Okay, well, there is that.

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I don't think I will need to work on my stamina in at least one area.  I didn't know how deep that went, and I probably still don't, but that is as far as I need to go as to testing.  I simply wanted to know that a bit more than a six-pack wouldn't bowl me over.  Urhm... check.  I do think... I may have dropped a grenade, or dozen, while in my cup.  I can't remember where all they are, urhm, or where any of them were let.  Gah!  As for the spiritual sweat?  I've seriously been going through a harsh period.  I never know the why or whence of such, just that I can whine with the "best" of them.  I suppose those things have to happen, as a fallen man.  We simply can't directly connect with the Father when we hear things that go bump in the night, not right yet.  I hope when I grow up, that I won't still need a nightlight? 

I do have a very minor headache.  I am a bit thirsty.  But a case?  Well, that... will do that.  I probably won't have another beer for... a while.  It truly was just a test.  I won't say I passed, but I certainly didn't fail.  While I like beer, I don't exactly love it that much.  On another note, last evening's events may have helped kick my schedule further into change.  I don't know if today is anomalous or will be the beginning of the resetting of my schedule.  I sort of hope it is the latter.

Oh Father, send my father to lend me...

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Comfort... or my due end!!!


Please, I beg of you, Father.  Give me a breather, give me a rest.  I know it won't kill me, but it is ripping me apart.  Oh, Father.  Please... please?  Please.  I need... a little time.. anything.  The whip was less painful.  Please!  As You wish.  Guide me.  Mercy!!!

How many ghosts must I hide from...

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When I am the dead?

Men of steel, or iron at least?

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I sometimes wonder what God is really about.  Well, don't call me a fool.  Men of greater magnum have asked no less.  Onto my third, and final as for the first case, sip of beer, I have to wonder.  I have placed the extra case of beer in the refrigerator, as I am about to empty the first case down my gullet.  Nummy, by the way.

Okay, the last heavy sip I have had consisted of four beers.  Well, actually, I pushed it a bit more recently with a six pack or two.  But even that was in my... effort toward expanding my... horizons.  So, tonight, without effort, a case has gone down my throat?  Yes, indeed.  Just in fluid volume, that is.... hmm... 12x12x2... 288 ounces of beer.  True, that is only 24 bottles.  But it is, theoretically, 24 ounces of scotch, rum, vodka, or what have you...  Down the hatch.  *glug*  Well, when I finish this last... sip.

Never mind.  I was just curios.  Tomorrow I might know more, if this was a fools errand or simply... a reality.  A case, though?  At my level of alcohol virginity?  I do think God makes some men... different.  Well, on to my sip.

Good night.  For, good or ill, this is it.  Sleep well.

Well, that wasn't working...

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Let's try this.  I had four beers, while cooling down.  I still can't quite eat.  Then again I was almost as red as my avatar from working the X'ter.  Sure, I didn't get it out, but I sure worked my butt off doing... no work, as my physics grad neighbor would have suggested... bastard.  :p  (Technically, in physics, if no movement occurs then no work has been done.)  Now, I would have countered that I did, indeed, move snow.  As well as the shovel (if that was negligible without snow in it), and actually, just moving my own mass, we will call it mass for now, was indeed, work.  Still, I hate the notion of physics... from some of it's ways of viewing things... if as I think about it, because they are incorrect.  If you push a rock that has a mass of, say, 150 kg, 20 meters, then push it back to the exact spot from where it initially sat, to include an almost exact repositioning, regardless of what physics says, work was done, damn it!

The point, however, is not physics, it is beer.  While the beers were tasty, trying to drink like that to build up my stamina will never do.  No.  Not a bit.  So, I got my stein out.  Cat hair?  Bleh.  So I washed it out.  I only filled it about... a little less than half full.  No, not for pessimistic reasons, or even optimistic reasons, though those notions did occur to me.  Still, I don't want to push it until I know my limits.  A six pack on top of four beers should be a... beginning.  If I do that well, I may have another.  If I am having trouble, I can end my... exercises.  Plus, my doctor... something about only having a beer or two.  If I scratch the first four as ill-advised medical practice, this stein and maybe the next, will be well within his recommendations!

Yes, my stein is on the larger side.  It can easily hold a twelve-pack, plus salt and tomato juice and/or lemon or lime juice, when I am into that.  Just salt tonight.  I tried to get a picture from online.  I simply couldn't find even a smaller, say 144 oz. or 4 liter, stein.  So, you will just have to imagine the double handled ceramic monstrosity from which I sip.  I can't quite drink from this one one handed, possibly even when it is... lightened.  I can get it up to my face one handed, and do, but then need my other hand to steady it a bit.  I sure miss my old single handled 6-pack (and a bit more even with salt and tomato juice if interested) stein.  I could do that one easily one-handed.  And I am in much better shape now than I was then.  But this one is just a wee too big, for now.  I could, if there wasn't a bit of an in-turned lip, put my whole head in this one... if beer baths aren't quite my thing.  There is nothing like knowing the Lord loves me though, when looking at what seems to be an endless supply of beer as I look down the well of beer, limited only by my throat! 

This should loosen me up a bit.  Welp, back to drinking.  Cheers!

Yeah, well, I gave it a heck of a shot.

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After being bulldozed by events for a bit, I decided to try to fight back into the game.  Yeah, moving slow, no doubt, this morning.  Of course, I figured out why time has been so... weird.  My watch, somehow, was reset back about an half hour from real time (which means it was 40 minutes off all of my clocks, save my smart phone, as I run 10 minutes leeway time on everything else).  Okay, that explains why time was so hard to nail down for so long.  Anyway, a shower and to the butcher shop I went, after fixing my watch.  I'm going to be keeping an eye on the watch though.

I looked it up, quickly, online, before I left.  Well, the problem is, I don't actually know these towns.  So, turning right at this, not the next, intersection can lead you to be looking for the shop in the wrong town.  Which I did.  But I looked pretty darn good.  Guess what?  Uhrm, it wasn't there.  :p  Smartphones can be a lifesaver.  I had stopped at what might have been the place.  There was a guy cleaning out the drives, so I asked him.  He said... something... and then something else.  Oh, I heard him, what he said went in and was heard in the left ear, then passed and was heard out the right ear, not a bit of it stuck.  So, I got out my phone, tried to tinker with the map.  Finally found a search and put in "butcher".  Ah...  Then I had to figure out how to turn off the annoying "turn left" without turning off the map follow!  Gah!

