Good.

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.

Fingers and mind are back to nimble, or seem to be.  Now, to get a shower and trim, get dressed, and... just get on with the day.

Somebody left cucumbers at the post office.  I snagged them.  It was a weekend, and I didn't think they would last.  I am eating the last one.  This one was rather large, wasn't sure what to expect.  Tasty.  Very.  Mostly I have eaten them with just a touch of salt.  This time I used salt, fresh ground white pepper, and the first half got a splash of white vinegar, the second half got a splash of white wine vinegar.  Can't... say there was a lot of difference.  If... that isn't a terrible thing either.  Quite tasty.  And, I feel better for not have wasted anything I took.  Gratitude, to whoever put them in there.

Hmm?  It looks like it is getting dark again?  Nope.  It's just that the sun isn't all that high yet.  And is coming at an angle so that it just isn't hitting as hard.  All good.  I was worried.  I am really hoping it dries out a bit, so as to get to weeding, maybe mowing, picking up sticks, and all that jazz.

Hmm... a fatted coffee, then a shower.  Perhaps a trim while the water heats.  Good morning and day.

A rather good sleep.

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The first alarm beat me by >.< that much.  I was getting up, just hadn't quite gotten up.  Six, the other one was set to eight.  A bit tight, the last, but going to bed so late, I feared putting the alarms too close together.  And, just realized, if it was the late alarm that worked, I'd have to rush.  Even so, I feel rushed.  The time isn't the time.  The time is actually an hour before the time, or half hour if I push it.  I hate pushing it.

I did get the last things done.  The serger is kitted, fitted, and ready to travel.  Everything but the manuals is in the bag.  The carry bag and all, plus the manuals, is down here, ready to go.

Sassy did sleep with me most of the night.  She also coughed up a hairball!  Ugh.  Thankfully I saw it before finding it with my foot.  *sigh*  It's... what they do.  Even with me helping to groom, brushing her fur, itching and massaging, she just has a lot of hair.  Though Sam had short hair, and still had problems too.  It's... just... a lot of fur, and a lot of grooming, and the cost of all the pretty fur.  Though, it's not done to be pretty.  Clean, but only to the degree that it neutralizes their odor, so that they are less of an easy target.

I even got medicine in, if I had to come down and do it after having almost forgotten?  Last night, yesterday night, maybe both.  I've had to insist.  But have been doing it.

First thing this morning, I made the bed.  I did okay, with it a bit frumpy last night.  But, would rather have it in better shape.  Especially as it gets cooler.  It was 67/66 upstairs, and 68/66 down here.  And it is 44 outside, and dry from the looks of it.  Another dry day or two, and I should be able to get on weeds, and maybe some of the branches.

A new week.  This week?  Just the same old list I haven't been able to hit.  Boxes, in here, then to town.  Then stripping this room to the floor and walls, save the computer and desk, and the book shelves.  Though I may begin pairing those books.  Some... just... won't ever be used again.  Some won't be, but I will keep.  Some are dated.  I will keep one each of the math type books, per subject.  And else, most likely.  Though, just one level per.  And, some, very old German books, will go.  I will only keep the newer language books of various sorts.  Well, and there are other books that just have no purpose anymore, never really did.  But those aren't the main aim, just a part of it.

I brushed my teeth first thing.  I will play a few games of Doom.  Just to get my brain and fingers going.  Then to drain the dishes, get a shower, put them back for a rinse.  Perhaps trim the beard just a tad.  Then to get dressed, so I almost look presentable.  What a world.  I may start pricing things, for the Xterra.  An oil filter, gas filter if it has one, and synthetic oil... plus other fluids... transmission, brake, radiator, who all knows.  I'll need a checklist.  I just added a gallon of wiper fluid.  I use it straight.  I have a new air filter, a cab filter, and a foam  to clean out a specific part of the air system.  The breaks sound great, but I would like to check them.  And, get her up, and just look around.  Perhaps lightly clean the engine, check the battery.  All sorts of fun things.  But, not until the first, for much of it.  Even if the breaks are a bit worn, not sure I can change the parts, or other parts, out for another month.  But I can check them.  Though I may be able to get some of these things done yet this week.

