Something is very off.

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I crashed again.  I am not sure... hmm, actually I did a read right before going back to bed, to make sure it wasn't a blood sugar dip I wasn't sensing.  It says 11:10, so up to ten minutes after.  I am woke at 18:30, so a full night's sleep.  It has been dark.  That might be it.  And it is already sundown at this time.  So... yeah, it's a seasonal adjustment phase.  Ugh.

I did get blood sugar to 148 earlier.  A quart of milk did that, as popcorn doesn't really move the dial.  At waking, blood sugar is 109 fasting.  Crazy.  With sleep crashing in as it is, I may have to just peg taking slow acting insulin at a specific time of day, say between 17:00 and 19:00, unless I will be sleeping... adjusting as necessary.  It gets screwy when time gets lost in sleep though.

Fresh tea is brewing.  The last of the pudding will be had, or nearly?  Probably makes for or five half cup servings.  With a few nuts or seeds, it makes a reasonable side.  And it is nice to have chocolate that doesn't shred keto and diabetes.  Halloween candy wouldn't have been so nasty if I had found this first.  I'll bet they have vanilla and butterscotch too.  I am not fond of butterscotch, but... even my diet isn't all about me? Right.  You don't have to understand, if every mother who cooks for a family does.

A side ache?  As if gassy?  The world is a dark, strange, place.  My dreams were... not good.  Prophetic.  I won't share though.  No use.  Americans have decided their fate.  No words will change the collective suicide of a people.  What does surprise me is how so many will be so surprised when they finally realize what has happened.

Later.

What am I doing right or wrong?

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Seriously lower blood sugar.  After a reasonable meal, no fast acting insulin, blood sugar is 85.  I have to eat more.  I need to shop tomorrow, meats.  I may lower the slow acting dose.  Say, down 5 cc's to 20 cc's.  I am already not using fast acting often.  It's still good to have on hand.  The thing is, morning blood draws are still a bit high.  Tricky to get this without getting that.

A bowl of popcorn will do?  Yeah.

Ducks were let out.  I feed them enough for two days, but like to put fresh water daily, and let them out for a bit.  If I can be up correctly, letting them out twice would be good.  With the posts holes dug, I just need to decide the best way to set the posts.  Cement is out.  Either foam or dirt, with or without tarring the posts first.  I... just don't know.

I'd like to do whites, finish the dishes in the sink, shower, and set up dishes in the tub.  Maybe.  Oddly, with the furnace only at 70°, I am almost too warm.  Bundled, but no more than usual.  I'm telling you, my body is really weird.  When it works, fully...  St. Michael's sword?  Son.  Believe as you wish, I only suspect.  I am all but sure it has to be crippled... until the trumpet sounds.  So be it.

A nap, it turns out.

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I really thought, from feel and experience, that I was going down for a longer count.  Sore, sleepy, weary, groggy, all together in one packet.  I wanted to go down long.  Three hours about as exactly as... no I think just exactly... given a half minute to settle in and similar to rise.

Blood sugar is 72 at waking.  I best eat.  No need for insulin.  Oh, earlier I suggested I wouldn't dose if below twenty.  Unless I was eating.  Since I always eat when I dose... my real cutoff is around 100-110, depending on what I am eating.  Just a fatted tea?  110.  A fatted tea, three eggs and cheese, plus etc?  100.  I am well below dosing.  Hmm, I have tuna and pudding, with walnuts this time.  And a glass of milk.

Very strange.  I am not eating or drinking much differently than before.  Something doesn't make sense unless my suspicions, certain among them, were true.  The rooster indeed?  Indeed.  Later.

Crashing.

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Probably need food, meat.  Liquid food is limited.  Eggs are thin too, even pickled.  Everything I have in stock is light food.  I finally looked at the instructions for sugarless chocolate pudding.  I always thought cooking would be involved.  Nope.  Just add the packet to milk, add whatever sugar replacement, and beat for two minutes.  Really?  Out of curiosity and hunger plus wanting something different, I did it.  I let it chill for an half hour, then had a small pyrex ramikan of the stuff, with a small grab of pecans.  Not bad.  But, again, too light to manage hunger, or meat craving.

The temp was turned up when I woke, so it isn't that, if I am still cold.  Perhaps yesterday just wore me out.  Not all that much but it is the most done in some time.  Then again, what woke me was a massive bloody nose.  I was dead asleep, but felt something, then initially tasted the blood.  Was still tired, but the fuss disturbed sleep.

Back to bed.  Good night, again I guess.

A nap was the plan.

