Up and at and all over the place.

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I am up, and early, and again. For the last week I have been doing well, in that regard. I have honestly been crippled though. My will is good, my body works, but the disconnect cannot be undone. I did work yesterday, and would have done more save for the snow. Usually when I get to where the work needs done I am fine and will work. Occasionally or more, I overestimate what I can do in a given amount of time though. There is no accounting for how slow I am or can be or how ambitious I can be. I see that crash even as I draw up my next plans, it seems I never learn.

I am somewhat mixed up emotionally today. I am not sure what the problem is. I have not felt like this in quite some time. One might call it an excited heartbroken exasperation. On the verge of tears or a party, though I think one would lead to the other. I am interested in neither. Simply doing some things around the cave and then moving in later this afternoon would be all that I would desire. I would simply prefer to put the emotional baggage on a raft, set it out in the lake, have the whole thing well weighted and tied together, and then do some target practice.

I know what is causing it I think. As I was writing the above, it sort of came to me. The political and financial turmoil, the ongoing socializing of my country, the stupidity of people regarding politics, the upcoming move, the lack of a renter for this place, the lack of sun, and just because it is my party. I suppose men are not supposed to feel, certainly if they do they are not supposed to talk about it. So, I will not talk about it, I will write about it. And, yes, I think that old saying is true and should generally be adhered. It is when people started saying, hey, just because you are man or woman, depending on the statement, you do not have to... Well, look where that has gotten us. So, for my part, I will stick to the old, thank you very much.

Well, back to tinkering in the hopes of waking up a bit better and getting some things done today.

Hey, but have a great day! Why not?

Me, me me me. And, oh, me.

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Do not think I do not know. It even crosses my eyes. And, yes, this is about... ME, again.

I have been considering what I write, my comments on other blogs, and how I lead my life. Too many "me", "I", and even as I try to switch things up "we" are used. If it were just a vocabulary issue, that could be fixed. But it is not. I am self-centered. Not that this is a surprise. I will yield that this blog is simply about my life so there has got to be a little room for that. However, other people's blogs are NOT about my life, and happily. Blogging would be dead if so. Even if it was all about everyone's own little life, blogging would be dead.

To this end, I am beginning an effort to not include me, I, or we in my comment posts both as words referring to me (where at all reasonable, which is most of the time), and regarding the principle. My life, my past, my hopes, my future... these are for here, if too I should expand quite a bit beyond me. Then again, I am not writing for the general public. This really is a diary. It is written just to get it out of my mind, in part because I have so few people to discuss these things with. Well, actually, I have no one. And, I want these thoughts and such to go away just as much as anybody, so I put them here. I do not read these later. Nothing I write is of any interest other than getting it out of my head. I guess I am stuck with me, on this page.

However, on your blogs, I need to begin cutting myself out and just do what the rest do, quip, agree, disagree, or whatever, in 5 words or less it seems. That will be a challenge. I have foreseen this a bit, and there are other challenges as well. The first is not analyzing the author. That is very easy to do from this chair and it is as welcome as "me". The second is not to simply emotionalize what the author writes. It is a natural and easy thing to do and the wrong thing to do. I think the final consideration is to not grandstand, that is, in simply another way, simply about me again. What does that leave? I do not know, precisely, though it means I ought not to respond most of the time. I have suggested this before and I will go through the phases again, maybe each time cutting a little more "me" out and adding less and less in general as well. Eventually, perhaps, I will become a wise man (albeit through the loophole that even a man who speaks, or writes, little may be considered wise).

Well, here goes nothing. Eh? Maybe the warp drive will work, this time. If so, you will not see "me" soon except on this planet, far far away if not a long time ago. Yeah, I get it, sometimes.

Some things done.

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I got a late start. No, I woke at 8:00 I think, 7:30 maybe. I simply could not get going until about 16:30 or so. When I did I completed some of my tasks. All the weights have been moved now. I got the checks over to the people I am renting from. I checked my shirts and treated those that needed treatment. I did not get to laundry and I was not able to sort out the storage unit, though I did have a reasonable excuse for that last. We received SNOW!

I love snow. It is beautiful out there. And, it is a drier snow than what Iowa gets, lighter and fluffier. It snowed earlier this fall if nothing lasted, or even collected. This time there was about 4" or 5" of snow on the Xterra. I would guess that much of the first fall melted away quickly though so I am guessing there was between 6" and 8" inches (though I am terrible at guesstimating if you go by the weatherman, for whatever that might mean).

I will be able to begin moving tomorrow afternoon. And, that will help a bit. It does not look like anyone will be taking over until December, so there is no great rush. Still, it would be nice to be moved on date, completely, just in case. There is no real use for this second apartment, so it will simply sit empty, with utilities off to the best of my ability. I suspect I can even unplug the refrigerator. Hopefully that will cut down on expenses. Oh, and the rentees are allowing me to use their carpet machine. When they told me about their machine, I explained that the kitchen is carpeted and that I had been planning on renting and asked if I could use theirs. No problem, plus they have extra solution!

You know, there are some people who really go out and are quite sharing. I could have just used it, but that is not my way. I always ask. I could not have found better people to deal with. We might be ideologically and socially quite different. Though the same goes for almost everyone I meet, to be honest. They have been gracious as host and hostess and kind as rental agents. Oh, the husband created a list of reasons why he does not believe. With Vox's ongoing thing about why he believes, and my own recent start at exploring that topic, I asked if I could review a copy of his list. I assured him I was not asking for the list in order to critique him or to try and win him over. I simply would like to see it and use it as a means of a counter argument to some of my arguments, and Vox's to some degree.

We did have a wonderful discussion, again, tonight. As I said, we have very different views on things. One of the things we discussed tonight was hunting. I suggested that big game hunters not only bring in big money to the local economy, and sometimes food from the hunts, but that they cull animals who if at their seeming prime, are about to go into tragic decline. As well, with only so much space, some animals absolutely must be culled. It is wasteful not to profit those in need from those who have in order to satisfy all, and really to the betterment of even wildlife management. They only sort of agreed. She more so than he, I think. But there were other topics. It has remained civil and I think it always will. We simply do not have a need to cross swords, and I do not believe there is great interest in doing so. Sometimes, too, they get more of their say and I have just listened.

I wonder if just sensing snow put me into a feisty mood. I might not be the best at debating, but locking horns seems to be the thing today. If it is merely a mood and not a strike of genuis, I have enjoyed it anyway. I really ought to learn to debate. Then again, how does one learn to fish, golf, ski, ride a horse, or anything? Reading a book, or a dozen, gets one no closer to the act than thinking about it. So, I suppose that is as good as it gets for now. I am not sure I want to join an intellectual fight club really. Those usually end up being popularity contests from what I have seen. Though a few exist that are good, they are often simply out of my range or not interesting. Oh well, not my gig I guess. Still, it was fun if I am poor at it.

Well, I best get off here and tinker as I wind down. Laundry tomorrow? One can hope. Or, I could simply do it as I am moving in. That might be the way to go! Learning by accident, again. Oh well.

