Difficult.

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Yes, I am still awake, barely. The food helped, I suppose. And I would guess drinking caffeine helped. But that was not enough. I thought a nice hot shower on this cool day would help, would put the thing over the top. Not so. I am struggling to keep my eyes open. I think I will make it to my appointment. I am not sure what else, if anything, will be done today. I am running on less than fumes. Maybe if I make it past a certain point, I will be able to kick up enough gumption to keep going until tonight. Wow am I tired.

The mylar bags and desiccants have arrived. The oxygen scrubbers are already here. Now for foods, buckets, and a little work. That is all going to take some time as money is still an oddity. Perhaps when I get back I might be able to get my mind going on my finances. A couple of clicks, some passwords, and I should know where I am with money. I think I have enough time to get a years supply for one person up by December. After that, I will add another years supply and call it done, I think. If money is good, I will obtain water storage containers and buckets. If I need to pare something, it will be the buckets first. I might not have enough for anything though too.

One thing I could do in town, if I can keep my head on, is to look for some of the foods on the short term list. Some things have been exceedingly scarce. My guess is people, locals, ones who did not stock up before now, are doing just that. Short term stocking comes first and there are only so many cans of pumpkin, squash, or even spinach, carrots, and such. I do need more beans for short term use as well. I have a decent amount of grains and rice. I only have the powdered whole milk, though because of the phyto-estrogens, I will probably go to plain powdered milk. Soy is bad, in my book, at almost any level. Think man-boobs. Further, it is terrible for children, especially boys. There is some speculation that part of the reason men are so metrosexual, or worse, is because of soy byproduct in so much of our foods. Well, that, the "education", the medicinal "cures" for male type behavior, the fact that there are too few children so that the ones born are spoiled. Yeah, that. But it probably is one component in the war on men, one most are completely unawares concerning. One that is more accidental, at least at first, probably, than a planned thing. Only in the last ten years has it become a more functional aspect of the hot part of the cold war.

Oh, fie, it is about time to head in. I will leave plenty early. I might have lunch, or check on the beard stuff, do some grocery shopping, or get some coffee? Strong, fresh, double or triple shots of the stuff with a touch of vanilla, half and half, and ice. Yeah, I know, straight. Other than an occasional French pressed coffee, I cannot tolerate the stuff black... sort of like my presidents. I know they say anyone could be president, but uhm, I do not think they really meant that. I wonder how out of the loop he has been kept, due to his security issues, even beyond what they keep most presidents blind about? No worries though, if they need him they convince him and he signs... they all do.

Get up... I have to go before I fall asleep typing.

Someone is calling.

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I received a call on my cell phone, and two or three calls on my landline. Of course I could not wake up enough to answer them. I could not have heard the calls on my landline, and yet, I know I heard at least one. The fan drowns out all such noises. Further, I dream heard the others. Someone is trying to call. I hope the news is not as bad as I think it is. It is the notion that bad news is on the way which woke me in spite of having gone to bed so very late. I was up a few more hours after that last post. It hurt, I mean hurt, my heart to wake. But I could not sleep. That particular pain is gone, I am awake, it is just 10:00. Who knows, maybe it was all a dream.

I cannot quite get my mind wrapped around what I am doing. I had breakfast quickly, as that tends to raise the chances that I will remain awake. I put on more than a robe, also increasing the likelihood of staying up. And, after doodling my noodle with morning fare, I will take a shower. Little things all add up to successes it seems. But the call.

My phone, and the company that offer it, are good. But they are funky. No modern phone I have owned is without problems. The call I received on my cell indicated a number from Iowa, with a code from where I moved from. But the number was not familiar. My phone also indicated that I received a message. Checking my messages resulted in finding no new messages, however. I am not sure if whoever called hung up upon getting there, if the message is lost now for a day or two, or what. As I said, funky. And funky when it is inconvenient, quite often. Something about Murphy's Laws. Well, that and having cell phone programming done in India at $1 an hour.

What am I doing today? I know I have an appointment this afternoon. Other than that, until I am sure where my butt is, both on my body and in the world, I doubt if I can figure out more. Passing gas helps, but I seem to be running dry this morning. Ouch! By the way, it hurts being awake right now. Aspirin might be needed just for the pain I am sensing more than feeling. Still, this might be the gate to being awake. I hope the news is not as bad as I suspect. Then again, it really might all be a dream. How could I hear the phone if I cannot hear the phone? Though I know I have that... ability. I always have. I hate that too, sometimes. Still, it is nice to never be surprised, or at least surprised so quickly that I cannot adapt.

Hey, I am going to do some things to try and wake up my inner ear, brain, and find my butt. Email me if you have a map with an X on it. My butt gets lonely in the nether. Good day.

Food did not work.

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Here it is, 4:30, and no sleep. I did stay in bed for an hour and some. I thought maybe the fan would help. Nothing works. Sleep will not be had. I guess some people just cannot accommodate the world of 9 to 5, or even the 2nd or 3rd shifts. I just drift from one shift to another, without control. This makes appointments so very difficult, as well as attempting to do typical business in a manageable manner. It also makes maintaining friendships difficult. Thankfully the only friend I have at the moment tolerates it well and has enough of a schedule that, earlier or later, we can still manage to get into some kind of rabble rousing or other a few times a week. My regular appointments at the chiropractor this past few months has been the best I have done with appointments in a long time. I had gotten this good with school, for a while. Perhaps that was with Ritalin though, I cannot remember. Wait, no, it was before Ritalin. I lost my 'balance' when they put me on high blood pressure medicines. *sigh*

I have an appointment at 15:00 today. I would like to be up earlier but I do not see how that will be possible. I suppose I ought to take a look at that sun lamp and see if there are any fittings on it for a wall or ceiling mount, figure that out so that the device is close enough to an outlet, and get a fitting which would start that thing up at a certain time. I have heard that it works right through the eyelids, though I will not swear to it. Still, it would be worth a shot. And reading, I need to get on that. I think MK might be right about that. Though I am not in the best of shape to concentrate to read at about the time I want to go to bed. Awake, yes, functional... not so much. Still, if I can get to it, I think it could work.

I did research rechargeable batteries while up. I have found AA and AAA batteries that would work, and for anything from high to low demand usage. Finding C, D, and 9 volt which do the same has not been successful. They are quite expensive. If, however, they honestly are as functional as advertised, they would be worth their weight in gold for a prepper. As to whether they really are as good as advertised is anyone's guess. I think a very good charger, spending up on that a bit, a solar charger or two in time, and several different battery types and manufacturers might be a good start. My estimate, at this point, for a starting rig (not including a solar recharger as I did not find one, my mind on other things) would be about $150 for a minimal trial kit offering a solid recharger and enough batteries to try out in several different applications. For another month or three, at least until I figure out my finances, these are on hold. Water storage, 5 gallon buckets, and a ladder are on the list ahead of rechargeable batteries. Actually, so is food for the buckets, when I get the buckets that is. Money, items, time... how much time? I suppose it is like I was telling my friend the other day. I told him my doc said not to worry about my heart, it will last the rest of my life. Ha!

