Always good when a failure isn't.

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What you may ask?  Calling my mother on her birthday.  It WAS today, not yesterday as I had feared.  I did call a bit late.  When I realized it was about time to call I found my cellphone quite dead.  Even plugging it in, at that point, will not allow it to function.  Which is odd, as I had it fully recharged yesterday.  Sometimes it simply dies in a matter of hours, other times it will hold a charge for days, nearly a week.  Since I don't use it very often I frequently find it quite dead.  Anyway, she was quite pleased to get the call.  I called once, actually, and she didn't answer.  She called back shortly.  It seems my brother called her right before I did that first time.  I have asked her about birthday presents and such, but she... really... a phone call.  That's... all.  I even offered to have lobster shipped to her, one of her favorite foods.  But she fears cooking them.  No, she just... couldn't think of a thing.  Oh, I know something.  I keep forgetting though.  Help!

I will probably be getting to town yet tonight.  I wouldn't normally, this late, but I want to be sure I have snacks and drinks in line for the meeting.  Actually I might buy enough for two meetings, in case I need to do this again soon.  Beer should do fine down in the cellar.  Ice lasts quite a long time in the freezer too, and is just dandy so long as no one uses it in the beverage.  I will chill some of it, and a run tonight would ensure that the drinks are cold enough, along with making sure the cooler is clean enough (I do actually clean that after use, so... should be fine).  It is a little project, but... it is about all I can really handle.

We are so weak, aren't we?  We are fragile creatures.  Everything, sometimes, seems so thin.  People love you because of what you bring them or do for them.  You can do some things, but it is never as simple as "just doing it", either.  And my cats, for example, are always hungry and yet often don't like what I give them.  I have no idea what to do with Sassy.  I feed her, lately, and she just turns up her nose at the food.  I could say she is ungrateful, but I won't.  I know what it is to receive food you can't tolerate and to have to leave it.  It is the same brand of food she has always eaten though, and there is great variety of both textures and flavors with that brand.  But for the last week the poor waif has simply not been all that interested.  It is cooler, so I thought she would be more heartily on feed.

So much of life seems so shallow.  And much of it is, and has to be.  I suppose wisdom enters when you can see what is and by musts is shallow and then separate that from what is deep and should be given all due resources, and heart.  Still, much of life, from feeding to bathing, is more about just doing it.  Much of our relationships are based on giving and receiving.  Only family is different, and it doesn't always have to be by blood.  My mother, though she didn't give birth to me, is possibly more fully my mother than any woman could be.  She has, at times, tried to make up for not giving us birth.  To which I assure her that she did more, she chose and stuck with her choice.  Even when we rejected her, as I think almost has to happen, for any child and parent.  Then the bond is reforged, if all works out, as an adult relationship (mostly, or sort of, oh... who am I kinding... it does change a goodly bit though).

I was reading at Aunty Belle's Front Porch recently.  I certainly see her point in the way life has changed.  Well educated, she says?  Technically I am not well educated, certainly not by modern standards and most likely not by the old standards either.  I am sort of a mix.  And yet Shakespeare?  Of course I know him.  And I used to know him every bit as well as I knew Poe and the New Testament, King James version.  It does disturb me that modern educated folk know nothing of Shakespeare.  Oh, well, something I should mention is that I rejected Shakespeare before I was past my mid-teens.  Not because he didn't get some things right, or that he wasn't interesting the first dozen readings, only that... he cut a lot of corners using dramatics to get at the heart of things.  While I understand he did that for the masses who didn't have the time to sit and think, and I have had the luxury of all the time in my life to do just that, even as a teen I... varied from that path.  Well, and I suppose I became a bit weary of 'teh blathering', so I do that on my own now.  *laughs*  Don't buy his bull pucky, buy mine!  Innit?

I do note how... mechanized people have become.  Who doesn't have a smart phone?  Who doesn't have access to the internet, often high-speed (for what that really means today), who doesn't have a chip in their car feeding back data to the manufacturer (and possibly being given to the government or whoever else has the power, money, or such to take it)?  So many people are so transfixed on things that mean nothing, including me with my games, that much of life just passes them by.  I honestly think the whole notion behind world peace, at this time, is to get everyone so hooked on tech that they lose interest in fighting.  Well, and they lose self-interest in general.  Crowd control that is voluntary?  It's the best kind.  Me... I don't have a lot of choice.  I either goof on games or sleep too much and end up sore and more out of it.  But most have a choice and choose... giving up their life, the worries, the bothers, to machines.  Electronic heroin. 

Though, the old notions of being well educated were quite... liberal.  There is that.  And I don't mean the good kind of liberal, I mean the indoctrinational sort.  Poe wasn't so bad, but many if not most of the heritage writers were directly or close enough to socialists and communists to make it so that anything read from them was an indoctrination.  My early readings lead me directly to that, until I read history.  History has a way of upending theory, false hope, lies, and such.  It just was.  And the conclusions?  You make up your own mind, but they are rather clear.  History destroys heritage education by disproving it over and over and over again.  So, I'm not too bothered that others have rejected classical education.  What does bother me is that nothing has moved in, yet, to take it's place.  Professional education, of course.  But that isn't... anything like a classical education.  I am surprised the Catholic Church hasn't created a new form of non-liberal liberal education.  I know the Church has been hampered by the government in doing what it prefers with it's educational institutions though, too.  The Church has nearly been severed from control over those.

So, what would a non-liberal liberal education include?  First, history.  Not just remembering dates, places, faces, names... but understanding key points in American and then world history.  Knowing why Rome rose, and fell, and continued to do so several times.  Knowing what generated "The West", "The East", and who the various cultures and players were, how they worked, failed, succeeded.  And that pretty much means who fought, who won, why, and roughly when.  What were the differences?  After that, we get into English as a language and cultural, social, personal, and professional tool of extensive power.  Our American language, all by itself, is a wonder.  It is exceptional.  While others may wish to save dying languages... why?  We already can't actually speak Latin for heavens sake!  As well, the sciences and mathematics would need to be covered to a degree.  Not fictional theories, but the real workings of what makes science science.  Can you prove it?  Then it isn't science.  Can you repeat the proof, can others?  Then it isn't science.  Stick to what is known, get rid of the stuff that has been corrupted.  A class in basic chemistry, a class in basic biology (minus eco-anything), and another course or two in other general sciences, such as electronics.  As for mathematics, I don't think people need to know differential equations for example, or even matrix algebra or even simple algebra to be quite honest.  While I have found uses for most of the mathematics I have taken, most people simply don't contemplate problems to that level.  What they do need is a basic foundation in the simple mathematics, a bit of an education in operational (personal/business) economics, and maybe a little bit just to throw them a curve... Perhaps algebra would do nicely there, for most. 