Hmm, had a problem with Blogger tonight. I got in, then everything froze up. At first I thought it was the internet, but I could get to other (non-Blogger) blogs and sites. It took an hour or more before I could get back in. Anyone else with this issue (from about 22:30 to 0:21, Mountain Time, give or take)?

Sleep well my charming and delightful thinkers and tinkerers of wit and wisdom. May your dreams be of sweat, toil, gain and the simple joys of life these bring. I may see you there, it is where my heart lies, so it must be home. Good night!

Debating.

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The other day, I commented on a post somewhere regarding a letter from a grandfather to a granddaughter. The grandpa had always helped some of his family out from the excesses of his business. The grandpa had fallen on harder times with the current financial difficulties. And further, the threats from this new president against businesses (especially smaller businesses), had forced him to recalculate potential future earnings, fire someone rather close, forced grandma to fill in for the fire, and have grandpa begin planning scaling back both personal and business spending. The granddaughter had not only openly and loudly supported Quota Boy, she had rubbed it in when he won.

The grandfather was asked for money by the grandkid. This time, he not only could not, he would not help her. He wrote a long letter explaining that their are consequences to foolishness. In her support of Quota Boy (and his socialist or even communist ways as I put it), she had chosen against grandpa's income path. Further, the win of Quota Boy has lead grandpa into further woes. So, he indicated that for every action there is a reaction, not only would he not help, but he could not help if he wanted.

Now, not only did I think this was right, I thought it was his right to make the path clear to the granddaughter. Some guy hops on and says the "old guy is full of gas" and calls me an idiot. Well, the debate went on for a while. And the guy brags about making $500K a year, being Libertarian, and that it would not have mattered between McCain and Quota Boy (to which I yield only partially, as McCain would not be attempting to dismantle private ownership and business, disinsetivizing hiring, and such, if McNumbnuts would be on the same trillion dollar payola schemes). At first I was a bit miffed. Then I just chuckled and dug in for fun.

However, this guy goes on to say not only is he rich, he is filthy rich. He has more money than me and my whole family. Now, for my part, whatever. But I will be honest, no matter how stinking rich this useless toad is, my mother is far more important to her community and is far poorer than I am, and I am probably one of those type of people this guy would consider a bum if he saw me somewhere (What, no slacks or pressed shirts? He doesn't drive a Mercedes? I bet he makes his own food too?) Yeah, and my mom drives an old car, not a new to her purchase, dude (I and do mean "dude" this time). She feeds her community, and asked for less than they were offering her to do so. Imagine someone turning down $10 an hour for $5 an hour because that is all she needs or wants in order to prepare a community meal Monday through Friday. And, whenever someone needs a ride to the doctor, help filling out government or business forms, or anything in general, who do they call but her. She has one older lady who she maintains her house, gets her to or back from 3 regular appointments a week, takes her shopping, and whatever else this woman needs for less than most people's soda money per month. And, finally, whenever someone is dying, if they have no one else to help, she goes and does 24/7 hospice care for them for free.

So, yes, this guy might be stinking rich, but he lost on this one. Heck, I lose on this one. So, if you want to kick me in the teeth with your ill gotten gain, be my guest. But if you try and kick my Mother in the teeth, God is probably not with you. Jerk. Ha!

And, yes, it can suck to have a sainted Mom. Especially one with whom you have and have had issues regarding. She definitely puts things in perspective for me. And, I suppose I have helped her in certain ways too. She did not understand what the new Democrat party really was. I asked her to simply write down her top ten beliefs about life and government and mail those to her Dem senators and congressmen and ask what they were doing on these issues. She learned, and it hurt, but it was necessary. They blew her off like that rich guy tried to do. Still, I mostly watch and learn. As well, I have offered her books to read regarding the Catholic church, ensured she has a rosary, and done other things she wanted to do but was afraid to do. She has so much of it down, just in her life, that it is difficult for me to push too much. At this point, I only see where she would like to go and try to make that possible. I have a lot to learn.

The debate is over. Oh, and we ain't middle class, chump. Ha!

Update:

And, by the way... I honestly do not care if you are as rich as a sultan. What I do expect is that you have some humility about it. Heck, I am humbled by MY income. In some communities I have lived, I am considered 'better off'. But to rub it in someones face or to make it the sole reason you may debate or use wealth as your key (or anybodies) to supposed wisdom or all-knowledge is going to get a hammer on your head. His first comment contained a brag about making $500,000 a year. And, in these times, when someone says that, I have some suspicion that they ARE a part of the problem. I have to wonder how much of the (to not be paid back) bailout money went into his Swiss bank account. Maybe not, but he picked a poor topic to pull out his wallet as if it gave him more swing. I have scissors and a devilish insistence upon using them. *snip* Ha!

Oh, and this is mostly in fun. I do not hate this guy, or his wallet. And, he can believe whatever he wishes. But he came in with his wallet in his mouth, a notion that Quota Boy's election has no impact on business, and that other people's opinions do not matter. What else was there to do BUT play? I ask you?

Perhaps today.

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I have been waking early. No later than 8:00 generally and usually earlier. I have not been very active, nor have I been able to be active. It is a new week and I never do lose hope.

I have been sorting my blog this morning. Some blogs were not really active. I reluctantly let them go, finally. I also moved my Mute Monday people into one group for the ease of commenting and checking other people's, and proprietor's, responses. I do not think I have them all yet. It is a start.

Today would be a good day to at least straighten out the storage unit though I want to take the last load of weights when I do this. I then need to straighten out the back row of seats, or the material that has collected there I should say, in order to lay that row down for some of the bigger items and in preparation to have the interior cleaned. I like to have my vehicles professionally cleaned in late fall and early spring. It helps maintain the value of the vehicle (and it simply feels good, think dog gets tic bath). Laundry is still waiting to be done. Today IS probably the day for that too. If it is busy I will simply have to get in and do it anyway.

I think after I finish writing this, I will bring it into the house and treat some of my shirts. Jean offered a perfectly odd sounding piece of advice (which sort of made sense even if making sense has nothing to do with the appearance of oddness sometimes). She recommended I use peroxide on shirts with stains. Well, guess what? It works. Most of my stains are spatters from meat. Though it was all cooked, it was cooked the way I like it. Which means it was quite bloody. And, this treatment works on blood. Even the fats, however, are protein based or something? Anyway, even without rewashing the stained shirts (which I will do before wearing again anyway), the spots seem to have come out, big time. Thanks Jean! I owe you a clean shirt or three, remember that.

