When I break through...

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You would think I would see stars.  Which, yeah, okay.  Some.  But, no.  Neither stars nor black nor pain.  When I break through breaking through several other layers, I see why.  She, her, call her what you will.  Not one, never yet, but maybe.  When I break through I realize that is what I need to do to be able to make a jab at possession.  She will be difficult, even... perhaps especially... if she is on  my... or our... side.  Oh, I'm sure, great physical strength is good for sex too.  But that isn't all or even most of it.  Besides, that part I can still do standing on my hands.  Crazy, I know.  Didn't say I was similar to most, didn't say it makes sense.  Anyway, after brutalizing my bod for the last few days, in a way even a health man would fear and have trouble doing, she is on my mind.

Nothing but mush.

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Not the drive.  I actually did a really good job of that.  Though it is raining, now.  Seems better than snow, if it can drain off, though it may just be more and more trouble.  It will, before long, if it continues, wash the salt off again, for sure.  No, I am mush.  I can't squeeze my biceps into much.  First, it hurts a bit.  Second, the best I can muster through that is a ball of clay.  There is some meat there, from simple size, but not much else.

The lower back was murder, about half way through the job.  I worked through the pain and it just went away.  My legs are like my biceps... mush.  Now, it's not like I can't do more.  I have hit the icy patches several times since, brought the trash bin back close to the house too.  And I hope to get a shower in, then maybe do some laundry.  But I am not going to push it, or even promise those things.  I could do a lot more, but I would fade quickly.  If I can figure things out, I think I can do much better in time.  I am not sure I can.  I am sure I want to, for fun such as camping, hiking, and snowshoeing... for work, just stuff around, in, and out of the cave... and because.  Who wants to be a cripple?  I sure don't.  Rather work hard, and have the health for it, than fail.  Up to a point, of course.

In my prayers, I have been thanking God.  Both for the snow and the gumption to go to it.  I am well pleased to do.  I offer these things to His glory, really.  They are His, not mine.  I'm just pleased to be able to do the work.  I am certain it pleases Him.  If nothing else it means I keep at it, beyond even my realistic means.  I suspect, as much as I have overdone overdoing, He has probably been right there with me.  Not that I won't keel over, I just won't do so alone.  *grins*  Later.

Wow. That was a lot of work.

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It wasn't the deepest snow, but it was the heaviest by far.  Wet.  As if two inches of rain had fallen, then three inches of snow had topped it.  Worse, the bottom layers were beginning to freeze.  Even though it had been completely cleared and salted yesterday!  Some ran off, but much stayed.  Brutal.

My first idea was to do all the work necessary to get it all up in one go.  Whoa!  That worked like firing a shotgun with the barrel in the wrong direction.  I would know, too.  Yes, Precious, Doom has done some... interesting things in and with his life.  As with the shotgun, no blood no foul.  An immediate change of strategy was required.  Did I mention it was brutal?

So, I went with getting the bulk of wet, unfrozen, snow off first.  That was rather beastly of a chore.  But, over time, I did get it.  I then noticed, with the snow/slush gone, the ice underneath was partially thawing.  So... I got to getting that off.  I tried low and slow, then high impact.  Alright, boys and girls, I am no longer capable of true high impact work.  So, back to low and slow.  I hit every piece of that drive three times.  That was as good as I could get it, promises.  Then I laid salt where it would be crucial... for dinner deliver, for me unpacking the Xterra from the store, whatnot.  But not all of the drive.  I think I hit a couple of ice patches that resisted my greatest efforts too.  Oh, and I did it all in one run.  No break, no nap.  Brutal.

Indeed, life is coming back.  I really should be crippled up, crying like a babe, maybe dying.  Not... thinking about what to do next.  Fuck it, I'll take it.  I always thought I had more to do before I was done.  And, for my part, have always been willing if not always able.

Hmm?

