.
.
Almost ran over a biker. Hog type. A nice looking rig, say a 50's or 60's style big bike, with metalic paint... seriously older school, though maybe not original to date... or seriously updated. The kid (to me... and early middle age, I think, though perhaps younger), was suited up right. I was heading down the road, minding my own business, going speed limit plus five (or you get honked at on that spit of road, in spite of it being busy and narrow). I get right up to the intersection, maybe 15 feet from it. He is stopped at a stop sign. Without looking, he jumps right out in front of me, spots himself the middle of the road, and doesn't even kick it, just puts on. There was no way for me to slow in time. Thankfully the oncoming lane is clear.
I whizzed around him, perhaps honk on my way. I am pissed. I had to use every bit of my dexterity and strength to avoid having a Harley grill ornament. Mad? Not quite, more... shocked. Anyway, I slam on the breaks, hop out, and I think, for the second time that day and in as many minutes, the biker shats himself. Nothing like almost getting hit, then having a bear come out of the vehicle hollering and approaching. Yeah, I realized to stop my approach, but gave him a good... talking to. Mad? No, just... don't want to see the lad dead. I asked if he saw me, but knew he didn't, he hadn't looked. Then I just told him if he can't focus he ought to take a nap, or timeout, or drive something else. Then I got back into my rig and headed out.
Just glad I didn't run him over. I had almost no time to react. And, while I like the Xterra, it handles a bit like a tank. Still, I got it done, no blood, no foul, no morgue or hospital visit. Dang kids. All good.
I checked on spelt. Best to buy berries. Quinoa is quite expensive. I'm going to try another type that is a bit less expensive. It's not golden, more a tan... or even rock... color. A twenty five pounder would last about a year. I'm not sure if the seed stays good that long though. One part of that, to two parts both brown rice and lentils or other legumes. That's been some good food. Unfortunately, neither brown rice nor, I think, quinoa, store well. I best check on quinoa. If it does, it might be good to get two or three bags, just make sure to rotate. Too pricey to waste, that.;
Milk and cream and a few other things. Oh, and made it to the post office before any of my packages were returned. It had to be close. I sort of forgot, then just generally lost track of the world out there. I have a phone call or two to make today, and a few ideas I need to begin considering. The best path to Texas, where to stay along the way, etc. There is even a blogger and family along the way. I don't wish to... disturb. And I am disturbing. Still... a cup of coffee and few words, perhaps, on the way, would be good. You never know, but you can suspect. Oh, and always a few other things. Might be getting too late for business, but... I can give it a shot or three. Later.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Excellent sleep.
.
.
For as warm, hot, as it gets, I have been able to sleep well enough. The ac carries me into sleep then sustains me through sleep for a full night. This morning, right at 7:00 anyway, when I remembered to check, the e-thermo suggested it was 50. I can't really trust that one though, for some reason... sometimes. Yep, fifteen minutes later, and the sun has been shining for a while, and the fluid thermo reads at about 43 F. Nice. Very nice, really.
I am hoping to wake well enough and soon enough to get the trash out to the bin and then to the curb. Maybe recycling too, depending on what the neighbors are showing. Coffee, and after getting the trash sorted, a shower. I'd like to find my finger(toe)nail clippers and take care of those too. Yeah, I really do have to use toenail clippers. Even then, I have to go around and clip, say, three times on my bigger nails. And I remind, I consider, for my size, my hands to be petite, my fingers thin. Hmm... Nothing else until shopping later tonight, perhaps.
Well... on with the day. I have a few convalescents still in my prayer list, too. I am sure I am on prayer lists, but it probably isn't that I get better. :p Not all of it, for sure. They don't even know they, usually, are doing me a favor, as futile as that is. *grins* Besides, if I have to lump it, so do they. *chuckling* Just one of those mornings. Later.
.
For as warm, hot, as it gets, I have been able to sleep well enough. The ac carries me into sleep then sustains me through sleep for a full night. This morning, right at 7:00 anyway, when I remembered to check, the e-thermo suggested it was 50. I can't really trust that one though, for some reason... sometimes. Yep, fifteen minutes later, and the sun has been shining for a while, and the fluid thermo reads at about 43 F. Nice. Very nice, really.
I am hoping to wake well enough and soon enough to get the trash out to the bin and then to the curb. Maybe recycling too, depending on what the neighbors are showing. Coffee, and after getting the trash sorted, a shower. I'd like to find my finger(toe)nail clippers and take care of those too. Yeah, I really do have to use toenail clippers. Even then, I have to go around and clip, say, three times on my bigger nails. And I remind, I consider, for my size, my hands to be petite, my fingers thin. Hmm... Nothing else until shopping later tonight, perhaps.
Well... on with the day. I have a few convalescents still in my prayer list, too. I am sure I am on prayer lists, but it probably isn't that I get better. :p Not all of it, for sure. They don't even know they, usually, are doing me a favor, as futile as that is. *grins* Besides, if I have to lump it, so do they. *chuckling* Just one of those mornings. Later.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Nothing done.
.
.
A shower was taken, food was eaten. It was simply too hot for me. I was able to manage by doing little and judicious use of the ac and fans. Some days the mid 70's seem okay. Some days they don't. I thought the shower would have helped but it really didn't. I suppose I did a few things. I cleared off one of the areas in the kitchen and set lentils, rice, and quinoa to soak. With lentils, unlike even black beans, I can soak that with the rest, and cook it all together. I thought about setting up either 9-grain or oatmeal to a soak, but I am not sure when I will get milk, or what time tomorrow. I will be going, I just don't know when. Probably.
Another shower tomorrow. I may well wait until later in the evening to go out. Just a small bit of shopping. Milk, cream, fresh fruit. I might even look for something to add to the cereal. If I can get the kitchen cleaned, I'd love to figure out how to start my own sourdough. So I do need more flour. Yes, grinding your own flour would be super, but that just isn't available to me right yet. So, I'll do what I can with with I have.
Other than being down with the heat it has been a good day. Just a typical lazy summer day. These, as Sundays, are gifts. You really can't do much about them. So might as well just enjoy the leisure. Well, that's how I'm calling it anyway. Good night.
.
A shower was taken, food was eaten. It was simply too hot for me. I was able to manage by doing little and judicious use of the ac and fans. Some days the mid 70's seem okay. Some days they don't. I thought the shower would have helped but it really didn't. I suppose I did a few things. I cleared off one of the areas in the kitchen and set lentils, rice, and quinoa to soak. With lentils, unlike even black beans, I can soak that with the rest, and cook it all together. I thought about setting up either 9-grain or oatmeal to a soak, but I am not sure when I will get milk, or what time tomorrow. I will be going, I just don't know when. Probably.
Another shower tomorrow. I may well wait until later in the evening to go out. Just a small bit of shopping. Milk, cream, fresh fruit. I might even look for something to add to the cereal. If I can get the kitchen cleaned, I'd love to figure out how to start my own sourdough. So I do need more flour. Yes, grinding your own flour would be super, but that just isn't available to me right yet. So, I'll do what I can with with I have.
Other than being down with the heat it has been a good day. Just a typical lazy summer day. These, as Sundays, are gifts. You really can't do much about them. So might as well just enjoy the leisure. Well, that's how I'm calling it anyway. Good night.
A ghost visitor, of sorts.
.
.
No, not a real ghost. The young woman isn't dead. Nor did she visit. A flash of a waking dream. In any case, it was merely... Let me set it up, as it "happened", and then begin.
There is a young woman I know. She is not of interest to me, save as any neighbor might be. Young, actually more intelligent than I initially suspected (in real life, for real... she surprised me a time or two), but also... modernized. She doesn't consider herself a feminist, yet believes women are equal, believes women have more right to live as they choose than a baby necessarily even has a right to life, and such. Oh, yes, I can see it in her eyes. Pride, you see, shines brightly for one such as I. One who knew the father of that as kin, and rejected that before even being able to hear God. I see much, and this I saw.
In any case, one must work with what one has. We knew each other, lightly, from several social involvements. Nothing fancy or heavy, just a familiarity of face and some connection through common association. As it was, we happened to see each other out, in town somewhere. As often happens, at least for some (I am guilty of the opposite more often than not, but that is me), when surrounded by strangers, a familiar face is often sought.
She approached, opened a minor dialogue. Small talk, initially. But then she said something which caught my attention. I can't remember, now, what it was. Something about her motives and what she wanted, if on a 'small ticket item'. Perhaps she suggested that she wanted to eat something at the deli? I just don't remember. In any case, I saw that as an opportunity to teach.
I suggested, going with the deli item as if that was the notion, that she didn't actually, in fact, wish to eat the menu item she had indicated. She was a bit taken aback. She was also a bit angry. Still, she remained civil. Suggesting that I could not know her mind or intent, and more that I should not presume or attempt to bully if that was my aim. I merely smiled, then asked if she would rather remain hurt and angry, or if she would care for me to explain. She thought, just a bit. Suddenly, probably a form of submission, she decided to hear me out.
I suggested that the reason I said she didn't really want to eat the chosen item, wasn't so much about the item, or her want, or what she would or wouldn't do, but about the motives. Huh? Ah. What you want isn't that item. What you want is not to feel hungry. The item is merely an object you believe will keep you from knowing that particular pain. Urhm? As with most wants, even many needs, filling those things isn't as direct as it seems.
If you want children, is it because you think you might enjoy the suffering of childbirth? Probably (hopefully) not. Is it about being, or in this case not being, alone? Perhaps in some future. Is it about a hunger for sex, natural to the body? In part. It's many things. Life is simply so complicated. It isn't impossibly complicated, in one sense. If it isn't to be completely figured out in whole, ever, not here, or again yet, perhaps. All I am suggesting is that, when you say you want, will have, or will do something... sometimes, just for entertainment or wisdom or learnings of other sorts, consider why you want, will, or do. It may lead to a better choice. Or maybe you will just have a fuller understanding.
Oh, never mind. Daydreams just happen, from time to time. This one was fast. While making another pot of coffee, between turning on the r.o. faucet and before the carafe filled, the thing was spent. Pleasant to have surprise company, and interesting to me conversation, and then just to go on about my day. No, it wasn't staged. It just "happened". Later.
.
No, not a real ghost. The young woman isn't dead. Nor did she visit. A flash of a waking dream. In any case, it was merely... Let me set it up, as it "happened", and then begin.
There is a young woman I know. She is not of interest to me, save as any neighbor might be. Young, actually more intelligent than I initially suspected (in real life, for real... she surprised me a time or two), but also... modernized. She doesn't consider herself a feminist, yet believes women are equal, believes women have more right to live as they choose than a baby necessarily even has a right to life, and such. Oh, yes, I can see it in her eyes. Pride, you see, shines brightly for one such as I. One who knew the father of that as kin, and rejected that before even being able to hear God. I see much, and this I saw.
