.
.
Chicken and cabbage just don't, in my opinion, go well together. The onion helped. Oh, no complaints. I had warm, or warmable, food for a number of days, got veggies in, and... yeah. Just, on a preference scale, even though everything was properly cooked and good individually, this would rate in the 2 to 4 on a 1 to 10 scale. I do love cabbage, it just needs something stronger backing it. Beef, pork maybe, even duck or goose maybe (those last I usually stuff with sauerkraut anyway, thinking about just cabbage next time). Chicken just doesn't support it, or sweeten it, or... something. It was worth a shot though.
Bills set to be paid, a bit of food eaten, but really? I'm in a rut. Still working on medications, that's going okay. I'll be refilling the medicine set tomorrow. One more week of the blahs at current levels, then a slight increase. I have no idea what to expect, I just hope it isn't as bad as first going on it. Damn but that was harsh. And, unless I literally can't, when I fill my medset next time, it will be full dose all the way around. Yeah, well, what else do I have going right now? Besides, I was in a deeper funk before starting medicines, one I could not for the life of me get out of. There is only one way from the bottom. Well, okay, there is flat-lining, but that doesn't count and isn't a target anyway.
My home is a sty, dishes and laundry are begging for attention, and I can barely move from one chair to the next. I'll... keep looking for those opportunities, big or small. That is all life gives sometimes, take it and do what you will with it. I will, if they pop. No worries. It's coming along about as swimmingly as possible, as memory serves.
Good night!
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Bills, debit cards, changes. GAH!
.
.
Okay, I have roughly aware that something was wrong for a while. Bills, or something. Not being paid. Not much I could do about it but pout and grimace. Yes, I like my bills paid, and on time, and I have the money. Both of my debit cards recently became defunct and were replaced. I used to have all my bills on them, but I have slowly migrated automatic payments away from debit cards, which fail when they get past a certain age, over to direct online banking direct payments. That is always a little spooky, itself, and there is no guarantees with it, either. I don't think it is the bank, but companies, it seems, can end reception of payments. Verizon has a really nasty habit of doing that, for example. Then I end up with a huge bill. Still, if they are all in one place it is easier to... figure things out.
My health has not been up to specs for dealing with home, tasks, or bills. Life does get a little fuzzy. Oh, I'm doing fine, inside my shell inside my prison. And I can and do write. Obviously I think well enough. It is just in the world of action. I have nothing here, save the girls, to compel much out of me. Yes, that might make a difference, at least more often.
Finally, though, I got to it. I found the bills that were in doubt, checked here and there to make sure data was correct, and put these remaining bills into the auto-pay banking queue. I will need to change the dates on automatic payments, as they are coming later in the month this time. I prefer all payments out by the 1st, give or take. I checked the other bill that worried me, my house payment. That is being paid as it should, and when it should. Ugh, but that should help me sleep better. They, the companies I owe, have been auto-calling like mad. That's sort of what caused me to look around. The problem is, they don't talk when I speak. It's dead air. I can expect many more nuisance calls until the bills go through on Monday. I know what they are doing is illegal. I also know that a law is only as good as it is supported. This law is not supported at all. Five to ten calls per day, for those two cards. Monday I can turn the sound on my phone back on.
Still, I've done what I could. Everyone should be happy soon. All because debit cards die, to me, so quickly. Well, and I can be such a gimp sometimes. I roasted chicken hindquarters last night, with onions and cabbage. A bite of that today sounds good. Later.
.
Okay, I have roughly aware that something was wrong for a while. Bills, or something. Not being paid. Not much I could do about it but pout and grimace. Yes, I like my bills paid, and on time, and I have the money. Both of my debit cards recently became defunct and were replaced. I used to have all my bills on them, but I have slowly migrated automatic payments away from debit cards, which fail when they get past a certain age, over to direct online banking direct payments. That is always a little spooky, itself, and there is no guarantees with it, either. I don't think it is the bank, but companies, it seems, can end reception of payments. Verizon has a really nasty habit of doing that, for example. Then I end up with a huge bill. Still, if they are all in one place it is easier to... figure things out.
My health has not been up to specs for dealing with home, tasks, or bills. Life does get a little fuzzy. Oh, I'm doing fine, inside my shell inside my prison. And I can and do write. Obviously I think well enough. It is just in the world of action. I have nothing here, save the girls, to compel much out of me. Yes, that might make a difference, at least more often.
Finally, though, I got to it. I found the bills that were in doubt, checked here and there to make sure data was correct, and put these remaining bills into the auto-pay banking queue. I will need to change the dates on automatic payments, as they are coming later in the month this time. I prefer all payments out by the 1st, give or take. I checked the other bill that worried me, my house payment. That is being paid as it should, and when it should. Ugh, but that should help me sleep better. They, the companies I owe, have been auto-calling like mad. That's sort of what caused me to look around. The problem is, they don't talk when I speak. It's dead air. I can expect many more nuisance calls until the bills go through on Monday. I know what they are doing is illegal. I also know that a law is only as good as it is supported. This law is not supported at all. Five to ten calls per day, for those two cards. Monday I can turn the sound on my phone back on.
Still, I've done what I could. Everyone should be happy soon. All because debit cards die, to me, so quickly. Well, and I can be such a gimp sometimes. I roasted chicken hindquarters last night, with onions and cabbage. A bite of that today sounds good. Later.
Crazy cats.
.
.
To sleep late again, but up, again, before the 10:00 alarm. A little later of a rise this morning, perhaps 8:30 or so. I just can't... catch the time while rising. I am pushing it, sleep wise, in my current condition... yet not purposefully? Yeah, I don't get it either. The only dream I remember? I dreamed a haiku. Actually I dreamed of playing five finger fillet and turned the activity into a haiku right there in the dream, bloodied finger and all. No, it wasn't a bad dream. Young men are foolish, but it is as enchanting as the sweetness of young women just on the male side of the equation... at least to me. It was... a fond memory, at least now.
Have you ever had your cat freak about something you can't see? Raise their cackles and stare at nothing, over behind a wall, in a corner, closet, or just off into space? As I have said, my girls don't do that. When they get freaky it is directly at me. While they don't hiss, or get threatening, they do freak. I still don't know why. After having Sassy, the youngest, do that recently, and then reading and watching a video at a lady blogger's blog, I realized something else, put some things together, something crystallized in my mind's eye.
.
To sleep late again, but up, again, before the 10:00 alarm. A little later of a rise this morning, perhaps 8:30 or so. I just can't... catch the time while rising. I am pushing it, sleep wise, in my current condition... yet not purposefully? Yeah, I don't get it either. The only dream I remember? I dreamed a haiku. Actually I dreamed of playing five finger fillet and turned the activity into a haiku right there in the dream, bloodied finger and all. No, it wasn't a bad dream. Young men are foolish, but it is as enchanting as the sweetness of young women just on the male side of the equation... at least to me. It was... a fond memory, at least now.
Have you ever had your cat freak about something you can't see? Raise their cackles and stare at nothing, over behind a wall, in a corner, closet, or just off into space? As I have said, my girls don't do that. When they get freaky it is directly at me. While they don't hiss, or get threatening, they do freak. I still don't know why. After having Sassy, the youngest, do that recently, and then reading and watching a video at a lady blogger's blog, I realized something else, put some things together, something crystallized in my mind's eye.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Again, not down until midnight.
.
.
Again, as well, I set the alarm for 10:00 but rose somewhere between 7:30 and 8:15, I am almost sure. I looked at the clock, watch, and cellphone, but the time didn't, couldn't, stick in memory. Oh, and I reset all the clocks in the cave yesterday! Even in the Xt'er on the way to dinner, the clock was reset. Yum! Life might make a bit more sense. One of my clocks, the main one in the living room, was hours off! The battery was dying. I set the day in it too, but that might be off already. Some clocks shouldn't even have a day number function, they pretty much have to be reset every month.
I know I dreamed. Unrequited but sweet love. It's a form of pure love that can have elements of physical attraction, just no actual contact. It can be just as dirty as regular relationships, or just as pure. I won't say it can be purer, because I believe a good relationship between a man and wife can be quite pure even with consummation. Actually, that is the hope, if it might take... a little time to master? If I have hit bottom with love, I have hit crescendos that have shown me what is possible, too. Many things of men are multifaceted. There is right and wrong, and there is in God's grace and out of it. Each is sort of on it's own though good builds on holy to make finer yet. As a perfect diamond, but set in gold finery. One is purely of flesh or animal (or as close to animals as men can be), one is of flesh with the wizened spirit of holiness. No, these dreams were just... about the right love of mind, flesh, and spirit, and without wedlock so without the physical aspects. Always a touch bittersweet but this time more sweet than bitter. Perspective, I think, is the palette upon which we render our understandings and in this case the color choices for painting were picture perfect for romanticized renaissance innocence.
There were other dreams. Just stuff of life. No great or even little fuss, just a review of life as if reading the diary of someone just living their life. Dreams are such odd things. Vexing, soothing, interesting, dull, or just odd, mixing those elements and others into a mental smoothy that sometimes mean something, sometimes not. Our own personal little mysteries of life. I don't think God dreams, but could you imagine His dreams if He did? Well... actually... I think we can. In some ways, I think we are the result of what passes for His dreams, even to, at times, His nightmares... in the crucifixion among other ills of man. Like me, though, He has the ability to make bad things right, in His "dreams", only better than I ever could. And, I don't think, for Him, it is a mystery, more a grand artistic masterpiece. One designed before it began and running exactly on His schedule. Hard to imagine for people who can't even create a web page for a king's ransom that runs. Though, that might be part of their schtick to force something else. The Godless fail and seem to mean to do so, as it isn't a part time job for them, they aim at failure then hit the gas. It's they only thing they know.
