Suffering pays.

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Hunger had seemed to leave.  It hit two or three times yesterday, mildly.  Today it is hitting me often, like a solid punch to the gut.  Blood sugar just read 145.  I can gladly suffer for that trend of result.  I am pretty sure, if I can get it into the 80 to 120 range, I can learn to medicate with food.  Check every few hours or when something is off.  I've become clean from diabetes at least twice before, which means keeping A1C's well within the normal range for a year, usually more as docs hate surrendering a diagnosis, even the ones on your side.  Doubting damn Thomas'.

Trash!  Almost forgot.  It was 4:38 before I got to it.  Done, and cleared the reefer of some yuck.  Nothing else, so far.  A nap would be good.  I just can't sleep.  It was chill, more rain as well.  It was around 32 F.  Even with the house at 72, after going out, it's as if it's 66 in here.  That wet spring chill is frigid in the way deep winter can't quite compare.

I should be able to do some more work tonight.  Probably.  Please?  Later.

Yeah, there is that.

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I'm a bad boy.  While finally getting to managing diabetes I forgot about the rest.  Just kept on doing what I wasn't doing.  I wasn't taking medicine.  I got held up with potassium, then finding vitamins, then... it all just timed out of memory.  It's probably a good thing I am not a fragile dead man walking.  Still, back to the grindstone.  I've got several days of potassium and all left.  I'll use that, look for vitamins and replace the potassium as side not main quests.  Quests?  Whatever gets the dogs barking, innit.

Lots of sleep, or so it seemed.  Gathering what feeble wits are mine to muster, then using those to account downtime, it was between six and seven hours.  Short, but I didn't wake for anything.  Most nights, say 99.9-100% for the last five years, since the water pill, going at night has become customary.  Usually four to six times, if lately often down to two or three... massages, pedicures, and working, all help open channels so I drain better in the day.  Huh?  You seemed to be dozing.  :p  Or was that me?

Today?  I've already started!  Soaking dishes were given some rubba-dub, then their soak redone.  A fresh load of laundry was set, the load in the dryer given a refresh.  Actually a few other bits and parts were kicked out, if... I am not awake enough to quite recall.  Heck yeah, I'm on things.  I just have to make sure trash and recycling are put out, 4:00 is about as far into the morning as I dare.  Beside thinking of other things to go, and moving slow, it... better before that time.

Resting blood sugar is 196.  Not great, but it is resting.  I was hoping for better.  Pretty small improvement after a day without food.  Then again, something jaggered it a lot higher a few days ago.  I am in recovery mode just from that.  On the good side, from experience thus far, there is a 90% probability the rest of the readings will be lower.  What amazes me about fasting?  The way the hands will try to sneak food around the will.  Ever had a pet steal food?  How stealthy, how smooth, even right before your eyes, looking directly at you, into your eyes, and yet you don't see, believe, until your sandwich or whatnot is gone?  Right.  I really have to watch.  Sneaky bastage.

Well, tea, reading, music.  Then back to it when I am awakerish(tm).

Simply couldn't do more.

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I will put the laundry in the dryer.  I won't fold what I take out of the dryer.  I will set it out for tomorrow "morning".  Blood sugar has stabilized.  Starting at 260, it dropped to 185, then just now 184.  I am curious what the next days will show.  Tomorrow I hope to only do three readings, morning, noon, and bedtime.  If I maintain the fast, the same deal the day after.  The goal is a three day fast.  May need aspirin.

I did kick some of it out.  Not perfect, not bad.  I am pushing my day back around, it's 15:00.  Partly cloudy, or mostly sunny?  Yes.  Still seems cool, if that won't last if the sun is returning.  Did I mention it was down to 34 F last night?  Either rather later or earlier, a bit before or after midnight.

I've got to switch the laundry, gulp aspirin, and hit it.  Good night.

Slow but advancing.