In any case, one must work with what one has. We knew each other, lightly, from several social involvements. Nothing fancy or heavy, just a familiarity of face and some connection through common association. As it was, we happened to see each other out, in town somewhere. As often happens, at least for some (I am guilty of the opposite more often than not, but that is me), when surrounded by strangers, a familiar face is often sought.
She approached, opened a minor dialogue. Small talk, initially. But then she said something which caught my attention. I can't remember, now, what it was. Something about her motives and what she wanted, if on a 'small ticket item'. Perhaps she suggested that she wanted to eat something at the deli? I just don't remember. In any case, I saw that as an opportunity to teach.
I suggested, going with the deli item as if that was the notion, that she didn't actually, in fact, wish to eat the menu item she had indicated. She was a bit taken aback. She was also a bit angry. Still, she remained civil. Suggesting that I could not know her mind or intent, and more that I should not presume or attempt to bully if that was my aim. I merely smiled, then asked if she would rather remain hurt and angry, or if she would care for me to explain. She thought, just a bit. Suddenly, probably a form of submission, she decided to hear me out.
I suggested that the reason I said she didn't really want to eat the chosen item, wasn't so much about the item, or her want, or what she would or wouldn't do, but about the motives. Huh? Ah. What you want isn't that item. What you want is not to feel hungry. The item is merely an object you believe will keep you from knowing that particular pain. Urhm? As with most wants, even many needs, filling those things isn't as direct as it seems.
If you want children, is it because you think you might enjoy the suffering of childbirth? Probably (hopefully) not. Is it about being, or in this case not being, alone? Perhaps in some future. Is it about a hunger for sex, natural to the body? In part. It's many things. Life is simply so complicated. It isn't impossibly complicated, in one sense. If it isn't to be completely figured out in whole, ever, not here, or again yet, perhaps. All I am suggesting is that, when you say you want, will have, or will do something... sometimes, just for entertainment or wisdom or learnings of other sorts, consider why you want, will, or do. It may lead to a better choice. Or maybe you will just have a fuller understanding.
Oh, never mind. Daydreams just happen, from time to time. This one was fast. While making another pot of coffee, between turning on the r.o. faucet and before the carafe filled, the thing was spent. Pleasant to have surprise company, and interesting to me conversation, and then just to go on about my day. No, it wasn't staged. It just "happened". Later.
Not always, or even usually.
.
.
To bed an hour earlier, this time, meant waking an hour earlier. It was probably the prospect of having more cool in the morning that geared my body to wake earlier. My mind, will, heart, and soul are various things that can act on my body. But my body has been through so much that it, like a mule, will only accept input. It will not, necessarily, do as instructed. Then again, what it can do is amazing. Therapy for ptsd is actually what finally allowed contact between the various natures. That has been shattered, broken. I think it is weak for most people, and limited. Only those who have pushed their bodies to extremes begin to have rather developed natures, and sometimes connections between these natures. If those types have a break, and those parts separate and no longer "talk", or even fear each other, there are... problems. I called my flesh 'the beast' for a long time. I wonder what it called me, or the other parts of it? Didn't think to highly of the rest of us, either. In combat it would blank "my" view. Anyway... now we are closer to one, but... more like a committee. Today the beast did as requested. If that is more common, it isn't a sure thing. *grins*
Dreams...
The first was a general dream in which I spoke with, and perhaps visited, my foster relatives. They are "liberals", hardcore. Lily-white minority lovers, white haters, do-gooders, who think they can make the world better through force of the state. I don't think they even understand that their hubris is little, or often not at all, different from the NAZI regime. Just put in some 'A's instead of A's, and change the motivations from genocide of others to genocide against one's own and you have the same program. Still, as with my mother, I do love them. I guess, even with the various forms of white devil, I think there might be hope. :p
Me? I believe there is hope. I believe the world can be better, and can be brought to be better. It just won't happen through the force of state. It will happen when people insist that their government, or really the people running government in our stead since we the people ARE the government, live up to real standards. Not impossible standards that allowed people like Stalin and Hitler to blackmail their way to power, not lawful standards, but moral, social, ethical standards that are true... based on things that aren't variable. Anyway, it was good to see them. Even if in a dream.
------
The next was about a flavor. I think I dreamed of this, or thought of this before this year, and blogged about it. In the dream I went seeking some type of lemon, lime, and mix of those, drinks. A brew, like a beer, another sort like a spirit of some sort... like a lemon cider, and the other a liqueur, though I thought one type was a bit stronger. No idea. I've not really had good luck with the ciders I have tried. Might have to explore those a bit. As to the others? Perhaps a schnaps, for the one? I can only imagine, say, a lemon or lime flavored vodka or such for a spirit. Don't know. Might not even go there. Just a dream, but they sure quenched my thirst in the dream.
------
More detail, but nothing interesting, to my point of view, beyond the summaries. I don't always feel like typing a short story, especially just about a search for something to drink. The foster family visit was short, and most of it personal. I just put out the bit as a thought tied to other thoughts I had in the dream. Yes, I tell people just such things, if they bother to ask. If you don't want my analysis, don't ask... by the way.
On to waking and the rest of my day. Later.
.
To bed an hour earlier, this time, meant waking an hour earlier. It was probably the prospect of having more cool in the morning that geared my body to wake earlier. My mind, will, heart, and soul are various things that can act on my body. But my body has been through so much that it, like a mule, will only accept input. It will not, necessarily, do as instructed. Then again, what it can do is amazing. Therapy for ptsd is actually what finally allowed contact between the various natures. That has been shattered, broken. I think it is weak for most people, and limited. Only those who have pushed their bodies to extremes begin to have rather developed natures, and sometimes connections between these natures. If those types have a break, and those parts separate and no longer "talk", or even fear each other, there are... problems. I called my flesh 'the beast' for a long time. I wonder what it called me, or the other parts of it? Didn't think to highly of the rest of us, either. In combat it would blank "my" view. Anyway... now we are closer to one, but... more like a committee. Today the beast did as requested. If that is more common, it isn't a sure thing. *grins*
Dreams...
The first was a general dream in which I spoke with, and perhaps visited, my foster relatives. They are "liberals", hardcore. Lily-white minority lovers, white haters, do-gooders, who think they can make the world better through force of the state. I don't think they even understand that their hubris is little, or often not at all, different from the NAZI regime. Just put in some 'A's instead of A's, and change the motivations from genocide of others to genocide against one's own and you have the same program. Still, as with my mother, I do love them. I guess, even with the various forms of white devil, I think there might be hope. :p
Me? I believe there is hope. I believe the world can be better, and can be brought to be better. It just won't happen through the force of state. It will happen when people insist that their government, or really the people running government in our stead since we the people ARE the government, live up to real standards. Not impossible standards that allowed people like Stalin and Hitler to blackmail their way to power, not lawful standards, but moral, social, ethical standards that are true... based on things that aren't variable. Anyway, it was good to see them. Even if in a dream.
------
The next was about a flavor. I think I dreamed of this, or thought of this before this year, and blogged about it. In the dream I went seeking some type of lemon, lime, and mix of those, drinks. A brew, like a beer, another sort like a spirit of some sort... like a lemon cider, and the other a liqueur, though I thought one type was a bit stronger. No idea. I've not really had good luck with the ciders I have tried. Might have to explore those a bit. As to the others? Perhaps a schnaps, for the one? I can only imagine, say, a lemon or lime flavored vodka or such for a spirit. Don't know. Might not even go there. Just a dream, but they sure quenched my thirst in the dream.
------
More detail, but nothing interesting, to my point of view, beyond the summaries. I don't always feel like typing a short story, especially just about a search for something to drink. The foster family visit was short, and most of it personal. I just put out the bit as a thought tied to other thoughts I had in the dream. Yes, I tell people just such things, if they bother to ask. If you don't want my analysis, don't ask... by the way.
On to waking and the rest of my day. Later.
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Crashing.
.
.
It's a pleasant crash. There are good and bad ones. This one is as perfect as one could have. Now, crashing mind you, isn't a choice. And, even when pleasant, isn't something that would be chosen if that were possible. This is just due to it being summer, and warm, hot really. I suspect diabetes and such are in pretty good control.
Oh, and the dive isn't so steep. It's more of a falling feather than bowling ball. No great speed of collapse, no great thud. It is happening, and it will be done shortly. But there is time to turn off all the knobs and switches, take medicine, reset some things, and then climb in to bed as if it was planned. A bit early, but that's fine. Maybe I can be awake earlier into the cool of the morning. Or not. Might just sleep a bit longer.
Fuzzy summer logic just doesn't mean much. At least it isn't terrible, melting, red hot. Sleep well yourselves. Good night.
.
It's a pleasant crash. There are good and bad ones. This one is as perfect as one could have. Now, crashing mind you, isn't a choice. And, even when pleasant, isn't something that would be chosen if that were possible. This is just due to it being summer, and warm, hot really. I suspect diabetes and such are in pretty good control.
Oh, and the dive isn't so steep. It's more of a falling feather than bowling ball. No great speed of collapse, no great thud. It is happening, and it will be done shortly. But there is time to turn off all the knobs and switches, take medicine, reset some things, and then climb in to bed as if it was planned. A bit early, but that's fine. Maybe I can be awake earlier into the cool of the morning. Or not. Might just sleep a bit longer.
Fuzzy summer logic just doesn't mean much. At least it isn't terrible, melting, red hot. Sleep well yourselves. Good night.
Odd.
.
.
I had two visitors stop by. Just a social call. With the cave messy, I prefer to have visitors on the back covered area. Not quite a porch or patio, but... something along those lines. Visitors aren't terribly strange, even for an old ogre. What did surprise me was, at 92~94 F outside, it just didn't feel all that bad. I wouldn't want to hike in it. I wouldn't want to be out in the sun. And there was a breeze going. I guess I was just a bit surprised.
I received a message that there was to be a feast at 16:00. But there is no way I could get ready for such. And even as nice as it was, in the shade... when the breeze was going... I couldn't have handled a longer stint outdoors. Plus, to go I would have needed to put a side dish together. I'll bet at least one of the messages I haven't checked from late last week... Never mind, I couldn't have done that. Still, it's nice that the KoC decided to include me in this last call. I hadn't heard from them in... months? I'm not good at getting out, so... Fair enough. Not being cynical or offering snark. It was, simply put, nice to be called. I try to make it, from time to time, when I can, and when I know. I suspect they are more patient with me than I have any idea of need to be with them. As with most.