The hog order was a lot easier than what I had thought.  He ran through some things and I suggested yea or nay.  And, then, when he was through, I suggested that I wanted cubed cuts for canning.  He recommended the shoulders for that, and yeah, it is what I thought before if I was there to learn as well.  The ground is just what it is, if I did take and even split of hot Italian and maple sausage as well.  I had to call back while in Logan, I had forgotten to ask for half of the bone-in chops to be the thicker Iowa type cuts.  I love em' thick once in a while.  That should be ready the 7th.  All good.

After that I headed in to Logan to see about a swim.  Nope, at least not right away.  They had swim teams in from 15:00 to 19:00, or... something like that, today.  I decided to take care of some needs to see if I could chew up enough time to be there for swimming later.  I headed to Home Depot, but they don't carry Troy-Bilt.  Back to Lowe's.  Looking over their selection, I believe I got the right belts and cotter pins.  I also bought a shovel.  It isn't as good as the neighbors, in my mind, but it will work and is similar.  After that, a run to the gas station, then the store, and as it was sort of closing in on the time for the pool to open I headed back to the gym.  I couldn't find a parking spot, so I just... headed home.  Hey, I tried!

Pulling into my drive, as I usually do, I got through fine.  Backing over the hump, however, the X'ter got hung up.  Dinner arrived.  I was late on everything, including getting home for that.  If too, I kept thinking it was Thursday.  Gah!  At least I don't think it is Friday.  Well, the folks delivering it just suggested they would come by later, and the Mr. came by right as I was working on freeing my rig.  I hated to ask for help, but...  I did.  We couldn't get it.  I almost thought to just leave it, but that wouldn't have been good.  Not at all.  Besides, I had JUST WASHED IT, of course.  This has been the first time I have been out where the weather has been decent enough to consider a wash, while filling her up, so I took it.  She would have been a mess from traffic flying by.  I called the neighbor.  He promised to be over with the boys.  I grabbed a handful of Snickers.  Hey, don't ask empty handed unless you have no choice.  I forgot with the other fellow.  *sigh*  I do try.  I had dug it out as well as I could myself.  But that just wasn't doing it.  They dug for a bit, but that, again, wasn't doing it.  So, a toe-rope and a tug.  *bump*  And then they cleared so that I could use that path to pull in then back up.  I was pretty much shot from digging, trying to push myself, helping the other neighbor, and such.  I figure I more than made up for not swimming...  God's will, you see?  :p  Taskmaster!  Gah!  *grins*

I've been too grumpy and taught all day.  Yeah, I know why, but that just isn't going to work.  I am going to have to get ahead of 'the horses' and slow things down.  *grwllll*

Well, I did happen to buy two cases of beer.  I need to... increase my tolerances for all things.  And, I will be testing my tolerance right straight away.  As soon as I chill a bit, I have dinner here.  I just can't eat after a heavy workout.  That is worse than drinking to much, for me.  So, cheers.  Bleh.  Hmm...  Maybe the full day will see me back in bed, ready for an easy day tomorrow, then a swim Friday?  *urhp*  Could be.

Later, or good night.

Yeah, yeah, getting back to things.

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My days are off.  I keep having to check my calendar to see what day it is, on my smartphone.  I keep forgetting anyway.  Even knowing now, I keep thinking it is Thursday.  Freaky.  I got to bed, and slept rather well.  Not as well as it should be.  It has been almost a week since I slept right.  It's like the notions were coming together before the flash.  I think it's getting better now, though.  Since it is Wednesday, I might try to get a swim in today, then Friday if I can.  Yeah, well, I can only do what I can do.

I went in to shower this morning.  My t-shirt, in the pits and under my chest, was soaked.  Not damp, not a little moist, wet, like I had dipped my shirt in water.  I stank, too.  Yuck.  Sometimes I get far enough way from the flesh that I think I am just... writing stories.  Then reality hits me, right there, in my hands and in my nose.  It is getting better though.

The shower was wonderful.  There is nothing like clean skin and man acceptable fragrances.  Well, my shampoo could be considered a little girly smelling, but I am claiming that the peppermint body soap is perfectly acceptable for even an ogre.  The hair gel I use takes care of the shampoo smell, and is definitely manly anyway.  Plus, the mild antibacterial properties clean up any minor wounds.  Even though my girls love me, they aren't always aware of just how sharp their little but multiplicative pointy things are.  I usually don't fuss about that, we are, after all, just having a little fun.  Their claws remind me that my size and strength does matter, and my size and strength reminds them that claws and teeth hurt.  But none of us are too picky.  *tickle tickle*  *bat* *swat*  Bwats!  All of us!

The butcher shop called.  I told them I would be in in a few hours.  Time is ticking but I am still running a bit slowly.  One more round then I will hit it. 

Have a great day!

Have you ever been whipped?

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The first thing you feel is a burst of pain.  It pretty much dominates your mind, though some other things might be noticed too.  You might feel hatred right then, too, no matter your intent.  Or all things might go from your mind.  If you feel hatred, that will be gone shortly, as you become exhausted beyond understanding.  I can't tell you which order, or even if there is an order, of things that takes place next.  Your pulse increases, as if you had plunged into ice cold water on a hot day.  Your skin tightens, in places it might even spasm, and goose bumps jut out seemingly immediately.  Muscles tighten like rope stretched to the breaking point.  Between skin and muscle, your joints can strain under the pull.  You begin to sweat.  *ssswhissssh*  *CracK*  Right as it cracks your world opens up to things you never thought you could know.  You know you are alive but wish you weren't, perhaps.  You might even lose control of your bowels and/or bladder.  Now, after a few days, when the immediate wound(s) begin to heal if it was that deep, or the pain fades, you are left with a taughtness of skin and muscle and bone that just doesn't fade for a rather longish time, if ever in some ways.  It runs clean through the skin, muscle, bone, right to your soul, and you continue to sweat at varying amounts for some time, a stinky fear sweat.

I suspect I got a little close to my... notions.  I've been suffering from what resembles a whipping recovery period since before writing the cup post.  It's why I couldn't sleep, or wake up well.  Heck, I thought it was already Wednesday night.  Ah well, I'll figure it out.

No, I didn't go swimming or make it to the butcher shop.  I am hoping I come down enough to rest a bit better tonight.  My neighbor and family came over and scooped the drive, I helped for what I was worth.  They outnumbered me though.  *grins*  While here, we looked at the snow blower.  After unbolting the gear housing, it was immediately clear that one of the belts had broken.  A bit of digging and we got that out.  No problem.  When I buy a replacement I might ask what else I should keep on hand for it.  I am sure the cotter pins, a handful of them, would be good to keep.  I am sure if one belt broke, the other probably isn't long to follow, so two of those, two of both most likely.  I don't know how involved replacing the belts are, but I will be looking that over tonight.  I've had and been using this machine since... two years before I left Iowa, so... five years of ownership, if only four years of use?  I didn't use it the year I rented.  And this is the first issue, so... yeah... no problems there.

