When to bed?

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Ah!  I called my mom, as I was going to bed.  She called back after a bit.  After checking, it looks like I almost made it to 17:00, going down at 16:43, right after trying to call her.  She was to dinner, but called me at 17:05, with nearly three minutes of talk time.  So, I know when I went to bed.

I had thought I had gone down at 15:30 or so, but no.  Time slips when your... slipping through time.  I had, or was, just fallen into real sleep.  Surprised I woke to the phone.  All good.  Then I slept until about 22:43? or 47.  Right in there.  Although I have been waking since 22:00.  Too hot, then too cold, then warmed just a bit without getting too hot.  Then... up.  Not terribly fast.

Neck and shoulder bones creak, ache.  Just a bit.  Everything else, save possibly some minor headache in the mind fog somewhere?  I think so.  Really still rather tired.  Would sleep more if I could.  Wanted to.  Attempted doing so.  Ran out of sleep runway.  Wheels gripped, slowed, taxied off back to the waking terminal.  No sleep left in me.

All good.  I still have a steak.  Want to use it rather than wasting it.  One of the first, and the last, steaks, were medium.  I'd like to get this one rare.  Some good fat on the ends, not so marbled.  But... they were good, even the slightly overdone one.  A can of veggies while I'm at it.

As well, I hope to fry the burger up.  With beans, and cheese, until I can get salad of some sort, fresher.  Even romaine or iceberg hearts or heads, if those... are a lot of work.  Or, I could add it to soups.  Those don't have very good meat, but... it's... something.  Trying to get closer to keto, and on into carnivore.  But... there are limits, at the moment.  Working on it.

Dreaming of women.  Both the good part, and the talking my ear off part.  When older gals ask me questions, you know... something is... strange.  They know who I am.  They don't like the answers.  I don't necessarily like telling them.  But I do.  I tell them as close to the truth as I know.  I suggest, that if they don't like the truth?  Their are options.  But the results will be, putting it mildly, suboptimal.  On earth?  Disease (worse than normal, more frequent), poverty (from choices within their control), isolation (non-optional), and such.  In the unworldly way?  Hell, or even purgatory.  Still, that they ask?  Some knew.  Better.  Some knew, but were hoping for... a different solution set.

When I didn't care, I told them what they wanted to hear.  When I started believing, even before officially coming to God, I started truthing, to the best of my ability.  When I became one of God's, it wasn't a game or about feelings.  It hurt to say, sometimes.  But I wouldn't negotiate that.  If it lost me my place in the world, what little of a place I had, so be it.  If the woman went away, that... was her choice.  She... wasn't ever mine.  Only, perhaps, she could have walked with me, but only rightly.  The last wouldn't.

Good dreams?  Even the difficult ones, yes.  How can a man not... love a woman.  May not be able to be together.  But to have known a woman, any at all, was a good thing.  In... may ways.  Not all of them perfectly pleasant.  Crowned with the adoration of a woman, so that she would ask?  A good thing.  Loving her enough to truth her?  A good thing.  Just... sometimes?  Let me nap, innit?  :p

Later.

Horrible.

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But, I got the packages returned!  I am elated, in my misery?  Something like that.

Absolutely exhausted.  Wasn't sure I was going to, could, make it.  Had to push, for hours.  Finally got the items in the vehicle, got in and going.

As well, there is a drugstore with a shorter walk to get to.  I went there and finally obtained tylenol, a generic of it anyway.  Took some right then.  Foot was having fits.  I thought, from moving around the house, that I had... some recovery.  And, while I do?  I don't.  Not at full speed, out in the city wilds.  Yes, it hurt.

Still, I was able to walk several times, and some distance.  Just hoping I wouldn't have to dodge an idiot driver, or something.

Being so very tired didn't help.  I did get an Arby's roast beef.  No sauces, no fries, no soda.  I had perrier.  The bun isn't the best, but... I needed something to help me get back home.  Not sure it helped, but it didn't hurt.

I am really thinking I may need to crash, shortly.  Still, got a shower, got the packages back, got a bite to eat.  With steak and else here at home, I wasn't as tempted for worse drive through food(s).  When I wake, I'll fry the burger.  I'll save the last little steak for tomorrow, probably with a can of veggies.

Tomorrow?  Dishes, hopefully.  Maybe tending dried clothes.  And, perhaps start in on boxes.  Breaking them down, sorting them to go.  Not a lot, not fast.  I've been pushing.  To some success.  But to exhaustion and foot pain.  I'll go slower.  It's a weekend anyway.

Still, pleased.  Hoping the tylenol will kick in shortly.  Maybe I just pushed too far for a quick help from painkillers.  Later.  Or goodnight.

Two and an half hours...

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Still, the shower finally got taken.  So tired, weary, even sleepy.  Had to push to even get that done.  But it is done.  Not sure if food helped, or slowed the process.  It did a bit of both, just not sure which way was more potent.  I didn't eat much, just a, perhaps, ten ounce steak and maybe a quarter pound... at most... of squash.

Teeth brushed, showered, litter box cleared if nothing new since this morning.  Now to get compression socks on.  My legs have already started swelling.  Too much water lately.  Not... so thirsty, just habit from recent excessive thirst.  Yea, I know what the problem is, was.  It amazes me how quickly that calms, though, when eating more rightly.

While blood sugar reads high, it doesn't act high... if I am eating right.

Which reminds me.  I was speaking to someone, recently, who realized a relative, male, was tossing his food after eating.  A bulimic.  I then realized I know another elder, so adult, male relative who does that.  Looks slim.  Goes pretty good for his age, actually both of them.

I suspect, if you see a slim adult male?  He might well be bulimic.  They seem to be able to pull it off better than women.  Women... mostly... just die.  Men seem to be able to adjust, so that they get enough food, vitamins, whatever.  Women... collapse in on themselves, and can't ever feel beautiful/thin enough.  Men seem to have some... strange ability to manage the disease.  Yes, even in men, it is a disease.  Thing is, I'm not sure that disease is worse than the standard American diet?  Both of these guys are in their 80's.  Have been thin, preternaturally thin, for all the years I have known them.  One is prone to being excessively grumpy, the other not.  I don't think that is food, or eating habits.  Just temperaments, raising?

When I realized that, for a second I almost considered it.  But, yea, no.  I am too... enthusiastic.  I wouldn't know when to quit.  And... I... hate wasting food!  That stuff is expensive these days.  While I am only eating, say, 600 to 1,200 calories a day, I am not active enough to lose weight.  It's... just what it is.  While I'd like to lose weight, other than something like bulimia or certain drugs (not even certain about those, as their ability to agitate might well stop my heart), I don't think there is a way to lose weight, at this point.  I guess not gaining is the next best thing... which has been mostly stable for quite some time.

Well... on to... something else?  So tired, I just want to go back to bed.  But... won't.  Later.

A bit too late, early.

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I didn't end up getting down until after five.  How much after?  Up to half after, if I think closer to five itself.  Then, I started waking at eight thirty.  Why?  I... think the sun.  While not fully out, out enough that... day looks different from dusk?  It's been a dark while, or seems to have been.  Though with my sleep schedule, who knows.  Maybe it was usually dark when I slept?  Ugh.

Still, I'd rather be up, when there is some light out there.  The mild headache from lack of good sleep is already mostly melting away.  Some kink or three in there, bones, shoulders, back of skull, remain.  As if salt or sand in a machine.  It'll... work out too before long.

Though, as well, I wanted to be up.  Just not... quite this early.  It's a quarter after ten as I actually wake.  Still... a bit early.  But a beautiful day.  If you lose one opportunity for small joy, find another.  Even in pain.  We live in a miraculous place.  I... don't want to miss what I almost threw away.  No... I... did throw away.  Was graced it back, if in pain.  I am... good with that now.  Mostly.

Sassy is fed, her litter box cleared.  A shower before long.  Didn't get one last night.  Just... ran out of... "ran"?  Bleh.  Did get my salt and baking powder mouth wash set back up.  Well, the half gallon jug.  I pour it into a smaller container for daily use, and add iodine to that.  Yes, I think it works.  And, it doesn't stain teeth.  How much you use may make a difference.  I do it that way so the iodine doesn't decay in solution, which I suspect it would faster than mostly on it's own until use.  Often I have to add more iodine toward the lower half of the use bottle.  But it... really does work, when I used it.  Kills what, truly, ails you.  And what gives one bad breath.  Though, then I use softer mouthwash, non-fluoride as well.  Just for a bit more breath... freshening?  Right.  I doubt if iodine would smell all that pleasant.  That was all I could get through, after dinner.

Thinking about another steak, and the rest of the squash, this morning.  I'll tell you, if I have a choice between a steak and squash, or some other good things, and fast food, if I can swing it, I'll do steak every time.  Just one today.  But that steak smelled and tasted fresh.  Not sure what the odd odor was, as I had cleaned the frying pans well.  I did a bit of time in the oven, so maybe I need to change the foil out from in there?  Maybe.  But the steak was good.  The smaller one got slightly overcooked, to a medium-well.  But, while warm, it was still pretty good.  This one, I hope, as the first, will be more medium, or preferably rare, medium-rare.  A light crust with a red, pink, and browned layering.  I'll give it a go.

It's only 20 out there, F.  But there is a... cant to the breeze?  A... warm clip to it.  It seems warmer than it reads.  It's... a handsome day, not just pretty.