I'd love to get to town. I need milk, all out. And cream is getting mighty short. Well, and more grapefruit would be wonderful. Just getting out of the cave is a good thing, too. Probably not until Monday. All good though. Later.
.
I had two visitors stop by. Just a social call. With the cave messy, I prefer to have visitors on the back covered area. Not quite a porch or patio, but... something along those lines. Visitors aren't terribly strange, even for an old ogre. What did surprise me was, at 92~94 F outside, it just didn't feel all that bad. I wouldn't want to hike in it. I wouldn't want to be out in the sun. And there was a breeze going. I guess I was just a bit surprised.
I received a message that there was to be a feast at 16:00. But there is no way I could get ready for such. And even as nice as it was, in the shade... when the breeze was going... I couldn't have handled a longer stint outdoors. Plus, to go I would have needed to put a side dish together. I'll bet at least one of the messages I haven't checked from late last week... Never mind, I couldn't have done that. Still, it's nice that the KoC decided to include me in this last call. I hadn't heard from them in... months? I'm not good at getting out, so... Fair enough. Not being cynical or offering snark. It was, simply put, nice to be called. I try to make it, from time to time, when I can, and when I know. I suspect they are more patient with me than I have any idea of need to be with them. As with most.
I'd love to get to town. I need milk, all out. And cream is getting mighty short. Well, and more grapefruit would be wonderful. Just getting out of the cave is a good thing, too. Probably not until Monday. All good though. Later.
Getting hot.
.
.
The day is really starting to heat up. It's not quite 13:00, or 80 F, but it will get there, and keep going into the early dark. Which means very little will be done today. Inside, if it hits the low to mid 90's, I can expect to stay in the mid to upper 70's. Not bad, but too much for my nature. And it stays that way for too long. For me. If I have to, as with Burning Man, for short spits, I can handle some of it. A week with no ac, and the swamp cooler cut out after a few days. So it really was high desert high summer. I can do it. I just don't do as much. Fair enough, as I see it.
I do remember the dream now. It is terrible, in some ways, perhaps to you. It didn't bother me, I've spent decades considering these things. Even while asleep, even while dreaming, I was not sure I wanted to share the dream. You don't understand. Most of you have... you think a fist fight is a bad thing. You have no idea what is out there. My relationship to what is out there is as far beyond that as what I am beyond what most people think of a fist fight. When war comes, something many people have been shielded from for most of your lives, you will begin to see. I don't mean seeing stuff on "the news", I don't mean hearing stuff, or even seeing scars. I mean, when you watch those scars, of various sorts, being made, or being forced to make them yourselves, or having them made on you.
No, I think I will keep my dream to myself. I don't think you would understand. I'll let you see and later try to make sense of these things on your own.
Some of it has been about recovery. Losing time, sleeping so much of the time, thinking of love... both simple and carnal, while trapped in an unyielding body. These I can discuss. There is a poetry in there, if I despise when someone attempts to poeticize that. Especially those who haven't ever had an address on that street. Such dark times, such strange times, almost learning how to walk, breath, think, listen, even touch... all over again. I have learned again, and recalled some of what I had before. It makes me different. Two, maybe three, men, in one form, somehow. Maybe more. When you learn how to do these things, then forget, then relearn, maybe several times over... then you remember your old learning and your current one, there is a layering affect to reality. It's difficult to explain.
Though I would like to learn to drive stick shift again. I wonder if that would double memory as well? Some things do, some don't. Anyway, now I know why I forgot. I think, for this dream, one side of me buried the dream so the other, in morning exuberance, didn't just spill the dream on the pages of the this blog. The horror. Truly. Even for me, sometimes, when I don't see it coming or am vulnerable anyway. Smash digits with a hammer. Then go dark from there. I am sure I don't know even what all I have seen.
Later.
.
The day is really starting to heat up. It's not quite 13:00, or 80 F, but it will get there, and keep going into the early dark. Which means very little will be done today. Inside, if it hits the low to mid 90's, I can expect to stay in the mid to upper 70's. Not bad, but too much for my nature. And it stays that way for too long. For me. If I have to, as with Burning Man, for short spits, I can handle some of it. A week with no ac, and the swamp cooler cut out after a few days. So it really was high desert high summer. I can do it. I just don't do as much. Fair enough, as I see it.
I do remember the dream now. It is terrible, in some ways, perhaps to you. It didn't bother me, I've spent decades considering these things. Even while asleep, even while dreaming, I was not sure I wanted to share the dream. You don't understand. Most of you have... you think a fist fight is a bad thing. You have no idea what is out there. My relationship to what is out there is as far beyond that as what I am beyond what most people think of a fist fight. When war comes, something many people have been shielded from for most of your lives, you will begin to see. I don't mean seeing stuff on "the news", I don't mean hearing stuff, or even seeing scars. I mean, when you watch those scars, of various sorts, being made, or being forced to make them yourselves, or having them made on you.
No, I think I will keep my dream to myself. I don't think you would understand. I'll let you see and later try to make sense of these things on your own.
Some of it has been about recovery. Losing time, sleeping so much of the time, thinking of love... both simple and carnal, while trapped in an unyielding body. These I can discuss. There is a poetry in there, if I despise when someone attempts to poeticize that. Especially those who haven't ever had an address on that street. Such dark times, such strange times, almost learning how to walk, breath, think, listen, even touch... all over again. I have learned again, and recalled some of what I had before. It makes me different. Two, maybe three, men, in one form, somehow. Maybe more. When you learn how to do these things, then forget, then relearn, maybe several times over... then you remember your old learning and your current one, there is a layering affect to reality. It's difficult to explain.
Though I would like to learn to drive stick shift again. I wonder if that would double memory as well? Some things do, some don't. Anyway, now I know why I forgot. I think, for this dream, one side of me buried the dream so the other, in morning exuberance, didn't just spill the dream on the pages of the this blog. The horror. Truly. Even for me, sometimes, when I don't see it coming or am vulnerable anyway. Smash digits with a hammer. Then go dark from there. I am sure I don't know even what all I have seen.
Later.
Morning, is it?
.
.
Sleep was good. I don't think I heard it, but it rained again last night. The odd thing is, while it has been raining overnight, it isn't cooling the world, hereabout, much. Then again, it truly is high summer now. I suppose I should be thankful for nights that dip into the mid 60's F. As I remember it, both for here and Iowa, some nights only ever dipped into the 70's. This, compared across the board, has been a better summer. But summer can, and does, sometimes just plain hurt. Yesterday it ended climbing into the 90's, and it was rough. Not as much of a relaxing day as a day of holding on for dear life! Well, just a bit rougher than it started out anyway. If today is like that, how much might get done is questionable. It's like trying to work on a hot tin roof while barefoot. A seat in the shade just seems more sensible. Especially to us 'retirees'.
I dreamed a long dream again last night, but again it is fading. The strange thing is, I had the dream earlier in the night. Through various stages of depth of sleep, I held onto the memory well. Even while waking. As soon as I sat up and then got out of bed, the memory has been falling apart like antique lace that became too brittle and then was grabbed as if new. Dust, again this morning, is all that remains of the dream.
I think I went to bed at just about 22:00, and woke at around 6:30. That is right in the range that works best. The right time to go to bed, a good time to wake. I called my mother yesterday. I caught her at work, so told her we'd talk later. She didn't call back and when I tried she didn't answer. She can be so weird sometimes. Most women have an oddness that remind some of us of cats, a witching thing only females seem to have. Even over the phone it can be sensed. I'll leave her until she is over whatever.
Oh, yeah, I get it. I, whether trying or not it seems, tend to mess with a woman's mind and sentiments. Generally I neither know nor care. I don't see how what I think, feel, believe, affects a woman. If she doesn't like she can go away. If she does like she can read further. If it's a mix, that is life. But none of her reactions have anything to do with me. Any woman. I have no wife, no lover. Mothers are parents, not friends even now. I sure seem to bring something out of women, kith or kin matters little. Even enemy dames seem to... be troubled. Not... my... problem.
Anyway, a bite to eat, a cup of coffee, and on to waking. I need milk soon. And while I am in, more grapefruit. My word that stuff was good this last time. I think you have to be old, and stop consuming sugar/sweetener so much, before you can enjoy grapefruit, or even cabbage maybe. But once you get a taste for such, you find a strange sweetness in there. Another lot of grapefruit, to be sure. Later.
.
Sleep was good. I don't think I heard it, but it rained again last night. The odd thing is, while it has been raining overnight, it isn't cooling the world, hereabout, much. Then again, it truly is high summer now. I suppose I should be thankful for nights that dip into the mid 60's F. As I remember it, both for here and Iowa, some nights only ever dipped into the 70's. This, compared across the board, has been a better summer. But summer can, and does, sometimes just plain hurt. Yesterday it ended climbing into the 90's, and it was rough. Not as much of a relaxing day as a day of holding on for dear life! Well, just a bit rougher than it started out anyway. If today is like that, how much might get done is questionable. It's like trying to work on a hot tin roof while barefoot. A seat in the shade just seems more sensible. Especially to us 'retirees'.
I dreamed a long dream again last night, but again it is fading. The strange thing is, I had the dream earlier in the night. Through various stages of depth of sleep, I held onto the memory well. Even while waking. As soon as I sat up and then got out of bed, the memory has been falling apart like antique lace that became too brittle and then was grabbed as if new. Dust, again this morning, is all that remains of the dream.
I think I went to bed at just about 22:00, and woke at around 6:30. That is right in the range that works best. The right time to go to bed, a good time to wake. I called my mother yesterday. I caught her at work, so told her we'd talk later. She didn't call back and when I tried she didn't answer. She can be so weird sometimes. Most women have an oddness that remind some of us of cats, a witching thing only females seem to have. Even over the phone it can be sensed. I'll leave her until she is over whatever.
Oh, yeah, I get it. I, whether trying or not it seems, tend to mess with a woman's mind and sentiments. Generally I neither know nor care. I don't see how what I think, feel, believe, affects a woman. If she doesn't like she can go away. If she does like she can read further. If it's a mix, that is life. But none of her reactions have anything to do with me. Any woman. I have no wife, no lover. Mothers are parents, not friends even now. I sure seem to bring something out of women, kith or kin matters little. Even enemy dames seem to... be troubled. Not... my... problem.
Anyway, a bite to eat, a cup of coffee, and on to waking. I need milk soon. And while I am in, more grapefruit. My word that stuff was good this last time. I think you have to be old, and stop consuming sugar/sweetener so much, before you can enjoy grapefruit, or even cabbage maybe. But once you get a taste for such, you find a strange sweetness in there. Another lot of grapefruit, to be sure. Later.
Friday, August 14, 2015
It looks like life is working right again.
.
.