All of this would be set up to create a society of the educated that work from common principles.  Where they go with it, what they do with it, would be up to them.  While I don't believe in centralization, for the most part, I do believe there has to be a basic core of understanding from which people can begin to do their work.  As is, there is no common core.  There is... just smatterings of whatever.  It is a break down in our education system, society, politics, and the rest.  I am not precisely sure what the exact root of the cause is, though I think excessive wealth may be a big part of the blame.  We are, or were, too successful.  Or at least we borrowed and lied our way into believing that.  I don't know.  I just liked her article and my mind began to whir...

Ah, I best get cleaned and dressed in order to head out at some kind of time so that I might return in some sort of reasonable time frame.  Later of good night.  And, again, happy Birthday Mom.  You are well loved.

At least sleep was good.

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The last few nights I haven't been able to get to bed until very late.  Further, sleep has not been good.  It may have something to do with getting used to the new chair.  The position is different, and with a solid back, I can actually "relax" into the chair, but in a more upright solid position.  Well, that and soft of coming down off medicine.  It takes a while for that to work it's way out.  Tomorrow I hope to make an appointment to get things going again.  I really think I should, and I really would like to see if my heart has improved at all or if this has been a wasted effort.  I have decided that the medicines do help, marginally.  They hurt too, if not as much as they help.  Everything, with my health, is extremely marginal.  At least so far.

It is cloudy, or overcast really.  There aren't clouds so much as a smudged sky.  This summer, it turns out, has been brutal.  Higher temps, no rain very few overcast days.  I guess that is why I was having such trouble this year with heat, compared to the last few years.  It IS a bad year.  Good to know.  The stored water is at 71%, so those who use that for fields are okay.  Those who depend on other sources of water are in serious trouble, with the season already over for many of them who would usually harvest several lots right on through to September, down to 10% of yields.  Which means cattle are being, or going to be, put down by the herd.  That will lower prices this year and raise them for at least the next several years.  This adds to other things that have been going on with cattle.  Meat is about to become extremely expensive.  Add to that, grain is being impacted and grazing land has been destroyed, and you see where that is going.  Life is about to get tough, adding unemployment and underemployment only adds grimace to grim.  I won't even go into the economic realities beyond all these.  Enough already and little to do about it.  Buckle your belts, say a prayer, and learn what family is about.  Because money and food have just... hit reality?  Something.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring.  But that has always been our lot.  We lived in a seemingly impossibly fertile time.  We saw marvels, from men landing on the moon to the mapping of (one of trillions) of genetic codings possible for men.  We saw a seeming unending economic monolith created, not realizing it was pie in the sky albeit, born on the back of the most evil genocide, one against children.  And we all drank heartily from that bloody pool, one way or another, knowingly or not.  Payment is past due and the devil doesn't wait.  The good thing?  What the devil takes in payment is what we need to lose in order to regain our composure.  Odd how that works, but it does.  Suffering, humility, pain even?  These aren't to be sought, but they aren't to be shunned, either.  See where they come from.  Pain means you are alive.  Life is the only real magic of this world, and human life is the most magical of all.  Humility allows us to know there is something contrary to that, and seek it.  And yet, I think in the end, we find that humility is also a virtue on it's own if we search deeply enough.  But there is a positive counter to it.  We find both of those, when we seek, the same place we find the source of wisdom, in God.  So, all these things have their place and purpose.  And offer the hope of renewal.  All good, really, let the devil have his dues.  And good riddance.

I ought to get back to goofing.  Have a good day.

Sleep!

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I made great efforts to sleep, even trying an old trick that I prefer not to use.  It just won't happen.  What's worse is that I am dead bone-deep tired.  It will happen when it happens, I guess.  Today I feel old, but more just tired and sore from being awake I think.  Actually that is rather rare.  Then again, even when I was young and would push things, I would feel just this way.  Yeah, I remember some things.

I looked up diabetes, on a number of sites.  I really just don't fit that diagnosis.  My guess is there are those with diabetes, and those with a condition that can be similar but is based on something other than the actual disease.  The heart, of course, might not get enough blood to the organs that need them to make the body use the blood sugars as they should.  Or the organs aren't getting enough oxygen to supplement the "burn".  While it looks like diabetes, at times, it... really isn't, at all.  Further, if I had to guess, I go through various stages of many illnesses all the time.  A diagnostician, without knowing about my heart, would pull out his hair trying to figure things out.  And, well, they did.  The thing is I never know what will be next.  Will my liver start quitting for a bit, pancreas? brain?  Everything is up for grabs, I think.  My body does the best it can do but it is perpetually in short supply, so something has to... be allowed to suffer.

You know though, I am actually fortunate that they did not realize I had a heart condition back when this all started.  They would definitely have insisted on a heart transplant.  Recipients only live, the max as I have heard things, about nine years.  Okay, do the math, that means I would have been dead about 16 years ago.  And, yeah, I would have followed the doctors instructions and advice back then.  Now, in one sense, that might have been a kinder way to go.  But on the other hand, who wants to be dead?  *grins*  Perhaps I did then, but it is as much because I didn't know what was wrong with me as it was that I was ill.  Or, that I thought I was mentally ill.  I had... things to do.  And I couldn't.  All of that combined.  I'm much better now, and glad to be alive, even on days such as this.

I still think I have another couple of decades in me.  But, to be honest, this last part is going to hurt.  If I live past that, those last years are going to be absolutely brutal.  I'm hoping I don't lose any limbs, but so far I have lost no feeling in them.  Actually, as I said, they are quite sensitive.  But the dark skin on my shin area...  I know what that means.  They have recommended compression socks.  But beside adding great heat to the area, they are also rather expensive and difficult to maintain.  Further, the material is just absolutely perfect for growing bacteria and fungus, something that would ensure a foot loss, or two.  And I don't have the strength, or strength of will, to learn to use a prosthetic leg.  Too brutal, and I am too old a dog in too many ways.  My friend is having trouble with that himself.

It's hard to believe but my mother turned 70.  While she is 70, she also very much isn't.  Several people who were told her age suggested that while she is 70, she isn't that old.  Oh, I know she feels it at times.  But she is still the woman/girl she always has been.  She might not skip and hop, after two major back surgeries (the last quite successful), both knees replaced, a hip surgery, and several foot surgeries, I can't really blame her.  But she might as well be skipping.  She is rather amazing.  I have to think I gained some of what I am from her.  And, I forgot to call her on her birthday!  Gah!  I'll stay up and call this morning.  Unless... I mixed up her birth date again?  Never mind.

Good day, and soon, maybe, hopefully, good night.

Diabetes?