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I really thought I would be in rough shape.  I keep expecting, one day, for nothing to work.  Usually, pushing for a few days in a row will rock my world in the worst of ways.  Pain, exhaustion, schedule twists, then everything else can go downhill from that.  Food irregularity or absence, medicine becoming hit and miss, confusion on top of malaise on top of misguided will, and so on.  Often, if I push, it can all collapse all at once.  Though, this last later winter into early spring, I did go for months at a high pace... until I dropped for about six months.  I don't think it had anything to do with working hard, I had made it past that point.  (Uhrm, when I say working hard, I mean that within my paradigm... a comparative thing.)  I am almost hitting that here and now.  Perhaps I am well enough to go in longer, healthier, shifts.  No guarantees.  I can drop like a rock in a bucket, even when doing well.  I'll just get back up sooner than not.

A bit more snow, but just a spit.  I think the broom should work on that.  And more salting... Whatever happened the other day, it seems to have eaten the salt.  It just isn't keeping the ice away as it usually does.  Well, snow sweeping, then trash and maybe recycling out, then a shower.  I'll see after that.  Hmm... I best get going.  Actually it's probably too late for recycling, so I will focus on trash.

Sleep has been good.  I keep dreaming of the two main sorts of man... or manlike beings.  Man, of course, most know.  Fallen, failed, but with hope.  Just as with man's war with tyranny, man will only lose that fight when he chooses to do so.  And, if prophecy is true, he will.  Today?  Tomorrow?  In a thousand years?  That depends on the heart of each man, then totaled.  It has happened many times, in smaller ways.  It just hasn't happened the final, and total, way... or irrecoverably.  The other sort of man is nephelim.  He is real, he is here.  As a general rule he only hates those with the mark of Cain more than man.  If these are true because, as a very regular general rule, he can't seem to know God.  Know of?  Heard about?  Felt the lash?  Sure.

As I mentioned, I read the bible before I was 10.  Before the Navy, I read it... three more times probably (New Testament).  Since I have read it twice more, plus the Old Testament three times, to catch up a bit.  You know I had to be looking for something.  I knew, to my mind, something was in there.  I also looked in various churches.  Why look so diligently if... there wasn't something... a hope, a belief that hadn't quite taken root, something.  It wasn't until I was early midlife, and by then mostly dead, that something started calling.  Even then it was so... difficult to hear.  Even having to be rested, even in a mostly quiet life, even nearly dead, my nature resisted that call.  It took fifteen years to finally be sure I heard, then having to fight the notion, argue it, challenge God and have Him win.  Even then it took another three years to thrash through all of the paperwork.  Like or not, the Catholic church is not big on invitations.

Oh, don't get me wrong, they are happy enough if you decide to join.  But to become Catholic takes some serious effort, especially for someone in my condition.  It was really up to me.  They would offer the time and place and education, which is a lot.  But it takes... six months?  A year?  Can't remember.  It takes a while, with extra meetings each Sunday, and perhaps other things.  Mostly for someone coming back or the prospective wife or husband hoping to do things right.  Anyway...  It was a brutal battle to find God, to hear Him.  You just have no idea.  Even mostly dead and I fought Him tooth and nail.  Still not sure if He calls all my kind or if just a few of us.  Like marriage, Christianity, of the true kind, is a...  TRAP!  Then again, those are the price for a family and a good eternal life.  Some traps are better than others.

Anyway... the dreams...  In them I see how strange they both are, see with true vision.  So pale, those giants and other of the nephilim.  So cold, intelligently animal, brutal, and yet compassionate to their own... in a very limited play.  Some suggest they should only love and care for their own.  And, up to a point, within their limitations to a degree, that is true.  However, if you stop there, you will be no better than animals.  Even if that is simply tribal?  Yes.  If you limit your compassion to just your own, even just allies at times... animal.  Nephilim, unless they can hear God, and most can't, are extremely worldly creatures.  With spirit, that is what allows them to stay and return.  But without soul.  A dark people doomed to die when the age of flesh is done, for flesh will be burned away and there will be no place for spirits to rise.