Well... on to a bit of gaming.  Then to a shower.  Hopefully, can do a morning duty before the shower.  But... you know how that sometimes works.  Want to, it blocks up and refuses.  What that, a woman, and a child, often have in common.  :p  Later.

I got it all.

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.

Well, actually, not quite.  Or yet.  I got dishes done, out of the way.  Showered, brushed my teeth.  Went to reach for the homemade mouthwash, but the little bottle was empty.  I am just so tired, didn't want to fuss with it tonight.  Still, I grabbed the big jar, to take it to the kitchen.  But it was half full!  I think I just put salt and baking powder in, adding iodine only as I fill the container for daily usage.  Which was done.  There is more left, so I won't need to make a larger batch again for... a while!  Nice.

The dishes were set back to a fresh water rinse.  Now, the only thing I need to do is get the stuff together for my sewing lesson tomorrow.  Most of it is ready, or right there.  So, it will be easy.  Then on to bed.  I'm leaving the door open, tonight.  Sassy may or may not visit.  She is funny that way.

Very good.  I didn't think much of this would happen.  It was getting so late!  I'll need to set the alarms, though.  I still hope to get another shower in, brush my teeth, and get going in plenty of time.  Ugh.  Goodnight, finally, and again.  Sleep well yourself, or work hard, or rest well.  :p  It is what it is until it is something else.  Good or bad, it is an opportunity.  *wink*

Oh!  Medicine!  I'll... get the last dose, and the insulin.  Been doing better, for a week now.  I... keep trying.  Buh-bye!

Well what do you know.

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Late.  Later than I wanted to even be up.  But... I... held out some hope that I would get to some things.  And, finally, I did!

I got all the trash out to the barrel, and recycling.  But there was only enough of trash, in the end, to take to the curb.  A good thing, as I don't think tomorrow is a recycling day.  The trash was only a third full, but it was enough.  Plus, as mentioned, earlier I cleared the litter boxes, redoing the nasty one.

Then I got food stored.  Not... all of it.  But more of it than I had initially thought to get stowed.  I had four packs, or two runs, planned.  But, then, I realized the things on the kitchen table could go.  I didn't get everything down, but I did okay.  I got two loads from the table, and a few other odds and ends as well.  Six trips, arms full?  Yea, about that.

Something else, too.  I can't remember what, but...  Oh, dishes.  The pots in the pots in the tub.  Done.  Well, given a first clean.  I actually think that should be enough.  I'll leave them to soak in a clear rinse overnight.  After I shower.  And, yes, I'll do that and brush my teeth.  Hmm, but I want to set up the mouthwash.  Little things, but... I want it done.  I'll do that, brush, shower, and then on to bed.  It's... a good run.  I just wish I could have gotten it going earlier.  I just... I couldn't.

Goodnight.

Well?

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Litter, I got Sassy's litter boxes.  Oh, I have been negligent.  But she has been a darling about it.  she kept most of the mess in just one, using the other two for... bigger loads.  Anyway.  Cleared, cleaned, and reset.  I'll refresh the whole lot at the end of the month.

I did that, as I realized taking out trash would be a good time.  And... as mentioned... I have been negligent.  I was worried I would need to redo all of it.  But... Sassy is a clean little lady.  Sam was too, until it all fell apart.  I don't blame her.  She did everything she could, for longer than she should have been required to do so.

Then, trash and recycling out.  Only one bag in each, so I'm not going to put them to the curb.  Probably.  Two things done, plus a visitor earlier.  Not a bad day.  Hoping to get a shower.  There was something else, but I'm not sure.  Though I would like to get a few more things down to storage, and prepare the serger for tomorrow.  And, have things clear to get a shower in the morning, too.

I have a few big pots, with smaller pots in them, and utensils, soaking.  Pushing it, to try to get those done, a shower, the rest, and to be to bed early enough.  Especially as slow as I am moving.  Still, that's... sort of the plan.  Will see.

It got up to 74, the highest I saw it.  Though with clouds here, then gone, and else, it may have gotten a bit warmer at spots.  Still, I think it was mostly just in the mid 70s.  It is up to 77 in this front room, strangely enough.  But is 68 or so in the rest of the house.  I haven't checked upstairs.  No fan has been going, even up there.  I'll be curious to see where it is at, tempwise, this evening.  Though it will probably cool between now and then.

