.
.
Sure, I am going through it. I have my cheat sheets, for the most part, ready, and I continue on. The knees are creaking and sore from sitting so long, having studied for two finals consecutively, even other parts of my body are sore. The mind is difficult to focus. The material seems just as elusive as when I started. I am not packing it in, but time will do that for me. The test is tomorrow morning at 9:45. I will want to get some sleep and try to rise earlier. I do not believe I will study in the morning before this test though. It would probably only confuse things.
On the good side, both of my professors were good, in my opinion, this year. That has definitely not always been the case. They spoke clearly, they did their best to clarify the material, and the one I needed to depend on the most was available and rather forgiving in many ways. I cannot say I did not get a fair shake at the material, so it is in my hands. Urhm, my shaking hands. Of course, to worry will profit me not a whit. So, I think I will order a pizza, get back to studies, take a break when it comes. Finish off around 22:00 or 23:00, then hit the sack. Sleep does help a great deal… if I can wake up well enough and early enough. Back to it… shaken, and stirred, I think.
The crazy thing is, if my health would hold or if there was a medicine which really would help, I would stick through this. I love it, even the harshness of it a bit. Bummer. Maybe I can bring some of the discipline and desire I gained here to whatever it is I end up doing, as I can do it. I have noticed that many people have no idea what they are doing, honestly. They do what they do because they were taught what they do and have not thought about it since. A simple suggestion has often, if accepted, changed the speed of an eventuality, the ease of a task, and the outlook of the target. Then again, being called a know it all is no fun either. Especially when one is not. I do not even wish to be.
I am pretty sure the ideal of what I am learning has greatly impacted my personal life and has changed what I do, what I can do (or believe is possible, so try), and how I do it. Between my own understandings, the internet, libraries, book stores, and sources both human and otherwise out there, about the only thing I will not tinkering with, given an interest or need, is other people’s medical needs. People are out of my emotional capacity, while they are in distress, to deal with. Though if they can handle the pain, I could stitch them up, or a few other things, as I can and have for myself if necessary. But I will not unless I am sure they will not whine about scars, yelp in pain, or do other unnerving things (or sue).
Well, back to it.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I have added a goodly number of reads.
.
.
I have been meaning to do this for... a while. I finally got to it this morning. There are a number of blogs I visit very regularly. They deserve to be here, they have put up with my malcontent and warmongering ways, and think I see much, too much. Thankfully, they see some of what I see, if not all of it, so they have not gotten a writ to exile me upon pain of... blog death or something. I meant to put them up long ago, but in my haste to do as little as possible as quickly as possible, it took a while. Do not concentrate on what I say, go with the spirit of the thing folks. There is no try, there is only do or not. I doed! I doed! Thanks you for your patience.
From The Management.
.
I have been meaning to do this for... a while. I finally got to it this morning. There are a number of blogs I visit very regularly. They deserve to be here, they have put up with my malcontent and warmongering ways, and think I see much, too much. Thankfully, they see some of what I see, if not all of it, so they have not gotten a writ to exile me upon pain of... blog death or something. I meant to put them up long ago, but in my haste to do as little as possible as quickly as possible, it took a while. Do not concentrate on what I say, go with the spirit of the thing folks. There is no try, there is only do or not. I doed! I doed! Thanks you for your patience.
From The Management.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The Mechanic
The analysis indicates that the author of http://wherewhisperslinger.blogspot.com/ is of the type:
ISTP - The Mechanics
The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts.
The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like and seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.
You might like this artist!
How true this is I cannot say, I can only say that I believe it to be exactly accurate. Though, I am not highly skilled at anything if I do prefer to work with professionals in fields which interest me, and I seem to find them in the oddest of ways. Oh, and though I do avoid interpersonal difficulties, to a degree, if they exist I avoid the problems, or people if necessary, so that I neither betray my notions nor go with the flow. Dumb is dumb, and I leave it at that. I am anxious to see if the artist they offer is of interest.
By the way, it was murder to get this to work on Boggle. They did not have a simple cut and paste, and Boggle was doing it's level best to accept nothing, while my mouse is triple and quad clicking everything, making editing difficult. Something is really wrong with my machine, but no time to fix it, if it can be fixed. Ah well, it is done.
*poof*
Study is difficult.
.
.
Even with my tricks, studying is very hard because the material is exacting and wide ranging. I am not sure if I will get through it three times, if that is the goal. Twice might be more realistic, if perhaps even then a bit hopeful. Has anyone eaten a three pound steak in a half hour? Has anyone given three pints of blood in one sitting? Yes, it is not far from that. No exploding stomach or need for fluids, but the brain gets a bit cramped. Even with a whole week to study this much material, it would be just as difficult. I have until Friday morning. I did fiddle time away this weekend, though I suspect I needed the time off more than any study would have helped. I am very glad I do not have two tests to study at once and that I had a large separation between the tests.
Food has been great though. I am wearying of chicken, but it does the trick. Cold cuts get old very fast as well. And I think the pig feet buffet, along with the rest, has led to occasional heartburn. At least that is fixable, and quickly, with a little baking soda water mix. Then it is back to studying, eating, or napping. :p The furnace has stayed lit, except for that once. And I was able to relight it quickly enough. Two more days, and then I can rest a bit.
My mother called, wanting to know when I would be home. I told her I would like to take the weekend off and then drive home. I have ordered 2 lobster for New Years Eve, here, with my lady friend, so I will not be staying till then. My lady friend does not know this. She does not particularly like lobster, as the thing scares her and the complication of extracting the meat is too daunting for her. I will do most of this for her, however, as she does love the meat itself. A week with my mother, for Christmas plus and minus a few days, and back to the cave to spiffy it up and prepare for another feast. The holidays should be enjoyable.
Oh, I wrote my physics professor and asked him about where to go from here regarding self study. He replied quickly and happily it seems, with some fine advice. He even asked if there are any particular areas so that he might be able to refine his suggestions even more. At this time, I think I will just go with his advice as it stands but ask if, in the future after studying the material he advised, that if I have a more specific area of interest, if he would mind if I emailed at that time. I was quite pleased to get the response. I can see from his class, and his advice, that he teaches and thinks much along the lines of how I suspect things should be taught and learned. I do like my other professor, and I think he is fair within the confines of the course.
I think engineering courses are disasters for conscious learning. They, I think, are meant to do three things. Keep the student from straying by almost making them hate certain subjects, teach subconsciously through a demand to integrate things unconsciously and be able to use that (or fail), and to strip away the fear of the unknown (or create such a fear of it that we are a bit crippled by it, or maybe both, again to keep us on course and out of side subjects). As for my part, I think engineering schools need to be a lot more up-front about their expectations and the fact that they mean to fail students. They need to explain that most subjects are not meant to be areas of interest or even learning, but merely things that must be done any way possible. In spite of what is suggested, cheating is a means that seems to be allowed, or as I see it. Being allowed powerful calculators, being told not to use them in certain ways, while having no checks on that, seems to indicate that cheating is a method. Not just in this class, but in others. If it did not affect the chance for advanced schooling, that would be fine, but as I see it, it does affect the outcome. Ok, that is my rant on engineering school. I will let it rest there, most likely forever. Who knows, maybe in my time, I will find a school I trust, a program in which I fit, and a culture around that which is tenable. But I am not holding my breath, at least until this spring… should I “decide” to take an unregulated swim again. :p
I am hoping, once classes are over, to begin trying to work out again. I will, of course, begin packing and sorting, throwing and giving away, in order to move in as easy a fashion as possible. My mother indicated she may visit for a week to help in this endeavor. I might have to see if I can get here up a time or two more, if just for a few weekends. I do not need her muscle, just the one between her ears, and her will. She is a force to be reckoned with, a force of nature. If she cannot bend metal, she can instill the fear of God in men so that we can. *laughs* No kidding there, if it is quite humorous, mostly. My lady friend might be cajoled into some help, especially since she will be profiting from this in the way of bookcases, a really nice folding main/side table, and other things. She is getting a computer too, a laptop, but that is a Christmas present so I will not hold that over her (unless she needs help getting going… techniphobes, arghhhh!).
That is life in a nutshell. Oh, wait. I have received my license to buy pretty much any gun, short of class C (is it). And, I have set up my account to buy that reloader. I will leave a message today for a call Friday afternoon (after the test) for the reloader. And I will begin finding LLCs (or whatever) for receiving ordered rifles and such and begin purchasing those that I have on my short list, perhaps a pistol too if the money is right. If nothing else, these will only increase in value when communism comes to town, since laws are not being applied to the office of the presidency from the Supreme Jerks on down. So be it.
.
Even with my tricks, studying is very hard because the material is exacting and wide ranging. I am not sure if I will get through it three times, if that is the goal. Twice might be more realistic, if perhaps even then a bit hopeful. Has anyone eaten a three pound steak in a half hour? Has anyone given three pints of blood in one sitting? Yes, it is not far from that. No exploding stomach or need for fluids, but the brain gets a bit cramped. Even with a whole week to study this much material, it would be just as difficult. I have until Friday morning. I did fiddle time away this weekend, though I suspect I needed the time off more than any study would have helped. I am very glad I do not have two tests to study at once and that I had a large separation between the tests.
Food has been great though. I am wearying of chicken, but it does the trick. Cold cuts get old very fast as well. And I think the pig feet buffet, along with the rest, has led to occasional heartburn. At least that is fixable, and quickly, with a little baking soda water mix. Then it is back to studying, eating, or napping. :p The furnace has stayed lit, except for that once. And I was able to relight it quickly enough. Two more days, and then I can rest a bit.
My mother called, wanting to know when I would be home. I told her I would like to take the weekend off and then drive home. I have ordered 2 lobster for New Years Eve, here, with my lady friend, so I will not be staying till then. My lady friend does not know this. She does not particularly like lobster, as the thing scares her and the complication of extracting the meat is too daunting for her. I will do most of this for her, however, as she does love the meat itself. A week with my mother, for Christmas plus and minus a few days, and back to the cave to spiffy it up and prepare for another feast. The holidays should be enjoyable.
Oh, I wrote my physics professor and asked him about where to go from here regarding self study. He replied quickly and happily it seems, with some fine advice. He even asked if there are any particular areas so that he might be able to refine his suggestions even more. At this time, I think I will just go with his advice as it stands but ask if, in the future after studying the material he advised, that if I have a more specific area of interest, if he would mind if I emailed at that time. I was quite pleased to get the response. I can see from his class, and his advice, that he teaches and thinks much along the lines of how I suspect things should be taught and learned. I do like my other professor, and I think he is fair within the confines of the course.
I think engineering courses are disasters for conscious learning. They, I think, are meant to do three things. Keep the student from straying by almost making them hate certain subjects, teach subconsciously through a demand to integrate things unconsciously and be able to use that (or fail), and to strip away the fear of the unknown (or create such a fear of it that we are a bit crippled by it, or maybe both, again to keep us on course and out of side subjects). As for my part, I think engineering schools need to be a lot more up-front about their expectations and the fact that they mean to fail students. They need to explain that most subjects are not meant to be areas of interest or even learning, but merely things that must be done any way possible. In spite of what is suggested, cheating is a means that seems to be allowed, or as I see it. Being allowed powerful calculators, being told not to use them in certain ways, while having no checks on that, seems to indicate that cheating is a method. Not just in this class, but in others. If it did not affect the chance for advanced schooling, that would be fine, but as I see it, it does affect the outcome. Ok, that is my rant on engineering school. I will let it rest there, most likely forever. Who knows, maybe in my time, I will find a school I trust, a program in which I fit, and a culture around that which is tenable. But I am not holding my breath, at least until this spring… should I “decide” to take an unregulated swim again. :p
I am hoping, once classes are over, to begin trying to work out again. I will, of course, begin packing and sorting, throwing and giving away, in order to move in as easy a fashion as possible. My mother indicated she may visit for a week to help in this endeavor. I might have to see if I can get here up a time or two more, if just for a few weekends. I do not need her muscle, just the one between her ears, and her will. She is a force to be reckoned with, a force of nature. If she cannot bend metal, she can instill the fear of God in men so that we can. *laughs* No kidding there, if it is quite humorous, mostly. My lady friend might be cajoled into some help, especially since she will be profiting from this in the way of bookcases, a really nice folding main/side table, and other things. She is getting a computer too, a laptop, but that is a Christmas present so I will not hold that over her (unless she needs help getting going… techniphobes, arghhhh!).
That is life in a nutshell. Oh, wait. I have received my license to buy pretty much any gun, short of class C (is it). And, I have set up my account to buy that reloader. I will leave a message today for a call Friday afternoon (after the test) for the reloader. And I will begin finding LLCs (or whatever) for receiving ordered rifles and such and begin purchasing those that I have on my short list, perhaps a pistol too if the money is right. If nothing else, these will only increase in value when communism comes to town, since laws are not being applied to the office of the presidency from the Supreme Jerks on down. So be it.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Two tricks.
.
.
The furnace is still tweaky. I cannot stand that stupid thing. I would usually keep it cool, say 66-68 F, but turning it down that low has always made it click off if it at least used to be simple matter of turning it up to get it back on, if I had to brave getting out of bed in 50’s F temps to do so. Now, however, the chance of turning the thing back on is in question. So, I keep it at 70 F and hope it stays lit. I do not dare turn it up to help me wake up in the mornings. Though it will warm to that, when I have it try and cool back to 70, it shuts off and stays off. Unless, of course, one of the three tricks (different tricks than in the title, hold your horses, I am getting to those) works to bring the furnace back online. I have already had four incidence where the furnace would not relight and I had to have the repairman visit. Every time, however, the furnace relit before he got here (even after, one time, being down for a week before he came by, and with me doing nothing to relight it). It is something I will not miss. If I were a paranoid man, I would be looking for a malefactor, one with two legs. Actually, I am paranoid. I just do not care enough about some things.
Ah, back to the main course, the two tricks. The two tricks are what I have finally decided work the best when studying for finals. After my time in college, one would have thought I would have chanced upon them before now. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I have studied notes, done all the homework again as time allowed, read the book, done the tests and quizzes, and worked myself to death, often with little added benefit. All the time, worrying so much that I ate little and became tired throughout. The first trick, pick a small section of material to cover. I would go for the tests and quizzes, at this point. Ignore homework, notes, and the book unless stuck, then look to the notes first, homework second, and completely ignore the book and go to the professor or a TA if those do not do it. An email will work, if it is a simple thing. The book is a paperweight and problem source, not a solution almost ever. The second trick is to eat well. Eating well, and perhaps a little more, may add a few pounds to my lean frame (ha!), but it gives me energy to work, work hard, work consistently, and concentrate. I eat what I feel like eating, as well, not what a doctor would recommend specifically to me or even generally. Lots of protein, a goodly lot of fats, and carbohydrates if easily available. Sure, chew on fruit if you want, but that is not what works for me. I can buy a dozen pieces of fried chicken, a couple of jars of pickled pig feet, (I am on my second set of both of those), chocolate, bread, and cold cuts which allow me to feast without every having to leave my dungeon… for a few days. With milk (whole, and I wish unadulterated but sadly settle for homogenized and pasteurized), Coke with Splenda, and reverse osmosis filtered water for drinking, coffee, or tea, I am set to work.