Whether man does it with bombs, or the universe does it with a super nova, or this star just ages beyond it's use then becomes a giant, life will end.  Life is an anomaly.  It isn't natural, at all.  It shouldn't exist.  I believe I have heard that the universe isn't so much good or evil, that is a thing of certain aspects of life.  No, the universe is the great balancer, equalizer.  It wants things to balance out.  Since life is unnatural, the universe tends to look for a way to remove this, in a secular sense, sin that is life.  And, one day, it will.  I do not believe, no matter what science has produced so far, that life is natural at all.  Funny thing to note, those who study nature... whether biology or physics... seem to believe there is too much life.  It's more than a study, these days.  It's a partial religion of death, academia that is.  So smart they wish to undo life, even that of their own.  Worse than animals, I guess.

Hrmm?  I don't know.  Blathering as I wake.  Not even sure what I wrote.  I need to get the trash out, and perhaps do some sweeping and salting while I am at it.  Later.

Finally.

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Like it or not, I did get back out.  I shoveled the last of the snow, then salted a couple of areas which I and others use regularly.  The sun was out today, or close.  I think the weather has broken.  I took a shower before getting out.  I wasn't sure I would be up to taking a shower after I finished.  A brutal set of days.  Lots of shoveling, lots of work, too much snow.  I am hoping things taper off soon.  Still, I know now, sometimes, I can work right through troubles.

Trash and maybe recycling need to go out tonight.  And I'd like to at least get my clothing back to the laundry room.  If I am doing okay, I might run one load.  Or not.  Dishes need to be done as well.  I've been spot hitting the bathroom.  The floor needs swept and mopped.  I'll see what I can do.  Tuesday, I believe, is the day I would like to get out.  I'll probably take two pair of slacks to the dry cleaner that day, and do minor grocery shopping.

This week, generally, is being used for housework.  I'll push a bit.  Though I've probably really overdone.  Still, a bit of work, here and there, might be okay.  I am doing well for having really overdone.  Tomorrow is definitely a down day.  Tuesday... maybe, if I still hope to get out that day.  All good, boys and girls.  Either I am peculiar, as regards health, or I just, medically, walked on water.  :p  Later.

More snow.

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Not too much more.  As I mentioned in a comment, while out grilling steak last night, at about 23:00, I noticed more down.  So... I shoveled six to seven feet out from the drive, just, hopefully, to give myself a good start today.  I then ate, goofed until I could come down, and then went to bed a bit before 4:00.  Just could not go down.  Upon waking at around noon, I looked out while passing that way.  No more snow on top of what arrived before midnight.  But it's enough.  Yes, when I get my life together a bit, and a shower and dry time, I'll be back out there.  I'm doing amazingly well for a dead guy.  *grins*

A bit stiff in the lower back, of course.  My muscles are actually in better shape than they were, not as stiff and sore.  All else is pretty good.  I'll keep at it, I suppose.  The love of work has waned just a wee, but the ability and will to it remains just as strong.  Yeah, life ain't bad.

Later.

Yes indeed.

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Now, being the time of day it was, I had some suspicion that I might get the snow removed before help arrived.  What I did not take into account was that it is a weekend.  Normally helpers would be otherwise occupied at that time.  So, I was rather surprised to see help had arrived.  Though, too, I must admit that I was happy.  I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do the whole thing, myself, again.  I had full intention of doing as much as I could.  And maybe, through time, I would have gotten it.  I was quite pleased with help.  I really needed it this time.  A good run mind you, but over my head.  Ah, and we measured.  There is a width along the road, as wide as my driveway, but that isn't paved.  The paved part is actually 30 yards, which is what I suggested to them.  And, right on the dot.  Plus another ten feet of gravel along the road, which, if I can, I clear another 90 feet along.  I often said 40 feet or 50 feet, here, but trying to... not brag or exaggerate.  I really did think it was 30 yards though... 90 feet.  It is, and now I know.

