.
.
Three or four sets of dishes, not all to completion though some. Washing, rewashing as necessary, rinsing, and drying if I got to that point. Several meals tended, and keeping those dishes and pans in the work effort. Not a great day, some things done. More tomorrow. Just dishes. No laundry or shoveling. I seem to have repaired from the damage caused in the dream. Just a bit sore, though from stooping doing dishes or the dream I can't say.
More dishes tomorrow. Then a shower, or in there somewhere. Hopefully figuring out laundry as well. All good. Dark dreams, I think. Yeah. Sometimes I can tell, or... suspect more strongly. As a man who stands to be whipped, knowing the meaning of that, I sweat in trepidation. I hope the darkness passes. I pray no suffering, not of this kind. If I must, so be it.
Good night.
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Even daydreams are taking on a solid tone.
.
.
Yeah. Well, it just happens. Enjoy or not. Just... understand before you look.
.
Yeah. Well, it just happens. Enjoy or not. Just... understand before you look.
Some work.
.
.
The dishes remaining from the small lot worked yesterday were washed again and set to rinse. A bit of a break, then I'll finish those, take a shower, then set up another load. I hope to begin laundry again. Mostly figuring out whether to start over with it all, or not. Once that decision has been made, then I'll go from there. As well, I'd like to make a shopping list. Nothing fancy, not much, I'll be going easy on spending for the next few months. I'd like to get a small savings going again. Three or four months of holding my financial breath should see me back to good shape.
Oh, I'll probably finish shoveling the drive today. No travel, just... want to finish that. I am feeling and doing a bit better. Medicine still holds things back, a bit... make the drive forward slow and cumbersome. And yet life is improving enough that I seem to be starting, if at the start, again. It seems to have returned to hard winter cold. It doesn't help, in some sense. And yet it is easier, for me, to work in the cool than the heat. If even in the heat, sometimes, I can now do well... or better.
All good. I'll try to put in bits of work between bits of resting, and see just what I can get done through the remainder of the week. Hitting the kitchen and bathroom as I go. I keep up on the toilet, now that I have learned a few tricks. Just a solid cleaning a week, and a few swipes through the week, keep the lou respectable. Well... on with the day. Later.
.
The dishes remaining from the small lot worked yesterday were washed again and set to rinse. A bit of a break, then I'll finish those, take a shower, then set up another load. I hope to begin laundry again. Mostly figuring out whether to start over with it all, or not. Once that decision has been made, then I'll go from there. As well, I'd like to make a shopping list. Nothing fancy, not much, I'll be going easy on spending for the next few months. I'd like to get a small savings going again. Three or four months of holding my financial breath should see me back to good shape.
Oh, I'll probably finish shoveling the drive today. No travel, just... want to finish that. I am feeling and doing a bit better. Medicine still holds things back, a bit... make the drive forward slow and cumbersome. And yet life is improving enough that I seem to be starting, if at the start, again. It seems to have returned to hard winter cold. It doesn't help, in some sense. And yet it is easier, for me, to work in the cool than the heat. If even in the heat, sometimes, I can now do well... or better.
All good. I'll try to put in bits of work between bits of resting, and see just what I can get done through the remainder of the week. Hitting the kitchen and bathroom as I go. I keep up on the toilet, now that I have learned a few tricks. Just a solid cleaning a week, and a few swipes through the week, keep the lou respectable. Well... on with the day. Later.
Such strange dreams of late.
.
.
Last night I dreamed of my uncles and grandfather. What was it the men in my life taught, how did they direct?
While adopted, that was done while I was quite young. I knew no other family. The same for my older brother. Both of us were obtained when we were a month old, perhaps just slightly older for him. Not only were we accepted by our direct family, of course, but by our extended family. We didn't know we were adopted by the time we "knew" most of our family. Our mother didn't hide the fact, made sure we knew when we were able. But children don't understand such things until later.
We actually had two grandfathers, both were met. One we only met once, or a few times, for for a short time and when I was quite young. I only remember some things about him. The other might have ended the same, save that as his health declined it was decided that he would live with us. And he did so for a year or two, or so it seemed to me then and now.
He could be grumpy, but mostly he liked us boys. At that time, my mother had married a man with five children of his own. Grampa's room was our safe place if all else became rough, even if our mother became too much. She... was still his child. :) Oh, she hated that then. And yet she has turned into the same kind of grandparent type that he was. An old Yiddish saying suggests, to women, if they live long enough they will become their mother. A Doom saying is, live long enough, on top of that, become both your parents.
The thing, in my dream, generally, was what to do in life. And the tone by which life should be lived. My grandfather, through the dream, suggested a cautious weary advance. Marry, but think about it. Get an education, and a career, or figure out how to make money as certainly and safely and legally as possible. Tend to your wife and family, just know you can only take out what you have put it, which at best isn't much. By having them... that is where you should gain any real treasure. Don't expect, sometimes, even a thanks.
My uncles, many of them, had a notion of getting ahead, far ahead. Grab what you can and run like hell. Don't worry about tomorrow, it's all about today. Don't worry about family, they will make it or not, you just move on if it gets complicated. Live and die for the day. Don't advance, too risky. Don't work too hard, unless it suits you. Money, money, money, with it you don't need love. Yeah.
I never did abide my uncles, if the world I live in didn't really offer much else. Their generation seems to have gone insane. If I have one uncle that married only once? Maybe, if so, also one aunt. Neither of them were known to me, pretty much, at any time in my life. None, that I knew, had a full career. None were wealthy, that I knew. One aunt and uncle lived a life pretty hidden from my knowledge, at least until I was well into middle age. One has now passed.
It isn't judgement, only an understanding. Blame? Perhaps my uncles' generation were trying, one last time, to get ahead. In a time, though, where the powers that be were doing what they could to undo them? As they are today, even more so. The secret is that life is hard. The good old days were just as harsh, it's just people didn't jabber about things as often. People only knew their own, and perhaps a few other, hardship stories. Now, everyone seems to know everything about everyone.
Is it better? Has telling everything helped? I am not sure that is the problem, it is just a difference between now and then. There is some good to it, and some harm. The real difference is that, now, people more generally know that life is full of knocks. Although I think, as some freak flags are flown that shouldn't, there is some degradation from it. Yeah, I am guilty. And I... have shifted tack a bit. Mostly.
I was always on my grandfather's side. I just didn't have voice then or all that much power now. It's not that I hate my uncles, either. I just think they went far astray, and were lead that way. I am hoping for a return to the old ways. Humble? Yeah. A blessing that is lost on many. Pride for false worldly gains. A hunger for things that will pass rather than for simple rightness and strong hands from honest work.
Just... things from the dreams. I haven't been able to sort it all out. I am still a bit raw from sleep. But... there you go. I think it was a good dream. It helped me sort some things that have been troubling me for... decades. Probably won't mean much, in some ways, in my life, at this point. But it might... give pause to young folk, should they happen upon this. No matter, it's out of my head so that it can begin a new project? Maybe.
Later.
.
Last night I dreamed of my uncles and grandfather. What was it the men in my life taught, how did they direct?
While adopted, that was done while I was quite young. I knew no other family. The same for my older brother. Both of us were obtained when we were a month old, perhaps just slightly older for him. Not only were we accepted by our direct family, of course, but by our extended family. We didn't know we were adopted by the time we "knew" most of our family. Our mother didn't hide the fact, made sure we knew when we were able. But children don't understand such things until later.