I have the stove warming.  I bake the steak just a bit.  And the squash needs heated.  Then I'll have a fine dinner, then take a shower.  Wash out my last brushes... I try to keep them around in various places.  Washed a few the other day, the rest today.  If you have an oily head, you have to do that every few weeks to months, depending.  Or they foul the hair all on their own.  Bleh.  Life is... weird.

Have a great morning.  And, yes, I remembered to pray for us last night.  It's always a pleasure to do.  I might be dying, useless to the world in all worldly ways.  But this I can do.  I doubt if it is even appreciated.  But... it isn't done for human appreciation.  Just do your tasks, and remember God as you are able.  I have more time, and little else constructive to do.  Later.

The steak was good.

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Being on sale, I was a bit suspicious.  While it was cooking, I smelled something a bit off, so tasted it cautiously.  It... must have been something else giving off an off odor.  For the steak was quite good.  Cheap, too.  New york strip, not my favorite.  But for $6.99 a pound, I'll... roll those dice.  As well, I roasted butternut squash.  I added butter, but not all that much.  Quite a meal, to be honest.

Between that and gizzards earlier, I feel like a king.  That is the best set of meals I have eaten in... a very long time.  Plus with the chores hoped for completed, and yet more time to do a bit more?  It's a good day.  Recycling has been taken out.  I'll get trash out shortly.  Then a shower.

Anything else?  I doubt it.  But I like what was done.  I think it was 23 F, last I looked.  But that is warmer then it was for a few days, running 13 F, or so, for the last few days and evenings.

Sassy keeps finding mice, and dispatching them.  She likes playing with them, too.  I'd rather just just kill them, straight off.  But... playing with food is... delicious.  There is a reason I like cats.  And dogs too, really.  It's just that dogs require even more attention than cats.  And, even my girls have begged for attention.  It would be cruel to bring a pup in.  I still think about it.  In another place, maybe.

Ugh, best get going.  Need to shower, dry off well, then head on to bed.  I think that will be as much as I can do yet tonight.  Goodnight.  

Nice.

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Not just the basics.  I got trash and recycling ready to take out.  All bagged, near the door.  Good.  Then, while doing that, I got the packages to be returned all together, boxed, and ready.  That last was worrying me.  Could I find all the parts and bits?  The place has fallen off lately.

You have no idea how problematic nausea, pain, and fever, together or in various portions, can be.  Add that to general poor health, and you... have problems keeping up.  But, yes.  It looks like I'm coming back around.  Now, really, from having sat for so long, my endurance absolutely stinks, on top of it not having been all that good for decades.

Besides these, I got to some of the dishes.  Mostly the pans, so I can fry a steak tonight.  Though, before long, I'd like to get a shower, and set the dishes from before back up and going.  Oh, I won't... do a whole lot tonight.  But more than I suspected would be done.  Trash out, a steak dinner (not a great steak, and it was on sale as well, always... a bit suspicious of those), a shower, and maybe to bed early(ier).

I'll keep trying.

Well, too, I cleared off some of my desk, and took care of the surrounds where I sit in the living room.  Not bad.  As mentioned, more than just what was hoped.  A few other minor things too.  Amazed I am getting through things.  But it took a while.  And I'm not done.  But... the main thing is finished, and lots of little things finished or started.  So very pleased.  Later.

Gizzards!

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I have figured out how to cook them.  Steam them in the oven a bit.  Until they are pretty much done.  Then fry them to a slight crispness in butter.  Just a touch of salt and pepper as they steam.  Not extra needs added.  Fantastic.  I know, people believe offal is awful.  And, that's fine.  Keeps it cheap.  If you do a breakdown of nutrients from offal, compare to even other meats?  You will be amazed.  But compared to vegetal and seed "super foods"?  Offal wipes those completely out, plus has none of the anti-nutrients with which to contend in vegetables and seeds.

What amazes me is how many vegetarians and vegans require large amounts of laxatives, and still don't get it.  Humans, on a carnivore diet, live much better lives.  Longer?  I haven't seen studies, and wouldn't trust most.  Either way, as studies are produced by industries or government, not by information seekers.  And all of those have serious agendas, one way, the other, or both.  Still, would rather live well, even if it meant dying slightly shorter, even if that was the case.  Look at a vegan, the next time you get the chance.  Compare him with a carnivore.  It isn't as telling with women, if because they often have a horrible relationship with food, one way, the other, and often both.  A carnivore looks to be able, as a general rule, to not only hunt the vegan.  But the vegan doesn't look like he could escape.  :)

Yea.  I'll probably have a steak later tonight.  And, maybe, fry the burger and put it up.  Sure, I eat beans with it, for now.  But the salad I bought was... pretty awful.  Even fresh.  And is now really bad.  And I haven't been able to get to the store.  Gotta have something with it.  Could try some burger patties.  But you almost have to cook those fresh, or they get overdone and dried out, as seconds.  Works very well as crumble, for leftovers, though.

Oh, well, trash collected (just dry stuff), and recycling (mostly just perrier bottles from my recent crush on those)... as well as putting packages together.  And, maybe, getting to bed earlier tonight.  Ugh.  A shower?  Hopefully.  And one more meal.  I need to start force-feeding a keto/carnivore cross.  I need to get back on track!  Ugh.

But, a bit more gaming as I digest dinner.  It was quite good.  I have one more pack of those, and two packs of liver.  Liver and onion next week.  One or two packs of offal a week, is the goal.  Though it doesn't have to cooked.  Then again, how does one eat liverwurst without bread?  Ugh.  Always tricks and traps.  I wish blood sausage was more commonly available (cheap) in the US.  I'd like to try it.  Not sure I'd trust/prefer pork, but beef of said sort would be... of interest.  Europeans had to do without, sorted starvation and waste issues, over centuries, millennia.  They learned to eat almost the dirt, things Americans turn their nose up at, or have for... this last century.  South America, southern North America, Europe, Asia, the M.E., have all learned to eat... pretty much... everything.  Sure, I might skip the oink, and uterus.  But I'll take rocky mountain oyster, offal generally, and else, if available.  Gristle even, love that stuff.

Just... thinking.  Argentina is the place I need to figure out how to go.  Perhaps Cambodia?  There are a few other places.  Europe not included.  Between power problems, higher expense, oppressive governments, and a war with Russia I don't think they will win... no to Europe.  Even Taiwan is off the list, not sure it will remain free for long.  Our military has become queered, and our government is in their enemy's debt, in far too many ways.  I could live a lot better there, than here, with my income.  And... I don't fit, one way or another, here, Iowa, or there.  I might... do alright there.  Could even find a wife, there, that I could afford.  Keep thinking about it.  I just need to clear and clean the house, get it ready for sale or rent.  Thinking on it, to be sure.  Later.  

Well, as my foot improves.  I'll... try my best.  Later.

What a pull.

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Difficult to get out of bed today.  My legs and feet are drained, mostly.  My body is yet clean, if a shower would be good before long.  I have my chores before me.  What was left over from yesterday, and maybe a few other things if I get those finished.  And food!  Gizzards first.  If hungry later, I'll have steak.  Hoping I am hungry later.

Carnivore, for a few days.  But, then, back to keto for a week or month.  If I can stick to keto, get into it well, for a month, maybe two, I think I'll be trying carnivore.  Or a... 90% carnivore?  I will keep salad, for with burger.  Or cabbage from time to time.  Cheese will be a part of it, and kefir... when I can get on my feet and do it right.  I will allow some sparse veggies in, because I like them.  But there is a reason to cut even those out.  I'll just try with drastic reductions.  Though, even if our ancestors were mostly true carnivores, sometimes grass and other things got tangled in the meat, innit?  Yea.

I have heard arguments that plants put out toxins, so they aren't eaten.  I... have some doubts about that.  I don't think it is plants, if it happens.  It is God, by design or incident.  Directing our eating habits from before we existed.  Grains and plants weren't... preferred, it seems.  Ask Cain.  Some allowance for it, but it... wasn't preferred.

We are fighting a technocratic hive-mind elite that wants us to eat what is profitable for them to produce, and that which keeps us below optimal function.  Their control systems, economic systems, and other controls, are based on us being lessor.  And, in part, food is a driver of that reduction.  For, certainly, they aren't very bright, or well intentioned.  Greed and control are all they have, and those things are failing.

I think, as people start realizing that industrial food is bad, and pushing away from it, that is why covid and the vaxx.  Pushing against the EU, in the form of Brexit.  Trumps campaign and win, which required them to cheat the worst of any nation against the will of it's people.  Even the covidiots are starting to wake up.  They couldn't force enough people to take the jab.  What amazes me is they are still getting some people to take it, even now?  I almost wonder if the lad took it.  He is quite ill, and a strange illness, lingering.  For what benefit?  Or... because his wife took it, and pushed?  Ugh.  Who knows.  If so, I'm not sure it's my death he should be concerned with.

I'll... get those chores, and maybe begin in that small hall, and possibly on into the exit halls.  Who knows.  Feeling... okay.  Slight nasal headache, but mostly clear so not too bad.  A shower, food, work, hydration.  That is what today looks like, at best.  Good day, afternoon, later.

Did my best.

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My best simply wasn't' good enough.  Too tired, too achy, the headache didn't help.  This and that.  Simply couldn't get to work.  And, stayed up too late trying to get to work.  It's closing on six, I am more tired and achy for the effort, and with nothing to show for it.  But, that's... the gamble.  Somedays it works, pays off, some days not.