That it rained last night helps. Oddly, it doesn't seem to have cooled things off all that much for it. At least according to the electronic thermometer. Still, waking through the night to the sound of rain on a tin roof is a satisfying thing. Epic dreaming again last night, though, at the moment, it seems to be slipping away so fast that as I try to grasp some of it, it disappears from my mind. Just a usual dream, really. Life for another, in another place if similar time.
The girls worked to wake me this morning. While they know, finally, that they will not get fed right away, they also seem to realize that if I wake at x time, feeding time is roughly associated with that. If I seem to be trying to wake, then lending themselves to the effort is worth their time and safe. They do tag team. One will make efforts until she is not interested, then the other will fill in for a while. They work solo, but will spend an hour, even hours in the past, trying to help me. They are better than the alarm. They have learned, as long as they do not cause direct pain, they are welcome to try. Scratching, biting, or pouncing will be dealt with quickly. Cats CAN fly.
Things feel pretty good. Last night, through my sleep, and upon waking, life just feels right. This is how things are when everything is working at least nominally. No organ, or process from sleep to eating, is off. Blood is flowing enough, but not too hard. Blood sugar must be reasonable. Hunger and sleep and bodily needs and wants are basically tended. This is good. This is rare. I will enjoy another mostly restful day, just enjoy this. If it continues into tomorrow, super. But either way, I plan to hit the kitchen much more strongly tomorrow. I may do a few chores and deeds today. Just light stuff, maybe a bit of prep in the kitchen such as breaking down boxes, minor clearing, little things while I am out making a meal or messing with coffee or something else to drink.
It looks like it snowed on the mountains to the southwest! This I am pretty certain about. Whether it snowed on the mountains to the east I never did, for certain, ascertain. It got warm before the mild haze that made that questionable lifted. Quite a strange summer though. That man-magicked grobal warbling seems to be warbling! *grins* Later.
.
That it rained last night helps. Oddly, it doesn't seem to have cooled things off all that much for it. At least according to the electronic thermometer. Still, waking through the night to the sound of rain on a tin roof is a satisfying thing. Epic dreaming again last night, though, at the moment, it seems to be slipping away so fast that as I try to grasp some of it, it disappears from my mind. Just a usual dream, really. Life for another, in another place if similar time.
The girls worked to wake me this morning. While they know, finally, that they will not get fed right away, they also seem to realize that if I wake at x time, feeding time is roughly associated with that. If I seem to be trying to wake, then lending themselves to the effort is worth their time and safe. They do tag team. One will make efforts until she is not interested, then the other will fill in for a while. They work solo, but will spend an hour, even hours in the past, trying to help me. They are better than the alarm. They have learned, as long as they do not cause direct pain, they are welcome to try. Scratching, biting, or pouncing will be dealt with quickly. Cats CAN fly.
Things feel pretty good. Last night, through my sleep, and upon waking, life just feels right. This is how things are when everything is working at least nominally. No organ, or process from sleep to eating, is off. Blood is flowing enough, but not too hard. Blood sugar must be reasonable. Hunger and sleep and bodily needs and wants are basically tended. This is good. This is rare. I will enjoy another mostly restful day, just enjoy this. If it continues into tomorrow, super. But either way, I plan to hit the kitchen much more strongly tomorrow. I may do a few chores and deeds today. Just light stuff, maybe a bit of prep in the kitchen such as breaking down boxes, minor clearing, little things while I am out making a meal or messing with coffee or something else to drink.
It looks like it snowed on the mountains to the southwest! This I am pretty certain about. Whether it snowed on the mountains to the east I never did, for certain, ascertain. It got warm before the mild haze that made that questionable lifted. Quite a strange summer though. That man-magicked grobal warbling seems to be warbling! *grins* Later.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
A very good day.
.
.
I didn't get to much. I pushed a bit yesterday, on top of missing medicine and some other things. Still, the day was quite good. Even being hotter, I felt cooler. I know diabetes can play havoc with 'felt body temp'. Though I am generally a hot body and always have been. Still, when life is balanced a bit better, especially in these last few years, I seem to be able to handle heat much better. Today, despite the heat, I was rather good.
A meal, and another before I sleep. Perhaps just a grapefruit and a small sip of kefir, but for today that works out well. I did set dishes to soak, the few there are. The laundry is dry, but I haven't made a move to fold and put things away. As I said, yesterday was a bit long, hard in some ways, and hot. Today is a minor, if not complete, day of rest.
I have enjoyed it. Maybe tomorrow too. But then I need to get back to work. I am enjoying gaming again as well. It was simply a good day for r&r, and worked out. Good night.
.
I didn't get to much. I pushed a bit yesterday, on top of missing medicine and some other things. Still, the day was quite good. Even being hotter, I felt cooler. I know diabetes can play havoc with 'felt body temp'. Though I am generally a hot body and always have been. Still, when life is balanced a bit better, especially in these last few years, I seem to be able to handle heat much better. Today, despite the heat, I was rather good.
A meal, and another before I sleep. Perhaps just a grapefruit and a small sip of kefir, but for today that works out well. I did set dishes to soak, the few there are. The laundry is dry, but I haven't made a move to fold and put things away. As I said, yesterday was a bit long, hard in some ways, and hot. Today is a minor, if not complete, day of rest.
I have enjoyed it. Maybe tomorrow too. But then I need to get back to work. I am enjoying gaming again as well. It was simply a good day for r&r, and worked out. Good night.
I may have pushed yesterday just a bit.
.
.
The work wasn't too much, but the time up was. I think I was awake around midnight and with an event to attend yesterday evening, and no nap in the offing, I ended up being awake for twenty four hours again. I don't know that such is any more of a strain on me, in my condition, than it is on you or anyone else, in most health states. Though regardless of that, it is a strain.
I did a full day of, if mild, work yesterday. I solved a few problems, did a few chores, and prepared for other things to go forward. I stumbled on medication for a day or two but caught back up yesterday. I think, having the console set up, both helped and hurt. I think gaming kept me from napping, but if I had napped, I wouldn't have made the event. I promised, as before, but this time I had hoped to go. I don't make, or break, promises lightly. I do my best, but then isn't that everybody? Life is cruel and capricious, in some ways. Though, if you look at our failure to be able to command even our own flesh, this humbling is more of a gift than a curse. It means we do need to depend on each other. And, if we realize that others fail as we do, to lend a hand when we can to those who are failing something they truly abide, and rightly.
A recent comment, by foam, has started me thinking. Just in this life, through dreams, I truly have lived dozens, and more, lives. Imagine dreaming, from childhood to a ripe old age and even death, the life of some random individual. I, generally, assume those folk to have been fictional. No promises, and life imitates art, and regardless of resemblance there is no factual representation? That will have to do. Some are from ancient times, though seem to be lacking in period romanticism. Being a feudal prince, for example, in England before Henry? You have no idea how good life is compared to how bad it was for most of history. They might have died young, but it was a brutal life even to live to forty, or sixty. Even for the rich, for what good that really, often, even meant.
What such dreams mean in the real, or at least waking, world I have no idea. Does it go to show? Does it change my mind? Does it change other parts of me?
I have a pretty heavy headache this morning. It's not a migraine. It is partly due to the long day, missing medicine that bit, and then the kink from playing the game. I need to remember to move more often. Perhaps set the alarm for fifteen or thirty minutes, and just... wander, do a chore, anything. Then on the hourly or every other hour, go tinker longer at something else. New games are murder addictive though. It's more on second and other playthroughs, while figuring out certain mechanics, where it is easier to break off. I think, with this headache, I will take anicin. It's a temporary thing, if I do my part. At least change my seating arrangement from time to time, so my neck isn't just bent one way? Yeah... I'll try. :p
Later.
.
The work wasn't too much, but the time up was. I think I was awake around midnight and with an event to attend yesterday evening, and no nap in the offing, I ended up being awake for twenty four hours again. I don't know that such is any more of a strain on me, in my condition, than it is on you or anyone else, in most health states. Though regardless of that, it is a strain.
I did a full day of, if mild, work yesterday. I solved a few problems, did a few chores, and prepared for other things to go forward. I stumbled on medication for a day or two but caught back up yesterday. I think, having the console set up, both helped and hurt. I think gaming kept me from napping, but if I had napped, I wouldn't have made the event. I promised, as before, but this time I had hoped to go. I don't make, or break, promises lightly. I do my best, but then isn't that everybody? Life is cruel and capricious, in some ways. Though, if you look at our failure to be able to command even our own flesh, this humbling is more of a gift than a curse. It means we do need to depend on each other. And, if we realize that others fail as we do, to lend a hand when we can to those who are failing something they truly abide, and rightly.
A recent comment, by foam, has started me thinking. Just in this life, through dreams, I truly have lived dozens, and more, lives. Imagine dreaming, from childhood to a ripe old age and even death, the life of some random individual. I, generally, assume those folk to have been fictional. No promises, and life imitates art, and regardless of resemblance there is no factual representation? That will have to do. Some are from ancient times, though seem to be lacking in period romanticism. Being a feudal prince, for example, in England before Henry? You have no idea how good life is compared to how bad it was for most of history. They might have died young, but it was a brutal life even to live to forty, or sixty. Even for the rich, for what good that really, often, even meant.
What such dreams mean in the real, or at least waking, world I have no idea. Does it go to show? Does it change my mind? Does it change other parts of me?
I have a pretty heavy headache this morning. It's not a migraine. It is partly due to the long day, missing medicine that bit, and then the kink from playing the game. I need to remember to move more often. Perhaps set the alarm for fifteen or thirty minutes, and just... wander, do a chore, anything. Then on the hourly or every other hour, go tinker longer at something else. New games are murder addictive though. It's more on second and other playthroughs, while figuring out certain mechanics, where it is easier to break off. I think, with this headache, I will take anicin. It's a temporary thing, if I do my part. At least change my seating arrangement from time to time, so my neck isn't just bent one way? Yeah... I'll try. :p
Later.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Feeling better.
.
.
Some of it is purely psychological. Having done a bit of work, and a few of the special projects, even if some of that was a failure in it's purest form (no problem with that, sometimes it IS going to fail). While one thing didn't work, I rebounded immediately with a secondary possible solution, did that, and it worked. That is how it should be. Most of the laundry is done. Most of the dishes are done. Sweeping is, pretty much, done. And my game console and bluray are back in action. Not bad for, pretty much, a single day.
Today? Waking first. A glass of kefir, then coffee. A bit of gaming. Then on to the kitchen and bathroom. When those are done to the level I can, a shower. Maybe a soak bath today, though, instead? Yeah. I really need to hit my feet. Soak and pumice stone, oil and massage a bit. A small breakfast in there too. Hmm... grapefruit and a few eggs? Who knows. Fresh fruit on hand really helps when everything else seems too much. Even as hard as an apple can be, split and seeded it still goes down well.