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Well, certainly, my blood sugars can jump sky high.  They have been as high as 650-700, with an A1C of 12.5 and a bit higher.  The two things I have noted, beyond any doubt, that will do that are hard candies (the first time I tried to quit chewing tobacco) and Gatorade when I was so thirsty last year and it was the only thing I could take the potassium with.  Regular soda, even six cans a day for a week or month or several years, doesn't do it.  Although I suspect something bodily fails, at which point my blood sugars rise.  Or, food and drink, for the most part, aren't the cause.  And, actually, for several times, once as long as almost two years, I went without sugar, cut other carbs way down, and... couldn't get my blood sugar below 200 to 300.  Remember that?   I sure do.  Yeah, it's... not about food.  Once it begins, however, then food can contribute or not.  They really either don't understand diabetes, I am different, or they can't legally tell you what they do know and how to work with it.  Perhaps the cure, or at least the right lifestyle, isn't... legal somehow to tell.  Perhaps it's patented?  I don't know, all I know is that following their advice kept me quite ill with diabetes.  I just checked, 113, non-fasting.  Yeah, it's nearing that 120 mark, but...  It simply hasn't gone over 120 and the only time it hit 120 was after eight hours of sleep on a fasting test.  Very odd.

I have thought about trying to find, foodwise, what might cause diabetes to flare.  The thing is I am eating everything they say not to eat, or drink.  And, a bit more than what I said I would, too.  *swigs some regular cola*  I may have some Oreos and milk this evening too.  It was quite tasty yesterday and last evening.  Does anyone else have very strange effects regarding diabetes?  Are you on medicine for it?  I honestly wonder what exactly the medicine does.  Do doctors even know?  Could medicine be as much the problem as not?  I really don't know, all I know is that if what they are saying is true, then I don't have diabetes.  If diabetics can't have lots of sugar and healthy doses of white breads, and maintain their blood sugar, then I can't be diabetic.  Either that or they aren't telling the truth, don't know the whole truth, or... something.

Oh, and being off my medicine?  Odd, but the swelling in the feet has gone away.  I thought maybe the heat was adding to that, but... not.  I think, most recently, the reason I was getting minor edema was because the medicines were making me too tired to realize I needed to pee.  So, it would back up.  And the water pills, being in lower doses as I didn't have enough, were not allowing full drainage when I could go.  It doesn't have to be complicated, and often it isn't.  My question is, do I want to be slowed down even more by medicines I can't seem to maintain, or do I want to live with more natural and sometimes better sometimes worse, natural healthier and iller times?  I would like to have them review my heart, see if the medicine has helped at all.  I did take it, mostly, for over a year, maybe two now?  I lose track.  If my heart has improved it might be worth continuing, as long as I can keep it up.  Heck, if I moved from 15% ejection refraction to... 25 or even 35 percent, perhaps that would mean something serious in my life.  A real increased ability to do stuff.  Even hiking, or camping, a few times a year... or a hunting trip... or... well... anything.  Keeping my home a bit better, that would be worth it.

Well, it's almost bed time.  I have been pushing into the late night too often lately.  I have been sleeping okay, but... now that I am used to days, sort of, I feel a bit off when I stay up too late.  So, my goal is to figure out how to get to sleep just a bit earlier.  Good night, I hope.

Nooope.

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All comments posted last night, and seemingly in place, are gone today.  The gremlins are doing their job, for sure.

As I decline, probably from lack of medicine, I feel trapped.  Now, the truth is, we are all trapped.  In flesh, within the limits of what we can do otherwise, by our jobs and all that entails, even within our intellectual limits and personality traits.  Much of that cannot be changed.  We could change employment.  Becoming self-employed sounds great, but first you have to find what you are good at, what will sell, if those merge, and then decide if you can put in the long hours to try to make it work, all with no guarantee.  Oh, and you best consider that you will need some serious capital for startup, and probably to live on the first year to five years.  You... won't be making money for up to five years, if your business makes it.  Most private businesses do not make it a year, let alone three years.  I think five years is about when a business really actually starts to become settled if it makes it.  Not always, but...  Still, we are trapped.

This isn't such a bad thing, if you can pad your trap, add some things you like, and have food and such in easy supply.  I don't think this was how God wants it, I don't think this is the way it should be, but for now it is the way it is.  The more ill you are, or otherwise confined, the more easy it is to see the limitations.  They are closer.  Even if you are healthy, all you need to do to see the trap is to plan even a minor change in your life.  Add working out, or increase it.  Add changing what and how you eat.  Or change how often you travel.  All of these things will end up showing how much we are enclosed by the reality of our existence.  Traveling a few times a month will wear you out, cost money you hadn't foreseen, interrupt other social affairs you have, impact your work, and cause issues within your family.  It is amazing what just a little change can mean.  Most people just try to hold on to what they can, keep things as they are, and just get by as is.  And that is fair.  Then again, many people are so overburdened with the life they have chosen, that even getting a calm, cool, rested, breath of fresh air is a challenge.  While that seems like a choice, I actually think that is a flawed part of what we are meant to be.

Not much happening here.  Later.

It looks like I can comment again?

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I won't swear to it.  Sometimes, in the past, it has looked like a comment has gone through and been posted only to not be there when I return.  Especially when writing at night.  Could it be that gremlins in the Google office deface comments from people they don't like?  Don't know.  Anyway, my comments stuck at three of your places.  I will check tomorrow.  Hopeful but doubtful, we will see.  See, even when things don't work, I keep... doing them as if they did.  In hope?  From some stubborn nature?  Because I am a blathering idiot?  Take your pick.  But it does work out once in a while.  Maybe even this time.

Good night, for sure this time.

Hmm.

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I think part of my problem with Google is that I am still using XP and a variant of FireFox that will work with it.  Google wants me to change to Chrome.  First, no.  Google can't be trusted as is, I won't add more of their product.  Second, in any case I doubt if this machine would accept a modern version of Chrome.  If they want to buy me a computer I'll contemplate it.  Even then, no promises.  I prefer FireFox, so long as I am stuck with Windows... and I am because I simply don't have the wherewithal to stay on top of something like Linux, which I would greatly prefer.  The simple economics of "keep it simple", but not by choice by lack of choice.  I am a cripple in ways other than physical mobility.