I have to go on to bed.  Hope to get up and get to it, tomorrow or the day after.  Bleh.  Still, I did get some of the list.  A deep clean of the toilet, lid, and surrounds; cleaned the sink well, and twice really.  A couple of other things.  Not big things, but things on the list.  And a few things not on the list, both things that should have been on the list and things that were either just in the way or were needed/wanted.

Feeling okay.  Though could be better.  I think the compression socks I thought would be too small have really done a good job.  Will probably wear the open toe ones to bed.  They are milder, but help.  It's just that, the last few days, between this and that, my legs, and feet before that, had been allowed to go bad, if because I was working to things, like cleaning the bathroom, and getting a shower.  Actually, just getting to a shower was the plan.  The cleaning came about from a dream.  A damned good dream, especially seeing the results in the flesh.

I'll keep at it.  When, as, I can.  I think there might be more to it, for me, for the house, maybe for the suv.  I've been thinking of getting her clean and clear too.  Been a... bit long on that.  Ugh.

I'll say a prayer for the world tonight.  I do when I don't crash.  I'll... get to it tonight.  Fools to kings, viziers to paupers, the sick, the wise, the retarded, and all those who keep us on our feet, for good or ill.  Goodnight.  Amen. 

Stuck?

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Sort of.  I did do some of my list.  There is hope for more to be done.  But it is getting late.  Hmm... perhaps a can of soup, to get things rolling?  Maybe.  Something easy, and soft.

The goals are to get trash and recycling collected, maybe out if there is enough gathered.  As well, to get the things to be returned, ready.  I don't know when I can return them, but having them ready to go makes that... much... more likely.  Tick-tock, the clock sounds time's passing.  Gotta... get going.  Packages are more important, but trash and recycling out would/could be very good too.

Oh, and meat out to thaw?  Ah, got that.  I almost forgot.  I need food.  But, can I cook it?  I'll do my best.  Burger, a few lessor steaks which were on sale, and chicken gizzards.  Should last a while.  The gizzards will be a single meal.  But the burger and steaks should provide three or four meals each package... if I don't leave them too long.  Steak first.  Hungry for steak, it's been a very long time.

Okies, fine.  I'll get on the trash first.  For reasons.  But I think I can get the packages easily after.  Though... soup first.  I really need a bite.  Later.

Better.

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Between cleaning the bathroom (getting something done), showering (being clean), getting trash out, and a few other things, life today feels a thousand times better.  Far from perfect, but so very much better.  Doing the little things, when I can.  Tending pain, but not to the point of nausea.  Being careful with my food, tending swelling and water retention.  A lot of things to juggle when I am doing poorly.  It has taken a while to get things going.  But going they are.  So, the better I feel.

Oh, still some nausea back in there.  Pain too.  But nothing too far out of control.

I cleaned the sink earlier.  Then cleaned the toilet just a bit ago.  Fed Sassy, trying to keep up on her litter.  Oh, next time I am up, I will refresh her water.  A bit of coffee.  It has been days since I had my last, it doesn't go well with nausea, but then going without also... causes nausea?  What a lark!

As well, I ordered more perrier.  Yea, it costs.  But, it is something I almost can't drink too much.  And I need... more... waterish stuff.  Adding a bit of electrolyte stuff, and I'll look into other additives which are firmly keto, and vinegar, to both plain and carbonated water makes life... better.  It's not a treat, it's... a portion to my diet which doesn't harm me in any way.  Helps me stay hydrated.

Oh, and I got the carbon cartridges, for the soda water makers I have.  I want to compare.  Though, having some of each is good.  In case I run out of the other.  Perfect is preferred, less perfect is better than nothing?  Right, right.  I have a carbonator working, as I write.

It'll be a day or two, before I can get back to heavy work.  I think I am back to trying to hit things, from time to time, again.  The next two areas are the small hallway outside the bathroom... clear, sweep, mop... and upstairs near my bed.  Get the clothing I have up there sorted and put up.  Then move my bedding out, vacuum, and reset my sleeping are.  I'm keeping up, mostly, this is just a slightly deeper process.

Then, I think, the back entrance hallway, and the back porch/wash room.  Then the kitchen.  It's... a lot of work.  But, I... will see.  I figure all of those will take two days, per job.  A few days of work, a few days down.  It's probably as good as I can do.  But, that's the plan, for now.  Oh, and sorting while at it.  I am hoping to have a dumpster fill, or two, by the time I get that back in.  Try to... keep things going out quickly, for a while.  Then, over the early summer, just slowly pick and peck through the house, dumping what I can't or won't need, use, want.  Including texts and old papers I had... thought might be important.  Now that I know my problem is heart, not head, I realize... some hopes are quite dead.

Yeah.  I need to clear and clean my home.  I might be able to, or... not.  I guess we will see.  Good evening, night.  And, possibly, approaching a goodnight.  I want to get trash and recycling gathered, perhaps out if there is enough, what remains.  Get some things ready to take in, returns.  I finished cleaning the toilet and sink.  So... doing okay.

I did get out for a meal.  I couldn't fix anything, so... food on the run was as good as it gets.  Not perfect, but something.  Later or goodnight.

What a fantastic experience.

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After having such a rough time showering, and with the house a mess, getting the bathroom clean, and a shower, all in the same... day, mostly... life is good.  Further, an easy clean shower is available at a moment's notice.  I had hoped to get one in this "morning", but that just isn't in the works.  Tomorrow, I hope.

I slept so good.  Had a funny dream, or really, remember a funny part of it.  I woke laughing, if then went back to sleep.

Now, having been up so long yesterday, my legs had become waterlogged.  My feet remained small, but all the fluid that drained, stayed in my legs.  Ugh.  I wore the one pair of longer compression socks I had out last night.  Which helped.  While showering, I washed my exofficio underwear and three compression socks I have been using for... a while.  Oh, and I found a pair I wasn't sure I would be able to wear.  I feared they would be far too tight.

Nope, they fit.  Though I have learned a trick to putting them on far easier.  Put them on while sitting on the floor.  Trying to do it in a chair or stool is much more difficult.  These, I thought, were a bit small, and my legs were a bit swollen.  Not as bad as last night/this morning/bedtime, but still... for socks I thought would be too small in normal times, I worried.  But they went on quite well, and will get the swelling out of everything, through the day.

Beastly things, sometimes, a man must do to survive.  So be it.  If I can, I will.  Eventually, someday, a year or more like thirty from now, I... won't be able to do what it takes.  Then again, I have stumbled on that stone of discontent already a few times in my life.  It... isn't always the end.  Broken foot, cracked ribs, and more, without real painkillers.  I seem to stumble on.  Meh, I'll take it.  The option, if it goes right, are better.  But... there is something about suffering through life that seems to... bestow blessings.  And, I think it is His will.  If He wants you, if it's your time, you'll know it.

No more cleaning today.  But I will attend some dishes, perhaps.  And, get more trash out, recycling too if there is that.  And, as a last thing, I will get the packages to be returned set up, and put them all together for return... when I can return them.  Soup was good enough, yesterday.  May do it again today.  Oh, but should pull meat to that while at it.

Other than those things, gaming and taking it easy on the foot.  Very satisfied though.  Well, and Sassy.  I changed her litter box out, wholecloth, yesterday.  Probably overfed her because of my odd days lately.  But, all good.  Oh, best reset her water.

So very nice to go in to a clean and open bathroom.  It just gets rather cluttered.  Well, and the floor gets pretty rough.  I did clean the sink, while waking.  And I'll hit the toilet today too.  Just trim, but needs doing.  Later.

I am going to make it.

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.

A shower, in a clean bathroom.  It's... been a while.  Exhausted beyond reasoning, and yet with a single-minded pursuit of a goal.  Clean, really clean.  It's been a while, the bathroom.  Not as long for me, but that has been a while too.  I don't know how long, lost track of real time as my sleep cycles have been reduced to two or three per day, give or take.

So ready.  Giving it just a bit more time, as I splashed water while cleaning the mop and caddy.  Even with some care, splashes always happen.  but I do have the bench adjusted, and a towel down, ready for the floor.  And a towel to dry off, set up for that.  I'll wash my glasses tonight, as well.

I did clean the tub, a bit, while at it.  I'll hit the toilet and sink tomorrow.  The mop has been cleared, cleaned, rinsed several times, and is hanging to dry itself.  The caddy is clean.  Lots of silt, can't say it's perfect, did what I could.  May mop again, tomorrow.  Or later in the week.

I'm definitely going to have to get a dumpster, but more March, or April.  Still catching up, and have a few things else coming up...  Bleh.  So be it.  Okay, so this post is a bit of a brag.  I had to wipe the floor, almost with myself, but I will get it done.  Good morning and goodnight.

So late, so close.

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.

The bathroom is nearly done, to the point where I can nearly take a shower.  The floor has to dry.  I swept, two or three times.  As well, I have mopped twice.  Perfect?  Well, no.  But as good as possible, all the givens and layers.  I am pretty sure I will get a shower tonight, a sit shower.  Then set up dishes.

The goal is another shower tomorrow.  And, maybe, mopping the bathroom again, tomorrow.  The toilet needs some cleaning.  The sink needs work.  The tub needs cleaning.  But... I have done a good lot for a start.  Really didn't think I'd make it.  Especially since I am still hobbling, hungry, and... achy.

It's chilly in this front room, but the light fever, mostly, makes up for it.  Though, as I get tired, the fever diminishes.  I'd like to make something more to eat, but it's just not going to happen.  All good, I don't really need more food.  I'll just game for an hour, set a timer, and check the floor.  If it is dry, when it is dry, I'll get a shower going.  A clean floor makes the process a lot nicer.