Money has become very tight for reasons I am not quite sure. I will figure it out sooner or later. Perhaps I spent too much and just was not tracking (though I really thought I was), or some future expenses came out early (usually companies do not charge until they ship, but I think Cabela's did charge me at the same time they extended the backorder status on a bunch of primers which completed the list of re-backordered items, according to an email). There were several other oddities as well. But that means I cannot afford to find a Best Buy and take my notebook in to have it fixed, among other things. I did fill up the gas tank, and I have a few nickels floating around here and there for an occassional meal when I am not into cooking, but the first of the month is looking seriously sexy right now. Woot! Will you take a look at that 1st and 3rd! *blush*

I realized yesterday that for the last 3 or 4 days I had not been checking the temperature here in the cave. I had to think about that. Why had I not been fussing with knowing and maintaining a proper temp considering how sensitive my body is to heat for the most part? Ah, the answer was simple. I simply could not sense heat, or cold, or... anything. Something is very wrong. I just do not know what it is. It happens in a snap and my mind simply does not realize my body has become separate. Even knowing something about this from the past, here in Utah I am able to see it much more clearly (and quickly, so perhaps recover quickly). I am amazed at the speed and depth with which this detachment occurs. I probably had not been eating or drinking much either, once it occurred, which does not help. Some connection to flesh just turns off. *click*

Well, like I said, it is a new week. I have figured out that a fuse had blown and am working on it. I also have until Saturday, or Sunday really, to be out while I can begin moving in Thursday. This time I think I can move without any help. If it is a small thing, it is a good small thing. I think I will watch my spending a bit more carefully this month though too. Whew, I hate being so close to broke that I start counting any dollar bills I might have stashed or have in my pocket(s) and wallet, and even leering at my spare change pile.

Have a great day!

Mute Monday: Advertisement - Oops

Odd topics.

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I used to despise hot dogs. I still do, as a general rule. And, it bothered me. Why? Because it is such a common social food. Hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, apple pie, and beer or cola seem to be very common social foods and beverages. To not like one of them is to almost be un-American. I knew this as a child, but I simply could not choke the things down. So, what does a guy do when afflicted by a dilemma of such proportions? Why, he begins experimenting.

The simple boiled version of the dog does not work for me. If the dog is cooked over a flame or in a pan until the skin is blackened, it is slightly more edible, yet still somewhat problematic especially if the interior is not cooked. What I did for hot dogs, something I do with brauts, is to boil it first to ensure a proper doneness, then cook it in a pan to leather the skin. Ah, I can finally enjoy a hot dog. If it should ever become known that an event requiring hot dogs to be eaten is to occur, what I will do is volunteer to bring the hot dogs. I will then boil them first, let them cool, and repackage them for the event.

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I have added a number of blogs which have been in my "I want on my blog" folder for some time. I had hoped to check these more often, to see if they fit with my way of thinking. However, being in a side file of a side file of a side file, they were being overlooked. I decided to add them and simply weed out what does not fit in time. There are others I am meaning to add, and I will get to them. I think they are on the broken computer, in that same file arrangement. Argh! On a day of nothingness there was something to do.

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I am curious regarding how other people re-organize their mind after a minor falling out. What works to get people motivated and back on track? How are the pieces fit back together? I have methods and techniques, but they are mostly passive and I do not have a clear idea about how they work. Whatever my illness really is, it plays a part in the fracturing of will, cohesiveness, and such as well, so when I get better it seems I do not actually need techniques. Still, it would be interesting to try actual conscious methods of reseeding a barren mindscape.

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Computer games and reading have been filling my days. Some research and a lot of blog hopping also fill in the gaps. I have been able to keep my days and nights straight, my sleep has been good, and this is all fine. I wonder what little craft or such would help fill the days. Mind you, it needs to be relatively inexpensive, masculine enough for the sniff test, and mild enough yet enjoyable enough to be practical. Knitting is not quite going to fit, nor will quilt making, sewing, needle work, or such. I am sure those are fine, I am sure some men enjoy those, they just would not work for me.

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I have found a number of sites regarding politicians. Troll is beginning a new activity based on politicians. However, I am finding it difficult to obtain originators of particular bills. I have found a site which offers information regarding bills, though quite often they seem to suggest half of whichever party is introducing the bill. What I am seeking is a place that offers up legislation or bills and directly gives the name of the author, first sponsor, or such. It would make shooting fish in the barrel a little less happenstance or random. Rather than go after a particular politician, I would rather go after legislation and the dimwit who wrote it.

So, if anyone has a link to such a site, I would be quite grateful if they would share it.

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I am hungry. I think I may attempt a quick step out of my door and a short drive somewhere for a fast take home dinner. Nothing fancy, my accounting has been an abysmal failure this month somehow. I am hungry enough at this point that I could almost eat a pine cone sandwich with a side of stainless steel bolts, if it is affordable, give or take.

As I sit here crippled.

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I keep think about my situation. I know my body works. I can rise out of bed, I can make a little bit to eat and pour something to drink. My mind works in that I can manipulate a faucet to wash my face and hands. I can do simple mechanical operations such as brushing my teeth, cooking, and cleaning (though that last, in part due to masculine... something... I do poorly and more infrequently than I should like, only knowing the difference due to having had women in my life who have done much better at it). And more, I can read obscure texts with some reasonable level of understanding. G.K. Chesterton is probably not the first book I would hand a newly minted, even fully developed reader. And the bible, though I would encourage even children to read it, I would expect little more than that the bible would stretch every fiber of their ability to even understand the merest basics of what the words mean very generally.

Okay, so I am suggesting that I have a decent mind, a functional body, some ability to act toward long standing health, grooming, and standard goals. So, why I cannot simply pack things into a vehicle and drive them to a storage shed, or sort the storage shed, or even leave my door, I do not know. For the last two or three days, that is simply how it has been. Something is wrong. I do not know what it is. And yet, if someone called, and said, "Let us go shooting, or to coffee, or... [fill in the blank].", I would agree, ruminate and then shower over an half hour to an hour period, and be on my way. In an emergency (unless it involves myself) or time sensitive things, I can actually be showered, shaved (in my shaving season), teeth brushed (if they have not been already), dressed, and out the door in under 10 minutes. Although, too, if that happens too often I begin avoiding the phone or knock on the door, so it is not a perfect cure.

Now, what brings this all to mind is not my situation, actually, but the situation my brother now finds himself in. He recently needed emergency back surgery. He loaded airplanes in the service for 20 years and hurt his back severely doing so. Though I suspect high school wrestling played a part in that. Back then, maybe still, they would starve themselves, or even go without water for a day or two before the pre-match weigh-in. That has to be damaging to the body of non-mature males. Though too, the long hours and hard work he did was no boon to his skeletal structure either. He was a hard worker from the day he popped out of the womb. He did not whine, complain, or slack. He was the type that, handed an impossible job, would do the miraculous at great personal cost. Bless him for it, he is the type this nation was built upon.

He will most likely be upgraded from 50% to 100% V.A. disability, and probably end up receiving SSD as well. However, and he will find out soon enough, money is nothing when one cannot get out of bed on any particular day. At least for him, people can point to an easy to understand problem and have sympathy. It is not ghosts or ghouls that haunt his life, but a bad back. Though, in truth, that means little either. People eschew, and rightly to a degree, sickness or ill health of any kind. Those who have problems are a weak link. Most people, whether they recognize it or not, are quite tribal. Weak links need not apply. As well, in a less God fearing more supperstitious nation, disability is often subconsciously feared to be contagious. He will learn this. Society has little use for the weak or broken.