Today? I don't know. I'm not quite yet awake. I put a load in the washing machine last night, and I am considering dishes today. I'm simply not staying focused. When it was suggested that my writing might be stream of consciousness in style, and I suggested that was from how I think, imagine if that is how I live. Now... stop imagining. I simply don't have the ability to alter the stream much. Sometimes, rarely, I can act on some thoughts if they come to me. No more, no less, and only a possibility. Sleep walking while awake. Oh, but I try younglings, I do try. And pray.
Later.
.
Again, as well, I set the alarm for 10:00 but rose somewhere between 7:30 and 8:15, I am almost sure. I looked at the clock, watch, and cellphone, but the time didn't, couldn't, stick in memory. Oh, and I reset all the clocks in the cave yesterday! Even in the Xt'er on the way to dinner, the clock was reset. Yum! Life might make a bit more sense. One of my clocks, the main one in the living room, was hours off! The battery was dying. I set the day in it too, but that might be off already. Some clocks shouldn't even have a day number function, they pretty much have to be reset every month.
I know I dreamed. Unrequited but sweet love. It's a form of pure love that can have elements of physical attraction, just no actual contact. It can be just as dirty as regular relationships, or just as pure. I won't say it can be purer, because I believe a good relationship between a man and wife can be quite pure even with consummation. Actually, that is the hope, if it might take... a little time to master? If I have hit bottom with love, I have hit crescendos that have shown me what is possible, too. Many things of men are multifaceted. There is right and wrong, and there is in God's grace and out of it. Each is sort of on it's own though good builds on holy to make finer yet. As a perfect diamond, but set in gold finery. One is purely of flesh or animal (or as close to animals as men can be), one is of flesh with the wizened spirit of holiness. No, these dreams were just... about the right love of mind, flesh, and spirit, and without wedlock so without the physical aspects. Always a touch bittersweet but this time more sweet than bitter. Perspective, I think, is the palette upon which we render our understandings and in this case the color choices for painting were picture perfect for romanticized renaissance innocence.
There were other dreams. Just stuff of life. No great or even little fuss, just a review of life as if reading the diary of someone just living their life. Dreams are such odd things. Vexing, soothing, interesting, dull, or just odd, mixing those elements and others into a mental smoothy that sometimes mean something, sometimes not. Our own personal little mysteries of life. I don't think God dreams, but could you imagine His dreams if He did? Well... actually... I think we can. In some ways, I think we are the result of what passes for His dreams, even to, at times, His nightmares... in the crucifixion among other ills of man. Like me, though, He has the ability to make bad things right, in His "dreams", only better than I ever could. And, I don't think, for Him, it is a mystery, more a grand artistic masterpiece. One designed before it began and running exactly on His schedule. Hard to imagine for people who can't even create a web page for a king's ransom that runs. Though, that might be part of their schtick to force something else. The Godless fail and seem to mean to do so, as it isn't a part time job for them, they aim at failure then hit the gas. It's they only thing they know.
Today? I don't know. I'm not quite yet awake. I put a load in the washing machine last night, and I am considering dishes today. I'm simply not staying focused. When it was suggested that my writing might be stream of consciousness in style, and I suggested that was from how I think, imagine if that is how I live. Now... stop imagining. I simply don't have the ability to alter the stream much. Sometimes, rarely, I can act on some thoughts if they come to me. No more, no less, and only a possibility. Sleep walking while awake. Oh, but I try younglings, I do try. And pray.
Later.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Dinner was quite nice.
.
.
I wasn't quick about getting ready. I didn't have it in me to rush. Thankfully I did have it in me to ease into prep. A trimmer cleaning of my face, a shower, then a regular shave. A bit of a break as I air dried. A shirt, then a top shirt and a little rest. Socks and some more sitting. Finally pants and boots and a final mirror review. Ugly but as good as it gets. Out the door just in time to stop at the post office. The ring was in. It fits, but only because it goes on my smallest finger. My pinkies should be smaller but both have been broken... or... such... and the scar tissue makes them bigger. I am well pleased with the ring.
I didn't think the bible would be in. The seller suggested it might not be in until the 17th. There it was. I will be reviewing it in the next few days, or when I can next focus. Should be interesting. I will be able to tell which ones I prefer quickly. While not technically a linguist, language is stronger in me than math and science, but not as art forms, as scientific means of relaying ideas. If I happen to have some skill at writing or poetry, it is incidental to my... interest in the topic. Everything comes down to language. Even math is merely a form of language, music, even sex. Never mind.
I did enjoy my evening out with the ladies. Food was quite good. Conversation was slightly assertive, but I have some issues that need tending and I, as I suggested, do not negotiate. I do not fly with my passions, or submit to the Holy Spirit without reference to the rest of the Trinity. I must have reason, logic, debate, and deconstruction. I will no more build a house based on a dowser than I will fly a plane blindfolded the first time. Hmm... after gaining some globally axial acclimation from steering a sub, I might be able to do that latter better than most, but I'm not that foolish anyway. Doing better and still being dead isn't much of an improvement. Thing is, I don't just jump. When I jump, I take the world with me anyway. It's never quite what it might seem. Be careful what you wish for.
After dinner, I did make it to the store, two stores. Groceries aplenty. I was afraid after shopping at the first store. The ticket was rather mild, as was dinner somehow actually. I have no idea how things work out, but they do. I don't have the energy to count up, so must simply trust, good or ill. I then needed to stop for cat food and decided on a coffee grinder, electric. I just can't keep up on the grinding by hand. There were only two, I didn't really compare that closely. I grabbed the one that generally looked the best. Bleh. It, I hope, wasn't the best one. It's a mess to work with. I may take it back, depending on what the other one looks like, for an exchange or flat out return if the other one is also bunk.
Ribeye was $14.99 a pound. Hamburger, just the regular stuff, was $4.99. Huh? I can't afford beef! I can only imagine what families are going through! Everything was outrageous! Splenda, the only sugar replacement I can really tolerate well, was $9.99 for five pounds? The last time I bought it, and all times before for years, it was about $5 for five pounds... doubled? Seriously? I can't afford to be diabetic! I may simply have to go back to sugar. No, I simply can't use the others. Not for general use. Pasta was on sale. Several of the things I was looking for were on sale. But some of the things I wanted were astronomically too expensive. They did have some ribeyes for $5 per in the case, but... they looked like pig-beef. All the fat was on the edge or a Nike-like-wedge, with no marbling at all. Beef chops, really. Ugh. It's come to being a peasant, making $45-50k a year? Really?
I did pick up enough cabbage to experiment with some things. Some I may just steam, adding butter, salt, and pepper. Some I would like to layer, in a casserole. Other I would like to try roasting with chicken or... such. I bought two green and one red head. Ah well. I'll keep trying. My feet are a bit sore. I have been homebound for a long time now. As little as I walked, I did so with boots on, both having boots on and walking any distance are time 'local' novelties. I hope to sleep well.
Good night.
.
I wasn't quick about getting ready. I didn't have it in me to rush. Thankfully I did have it in me to ease into prep. A trimmer cleaning of my face, a shower, then a regular shave. A bit of a break as I air dried. A shirt, then a top shirt and a little rest. Socks and some more sitting. Finally pants and boots and a final mirror review. Ugly but as good as it gets. Out the door just in time to stop at the post office. The ring was in. It fits, but only because it goes on my smallest finger. My pinkies should be smaller but both have been broken... or... such... and the scar tissue makes them bigger. I am well pleased with the ring.
I didn't think the bible would be in. The seller suggested it might not be in until the 17th. There it was. I will be reviewing it in the next few days, or when I can next focus. Should be interesting. I will be able to tell which ones I prefer quickly. While not technically a linguist, language is stronger in me than math and science, but not as art forms, as scientific means of relaying ideas. If I happen to have some skill at writing or poetry, it is incidental to my... interest in the topic. Everything comes down to language. Even math is merely a form of language, music, even sex. Never mind.
I did enjoy my evening out with the ladies. Food was quite good. Conversation was slightly assertive, but I have some issues that need tending and I, as I suggested, do not negotiate. I do not fly with my passions, or submit to the Holy Spirit without reference to the rest of the Trinity. I must have reason, logic, debate, and deconstruction. I will no more build a house based on a dowser than I will fly a plane blindfolded the first time. Hmm... after gaining some globally axial acclimation from steering a sub, I might be able to do that latter better than most, but I'm not that foolish anyway. Doing better and still being dead isn't much of an improvement. Thing is, I don't just jump. When I jump, I take the world with me anyway. It's never quite what it might seem. Be careful what you wish for.
After dinner, I did make it to the store, two stores. Groceries aplenty. I was afraid after shopping at the first store. The ticket was rather mild, as was dinner somehow actually. I have no idea how things work out, but they do. I don't have the energy to count up, so must simply trust, good or ill. I then needed to stop for cat food and decided on a coffee grinder, electric. I just can't keep up on the grinding by hand. There were only two, I didn't really compare that closely. I grabbed the one that generally looked the best. Bleh. It, I hope, wasn't the best one. It's a mess to work with. I may take it back, depending on what the other one looks like, for an exchange or flat out return if the other one is also bunk.
Ribeye was $14.99 a pound. Hamburger, just the regular stuff, was $4.99. Huh? I can't afford beef! I can only imagine what families are going through! Everything was outrageous! Splenda, the only sugar replacement I can really tolerate well, was $9.99 for five pounds? The last time I bought it, and all times before for years, it was about $5 for five pounds... doubled? Seriously? I can't afford to be diabetic! I may simply have to go back to sugar. No, I simply can't use the others. Not for general use. Pasta was on sale. Several of the things I was looking for were on sale. But some of the things I wanted were astronomically too expensive. They did have some ribeyes for $5 per in the case, but... they looked like pig-beef. All the fat was on the edge or a Nike-like-wedge, with no marbling at all. Beef chops, really. Ugh. It's come to being a peasant, making $45-50k a year? Really?