Today was just a little rough.  I did stay up way too late, again, last night.  I suspect, with the cooler weather there for a few days, and as the sun begins to wane, things change for me.  I used to feel fall in late August, now I have already felt a touch of winter, impossibly.  Just that feeling.  It isn't age, fear of cold, or dread of the dark, I... mostly enjoy those, if I sleep longer and harder.  Maybe for that very reason.  Well, and little is expected of anyone in the winter.  With the lawn being tended though, I have felt much better about life.  I don't feel like I am letting "the team" down.  While no one's home is perfect, there are expectations.  And that is fair, for many reasons.  From... a sort of economic view that a blighted home impacts the value or perceived value of nearby homes to the notion that people should manage what they have and on to pests.  Long grass/weeds become a breeding ground for things most people don't want, and brings in predators for those things that are even less well received.  Things aren't the way they are for no reason, you know.  There might be snow removal in the winter, but that isn't... something people expect, mostly.  If I were a business, if there were sidewalks, perhaps.  But it is just for me.  And, sometimes, when the neighbors see I haven't been... in our out and haven't tended my drive, they do it.  I live in a pretty good town that way.

I wanted to call and set up another appointment with the doc's nurse.  I see her usually, just seeing the doc every six months to a year.  I just... couldn't... quite... get... there.  Monday, I hope.  I need to get back on medicine.  If it isn't heat, it is lack of medicine, if it isn't that it is cold.  Bah(hahaha).  It's... a sort of joke, if it is true, and sometimes serious.  It's still a bit funny.  When people can take a step back they can chuckle along with their chide, two spices to enhance life?  Yeah, I suppose. 

I do need to get into town soon, maybe tomorrow.  I neglected my friend this week.  I told him I would be in Monday.  Now that I remember.  Look, I'm lost in here.  I'm tired.  I'm a bit shot.  Even if I am good with it, and even if it doesn't hurt, I am definitely not good to my word always.  It isn't lack of effort.  It isn't disinterest, it isn't carelessness or thoughtlessness, it is just...  Living in a fog bank means I don't know when to turn, and sometimes can't trust my own eyes to know when to turn.  I am three quarters asleep half of the time.  Only in the company of others, if that is brief, say up to a few weeks because of adrenaline, I am simply unable to attend things well or regularly.  Anyway, I need to get in to town to buy lite beer, and actually some heavy.  I seem to be out.  The rest of the snacks are on hand, I do believe.  I had thought about fruit, but not so much now.  And I considered a salami, summer sausage, and cheese plate, but that too would take a bit of processing.  Plus I have no idea how many to plan to be in attendance.  I'll be to meetings more regularly now, even when I don't have to do this.  So perhaps next time I need to fill in I will have a better notion.  I can get my friend out shopping with me, and maybe go to eat somewhere.  Even McDonalds or Wendys would do in a pinch. 

Good night.

Who knew?

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It's my what?  A call this morning I missed, another one in the afternoon I got.  Then a second one.  Otherwise I wouldn't have known.  The thing creeps up on me every time.  Women have hated that I can't remember when we met?  Hey, it took me 35 years to remember what that lady that raised me is called and I still can't remember this day.  Yeah, yeah, but it's almost true about my mom, sort of.

My brother called this afternoon.  To wish me well on the day.  He asked about a movie he has to review for his (re)education classes.  Asked about "A Beautiful Mind".  I filled him in on some things, including that most of the "spies" in the movie were part of the lead character's decline into madness.  Well, that and that the guy was going crazy but not because of work he was doing with the government, his own "genius insanity" thing, or anything like that, but because he had been caught and arrested for public restroom men's buggery.  Yep, that's... all there was to it.  In the 50's that actually meant something (or something bad).  He was probably let off lightly, for all I know, and because he was doing work for the gov.  Still, it... razzled him.  Some say he was a bit schizophrenic anyway, hard to tell.  If you believe in such diagnosis that is.  (I don't.)  Well, my brother sort of hung up on me while I was excitedly filling him in on what he hadn't been told.  I don't think he did it because of what I was saying, more that I was talking a hundred miles a second.  Talking about something I know a bit about AND (and mostly) getting a call from my brother.  Well, while he was driving his three women around.  I think it was all just too much for the poor lad.

He asked if I was feeling old.  I think I surprised him.  Truthfully.  I don't feel a day over 20.  My body may not do what it did when I was 20 but I really don't feel old.  I've always had aches and pains in minor ways, back then from stressing my body doing whatever kids do.  It hurts no more and no less today than it did then and I am just as good at passing most of it off now as then.  My heart doesn't hurt, nothing really bothers me.  My days and nights can get odd, but that has always been true if more so now I simply don't really notice it because I don't have external demands.  I am awake and then I am not for a while, and then I am up again.  No, I don't feel a day over 20.  How is that for being 46?  I'll take it.  And, like I have shown with women, I still have almost as much as I did when I was 20 that way too.  I actually tried to stay celibate between women, back when women were a regular on the menu.  I was about as successful then as now.  By the time I was 22 or 23 I was already in the condition, fully, that I am now.  I guess I have never known adulthood the way most do.  So maybe that makes a difference.  My brother didn't seem to... like that answer.  He has an extremely bad back, so he feels old, really old, all the time.  He is in pain all the time, which does age you, hard.  I suppose that I am not in pain I don't feel age.  Well, that and I've just drifted through time, sleeping up to two or three times what most do or even would.  I nearly slept a whole year at one point.

Yeah, well...  The girls were left outside most of the day until the afternoon.  I must admit I am tired of them begging for food every time I turn around.  They have been pretty good since I let them in.  I've fed them a couple of times and might one more time before I sack out, or not.  Being outside and having to fend for themselves puts things in perspective.  I needed it, a rest that is, they needed it to lend a touch of reality, all good.  Once in a while that will be the way it goes.

Have a good night.  Sleep well.

Some nights.

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Sleep was not available until between 3:00 and 4:00.  Given that I am trying to maintain a day schedule, I set my alarm for noon, just in case.  I woke at 9:00 or so though, on my own.  All good.  It seems such a simple thing, sleep, wake, rinse, repeat.  It just doesn't work like that for me, never has.  I really do think it is my system working at strongly varied levels due to inconsistent blood flow and such.  The medicine I was taking should have lowered my blood pressure and heart rate, the latter to 60 but didn't do either.  Oh, right, I had to back my medicine down, and am now off it.  Simply put I ran out, mostly.  I have a few weeks to a month of supplies, but until I can get in and get those coming for sure I wasn't willing to push it right until I was completely out then drop cold turkey... that can be harsh.  Yeah, yeah, I know.  Hmm, I might be able to call and set up an appointment yet today, or try. If it isn't one thing it is another.

Not much else going on.  The girls wanted out last night, they are still out.  It was good to have a 'beg free' morning though.  Sassy is ALWAYS hungry.  Sam can "get by" with being fed every three to four hours before she begins pretty serious begging.  I don't mind, and usually set an alarm to remind me, but sometimes...  Yeah, it gets old.  I hope they caught some mice.  Sassy is more into bugs, either through lack of skill or fear of bigger things?  I am hoping Sam can somehow teach her but that may not be possible at this point.  They aren't, precisely, friends if I think Sassy sees Sam as her mother.  Sam... holds no such love or interest... or perhaps that is how mother cats become when their kits grow up?