I had to ask myself if I had any pleasure in his condition. No, not that such a notion was sitting out on a shelf and easy for me to see or to lay my hands on it. I simply wanted to... sweep the baffles to be sure. You see, we are no longer friends, one might say we are no longer brothers. I did look, and deeply. What I found is that I have no such pleasure at his pain, thankfully. I have no spite in me. If I have something, it is only that he might now learn to understand what my situation is like, though too I would have more hoped that the situation was temporary for him. I honestly would not wish this on an enemy, and a fallen away brother is not an enemy by a long shot. He is merely one more of the many who used to be in my life and no longer exists for me, or with me, or however one might put it.

There is much I could say to him. I think my first suggestion would be to listen to the doctors, take their suggestions and do some homework, and find out mechanically (in his case) how far he can push things. Then, from that maximum, back off a good bit and find out what he can do practically in a sustainable manner and try to hold to that. Doctors are a starting point but they are theory. He needs to take theory and make that practical, personally. I would also suggest pushing a little farther once in a while to test the limits, softly but surely, once he has become stable and has stability down pat. Next I would suggest he find hobbies, crafts, and possibly work which can fill both good and bad times. If he likes to fish, which he does, as an example, then by all means go fishing when he is up to it. When he is not up to it, learn to craft lures. Get a collection of lure parts, paints, glues, and hooks and use that to satisfy his fishing urge when his back does not let him manually partake of the sport. But no one hobby, craft, or such will fill all his time. And, money (even as decent as that is) is a lot shorter than time. Slowly building up several crafts and interests will help him a great deal. And, if he can work at all, even as a welcome man at Wal-Mart, it would add a little bit of money, keep him on some kind of schedule, and get him groomed, dressed, and out of the house occassionally, and around people. The one problem with working is that he may truly only be fit for low level work and yet that may cost him more than he could possibly earn. That is how it is in my case, or to my knowledge thus far. And I would highly disuade anyone from working under the table for a few nickels to risk a truly needed standard of living income.

Being around people is something I miss and something that missing has hurt me. I am sort of socially retarded at this point. I am not sure how to interact and quite self-conscious or conversely completely unaware of the lines people are trying to draw and popular decorum. I fly blind when in groups, which adds to the stress of being among people. Most people are used to being social, if for no other reason than from the requirements to feed themselves through work, so as to keep private things private, to maintain certain shields, and to pick up cues as to when a topic is considered out of bounds. Though, how much of that is typically male, I am never sure either. Still, I would highly recommend he at least find other men with whom to laugh, debate, fish, golf, or simply watch sports. Though I would recommend against groups and associations which drink regularly or as a part of every encounter. Alcohol, though a fine substance for occasional cheer, enhancing some days, or as salve for a particularly bad day, is not something someone with a lot of time should be entertaining too regularly. Worse yet is creating associations based first on alcohol. Too much time and relatively easy money do not mix well with occasional use.

Though, part of my failure to associate more freely has to do with a past I cannot completely recall, or recall in a fractured and ugly way which may be too much for others to deal with, and some secret parts of my life which either might leak out and dissolve friendships or which might leak out and hurt those friends I have. Friendships are not trivial things. My ghosts are toxic to all, more so in the conservative settings I choose to live. Then again, I found it to be worse in "liberal" places, so who knows. I do know I must take care in developing friendships. Associations are by far the wiser path for me. I would guess most disabled do not have the depth of stigma that I carry, so my advice is generally good.

Of course, the man will not even shake my hand. So, any advice I might offer is less than useless to him. Perhaps it will find some other man or woman who might find use for it. In any case, I am able to put it out of my mind. I did this earlier, but not to this level. Perhaps I only mentioned that it was on my mind. Now I am done with it. What else is there for a cripple to do on an off day? Clearing the mind so that when the body works again, it will work without these mental catches. No, that is not even true. But cleaning the mind and caring for mental worries is something good and useful to do on these days. I will always have other psychic catches whether my body does my will or not. And, actually, gladly. I like to ponder.

Have a great day!

Cheers to G.K. Chesterton!

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I cannot always say I fully fathom everything the man says. Simply, he is beyond me. What I do, however, is put some parts of my mind into suspended animation and simply allow what parts of my mind do function well with his work to do their jobs. Then again, how much of what I just wrote do you truly understand? Just saying. In spite of having no clue, once I relinquish the demand for control, or surety, or... something... I am able to find myself in very familiar territory. Do not ask, I do not know how.

The reading becomes a one-way conversation. It is if I have asked a friend with some basis in wisdom some profound question, and after some days and thought, he has responded. I have assured him no interruption on my part and so dutifully stifle my tongue. The beautiful part about reading as such is two fold. First, in spite of my nature, due to the fact that it is indeed a reading, I can keep my promise regarding a stifled tongue. Secondly, though not lastly, I may return instantly to what was just "said", and linger there for long moments to attempt understanding or merely enjoy the moment for longer than what would be possible otherwise.

I will not say he is a funny man. I will shout it! Just when my eyes are about the cross he throws a chalkboard eraser between my eyes. Oh I laugh. Not, perhaps, on the outside. There are those occasional chuckles. But inside, I roar like a lion at the mouse that frightened off the elephant off ground upon which it was encroaching because I frightened the mouse in my fear. Yes, I really do. I laugh until my mind is nervous that I have lost what it is, a sensible thing. His writing is alive and full and pleasing in ways I have not known for some time. It is good to be reading again. The most recent and most obvious hilarity was his treatment of Tolstoy (another favorite author). "If Tolstoy cannot admire marriage, at least he is healthy enough to admire mud." *Roars!* Maybe it is just me though I would truly hope not. The book, so far, is full of this.

I have found that in spite of little familiarity with many of the writers or thinkers with whom he debates or discusses, between his solid descriptions and my not so mild understanding and reading of the writers who came from those, I rarely find myself lost, or lost for long. This book may take a second reading, the first reading will simply align my understandings so that being lost would be less of an issue so that I might entertain his train of thought more fully. Perhaps a third reading if necessary. It depends on how long I might stay interested, and in this I think he might fully support only two readings.

Oh, I know. Most wish to be entertained without having to think. Well, he does that. I do not think, not fully, as I have already admitted. If you, dear reader, ever wish to descend into sanity, give this author a whirl. No, not one line, not one paragraph, but several chapters. I think you will find yourself involved, and perhaps in love. There is nothing more divine than eating chocolate out of a book or hunting in your own back yard, give or take.

Are you still here? Hush, go, read!

Blessings. May your wounds be tended, your heart be full, and a pot of beans always be warm on your stove. I only wish one person actually enjoyed what I just wrote. Or, could even read it in it's simplicity, or would that be complexity? I promise, I do my very best to be simple. *shrug*

Update:

When I suggested I wish I knew one person who understood what I wrote, I was discussing someone locally. Someone to talk about such things. My guess is most of the people who read here might well be beyond my capacity to discuss certain things. Further, I probably do not have the capacity to regularly meet with such a person or persons. It is just a notion... What if...