The test score for physics is already posted, though the course letter grade is not out yet. I only got a 17 out of 20. I have 64 out of 75 points for the class, giving me, what would appear to be, a B (85% to 87%, depending on how you do it). However, with the lab averages being 90% and change and the lecture section average being just under 70%, I am not sure how that will work out. I suppose a large part of that depends on what portion of the class took the lab section and what their scores were in the lecture section. Or, something like that. In any case, I did not fail. I did a bit better and far more easily on this test than the previous tests. I will see if these tricks works on my other final. The study is easier, by far, so far, for this last final. I am excited to see if it works. Bummer though, to finally figure out how to study only to be leaving school. Is that not how it often works though? Ha!
I think I will do a few more quizzes then call it a night, a day, three and a half kilotons, or a smorglofish loughish. Whatever. But I think I will hit the hay and see you in my dreams. Best be nice in there, because if you are in them I can turn you into a newt (though, you could get better). Good smorglofish loughish!
.
The furnace is still tweaky. I cannot stand that stupid thing. I would usually keep it cool, say 66-68 F, but turning it down that low has always made it click off if it at least used to be simple matter of turning it up to get it back on, if I had to brave getting out of bed in 50’s F temps to do so. Now, however, the chance of turning the thing back on is in question. So, I keep it at 70 F and hope it stays lit. I do not dare turn it up to help me wake up in the mornings. Though it will warm to that, when I have it try and cool back to 70, it shuts off and stays off. Unless, of course, one of the three tricks (different tricks than in the title, hold your horses, I am getting to those) works to bring the furnace back online. I have already had four incidence where the furnace would not relight and I had to have the repairman visit. Every time, however, the furnace relit before he got here (even after, one time, being down for a week before he came by, and with me doing nothing to relight it). It is something I will not miss. If I were a paranoid man, I would be looking for a malefactor, one with two legs. Actually, I am paranoid. I just do not care enough about some things.
Ah, back to the main course, the two tricks. The two tricks are what I have finally decided work the best when studying for finals. After my time in college, one would have thought I would have chanced upon them before now. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I have studied notes, done all the homework again as time allowed, read the book, done the tests and quizzes, and worked myself to death, often with little added benefit. All the time, worrying so much that I ate little and became tired throughout. The first trick, pick a small section of material to cover. I would go for the tests and quizzes, at this point. Ignore homework, notes, and the book unless stuck, then look to the notes first, homework second, and completely ignore the book and go to the professor or a TA if those do not do it. An email will work, if it is a simple thing. The book is a paperweight and problem source, not a solution almost ever. The second trick is to eat well. Eating well, and perhaps a little more, may add a few pounds to my lean frame (ha!), but it gives me energy to work, work hard, work consistently, and concentrate. I eat what I feel like eating, as well, not what a doctor would recommend specifically to me or even generally. Lots of protein, a goodly lot of fats, and carbohydrates if easily available. Sure, chew on fruit if you want, but that is not what works for me. I can buy a dozen pieces of fried chicken, a couple of jars of pickled pig feet, (I am on my second set of both of those), chocolate, bread, and cold cuts which allow me to feast without every having to leave my dungeon… for a few days. With milk (whole, and I wish unadulterated but sadly settle for homogenized and pasteurized), Coke with Splenda, and reverse osmosis filtered water for drinking, coffee, or tea, I am set to work.
The test score for physics is already posted, though the course letter grade is not out yet. I only got a 17 out of 20. I have 64 out of 75 points for the class, giving me, what would appear to be, a B (85% to 87%, depending on how you do it). However, with the lab averages being 90% and change and the lecture section average being just under 70%, I am not sure how that will work out. I suppose a large part of that depends on what portion of the class took the lab section and what their scores were in the lecture section. Or, something like that. In any case, I did not fail. I did a bit better and far more easily on this test than the previous tests. I will see if these tricks works on my other final. The study is easier, by far, so far, for this last final. I am excited to see if it works. Bummer though, to finally figure out how to study only to be leaving school. Is that not how it often works though? Ha!
I think I will do a few more quizzes then call it a night, a day, three and a half kilotons, or a smorglofish loughish. Whatever. But I think I will hit the hay and see you in my dreams. Best be nice in there, because if you are in them I can turn you into a newt (though, you could get better). Good smorglofish loughish!
Snowing and a final.
.
.
I was able to study well for physics. I was able to wake up this morning and get that last check of the material completed. When it is snowing, perhaps a little icy too, it is nice to have four wheel drive. Of course, I still have to negotiate the road with people driving miniature tin cans which should not be legal anywhere it snows and people who decide rear wheel two wheel drive trucks are nifty. Not only do they drive slowly, they drive poorly. Ah, but they save so much in gas for the 3 months it is warm and (mostly) dry here. Doh! Anyway, I made it to the test with time to spare so I used the time to give everything a once over again. I think I did well. I finished the test in less than 20 minutes, 20 minutes minus the time it took to get through the line to collect the test form, answer sheet, check my seat assignment, and then get going. If nothing else, I am almost certain I held onto my B. If I did as well as I am wondering, I might have pushed on to an A. Then again, the professor is adding in labs (which he indicated he made easier) directly to the scores of those who took them, so their bump is my bane since I did not take the lab section. Who knows. For certain though, this class is finished and I can begin focusing on the last final.
As I may have mentioned, I am very nervous about this next test. We have covered way too much material to meticulously go through it. I decided earlier on that doing all the homework, though nice if there is time, is actually rather pointless. Not enough sticks because of the volume. So I will be paring my studies down to tests and quizzes, only using the notes and homework in areas I am bogging down. I have until Friday morning to get this last act together. I might take a bit of a nap in order to clean my pallet so to speak, and wake focused. I am not tired, I woke well, but I still have a bit of nerve reflex from the test today. I get that whether I feel I did well or not.
It is snowing quite heavily here. When it stops, if I need a break from study I might drag out the snow blower and give it a whirl. Then again, maybe not. I will just have to see how things go during study and what I think I want to handle. I do not want to fail this final exam. It will require a lot of work to make sure that does not happen. I do enjoy the snow, personally, though. It is wonderful today. It is rather light if in a large volume. I hope we get more of it as I would like to try my hand at cross country skiing this year. This is the second snow. The first was heavy enough, but came at such a time that it was bad. It developed ice under everything and then became ice itself until it was gone. This looks to be a simple snow, like winter should be. I would open the window and watch, but the furnace is on the fritz again, and I need the thermal shielding of the curtains. Some other time, perhaps.
Well, off to a nap. I will dream of nothing but good things. A good study. A good final. And a good check for cracks in my eyelids. See ya.
.
I was able to study well for physics. I was able to wake up this morning and get that last check of the material completed. When it is snowing, perhaps a little icy too, it is nice to have four wheel drive. Of course, I still have to negotiate the road with people driving miniature tin cans which should not be legal anywhere it snows and people who decide rear wheel two wheel drive trucks are nifty. Not only do they drive slowly, they drive poorly. Ah, but they save so much in gas for the 3 months it is warm and (mostly) dry here. Doh! Anyway, I made it to the test with time to spare so I used the time to give everything a once over again. I think I did well. I finished the test in less than 20 minutes, 20 minutes minus the time it took to get through the line to collect the test form, answer sheet, check my seat assignment, and then get going. If nothing else, I am almost certain I held onto my B. If I did as well as I am wondering, I might have pushed on to an A. Then again, the professor is adding in labs (which he indicated he made easier) directly to the scores of those who took them, so their bump is my bane since I did not take the lab section. Who knows. For certain though, this class is finished and I can begin focusing on the last final.
As I may have mentioned, I am very nervous about this next test. We have covered way too much material to meticulously go through it. I decided earlier on that doing all the homework, though nice if there is time, is actually rather pointless. Not enough sticks because of the volume. So I will be paring my studies down to tests and quizzes, only using the notes and homework in areas I am bogging down. I have until Friday morning to get this last act together. I might take a bit of a nap in order to clean my pallet so to speak, and wake focused. I am not tired, I woke well, but I still have a bit of nerve reflex from the test today. I get that whether I feel I did well or not.
It is snowing quite heavily here. When it stops, if I need a break from study I might drag out the snow blower and give it a whirl. Then again, maybe not. I will just have to see how things go during study and what I think I want to handle. I do not want to fail this final exam. It will require a lot of work to make sure that does not happen. I do enjoy the snow, personally, though. It is wonderful today. It is rather light if in a large volume. I hope we get more of it as I would like to try my hand at cross country skiing this year. This is the second snow. The first was heavy enough, but came at such a time that it was bad. It developed ice under everything and then became ice itself until it was gone. This looks to be a simple snow, like winter should be. I would open the window and watch, but the furnace is on the fritz again, and I need the thermal shielding of the curtains. Some other time, perhaps.
Well, off to a nap. I will dream of nothing but good things. A good study. A good final. And a good check for cracks in my eyelids. See ya.
Monday, December 15, 2008
The last few days.
.
.
The meal with the neighbors was very good. The meal was delicious. Cranberries accentuated the pork roast and was included in the gravy. As I told them, I only started liking cranberries as an adult, and really only truly realized this the last decade or so. As such, it has not become a part of my cooking in spite of my curiosity and pleasure in the odd berry. Conversation was also good. We talk about anything and everything under, and beyond, the sun. Whatever pops up gets treatment and we all pitch our thoughts and offer up topics for discussion. It seems what I might have thought was a rift may simply be the busyness of their (our) lives. Getting tucked in and working hard, they miss some of life themselves. The differing of opinions on some matters, of course, is there. But I think this is the same as it would be between any group of adults. I am sure it exists between the husband and wife. As a fact, I am sure of it. I hope to see them a bit more before I head out. The good thing about moving later is that there will be some time where I have no school to worry about. Pheasant season may be one such an excuse to gather and a few more meals and snacks I hope. Next time I will either buy or cook something special. I have been pondering feta (or other goat cheese) stuffed fresh figs (if I can find them), rapped in one of my favorite Italian cured pork meats, then baked (cannot think of the name of it). They really go all out for guests, by the way.
I had hoped to study more, and regarding both classes, this weekend. It ended up that I studied only a bit Saturday, a bit Sunday after the meal, and only regarding physics so far. That final is Tuesday, tomorrow, at noon. I have covered all of the material to the best of my abilities 3 times so far, during these studies alone. I hope to cover it once more in the morning before the test. That should do to wake the mind up and set the trickier notions (regarding mirrors and lenses, for me, this time). Then I will have to dig into probabilities and statistics. That final scares me senseless. I am not even sure where to begin, as there is no way I could completely do all of the homework again with any hopes of actually gaining anything useful. I will have to selective pick and choose and hope. The new material is not terrible, if it is formula intense. Knowing the difference between problems is much easier. But with 40% to half of the test being on old very difficult material, I have worries. Doing my best is all I can do, so, I suppose I will just do that.
Life is going so fast right now. Staying busy, and focused, helps slow time down a bit. At least I am ready for this first test. I still have many things I need to get working on, but finding the time in the middle of this for other projects is proving more difficult than I had anticipated. My mind simply cannot focus on several topics, events, timing, and such. So sticking to successfully finishing school is the priority. Drinking strong coffee has helped. Sometimes it does, some times not so much. I will take what I can get.
A final, some tilapia, some rice, and a start of studies for my next exam await me tomorrow. I might have to buy a bottle of wine for Friday night or go for a steak dinner somewhere nice and just maybe both. Friday is a bittersweet day. It is an end with only a simple beginning to settle with.
.
The meal with the neighbors was very good. The meal was delicious. Cranberries accentuated the pork roast and was included in the gravy. As I told them, I only started liking cranberries as an adult, and really only truly realized this the last decade or so. As such, it has not become a part of my cooking in spite of my curiosity and pleasure in the odd berry. Conversation was also good. We talk about anything and everything under, and beyond, the sun. Whatever pops up gets treatment and we all pitch our thoughts and offer up topics for discussion. It seems what I might have thought was a rift may simply be the busyness of their (our) lives. Getting tucked in and working hard, they miss some of life themselves. The differing of opinions on some matters, of course, is there. But I think this is the same as it would be between any group of adults. I am sure it exists between the husband and wife. As a fact, I am sure of it. I hope to see them a bit more before I head out. The good thing about moving later is that there will be some time where I have no school to worry about. Pheasant season may be one such an excuse to gather and a few more meals and snacks I hope. Next time I will either buy or cook something special. I have been pondering feta (or other goat cheese) stuffed fresh figs (if I can find them), rapped in one of my favorite Italian cured pork meats, then baked (cannot think of the name of it). They really go all out for guests, by the way.
I had hoped to study more, and regarding both classes, this weekend. It ended up that I studied only a bit Saturday, a bit Sunday after the meal, and only regarding physics so far. That final is Tuesday, tomorrow, at noon. I have covered all of the material to the best of my abilities 3 times so far, during these studies alone. I hope to cover it once more in the morning before the test. That should do to wake the mind up and set the trickier notions (regarding mirrors and lenses, for me, this time). Then I will have to dig into probabilities and statistics. That final scares me senseless. I am not even sure where to begin, as there is no way I could completely do all of the homework again with any hopes of actually gaining anything useful. I will have to selective pick and choose and hope. The new material is not terrible, if it is formula intense. Knowing the difference between problems is much easier. But with 40% to half of the test being on old very difficult material, I have worries. Doing my best is all I can do, so, I suppose I will just do that.
Life is going so fast right now. Staying busy, and focused, helps slow time down a bit. At least I am ready for this first test. I still have many things I need to get working on, but finding the time in the middle of this for other projects is proving more difficult than I had anticipated. My mind simply cannot focus on several topics, events, timing, and such. So sticking to successfully finishing school is the priority. Drinking strong coffee has helped. Sometimes it does, some times not so much. I will take what I can get.
A final, some tilapia, some rice, and a start of studies for my next exam await me tomorrow. I might have to buy a bottle of wine for Friday night or go for a steak dinner somewhere nice and just maybe both. Friday is a bittersweet day. It is an end with only a simple beginning to settle with.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
A very good evening.
.
.
We started out last evening under suspicious stars, perhaps the beginnings of a disastrous night? First, from our phone call conversation, I had said I would arrive at about 17:30 (5:30 pm to your eyes), but she had suggested I not arrive at her place until 18:00, in order to be to the dinner by 18:30. However, and for once, we both listened to the other so that I then decided to arrive at 18:00 while she expected me there at 17:30! I, of course, receive a call as I am preparing to leave asking where I am. “On my way, I will be there in moments”. Both of us have enough of our clocks running at various times (variously fast, so as to attempt to arrive early… both of us seem to fight and lose this battle, and often anyway) so that actual time may never be known (at least in the heat of battling time). In any case, I was running late even so and as usual. I arrive at her place at more like 18:15. But she is ready! So, we bundle her up as I help her put on her coat. She is wearing a skirt! This is only the second time I have seen her dressed in anything but slacks or jeans in all the time I have known her (the first time was at a viewing of Cats, and that being the first time I met her eight years past). As we are leaving, I following her around to open the vehicle door for her, but she finds ice and wearing her nice shoes no less, she slips and falls! We recover her as gracefully as we may. We first take a few moments to decide if she is still whole, then collect her few things which have slipped her grasp or person, and then I help her up, and assist her to the vehicle much more carefully. I had not seen the ice when entering, as there was no ice from my side of the vehicle to the door and it was dark.