We actually had two grandfathers, both were met. One we only met once, or a few times, for for a short time and when I was quite young. I only remember some things about him. The other might have ended the same, save that as his health declined it was decided that he would live with us. And he did so for a year or two, or so it seemed to me then and now.
He could be grumpy, but mostly he liked us boys. At that time, my mother had married a man with five children of his own. Grampa's room was our safe place if all else became rough, even if our mother became too much. She... was still his child. :) Oh, she hated that then. And yet she has turned into the same kind of grandparent type that he was. An old Yiddish saying suggests, to women, if they live long enough they will become their mother. A Doom saying is, live long enough, on top of that, become both your parents.
The thing, in my dream, generally, was what to do in life. And the tone by which life should be lived. My grandfather, through the dream, suggested a cautious weary advance. Marry, but think about it. Get an education, and a career, or figure out how to make money as certainly and safely and legally as possible. Tend to your wife and family, just know you can only take out what you have put it, which at best isn't much. By having them... that is where you should gain any real treasure. Don't expect, sometimes, even a thanks.
My uncles, many of them, had a notion of getting ahead, far ahead. Grab what you can and run like hell. Don't worry about tomorrow, it's all about today. Don't worry about family, they will make it or not, you just move on if it gets complicated. Live and die for the day. Don't advance, too risky. Don't work too hard, unless it suits you. Money, money, money, with it you don't need love. Yeah.
I never did abide my uncles, if the world I live in didn't really offer much else. Their generation seems to have gone insane. If I have one uncle that married only once? Maybe, if so, also one aunt. Neither of them were known to me, pretty much, at any time in my life. None, that I knew, had a full career. None were wealthy, that I knew. One aunt and uncle lived a life pretty hidden from my knowledge, at least until I was well into middle age. One has now passed.
It isn't judgement, only an understanding. Blame? Perhaps my uncles' generation were trying, one last time, to get ahead. In a time, though, where the powers that be were doing what they could to undo them? As they are today, even more so. The secret is that life is hard. The good old days were just as harsh, it's just people didn't jabber about things as often. People only knew their own, and perhaps a few other, hardship stories. Now, everyone seems to know everything about everyone.
Is it better? Has telling everything helped? I am not sure that is the problem, it is just a difference between now and then. There is some good to it, and some harm. The real difference is that, now, people more generally know that life is full of knocks. Although I think, as some freak flags are flown that shouldn't, there is some degradation from it. Yeah, I am guilty. And I... have shifted tack a bit. Mostly.
I was always on my grandfather's side. I just didn't have voice then or all that much power now. It's not that I hate my uncles, either. I just think they went far astray, and were lead that way. I am hoping for a return to the old ways. Humble? Yeah. A blessing that is lost on many. Pride for false worldly gains. A hunger for things that will pass rather than for simple rightness and strong hands from honest work.
Just... things from the dreams. I haven't been able to sort it all out. I am still a bit raw from sleep. But... there you go. I think it was a good dream. It helped me sort some things that have been troubling me for... decades. Probably won't mean much, in some ways, in my life, at this point. But it might... give pause to young folk, should they happen upon this. No matter, it's out of my head so that it can begin a new project? Maybe.
Later.
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Hmm? Oh, I don't know.
.
.
I think I am beginning to catch my wind. A little warfare can do that. How terrible that combat. And yet, for as much as it took from me it seems to have refreshed. Some of us were made to thrive on blood and guts. I am amazed I did not weary. What really happens in those times I cannot say. My ribs are still sore, as if punched. My back from tossing whoever it was I was fighting... you get a kink if you throw someone while just a bit off. My left shoulder and neck have a kink from bulldozing. The sore muscles are feeling better, as are the lungs. But it... was what it was. Dreams? Really? All night? I just don't know.
Funny thing is, it cause the cats to... fuss. It usually does when I dream as such. They know, as I do, that something is happening. As with myself, they don't know what. But man do they fuss and yeowl and run around, jumping and leaping. Sometimes they try to wake me, as well. It's not just me.
As I said, that brought life back. I'm having to break out of things. Though medicine is a part of the problem now too. Dunno, I'll keep at it. I am hoping to do some dishes tonight. I set them up earlier. Never did take a nap, or even take any pain pills. Just... decided to take things as they were.
Later, or good night.
.
I think I am beginning to catch my wind. A little warfare can do that. How terrible that combat. And yet, for as much as it took from me it seems to have refreshed. Some of us were made to thrive on blood and guts. I am amazed I did not weary. What really happens in those times I cannot say. My ribs are still sore, as if punched. My back from tossing whoever it was I was fighting... you get a kink if you throw someone while just a bit off. My left shoulder and neck have a kink from bulldozing. The sore muscles are feeling better, as are the lungs. But it... was what it was. Dreams? Really? All night? I just don't know.
Funny thing is, it cause the cats to... fuss. It usually does when I dream as such. They know, as I do, that something is happening. As with myself, they don't know what. But man do they fuss and yeowl and run around, jumping and leaping. Sometimes they try to wake me, as well. It's not just me.
As I said, that brought life back. I'm having to break out of things. Though medicine is a part of the problem now too. Dunno, I'll keep at it. I am hoping to do some dishes tonight. I set them up earlier. Never did take a nap, or even take any pain pills. Just... decided to take things as they were.
Later, or good night.
I fought all night long.
.
.
Some sort of evil, sometimes it attacked, sometimes I did. My back is out, my arms are sore, my lungs burn. There is no part of me that doesn't suffer some pain. I am doing better after the last few hours of sleep were fight free and I was allowed to relax and just sleep. I even got a solid to my left jaw. Yeah. They say you can't move in dreams... I... don't think they understand. Can you stay tensed? Are there things other than dreams. Ribs? How would those be hurt from tension?
I think I'll go back to sleep, after some pain pills. Just an hour or two. Struggled almost all night. Be back in a bit.
.
Some sort of evil, sometimes it attacked, sometimes I did. My back is out, my arms are sore, my lungs burn. There is no part of me that doesn't suffer some pain. I am doing better after the last few hours of sleep were fight free and I was allowed to relax and just sleep. I even got a solid to my left jaw. Yeah. They say you can't move in dreams... I... don't think they understand. Can you stay tensed? Are there things other than dreams. Ribs? How would those be hurt from tension?
I think I'll go back to sleep, after some pain pills. Just an hour or two. Struggled almost all night. Be back in a bit.
Monday, February 27, 2017
The weather and news.
.
.
Snow. Not terribly cold, perhaps around 20 F if I read it right. This time there was, say, two to three inches, or left to shovel. Powder, so not too bad. But having done so little for so long... I got the first half of the drive, plus the walk to the front door, cleared. I have the aft half with a clear center and portioned off. But that was that. If it is recycling today, nobody else is doing it. Though I was probably too late anyway. I only have one sack in the bit, and one in the house to clear. So I won't be bothering with it. Less so after shoveling.
Three more days on the little medicine supply device and I can move on to the big two week device. I went this way so that I could change medicines more easily. I was changing medicine more than every two weeks, and if I fell it would get confusing as well. I think I am ready for the two week device. I might change in that two weeks, or not. Probably not. I'm trying a bit heavier middling dose of carvedilol. If I can do it, though things are positive on the shorter medicine dispenser, I may just give myself more time to get used to the half-dose. It's been almost two weeks on that dose, but it is a struggle. Another two weeks to month, then I'll increase the dose. Perhaps to full level. Even then it is a trick to stay on it. Just be glad you don't have to take stuff that is so difficult to use and have some function remain to you.
