.
.
Actually early? I think I crashed early yesterday evening. I never did get a nap taken. Then carrying that exhaustion through the day so that I crashed, I suppose I was going to sleep longer. It is earlier than what it has been though, waking at about 4:30... give or take, if that was a ten or eleven hour sleep. Why do I bother writing this out? I don't track these things, say, scientifically? But I like to have some idea of how my life is running. When I track it with my mind, and whether I can do that, then write it, I get some kind of handle of function, in a time local, and perhaps over time in a mid-term level. It helps me keep up and keep a clear head by forcing me to try to remember and... It's not for your consumption, this. Just notes from and to the management.
Somethings are off. But I haven't been doing right by things. Actually, while my innards are a bit off, oddly it is noticeable because they have been so good for so long! I just realized that. I certainly won't complain about what amounts to minor complaints, now that I realized how well I have been doing. Gosh, this last run, up to now, has been the most pain-free, regarding internals, I have ever known since first becoming ill! Oh my. I think my food choices, and ketosis, is the way for me! I just need to stay on it. I suspect the cinnamon rolls and milk overdose got to me. All good, it's been a very long time since I have had a treat. My keto numbers, according to the sticks, have been running between five and fifteen, even without fasting. As to fasting, I think that would do a world of good, I just can't seem to get back on that wave. I'll keep trying, especially now.
I'll keep the list from yesterday, and take a shot at what of it I can do. Shower before all but waking. Waking is simply brutal lately. I never quite reach escape velocity for getting off my bum for longer than a few minutes. It is literally as if gravity has increased for me... which just means I am weakened by something. That could be a number of things, heart, diabetes, the organs I am feeling not doing their job or overdoing it, who knows. I've been turning up the heat. That just helps me stay comfortable, it doesn't really help me become more functional. I'll keep at it, in mind if not body.
Good morning.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
It hurts.
.
.
I offer every scintilla of shame, failure, loss, and hurt over to God. I don't do it with anger, or a form of shame, or with anything negative. I do it with the most magnificent gratitude I can honestly muster. For all the pain and all that is gone, I am thankful to have seen love, life, women, the world, and to realize there is more. I am blessed in a bath, never-ending shower, of my own tears.
.
I offer every scintilla of shame, failure, loss, and hurt over to God. I don't do it with anger, or a form of shame, or with anything negative. I do it with the most magnificent gratitude I can honestly muster. For all the pain and all that is gone, I am thankful to have seen love, life, women, the world, and to realize there is more. I am blessed in a bath, never-ending shower, of my own tears.
Cooked, baked, fried.
.
.
Call it what you will. I am zapped. Could be stress. Might be a number of things. It is unusual. Even though I have been down, this is down and then some. Double, triple, or more, down. I can barely keep my eyes open, as it has been all morning, yesterday, and for a bit before that I think. I may take a nap shortly with hope that it might help me.
I did print out a return label. And I keep the shirts that need to be picked up in my mind. Today or tomorrow, I am almost sure, I will get those tended. Much else perhaps not. A shower, first, mind you. I am toasted.
Nap time. Yeah. Later.
.
Call it what you will. I am zapped. Could be stress. Might be a number of things. It is unusual. Even though I have been down, this is down and then some. Double, triple, or more, down. I can barely keep my eyes open, as it has been all morning, yesterday, and for a bit before that I think. I may take a nap shortly with hope that it might help me.
I did print out a return label. And I keep the shirts that need to be picked up in my mind. Today or tomorrow, I am almost sure, I will get those tended. Much else perhaps not. A shower, first, mind you. I am toasted.
Nap time. Yeah. Later.
Sleeping in and on purpose.
.
.
When the world spins under the feet, sleeping in doesn't always look the same. I have been planning sleep around bedtime. I add eight hours, rounding up to include extra time, to the bedtime hour bedtime. Why use the alarm clock? Because life was spinning too fast without it. Days and nights were getting too long, and then too short, sometimes together or individually. It was annoying. And the alarm is working.
As mentioned, I slept in a bit this morning. The alarm was set for 4:00, or was it 5:00? I woke just before it, naturally, but knew I wasn't ready to wake. I just added another hour and rolled back in. Now, I ended up waking, again, before the alarm. Still, I slept in. That is about the best extra sleep I have gotten in my life. Not so much extra that I was out of sorts, not too little or after being battered by an alarm clock, and not so late I am too late for the day. Still a bit off, but I'm a bit under pressure.
The goal is a shower, hitting some of the dishes, taking some things back in for a return, picking up shirts from the dry cleaner, and tending the laundry that is finished. If that all goes well, digging more into dishes and laundry. As soon as laundry and dishes are caught up, or while doing that, cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom, then living room, just up to where they were, then starting in on the main bedroom again. Yes, that has been the plan for some time. I haven't, to date, since getting to that point initially, done more than do enough dishes and laundry to keep up a bit. And, so, there it remains. I can hope to finish these things in this week or next and be back to the main bedroom by the end of this week or into the next. I would get nowhere without goals, plus trying to keep those in my mind even while I fail often. Failure isn't an option, it's a guarantee. Now what are you going to do about it?
Later.
.
When the world spins under the feet, sleeping in doesn't always look the same. I have been planning sleep around bedtime. I add eight hours, rounding up to include extra time, to the bedtime hour bedtime. Why use the alarm clock? Because life was spinning too fast without it. Days and nights were getting too long, and then too short, sometimes together or individually. It was annoying. And the alarm is working.
As mentioned, I slept in a bit this morning. The alarm was set for 4:00, or was it 5:00? I woke just before it, naturally, but knew I wasn't ready to wake. I just added another hour and rolled back in. Now, I ended up waking, again, before the alarm. Still, I slept in. That is about the best extra sleep I have gotten in my life. Not so much extra that I was out of sorts, not too little or after being battered by an alarm clock, and not so late I am too late for the day. Still a bit off, but I'm a bit under pressure.
The goal is a shower, hitting some of the dishes, taking some things back in for a return, picking up shirts from the dry cleaner, and tending the laundry that is finished. If that all goes well, digging more into dishes and laundry. As soon as laundry and dishes are caught up, or while doing that, cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom, then living room, just up to where they were, then starting in on the main bedroom again. Yes, that has been the plan for some time. I haven't, to date, since getting to that point initially, done more than do enough dishes and laundry to keep up a bit. And, so, there it remains. I can hope to finish these things in this week or next and be back to the main bedroom by the end of this week or into the next. I would get nowhere without goals, plus trying to keep those in my mind even while I fail often. Failure isn't an option, it's a guarantee. Now what are you going to do about it?
Later.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Oh well, so much for an easier loan.
.
.
My brother called back. He started telling me about all these ways he had gotten a loan before. Cool. He has a wife who works, other collateral, he can do that. I'm not going to hate on him. Times are tight, and dealing with a wife can be too much. I don't think there is time, or a way, to get a loan... or potentially. He wasn't my first call. If I can't, somehow, swing it, that's that.
I am not sure how fast they move on homes, but the company seems extremely motivated. So... a month, a few months? Yeah. Paying back is completely in their hands and they seemed disinterested in discussing anything. It looks like they are pushing to close this out.
I hung up on him. I'm honestly not angry. I will put him on the no-call list, or just ignore, until I have dealt with this, one way or the other. That's just how it goes. The two people I know who might have had that option have said no. It's good to know how one stands in the world though. It might not be pleasing but it's... the way it is.
.
My brother called back. He started telling me about all these ways he had gotten a loan before. Cool. He has a wife who works, other collateral, he can do that. I'm not going to hate on him. Times are tight, and dealing with a wife can be too much. I don't think there is time, or a way, to get a loan... or potentially. He wasn't my first call. If I can't, somehow, swing it, that's that.