I won't be back on.  Goodnight, morning, or... whatever... day by the time this is read?  Goodnight, for my part.

Well?

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.

It is taking a lot longer to get the bathroom completed than anticipated.  Still working on it.  Work, a break, work, a break.  It's as good as I can do.  Finish?  Today?  I... have really serious doubts.  Not even sure how I can make it work.  But!  I am going to keep trying until I run out of energy and have to go to bed.

So many little things in the way.  Some things simply don't have a place to go.  The shower bench is in the way, though works to put things that don't have a place to find a temporary place.  Still, I'll try to get those items out.  Hmm, there might be a longer term temporary place on the back porch.

Bit by bit, though, I am getting things cleared, cleaned, worked, and sorted.  It was a bit more than I anticipated.  In the dream, it was a snap!

Still, I am really moving along at some sort of reasonable pace, given all the problems, headwinds, and such.  I turned up the heat, which did help.  Though it helps until it becomes a problem.  I turned it up to 74.  I've had it more at 68 for the last week?  Or so.  A bit of warmth, from time to time, helps.

I did have soup for supper, with green beans and green peas added in.  Not... fancy, but it was something.  That and various concoctions of water, electrolytes, vinegar, and adding two drops of sweetener this last time.  I might add that as well.  It... evens out the kink of vinegar.  But at two drops to a quart, it... doesn't actually sweeten... just smooths.

Ugh.  I have to take a break.  Foot is hurting.  Then I'll get in, set up the mop solution, and hit that on most of the floor, after moving some of the things out.  Then let it mostly dry and hit the other side of the floor.  I may be able to get a shower this evening yet.  Though I will adjust the shower bench this time.  The legs which go inside need lowered an half inch to inch.

I thought it was Tuesday.  Looked.  Wednesday!  Right, but early morning.  What a relief.  I need to get some things in, time is ticking by.  Ugh, I hate sleeping so off and on that I can't be sure which day it is.  A shower would sure be pleasant.  Good evening, or morning, or night, or... something.  Later, or goodnight.

A bit more.

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.

Not able to move fast, or do a lot.  Getting to it though.  Everything has been moved so the floor can be swept.  Somehow, before that, got water everywhere.  So used a portion of cat litter to absorb things.  Then swept, moving things as I got to various areas.

I thought, with as much time and effort I put in, I would be... closer to being done.  Nope.  It'll take a bit more.  Will turn up the heat, play the console game, and take a bit of a break.  Hmm, may pull meat out to thaw.  Haven't had food in a while.  A few days anyway.  Meh.

I am going to try to push on through, get things really nicely arranged, get a shower, and set things up for tomorrow.  If I can't get a shower, I want to be pretty close to doing that for tomorrow.  Hmm, could make a can of soup.  No, it's... not great.  It is keto, I do believe.  It would be something, and not be too filling.  Keto crackers with it.  Nothing fancy, but it might help get me through.  Maybe add a can of veggies of some sort with it.  The soup really doesn't have many calories.

Well, on to dinner, then gaming.  And, hopefully, finishing the bathroom or enough of it to get a shower in.  Not a perfect day, but I am still in a bit of a pickle.  Later.

A bit more.

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Trash, or most of it, the worst of it.  Collected, bagged, and out.  Recycling, the first bag, collected if not quite yet out.  Not sure if another bag or two will go.  Have been consuming bottled water, need some carbonated water from time to time.  Ordered both perrier, and co2 cartridges for my soda fountain bottles.  Will compare.  But I think the cartridge stuff is much less carbonated.  Barely carbonated.

After I got some of that going, I started working in the bathroom.  Not a lot, just sorting moving, trying to get things out of the ways so I can clean the floor.  And get rid of some of the things that don't belong in there.  Watering bottles, for when I had rabbits, a bucket for when I would refill those.  Some cat litter mats needing cleaned, dried and stored to be cycled through.  Then the floor mopped.  Then a shower, dishes reset, and one other minor chore.  Ugh.

Still, I am... getting to things today.  The wrap has reduced swelling in the foot, so that I can walk on it.  Though, I have noticed, too long on my feet, or walking, and the pain returns.  I can handle some pain, but I don't want to seriously aggravate it.  Slow efforts, sitting when possible, I think I can finish what I hope to complete tonight, and have the return packages ready to go tomorrow, or... by Friday?  Who knows.  I'll do my best, then get that in.  Ugh, but the pushing, and need, and want, and limits sure become a mess at times.

Still, if I can get trash out, the bathroom sorted, a shower, life will get easier.  Then I can get to a shower again, easily through the week, as needed, wanted, able.

For now I need to take a break.  Just wanted to write about how pleased I am to be working.  Not exactly a brag.  If I were done, it would be a bit more of a brag.  This is... just... a hopefully shared satisfaction that I have started.  And, have some hope of continuing.  Good afternoon, evening?  Never quite sure when one becomes the other.  Later.

Dreaming.

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Of doing work, oddly.  But very good dreams.  Yes, my house is a mess.  Yes, there is snow on the drive, and sidewalks, and a package or two is coming in.  Yes, I am mess.  What to do?  No one can help, so... I've got to help myself.  I dreamed of doing that last night.  Various dreams, not just one.  Sometimes it was summer, but mostly winter.

Shoveling, then cleaning the bathroom, and showering.  Getting trash and recycling policed, and out.  Tending litter a little better.  Then to boxes.  And more, and other, work, here, there, and everywhere.

Now, I just woke.  I liked those dreams, but there are serious limits.  Even so, I went shoveling.  I unburied what had been covered of what I shoveled the last few times.  Then made a path to the front of my driveway, clearing the sidewalk to the front stoop as well.

But... that took a lot more out of me than proposed.  The dream made it look so easy!  Having been sitting for weeks, and still with a bit of a fever, and other things, I'm not whole, even for my low functioning capacity in midwinter.  So, I'll... rest a bit.  Then, hopefully, get back to it.

The next thing is to clean the bathroom, down to the floor.  Get a shower, and handle any dishes or else needing cleared away, cleaned, or whatnot.  That... will be the rest of the day, maybe into tomorrow?  Maybe.  But I'd like to clear, clean, shower, and reset dishes today.  Maybe finish dishes.  Perhaps setting a load of laundry to go while at it.  Ugh.  Well, only laundry if I get the trash and recycling out.

In a month or two, as finances are ordered and weather warms, I may get order a commercial dumpster, again, and attempt to fill it twice a month over the summer.  Just... fill it, and call for a dumping when finances work best.  Then, begin going through everything.  Much easier to empty rooms that way.  No one would want much of it.  Time to let go to a past, or hoped future, that will never be.

Tomorrow may be down day, for it.  Or I may be able to do some laundry.  The goal isn't to break me.  It is to do the jobs at a pace which doesn't cause me to collapse into a hole again, while being able to see the projects through to their end.  And, of course, without hurting my foot in the process.  So far I have tended the foot well.  Supporting it, compressing it, keeping it protected.  And, so far, without excess babying.  Save the initial few days, until I learned how to keep fluid out.

The bandaging works well enough, with just a sock on top, to keep the fluid out.  Once I wrapped the ankle, calf, and upper leg, and got fluid out of there, that helped too, and has remained more fluid free without more wrapping.  Once I get a shower, compression socks will keep that going.  A few days, it seems, is okay.

Well, and figuring out how to drink and what, in order to reduce fluid intake, has helped.  When you are dying of thirst, and only have things to drink which simply make you thirstier, while being feverish and in pain enough to not be able to think clearly, it's... a rough roe to hoe.  I've... started sorting through things.

Still have a minor fever.  Not sure why, just how it is.  And while I can't feel the nausea in my stomach, the bodily wish to void remains.  It's like a constant want.  I have cut painpills out, stopped several days ago.  Now, every few days, if the symptoms or pain creep to far in, I'll take a few.  Not today, or yesterday, I think.  Trying to just forget those.  Though would like to get some tylenol.  So it doesn't upset my stomach should I need them.  A small bottle, to toss when I no longer need heavier amounts, potentially, of painkillers.

Tricky, but figuring it out.  Later.

My days are collapsing.

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.

I think I woke at 2:30 or 3:30?  Close enough, in there.  It's 9:49.  While I am still up, it is only because, as walking into heavy winter weather, I tucked my head, and kept shuffling forward, even when I went past my limits.  Further, I think I went to bed around 17:30 to 19:30?  Probably more in the later portion of that guess.  So, yes, I have having two or three days per 24 hour day.

It seems like Friday, or Saturday.  Each of those sleep cycles feels like a full day.  Good thing it isn't.  I have... things to do.  Tylenol would be good.  As well, some things have to be returned.  But I need a shower first.  Problem is, I don't every quite wake well enough to get to the shower.  Ugh.  I'll... keep... trying to remember the goal, requirements, needs, and wants.  I'll... keep working on it.

Hopefully a shower when I wake, or shortly after if I can wake up a bit better.  Perhaps I shouldn't try to tuck and push through, and just sleep when needed?  Yea, maybe.  Gah!  Nasals are clearer.  But it is snowing even more.  When there isn't trouble in one area, or another, or several, something else seems to be coming down the line.

To some degree, I like trouble.  I like digging out.  Well, unless that isn't possible.  We'll see.  I'll go on to bed, then wake when I do.  Shower soon after, I hope.  Goodnight, and morning, and day.