Well, off to bed again. I will see how that works out. At least my kitchen is in order, I have food for the next week or two right at hand if I am not interested in cooking, plus I have a few things to cook this coming afternoon or evening. I still have not completely figured out the grill. I keep trying different foods and various times but the thing is tricky. Too done is just that while underdone, if fine for beef, does not work well with fowl.

Met one of my neighbors.

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As I was heading out, a mini-van pulled up. At first I thought the driver was going to simply turn around. Perhaps something forgotten back at home, a phone call and some type of home or work disaster, or someone merely got last and now realized the truth of their location which happened to be a bit west of the intended location. Then a woman stepped out and walked toward the hood, then back to the door and reached in. I wondered if she were lost or looking for the previous owners, not being sure about me. But no, she intended to talk to me, and brought something.

Her name is &%@*&%! (encrypted for opsec reasons). She had been meaning to stop by, and had baked cookies several times. Those had been eaten by her rugrunts, or perhaps the husband? In any case, each of her arrangements had been rearranged. This time, however, she was able to make something and brought it with her. I am a sucker for food! It turns out to be a bread of some sort. I think it is chocolate, though it has a gingerbread sense to it. Delicious, mind you, and half gone in spite of myself... well, more than half gone but that is another issue.

In any case, she introduced herself. She also told me the name of her husband. They live just next to me, in an odd geographical manner. They have three munchkins, or midgets as I think I termed them. They moved here from %@# *)%$#& (big city, West Coast). It seems the husband is from this region and snagged a lucky city girl, got busy, and moved them back to the area. Yes, yes, I have a penchant for writing things to my way of thinking, though I think she seems happy here. Further, they are homeschoolers! She asked where I was from and why I was here, pretty bold questions. Though, after having lived in liberal-ville, I was a bit hesitant to answer more fully but I went ahead. I suggested I had wanted to move to more conservative country, to leave the city life to a mountainous region, and to begin carrying on as if I knew what I was doing, give or take. I also commended her on homeschooling. I doubt if she hears that much, even in Utah (very tough environment in which to homeschool, despite the other amenities the state and region offers). She suggested she is quite conservative as well. And pretty. Well, for a married mom with three children. That is all I am saying. I wonder if she has old maid sisters? *grins* I am quite pleased to have made the acquaintance. I hope to have more dealings with the family.

I did get in to town. I did not, however, find the gray-out stuff at any of the stores which I visited. Having stopped at 3 stores, I was done shopping. I will look tomorrow. Still, it would have been nice to get it all done today so that tomorrow would have been in and out. Plus, shopping after dark is so much cooler and often less crowded. Milk, butter, sour cream, cottage cheese, bread, batteries, and a few other life essentials were purchased, along with enough tobacco to see me through the next 3 to 4 weeks. At $6 to $10 a week, my tobacco habit is not exactly a financial burden. It is just the idea of paying so much in taxes for a simple pleasure rankles me to no end. I am also reconsidering rechargeable batteries. I plan to do a little research on the topic before lights out, hopefully in a half an hour to hour (or less).

I will not be getting to my garage today, and tomorrow... we will see. Since my work bench for reloading is on hold until I receive the plywood, I cannot tell if I will be ordering more such systems for the garage. Having one or two benches out there would be really nice, making stacking, sorting, storing, and placement a bit easier, not to mention offering a good place for a bench grinder and a vice or two. I will know soon enough, though I can get things sorted better and have my weight bench assembled and ready for use without a bench. I am not sure about working out there in the winter. I think there was a small heater out there before though, and I would guess a small propane, electric, or other heater would make it workable. Plus, I think there is some insulation out there, to a degree.

I am going to try to get to sleep early tonight. I will just bumble through the effort. If two or three hours pass, I may just get up. I do not know what else to do with this sleep thing. More food before bed? (And, no, despite old wives tales to the contrary, eating late at night does not actually stack on more fat, just so you know... we run a clean thought machine ship around here, wives tales, when wrong, are cast out. Though, old wives might be kept... depends... or if not in depends... something like that.) Anywho.

Good night, Dave.

Are tricks really only for kids?

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I have been thinking about something. It is a trick so I was unsure whether to go ahead with it. Then I realized I am up against tricky opponents and fair is fair. You see, my beard is 75% to 90% white. Well, and as winter rolls in, even if it really is not even fall yet, I have decided to try grow my 'winter beard' and tame that white while I am at it. Hey, I have dated only 2 or 3 women, even when I was young, whose hair color was actually known to me. Even the gingers can do things to alter the shade (though the 2 I dated did not, I think?). Fair is fair. Odd though. I like gingers. Come to think about it I am unsure why I only dated two out of so many others? Who knows.

After doing a little research, I have found a problem. It seems I need to know the shade of my hair, or the shade I wish to color it. It is not quite as pat as just somehow covering the gray. Yeah, sure, it makes sense. And, having been tested on shade differentiation, I know I am good at that, perhaps remarkably good. They suggested that experienced jewelers are at that level. But... this is different. This is a long term change. If I can get over that step, I suppose I will have it in the bag. I want this done before I begin attending church. That is, of course, where I intend to wife hunt. Yeah, not as easy or laid back as a bar fly hunting. The hope is the results will be a bit better.

I have to go into town for a few things tonight and then again tomorrow. I will stop and look. I need to look over my beard before I go, when I get there too probably, and try and figure out what shade is dominant. I guess my other problem is that my hair and beard is rather calico. I have red, black, brown, blond, and variants within those throughout my hair and beard. I will just have to see. Oh, I know the method of mix and mingle. My mother was a beautician, and a rather good one. She learned to use several dyes in a multi-highlight, and some low-light work, to create natural looking and interesting hair. The cost, bother, and actual technique, however, would be the problem. I do not think I could flip a hole filled hair cover to fit my beard both because the thing would be problematic mechanically itself and because I do not think my beard hairs would come through in tufts well enough to work well. Maybe later, if I cannot find a color that quite does the thing justice.

All this to be tricky? Well, yes. I had hoped to get started in the garage, and I may still. But the truth is, I am having as much problem with get up and go as I am with getting up in the first place. I am getting things done, but more in a hit and miss fashion. I think I have a right to grump about it, too. Anyway, a bit of beans, rice, and ham, a trip to town for a half dozen grocery and other goods maybe, and then I will see what might be done with the garage in the time remaining. Grump as I might, I do get to it when I can.

Good day, Opus #6.

Arghhhh!