I tried to use the snowblower on some of that extra length, but it died.  I'll let it sit for a bit.  I'll check the oil before I go to town next time.  But, when it died, I sort of did too.  I am done with shoveling, sweeping, and machining for a while.  Still, hopefully, I will get out Monday or Tuesday.  There are a few minor items I wish to buy, some grocery shopping, and a few slacks to the dry cleaners.  I know, I keep trying to get my Sunday-go-to-meeting wear set up, and I will.  So much to do, so little time I can actually functionally use.  I'll get there.

Later, or good night.  A spot of food, first, though, for sure.  Steak!?!  I think I have some thawed.  Yum!  Still, whether I'll post again is a whole other issue.  Be well in either case.

I think I can.

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I really do.  No, I'm not in the best of shape.  My lower back is a bit tight and sore.  My arm and leg muscles are a bit tight and queasy.  And yet I am not completely out of the running.  How much I can do at a time, or altogether, time will tell.  I think, if it doesn't snow on top of my efforts, I might be able to get the whole thing.  And, one way or another, I very likely will get it all done, if not hitting it twice if it snows more.  I will only be able to get ahead if this is it, for snow, for now.  If not I will at least get the old off.  And since I do it in shifts, I might have all of it off some areas... at least by the time I finish.  Winter can be harsh, innit?  Not bad for a gimp, either.

Gaming goes on.  For not great particular reason, I am attempting to level this tune rather highly.  That is what makes pve (player versus environment... as opposed to pvp, or player versus player) much easier.  The problem with high level pvp is that most players don't want to, and perhaps can't, play pve well enough to level that high.  Most pvp players are in it merely for the stupid attacks on other players, which means many of of just skip social to avoid pvp hacks.  Not interested.  Though it would be nice to be able to play online without the risk of invasion, for cooperative attacks on in-game bosses, and reading messages.  As I see it, pvp ruins this, and many other games.  It is the attempt to make us all borg.  Not interested.

In any case, I am doing well in the game.  I think there is still a boss or two I skipped earlier, because they were beyond my skills.  Bosses I need to find then take down.  The game is interesting, in that you can skip many boss fights.  The ones you can't skip, you can level to beat.  The ones you can skip, by the time you first meet them, you may well not have a good chance of leveling to beat.  Some idiots tell you to just do it, in spite of their obvious failures to do so well or easily.  I have found a better path, and learned when to ignore the advice of idiots.

Well, on to snow removal.  Should be interesting.  I am hoping, though this takes me down for a bit, it opens up the opportunity for me to get out snowshoeing and winter camping.  I'm hoping this will help me get back into shape.  And it just might.  Later.

Not too much more snow.

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But enough.  And, with some on top of other, after this and that.  I did removed the larger chunks, from each side.  And yet an inch or two more down after one side was cleaned, then an inch or two on the other side.  Only the sidewalk had just a bit more, the least.  If I can, I will get back out there.  I will probably use the snowblower, at least on the heavier parts.

Sore?  Tired?  A bit.  Nothing to write home about, if nothing to sneeze at.

I would sure enjoy a shower, before anything else.  Then, perhaps, after a few or more hours of waking, get back to it if I can.  It seems I have been doing enough work to have... opened up the opportunity for more work, or less pain from work.  If I can continue I will.  If I could just keep that ability to work up I could do a lot more in life.  Some of my failure is physical, when the heart is really bad or not doing enough in a particular area (like not feeding muscles due to the demand by vital organs), or when those organs aren't in the queue and are complaining.  Some of it is more mental... can't focus, remember, use mental or spiritual drive because that side is asleep.  Still, I am quite sure, if I can bump up physical, I can live a much better and easier life.  I love the work.  I still think a wife might help here.  Especially if she learns how and when to push.  Which she might well wish to do, and not even for my purposes.  She can use me to craft her world more exactly.  It behooves a woman to learn to use the massive capacity in this old Cold War relic.