I did pick up enough cabbage to experiment with some things. Some I may just steam, adding butter, salt, and pepper. Some I would like to layer, in a casserole. Other I would like to try roasting with chicken or... such. I bought two green and one red head. Ah well. I'll keep trying. My feet are a bit sore. I have been homebound for a long time now. As little as I walked, I did so with boots on, both having boots on and walking any distance are time 'local' novelties. I hope to sleep well.
Good night.
Best get going!
.
.
I need to get a shower, groom, dress, and try to get a package that arrived today, before then getting on to dinner. The package? A man's chastity ring. I hope it fits. I ordered the largest size they carry. Oh, and... yeah... silver... There are reasons for that. Full, and worse, blue moons, you know.
Not much else going on, nor can it. I best get going. I also ordered a multi-version bible, New Testament anyway. There are eight translations on each two page opening. Yes, there are reasons. Not all can use this, I can. I can't read the Hebrew and Greek, or even the Latin Vulgate, but I can do this. I haven't seen much going for multi-version Catholic OT versions but I keep looking. Actually, as for books, only the OT is different from Protestant bibles.
Catholic bibles have more. In the time of Luther there were no original Aramaic, Hebrew, or Greek versions of certain books in the OT, and some of those books made some of what he was saying dubious. After the finding of the Dead Sea Scrolls, however, proving these books existed and showing they were rather well translated, though only bits and pieces remain, I would have thought, would have reinstated the Catholic bible mainstream across the board, but it doesn't seem as if that was ever the issue. And, there is still the problem with some of the texts being... problematic to Protestantism. I hope to begin another round of bible studies. For the OT I will simply have to purchase a specific version of the Douay-Rheims bible.
Yeah, boring techy stuff, but... it's my gig, or one of them. Later!
.
Not much else going on, nor can it. I best get going. I also ordered a multi-version bible, New Testament anyway. There are eight translations on each two page opening. Yes, there are reasons. Not all can use this, I can. I can't read the Hebrew and Greek, or even the Latin Vulgate, but I can do this. I haven't seen much going for multi-version Catholic OT versions but I keep looking. Actually, as for books, only the OT is different from Protestant bibles.
Catholic bibles have more. In the time of Luther there were no original Aramaic, Hebrew, or Greek versions of certain books in the OT, and some of those books made some of what he was saying dubious. After the finding of the Dead Sea Scrolls, however, proving these books existed and showing they were rather well translated, though only bits and pieces remain, I would have thought, would have reinstated the Catholic bible mainstream across the board, but it doesn't seem as if that was ever the issue. And, there is still the problem with some of the texts being... problematic to Protestantism. I hope to begin another round of bible studies. For the OT I will simply have to purchase a specific version of the Douay-Rheims bible.
Yeah, boring techy stuff, but... it's my gig, or one of them. Later!
Thoughts...
.
.
Why? Who cares. They are here, I will simply share them musically. Hmm? Oh, some artistic rendering and a little translating, of course, but...
.
Why? Who cares. They are here, I will simply share them musically. Hmm? Oh, some artistic rendering and a little translating, of course, but...
Way late to bed, midnight.
.
.
No problems, it is going to happen. Either a night up late, or the begin of a slide, I never quite know. Not wanting to shove my nose in it, because I simply don't have it to offer, I set the alarm for 10:00, hoping even that would be enough. Perhaps just the time change is throwing things a bit? Dunno. I woke a bit after 7:00, but that seemed a little early so I tried to go back to sleep. I never could get back to sleep, if I did rest a bit more, so really out of bed by 7:43 or some such silly odd number. I do feel good though.
I need to get a shower in, then to try and do things today. I have a meal planned for tonight, out. It'll be good to be out. I am hoping, after dinner, to go to the store. Just a bit of this, a bit of that, and some of those. If I had things more on the ball I would like to figure out some meal planning. Truth is, even in the best of my health, I have never had enough going to really do that. I try to buy a spectrum of various foods that can be made in a number of ways, some meats, and just hope I can get those cooked before they go bad. Onions would be nice, but they often go bad, forgotten in veggie trey. I will get some of those anyway. Cabbage too. I'd like to experiment with cabbage. Sure, it's great in corned beef, goes great with it. For me, I don't think it would stand on it's own. It's too mild. Hmm, roasting it in with chicken might not be bad? Put it down in the fats with some water? Maybe. What else? Cabbage meat pockets are too much work, for me. But the notion is solid. How to make an easier meal like that? Layering the leaves, like lasagna? Hey now... I like that notion.
I do feel good. No pains, no complaints, just nothing else. The drive is trying to break me free. Something is simply missing. BP might still just be too high, and my body might still simply be adjusting to the meds. Plus, winter, if not here, is knocking, and that cold rat man is a bear to come to terms with. I did good last year, hope to do so again, but it isn't and instant friendship. Snow boots and gators so far, snow shoes and poles next. I've also been looking at wool pants and a parka worthy of the mountain cold, for next month and the month after most likely. One thing at a time, or small grouping. Oh, and I best consider a face mask with an exhaust system, for temps to -80 with wind. It's my kind of weather, but even I have to use my brain a bit. Those facemasks remind me of a regulator. I'll bet they do make breathing harder. There is a tradeoff. If I can handle them, in my condition, they will add to the workouts. But I am betting they really pay for themselves.
Well... later. ;)
.
No problems, it is going to happen. Either a night up late, or the begin of a slide, I never quite know. Not wanting to shove my nose in it, because I simply don't have it to offer, I set the alarm for 10:00, hoping even that would be enough. Perhaps just the time change is throwing things a bit? Dunno. I woke a bit after 7:00, but that seemed a little early so I tried to go back to sleep. I never could get back to sleep, if I did rest a bit more, so really out of bed by 7:43 or some such silly odd number. I do feel good though.
I need to get a shower in, then to try and do things today. I have a meal planned for tonight, out. It'll be good to be out. I am hoping, after dinner, to go to the store. Just a bit of this, a bit of that, and some of those. If I had things more on the ball I would like to figure out some meal planning. Truth is, even in the best of my health, I have never had enough going to really do that. I try to buy a spectrum of various foods that can be made in a number of ways, some meats, and just hope I can get those cooked before they go bad. Onions would be nice, but they often go bad, forgotten in veggie trey. I will get some of those anyway. Cabbage too. I'd like to experiment with cabbage. Sure, it's great in corned beef, goes great with it. For me, I don't think it would stand on it's own. It's too mild. Hmm, roasting it in with chicken might not be bad? Put it down in the fats with some water? Maybe. What else? Cabbage meat pockets are too much work, for me. But the notion is solid. How to make an easier meal like that? Layering the leaves, like lasagna? Hey now... I like that notion.
I do feel good. No pains, no complaints, just nothing else. The drive is trying to break me free. Something is simply missing. BP might still just be too high, and my body might still simply be adjusting to the meds. Plus, winter, if not here, is knocking, and that cold rat man is a bear to come to terms with. I did good last year, hope to do so again, but it isn't and instant friendship. Snow boots and gators so far, snow shoes and poles next. I've also been looking at wool pants and a parka worthy of the mountain cold, for next month and the month after most likely. One thing at a time, or small grouping. Oh, and I best consider a face mask with an exhaust system, for temps to -80 with wind. It's my kind of weather, but even I have to use my brain a bit. Those facemasks remind me of a regulator. I'll bet they do make breathing harder. There is a tradeoff. If I can handle them, in my condition, they will add to the workouts. But I am betting they really pay for themselves.
Well... later. ;)
Monday, November 4, 2013
Do you use herbal supplements?
.
.
Are you sure? A recent report, using dna profiling, shows that you may not be.
I have, from time to time, tried various supplements. At this time, I only use vitamins and minerals. I can't point to anything saying what I use helps, other than definitively with a small subset of them. Since going on water pills, which cause me to urinate more, reducing body fluids and at a high dose really, my potassium was hitting dangerous lows. Since adding a specific group of supplements, over my daily vitamins, I have eliminated the need to take supplemental potassium in insane doses. I feared taking that much potassium, just in case something changed and I ended up with too much. Further, of the various ways there are to take it, none of them fit my life, or tastes, or g.i. tranquility. As to daily vitamins? I can't point to anything specific, as I mentioned. But I do have a general sense that life is ever so slightly better. Fiction, perhaps, but I do believe it.
There have been times where I have tried other, what might be called actual, supplements. Things for sleep, things for this or that, on several occasions. I, personally, had no luck with these others or I might have continued to take them. The answer might be in this new report. Out of 44 products, from 12 different companies, many problems were found. Only two of the companies were clean. The rest used unlisted fillers and outright contaminants which are bad for people, to watering down or even not including the main/active ingredients listed. One was nothing but grain filler! Now I don't feel so bad that what is supposed to work doesn't. The truth is, I may not have even tried the product. The problem is, there is no way to be sure about any product, at this point, unless I tried to do it myself. I have limits, and that would be among them.
Is there a chance this research is bogus, a bought service by big pharma or some other group? Sure. But with genetic coding, it simply stands a bit better of a chance at being legitimate. However, they aren't listing the products or companies. They suggest they do this so as to not pick on a particular company. That doesn't hold much water. That could easily be a way to hide the flaws in the research. Although it might also keep them from being sued, legitimate or not. My experience, while just one guy with a few products of somewhat questionable worth since I can't and don't know if they have even been tried by me, for sure, however, does support the thesis to within my tolerances. The question is, how would you know about such a product without testing yourself or by a lab at your expense? I don't have the equipment or skills to test these things anymore than I could make my own. Buyer beware, it's all I am suggesting.
Oh, and good night.
.
Are you sure? A recent report, using dna profiling, shows that you may not be.
I have, from time to time, tried various supplements. At this time, I only use vitamins and minerals. I can't point to anything saying what I use helps, other than definitively with a small subset of them. Since going on water pills, which cause me to urinate more, reducing body fluids and at a high dose really, my potassium was hitting dangerous lows. Since adding a specific group of supplements, over my daily vitamins, I have eliminated the need to take supplemental potassium in insane doses. I feared taking that much potassium, just in case something changed and I ended up with too much. Further, of the various ways there are to take it, none of them fit my life, or tastes, or g.i. tranquility. As to daily vitamins? I can't point to anything specific, as I mentioned. But I do have a general sense that life is ever so slightly better. Fiction, perhaps, but I do believe it.