Once we are assured all is good and she is safely in the vehicle, we begin to talk. She has no idea, other than very generally, where we are going. Fine, really, we will go and see. When we get to the place where the dinner is to be held (the press box of Kinnick Stadium) we spot others she knows from work going in. We ask them for directions. Other than the building however, they do not know either. They suggest they will wait for us, so we park and hurry in (no ice so we can move a bit easier). Along with our new temporary associates, we meet another work associate who seems to be leaving (apparently he was merely dropping someone off). He indicates where we need to go. We arrive in plenty of time. I am glad that neither of us fussed about the time and such, and just went with the flow the whole way throughout. It made the rest of the evening much more pleasant, with no bitter recriminations or such hanging in the air to spoil things.
The meal was good. We sat with a few other people from work. She pointed out a few people she has talked about from work, her bosses, a few co-workers, and some of their spouses she knows. We spoke with a few of these and with each other until it was our time to eat. In line for the meal, she asked my opinion about a few people and things, as is always the case. And, I offered what I could, for opinions and thoughts. She, oddly, took the last of the beef, and a good load of it. With my knowledge of her tastes and not wishing to wait new plates of beef, I took a piece of pork and a piece of salmon. When we were seated, I waited just enough for her to become comfortable and offered her a taste of the salmon and pork. She insisted on tasting the beef first. She thought it was decent, but certainly not as good as her mother’s beef but it did not have the fake additives that often ruin beef. Then she tried the salmon. It was heaven to her. And, for salmon, which I do not like, it was good enough for me to have eaten in a pinch. In any case, she offered all the beef she had for the salmon. (A little knowledge and forethought often pays for itself, handsomely.) The deal was made. I even gave some of the pork (which was also quite good, very good actually). It ended up being a very nice meal and in good company.
As the time was approaching, we decided to excuse ourselves a bit early to be sure to make it to the Englert in time for the show. And though we had both fortune and misfortune this evening, it was difficult to know how well parking, timing, traffic, and such would work. So, I suggested once we got to the theater, I would stop in front, help her out, then park and return to join her. A plan is always good when many unknowns are sure to be in company with an event. We arrived near the building at least 15 minutes before the show was to start. Traffic was crawling by, and luckily. A car parked nearly in front of the theater was trying to pull out. Traffic had stopped us and my vehicle with just enough room for that car to back out. Traffic was trying to push me forward, I presume the guy behind me wanted that spot too as he refused to back up an inch or go around when that was available. I think he thought there would not be room for the car to back out. In any case, we got the spot. Once parked, I admonished my date not to exit until I had come around to help her out. And with good reason, there was a small pile of irregular and sloping ice where she would have stepped as it turns out.
On to the show. She picked up her tickets and in we went. This evening, by the way, is my Christmas present I am informed. So, I need not pay as we had discussed. Fine by me, as it is a very good present. Even with it’s quirks, it has been a good day so far. Into the theater proper and to our seats we go. The stage, of course, is set. I had not been in this theater since they rebuilt and rededicated it. Actually, I had never been in the place. They have done a fine job and as it turns out, I am pleased that they made the effort (if I am a bit of a doubter so I had not participated… shame on me… but then this is not my home… anyway, grist for the mill when I do find a home). We looked over the playbill and both of us were a bit surprised. The singing, or a significant part of it, was to be operatic, or performed by opera singers, or both. We could not quite tell, but the indications were in that vein. In spite of her not preferring opera (while I enjoy it to some degree), we were curious. When the time neared, the actors and singers for the first scene set, we were both ready, excited really, for the start.
As the thing unfolded, as it was laid out at the beginning, something got in my eyes and a tear or three were produced. Odd how dust can do that. It WAS dust, until I could blink the thoughts away anyway. It was a very good show. It was a mix of opera (Hayden) and traditional Christmas songs, with a non-speaking play going on in, through out, and around the vocals. It was of a family, with a member off to war, possibly to return for Christmas or not, listening to a radio, singing themselves, or with visiting carolers, having a family situation during a Christmas Eve past. It was, beautiful! It was well done, enticing, enthralling, and warm, earthy, human, and loving. I understood the songs and so had thought it was all in English. My date, however, suggested that some of the songs were in German. Weird, but I understood, though I am quite sure I no longer really speak or understand German. Anyway, the show continued to recession. She was thirsty and needed to use the facilities, so we relinquished our seats temporarily and acquitted ourselves to the commons area. I suggested a 7-Up to cut the thirst, and she agreed before attending her affairs. All they had was Sprite, but it was enough if not 7-Up. When she finished tending her needs, and after a sip of the offering, she asked I could locate Ibuprofen, Tylenol, or some such. It seems her wrist, which she had used to arrest her fall, was paining her and increasingly. I went forth and procured, through a bit of detective work, begging, and offers of cash (which were refused), a few of these pills for her. She took those and we returned to claim our seats. Right as time had drawn to a close for continuation, she asked about ice, indirectly as is her way. I would have done so, but I believe they lock the theater at stage time and I did not have time to do so. I should have thought of this myself and earlier, but then I never use ice or heat packs myself if I know they can be helpful (then again, I did use them when my ribs were bruised or broken, but that was unusual). The last half of the show was just as splendid as the first. The singing was first rate, the setting was all it needed to be, and what was conveyed was a Christmas present all by itself. In the last scene, I thought I saw my date cry.
When the show was finished, we casually exited and returned to the vehicle. Once safely inside and on our way, I had to ask if she had indeed cried during the final scene. She had, she said. I mentioned that, in case she had seen, there was dust in the place at the beginning for me. We discussed the show and the evening. I think we had both had a wonderful time. Then I asked if she had ice at home. She did not, so I set forth to procure such. I was sure she would need it, want it. This time I would not leave a detail untended. On the way, however, she realized she did not have her house key. She had not brought her purse or her vehicle (so her keys), and had not thought of it. Though we have not lived together for 4 years now, I wondered if I had those keys yet. I had found some keys in my meanderings through my goods but could not find what they belonged to. It turns out I did have such, so there was no loss there. We got her to her place, with ice, and keys. I crushed several smaller bags of ice for her, checked to see if there was anything else she needed, and with nothing else needed, I returned home for a pleasant cool down and then rest.
I needed last night. It will be the only time I will be in the Englert. It has been a difficult semester and relaxation has been rare. And it was good to have an enjoyable evening with a dear friend, one I may never see after I leave. My life is more full of goodbyes than I can count or even remember the events in which they are involved. This one I would like to remember. Though this one might be a little different. I had already decided, before I knew I would be leaving, to buy her a computer for Christmas. She prefers a laptop, so that is what it will be. We will look at Best Buy for the right size, something she can handle carrying and with the right size monitor for her, then I will pick a few things to try to make sure the device will be enough that she does not end up with paperweight in two years. So, we will be able to stay in touch a bit easier.
Well, back to it. I need to study.
.
We started out last evening under suspicious stars, perhaps the beginnings of a disastrous night? First, from our phone call conversation, I had said I would arrive at about 17:30 (5:30 pm to your eyes), but she had suggested I not arrive at her place until 18:00, in order to be to the dinner by 18:30. However, and for once, we both listened to the other so that I then decided to arrive at 18:00 while she expected me there at 17:30! I, of course, receive a call as I am preparing to leave asking where I am. “On my way, I will be there in moments”. Both of us have enough of our clocks running at various times (variously fast, so as to attempt to arrive early… both of us seem to fight and lose this battle, and often anyway) so that actual time may never be known (at least in the heat of battling time). In any case, I was running late even so and as usual. I arrive at her place at more like 18:15. But she is ready! So, we bundle her up as I help her put on her coat. She is wearing a skirt! This is only the second time I have seen her dressed in anything but slacks or jeans in all the time I have known her (the first time was at a viewing of Cats, and that being the first time I met her eight years past). As we are leaving, I following her around to open the vehicle door for her, but she finds ice and wearing her nice shoes no less, she slips and falls! We recover her as gracefully as we may. We first take a few moments to decide if she is still whole, then collect her few things which have slipped her grasp or person, and then I help her up, and assist her to the vehicle much more carefully. I had not seen the ice when entering, as there was no ice from my side of the vehicle to the door and it was dark.
Once we are assured all is good and she is safely in the vehicle, we begin to talk. She has no idea, other than very generally, where we are going. Fine, really, we will go and see. When we get to the place where the dinner is to be held (the press box of Kinnick Stadium) we spot others she knows from work going in. We ask them for directions. Other than the building however, they do not know either. They suggest they will wait for us, so we park and hurry in (no ice so we can move a bit easier). Along with our new temporary associates, we meet another work associate who seems to be leaving (apparently he was merely dropping someone off). He indicates where we need to go. We arrive in plenty of time. I am glad that neither of us fussed about the time and such, and just went with the flow the whole way throughout. It made the rest of the evening much more pleasant, with no bitter recriminations or such hanging in the air to spoil things.
The meal was good. We sat with a few other people from work. She pointed out a few people she has talked about from work, her bosses, a few co-workers, and some of their spouses she knows. We spoke with a few of these and with each other until it was our time to eat. In line for the meal, she asked my opinion about a few people and things, as is always the case. And, I offered what I could, for opinions and thoughts. She, oddly, took the last of the beef, and a good load of it. With my knowledge of her tastes and not wishing to wait new plates of beef, I took a piece of pork and a piece of salmon. When we were seated, I waited just enough for her to become comfortable and offered her a taste of the salmon and pork. She insisted on tasting the beef first. She thought it was decent, but certainly not as good as her mother’s beef but it did not have the fake additives that often ruin beef. Then she tried the salmon. It was heaven to her. And, for salmon, which I do not like, it was good enough for me to have eaten in a pinch. In any case, she offered all the beef she had for the salmon. (A little knowledge and forethought often pays for itself, handsomely.) The deal was made. I even gave some of the pork (which was also quite good, very good actually). It ended up being a very nice meal and in good company.
As the time was approaching, we decided to excuse ourselves a bit early to be sure to make it to the Englert in time for the show. And though we had both fortune and misfortune this evening, it was difficult to know how well parking, timing, traffic, and such would work. So, I suggested once we got to the theater, I would stop in front, help her out, then park and return to join her. A plan is always good when many unknowns are sure to be in company with an event. We arrived near the building at least 15 minutes before the show was to start. Traffic was crawling by, and luckily. A car parked nearly in front of the theater was trying to pull out. Traffic had stopped us and my vehicle with just enough room for that car to back out. Traffic was trying to push me forward, I presume the guy behind me wanted that spot too as he refused to back up an inch or go around when that was available. I think he thought there would not be room for the car to back out. In any case, we got the spot. Once parked, I admonished my date not to exit until I had come around to help her out. And with good reason, there was a small pile of irregular and sloping ice where she would have stepped as it turns out.
On to the show. She picked up her tickets and in we went. This evening, by the way, is my Christmas present I am informed. So, I need not pay as we had discussed. Fine by me, as it is a very good present. Even with it’s quirks, it has been a good day so far. Into the theater proper and to our seats we go. The stage, of course, is set. I had not been in this theater since they rebuilt and rededicated it. Actually, I had never been in the place. They have done a fine job and as it turns out, I am pleased that they made the effort (if I am a bit of a doubter so I had not participated… shame on me… but then this is not my home… anyway, grist for the mill when I do find a home). We looked over the playbill and both of us were a bit surprised. The singing, or a significant part of it, was to be operatic, or performed by opera singers, or both. We could not quite tell, but the indications were in that vein. In spite of her not preferring opera (while I enjoy it to some degree), we were curious. When the time neared, the actors and singers for the first scene set, we were both ready, excited really, for the start.
As the thing unfolded, as it was laid out at the beginning, something got in my eyes and a tear or three were produced. Odd how dust can do that. It WAS dust, until I could blink the thoughts away anyway. It was a very good show. It was a mix of opera (Hayden) and traditional Christmas songs, with a non-speaking play going on in, through out, and around the vocals. It was of a family, with a member off to war, possibly to return for Christmas or not, listening to a radio, singing themselves, or with visiting carolers, having a family situation during a Christmas Eve past. It was, beautiful! It was well done, enticing, enthralling, and warm, earthy, human, and loving. I understood the songs and so had thought it was all in English. My date, however, suggested that some of the songs were in German. Weird, but I understood, though I am quite sure I no longer really speak or understand German. Anyway, the show continued to recession. She was thirsty and needed to use the facilities, so we relinquished our seats temporarily and acquitted ourselves to the commons area. I suggested a 7-Up to cut the thirst, and she agreed before attending her affairs. All they had was Sprite, but it was enough if not 7-Up. When she finished tending her needs, and after a sip of the offering, she asked I could locate Ibuprofen, Tylenol, or some such. It seems her wrist, which she had used to arrest her fall, was paining her and increasingly. I went forth and procured, through a bit of detective work, begging, and offers of cash (which were refused), a few of these pills for her. She took those and we returned to claim our seats. Right as time had drawn to a close for continuation, she asked about ice, indirectly as is her way. I would have done so, but I believe they lock the theater at stage time and I did not have time to do so. I should have thought of this myself and earlier, but then I never use ice or heat packs myself if I know they can be helpful (then again, I did use them when my ribs were bruised or broken, but that was unusual). The last half of the show was just as splendid as the first. The singing was first rate, the setting was all it needed to be, and what was conveyed was a Christmas present all by itself. In the last scene, I thought I saw my date cry.
When the show was finished, we casually exited and returned to the vehicle. Once safely inside and on our way, I had to ask if she had indeed cried during the final scene. She had, she said. I mentioned that, in case she had seen, there was dust in the place at the beginning for me. We discussed the show and the evening. I think we had both had a wonderful time. Then I asked if she had ice at home. She did not, so I set forth to procure such. I was sure she would need it, want it. This time I would not leave a detail untended. On the way, however, she realized she did not have her house key. She had not brought her purse or her vehicle (so her keys), and had not thought of it. Though we have not lived together for 4 years now, I wondered if I had those keys yet. I had found some keys in my meanderings through my goods but could not find what they belonged to. It turns out I did have such, so there was no loss there. We got her to her place, with ice, and keys. I crushed several smaller bags of ice for her, checked to see if there was anything else she needed, and with nothing else needed, I returned home for a pleasant cool down and then rest.
I needed last night. It will be the only time I will be in the Englert. It has been a difficult semester and relaxation has been rare. And it was good to have an enjoyable evening with a dear friend, one I may never see after I leave. My life is more full of goodbyes than I can count or even remember the events in which they are involved. This one I would like to remember. Though this one might be a little different. I had already decided, before I knew I would be leaving, to buy her a computer for Christmas. She prefers a laptop, so that is what it will be. We will look at Best Buy for the right size, something she can handle carrying and with the right size monitor for her, then I will pick a few things to try to make sure the device will be enough that she does not end up with paperweight in two years. So, we will be able to stay in touch a bit easier.
Well, back to it. I need to study.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Oh, food.
.
.
Earlier this week I decided I needed some real food. Looking through the freezer, which is quite easy as I am not replacing as I go anymore, I found lamb chops and tilapia. I began thawing the chops Wednesday. I made some fine butter fried fish with brown rice and mixed vegetables Wednesday, though I had to thaw by microwave (which I hate to do, thawing in the refrigerator is best). Yesterday, I decided to do something a little more with the chops. Not a lot, but a little more. So, I created a blend of spices, used the mortar and pestle to grind them to my preference, then added a bit of olive oil. I seared the chops, cooked 3 whole still on the cob corn, and when it was all ready, I put half of my oil spice (to include tarragon, peppermint, lemon grass, and… something else I like) on two of the chops and added a bit of butter to the last two, then let them set for about 5 minutes. That has all worked so well that I pulled the last two tilapia fillets out and they are thawing (in the refrigerator) as I write. The only problem? Dishes! I have to do some cleaning before I even think about cooking again.