It's another sluggish day, but then I did stay up way too late.  I just could not unplug and shut down.  At least I am comfortable and basically staying fed.  The food bombing I get is very helpful.  I can see why I had more difficulty in the past.  You can't go without food for a week and make up for it in a few meals.  Feasting and fasting have their moments, but in limited amounts.  It's not a good lifestyle, if too it wasn't a choice.  And the incoming food has allowed me to add touches and my own meals.  I just can't really explain how much that helps.  I realize, as things are right now, I am just... waiting to die.  And it will be a long wait.  I hope to improve that though.  Tick-tock... but I only move just so fast.

Good day.

At least she called.

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Good show.  She called just a little bit ago to explain things.  I'll take her at her word.  It seems she had to do an emergency trip, didn't have my correct number as she had miscopied it anyway, and then her cellphone was dead and her car charger doesn't work so she couldn't, presumably, call the shop and get the correct number.  Well, could be.  That's... all I am saying.  So I proposed that she figure some time to do a lunch, there in Logan.  We will see if she makes plans for that.  Since I am, again, a day man, that should be fine in the shorter term anyway, though a day notice would be good.  You all know how my days and nights can get flipped in a heartbeat.  Still, that she called... it does make a difference.  In some odd way it really does.

I have decided, since regular soda doesn't seem to jack my blood sugars that I will include it in my diet.  No, not every day, or even every other day, just in case.  A couple of times a week, a couple of cans.  I love the stuff.  The diet stuff, and Splenda coffee is fine, but... it's just fluid.  No love there.  Coffee with sugar, on the other hand, I do love, but it's the same with regular soda in that I can't do it too often.  I will continue to monitor my blood sugar, but so far so good.  I know a woman who is blind and on dialysis three times a week from diabetes.  I may get to be in really bad shape because of my heart, or worse shape I should say, but I don't want it to be because I refused to watch my blood sugar.  I think she only makes it because she has the money to do so, and the will.  Though women have a severe ability to survive, something only very few males possess.  I think mine is better, but I am not sure mine is... purely mine... or anatomic...  Something else there, I sense.  Shotguns not going off, for example, has nothing to do with anatomical survival.  One of many examples.

I honestly think a woman, a wife, would do me a world of good.  Kids would add to it.  Oh, yeah, I'd be tearing my hair out often enough.  But... that is actually a good thing.  Rather than knowing I am on the edge of extinction and just waiting to die, I'd be busily HOPING for death.  *evil grins*  No, the time would pass much more quickly and fruitfully and well.  Even the bad times end up being quite a pleasure to remember... should you survive long enough.  You can trust me on this explicitly.  Far enough from even lethal levels of pain and those moments become something to ponder, chuckle about, remember.

I'm still not really kicking up into activity as I had hoped the ac might allow.  Then again I didn't completely expect that, just hoped for it.  And on days like today, when the outside temp just now was a mere 84 and it has been partially (?or seems like it?) overcast at times, I can barely get to what I normally do.  I nearly fall asleep playing my game.  I even took a nap.  It just... the lack of heat and sun or something.  While I am a winter man, I do better when miserable, within constraints.  I was made to be put in the grinder, the trap outnumbered, against the odds, surrounded, and then to kill and/or eat my way out.  Even if I complain about it...  I was made for "the shit".  Even in my condition I do better than most while in it, if I am not close to being up to original specs.

Dinner alone.

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Other than not having company when I thought I would have company for a meal, I am rather fine with it.  I noticed my money is a wee shy this month, my nest egg is ever so just on the edge, so... there was that.  I am a little disappointed.  If she didn't want to go, she could easily have said so.  Some women simply don't have the stomach for that it seems.  And she had a week to call, and my number for sure.  No hard feelings, she just probably isn't the one so I don't have much invested, it's the notion.

At least I got cleaned up, and I cleaned up well enough, for an ogre.  And I was there way early.  No, not to impress or for want, simply because I couldn't remember how long it took to get there.  It's been a while.  So I am pleased that I did my part and ended up with a pound of ribeye for the effort.  Couldn't eat it all tonight though.  I'm chalking that up to summer temps.  It does something to the digestion and basic ability to consume.  It was delicious and I did bring home the remnants for later.

I have a week to get refreshments for the meeting sorted out.  I have several sodas to take, and some insta-snacks.  I think I will skip on fresh fruit to be honest.  It's just that it has to be bought fresh, as in that day almost.  And much of it has to be processed, all of it at a minimum needs to be washed.  Several varieties of nuts, a few candy bars, some cheese/peanut butter filled crackers, and drinks.  That should do.  I don't know how many to expect which makes it all a bit tricky.  I have all but the beverages in stock, and keep all but lite beers on tap, or mean to.  So this first time shouldn't be too difficult.  One of the other duties is to set the room up according to specs.  I don't know the technical specs, but I have been to meetings so I can guestimate it and go from there, learning anything else that needs doing through the other officers and senior members.  All good.

Oh, I decided to give the lawn boy his games and system today.  I thought about it... why wait until school.  He will then have school, plus homework.  He will get to enjoy his games very little soon enough.  Because it was sort of a snap decision I hadn't charged it.  But... he was just fine with that.  The last few times he has been by he has mentioned that chair I bought.  Something about why isn't it together yet, and when am I going to... So... I enlisted him in helping me put it together.  That'll teach him.  I told him this is the trick to use on women, too.  When they nag about something, give them tasks to do to either help or set it up the task.  It buys time or makes the job easier, both really.  I don't think he thought that was all that funny.  He just wanted to go home and get his game going.  Hahaha!  Nope.  So, my chair is finally together.  Doom's deathchair is fully operational!  And it is wonderful to have a chair that has a solid back on it... not like the surfboard on a stick I had been using.  Nice.

Well, that's that.  Ah, right.  I have been, slowly, a cd or two a month, been buying some of that music I play here.  Nightwish, Tarja herself, Disturbed, that Siouxsie and the Banshees song that kicked me into gear for a while or the album it was on...  Slowly be surely, buying what I have been playing.  Then again,  I still wonder if part of the reason my comments are being blocked is because of showing the music here.  You would think they would just email me a warning or something.  Either that or some of the pages I comment don't tend to appreciate what I say and flag me?  Dunno.  All I know is I can't comment on most of your pages anymore, again.

Good night.

Life moves so fast.