Oh well.

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It seemed to have quit snowing, last time I was out working.  Perhaps it was just very light, not visible as it had grown dark.  Though headlights and porch lights should have shown.  After this last break, it appears to have snowed another inch or two.  I realized upon seeing that, I could not keep up.  Still, I did a path along the walk to get the shovel which was near the sidewalk area.  Since that hadn't been hit, I hit that area.  Now nothing is completely piled up.  I just feel a bit better.  Then I came back to near the garage and cleared ten feet out from the garage and the back porch area, then simply put the snowblower away.  No reason to bug the neighbors when it's just continuing to snow.  Can I get back out tomorrow?  I don't know.  I'm not sure I will be able to get out of bed, or more than stumble to a seat before the tv/console game.  Probably for days.  Though, who knows.

I won't be sleeping really early, but I might make it to bed by, perhaps before, 2:00.  If I had done another half hour to hour shift though, I would have been awake much of the night.  Sometimes it's the opposite, usually I can tell, not always on anything though.  Probability.

I will have to come down a bit.  An hour or two gaming, then on to sleep, if I was a betting man.  Got to give it to me, for my health, this was good.  Very good.  If it doesn't end up killing me.  :p  Good night.

Definitely.

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During my break... another inch.  Not to be dismayed, I got back to it.  Being only an inch, I thought shoveling would work better.  And, well, it did.  Until I completely ran out of energy for that.  I pulled the snowblower back out.  Not the best, with so little and so dry of a snow.  But it is working.  I am, perhaps, more than half way finished.  And it has stopped snowing.  I might get ahead.  Though if this is the way weather will play, I may be soon to fall behind.  On the good side, if anyone decides to help out they won't have the old old, old, and new.  That's four or five inches.

I am cooking, red hot, burning.  That is a whole heck of a lot of work.  I'll have to take (another) good long nap, then hit it in an hour or so.  I want it done, tonight.  I hope the sound doesn't bother any too much, but I don't have a choice.  I know, tomorrow, I will be good to simply be getting out of bed.  And, for a week, it will be much the same.  I wasn't even fully recovered from my last stints.  Yeah, tonight or never.  And I need my drive open, in case I need to get out in a few days.  It really is now, or someone else, or never.  Pardon the racket.

I have a sandwich ready.  I made two yesterday, but one was more than more than enough.  So, rather than wasting, I wrapped and reefered it.  I just need to add baby spinach and italian dressing... the gooder, if not absolute best, kind.  Not this break, not right after my next work, but a break after even that.  Yeah, I'll be up late.  When I push it, going down is either unavoidable or impossible.  I can tell already, I won't be down until... 2:00? 4:00?  Maybe later.

Later.

Snow.

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I wouldn't have been able to get out today anyway.  Sure, you can drive right over it.  Then you end up slightly freeze locked the rest of the winter, or until a good thaw comes along.  So...  I wouldn't have gotten out anyway.  And, earlier, I couldn't have shoveled or else.  Too tired.  Though I kept hoping for an opportunity.  It did arrive.  Shoveling was out.  But I was able to get the snow blower going.  Sure was noisy starting up.  Once it got going it was fine.  After the machine tossed most of the snow, I have started to sweep what remains.  I have, perhaps, have the drive finished.  Then I'll need to do the short piece of sidewalk, if I will probably shovel that.  And, then, finally, I'll lay some salt.  Can't have folks slipping.  If it stays good tomorrow, I would like to take a shovel to weeds in the drive.  They came up through the cracks.  Now they are frozen in place.  Bleh.