I am not sure how fast they move on homes, but the company seems extremely motivated. So... a month, a few months? Yeah. Paying back is completely in their hands and they seemed disinterested in discussing anything. It looks like they are pushing to close this out.
I hung up on him. I'm honestly not angry. I will put him on the no-call list, or just ignore, until I have dealt with this, one way or the other. That's just how it goes. The two people I know who might have had that option have said no. It's good to know how one stands in the world though. It might not be pleasing but it's... the way it is.
No information.
.
.
I called the banker. No information from the lawyer on those costs. They suggested I call Friday. So, I called my mother back, let her know to call me Friday. It's as good as I can do. The smart phone calendar, and another calendar app which had a high rating, have proven useless. Updates wipe them, at least on my phone, so I randomly lose data. Useless. As well, I don't always here the alarm, and the ones I have don't repeat, or keep a message up, or those get wiped. I suppose you have to have one or more backup devices, whether laptop, desktop, both, and possibly more? So, if it's important, I have to depend on people.
I then called my brother, to let him know about my problem, and to see if he might be able to help. Without an idea of how much I might need to borrow, he can't say. And there is a limit on how much I would ask. If it's too much I simply have to let it go. That might honestly be the goal. Strip mine the bit I have in it, leave the debt to the feds, and move on to the next sucker. He doesn't know. He'll have to talk to his wife. I may end up homeless, which I think this admin is all for.
Now, my brother had advise for me. He likes the company he has his mortgage through. Me? I didn't like the sound of it. It sounds like they call him with offers and "advice", and a bit more than I want. I want it set up, then to just be left the hell alone. I don't want to pay extra when it suits some company, nor do I want renegotiation ever so often. Not interested. However, if I can save things, I will look for a fixed, perhaps fifteen year, loan. He has worked with this company, and suggested he had problems with it too. He is a retired and a disabled vet too. Still, if his company has as good of an offer as others, and can keep their offers to themselves, I'd consider them. Don't call me unless there is a problem. Not interested. Gah!
Only some are welcome, if they might be very welcome. Now, if I must go, I will. It's earlier than I hoped, if I must. But... that is how it works. I... will do what I must.
.
I called the banker. No information from the lawyer on those costs. They suggested I call Friday. So, I called my mother back, let her know to call me Friday. It's as good as I can do. The smart phone calendar, and another calendar app which had a high rating, have proven useless. Updates wipe them, at least on my phone, so I randomly lose data. Useless. As well, I don't always here the alarm, and the ones I have don't repeat, or keep a message up, or those get wiped. I suppose you have to have one or more backup devices, whether laptop, desktop, both, and possibly more? So, if it's important, I have to depend on people.
I then called my brother, to let him know about my problem, and to see if he might be able to help. Without an idea of how much I might need to borrow, he can't say. And there is a limit on how much I would ask. If it's too much I simply have to let it go. That might honestly be the goal. Strip mine the bit I have in it, leave the debt to the feds, and move on to the next sucker. He doesn't know. He'll have to talk to his wife. I may end up homeless, which I think this admin is all for.
Now, my brother had advise for me. He likes the company he has his mortgage through. Me? I didn't like the sound of it. It sounds like they call him with offers and "advice", and a bit more than I want. I want it set up, then to just be left the hell alone. I don't want to pay extra when it suits some company, nor do I want renegotiation ever so often. Not interested. However, if I can save things, I will look for a fixed, perhaps fifteen year, loan. He has worked with this company, and suggested he had problems with it too. He is a retired and a disabled vet too. Still, if his company has as good of an offer as others, and can keep their offers to themselves, I'd consider them. Don't call me unless there is a problem. Not interested. Gah!
Only some are welcome, if they might be very welcome. Now, if I must go, I will. It's earlier than I hoped, if I must. But... that is how it works. I... will do what I must.
Well?
.
.
I didn't get down until a bit later. Meaning and eight hour, rounded up, sleep time would see me awake at 7:00... 22:30 (ish) down? Yeah. I have been setting the alarm, trying to capture day again, or more. I woke at 5:30, really had to think about it, finally decided I would wake. I am not running well, or on all eight cylinders, but well enough. I was expecting a call, if I couldn't be sure when. It arrived.
Today is the day to call the mortgage company about the costs. And, then, perhaps call my brother for a small loan. I'm not sure he will, or can, offer it. On the good side, I know I am doing well enough that paying it back won't be an issue. Depending on how much it will take some time. But this isn't a gift, or such. Well and truly a loan, and with interest. He probably won't accept interest. And I will accept that. But I will expect him and them to accept a fee or at least a small gift, such as fruit for a few months, or such. Gratitude. Assuming he can offer the loan, of course.
I'll make that call in two hours, or so. Hopefully early enough to call him after, during a time he is usually more available. I'll ask for next month off, to figure out my finances... then see what I can afford, then just send a placket of checks to pay it off over some run of time. As mentioned, I am lousy about paying things in a timely fashion in any other way, save auto-pay. Which reminds me, I need to get utilities caught up. Bleh. It looks like the checks for that have run their course and I'm becoming past due. Bleh. Hate that.
I am hoping to do those dishes which have been soaking, and another pan actually. At least run them through and clean them, then either dry and put them up or take a shower than put them back in for more soaking... or add hod sudsy and put them (or which might need it) onto the stove top to heat clean a bit. And, as mentioned, a shower. Perhaps another trip to town... I have a return to make, and would like to buy a few more things for one last jab at the kitchen drain. A new p-trap section and maybe something to act as shims, plus maybe some sort of glue, for the rubber connector. Both seem to be where the leaks are. Well, and a quick look for a few things at another store... or not.
I'll keep at it. If I can, elsewise in the day, I wish to finish the laundry that is done. I just won't do more laundry until I have all that which is already clean figured out. I may need to add a damp towel back to some things, or just suffer through wrinkled clothes until next time. Yeah, that last I believe. Oh, and while in town, I need to pick up the shirts I had pressed! Gah! Lost track. Anyway... I just want to catch up, then figure some things out and begin again. I'm not so fare behind that it'll be too much work to kick it back in gear. All good.
Good morning, and day. *tips hat*
.
I didn't get down until a bit later. Meaning and eight hour, rounded up, sleep time would see me awake at 7:00... 22:30 (ish) down? Yeah. I have been setting the alarm, trying to capture day again, or more. I woke at 5:30, really had to think about it, finally decided I would wake. I am not running well, or on all eight cylinders, but well enough. I was expecting a call, if I couldn't be sure when. It arrived.
Today is the day to call the mortgage company about the costs. And, then, perhaps call my brother for a small loan. I'm not sure he will, or can, offer it. On the good side, I know I am doing well enough that paying it back won't be an issue. Depending on how much it will take some time. But this isn't a gift, or such. Well and truly a loan, and with interest. He probably won't accept interest. And I will accept that. But I will expect him and them to accept a fee or at least a small gift, such as fruit for a few months, or such. Gratitude. Assuming he can offer the loan, of course.
I'll make that call in two hours, or so. Hopefully early enough to call him after, during a time he is usually more available. I'll ask for next month off, to figure out my finances... then see what I can afford, then just send a placket of checks to pay it off over some run of time. As mentioned, I am lousy about paying things in a timely fashion in any other way, save auto-pay. Which reminds me, I need to get utilities caught up. Bleh. It looks like the checks for that have run their course and I'm becoming past due. Bleh. Hate that.