After researching regarding the pork cuts, I've just decided to speak with the butcher, let him know some of what I am hoping to do (canning, both ground and cubed), and see what portions of this and that might be best.  I know I would prefer smoked bacon to side pork, if that latter is good, too, once in a while.  And smoked hams are... well... a very much enjoyed household item.  It might be good to get one or two for a gift meal.  Chops are great, but just how many?  It seems as if you can get a ton of chops if you go... hog crazy.  Though I am sure my friend wouldn't mind a few of those.  I have just decided, this time and maybe for the next several times, to play with things and see where it ends up, learning from experience rather than trying to force such a complex issue in a day or two of "book learning".

I want to be up and going tomorrow, within regular hours.  I probably won't swim but once, this Friday, this week.  Hey, it will happen.  And this was a rather... unusual... experience.  I did think, for a bit, about a spiritual adviser.  A comment made me consider it the more, if I suggested why not to do that.  While I didn't think so in comments, and those difficulties are real.  Another issue is, how do you explain such things to another person?  No, they don't understand.  When I was allotted a ptsd councilor, what I said there was more than was comfortable.  That was mild compared to this.  If a trained professional can't handle minor stuff, how much less someone just trying to help you on your Christian path?  No, I think such things are my burden, alone.  Sure, I shared it here, but that was just... well... PG.  Trust me, what I 'sensed' couldn't be shown in a theater, YouTube, or... anywhere. I won't even discuss the particulars.

Well, I should begin getting ready for bed.  The alarm will be set for, say, 10:00.  If I can't do that, then I will reset it for noon.  I've lost the morning.  *shrug*

Good night.

Okay, that was just stupid.

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Well, not me, per se.  Just, the way it worked out.  I couldn't get to bed until 1:00.  I thought to try, anyway, to be up by 8:00.  I set the alarm for 7:00, with the plan of resetting it for 8:00.  That didn't come close to working.  I don't know how many times I did, or dreamed, that I reset the alarm clock.  I never knew the real time until I finally woke if completely out of sorts at noon.  Have you ever gone down a hill, say sledding, and lost it, going for a tumble instead?  A long tumble at that.  When you finally stop rolling you might have no sense of where you are, what just happened, or even how to stand.  Well, that about sums it up.  Okay, no more trying to wake up at 8:00.  I'm guessing 10:00 is the new actual 'push it' time.  I, actually and thinking about it, regardless of what I just typed, don't even now know for sure what time I really woke, somewhere between 10:30 and noon.  I think?

Which means, no, I didn't go to Mass.  I didn't go swimming.  And I have yet to make it to the butcher shop to part out the hog.  That last, for sure, will happen.  The rest?  I simply don't know, if I have some doubts.  I will be packing my bag for the gym, I am eating lunch now, and perhaps I will be ready for the pool when I finish with the shop.  Thankfully the pool will be open on up to, 20:00-20:30, or thereabouts.  The thing is, can I stop being dizzy?  I am literally just a bit dizzy, still, from that roll in the hay.  I swear, that sleep tumble really through a lot of things out of sorts.  Don't worry though, it was... sort of cool, too.  Much like a sledding mishap you survive?  Something like that.  :p

Never mind.  A shower first, maybe a shave, then dressed, bag together, and out.  Later.

Lord, about this cup?

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In discussions, thoughts, and prayers something has been nagging me lately.  You know, I have been through some very serious things.  From the time I was pounded to near unconsciousness but fought on, to the knowledge of women (loss of innocence) at such a tender age, to having a bad heart, and even to dying from pain and other things.  I have known pain so great I seemingly couldn't bear it, of both physical and mental natures.  I have scars, visible and not, from having my flesh cut, burned, scratched, poked, and crushed.  I realize too that we can't but do God's will, obediently or not.  We can only choose to participate or fight that will.  How... micro that is, I can't know, though I do suspect.  I know, for one thing, it isn't perfectly absolute as I do not believe God would, or even can, lead us into sin.  But that doesn't mean He didn't know and tabulate that.  And further, I recently thought, and wrote here, that there are only two masters in existence, one of them is not we ourselves.  When we part from God's will to do our own will, that is... decidedly... not whose will we are doing.

Some of these thoughts, and others, have coalesced into... something else.  At times, looking back, it almost seemed as Satan tried to say that if he couldn't have me, then no one could.  And God just said, "No, not yet".

I do believe that God will not give us more than we can handle.  I believe that is spiritual, as physically I can visit a morgue on any given day and see where people have had more than they can handle.  And yet I have seen what some Christians have endured.  Yes, true, our lives, if we are Christians, are forfeit by that very reason.  Only through real and holy forfeiture can we come to Grace.  But it is in that first sentence, and knowing that God strengthens us for our challenges, that... something looms.

I may have suggested, in the past, that I felt a very personal call to follow God.  I don't mean, as in, it touched me, if it did, if more as a thing and not an emotional, or even happy, call.  I didn't want to be called.  I don't mean that it was private, something just between the Trinity and myself, I can't even shut up about it so that wouldn't work.  :p  No, I mean, it was quite directional.  You.  Who, me?  Yes, you...  Doom.  Come, follow me.  I think you have the wrong... guy.  I knew He didn't. 
So, what is your purpose in God?  Most, I think, are here to learn and grow and do His will as best we can.  Some, however, have a very specific reason to be... called.  To live.  To be.  There have been many, in the bible, and in life since that Writing, known and unknown, who have been called and obeyed.  To be honest with you, most of those who were specially called had their lives ended... well... tragically, catastrophically.  How much more someone built and forged to endure almost death itself?  Putting a few things together, I am beginning to wonder just...  Why He did call me?  Oh, I've got to tell you, I'm sort of uncomfortable with this, right here, right now.

It's... not going to happen today.

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Which, as it turns out, is fine.  The weekend was simply too short this time.  However, there is room, and reason, to move the goal.  I need to be to the butcher shop tomorrow to set up the hog cuts and smoking orders.  Plus, today I would have missed Mass, while tomorrow I might make it.  And swimming on Monday or Tuesday, then Friday, makes little real difference.  I just don't have anything in the boiler this morning, not enough to turn the cogs and gears.  Today will be more of a day of rest, too.  Research regarding hog butchering did not go forward, neither did figuring out what I need to get, and stock, regarding the snow blower.  Oh, one thing the neighbor did figure out is that the cord from the handle that engages the blower was not tight.  A bit of tightening on that has massively increased the capacity of the machine to shoot the snow, meaning Pam may not be needed for the snow shoot after all.