This will wear me out.  So be it.  I probably need to be worn out more, on top of where I was.  It'll mean a couple of more days down.  If more snow arrives, I'll try for that too.  I do like to work, when I can.  While some men with bad hearts really can't work, and I can't always, when I can I really can... for my health.  It's probably actually good for me.  I'm not good at keeping the cave up, just not genetically predisposed, I suppose.  But I was a worker, and a hard worker, until the main timer went down.  The will is still there, and sometimes the way.

A bit of gaming, then back to it.  Later.

Not recovered.

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For the last three weeks, I have gotten out twice in a row each week, then maybe, on one or two of those weeks, another day out.  It was a push, to break out of what had been a bit of a lock up, or down, depending on how you see things.  That lock down had been in play since the start of summer, mostly.  Sure, I had things to do.  Yes, my new friend had made requests.  But I always have things to do, if not always requests.  I had hoped to be better, recovered, today.  I am not.  The lungs are a bit sore, if also they feel as if the bit of work and activity has cleared... something... out.  Tired but clear, the lungs.  A bit of a switch.  I just wish I could work well enough to get them in shape, while keeping them clear and thus not tired.  My body, my muscles, are all just a bit sore.  I suspect, using them a little, they simply aren't getting enough blood flow to repair from the simple use.  No headaches, of muscle or other natures.  Only organ pains a day or two in this episode.  A general malaise, however.  Though that might be as much winter as a worn out body.  Though I can tell I am worn.  I need more days down.  No real choice.  Though, perhaps, I can get to a few things here in the man cave.  Or not.  Bleh.  I will aim at some work though, mind you.

I have been dreaming.  Bright, strong, interesting dreams, too, if I can't keep them in memory.  And sleep has been good, if I have been having to keep the door open to allow heat in, which also brings the cats in, which can disturb sleep.  At least I have been sleeping well, if a bit short, often at six to seven hours.  And I need to go to bed earlier.  Gah!  How to force these things, I do not know.  Even when I worked, sleep and wake were crazy.  They would manually reset, but just as now, only through great pains.  Back then I was well enough to swing a double double shift and force a reset.  Now, not so much.

I'll keep at it.  Good day.

Just fiddling.

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I never really know.  Although, from time to time, I suspect.

Rough.

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I'm glad I stuck with two bottles of beer.  I don't think that was the problem if I am sure more would not have helped.  A bit of a fever last night, upset stomach, headache, and just ugly parts of some of the night.  I tended myself as well as I could.  Some of it just, there was no way to treat it.  It was, thankfully, mostly mild.  I have simply done too much over the last few weeks, after being down for a while... down for too long really.  All good.  I'll pay the price and keep up as I may.

It is a pretty morning.  We have been getting sun more lately.  Today is an iffy one, as regards sun.  Though it is a bit brighter, not so heavily overcast, here first thing.  It is another day of rest.  Though it would be good to get a shower in, maybe shave, perhaps do some laundry and/or dishes and/or work in the kitchen.  But just little bits.  I really can't push too much.  Not yet.  A bit, though, is always good.

I'll do what I can.  Pray, for you and me, even if you should not like me.  *cough*  Seriously, though.  I really don't mind.  And if I don't like you, though truly I can't think of any I don't like, even those of you who don't like me... but even so... I would pray for you more, and the right kind.  I figure if someone doesn't like me, they probably have a problem, because I don't hold grudges, mostly.  And those very few that I hold, or in which my opponent refuses to see their errors, I turn it over to God for some time in their future.  Ask, whether I am here or not, and should I know about it, know that it has been turned over to God for remediation.  Easier to work with me, though God knows my will, if He also knows our faults.  Don't try to sneak one by.  *wink*

Later.

Well, no beer.

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Until things get straightened around, no beer.  And I am trying to, if not very well, watch what I eat in an attempt to get back in shape.  It might or might not help.  Oh, and I finally purchased the sugar substitute the wife of my deacon suggested.  Took long enough.  Yeah, no, it isn't just doing things they know about that can take a long time.  While I have been getting out twice a week lately, I have so many things I need to do in that time that... well... I still haven't arranged for Sunday clothing, I haven't quite gotten an oil change or cleaning in... if money played a part.  The kitchen, and rest of the cave really, languishes.  I do what I can.