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Just when I think I have things squared, I end up in a dome.  Anyway, it works out.  I was going to need to change my date around due to a meeting tomorrow night.  That has been rescheduled to next week.  Which is fine, and good to know.  Thankfully I hadn't rearranged my date.  She still might, I'm not sure how prompt she is about finding out what she has to do or informing me of things.  This is something to be learned.  Of course, if not this week, then another day or week will have to be chosen.  Still, I like it when things get scrambled a bit.  It makes it more exciting, somehow.  Yeah, okay, your right, I don't have much of a life.  *laughing*

I keep resoaking the dishes.  Eventually they will be done.  Further, I purchased disposable (some of it potentially reusable) bowls, "silverware", and I've had the plates for a while now.  I plan to make my life as... convenient as I can.  Oh, I'll keep the good stuff, probably with dust covers, for good or special meals.  Mostly though I will simply use disposable/reusable stuff.  My one caveat, for now, is that I NEED real glass to drink whatever out of, when a liquid container is required.  I love glass.  Thick, clear, heavy, hard core drinking vessels.  They don't have to be expensive, I think I bought my stuff at Walmart for a dollar or two per.  It just has to be glass.  No colors.  No real texturing.  Just... glass.  And clean glass at that, like what you would find at an upscale bar.  It's my way.

Oh, I didn't shave last night.  I best do that yet tonight.  No, I simply realized that standing there shaving for an half hour would make it so I couldn't get to town.  I have to make choices about energy use.  I can't choose the $3 dollar thing and the $5 dollar thing when I only have $6 dollars and no credit.  It is that simple.  Then again I thought the date was going to be delayed so I didn't press it.  Now, I did use the trimmer and took the stubble down to the near, so that part helps.  By the way, going to town last night was not the best idea if it was a good call.  I had to get some things and stumbled into a great deal on some of what I needed.  But it made it so that I could not get to sleep until 5:00 or 6:00 (?) this morning.  I heated up and could not shut down, ac or not.  Core temps just don't drop quickly with me, even if it is freezing.  I suppose I would have extremeties freeze off long before I actually even got to the point of hypothermia.  I am strange that way. Actually, I am not even sure about that. When others must wear hats or lose ears, I can quite easily go without and usually have to go without a hat or, again, even in freezing weather, risk overheating.

Not much else going on.  I'm going to try to hit it a little earlier tonight.  I can skip sleep, when I am doing better (and I am, mostly, if still not all the energetic), but doing it too often or too heavily will begin to erode my slim grasp on the world and all, quickly.  Sleep well yourself.

I really don't want to.

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Going to town can be fun.  And when things are needed, it can be just a job.  Things are needed.  But more I'm not really interested in going to town, leaving my home, or such.  Ah well.  I have something Tuesday, and possibly next Tuesday, and I need to get medical going again.  So I might as well get used to it.  And the sun is down, crowds have dissipated, so it should be an easier outing.  A trim, then a shave, a shower, and getting dressed, then going in.  I need to shave for the date anyway and it usually takes a few days for my face to normalize after a clean shave.  This time I won't be shaving at the last minute.  Yeah, it does make a difference somehow.

I keep losing weight.  Just a bit more but I am down to 263.  My usual is 275 to 300, give or take.  The wonders of the summer I suppose.  Well, and playing a game that is probably as addictive as crack!  Well, maybe not, but... you know what I mean.  I am nearly through.  I have one add and the last of the final mission.  Then I get to play it through, this time to perfection.  It is amazing what the first run teaches, then the second run makes sense if there are still huge mistakes.  My guess is you can't run a perfect game.  Too many details, especially if you are a collector and use a hack or three that creates odd limits.  In the final rendition, however, I don't need to worry about trophies, collections, or any of that.  I got started on collections because of the need to collect unknown items in order to build things in-game from blueprints.  Once I started I just couldn't stop.  Managing various amounts of everything to be found in the game, finding places to stow everything, it's... quite a hassle.  That alone added a third of the game time.  As well, I learned to sneak, and sneak well, in-game.  But that slows things down incredibly as well.  The last playing should be much quicker.  Less reviewing of game "advice", no collecting save a few items and weapons (strictly for use, getting rid of worse when better comes along), and a few other things.  I'll still have to ferry goods to the dealers, but now I know how to get a companion very early on to help.  That will cut the carry and sell time in half.  Though at some point there will simply be no need to sell, sooner rather than later without having to repair every weapon type and variant in my collection up to useful parts or full if unique.  Argh!  No, the last run through should be the culmination of much learning.  Did I mention addiction?  Yeah, well.  It's a matter of getting things right.  Some missions I won't even begin because the endings, either way, are wrong.  Like I said, I try to game like I live, within reason.

You know though, most game "advisers" generally go for the short and sweet.  They would rather you kill someone rather than work it out some other way.  They are metrosexuals, they are neutered males often (or might as well be), they are very young, and they don't know a thing about nuance, practice, patience, or such.  While I do find some of their data good, I find their ways and means to be poor to useless.  Well, the other thing is, these are game junkies who only have just so much time to play a game before they have to hit the next one.  Short cuts are all they know.  It's... probably what got them hired.  It's probably why they should be unemployed.  Ah, but for a perfect world.  *Cheshire Cat grin*

Sam seems to be seriously liking it outdoors.  What I had done as a punishment she is taking as a pleasure.  When I fed her outdoors during her punishment, she realized how good it was.  Now when I go to let her in, she just lets me know that food, and a water refill, would be good enough, thank you very much.  And so she gets it.  I don't know if she will come in at night.  It's up to her.

Blathering.  Later.  Or, actually, good night if a bit prematurely.

Grumpy?

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Why so grumpy?

Dunno.  The last few mornings have been heck.  I wake quite displeased with the world and all.  OFF with their heads, as the Red Queen would demand?  Probably.  An half hour, an hour, maybe two, and I am back to a bit better of a mood.  It's pleasantly moderate, temperature wise.  But it has been clouding over, I think.  Maybe that is it?  Maybe I am just sitting too comfortably and need to get going?  I don't know.  I just know *GRUMP*.  At least the girls have learned that when poppo is being a big baby that leaving him to stew in his own juices is the best policy.  If too, they will, eventually, come over and let me know they are there for me (and food) when I am ready.  :p  And that does help. You know though, the sun is starting to shine less, and beginning to slant. Perhaps that is all there is to it?

Not much going on today.  I just don't have a real plan yet.  I never did get to those dishes, so I may put those to a fresh soak.  I would like to make it to town to do some shopping later tonight, which means a shower and... well, an actual shave.  I figure if I am going to ask a woman out to dinner it behooves me to be clean shaven.  Should I ever find a wife I am under no illusions that other than a clean shaven man, until I train her and even then only from time to time, I will need to be whisker free.  Not that she will put her foot down, it's simply that women and whiskers don't mix really well.  Oh, yes, I know this.  At least I have learned to put the toilet seat down, automatically, and do it even without a women in der Nähe.  Actually, I sort of live as IF I had a woman here.  Gives me something to grumble about when all else is well.  Ha!  Oh, trash and maybe recycling will be put out, hopefully on my way to town.