And, no, I have no recipes. I make this stuff up as I go. Sure, I watch the food channel from time to time, yes, I receive Cook’s magazine (and have an online subscription), but rarely do I use a recipe. I have paid particular attention when eating foods. First it is best to start with raw, or plain, foods. Cook meats various ways. Flavor may or may not change, but texture can be very different from cooking process to cooking process. The same goes for vegetables (and fruits, think cooked and raw fresh figs). Those these can be tasted in many more ways, from raw, to barely cooked, to cooked through and through. (Well, I do enjoy steak tartar and sushi, but it is not necessarily something I do at home, or yet… usually, or at least for a whole meal or a side dish). Next, I started with herbs and spices. Bit by bit, I have learned what the various bits do to foods. Paying attention to what the spices or herbs do to food, experimenting, and just enjoying have lead me to be able to simply become hungry for some mix (or just as often, for straight simply salted beef roast or steak, hold the sauce(s) thank you). As well, I have learned to be very creative and experiment with things that would not seem to mix well, such as cinnamon and hot spices (actually, I found allspice works better in that combination as it produces a less grainy texture while nearly reproducing that taste).
There is so much I have not tasted, but then, I would say I have eaten more than all but some chefs, high-end eaters, and such. Though I wonder how many of them have tried grubs, dog food, and some of the other odd things. Still, watching the travel food channel, I see much I have not had. Then again, how much different would goat testes be from pork and beef testes? And, I have eaten tripe (goat and beef anyway), liver, tongue, heart, and other such. Still, there is much I have missed. Much of that simply is not available. I hope, in time, to try much more.
I just thought to offer a bit about food. If you are hungry, look around, browse the web, see what others are doing, think about your hunger, then just do it. As a fact, try it with what you know first, then try and perfect it. Finding a source your taste generally agree with and which you trust helps, but it comes down to just doing it. So, just do it! I will have to figure out the tilapia, it might be a quick fry with nothing else, but even that is not bad.
This week I will not have time for that, so I have procured some food. I need man food, and I could tell. So, a dozen pieces of fried chicken, lunch meat cold cuts, and my man food is ready. Two jars of pickled pig feet and pickled turkey gizzards a couple of cans of anchovies are ready. I may need a few other things as well. Dang it, those pig feet sound good, but it is almost time to go see if the Queen is ready for supper. She worked last night, so she might be a bit grumpy. I will have to be extra nice most likely. I am out of here.
Have a good night.
.
Earlier this week I decided I needed some real food. Looking through the freezer, which is quite easy as I am not replacing as I go anymore, I found lamb chops and tilapia. I began thawing the chops Wednesday. I made some fine butter fried fish with brown rice and mixed vegetables Wednesday, though I had to thaw by microwave (which I hate to do, thawing in the refrigerator is best). Yesterday, I decided to do something a little more with the chops. Not a lot, but a little more. So, I created a blend of spices, used the mortar and pestle to grind them to my preference, then added a bit of olive oil. I seared the chops, cooked 3 whole still on the cob corn, and when it was all ready, I put half of my oil spice (to include tarragon, peppermint, lemon grass, and… something else I like) on two of the chops and added a bit of butter to the last two, then let them set for about 5 minutes. That has all worked so well that I pulled the last two tilapia fillets out and they are thawing (in the refrigerator) as I write. The only problem? Dishes! I have to do some cleaning before I even think about cooking again.
And, no, I have no recipes. I make this stuff up as I go. Sure, I watch the food channel from time to time, yes, I receive Cook’s magazine (and have an online subscription), but rarely do I use a recipe. I have paid particular attention when eating foods. First it is best to start with raw, or plain, foods. Cook meats various ways. Flavor may or may not change, but texture can be very different from cooking process to cooking process. The same goes for vegetables (and fruits, think cooked and raw fresh figs). Those these can be tasted in many more ways, from raw, to barely cooked, to cooked through and through. (Well, I do enjoy steak tartar and sushi, but it is not necessarily something I do at home, or yet… usually, or at least for a whole meal or a side dish). Next, I started with herbs and spices. Bit by bit, I have learned what the various bits do to foods. Paying attention to what the spices or herbs do to food, experimenting, and just enjoying have lead me to be able to simply become hungry for some mix (or just as often, for straight simply salted beef roast or steak, hold the sauce(s) thank you). As well, I have learned to be very creative and experiment with things that would not seem to mix well, such as cinnamon and hot spices (actually, I found allspice works better in that combination as it produces a less grainy texture while nearly reproducing that taste).
There is so much I have not tasted, but then, I would say I have eaten more than all but some chefs, high-end eaters, and such. Though I wonder how many of them have tried grubs, dog food, and some of the other odd things. Still, watching the travel food channel, I see much I have not had. Then again, how much different would goat testes be from pork and beef testes? And, I have eaten tripe (goat and beef anyway), liver, tongue, heart, and other such. Still, there is much I have missed. Much of that simply is not available. I hope, in time, to try much more.
I just thought to offer a bit about food. If you are hungry, look around, browse the web, see what others are doing, think about your hunger, then just do it. As a fact, try it with what you know first, then try and perfect it. Finding a source your taste generally agree with and which you trust helps, but it comes down to just doing it. So, just do it! I will have to figure out the tilapia, it might be a quick fry with nothing else, but even that is not bad.
This week I will not have time for that, so I have procured some food. I need man food, and I could tell. So, a dozen pieces of fried chicken, lunch meat cold cuts, and my man food is ready. Two jars of pickled pig feet and pickled turkey gizzards a couple of cans of anchovies are ready. I may need a few other things as well. Dang it, those pig feet sound good, but it is almost time to go see if the Queen is ready for supper. She worked last night, so she might be a bit grumpy. I will have to be extra nice most likely. I am out of here.
Have a good night.
I did what I could.
.
.
I was able to, if barely, drag my carcass out of the sheets, into the shower, top it off with bits of woven material, and get to office hours just in time to get some of the material I needed. My professor had sent an email back, but for some reason it had not shown up in my mail box by the time I left. Or did I not check it? I cannot remember. He suggested, however, that I do precisely what I did. Which I, as I have said, did do. I think I am a bit peculiar this morning, urhm, afternoon. I just woke up, go figure. When I got there, he copied his notes for me, and I headed out and got the homework done.
I was able to complete the homework, and I think I did well enough on the quiz. After I finished, I found all of the material. It was in a place I had already looked, so who knows. I am positive I looked there, several times (on top in my physics file). I will not worry about it. I was a bit surprised I was able to do over half of the homework just from memory. It was only the last problems I could not remember, exactly, how to do. I wish tests went that well. Nerves interfere, perhaps?
I am feeling and doing better. But I need to grab some food, and a few other things, from the store, pick up my last order of medicine, and begin studying before this evenings events. I have little time to study and with the two social events, I worry about time. I do not worry so much as to miss those, I just hold concern close in order that I might attend to the study a bit more vigorously. I am close to a successful end and I would really rather finish sweetly rather than bitterly, if possible.
I have finally finished the process of knowing precisely what is called for in the order I have been working on. I could call, the proprietor seems to prefer that, or I could just order. He is difficult to reach, however. He indicated that if I leave a message about when to call and what number to call, he will get back to me then. So, I may just set up a call for Monday or Tuesday afternoon (no classes this coming weeks as it is finals week). I am so excited I almost cannot stand it. I am ordering a reloading press with frills, trills, and whistles. Well, maybe not all that, but certainly everything I will need to reload .45 acp, .308 Winchester, and 7.62 x 39 Russian, a few extra minor parts because I can be clumsy and trial and error does not always work in my favor, and a number of manuals and DVDs. Yes, I am very excited. I will still have to order powders, caps, and a few other things (to include a formal “powder box”), but that I can do at a bit better of a pace.
Be well.
.
I was able to, if barely, drag my carcass out of the sheets, into the shower, top it off with bits of woven material, and get to office hours just in time to get some of the material I needed. My professor had sent an email back, but for some reason it had not shown up in my mail box by the time I left. Or did I not check it? I cannot remember. He suggested, however, that I do precisely what I did. Which I, as I have said, did do. I think I am a bit peculiar this morning, urhm, afternoon. I just woke up, go figure. When I got there, he copied his notes for me, and I headed out and got the homework done.
I was able to complete the homework, and I think I did well enough on the quiz. After I finished, I found all of the material. It was in a place I had already looked, so who knows. I am positive I looked there, several times (on top in my physics file). I will not worry about it. I was a bit surprised I was able to do over half of the homework just from memory. It was only the last problems I could not remember, exactly, how to do. I wish tests went that well. Nerves interfere, perhaps?
I am feeling and doing better. But I need to grab some food, and a few other things, from the store, pick up my last order of medicine, and begin studying before this evenings events. I have little time to study and with the two social events, I worry about time. I do not worry so much as to miss those, I just hold concern close in order that I might attend to the study a bit more vigorously. I am close to a successful end and I would really rather finish sweetly rather than bitterly, if possible.
I have finally finished the process of knowing precisely what is called for in the order I have been working on. I could call, the proprietor seems to prefer that, or I could just order. He is difficult to reach, however. He indicated that if I leave a message about when to call and what number to call, he will get back to me then. So, I may just set up a call for Monday or Tuesday afternoon (no classes this coming weeks as it is finals week). I am so excited I almost cannot stand it. I am ordering a reloading press with frills, trills, and whistles. Well, maybe not all that, but certainly everything I will need to reload .45 acp, .308 Winchester, and 7.62 x 39 Russian, a few extra minor parts because I can be clumsy and trial and error does not always work in my favor, and a number of manuals and DVDs. Yes, I am very excited. I will still have to order powders, caps, and a few other things (to include a formal “powder box”), but that I can do at a bit better of a pace.
Be well.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
A brutal day.
.
.
I could not wake up this morning. I wrestled with sleep and lost. It was well past noon before I could force myself out of bed. At least the house was warm. Once out of bed, I have struggled to get going. Nausea and a headache plagued me, though a little coffee and some Tylenol did the trick for the most part. This is taking my medicine. I wonder if it will be worse or better when I can finally quit them. I will deal with that then. As I finally started to stir, I decided to finish the last part of the last problem in my homework.
As I began looking for it, I became frustrated. It simply is not where it should be. I only study in one area of the cave. The area was cluttered, so I began to dig through the piles, sorting everything into a toss pile and save piles of various natures. I dug to the bottom, and… nothing. So, I did a brief cave walkthrough, sorting as well. I do not have a perfect cave, by far, but the top month or two is corrected and most of what lies beneath was already in order for the most part. Still nothing. I decided I would just reprint the homework assignment and begin again, with my notes. I have no real problem with that, as I need the practice anyway. I printed the homework looked over the problems, and sought the notes to do the work. No notes. The whole section dealing with the homework and the homework itself has vanished.
I began to try and think where I could have left it, dropped it, or if I handed it in inadvertently. I am positive I only take papers out in class, and then never notes, only fresh printer paper upon which to take notes, so I would not have left the material in class. I also know I do not study anywhere but in a small area in the cave, using the coffee table as my base of operations. Since I had cleared that area, and the rest of the cave, I do not think the papers are here at home. I will have to email my professor to see if I handed them in but I do not think that is the case. I think I turned in the material before I had started… well, no, I did not… or did I? It is not turning out to be a good day. I will just have to write an email to my professor and check. Barring that, I am in a bit of a spot. I cannot really study for tomorrow’s quiz or finish the homework without that material!
I will be placing a call and making that order today. In spite of being quite agitated about the lost notes and homework and the late start, I am in otherwise good shape. I am both excited and nervous about the order. It will allow a great deal of latitude in other hobbies. It might lead to some decent coin in my pocket if I can get the knack of it. And it is interesting all by itself. Nothing like three birds, or more, with one stone. Even if the stone is rock solid gold, I suppose. I guess it depends on how hungry and enterprising one is. The gold might end up being a boomerang shape, only getting larger on the return. Then again, I might just be fibbing to myself. That does happen.
I am set to go with my lady friend to a Christmas dinner. We will be attending her work party. Then we will go for some light entertainment afterwards, at a locally rebuilt theater, a local icon. It sounds to be a Christmas showcase. Though I am Christian, and though I enjoy Christmas, I am not so into the modern spirit of the season, so I would not have gone of my own volition. I enjoy the company of the Q.O.D. enough though that this is enough. And usually I end up enjoying the events. Whether because of her, in spite of her, or even to spite her is often an unknowable thing! And, yes, I laugh at this with the greatest of joy. I have finally figured out why this conservative hard case and that liberal (if poor) intellectual debutant enjoy each others company so much. It came to me in a dream and makes sense. It is so odd to dream thoughts rather than pictures, sound, and feelings. I wonder if that has anything to do with dreaming in color? Anyway...
If the Gothic movement had existed in our times, while we were growing up, we both would have been in that circle, or could have been easily. She is a romantic melodramatic heartbroken open-hearted Queen of Darkness, with her damp earthy natural if a bit twisted existence. I am a rock stone cold hard case with a heart that wishes to betray that nature attached to an ancient soul, all whole with a dark past but with a change to the light, or more a change to the will of God even with my darker nature, to the extent that is possible. I am glad we did not go through that scene and meet in those times. Age has wizened us. Back then we would have had a depressing dark powerful life and love together, only to agree to a double suicide or something stupid (if romantic) like that. Kids… Anyway, now I know.
As well, I have a supper event coming up with the neighbors. I have not seen them often lately. I have been holed up. We met a few days ago and decided to get together for a meal today, but one of their young ones has an event this evening so we rescheduled. It sounds like the wife has some fantastic fixings for the meal and I am always rather flexible. They are such kind and good people, I could never be angry with them. I think my politics and social beliefs are beyond their ability to handle but I do not fault them for that. It seems to have created a bit of a rift and I understand this as well. I can be a difficult pill to swallow. The salt of the Earth will never be able to understand, say, The Terminator. How I work and who I am is as unfathomable to them as they are to me. Being married mellows people, having children softens them, and then becoming a professor and wife changes who they are even more. I simply live in the shadows of dark dreams and memories and illness. I have little polish and little interest in it, if I can be a dark gentleman at times, even a negotiator (between other parties as I do not negotiate for my own sake often).
Now, to figure out what to do about this and that, to place a call, and to begin studying physics perhaps, in lieu of probabilities and statistics. If I were a swearing man, I would be. Good day.
.
I could not wake up this morning. I wrestled with sleep and lost. It was well past noon before I could force myself out of bed. At least the house was warm. Once out of bed, I have struggled to get going. Nausea and a headache plagued me, though a little coffee and some Tylenol did the trick for the most part. This is taking my medicine. I wonder if it will be worse or better when I can finally quit them. I will deal with that then. As I finally started to stir, I decided to finish the last part of the last problem in my homework.
As I began looking for it, I became frustrated. It simply is not where it should be. I only study in one area of the cave. The area was cluttered, so I began to dig through the piles, sorting everything into a toss pile and save piles of various natures. I dug to the bottom, and… nothing. So, I did a brief cave walkthrough, sorting as well. I do not have a perfect cave, by far, but the top month or two is corrected and most of what lies beneath was already in order for the most part. Still nothing. I decided I would just reprint the homework assignment and begin again, with my notes. I have no real problem with that, as I need the practice anyway. I printed the homework looked over the problems, and sought the notes to do the work. No notes. The whole section dealing with the homework and the homework itself has vanished.