I went to look over the news. Hollywood awards? Really? So few even know movies were in the running, or care. Why is "conservative" news covering useless topics? Can't they find any real news? I am curious about what is happening in Europe. Are the people truly rising up, as here? Or are they doing what most of us suspect, rolling and selling out? The Tea Party pretty did that, but we moved on. Until their people, if they really want it, figure out how to make it so that selling out isn't really possible, they will be herded to their genocide, if they haven't reached a secure demographic tipping point already. Then again, we aren't out of the woods. It seems the president can't even call a halt to immigration of most sorts.
News, not bits about a bunch of overrich life fakers who know nothing prattling on about a lost art! What is going on in Syria? What is Le Pen saying? Where are the US and Russia in agreement and at loggerheads? News, information. And don't bring me opinion. Can't you find reporters who simply ask and write? Yea, but three has to be sources that are smple data? Quit bringing in the worst of the lot on top of topics that are of no interest or import. Do it. No time for this. I will simply begin cutting off "news" sources which won't follow that code. Drudge. Get back in the game, dump those enemy of the state sources, and get on it. Later.
.
Snow. Not terribly cold, perhaps around 20 F if I read it right. This time there was, say, two to three inches, or left to shovel. Powder, so not too bad. But having done so little for so long... I got the first half of the drive, plus the walk to the front door, cleared. I have the aft half with a clear center and portioned off. But that was that. If it is recycling today, nobody else is doing it. Though I was probably too late anyway. I only have one sack in the bit, and one in the house to clear. So I won't be bothering with it. Less so after shoveling.
Three more days on the little medicine supply device and I can move on to the big two week device. I went this way so that I could change medicines more easily. I was changing medicine more than every two weeks, and if I fell it would get confusing as well. I think I am ready for the two week device. I might change in that two weeks, or not. Probably not. I'm trying a bit heavier middling dose of carvedilol. If I can do it, though things are positive on the shorter medicine dispenser, I may just give myself more time to get used to the half-dose. It's been almost two weeks on that dose, but it is a struggle. Another two weeks to month, then I'll increase the dose. Perhaps to full level. Even then it is a trick to stay on it. Just be glad you don't have to take stuff that is so difficult to use and have some function remain to you.
I went to look over the news. Hollywood awards? Really? So few even know movies were in the running, or care. Why is "conservative" news covering useless topics? Can't they find any real news? I am curious about what is happening in Europe. Are the people truly rising up, as here? Or are they doing what most of us suspect, rolling and selling out? The Tea Party pretty did that, but we moved on. Until their people, if they really want it, figure out how to make it so that selling out isn't really possible, they will be herded to their genocide, if they haven't reached a secure demographic tipping point already. Then again, we aren't out of the woods. It seems the president can't even call a halt to immigration of most sorts.
News, not bits about a bunch of overrich life fakers who know nothing prattling on about a lost art! What is going on in Syria? What is Le Pen saying? Where are the US and Russia in agreement and at loggerheads? News, information. And don't bring me opinion. Can't you find reporters who simply ask and write? Yea, but three has to be sources that are smple data? Quit bringing in the worst of the lot on top of topics that are of no interest or import. Do it. No time for this. I will simply begin cutting off "news" sources which won't follow that code. Drudge. Get back in the game, dump those enemy of the state sources, and get on it. Later.
Sunday, February 26, 2017
Up and at it.
.
.
Not at speed or with gusto, that isn't always required. Why so rough lately? Some of it was stress, some of it, now, is returning to medicine. I have been doing well with medicine, but it does knock me down a peg when starting. I started with the easy stuff, first, now am on everything and have been for four to five days. After this trial run I will push for two more weeks on everything but heart medicine (carvadilol) on full dose. I'm at half dose on that last medicine. It is a brutal thing to start up. It's like doubling the choke pull on your pull-starting engines. It just... bogs down or floods the thing too often. Engines, hearts or otherwise, really weren't made to be bogged down like that, even if it seems to help. Until I get used to it, it's... tricky to be functional. Still, being on the way, after all the fuss and trouble, here and there, is a good thing.
I can tell potassium is in better order. Other than the greater resistance to function, if that is normal, wanted, and needed at the moment, my health is otherwise shaping back up and well. I don't quite have the ability to feed easily and well, or I would begin working toward fasting again. I will hold off fasting until medicines are back on track. I think that is why I was able to fast initially... everything was in much better order and medicines were regular. When I fell, for potassium, I lost all forms of order and regularity. Well, and I had been working hard on top of it. Just getting back to the start, if not quite there yet. All good.
I am still keeping a list of things to do. I'd love to work, and will sooner or later. With money coming back in I should be able to get back on some other tracks as well. Still, this month will still be shy, as I catch up on some things that went wrong. All good, all good. And, when I have things settled, I will call my brother again. I need to keep up on that relationship. Not for money reasons. I won't ask again. Not... a judgement. Just... too complicated and messy. Still, I don't want to lose a brother for money. I understand his... situation. No judgement, just... that is the married life and some other things. Oh, but he had wanted to buy some steaks, and I don't want to cheat him of that. :p Hells yeah. :)
Well... on to... the day. Ugh. Trash and recycling to go out, change the cat litter with that, and a shower. Anything else I might be able to do is just candy... if I can do those things that is. Blah! Good morning and day, at least from these parts.
.
Not at speed or with gusto, that isn't always required. Why so rough lately? Some of it was stress, some of it, now, is returning to medicine. I have been doing well with medicine, but it does knock me down a peg when starting. I started with the easy stuff, first, now am on everything and have been for four to five days. After this trial run I will push for two more weeks on everything but heart medicine (carvadilol) on full dose. I'm at half dose on that last medicine. It is a brutal thing to start up. It's like doubling the choke pull on your pull-starting engines. It just... bogs down or floods the thing too often. Engines, hearts or otherwise, really weren't made to be bogged down like that, even if it seems to help. Until I get used to it, it's... tricky to be functional. Still, being on the way, after all the fuss and trouble, here and there, is a good thing.
I can tell potassium is in better order. Other than the greater resistance to function, if that is normal, wanted, and needed at the moment, my health is otherwise shaping back up and well. I don't quite have the ability to feed easily and well, or I would begin working toward fasting again. I will hold off fasting until medicines are back on track. I think that is why I was able to fast initially... everything was in much better order and medicines were regular. When I fell, for potassium, I lost all forms of order and regularity. Well, and I had been working hard on top of it. Just getting back to the start, if not quite there yet. All good.
I am still keeping a list of things to do. I'd love to work, and will sooner or later. With money coming back in I should be able to get back on some other tracks as well. Still, this month will still be shy, as I catch up on some things that went wrong. All good, all good. And, when I have things settled, I will call my brother again. I need to keep up on that relationship. Not for money reasons. I won't ask again. Not... a judgement. Just... too complicated and messy. Still, I don't want to lose a brother for money. I understand his... situation. No judgement, just... that is the married life and some other things. Oh, but he had wanted to buy some steaks, and I don't want to cheat him of that. :p Hells yeah. :)
Well... on to... the day. Ugh. Trash and recycling to go out, change the cat litter with that, and a shower. Anything else I might be able to do is just candy... if I can do those things that is. Blah! Good morning and day, at least from these parts.
Saturday, February 25, 2017
More snow.
.
.
Oh, well, no complaints. Just a note. There was a serious warming spell around these parts. A break from high summer or low winter is always grand. It makes almost anything else that happens more bearable. And so it is. It even looks wonderful. So long as no ice is involved, though that seems to be a problem. Several lethal accidents recently. I found a source for local "news", but it is worse than CNN for which side it obviously takes. Still, I can get snippets.