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Sleep is just not within my control. Neither can I fall asleep or wake up. I do not want to take anything for it. Between addiction and past failings (everything I have ever tried either does nothing or sends me into an uncontrollable tail spin which takes weeks to months to recover from). As is, if I am sleeping long and at the wrong times, I do have a "day" and a "night", and only one of each, within each 24-hour period. That may not sound fancy to you all, but to me, that is nearly golden. That WAS the golden grail for me for nearly 15 years. I have found it so I do not want to... tinker with it. I have tried 4 different sleep medications, prescribed ones. The "best" would allow me to sleep but only for 4 hours. Then I would wake without any option. That split my day into two days, with variable wakefulness and offering only 8 hours of sleep, split by 4 to 8 hours of being awake. It was murder. The next most effective would cause me to be tired, but sleep would not necessarily come. As well, I was sleepy all of the time. Several months on each... hurt. The rest did nothing.

I have tried adding in extra physical work, I am eating much better foods and on a better schedule, I am drinking more water, I am avoiding caffeine 4 to 6 hours before the time I want to sleep, I am using my alarms to try and undercut my sleep so as to be tired and ready for bed. Essentially, I am doing everything I can really do to foster proper sleep patterns.

On the good side, I am still functioning while awake, if frustrated. If I am having some seasonal affective situations, the sleep problem is only minimally adding to that. As I said, I am sleeping once per day and being awake for one single period each day. On the bad side, I have missed a couple of appointments, the business I need to get done is slipping past me as the time to do that business is done by the time I am able to wake fully enough to get to it, I am sleeping more like 11 hours in part probably because I am disturbing my sleep so often by trying to wake up early, and I am frustrated as heck. Bah! Double BAH!

Well, nothing to do but keep on keeping up the effort. The war is not over, I have not even lost the front line. I have just had a few retreats of the front line to the second line. I, however, have no known reinforcements to send up. I am not sure what else to do at this point. Will time heal all? We will see, I guess. BAH!

Have a good day.

Rough days.

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As fall approaches, light begins to fade, leaves change color, and a hint of things to come wafts in on the wind from time to time, I begin to go through a tough time. If it were merely a physical thing it would not be so bad. In these times the darkness from my past creeps up on me. I cannot tell if these things merely haunt me, somehow linked to this time of year, or if the darkening world elicits memories and sensations from the past since they share something in common. All I know is that my personal ghosts are back.

I do not remember specific people or events, necessarily. My mind simply drifts, like the earth as is spins away from the sun, into darker places. Sometimes I get a hint of what is going on in the netherworks, faces, places, times, events. More often I am simply left with a terrible group of emotions. So strong are these feelings that I become, if very temporarily, nauseous. The things I have seen and done are terrible. Even these things are not the problem though, to be honest. I have accepted and dealt with most of that. The problem, I think, comes when I did terrible things which were against my notions of right and wrong. Times when I asked myself who I really was and what I was doing there or how I could do what I was doing. Imagine a blood spattered face in your visage in dim light. Then realizing it was your face, in a mirror. None of the blood is yours and the surrounds are more frightening than your bloody face. Fill in the rest at your leisure. No, that is not among the things that have come consciously to mind, only an example.

In the past this might be a time in which I was more prone to thinking about suicide. I am done with that. Then I would think it only fair, just, or right and wish that I had died, been killed, or killed myself. I am over that as well. Now I just understand that knowing shame, then as now, means I do know something about right and wrong. It makes me contemplate my actions a bit more thoroughly. I have repented for my sins, as fully and honestly as I can. I have attempted to change my life. And yet that little devil still lives inside, the one who cherishes all my misdeeds. The one who loves this time. Prayer, at times like these, is simply a good thing. Honestly... it does work. Though I pray over every meal and at night and sometimes just because as well as when I hear a prayer request or see one, at times like these, more prayer is a good thing. As I said, it works too... if I remember and call on God. Still, I cannot pray all of the time.

Sam put a scare in me tonight. Usually when I let her out, she is out for a few hours and then wants back in. A simple call will get her to return. If she is not around, I go back in and try a bit later. Tonight she did not show or 'tell' by clawing at the doors for 6 or 7 hours. Worried does not quite express how I felt. She did return, all is well, and I am doing better. But I think I will keep her in a few days. She may be going farther, for a number of reasons. I have found that when I keep her locked in for a few days, her trips get shorter.

Sassy is becoming quite the young lady cat. She is due to be fixed the 15th. She is so small though, I am not sure this is wise and I plan to call and ask about that. Though growing, she just seems so tiny still. She is, as a general rule, playing nicer. The claw marks have all but faded, the only possible news ones came when something frightened her and she took off without thinking. She is learning. I think she is getting to Sam as well. There have been several times where Sam has entered and... started looking for the kitten. She would come up to me, which I thought was sweet, until I realized she was looking for Sassy. Then she would slip off to nose other known kitteh habitats. You see, I trick the kitty into my room, then close the door, otherwise in the past with the Sassy by the door Sam would not deign to enter. She still will not, mostly. *sigh* Women!

A bit done, a little more, but it is very late. I think the socks will be sorted and put away. Bedtime. It is already 4:00. Well, it beats 6:00 or 8:00. *shrug*

Good night, Bane.

The bed beat me to a bloody pulp.

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Whatever. A 15:00 wake up was rough. I could not wake. I had the alarm set for 10:00, resetting it in two hour increments until I just turned it off at 14:00. There was no giddee-up in my getupandgo. Again, whatever. I will keep working on it. Perhaps I need to set the furnace now. The control is programmable. Perhaps a morning burst of heat. Not hot, just enough to warm to place a bit. I hate the idea of that though, so early in the year. As well, I would like to see how much an inexpensive timer outlet device might be to get a sun lamp to kick in for an hour near my bed. I never really have that thing a chance before. Perhaps it is time for that? I figure, even if I am sleeping, since I do not cover my face, perhaps it might still work? Anyway.

It is a bit late, now that I am awake, to do much business. I have plenty of time to begin doing some more housework though. I may get to some of the garage, I may finish the bedroom, I may do that last little load of laundry, and I could study another couple of sections of calculus. What will, in the end, be done is anybody's guess. I am still not awake enough to be sure.

I do feel like I have been run over by a fast moving Mac truck. No real pains, just a sense of psychic and physical grunginess and a feeling of being holistically unkempt. If I were dress slacks, I would have minor stains and be very wrinkled. Come to think of it... Never mind.

I will, eventually, get to things. Even I have to admit that this down is pretty light and consists merely of not being able to control my sleep. I still work, plan, do business within reason, take care of the house, attend to the kitten and cat both socially and to their other needs, and I think my bills have been being paid. For now it is enough. It is a vast improvement. I simply want more, and sooner rather than later, damn it. *sigh*

Bah! I will... get to it... soon. *some people's whiney kids...*

Everything, almost.

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All the laundry, save a minor load, has been taken care of. I did some cleaning in the room, but the rest of the work in that room will have to wait. I cooked rice, cleaned the pot, then boiled eggs which I now must peel. As well, I went through more calculus. Some of it is very troubling. Rates and ratios kick my butt. Though technically calculus II, and sort of a side line in the curriculum, this is the more important material in that it relates to real problems. What are those, you ask? Those are calculus word problems. Yep, every form of math, I would guess, has word problems. Anyway, those will be gone over much more extensively than the other parts... so far. I have covered derivatives now, for calculus I and part of calculus II. Integrals are next. Most of it has been rather smooth, though I am only doing a few problems of each type and there are much rougher problems out there.