I began to try and think where I could have left it, dropped it, or if I handed it in inadvertently. I am positive I only take papers out in class, and then never notes, only fresh printer paper upon which to take notes, so I would not have left the material in class. I also know I do not study anywhere but in a small area in the cave, using the coffee table as my base of operations. Since I had cleared that area, and the rest of the cave, I do not think the papers are here at home. I will have to email my professor to see if I handed them in but I do not think that is the case. I think I turned in the material before I had started… well, no, I did not… or did I? It is not turning out to be a good day. I will just have to write an email to my professor and check. Barring that, I am in a bit of a spot. I cannot really study for tomorrow’s quiz or finish the homework without that material!
I will be placing a call and making that order today. In spite of being quite agitated about the lost notes and homework and the late start, I am in otherwise good shape. I am both excited and nervous about the order. It will allow a great deal of latitude in other hobbies. It might lead to some decent coin in my pocket if I can get the knack of it. And it is interesting all by itself. Nothing like three birds, or more, with one stone. Even if the stone is rock solid gold, I suppose. I guess it depends on how hungry and enterprising one is. The gold might end up being a boomerang shape, only getting larger on the return. Then again, I might just be fibbing to myself. That does happen.
I am set to go with my lady friend to a Christmas dinner. We will be attending her work party. Then we will go for some light entertainment afterwards, at a locally rebuilt theater, a local icon. It sounds to be a Christmas showcase. Though I am Christian, and though I enjoy Christmas, I am not so into the modern spirit of the season, so I would not have gone of my own volition. I enjoy the company of the Q.O.D. enough though that this is enough. And usually I end up enjoying the events. Whether because of her, in spite of her, or even to spite her is often an unknowable thing! And, yes, I laugh at this with the greatest of joy. I have finally figured out why this conservative hard case and that liberal (if poor) intellectual debutant enjoy each others company so much. It came to me in a dream and makes sense. It is so odd to dream thoughts rather than pictures, sound, and feelings. I wonder if that has anything to do with dreaming in color? Anyway...
If the Gothic movement had existed in our times, while we were growing up, we both would have been in that circle, or could have been easily. She is a romantic melodramatic heartbroken open-hearted Queen of Darkness, with her damp earthy natural if a bit twisted existence. I am a rock stone cold hard case with a heart that wishes to betray that nature attached to an ancient soul, all whole with a dark past but with a change to the light, or more a change to the will of God even with my darker nature, to the extent that is possible. I am glad we did not go through that scene and meet in those times. Age has wizened us. Back then we would have had a depressing dark powerful life and love together, only to agree to a double suicide or something stupid (if romantic) like that. Kids… Anyway, now I know.
As well, I have a supper event coming up with the neighbors. I have not seen them often lately. I have been holed up. We met a few days ago and decided to get together for a meal today, but one of their young ones has an event this evening so we rescheduled. It sounds like the wife has some fantastic fixings for the meal and I am always rather flexible. They are such kind and good people, I could never be angry with them. I think my politics and social beliefs are beyond their ability to handle but I do not fault them for that. It seems to have created a bit of a rift and I understand this as well. I can be a difficult pill to swallow. The salt of the Earth will never be able to understand, say, The Terminator. How I work and who I am is as unfathomable to them as they are to me. Being married mellows people, having children softens them, and then becoming a professor and wife changes who they are even more. I simply live in the shadows of dark dreams and memories and illness. I have little polish and little interest in it, if I can be a dark gentleman at times, even a negotiator (between other parties as I do not negotiate for my own sake often).
Now, to figure out what to do about this and that, to place a call, and to begin studying physics perhaps, in lieu of probabilities and statistics. If I were a swearing man, I would be. Good day.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
A little more done a little closer to some goals.
.
.
I spoke with my landlord today. Luckily, he needed to tend to something for the neighbor and remembered I had hoped to speak with him as I had not been pursuing the event as I should have been. It looks like I may be able to leave the contract after March, after a bit of negotiating. That is only a month longer than what I had hoped to stay and it gives him time to advertise for the summer crop of renters. He has to speak it over with his wife first, which seems right. As much of a chauvinist pig as some may think I am, I do believe that a husband and a wife have some obligations to each other on some matters. These two seem to keep financial matters as a mutual concern. Even if it comes out not helping my goal I do respect the situation. I was not even cynical or lippy when he told me as I saw no reason for it, if I was a bit surprised and pleased by the thought. I save my chauvinism for women who get in too deep too often and keep repeating their mistakes believing it will work next time. I have no problem with a woman who can and does function if I will not vote for any I have known (too much skirt socialism there, especially Palin… profit windfall taxes on oil! I wonder how much extra the Alaskans are now paying for fuel because of that, or us even… Perhaps in jobs, definitely in more for fuel of all types from Alaska, and possibly in future fuel due to a added downturn in oil field searches).
While speaking with my landlord, a retired pharmacist, I was discussing my health issues. Namely because those are a large part of why I am leaving. Actually, considering they are what will be keeping me from school, they are the sole reason, along with the health forecast. I told him that methylphenidate had stopped being effective, or effective enough, and that my doctor only had one other suggestion for an alternative medicine to help alleviate my perpetual exhaustion. My landlord was a little surprised at this, suggesting he knows of several medicines that have come out even since he retired which would very possibly do the trick. I could only suggest that my doctor did not know of this or was not interested in trying anything else. It leaves me wondering though. I will leave the questions, doctors, and medicine behind soon though. And I do not think I will ever try that rout again. He did ask if school is done forever, and I suggested that I had not ruled going back out. Not here, though. But I would have to see huge improvements in wakefulness, function, and a few other things. I do not see it but it could happen.
I made it to classes, received the notes from the classes I have missed, took good notes myself today, if I was still, somehow, running late. I developed a headache about mid-morning though, and it befuddled me a bit. A few Tylenol when I got home along with a quick nap, and I am back in the game. I could not think of a gift, so I offered the young women $10 dollars, fearing she would reject more. She accepted, asking if I was sure. Sure I am sure! We are skipping and dancing over these last units so the book would be next to useless in helping me target what is to be on the test. I still feel I should have offered her $20, but like I said, I do not think she would have taken it.
I did not place a call I had hoped to place today, though. I really need to be in good shape when making big decisions and talking serious business. I did not feel good until after my nap, but when I tried to call, I believe it was a bit late. Tomorrow the day is freer, so I will groom myself for the call and be ready for whatever. This is something I have wanted for a very long time. It will help me in a number of my pursuits and will become a hobby all by itself, a hobby that will save me money, perhaps even earning me a few coin on the side. Still, it is a larger investment so I wish to take care and do this correctly. Yes, I am a bit finicky.
I am worried about probability and statistics. What was 1/3 old and 2/3 new for the final has turned into more like half and half. We have covered a lot of ground, quickly. Some of it is extremely tight, even while we were going through it. I am not sure how these kids do it, in engineering. I knew one who was working a full time (40 hour) job while going, taking 17 credit terms! His parents were disappointed at his B average. Then again, they can probably wake up every morning, they can study when they decide to, and a few other things in life are a bit easier. Anyway, we did our evaluation for the class and professor today. He got good marks. He did put out the material well. If you were in class you definitely received the information needed for the homework. However, I gave a slightly lower grade for in class information and homework necessarily leading to what would be on quizzes and tests. I gave an even lower grade for text book assistance. The text book was often more confusing than it was worth. Often we would just do a small section in the chapter so even finding what we were doing was more of a research project than a reference referral, and the author(s) seemed to try to be as obscure as much as possible on the vital issues I needed cleared up. I did write on the back that perhaps he could adjust his requirement on the calculators. There are programs for some, and even a text file system for many of them. I refused to use those devices as I believe that was against the rules. Enough did not see it that way so that I think they had a distinct advantage. In physics, we were only allowed a scientific, non-graphing, non-alpha numeric calculator. I suggested the same. It levels the playing field for those trying to obey rules.
So, January 19th is the day for my last final and April is my move out date, tentatively. Things are drawing to a close, just as other things are opening up. It is a confusing time. I have some fear about the future. But I have some hope and some promises too. I suppose that is the way of life, if some spots are more open to this than others. I think I will hit the books, order a pizza in a bit, and then get back to it. Right after an hour of goofing that is. :p All fun and no work makes Jack fat, so I promise I will do some work. I promise!
Mostly.
.
I spoke with my landlord today. Luckily, he needed to tend to something for the neighbor and remembered I had hoped to speak with him as I had not been pursuing the event as I should have been. It looks like I may be able to leave the contract after March, after a bit of negotiating. That is only a month longer than what I had hoped to stay and it gives him time to advertise for the summer crop of renters. He has to speak it over with his wife first, which seems right. As much of a chauvinist pig as some may think I am, I do believe that a husband and a wife have some obligations to each other on some matters. These two seem to keep financial matters as a mutual concern. Even if it comes out not helping my goal I do respect the situation. I was not even cynical or lippy when he told me as I saw no reason for it, if I was a bit surprised and pleased by the thought. I save my chauvinism for women who get in too deep too often and keep repeating their mistakes believing it will work next time. I have no problem with a woman who can and does function if I will not vote for any I have known (too much skirt socialism there, especially Palin… profit windfall taxes on oil! I wonder how much extra the Alaskans are now paying for fuel because of that, or us even… Perhaps in jobs, definitely in more for fuel of all types from Alaska, and possibly in future fuel due to a added downturn in oil field searches).
While speaking with my landlord, a retired pharmacist, I was discussing my health issues. Namely because those are a large part of why I am leaving. Actually, considering they are what will be keeping me from school, they are the sole reason, along with the health forecast. I told him that methylphenidate had stopped being effective, or effective enough, and that my doctor only had one other suggestion for an alternative medicine to help alleviate my perpetual exhaustion. My landlord was a little surprised at this, suggesting he knows of several medicines that have come out even since he retired which would very possibly do the trick. I could only suggest that my doctor did not know of this or was not interested in trying anything else. It leaves me wondering though. I will leave the questions, doctors, and medicine behind soon though. And I do not think I will ever try that rout again. He did ask if school is done forever, and I suggested that I had not ruled going back out. Not here, though. But I would have to see huge improvements in wakefulness, function, and a few other things. I do not see it but it could happen.
I made it to classes, received the notes from the classes I have missed, took good notes myself today, if I was still, somehow, running late. I developed a headache about mid-morning though, and it befuddled me a bit. A few Tylenol when I got home along with a quick nap, and I am back in the game. I could not think of a gift, so I offered the young women $10 dollars, fearing she would reject more. She accepted, asking if I was sure. Sure I am sure! We are skipping and dancing over these last units so the book would be next to useless in helping me target what is to be on the test. I still feel I should have offered her $20, but like I said, I do not think she would have taken it.
I did not place a call I had hoped to place today, though. I really need to be in good shape when making big decisions and talking serious business. I did not feel good until after my nap, but when I tried to call, I believe it was a bit late. Tomorrow the day is freer, so I will groom myself for the call and be ready for whatever. This is something I have wanted for a very long time. It will help me in a number of my pursuits and will become a hobby all by itself, a hobby that will save me money, perhaps even earning me a few coin on the side. Still, it is a larger investment so I wish to take care and do this correctly. Yes, I am a bit finicky.
I am worried about probability and statistics. What was 1/3 old and 2/3 new for the final has turned into more like half and half. We have covered a lot of ground, quickly. Some of it is extremely tight, even while we were going through it. I am not sure how these kids do it, in engineering. I knew one who was working a full time (40 hour) job while going, taking 17 credit terms! His parents were disappointed at his B average. Then again, they can probably wake up every morning, they can study when they decide to, and a few other things in life are a bit easier. Anyway, we did our evaluation for the class and professor today. He got good marks. He did put out the material well. If you were in class you definitely received the information needed for the homework. However, I gave a slightly lower grade for in class information and homework necessarily leading to what would be on quizzes and tests. I gave an even lower grade for text book assistance. The text book was often more confusing than it was worth. Often we would just do a small section in the chapter so even finding what we were doing was more of a research project than a reference referral, and the author(s) seemed to try to be as obscure as much as possible on the vital issues I needed cleared up. I did write on the back that perhaps he could adjust his requirement on the calculators. There are programs for some, and even a text file system for many of them. I refused to use those devices as I believe that was against the rules. Enough did not see it that way so that I think they had a distinct advantage. In physics, we were only allowed a scientific, non-graphing, non-alpha numeric calculator. I suggested the same. It levels the playing field for those trying to obey rules.
So, January 19th is the day for my last final and April is my move out date, tentatively. Things are drawing to a close, just as other things are opening up. It is a confusing time. I have some fear about the future. But I have some hope and some promises too. I suppose that is the way of life, if some spots are more open to this than others. I think I will hit the books, order a pizza in a bit, and then get back to it. Right after an hour of goofing that is. :p All fun and no work makes Jack fat, so I promise I will do some work. I promise!
Mostly.
Nice, so far.
.
.
I awoke early, to a warm cave, without a headache or nausea. I woke well before the alarm by almost 3 hours. I feel rested and ready, and so after some obligatory blogging, commenting, and news updates, I will begin studying. I will probably place a call very shortly about my next purchase. And, I should be able to make it to classes without a struggle this day. Such days have been rare so I take full advantage when they present themselves.
I am not quite awake even so, but I am making a fine running start toward that. I will leave it at that. I hope your day is purring like a kitten too. There might even be hope the old bones will hum like a Harley before the day is done and some serious work will be done. I cannot wait! More later, perhaps.
.
I awoke early, to a warm cave, without a headache or nausea. I woke well before the alarm by almost 3 hours. I feel rested and ready, and so after some obligatory blogging, commenting, and news updates, I will begin studying. I will probably place a call very shortly about my next purchase. And, I should be able to make it to classes without a struggle this day. Such days have been rare so I take full advantage when they present themselves.
I am not quite awake even so, but I am making a fine running start toward that. I will leave it at that. I hope your day is purring like a kitten too. There might even be hope the old bones will hum like a Harley before the day is done and some serious work will be done. I cannot wait! More later, perhaps.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
A rough day. Not a complete failure though, not at all.
.
.
My headache has continued. My nausea has lasted as well. I finally had to take a risk and eat something. Though it does not seem to have helped I did not become ill and it did resolve the odd hunger that can happen while ill. I have been able to study a bit. I had hoped to do more but with the cold cave and being ill, I am thankful for what I was able to do. After several attempts, I was able to get the furnace going again, for however long it lasts. My lady friend was supposed to stop by today but she did not show up. I was able to make contact regarding one of the special new purchases, however. It looks like I will be making one last call tomorrow and then ordering either on the phone or on my own, whichever is simpler. So far, all of my purchases have been cash. And, I have a good bit of cash left. I might be able to do all of my purchases from cash, though I am thinking one Christmas present will be on credit, at least temporarily. Oh, and the paperwork I was hoping would be coming is on it’s way. I should be able to order my last items by Friday! Saving like a fool has paid off, if I had hoped the money would be mostly for an actual savings. Such is the way of politics.
I think I am gong to call it a night. I will take a Tylenol and go on to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Goodnight.
.