Have a great day. 

     

Oh?

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It seems I will have to delay the date.  I have a meeting Tuesday at that exact time.  And I promised to be there, with refreshments, and at a station.  So... I will simply have to rearrange my date.  Then again, the date was a bit iffy as was so I don't mind.  I just hope I can contact her in time.  I just realized it this evening.

And about Ryan.  Yeah, I was surprised.  And, well, impressed.  Romney didn't pick the black female.  Perhaps that wasn't available.  Perhaps he is trying to shore up the conservative base.  He certainly didn't pick the easy way.  But he did pick the serious way.  It doesn't change a thing I think about Romney, that he is soft, that he is more liberal than conservative.  But the choice does, somehow, make a difference.  Even though it really doesn't.  The VP is a face.  There is no power there.  Although it could be a steppingstone TO the presidency for someone I would be happy with as president.  No, I'm not talking death.  While I don't agree, I am pretty sure, with much of what Mitt is truly about, I like him in the way I liked the Bushs.  Religiously all three are one off, though I don't hold that too serious as one off is... about as good as I will see.  The last, and maybe only, "religiously correct" president would not have gotten my vote and is someone I put in the ranks of destructiveness to this nation at the level of Obama, for his time (JFK if you can't snap it).  Along with Pelosi and the rest of the Kennedys, there are few political Catholics I have seen fit to give my vote to as a Catholic.  No, no, one off is as good as it gets.  Politically?  Realistically?  I suspect that, as the system exists today, a real conservative has no chance.  Not only would he be fighting the msm, the left, and all normal else... he would be being attacked and backstabbed by much of the "right".  Much of the Republican elite ARE socialists... old Democrats really.  The ones who thought communism was too far but can't stomach free trade, business and medicine without government interference.   Romney is a milder version of one of these.  That, as I said, is probably as good as it gets.  While I didn't care much for R. Paul, I liked where he was going.  I'm not sure if part of my dislike is media driven (from, as I mentioned, the left and the right), or whether it was his style and certain specific points.  Well, the cult-like feel of his adherents didn't help Ron either.  Not his fault(?) but there it is.  A bit of all of those I would guess.  Still, it would be good to see someone similar rise and rest the crown at some point.  We will see.

Oh, in a few words... good choice.  At least for a serious candidate wanting to send a peace offering to real conservatives.  A risky choice, if the talking heads have any truth in them.  But a powerplay at the same time.  Yeah, he gets kudos for that call.  If someone can pull it off, he can.  Then again, he's playing to a home team against the zombies.  It's his campaign to lose.  Mostly... probably.  We'll see.

Hey, time for me to hit it.  I let Sam in a day and a half (or two) early.  Sassy actually begged me to let her in.  Doh!  They gang up on poor old poppo!  Sweet dreams.

Stretching my days.

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It's not too brutal or anything, yet.  I should learn to back this down though.  I simply end up staying up far to late, or even early into the morning really.  While I can, with all other  factors managed, handle this occasionally and short term, it isn't in my best interest for any period of time.  Plus I do like a day schedule and I am on one again.  I get into a part of the game that I either wish to power through or I become fascinated with... or a bit of both.  I figure in another week I will have completed the game and all add-ons, including all of the side missions allowable given my decisions.  Then it will be time to run another character through to try and get the whole game... just... right...  Yeah, I know.  But I decided, after abadoning the first two game starts that, like with playing music, quitting and starting over only creates a bad habit.  You just play through, mark the mistake in your mind, and work on that part itself later or whatever.  Don't stop just because you made a mistake.  But I forgot.  You have to do the whole game to get that feel for when you try to do the whole thing right.  Weeks of data lost to fidgetry!  Then again, I didn't realize how immense this game was, either.  In one sense, it can be as short as a week or two of heavy play.  But if you do the side quests, find all (or most?) of the locations, and really work it, it can take upwards of nearly a month to play full on, more so if you never played it before.  I don't know how people with real jobs can play this game!  It would be like two hundred chess games one play a week.  Sure, you'll get there, eventually, but... You'd almost go half crazy in the interlude, especially at the higher levels of play and it would take forever(tm by teens).

Sam got kicked out of little Eden last night.  I caught her clawing my leg when I was asleep.  I think it was about food.  First, I feed the girls pretty well.  Sam doesn't get as much or she will simply chuck it.  She loves to gobble then blow chunks.  Poppo doesn't like this so much.  She doesn't care where or when.  Poppo, again, does.  Besides, while I seem to be oddly diabetic, I am.  And lacerations in my lower extremities worry me.  So, she has been banished for 3 days.  I will take food and water out to her, but she won't be let back in until that time is up.  No, she won't like it.  But she does know why.  I happened to wake right when Sam was doing it and Sam knew she was in trouble for it.  I don't want her teaching Sassy her bad ways, either.

Well, on to my day.

Overcast.

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Oh, not complaining.  When it is this densely overcast it is simply cooler.  The fans are all off and the ac isn't kicking in.  I slept quite well, perhaps even a bit too well.  I set my alarm for 9:00, just in case.  I had a feeling this morning would be tough after yesterday.  And it was.  I had to reset the alarm for 10:00.  Even then I almost just reset it or turned it off.  Intellectually I didn't want to do that, but the animal side was not as negotiable.  I woke on the wrong side of the bed to boot.  Still, I made it out at 10:00.  It took a good half an hour of wakefulness before the grumps retreated to a mild case of heat hangover, I suppose that is what I would call it.

I have set the dishes to a fresh soak and am eyeing the place to see what else needs done.  Or, not really what else but more what else I can knock out quickly if I can rise to the occasion.  Uhrm, there is a lot to do.  But it comes down to what I can do.  Work, for me, isn't about knowing it needs doing, it is about how to do it in such a way that I don't overreach.  It's quite a trick to even sweep and mop usually.  But that is what I have been eyeing.  That and picking up.  Laundry has almost been completed but nothing has been folded.  So... I go with wrinkled clothes until at least the next time I wash.  Ah well.  It's not like I am having to showcase being handsome or something though!  There is that.  *chuckles*

The girls got a small taste of my grump this morning.  And, for the most part, they let me alone to "enjoy it".  But they aren't at fault so I fed them shortly after I let them know I was grumpy.  I don't mind them leaving me alone but I also don't like them not getting fed fairly.  Grump or not, they do deserve to eat and more or less on a regular cycle.  Sam is already outside basking in the day.  She is just that type of girl, she seriously hates winter because she simply can't go out with snow and ice everywhere or if it is too cold.  Sassy is fat and happy almost always.  Chunky little girl, but quite a doll.  When she isn't acting on her feral instincts.  Hmm, sounds like the rest of us.  Ha.