Oh, even if the rest of the week was a wash, and while that would be disappointing, I would not be greatly disturbed.  I would be more vigilant and fretful about next week, perhaps.  The thing is, I am doing a ton better, using every measure available, than I have ever done.  I would compare this to not this, but the summer before last, as being the two best periods I have had since being ill.  The difference that makes this period better?  It is right dab-smack in the middle of one of the coldest winters I have known in Utah, and it might be closing on one of the coldest all told.  This is a typical, for me, hibernation period.  I simply don't do things in winter.  Usually, closing up shop happens with or without my consent, sometimes without me even realizing it has happened... until the spring thaw.  Here I am, putting up a wall coat rack, setting up a seedling center, planning a trip to Burning Man, organizing some things in my home, taking my medications about as good or better than ever, and exercising to the point I have to figure out how to loosen up to do more at points!  My blood pressure is superior with my high points being lower than my lowest points for the last 15 years, my weight is steady as a rock, I eat better with a little help, and I am reading, and the heavy stuff.  Heck, considering just my health condition should have killed me or caused a heart attack, stroke, or other things, for decades but didn't, if longevity is your measure, I'm so far ahead of that game the rest is just insult on injury to the notion of death as punishment... or whatever.

That said, it is true that I am not living a full healthy normal(tm) life.  I literally, can't, yet, be busy my whole day.  My day consists of resting, then maybe some more resting, perhaps a nap, then 20 minutes to an hour of work, then resting, and a bit more resting to make sure, then some other task.  I still don't have much option.  I can, and have, worked in a minor way, for several hours at a time.  But that is rare and takes a toll.  Swimming, while exercise and serious exercise since I do hit it as hard as I can, takes most of my day and even week.  At this point though, it beats... more resting.  Everything, however, has to be weighed on it's own merits.  And my life up to beginning heart medication compared to my life after it is the difference between sitting and a slow jog?  Summit like that.  I'll take it, if I am looking to be doing marathons at the pace I am now doing sprints!  It could happen, it really could.

So, a day off just isn't going to plug up my pipes or cause me troubles.  And I will still be doing things, more of the contemplative than active, as St. Aquinas might put it.  The sun just broke through.  Perhaps St. Aquinas is not the only one smiling on my efforts?  Later.

I tried!

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I went to bed by midnight, I simply couldn't get to bed earlier.  I didn't sleep well.  I feel more like I didn't sleep at all.  The last two or three nights simply have seemed sleepless.  I set my alarm for 7:00.  That didn't work.  I reset it for 8:00, then 10:00.  Shortly after 10:00 I did rise.  I am not feeling exceptionally tired in the mornings though, there is that.  Last night I did dream, if only one little fun bit stayed.  Oh, bp was 118/76, pulse at 66, with weight dropping a pound to 276.4 or so.

A woman was discussing how, in the 60's, she had thought to run away to go 'fight for civil rights' in the South.  She waxed about this, decried that, spoke of the terrible things that happened, and on and on.  Remember what I want to know?  I didn't follow her down the hole, just waited for her to re-emerge, knowing precisely where.  I let her go until she had herself nearly in tears, perhaps feeding her with some sentimental tripe bait or other to help.  I can't help myself.  Then I said, "Oh, you actually thought about becoming a Republican?".  *whack*  Her eyes got huge, she looked at me as if I had broken what she knows of my nature and started smoking something.  "Wha?"  I reiterated what I had just asked and suggested some reading material for her.  Now, that did happen in real life, at least two and maybe three times, with different women, and give or take a bit on their memories and how wrong they were about the realities of them.  This was the funnest of them though.  I love hunting rabbit, mole, whatever.  Too predictable for real game, but absolutely delicious.  *whack*

I suppose I should get going.  It's sort of a rough morning, but that is fine.  I have had breakfast, if not the best of breakfasts.  I did get the beans put away last night, and meat out to thaw... which now needs to be refrigerated.  I let my wet swim clothes air dry, so those items need to be put back into the bag.  At least it will be easy to pick which coat or jacket and hat to wear this morning!  But first, a shower.

Good day.

Reading at other places. And other things.

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At Helen's, I read about a guy who is frustrated with online dating, at one or more spots (details... bleh).  Something about women seeming to want liberal men.  Women are liberal, to a degree every politician who voted for the 19th amendment counted upon.  And they think they want liberal men, until they realize why men who are liberal, are liberal.  One of the big reasons is so they can continue dealing with women as they do, which is exactly what women who are trying to get serious or are serious about marriage don't want.  Now, try to explain this to a woman, try to expand it, and she often won't understand at all, not until, and only maybe then, the mechanisms of modern liberalism have pretty much trashed her and sent her on her way.  The reason liberalism likes to say women are equal isn't because it believes that, but because then women are much more available for... casual use, even abuse.  One would think this would eventually affect even single women's perceptions, but until those are focused elsewhere by an actual family, maybe that isn't possible.  Even then sometimes it doesn't work.  But, that isn't the point.

In real life, I give absolute feedback to liberalism when faced with it.  Whether it is a mugger, a bureaucrat, or a typical woman, I face it, square off, and make no bones that... if continued, the attack will end up hurting, but not me.  You know what?  I rarely have a problem after that.  Women come around or go away, bureaucrats have bosses and some healthy understandings of physics and angry giants, and muggers just meander on, looking for another type of their own liberal kind.  Heck, my last woman-type was a self-avowed feminist, at first.  Now?  Not with someone to point out where that fails and her own experiences in reality helping to clarify things.  She is still coming more my direction, years after our affair ended and then even later we parted, further being parted by several states now.  She still holds onto feminism, but not as a truth, merely as the only flotation device she has in an angry sea, partially of her own (as she now realizes) making.  The problem for this guy is he can't give feedback online.  Or can he?

You know, online dating just isn't my thing.  I have given it a jab, a time or two, but if for nothing else my target women simply lived too far away, if that isn't the only reason.  You see, women might seem really picky, but that is because they are a minority of the sexes thus at a premium, and because they don't know what the heck they are talking about in the first place.  The whole notion that a woman is more in touch with her feelings is bunk.  What the truth is, is that she is more comfortable expressing something for no actual reason other than that she feels like it.  That's not being in touch with your feelings.  Still, I think I could advise this fellow... assuming he is actually conservative.  What I would do is, find a sample of women who would, in theory, from those available, work.  I would then, simply, begin communications.  I wouldn't be forceful about the subject, or even in fact bring it up.  If asked I would state things simply.  I would proceed as if I was having a conversation with the woman.  I think he would be surprised, if he is actually conservative and not a butt-munch metrosexual.  Though that he is whining, I have... some doubts.