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Laundry was put away or hung.  The load in the dryer required more time.  I hate when that happens.  Dishes were done and put up.  A good two plus loads are soaking.  Trash is mostly gathered, just need to check a few side trash containers.  Hunger has let up.  I may shave and shower shortly, since the washing machine isn't using the hot water.  Not sure how much more I can do.  That is truly a question, not a doubt or negative.

I am hoping to at least give the dishes a wash.  That might be enough or not.  If not they will simply be reset to soak.  I won't do more than put what was washing into the dryer, letting it run, and maybe fold what I take out of the dryer.  Bathroom?  I might clean while showering.  It isn't that much extra.  I think so.

I did call my mother.  Doubted she would answer, preferred she not.  Just wanted to wish her a happy Mother's Day.  Told her not to bother calling back.  I get it.  Seriously, no fuss or muss.  She gets very little time with her only known grandchildren.  I swear, that is truly the only reason, as it turns out, that parents have children.  Uhrm.  At least once they know not just how to dance, but why... the costs and results.

I'd better goof a bit, to rest, in order to dig back in.  Later.

Finally getting to it.

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First the dishes.  They came clean so they are rinsing.  Then laundry was cycled, the load from the dryer is nearly done.  A few shirts to hang, the rest to be put up.  Recycling has been taken out.  Something was leaking so it got double bagged.  I'll do the dishes shortly, then some cleaning in the bathroom, perhaps get the trash collected and perhaps out as well.  Then I'll sit until the washer finishes, shower and shave, then put one more load through the wash.  More dishes?  I'll set another load or two soaking.  Not sure if I'll get to those today.

Fasting today at least.  It is difficult.  I guess that is why it is good for body and soul.  Blood sugar started at 260, dropped to 207, and checked a bit ago was 197.  Pretty poor showing.  I'll check one more time before bedtime, whenever that is, if I remember.  It is good to have a meter again, with strips that work.  Not sure if the V.A. was messing with me, or if they just blew it three times in a row.  They were trying to force me onto insulin.  To the point of trying to get my driver license stripped.  Didn't want me improving on my own, showing that my diabetes never dipped (the real risk for diabetics and driving), or generally using the device to learn.  I'll give them a chance again, after these run out, but I now have a reliable source if they screw around again.

It looks like the storm might be breaking.  We have had a lot of rain.  If they somehow fumble all this away?  That, too, can be fixed.  Keep goofing, leaving citizens flat while double dealing on local water, and there will be problems.  Flooding for the next decade might be in order.  Wash away the infrastructure used to pilfer while at it.  *grumbles*  Oh, it could happen.

I best get on to things.  It isn't all that much, and the engine has warmed.  Good morning and day.  Oh, get to church.  If you do, say a prayer for me?  Thanks.

Nothing else was done.

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I went down hard, slept long.  I woke a few times.  Rolling and fussing, but in a good way.  My body fought for the sleep and comfort it needed, and got it.  Ten to twelve hours down.  I feel better for it.  Dreams.  A dream.  A pop answers it, if they keep using the secular cover art.  I know where and how to find my preferred art now.  Very strange that they do that.  One more struggle.  The thing is, how do things populate with my dreams and which side insists on the secular, or for me?  I don't trust any of the bastards, and women even less.

Ah, found at least part of the problem.

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Warmth is required currently.  It has been raining and quite cold lately.  It was 38 F last I checked.  If it has changed I would wager, were I a betting man, that it would go colder. The thermostat, which I just reset, slipped to nearly off.  Had to think... right... requires the hold to be set or to be programmed.  Hold is now on, if it needs a bit to warm.  Ugh.

Hmm.   It was at 70, but that just wasn't enough.  Here's to 72.  I need warmth with the cold and aches.  Dishes are reset, dinner is going, laundry is getting a fluff, and I have been working on boxes.  After the next wash, a shave and shower.  I am sure I will clear the dishes soaking, and three loads of laundry, two already at some stage.  I am pretty sure about a shower and shave.  As well, I think trash and recycling will be collected and set to go.  More dishes and laundry?  Bathroom cleaning?  More boxes?