I am down to four 14 mg patches in my first box of two boxes. I have been, quite by accident (mostly) stretching the patches out. I am quite sure I wear them well beyond their use, and sometimes I even take them off while cleaning myself and forget, for a day or two, to put another on. Still, I will use these last four. If I knew someone who could use the other box I would send them along. At $40 a box, or so, I hate to waste. I just don't like to start when I have to worry about a resupply mid-quit. And... better to toss a couple of twentyspots than to continue with tobacco. I don't believe in the health issues, mostly. I just don't want the commercial attachments. People are more addicted to easy foods, sugars, and junk food, and to greater detriment, than all tobacco user addictions and problems combined. Just saying. I am, actually, severing both of those ties.
--------
Yes, a dream.
I was in some faux 'Old West' themed resort town. Perhaps like parts of Colorado Springs, or Moab. Buildings with wooden plank, seeming, outer dressings. I had met a woman and we had fallen in together. Women, for the most part, aren't romantic. Not in their own lives. Until that is all they are, but that is only when they lose control... and I wouldn't call it a well developed romanticism. When they go there, it's pretty juvenile and basely sexual. Which... is, I think, why they avoid going there. And they are quite vulnerable when they are there. This one, while not in that baser sense of sexualized imagery, was a more ideologically romantic type. She believed in the higher forms of romantics, she simply couldn't go there. A fan, you might say, of the better sort of the stuff.
We were there, together, for about a week. Just living, and love, talking, and exploring the town. She knew it well. We were ghosts, by the way. Yes, some ghosts, at least in dreams, are more than just memories lived, or relived. She knew the place well. She had been here for a very long time. I was... unusual, as is often the case. Somehow, even as a ghost, I traveled. So I knew nothing of this place. She eventually took me to her favorite tavern. Many stories ghosts can tell. Sometimes they learn from when they were alive, sometimes from after, but sometimes they can learn of events before through other ghosts.
In this case, the tavern owner had a lover. But something mysterious happened five years previous. His lover died. How she died... something was very strange about it all. My woman believed it to be a tragic accident. She believed the owner was in a state of grief, denial, and loss. She pined for the lost love and the ideas and notions which swirled around the story. A romantic, but not so much for her own part.
The date of the mishap was soon arriving. My woman had figured out a way to step into the past and visit the time, if only as observers. She had learned this several years before, but had been too afraid to attempt it... alone. Yes, women sometimes have ulterior motives. That wasn't all of it, though I suspect it was an added incentive for her to be with me. When the time came, we did what was needed and... nothing. Even ghosts, it seems, have their own silly stories passed on as truths. And yet, she really wanted to know.
We ended up following the manager from the club, in the later evening, as he went to his office across the street. Perhaps he was going to do a little ritual. She suggested he always did this on the anniversary. She had never followed. As with the false ritual to go back, or peak back, in time, she had been afraid... alone. So, we followed him. Through the front part and back to his office proper. Being ghosts we could go through the walls, doors, windows. When he got to his room, he sat behind his desk, opened one of the cabinet "drawers", withdrawing a finer scotch or whiskey and a thick glass tumbler sort of glass. Enough to hold half a beer I suppose. He did a three finger pour, then put one of his boots up and out and onto the desk, leaned back, and began to do minor gulps.
After a bit he looked over at us. I turned to see what he was really looking at on the wall. "You!" I turned back to look at him. People talk to themselves often, trust ghosts. Still, it can be a bit of a start if it doesn't seem likely, or is animated, as this was. Again, "You"! He had both of our attention. And he didn't seem to be looking at the wall. But he couldn't possibly see us. He described us! The she asked him a question, but he didn't seem to be able to hear. He went on, in what seemed a half-crazed sadness, or something.
I did murder her, you know. She looked at me, and suggested the man was simply delusional, or had some false sense of guilt. She knew the two loved each other, and just wouldn't believe that he would have murdered her. The man spoke more. Ah, but I did murder her. And the reason? Was she cheating? Was she going to leave? Was she bad? No. I just killed her. I don't need a reason, he said.
Now we knew. But as little as I shared her type of romanticism... preferring real and living and acting in my own life or not at all... and having enjoyed her pleasure in the tragic seeming love, even I wished we had never learned the truth. She was so taken back about it. I was quite worried for her. As it turns out, she probably had more difficulty dealing with a skinned knee then this. For as seemingly motivated as she was, or seemed to be, after the shock wore off, she merely said "Oh well".
--------
Don't ask me. It's a dream. What about dreams don't you, or do you(?), undersand? From my perspective, I thought it was interesting. And, in ways, perhaps plausible. It was entertaining to ponder as I went through it. What do you want? You do realize dreams are created and acted out in about the amount of time lightning strikes, right? It's not every woman who is like that, but it's not even a tiny subsection... just some reasonable number, at least from what I have seen. Though, to me, it was an interesting exploration of one sort of the feminine mind and heart. And my own senses regarding women.
Anyway... on to a cup of coffee, a bit of gaming, and then the first part of my day. I will definitely need a nap later, perhaps around noon. Later.
.
Some of it is purely psychological. Having done a bit of work, and a few of the special projects, even if some of that was a failure in it's purest form (no problem with that, sometimes it IS going to fail). While one thing didn't work, I rebounded immediately with a secondary possible solution, did that, and it worked. That is how it should be. Most of the laundry is done. Most of the dishes are done. Sweeping is, pretty much, done. And my game console and bluray are back in action. Not bad for, pretty much, a single day.
Today? Waking first. A glass of kefir, then coffee. A bit of gaming. Then on to the kitchen and bathroom. When those are done to the level I can, a shower. Maybe a soak bath today, though, instead? Yeah. I really need to hit my feet. Soak and pumice stone, oil and massage a bit. A small breakfast in there too. Hmm... grapefruit and a few eggs? Who knows. Fresh fruit on hand really helps when everything else seems too much. Even as hard as an apple can be, split and seeded it still goes down well.
I am down to four 14 mg patches in my first box of two boxes. I have been, quite by accident (mostly) stretching the patches out. I am quite sure I wear them well beyond their use, and sometimes I even take them off while cleaning myself and forget, for a day or two, to put another on. Still, I will use these last four. If I knew someone who could use the other box I would send them along. At $40 a box, or so, I hate to waste. I just don't like to start when I have to worry about a resupply mid-quit. And... better to toss a couple of twentyspots than to continue with tobacco. I don't believe in the health issues, mostly. I just don't want the commercial attachments. People are more addicted to easy foods, sugars, and junk food, and to greater detriment, than all tobacco user addictions and problems combined. Just saying. I am, actually, severing both of those ties.
--------
Yes, a dream.
I was in some faux 'Old West' themed resort town. Perhaps like parts of Colorado Springs, or Moab. Buildings with wooden plank, seeming, outer dressings. I had met a woman and we had fallen in together. Women, for the most part, aren't romantic. Not in their own lives. Until that is all they are, but that is only when they lose control... and I wouldn't call it a well developed romanticism. When they go there, it's pretty juvenile and basely sexual. Which... is, I think, why they avoid going there. And they are quite vulnerable when they are there. This one, while not in that baser sense of sexualized imagery, was a more ideologically romantic type. She believed in the higher forms of romantics, she simply couldn't go there. A fan, you might say, of the better sort of the stuff.
We were there, together, for about a week. Just living, and love, talking, and exploring the town. She knew it well. We were ghosts, by the way. Yes, some ghosts, at least in dreams, are more than just memories lived, or relived. She knew the place well. She had been here for a very long time. I was... unusual, as is often the case. Somehow, even as a ghost, I traveled. So I knew nothing of this place. She eventually took me to her favorite tavern. Many stories ghosts can tell. Sometimes they learn from when they were alive, sometimes from after, but sometimes they can learn of events before through other ghosts.
In this case, the tavern owner had a lover. But something mysterious happened five years previous. His lover died. How she died... something was very strange about it all. My woman believed it to be a tragic accident. She believed the owner was in a state of grief, denial, and loss. She pined for the lost love and the ideas and notions which swirled around the story. A romantic, but not so much for her own part.
The date of the mishap was soon arriving. My woman had figured out a way to step into the past and visit the time, if only as observers. She had learned this several years before, but had been too afraid to attempt it... alone. Yes, women sometimes have ulterior motives. That wasn't all of it, though I suspect it was an added incentive for her to be with me. When the time came, we did what was needed and... nothing. Even ghosts, it seems, have their own silly stories passed on as truths. And yet, she really wanted to know.
We ended up following the manager from the club, in the later evening, as he went to his office across the street. Perhaps he was going to do a little ritual. She suggested he always did this on the anniversary. She had never followed. As with the false ritual to go back, or peak back, in time, she had been afraid... alone. So, we followed him. Through the front part and back to his office proper. Being ghosts we could go through the walls, doors, windows. When he got to his room, he sat behind his desk, opened one of the cabinet "drawers", withdrawing a finer scotch or whiskey and a thick glass tumbler sort of glass. Enough to hold half a beer I suppose. He did a three finger pour, then put one of his boots up and out and onto the desk, leaned back, and began to do minor gulps.
After a bit he looked over at us. I turned to see what he was really looking at on the wall. "You!" I turned back to look at him. People talk to themselves often, trust ghosts. Still, it can be a bit of a start if it doesn't seem likely, or is animated, as this was. Again, "You"! He had both of our attention. And he didn't seem to be looking at the wall. But he couldn't possibly see us. He described us! The she asked him a question, but he didn't seem to be able to hear. He went on, in what seemed a half-crazed sadness, or something.
I did murder her, you know. She looked at me, and suggested the man was simply delusional, or had some false sense of guilt. She knew the two loved each other, and just wouldn't believe that he would have murdered her. The man spoke more. Ah, but I did murder her. And the reason? Was she cheating? Was she going to leave? Was she bad? No. I just killed her. I don't need a reason, he said.
Now we knew. But as little as I shared her type of romanticism... preferring real and living and acting in my own life or not at all... and having enjoyed her pleasure in the tragic seeming love, even I wished we had never learned the truth. She was so taken back about it. I was quite worried for her. As it turns out, she probably had more difficulty dealing with a skinned knee then this. For as seemingly motivated as she was, or seemed to be, after the shock wore off, she merely said "Oh well".
--------
Don't ask me. It's a dream. What about dreams don't you, or do you(?), undersand? From my perspective, I thought it was interesting. And, in ways, perhaps plausible. It was entertaining to ponder as I went through it. What do you want? You do realize dreams are created and acted out in about the amount of time lightning strikes, right? It's not every woman who is like that, but it's not even a tiny subsection... just some reasonable number, at least from what I have seen. Though, to me, it was an interesting exploration of one sort of the feminine mind and heart. And my own senses regarding women.