There have been times where I have tried other, what might be called actual, supplements. Things for sleep, things for this or that, on several occasions. I, personally, had no luck with these others or I might have continued to take them. The answer might be in this new report. Out of 44 products, from 12 different companies, many problems were found. Only two of the companies were clean. The rest used unlisted fillers and outright contaminants which are bad for people, to watering down or even not including the main/active ingredients listed. One was nothing but grain filler! Now I don't feel so bad that what is supposed to work doesn't. The truth is, I may not have even tried the product. The problem is, there is no way to be sure about any product, at this point, unless I tried to do it myself. I have limits, and that would be among them.
Is there a chance this research is bogus, a bought service by big pharma or some other group? Sure. But with genetic coding, it simply stands a bit better of a chance at being legitimate. However, they aren't listing the products or companies. They suggest they do this so as to not pick on a particular company. That doesn't hold much water. That could easily be a way to hide the flaws in the research. Although it might also keep them from being sued, legitimate or not. My experience, while just one guy with a few products of somewhat questionable worth since I can't and don't know if they have even been tried by me, for sure, however, does support the thesis to within my tolerances. The question is, how would you know about such a product without testing yourself or by a lab at your expense? I don't have the equipment or skills to test these things anymore than I could make my own. Buyer beware, it's all I am suggesting.
Oh, and good night.
How very strange.
.
.
It seems that I have a new doctor. I just received a call telling me about the new arrangement, and asking if I wished to make an appointment. Just to make sure it sticks, I arranged an appointment for early next year. It does seem as if... never mind. Reality, I think, was just folded, altered. I always worry, when getting a new doctor. I would like to ask how it could be worse, but asking such a question is akin to asking how much more pain one can endure. I know, as much pain as I have endured, even enough to kill me once, that I can, in some instances, for short times, endure much more. Simply, some questions are best left unasked. I will know more shortly.
A young local gentleman was finding tasks for neighboring missionaries. I was not terribly ready for company, and yet... usually take the opportunity when it is possible. Raking, I suggested. Not the whole yard. Even just my yard is a bit much, with the field? No, just the front yard, and to have piles of leaves. I went to the garage and found two more rakes, one of which I used. I have mentioned that I can help, and like to help, when I can think out of my box or others can do that part. After we finished, he asked about other tasks. Ah! Help organizing the wood behind the shed, and neatening that area. Friday, early afternoon, it was suggested. I will have hot cocoa, and maybe some other treats ready. I would love to bake a pie but I just don't have that to me. I'll... think of something. I had retained some of the treats from Halloween. Shouldn't have, but I did give the vast bulk of them away... on Halloween night itself, for the library, to hand out in school, and such. I really shouldn't be eating them, but actually my blood sugar, last I checked, after rising to 250 when eating rightly, dropped 40 points after I gave up and indulged. Yeah, don't know. Still, I gave as much of that stash away in thanks today as I could. Crazy kids... all of us.
I keep trying to figure out visits to this page. Between the various systems for checking there is no agreement. Further, the areas of difference don't make sense. If some section of them could be seen to be problematic, they should show up as a bulk, if not obvious at least teasably findable missing group. It doesn't work out that way. What is missing is the bulk, not the spread. I have my visits set to not be shown, but on the site that suggests the most visits, taking out all those visits that use Firefox, and the numbers remain unchanged mostly. FireFox is only 4% of visits. I seem to be getting 55-65 per day, depending on which site is checked, with very on-site page jumps. I don't know. I'm not sure any of them can be trusted. It's all... odd. Site Meter, according to my checks, shows up as an untrusted site to visit, beyond that. I'll keep trying to figure things out. Oh, and no, I don't try to figure out who, when, or such, regarding visitors. Most of you don't show up as having visited in any way that is discernible, identifiable, by my systems anyway. Oh, but the Russians no longer visit. I am not sure if they were really Russian or if those were engineered to appear to be Russian visits. They might even have been Google trying to get visit numbers bumped for their marketing or other such reasons. With 15-20 hits lasting moments, I just never took those too seriously.
Dang it! Now I know who had the heart attack. He's a really decent man. I was praying for him and family anyway. But... now that I know who... I can't do more than pray, and with my social standing and such I stay away. Just hate to see the good ones go down.
I can't get to much, but... At least there is company. And dinner will be coming shortly, going out to pizza with the young ladies tomorrow night. And some things are being arranged and rearranged. And I am staying on my medicine better, mostly. Later. :)
.
It seems that I have a new doctor. I just received a call telling me about the new arrangement, and asking if I wished to make an appointment. Just to make sure it sticks, I arranged an appointment for early next year. It does seem as if... never mind. Reality, I think, was just folded, altered. I always worry, when getting a new doctor. I would like to ask how it could be worse, but asking such a question is akin to asking how much more pain one can endure. I know, as much pain as I have endured, even enough to kill me once, that I can, in some instances, for short times, endure much more. Simply, some questions are best left unasked. I will know more shortly.
A young local gentleman was finding tasks for neighboring missionaries. I was not terribly ready for company, and yet... usually take the opportunity when it is possible. Raking, I suggested. Not the whole yard. Even just my yard is a bit much, with the field? No, just the front yard, and to have piles of leaves. I went to the garage and found two more rakes, one of which I used. I have mentioned that I can help, and like to help, when I can think out of my box or others can do that part. After we finished, he asked about other tasks. Ah! Help organizing the wood behind the shed, and neatening that area. Friday, early afternoon, it was suggested. I will have hot cocoa, and maybe some other treats ready. I would love to bake a pie but I just don't have that to me. I'll... think of something. I had retained some of the treats from Halloween. Shouldn't have, but I did give the vast bulk of them away... on Halloween night itself, for the library, to hand out in school, and such. I really shouldn't be eating them, but actually my blood sugar, last I checked, after rising to 250 when eating rightly, dropped 40 points after I gave up and indulged. Yeah, don't know. Still, I gave as much of that stash away in thanks today as I could. Crazy kids... all of us.
I keep trying to figure out visits to this page. Between the various systems for checking there is no agreement. Further, the areas of difference don't make sense. If some section of them could be seen to be problematic, they should show up as a bulk, if not obvious at least teasably findable missing group. It doesn't work out that way. What is missing is the bulk, not the spread. I have my visits set to not be shown, but on the site that suggests the most visits, taking out all those visits that use Firefox, and the numbers remain unchanged mostly. FireFox is only 4% of visits. I seem to be getting 55-65 per day, depending on which site is checked, with very on-site page jumps. I don't know. I'm not sure any of them can be trusted. It's all... odd. Site Meter, according to my checks, shows up as an untrusted site to visit, beyond that. I'll keep trying to figure things out. Oh, and no, I don't try to figure out who, when, or such, regarding visitors. Most of you don't show up as having visited in any way that is discernible, identifiable, by my systems anyway. Oh, but the Russians no longer visit. I am not sure if they were really Russian or if those were engineered to appear to be Russian visits. They might even have been Google trying to get visit numbers bumped for their marketing or other such reasons. With 15-20 hits lasting moments, I just never took those too seriously.
Dang it! Now I know who had the heart attack. He's a really decent man. I was praying for him and family anyway. But... now that I know who... I can't do more than pray, and with my social standing and such I stay away. Just hate to see the good ones go down.
I can't get to much, but... At least there is company. And dinner will be coming shortly, going out to pizza with the young ladies tomorrow night. And some things are being arranged and rearranged. And I am staying on my medicine better, mostly. Later. :)
Have you ever wondered?
.
.
Have you ever walked into a restaurant where the owner, head chef, staff, and patrons, are all tattooed to the gills? With body piercing and odd but exotic and expensive clothing? Or a supposed grocery store of a similar nature? I never thought much about it, just noticing the oddity of such places. Then, recently, it hit me. Those people didn't get their start up money from mom and dad, the bank, or legitimate work. They were in the drug business. They might still be in that business. It's a front, or an attempt to go straight. I could bother to explain but why? Those who wish not to believe won't, and those who know wouldn't admit such a thing.
What I am noticing is that the economic downturn is very real. These business are disappearing, left and right. They weren't, most likely, in it to make money, only to hide or clean it. Odd that the obvious, to me, results of the black market are the key to seeing the real effect of an economic calamity of the scale I am seeing. Further, the sales of atv's, motorcycles, and other gear of those trying to hide their money but get something for it? My guess is these are going down. Tattoo parlors? How well are they doing? Think about what a drug dealer might buy, or service wanted by such, that would be alternative and easy to hide under the radar. Now, look at those industries.
My evaluation of the drastic decline of these industries is merely empirical. My assessment that many of these industries are drug related, even peripherally or only partially, is just a suspicion. Even home use computer manufacturing is dying, and that's a rather extended connection, if valid I think. I don't trust the media to discuss such things. As many Mexican reporters that have been murdered, and as soft on tyranny our reporters are, I don't think you will see much reported on this connection. Oh, don't go eulogizing those dead reporters, many were killed for choosing the wrong cartel, not for doing the "right thing".
Now, is actual drug use down? I won't say that. I will say that, as those who are addicted fail, and as the resources for employment, even theft or trade in the business of their addiction, decreases, those addicted to drugs are searching for cheaper highs. Crank, crack, even krokodil are hitting the market. People are making it themselves. Gone are the more expensive, harder to find due to... import regulations, which serve to keep prices high... hard drugs. Addicts are hitting rock bottom.