Better.

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.

A trick?  Maybe.  Water wasn't quenching my thirst.  Electrolytes and vinegar in it helped, but still seemed too thick.  Milk, of course, is too much.  A natural "coca-cola", really.  With similar carbs, regardless of what you do with the fats.  The lactose in everything from skim to full-fat is what is the dietary problem, not the fat content.  And, I couldn't keep up, can't currently keep up, on kefir.  Just... can't stand, when needed, as often as needed, or keep track intellectually.  Just too... tired? confused? foggy?  Something in there.

Still, while not continuously, my mind does work.  My will is in place, if not always active.  I have ideas, plans, goals.  Not... able to work them the fastest, but, from time to time, they... come into play.

As for hydration?  I came up with a different plan.  Full strength is too much, no real options outside the formulas, too little fails as well.  So... reduce and alternate the formula.  Hmm?  Ah, by reducing electrolyte powder from one or two dosers* (*measure by the manufacturer, usually a scoop of some size for some... recommended volume for use by day or portion or such) down to half, or quarter, of that dose.  As well, adding vinegar in a very reduced portion.  Basically producing a concoction which just barely has any flavor, yet is plainly not plain water.

Does it work?  Yes!  Though, probably, as a variation of the other 'menu' items.  Plain water will still be on the tap, pun intended if not literally as I used reverse osmosis, and the heavier dosing will remain on the menu, as well, when I awake terribly thirsty, my throat dries out creating a severe situation, or for dehydration quick uptake otherwise.  But, milk will not be consumed anymore.  It... causes a lot of phlegm, dehydrates, and is full of sugar (lactose).

I started out with a heavy dose of the stuff this morning, then milk.  Was... not feeling well to start, didn't improve.  But, since, have had to lighter doses of the concoction and am improving.  As well, the next drink will be just a quarter dose of electrolytes, without vinegar.  Just to taste.  After that, I'll try just water and a light dose of vinegar.

So rough lately.  I need to figure out how to make life better.  I have some things I need to do.  People are calling me to see if I am dead.  That's... not a good thing.  I don't want people to worry, and I don't want them to have to have concern.  I... need to get up, and going.  Or... more than I have been.  Ugh.

While I can't listen to music, I can watch a few vids.  Here are a few of interest, lately.  I can't watch or listen for too long, my mind, concentration, won't allow it.  And I won't watch most modern vids which are too long.  Don't trust most modern videographers.  Everything on y.t. is considered... compromised.  They are pro-multicultural (in spite of that's obvious failure), pro-socialism/communism (excluding about all other actual truths and the cons of those), anti-American, Anti-Christian, etc.  Once in a while you can find a vid that... seems to sidestep the propaganda imposed, generally, required really, by y.t.  At least offering questions or answers of some merit.  At least... if you... are limited from reading, by lack of focus, it is... something.  Rare, but it happens.  Here are a few.

Rough, but not?

.

.

I can't do a thing, or mostly.  I feel bad, physically, but... at a distance.  I can use my broken foot to get up, in part.  I have reduced swelling, a bit, mostly, again.  Even without compression sock.  A medical wrap and regular socks the last few days.  Why not compression socks?  First, I'm trying to get a shower, and wrestling those off and on and off and on wears me out.  I don't have the energy.  And... they... sort of beat me up after a few days as well.

I still have some nasal near blockage.  I have usually been able to clear that, in the morning, sometimes through the day, and at night.  There are moments it gets clogged.  But, it's getting better.  I think that is what was causing most of the headaches, recently.  Which, as it clears and is mostly kept clear, are easing.  Mostly.

But it is, as well, deep winter.  Not the coldest one, I'll admit.  More in the mid twenty's, if it can dip from time to time.  And, more moisture this year.  Not terrible, as winters go.  But winter nonetheless.  

Barely mobile, and cautiously mobile.  This is a dangerous time.  For a lot of reasons.  Summer could be rough, too.  Loss of electricity, for an extended time, could be lethal in either season.  And, working too hard, in either season, will bite a guy.  If it doesn't make you sick, it can take a bit too much out.

Having trouble getting food.  Mobility is part of the issue.  The cold might well do that as well.  Hoping to get a shower today, but had hoped to do that two days ago.  Heck, can't even, as mentioned, listen to music.  That's... a first.  Not so much for the headache, more for the soft semi-permanent nausea in the background.  I can't always tell it is there, until I try to listen to music or do things that take some effort.

Will... try to get a shower today, and trash and recycling out.  They might be part of it, or not.  Can't smell well, but I... think that would help.  Bleh.  Water this morning, then milk.  Haven't been keeping up with kefir, need something something.  Then a clear water after the milk.  Using wine vinegar and electrolyte powder to break up the thirst, with this first sip.  Milk next, and water to wash all else down.  Thirsty as a devil.

Well... on to... looking around, sipping, and waking.  Good... morning, night, whatever.

Took all day to wake up.

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Even so, I wouldn't say I am quite awake yet.  Sassy got fed.  I shoveled three widths of the shovel again today.  The area I shoveled yesterday is clear.  What I shoveled today is slush.  Which is half why I stopped there.  It wore me out.  Been sitting so long I simply don't have much breath, air, endurance.  It'll... come back, in time.  I hope.

Sassy worked me this "morning".  She was hungry.  Fair enough.  I gave here a lot of snuggles, mild scratching, and massages.  She does understand, finally, that even if she doesn't absolutely love these things, they help me wake up.  She does enjoy them, just not as much when she is hungry.  On the good side, she got fed first thing.  I am always surprised how long food lasts, now that I am just feeding her one can a day.  Two twenty four packs last a month and an half, if usually I buy, so use, thirty packs.  There are still rare days, when she is so very hungry, that I feed her more than a can.  But, probably, only once or twice a month.

Dreams, again.  But they dissipated with waking.  Mom, talking about something.  Oh, and an engineering school interview.  I... somehow got on a list.  I told them it was a mistake, and suggested I was too old.  But they encouraged me to go for it, so I did.  I think I got it.  Not sure I was going to accept it though.  An elite school, for what that matters these days.

One of the things was solving a problem, being allowed a few givens.  I could have used fewer givens, and did offer that as a minority solution.  But believed they would want all givens used, so I did that too.  Child's play, with givens.  One is all that would have been needed.  Maybe two?  Three was a gimme.  At least in theory.

Feeling better?  A bit achy, pretty much everywhere.  But aches aren't pains.  These are mild among aches.  Thirsty, but... that can be fixed.

I still want a shower today.  Didn't get one yesterday.  Did get the bed reset.  And ripped blankets off today to be remade for tonight.  Trying to get back to... doing what I can do, or used to be able to do.  It's rough.  More just tired and achy, but that puts limits on things.  Being winter is... what it is.  Dark the last few days?  Week?  Two?  Mostly.  I think the sun did come out, at least a bit, not too long ago.

I'll need to thaw meat tonight.  Yea, forgot.  If possible, I may get out for food.  Not the best food, but food, at this point, is food.  And, in winter, it needs to be warm.  I need to reset kefir.  Falling behind, yesterday was so rough.  It's been difficult for a while now.  Still, back to aiming at doing better, more.

Since I want to shower, didn't want to put compression socks on.  But just a sock is too little.  I put a wrap on the broken foot.  Hopefully to bring the swelling down.  Without anything, it gets to two times it's usual size.  And, really, it takes several days of near constant compression to bring it down.  I just haven't been able to keep up on all things, and the compression, lately.  Ugh.  May have to get the boot in on it, when wrapping or using compression socks are too much effort.

What is strange?  I can't listen to music.  While I don't feel the nausea, it is still there.  If I listen to music, doesn't matter what kind, country, rock, strange... it upsets my stomach.  Causes a headache.  I am definitely not well yet.  I keep looking for signs of infection, but there aren't any.  Just swelling.  Odd.  

Later.

Rough, better, rough, better.

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.

Currently rough.  I ate, but it's all coming back at me as if I had eaten something bad.  I didn't, it just feels like it.  Nausea?  A bit.  Too full, impossibly but okay.  It's all food related.  My foot feels good.  Oh, a slight headache, but not normally worth noticing.  Just, taking note.  No fever.  Strange.

I haven't been able to do much of anything.  I did, though, scoop three paths near the garage.  But, it was... slick, and seemed to be getting worse.  So I let that go.  Slush and snow, then ice.  I carefully got off the drive and put the shovel up.  At least I got something done.  Nothing else.  Dinner was leftovers.  Strange, but I couldn't eat much.  Which is why I am so surprised that I am so full!

Sassy was fed.  Drinking a lot of water today.  Lately in general.

Didn't compress the foot much, just wore socks.  Had hoped to get a shower.  Just... couldn't.  So tired, full, not feeling well.  Have had much worse.  This is just... strange.  Why so full filling?  Bleh.  It's about bedtime.

Feeling so off I can't listen to music.  Yet a lot of it is showing up, from old posts.  Things I'd like to listen to.  Just... can't.  Feeling so off, so full, with a side of headache, and just and icky ill sensation.

Mother called today.  Or did I call her?  In any case, we talked.  She is out with her guy.  They had supper.  She made him an apple cake, if I'm sure she had a bite?  I hope so.  At some point, just enjoy once in a while.  Good to hear her voice.  I'll try to call my brother in the next few days.  When I am feeling better, hopefully soon.  So ill feeling.  Bleh.