Still, no beer.  Or, no large amount.  I have a couple of beers at a time, once or twice a week.  At my size, it doesn't offer a buzz.  But that isn't why it is consumed.  I simply like having a change of pace, something different to drink from time to time.  I sure would like to drink to Lemmy.  Hmm, perhaps a couple of beers would do.

I am still pretty wiped.  The nap didn't seem to help all that much.  It was simply required.  I was a bit worried that it was too late, and a nap would mess things up.  I didn't, for one thing, have a choice.  Down I went.  It looks like that won't be an issue.  While it is 22:00 and change, which is later than what I would like, it isn't too far off.  And with today being a day of rest there is hope I won't need extra sleep tonight.

I might be up against it, in many ways.  And yet, oddly, I often seem to figure out how to get on through.  Even when the woman doing my billing at the hospital has a grudge.  *grins*  Yeah, I know.  She must be the one, some time back, who was riding my bumper, then when I forced her to pass she drove really slow, then had other problems.  Yep, I... didn't see her well enough, but I get a sense of things.  Now I know.  Funny thing is, unlike her, I really don't care.  She can't mess up my day... even if she shot me to death.  You just can't win against some things, if that is what you are aiming at.  The best way would be to be better, but many people simply don't have that in them.  Yeah... I realized it after my first visit it, had it, mostly, confirmed on this visit.

Good night.

A favored bard has died.

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Bowie?  Fu u!  No, a bard for my type.  Lemmy Kilmister.  And, now, the fake part isn't the part you'd think was fake.  Born Ian Fraser Kilmister.  The lead singer of Motorhead.  A band I, when they dropped, was weened upon.

A few of my favored, to give you an idea.  Yeah, you probably didn't hear of him.  And yet you think of yourself as cultured having heard of Bowie?  Psha!  Yeah, these songs mean a great deal to me, personally.  The first was just the way it often was.  The second as I was figuring my way through and beyond the first.  Many people really don't care, as long as their bread is buttered, their linens are fresh, and their meal is hot and on time.  Nor, as I have come to understand, can or should they.  What, exactly, about sacrifice, do some people, including myself at one time, not understand.  Even if it isn't for an exact man or woman, sacrifice is real, and about ideals, even if it seems, at times, to only be for your brothers to the left and right of you.

Tiring, for a day of rest.

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Oh, but at least it makes me chuckle.  I do my best, kiddies.  I push and pull.  I knew today would be half a day and less.  I've spent all my fuel cells and then some.  While I am about to crash for a short nap, I have actually done more, gaming, than I thought I would.  I also wondered about in-game survival.  Reflexes, concentration, focus, and physical agility using the controller to react to those other things, when I am really tired, can be problematic.  As it turns out, I downed two or three new bosses without a death.  I have died a few times, but... that IS Dark Souls 2.  You WILL die.  How often, to a degree, is up to you, your skills, and a bit of luck.  All I am saying is I have done much better than I thought I would... in game.  In life, otherwise, it's about what I expected.  I didn't think I'd need a nap, but I should have realized it.  Or at least the potential.

Tomorrow, as well, will be a slow day.  Then, I am hoping, out Friday.  Maybe early, too.  I'll see if my friend wishes to go.  Dang kids!  It's good to be getting out, to have someone to run with, and all.  I'll always miss my friend who died.  But he wouldn't want me to just sit around and then die.  He was both of our friend.  Anyway, Friday then I might take two weeks off from the outside world and attempt to get the kitchen in order, then the living room.  No promises, but that is the plan.  If I can get things up to some sort of specs, I'll have my friend visit and make a meal here.  Let him do a bit of shopping on the way, but split it or pay whole, makes no difference to me.  We'll see.