My headache has continued. My nausea has lasted as well. I finally had to take a risk and eat something. Though it does not seem to have helped I did not become ill and it did resolve the odd hunger that can happen while ill. I have been able to study a bit. I had hoped to do more but with the cold cave and being ill, I am thankful for what I was able to do. After several attempts, I was able to get the furnace going again, for however long it lasts. My lady friend was supposed to stop by today but she did not show up. I was able to make contact regarding one of the special new purchases, however. It looks like I will be making one last call tomorrow and then ordering either on the phone or on my own, whichever is simpler. So far, all of my purchases have been cash. And, I have a good bit of cash left. I might be able to do all of my purchases from cash, though I am thinking one Christmas present will be on credit, at least temporarily. Oh, and the paperwork I was hoping would be coming is on it’s way. I should be able to order my last items by Friday! Saving like a fool has paid off, if I had hoped the money would be mostly for an actual savings. Such is the way of politics.
I think I am gong to call it a night. I will take a Tylenol and go on to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Goodnight.
The world hates me.
.
.
As soon as I get back into the game a bit better… the furnace stops working, again. Any sane man would quit, pick up his stuff, go somewhere solitary, dig a hole, and find a way to live there, if he was going through this. I am at wit’s end. I am tired, cold, and hard pressed, with finals fast upon me. I am, as well, quite angry. I am just too tired to do much about it. It has finally gotten up to 63 F, with me up and sort of moving and with the T.V. and Computer on. I have a headache, I am sore, and I am exhausted again. I am even a bit nauseous, if from anger, nerves, a mix of those, or something else. I need a warmer place to sleep and study. I think I am going to call my landlord and my insurance company. They may be willing to put me up somewhere until the furnace can definitively be fixed, or at least until finals are completed. Then again, maybe I will just push through. I sleep too hard if the temp drops too much while I sleep as I do not set up for a cold sleep. This means I never quite sleep as I should, I may not roll enough due to the cold in order to stay where it is warm, and waking up is a mean feat.
I will be so glad when school is over! Then, temperature will not matter as much. Then I will not have a schedule or demands for a while, and can begin packing at my own pace and when I am feeling like it. This is just too much. If I was not paranoid before I certainly am now. It is the college, the VA or medical professionals in general, the government, the cities hereabouts, and the liberals… or it is just the world. I will think about it. Neither would surprise me, but then like I really care. Hmm, maybe it is just me, if I am going for real paranoia. Perhaps I really am my own worst enemy, subconsciously sabotaging myself. Perhaps I am an anomaly and affect the world in odd ways. Well, I did not want you to think my paranoia is limited! Bah, as I said, like I care.
Oh, there is a show I have been enjoying greatly. On the Travel Channel is a show called “Anthony (Tony) Bourdaine; No Reservations”. Yeah, he is an atheist. Still, that is not why I watch the show. He smokes, on T.V. Though I am not a smoker as such, I hate the government and liberal smoking police. He travels around the world and eats interesting food, meets real people for the most part, and lays out b.s. about his feelings about things that is even better than my b.s. Oh, I think we both believe our b.s., and that b.s. might even be true to some degree, but language gifted fools are still fools. And, regardless of his notions, he is quite non-politically correct. I do think much along the lines he does, and find myself putting out similar thought b.s. at times, right before he spreads his own better phrased stuff. Ah, and he is often as cynical, his humor works for me if it is a twist of mine (or vise versa) I do enjoy his humor. He is also 6’4”, I believe. Though he is far too skinny. He hates karaoke, and sometimes finds himself talked into things (like a karaoke shop) just like the rest of us. Pretty girls can do that. I even heard him say he despised some food that I despise, commenting something like it is food for stoners. Ha! Anyway, if you want to watch an interesting show, can handle a smoker smoking on your screen, and love foods and trying new stuff (and getting a few ideas about what to cook), go watch him. I think he has a blog. I have not gone to his blog yet, but it will happen, perhaps when I have more time. Oh, he tends to swear a bit. Not my favorite but it seems to fit him and his show.
I am rambling. I will go and try to wake up, and warm up.
.
As soon as I get back into the game a bit better… the furnace stops working, again. Any sane man would quit, pick up his stuff, go somewhere solitary, dig a hole, and find a way to live there, if he was going through this. I am at wit’s end. I am tired, cold, and hard pressed, with finals fast upon me. I am, as well, quite angry. I am just too tired to do much about it. It has finally gotten up to 63 F, with me up and sort of moving and with the T.V. and Computer on. I have a headache, I am sore, and I am exhausted again. I am even a bit nauseous, if from anger, nerves, a mix of those, or something else. I need a warmer place to sleep and study. I think I am going to call my landlord and my insurance company. They may be willing to put me up somewhere until the furnace can definitively be fixed, or at least until finals are completed. Then again, maybe I will just push through. I sleep too hard if the temp drops too much while I sleep as I do not set up for a cold sleep. This means I never quite sleep as I should, I may not roll enough due to the cold in order to stay where it is warm, and waking up is a mean feat.
I will be so glad when school is over! Then, temperature will not matter as much. Then I will not have a schedule or demands for a while, and can begin packing at my own pace and when I am feeling like it. This is just too much. If I was not paranoid before I certainly am now. It is the college, the VA or medical professionals in general, the government, the cities hereabouts, and the liberals… or it is just the world. I will think about it. Neither would surprise me, but then like I really care. Hmm, maybe it is just me, if I am going for real paranoia. Perhaps I really am my own worst enemy, subconsciously sabotaging myself. Perhaps I am an anomaly and affect the world in odd ways. Well, I did not want you to think my paranoia is limited! Bah, as I said, like I care.
Oh, there is a show I have been enjoying greatly. On the Travel Channel is a show called “Anthony (Tony) Bourdaine; No Reservations”. Yeah, he is an atheist. Still, that is not why I watch the show. He smokes, on T.V. Though I am not a smoker as such, I hate the government and liberal smoking police. He travels around the world and eats interesting food, meets real people for the most part, and lays out b.s. about his feelings about things that is even better than my b.s. Oh, I think we both believe our b.s., and that b.s. might even be true to some degree, but language gifted fools are still fools. And, regardless of his notions, he is quite non-politically correct. I do think much along the lines he does, and find myself putting out similar thought b.s. at times, right before he spreads his own better phrased stuff. Ah, and he is often as cynical, his humor works for me if it is a twist of mine (or vise versa) I do enjoy his humor. He is also 6’4”, I believe. Though he is far too skinny. He hates karaoke, and sometimes finds himself talked into things (like a karaoke shop) just like the rest of us. Pretty girls can do that. I even heard him say he despised some food that I despise, commenting something like it is food for stoners. Ha! Anyway, if you want to watch an interesting show, can handle a smoker smoking on your screen, and love foods and trying new stuff (and getting a few ideas about what to cook), go watch him. I think he has a blog. I have not gone to his blog yet, but it will happen, perhaps when I have more time. Oh, he tends to swear a bit. Not my favorite but it seems to fit him and his show.
I am rambling. I will go and try to wake up, and warm up.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Goodness and such…
.
.
Today went better than many before it. I was able to wake early, look over my homework and do a last problem. I have set physics to be studied. As well, I found a source of the notes I have missed. I offered $20 dollars plus copy costs. My cash offer was rebuffed but the task was accepted! I will have to think of a proper thank you gift anyway. What to give a college aged pretty woman? Flowers are out, perfume is out, hmmm, maybe… I do not know. I will be thinking. As well, I had everything in order to hand in to my professor for the extra work he had allowed. I am pleased that I am doing what I can in spite of the haunting exhaustion and doubts. Whatever else may happen, I will have done my part as well as I am able, sometimes creatively, and perhaps I have even gone a bit beyond what might have seemed to be the limits of my capacity.
I have not spoken with my landlord yet. I am nervous about that. I have made some social plans, and hope to make another before the week is out. I have also decided to visit my mother for Christmas and let her know I will be there. She seems to really want me there. I am not sure why, precisely, though I hope it satisfies her needs and wants. I worry when she becomes like this. I wonder if her health is bad and she is not telling me, avoiding upsetting me during finals. Perhaps she just goes through fears without certainty as well. Maybe she just believes time, for one of us, is nearing an end. Women have their ways, if they can be wrong like the rest of us.
I have begun making purchases to avoid any new “laws” regarding certain items. I received my first package today. I will be placing a call tomorrow regarding my next purchase. I am waiting on a bit of paperwork for the next two or three purchases. I am hoping to have some fine equipment by January. After that, I will finish up with a few accessories, consumables, and side equipment. After that, I will try to buy a few more pieces which should still be available, and some other outdoor items, like a few fly fishing poles and fly tying devices (one for home, one for the field), and I will begin gathering a few more climbing devices, a tent or two, and such things. I think I can do this and still save money, if I can move. If not, I will definitely buy what will not be legal in time, and just hold off on the rest for a bit.
Some of the equipment I will be getting might allow me to make a few dollars from time to time though too. The goal is $10,000 dollars, for cremation and any other final expenses. Like I said, I might live a long time. I just do not think that is the case though. If I find purpose in my new hobbies, the outdoors, and the rest of life, perhaps that will help. I am nearly geared up, I certainly have an interest, I am just unsure if I will be able to stay awake and keep focused. Death has always been a part of my adult life. I have lived a little bit more than dangerously. I have gone over the edge well and good several times. But this is different. This is my own body failing. It seems so strange to actually think I might get to die in my sleep, or naturally at least.
I just received my blood test results along with a letter from my doctor. There were a few anomalies, the oddest is that I have a borderline low sodium situation. In spite of what I say to my doctors, I eat lots of salt. I prefer kosher salt, and lots of it. Though I do not cook with it, I do add it liberally to all I eat. I even add it to my beer (which, like the port, does not increase my blood sugar, at least 4 of them do not). Chloride is a little low as well. Who knows what that means. I will have to write him a letter and let him know I am giving up on medicine. I cannot trust some services and I cannot afford what I can trust. Is that not always the case? Ha!
.
Today went better than many before it. I was able to wake early, look over my homework and do a last problem. I have set physics to be studied. As well, I found a source of the notes I have missed. I offered $20 dollars plus copy costs. My cash offer was rebuffed but the task was accepted! I will have to think of a proper thank you gift anyway. What to give a college aged pretty woman? Flowers are out, perfume is out, hmmm, maybe… I do not know. I will be thinking. As well, I had everything in order to hand in to my professor for the extra work he had allowed. I am pleased that I am doing what I can in spite of the haunting exhaustion and doubts. Whatever else may happen, I will have done my part as well as I am able, sometimes creatively, and perhaps I have even gone a bit beyond what might have seemed to be the limits of my capacity.
I have not spoken with my landlord yet. I am nervous about that. I have made some social plans, and hope to make another before the week is out. I have also decided to visit my mother for Christmas and let her know I will be there. She seems to really want me there. I am not sure why, precisely, though I hope it satisfies her needs and wants. I worry when she becomes like this. I wonder if her health is bad and she is not telling me, avoiding upsetting me during finals. Perhaps she just goes through fears without certainty as well. Maybe she just believes time, for one of us, is nearing an end. Women have their ways, if they can be wrong like the rest of us.
I have begun making purchases to avoid any new “laws” regarding certain items. I received my first package today. I will be placing a call tomorrow regarding my next purchase. I am waiting on a bit of paperwork for the next two or three purchases. I am hoping to have some fine equipment by January. After that, I will finish up with a few accessories, consumables, and side equipment. After that, I will try to buy a few more pieces which should still be available, and some other outdoor items, like a few fly fishing poles and fly tying devices (one for home, one for the field), and I will begin gathering a few more climbing devices, a tent or two, and such things. I think I can do this and still save money, if I can move. If not, I will definitely buy what will not be legal in time, and just hold off on the rest for a bit.
Some of the equipment I will be getting might allow me to make a few dollars from time to time though too. The goal is $10,000 dollars, for cremation and any other final expenses. Like I said, I might live a long time. I just do not think that is the case though. If I find purpose in my new hobbies, the outdoors, and the rest of life, perhaps that will help. I am nearly geared up, I certainly have an interest, I am just unsure if I will be able to stay awake and keep focused. Death has always been a part of my adult life. I have lived a little bit more than dangerously. I have gone over the edge well and good several times. But this is different. This is my own body failing. It seems so strange to actually think I might get to die in my sleep, or naturally at least.
I just received my blood test results along with a letter from my doctor. There were a few anomalies, the oddest is that I have a borderline low sodium situation. In spite of what I say to my doctors, I eat lots of salt. I prefer kosher salt, and lots of it. Though I do not cook with it, I do add it liberally to all I eat. I even add it to my beer (which, like the port, does not increase my blood sugar, at least 4 of them do not). Chloride is a little low as well. Who knows what that means. I will have to write him a letter and let him know I am giving up on medicine. I cannot trust some services and I cannot afford what I can trust. Is that not always the case? Ha!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Though it would seem…
and other thoughts…
.
.
Though it would seem I am a harsh man. Though it would seem I am judgmental. Though it would seem I look darkly upon all people, groups, organizations, and most ideas ideals and beliefs. Though those things are not untrue that is not the whole of it. When you see me cast an aspersion, understand, it is usually not without great thought. Understand it is not without some real merit. And know that I cast much harsher aspersions here at home, in the mirror. I expect perfection if I know that is not possible. I expect honesty yet I know mortals cannot handle the truth, not all of it. I speak more truth than I should, simply because how I deal with myself is much more intense so I do not even realize when I go over the edge of civility, sometimes, usually.
The one I worry about hurting the most, however, is my mother. Beyond my harsh nature, I have emotional ties there, some of which are quite dark and angry. And yet she is just a woman, she was simply a mother. She did some things right, some things wrong, but she did do her level best. I would say she did very well, for my brother and myself, within the constraints of what she could do and what the world was at the time. She has received so little gratitude for that for much of her life. And, though I write some of my darker thoughts and feelings about her here at times, I really have nothing but goodness that I try to share with her personally anymore. This is not in sympathy for her aging, it is not for fear of her death, it is because she has finally be judged as good and she has asked for and received forgiveness for her wrongs, some of which she really could not have changed due to her life, the times we lived in, and the realities that exist in any time.
The truth written in the last, if to much lesser degrees, flows to many other people, objects, and systems which receive my wrath here in these pages. I do not hate academics or schools, if I see them as terribly flawed, preferring their old flaws to these newer ones. If I see things in all schools which are flawed merely because the people who run them are people. If I despise them for their “open mind” which treats me, as a conservative and Christian, as minorities in the past have always been treated, precisely because it is based upon the new age “open mind”. These flaws have always been present, but at one time, those flaws were based upon incapacity rather than politics, philosophy, or religion (though I think Catholics have always been against it a bit). I do believe in education, if I do not necessarily believe in the way that is being presented today or the fact that political agendas are pushed more than rote and fact. However, that there are alternatives and they are being used, gives me some hope.
About politics, I am free from such things at this point. With Obama and Palin as the two political movers at the moment, I see that my affiliations with politics has come to an end. This is not necessarily a bad thing as it gives me more focus upon that which is important. I suppose with the slide of politics in the direction it has taken in the last 50 to 70 years, this was an inescapable eventuality. For anyone who holds truths to be self-evident and who believes rights are derived from God, not men, governments, or any other source, this had to happen. I am currently registered as “none of the above” political party and I probably will not vote again, if I maintain my registration. I am not looking for a politician who will do for me, or give me this or that, even if I believed them, I am looking for a politician who knows the difference between right and wrong (I think they all do) but then who chooses rightly (I do not see many who do this last). Christians have, around the world, been a minority, and a poorly treated one, for most of Christian history. That we have come back to it is no surprise. And, again, it is freeing in it’s own way.