I know, some guys really are a bit busy to try to track down a wife.  Then again, and part of my problem, is future wives don't just congregate at the bookstore at, say, 9:00 am every Saturday, or something.  Seriously.  But they need to learn that listening to a woman about what she wants in a man is like listening to what a child says they want to eat.  Yeah, no.  Cakes for breakfast?  Ice-cream for lunch?  Chocolate bars for dinner?  Yeah, again, no.  If the woman is actually serious, and not just playing, she will note the right chords being struck at the right times.  Most women, not of their own accord but through marriage and children, do become much more conservative, if married to a conservative.  It might take some time, but it will happen... minus that she will always think that because she is weaker she is better, somehow.  When they have something they aren't willing to negotiate about, they understand ownership... to a degree... a bit better... and why "sharing", socialism, 'yours-is-mine-ism', and such, won't fly.  They also get over some of their inherent (and initially required) vanity (a baby does that), they get over defeatism (a thing engendered by the historic notion that being raped is better than being dead, which for millennia was the simple way of things, and still is in many of the asshat places of the world) when they want to bear the child of only one man.  Things change, a woman changes, when she is attached to a good man.

Oh, I did call my lady friend tonight.  We have been playing phone-tag for a bit.  But this time I got her.  I call, she said, at the worst possible times!  I truly love that woman.  She honestly cheers me up with such things.  It means I still have 'the touch'.  It seems they had an ice storm, and so she is going to drive to work early, and slowly, which means while the timing of my call was good, the circumstances weren't.  Still, for cheering me up, I let her off the hook, possibly to continue our game of phone-tag.  I bet I could even tell where her nipples were, during the call.  If the phone had bot-arms, I could have hit the buttons, on the dot.  That, too, annoyed her.  Hey, it was better than playing with a pencil and string!

Dinner arrived, and it was good.  My machine seems to be having a problem, but that seems to be a common problem.  I'll do a bit of research on that tonight.  Some piece, a cotter pin of some type, seems to have broken.  But the frame actually has a compartment just for those pieces, if I didn't have any in it (yet).  As well, I think I will look over the parting out of a hog tonight, again, and try and make more sense of it.  When looking things up, it is better to do so before the brain turns to mush.  No, I wasn't drinking...  I do that quite rarely, if I mean to fix that too.  It's just, as the mind begins to lean toward sleep, it becomes data teflon.  Data just doesn't stick.

Later, though most likely good night.

Tasks, one down, two hundred fifty three trillion seven hundred thirty nine billion nine hundred fifteen million three hundred twenty seven thousand five hundred two to go!

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Okay, so time will take care of me before I take care of my list.  If I think that is half of the point of the list.  Seriously, if you have a bucket list, you best be short on time or smarts, and perhaps both.  The list is some, sometimes a significant, part of what keeps you alive.  Sure, many people don't realize they have a list, or keep putting their heads back in the sand and continuing with their list if they happen to ever take, or review, the 'long view'.  Me, I don't worry.  It is there, I'll get to it or not.  But I don't pretend it doesn't exist.  I'm simply not impressed.  I remember how very much longer the list USED to be. 

Oh, it was the coat hanger in the back hall.  And while I could count it as one thing, on the list, technically, it was actually parted into some lengthy list itself.  First, and what started the thing, was remembering while at the hardware store to pick, then buy, a coat hanger that I liked.  Now, to be honest, there was one I loved, a few I liked, and many that I absolutely despised.  The one I loved, if a bit expensive, was not satisfactory.  It only had three double prongs.  It had glass globes on the ends of those, and was nickle-plated.  Something about such, save the nickel in this case, just draws me in.  Old schooly stuff, nearly... more a replica and not a great one, but good enough.  As well as having only three hooks it came attached to it's own board, and the board wasn't long enough for a standard stud mounting (and as it turns out, I had to go between the length of three standard studs).  No, I knew it wouldn't work.  So, looking through the rest, I chose by general aesthetics right after function and strength.  I chose a five double hook, in a antiqued bronze, which was solid to my (sometimes destructive 'oops, better put that one back') strength testing.  While it was, by my guess and rightly either way, too short, I knew I could use a board, as I did, as a backplate which would span the stud(s).

After buying that, the gig was on.  I didn't know if it would be a week or a month or next year before I got to it, though the hope was to have it up by this spring.  And a hope, if doubt, about having it up by this coming Monday.  You never know!  Once home, I actually found a board that would work as a stud-spanner, which I put in the back hall.  Things just stopped there, at that time.  I think, actually, having that piece of wood as a minor irritant when I would pass through that hall actually sped the project forward.  Yesterday I decided to cut the wood, but realized it would need sanding first.  Well, sanding seemed wiser up front, then cutting.  Both required sawhorses and an extension cord, so that is probably why they happened together.  Well, heck, there was no reason not, at that point, to just put the first coat of paint on it, so that went forward.  I even remembered to give it a second coat last night, which was all it needed.  I was thinking about which screws to use, whether to try and countersink them, and this and that through the night, but I hadn't made up my mind this morning.

As I was waking, and thinking, I realized, using four screws of whatever kind, I would need to measure those out and at least put some effort toward making them look even, top to bottom and side to side.  And, since I was doing that, I decided to go ahead and countersink the screws.  It just seemed... tidier, cleaner, or some other thing like those terms?  Something.  Oh, and I tacked up that backer board with small finishing nails.  I could, now that it is screwed tight, punch those in and paint to cover them if needed... but... not going to happen.  I am more than satisfied with the task, how it looks, and how it works.  I even bothered to use a level to make sure the thing was square with the floor, or at least with vision and the general horizontal plain.

Of course, that was going on while I was soaking, then cooking beans.  I've had a bowl of the beans with the remaining rice this morning.  And that wasn't even it for the day.  My neighbors came by and... pretty much did my drive.  Oh, I think I scooped a bit, but nothing to speak of.  They wanted to use the snow blower, as there is six inches and more coming.  Not a problem, I had offered it and meant it.  I did put a bit of salt out, though, this time.  Now I am done.  Well... for the day.  Gah!  I still forgot to put out some meat to thaw!  While rice might make a complete protein with beans, or so they say, and while each is good on it's own and will make a minor meal, they will never, together or alone, be meat!  I'll do that before I get lost in the hum of the machine again.

Good day.

Okay, that was weird.

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Getting to bed was easy last night.  I actually stretched it out, hoping that would allow me to sleep both early and well.  That didn't work, so I let the girls in.  They entertain my sleeping, or near sleeping mind, with their play.  Queen of the hill, with me being the hill, is sometimes one of their favorites.  They did not fail to entertain.  I never did get a solid sleep going, and yet still rolled out about 9:30, feeling, for the most part, rested... enough.