I used the clothes line to hang the socks. Wool socks should not go into the dryer, if they do they should only be placed on delicate with no heat. These socks have lasted a very long time with daily wear and occasional dryer abuse. At $16 a pair they need to last, and so care is given... usually. The retractable clothes line, however, is a dud. I should simply have used clothes line, a couple of hooks, a few knots, and perhaps a line wrap device and a washer. I may end up doing just that.

Instead of going out to eat, as time was becoming critical, I simply ate rice. Two bowls we eaten, one with Splenda and milk, the other with butter and salt. Rice, by itself, is not very satisfying. However, it is what I had on hand and it saved an hour trip. Tomorrow I will have beans to mix with it. As well, I have meat thawing. Beyond all that, my kitchen, utensils, pots, pans, and serving ware is clean and ready for another week of cooking and eating. I will probably, again, merely have rice in the morning, if not as much. Or eggs. Woot! A choice for breakfast and no cooking. Oh, and I best get the trash out. I do not think they picked it up today. I hope not, now that I think of it?

Good night.

Some done, more to do.

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The laundry was no problem, if it is still not completely done. Another load, wool socks, remains. And perhaps a small load of what I have been wearing and a few odds and ends. I will be using a special detergent for the socks, about every other or every third time I use soap just for wools. The dishes are finally completed. Those took longer than what I had anticipated. There were many irregular and large sized items, as I finally cleared the refrigerator. I need to wash the bottom level of the refrigerator and then that will be good. I will be soaking beans and probably cooking rice tonight. And, finally, I hope to get into my room and do some sorting and cleaning. If I finish these things, since I have no food ready, I will drive into town and grab something easy. Enough to cover that hunger thing.

Tomorrow my goal is to rise as early as possible, schedule an appointment I need to make, make a few phone calls, and then get busy on the garage. My hope is to set up the weight bench and arrange the mower, weed whip, wheelbarrow, tools, and garden hoses. It sounds easy but there is a lot of things that have been collecting. As well, I am thinking about what to do regarding the engines. They are done for the year. I know there is a solution you can put in the tanks which will help the gas keep. I could also drain or otherwise empty the gas tanks. I am not sure if I need to do anything with the oil, though I doubt it. I worry about the snow blower though, as I am not sure I treated the gas. Then again, I am not sure there is any gas in the tank. Anyway, as expensive as these items are it behooves me to tend them.

I hope to do more work in the house this week. After my mother left, barring outside work and a few tasks, the rest of the unpacking, sorting things to my way of doing things, and a few other tasks and chores have been left off. I would like to finish the last dozen boxes of books, equipment of various sorts, and miscellaneous items. Some things may simply be tossed. I am not going to become a useless item packrat. As well, I need to complete some business this week. I need to check my bills, pay what is due, figure out my finances, and get going on the rebate and my state tax exemptions. *ugh*

Tomorrow is officially a work day. I need to try and get my work hat back on, get back in the saddle, deal with possible failures and not give in when they happen, and get back to it. Oh, I have been continuing my studies. Those are going along well, very well. Once I have completed the preliminary studies, I need to begin doing problems. That means, texts. Of course, it will be another week or two before I get to that point. Still, it is good to be doing physical work, mental work, business, and pleasure, all while mostly keeping up with home. It is odd, like juggling. I am past my Iowa freshman attempts, past my sophomore first year here, and into a bit more complicated maneuvers. Still, I feel like a slug. As much because I am one, if not by choice, as because even if I were not, everything tends to end up taking more time, effort, money, concentration, and dedication than what I would have thought, or did initially. Every time.

Well, later. A bit of tube to relax, a little sorting and cleaning in my bedroom, a meal, and then lights out. Good night, I think.

Up all night.

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Bedtime was 5:30 or 6:30. I was able to rise at noon though. Some things were done last night, and I stayed up to see to them, if I managed time poorly. Several loads of laundry, most of the dishes, some minor neatening, the grill tank was changed out and a roast was cooked, and other little things. Life in one's home is all about little things here and there to maintain and then a little more beyond that to get beyond and into fixes, changes, and organizing. Increments, as any economist, scientist, mathematician, or even barber, painter, and poet knows, is the way to seeing through to... something.

Oh, my repair of the washing machine was better than what I had thought. I had believed I was going to have to mess with the cold water faucet in order to get the warm water to work when I wanted that and the cold to run more swiftly when I wanted that. As it turns out, I or the previous owners had partially shut the hot water valve before my evaluation which lead to that conclusion. Once I realized that and then opened full, I get the right temps and the solid speed of fill at all times without requiring me to nudge the system one way or the other. I also checked the water softener. At my rate of use the 8 bags I brought in have not even been touched as the 4 bags I bought when my mother was here still fill 2/3rds of the fill box. Nice things to know. Still, I would like to get 4 more bags down there. I figure a 12 bag supply, replacing as I use, will hold me over in any type of a personal deep freeze.

There are things on my list, and I had meant to start Monday as a typical day. However, as I reorder my life, I have chosen to "enjoy" holidays as if they were real for me, same as weekends. On such days, low key is the function level. So, instead of digging in, I will do more passive work. I know it may seem funny, but there is a reason to my madness. Essentially, I am trying to become real, to create a more typical day, week, month, and year schedule. To do that, I need to begin living like I am real, which means using weekends and holidays for down time. Something else I should do is begin studying holidays. I honestly do not know what they are or when they are. If I do well there, I will begin studying Christian, with special attention to Catholic, holidays. Feasts? Well, that is a bit much for any but a specialist or someone who is rather devout, attentive, and with a good memory for these things. That would be a time and attention thing for me.

So, what I am going to do today is finish the laundry and the dishes. Sweep, mop, and vacuum. Cleaning of a lighter nature. And then, hopefully, an assessment of my bedroom. Surprisingly, I have been keeping things rather well organized, within a man's world at least. There are no piles of stuff. Clutter may exist but it is treated and either kept minimal or entirely straightened once in a while. Clothes go on hangers, the gun cleaning kit goes back to where it belongs, shoes are even cycled through so that I do not wear one pair more than two days and I prefer a change every day. However, the actual places everything goes could use a spot check and revamp. My closet needs some cleaning and I think I can do it without too much fuss. I want my room to be in order, cleaner than it is (mostly just dust I never got to while moving in and now things are in the way), and be able to know for certain where everything from pants, to underwear, to t-shirts and other folded clothes, to gun kit goes without thinking about it.