I am hoping to do those dishes which have been soaking, and another pan actually. At least run them through and clean them, then either dry and put them up or take a shower than put them back in for more soaking... or add hod sudsy and put them (or which might need it) onto the stove top to heat clean a bit. And, as mentioned, a shower. Perhaps another trip to town... I have a return to make, and would like to buy a few more things for one last jab at the kitchen drain. A new p-trap section and maybe something to act as shims, plus maybe some sort of glue, for the rubber connector. Both seem to be where the leaks are. Well, and a quick look for a few things at another store... or not.
I'll keep at it. If I can, elsewise in the day, I wish to finish the laundry that is done. I just won't do more laundry until I have all that which is already clean figured out. I may need to add a damp towel back to some things, or just suffer through wrinkled clothes until next time. Yeah, that last I believe. Oh, and while in town, I need to pick up the shirts I had pressed! Gah! Lost track. Anyway... I just want to catch up, then figure some things out and begin again. I'm not so fare behind that it'll be too much work to kick it back in gear. All good.
Good morning, and day. *tips hat*
Monday, January 16, 2017
Just look in and get a punch on the nose?
.
.
Not literally, or this time. Not sure that ever happened literally, but I lost years of memory, and even the majority good years, I can't remember every bad thing that happened. No, this is poetry. I ended up, rather inexpensively, with W. Witman's, Emily Dickinson's, and Poe's complete poetry, plus a collection (of unknown completeness) by T. Roethke. I know some bits of all the others, aside from the latter. So... even if I am not going to dig, I thought I'd look at a few of his. I am stuck, so far, on the first one. A punch to the chops, if more from back when, while I was still underwater trying to tread without His graces.
A punch on the nose, the title might as well read, by Theodore Roethke. Anyway, I thought I'd recount it here. Giving credit where it is due.
Just of the past? It covers a lot of the here and now. There is a mix and match that just unnerved. I don't, honestly, care for the poem, artistically. But, then, I don't like poetry. *grins* However...
Well, good night.
Bastards and the sisterhood are sneaking up on me.
.
Not literally, or this time. Not sure that ever happened literally, but I lost years of memory, and even the majority good years, I can't remember every bad thing that happened. No, this is poetry. I ended up, rather inexpensively, with W. Witman's, Emily Dickinson's, and Poe's complete poetry, plus a collection (of unknown completeness) by T. Roethke. I know some bits of all the others, aside from the latter. So... even if I am not going to dig, I thought I'd look at a few of his. I am stuck, so far, on the first one. A punch to the chops, if more from back when, while I was still underwater trying to tread without His graces.
A punch on the nose, the title might as well read, by Theodore Roethke. Anyway, I thought I'd recount it here. Giving credit where it is due.
Open House
My secrets cry aloud.
I have no need for tongue.
My heart keeps open house,
My doors are widely swung.
An epic of the eyes
My love, with no disguise.
My truths are all foreknown,
This anguish self-revealed.
I'm naked to the bone,
With nakedness my shield.
Myself is what I wear,
I keep the spirit spare.
The anger will endure,
The deed will speak the truth
In language strict and pure.
I stop the lying mouth:
Rage warps my clearest cry
To witless agony.
Just of the past? It covers a lot of the here and now. There is a mix and match that just unnerved. I don't, honestly, care for the poem, artistically. But, then, I don't like poetry. *grins* However...
Well, good night.
Bastards and the sisterhood are sneaking up on me.
Do you ever get the feeling...
.
.
It's like realizing you are being watched, only more. Being watched is one thing, being watched with intent is another. Is there one being put in the tube for me, is it silver, if both, is the intent an end or a beginning? I do not know, not for sure, I just realize that some bullets merely... enslave. I can't believe that. Then again, when you show signs and have a certain set of gifts, a new potential can open. Terrifying, all of it, and yet not at all. The terrifying part is getting from a to c. Or even just to point a in order to truly contemplate then moving to point b, then c.
.
It's like realizing you are being watched, only more. Being watched is one thing, being watched with intent is another. Is there one being put in the tube for me, is it silver, if both, is the intent an end or a beginning? I do not know, not for sure, I just realize that some bullets merely... enslave. I can't believe that. Then again, when you show signs and have a certain set of gifts, a new potential can open. Terrifying, all of it, and yet not at all. The terrifying part is getting from a to c. Or even just to point a in order to truly contemplate then moving to point b, then c.
More than anticipated.
.
.
Not all that I had hoped, or what I had thought. The trash went out. There wasn't that much but it needed to go. *cough* Yeah. Then a trip to the post office. I just decided to make it to town today. I've been missing milk and cream, butter was low, and I haven't had veggies in a long while, or fresh mayo or salad dressings. Well, and it was treat day.
I ended up hitting three stores. The first was the bread store. No sugar, real sourdough bread. I want to try it, while monitoring blood sugar. It would be nice to, from time to time, have some bread. I'm just not up, quite yet, to working it. Store bought, outright, doesn't work. To be honest I really don't trust the labels anymore. I was always a bit unsure, but now I just don't believe what is written. Our government, on this and much else, has become a corrupted enemy to us. There are shops that make bread though, locally, which I can at least offer the benefit of the doubt.
While at the bread store I ordered a sandwich. Along with the loaf to go, I also bought two cinnamon rolls. If I am going to go wrong, I'll go wrong knowingly, up front, and honestly. It's been a long time since I have had a treat. Too long. Oh, my, are these good.
Next, a trip to one of the health food stores. I don't buy organic, but I do like their standard rices and other grains, for the rare times I consume that. Rice and oats, brown and whole(ish). Oh, and I am trying one of their xylitol mouth washes. It's a bit pricey, but maybe that is typical. I didn't look at the price last time I bought, if another brand. While I was at that spot, since my usual hair cutting spot was next door, I decided to get just a bit of a cut. My regular gal is gone. I am trying a new woman. I've set up an appointment for next month. Ugh, horrible at that, but I'll do my best. Would like to get the shrubbery back into just a bit of a tidier bundle.
Finally, to my regular grocery store. Milk, cream, butter, and more. Salad making, fresh eggs for mayo and dressing, green onions and radishes to slice in a salad or two. Oh, well, and I'll boil more eggs to add to a salad from time to time. I sure miss milk. Haven't had it for... months? Oh my. Or close. And it's been rather irregular even then.
Oh, and before I went, I put some of the pans that had been left go far too long to soak, after I emptied them with the trash today. Ackh! I missed getting the big soup pot emptied. I'll do that and get that out soon. Very soon. I'll bet that is brutal on the nose. Though, being in the fridge, maybe not as bad. I'll find out soon enough. With the lid, the smell hasn't gotten into the fridge yet. Yeah, I can smell. But heavy lids hid much. When I got home, I set them to a fresh soak. Yeah. Anyway. Later.
.
Not all that I had hoped, or what I had thought. The trash went out. There wasn't that much but it needed to go. *cough* Yeah. Then a trip to the post office. I just decided to make it to town today. I've been missing milk and cream, butter was low, and I haven't had veggies in a long while, or fresh mayo or salad dressings. Well, and it was treat day.
I ended up hitting three stores. The first was the bread store. No sugar, real sourdough bread. I want to try it, while monitoring blood sugar. It would be nice to, from time to time, have some bread. I'm just not up, quite yet, to working it. Store bought, outright, doesn't work. To be honest I really don't trust the labels anymore. I was always a bit unsure, but now I just don't believe what is written. Our government, on this and much else, has become a corrupted enemy to us. There are shops that make bread though, locally, which I can at least offer the benefit of the doubt.
While at the bread store I ordered a sandwich. Along with the loaf to go, I also bought two cinnamon rolls. If I am going to go wrong, I'll go wrong knowingly, up front, and honestly. It's been a long time since I have had a treat. Too long. Oh, my, are these good.