I wish it were due to police action having an effect. But the truth simply isn't there. Police, knowingly or not on a case by case basis, but definitely systemically, are there to protect the payers from competition and to keep prices in a certain range, not to protect people from a social scourge, especially one so many imbibe. If you want to understand how law and illegal substances merge, do a quick (or better serious) study of Chicago under Al Capone. Go further, to a national study of Prohibition. It was more about payoffs, public opinion, compromises between allowance and appearances, and keeping the murder rates "reasonable". There was never a serious attempt to end the use of alcohol, only profit from it monetarily, politically, even socially. Same with drugs.
There are nations who do crack down, and mean to end use. They have the death penalty for smugglers, dealers, and possibly even for users or repeat user offenders. Sure, there is still a market, but that market is quite small, extremely secretive, and always afraid. They don't live large, they don't recruit people into their cult, there aren't easy ways to hide money which most likely is smuggled out just as drugs are smuggled in, if maybe in a different form.
Which is right? I have my opinion, true. I also have some reasonable guess as to how many who read here have, or even still do, use. Oh, probably the "little stuff", probably. Or only the legal stuff, if a bit much or not exactly prescribed to the user. It's everywhere. In the blogosphere more than one would think. My guess is it is the real crux behind most libertarian ideals, and actually liberal thinking, which is why quite often I can't go there, sticking more with the Tea Party, when I go more politically alt. Oh, it's there too, it just isn't the real focus, or even from what I have seen one of the platforms. Drugs are just a social reality, and part of why this nation is crumbling. But, as I noted, I do see... declines in the adjacent, connected, industries. I wish I could suggest that NSA spying had something to do with it, but I can't. They are looking for "anti-government" types (Tea Partiers, even libertarians). (No, they aren't looking for Akhmed the bomber.) Further, they wouldn't let out what they are doing to score a drug lord. But they might use it to score a conservative and have the IRS run him through for a closer scan. No risk, it's just a tip line away, or intergovernmental so not subject to overview, real or imagined as the transgression might be.
All I can see is the mess isn't solvable as is. We are going to become Mexico, if we aren't there already. All good, right? No difference between this, that, and the other thing, right? Why do you think Mexicans swim rivers, climb fences, pay thugs who might pimp them out, hike through deserts, and take huge risks and expenses to get here? Seriously?
.
Have you ever walked into a restaurant where the owner, head chef, staff, and patrons, are all tattooed to the gills? With body piercing and odd but exotic and expensive clothing? Or a supposed grocery store of a similar nature? I never thought much about it, just noticing the oddity of such places. Then, recently, it hit me. Those people didn't get their start up money from mom and dad, the bank, or legitimate work. They were in the drug business. They might still be in that business. It's a front, or an attempt to go straight. I could bother to explain but why? Those who wish not to believe won't, and those who know wouldn't admit such a thing.
What I am noticing is that the economic downturn is very real. These business are disappearing, left and right. They weren't, most likely, in it to make money, only to hide or clean it. Odd that the obvious, to me, results of the black market are the key to seeing the real effect of an economic calamity of the scale I am seeing. Further, the sales of atv's, motorcycles, and other gear of those trying to hide their money but get something for it? My guess is these are going down. Tattoo parlors? How well are they doing? Think about what a drug dealer might buy, or service wanted by such, that would be alternative and easy to hide under the radar. Now, look at those industries.
My evaluation of the drastic decline of these industries is merely empirical. My assessment that many of these industries are drug related, even peripherally or only partially, is just a suspicion. Even home use computer manufacturing is dying, and that's a rather extended connection, if valid I think. I don't trust the media to discuss such things. As many Mexican reporters that have been murdered, and as soft on tyranny our reporters are, I don't think you will see much reported on this connection. Oh, don't go eulogizing those dead reporters, many were killed for choosing the wrong cartel, not for doing the "right thing".
Now, is actual drug use down? I won't say that. I will say that, as those who are addicted fail, and as the resources for employment, even theft or trade in the business of their addiction, decreases, those addicted to drugs are searching for cheaper highs. Crank, crack, even krokodil are hitting the market. People are making it themselves. Gone are the more expensive, harder to find due to... import regulations, which serve to keep prices high... hard drugs. Addicts are hitting rock bottom.
I wish it were due to police action having an effect. But the truth simply isn't there. Police, knowingly or not on a case by case basis, but definitely systemically, are there to protect the payers from competition and to keep prices in a certain range, not to protect people from a social scourge, especially one so many imbibe. If you want to understand how law and illegal substances merge, do a quick (or better serious) study of Chicago under Al Capone. Go further, to a national study of Prohibition. It was more about payoffs, public opinion, compromises between allowance and appearances, and keeping the murder rates "reasonable". There was never a serious attempt to end the use of alcohol, only profit from it monetarily, politically, even socially. Same with drugs.
There are nations who do crack down, and mean to end use. They have the death penalty for smugglers, dealers, and possibly even for users or repeat user offenders. Sure, there is still a market, but that market is quite small, extremely secretive, and always afraid. They don't live large, they don't recruit people into their cult, there aren't easy ways to hide money which most likely is smuggled out just as drugs are smuggled in, if maybe in a different form.
Which is right? I have my opinion, true. I also have some reasonable guess as to how many who read here have, or even still do, use. Oh, probably the "little stuff", probably. Or only the legal stuff, if a bit much or not exactly prescribed to the user. It's everywhere. In the blogosphere more than one would think. My guess is it is the real crux behind most libertarian ideals, and actually liberal thinking, which is why quite often I can't go there, sticking more with the Tea Party, when I go more politically alt. Oh, it's there too, it just isn't the real focus, or even from what I have seen one of the platforms. Drugs are just a social reality, and part of why this nation is crumbling. But, as I noted, I do see... declines in the adjacent, connected, industries. I wish I could suggest that NSA spying had something to do with it, but I can't. They are looking for "anti-government" types (Tea Partiers, even libertarians). (No, they aren't looking for Akhmed the bomber.) Further, they wouldn't let out what they are doing to score a drug lord. But they might use it to score a conservative and have the IRS run him through for a closer scan. No risk, it's just a tip line away, or intergovernmental so not subject to overview, real or imagined as the transgression might be.
All I can see is the mess isn't solvable as is. We are going to become Mexico, if we aren't there already. All good, right? No difference between this, that, and the other thing, right? Why do you think Mexicans swim rivers, climb fences, pay thugs who might pimp them out, hike through deserts, and take huge risks and expenses to get here? Seriously?
Awake a bit late, but good enough.
.
.
To bed by 22:30, but not really comfortable for no specific reason. I dreamed much but lost it. It was a mixed bag of good and bad dreams, if memory serves even that far. Rocking and rolling, sleep seemed just a bit off, if that wasn't a real issue. Perhaps just the change in time, along with all that, is throwing me a bit. I heard the alarm at 8:00, whatever time that really is/was. I don't have a close association with the world of flesh as is, so changing things doesn't help. I thought I would get up, turned off the alarm, went to roll out of bed, and did... at 10:00 or so. It's... sort of funny though too, at least since I wasn't late for anything. If you can back out of a failure, and just see it objectively, the human and human like creature is sort of a cute creature. Trying, succeeding, failing, sleeping, napping, odd little habits... Imagine if that was a bear that went to wake up, then fell back to slumber for a bit, in an odd position. Same same, only I'm not ever, and won't ever be, hunted for my fur or for eating cattle (without permission).
I fed the girls first thing, since woke so late. I did try to set my mind to wake at 5:00-6:00 but that simply fell through. I am hoping, today, to get to some of what I missed yesterday. I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, which I think I will be able to make. Other than that, not much else going on.
I am still simply in a blah part of medicinal titration. I'll get through it. I will go through these times quite often though, even on medicines. Sometimes the medicines will cause it, sometimes my body will. Even with a heart function up to 30-38%, I'm not exactly healthy or fit. That I can lead an independent life, as unfit as that may be at times, is a minor miracle. That I can do even more, at times, is simply beyond unusual as well. That I pay a price for it, even should I have stayed on medicines, is just the reality of the gig I live. If I were heavily into working out, I would go through down spells as well. World class athletes have to take down times. The harder they train, the shorter is the period in which they can train at top level. It's a simple reality check and limit. Pushing that brings strains, injury, pain. How many pro level athletes are unfit to rake their own lawns now? You might be surprised. Just a reality, and within my condition, actually a fairly high functioning one. I need to be careful of pushing, and understanding of the price is all. Burning Man was worth it.
My next appointment is the 18th. I am hoping to be on, or close to, full medications by then. I don't know where my bp is, or blood sugar. I simply haven't been able to keep on tracking that. I'll keep trying to keep that in the menu options.
Life is good, just a little slow. I still get up to the plate once in a while, and take a crack at the ball. I simply can't round the plates right now so no one will put me in the game, including me. Do what you can. There is always the hope that medicine will bring me to some level of greater capacity. Before it stops being available. And, yeah, I think that is coming. Even 50% heart capacity would give me a better chance. Something, anything, to not have them put me down, or escape if I see that coming, or survive without them if that is the way it breaks. I do believe, if just in my mind, that I have an idea what the Jews who couldn't get out of Germany must have been going through. Zerocare, and death boards, are coming folks. Like the unfinished Deathstar, it will be ready before one may actually know it. But when it is ready, there may be no one able to dismantle it.
I honestly suspect that NSA spying is why liberalism is winning. They have used the data to throw elections, influence judges *cough* Roberts *cough* cause senators and congressmen to water down their attempts to fight things, and vote in specific ways, perhaps even pushing the last pope out. I don't know, no proof I mean, I simply suspect. Like the IRS, EPA, and the rest, the NSA is being used for pro-big government activities and undermining the will of the people, both in the US and abroad.
.