Not what had been hoped.

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Some things were done yesterday. Nothing like what had been planned. I simply had no juice. Early on it looked like I could do it, it just did not work out that way. Today is another chance. I did stay up late enough. When I woke this morning, I thought I had overslept to 8:30, but it was actually 6:00. I am never sure if morning mistakes are due to dreaming or just not being awake enough to figure things out right, but they can be sort of a little fun jab at the human condition which allow me an early chuckle. And yeah, I like those.

I started reading "Heretic" by G.K. Chesterton last night. Now, if you have never read Chesterton, as I have not, the initial contact is a bit rough. From his writing style to other aspects of whatever cause, it is rather difficult to get an initial grip on his work. Oh, and he is English, very English. So English that I do not think he understands English (our English). If you are used to finer teas, try the favored brands of British tea sometime to get a literal taste of what I mean. No, not putting him or their tea down, merely noting this. Further, he wrote this book in 1905 with this copy being a copy of the final edition, published in 1919. I can never be sure which complication to reading, the author's style and nature, the time period, or his nationality is at the root of occasional befuddlement. I only know it can be rather confusing.

In spite of one of us not quite reading or writing English just so, the material does clarify itself, oddly. It might be akin to putting very wet mud through a filter system that finishes with very good drinking water. That is no mean feet. I am not exactly an English major if too I am not a simpleton. Still, I was impressed by how he did that. A literary hat trick. My guess is that half of the people who pick up the book read a few lines or pages then drop it off at the nearest place they can find and, if technically required to read it, simply by a dumbed down version. People often do that with Shakespeare as well. At least having read Shakespeare (and enjoyed it a bit), I can at least see that. Shakespeare is nowhere near as well defined as Chesterton (so far, admittedly, and I did most of my Shakespeare reading as a rather young lad so there is room for debate, lots of room). I read as I was going to bed. I had to almost force my eyes open to read the last two chapters. And it was still clear, as was my interest. It was merely my body that was ready to sleep.

Why begin with "Heretic"? Well, I have seen three places recently where "Orthodox" by G.K. Chesterton was prescribed as reading. After having done a little research, I found that "Orthodox" was actually the second part in a series. If not literally, it was written in response to "Heretic". "Heretic" is a book lamenting modernism, or describing what is wrong with modern thought, philosophy, or such. What it did not contain was what the author thought was good and what should be or could be contemplated positively. Therefore "Orthodoxy" was born. Now, how accurate all this is, I cannot say. I have read a mere fraction of the book. Further, I am ignorant of the authors who he discusses other than their names. However, I do believe what I am seeing so far is precisely what is described. So, rather than start with a book which is recommended but was produced as a result of a previous work, I decided to start from the start. Foolish, perhaps, but I like things just so. If I obtain knowledge through research, I then naturally order things according to my ways. That, in a nutshell the size of Manhattan, is why.

All of my Chesterton books have arrived. None of the T.S. Elliot series or collections are here yet. I suspect that between work (when I can do it), my ongoing reading of the bible, and the reading of one (or maybe two) books if Elliot's books arrives, will see me to better standing in no time. If I figure out how to get into college, it would not be a bad thing to keep these reading habbits in line as well then too. It is about time I got back on the reading train.

Well, a bit of tinkering, a little breakfast, and maybe a load to the storage and laundry if the place is not packed. Ah, and a book will go with me. Last laundry it was the bible, this time I think Chesterton will accompany me, in his slimmer form. I have to wonder what a conversation with him would have been like. Samuel L. Clemens is another author with whom I might, or might not, have enjoyed conversing. But those two interest me the most, as perhaps having personality to go along with their writing. Though I am guessing they were a bit moody too, among other things. Though I really have no room for criticism in this arena. Hmph!

Have a great day!

Excellent, another day starts.

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Just like clockwork again. I woke at 7:30 and out of bed I am, Sam. It has not been the alarm getting me up. I do have it set, today as yesterday, but not to go off until 9:30. I simply wake up for no reason that I can tell. It is neither too warm or too cool. I do not need to use the facilities. I do not think I have heard any noise. I simply finish sleeping. I wish I could do this every day. I do enjoy what is happening though and will attempt to continue it.

I know, the last post was a bit grim. A night of rest and some rethinking has changed that not a whit. Then again, if you do believe there is an end time, I simply ask you to tell me what the difference is? Although I will not say definitively these are those times, if these times may bear similarities. Many Christians think we will simply be taken up to heaven before it gets bad. If that were true, I would need significant clarifications regarding some rather suggestive passages in the bible against that. Further, history has seen the end of many civilizations without those being end times, as I have said before. But, never to worry. The thing is to focus on living rightly and with God. The rest is what it is.

Something I will strongly suggest is that people prepare the way a bit. Here is a link which would easily help anyone begin storing food. Food storage, even a three month storage system, is not as complicated or expensive as it seems. And, it would see you through a minor failing and resorting of any small economic crisis. The most dangerous event from such a possibility is not that you will not be able to pay rent, get gas, or your utilities (which will, most likely, see a wholesale (hopefully temporarily) takeover by the government), unless it truly bottoms out. Even in a worst case scenario, the main problem will be starving people.

People see pictures of starving children in Africa. They think, how sad. And, rightly, but they miss the whole picture, the big picture, and pictures not shown anywhere. What those starving people will do for food is inhuman. How much cannibalism is not shown? How much crime occurs to obtain a crust of bread? How many of the wars that perpetuate the starvation cycle are borne on the wings of simple hunger? It would be no different here. I know, myself, that my own body has great potential in the simple need for survival of overtaking my will. Most people have never been pushed that far. They have never lost control due to need or rational/irrational motives. Do not put yourself in a position to be weaponized by your own hunger, thirst, or environmental factors. That is what zombie stories are about.

In the short and long term, being near family, friends, and such seems like a good plan. However, if they are not prepared the idea becomes more of a preparation to become part of a tribe which will be criminal as a group than it is for actual preparation. I know, that is a rough thing to hear. But any such situation where no preparation is undertaken but people group by association, that group will merely be using it's numbers to take whatever they can get for the clan from whoever has it. There are some groups with whom association might be wise. There are people and peoples who do, as groups, prepare. A network of other people who store foods, living in an area that has production capacity and know-how, and such. But moving is not available to all.

In the end, there will be just you and whoever. You will not be able to count on the police, short and maybe long term. Prepare for that as well. Are you ready to be your own law enforcement? Do you know what you will be facing? Are you really sure pacifism is the right idea and are you truly devoted to it enough to take whatever it will really bring? Simple questions, simple answers. Do not overcomplicate it. As I have discussed, there are many people who have never seen the options. They think what they do today, which has never been tested in absolutes, they can and will do tomorrow. They also think the 24/7 stores will also always be there. And, of course, they simply know their native wits will see them through. All of that is false.