I'll get a good bit, even if none of the extras.  Any of that will just be grand plusses.  Not as good as l-'s, but it'll do.  Steak is almost ready.  Oh, blood sugar was 240 fasting, 301 several hours up without food, then 207 after peanuts and tea, and 234 several hours after all.  Hmm.  Whatever.  Bleh.

Steak!

What is it I see?

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A maybe.  Such things.  Would rather be able to close my eyes and stop seeing.

Even when I despise the targets, I'd not wish this on them.

How, why?

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It hurts almost everywhere.  Muscle groupings, forward thighs, calves, lower back, biceps triceps, others, and unnameable areas between.  I have no idea why.  Have I been so sedentary, along with the recent chill, that any work would get me?  Have I been doing just enough, for long enough, that along with the cold, again, I am susceptible to quick muscular exhaustion and ache?

So long as it is muscles I don't care.  Did I mention both sides of my lower rib cage, forward... sure reminds me of when I would do hundreds, pushing near a thousand setups.  Yes, you can.  But it would cost you.  A misery, currently, but one I definitely love.  Unless I am mistaken, this can only be good.  There are pains... ouch, my left thumb!?!... you must endure in faith and hope, then there is pain which offers great returns.  This, unless I am horribly mistaken, is the latter.  I have missed this sort of thing.  Now to add swimming to the menu.

It may simply be from working while my body isn't ready?  That might be much more taxing than simple calculations would indicate, especially for me.  Whatever the case, as with the pains of massages, my goal is to relax into the pain.  It's how I learned to do long ago.  That pain (and what brings it), and right breathing, brings all of strength and endurance.  -  Teh Management

I slept long.  Could not wake, except to pee.  Up around 18:30, so between eight and nine hours down.  Yes, I set the alarm.  Tried to work with it, failed.  So much for a nap, but I gave the notion a solid effort.  I will do more work today, if I won't push, or try to lag.  A nice medium pace as able.  More dishes, laundry, a shave and maybe a shower, and managing boxes and clutter.  It is good to work through mechanical pain.  It's the best way to untie the knots.

But first, to wake up.  Resting blood sugar was 240.

Later.

Cold. Raining.

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I had to close shop, windows anyway.  It dropped into the 40's and that rain will sap the life from you.  I had to step into it.  No surprise this time if it is even colder.  Snow on the way?  Seriously?  Yeah.  I may turn the heat on, it is getting pretty chilly.

I keep thinking I hear Sassy meowing.  But no matter were I go, it is very far out of range, and as if she was in a container.  I've been hearing that for several days now.  In spite of my suspicions, I go and seek, futilely, anyway.  Indoors or out, it sounds the same.  Never do I seem to get closer.  Then it just stops.  It is why I am almost sure she is dead.  She isn't the first dead, even pet, to... contact me.  Though, maybe she...

A bite to eat, now on to bed.  Just a nap.  I'll set the alarm for three hours, if I hope, plan, to be up before that.  Sleep is going to be off and odd for numerous reasons.  I'll do what I can.  Burrrrr!  It really is cold.  And the rain froze even my frigid blood.

When I wake, back to it.  All indoor work for obvious reasons.  If it dries, I'll get out and process the wood.  And if the ground dries, I'll transplant the horseradish.  Life is good.  Later.

Awake, but early or late?

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Either way, it is nearly 2:30.  I went to bed a bit before or after 21:00 or 21:30.  Oh, I looked, but have no recall.  I remember hearing it, being told, it was nearing one of those times.  I crashed pretty much immediately after.  As well, just as I was waking the harsh headache was just lifting, mostly.  I love when that happens.  No aspirin before bed, either.  Should have, can't always think through the pain.  May take some now.