Have a good night.  I think I'm going to try to sneak on up to bed.  Well, I guess, at 1:28, it won't be all that early.  Goodnight.

Noon thirty and up.

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.

It's as good as I can do.  Sleep is like a whirlwind, if possibly less mathematically configured.  Not feeling too bad.  I think dinner helped last night.  Well, and several doses of kefir through the day.  Well, and I have been very careful with my foot, while sitting most of yesterday.

Back to storing up kefir.  I need that stuff.  Just that I o.d.'ed a bit on the stuff there for a while.  Easy to fix.  Just back off for a bit and let it. vent, drain, whatever it does.  Toss it something to attack, from time to time.  It'll get back in shape quickly enough.  Then get back on it.  Super stuff, really.

Now to try to get back more fully to keto.  Which will be more carnivore, if possible, the rest of this month.  I'll have to get something out from the freezer though, today, too.  Meat, meat, more meat, and meat.  A beef roast and ground beef.  I'll skip the pork for a good long time, even if it is down to $2.50 a pound, I can't eat it anymore.  Not sure what is up with it, but it is mostly fat now.  Just can't do it.

May have to just figure out how to use burger more often, and look for it when it is $4.00 a pound or less.  Bleh.

No headache, or nausea.  My foot is sensitive, and swollen, in spite of my efforts, but only between 25% and 50% swollen, over normal size.  If, too, lacking fluid buildup.  Never can be sure which is worse.  Though, now that I know how to keep fluid buildup out, That... problem is solved.  Even if the solution presents problems of it's own.  I only seem to be able to improve portions, relieving fluid buildup, but slightly hurting my legs, getting rid of pain, but causing nausea, etc.  Tradeoffs.  Which one to make on any given day?  Meh.

My last lady suggested I should help more around the house.  I suggested I had a full time plus job.  What, she asked?  Figuring out how to be alive without great suffering.  And, on top of it, back then, staying awake.  She had no clue how difficult my life was.  Or did she?

I kept looking out, as I would wake and try to get going... and failing... this morning.  It looked... foggy?  Couldn't wake enough to really make it out.  Finally, when I did, I realized it wasn't foggy.  It has been lightly snowing all day!  Ugh.  That adds up, fast.  Big old fluffy snowflakes, if my eyes are right.  Though intensity, size, and such, can change quickly.  But it is stacking up.

I keep being invited to events.  Worse, I really want to go.  I look at the snow, realize we are having melts from time to time, and freezes.  I don't know what is under there.  Ice?  I am sure of it, but where?  I don't know.  I'm... not interested in extending the nausea, from a fall.  To be honest, I can probably take a fall.  But, what will happen, is my native painkilling systems will kick in.  From being hurt in other places.  No breaks, but pains.  And, that will increase the nausea.

While I don't feel direct nausea, I know it is still back there, and not far.  For that, I am careful with even how I sit my foot, and what I do or don't do.  Another week or two, and I should be good.  I'll try to keep up on showering and upkeep, for when I can get out.  I may even try just a small patch of snow shoveling.  Mostly the walkways, areas.  If it isn't icy under those.  Slow, at first.

Though I have something that has to be done.  Requires very little, rathe safe, walking.  Should be able to cut the walking down to, maybe, ten to fifteen feet.

Invitations, but I can't do them.  Especially in even small crowds.  Too nervous about the crowd, with a hurt foot.  I've learned, when weak, avoid people.  It's like they know.  Even cats know.  Sassy even... became weird, about the foot.  She pounced it, thankfully missing the sore spot.  Is it that they, cat, human, group, sense pain and weakness, and try to push it to get you up, or put you down?  Nature is... cruel.  While humans aren't fully of natured, they do have instincts.  They are all spirit, either.  And nature is simply brutal, at times.  I'll... stay home, ice isn't the only thing I... fear? have a knowledge and certain form of respect regarding?  Don't... take it personal.  It's a natural thing you may not... see.  Not until you have been ill, damaged, alone, in it.  Steer will buckle their own, chickens will peck one of their own to death, humans can be similar, without... a thought.

On to... my day.  Good morning... or early afternoon, probably, by now.  Be well.  Even if you are... partly natural.  I am too.  :p

Excellent.

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Why is it that I can make stuff I am not supposed to eat, spot on, every time.  While I can only occasionally make keto that tastes good?  If you like hotter spaghetti with meat sauce, I can cook to kill.  The pasta was perfect.  I have learned the right tomatoes to use.  The best pastas to cook, and how to cook it just right at al dente, without any crispness or softness, mushiness.

And the flavor profile?  Just right.  I don't use italian spice mixes in this, just garlic, onion, and various heating building blocks, to include black pepper.  I can't think of a savory dish I don't add black (or some pepper, including mixed, white, and/or such as sometimes I blend even those) pepper.  Ginger can be a part of the heat profile, though not always.  Still, my blends really work well.  At least for me.

Nausea remains.  But comes and goes.  Forgot to serve kefir, am having it now.  I... think it might be settling my stomach?  Will see, but even a few sips in, and I think so?  But, I will stay off my feet for a while.  I'd still like to get a shower in, and make the bed up tonight before going to sleep.  But other than that, down on my bottom, browsing, blogging, or gaming.  Ugh.

I've been trying to keep up on feeding Sassy.  I've been... missing, a bit, lately.  Not whole days, but a meal here or there.  And I have been sleeping either in half days or in double days.  The pain, nausea, and sweats have me a bit out of balance.  Doing my best, but it isn't a regular go.  Feel so horrible sometimes that I don't want to wake up, or can't sleep, or must sleep, regardless of what I would normally be doing.

Have a good evening.  I'll keep at things.  Later, or goodnight.

Now I feel rough.

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I got to things, and... that came with a price.

I got dinner going.  While at it, I sent water through the r.o. system.  Then turned kefir over.  I had two jars going, decided to go back to three.  No cream this week, which is fine, I... had two left.  One... wasn't smelling the best, but the other is still good.  I haven't been able to have coffee, with my nausea always on.  Coffee simply adds to it.  Having one now, not sure that is wise, but... there it is.

Bits and pieces of things were done, while getting food, water, and kefir going.  On my feet fifteen to twenty minutes.  Not sure I'll keep... whatever might be in there down.  May get a small dose of kefir in, see if that helps.  I am sure supper itself will help.  If I can make it to supper.

The doubling of compression, lighter on the inside, heavier outer, seems to be working okay, for now.  I consciously check for... problems.  Lack of sensation, too much pain in a particular area, and other things, even things I am not sure I understand, but might be from too much compression.  Even if my kidneys started hurting, I would... consider that.  Those haven't been as much of a problem, save when I eat really terribly for a few days running.  The medicine is what was hitting the kidneys?  At least consciously making them hurt, yes.

However, that bit of standing and walking and doing got to me.  It trebled the impulse to retch or worse.  The coffee isn't helping, but... there it is.  Then again, it isn't exactly hurting either.  The pasta water should be ready in about fifteen.  The sauce has pretty much been set and is just... holding.  The only thing I am missing is garlic bread, red wine, and parmesan reggiano, or one of the other real cheeses.  Not... all that expensive, these days.  I think the world economy is failing so fast, that quadruple charging is chasing customers away.  Some things are lowering in price.  Fair enough.  They overcharged for centuries.  Time is up.

Well... to relax a bit, then finish dinner shortly.  Perhaps some kefir.  That stuff really helps digestion, among other things.  One of the gentlest laxatives I have ever had.  Prunes will work, but they just... like a hammer?  Not... the pal type.  Bleh.  This acts so easily and softly, life is easier.  I'm surprised they don't try to get elders to eat it.  Ah, no, they just sell them, directly or through the government, pills.  Wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to graft what could be given cheaply.

Do you ever feel as if every organization, private and public, is run by money vampires?  Sucking every last penny out of, especially, the poor?  Using us until we are waste, then just burning us these days.  I want to be buried.  I hope it will happen, in it's time.  Fascism doing it's thing, otherwise.  And so many people want that?  I guess.  Taught to believe they aren't worth remembering.

Ah, the bell.  Pasta water should be ready.  Good day.  Oh... the thing about pasta water?  I use about a gallon and an half for a pound of past.  Just use enough water, you'll never need to add oil, or such.  If you don't have a big pot, do it in batches.  Yes, too much, for one person.  But...  Tonight I am going to try to use the recommended amount.  For me, about an ounce and an half.  Not... sure it will work, but curious.  Later.

Slightly rough as I turn out.

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My feet were a bit rough.  Which is fine, I guess.  A mild headache, nasal I think, again.  But, not too terrible.  A couple of 6 out of ten issues.  Most likely they will pass before long.  Haven't taken painkillers in a while, so may do so right now.  Make that have done that right now.  Feverish, on the very fringes, and more in my skull bones.  Not sure why a break, or such would do that?  Nausea I get, a backwash of pain, even if I cover it up.  Well, and possibly exacerbated by aspirin.  But fever?  Especially around my face and skull bones?

As I was waking, I tried tighter socks, with the wrappings.  Nope, that just doesn't work.  It pulls the wrappings, and turns it into more like knotted rope.  Which really hurts after a while.  And, while I know I am not supposed to, I put the milder compression socks under the heavier socks.  If I start having any pain, or loss of feeling, I'll pull them off and choose one or the other.