Snow showers and 25 F is what is being indicated. I had wanted, perhaps, to do a bit more grocery shopping. I think I'll skip it until the weather is more pleasant. I have been enjoying fruit and milk. I sort of had to end all fresh stuff until money started flowing. I can do that, but who likes to do it?
My snow shoes are in, 42" x 12". Should... do better than the 36" x 9". Those weren't terrible, just... a little shy. The snow was pure powder, if deep, when I tried them though. Perhaps only bearpaws will really work, and designed for my size. Or, maybe, only certain crosscountry skis? I still have horrible daydreams of dropping twent feet into powder and having to nap until spring! :p I might actually make it. I am literally bigger than most black bears. Hmm... weight loss: the black bear method. Wee! It's the claustrophobia that would get to me.
I am feeling better, if still not all that active. I may give work a whirl, if I can, yet today. Lunch first. Having hunger is good. Well, later.
.
Oh, well, no complaints. Just a note. There was a serious warming spell around these parts. A break from high summer or low winter is always grand. It makes almost anything else that happens more bearable. And so it is. It even looks wonderful. So long as no ice is involved, though that seems to be a problem. Several lethal accidents recently. I found a source for local "news", but it is worse than CNN for which side it obviously takes. Still, I can get snippets.
Snow showers and 25 F is what is being indicated. I had wanted, perhaps, to do a bit more grocery shopping. I think I'll skip it until the weather is more pleasant. I have been enjoying fruit and milk. I sort of had to end all fresh stuff until money started flowing. I can do that, but who likes to do it?
My snow shoes are in, 42" x 12". Should... do better than the 36" x 9". Those weren't terrible, just... a little shy. The snow was pure powder, if deep, when I tried them though. Perhaps only bearpaws will really work, and designed for my size. Or, maybe, only certain crosscountry skis? I still have horrible daydreams of dropping twent feet into powder and having to nap until spring! :p I might actually make it. I am literally bigger than most black bears. Hmm... weight loss: the black bear method. Wee! It's the claustrophobia that would get to me.
I am feeling better, if still not all that active. I may give work a whirl, if I can, yet today. Lunch first. Having hunger is good. Well, later.
Such days and dreams.
.
.
Resisting death is no mean feat. I've done in for a very long time. I have, sort of, grown into the position. You may not believe, my doctors don't simply believe, they know. What they don't do is understand. I won't claim to understand myself. I just know, at times, remaining alive is an act of vicious will. It isn't quite, just a physical, spiritual, intellectual, or soul-inspired effort. It is sometimes one among them, or several of them, and sometimes it is all of those and more.
I have gotten good enough at it that, at my peak, I don't notice. And, with medicine, I think I am beyond the peaks I could know for the first twenty five years. I think, now, there are times when I am not struggling, even below the radar. A new and pleasant thing, mind you. Still, sometimes, I... have to work, struggle. It isn't so much death that is the problem, now. I struggle, more, for function.
Last night, if only in the dream, I struggled with death. The risk, at first, wasn't so much simple failure. It was losing stamina over time. I wasn't sure at first. Then, finally, I found a balance point, as when carrying a heavy load for a long distance, and finally finding the most efficient manner of distributing and traveling with the weight. After that, I was able to spend the rest of the night/dream in easy enough testing. It was a test, but I passed with ease... after that initial imbalance and more difficult struggle. The dream was... real enough. Even so, I wake well and refreshed. Such is my nature, and why I yet am, and why I baffle doctors.
I will be continuing to attempt various efforts. Laundry? Dishes? A shower? Maybe some cooking? Dunno. I'll try to do something. I'll keep trying until that pops. I am simply soul-weary from dealing with the various bureaucratic attacks and troubles from those. The dream, perhaps, is my being attempting to reset and begin anew. Good morning, and day.
Later.
.
Resisting death is no mean feat. I've done in for a very long time. I have, sort of, grown into the position. You may not believe, my doctors don't simply believe, they know. What they don't do is understand. I won't claim to understand myself. I just know, at times, remaining alive is an act of vicious will. It isn't quite, just a physical, spiritual, intellectual, or soul-inspired effort. It is sometimes one among them, or several of them, and sometimes it is all of those and more.
I have gotten good enough at it that, at my peak, I don't notice. And, with medicine, I think I am beyond the peaks I could know for the first twenty five years. I think, now, there are times when I am not struggling, even below the radar. A new and pleasant thing, mind you. Still, sometimes, I... have to work, struggle. It isn't so much death that is the problem, now. I struggle, more, for function.
Last night, if only in the dream, I struggled with death. The risk, at first, wasn't so much simple failure. It was losing stamina over time. I wasn't sure at first. Then, finally, I found a balance point, as when carrying a heavy load for a long distance, and finally finding the most efficient manner of distributing and traveling with the weight. After that, I was able to spend the rest of the night/dream in easy enough testing. It was a test, but I passed with ease... after that initial imbalance and more difficult struggle. The dream was... real enough. Even so, I wake well and refreshed. Such is my nature, and why I yet am, and why I baffle doctors.
I will be continuing to attempt various efforts. Laundry? Dishes? A shower? Maybe some cooking? Dunno. I'll try to do something. I'll keep trying until that pops. I am simply soul-weary from dealing with the various bureaucratic attacks and troubles from those. The dream, perhaps, is my being attempting to reset and begin anew. Good morning, and day.
Later.
Friday, February 24, 2017
Grumbles.
.
.
I made it to bed rather early. Even so I could not wake well this morning. The girls worked me over. Using me as a race track or diving board, or sparring with their whiskers. For the last three hours of "sleep", I had one or the other letting me know I should wake. Unusual, actually. I wonder if someone is outside, or maybe a dog, they try to wake me? I'll look for tracks. Though cats can sometimes just be strange, and stranger than that on any give day for no reason. Plus, both are girls, and girls double down on that three times a week or more. :p
I just can't catch up or keep up. I think I am recovering from the stresses of recent events. Oh, I've been here before, and been shut down much more harshly. Just for pure health reasons. Engineering school itself, was five times as bad, and without any medication for the heart to bring me up even this little bit. Trust me, I've known far worse. I think I just need a little time to rest and recover. I'll get there.
As to the dream the other night, I... do have some wonder. Being that I can go into a woman's dream, and am more than a little way to beyond the veil... plus having been clean over to that side several times... was she in my dreams or did I escape the bonds of the mortal coil and visit her thoughts. Souls don't sleep, thus don't dream. But having been on that side, I know how powerful the thoughts of such beings, in that state, can be.
.
I made it to bed rather early. Even so I could not wake well this morning. The girls worked me over. Using me as a race track or diving board, or sparring with their whiskers. For the last three hours of "sleep", I had one or the other letting me know I should wake. Unusual, actually. I wonder if someone is outside, or maybe a dog, they try to wake me? I'll look for tracks. Though cats can sometimes just be strange, and stranger than that on any give day for no reason. Plus, both are girls, and girls double down on that three times a week or more. :p
I just can't catch up or keep up. I think I am recovering from the stresses of recent events. Oh, I've been here before, and been shut down much more harshly. Just for pure health reasons. Engineering school itself, was five times as bad, and without any medication for the heart to bring me up even this little bit. Trust me, I've known far worse. I think I just need a little time to rest and recover. I'll get there.
As to the dream the other night, I... do have some wonder. Being that I can go into a woman's dream, and am more than a little way to beyond the veil... plus having been clean over to that side several times... was she in my dreams or did I escape the bonds of the mortal coil and visit her thoughts. Souls don't sleep, thus don't dream. But having been on that side, I know how powerful the thoughts of such beings, in that state, can be.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
A rough day.