Next, a trip to one of the health food stores. I don't buy organic, but I do like their standard rices and other grains, for the rare times I consume that. Rice and oats, brown and whole(ish). Oh, and I am trying one of their xylitol mouth washes. It's a bit pricey, but maybe that is typical. I didn't look at the price last time I bought, if another brand. While I was at that spot, since my usual hair cutting spot was next door, I decided to get just a bit of a cut. My regular gal is gone. I am trying a new woman. I've set up an appointment for next month. Ugh, horrible at that, but I'll do my best. Would like to get the shrubbery back into just a bit of a tidier bundle.
Finally, to my regular grocery store. Milk, cream, butter, and more. Salad making, fresh eggs for mayo and dressing, green onions and radishes to slice in a salad or two. Oh, well, and I'll boil more eggs to add to a salad from time to time. I sure miss milk. Haven't had it for... months? Oh my. Or close. And it's been rather irregular even then.
Oh, and before I went, I put some of the pans that had been left go far too long to soak, after I emptied them with the trash today. Ackh! I missed getting the big soup pot emptied. I'll do that and get that out soon. Very soon. I'll bet that is brutal on the nose. Though, being in the fridge, maybe not as bad. I'll find out soon enough. With the lid, the smell hasn't gotten into the fridge yet. Yeah, I can smell. But heavy lids hid much. When I got home, I set them to a fresh soak. Yeah. Anyway. Later.
Not much done yesterday.
.
.
A shower and a thorough cleaning of the toilet summed up the day. Even with the furnace jacked, it feels cold. I suspect it has less to do with the home than it has to do with me. I have been testing blood sugar ever so occasionally. It has been in the 220~240 range every time I have tested. I haven't been able to fast, not multi-day. However, this last effort was better, for whatever that means. And my last blood sugar at 175 seemed to show that some effort did something. That also may be why I am feeling so cool.
This week I am going to begin making an attempt at fasting through the day, eating only an evening, if extended meal. Eating as necessary, to get the thing going, is easily made up for by having extended periods of fasting. I have never gained weight, somehow, even when eating in excess in that four hour meal period and as I wish. Further, that doesn't last and my appetite eventually falls back into line. Then weight loss rockets... at least to a point. After that, if I keep up, while I may not lose weight, I do lose size/volume. I am still on the crux between 40's and 38's. I'd like to push that down to 36 waists, then keep it going until... until it's done. Then begin exercising and hiking a bit more in earnest. Trying to do much with this much extra is a bit of a losing battle. Although I'd like to hit snowshoeing regularly, at least here abouts... at least when I can.
My pinky is actually starting to hurt. Sometimes quite a lot. Not that it matters, at this point, one way or another. I still shovel, or do other work. I just am surprised it hurts now but not before. The tip of that pinky is at least as big as my ring finger tip, which for me is still quite large. I have no idea when that is going to heal. But it wasn't just a minor thing, I guess. I'm just glad I didn't lose it, or the fingernail.
I need to get the trash collected, and out. The cat litter is good. I will top it off at the end of the month, which should double down it's life. I like to be as frugal as possible, but not beyond some point. Frugality, however, often requires a bit of work. The dollar or the back, that seems to be the choice. After that, I will put dishes to soak, and consider laundry... unless another shower or bath is in order. My feet are really coming back around. Another month like this and there may be no telling that they had ever nearly brought me to death. Just a dry patch on top, where the skin had been stretched by water weight remains to possibly show. Hmm, haven't even been taking medicine, not sure why I'm not having water retention problems now... well... maybe an idea.
Later.
.
A shower and a thorough cleaning of the toilet summed up the day. Even with the furnace jacked, it feels cold. I suspect it has less to do with the home than it has to do with me. I have been testing blood sugar ever so occasionally. It has been in the 220~240 range every time I have tested. I haven't been able to fast, not multi-day. However, this last effort was better, for whatever that means. And my last blood sugar at 175 seemed to show that some effort did something. That also may be why I am feeling so cool.
This week I am going to begin making an attempt at fasting through the day, eating only an evening, if extended meal. Eating as necessary, to get the thing going, is easily made up for by having extended periods of fasting. I have never gained weight, somehow, even when eating in excess in that four hour meal period and as I wish. Further, that doesn't last and my appetite eventually falls back into line. Then weight loss rockets... at least to a point. After that, if I keep up, while I may not lose weight, I do lose size/volume. I am still on the crux between 40's and 38's. I'd like to push that down to 36 waists, then keep it going until... until it's done. Then begin exercising and hiking a bit more in earnest. Trying to do much with this much extra is a bit of a losing battle. Although I'd like to hit snowshoeing regularly, at least here abouts... at least when I can.
My pinky is actually starting to hurt. Sometimes quite a lot. Not that it matters, at this point, one way or another. I still shovel, or do other work. I just am surprised it hurts now but not before. The tip of that pinky is at least as big as my ring finger tip, which for me is still quite large. I have no idea when that is going to heal. But it wasn't just a minor thing, I guess. I'm just glad I didn't lose it, or the fingernail.
I need to get the trash collected, and out. The cat litter is good. I will top it off at the end of the month, which should double down it's life. I like to be as frugal as possible, but not beyond some point. Frugality, however, often requires a bit of work. The dollar or the back, that seems to be the choice. After that, I will put dishes to soak, and consider laundry... unless another shower or bath is in order. My feet are really coming back around. Another month like this and there may be no telling that they had ever nearly brought me to death. Just a dry patch on top, where the skin had been stretched by water weight remains to possibly show. Hmm, haven't even been taking medicine, not sure why I'm not having water retention problems now... well... maybe an idea.
Later.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Oh, right.
.
.
I've been awake for nearing two hours. I just... when you don't have the web for a bit there is some making up to do. Although the half dozen or so topics or objects I considered have not been what is holding me up. I haven't, I don't think, even hit one of them. I'll have to write them down when I remember them, if I remember them. I have mostly just been catching up on gab, trying to catch up on blogs, checking the news, and listening to music again.
I've got to admit, while I did well in holding off regarding the internet, it was more trouble than I thought. That's not cool. I quit tobacco, not for the health reasons (which I believe are probably erroneous), but because of the seeming need for an obvious non-necessity. The internet is the same. There is nothing on the internet that is of any real use to me in my human condition. It is what socializing has fallen to, it is where the want of information is seemingly fulfilled (as obviously questionable as that is) - (and more, even if true, getting information is separating us from figuring it out, testing it, etc... the only way to more sure information).
On the other hand, at least for me, there isn't always a lot more I can do. Is it fair? Is it right? It, sometimes, doesn't matter. It is what it is. Anyway, yeah... I've been up since 2:00, just drooling over the net access, and using it to a degree.
Today? Hmm... trash will go out. It's not recycling this month. I have been showering or bathing daily lately, and hope to get another one in. Yeah, I do enjoy it when I can. Then, maybe, back to tending laundry, perhaps a load of dishes to be set up as well, and worked through the day. Not much else, if even all that. Though I think so. Yes, God's day. But God has to understand I don't have a lot of options as to when I can, or should, rest or work. I either work when I can or I slide deeper into a life I believe He intended even less than working on a Sunday. And, so, it will be... if I can.
Good morning and day. Later.
.
I've been awake for nearing two hours. I just... when you don't have the web for a bit there is some making up to do. Although the half dozen or so topics or objects I considered have not been what is holding me up. I haven't, I don't think, even hit one of them. I'll have to write them down when I remember them, if I remember them. I have mostly just been catching up on gab, trying to catch up on blogs, checking the news, and listening to music again.