To bed by 22:30, but not really comfortable for no specific reason. I dreamed much but lost it. It was a mixed bag of good and bad dreams, if memory serves even that far. Rocking and rolling, sleep seemed just a bit off, if that wasn't a real issue. Perhaps just the change in time, along with all that, is throwing me a bit. I heard the alarm at 8:00, whatever time that really is/was. I don't have a close association with the world of flesh as is, so changing things doesn't help. I thought I would get up, turned off the alarm, went to roll out of bed, and did... at 10:00 or so. It's... sort of funny though too, at least since I wasn't late for anything. If you can back out of a failure, and just see it objectively, the human and human like creature is sort of a cute creature. Trying, succeeding, failing, sleeping, napping, odd little habits... Imagine if that was a bear that went to wake up, then fell back to slumber for a bit, in an odd position. Same same, only I'm not ever, and won't ever be, hunted for my fur or for eating cattle (without permission).
I fed the girls first thing, since woke so late. I did try to set my mind to wake at 5:00-6:00 but that simply fell through. I am hoping, today, to get to some of what I missed yesterday. I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, which I think I will be able to make. Other than that, not much else going on.
I am still simply in a blah part of medicinal titration. I'll get through it. I will go through these times quite often though, even on medicines. Sometimes the medicines will cause it, sometimes my body will. Even with a heart function up to 30-38%, I'm not exactly healthy or fit. That I can lead an independent life, as unfit as that may be at times, is a minor miracle. That I can do even more, at times, is simply beyond unusual as well. That I pay a price for it, even should I have stayed on medicines, is just the reality of the gig I live. If I were heavily into working out, I would go through down spells as well. World class athletes have to take down times. The harder they train, the shorter is the period in which they can train at top level. It's a simple reality check and limit. Pushing that brings strains, injury, pain. How many pro level athletes are unfit to rake their own lawns now? You might be surprised. Just a reality, and within my condition, actually a fairly high functioning one. I need to be careful of pushing, and understanding of the price is all. Burning Man was worth it.
My next appointment is the 18th. I am hoping to be on, or close to, full medications by then. I don't know where my bp is, or blood sugar. I simply haven't been able to keep on tracking that. I'll keep trying to keep that in the menu options.
Life is good, just a little slow. I still get up to the plate once in a while, and take a crack at the ball. I simply can't round the plates right now so no one will put me in the game, including me. Do what you can. There is always the hope that medicine will bring me to some level of greater capacity. Before it stops being available. And, yeah, I think that is coming. Even 50% heart capacity would give me a better chance. Something, anything, to not have them put me down, or escape if I see that coming, or survive without them if that is the way it breaks. I do believe, if just in my mind, that I have an idea what the Jews who couldn't get out of Germany must have been going through. Zerocare, and death boards, are coming folks. Like the unfinished Deathstar, it will be ready before one may actually know it. But when it is ready, there may be no one able to dismantle it.
I honestly suspect that NSA spying is why liberalism is winning. They have used the data to throw elections, influence judges *cough* Roberts *cough* cause senators and congressmen to water down their attempts to fight things, and vote in specific ways, perhaps even pushing the last pope out. I don't know, no proof I mean, I simply suspect. Like the IRS, EPA, and the rest, the NSA is being used for pro-big government activities and undermining the will of the people, both in the US and abroad.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Lunch, a nap, that's it.
.
.
I did crash about noon. Being tired, and with only a few clocks reset, I'm not sure if it was noon or 13:00, or maybe even 11:00, when I went down. I was falling pretty hard, couldn't check. I did set the alarm for three hours, according to the alarm time. I woke after two hours though, more easily, and thankfully. I did make lunch, gizzards as I suggested. No veggies though, just wasn't in the mood to figure out a can opener, another pan, or bowl and microwave. Some hot sauce on some, some coffee on the side, all good.
The rest of the day has simply been a recurring theme. Breathing in, breathing out, some reading, maybe some writing? Then more of the same. Not a rough day, just not a top day. The breath of fire that came to me last night is gone, for now. I have a feeling it will be back before long. Those stirrings... aren't usually isolated.
I have mentioned I am not nice, haven't I? I have warned that I shoot relatively straight, say what I mean, and do what I must and to the best of my abilities what is best for me. You know I don't coddle. And you know I put everything in it's place. You have seen me do it even with myself. So, why the surprise? The pain? Only if you are delusional can you believe anything just based on "because". Oh, I still love you. I just won't allow some things, some thoughts, some aggrievements. I don't accept them. Yes, I can see in the dark. Yes, I can see you out there. I am sorry the truth hurts, but you have to know it. As do I.
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I did crash about noon. Being tired, and with only a few clocks reset, I'm not sure if it was noon or 13:00, or maybe even 11:00, when I went down. I was falling pretty hard, couldn't check. I did set the alarm for three hours, according to the alarm time. I woke after two hours though, more easily, and thankfully. I did make lunch, gizzards as I suggested. No veggies though, just wasn't in the mood to figure out a can opener, another pan, or bowl and microwave. Some hot sauce on some, some coffee on the side, all good.
The rest of the day has simply been a recurring theme. Breathing in, breathing out, some reading, maybe some writing? Then more of the same. Not a rough day, just not a top day. The breath of fire that came to me last night is gone, for now. I have a feeling it will be back before long. Those stirrings... aren't usually isolated.
I have mentioned I am not nice, haven't I? I have warned that I shoot relatively straight, say what I mean, and do what I must and to the best of my abilities what is best for me. You know I don't coddle. And you know I put everything in it's place. You have seen me do it even with myself. So, why the surprise? The pain? Only if you are delusional can you believe anything just based on "because". Oh, I still love you. I just won't allow some things, some thoughts, some aggrievements. I don't accept them. Yes, I can see in the dark. Yes, I can see you out there. I am sorry the truth hurts, but you have to know it. As do I.
Sort of ugh.
.
.
I was able to get back to bed for a while. No sleep, the gullet is still giving me fits. I also noticed, before going to bed, somewhere out there, that today was the rebound day for daylight savings. We lost an hour this time. So I didn't miss out on that much sleep. I got up just before the 8:00 alarm, which means at 7:00, but the time I had meant to get up. Bleh. A bit of coffee right after this post would surely help.
I called my mother first thing. She was chipper and awake. She is visiting her friend, a farmer, former engineer. She keeps his home in good repair, helps him rearrange it, restore rooms, and cooks him meals while there. She is like his part time wife. No, he won't marry. He got off that wagon long ago and won't be lead, cajoled, pushed, or forced back onto it. Nary a word, save giving my obligatory "this is how I stand on things" speech. He knows, she knows, exactly where I stand. And, I know, it is as good as it gets. I am glad for them, that they have someone helping out, he gets her help, she gets his input and help sometimes, and that is that. I don't bust it up, and wouldn't. Dang kids.
It's always good to hear mother's voice. There are fewer things I have that are constant. Actually she is about it. I don't mind, mostly. I am almost unto myself. Most of you don't know that, never have, probably unless you out live all your friends and family and then live on your own, will never understand. Being bullish helps, and usually I don't even notice. Save once in a while, when I call, and remember. Harsh, at times, but it's good to have a clear, true, understanding of where one stands in the world.
Today? I dunno. With sleep messed up, and innards still knotted if to much less of an extent, and still being a bit messed up with medicines, my goals are very simple lately. With meat thawed, I do hope to make something edible later. Chicken gizzards are my top interest. Baked to tenderize, then fried for a crispy exterior, they make a wonderful meal. Oh, dinner is coming tonight, so maybe that for lunch? I need to get some food in, and through me. That will require several meals a day. That will work. Some canned vegetable on the side, just to make mom, and maybe my g.i., happy as well.
I am hoping to find it in me to get back on laundry and dishes. At least set things to soak. Maybe a shower first, as the tub will be blocked until I get the dishes done. It snowed today, the first time I have seen it. It is very light, just sticking to the grass, and barely. The roads did not hold any snow. The sky looks heavy enough for more but it isn't snowing currently, last I looked. So it begins. Later.
.
I was able to get back to bed for a while. No sleep, the gullet is still giving me fits. I also noticed, before going to bed, somewhere out there, that today was the rebound day for daylight savings. We lost an hour this time. So I didn't miss out on that much sleep. I got up just before the 8:00 alarm, which means at 7:00, but the time I had meant to get up. Bleh. A bit of coffee right after this post would surely help.
I called my mother first thing. She was chipper and awake. She is visiting her friend, a farmer, former engineer. She keeps his home in good repair, helps him rearrange it, restore rooms, and cooks him meals while there. She is like his part time wife. No, he won't marry. He got off that wagon long ago and won't be lead, cajoled, pushed, or forced back onto it. Nary a word, save giving my obligatory "this is how I stand on things" speech. He knows, she knows, exactly where I stand. And, I know, it is as good as it gets. I am glad for them, that they have someone helping out, he gets her help, she gets his input and help sometimes, and that is that. I don't bust it up, and wouldn't. Dang kids.
It's always good to hear mother's voice. There are fewer things I have that are constant. Actually she is about it. I don't mind, mostly. I am almost unto myself. Most of you don't know that, never have, probably unless you out live all your friends and family and then live on your own, will never understand. Being bullish helps, and usually I don't even notice. Save once in a while, when I call, and remember. Harsh, at times, but it's good to have a clear, true, understanding of where one stands in the world.
Today? I dunno. With sleep messed up, and innards still knotted if to much less of an extent, and still being a bit messed up with medicines, my goals are very simple lately. With meat thawed, I do hope to make something edible later. Chicken gizzards are my top interest. Baked to tenderize, then fried for a crispy exterior, they make a wonderful meal. Oh, dinner is coming tonight, so maybe that for lunch? I need to get some food in, and through me. That will require several meals a day. That will work. Some canned vegetable on the side, just to make mom, and maybe my g.i., happy as well.
I am hoping to find it in me to get back on laundry and dishes. At least set things to soak. Maybe a shower first, as the tub will be blocked until I get the dishes done. It snowed today, the first time I have seen it. It is very light, just sticking to the grass, and barely. The roads did not hold any snow. The sky looks heavy enough for more but it isn't snowing currently, last I looked. So it begins. Later.
Twisted gut two-step.