I checked the coathook board, first thing.  It is dry and looks well coated.  I am now considering which type of  wood screw to use, and whether to countersink it a bit.  Technically it isn't necessary.  It can look nicer, and with having shorter wood screws it might hold better, too, though.  The thing is, I'm not sure how to do that really well.  And the wood screws I have aren't really designed for a flush fit, so it would be more like boring in than countersinking.  Gah!  I'll... figure it out.  Beans are already cooking as well.  When they are done I will mix some of those with the rice from yesterday... and pull some meat out to thaw.  There is always something that is forgotten!

Snow, not rain or sleet, today.  I, for one, am pleased to see it.  We need moisture, and I suppose sleet will do.  But rain and sleet are things that cause great trepidation in the heart of any cold season soul.  And 'wet' snow is such a pain to remove.  I think the 'wet' came, melted off mostly, and was gone before this new dry good snow came, so getting it off if it falls in bulk should actually be easier than it would have been even before the rain/sleet hit.  It makes me want to go skiing.  Then again, I checked on the price of that.  At $45/$75 half/full day, with rental, I don't know how people can afford that.  While it is fun, it isn't that great of an exercise.  I suppose it is the one thing to do in the winter?  It is well out of my budget, that is all I know, at least as a regular thing and for now.

Something that might have triggered getting to be earlier?  I had been forgetting potassium.  I took a dose of that, along with medicines, yesterday.  That did have an affect, if it was simply an odd one.  I can't say what it did, precisely, only that it did do something.  And, then, later, I was pretty tired.  Hard to know.  My bp was 120/74, with a pulse at 61 this morning, weighing in right at 277.8, again.  Bleh.  But I am beginning to think my belly really is going away.  Women talk about hips and thighs (if I think they don't talk about butt and should :p ), but for me, the belly is where it all goes.  Always has.  My arms are only toned or not, same with my legs, but no fat almost ever.  My belly is teh buddha... or... was...  The lack of almost any weight loss, though, is... odd.  Even before I was exercising I have lost lots of fat but little weight.   Later.

Yes?

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Actually, yes.  Oh, I was slow enough getting to it.  Dusk was beginning to fall, and with it being overcast and foggy, it seemed already fallen when I started.  Only stepping out to get the sawhorses set up allowed me a fuller understanding.  A bit of sanding, mostly on the faces, but a bit on the rough side just for good measure, then a cut, and that was that.  It just happens that the light I put up the other day, finally, made painting after dark, where I prefer to do that sort of thing, possible.  I just loved that.  I have given the faces a first coat and they might get another coat or two before the night is done.  After that I set a pot of beans to soak while starting a pot of short brown rice to cook, after finishing the last pan needing washed which I used for the rice.  No, I didn't stop there.  After I had gotten the rice up to temp, then turned the heat back to let it cook, I came into the computer room and started tinkering with the lights.  The good news is that there are chains for the lights.  The bad news, and probably true of the other type, is that the culinary hooks I purchased by which to hang the lamps are too large to fit the chains.  Oh, no real issue, I will merely need to figure out some mechanical binder to hold the small chain onto the big one.  I don't like rubber bands, for a thousand and one reasons, besides not having any to speak of.  Safety pins, however, might do the trick quite nicely, if with some slop... not always a band thing if, and this is so, frequent adjustments might be necessary.

I honestly didn't think I would get to a lick of work today.  If I were a betting man I would have bet against it.  How can I not know?  Well... because I don't know the future.  I don't yet have the surety to simply make something happen because I think it, not even on one particular day.  I have a date with engineering school if that happens.  I am getting better, but that... isn't saying a lot. 

I would love to go to Mass tomorrow, but I am simply not used to crowds enough to do so.  I need a few more weeks of weekday Masses, when they work out.  I suppose going to the gym is helping, a bit, but that is a very different sort of crowd.  Most there are there for their own reasons and have very little reason or interest in involvements other than with those they know.  As well, the gym crowd is mobile.  I can't quite disappear into it, but I am usually, mostly, ignored.  Church is just... different.  I will be trying to take tomorrow off.  Perhaps I can boil eggs for Monday.  I might do a load of wash if I am able to collect one.  I will read.  Hmm, come to think of it, I ought to pull out some meat to thaw.  What sounds good?  Ah, I know... food.  Meaty food.  If God didn't want us to eat animals He wouldn't have made them out of meat!  Even He likes their smell.  Cain was the veggie guy, still is. 

Contemplating contemplation.

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Well, yes me, but too, no.  The book I am reading is specifically covering some of this material.  Some of this, somehow, is quite familiar.  I won't say I ever studied it in depth, just that I have definitely read extracts, revisits of the material if usually rather faithfully considered and apparently found sound by more modern writers and theologians.  I keep trying to remember where, though?  I just, can't even seem to get a hint.  I know I have never read St. Aquinas, or St. Augustine.  Actually I have only had a brief introduction to theology through writers such as C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and such.  It has always been of interest, it just seemed so... distant, somehow.  The topic, or question as the book often poses topics, that I just read has been something I have realized as a problem before.  I think I will actual read the passages again.  In the first read, this part being unfamiliar, I found my mind racing to tangents and personal memories and thoughts, rather than sticking to the material.  What I am hoping is that there is a solution set to the problem.

Oh, what is the problem?  Well, it seems for me at least, the more I contemplate upon God, at times, the further from Truth I can end up being, at least temporarily.  Now, the part of the writing I remember suggested that this was because, as we approach Perfection, we see our flaws the more.  And, true, that aspect does exist.  For me, though, that isn't the whole, or even majority, of the problem... at least not that directly from what I can tell.  My problem is that as one aspect of myself attempts to be drawn and to be a party to God's will, another part of me rebels the stronger for it.  Another, and larger aspect, is that while my mind is interpreting what it is sensing, in the Infinite, my mind does all sorts of whirls, cartwheels, and formulas trying to fit that into the known.  It, technically, isn't possible.  Not that Truth doesn't live in some way in the real, only that my mind cannot... properly... fit it or use it or apply it or understand it or actually any of those things.  But you can't tell an inventive mind not to invent!  So, I end up with some very odd things.  I suppose, if something of flesh might explain it, imagine scientists trying to teach an elephant to enter an old phone booth whole and alive.  While, mathematically, with the right sized elephant and phone booth, there is room.  The reality often belies the math.