Rested, mostly.  Some sort of internal termoil, been an issue for days.  I actually suspect that is probably a good thing.  Huh?  It feels like when I would kill it on setups, back when I could.  Muscles in the midsection getting used to the point of growth.  Guess what a lot of bending to plant, or pick up branches, or work on other things will do.  Right.  It will act functionally as a setup.  So all good.  Yeah, I was worried the first few days, until it "got worse" the next, and each subsequent, work day.  Why the quotes?  Because pain from effort or exercise is a good, in my book.  That is supposed to happen, and healing from or into it will lead to greater strength and maybe endurance.  If, in this case, it has odd extra effects, being in the midsection.

I am not sure it is a true fasting blood sugar read.  It is as close as can be had today.  It is 198.  Not a great improvement, just a bit, and still trending.  I'll take it.

A good start to a better day.  I can take my time waking, yet have a seriously solid opportunity at work.  Dishes, laundry, into the kitchen, into the living room, a shave, a shower, who knows.  I will dig in though, and probably tomorrow.  I want things done so I can properly take Sunday off.  If I can't get to church yet, perhaps the readings of the day and contemplation of those.  Perhaps I could find a recorded mass.

I found one of the rosaries, one of the blessed  ones.  But... I found it in one of the first, and tenth, and thirtieth places I looked... my bible sachel.  Yeah, I look in 'circles', coming back through.  Not that I thought it was in with the bible, I know where it was, with the Catholic book, Becoming Christ or such, which remains missing, as does my other blessed rosary.  At least I can begin saying the rosary again.  I can hear Satan lamenting my willful ways even now, and it is heaven to my ears.

Sassy remains missing.  At this time, presumed kia.  It didn't hit me, because I was avoiding thinking about it, when Sam started acting so forlorn.  Looking everywhere, including trying to find her kittens again.  I had almost believed that Sam didn't like Sas. She does, and is missing her terribly.  I... just think, this time, she is gone.  Recent events acted as omen or threat.  It's been a week?  Perhaps... hope is thin.  Having a cat yeowling and searching, and coming to me with that hollow look... at least I'm not the only one.

I best get to my day.  Later.

Hmm.  Mood music.

A long nap.

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Close enough.  Waking was rough.  Back to branches.  A bush was trimmed well, a couple of trees were taken out... Too close to the garage, but not easily visible until shrubs were reduced.  The air compressor was also fixed, and works well.  The old part was obviously defective.  Still, I would like to see if it can be made to function.  If nothing else, I can take it in to locate parts to move the drain out from under the tank.

Then steak.  It is the way to go.  He did eat more if not quite all of it.  He doesn't eat the fat though.  I don't care, mostly.  Just a bit of food competition.

I have a serious headache from too little sleep.  Back to bed.  Good night, again.

Daily tally.

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Or finals, actually.  The soaking dishes were finished, two loads were set to soak.  Done there for now.  Laundry... The load dried was finished, the drying load needed more time, the load in the wash will go into the dryer shortly.  More folding?  Maybe.  A shower was taken.  I am hoping to fold/hang laundry.  I have a lot of laundry left to do.  Oh, and I did sort several boxes in the living room.

Blood sugar at 9:00ish was 209.  It is now 229 (13:30).  I suppose blood sugars wobble?  No food eaten in there.

Good.  Not all I wanted.  Probably more than I should have expected.  Tired.  Might only get a nap?  Best just go down, after switching laundry loads.  Yeah.  Good day.

Why update?

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It keeps me going.  I am falling asleep.  I want to do more.  This helps.

I reset dishes.  The water got cold.  I did change bedding, then took the old sheets and all to the laundry room, set a load drying, then set a load to wash but stopped it.  I want to shower first.  I am folding clothes, and will hang some shortly.  Not sure the living room will get work though.  Just too late already and moving too slow.