Swelling has diminished, probably 25% larger on the broken foot.  I think I wore open toe compression socks again last night.  But, I put the heel in the opposite direction, so that it would compress to foot better, with that backward angle.  Tricks, but I know what I want to do, not always sure the process will produce it, so experiment.  I know I want swelling out of that foot.  Both feet actually.  And, I am learning how to do with, without cutting off circulation, which is the other extreme.  And, doing so ends up hurting a lot.

I woke this dream, to ancient Jewish parents speaking to their children... a married couple thinking of parting.  The last thing I heard, summed up, in their tongue, was that it was far better to have a husband or wife (depending on which parents were being heard, and they were saying the same thing to their particular child), than to have an ego.  I... laughed, dearly.  Yea, I know.  But tell them that!  Only, that is exactly what they did.

I didn't need to see any more in the dream.  I know they got back together, settled their difference, had flareups for decades, then died still married.  While there was divorce, it was... very suspect, and not... preferred, by anyone or any institution.  It's something you wouldn't recover from, socially, religiously, or else, for the whole of your life.  Your wealth might allow you to ignore it, but... not even really then.  I love my dreams, especially when I know it was true.  And that the right side won.  Plus, like it or not, Jews can be damned entertaining when they get their ire up.  And parents in general, when they are right.  I wish I had growed up.  :p  But, that takes a wife, and children, for as long as you can handle it.  When you get older, the kids leave, you get... to be a kid again, sort of.  :)

Hungry.  Not sure I have any food.  May have to eat something... suspect, or even downright anti-keto.  Bleh.  Real spaghetti?  Maybe.  That keto spaghetti tasted... fine.  Seriously, really.  But it was not filling!  I need... food.  Food that will fill, or something, at least once in a while.  Part of my problem is what I can cook, when, cleaning, and such, with a broken foot.  There is fast food, but that is worse than even spaghetti.  I don't even know what is in there.  With the burgers being only 77% beef?  And the frying oil being... what, mostly soy?  Bleh.  At least if I am going to eat poorly, I ought to eat real food.  Though, getting out is tricky.

I did try on the shoes, today.  I think the 14's will work.  I have three shoes going back.  The Reebok's are fantastic, the dress shoes are a bit suspect, but 15's are HUGE, while 14's just barely fit?  Though, with the current swelling, even when compressed, that, I hope, is the problem.  As well, I tried the air cast boot.  I had thought to send that back, but... I don't think so.  That is fantastic!  If I am forced to be mobile, I will wear that.  Oh my word, that is fantastic.  

It's like putting on a padded armored tank?  I don't think it would be good in snow or ice.  I look outside, see ice, and start sweating.  Bumping or else would... cause problems.  Bring enough pain to give my heart an extra beat, or stop it for a few seconds.  No!  I can get to my car.  I can shower, with the shower bench.  But getting out and going in?  Only if it is clear as can be.  No ice, anywhere, or I won't get out.  I could handle a fall like an ace, but if I hit my leg or foot...  No.  No.

I keep thinking it is already Sunday.  Will try to get trash and recycling out.  Still Saturday.  Carefully.  The drive is pretty clear, but the trash barrel is in snow.  I hope.  A shower today, if I can.  And, food.  I have a bit of burger left, and some pasta.  Running out of the real stuff.  Just... couldn't throw it.  Should have, but... it is needed now.  Hungry.  HUNGRY!  Need something... like that.

The glasses arrived.  Thankfully, delivered.  Don't want to get folk in trouble, will just offer my gratitude.  They work fairly well.  I may still get in to get a checkup.  Just on lens strength.  I have some... inexpensive sources for glasses.  I'd like to get three or four backup pairs, over the next four or five months.  Some plain, some multi-focal?  Not trifocals, but something... different.  Bleh.  But, these work, for now.

On to... something?  On to waking.  Have a great weekend, day, and else.

Banging on the inside of my coffin?

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Believing I am hearing responses, as I choke out?  Who... knows.

Someone keeps fiddling.

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Fair enough.  I suppose.  They see one thing, and think one thing, or way.  I ought to clear a few things up.  Starting with the stones they cast.

Bedtime?

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I think so.  Way early.  Not sure what to do about that.  All I know is I am about done for the day.  Cold?  All day, even with the furnace bumped a bit.

I did make keto spaghetti with meat sauce.  Spiced just right, not too many "noodles" given the sauce and meat.  It was good.  Filling, warm, could have used parm though, or more of it.  Had just a bit for the first portion.

Not much else was done.  Well, other than finding a septic service, getting a number of returns arranged, making dinner, and... a few other things.  Oh, checking on my account, and such.  Not... bad, not terrible really.  Not great.  Hoping the wrapping has reduced the swelling.  When things with the foot are off, it does make me sleep more.  Weird how those things work.

My glasses arrived.  Seem pretty good.  I got a middle length one, and a bifocal or... something.  It's not done correctly, but does seem to work?  Just not the way it was initially arranged.  Good enough, I suppose.

Oh, I am returning the headsets.  Why wouldn't the same model, from the same company, use the same 2.4Ghz usb tab?  I don't know, but that was required.  Whodda thunk it wouldn't work.  Oh well.

Yes, tired.  I'll turn on the electric blanket, feed Sassy, perhaps set up some dishes?  Or... just save those for after a shower again tomorrow?  The latter, I think.  Oh, and check her litter box.  I'm behind on tending that.  Then, on to bed.  I'll take a few things up, that I want to try.  Can't send the short walking stick back.  They somehow don't allow returns?  I try to weed those purchases out, but sometimes miss that.  Bleh.  Hate that.  I guess I'm stuck with a stupid stick.

Goodnight.

After finding out about Argentina?

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I wondered if anywhere else had changed.  Ecuador?

Yep!  They dropped requirements for the vax (I'll check again later, to make sure I got that right), testing, and all sorts of things.  They request isolation, if symptomatic, but it doesn't sound like they even really check up on that?  Odd.  But, yes, I... understand writing something for the Karens, and doing otherwise for the real people.  The Karens just weren't paying off.  The rest of the world stopped visiting.  I'll... bet that hurt.

So, not just Argentina is open, but so is Ecuador.  But, Ecuador is having indigenous troubles, and crime problems.  Cut off the tap, of vacationers, and... you... will run into troubles.  Plus, any country who went hard into covid shutdowns, from the start, is... less reliable.  I'd like to visit, if I could get out.  But Argentina would be where I would go, unless they flake on the China virus for some strange reason.  Payoffs, blackmail, whatever.

Still, it's good to have some options.  And places to visit.  If I get down that way, I would like to look around.  Get settled in to a comfy perch, then visit the rest of the country, and continent.  Attempt to learn the language... that is on me.  And figure out how to eat keto.  Gotta stay away from some things, rice, and mostly beans too.  Though I do think I can have beans a few times a month.

There are now 148 countries, or so, which no longer require the jab.  Some of them might be tricky to get to, as landing in an airport, in a nation which requires the poison, may be a problem.  So... figuring all that out might be a bit troublesome.  I suppose, with an unplanned detour, it wouldn't be held against the unvaxxed, but mobility might be extremely limited, like not leaving the boarding area.  Not sure if the mask is required for inflight, though, too.  I'd have to be sure about that, or find another way to get there, where masks aren't required.

Yes.  I really would scoot, if I could get a right price for my digs.  The right amount would just ease my way, and give me a way out if things went really bad, very quickly.  Or... the hope of getting out.  Argentina, for the beef, really.  Well, and landscape(s).  Something about visiting the South Pole just... intrigues me.

Ah-ha!

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After trying the last guy, again, and that failing, I went looking for another.  Found one.  And, found out why the other hadn't been answering.  They are exceptionally busy from the recent rains and whatelse.  Which... is fine, as I don't plan on getting this rodeo going until next month.  The pumping, itself, is $450.  I can... do that.  Half in cash, a quarter from savings, and a quarter on a card?  Yeah.

However, the tank has to be found.  I thought the 4" pipe was the thing.  He suspects not.  It is supposed to be, possibly, a bit complicated to find.  I have no idea where it is, if it isn't where I thought it was.  Ugh.  Which may require some digging.  Bleh.  He gave me some ideas about how to locate it.  I'll... see.

Still, this... looks like a good plan.  And is a lot less expensive, at least without the additives.  Though, those would have had to be included, as well, on the other quote.  Ugh but that's a lot of money.

He did offer the notion of getting something added, so that access would be easier, from here on out.  And I wouldn't lose it, or the next owner.  Can't find your poop?  I thought that was a good thing!  :p  Still, between cash, savings, and card, I think I can do it.  

It looks like the mortgage company has stopped trying to rob me, for now.  A big withdrawal, I am hoping for gas, came through.  A few returns and this and that's.  Looks like they were really trying to get that money out.  No doubles, again.  I'm going to have to watch these people like the criminals they are.

Still, not a bad day.  Oh, the walking stick came in.  But I'm pretty sure it's not fifty eight inches.  Or fifty eight inches isn't what I thought it would be.  It's going back.  It's barely more than a walking stick for me, I needed a full size hiking type walking stick.  No hate, just, this won't work.  Ugh.  Doing my best.

Hungry.  Just can't really get to cooking, and might not be able to eat in spite of being hungry.  Later.

A few more returns.

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The headsets don't work, not as suggested.  So, those go back.  As well, kept up on the pliers return/exchange.  It's... somewhat difficult to get through.  Once I get through, life is good.  They usually take care of problems very well.  Can only imagine what kind of profit margin they have to have that sort of service?  I know, people say they are losing money.  But, are they?

I have the boot to check, and shoes to try, but the swelling has to go down.  Hopefully by tomorrow evening?  I can hope.  Ugh.  The world is messy.