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I... seem able to lose time in all ways, if without control.  I had been keeping to days and nights, very roughly.  Up many hours, twelve to twenty or so, then down six to twelve.  Not a plan, can't control or contain sleep or wakefulness, but at least I had some sense of a day and night.  One slip doesn't mean it is gone, if it often indicates a return to cycle chaos.

After my last blood sugar read, I ate a bit as 83 was too low given I had eaten.  So I had a fatted tea and a big bowl of buttered popcorn.  That raised blood sugar to 110.  Three hours later it was down to 94 already.  No, no more insulin.  I won't take insulin below 120.  I am actually having trouble keeping blood sugar up!  Very strange.  But, for now, I will take it.  It is 113 fasting at around 18:30...  I can't be certain when I crashed, perhaps 8:30, give or take two hours.  But my last meal was several hours before the 110 reading... so definitely fasting.  However, I didn't take my long acting insulin because I intended a nap only.  Bleh.

Today?  The list remains.  Not much else to say.  For whatever reason, pretty much every muscle group is a bit sore.  Later.

Stews, fish, and other keto recipes.

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Stews are on my mind.  First, because I love them, if I fear dabbling in that arena.  As well, because it is fall/winter.  There are no better seasonsfor these.  The other recipes, save one, are items I miss.  Perhaps a keto version would... allow a taste I generally don't dare.  I am doing very well with diet and insulin.  But my desires will lead me astray.  These might help.  The last recipe is for a favored lady, her favorite pie.

Fried, battered foods?  Oh, so miss those!  Perhaps these?

Something, anyway.

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A neighbor suggested he would be having a tractor in town, one I knew had a post hole digger attachment.  So I asked about that.  Just two holes, for the gate to the duck pen.  He let me know when.  Yesterday, at near my bedtime.  Beggars can't be choosers.  H ad to cut a few branches to get the tractor in, but those needed to go anyway.  I've had to duck and dodge through them for... since I have had the ducks... every time I went to feed and water the ducks.

I guess, one might say I was helping.  He and the tractor did most of the work.  Branches were removed as well.  Nothing else hereabouts, but it was a good day just for that.  I was awake to 13:30, then woke at 20:30.  Blood sugar was 79 as I was going to bed, so I ate a handful of nuts and took slow acting, skipping my last fast acting dose altogether.  Blood sugar is 108 fasting, weekly average is 117.  Getting there.  I think that is the lowest fasting blood sugar and weekly average I have seen since restarting intervention, either keto or insulin, if I kept falling off keto.

Tea is brewing.  A fatted tea breakfast.  I may make a chia seed lunch, or added breakfast.  I really need to go shopping, I just want a few bills paid first.  And focus is weak.  I'll keep at it.  I hope to take a nap later, so as to be more read tomorrow.  I... hope.  Lungs burn.  Tired.  Just not enough problems and pain to stay asleep.

Later.

Another second chance!

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Oh hushutup!  It is so too funny.  Even in a joyous way.  Even if I never do another thing.  How?  God is still with me.  Yeah, it is that simple.

Oh, well, sure.  He wants me to work.  But then, I want to work.  We are on the same page that way.  Now, being God, He does know, what all, is wrong.  That I am missing.  I do believe I do what I can within the present circumstances.  Sometimes I do more.  I consider those as gifts from God.

Still, I make plans and attempt to do more.  And may do more, soon.

Blood sugar is 128 fasting.  I think the weekly average isn't a running seven day average, but the average from Monday to Sunday.  Or the other way.  It, by the way, is 121.  That seemed wrong, but I have probably only had three high numbers.  The rest have been between the 80s and 130s.  So, strange, but true.  Later.

Nothing.

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Blood sugar is superior though.  After the big meal and 10 cc's, blood sugar at 110 was quite good.  I feared that meal, a bit.  Something strange is going on.  Anyway, a fatted coffee and 8 cc's, plus three hours, has it at 89.  Very good.

I believe I am going to crash though.  I had been staying up to about noon.  Something is failing today.  It has been for a while, but it is just now hitting sleep... or really the ability to be awake.  Good night.

Still nothing.

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There remains hope.  There is time today yet.  And there is tomorrow.  Plus sleep is much better with the mattress.

A few small things.  Blood sugar was 103 so another smaller 10 cc dose with lunch.  Three ounces of tuna, a tablespoon of mayo, a keto pita, half a can of unsweetened peaches with a tablespoon of cream, and tea.  Tasty?  I rarely can afford to eat for flavor.  When I do, it is beef, when I can afford it.  I can't even afford chuck roast or hamburger anymore, not often.