Well, on to a bit more waking up.  How odd that as soon as I get used to summer I hit, mid-summer, a winterish day... and crash.  Oh, never mind.  I really won't ever figure it all out.  I will simply learn to live a little more surely through a tried and true simplicity.  That simplicity will be complex, just the least complexity I can manage.  Just like everyone else, only with some serious weak spots that others don't have.

Have a great day.

Never a break.

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I made it to town in time to load my friend on board and get to the hair cut appointment, but barely.  Even with a flat tire.  It seems there was a huge gash in the sidewall.  Now, I had to drive on it a bit, but I made it to a gas station immediately after realizing it was going flat, added air there, and it was gone in less than a block.  Somehow, through heavy duty SUV tires, while driving, the side of my tire was gashed.  And I am a road watcher.  There was nothing in the road.  I'm just not sure what caused that.  Could someone have tried to cut the tire but not quite gotten it done, then it gave out at some point?  That's the only thing I can imagine that would have done that.

I tried to change the tire.  I was stymied by how to get the spare off the hook.  I really need to figure the whole process out rather than wait for another such instance.  The tire shop couldn't fix the tire and didn't carry that size of tire.  They did put the spare on, and showed me how to get the spare off, and didn't charge me a dime.  Quite nice of them, really.  That was a Big-O shop.  And, yes, when I can, from now on, that is where I will take my business.  Went there last time, when I had a leaking valve.

Right now I am driving on the spare.  And, it works just fine, for now.  I would love to simply replace the flat tire, but that won't work.  With three old tires and one new, things don't work well.  Even two new and two old doesn't work.  So it looks like it is time for new tires.  Bleh.  I had hoped to stretch this out another 10k, but it just doesn't always work that way.  Oh, and the spare doesn't seem to gauge right.  I get a dummy light that there is low pressure in one of the tires, which meant a stop on my way out of town.  All were pressured correctly.  It must be that the spare doesn't have the device needed.  At least it is a full size spare.

After the haircut (I went with a flat top and, at the advice of my beautician, kept the tail), my friend wanted to go to the hardware store.  Tin snips, it seems, are needed.  He had asked to borrow mine, but I keep forgetting.  When I make it to town that is.  Oh, and I set up a date for next Tuesday, if her schedule is clear.  Barring that the Tuesday following.  Hey, it's something fun and new.

Have a good night.

Oh well.

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Not much done today.  Actually nothing was done.  I did, however, enjoy the day.  I mean it was a fine day.  I have had about a week of them.  All good.  I have been playing the heck out of Fallout 3.  I've almost gotten to the point where I might consider almost beginning to start doing the end projects.  Not quite, but close.  The game is massive, especially with five add-ons, on two of those have been explored (in a previous playing).  So, really, I have to finish the main game and finish the adds.  THEN... I get to start all over, this time setting out to create the perfect game.  *shrug*  It's what I do.

I did, actually though, call my mother today.  Just a feeling.  And she was rather down.  Some days she is in pain, arthritis.  Most days medicine works.  Today was a less than optimal day.  She wants to come out closer to Thanksgiving.  She has been worried about me being all alone on holidays.  I had to chuckle out loud a bit.  She hurts more for me than I do.  I don't even notice being alone on holidays... or... ever, really.  And, sure, I would like company, such as a wife, and more kids, I do just fine all on my own.  I do have some company, occasionally, when folks bring food.  If I can get my place cleaned up I will invite them in for a more proper visit.  And I do sometimes anyway.  I'm just not the lonely type?  I've been there, at times, more when I was younger.  Though some of that was dealing with other issues too.  Still, Thanksgiving it is. 

Tomorrow afternoon is time for a haircut, or two.  I should be quite ready to get out again.  I need milk as well.  A few other things would be nice also.  Getting out hasn't been so bad, with the car ac and some cool going on here at home.  I can deal with it, if not as often or well as when it is cool or even downright cold.  I do miss the winters, if I am getting to an age where after a while they can tend to drag on a little long.  Age does make one a little less... appreciative of extreme weather, in either direction. 

Have a good night.

Yeah, sure, you had to know it.

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While relaxing this last week, my cooking has slumped.  Not that I was doing much before, but at least enough for a one to two meals a day when the incoming meals were added, usually.  What I found myself doing was bad... raiding my candy bar midterm stash, and drinking the non-caffeinated but sugar filled drinks I usually keep on hand for the young man who does my yard.  I also stopped checking my blood sugars as I knew that must be terrible by now.  But, finally, after one last gulp and bite, I... checked.  Hahahaha  It was 103.  They want it below 120.  Go figure.  No, I don't plan to continue that though.  Just... probably not wise for a thousand and one reasons.  Still, it looks like I passed the test.  It really was Gatorade.

While shopping yesterday I looked for other sorts of treats.  There were snack bars and discreet bundles of various nuts, in bulk.  I mean, the bulk was that I was buying a large amount of small packets.  Peanuts, cashews, and snack bars.  They officially go into my larder, but I bought a second grouping for up here.  Oh, I'll still have a soda from time to time, and a candy bar.  I just don't want that to be even an everyday thing.  If for no other reason than that I am getting no nutrition per calorie.  Hmm, and I have still lost and kept another 10 pounds off.  Really, seriously, go figure.  Living on snickers, Squirt, and Seven-Up, plus four meals incoming, and my blood sugar goes down and I lose weight.  Way too funny.

Tomorrow I hope to finish the laundry.  Just a bit remains.  As well, I really need to hit the kitchen.  Barring that, I really don't have too much planned.  I can push but that usually nets me less than just... doing a little at a time.

The game system I promised has arrived, as have three of the games.  I spoke with the father tonight, and asked if I should give them (the parents) the games, and let them dole those out.  He said no.  He said if there is a problem, he will simply confiscate whatever needs taken.  Yeah, I like that.  As he suggested, he is not their (his children's) friend, he is their father.  And he will do what he has to do.  Absolutely fantastic.  Fair always?  Pffft.  The world isn't fair.  But it is good to have a relatively stable force to keep young ones on the right path.  That is where children learn most of what they ever will learn.  And they need to learn it young, and over and over and over again.  And he has pretty good kids to show for it, from what I can tell.  He has one rebel, but he is... at that age.  Gonna happen.  Still a good kid though, just unsure of what is going to happen, what changes are taking place, and graduation.  He'll do fine though I think.

Well, on to bed pretty quickly.  I have been doing close to 16 hour days with 8 hours of sleep, so it's mostly working.  All good.  Good night.