Bit by bit I am aligning my stars to a more favorable outcome. As a cripple, I have moved thousands of miles. I am sorting data in preparation for the purchase and maintenance of food storage, seeds, meat, living arrangements, self defense, and sustainable long term survival. From the vehicle I drive to where I live to the clothes I have available to what I keep for hunting and persona firearms, I have changed my life in seemingly miraculous ways. But it was not overnight and I am nowhere close to ready. If nothing else, that these things are on my mind, I am already more prepared than many.

Today is a new day and looks to be a good one. A few more loads to storage, laundry, and some final work in the apartment should see me in a happy place. I did stop by the laundromat yesterday but the place was packed. Hopefully I will find a better time today. I did not get a chance to do target practice either. Bit by bit, the chores and tasks are being done.

If I do well today, a hike is in order tomorrow. From my new understanding, my first hike will be about 7 miles total, not one way. And, with a day to do it and if the weather is at all decent, it should be a simple pleasure. Further, if Saturday is similar, or definitely if Friday fails but Saturday has better weather, I may find another path Saturday. Well, depending on my ability after a potential hike Friday. Who knows, maybe I will be too tired and cranky, body wise.

Although I thought I would be a bit cranky after hauling weights and a bunch of boxes several times this week. My body is good, no aches, no pains, though maybe since I did not wound myself this time, it is different. Fitting everything in is going to be tricky. I may need to reconfigure the storage space a bit before I attempt to install load 4.0. It is weird how well tuned my body is considering I do nothing but dream for such long stretches of time. Well, that and write here, and tinker, both while sitting in a stupid chair. Foolishness!

Well, darn it, I better get to tinkering a bit to wake up a little. Heat does not hurt, so a 'log on the fire' might be nice. It gets the muscles ready for a bit of lifting and helps blood flow to the brain, it does!

Have a great day!

The world is turning a bit bitter.

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No, my day and life is moving along. I am doing the little chores, and enjoying the work actually. This is not about me, oddly. (/snark) From this blog to that, from this email to that, I am seeing signs that more and more people are realizing we are in serious trouble economically and serious jeopardy civilly. Social deterioration is a foregone conclusion. But the lapses in government and financial surety are profoundly evident wherever one looks. Is it time to be looking for cover? Is it too late?

I do not know anything with any certainty. I do believe the clock is not just ticking, it is timing down. I do not what happens when the clock stops ticking. I do know most people will be terribly surprised. I am not speaking of us, typical citizens. I am talking about the elites. Worse than us, they really have no more idea of what is happening, when it will happen, what to do when it happens, or how to stop it. And more, they appear more like a bunch of school kids trying to draw cartoonish solutions to things they simply never evolved to a place or mind capactiy to solve. What is worse is the notion that they can buy or bribe their way to a better portion when it happens. The people they are trying to bribe are in more trouble than any one else. It is like trying to pay the reaper for enough time for one more cigarrete or something. It simply will not work.

How bad it gets and how fast it gets there depends upon where you live. Who you really know around where you live. What skills or ability you have and can offer. And to some extent what you have that could be useful to those around you. Being a senator might get you shot on sight. Having been a CEO of a major banking interest might get you tarred and feathered. Hiding will only work for just so long. If you live in a city, the police are going to be looking after their own. Out a bit further, in decent society, there is a chance at some semblance of normalcy. In the country you risk being isolated and an easy mark.

If that fails, then we risk socialist totalinarianism or worse. If those in power can convince the military and civilian law enforcement to throw in their lot with them, that is indeed what we face. These are not the right people to be in power at this time. I would argue they are the wrong people at any time.

I am seeing the signs everywhere. And to be honest, not just on the web. I am seeing signs of it among people I have met in real life. People know a major shift, change, down grade to their way of living is just around the corner. Some are living it up, most are changing everything from what is on their menu to how they view others and on into defensive or survival needs.

Ah, maybe it will all blow over. Perhaps it is all just another day which will be followed by another and so on. Maybe we do have years before it hits. I simply do not know. What I do know is I am trying to figure out how to prepare as I may. I am planning, considering, loading, and looking. That and... waiting. Time sure stretches out in front of me when I am in this mindset. Every moment is precious when I am not sure when all that I have known will end.

On the good side, I did do a large part of my list today. That is all I have and it is enough for the moment. I should sleep well, and very possibly wake for another day of work. Oh, and I will pray. But what was it Christ prayed... Ah, yes... Something about if this cup may be passed from Me, let it be so. But only if it be Your will, not My will, but Your will. And, He did drink of that cup, deeper than any of us will ever be able to know. I pray no more and no less. And, if it is my turn, I too will drink of that cup.

Not bad so far.

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A few tasks have been tended. One load to storage, a stop at the camera store, a visit to the tobacco shop, a late breakfast at what is becoming my favored local eatery (Angie's), and then I am back home, of course. I am considering getting the weights down to the vehicle, going out shooting, dropping off the weights on my way back, doing some laundry, then buying a couple of burritos. Not sure if this will get done. I am thinking on it. Some of it will get done though. Hmm, and dishes will probably get done today. Well, something has to give most likely. Ah, and I did clean the bathroom again. Anyway, I am moving a little bit in the right direction.

My chain letter group has doubled. Two yeses so far, and zero no answers so far. I am, of course, holding my breath. Especially since I just checked my account. Somehow I either lost track or something that was not scheduled for payment has been paid. In any case, I am down to dollars and cents with several weeks to go (if some major things have been paid regarding next month's bills). Still, I may end up having to pay for this apartment if it is not rented. And utilities as well. Worried I am, short I am not. Oh well, Yoda I will never be.

A little grape juice and a lot of soda water makes for a tasty treat. I have found water that is both reverse osmosis filtered and has minerals added for taste. It costs the same as my regular water so I decided to give it a shot. I love it! It adds bubbles, bigger, stronger, harder bubbles, more like what you get from soda fountains. If you use soda siphons, try it. Delicious. (No, I do not get paid for this).

Another round of blog hopping, a quick check of my email, and then I will decide what to do next.

Good day sir, madame, Fifi...

No beer but good sleep.

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It was quite late and I was very tired. In such situations, beer does no good. So, I went to bed at a decent time and woke well and early, lifting my carcass off the bed at 7:30, cleanly, rested, easily, and happily. After an hour of nearly fruitless blog searching and the checking of email, here I am. Perhaps a few 'logs on the fire' and I should be ready to roll in another hour or two. Today's work includes what I did not complete yesterday, that is the second load I missed yesterday (and maybe another one or two) to storage, laundry in there somewhere, a small breakfast after the first load and while I do laundry, a stop at the local camera shop, and a visit to the tobacco shop or Wal-Mart for tobacco (whichever ends up being closest when in my travels I remember the task).

Oh, yesterday I emailed several people regarding a chain letter. While discussing this with another among you, some of my online friends, I realized that I do not need actual physical addresses. I could copy the letter into email and send it that way, if that is an issue for any of you. I would, in essence, never see your physical address. You would be sending books to someone else on the list. And I would have no connection with you at all. I like my online anonymity, but it is not a major issue with regards to people I have known for some time. Others may not quite see it that way. In any case, I believe I have one of my six.