Anyway... on to a cup of coffee, a bit of gaming, and then the first part of my day. I will definitely need a nap later, perhaps around noon. Later.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Still awake and doing this and that.
.
.
Another load of laundry, probably ready to kick over to the dryer. Then I drilled the shelving for the punch-suckers. Only... that isn't the side that goes up. Never mind. The glass plate was too slick to just set on the brackets. Ah! I purchased neoprene, to see if it would work as a cushion between the pvc piping and the raft. Well, and perhaps to offer a bit of lift so that tying the structure to the d-rings would be good. A few inch wide strips from the shorter side seemed right. And it did work.
It is heating up today. All good. While the summer is a bit rough, at times, even I cannot truly complain. I despise heat, mostly. But this summer has not been totally unmerciful. It has been pretty good. I, simply, am weak to heat. I turned on the ac, after I realized how rough (for me) it was getting. And turned on most of the fans, I'll get the last fan on when I finish this.
I swept, or finished sweeping, the kitchen and bathroom. It needs more work, but it's a start, and a good one. Not today, but maybe tomorrow, I will dig in deeper, sweep one more time, then mop the areas. If I don't start from the bottom I never get to it. After that, then I begin clearing the table. I may yet get the trash and recycling out. Just to the bins. I missed garbage day, but I only had one sack of each. And I had little gumption. I think I did some work Sunday though.
Oh, but in putting up the shelf, I also set up the ps3, and roughly set up the bluray. There was some sci-fi series I purchased... Firefly? That or the other one like it. Along with Netflix, purchasing a few choice series, from time to time, offers plenty of entertainment, in a controlled fashion. I don't get as much advertising, I can watch on my schedule without renting some crazy sketchy record tech. My way? Or the highway.
I keep laughing when I read that Trump is the chaos candidate. He really isn't. My guess, if he isn't a Dem plant, he is far out of his field. He isn't about nihilism. Even if, as I suggested, if I voted for him it wouldn't be a vote for him, any party to which he might be attached, or even a spoiler or destruction vote, but a vote against current political malfeasance. I probably won't vote for him, even if he gets the ticket. I won't vote. Tyrannies require their citizens to vote. We aren't there yet. And, really, a no vote is the best candidate as far as I can see things. At least I haven't gone completely insane and publicly suggested Biden is the way. Really? As I said, they might as well go atheist and communist. That'll show them! Then again, it is the internet. Maybe they are.
Oh, with the ps3 up and running, I loaded a new game. Wolfenstein: Something Something. It should be loaded. I set one of the controllers to charge. Hopefully it had enough, and with this little bit of a charge will get me going. I'll know shortly. The game should help me stay up to finish laundry and wait for dinner. Later.
.
Another load of laundry, probably ready to kick over to the dryer. Then I drilled the shelving for the punch-suckers. Only... that isn't the side that goes up. Never mind. The glass plate was too slick to just set on the brackets. Ah! I purchased neoprene, to see if it would work as a cushion between the pvc piping and the raft. Well, and perhaps to offer a bit of lift so that tying the structure to the d-rings would be good. A few inch wide strips from the shorter side seemed right. And it did work.
It is heating up today. All good. While the summer is a bit rough, at times, even I cannot truly complain. I despise heat, mostly. But this summer has not been totally unmerciful. It has been pretty good. I, simply, am weak to heat. I turned on the ac, after I realized how rough (for me) it was getting. And turned on most of the fans, I'll get the last fan on when I finish this.
I swept, or finished sweeping, the kitchen and bathroom. It needs more work, but it's a start, and a good one. Not today, but maybe tomorrow, I will dig in deeper, sweep one more time, then mop the areas. If I don't start from the bottom I never get to it. After that, then I begin clearing the table. I may yet get the trash and recycling out. Just to the bins. I missed garbage day, but I only had one sack of each. And I had little gumption. I think I did some work Sunday though.
Oh, but in putting up the shelf, I also set up the ps3, and roughly set up the bluray. There was some sci-fi series I purchased... Firefly? That or the other one like it. Along with Netflix, purchasing a few choice series, from time to time, offers plenty of entertainment, in a controlled fashion. I don't get as much advertising, I can watch on my schedule without renting some crazy sketchy record tech. My way? Or the highway.
I keep laughing when I read that Trump is the chaos candidate. He really isn't. My guess, if he isn't a Dem plant, he is far out of his field. He isn't about nihilism. Even if, as I suggested, if I voted for him it wouldn't be a vote for him, any party to which he might be attached, or even a spoiler or destruction vote, but a vote against current political malfeasance. I probably won't vote for him, even if he gets the ticket. I won't vote. Tyrannies require their citizens to vote. We aren't there yet. And, really, a no vote is the best candidate as far as I can see things. At least I haven't gone completely insane and publicly suggested Biden is the way. Really? As I said, they might as well go atheist and communist. That'll show them! Then again, it is the internet. Maybe they are.
Oh, with the ps3 up and running, I loaded a new game. Wolfenstein: Something Something. It should be loaded. I set one of the controllers to charge. Hopefully it had enough, and with this little bit of a charge will get me going. I'll know shortly. The game should help me stay up to finish laundry and wait for dinner. Later.
Oh, maybe a bit longer.
.
.
I am weary. However, I am getting a few things done. I am hoping to, perhaps, do a few more tasks. I'll probably put another load of laundry through, maybe hit the kitchen a bit, take the trash out. More? Maybe. While weary, I am not absolutely crashing.
The last time I slept I had a dream. I won't go into all of the details. Just that I am pretty sure it was a real woman I was sensing. Which one I can't tell. Perhaps one I haven't met. Few of my women started out as friends, and on that score, until some things were settled, if it lasted long enough to sort, it went downhill from there. Eventually she would, if it lasted that long, make me her best friend. Much as one sweats onions, I sweated women... down to the sweet, or smokey, goodness. Anyway...
.
I am weary. However, I am getting a few things done. I am hoping to, perhaps, do a few more tasks. I'll probably put another load of laundry through, maybe hit the kitchen a bit, take the trash out. More? Maybe. While weary, I am not absolutely crashing.
The last time I slept I had a dream. I won't go into all of the details. Just that I am pretty sure it was a real woman I was sensing. Which one I can't tell. Perhaps one I haven't met. Few of my women started out as friends, and on that score, until some things were settled, if it lasted long enough to sort, it went downhill from there. Eventually she would, if it lasted that long, make me her best friend. Much as one sweats onions, I sweated women... down to the sweet, or smokey, goodness. Anyway...
A bit more.
.
.
A load of laundry, about to change that over. Sweeping, though just in the kitchen. I'll sweep in the bathroom next. I've been keeping up on the bathroom, otherwise, for the most part. I did get oatmeal set to a soak for later and switched out a tank of new kefir, while second souring another tank. While I have two half gallons of it in the fridge, they are down to about, perhaps, less than a full half gallon between them. I have learned, if I like thicker kefir, to fill/rotate used 'tanks' for a week or two before switching those out and washing them well. Tricks and such. Now, when thicker, it is better to strain it again while pouring a glass of the moderated moo-juice.
I am beginning to fade. So I am not sure, exactly, what I will do. I really need to dry the clothes, and then dry out the washer. I want to get the last of the dirty clothes back to be washed later. And I think I can sweep the bathroom and 'l' hall from the kitchen to the bathroom. I might even have just a bite to eat before I crash. I won't, most likely, be down for all that long... three to six hours. Or, that seems to be how it's working lately. We'll see, it's highly variable at the moment.
I'd like to get in another shower. I will later if not now, after I wake. While I shaved lightly, I don't want to shave every day. It's too hard on the face. Tomorrow, though, I hope to shave much more closely. A three pass shave is about as good as it gets. I am still practicing with the double edge razor, and I seem to be improving. I suspect it will take a few weeks, maybe a few months, to truly nail the angles with this particular device and system. There is, actually, another intermediary step between how I was shaving, how I am shaving, and how I want to shave. It's a straight edge, but uses disposable razors, either double edged razors split in two or razors made that way. The schtick is you get to use the straight razor technique, but your blade is always razor sharp... without effort. So long as you keep the blade changed regularly (I have heard, for double edge anyway, they last three to seven shaves). As well, I am hoping to learn just how sharp the razor needs to be, so when I begin sharpening again, I will have a much better idea. I don't plan to begin that until I have this system much better learned.
Learning which way to shave my whiskers, which time (can only really go one direction, mostly, per pass), is a beginning. The double edge makes that easier, safer. Which it why it is called a safety razor (which it is, at least compared to a straight razor). After figuring out the best direction for the various passes and perhaps an ordering of that, then learning how to keep the blade at the correct angles for the blade itself, then moving to the changeable blade 'straight razor' makes sense. Really, I am thinking six months as a rough goal. Then six months with that, and learning to sharpen my straight razors more surely, and in a year I will finally be shaving with a pure straight razor.
I will probably keep some of each kit around (if most of the gear is interchangeable), for various other types of shaving. Even medical wound tending might call for keeping an area clean of hair. Some of the kit might get passed on. Boiling cleans the metal, new blades takes care of that part, and these are really good ways to shave, and much cheaper than the multi-blade razors/systems. These razors will last a lifetime. The straight razor, if cared for, will be free after the initial purchase price and learning curve. I figure I was spending... at least $30 a month on blades. They didn't last long, and there weren't many in the pack. That's $360 a year. It wasn't a comfortable or close shave. Just a cost analysis. Close enough. If I end up spending $600 or $700, but get to the straight razor, I will save money, a lot of it, over time.
Later.
.
A load of laundry, about to change that over. Sweeping, though just in the kitchen. I'll sweep in the bathroom next. I've been keeping up on the bathroom, otherwise, for the most part. I did get oatmeal set to a soak for later and switched out a tank of new kefir, while second souring another tank. While I have two half gallons of it in the fridge, they are down to about, perhaps, less than a full half gallon between them. I have learned, if I like thicker kefir, to fill/rotate used 'tanks' for a week or two before switching those out and washing them well. Tricks and such. Now, when thicker, it is better to strain it again while pouring a glass of the moderated moo-juice.
I am beginning to fade. So I am not sure, exactly, what I will do. I really need to dry the clothes, and then dry out the washer. I want to get the last of the dirty clothes back to be washed later. And I think I can sweep the bathroom and 'l' hall from the kitchen to the bathroom. I might even have just a bite to eat before I crash. I won't, most likely, be down for all that long... three to six hours. Or, that seems to be how it's working lately. We'll see, it's highly variable at the moment.