Oh, my hunger remains. Last night I did manage that for a short bit. I made a chuck roast and ate 2/3rds of it along with a very sizable baked potato and two 16 ounce glasses of milk. I could have eaten more, I am simply starving (sensation, not reality, mind you). However, I was enough satisfied that I did not push. I hate that bloated feeling from eating way too much. Then again, 32 ounces of milk, a pound and a half of potato, and 2 pounds or a little more of meat... That is, though, only a little over, what, 1.5% of my body weight, give or take.

Some truths I have been thinking over are about to spill out here. I hear, and have said, 'people do not know how I feel'. Often this is said when someone, or I, am being scolded, chided, or asked to change. Though, on any particular topic, that may be true. However, every single human out there has felt just like everyone else at some point. I do not think humans feel sorrow, joy, shame, anger, or any other emotion any differently than the next human. If we feel isolated in that, it is either by choice or ignorance. The choice part comes when we try to use our emotions to counter logic and no one buys it. The ignorance comes when we, either through our emotional situation or inability or lack of vocabulary are unable to express our feelings. Then again, even if we express our feelings correctly, expressing those will not always (and often correctly) elicit the response we would hope for. Everyone knows how you feel, they either do not care, care but it is not important to what is being discussed, or they will simply enable whatever problem has lead to the discussion which created the feeling.

Why do I consider this, currently? I am stuck on trying to figure out if my sleep cycle problems, lack of concentration, freezing, and other things are simply emotional or if they have a physical basis (at least a basis from which I cannot extricate myself purely based on will). I know, I keep picking that scab. I keep trying to dig in there. Do I really want to know? Emotionally, no. Realistically, yes. Then again, who will be the one to tell my I am a loser whiner when I try to cop out? Me? Just... thinking. Oh, another part of that has been thinking about people who work, everyday, doing things I do not think I could do. For example, waitresses and cashiers who stand on their feet all day. The thing is, these people would not do that for their own sake, or simply for the task. They do unimaginable things, far beyond being on their feet all day, as part of whatever it is they are trying to accomplish. Some of these things, in other words, are side effects. For me to actually begin to function, I am going to need to figure out how to get past the "standing on my feet all day" to the "doing something functional". If I can get to the latter, I might get to the former. Unless, of course, something is actually wrong with me. A man with a broken or otherwise hurt leg, or more a one legged man, would need a prosthetic or crutch or he would not stand a chance. Yack! Anyway, at this point, I have to consider... what could I use as a crutch, or even a prosthetic?

The kitten and cat say "Meow", I say ciao.

A late start, of course.

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Late to bed, late to rise, trying to at least keep it in check or I will go head over heals into the nether of confusion. That is not a place I can afford to be right now.

I tinkered, blog checked, news checked, and gamed a bit to wake up. I noticed my home needs work. Little and big things have been piling up. I have not gotten to those things yet, but will do so soon. After the initial wake up process, I hit some more calculus. I did well and then my mind started tripping up. I went a little further and realized further work was futile. A bit more tinkering, then I will have to see to some of the chores I noticed. Who knows, the vacuum might even be used today. I do know I need food. For whatever reason, lately, no matter how much or how little I eat, I am hungry all the time. Really hungry. What normally fills me, or even has been beyond my capacity to eat in the last six months, now serves to simply wet my appetite.

I took the bell off Sassy last night. I figured, now that she comes when called (even when she is in trouble), I no longer need to compromise her opsec for the purpose of locating her. I am not sure, but I also suspect this will allow her to get closer to Sam. Which I am hoping will cause Sam to more quickly surrender to the collective. *evil grins* I enjoy both critters, for their own reasons. I would like to enjoy them as a pair soon. Sassy has surgery the 15th. Though I hate the idea of it, I know I could not take care of a litter of kittens, let alone have them all fixed and immunized, and all. Let alone one to three litters a year! Along with food, litter, and water needs, I would be overrun very quickly. No, she will be fixed even though the notion is repugnant. My responsibility to her, to any future kittens, to my neighbors, and really even to Sam, requires this.

I should get to work. I do not know where to start. Little problems, upkeep, and tending to food needs all creep up. More so since I have been struggling with my schedule. Later.

Roofing material ordered.

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After dinking around, I finally got to it. The price was higher than I would have guessed, though I suppose I had not really received enough information to really get the prices well. I was given prices according to size, and went by those. However, no one seemed to be able to figure out the price sum total. Right at $350 with screws, undersheeting, along with two sheets of plywood, plus delivery. I found tarpaper in the outbuilding, it looks good, so I will use it. I suspect that is precisely what it was meant to be used for in any case. It always hurts a little when the price is in the hundreds and is a surprise. I get grumpy for a short bit, then get over it. I am over it. The goods will all be delivered at once, unless they do something foolish on their end (and I will not pay for two deliveries, period, not for the charges they price). I have 10 days before delivery, time to remove the old and be ready for the new.

I forgot the old grill tank, but I had been meaning to buy new anyway. So, I simply purchased a new full tank and will take the old one in for exchange soon. I bought another 100 .45 bullets and 500 more .22 ammunition as well. Money, money, money, it all costs. I have not been tracking my money well, though I have been keeping it between the lines and mostly in the black. I finally set up my banking accounts in Iowa and Utah so that I can check them online. Between changes in banking, moving, moving, moving, losing one computer, then the other, then having to wipe the first computer to get it to work... Well, losing track on online access, or maintaining it, has been a chore. A chore I could not do. Beyond that, if one does not check into these systems often enough, now, apparently they simply close out the online access which requires a refresh and a restart, using data that can be difficult to find. Anyway, this month is the month to begin getting that all straight. I think?

We did go shooting. Even for back in the hills were we go to shoot, because of the holiday and being a weekend there were large numbers of people up there. Two guys in two different trucks stopped at the same time to give us some jazz about the fact that somebody supposedly started a fire, three years ago, which caused these guys to lose 35 acres of private land which is over the ridge into the next valley. I just listened but honestly, I doubted their story, I did not have a great interest in what they were saying, nor did I like the notion of being harassed. With as many atvs, smokers, campers with campfires, and other shooters, I wonder if they stop and bother every other person in the valley. I doubt if that is why they stopped. I have great doubts that a ricochet which happened to hit a rock would start a blaze. However, I simply listened then promptly returned to shooting the plastic bottles. Sorry, but that is how it goes. What they were doing, really, however, is anyone's guess.

The rest of my shopping for this month is on hold. Until I wrap $350 into my budget and figure out where it stands, no more money will go out. Which is fine, I can begin working on some other things. I need to straighten out the garage, figure some things out in the house, and as this week comes to a close, begin the teardown of the old roof. This will be my first work like this, probably ever. I could use a mask, though a dampened bandanna will have to do. Buckets, water storage, and more tools, pieces, and parts are all on hold until I know more.