These last may seem negative, but only if you choose to look at them that way. And, perhaps, I am being to harsh again. I look at this as objectively, from within principles, laws, and truths, as much as I am able. I then add subjective points, whether consciously or not. What I end up with is simply what I see, what I have calculated, and nothing more. If I am faulted for that, I suppose that will just have to be the way of it.
I ought to give my Mom a call. I have not spoken with her in a bit. I certainly miss her, if living with her is going to be tricky (for both of us). I think we might end up having a good 6 months or year though, if we can negotiate a lot. We are so alike in some ways though, our faults are shared. She has a mind of her own and I am stubborn. She is moody and I am variable. Both Leos, if you believe in such things. And though I do not, astrology in this case does tend to sum up our difficulties well enough. I suppose we ought to try and figure out how to make that work for us. Then again, I might be able to say, at this point, at least at distance, we have made it work for us. She is still a nag. :p
I ought to get breakfast and begin studying. Right after I try to give the nag a call. Ha.
.
.
Though it would seem I am a harsh man. Though it would seem I am judgmental. Though it would seem I look darkly upon all people, groups, organizations, and most ideas ideals and beliefs. Though those things are not untrue that is not the whole of it. When you see me cast an aspersion, understand, it is usually not without great thought. Understand it is not without some real merit. And know that I cast much harsher aspersions here at home, in the mirror. I expect perfection if I know that is not possible. I expect honesty yet I know mortals cannot handle the truth, not all of it. I speak more truth than I should, simply because how I deal with myself is much more intense so I do not even realize when I go over the edge of civility, sometimes, usually.
The one I worry about hurting the most, however, is my mother. Beyond my harsh nature, I have emotional ties there, some of which are quite dark and angry. And yet she is just a woman, she was simply a mother. She did some things right, some things wrong, but she did do her level best. I would say she did very well, for my brother and myself, within the constraints of what she could do and what the world was at the time. She has received so little gratitude for that for much of her life. And, though I write some of my darker thoughts and feelings about her here at times, I really have nothing but goodness that I try to share with her personally anymore. This is not in sympathy for her aging, it is not for fear of her death, it is because she has finally be judged as good and she has asked for and received forgiveness for her wrongs, some of which she really could not have changed due to her life, the times we lived in, and the realities that exist in any time.
The truth written in the last, if to much lesser degrees, flows to many other people, objects, and systems which receive my wrath here in these pages. I do not hate academics or schools, if I see them as terribly flawed, preferring their old flaws to these newer ones. If I see things in all schools which are flawed merely because the people who run them are people. If I despise them for their “open mind” which treats me, as a conservative and Christian, as minorities in the past have always been treated, precisely because it is based upon the new age “open mind”. These flaws have always been present, but at one time, those flaws were based upon incapacity rather than politics, philosophy, or religion (though I think Catholics have always been against it a bit). I do believe in education, if I do not necessarily believe in the way that is being presented today or the fact that political agendas are pushed more than rote and fact. However, that there are alternatives and they are being used, gives me some hope.
About politics, I am free from such things at this point. With Obama and Palin as the two political movers at the moment, I see that my affiliations with politics has come to an end. This is not necessarily a bad thing as it gives me more focus upon that which is important. I suppose with the slide of politics in the direction it has taken in the last 50 to 70 years, this was an inescapable eventuality. For anyone who holds truths to be self-evident and who believes rights are derived from God, not men, governments, or any other source, this had to happen. I am currently registered as “none of the above” political party and I probably will not vote again, if I maintain my registration. I am not looking for a politician who will do for me, or give me this or that, even if I believed them, I am looking for a politician who knows the difference between right and wrong (I think they all do) but then who chooses rightly (I do not see many who do this last). Christians have, around the world, been a minority, and a poorly treated one, for most of Christian history. That we have come back to it is no surprise. And, again, it is freeing in it’s own way.
These last may seem negative, but only if you choose to look at them that way. And, perhaps, I am being to harsh again. I look at this as objectively, from within principles, laws, and truths, as much as I am able. I then add subjective points, whether consciously or not. What I end up with is simply what I see, what I have calculated, and nothing more. If I am faulted for that, I suppose that will just have to be the way of it.
I ought to give my Mom a call. I have not spoken with her in a bit. I certainly miss her, if living with her is going to be tricky (for both of us). I think we might end up having a good 6 months or year though, if we can negotiate a lot. We are so alike in some ways though, our faults are shared. She has a mind of her own and I am stubborn. She is moody and I am variable. Both Leos, if you believe in such things. And though I do not, astrology in this case does tend to sum up our difficulties well enough. I suppose we ought to try and figure out how to make that work for us. Then again, I might be able to say, at this point, at least at distance, we have made it work for us. She is still a nag. :p
I ought to get breakfast and begin studying. Right after I try to give the nag a call. Ha.
Barely awake but that is not the point.
.
.
I finally was able to speak with my professor. It seemed I had missed 5 homeworks and 3 quizzes. He suggested that I would be allowed to do some make up after I gave my story. I did suggest I did not wish to displace someone, dropping them to fail or such, if he runs his class that way. He told me not to worry as he does not work that way and no one would lose their place because of my efforts. Yeah, fine, so I have something of a conscience. It has been a bucket load of research, going back over what I have needed to do. It is very difficult, in any case, to get these creaking bones going anyway, but with the added fact that this material is so varied and old, some of my notes are missing, I do not have a complete set anyway as I have missed classes, and this job has been very difficult.
The good news is that 2 of the homeworks that were thought undone have been finished, turned in, and graded but the points were not put in the system somehow. We get our work back and I keep it all, thankfully. That will help a lot (he was allowing me to do two of what we thought were 5 missed homeworks, which I will still do, though 2 of 3 missed instead). One of the homeworks I have found, completed, but not turned in. I must not have been able to wake up that day. So, I only have one homework to do (other than to finish more correctly what is due Monday anyway). I should have all of them, as I have done all of the homework at least twice during studies, but I must have tossed the test preparation homeworks. And, I am halfway through the quiz take home work he is requiring me to do. Still, that leaves a good deal of work to do. And, I need to get on physics! I am behind in that. Though we will only be doing 3 units for the last test in physics, I worry that he will make that test exquisitely difficult to make up for the lack of volume.
Neither of my finals are total cumulative. Though probability and statistics will be 1/3 old material, physics will be all new material. In my current condition, however, study is quite complicated. I can barely stay awake. I will do what I can and see what happens. I guess there is little else to do. Life is rather dull at the moment. Homework, sleep, a few meals here and there, and a good deal of worry about waking up, being able to study, and finishing the courses well (or well enough).
I did cook a goose the other day. I did not have the weight of the goose, however, so I ended up overcooking the fowl a bit. Still, it offered four decent meals and something quite different. I did clean today, between doing the work. So, my kitchen is back in order after a week or more of disorder. And, last night, my party consisted of two beers. They were good beers, however, and I enjoyed. I may have two more tonight, or not. A little doubt is good to leave you with. Goodnight.
.
I finally was able to speak with my professor. It seemed I had missed 5 homeworks and 3 quizzes. He suggested that I would be allowed to do some make up after I gave my story. I did suggest I did not wish to displace someone, dropping them to fail or such, if he runs his class that way. He told me not to worry as he does not work that way and no one would lose their place because of my efforts. Yeah, fine, so I have something of a conscience. It has been a bucket load of research, going back over what I have needed to do. It is very difficult, in any case, to get these creaking bones going anyway, but with the added fact that this material is so varied and old, some of my notes are missing, I do not have a complete set anyway as I have missed classes, and this job has been very difficult.
The good news is that 2 of the homeworks that were thought undone have been finished, turned in, and graded but the points were not put in the system somehow. We get our work back and I keep it all, thankfully. That will help a lot (he was allowing me to do two of what we thought were 5 missed homeworks, which I will still do, though 2 of 3 missed instead). One of the homeworks I have found, completed, but not turned in. I must not have been able to wake up that day. So, I only have one homework to do (other than to finish more correctly what is due Monday anyway). I should have all of them, as I have done all of the homework at least twice during studies, but I must have tossed the test preparation homeworks. And, I am halfway through the quiz take home work he is requiring me to do. Still, that leaves a good deal of work to do. And, I need to get on physics! I am behind in that. Though we will only be doing 3 units for the last test in physics, I worry that he will make that test exquisitely difficult to make up for the lack of volume.
Neither of my finals are total cumulative. Though probability and statistics will be 1/3 old material, physics will be all new material. In my current condition, however, study is quite complicated. I can barely stay awake. I will do what I can and see what happens. I guess there is little else to do. Life is rather dull at the moment. Homework, sleep, a few meals here and there, and a good deal of worry about waking up, being able to study, and finishing the courses well (or well enough).
I did cook a goose the other day. I did not have the weight of the goose, however, so I ended up overcooking the fowl a bit. Still, it offered four decent meals and something quite different. I did clean today, between doing the work. So, my kitchen is back in order after a week or more of disorder. And, last night, my party consisted of two beers. They were good beers, however, and I enjoyed. I may have two more tonight, or not. A little doubt is good to leave you with. Goodnight.
Friday, December 5, 2008
The furnace is working, for what it is worth.
.
.
I did the homework for today, forgoing sleep and a warm bed (I layer, so even in the very cold, I sleep warm and can kick a foot, arm, or most of my body out to cool if (when, and often) necessary). I did most of the work, but could barely rise after taking a bit of a sleep session. Taking the quiz was not good, I was slow from lack of sleep and exposure (cold does that). Then, I found out homework was not due until Monday! Argggghhhhhhhh! Oh well, I have most of it completed. And, when I came back, the cave was warm. The furnace has been fixed? restarted? who knows. If I can keep it together a few more weeks, I will be done. I was not even able to wake up early enough to make it to physics though, so I did not make it to office hours. I worry about that, a lot.
I must be honest, one of the reasons I want to live as inexpensively as possible (if I am starting a few hobbies and collecting a few guns and magazines and such), is to save up enough for my funeral. I know I will not live long. My high blood pressure and diabetes are oddities, not well controlled by medicine, but abandoning medicine all together will only aggravate that. My hope is to have 10K saved in a year or less just for that purpose. Though I think the V.A. could pay for my funeral (cremation if possible), the way they have been acting, I think they would just say my death is not disability related and refuse to pay. I cannot depend on them and so I will not. I might have 5 years or more, but I am looking at a more practical 1 to 3 year lifespan remaining to me. I will enjoy it as I may though, if I definitely want some money saved for that eventuality.
Often, I feel like I am staving off death. The scene from “Blade Runner”, where the anti-hero puts a square nail through his hand to stave off necrosis in his hand, and his death really, is what life so often feels like for me. School has helped me do that, acting as a square nail if through my mind, but it has become too painful to continue. Fighting this level of exhaustion while trying to run the gauntlet has become a living nightmare, never mind the normal doubts and troubles from this type of work. Just getting out of bed the last week has become a huge chore, again. Staying awake more than a few hours at a time is even a chore more and more frequently. Computer games can help with this, when I am finished with school. They extend my hours awake, if my functional real life abilities decrease from that. The games allow me to stay up 12 hours at a time, or more sometimes, but the rest of my life falls into decay, to put it more simply. With the games, I never actually need to go anywhere or do anything physical other than stay awake and consume something occasionally. I can grind levels or quests with minimal effort, even doing the easier quests or leveling when concentration and such decrease even further. The problem with them is that they are addictive.
Like I said though, two more weeks and I can take a breather and by then I will know whether I need to begin packing fast and heavy or whether I will have to wait for my lease to be completed in August before moving. I am dying, quick or slow, but much quicker than most. I have to hope “sooner” for anything I wish to do. Other than missing school in ways, I do not regret leaving. And, to be honest, I do not regret heading to death. I feel like I have been alive for centuries, millennia even. I feel so very old, so brittle, so battered, bruised, wounded, and heartbroken, that no pain of death of the sort I face, even 2 or 3 days of thirst, will make me reconsider. It is nearing time, if God wills it. Then again, maybe I will just suffer another agonizing age of decades before I go. Who really knows? I pray for neither, actually, though. Then again, God built this corpse to last, if I am weak within it. My feelings and sensations have little to do with the veracity of this body. A curse or a blessing only He knows. I only pray that I may live with and in grace, and die the same, in God’s time. A little rest will be nice, in any case, when school comes to an end. Perhaps I will be able to rise for church a bit more often. God’s house is always a comfort for these old dry bones, tired withered weakened heart, suspicious unsure mind, and spent soul.
But, not to worry. On the way home, I grabbed a few beers. I will goof the rest of this day, sip some Bud, and ponder nothing else. Even when all seems dark, it is not. Even at the end of a road, there are others ways to go. And even in the shadow, one can find a stone upon which to strike a match and enjoy a cigar or pipe. Who can fault that? *laughs*
.
.
I did the homework for today, forgoing sleep and a warm bed (I layer, so even in the very cold, I sleep warm and can kick a foot, arm, or most of my body out to cool if (when, and often) necessary). I did most of the work, but could barely rise after taking a bit of a sleep session. Taking the quiz was not good, I was slow from lack of sleep and exposure (cold does that). Then, I found out homework was not due until Monday! Argggghhhhhhhh! Oh well, I have most of it completed. And, when I came back, the cave was warm. The furnace has been fixed? restarted? who knows. If I can keep it together a few more weeks, I will be done. I was not even able to wake up early enough to make it to physics though, so I did not make it to office hours. I worry about that, a lot.
I must be honest, one of the reasons I want to live as inexpensively as possible (if I am starting a few hobbies and collecting a few guns and magazines and such), is to save up enough for my funeral. I know I will not live long. My high blood pressure and diabetes are oddities, not well controlled by medicine, but abandoning medicine all together will only aggravate that. My hope is to have 10K saved in a year or less just for that purpose. Though I think the V.A. could pay for my funeral (cremation if possible), the way they have been acting, I think they would just say my death is not disability related and refuse to pay. I cannot depend on them and so I will not. I might have 5 years or more, but I am looking at a more practical 1 to 3 year lifespan remaining to me. I will enjoy it as I may though, if I definitely want some money saved for that eventuality.
Often, I feel like I am staving off death. The scene from “Blade Runner”, where the anti-hero puts a square nail through his hand to stave off necrosis in his hand, and his death really, is what life so often feels like for me. School has helped me do that, acting as a square nail if through my mind, but it has become too painful to continue. Fighting this level of exhaustion while trying to run the gauntlet has become a living nightmare, never mind the normal doubts and troubles from this type of work. Just getting out of bed the last week has become a huge chore, again. Staying awake more than a few hours at a time is even a chore more and more frequently. Computer games can help with this, when I am finished with school. They extend my hours awake, if my functional real life abilities decrease from that. The games allow me to stay up 12 hours at a time, or more sometimes, but the rest of my life falls into decay, to put it more simply. With the games, I never actually need to go anywhere or do anything physical other than stay awake and consume something occasionally. I can grind levels or quests with minimal effort, even doing the easier quests or leveling when concentration and such decrease even further. The problem with them is that they are addictive.