If blood sugar stays low...  It took a while to adjust consumption to get closer to 8 cc's. Still at 10, but I needed 20 or more, if Halloween was haunting my program.  Am I eating too little though?  Is that part of the problem?  I should check my weight the next time I shower.  Loosing weight would be worth it.  Though, to be honest, I don't think even a pound is gone.  Will see.

Yes, I am hoping to do a few things.  If I can sleep, I will though.  Obviously, my days and nights are spinning.  I have no schedule, having lost as many as two hours a day for the last near week.  I don't even hear alarms, so have stopped setting them.  I'll keep trying, for what it is worth.  A woman would help.  It's an odd thing.  Half of it is to be with her, half is to get out and escape her.  But it is a good thing.  Later.

Dead to the world.

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It could be worse.  I was able to eat lightly yesterday.  I did a load of laundry.  And the futon type mattress which arrived yesterday was installed.  It is, by the way, vastly superior to what I had been using, blankets and a quilt folded into a topsheet.  As well, the cats and ducks were tended.

It has been warm enough to refill the kiddie pool without it freezing.  Into the 50's.  Between yesterday and today I was able to get that arranged for some well pleased ducks.  So well pleased they really didn't want to go back in, even after an extended stay outside.  I am hoping they get a few more pool days yet.

Other than those things I could either not remember or not physically act.  Dead to the world one way or another.  But!  No pain lately.  Or... nothing remembered.  Fog of mind and lack of short term memory are sometimes far superior to any medicinal pain killer.  Although, it feeds the harrowing nature of the best within.  The mind may be freed of physical horrors, but the body suffers and keeps score.  It becomes... meaner, even feral.

Blood sugar is 130 fasting.  I am cutting consumption and fast acting insulin.  At this level, with just a fatted tea, I will try 8 cc's.  Depending on what my read is, in three to four hours, I'll decide then.  I have seriously been cutting food.  I'll bet I am under 2k calories.  At my size, that is pinched.  But doable on real keto.  The trick is staying on keto and in ketosis.

I'll try to hit the list today.  I forgot to warm the place yesterday.  At best that didn't help.  I'll heat it higher, to push for a shower.  Then get the bathroom clean, start dishes, and the run whites.  Hmm, I might wash the blankets and bedspread first, actually.  I'm not sure what to eat.  I'd also like to get a few lamps upstairs.  A floor and end table lamp... which will require and end table.  I need a woman!  They love tinkering in a home, and will even sometimes do what is asked!  ;p  I'll think on that.  All of that.  Later.

Awake.

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Actually I have been awake for a bit now.  Sorting through life thoughts, the Internet, and pet care.  It was warm enough that I set up the pool for the ducks.  They aren't keen on being out.  Still...  Then fed and put happily away.  I didn't check the temp, but I would bet mid 50's, low 60's.  It was nice.  I wish I could have been out in it.

Caps arrived.  I have enough to compare various brands and types.  All is in for hummus save the larger batch of beans and fresh lemons.  I need to clear space to work in the kitchen.  So...  And, actually, I am behind on the other work.  But, tonight!?! I am hoping.

A shower shortly.  Then cleaning the (clear and well swept) bathroom.  Wool and new hats washed together, then whites as a last load.  The bigger items into a big shower bin, then set to soak, and a final hit on the dishes in the sink... to then be rinsed and dried.  Perhaps, in there, I can open up several places to work.  The kitchen is the next area to hit anyway.

Not sure all is possible today, but that is my list.  If I didn't have severe physical limitations, that is what sorts of lists I would do daily, until the place was caught up, then while maintaining, I would go back to school.  Though, honestly, it looks like all S.T.E.M.s work is deported or workers imported.  It is low quality, but no one cares.  I'm not sure what is worth getting a degree in now?

Anyway, there is the plan for today, and possibly tomorrow, or even the week.  Start with what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.  St. Francis of Assisi, I think, said that... or at least is reasonably quoted as having said it.  Dang saints!  Still, I will try.

Hmm?  Oh, fasting blood sugar was 144 fasting.  So a fatted coffee and milder dose.  My weekly average is 135.  Improving.  Thankfully, Halloween is over.  I am still waking, will see what can be done... soon?  Hungry though, now.  Later.

Someone is... seeking?

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Music from long ago.  And new but pointed songs.  Hiding the trail here but not there.  Oh, I suspect who.  As with others, shadowed.  But I see.

Not much.