My mother called.  All good.  Just lost track of her phone.  As well, a cousin is staying at her place, so deliveries won't be a problem.  She is pleased as punch to watch her granddaughters grow up.  There is just something to that.  It's a parent's real hope.  It's the return on investment.  I won't call again while she is there.  Her time is short, busy, I'll let her alone to it.  It is pleasing to note the heartbreak in the joy.  The better aches of life.

I'd better shower, start the next load, finish dishes then soak another load, then handle dried laundry more.  Then to bed.  Good night, and day, in advance.

Bits and parts.

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I am not moving at a solid pace.  A part here, some there, moving along.  I am not sure if I'll put a second load of laundry through.  If I do, it might end up just to the dryer.  I'll fold one load shortly, deciding at that point.  A load of dishes has been washed, is rinsing.  The dry stuff has been put away.  Supper has been eaten.  Blood sugar is 209.  A really small meal hike (compared to my recent reading sets).

I have windows open.  A perfect day to clear the place.  I will change the sheets before heading back to the washroom, which leads to another task, a shower.  Fresh sheets deserve that extra step.  Well, then I'll need to stay awake in order to fully dry off.  I best get to things or I'll just crash.

Again, later or good night, and day.

So late, yet...

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I am digging in.  Laundry is going.  Two loads, plus one in the dryer, will be done.  The grill is going for another meal.  A load of dishes are set, some need put up, and I'd like to push two more loads through.  As well, I plan to do some work in the living room.  Really?  It's the plan.  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  We'll see.

I forgot my mother was travelling this week.  Sent her Mother's Day stuff.  Ugh.  I am sure she has a neighbor or friend who could check on things.  Still.  Oh well.  She tried to call me yesterday.  I just got the message today?  Anyway, her call had showed as it should have I wouldn't have placed the order.  I tried to call this morning, the line went to voice-mail.  Either they are having breakfast or she is sleeping in.  Travel gets rough every year on.

Raining, and yet warm... warmer, at 48-52 F.  I think.  Strange and stranger.  Oh, but that rain will chill to the bone.  I, in my temporary morning naivety, tested it, thinking warm air would mean warm rain.  Not even close.  Now I know.  We aren't getting so much rain that I regret watering.  Just a light sprinkle, I think.  Enough to wash the dust away, for a bit?  Very strange world lately.  Even so, I am going with cooler sheets.  Flannels served their purpose but that is over.

Later, if my plans succeed.  Good night if not.

Stranger blood readings.

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With the low fasting blood sugar, I expected a much lower premeal reading.  For the first time that I hane seen I got the opposite.  It went from 200 to 242 for no reason.  The rise from the meal was very slight, going to 274, eating a half inch steak, half a can of asparagus with butter, and about two quarts of milk.  I was still hungry, so a few hours later I ate nearly an eight ounce container of unshelled peanuts.  An hour after, I checked blood again.  I expected it to have jumped, perhaps a lot.  185? What?

Nothing is making sense with blood sugar tonight.  Sure, the meter could be off.  Though I suspect other things.  Beside all anatomy working in odd ways, potential odd readings, and other things, sometimes you can't be certain.  I actually do trust the meter and readings.  It is merely that the body is a strange animal.

Whatever.  Still hungry.  I will have to eat again before long.  Later.

Ta-da?

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No, not really.  A healthy long sleep, dreams, the arrival of toys and the compressor part, and a good wake.  There are those things.  Fasting blood sugar also sets a new low at 200 (I think?).  Day by day, if I have to push things when I can, it really is improving.  I'll hold off food for several hours, it usually drops a lot when I do so.  Hunger is reducing, and yet I am not quite to fasting yet, or multiple day fasting.  I am nearly at single day fasting, or... close.  If I go strictly carnivorous for a bit, I think I can.  Which I might well do.

With the water set, I will hit the garden area first.  I am going to use a sprinkler that is questionable.  I am hoping to tinker it into function, within preferred tolerances.  If not, I have another one.  If that doesn't work I have two more options.  Being broken, so I can't always work, I have time to think.  First, however, some transplanting... j. artichokes and horse radish plants.