.
.
Nothing done, not much. I did wash the fruit, ate well finally, but could do little. It snowed, but that is mostly melting away on it's own. The house needs a lot of cleaning. I just can't seem to get to it. Medicine is going down well and regularly. I may be drinking too much fluid, I simply can't seem to stop. Thirst is just amazing, demanding, commanding. I would place it at two gallons and more each day... more like three gallons the last three or four days.
I believe I'll go to bed early tonight. I have been watching Spartacus. Truth is, while it is okay, movies and episodes are... slow. Watching them, even ones which interest me, is quite slow. Reading is quicker entertainment. The problem with reading is that it is draining. More so when I hit the parts that are less... engaging. I can only watch, often, an half hour or so of the hour episodes at a time. And movies, I can only watch those about a third to half the movie a sitting. I am hoping I hit a book that draws me in soon. Even those are rare, becoming rarer. And with authors going left like idiots, my patience grows thin.
Ugh... Good night. I think I'll hit it right now. See you in the morning.
.
Nothing done, not much. I did wash the fruit, ate well finally, but could do little. It snowed, but that is mostly melting away on it's own. The house needs a lot of cleaning. I just can't seem to get to it. Medicine is going down well and regularly. I may be drinking too much fluid, I simply can't seem to stop. Thirst is just amazing, demanding, commanding. I would place it at two gallons and more each day... more like three gallons the last three or four days.
I believe I'll go to bed early tonight. I have been watching Spartacus. Truth is, while it is okay, movies and episodes are... slow. Watching them, even ones which interest me, is quite slow. Reading is quicker entertainment. The problem with reading is that it is draining. More so when I hit the parts that are less... engaging. I can only watch, often, an half hour or so of the hour episodes at a time. And movies, I can only watch those about a third to half the movie a sitting. I am hoping I hit a book that draws me in soon. Even those are rare, becoming rarer. And with authors going left like idiots, my patience grows thin.
Ugh... Good night. I think I'll hit it right now. See you in the morning.
How wonderful can the terrible be?
.
.
A woman I knew haunted my dreams two nights ago. I knew her most of my life, through all of our stages in life, from very young to these days. Lost, recently. Love? Yes. In ways only... very close people can know. Only those of the opposite sex who love the beauty of that. Never known, in that way, but known the hunger, both ways, mutually. How dear a solid, true, platonic love? Only this sort of relationship could expose the full depth.
She had, in my eyes, fallen... while still alive. I had stopped answering her calls. I could not handle where she had gone. She had problems. I could not help. I kept her in my prayers, from time to time, but knew that, as close as we had been, she was more of a danger to bring me down with her than for me to help her out of her despair.
She had, at once, tested me. She wanted to know... some things about me. She wanted to know, for sure, if there was more than an civil interest, geniality. She also wanted to know about the nature of my hungers. Further, she wanted to know if I was a base man or could control, even steeped in my cup. I passed her tests, if... who knows what pleases a woman, even if it is right, laudable, powerful, in a man. Still... she knew all from her test.
In my dream, she came as a woman from heaven. How a woman can love there, in innocents, is a bit powerful for a man here. Even one such as I. Bound, hedged, avowed, and powerful through time and will, even so, real open innocent love is... can... unlock such things. Heaven always trumps earth.
Yes, she knew all my secrets. She probably surmised even more than most readers here, and fully. For she knew and explored some things directly. Still, she knew the botttom lines and borders. A song, one I have played here before, often at a time, popped to the surface. Very strange, as they do that rarely these days. Either youtube is dying, or it is killing some things for some viewers, or... Don't know. So, that this one popped the day after the dream, just... But... it... made sense to me. A song sung for her, to her.
.
A woman I knew haunted my dreams two nights ago. I knew her most of my life, through all of our stages in life, from very young to these days. Lost, recently. Love? Yes. In ways only... very close people can know. Only those of the opposite sex who love the beauty of that. Never known, in that way, but known the hunger, both ways, mutually. How dear a solid, true, platonic love? Only this sort of relationship could expose the full depth.
She had, in my eyes, fallen... while still alive. I had stopped answering her calls. I could not handle where she had gone. She had problems. I could not help. I kept her in my prayers, from time to time, but knew that, as close as we had been, she was more of a danger to bring me down with her than for me to help her out of her despair.
She had, at once, tested me. She wanted to know... some things about me. She wanted to know, for sure, if there was more than an civil interest, geniality. She also wanted to know about the nature of my hungers. Further, she wanted to know if I was a base man or could control, even steeped in my cup. I passed her tests, if... who knows what pleases a woman, even if it is right, laudable, powerful, in a man. Still... she knew all from her test.
In my dream, she came as a woman from heaven. How a woman can love there, in innocents, is a bit powerful for a man here. Even one such as I. Bound, hedged, avowed, and powerful through time and will, even so, real open innocent love is... can... unlock such things. Heaven always trumps earth.
Yes, she knew all my secrets. She probably surmised even more than most readers here, and fully. For she knew and explored some things directly. Still, she knew the botttom lines and borders. A song, one I have played here before, often at a time, popped to the surface. Very strange, as they do that rarely these days. Either youtube is dying, or it is killing some things for some viewers, or... Don't know. So, that this one popped the day after the dream, just... But... it... made sense to me. A song sung for her, to her.
Out yesterday.
.
.
It seems my local account was in trouble. So I needed to add some money. A bill that came later in the month. The only one. I may have to end their automatic payments since they can't seem to just take the payment out on the third, as I had requested. Why they do that I neither know nor care. They always promise they will, and one of them doesn't. Too stupid to do a simple thing. Anyway, I did get that arranged.
Afterward, shopping. It's not my favorite thing. Lettuce, milk, cream, just some basics to cover some ground. Pistachios and a few treats. Absolutely nothing fancy. I take a pound of pistachios and cut it out into quarters or fifths, then eat a portion or two a week. As well as sunflower seeds, to split into that same rotation. Though sometimes I get carried away and double the portion.
It snowed last night. It looks like an inch to three. It was blowing, and wetter when it arrived so it stuck to things and lays oddly. Difficult to know for sure how much. Well, and I wasn't terribly awake when I looked. I'll get too it before too long, probably. Still just a bit off from all things. I'll... try.
I finally found a source by which to check out a few television series I had been curious about. Some proved too faggoty to even bother, such as one about Da Vinci. They can keep that. Right out of the gates, nothing but fluff. Dumped it. I did find Spartacus, blood and sand or such. I have been curious about that for... a while. So far not fluffery, if they do have a penchant for nudity. I just skip those. I am celebite on the one hand, and have zero interest in naked men for that part. Still, the story seems interesting enough. Blood in war and history isn't... it's just a simple part of my understanding. Nothing to get hung about. I'm into the third episode.
Really, most of those series and moves that many of you know? I have never seen. I won't watch things with commercials. I won't pay much if any at all. And if it's too modern, queer, stupid, girly, fan-boy, nerdy, or... such... I'll dump it without a thought. I simply have no interest in being lied to or herded toward the stupid. And I have, mostly, been unplugged for as long as most highschoolers have been alive. So... Still, I have been checking out series which rose to my notice and at least piqued my curiosity.
Well? Later. Good morning, and good day.
.