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Have you ever been driving, with the intention of shopping, visiting friends, and doing a bit of sightseeing, getting out on some highway far from anywhere, then realizing you are just about out of gas?  The only possible thing to do is to return home immediately, as fuel is too far away in any other direction?

Your day is over before it could really start.  You might not even actually make it to fuel, but you should get, at worst, to within a short walk.  Even then, a neighbor might offer a ride if that happens.  Yeah, well, that is what is happening to me bodily.  I ate, had several fatted teas, will have another shortly.  Blood sugar dropped to 85 after a meal and fatted tea, with a light insulin dose earlier, from at 132.

I did reset dishes in the sink, tend feline and fowl, ate, called my mother...  Nothing else.  I am hoping for a shower, and to set up the other dishes, gather the clean clothes and fold them or put them under foot for tomorrow.  That will be it.  Looks like I will be crashing early, if I can get going, or even get up, soon.  Two hours later, after another hefty fatted tea, it is still 85.  I didn't dose last time.  Running low on fuel.  Might see what else is available to eat.

Later, or good night.

Foods.

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Being a new month, and nearly caught up on bills, I decided to buy a few food items, in some quantity.  One group of items is for homemade hummus.  After I found a bean I could still have, if only in a particular form, I have been jonesing for the stuff.  I love it anyway.  That it, as a recipe, somehow is keto friendly?  A Godsend.

Garbanzo beans, very fresh, are cheap in bulk.  Even tahini isn't expensive.  Finding unadulterated extra virgin olive oil is a bit of a trick.  You are flying almost on blind faith with that.  The only thing I have to have fresh is lemons (or limes)?  Every bottled juice of those I have tried, regular, organic, from acidic volcanic islands... all spike my blood sugar, significantly even from a capful.  No, has to be fresh, then no problem.

The thing is, I simply haven't had almost any extra money so hadn't checked prices.  I could have afforded it.  But, when so squeezed, even looking at prices is fear inducing. Finally, I have come, seen, purchased.  Further, it will be in by Wednesday, barring events, weather, or...  it happens.  I'll pick up a few fresh lemons soon.

A better second start.

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Washing the face and eyes seemed like a bad plan at first.  The sting in the eyes became almost unbearable, open or closed.  Cooling off, as well, was a slow process.  The aspirin was the fastest help.  It wasn't until nearly eleven that I went down.  Blood sugar was 125 at that point... an odd thing.  That it went up without food, while awake...

When I did go down sleep came fast.  I didn't sleep all that long, just to fifteen hundred?  Or up to an half hour less.  Eyes are still just a bit pinched.  Not sure why.  There were a few very minor pains while crawling out, but they have melted.  I am still a bit tired, but what I would expect from a broken sleep.  Yes, better.  Well within capacitance to not only remain awake, but perhaps get to a few things.

A shower, shortly.  So as to set up bigger items to soak in a bin in the tub.  Then to set up those jars, cookie sheets, and such.  Giving the smaller items in the kitchen sink a first wash and reset next.  Then back to laundry.  Just a small load of whites.  Though, if I have enough wool and synthetics to combine, I may run those first.  Both loads will be small by item number, but the whites include turkish cotton bath sheets, which are massive.  A petite fiveish foot women could disappear in one.  I'd... love to see that.  And more.  ;p

Blood sugar is 135 fasting.  I am about to have a fatted tea or coffee.  This time, I will be dosing at just 8 cc's.  If it is below forty, and I am eating right and light, I will try to cut the fast acting.  Later I will have a few burgers.  I have low carb mayo and zero carb relish with it.  No bun, of course, no ketchup, sometimes mustard... avoiding dijon... always sweetened, honey is sugar is maple syrup is most fruit syrups is sugar.  Fruit, generally, is sugar.

Awake, if only to sort things out.

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I went to bed at four.  Though I can't remember which clock or device was used to check the time.  With the hour change last night, it could have been... whatever... the other other time.  It seemed warm, and was for upstairs.  Perhaps it is due to no wind? When I took the trash to the curb, it was 22° outside.  It may be that if there is moisture, and it freezes, it seals the roof?  It is 55° up there regularly now.  It had been 50° to 52° most of this "fall".

Beside the warmth, something else was going on.  Organ pains, nerve pains(?) as if shot through the leg, than an arm, a sense of excessive body warmth which persists, the neck pain is back, and my eyes continue to burn.  Sleep was difficult, intermittent.  I decided to get up to just wrap my head around the problems, perhaps see about solving some problems or symptoms.