Nap time, now.  Later.

Good boy.

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I really have been good.  I've been pushing to get and take medicine, I rescheduled with my doc once I got medicine going, I am back on right doses.  I have been out taking care of business, moving things around, setting live back up.  I had my tires rotated, oil change and cleaning are planned for next month.  Money, while not too tight... I just prefer to wait for those expenses.  I have been doing as well as I can.  Eating, shopping, taking care of other things.  Which is why I haven't been blogging so much.  It is taking everything I've got to catch back up.

Between this and that I have been gaming and sleeping.  Who would think that someone in my condition can, after a rough start albeit, end up being able to pretty much plunder a game like Dark Souls 2.  There is still a boss or two who gives me troubles, or a surprise that catches me off guard.  And yet I am ripping things up in game fairly well.  And the game has been eating up all the sitting time I end up requiring from being out and about two days in a row, shopping, visiting my friend, and taking care of business.

I have a day or two down.  Two days in a row really beats me up, at least until I get back in some kind of shape, and when health is good and while that lasts.  I have actually been enjoying the cold though, which is good.  Still taking care of too many things to mess with snowshoes, but the idea is still there.  I really am hoping to go camping, a few times anyway, in the winter.  Nothing fancy, not clear across the high country.  Just a few days out and in and back, if I can.

Back to resting through gaming.  Later.

Sweetelydo... or don't?

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Just being jazzy on the swing around.  Sleep to wake, fully recovered.  It isn't even that shoveling snow should be all that bad... if I could keep up with life in general.  It's just that, when I haven't done anything for months, THEN almost any work is half murder.  But shoveling a 10' x 40' x 3", plus a bit of sidewalk, plus part of a perpendicular run...  Well, that's a bit of work on any day, quadruple the load after being mothballed for six months.  And, yet, I did it and enjoyed it, mostly.  I also recovered fairly quickly.

I suppose a quick recovery, a good sleep, and being back on a day schedule all adds to putting a little extra kick in my limp this morning.  Oh, and tea is ready!  I've had tea for the last few days as my primary liquid.  Adding honey sometimes, and other sweeteners at different times.  Gotta mix it up.

My mother did call me back yesterday.  It seems she was helping a friend, one of her lady friends.  She had broken an ankle, and they were either going to leave her in the hospital, then send her to a nursing home, or as it ended up take her home for just over the weekend and then decide what to do.  It is a lot of work having to do complete care.  The woman doesn't want to go to a nursing home, but the family decided otherwise.  At least until/unless she regains strength and heals.  She is a headstrong woman, something she might rue as she easily passed it to her children.  *grins*  The woman has coming through a lot, so I am hoping she does end up back at home.  But, with all else, it is too much to care for her if she can't do much on her own.  Anyway, for whatever reason, cell phone reception was bad where she was.  At least now I know.  I was actually becoming worried about her.

Sleep was great.  I did dream about a man who asked me if I really intended to ask for the hand of a specific woman.  I asked him how the sun would obtain the moon.  He didn't get what I was after.  I simply suggested that the sun chases the moon day and night but never lays claim.  In a way, I suggested, it is because the moon stays far enough away.  It is that simple.  If she gets close enough, attempts on her hand will be made.  If she chooses not to be more than an idea, a love from afar, all she has to do is keep her distance.  Live is very simple.  Men have their times, where the ball is in their courts.  Women have their time.  And never are they at the same time, by the rules of such reality.  It is, at this time, in this way, in her court.  Though I have made it completely clear that, should she enter my court, I will steal the ball and attempt to score.  *wink*  Have no doubt, if she arrives to play, I will play to win.  The ball is in her court at this moment.  That is all, you may return to quarters.

Well... on to my day.  A shower, shave, perhaps some fussing, feeding the cat, then gaming until I decide what else to do.  Later.