It seems my local account was in trouble. So I needed to add some money. A bill that came later in the month. The only one. I may have to end their automatic payments since they can't seem to just take the payment out on the third, as I had requested. Why they do that I neither know nor care. They always promise they will, and one of them doesn't. Too stupid to do a simple thing. Anyway, I did get that arranged.
Afterward, shopping. It's not my favorite thing. Lettuce, milk, cream, just some basics to cover some ground. Pistachios and a few treats. Absolutely nothing fancy. I take a pound of pistachios and cut it out into quarters or fifths, then eat a portion or two a week. As well as sunflower seeds, to split into that same rotation. Though sometimes I get carried away and double the portion.
It snowed last night. It looks like an inch to three. It was blowing, and wetter when it arrived so it stuck to things and lays oddly. Difficult to know for sure how much. Well, and I wasn't terribly awake when I looked. I'll get too it before too long, probably. Still just a bit off from all things. I'll... try.
I finally found a source by which to check out a few television series I had been curious about. Some proved too faggoty to even bother, such as one about Da Vinci. They can keep that. Right out of the gates, nothing but fluff. Dumped it. I did find Spartacus, blood and sand or such. I have been curious about that for... a while. So far not fluffery, if they do have a penchant for nudity. I just skip those. I am celebite on the one hand, and have zero interest in naked men for that part. Still, the story seems interesting enough. Blood in war and history isn't... it's just a simple part of my understanding. Nothing to get hung about. I'm into the third episode.
Really, most of those series and moves that many of you know? I have never seen. I won't watch things with commercials. I won't pay much if any at all. And if it's too modern, queer, stupid, girly, fan-boy, nerdy, or... such... I'll dump it without a thought. I simply have no interest in being lied to or herded toward the stupid. And I have, mostly, been unplugged for as long as most highschoolers have been alive. So... Still, I have been checking out series which rose to my notice and at least piqued my curiosity.
Well? Later. Good morning, and good day.
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Up late.
.
.
I actually went to bed at a good hour. That wasn't the problem. It isn't like I did too much work yesterday. I adjusted the thermostat according to my needs well enough. I attempted to eat, if that has been a slight issue lately... I did get some food down. Medicine has been going in, if not all of it quite yet. As I discussed, I wanted to set somethings going, then add the water pill which has been done, and next, maybe today, to add the heart pill back in. That is a rough son of a gun, but I think I am ready to add it. So... no real problems on my part. I simply could not wake.
If I need a little extra sleep I have learned to just take it. Fighting it simply doesn't work. I could end up in real problems, fast. Better to take an extra hour or two than be tired for the next week, losing any and all traction as to function, and be miserable too. Get that extra sleep and see if bedtime can be trimmed a bit, and maybe if I can regain any lost ground. If I can do that in a day or two, keep focus for several days on that, then often, these days, I can retain a good schedule. Otherwise I begin losing the day schedule.
I am really going to push to do some dishes and laundry today. If the laundry all needs redone, so be it. If I can clear the stuff in baskets, I'll do that. The wrinkles won't be too bad. I at least line shirts up, length wise, in prep for handing them. Jeans might be messy though. If a damp towel and some time in the dryer might do both of those some good... if they smell fresh enough. Yeah.
A shower would be good, if I may hold that hostage to dishes. And I'll hit laundry, a bit, before even dishes. Perhaps boiling some eggs would be a good thing, as well, today. With dishes, I may also cook a small batch of rice or set beans to soaking. I am sure hoping to kick things off a bit today. Even if I can't eat, I am hungry. Maybe work will help that.
I had two intense dreams the other night. I won't work on them yet. Maybe later. One was how love with the opposite sex exists in heaven. The other was about seeing Him, and some things. That dream was a bit... confused. I'm working on it. If I can put the pieces togther. I got a message from it, not really something for others. But the dream itself can be explored. Real message? It fits with my learning, doesn't add, subtract, or otherwise modify other than intensity, so I will take it unqualified in any other way. Later, if at all. Still... wondering? piecing?
Later.
.
I actually went to bed at a good hour. That wasn't the problem. It isn't like I did too much work yesterday. I adjusted the thermostat according to my needs well enough. I attempted to eat, if that has been a slight issue lately... I did get some food down. Medicine has been going in, if not all of it quite yet. As I discussed, I wanted to set somethings going, then add the water pill which has been done, and next, maybe today, to add the heart pill back in. That is a rough son of a gun, but I think I am ready to add it. So... no real problems on my part. I simply could not wake.
If I need a little extra sleep I have learned to just take it. Fighting it simply doesn't work. I could end up in real problems, fast. Better to take an extra hour or two than be tired for the next week, losing any and all traction as to function, and be miserable too. Get that extra sleep and see if bedtime can be trimmed a bit, and maybe if I can regain any lost ground. If I can do that in a day or two, keep focus for several days on that, then often, these days, I can retain a good schedule. Otherwise I begin losing the day schedule.
I am really going to push to do some dishes and laundry today. If the laundry all needs redone, so be it. If I can clear the stuff in baskets, I'll do that. The wrinkles won't be too bad. I at least line shirts up, length wise, in prep for handing them. Jeans might be messy though. If a damp towel and some time in the dryer might do both of those some good... if they smell fresh enough. Yeah.
A shower would be good, if I may hold that hostage to dishes. And I'll hit laundry, a bit, before even dishes. Perhaps boiling some eggs would be a good thing, as well, today. With dishes, I may also cook a small batch of rice or set beans to soaking. I am sure hoping to kick things off a bit today. Even if I can't eat, I am hungry. Maybe work will help that.
I had two intense dreams the other night. I won't work on them yet. Maybe later. One was how love with the opposite sex exists in heaven. The other was about seeing Him, and some things. That dream was a bit... confused. I'm working on it. If I can put the pieces togther. I got a message from it, not really something for others. But the dream itself can be explored. Real message? It fits with my learning, doesn't add, subtract, or otherwise modify other than intensity, so I will take it unqualified in any other way. Later, if at all. Still... wondering? piecing?
Later.
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
Okay.
.
.
Well... looks like my ssd check is in. They didn't tell me when it might arrive. It is listed as having cleared on the 14th. Good, good. I still have to sign the paperwork and get that in. Yeah, but... I had to look it over, and glad I did. So... Still, this paperwork then starts a complete review. While back in some money I am still not out of the woods. One thing at a time.
I haven't been able to get to work. I simply don't have it in me. However, having some money means I can get the house payment this month, and I think the utilities, which are late. And then do some minor shopping. If the pig arrives, I should be able to do that cash, too. Ugh. If I can remember, focus. I'm not in the best of shape. This might help unjangle some nerves though. Especially if I can get busy and pay some things. Yeah.
You know what I am hungry for? Apples were good, pears better, and all that, but... donuts. I'd love to try those cronuts, and may someday, but for now just some storebought. I would have to do a lot of cleaning and dishes to get the world in order to even begin working on the cronuts. But I sure... would like those. I am positive they would be better than storebought. But the last I had really weren't too bad. They were actually good. A treat, now and then.
Ugh. Later or good night.
.
Well... looks like my ssd check is in. They didn't tell me when it might arrive. It is listed as having cleared on the 14th. Good, good. I still have to sign the paperwork and get that in. Yeah, but... I had to look it over, and glad I did. So... Still, this paperwork then starts a complete review. While back in some money I am still not out of the woods. One thing at a time.
I haven't been able to get to work. I simply don't have it in me. However, having some money means I can get the house payment this month, and I think the utilities, which are late. And then do some minor shopping. If the pig arrives, I should be able to do that cash, too. Ugh. If I can remember, focus. I'm not in the best of shape. This might help unjangle some nerves though. Especially if I can get busy and pay some things. Yeah.