Blood sugar was checked.  After a small dose with my last fatted coffee, it was 105 before bed.  So I took my regular night dose of the slow acting insulin.  I'm not sure what it should be, as I rarely wake and haven't randomly checked blood sugar at night (without an obvious problem, and that was just once).  It is 103.  Seems good.

The organ pains are lighter, but persist.  The eyes still burn.  Body heat remains seemingly elevated but without being a fever, or feverish.  It's more like body heat from exertion, only minus anything.  I just want to sleep.  Aspirin, washing my face and eyes, a bit of time to cool and for those things to work...  Later, or good night.

A few more starts and a... story.

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Not as fast or as much as hoped.  Mostly little things.  I cooked burgers for several days... it is all I have until I can shop.  I swept the floor, again again, better.  I did several loads of laundry... I can't remember if one is still in the washing machine?  I will finish that tonight.  A load of whites tomorrow.  A shower was taken.  The cats and ducks as well.

I am so tired from so little.  Trash has to be finished, but it is pretty close.  Eyes are burning from exhaustion.  Odd.  Odder still, blood sugar started out at 223.  I dosed 30 cc's, 10 more than I normally would at say ~180.  I did that with two fatted teas.  Then I had two small and two larger beef patties.  Three hours after my last meal, blood sugar is 101!  That doesn't make sense.

I am going to shower again tomorrow, or I would start dishes.  Hmm, actually, the kitchen sinks are open enough.  I could get a dishpan or two going, of the smaller items.  A lot of the bigger stuff is too big to all soak in those.  Yes, that would be good. Then to bed.

Ah, the story, if you must.
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Almost a normal wake.

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I have completely lost my morning, but that was already happening.  Blood sugar is high, at 223, but I expected that.  I was hoping it wasn't higher.  On the good side, with high blood sugar I am comfortable in shorts, a t-shirt, and my house flip-flops.  I was actually too warm to continue sleeping.  It was 55° up there, which is three degrees warmer than usual...  then again, as I sleep into the day, it will be warmer.  The sun.

Tea is brewing.  I'll have to sweep the bathroom again... bumped one of the planters over.  Meh, that one needed replanted and more planter dirt added anyway.  The litter has been cleared, and a timer set to feed the girls.  Two hours after waking, if my schedule is more or less regularly irregular, that is the rule.  It usually keeps them from harassing me or trying to wake me.  Usually.  Yes, they have learned to know about when, and what noises, will wake me, even when I shut the door to keep them out.  Just as smart as any kid, on some things.

A shower, after sweeping.  Oh, and giving laundry a short warm whirl.  Then, perhaps, folding while I wake?  A next load of laundry in, after the shower and dishes set?  Then three hours for waking.  I am feeling better, if a bit shot.  Still,  every few hours, I might be able to claw my way to chores.  A nap later, if needed.  I'll keep trying.

Not a bad recovery from a near disaster.  I way overreacted, with carb tabs, but I was crawling out of both death and sleep.  I didn't have full faculties, and wires got crossed.  And, anyway, I would far rather have it even way too high than even to just 70.  I did the best I could.

If you ever approach death, and understand... or understood... what is happening, you know how powerful the will to escape it is.  Only when terribly damaged, with no forthcoming escape from pain in the foreseeable future, have I attempted to go towards death.  If, as mentioned, I am not good at death.  Fun times!  Later.

Some, but done for the night.

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The toilet is clean.  The second load, when... if... it is dry will herald bedtime.  A shower taken.  A few other little things, tiny projects, such as watering the plants then hanging them.  Leaving them in the tub, in the winter, can and almost has killed them.  It doesn't sound like much, but was more than it sounds.

I am hoping to wash the bathroom, take another shower, start dishes, and get the trash out, tomorrow.  Trash is vital.  The rest is a hope.  Tired.  Should rest well.  A few pickled eggs and a fatted coffee to ease the crash.  Blood sugar was quite nice just now.  I'll remember the other insulin when I check laundry, as I go to bed.  Good night.
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Oops.  It has been a while, but I went a bit over on insulin.  I woke a few hour after going to bed in pretty serious distress.  Thankfully I keep glucose tabs up beside the bed.  They are already open, as when crashing dexterity, even strength, can be gone.  Absolutely glad I had them up and arranged.  There is no way I would have made it downstairs.  I couldn't get out of the closet area, or get up.  Wicked close call.

I ate some number, then made it down to have a glass of milk and shake off the last effects.  Back to bed.  I am probably lucky I am so sensitive to drops?  To wake from a dead sleep?  Good night.