Dishes, bedding, and laundry, after outside.  Ugh.  Got to get to it!  I'll do the transplants first, or check the lawn sprinklers for aim setting, first.  Depending on how fast the light is fading.  These I will do before my customary wake time.  Light is going fast.  Later.
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What isn't lined up is going.  I didn't transplant everything, there were so many j. artichokes they wore me out.  So many I decided to keep five in the planters, if I moved those plants to the centers of the planters.  The first sprinkler just didn't do it.  The second one might, if it means moving it frequently.  Of all the options, that seems best, so I will stick with it for now.

NOW I can rest.  Wake up.  Enjoy my tea.  If I need to cool down as well.  Hmm, might light the grill.  And pull pork out, ribs or roast though?  Wait, I suggested steak for tomorrow, though I can cook both.  Anyway...  I'll check blood sugar before eating, probably.

Bedtime.

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I set up the sprinklers and hoses.  Clouds were, perhaps still are, preventing the sun from shining through, if just on the eastern horizon.  I didn't trust them to hold, so skipped watering the one area that might have worked.  I am hoping to get a few things planted from planters into the soil, then water the eastern patch when I wake.  The lawn won't be started until much later.

Some asparagus is up.  Only, say, a fifth of what was planted?  I need to water that much more.  The rhubarb is doing gangbusters, if I did need to trim the seed pods.  Not much from the jerusalem artichoke I planted, but many are coming up in the planters.  I had though those all dead.  Even the trees are doing much better with much of the dead out.  Oh, and birds have definitely found all the food I put out.  I'll add one more spot and refill occasionally.  Don't want to kill them with kindness.

Just one meal.  Resting blood sugar was 199,after it was 251 and stayed that high until just recently.  Finally dropping to 199.  I had a large glass (quart) of milk an hour after supper.  That was probably it.  A liquid dinner you can bank on?  If I have to go fluid, milk is my preference.  Still, I'm only claiming one meal.  I may have a batch of pistachios before sleeping though.  Hungry, but don't want to mess it up too much.

I need to get to work in here too.  Ugh.  Just have to get some things going.  Not the more this morn.  Good night.

Okay. I think so.

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Several things are making more sense.

Blood sugar is trending lower.  Fasting was down to 219 again, then is down to 199 after a few hours up and some work.  The readings may not be perfect but they are solid improvements.  Having a 160 range reading is very good.  Without fasting, multi day fasting anyway, and without "medicine".  The real problem?  I am too well to sleep for weeks, mostly without eating... if that is still a preferred problem.  I used to starve clean of diabetes.  Now it's just a bit more work.

Steak, potato, peas, and tea, for my first meal.  I need to pull pork out, another boneless butt.  I can't eat beef steaks everyday, and pork isn't bad either.  I just wanted to see how it would do.  Roasted anything is rather tasty.

More work tonight.  Mowing, some weedwhipping, the patio cleared and cleaned, and a bit more.  Plus I know which days to expect him.  Two days a week.  Regular schedule.  That helps.  I have the next work day charted, among the chores, cleaning gutters and putting in ac.  I meant to water but the day escaped me.  I'll set things up before going to bed tonight/this morning and hit it tomorrow.

I like to work.  Help, well, helps!  I have other things I need to get on, both for helper projects, plus solo efforts, business, and such.  Can, I keep up, push myself, guide?  It is the goal.  Hopefully he will get small experience, plus some money, and man food.  Flooring and some drain and water works in the en suite, roof painting, eventually gutters, and fiddly mockups getting ac's boarded and insulated in windows.  Plus, it is hoped, he will keep me going to clear the way for projects.  I don't think it will kill me, if I won't always be able to help?  If I can make sure something(s) are available to do, I'm good.  Not much, but say, 16 to 32 hours a month?  Food and toys covering some?  Something in that range, plus or minus, give and take.  Of course that means as much as double or triple the hours worked for me?  I hope.

Later.