Yes, yes, don't think so hard, right?  Yes, well, that is not something that can just be turned on or off.  If it can, at times, be quite entertaining of it's own nature.  Further, the only real way for a novice to turn that side of things off is for them to stop pondering God.  Well, that sort of defeats the purpose, right?  I have to think monks and priests have found a, several, perhaps many, way(s) of dealing with these problems.  I have to think that Father, while preparing the Host, has had funny thoughts buzz around his bean.  I am sure monks, while in prayers of the hour, or singing, have had the oddest of notions.  Though, perhaps, time and focus is more of the way than anything else.  As I said, I will be reading the material again, and following up in associated areas.  Bah!  I couldn't even keep my mind focused while reading the material that might have helped me learn how to do just that!

While I do contemplate God, I also contemplate the rest of life.  My favorite, and first, form of Rubik's Cube is always a wonderfully contemplative material.  At one time I thought there was a solution.  If nothing else, I supposed, marriage was the thing.  Things have lead me to believe that is NOT the solution.  It can be part of it, though.  What I have decided, however, is that the solution is, actually, not a solution.  I mean, there isn't "an answer".  Though too, I have decided, it is not a mystery, either.  It is just that the distance between A and B is not the fastest way from A to B, in this case, save when it is.  The trick is to not believe in mystery and simply go by final function, and defining B.  Don't get lost in what the problem suggests is mystery.  It is almost like a mole.  If they go down this hole, don't think they have lost you.  With a bit of study, you realize there are several, but a limited number of, holes for them to go down or come up.  You don't need to know where they are, only where they could reappear.  Then you learn how to make them reappear.  And then...  Whacka-a-mole!  Well, maybe not quite that, exactly, but the notion is sound.  Don't worry about the burrows or tunnels or biways, only when and where.  Of course, dealing with the 'mole' itself is... rather trickier.  But think of it as much the same as whence you came by the 'mole', only of a psychological nature.  If this too is another form of the advice just given.  Rubik's Cubes, indeed.  Only... they are actually complicated, if you try to follow them.  What was it they think in physics?  You can know precisely where a particle is at any given time.  You can know it's precise velocity, as well, at any given time.  What you can't do is you can't know both at once.  Further, the more you know of the one, the less you know of the other.  So, decide, do you want to know their velocity or location?  Me?  Location, location, location.  *whack*  :p

I did most of the few dishes and am about ready to begin looking for the wall studs.  Yeah, I am not running really fast today, true.  All good though.  I would like to get going on the coat rack, so that, later, I might see about adding the two lamps to the shelving.  It should be easy, but should and could and is or isn't are... often very different things.  They seem to include a chain, otherwise I may trade them back in for one that definitely does.  Why is it always so complicated sometimes?

Later.

Well?

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My day schedule to be slipping.  I am holding tight, making an hour up here or there, but this morning I wasn't out of bed until a bit after 10:00, with 11:00 and noon being more average than not lately.  There is some chance that I might take back the mornings, doing better and all.  But I have told myself that more times than I can remember, and I can't quite recall a time it has happened.  This time, I always suggest.  If I can't take mornings back, the trick will be to shove my days around as quickly as possible.

I am seriously strengthening up from swimming.  I don't want to lose that.  I may have to get that exercise band kit a little ahead of time and let my finances simply manage that, for times I might not be able to get to the gym.  I don't want to simply stop doing some exercise, but there might come a time where the pool simply isn't open when I am viably awake to otherwise use it.  I am amazed at how, comparatively, strong I am becoming, and how quickly, even at the milquetoast to diffident seeming effort I am able to apply.  While I am still very weak, with almost zilch for stamina, I would say I have increased, several times, what I started at.  No, it doesn't show up in the pool as that many more laps (if in part due to an attempt at bilateral breathing), it simply cumulatively adds together to an increase in capacity for dealing with life.  If too, at this point, swimming is about the sum of my life.  You have to start somewhere, I suppose.

I am going to find the studs in the wall, then cut that piece, then sand it, today, I do believe.  I should be able to get a couple of coats of paint on it as well.  I don't know how many coats of paint will be needed, or how well I will stay on top of the project, but the thing could be done by Monday.  After that I have two major works to begin processing, finally.  Well, aside from finishing the work on the seedling hatchery and keeping up on my home (the latter has been a bit of a flop, if I am still up on dishes, mostly).  I need to begin scrapping wallpaper in the kitchen for when my mother visits in June.  And I need to get off my fear and begin tinkering by brazing some copper pipes.  The first part will be to remove one small section of old connections, then putting on a couple of new devices to make changes easier in the future, then adding some general lengths and maybe end-caps on those so I can test it as the weather gets warmer.

It would be nice to have my own bathroom reset by the time my mother visits, just so I can have my own private loo.  It's a luxury I have never known before, when living in the same house or place with others.  One I like.  And it's really too small for my mother, and most women wouldn't like it... definitely a man's... poop and shower cave!  Mine!  Just to get it on it's feet again, though.  Ugh.  Plus, then I don't have to traipse through my home to shower, shave, whatever.  Especially at night, I do hate that.

Anywhile, I should get going on that little project.  I must admit, having a solid, five double pronged coat and  hat rack, by the back door, will be nice.  I suppose women can have a point, if they little know what it is that they ask, nor often do they care.  Get it done, she says.  So I will.  If, too, it... really isn't all that much, just more than they realize?  Not in a day, unless money isn't an issue.  Later.

Hmm, so I can hear and remember.

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Actually, my spelling of McLaughlin was even correct, first time.  Adding "swimming" to the search parameter hit paydirt immediately.  I looked over the notion, and I will be thinking about it.  I also looked at the list of places where they hold weekend long... uhrm... training sessions, if Arizona seemed to be the closest that I saw listed.  This begins getting tricky, as what is really called for is a means of taking videos of myself, while I swim, to compare.  Well, yes, tricky.  Technically my smart phone can do that, if I am not sure exactly how long it can record, what sort of stand it would require, and how to keep it definitely dry.  It does record in HD, potentially, so it would be good enough, most likely, depending on how long it can record.

Next I did a search regarding the swimming coach who had been recommended, there at the gym.  Again, I hit the target on my first browser pull, if I couldn't remember her name, exactly.  Hyphenated names just don't stick.  Anyway, I did research that topic as fully as I was able to do online.  The requirement for the general classes is out of my reach, if the classes themselves might be, if I stretch, within my budget.  I'll have to go over my finances.  However, until I can swim better, the options are two-fold.  One, to simply do what I can until I can swim the minimum lengths or, secondly, to take private lessons to get up to speed.  The problem with the lessons is that they are well beyond my budget.  I simply couldn't stretch that far, even for a lesson a month, which would be useless singularly anyway.  So, on that part, I may have to simply wait.  McLaughlin does put out a DVD, which might work.  But, not quite yet.  And that would require a bunch of purchases in order to begin videoing my swimming sessions, or parts of them.