Like I said though, two more weeks and I can take a breather and by then I will know whether I need to begin packing fast and heavy or whether I will have to wait for my lease to be completed in August before moving. I am dying, quick or slow, but much quicker than most. I have to hope “sooner” for anything I wish to do. Other than missing school in ways, I do not regret leaving. And, to be honest, I do not regret heading to death. I feel like I have been alive for centuries, millennia even. I feel so very old, so brittle, so battered, bruised, wounded, and heartbroken, that no pain of death of the sort I face, even 2 or 3 days of thirst, will make me reconsider. It is nearing time, if God wills it. Then again, maybe I will just suffer another agonizing age of decades before I go. Who really knows? I pray for neither, actually, though. Then again, God built this corpse to last, if I am weak within it. My feelings and sensations have little to do with the veracity of this body. A curse or a blessing only He knows. I only pray that I may live with and in grace, and die the same, in God’s time. A little rest will be nice, in any case, when school comes to an end. Perhaps I will be able to rise for church a bit more often. God’s house is always a comfort for these old dry bones, tired withered weakened heart, suspicious unsure mind, and spent soul.
But, not to worry. On the way home, I grabbed a few beers. I will goof the rest of this day, sip some Bud, and ponder nothing else. Even when all seems dark, it is not. Even at the end of a road, there are others ways to go. And even in the shadow, one can find a stone upon which to strike a match and enjoy a cigar or pipe. Who can fault that? *laughs*
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Two more weeks…
.
.
Exhaustion plagues me, a furnace which works randomly though which seems to have finally quit adds to my troubles, and finals fast upon me add together to my being addled. At least I am neither agitated nor as bad as I have been. I can still work, and hard, if only at times and not at just any time that I can do at my best. I spoke with my professor today, about most of the subjects I had pondered. I will need to do a little extra work but I think I will be able to pass, depending on the final, and there were a few other things answered. There is still something I forgot to ask. If I can wake early enough (it has been nigh onto impossible of late, literally, and made worse on the days the furnace does not work), I might be able to make it into office hours.
Beside considering photography, I have been thinking about another hobby and a means of staying in the math and science arena a bit. The Chinese and Japanese (and Koreans, well, many or even most Asians) have a form of painting in which they paint words. I had thought about this before, and even purchased some things to work with it. But then school picked up or I fell down and I never went further with it. I walked into an arts store yesterday and spoke with a shop keep who actually does more than work there. He not only knew what I was talking about, he has been to China, and he has looked at and into this type of art! He was quite gay, but once I gave specific cues that I was not, I was able to work with him well enough. Beyond, when I described using such techniques combined with mathematical and scientific formulas instead, not only did this sound interesting to him, he sort of lead me to another consideration. The medium and ink or watercolor used are typically two types of paper, plus ink(s), and watercolors. However, he began discussing acrylics. He talked about how they could be used to create spatially deep or overlapping images. What came to my mind, immediately, was, rather than one formula overlaying another formula(s) or frills and trills (scroll type work seen in monk hand written copy work, for example) over or under the formula(s) which he suggested, was much more exciting if that was interesting as well. I considered the possibility of overlapping geometric shapes and the formulas that define them, their volume, or such. Painting so that the formula(s) peek through the geometric form, or vise versa. I see a great deal of potential for such things. Probabilities and statistics could cover a natural setting, with the numbers of presented flora and fauna barely visible over the actual artwork (or under it, I would have to tinker with that all a bit before I am more sure). And, even with photography, if I develop myself, some things could be added there too, I am almost sure of it. What is more, I could pick up a basic Asian “lettering” art set for well under $100, and very possibly well under $50, only adding other specialized supplies if or when I get to a need.
No, life is not over. Not by a long shot. I am tired. I am ending my collegiate career and setting aside hopes for an actual career. I am depressed, or more deeply saddened, by those facts. But I am not going to roll over into a hole or die. As long as I can sleep when I can do nothing else and then I can do some of the things which interest me when sleep is not commanding, I should be just fine. I realize that quitting medicines will have some impact but then they have not, after 7 to 10, 11, or 12 years (now?), been able to control my blood pressure (or diabetes) not even discussing my major and underlying health issue, what hope do you think I really have for modern medicine? I am sure it works for some but I am pretty sure there are some it has no means of healing or helping except for very minor or explicit things such as broken bones or revivification (that last if it is God’s will, I think even the atheists know they have little to do with that, or any healing, really).
I have started to wonder about myself a great deal lately, medically. I am not sure but that my diabetes has little to do with alcohol or sugar, but everything to do with how much is eaten, what is eaten, and other factors that are not known to me thus far. The other day, after drinking 3 shots of scotch (trying to sort out which Balvenie I prefer, 12 or 21 double casks or 15 single cask), and eating a large pasta meal (twice actually, if I make it, I try to eat it consecutively until it is gone (if I like it and I did, thank you for asking!)). The next day my blood sugar jumped to 335 or 350 (somewhere in there, from a previous 125 a week earlier). It just so happens my nurse was visiting, and she read me the numbers, the score, and a bit of the riot act (I am honest, and I thought it might have been the snifters of scotch and told her, and I do like her and allow her to make such a fuss which she rarely does). The next day my number dropped to 125. So, I was curious (and thirsty, plus I need to reduce stock for my move, you must know that?). I chilled a bottle of port, one I enjoy greatly. (If port is not supposed to be chilled for purisms sake, I do not care. I bought it, I like it like I like it, and that is that.) After the chilling, I commenced to a tasting. I could not be sure, so I tasted it gone (and I am still not sure, I will have to order some more). Now, port is not just rather strongly alcoholic (compared to beer or such), it is also sweet (sugary of sorts, though I think just naturally, not added sugar) and rich. A bottle of that is like drinking, I do not know, perhaps six or seven cosmopolitans or something (cannot be sure, have not tasted one of those… girl drinks I think?). Anyway, I tested my blood sugar that very next morning… 122.
I think breeds just do not fit the standardized testing and medical trials. I think diabetes, for me, is based on the feast or famine existence some of my ancestors lived. When feasted, inactivity (caused by high blood sugars) would ensure lethargy and leisurely living. Low blood sugars would ensure the hunting urge, and hone the nature to such ends, causing acuity, strength, and other natural talents to peak. And the problems of such a lifestyle lead to an incapacity for “civil living”, which in the end, destroyed their (our) culture. I also wonder if some seasonal affects, based on genetics, do not occur. How many winters with no heat, or even actually buildings which could heat well, before a gene develops to induce greater sleeping periods? As well, those particular ancestors did not live long. The average was more like 19. A 40 year old to them would be like an octogenarian (or more) was a few years ago (less so now). Find out just how old the Lakota chiefs Custer ran into were, no really, go look. Whatever the case, I believe I collected an odd mix of genes. These genes are neither European nor Indian. They are not even strongly favored in one region of either of those, I come from four nations. In other words, I am probably a genetic mess. I will fit no model for health science. Some of what they seek to fix is merely what I am, some of what they seek to change is just the way it is. Oh, the sugar thing is part of the reason, I think, there is such a high incidence of alcoholism on reservations. I do not think I got all of that gene, in that I have not fallen into that trap at all, though I must have gotten some of it in that I can drink massive amounts, and did in my younger partying days.
Nothing, it seems, is what it seems. Being a breed means I am not only a breed apart, it means I am a breed alone. And, no, dear children, being dysfunctional different does not make me “special”, just broken. Then again, I would not change it. I think because of some of these things, and what they have lead me to, added to the fact that I am attended (far beyond my desserts, if I have come to accept that too), I do enjoy my life and will try to enjoy the next breath and the one that follows, ad nauseum, until the breath no longer flows and the spirit which allowed it to do so is rendered to it’s real owner, maker, and master, if then only until he appoints the time for breath to be once again returned to me, perfected. I will take what is behind whichever door even if it is nothing more than one more breath, Bob. Some say, “Is this as good as it gets?”. I say, if it is, it is not all that bad. And, it will be perfected, if we allow it to be.
I am fried, I think I will take another nap to try to be fresh for homework. Goodnight, for a while. Oh, my landlord got back to me right away. While I was writing this. He will try to get someone in. You have to appreciate a truly honorable landlord. In spite of my paranoia and occasional mean spirit, even when justified, he will be missed (as will this place, except for the neighbor(s) thing). Then again, one of the tests for any place I finally end up is that such men are not rarities, like here, so that finding such a landlord will not be a surprise... Though, no matter, he has been exceptional. He will be missed, personally.
.
Exhaustion plagues me, a furnace which works randomly though which seems to have finally quit adds to my troubles, and finals fast upon me add together to my being addled. At least I am neither agitated nor as bad as I have been. I can still work, and hard, if only at times and not at just any time that I can do at my best. I spoke with my professor today, about most of the subjects I had pondered. I will need to do a little extra work but I think I will be able to pass, depending on the final, and there were a few other things answered. There is still something I forgot to ask. If I can wake early enough (it has been nigh onto impossible of late, literally, and made worse on the days the furnace does not work), I might be able to make it into office hours.
Beside considering photography, I have been thinking about another hobby and a means of staying in the math and science arena a bit. The Chinese and Japanese (and Koreans, well, many or even most Asians) have a form of painting in which they paint words. I had thought about this before, and even purchased some things to work with it. But then school picked up or I fell down and I never went further with it. I walked into an arts store yesterday and spoke with a shop keep who actually does more than work there. He not only knew what I was talking about, he has been to China, and he has looked at and into this type of art! He was quite gay, but once I gave specific cues that I was not, I was able to work with him well enough. Beyond, when I described using such techniques combined with mathematical and scientific formulas instead, not only did this sound interesting to him, he sort of lead me to another consideration. The medium and ink or watercolor used are typically two types of paper, plus ink(s), and watercolors. However, he began discussing acrylics. He talked about how they could be used to create spatially deep or overlapping images. What came to my mind, immediately, was, rather than one formula overlaying another formula(s) or frills and trills (scroll type work seen in monk hand written copy work, for example) over or under the formula(s) which he suggested, was much more exciting if that was interesting as well. I considered the possibility of overlapping geometric shapes and the formulas that define them, their volume, or such. Painting so that the formula(s) peek through the geometric form, or vise versa. I see a great deal of potential for such things. Probabilities and statistics could cover a natural setting, with the numbers of presented flora and fauna barely visible over the actual artwork (or under it, I would have to tinker with that all a bit before I am more sure). And, even with photography, if I develop myself, some things could be added there too, I am almost sure of it. What is more, I could pick up a basic Asian “lettering” art set for well under $100, and very possibly well under $50, only adding other specialized supplies if or when I get to a need.
No, life is not over. Not by a long shot. I am tired. I am ending my collegiate career and setting aside hopes for an actual career. I am depressed, or more deeply saddened, by those facts. But I am not going to roll over into a hole or die. As long as I can sleep when I can do nothing else and then I can do some of the things which interest me when sleep is not commanding, I should be just fine. I realize that quitting medicines will have some impact but then they have not, after 7 to 10, 11, or 12 years (now?), been able to control my blood pressure (or diabetes) not even discussing my major and underlying health issue, what hope do you think I really have for modern medicine? I am sure it works for some but I am pretty sure there are some it has no means of healing or helping except for very minor or explicit things such as broken bones or revivification (that last if it is God’s will, I think even the atheists know they have little to do with that, or any healing, really).
I have started to wonder about myself a great deal lately, medically. I am not sure but that my diabetes has little to do with alcohol or sugar, but everything to do with how much is eaten, what is eaten, and other factors that are not known to me thus far. The other day, after drinking 3 shots of scotch (trying to sort out which Balvenie I prefer, 12 or 21 double casks or 15 single cask), and eating a large pasta meal (twice actually, if I make it, I try to eat it consecutively until it is gone (if I like it and I did, thank you for asking!)). The next day my blood sugar jumped to 335 or 350 (somewhere in there, from a previous 125 a week earlier). It just so happens my nurse was visiting, and she read me the numbers, the score, and a bit of the riot act (I am honest, and I thought it might have been the snifters of scotch and told her, and I do like her and allow her to make such a fuss which she rarely does). The next day my number dropped to 125. So, I was curious (and thirsty, plus I need to reduce stock for my move, you must know that?). I chilled a bottle of port, one I enjoy greatly. (If port is not supposed to be chilled for purisms sake, I do not care. I bought it, I like it like I like it, and that is that.) After the chilling, I commenced to a tasting. I could not be sure, so I tasted it gone (and I am still not sure, I will have to order some more). Now, port is not just rather strongly alcoholic (compared to beer or such), it is also sweet (sugary of sorts, though I think just naturally, not added sugar) and rich. A bottle of that is like drinking, I do not know, perhaps six or seven cosmopolitans or something (cannot be sure, have not tasted one of those… girl drinks I think?). Anyway, I tested my blood sugar that very next morning… 122.
I think breeds just do not fit the standardized testing and medical trials. I think diabetes, for me, is based on the feast or famine existence some of my ancestors lived. When feasted, inactivity (caused by high blood sugars) would ensure lethargy and leisurely living. Low blood sugars would ensure the hunting urge, and hone the nature to such ends, causing acuity, strength, and other natural talents to peak. And the problems of such a lifestyle lead to an incapacity for “civil living”, which in the end, destroyed their (our) culture. I also wonder if some seasonal affects, based on genetics, do not occur. How many winters with no heat, or even actually buildings which could heat well, before a gene develops to induce greater sleeping periods? As well, those particular ancestors did not live long. The average was more like 19. A 40 year old to them would be like an octogenarian (or more) was a few years ago (less so now). Find out just how old the Lakota chiefs Custer ran into were, no really, go look. Whatever the case, I believe I collected an odd mix of genes. These genes are neither European nor Indian. They are not even strongly favored in one region of either of those, I come from four nations. In other words, I am probably a genetic mess. I will fit no model for health science. Some of what they seek to fix is merely what I am, some of what they seek to change is just the way it is. Oh, the sugar thing is part of the reason, I think, there is such a high incidence of alcoholism on reservations. I do not think I got all of that gene, in that I have not fallen into that trap at all, though I must have gotten some of it in that I can drink massive amounts, and did in my younger partying days.
Nothing, it seems, is what it seems. Being a breed means I am not only a breed apart, it means I am a breed alone. And, no, dear children, being dysfunctional different does not make me “special”, just broken. Then again, I would not change it. I think because of some of these things, and what they have lead me to, added to the fact that I am attended (far beyond my desserts, if I have come to accept that too), I do enjoy my life and will try to enjoy the next breath and the one that follows, ad nauseum, until the breath no longer flows and the spirit which allowed it to do so is rendered to it’s real owner, maker, and master, if then only until he appoints the time for breath to be once again returned to me, perfected. I will take what is behind whichever door even if it is nothing more than one more breath, Bob. Some say, “Is this as good as it gets?”. I say, if it is, it is not all that bad. And, it will be perfected, if we allow it to be.
I am fried, I think I will take another nap to try to be fresh for homework. Goodnight, for a while. Oh, my landlord got back to me right away. While I was writing this. He will try to get someone in. You have to appreciate a truly honorable landlord. In spite of my paranoia and occasional mean spirit, even when justified, he will be missed (as will this place, except for the neighbor(s) thing). Then again, one of the tests for any place I finally end up is that such men are not rarities, like here, so that finding such a landlord will not be a surprise... Though, no matter, he has been exceptional. He will be missed, personally.
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