I'd like to get in another shower. I will later if not now, after I wake. While I shaved lightly, I don't want to shave every day. It's too hard on the face. Tomorrow, though, I hope to shave much more closely. A three pass shave is about as good as it gets. I am still practicing with the double edge razor, and I seem to be improving. I suspect it will take a few weeks, maybe a few months, to truly nail the angles with this particular device and system. There is, actually, another intermediary step between how I was shaving, how I am shaving, and how I want to shave. It's a straight edge, but uses disposable razors, either double edged razors split in two or razors made that way. The schtick is you get to use the straight razor technique, but your blade is always razor sharp... without effort. So long as you keep the blade changed regularly (I have heard, for double edge anyway, they last three to seven shaves). As well, I am hoping to learn just how sharp the razor needs to be, so when I begin sharpening again, I will have a much better idea. I don't plan to begin that until I have this system much better learned.
Learning which way to shave my whiskers, which time (can only really go one direction, mostly, per pass), is a beginning. The double edge makes that easier, safer. Which it why it is called a safety razor (which it is, at least compared to a straight razor). After figuring out the best direction for the various passes and perhaps an ordering of that, then learning how to keep the blade at the correct angles for the blade itself, then moving to the changeable blade 'straight razor' makes sense. Really, I am thinking six months as a rough goal. Then six months with that, and learning to sharpen my straight razors more surely, and in a year I will finally be shaving with a pure straight razor.
I will probably keep some of each kit around (if most of the gear is interchangeable), for various other types of shaving. Even medical wound tending might call for keeping an area clean of hair. Some of the kit might get passed on. Boiling cleans the metal, new blades takes care of that part, and these are really good ways to shave, and much cheaper than the multi-blade razors/systems. These razors will last a lifetime. The straight razor, if cared for, will be free after the initial purchase price and learning curve. I figure I was spending... at least $30 a month on blades. They didn't last long, and there weren't many in the pack. That's $360 a year. It wasn't a comfortable or close shave. Just a cost analysis. Close enough. If I end up spending $600 or $700, but get to the straight razor, I will save money, a lot of it, over time.
Later.
Monday, August 10, 2015
To town.
.
.
It wasn't the hottest day of the summer, mild really. In the mid 80's F. And yet I have been hiding in my home, where it reaches into the mid 70's as the highs. Oh, and no sun. I keep it quite dark, day or night. Plus shoes and boots aren't typical ware, and it does add a lot to the sense of heat. The meat I had ordered was ready. I picked up some other meats, fruit for the next few weeks, and cream. They were oddly out of my milk. I still have several gallons, so I should be fine with that for a bit.
I am hoping to marinate one package of beef tomorrow, then get another one set to thaw. I have six packages, and it takes about two days to jerk, a day to thaw, and a day to marinate. It's a bit of a trick to keep the game rolling. I'll do my best. The first pack that I jerk with just have soy and worcestershire sauce. I am hoping to dry that out well enough that I can make pemmican with it. I have the tallow. I even have a packet of dried cherries left over that I purchased for some other food project. It might have been for this, then ended up using some of those things for other projects. I'll need to wash the tins first. And round up the wax paper.
The goal is to have, say, fifty to seventy five pounds of jerky, with maybe ten pounds of that put into pemmican? Maybe twenty pounds? Something. No, I doubt if pemmican is all that tasty. But, as with jerky, adding it to water to make a stew, perhaps adding vegetables (dehydrated), or other things, will make it easier to eat. The thing is, once made, it lasts well. If you want gourmet, hire a chef. Good luck finding one on the trail.
They did have cream. I am going to have a cup of joe with that. I sure miss it when out. You would think milk would be a half decent replacement. But, for me, it really isn't. Later... perhaps good night.
.
It wasn't the hottest day of the summer, mild really. In the mid 80's F. And yet I have been hiding in my home, where it reaches into the mid 70's as the highs. Oh, and no sun. I keep it quite dark, day or night. Plus shoes and boots aren't typical ware, and it does add a lot to the sense of heat. The meat I had ordered was ready. I picked up some other meats, fruit for the next few weeks, and cream. They were oddly out of my milk. I still have several gallons, so I should be fine with that for a bit.
I am hoping to marinate one package of beef tomorrow, then get another one set to thaw. I have six packages, and it takes about two days to jerk, a day to thaw, and a day to marinate. It's a bit of a trick to keep the game rolling. I'll do my best. The first pack that I jerk with just have soy and worcestershire sauce. I am hoping to dry that out well enough that I can make pemmican with it. I have the tallow. I even have a packet of dried cherries left over that I purchased for some other food project. It might have been for this, then ended up using some of those things for other projects. I'll need to wash the tins first. And round up the wax paper.
The goal is to have, say, fifty to seventy five pounds of jerky, with maybe ten pounds of that put into pemmican? Maybe twenty pounds? Something. No, I doubt if pemmican is all that tasty. But, as with jerky, adding it to water to make a stew, perhaps adding vegetables (dehydrated), or other things, will make it easier to eat. The thing is, once made, it lasts well. If you want gourmet, hire a chef. Good luck finding one on the trail.
They did have cream. I am going to have a cup of joe with that. I sure miss it when out. You would think milk would be a half decent replacement. But, for me, it really isn't. Later... perhaps good night.
Getting there.
.
.
I have finish most of the dishes. Some plastic containers and plastic large-mouth jar lids are air drying. The majority of the dishes were dried and put away. I need to hit a very few more dishes, try to clear and clean the counter-tops, then hit the stovetop. Those last won't start until the air drying is completed. I got a shower in, and needed it. Then did a single pass shave. The hope is that after a bit of air drying and resting myself, that I will make it in to town. Cream is sorely missed when it is out, and it is. And, while I have some milk, it goes fast. Between quart glasses of milk and half gallon jars of kefir, plus pint kefir grain stores, as well as quarts of whey water, I... go through milk fairly quickly. Oh, right, I also got breakfast in there.
I simply don't know if I will make it to town. I need to see if I am going to crash here shortly. I can push through that, when it does happen in town, I just don't prefer to do it. The advantage of my illness, or strength and endurance with all the givens, is that my illness haven't ever shut me down so hard or so fast that I haven't been able to safely get home. It would be terrifying to have to worry about that. Now, while I do worry about getting tired while out, at some times, that isn't the same thing. Oh... well... a large lunch on a hot day can make for a sleepy drive home, but that is everybody.
We'll see. I am pleased with what I have done so far. I am sure if I can't make it to town today, I will make it tomorrow. I think I will be doing more each wake period. And I am not worried about the odd sleep cycle. When I am awake, it seems to be a healthy conscious aware time. My organs seems, still, a bit sore. But mildly, compared to the past. And, I am not going under for it. Sleep, sure, but that isn't for this reason. When I go under due to pain, I am in a fog when awake, and often neither really sleep nor stay awake... adrift, really.
I'll know in a bit, whether I'll make it to town or not. I might watch a flick. Later.
.
I have finish most of the dishes. Some plastic containers and plastic large-mouth jar lids are air drying. The majority of the dishes were dried and put away. I need to hit a very few more dishes, try to clear and clean the counter-tops, then hit the stovetop. Those last won't start until the air drying is completed. I got a shower in, and needed it. Then did a single pass shave. The hope is that after a bit of air drying and resting myself, that I will make it in to town. Cream is sorely missed when it is out, and it is. And, while I have some milk, it goes fast. Between quart glasses of milk and half gallon jars of kefir, plus pint kefir grain stores, as well as quarts of whey water, I... go through milk fairly quickly. Oh, right, I also got breakfast in there.
I simply don't know if I will make it to town. I need to see if I am going to crash here shortly. I can push through that, when it does happen in town, I just don't prefer to do it. The advantage of my illness, or strength and endurance with all the givens, is that my illness haven't ever shut me down so hard or so fast that I haven't been able to safely get home. It would be terrifying to have to worry about that. Now, while I do worry about getting tired while out, at some times, that isn't the same thing. Oh... well... a large lunch on a hot day can make for a sleepy drive home, but that is everybody.
We'll see. I am pleased with what I have done so far. I am sure if I can't make it to town today, I will make it tomorrow. I think I will be doing more each wake period. And I am not worried about the odd sleep cycle. When I am awake, it seems to be a healthy conscious aware time. My organs seems, still, a bit sore. But mildly, compared to the past. And, I am not going under for it. Sleep, sure, but that isn't for this reason. When I go under due to pain, I am in a fog when awake, and often neither really sleep nor stay awake... adrift, really.
I'll know in a bit, whether I'll make it to town or not. I might watch a flick. Later.
I'm working on it.
.
.
Sleep is pulling me down. I have been having to sleep after just a few hours up. It isn't a want so much as having no choice. The sleep has been good, if nothing else. No dreams this last time. What dreams I have been having haven't been too terrible. Some have been blessings. I can sleep no longer than I can stay awake, however. I feel like a cat!
I have been doing bits and pieces as to work. As soon as I woke this morning, I hit the dishes. They are soaking in hot water. All they need is to be dried. If I get to them fast enough, or keep the rinse fresh, that will be true for a day or two. A bite to eat, here and there, might be helping. Grains are quite good, eggs are quite good, but having both offers a better chance at eating something. Either, alone, can get a bit too boring. Oh, and I need to set up some hot cereal. That really is nice, at least as cool as mornings have been.
From what I have seen with soaked (fermented) cereals, is that leaving them in the soak past the one day (seems to be good for from seven to thirty six hours), it doesn't work out well. It just doesn't do to leave all or a portion in soak for two days. I may attempt to soak enough for two meals, cook it all, and see about a warming of the second half the next day. Just experimenting. Oh, you can eat it, as far as I can tell, after forty eight hours, it just isn't... as good. Eating this sort of food, you do realize you are eating very good food. It isn't too harsh, like whole wheat bread can be... or too heavy. It isn't gnarly, biting, or such. It also doesn't feel empty, like many grains type foods do. Chinese, and often Mexican, food leave me hungry after a short bit... White rice, I suspect, is the culprit. Oddly, pasta doesn't do that to me. Anyway, it is interesting experimenting with foods.
I am hoping to get to the dishes, then start a load of laundry, and finally, perhaps, get to town. I could use a bit more milk and cream. I think there was something else... Hopefully I'll figure it out before I find myself in town. A bite to eat, first, an egg or two and a cup of heated grain mush with butter. Later.
Oh... I did go ahead and order thirty pounds of bottom round (I think, sliced, and in five pound lots). I need to pick that up. Anyway... Later.
.