You know what I am hungry for? Apples were good, pears better, and all that, but... donuts. I'd love to try those cronuts, and may someday, but for now just some storebought. I would have to do a lot of cleaning and dishes to get the world in order to even begin working on the cronuts. But I sure... would like those. I am positive they would be better than storebought. But the last I had really weren't too bad. They were actually good. A treat, now and then.
Ugh. Later or good night.
Much better?
.
.
It seems that way. Then again it is in the 50's F outdoors. That doesn't hurt. I thought I had missed recycling yesterday. But, being a holiday, probably not. So first thing, mostly, I got the bin out to the curb. I don't think I have enough trash to bother taking out. Maybe a partial bag, sum total. I haven't been cooking, shopping, or such, so I haven't been having anything to toss. It is actually windy, and still in the 50's. It is a warm enough wind, I guess, that it doesn't cut. A very strange deep winter. It happens, though. More, I do suspect they are tinkering with the weather.
Yes, sleep was very good. I set the alarm for eight plus change hours. I woke a bit before the time, then added an hour for more sleep. Dreams. What women do in my brain on some nights... then again, I know I do it back. I don't know if you can smell, feel, taste, touch, and such, in your dreams. But I can. Anyway... Not sure I needed the extra hour, wanted it. I slept, and woke, well. Just tinkered a bit before realizing I could probably get the recycling out. It's nearly full. Not that I create a lot of recycling, I just don't take it out every time. Over time it just gets full. Bleh. The woes of middle class mid-America? :p
I didn't get much done yesterday. Other than finding the phone and attempting to get it working. I have been told that the phones may be dead. While my neighbor uses a different company, I'd bet dollars to donuts all the companies out here use the same wiring and just split it out, or even bill it out, independently. So... that might be the problem with the phone. I'll call later. Then again, finding the phone took quite a bit of digging. I'd spend an half hour to hour looking here or there, taking a break, and looking elsewhere. Yes... I have piles of loot. And am easily distracted. :p
A shower, shortly. Then setting up dishes. Maybe tinkering with laundry, if more to open up the baskets and either decide to rewash those clothes or put them up... in prep for beginning using the machines again. If I'm blocked up at the folding/storing end, it doesn't work well to just continue washing and drying. Blah.
Later.
.
It seems that way. Then again it is in the 50's F outdoors. That doesn't hurt. I thought I had missed recycling yesterday. But, being a holiday, probably not. So first thing, mostly, I got the bin out to the curb. I don't think I have enough trash to bother taking out. Maybe a partial bag, sum total. I haven't been cooking, shopping, or such, so I haven't been having anything to toss. It is actually windy, and still in the 50's. It is a warm enough wind, I guess, that it doesn't cut. A very strange deep winter. It happens, though. More, I do suspect they are tinkering with the weather.
Yes, sleep was very good. I set the alarm for eight plus change hours. I woke a bit before the time, then added an hour for more sleep. Dreams. What women do in my brain on some nights... then again, I know I do it back. I don't know if you can smell, feel, taste, touch, and such, in your dreams. But I can. Anyway... Not sure I needed the extra hour, wanted it. I slept, and woke, well. Just tinkered a bit before realizing I could probably get the recycling out. It's nearly full. Not that I create a lot of recycling, I just don't take it out every time. Over time it just gets full. Bleh. The woes of middle class mid-America? :p
I didn't get much done yesterday. Other than finding the phone and attempting to get it working. I have been told that the phones may be dead. While my neighbor uses a different company, I'd bet dollars to donuts all the companies out here use the same wiring and just split it out, or even bill it out, independently. So... that might be the problem with the phone. I'll call later. Then again, finding the phone took quite a bit of digging. I'd spend an half hour to hour looking here or there, taking a break, and looking elsewhere. Yes... I have piles of loot. And am easily distracted. :p
A shower, shortly. Then setting up dishes. Maybe tinkering with laundry, if more to open up the baskets and either decide to rewash those clothes or put them up... in prep for beginning using the machines again. If I'm blocked up at the folding/storing end, it doesn't work well to just continue washing and drying. Blah.
Later.
Monday, February 20, 2017
Always a mixed bag.
.
.
I haven't done much today. I did a bit, and found the phone. I plugged it in and... I can hear something, but can't get a dial tone or otherwise call out. Being a holiday I will have to wait until tomorrow. Oh, and I need to check about this being unlisted. She kept skipping the answer to that. She is made to sell, push, not be honest. I am supposed to have 30 days to end the service. If they can't or won't offer an unlisted phone, I'll find another service. If I can get this going, I will dump my cell. Of course, then I will have to get an ereader or tablet, maybe both. I just won't go with ms win, really don't care for android, but absolutely will not get apple. It's not a matter of good, better, best, it's a matter of which steals and sells your data the least, at this point.
A shower, shortly, maybe. It's a bit of a rough day. Still, I think it'll work out. I have hamburger thawing, though I'd like to find some chops too. Pork, lamb, all good. Perhaps a roast of some sort as well. I need to eat, even if it's a bear to get going on cooking. I seem to be cooking good meals, when I can, as lopsided as things are. I just wish I had a bit more energy and could really put out a near feast of a meal. I'm hungry.
Well, later, I suppose. A nap would be nice but I don't see it happening. Good day.
.
I haven't done much today. I did a bit, and found the phone. I plugged it in and... I can hear something, but can't get a dial tone or otherwise call out. Being a holiday I will have to wait until tomorrow. Oh, and I need to check about this being unlisted. She kept skipping the answer to that. She is made to sell, push, not be honest. I am supposed to have 30 days to end the service. If they can't or won't offer an unlisted phone, I'll find another service. If I can get this going, I will dump my cell. Of course, then I will have to get an ereader or tablet, maybe both. I just won't go with ms win, really don't care for android, but absolutely will not get apple. It's not a matter of good, better, best, it's a matter of which steals and sells your data the least, at this point.
A shower, shortly, maybe. It's a bit of a rough day. Still, I think it'll work out. I have hamburger thawing, though I'd like to find some chops too. Pork, lamb, all good. Perhaps a roast of some sort as well. I need to eat, even if it's a bear to get going on cooking. I seem to be cooking good meals, when I can, as lopsided as things are. I just wish I had a bit more energy and could really put out a near feast of a meal. I'm hungry.
Well, later, I suppose. A nap would be nice but I don't see it happening. Good day.
Better, again, maybe.
.
.
I stayed awake a little longer than planned last night. I'll work to remedy thay. The goal is to be asleep by 21:00. I suppose longer days and the warmer weather play a part. It is always precarious for me. Too little work, too much or too fast of change in the environment, too hungry, too much food, too much or little work, or just health acting up, or other things. My body is fussy and I cannot account for all the variables. No worries. I'll keep at it.
I set the alarm for 7:00, rounding up bedtime to 23:00. I woke more around 5:30, and easily, so simply turned off the alarm and got on with my day. I am working to brush my teeth more regularly. Actually moving from rarely, to twice a day, and now to, often, three times a day. That comes and goes, I often lose track. I suppose, if you can get to a certain age, and you haven't rotted your teeth out, they can be... taken for granted a bit more often. As I said, I haven't had a cavity in... since... 1993~4? I think so. Still, there are reasons to try to keep up.