With the hog almost to the butcher, the seedling center almost but not quite paid (I still have another $50 in lights and bulbs), a late utility bill to catch up with, this next month is not the time to be messing with more.  Not any, not one, no, none, more $$$.  I did bookmark the items in the "Swimming" section I recently created.  And I will be looking at the videos I have seen, and others.  I will continue to swim, and do what I can in the pool.  But for now, it looks like I have what I have and will simply do as I can with what I have for at least another month, though probably until next year.  Things will be shaking out, and certain expenses and costs are being tended now that won't be a problem later.  Mostly.  Gah!

One thing I did learn, and I was having issues with this myself, is that bilateral swimming, for many folk, cuts them short on air.  I was starting to suspect that, myself.  I believe that while I have improved my bilateral breathing, I have curtailed my speed and distance improvements, perhaps vastly.  I may just stick with breathing on my right side, until I become more advanced.  At least I know I can, sort of, do that.  I am not good at it, by any means.  And I shouldn't use it for more than some practices where I want to burn more than not, if right here at the start isn't the best time to begin that.  For now I will set that aside.

It does get complicated, and expensive.  I may just have to stick with plug-and-play for this first year though, then think about more for next year.  The thing is, when you get to a certain point, it becomes free again.  I suppose, to me, the question is... can I even improve to that point?  I did it before, getting to a mile an hour and swimming most of that time, but on Ritalin.  That will simply be spelled out with time and practice.  I hate when I almost see something but can't quite reach, or afford, it.  In this case, it's a little bit of both.  Never to worry, I'll get there, or... not.  I'll plug away as I can, either way.

Good night.

Not perfect but not bad at all.

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While I didn't make it to Mass, I did get to swimming about the time I would have if I had made it to Mass.  Okay, that will happen.  I knew this.  I can kick out a decent swim, if there is much room for improvement.  Stamina is also lagging.  Time, it seems, will be the key.  The last time I went swimming, a man had asked to share my lane and I had, bluntly, without explanation, refused.  He spoke with a woman I have seen swimming before, if I couldn't hear their conversation, and only noticed.  She had looked my way with... I couldn't really tell what kind of look.  Though I could have swore I saw her eyes... show a bit of anger.  Not... my... problem.  I don't budge on some things, period.  I believe I actually grinned, if not directly at her.  Just... enough so that I was pretty sure she could see it.  I truly do enjoy angry women.  Bad, bad man.  *grins*  I figured that would be that.

Well, getting into the pool today, after a few rounds, she was resting at the same end at which I was resting, in the next lane over.  She started a conversation, in which she flat out told me a couple of things I could improve in my stroke, style, if I was serious about swimming.  I explained my situation as briefly as I could, and suggested that now that things are working, that I definitely am into swimming, pretty much as part of my lifestyle.  She suggested McLaughlin (I haven't looked him up yet, as someone to check out, about to do so) and suggested a swim instructor/group, for adults, right there at this particular gym.  I don't know about money, right now, but I will be investigating more, Monday, before I get into the water.  I didn't see any rings on her fingers.  And later, I realized, through breadcrumbs in the conversation, she told me her age.  Sneaky.  Then again married women might well take off their rings in the pool, and my vision isn't perfect in the pool so I could have missed a ring.  Still, it was... nice to have a conversation with an adult of the opposite sex, one who wasn't afraid to... just say it, one who is obviously physically fit.  I do think it surprises people when they hear that I could be on the heart transplant waiting list, especially in the pool, actually kicking into it as best as I can.  If nothing else it means I'm not a quitter.

After the swim, I put on my sweats and geared up to consider a pedaling session.  I was feeling it pretty hard so I thought I would give myself time to cool off.  Well, that didn't work.  Either, after swimming, I am ready to pedal or I am not, time does me no favors in getting going.  So I simply dressed back into my civies and headed out.  I hadn't talked to my friend all week, but I forgot my phone so I couldn't call in advance.  I simply drove over, used the door-call device, and then went on up.  Dinner and a stop at the hardware store seemed in order.  Dinner first.  I had pulled money out of my account for the hog and for a couple of lights and bulb packs.  So I was hoping I was good.

Dinner at one of the local "dives".  No, it seriously isn't a dive.  It has the atmosphere of a circa 50's restaurant, and there is a greasy spoon feel to it due to that being all there were in some of the small towns I have lived, but the food is quite good and the place is pleasant.  The manager always asks if the food and service were good.  The place is clean, including the bathrooms.  And you don't go away hungry unless you want to.  We usually don't, today was no exception.  Broasted chicken for me and beef roast on Texas toast with mashed potatoes and gravy for him, and a plate of mushrooms to split.  Well, and my usual four or five tall glasses of iced tea.  I left nothing but bones and maybe three mushrooms today.

Then to the hardware store.  My poor friend went in for just a $1 dollar dowel as it turns out, thinking I was just going in for a couple of lights and bulbs.  I ended up getting those things, plus a couple of plants (to replace the dead one, if they are much smaller), a couple of "pots" for them, and something else.  We had to leave some of the things at the counter so we could pick up the other things.  A wheelchair bound man and a man who is pushing just doesn't allow much in the way of carrying capacity.  Finally, though, we finished.  It was about time to head home.  On the way home, I picked up my mail and then I stopped and paid for the hog, which goes in Tuesday.  I'll stop there and arrange for the cuts, I have a lot to learn about parting out a hog, I'll say that for sure.

Not bad, not bad at all.  I'm not even too tight.  Oh, her suggestions was rolling much more and breathing sooner, in my stroke.  Yeah, yeah, I can see that.  Part of the problem is that I can't see myself swim.  I can feel, sense, and such, but I can't get a good notion of how my body is doing in the water.  I did surprise her, in knowing about the ratios of strength to speed versus reducing volume to speed.  If nothing else it meant, possibly, to her, that I am actually looking at things.  Never mind, just... it's all good for today.  Oh, one last thing, I did find a coat hanger for the back hall as well.  Before backing the X'ter into the garage, I found a 1x6 that should do nicely to extend between studs, as I don't think the coat hanger is long enough and I don't want to trust the drywall to hold even three, let alone most of, my coats.  I need to find the studs, make sure the distance is right then make the cut, sand the piece then paint it several times (and I do have the right shade of white now:), then put that together and up.  My mother, and really I, will be quite pleased with the finished project I do believe.

Good day, or... night.  Hmm, maybe I can get to bed on time tonight?  Yeah, yeah, get out of here.  You know I'm trying.