I sometimes wonder if what I am doing is folly. Often I know some things are folly, but some folly will be had. It is the price of flesh. How much is too much folly? The building, for example, is in very good shape. It is worth maintaining. Will I ever get to chickens though? If I save a building, even a good one, but never use it, what have I actually done? Is it, in a way, like physics which requires some distance to have been traveled for work to have been done (which excludes round trips) in that if I save something I do not use I have saved nothing? Oh well, the deed is all but done. And yet questions linger.

Well, I may get the tanks changed out, cook the roast I meant to cook yesterday, and do some other work. Or I may hit the calculus tutorials. Or I may just pine about the wonders, worries, and foolishness of life to Sassy. I am just sure she knows the answers. Besides... I LIKE CAKE!

Addendum:

Calculus it was. I went through half of the material on derivatives. The bad, it will always be somewhat complicated to solve these problems. The good, much of the material is still on hand to my mind or only needed a slight nudge to get me off and running. As per MK's suggestion, I may read tonight if all else fails. I will read something interesting, such as my engineering I book. If that is too heavy, or really as soon as I can find it, I will begin on Vox's recent treatise on the subject of economics. It is not that reading texts which require work is a problem, I will be trying to get through that book but when I am and want to be more awake so that I may solve the problems. I could use Vox's fare as such, but probably not at this point. I would have to read it and then do independent studies in a number of fields, statistics and economy at least, and then come back to it as more than just a reader.

Anyway, that is how tonight goes down. I am so HUNGRY though. If I was not so sleepy, I would drive in for another drive through. Well, not all that sleepy, just geared down, I should say.

Left to their own devices...

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Things sometimes work out on their own. I have surrendered, for the weekend, to whatever sleep or wakefulness I may have. Sleep was not to be had until 4:00. Still, I was hoping to be up by noon. I set the alarm for 10:00. When it went off, I reset it for noon. Between Sam wanting out, and once I let her out the kitten deciding I was a prime playground, prone and slowed by sleep so an easy target, I never made it to the noon alarm. Surrendering to the feline attacks, I surrendered to wakefulness as well at a little after 11:00.

In my slow waking cycle, I am nearly to readiness an hour after the hatch opened. My friend called, as we had discussed, and I will be showered, dressed, and in town in an hour or less. At which point we are going to invade the second hand shops, several hardware stores, some unarmed mountainside, and an eatery or two, at least. I am no longer shaving, my winter beard is being raised. Though I think I will find a trimmer. I bought a cheapo last year. While it worked, to a degree, it was not exactly the best device I have ever owned. Having suggested this, my friend thinks he will, too, go unshaven. There is nothing like being a trend setter. Small fishbowl, small influence, take what you can? Yes.

As well, I think it is time for me to begin attending church. Not this week, perhaps, maybe not even next week. But the time is fast approaching. After finding my shoes, I never did get them polished. At this point, I have both the shoes and the polish kit within reasonable grasp along with a minimum of searching. I believe my shirts are clean, my slacks and proper pants are ready, my belts and ties are available, though there are a few other minor details which must be ironed out. A few weeks should give me the time to do these things. Although, even if I am not quite prepared for Church next week, I might consider confession. All of this is well past time. Further, it might be a good time to begin looking into serving those on death row. It would be nice to have that on tap and scheduled, be trained and functioning in that, before school starts this spring. A visit once a week or every other week, to a number of inmates or simply to be available to talk to one or pray with one, I am not sure how such a thing would work, would be good. Though I think they might have some sort of program system which I would simply have to fit into rather than have at my discretion? Probably...

Oh, I know, I promise lots of things and often they fall through... in the short run. However, I usually pick and choose but eventually get to my just deserts. Remember how long I had promised to move, then move to Utah, then buy a home, then even get to the hen house? Well, those things are all done save the last. And the last is being tended today (or Monday if they are not available today) in the purchase of the construction materials needed. Same with food storage, prep items, yard work, and the rest. Bit by bit, it is all being tended, in time. So, do not worry when I say tomorrow. If it is important, and Church and serving are, they will be tended as I may.

Well, pick up your socks and bind your back flap, it is time to get to work boys and girls. I have... things to do... Be wary, be wise, be loving, be kind, but understand the price and pay it. Ciao, Adios, Aloha, and... good day.

Plans.

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My local friend called and asked what I was doing. Actually I was doing something. I started the math review. The word problem area was too simple, so I am moving on. I will skip the matrix (linear) algebra review for now and simply dig into calculus. In that process I will hit algebra, geometry, and trig without any doubt. I have quite a load there. The first set covers simple calculus and caculus 2, then I have an in depth calculus 2, and then calculus 3 materials. Along with books on all of the subjects, sometimes two books per subject.

Anyway, I suggested we do something tomorrow. I need to see if I can order the roofing materials and plywood, pick up some buckets and lids, and do some shopping. Shooting in the afternoon would also be fun. I think I will take the .45 and the .22 pistol. I am crack, more or less, with the .22 rifle. I need a lot more practice with the pistols though. Oh, I am good. I need to be much better. At some point I am going to begin tactical training. That will take a bit more work, including providing moving targets, obstacles, various shooting positions, and other variables to be integrated into the process. I have much of the tactical as tightly in my head as I could want, more than I want sometimes. Corners are good, ricochets can be useful, and knowing the full capacity of my firearms is good. Of course, knowing a child throwing a rock can kill keeps everything in line. I am rusty though, very rusty. I need to begin working this up. I do not need to work up to breaching or forward close quarter full on combat ops, but I do need basic situational awareness to become more focused. To be ready for those first two would mean being in excellent physical fitness, anyway. My age alone, actually, precludes that to a degree. Just some thoughts.

I will also take my friend to look for some furniture. I am hoping to find used chairs he will be comfortable with, barring that we might have to look for new. If necessary, I will pitch in some. I do not have a lot, but a handful of dollars would probably be enough along with what he puts in. After that, somewhere to eat. I love the brisket, though the Mexican place is calling my name again. Their entrees are generally $12 or less. Either that or we will come back to my place with some meat and grill. For 30 bucks, what with drinks, tax, and tip, we could probably not only eat high on the hog, we might be able to get a whole one on the grill... give or take. Right though, I had better remember the tank. I ran out of fuel already. I am a bit surprised the grill used the fuel as fast as it did. I have been cooking on it for 2 months, doing almost all my meats (if not close to daily) on it, and perhaps I heat the thing up to much. Still, I was a bit surprised. I think I need both a refill and an extra tank. I am thinking, even in the winter sometimes, I will cook on it. It is a lot less messy, if cleaning once every two months is a bit much. Once every few weeks should make that more manageable.

