perhaps, if I can get a priest to see me... I don't mind looking into eyes, speaking directly, being known.  I just want to make sure what is said, both ways, is fully understood.  And, that I can go in... when I can go in.  I can keep a schedule, usually, for a few days, maybe a week, if I am lucky.  Then getting out might become too difficult, or my sleep and wake cycle may alter.  I have to set an appointment within a few days, and do everything required to make it.  Or... rearrange it.  Dying is difficult.  Especially doing it for decades.  It's... messy.  And people, not even priests, like messy things.

I need to get confession, and keep that up.  So that I can, with clean conscience, go to events, and attend rightly.  Masses, and other such.  Mass would be good, but the Lord knows, that will be hit or miss.  Much more miss.  But until confession, it isn't a right mass.  Ugh.  Working on it.

Hmm?  Oh, on to the freezertop.  Then, maybe, a light reset of dishes.  Later.