I've got to admit, while I did well in holding off regarding the internet, it was more trouble than I thought. That's not cool. I quit tobacco, not for the health reasons (which I believe are probably erroneous), but because of the seeming need for an obvious non-necessity. The internet is the same. There is nothing on the internet that is of any real use to me in my human condition. It is what socializing has fallen to, it is where the want of information is seemingly fulfilled (as obviously questionable as that is) - (and more, even if true, getting information is separating us from figuring it out, testing it, etc... the only way to more sure information).
On the other hand, at least for me, there isn't always a lot more I can do. Is it fair? Is it right? It, sometimes, doesn't matter. It is what it is. Anyway, yeah... I've been up since 2:00, just drooling over the net access, and using it to a degree.
Today? Hmm... trash will go out. It's not recycling this month. I have been showering or bathing daily lately, and hope to get another one in. Yeah, I do enjoy it when I can. Then, maybe, back to tending laundry, perhaps a load of dishes to be set up as well, and worked through the day. Not much else, if even all that. Though I think so. Yes, God's day. But God has to understand I don't have a lot of options as to when I can, or should, rest or work. I either work when I can or I slide deeper into a life I believe He intended even less than working on a Sunday. And, so, it will be... if I can.
Good morning and day. Later.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Nearly bedtime.
.
.
Nothing done. I worked a bit into daylight. I just, still, don't have much to give. I have been cranking the furnace when I wake, it just isn't enough. Maybe a week of shaking the chills, and rest, will help. Though, perhaps, fasting isn't going to help. Yeah, there are those things. I don't think fasting is the biggest problem though. I feel just as lethargic as I have while eating a couple meals a day.
It is good to have the internet back. I missed logging some of my notions regarding what of Dante, or the haiku masters, I read. Or other things, in general or specific about life, love, or else. I often miss opportunities. As a photographer can't always have his camera, or the right light, or whatever else, so a writer can't always capture, or frame, a thought or sight or sense of another sort. Still, without the possibility, tools, that potential sinks to zero. A hard thing for one who wishes to express.
Oh, this is actually from quite some time back. When I found the second song (played first in this post), I brought it right in. Though, too, for me? The second (played first) reminded me directly of the first song (played last). No, I... don't think most would catch it, unless it was pointed out. Maybe not then? Come on, comment. Sheesh! It's a matter of perspective, and sensory range, that most simply aren't familiar regarding. You can't see the dark in the light, or the light in the dark. You truly, while living in a fallen world, have no idea how deep that rabbit hole goes, either way. Enjoy or not.
.
Nothing done. I worked a bit into daylight. I just, still, don't have much to give. I have been cranking the furnace when I wake, it just isn't enough. Maybe a week of shaking the chills, and rest, will help. Though, perhaps, fasting isn't going to help. Yeah, there are those things. I don't think fasting is the biggest problem though. I feel just as lethargic as I have while eating a couple meals a day.
It is good to have the internet back. I missed logging some of my notions regarding what of Dante, or the haiku masters, I read. Or other things, in general or specific about life, love, or else. I often miss opportunities. As a photographer can't always have his camera, or the right light, or whatever else, so a writer can't always capture, or frame, a thought or sight or sense of another sort. Still, without the possibility, tools, that potential sinks to zero. A hard thing for one who wishes to express.
Oh, this is actually from quite some time back. When I found the second song (played first in this post), I brought it right in. Though, too, for me? The second (played first) reminded me directly of the first song (played last). No, I... don't think most would catch it, unless it was pointed out. Maybe not then? Come on, comment. Sheesh! It's a matter of perspective, and sensory range, that most simply aren't familiar regarding. You can't see the dark in the light, or the light in the dark. You truly, while living in a fallen world, have no idea how deep that rabbit hole goes, either way. Enjoy or not.
For those who watch, they saw.
.
.
For those of you who know not my... tricks... there was nothing. Still, the dreams continue. She walks with me, haunts me, terrifies me. As monstrous as I am, is she terrible. And, yet, in that, in her, in us, is the only place hope for a temporal manifestation of God's will, a place where heaven may be seen, and the function of the first bit of God's will to which man was introduced, be manifest. Truly frightening. Not without recompense.
She has been haunting my dreams, waking both a darkness and a goodness. For man, and others called to His will and grace, can do no more good than evil in this fallen place. And, yet, from the combined truth, with hope, in faith, by charity, the sum will become greater than their parts. Both the function, her flesh, my want, our will, into another life. Impossible. She might be my impossible girl.
.
For those of you who know not my... tricks... there was nothing. Still, the dreams continue. She walks with me, haunts me, terrifies me. As monstrous as I am, is she terrible. And, yet, in that, in her, in us, is the only place hope for a temporal manifestation of God's will, a place where heaven may be seen, and the function of the first bit of God's will to which man was introduced, be manifest. Truly frightening. Not without recompense.
She has been haunting my dreams, waking both a darkness and a goodness. For man, and others called to His will and grace, can do no more good than evil in this fallen place. And, yet, from the combined truth, with hope, in faith, by charity, the sum will become greater than their parts. Both the function, her flesh, my want, our will, into another life. Impossible. She might be my impossible girl.
While kicking around in the early dark and cold...
.
.
I thought I'd do a bit of research on poets. After writing that last post, I was hoping I hadn't been wrong about Whitman being an American poet. Yeah, it happens. Anyway, at least I wasn't wrong on that. Frost I was much more secure with, and my doubts about Whitman were weak and after the fact. Anyway, a preliminary list was found that seems to hold some promise.
1 Whitman
2 Roethke
3 Stevens
4 Frost
5 Dickinson
6 Poe
7 R. Lowell
8 Snodgrass
9 Pound
10 Sandburg
I visited amazon, and, surprisingly, found the complete works of some of these, in kindle, for free. Others, ones I was totally unfamiliar with, wanted as much as $45 per, and not even complete, collections. Yeah... no. Some were inexpensive, as little as $.99. I gobbled up a number of them. A few I could only find in paperback. If they were inexpensive enough, I added them to my basket for some future time. The only one I might pull the plug on, and spend a bit more for a complete, and hardcover, would be Poe. We go wayyyyy back. I was reading his works before he was writing them, in a weird and Doomish way. *wink*
Now, when will I begin? I can't say. I am about smack in the middle of the epics of Dante, about a third the way through Haiku (or such), and I am what and who I am. Time isn't quite what it seems, which... well... don't you worry. Still, in time, I will begin. I will probably go with one or two of the bigger names (to my ears)... Frost, Dickens, and Whitman would be the top candidates. While, Poe, of course... I have covered Poe so well that... And, yet, he is definitely added back into the queue.
Why? Edumacation, lads and lasses, edumacation. This is one area I... never allowed myself to explore, save in an offhand way with Poe (horror) and Shakespeare (if only personally and privately). I had my reasons. I had much to sort. I could not be seen as... more... problematic than I already was. Secrets protect us, secrets keep us safe. Especially when so small. Now I can finish my education, in this area. Or... start it? If this goes well, I may begin adding in foreign poets. I will be careful, however. I am not interests in some so-called poets. Rappers are NOT poets. I will go more global, however. English, what of some foreign translate well enough, and maybe pushing the envelope a bit. Why? It is time. As well, I have hopes my language skills might improve. I probably can't bump them all that much, but... maybe. Ah, and stories. In the end, that is all that remains here. More might go on, the soul, or spirit converted to soul. But here, in the fallen realm, all that will remain, for as long as it remains, are stories.
Oh... Snodgrass? I had always thought that was a joke name, maybe even about a fictional poet. I think I spoke with Michael about it before. Noting my humorous reaction to the name, and suggesting just what I noted here. I never went on to realize the reality, and the name sunk back to fiction and funny... until this. Will I never learn? Sometimes, of course not. Having too much fun until I am forced to rewrite the wiring harness around some tiddlybits.