When my checks begin coming in, while I do have some other things of interest, I would like to get my teeth cleaned. I am not interested in a checkup, just a cleaning. If the doc can't handle that, I'll find another. I could get it free, at the V.A. But the travel costs would be similar to the costs of a cleaning. I could apply for travel, but that has always been sketchy. Sometimes they send it, sometimes they just circular file the request. Bureaucratic problems, some of the first, started there. Oh, and I would also like to get in to an eye doctor, get set up for new glasses, and begin ordering. I'd like to order two functional pair and have two in reserve. Two would be bifocal standard daily drivers, two would not be... sunglasses/activeware glasses, but over time. I have found an, comparatively, inexpensive source, and would like to compare various sources. I have seen bifocals, without the lines, for as little as $150(ish). Regular glasses for much less. Just... wanting to keep up on some things.
I am hoping to get to work today. I won't say I will end up doing a lot of work. Two or three small loads of dishes, a shower, work on the laundry and get that all back on track, and some tidying up in the kitchen. Well, and putting meat out to thaw. Hmm, and a trip to the post office here in town. Both to get out and to get the ssa form in the mail. I am beginning to get some umph back, maybe.
Good morning and day.
.
I stayed awake a little longer than planned last night. I'll work to remedy thay. The goal is to be asleep by 21:00. I suppose longer days and the warmer weather play a part. It is always precarious for me. Too little work, too much or too fast of change in the environment, too hungry, too much food, too much or little work, or just health acting up, or other things. My body is fussy and I cannot account for all the variables. No worries. I'll keep at it.
I set the alarm for 7:00, rounding up bedtime to 23:00. I woke more around 5:30, and easily, so simply turned off the alarm and got on with my day. I am working to brush my teeth more regularly. Actually moving from rarely, to twice a day, and now to, often, three times a day. That comes and goes, I often lose track. I suppose, if you can get to a certain age, and you haven't rotted your teeth out, they can be... taken for granted a bit more often. As I said, I haven't had a cavity in... since... 1993~4? I think so. Still, there are reasons to try to keep up.
When my checks begin coming in, while I do have some other things of interest, I would like to get my teeth cleaned. I am not interested in a checkup, just a cleaning. If the doc can't handle that, I'll find another. I could get it free, at the V.A. But the travel costs would be similar to the costs of a cleaning. I could apply for travel, but that has always been sketchy. Sometimes they send it, sometimes they just circular file the request. Bureaucratic problems, some of the first, started there. Oh, and I would also like to get in to an eye doctor, get set up for new glasses, and begin ordering. I'd like to order two functional pair and have two in reserve. Two would be bifocal standard daily drivers, two would not be... sunglasses/activeware glasses, but over time. I have found an, comparatively, inexpensive source, and would like to compare various sources. I have seen bifocals, without the lines, for as little as $150(ish). Regular glasses for much less. Just... wanting to keep up on some things.
I am hoping to get to work today. I won't say I will end up doing a lot of work. Two or three small loads of dishes, a shower, work on the laundry and get that all back on track, and some tidying up in the kitchen. Well, and putting meat out to thaw. Hmm, and a trip to the post office here in town. Both to get out and to get the ssa form in the mail. I am beginning to get some umph back, maybe.
Good morning and day.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Raining?
.
.
It is February. Crazy. It jangles the nerves. It could freeze at any moment, leaving sheets of ice that would be harsh to try to get through. It really could shut everything down for a good while, if it went bad at the wrong time. There is also still a goodly amount of snow out there, which will melt with the rain and because of the temps that allow for it to rain. Oh well. It is wonderful to sleep with the warmer temps and pitter-patter.
I slept well enough, I think. Not too deeply, not too shallow. I woke at 4:00(ish). I looked over the news. There really isn't much happening that I find interesting. Though, for you, generally, that is a good thing. I tell you, this last week, I had a sense that something big, and bad, was going to happen. About midweek to near the end, I felt as if that had broken. Either the plans were interrupted or pulled. Of course, with things like that, it might be delayed... assuming the players weren't caught, rounded up, and are sitting in a nearly cosmic circular file. I think .int, .mil, and .sec realized, from Zero, that they can't trust the president and certain other aparatus to secure enemies who need to be secured. They won't make that mistake again? Maybe. That is a slippery slope, and, yet, it is what it is. Given a choice of trusting them, with serious oversight, in the shorter term, and trusting Zero, I have to go with them. Actually, that is how it used to be done, until someone decided hot, multi-national, international, wars was a better idea, then just started zapping people with bomb tossing flying robots. Yeah... choices.
I'd love to rent a movie, or find something to watch. But have you seen what they offer lately? I am trying to finish off some books. The weather, which is causing me to be drousy already, doubles or triples the effect of reading... even when I can wake well enough to read in the first place. Gah! I have several books lined up for next, hopefully a bit more engaging then the ending of Dante's Comedies. One of the poets will be chosen, as well as either the Silmarillion or Children of Hurin, by JRR Tolkien. I am enjoying having two books, of different sorts, to read at a time. If one does not quite suit the mood or interest, the other might well do. Both were physical books this last time. Next will be one real and one ebook.
Oh, sudoku has been very good recently. In the last two weeks, on a virgin run, I have hit a 13, 11, 9, several 7, and a 5 second score. Now, while I can do these, I don't hit them, usually, this often. Even for me this is fast on fast. Often only hitting one of the superfast times once every week or two. That's a superfast score every other day, and, with how things have been, I haven't been playing every day. So... yeah... very good.
Later.
.
It is February. Crazy. It jangles the nerves. It could freeze at any moment, leaving sheets of ice that would be harsh to try to get through. It really could shut everything down for a good while, if it went bad at the wrong time. There is also still a goodly amount of snow out there, which will melt with the rain and because of the temps that allow for it to rain. Oh well. It is wonderful to sleep with the warmer temps and pitter-patter.
I slept well enough, I think. Not too deeply, not too shallow. I woke at 4:00(ish). I looked over the news. There really isn't much happening that I find interesting. Though, for you, generally, that is a good thing. I tell you, this last week, I had a sense that something big, and bad, was going to happen. About midweek to near the end, I felt as if that had broken. Either the plans were interrupted or pulled. Of course, with things like that, it might be delayed... assuming the players weren't caught, rounded up, and are sitting in a nearly cosmic circular file. I think .int, .mil, and .sec realized, from Zero, that they can't trust the president and certain other aparatus to secure enemies who need to be secured. They won't make that mistake again? Maybe. That is a slippery slope, and, yet, it is what it is. Given a choice of trusting them, with serious oversight, in the shorter term, and trusting Zero, I have to go with them. Actually, that is how it used to be done, until someone decided hot, multi-national, international, wars was a better idea, then just started zapping people with bomb tossing flying robots. Yeah... choices.
I'd love to rent a movie, or find something to watch. But have you seen what they offer lately? I am trying to finish off some books. The weather, which is causing me to be drousy already, doubles or triples the effect of reading... even when I can wake well enough to read in the first place. Gah! I have several books lined up for next, hopefully a bit more engaging then the ending of Dante's Comedies. One of the poets will be chosen, as well as either the Silmarillion or Children of Hurin, by JRR Tolkien. I am enjoying having two books, of different sorts, to read at a time. If one does not quite suit the mood or interest, the other might well do. Both were physical books this last time. Next will be one real and one ebook.
Oh, sudoku has been very good recently. In the last two weeks, on a virgin run, I have hit a 13, 11, 9, several 7, and a 5 second score. Now, while I can do these, I don't hit them, usually, this often. Even for me this is fast on fast. Often only hitting one of the superfast times once every week or two. That's a superfast score every other day, and, with how things have been, I haven't been playing every day. So... yeah... very good.
Later.
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