Oh, right. I also need to do some cleaning here in the apartment as well. Though I cleared the place of refuse, I still have dishes to do. It is not that much of a task, however, as I only have 2 pans (only one is dirty), one pot, 2 bowls and plates, and a small collection of silverware. It is the "ugh" factor I must get above and then over. And, I could do a bit more policing of lesser trash, such as catalogs and other paper mail that tends to collect if not being properly tended. The bathroom will get a chlorine going over as well.

I am hoping to, in the last load, get the majority of the remaining weights to storage. I have about 1,000 pounds to take, but these are in smaller amounts so it should be easier. The hundreds bruised my mackerels and dinged my shin to the tune of a 5" by 3", down to the meat, dent. It is almost better though. In spite of diabetes, I seem to heal phenomenally well and my mackerels are brass if I am lazy about marketing them as such. Did I just say that?

Now, if I can get even three quarters of that done, I am going to go to the range by myself today. I will definitely put a hundred or two downrange from the rifle, but this time I will do freehand standing, sitting, and prone positions. After my arms and aim become unsteady from the exhaustion, I will then free standing plink. The target practice is more like work. But the plinking is pure fun and a fun that helps strengthen the arms and further steady the aim. A little work and a little play or the thing becomes a mere chore. If I were shooting for a gold medal that would have to be the plan, but I am not.

Now, if I do all of this and I am not dead, I will then enjoy some of the fruit of the grain I have tucked away in my electronic temperature modulating storage unit. And maybe some food someone else makes which I can bring home to consume with it. Burritos? Could be. My work eyes are mighty big and the day is only so long, but it is still a young and pretty day. Lets see if this October lass dances with me! Fiddlers!, belay away!

Have a great day!

Weirder.

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I did half of my projects, minus laundry too. Though I was interrupted. Today was my ex-neighbor's trial date. He thought he might be going to jail. So, I sort of stayed near home to hear the verdict. Guilty. He must pay $140 in fines and fees ($15 a month for a year or up front if he wants), another year of probation, and he must go to anger management therapy. The city would not let the charges be dropped. However, he is not in jail.

My lady friend called, in the afternoon, to ask me to be a party to a chain letter. Oh, she knows me. This is not a money related thing, but revolves around a book and six letters. When I receive the letter, I send a book to whoever's name is at the bottom of the list, scratch that name off, add my name to the top of the list, then send the list to 6 people. Well, I am trying. Most of the people I know, I know online. Most of the real people I know are either paupers, grad students with wife and children or otherwise paupers, or I just barely know them. So, I have emailed a number of people online and asked them to help.

For my part, I do not mind sending off a book. If I get nothing in return, I am not out much. But I have imparted a little bit of my interest to someone else who might enjoy a new perspective. And, should it all work out, I might receive something interesting. I feel a little guilty asking, and if this first group says no... Hmmm, I am not sure there is a second group. I might have to fish out some various addresses, make up some names, and do it myself. I said I would, I did not say how. I are an engineer in heart if not by profession, or, so goes my theory.

The house is halfway picked up, one load was taken to storage, I did some shopping, I bought some beer (Yipee!), and I did a few other things not on my list. So, it was not a complete waste. Further, after getting up at 1:00, I am still awake at 22:53. I have a decent chance of waking at a more suitable hour tomorrow and getting back on the horse. I really do keep trying. And, if I do fail often, I am ready to try to ride that horse just a few days or a week later. I really am trying to turn a new leaf and my body and mind are in the game. It could happen.

Oh, I may be pitching for a couple of things in the near future. A book, some activities, and some ideas. No, I do not receive a nickel. Do you see any advertisements here? Better not, unless "They" put stuff up, but I do not think "They" do. I simply am not interested in earing money that way. Heck, I have attempted to turn search engines and such off for this site. And, quite often, I do not put my URL up when posting. Those who know and like me know where I am. I am just letting you know.

Well, a little air conditioning to cool the place, a couple of beers, and it will be time to try to turn over that leaf one more time. I will keep trying until that dratted leaf goes over and stays there.

Be well, Blessings, and good night!

Weird.

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Sleeping is just off. I wake in the early morning, say around 1:00. That I am still up and going, today, is good. But more, I think I will get some things done. Actually, through collaboration with my lady friend and the internet, I bought the ticket for her to visit this Christmas. What a crazy girl she is. I believe I will get my apartment straightened, trash out, a load (maybe two) over to storage, and do laundry in between trips to the storage facility. Crazy, but some weeks nothing can get done. Why this week and not that week, I simply cannot be sure.

If I do well, I also have a few other things on my list. The people for whom I will be house sitting, the wife though by suggestion of the husband, gave me a bunch of lenses and a camera body. I am not sure about the body, neither were they. But the lenses are in good to excellent shape and cover the major areas of lens use, close-up, standard, and long distance with a few variations and duplicates. I need to take this gear in, have it looked at, and find out if I need a new(er) body or if this will work. As well, hiking is on my mind.

If I can do the things I wish to do today I will be in a much better state of mind to get to the other things. There is something about getting behind in one area which will snowball into simply falling off the proverbial map of life. If that still happens here, what is amazing is how short my day trips end up being and how functional I remain other than being housebound (usually, if not this time). I have noticed that having little sun in my apartment does not help. In my new place, I will actually see the sun much more than I do where I currently live. And, that does make a difference. Though the cold is of almost no significance (outside), as I enjoy that, the lack of light plays havoc with my internal clock. They do, actually, get a lot of sun here, year around, unlike Iowa. I keep thinking how fortuitous I am to have found just the right place. And, other than a few setbacks which given my condition and the situations is reasonable, I feel more sure every day that I am in the right area to settle in.

Hmm, I ought to eat more as well. Then again, I was doing that until it became nearly perpetually dark in the cave and then everything else slid into deficit existence so that my kitchen has become unusable. Cleaning up will help with eating. It all feeds something else, though where the head and tail of a downward spiral is, once it is in play, nobody can tell. A piece at a time, one task, one visit, one call, and a meal, in it's place, and then, *Kaplow*, I am flying again. I ordered delivery food today, a sub sandwich... Italian I am sure you would guess. And, yeah, food helps.

Have a great day!

Things that confound.

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I have been researching ebook readers. Kindle 2, Sony's offering, and many more are available. They all have issues, and rather large issues. Whether they offer too little content, no control of the content one buys, short battery life, proprietary software or content, and so on, none of them truly stands out (unless popularity is outstanding). From what I have read, this is a toy so far. For princes and princesses it is the new cool toy, not so much because of the price, but because of the price to value to complexity to surety which limits it's value. For professionals perhaps, and a few others, it might be an actual tool. For the home user not in the class which can afford a toy while waiting for a more trustworthy tool, I am guessing that it may need to stay on the shelf for now. Certainly for me it will. Let the manufacturers and law figure out how not to rip people off, how to make a product that is more functional, and let the brutal democracy of the free market settle some things.