Later.
.
I thought I'd do a bit of research on poets. After writing that last post, I was hoping I hadn't been wrong about Whitman being an American poet. Yeah, it happens. Anyway, at least I wasn't wrong on that. Frost I was much more secure with, and my doubts about Whitman were weak and after the fact. Anyway, a preliminary list was found that seems to hold some promise.
1 Whitman
2 Roethke
3 Stevens
4 Frost
5 Dickinson
6 Poe
7 R. Lowell
8 Snodgrass
9 Pound
10 Sandburg
I visited amazon, and, surprisingly, found the complete works of some of these, in kindle, for free. Others, ones I was totally unfamiliar with, wanted as much as $45 per, and not even complete, collections. Yeah... no. Some were inexpensive, as little as $.99. I gobbled up a number of them. A few I could only find in paperback. If they were inexpensive enough, I added them to my basket for some future time. The only one I might pull the plug on, and spend a bit more for a complete, and hardcover, would be Poe. We go wayyyyy back. I was reading his works before he was writing them, in a weird and Doomish way. *wink*
Now, when will I begin? I can't say. I am about smack in the middle of the epics of Dante, about a third the way through Haiku (or such), and I am what and who I am. Time isn't quite what it seems, which... well... don't you worry. Still, in time, I will begin. I will probably go with one or two of the bigger names (to my ears)... Frost, Dickens, and Whitman would be the top candidates. While, Poe, of course... I have covered Poe so well that... And, yet, he is definitely added back into the queue.
Why? Edumacation, lads and lasses, edumacation. This is one area I... never allowed myself to explore, save in an offhand way with Poe (horror) and Shakespeare (if only personally and privately). I had my reasons. I had much to sort. I could not be seen as... more... problematic than I already was. Secrets protect us, secrets keep us safe. Especially when so small. Now I can finish my education, in this area. Or... start it? If this goes well, I may begin adding in foreign poets. I will be careful, however. I am not interests in some so-called poets. Rappers are NOT poets. I will go more global, however. English, what of some foreign translate well enough, and maybe pushing the envelope a bit. Why? It is time. As well, I have hopes my language skills might improve. I probably can't bump them all that much, but... maybe. Ah, and stories. In the end, that is all that remains here. More might go on, the soul, or spirit converted to soul. But here, in the fallen realm, all that will remain, for as long as it remains, are stories.
Oh... Snodgrass? I had always thought that was a joke name, maybe even about a fictional poet. I think I spoke with Michael about it before. Noting my humorous reaction to the name, and suggesting just what I noted here. I never went on to realize the reality, and the name sunk back to fiction and funny... until this. Will I never learn? Sometimes, of course not. Having too much fun until I am forced to rewrite the wiring harness around some tiddlybits.
Later.
Up, up, and awake.
.
.
Mostly. Yes, days and nights are mixed, but days are sort of on the way back into the drivers seat. Waking just now, a bit before 3:00, yesterday around midnight, and the pattern has more slowly been heading in that direction for a while. I have learned that, in the more extreme weather periods... either too hot or too dark, I can't so easily hold days and nights to regularity, not without a woman around. At least most of the time. I have gotten better in several ways though. I can more usefully use the time I am awake, more often than not. And as I more successfully use that time, it almost invariably brings me back to a day pattern even on my own. I am, however, still a bit in shut down mode. Between appliances, cleaning, snow removal, minor injury, and financial stress, I am... not at prime, or even close. Still, I am aiming the bow for better waters, praying, and hoping. I have faith.
As to the attempt at taking my home, I simply pray for them. I am pretty sure what is going on with it. Typical crony corruption, possibly union hurt feelings, Zero's admin making one last strike at as many veterans as possible, directly or by his sort who are employed through government bureaucracies, and don't forget crony capital greed. Government approved businesses are just as bad as any tyranny because they are covered by the government. Washing each other's hands of each other's doings won't save either. Still, I even hope people like Manson, Stalin, and Ted Kennedy repented before they died. I don't know if Manson had ever been taught right, but the others (if you believe Jesuits can teach right, in Stalin's case) had been taught. Pray for them. No matter what, I have faith that God will see me to where His will requires me. Even if they steal the 10~12 k I have stored in this home, that... is just money. I'm not going to risk my soul with rage about dollars.
Oh, about Dante. Okay... I had only, if I hadn't written, read the first book before. I didn't even realize until recently, that there were two other books. Perhaps I had forgotten. Perhaps that first book had been so much, in my young teens, that I buried the memory. It is a hell of a read, even with unit intros and end of unit explanations. However, if you want a dense piece of read, there you go!
And, while I truly do not like poetry, this is... so much more. It is ancient history, mythology, religious understandings and beliefs of that time, writing tricks, allusions, and every sort of literary mechanic probably known to man. Did I mention dense? If you want to boost your language comprehension and other reading and literary thinking skills by a ton, drop this book on your lap and muscle through. You cannot win, but in losing you will not be defeated. Between Shakespeare, Dante, and J.R.R. Tolkien, I could be satisfied that men have done what they could, literarily. Literarily? I mean, that is as great as men can do in the gathering of information and wisdom, and using that as a basis for written art. Fiction? Is wisdom always literal? Is fact not often fiction? There are reasons for such forms, but not as a cloak, merely as shiny a mirror of the true Light as men may produce in written form.
I mean, I am loving the other book, and will like the last one I suspect. It is a brutal read. Not even I can win. Without the extras, I would often miss some of the finer pieces, as any great gothic work. Gothic? Maybe. I'm saying so, you may disagree at your leisure. It is so different, though, that I am able to read the book of haiku masters as an aside and not lose my place. Haiku and Dante are polar opposites, which detracts not one, at all, from the other. Oh, and while I despise poetry, I do believe, after this... I am going to be looking for collections from other, if mostly American, poets. Frost, Whitman(?), and a few others. I haven't truly made a list, just... I think it is time.
One last thing, if on another topic... watch your groceries! I have, in this last year, but realizing for longer if not so badly... they are selling really out-of-date products. Often in sales. I bought something a few months ago, without looking. Several items, I try to stock up on things I like if I catch a sale. The first item tasted funny... checked the date... like June, 2013! And I have been running into that a LOT. Now, if I don't see a date, and I check everything, I don't buy it. Actually, I might start picking out things that are that far out of date and taking them up to the checkout, and asking to speak to a manager. If I hit three like that, at a store, within six months, I'm going to have to drop them. I really am beginning to think that is a corporate decision, though it might just be a store cutting corners. The world has changed. Hopefully some of it can be unchanged. Just... watch your food and sell-by dates. If it's a week off, and it's canned, and you don't care? I guess that's your choice. But a few years off is into the danger zone.
I am going to attempt to fast today and up until supper tomorrow. Then begin daily fasting after that, again. I have quit adding sweeteners to my tea, and am down to just plain tea. It is taking time, but I am moving heaven and earth, in my little ways, to direct my health and eating and work in a better direction. Life is pain, but in that pain is opportunity. Each breath, a chance, for hope, faith, and charity. Not to dismiss the cardinal virtues, which I intend to study (thank you Dante, thank you very much), which are prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance.
Good morning, and day.
.