I was thinking, watching the hurricane threaten the East Coast, about how I used to sort of enjoy disasters. The roofs ripping off, buildings collapsing, you know, chaos. As a homeowner, things have changed. It is humbling to switch off from punk to suit, in a way. Oh, I understand logically, if that does not change the feelings or sentiments regarding my previous understandings. Now, seeing such a devastating weather system move through anywhere is akin to seeing a man take a serious hit to his private parts. On another topic, I thought, while training Sassy (the kitten) to play nice and to be calm and pleasant (by being so myself), that women are similar. If, as a guy, I play hard or rough, a woman will... get that. We both know I can win. Heck, a woman would pick me because of that to a degree. What we do not know is can I still play nice and even lose? Much of what a woman I might marry would become has to do with how I deal with her. I could simply swamp Sassy, never letting her win or even have fun. She would either never play or play very hard and mean. I think the same goes for a woman. They, like kittens, certainly have teeth and claws, physical and verbal and virtual. They also seem to have more energy, more "on time", and more interest in being social. As a leader, it really is up to me to be right with her and set the tone of our relationship... Of course, that does not mean I cannot pounce once in a while and remind her who is king, either. Sassy needs reminding too, and gets it. Heh... Brat.

Oh well, I think I am going to a fast food joint for dinner. I could run for fuel but I am simply not that ambitious. I am going to make a run for ambition Monday. A new week, new work on the docket along with some old, and math on the brain. Food, though... and soon. RoAr!

Some days I am not sure why I bother.

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I slept well, I think. I was neither too cool or warm. I did not have a headache or even general aches and pains. Nothing is troubling my mind. In other words, I am in good condition within every parameter I use to gauge my health. I went to bed at 3:00 or so. I simply would not have slept going to be earlier. I set my alarm for 10:00. I am not sure what all went on this morning, I could not become conscious, not enough to more than have blurry images of the doings. I know I let Sam out at some point. I am pretty sure I reset the alarms. I think, at about 13:00 I gave up and just turned the alarm off. I am not even sure what time I did get up, perhaps a half hour ago? It is almost 14:30. On the good side, I think I can get to some work. On the bad side, I have lost control of my sleep for no apparent reason. I suppose there is tomorrow. I will keep trying.

Later.

On the good side I must not be whicked.

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I made it a bit longer than my last post. Having had breakfast and more caffeine, I went into the bedroom, sat on the bed, and contemplated my plan. A shower was next. It never happened. What did happen I will probably never know. I do not remember reclining. Waking at about 15:00, though, I knew today was blown. I missed three things. The early meeting, ordering the building supplies, and my appointment. Nothing irreparable.

As for after 15:00, let us just say I am still a zombie. I have not been able to shake sleep. Sassy has been enjoying her own personal traveling jungle gym though. She has been sleeping most of the time, thankfully. She is learning not to scratch. It takes a long time. Sam knows not to use her claws with me, and is quite gentle, except when Sassy is too close and her fangs come out, and talons. Sassy has been improving in these things. The rate of damage is decreasing and the old cuts are fading with fewer and fewer replacements. I am trying, and successfully, to ween her off playing with hands, legs, and feet. Triple anti-biotic cream has been a blessing while she learns. Not every scratch becomes infected, but the ones which do burn and hurt a bit.

Hmm, I have some meat thawed and I do believe that, along with some corn on the cob I will grill in the husk, plus dishes after that, will be my day. If I can get to the math review though, I will add that in. I received the oxygen absorbers today. The desiccants and mylar bags should be showing up soon. I should, while at Lowe's or wherever, check on buckets. I had thought to buy 25 but I think I will go with 10 for now. Or maybe it was 10 I had thought to buy. Whatever. With the kits assembled, I will then simply need to buy the foods. One question though... Should I mix the beans and rice to the percentage I want when opened, or keep them "pure"? I am almost betting that they should all be stored separately, or at least divided by baggies or something if in the same container. Just... curious. That is a month or two off, perhaps. Still, I want to be prepared, kit and mind.

Later.

No rest for the wicked.

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Or me. I knew I would not be able to rise at 7:00 or even 7:30, so I decided to try and stay awake. So far so good. It is right at 5:00 my time. I have merely been tinkering, but I think I will begin preparing for today. Beside the visit with the veteran reps, I need to do more shopping (for the plywood, steel roofing, and the delivery of the materials), do some shopping just for short term foods this time, and I have an appointment at 14:00. Before I do that all, however, I may get busy and write a letter to fax to the V.A. They may be able to provide me with proof of disability, if the hospital itself has that on file, through a request of information. Everything I am doing with the V.A. seems problematic. I know, finances are weird, down, and there is a large influx of deserving vets. As well, I know I am not the easiest critter to handle. Then again, if they would stop trying to handle me and try to work with me within my disability, and with some trust, life would probably be a lot easier all around. *grump*

I think the washer is working well. Actually, now, I think I need to turn the cold water down a bit in order for the warm setting to produce more than a cool water fill. No problems. That may slow the machine down when I attempt a cold water wash, so I will have to remember to cycle that up when I do that and back down the rest of the time. We will see, memory can fail at any moment. Still, it is nice to do something and have it seemingly work. I think, before anything, I will run another water slug load through.

I should start making some lists and getting any potential paperwork ready to go. They may need my DD-214, or not. I do not think I need anything else, but who knows.

I did receive my voters' registration card, though it is weird here. Every other year I contact either county or local election officials to find out where I am to go to vote. Even years is county contact, I think. I am sure that is because of the layered nature of voting, local, state, and federal. However, in a town of 700 or less there should be one singular place, like city hall, where voting occurs. Still, I will get busy and find out what I can well before election night. I do want to join that party. I may no longer be "liberal" enough to be a Republican but that is all that can be done at this point. Well, that and figure out who is who in the election other than the main candidates. I would like to find out everyone who is on the ticket, from judges to treasurer to sheriff and vote rightly. I am home, now, so I best start getting that part of my act together.

Well, a laundry load, a letter, a fax, a shower, getting some paperwork collected, and maybe breakfast before I go. Mixed grains make an excellent breakfast. Much better with a little milk though, yesterday I had to use a nearly-too-old can of condensed (unsweetened) or the other type left over in the refrigerator from when my Mom was here for my cereal fix. It worked, but... This will be a long day and I am going to try to stay up at least to 20:00, maybe even 22:00 if I can. I will need some food to work with.

Have a good day.

Shopping can be fun.

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I did get in to town. I stopped at the store with the best price. I needed some other things, so I looked around a bit. Instead of a feed shovel, I purchased a steal contractor shovel. It was cheaper and I knew the aluminum head on the feed shovel would not work, or at least would be rather abused, by what needs to be cleaned out. A few other items on my list were found, including two saw horses. I finally decided to speak with someone. Sure enough, they have what I want. I can either take what they have and cut it or special order the size I want. I discuss that, I am told, with the people who work the delivery and special order desk. Those people, of course, quit at 17:00 or 18:00... he was not quite sure. So, another reason to get to town tomorrow.

Now, I had said I was going to buy a circular saw. So I looked around at the above chosen store. What they had was not to my liking. Either cheap and cheaply made or expensive, with lasers, geiger-counters, buttons, switches, and knobs of what use I have no clue. So, I went to where I went last time. There were two brands I had looked at. The one I had preferred was not in stock, so I went with the other. I did not go cheap or expensive, choosing a 15 amp corded. I also bought a finish blade, a steel blade, and another type I forget at the moment.