Sleep is pulling me down. I have been having to sleep after just a few hours up. It isn't a want so much as having no choice. The sleep has been good, if nothing else. No dreams this last time. What dreams I have been having haven't been too terrible. Some have been blessings. I can sleep no longer than I can stay awake, however. I feel like a cat!
I have been doing bits and pieces as to work. As soon as I woke this morning, I hit the dishes. They are soaking in hot water. All they need is to be dried. If I get to them fast enough, or keep the rinse fresh, that will be true for a day or two. A bite to eat, here and there, might be helping. Grains are quite good, eggs are quite good, but having both offers a better chance at eating something. Either, alone, can get a bit too boring. Oh, and I need to set up some hot cereal. That really is nice, at least as cool as mornings have been.
From what I have seen with soaked (fermented) cereals, is that leaving them in the soak past the one day (seems to be good for from seven to thirty six hours), it doesn't work out well. It just doesn't do to leave all or a portion in soak for two days. I may attempt to soak enough for two meals, cook it all, and see about a warming of the second half the next day. Just experimenting. Oh, you can eat it, as far as I can tell, after forty eight hours, it just isn't... as good. Eating this sort of food, you do realize you are eating very good food. It isn't too harsh, like whole wheat bread can be... or too heavy. It isn't gnarly, biting, or such. It also doesn't feel empty, like many grains type foods do. Chinese, and often Mexican, food leave me hungry after a short bit... White rice, I suspect, is the culprit. Oddly, pasta doesn't do that to me. Anyway, it is interesting experimenting with foods.
I am hoping to get to the dishes, then start a load of laundry, and finally, perhaps, get to town. I could use a bit more milk and cream. I think there was something else... Hopefully I'll figure it out before I find myself in town. A bite to eat, first, an egg or two and a cup of heated grain mush with butter. Later.
Oh... I did go ahead and order thirty pounds of bottom round (I think, sliced, and in five pound lots). I need to pick that up. Anyway... Later.
A bit of work, then down my new odd sleep.
.
.
I did get eggs cooked, cooled, peeled, and put away. I have the dishes ready for a final clean. I did get the laundry, at least from the bathroom, to the washing area. I kept up on food, eating several small meals. And, checked my blood sugar three times while awake this last time. It was staying right at 214. While high, it's a good deal lower than 286 or whatever, and much better than the 350 it was running. Honestly, I don't think anything I have done, which isn't different from what I have been doing, has anything to do with the blood sugar. It rises and lowers quite on it's own. This day too high, that day way too high. My input just isn't a part of it. And, I drank a good deal of kefir. I figure, the day it seemed to spike my blood sugar? Anything I ate would have. My system was simply primed to do that, just looking for a food input, any food input, to trigger.
I believe I am feeling a bit better. Again, that has nothing to do with what I have been doing. Perhaps eating a bit better, taking medicine, drinking enough fluid, attempting to control sleep, and such, all adds up to a bit of a bonus to recovery. Yeah, I buy that. It simply doesn't stop the falls and it doesn't change the illness. It just makes a fall shorter, and recover a bit better. Whatever is wrong seems to happen of it's own accord.
I hope to get the dishes done, laundry started, a shave, and then more work on the kitchen. It's slowly, sort of, improving. As long as I don't have a relapse, I hope to be able to finish climbing out of the hole this week. High temps might drive me back in. Hmm... which means I ought to get my console and bluray running. It's cooler out playing that than sitting on this machine. Plus, I ordered a new game or two to tinker with... as incentive to get that going.
-------
Dreams. The first was... I won't share. Mine. I so rarely get such types. This was the first I have seen full length, with such depth. As good and right as it could be, in it's own way. Some creatures cannot share some things with some people, even most people. No, you can't understand. And... I shouldn't try to help you. God, I think, knows. There are rules, laws, and such. Some of these are not for all, not exactly the same. A horse, a mushroom, and a dire wolf all eat different food, none is the worse save when another adds their perspective... at least on certain levels. The next was just an oddity. A play on reality, but a fun one.
I was college aged. I hadn't joined the Navy, but had gone on to college. I had found a place, off-campus. It wasn't the best, but most weren't. It was a single lodging, which seemed good. And there were advantages. Quiet time for study was easily had, no interruptions, I could come and go as I pleased, and having a woman over wasn't a chore.
I was still playing roll-playing games. But the games had become a bit different. Sure, D&D, or AD&D as it had become by then, but other games too. One of them involved using micro-miniguns to pop caps as part of the rest of the imaginative typical roll-playing parts. Most guys are so uncoordinated. I don't even count women as being graceful, to be honest, and most men are better than women but seem still to be wearing their shoes on the wrong foot more often than not. Oh, sure, you can train a woman to do something with great grace, and sometimes that will translate into life, but I wouldn't expect it. Further, those are extreme exceptions. I don't count men by their Einsteins, Rembrandts, or Bachs... so it is with men, so to with women.
Anyway... I so impressed them that they invited me to play, then, after playing a few times, to move in. They had an excellent pad. And my portion of it was quite nice, if I accepted. Oh, and one of the roommates who played went around nude quite often. I... never did quite catch her name. When asked if that was a problem, I said just as long as she doesn't flirt or start acting reading for sex. I told them that there are men who swim with great white sharks. Neither do I recommend it, or believe in their safety, but... who am I to judge. And, actually, that was good enough for even her.
I hadn't decided whether to move in when the dream ended. I was pretty sure it would happen. I had heard, because of my playing skills, they wanted me on their team in competitions, and could afford to give me a superior deal. And they were cool if I brought a woman in. Plus, I was pretty sure I'd be nailing the naked preferring snagglepuss who roamed the demesne. It wasn't so much in my willfulness or need, it was in her eyes.
Hey, at that age in real life, I was batting... lets just say if my sex life at that time was baseball, I would have been in the hall of fame just after those first three years of healthy adult life. Not just batting, though there was that. Stolen bases, home runs, and runs batted in, for starters. Yeah, I helped a lot of guys get to home base, and married some significant number of them off through my advice. If a guy wanted to go that way, who was I to wise him up. I figured she would do that. *grins* So... yeah. Not a brag, just the way it really went until it all broke.
-------
Does anyone else have this sudden urge to juggle machetes or is it just me? Yeah, no, it really does seem to work that way.
h/t 90 Miles From Tyranny
Coffee! Hmm... might try a touch of whey water mixed with regular water... or just have some kefir first? Yeah... Later.
.
I did get eggs cooked, cooled, peeled, and put away. I have the dishes ready for a final clean. I did get the laundry, at least from the bathroom, to the washing area. I kept up on food, eating several small meals. And, checked my blood sugar three times while awake this last time. It was staying right at 214. While high, it's a good deal lower than 286 or whatever, and much better than the 350 it was running. Honestly, I don't think anything I have done, which isn't different from what I have been doing, has anything to do with the blood sugar. It rises and lowers quite on it's own. This day too high, that day way too high. My input just isn't a part of it. And, I drank a good deal of kefir. I figure, the day it seemed to spike my blood sugar? Anything I ate would have. My system was simply primed to do that, just looking for a food input, any food input, to trigger.
I believe I am feeling a bit better. Again, that has nothing to do with what I have been doing. Perhaps eating a bit better, taking medicine, drinking enough fluid, attempting to control sleep, and such, all adds up to a bit of a bonus to recovery. Yeah, I buy that. It simply doesn't stop the falls and it doesn't change the illness. It just makes a fall shorter, and recover a bit better. Whatever is wrong seems to happen of it's own accord.
I hope to get the dishes done, laundry started, a shave, and then more work on the kitchen. It's slowly, sort of, improving. As long as I don't have a relapse, I hope to be able to finish climbing out of the hole this week. High temps might drive me back in. Hmm... which means I ought to get my console and bluray running. It's cooler out playing that than sitting on this machine. Plus, I ordered a new game or two to tinker with... as incentive to get that going.
-------
Dreams. The first was... I won't share. Mine. I so rarely get such types. This was the first I have seen full length, with such depth. As good and right as it could be, in it's own way. Some creatures cannot share some things with some people, even most people. No, you can't understand. And... I shouldn't try to help you. God, I think, knows. There are rules, laws, and such. Some of these are not for all, not exactly the same. A horse, a mushroom, and a dire wolf all eat different food, none is the worse save when another adds their perspective... at least on certain levels. The next was just an oddity. A play on reality, but a fun one.
I was college aged. I hadn't joined the Navy, but had gone on to college. I had found a place, off-campus. It wasn't the best, but most weren't. It was a single lodging, which seemed good. And there were advantages. Quiet time for study was easily had, no interruptions, I could come and go as I pleased, and having a woman over wasn't a chore.
I was still playing roll-playing games. But the games had become a bit different. Sure, D&D, or AD&D as it had become by then, but other games too. One of them involved using micro-miniguns to pop caps as part of the rest of the imaginative typical roll-playing parts. Most guys are so uncoordinated. I don't even count women as being graceful, to be honest, and most men are better than women but seem still to be wearing their shoes on the wrong foot more often than not. Oh, sure, you can train a woman to do something with great grace, and sometimes that will translate into life, but I wouldn't expect it. Further, those are extreme exceptions. I don't count men by their Einsteins, Rembrandts, or Bachs... so it is with men, so to with women.
Anyway... I so impressed them that they invited me to play, then, after playing a few times, to move in. They had an excellent pad. And my portion of it was quite nice, if I accepted. Oh, and one of the roommates who played went around nude quite often. I... never did quite catch her name. When asked if that was a problem, I said just as long as she doesn't flirt or start acting reading for sex. I told them that there are men who swim with great white sharks. Neither do I recommend it, or believe in their safety, but... who am I to judge. And, actually, that was good enough for even her.
I hadn't decided whether to move in when the dream ended. I was pretty sure it would happen. I had heard, because of my playing skills, they wanted me on their team in competitions, and could afford to give me a superior deal. And they were cool if I brought a woman in. Plus, I was pretty sure I'd be nailing the naked preferring snagglepuss who roamed the demesne. It wasn't so much in my willfulness or need, it was in her eyes.
Hey, at that age in real life, I was batting... lets just say if my sex life at that time was baseball, I would have been in the hall of fame just after those first three years of healthy adult life. Not just batting, though there was that. Stolen bases, home runs, and runs batted in, for starters. Yeah, I helped a lot of guys get to home base, and married some significant number of them off through my advice. If a guy wanted to go that way, who was I to wise him up. I figured she would do that. *grins* So... yeah. Not a brag, just the way it really went until it all broke.
-------
Does anyone else have this sudden urge to juggle machetes or is it just me? Yeah, no, it really does seem to work that way.
Coffee! Hmm... might try a touch of whey water mixed with regular water... or just have some kefir first? Yeah... Later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)