Mostly. Yes, days and nights are mixed, but days are sort of on the way back into the drivers seat. Waking just now, a bit before 3:00, yesterday around midnight, and the pattern has more slowly been heading in that direction for a while. I have learned that, in the more extreme weather periods... either too hot or too dark, I can't so easily hold days and nights to regularity, not without a woman around. At least most of the time. I have gotten better in several ways though. I can more usefully use the time I am awake, more often than not. And as I more successfully use that time, it almost invariably brings me back to a day pattern even on my own. I am, however, still a bit in shut down mode. Between appliances, cleaning, snow removal, minor injury, and financial stress, I am... not at prime, or even close. Still, I am aiming the bow for better waters, praying, and hoping. I have faith.
As to the attempt at taking my home, I simply pray for them. I am pretty sure what is going on with it. Typical crony corruption, possibly union hurt feelings, Zero's admin making one last strike at as many veterans as possible, directly or by his sort who are employed through government bureaucracies, and don't forget crony capital greed. Government approved businesses are just as bad as any tyranny because they are covered by the government. Washing each other's hands of each other's doings won't save either. Still, I even hope people like Manson, Stalin, and Ted Kennedy repented before they died. I don't know if Manson had ever been taught right, but the others (if you believe Jesuits can teach right, in Stalin's case) had been taught. Pray for them. No matter what, I have faith that God will see me to where His will requires me. Even if they steal the 10~12 k I have stored in this home, that... is just money. I'm not going to risk my soul with rage about dollars.
Oh, about Dante. Okay... I had only, if I hadn't written, read the first book before. I didn't even realize until recently, that there were two other books. Perhaps I had forgotten. Perhaps that first book had been so much, in my young teens, that I buried the memory. It is a hell of a read, even with unit intros and end of unit explanations. However, if you want a dense piece of read, there you go!
And, while I truly do not like poetry, this is... so much more. It is ancient history, mythology, religious understandings and beliefs of that time, writing tricks, allusions, and every sort of literary mechanic probably known to man. Did I mention dense? If you want to boost your language comprehension and other reading and literary thinking skills by a ton, drop this book on your lap and muscle through. You cannot win, but in losing you will not be defeated. Between Shakespeare, Dante, and J.R.R. Tolkien, I could be satisfied that men have done what they could, literarily. Literarily? I mean, that is as great as men can do in the gathering of information and wisdom, and using that as a basis for written art. Fiction? Is wisdom always literal? Is fact not often fiction? There are reasons for such forms, but not as a cloak, merely as shiny a mirror of the true Light as men may produce in written form.
I mean, I am loving the other book, and will like the last one I suspect. It is a brutal read. Not even I can win. Without the extras, I would often miss some of the finer pieces, as any great gothic work. Gothic? Maybe. I'm saying so, you may disagree at your leisure. It is so different, though, that I am able to read the book of haiku masters as an aside and not lose my place. Haiku and Dante are polar opposites, which detracts not one, at all, from the other. Oh, and while I despise poetry, I do believe, after this... I am going to be looking for collections from other, if mostly American, poets. Frost, Whitman(?), and a few others. I haven't truly made a list, just... I think it is time.
One last thing, if on another topic... watch your groceries! I have, in this last year, but realizing for longer if not so badly... they are selling really out-of-date products. Often in sales. I bought something a few months ago, without looking. Several items, I try to stock up on things I like if I catch a sale. The first item tasted funny... checked the date... like June, 2013! And I have been running into that a LOT. Now, if I don't see a date, and I check everything, I don't buy it. Actually, I might start picking out things that are that far out of date and taking them up to the checkout, and asking to speak to a manager. If I hit three like that, at a store, within six months, I'm going to have to drop them. I really am beginning to think that is a corporate decision, though it might just be a store cutting corners. The world has changed. Hopefully some of it can be unchanged. Just... watch your food and sell-by dates. If it's a week off, and it's canned, and you don't care? I guess that's your choice. But a few years off is into the danger zone.
I am going to attempt to fast today and up until supper tomorrow. Then begin daily fasting after that, again. I have quit adding sweeteners to my tea, and am down to just plain tea. It is taking time, but I am moving heaven and earth, in my little ways, to direct my health and eating and work in a better direction. Life is pain, but in that pain is opportunity. Each breath, a chance, for hope, faith, and charity. Not to dismiss the cardinal virtues, which I intend to study (thank you Dante, thank you very much), which are prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance.
Good morning, and day.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Troubles on top of woes.
.
.
The internet was down. No excuse, just the reason. We had some nasty weather this week. I thought perhaps the whole system went down, or hereabouts. Though it often chokes when it rains. I thought it might be something with my wiring. Nope and nope. Just some jiggly shuffle on their side. Fixed and all going. A new router that is supposed to be better, a reset on the wi-fi... Hmm. Awesome! Not having the internet was a bit annoying. I was rather patient, but then... I was simply being patient. The tech was cool, and just fixed it. Gratitude aplenty.
I finally received the form for automatic billing on my house. The same day I received notice that they are starting foreclosure. I can pay the balance, not sure I can afford the lawyer fees. They said they had to apply to the lawyer to find out how much that is. So, I may lose the house anyway. They kept trying to get me to apply for some sort of government assistance, or force me to pay online. I refused, for a number of reasons. I don't need assistance, and I don't trust online payments (with them, on their site). Crooked bastards, start to stop. I guess they decided if they couldn't force me to be cheated one way or the other, they would clobber via a third party (or on top of it). I am supposed to call them on the 17th. I'll ask some people to remind me.
What have I been doing? Reading, mostly. A bit of gaming, but that just wasn't all that fun. A book of haiku by three of the (or THE) old masters and nearing the end of Dante's Purgatoria. I had been stoved on reading, until the outage, so there was that. Well, and wi-fi should be functional now... if I am not sure I really trust it. Still, I'd like to see about it, so as to consider a tablet or laptop, if I can find a linux device. I don't trust google devices either. Well, or a book reader. I'm using my smart phone, but I need to get out of that. Probably just go to landline, assuming I'll be able to wrangle the house back. Ugh.
We did have one heavy, if not massive, snow. I dug out from it. Three to four inches, but wet, wet, wet. Nasty. That bit of work did me in. My pinky didn't bug me until about half way through, then it was brutal. I had to use it, I had to finish. It's still sore. It's looking better, but still nearly one and an half it's normal size. It's too swollen, for example, to get finger nail clippers in for a trim. Yeah.
Well, back. I'll write more soon. Just laying down a brief and then... doing something else. Later.
.
The internet was down. No excuse, just the reason. We had some nasty weather this week. I thought perhaps the whole system went down, or hereabouts. Though it often chokes when it rains. I thought it might be something with my wiring. Nope and nope. Just some jiggly shuffle on their side. Fixed and all going. A new router that is supposed to be better, a reset on the wi-fi... Hmm. Awesome! Not having the internet was a bit annoying. I was rather patient, but then... I was simply being patient. The tech was cool, and just fixed it. Gratitude aplenty.
I finally received the form for automatic billing on my house. The same day I received notice that they are starting foreclosure. I can pay the balance, not sure I can afford the lawyer fees. They said they had to apply to the lawyer to find out how much that is. So, I may lose the house anyway. They kept trying to get me to apply for some sort of government assistance, or force me to pay online. I refused, for a number of reasons. I don't need assistance, and I don't trust online payments (with them, on their site). Crooked bastards, start to stop. I guess they decided if they couldn't force me to be cheated one way or the other, they would clobber via a third party (or on top of it). I am supposed to call them on the 17th. I'll ask some people to remind me.
What have I been doing? Reading, mostly. A bit of gaming, but that just wasn't all that fun. A book of haiku by three of the (or THE) old masters and nearing the end of Dante's Purgatoria. I had been stoved on reading, until the outage, so there was that. Well, and wi-fi should be functional now... if I am not sure I really trust it. Still, I'd like to see about it, so as to consider a tablet or laptop, if I can find a linux device. I don't trust google devices either. Well, or a book reader. I'm using my smart phone, but I need to get out of that. Probably just go to landline, assuming I'll be able to wrangle the house back. Ugh.