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Waking in the middle of the night with my innards all twisted is an unusual event, though when I am eating less I am usually shielded by loss of memory, so who knows. A warning, I suspect. After a bit of fussing, several visits to the lou, most of the problem... hold on... Back. I've worked out, perhaps 2/3 to 3/4 of the binds in there. I had some real food, since I woke, hoping that will help. I had hoped to take care of the problem then go back to bed. It just isn't working out to be that kind of problem.
Dreams and barely awake thoughts have been nagging me, along with my g.i. tract. Well, and the last message I received from the KoC. I don't know which notions are from dreams and which are simply from water closet thoughts. I'll just send them as they stand.
The first was, I get the feeling that women, and perhaps some men, think I am delusional about my prospects for a wife. I think, in another time, they might have been right. I do have little to offer but a small place, a tight budget, and a dominate demeanor. To a strictly modern woman, these things aren't enough. Strictly modern women aren't, however, what are sought as even mates, especially after a certain age.
They join an old maid hen chattering class that wouldn't know a potential husband from a rusted out iron pot, to start. Then they get so built up in their pretty much strictly female relationships that they think they even have some value. Further, to have that value mean anything, anyone who questions that value they have placed on themselves has to be torn down. Plus, they are quite often just plain stupid. Not a clue in the whole hen house. That is not a group of people to go to in order to ascertain marriageable status or value.
The women you need to check with are the women who want a husband and family. In this climate, they are greatly underutilized and underwater. For most men, even the legitimate women in this circle (as if the typical man would know the difference, and by the way, it isn't actually in the women, mostly, but the problem is with emasculated men who don't know how to deal with women), are seen as too risky. Their value has greatly declined. It doesn't matter if a gold bar is said to be worth $100 or $10,000 if you need the money but there are no buyers. Unlike gold, ovaries do not have much of a shelf life. Tick-tock. Marriage is a buyers market now and there aren't that many buyers. As well, I have always had a strong hand, so far age has not devalued what I offer, only enriched it. Not many men can offer a new wife actual wealth, in these days, even if in a limited amount, beyond the grave, or increased income based on children, or a host of other things. Few men, if they have those things and they are subject to loss for the man, are very interested in a wife. For me, it's easy. What I have cannot be taken, only shared as I wish. Women who want marriage are being hung out to dry.
It isn't just men who are abandoning women either. While many still go to college, if they actually think that is to get a start on a career instead of what it was ever truly allowed for, to find a husband, even this is failing. The value of "an education" has been so watered down that it's value to employers has collapsed. For example, to be a barista at Starbucks, a barista mind you, a coffee maker, one needs a bachelor of arts! I suppose next, post hole diggers will need one? Laughable. Further, the job market for 20 somethings is dying, and faster by the day. Part time work to repay student loans? No husband, when they can be found, will pick up that debt on top of the rest of the risk that comes with marriage. So, college is or will be out for younger women, husband material is scarcer than hen's teeth and devolving, and employers are disappearing. That leaves parents and the government, but Uncle Sam just blew his wad and mom and dad simply can't carry that load, won't. Tick-tock, tick-tock, Doom wins... if he can bring himself to look.
Women are not so much out of favor as not valued as wives. No man wants the risks or will deal with a little unchecked tyrant. A man who can and will, and has the mechanics to hold a woman in check as she does honestly prefer, and with the means to do so, is king, baby. I don't have to be, and never claimed to be, the end all be all. All I have to do is be functionally available, alive, and interested, even a bit, along with what I really am, and I beat out competition as a husband with all the men who simply want a little flesh check and maybe breakfast in the morning or who are interested but unworthy. Which, upon easy notice, is most of them. Those 29%ers? The guys who are interested in marriage? Aren't the guys chicks dig. They are the betas, the deltas, the gammas. Ugly, worn, tired, angry, and commanding, I am the real deal. Check and mate.
As to the KoC? They sent out an email suggesting they have put a video together about the new pope, Pope Francis. They aired it, but... didn't get much viewership, so they are airing it again. On CNBC, as before as I read the message. Seriously? You know, there is a Catholic television channel? One, if I am not mistaken, which has recently been stripped of morality programming, save one anti-abortion program but that priest is from the pope's order, go figure. No offense to Father Pacwa, mind you. I do appreciate his service and that cause. Then again, when I went looking for him, I couldn't find his program either, maybe he too has now been axed? Couldn't use that channel, stripped bare as it has been? Had to use one of the most liberal broadcast stations in the nation? Sending a message? I warned you, going secular will go nowhere. Follow Episcopalians and Church of England into the drink if you wish, preaching to the wolves to the detriment of the sheep will get you nowhere and fast. Outreach is fine, abandonment and attack is not. I have already backed out of the Church due to the very humanist secularism of the very pope in question. Now it looks like I will be leaving this group of men as well. If they really want to get some liberal momentum behind this secular humanist, might I suggest a gay spread in Play Girl with a fluff piece by CNN? I'm out.
I will have to figure out Eucharist, once in a while. As well as confession. I doubt if I will do it locally. I will be checking out the places I go for my medical visits. I am not sure, locally, if I am welcome. Nor at any church in which I am known. Yeah, they snoop. Some of the places I will be traveling have multiple churches from which to choose. It will be sort of random, what I can get, when. But... I just won't stay joined or communal with a general community to which I am not in alignment and agreement. I do, however, need the Sacraments. As to charity? I will simply have to find alternatives to the church at large. Sadly, honestly.
Hmm... it seems as if the internal storm is over. Another half hour and I will see myself back to bed if I can. Ugh but there was much to get out tonight, not just of the body. All of it about as sweet smelling as the rest. Purged, and free of the various works of demons, perhaps I can rest.
.
Waking in the middle of the night with my innards all twisted is an unusual event, though when I am eating less I am usually shielded by loss of memory, so who knows. A warning, I suspect. After a bit of fussing, several visits to the lou, most of the problem... hold on... Back. I've worked out, perhaps 2/3 to 3/4 of the binds in there. I had some real food, since I woke, hoping that will help. I had hoped to take care of the problem then go back to bed. It just isn't working out to be that kind of problem.
Dreams and barely awake thoughts have been nagging me, along with my g.i. tract. Well, and the last message I received from the KoC. I don't know which notions are from dreams and which are simply from water closet thoughts. I'll just send them as they stand.
They join an old maid hen chattering class that wouldn't know a potential husband from a rusted out iron pot, to start. Then they get so built up in their pretty much strictly female relationships that they think they even have some value. Further, to have that value mean anything, anyone who questions that value they have placed on themselves has to be torn down. Plus, they are quite often just plain stupid. Not a clue in the whole hen house. That is not a group of people to go to in order to ascertain marriageable status or value.
It isn't just men who are abandoning women either. While many still go to college, if they actually think that is to get a start on a career instead of what it was ever truly allowed for, to find a husband, even this is failing. The value of "an education" has been so watered down that it's value to employers has collapsed. For example, to be a barista at Starbucks, a barista mind you, a coffee maker, one needs a bachelor of arts! I suppose next, post hole diggers will need one? Laughable. Further, the job market for 20 somethings is dying, and faster by the day. Part time work to repay student loans? No husband, when they can be found, will pick up that debt on top of the rest of the risk that comes with marriage. So, college is or will be out for younger women, husband material is scarcer than hen's teeth and devolving, and employers are disappearing. That leaves parents and the government, but Uncle Sam just blew his wad and mom and dad simply can't carry that load, won't. Tick-tock, tick-tock, Doom wins... if he can bring himself to look.
As to the KoC? They sent out an email suggesting they have put a video together about the new pope, Pope Francis. They aired it, but... didn't get much viewership, so they are airing it again. On CNBC, as before as I read the message. Seriously? You know, there is a Catholic television channel? One, if I am not mistaken, which has recently been stripped of morality programming, save one anti-abortion program but that priest is from the pope's order, go figure. No offense to Father Pacwa, mind you. I do appreciate his service and that cause. Then again, when I went looking for him, I couldn't find his program either, maybe he too has now been axed? Couldn't use that channel, stripped bare as it has been? Had to use one of the most liberal broadcast stations in the nation? Sending a message? I warned you, going secular will go nowhere. Follow Episcopalians and Church of England into the drink if you wish, preaching to the wolves to the detriment of the sheep will get you nowhere and fast. Outreach is fine, abandonment and attack is not. I have already backed out of the Church due to the very humanist secularism of the very pope in question. Now it looks like I will be leaving this group of men as well. If they really want to get some liberal momentum behind this secular humanist, might I suggest a gay spread in Play Girl with a fluff piece by CNN? I'm out.
I will have to figure out Eucharist, once in a while. As well as confession. I doubt if I will do it locally. I will be checking out the places I go for my medical visits. I am not sure, locally, if I am welcome. Nor at any church in which I am known. Yeah, they snoop. Some of the places I will be traveling have multiple churches from which to choose. It will be sort of random, what I can get, when. But... I just won't stay joined or communal with a general community to which I am not in alignment and agreement. I do, however, need the Sacraments. As to charity? I will simply have to find alternatives to the church at large. Sadly, honestly.
Hmm... it seems as if the internal storm is over. Another half hour and I will see myself back to bed if I can. Ugh but there was much to get out tonight, not just of the body. All of it about as sweet smelling as the rest. Purged, and free of the various works of demons, perhaps I can rest.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
No haiku, no nap, what to do?
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Haiku is off for the week. No fuss, I know that real life can just grab any of us by the scruff and toss us in over our heads. And, one thing leads to another, and it happens. If anything, I offer empathy for those going through that in their own ways. I have been thinking of a little pick-up haiku, like when a basketball game would be canceled due to weather I would try to get a game going locally. I'm thinking about it.
No nap today, thankfully. I am planning to get to bed in an hour or two, then try to get up at the 5:00-6:00 time, with the 8:00 alarm as backup. I just never know if I keep trying. It's been hot, or seemed hot, today. Bagels for breakfast and supper might be the cause, though I don't think so. Still, I've pulled out meat to thaw to try and fix that. I just can't keep up on food well, lately. I had stuff that carried me, and clean pots and pans for a while. I'm out and out. I'll have to figure something out before long.