Having a chicken and tomato bouillon brew, as I sit and think, and write.  Tasty.  I've added a bit of protein, as I haven't been getting much of that, as I haven't been drinking much coffee, or tea.  Mostly water these days.  All good.  Well... perhaps some gaming, to try to wrestle my way to a shower and those other chores.  Good evening, and day.   

Better and more?

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I haven't gotten to much.  But... I am feeling better.  Sometimes that is as good as it gets.  Still, the day isn't finished.  It did get dark again, but that is just fine.  I am... feeling better.  I'll get the trash after this post, then a shower.  Oh, and I need to refresh my homemade mouthwash.  I use two kinds, though one of them, the homemade stuff, I only use for serious preps (if I will be going out soon) or if I have been missing brushing, and want to make sure to clean the tiny monsters out.

If you are curious?  My homemade stuff, in an half gallon jug (a brown canning jar, if I don't think you could actually can in it?, but dark to protect the ingredients)... in that jar, I add an half cup salt, an half cup baking soda, and as much iodine (yes, the stuff used on cuts) as I think is needed.  I haven't measured, but I am guessing an eighth to a quarter cup?  Then, I shake that, let that which won't absorb fall to the bottom, then poor that off into a daily use container, an old mouthwash container... with thick walls.  The iodine is rather sensitive to light, is why the extra care.  And that, my friends, kills what actually gives people cavities.  Bugs in there, amoebas are the worst of the lot, can even get to the heart.  After, I use this, if I am using it, then I gargle with another mouthwash, a non-fluoride one.  Most people just... don't care.  And it shows.  Look around you, the next time you are out and about.  Care, don't care, not my problem... until, or unless, it is.  Then... I will... care about all these things, and you too.

I've been doing well enough in the game.  Still, it's... rather difficult play.  I'm thinking I need to eat something more solid, and check for something in the freezer, meats to thaw.  Trash to be out soon.  A shower.  Practice with the rubik's cube, again.  I wonder how long that can remain in memory?  It has been a year or two since I tinkered with it?  Still, I remembered up to getting an all white base, with the t's.  After that, it was all a wash.  And, I kept missing a part of the last part of the instructions.  Where you have to do both a right and left 180?  I just heard to do the one side.  Had to go back and slow it down... and not just skip through.  :p  Lads, we... aren't always all ears.  What!  :)

Later.

Wow.

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It worked!  The painpills did their job.  Now, I can tell, it's merely covering up the pain.  If you have ever taken heavier stuff, and I have for... various situations... that... fake feeling of calm?  I can tell the pain is still there.  But, that it has been relieved, at least for a bit, is good.

That sense of living a fake life, the reason I don't take heavier stuff, also makes doing much difficult.  It's a bit of a trap.  Which is why, even when my ribs were cracked, I didn't take painpills.  Or for long.  I did take three, over about a week.  But they had me set up to take a couple dozen, with refills.  I... don't like that artificial feeling.  I think, besides the painlessness, that is part of what some people are after.  It helps them pretend they aren't who they are.  I... like being who I am, even when I fail.  Even when I hurt.

So... it will do what it does.  But I won't take more for a week or two.  Even if the pain continues.  I get a bit of a reprieve, from time to time.  But that is it.  And, I think that is fair enough.  Without pain, I would just be numb.  I want to be alive, and will, mostly, usually, gladly suffer for it.  It hit so fast, and so hard, today, that I... sought refuge.  And, it seems, for a bit, found it.

What a beautiful day though, in spite of all.  I noticed earlier, whether I mentioned or not.  Even when hurting, a pretty day is a welcome thing.  The sun, mostly, seems to be back out.  Definitely a fall sun.  But I love each season.  They help me remember... things... life... the past.  And contemplate the future.

I'll game a bit more, for a bit.  Then try to get trash and recycling, as needed, collected and at least out.  Then a shower.  Maybe some work on boxes?  And a few prayers here or there.  If you get to church, say a prayer for me... as in, in my stead.  If not, say a prayer for me where you are.  Or, just pray for me, if you think that is required.  :p  I don't mind which way you go with it, it... isn't actually about me.  Funny how that works.  Amen, and good morning and day.