Nausea is back, but milder than up to this date.  Sleepy, tired, very mildly sore.  Still, all good.  I have had many times worse.

Next I'd like to see about the septic service, more local one.  Still no return call.  I guess I keep trying.  A part of the last service quote was $150 for window time, which they said was only half their usual since they were going to be in Ogden soon.  Huh?  No.  No, I... that was seriously too high.  Should be easy, at my place, to get at.  Thankfully.  Probably?  I don't know much about it.  I called, just another message.  We'll see, I guess.

I have been drinking a lot more just water lately.  Couldn't keep up on kefir, drank some of the milk, no choice.  Didn't want to waste it.  Just couldn't get up often enough to check on things well.  Had to drink milk, because I just couldn't be up and going well enough.  Bleh.  So be it.  Hoping to get back into kefir this week, more.  Didn't drink all the milk, just some that I couldn't fit in otherwise.

When I looked, this morning, it was around 19 degrees, F, out there.  It is 24, about three hours into the day.

Awake at a strangely early hour.

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I couldn't get to sleep until after one, nearly two?  At least a quarter after.  Then I slept very well.  The shower helped.

From not having had the food wrapped or compressed yesterday, it had swollen to twice it's normal size by bedtime.  I put on an open toe compression sock, otherwise my inner toe area becomes... gummy.  I hate that.  Anyway, I thought that might help.  Nope.  This morning it is closer to three times it's normal size.  So... I wrapped, compressed, and put a sock on over that.

Oddly, it doesn't hurt.  It is actually nice, other than the swelling, to have gone without all the gimmicks and such yesterday.  Other than my feet were iceblocks at bedtime, and the swelling.  Could barely get the foot in the shoe.  But it didn't hurt to do so.  Very odd.

Not nauseated this morning.  Only a very mild headache.  That on top of else, after not getting to bed until 1:15 or later, and waking at 7:48.  I first woke at 5:30?  Or so.  I just wanted a bit more sleep.  I kept looking at the clock.  No minutes would pass, than a minute or two.  Five times I looked, and no real change, 5:37 the last time I looked in that set.  Then, after no time seemed to pass, I looked again. 7:30?  Very strange.  I decided to try to push on through to being awake.  And did, if it took a bit.  Though wrapping the feet, and doing all the little things, takes a while.  As does getting dressed and making the bed.

Reminds me.  I didn't redo the bed last week.  I think that is the first time I have missed in... almost since I started?  There was once or twice when I didn't do that until Monday, or Sunday.  But... this was the first whole week I missed, that I can remember.  So, I'll get to it, if probably tomorrow.  Since it is made up, already, I don't want to undo it.  Not while still gimped up pretty badly.

The shower yesterday was a grand gift.  I doubt if I can get another today, or I would.  But tomorrow, yes.  I have a spray wand I can bring down to me, though there is just enough room to stand, if I wish.  And, with something to hold onto, if needed, if a limited standing area, I... can do that better.  Plus, I will keep checking the water softness.  And lowering the setting so it is less slick.  Though I don't feel that foot to tub, still...  I want to use as little of that as possible, so long as sudsing is quick and takes little soap.

Drinking more water, lately.  Completely laid off carbs, or... much more so.  Beans, with beef.  I needed something more than just beef.  Perhaps a keto spaghetti tonight?  Yea, that would be good.  A zero carb "pasta", tomato meat sauce, and some cheese?  Something like that.

Ugh.  Still feeling a bit squishy, if not truly pained, or nauseated, or with sweeping feverishness.  A moment without any real pain will go a long way to easing things when it returns.  I'll take it.  On to some sort of day.  Later.

Odd how things work.

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Look, I doubt if I could get to Argentina.  The language barrier, getting out of the house, getting the household goods packed, sold, or tossed.  There is a lot to do to get out.  And I would only do that if the price is right, which it hasn't been, and doesn't look to be for a long time.  But, I... still keep thinking about it.

Recently I was reviewing more recent y.t. postings.  One woman was saying that covid vaxxes where required, now.  I sort of got bummed.  But, then I heard that it wasn't.  What?  Yep.  So, I began looking for other resources.  The US Embassy site had the final drop.  No, not required.  The way they wrote everything sure indicated they wanted use poisoned, but in the end, that nation doesn't require it, and the US doesn't require it to leave.

She was a hippie type.  Should have guessed.  Piercings, tatts, hit the wall type.  Thank God I kept looking.  Now, things could change, at any moment.  But, with extra money on hand, there might be a way to escape before new rules are handed down.  The world is... rather spooky right now.  Their whole job is to shut down travel, shut down purchases... even cars, except for the filthy rich.  They can keep on doing what they do.  The rest of us, they want us to, pretty much, stop living.  Just understand that.

Now, I have to admit, I would live in the capital, down there, if I sneak out, for a while.  Only until I could find a smaller town, like where I am living, in which I would be welcome.  Can always travel to the city, for certain wants or needs.  But, could live quite well in a small town.

It isn't for the small town I live in that I would go.  It's because the federal government can't be trusted.  If you are younger, healthier, you can jump and run, or fight, much easier.  Their government?  As an "American", I'd have a better chance.  The locals, if things go bad, are always a risk.  Though, that is true, even of your very own, if you are older, ill, etc.  Still, make yourself friendly, and be decent, and... you can get by, even as a foreigner... mostly.  Thieving?  That... can, will, happen almost everywhere.  The cities are worst, actually.  Even the doorman will be selling you out, if he thinks your apartment is unoccupied for even an half hour.  They can clear and clean your valuables, after a few check-raids, in moments.  The country?  Mostly stealing for food, and crapper paper, the little things.  Mostly.  

You, and your goods, aren't safe.  Not without... help, a tribe, family, etc.  If... even they will... take.  Just understand some limits to things.

Why Argentina?  Food, for one thing.  The climates available, the size of the country, heck they even neighbor the South Pole!  I... want to see that.  All a dream, at the moment.  But, as I mentioned, even this place was a dream.  I just wasn't able to use it as I had hoped.  And... problems?  Some.  Just a decent apartment, with nothing worth stealing, and a housekeeper stopping in a few times a week, and eating out more often... if trying to keep at keto foods.  An easy life.  Yes, if I could, I would be gone in months.  Just enough time to sort things, see my mother, brother if he would.  Make some payoffs to a few folk I also consider kin.  But the price has to be right.  Probably won't be right for another decade or two, maybe never again.  Our government is destroying the middle class, their wealth basis', and much else.  How long did it take Russia to escaped the terror of the USSR?  And... what is left of their people, or even government, even now?  That's... the path we are on.

Well... It's about bedtime.  Problem is, I can't sleep yet.  Bleh.  It's, just... not a great day.  Later, or goodnight.

Feeling really horrible.

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Nothing is holding well, in the stomach.  Beside tasting awful, and nausea, something else is wrong.

Things hurt in odd places and ways.  The broken foot feels... okay.  The other foot, leg, and midsection feel rough.  And the right palm and wrist.  What have I been doing wrong?  Sleeping in odd ways, or getting up and down in a strange way?  No worries, I have had much worse.  But this is a solid six or seven on the awful scale, and a mixed bag.

I did get a shower in, finally.  Oh.  Lovely!  I'll need to adjust the bench a bit.  But ran out of energy and time to get it done, so just went with it, as it was, this time.  Next time all I have to do is adjust the legs.  Can't always get perfection on the first shot.  But, close enough.  I'll have to figure some things out, but... for now... this worked.

I turned the furnace up.  Didn't have socks or wraps or compression socks on.  So my feet got cold.  Didn't help with else, but... I had to do that, or getting a shower would have been far too complicated, with what else needed doing.  I'm working on it.

Some of the returns have been crafted.  I am hoping to check the last items out, before Monday, to try to get everything back then.  I may have to see if someone else can return the items.  Though, we'll see.  A few items from the post, soon.  Glasses, and the sizer overboot, in case I keep the broken foot boot.  At least I can try that.  Curious to see if it actually works.

The first thing that has tasted good in a day or two, is the water, red wine vinegar, and raspberry electrolyte mix.  Sometimes that doesn't taste all that good, sometimes like tonight it is delicious.  Needed, too.  I think that is when it tastes the best, is when the body needs whatever it is in those ingredients.  Combined, they really do a great job.

Things to do, but I really can't be on my feet.  It increases the nausea, the longer I am on them.  It doesn't hurt, or feel like it hurts.  But the nausea tells me there is something wrong.  And sweats.  Especially when they both hit, like alternating high waves of people breaking events.

Some people think that a broken foot can be gotten over in a day... or week.  Nope.  Even when I get my feet back, I will be a bit cautious.  Though, really, it was the weight, and fulcrum of my leg, that did the damage.  Like sprinting into a concrete wall, given momentum, mass, and what it hit.  Two more weeks, maybe three.  At least I can shower more safely.  Not as convenient or easy as hoped, but far better than just hopping in and out.  Ugh, that was brutal, frightening, and painful.

Oh, and I lowered the softener hardness setting.  I'll try it for a week.  It was at... 120 or so, I lowered it to 60, to almost no difference.  It is down to 40, and may end up lower.  Trying to get it so that it isn't so slick.  Working on it.

I've actually been working on a lot of things.  Haven't cleaned the house, but am making it function better.  Even done some repairs.  Ugh.  Just, now, have to get my foot functioning again.  Later... or more likely goodnight.