The next thing I have to be ready for is on the 5th, then the 12th, then the 18th, then December 2nd I believe, then the 16th of that month. Other than that, no big bumps or hurdles and, sadly in a way, I am glad for it. I just can't handle much. I don't even know if I can make those. I have a few days before I reset my medicines. I am thinking about setting up one week as is, then stepping a quarter step up (to 3/4 dose) the following week, then just pushing full dose when I reset. Oh, sure, you might here some yowling and whimpering from my cave. Don't fret. And... this will be it. I will be back to full dose in less than two months... Normally a much longer journey. Just... getting it over with is my game plan. I've certainly had worse, just not in such a way that I remembered it or over such a long course, since I was much younger and healthier, actually. Ha! Those were the days.
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Haiku is off for the week. No fuss, I know that real life can just grab any of us by the scruff and toss us in over our heads. And, one thing leads to another, and it happens. If anything, I offer empathy for those going through that in their own ways. I have been thinking of a little pick-up haiku, like when a basketball game would be canceled due to weather I would try to get a game going locally. I'm thinking about it.
No nap today, thankfully. I am planning to get to bed in an hour or two, then try to get up at the 5:00-6:00 time, with the 8:00 alarm as backup. I just never know if I keep trying. It's been hot, or seemed hot, today. Bagels for breakfast and supper might be the cause, though I don't think so. Still, I've pulled out meat to thaw to try and fix that. I just can't keep up on food well, lately. I had stuff that carried me, and clean pots and pans for a while. I'm out and out. I'll have to figure something out before long.
The next thing I have to be ready for is on the 5th, then the 12th, then the 18th, then December 2nd I believe, then the 16th of that month. Other than that, no big bumps or hurdles and, sadly in a way, I am glad for it. I just can't handle much. I don't even know if I can make those. I have a few days before I reset my medicines. I am thinking about setting up one week as is, then stepping a quarter step up (to 3/4 dose) the following week, then just pushing full dose when I reset. Oh, sure, you might here some yowling and whimpering from my cave. Don't fret. And... this will be it. I will be back to full dose in less than two months... Normally a much longer journey. Just... getting it over with is my game plan. I've certainly had worse, just not in such a way that I remembered it or over such a long course, since I was much younger and healthier, actually. Ha! Those were the days.
What I would do if I could.
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No lion. If I had it to me, had a means and the availability, I would go horseback riding. I am sure there are places you can rent a horse. Trail horses are notoriously lame rides. And, well, my size... I don't want to kill a poor animal. It's been a while, but riding, as I remember it, is like nothing else. Enough of it and you will get strength back. Some people suppose that riding a horse is like riding in a car. Not so. You use muscles you didn't know to stay in the saddle, control the horse especially when you teach the horse knee commands, and perhaps get to even lean commands and other little tricks. Yes, I rode often enough that I even learned how to teach roughly broken horses to listen for, then obey, non-typical commands. I made myself useful, and loved it.
A mule, a horse, either one, if they have been trained at least a bit, would make for an excellent bit of exercises, assuming the animal is large enough for me. But more, once I get familiar with such an animal, the controls are somewhat automatic, so simply enjoying the air rush by when galloping, or the odd perspective only being on a horse can give while walking, and the collusion of animal and man in getting from point a to point b is simply a joy. Some men like "bikes", others fast cars and I have enjoyed the latter. But nothing beats being in the saddle, to me. The scents, the feel, the exercise, the mastery. Uhrm, assuming the animal learns to see you as the boss. Best get that sorted out immediately. Then you can become pals, perhaps. I remember, as the picture shows, of what happens if the order is off. The worst was a mule who walked back like that for 15 feet or more. Scared me to the bone, so I rode it some more! It all worked out. Not so much that I'm not a quitter, just not always all that bright!
Not sure I remember how it all goes though? Oh, I'm sure I could figure it all out again. I do know, if it became a regular event, I would buy into a pair of cowboy boots again. While they have no other proper use on a man's foot, in the saddle they are priceless. Never wore spurs, didn't own chaps, though I did have a cowboy hat and boots. Might not have looked like some picture perfect rodeo rider or cowpoke, I certainly played the role. Hee-Yaah!
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In spite of it all?
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Regardless of want, need, ability, or incapacity? Something grows in me. This music found me this morning. Sometimes I can look for stuff for hours, days, weeks, and never find it. Some days, without looking... it finds me. As is the case this morning. This song perfectly... fits... that... wellspring of something. Turning a corner to better days or just glancing around one corner as a chance event as I stumble on for some unknown length of time as is I cannot say. Still, the warmth from the sensations are enough to... take some of the edge off.
.
Regardless of want, need, ability, or incapacity? Something grows in me. This music found me this morning. Sometimes I can look for stuff for hours, days, weeks, and never find it. Some days, without looking... it finds me. As is the case this morning. This song perfectly... fits... that... wellspring of something. Turning a corner to better days or just glancing around one corner as a chance event as I stumble on for some unknown length of time as is I cannot say. Still, the warmth from the sensations are enough to... take some of the edge off.
It's sort of working.
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Medicine is hit or miss. I just can't worry, only do what I can with what I have. It was closer to midnight than 23:00 before I made it to bed. And while no amount of focus, what little there was to be had at bedtime, could wake me before the alarm, the alarm itself did stir me from slumber. A bit of coffee first thing, which I needed. Yesterday was coffeeless as I hadn't ground the beans in a bit, and simply couldn't get to it. Minor headache and sluggishness combined and ensued. Later in the day I finally ground a fresh batch and had a cup which settled things. Cold coffee remnants are good enough for me. Better than fresh and hot, usually. It's still not cold enough out there that hot coffee is needed as a brace against the natural notions.
What to do today? You know, I simply don't know. Right now I am just, and simply, and purely, breathing which takes me from moment to moment. Trapped, indeed, inside this prison of flesh. My body, I think, is somewhat able. I simply cannot reach out and grab the controls. Then again, for all I really know, the body is weaker than I know. I never can tell until a window pops and I can manipulate the controls and then, eventually or quickly at times, get positive or negative feedback.
I received an addition to my prayer list. A man had a heart attack, and will be going in to surgery. Prayers, of course, followed. If any of you have extra room in your prayer list for another, I would ask you to add him. All I know is that he is Michelle W.'s father, he had a heart attack, and he will be going in for bypass, or double, or more, surgery. Small print makes it difficult to read, more so in the morning, but... His heart is function is critical, down to 25%, they hope to improve it. I pray also for the family.
After reading that I realized... that is better than my heart has been for twenty four of my last twenty five years. Depending on which doc talks to me, I am told I have 30-38% function now. Sometimes things don't make sense. At least I can more than sympathize with him. Though, I think luckily, surgery can actually help him, potentially. I do, strongly, pray that it works. It's a rough place to be.
Hmm... medicine, then the girls fed in about an hour, and... who knows what else. Probably just breathing until I sleep again, hopefully after a full day awake, if maybe a nap if need be. Good day.
.
Medicine is hit or miss. I just can't worry, only do what I can with what I have. It was closer to midnight than 23:00 before I made it to bed. And while no amount of focus, what little there was to be had at bedtime, could wake me before the alarm, the alarm itself did stir me from slumber. A bit of coffee first thing, which I needed. Yesterday was coffeeless as I hadn't ground the beans in a bit, and simply couldn't get to it. Minor headache and sluggishness combined and ensued. Later in the day I finally ground a fresh batch and had a cup which settled things. Cold coffee remnants are good enough for me. Better than fresh and hot, usually. It's still not cold enough out there that hot coffee is needed as a brace against the natural notions.
What to do today? You know, I simply don't know. Right now I am just, and simply, and purely, breathing which takes me from moment to moment. Trapped, indeed, inside this prison of flesh. My body, I think, is somewhat able. I simply cannot reach out and grab the controls. Then again, for all I really know, the body is weaker than I know. I never can tell until a window pops and I can manipulate the controls and then, eventually or quickly at times, get positive or negative feedback.
I received an addition to my prayer list. A man had a heart attack, and will be going in to surgery. Prayers, of course, followed. If any of you have extra room in your prayer list for another, I would ask you to add him. All I know is that he is Michelle W.'s father, he had a heart attack, and he will be going in for bypass, or double, or more, surgery. Small print makes it difficult to read, more so in the morning, but... His heart is function is critical, down to 25%, they hope to improve it. I pray also for the family.
After reading that I realized... that is better than my heart has been for twenty four of my last twenty five years. Depending on which doc talks to me, I am told I have 30-38% function now. Sometimes things don't make sense. At least I can more than sympathize with him. Though, I think luckily, surgery can actually help him, potentially. I do, strongly, pray that it works. It's a rough place to be.
Hmm... medicine, then the girls fed in about an hour, and... who knows what else. Probably just breathing until I sleep again, hopefully after a full day awake, if maybe a nap if need be. Good day.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Grumpy body, sore mind, tired spirit?
.
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Hey, my reality is that I juggle what ought to be left in certain forms. I wish I could help you help me to not be so very different. The thing is, what is, is, as am I, as is this.
At 23:00, bedtime is past due. I didn't really mean to stay up, I just didn't see to sleep. Well, and when I did see, an hour ago, I couldn't just jump to that. Jumping to sleep? Well, crawl perhaps. Work with me, I have a very tenuous grasp. Understand, or don't, I can't help you help you. Not much.
.
Hey, my reality is that I juggle what ought to be left in certain forms. I wish I could help you help me to not be so very different. The thing is, what is, is, as am I, as is this.
At 23:00, bedtime is past due. I didn't really mean to stay up, I just didn't see to sleep. Well, and when I did see, an hour ago, I couldn't just jump to that. Jumping to sleep? Well, crawl perhaps. Work with me, I have a very tenuous grasp. Understand, or don't, I can't help you help you. Not much.
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