After that, dinner out. There is a Mexican eatery, owned and run by white people. It is superior to most. Last time I had fajitas. This time I went with a combination platter. It was good, again. It was light enough, and I ordered wisely, so I had room after it was all said and done. I thought either a beer or a desert sounded good. They have a heiffel weis on tap. They also had a chocolate magma cake. Decisions, decisions! I have been very good about avoiding sugar and I rarely drink beer, so I decided I could bite one or the other. The warm, fudge, chocolate cake, with a dollop of vanilla ice cream won out. On top of being delicious, it was handsomely plated. I love it when a great thing goes one step further.

On the way home I did do some grocery shopping. Several apples and pears, a couple of gallons of milk, and a few odds and ends. Oh, I decided to pick up some romaine lettuce, cut and bagged thank you. I have been missing veggies, I suppose. And fruits. They are so difficult to keep on hand, fresh, to full use. We will see though. After the meal, however, my brain was not "on". So, I merely got what was on my mental list. I completely forgot about adding to my short term larder. It will be done, it will, no, really, soon, yes it... bah!

Well, that is all I can do for the day. I need to try and sleep and wake up by 7:00. I am going to set all three alarms, starting at about 6:30 and going to 7:30. I will try to remember to use the snooze, rather than resetting them. This will be an all out effort. Perhaps this will break me into waking earlier, or it will merely make for a miserable day, or it will work but bust me. I am hoping for the first, then the latter. I have been doing well enough in my projects, goals, and such, that the middle option is less likely.

Oh, I kept meaning to do laundry. And, regardless of meaning to, every time I got to it, I realized the problem with that. Then I would promptly forget the problem, and once again plan to do laundry. I may have said that I was having problems with the washing machine not providing cold water as it should? Well, if I want a mid-temperature wash, I end up with a very hot one. That, my friends, is not good. A few days ago I purchased lime, calcium, and other sediment buildup remover. I simply never quite got to the point where I used that in the hose and in the machine itself, in hopes of breaking the cold water open. Tonight was the night. As soon as I returned and put things away, I grabbed the channel locks, the solution, and went to work. The first load will take a bit, I should know in 15 minutes whether it worked. I need to run another load or two, empty, to clean out the machine anyway. If it does not work, I may have to just throttle back the hot water to match the cold water output until I can figure that out more seriously. *fRuG* Well, I am getting to things, in there time, at my pace, as I know how.

The stuff I bought was supposed to be environmentally friendly. I bought it by accident, actually. I usually avoid that stuff like I avoid organic food. However, it was here and it was my mistake, so. I read the instructions. So much for the label. It is about as environmentally friendly as the Gulf oil spill. What a lark. And hard on hands. Boyeah. Wouch. That is all I am saying. Organo-enviro idiots... Then again, what was it W.C. Fields said, something about a moral imperative to separate a fool from his money, more so women and children. Heh. I did not get snookered, I just bought in a hurry... *Sucker* <------ Ha!

Good night.

Taking stock.

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I called the one number I have, the only one which seems to be answered, regarding a better number for the V.A. I was told that a group who works with veterans will be in town tomorrow, between 9:00 and 10:00. That would mean a 7:30 wakeup and a bit of hustle. I am doubtful, but I will try. I am not sure why it would be so difficult to reach anybody who could discuss these things. I guess I am on permanent hold. I have doubts the people who will be there tomorrow will be able to help either, to be honest. They are volunteers and I think their goal is signing more veterans up for benefits, not slogging through the bureaucracy in order to serve a vet. I may or may not find out.

I put on my boots and decided to check out the outbuildings. They are in excellent shape. I took a hammer to gauge strength of the wood and the structures themselves. These buildings only look tough, they are in very good condition. I had not looked at both sides of the hen house. One side already has a steel roof. The side that needs it measures 12 x 20 feet. I am not sure what size the steel panels are stock. I had thought to make a run into town tonight and check prices with delivery, along with 3 or 4 panels of plywood. Then I realized today would not be a good day to shop as payday will allow me a bit more latitude. Wait, is today already the first? Okies, in I go. Hmm, maybe I should call several places first. Which place I shop makes no difference, at this point, as 20 miles or 20.5 miles really does not matter. A $40 dollar price difference, however, would make a difference. I will include the more local hardware store as well.

I have noticed that as I get more time, do things more often, and begin expanding into some areas, my ability to focus, plan, and then carry out tasks increases much more than a bit. Initially, when everything was over my head and I was swamped, planning was really a matter of going to the first place that had what I needed and paying whatever was asked. The same goes for tasks, I would simply do them as fast and easily as possible. That is all fine if one has more money than time. For me, that is not the case. Slowly but eventually I am improving. I am even beginning to try and note when to buy things by season or sale. Who knows, I might even eventually become familiar with odd things like holidays, the seasons, and other data I have... forgotten. I think Christmas is the 23rd or 25th. The rest... *sigh* I have been gone a long time.

Hmm, after some calls, a trip, and maybe some purchases, I think I will find a decent place to eat tonight. Nothing fancy, nothing too expensive, but not a fast food joint either. I have been hitting grains and legumes, along with some meat, but whole meals have not been on the menu. It would be pleasant to have a real whole meal. After that, I need to do a bit of shopping. I have regular items and I think I will be looking for a few more items for my short term food pantry. Rather than seeing that as a complex issue I cannot seem to resolve, I see it more as game now. Hunt and peck, check and look, find and be thrilled. If too I had best watch going overboard. Once I have decent stock, and some certainty of replacing it as I use it, I will begin adding in those things. I suppose I should simply be using it now, the Lord knows I could use some spinach even if canned currently. Anyway...

After that, I am hoping to have enough gumption to do a couple hours of math studies. Along with some DVDs, I have algebra, geometry, and trigonometry books. The DVDs will set me up to begin doing loads of math problems from the books, reading areas that seem to trip me up. Algebra first, it really is primary. I wish I could get my hands on professor versions, so that I could have access to more of the answers. I would like such books for those three topics, a unified calculus tome or two, and several physics texts. I want to be heavy before school starts, if I can get it to start. Oh, right, it has been suggested that I enroll first, then apply for V.A. assistance. Something I must consider. Which means, if I am able to rise early tomorrow (or not), I ought to see if I can make an appointment with the engineering department. I would like to discuss some things with the professors there as well as, of course, admissions.

As for physical work, I think I have found my next bonanza. Cleaning out those sheds should keep me honest for a while. I was correct in suggesting a grain shovel might come in handy. Well, since I am going to one of the stores, I might as well add that to my list, along with a circular saw. Well, we will see when I get the totals. Next on the list, a multi-use ladder and maybe a chainsaw? When did simple living become so darned complicated and need so many things, and I do not even have livestock yet! Ah well, I think it actually has been very good for my health.

To your health. Cheers!