Ah, one bit more.  I went to solve the rubik's cube the other day.  Couldn't.  Forgot how.  So... I went looking for the video, that actually helped.  I couldn't find it.  I looked and looked, on my blog, and at y.t.  It just didn't seem to be there.  Most y.t. rubik's cube help videos don't.  Either missing steps, or just plain wrong.  I think that is how it is meant.

Finally, today, on a search, using several different spellings and clarifications, I found it.  And, after working it a bit, I got it.  Not... that I will remember, tomorrow, how to do it.  But, for today, it is together.  So... I will post the video, here, again.  And do a few other things which should make finding it much easier in the future.  Assuming it doesn't get pulled for whatever reason.

Hmm, now on to Doom.  I'm getting through it, slowly.

Now get off my porch!

Something is off.

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I haven't felt this bad in a very long time.  Neck hurts, shoulders are sore, bones and muscles.  A bit of a headache... mostly from neck tension.  I think I will take some painkillers.  I had thought them lost, but found them here just recently.  Not the healthiest of pills to take, but... not sure I trust doctors, or their studies, at this point.  Which means just do what helps, using moderation.  Sometimes I will just have to suffer, but not always.  And this is pretty intense.  So I will try to relieve it.  Besides, weren't these the guys handing out oxycontin like it was candy?  Shush...

It is just hitting 57 out there, staying about 68 in here.  I have all windows down here open a crack, and the windows upstairs wide open.  No heat needed, yet, for me.  I'll dress more warmly, and drink tea, for as much heat as possible.  This year I am hoping to cut the heating bill.  Though, toward the end of winter, as with summer, temperature exhaustion sets in.  And, I end up turning it up, pretty high.  Well, and of course, from time to time, the bones and body just demand a bit warmer conditions.

Oh, and I just opened the door.  The sun is well up, and was out.  Though it looks to be... yes, going behind clouds.  Funniest thing.  There is, perhaps, a ten percent cloud cover.  On the periphery perhaps more, but in the wider sky, just that amount.  But?  There are huge clouds along the path the sun is going!  So it shadows it incredibly.  It's funny to have a mostly blue sky, and still have it overcast.  

Now that the weed whipper is up and going, for sure, I keep hoping it will dry out and off for a bit, so I can get to some of that.  As well, some tree cutting, and sprig removal.  I don't want to work when it is too wet, it just doesn't cut well.  A few dry sunny days will do, should do.  Will have to wait for it.  Well, and branches to tend as well.  Ugh.

For today, just getting a shower in, perhaps trash collected and at least to the barrel, and setting up the serger for a lesson tomorrow... and some notions I have obtained.  Well, and various threads, and else.  Some will work on the serger, some will work on the sewing machine, maybe more will work on both than I anticipate.  I will find out.  I think my sewing machine allows for double needles, too.  So, I... have quite a bit of potential with those two machines.  I think they cover some over into each other's best qualities.  If I find a woman, and can get her to do some sewing, we could team up and rip through a projects fairly swiftly.  Sure, I would rather be out doing construction work, and have her home sewing.  But... the world hasn't allowed me to do so.  I can sew, though, and cook.  If I could find a dishwasher, and sewing partner, with sweet cheeks?  I'd have it made.  :p

Strange dreams.

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Some of the dreams, interspersed with others, was of being lost, not knowing my name(s).  Some part of me couldn't remember who I was.  The other parts of me couldn't help.  We didn't know that one.  I dreamed that three or four times.  As if waking, confused, but having other parts of me aware to talk with that one.

As well, several times, I dreamed I was in an apartment?  Or more a small house.  I was having to figure out how to store things, and cutting down on buying.  I was getting better, and learning.  But it was still a bit of a trick.  In one episode, it was just me trying, like a squirrel, to fit things in, or decide what must go.  In another, my mother and one of her friends, were talking about my efforts as I worked.  They had stopped for coffee, and were advising me, while also talking as if I wasn't there.  Grownups always do that.  And, in the last episode (that I remember as different), the neighbor was helping get rid of some things.  Then we struck a bargain, to sell some things with a portioned split.

Then, in there, several times, were dreams of more high school reunions, or classmate interactions.  Questions, answers, thoughts, friendships, and realizations.  I suspect I do know who liked me, and how.  I read people fairly well by then.  Some of the women who were interested, knew I wasn't.  Some who I liked, but didn't fancy, also seemed interested.  My guy friends were honest, my enemies were known.  The rest had their own life and didn't much think about anyone else, one way or the other.  And, not much has changed.  But, this set of dreams, too, was interspersed with the others.