We did have one heavy, if not massive, snow. I dug out from it. Three to four inches, but wet, wet, wet. Nasty. That bit of work did me in. My pinky didn't bug me until about half way through, then it was brutal. I had to use it, I had to finish. It's still sore. It's looking better, but still nearly one and an half it's normal size. It's too swollen, for example, to get finger nail clippers in for a trim. Yeah.
Well, back. I'll write more soon. Just laying down a brief and then... doing something else. Later.
Monday, January 9, 2017
Something something.
.
.
Yeah, I got salt out and spread it. That's a lot of drive and a bit of sidewalk... did what I could. It had stopped raining while I was doing that, which was right after that last post. I should buy sand, too, to mix with it. Or a salt and sand mix? I'll keep pure salt on hand as well, but a mix might be better sometimes. Especially if, as I suspect, this rain over snow will turn into a sheet of ice.
After that I boiled a dozen eggs. I cut several minutes off the cooking time and almost half off the unheated cook time. If the whites are done, and they were, I suspected the centers would be done. I'll find out in a bit. I ate the first batch, which was too much I think. Now I have a belly ache as a child who ate too many sweets might.
I don't know if I will get much more done. I would like to get the trash collected and out. To be honest though, I don't have much trash. I haven't been eating or tinkering or cleaning or... anything. I simply, in truth, only have, perhaps, a single bag to go out, all told. I may get that out but I don't know that it's worth the bother to hike it to the curb. Actually, I am sure it isn't. I will clean out the fridge while I am at it though.
Doh, that stomach is really giving me fits. Too much food, or is it just eggs? They were good, just... I haven't been eating much at all. Eggs are a weird food and I overdid to boot. Bleh. Later.
.
Yeah, I got salt out and spread it. That's a lot of drive and a bit of sidewalk... did what I could. It had stopped raining while I was doing that, which was right after that last post. I should buy sand, too, to mix with it. Or a salt and sand mix? I'll keep pure salt on hand as well, but a mix might be better sometimes. Especially if, as I suspect, this rain over snow will turn into a sheet of ice.
After that I boiled a dozen eggs. I cut several minutes off the cooking time and almost half off the unheated cook time. If the whites are done, and they were, I suspected the centers would be done. I'll find out in a bit. I ate the first batch, which was too much I think. Now I have a belly ache as a child who ate too many sweets might.
I don't know if I will get much more done. I would like to get the trash collected and out. To be honest though, I don't have much trash. I haven't been eating or tinkering or cleaning or... anything. I simply, in truth, only have, perhaps, a single bag to go out, all told. I may get that out but I don't know that it's worth the bother to hike it to the curb. Actually, I am sure it isn't. I will clean out the fridge while I am at it though.
Doh, that stomach is really giving me fits. Too much food, or is it just eggs? They were good, just... I haven't been eating much at all. Eggs are a weird food and I overdid to boot. Bleh. Later.
I think, when I work to much, or am healing, I drop.
.
.
I don't drop a bit, I can drop like a rock. It isn't just physical. My mind is still working, but only on the inside. I did figure out my egg boiling problem. It simply takes a lot longer to cook in the winter. Look, duh, but also, not so much. It was a lot longer, not a bit longer... going from getting the pan to a boil, then shutting it off for about ten minutes, to boiling for ten minutes, shutting it off and then letting it sit for twenty minutes. That is a massive difference, both in heat output over time, and time itself. Now, I wasn't able to get the eggs to be soft boiled, so I can back the time off... maybe to ten minutes steam time? Ugh.
I was starting to think the eggs were all just bad. For whatever reason, I decided, to day, to just push all parameters and see if it really was just me, or the technique/timing, or if it was the eggs somehow. In part, cracking an egg open and having it not be boiled leaves something that is... horror inducing. Or to me. Fixed. Now I will do up a dozen and an half eggs for simple eating. And, next time I get to town, I'll buy fresh(tm) eggs to make homemade mayo. I want to make a plate of deviled eggs. It's... sort of thematic here. *grins* It's not the notion that souls equate to souls, for me, it's that the devil loves souls, and I like helping stealing them from his plate. The devil's devil, since God just doesn't go there? Mayhap, Paddywhack, give the dog... a deviled egg?
Yeah. Oh, a nasty thing with weather. It snowed not long ago. Yesterday? Today? I've been fuzzy lately, of mind and time. Anyway, I kept meaning to get out, when I could remember the need, but it didn't happen. Guess what it is doing now? Raining! Oh, crap. It's going to get nasty out there. Hmm... Might just grab some salt, sprinkle that around, if I can do that before it freezes again. GAH! I am so baked, I just can't... figure it out. I'll keep trying to try? Later.
.
I don't drop a bit, I can drop like a rock. It isn't just physical. My mind is still working, but only on the inside. I did figure out my egg boiling problem. It simply takes a lot longer to cook in the winter. Look, duh, but also, not so much. It was a lot longer, not a bit longer... going from getting the pan to a boil, then shutting it off for about ten minutes, to boiling for ten minutes, shutting it off and then letting it sit for twenty minutes. That is a massive difference, both in heat output over time, and time itself. Now, I wasn't able to get the eggs to be soft boiled, so I can back the time off... maybe to ten minutes steam time? Ugh.
I was starting to think the eggs were all just bad. For whatever reason, I decided, to day, to just push all parameters and see if it really was just me, or the technique/timing, or if it was the eggs somehow. In part, cracking an egg open and having it not be boiled leaves something that is... horror inducing. Or to me. Fixed. Now I will do up a dozen and an half eggs for simple eating. And, next time I get to town, I'll buy fresh(tm) eggs to make homemade mayo. I want to make a plate of deviled eggs. It's... sort of thematic here. *grins* It's not the notion that souls equate to souls, for me, it's that the devil loves souls, and I like helping stealing them from his plate. The devil's devil, since God just doesn't go there? Mayhap, Paddywhack, give the dog... a deviled egg?
Yeah. Oh, a nasty thing with weather. It snowed not long ago. Yesterday? Today? I've been fuzzy lately, of mind and time. Anyway, I kept meaning to get out, when I could remember the need, but it didn't happen. Guess what it is doing now? Raining! Oh, crap. It's going to get nasty out there. Hmm... Might just grab some salt, sprinkle that around, if I can do that before it freezes again. GAH! I am so baked, I just can't... figure it out. I'll keep trying to try? Later.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
I'm simply not functioning.
.
.
I'm not tired, physically. I don't hurt. I simply can't focus, again. I am keeping water at bay. I eat from time to time. I am sleeping well. I am keeping warm enough. I just can't get to things.
I am motivated. I want milk and cream, and am running out of butter. I want to get out just to get out. I want to work. I like working. I am getting bottlenosed at several points in my upkeep plans around here. Gah! It isn't a matter of not trying, it's more not even being able to realize... I'm not realizing. Or... something close to that.
Oh well. I'll... keep trying to keep it all on my mind. It's all I can do for now. Later.
.
I'm not tired, physically. I don't hurt. I simply can't focus, again. I am keeping water at bay. I eat from time to time. I am sleeping well. I am keeping warm enough. I just can't get to things.
I am motivated. I want milk and cream, and am running out of butter. I want to get out just to get out. I want to work. I like working. I am getting bottlenosed at several points in my upkeep plans around here. Gah! It isn't a matter of not trying, it's more not even being able to realize... I'm not realizing. Or... something close to that.
Oh well. I'll... keep trying to keep it all on my mind. It's all I can do for now. Later.
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