The idea is wonderful. Though I will always have a library, especially if I buy a home. I will not have room for as many books as I would like. I am sure I could not afford the number of books that I would like either. I probably cannot afford the number of books I have read. Some books I see as required for any home. Other books, though nice, would be read and filed until more important books came along. The ebook reader would expand the possibilities. If, of course, one can be sure that the books they buy are actually owned and not, as has happened, merely be stripped once bought or be lost in hardware, or possibly software, upgrades. I have read more than one report of people losing many books to two of those three causes.

Another thing that has been whirring in my mind is a passage in which Christ is discussing the woman who marries each of seven brothers, successively (according to Jewish law/custom), bearing no children, who then herself dies. The story or Christ's words are not befuddling until the very end, when He suggests that about these things, the men are very confused. He does not, then, go on to explain. He does indicate that we will live as angels do.

And, yes, I am confused. Some things I do know are that angels may, somehow, have sex. At least with humans. And not only may they engage in these types of relationships, they may father children. Though, and again, it would seem that for the most part, the ones who became fathers were among the fallen. There is little else absolutely clear regarding angels within the bible itself. There might be hints, but these are small and rare. The prophetic books cannot be held to the standard of, say, what Christ said. Then again, I have speculated that Heaven is not the end. Or, more, the initial stop in heaven proper is only the beginning, as perfected children of God. Though I think Heaven is more than it seems, something akin to discussing Church. Is Church the people, the building, the ceremony, the bride or body of Christ, or what? Huh? Yeah, I know. Heaven, technically, will be everything that is not Hell or, in my belief, Purgatory. So, will their be a capitol of NotHell called Heaven, or will Heaven be a land (all land other than the exceptions)?

Next up, technology, as a whole, is often more troubling than it is helpful. I suppose one needs to be very interested in the technology to invest more than a glance at most of the items, devices, and systems. Though, I suspect, being more social (or professionally oriented) might help, at least with those who share similar interests. To be shown how to do something, enough to get the feet wet, does help. I have found that many know a technology very well, but only in a very limited way. For example, someone might know Linux very well, but how to get it on a computer, which distro to use, how to fix Windows XP, how to set it up for security, these all simply are not a consideration. Or, they know what is secure, for example, but someone else set up their security and they have no more of a clue about it than I do.

With as many technologies that are out there, and how many invade even a home computer user's space, it becomes more than a bit daunting. Furthering the dilemma is the fact that even should you catch up on today's computer and internet, unless you are in the pack which develops usage, tomorrow you will be just as lost as you were before you learned yesterday's technologies. This, then requires trust. Many computer users simply trust what they buy, the internet, and their ISP. I think this is a huge mistake and yet it is difficult to fault that too much. As someone who tries to keep a machine safe and functional, who has some education, capacity, and time, I have to say it would probably be better, more functional, and safer (since nothing now seems to work on this machine) to simply let it be.

I suppose it would be like the man who wants to do the work on his own automobile these days. He will end up over his head in expensive tools, labor demands, and technology requirements most mechanics do not fully understand. It seems to take a team to complicate a system beyond the reach of diy'ers, or even often practicality. How much he will end up paying to repair even a simple mistake is difficult to say, but he will most likely end up without a vehicle, with a large bill, and possibly out of work due either to a lack of transportation or missing work to fix his ride. The difference is, he does not put private thoughts in his vehicle that a mechanic or thief could gather for whatever purposes. Oh, in case you were wondering, no, I have not fixed the computer(s) yet.

*bam, bam, bam!* Ouch. Well, it gives me something to think about when all else fails and the walls become my closest friends for a bit.

Mute Monday: Authors; The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Then the End.

Speaking of pacifism...

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Stolen shamelessly from Brigid.

Just today, on one of my oft read blogs, a topic came up concerning pacifism. I know, I know, I had said I would keep quiet. And, actually, I have posted about 3 comments since then. Which, for me, is pretty much quiet. As well, I have been trying to be very careful in my posts. I may have failed in this last one and gone overboard again. But boiling water does not simply become room temperature, it takes time.

In any case, I think this explains more than anything I could say. Oh, I have a camera too. But out there, my camera would not be the thing I would be up a tree with. Fact is, I would not be up a tree taking pictures of what was about to use me for lunch. I would either be dead with as much brass around me as I could possibly put out, or more likely I would just now be reaching for my camera. And, even though it might be illegal, I would get my pliers out next, and my bowey knife, and I would be getting claws and teeth as my rights. I probably could not get away with the fur, or I would take that too, and some meat.

Picture this, pacifists!


I love it when the plans of mice and men, and women in this case, come together functionally. Call me soft that way.

Second reading.

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After completing the New Testament, then the Old Testament, I am back to re-reading the New Testament. Between having read the O.T. recently and this reading being a second reading, some passages have very different meanings this time. I cannot always separate whether it is the second reading or what I gathered from the O.T. which adds the depth to this current reading. I do note that when something is discussed in the N.T. from the O.T., that is truly much richer now. Even if I cannot call the exact words forward, I have a good general sense about what is being suggested, a little about the book, and a lot more regarding the prophet or time being discussed.

If people read the New Testament alone, I think they really are missing out. I would highly recommend reading the O.T., and sooner rather than later. As well, I would recommend a complete reading, from O.T. to N.T, in a single shorter session rather than merely a few passages at a time. Some of it is difficult reading. Some of it has no snap and sizzle, no surprises, and is flat out boring. I will grant that. But most of it is more than just that, it is fantastic reading. If you are a literary type, there will be rewards. If you are more academic, there are definitely rewards and challenges. If you are a Christian, I think this should be like a pilgrimage, one you can do in your own home or wherever you are. The readings take you, rather than through space, through time. Back to the origins of God and man. The O.T. God is the same to Whom you pray (hopefully at least daily). Christ existed then as well, He had simply not been called forth if He had most certainly been foretold.

If you want to see how prophecy works, do not simply read the N.T. Find out how the prophets and writers foretold Christ's coming. Understand, too, why many Jews could not understand this. It helps when you read what Christ wrote about His return. It might give you a leg up on not following the Jewish mistake. Although, and to be absolutely honest, I have some belief that when Christ comes again, He will call those who are chosen. This aspect is complex. There will be few elect who remain, both true to Him or even alive. Still, if you wish to begin looking and thinking about it, the O.T. is as vital as the N.T. in this regard.

To say there is little that confuses me regarding the bible, the prophecies yet to unfold, God's will for me, and Christ's final truths to us would be to be untruthful. There is vast amounts of uncertainty. If salvation were based on understanding, I would have to hope for purgatory, and that only as a gift of grace. I do not think belief, or faith and works are all there is to it either, those though good might again be legalistic and empty, which is why Christ came. I know, I know, but. How does one both understand and do enough and faithfully and still come to Him as a child? In truth, one cannot. I think the trick is to have these things in place and let His sacrifice do all the work. Remember now, I am an admitted fool. I have to hope for extra grace!

However, if I can get one other person; man, woman, or child; to read the bible to completion, I will be a happy fool.