I have rarely dreamed so very much, and themed that well, intertwined like that.  I was having trouble sleeping.  Too warm, with a long sleeve t on, at first, then too cool, until I got the blankets right.  Then too warm again.  I almost had to get up at 22:00, but really pushed to stay in bed.  Removing the shirt helped.  Then sorting the blankets helped.  Until those things caused problems.  Feet out, finally, got me the last two hours of sleep.  If I then woke with feet sore from being cold!  Gah!

Oh, the other night?  When the light blew, was replaced, and as I dressed at the far end, and saw... something... it burst?  Later, when I was down here?  The back door had been slightly opened.  I thought, perhaps, someone had picked the lock, to get in.  But... that... isn't possible.  The screen door was still locked.  It was someone on the inside trying to get out.

Could I have failed to lock that door?  Shut it properly?  I have never had that happen before, and hadn't been out that door in days, or weeks.  So, probably not user error.  And, that it happened when the lights fritzed and the form moved... very... strange.  But I think it is real.  Ghosts haven't visited in a while.  I thought perhaps they had gone.  Maybe not.

It is 47 out there, and has been raining again.  I had the fan on, didn't hear it rain, or smell it.  It was 64/67 upstairs, and 67/68/68 down here, when I woke.  Up to 71 with the machine and myself putting out heat, near the machine.  I may have to shut the house up.  Trying to keep things around 70.

Having a bit of apple sauce, unsweetened.  One of the food items I added a case of to the larder.  Had to try them out.  I have something like that every other month or so.  I also obtained grapefruit portions, in four ounce cups.  Nothing fancy, just nice to have a bit of something different from time to time.

Some good prayers, the last few nights.  I was even able to meditate for a reasonable amount of time last night.  Well, and I have been trying to add prayers through the day.  Quiet little things, but heard none the less.  Prayer is as good for the constitution as food and water.  Later.

Dark and cool.

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.

Not much else I can do.  I haven't been able to get to anything.  Tired, in a strange way.  Yet, not.  I did game, a bit.  But it has been difficult to do almost anything else.  I don't want to go to sleep.  I don't feel like it will work.  And, yet, I think that may be the only option left to me.

On to bed.  I'll take medicine.  But I think that is it.  Goodnight.

A very good sleep.

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Not sure why I slept so late.  It wasn't cold.  Though it was dark, for most of yesterday.  Perhaps that was it.  I am susceptible to dark, cold, wet.  At least these days.  Down until 04:20, or so.  Moving slowly.  I did feed Sassy first thing.  Had a bite myself.  

It is 42 out.  Was 64/67 upstairs, and 68/69/69 first thing, down here.  It doesn't look to have rained, but that can evaporate quickly, if it was a light rain or sprinkle.  Still, by scent, I don't think so.  A pleasant morning.

Now I not only put on shoes, I lace them up.  Too hot in the summer, often.  Though, for years, I used to wear flipflops even in the winter.  Not so anymore.  Medicine has caused me to be slightly less tolerant of the cold.  Even when it is mostly in the low 70s, shoes are slightly warm to wear.  But I have managed.  As it cools, warmer socks will be added.

A dream, last night, of a class reunion.  There were some women I liked, from school.  One, from a class ahead of me, one from a class behind, and three from my class, with a fourth from my class as a maybe.  And, one I made a minor chase after, but failed.  She already had a guy.  Even back then, if a gal caught a farmer?  She knew better than to pass that up.  When I realized her situation, I backed off.

In the dream, we were our current ages, but acting like when we were in school.  It was sort of fun.  With nothing left to prove, and social levels not the same, and some people not present who were... difficult?  It was a pleasant dream.  Flirting, games of various sorts, like a week of cohabitation.  Nothing naughty, just... a pleasant time.  A time as it would have been in a more enjoyable place... I think for all of us.  If we could have been honest, back then.

A shower before long.  I need to digest food, and wake a bit.  But that is next on the list.  Then boxes being torn down, and maybe loaded up.

I have been praying at night, but they have been short.  I am crashing, as I go to bed.  Praying through that is tough.  And, yet, I do my best.  Praying, sometimes, during the day to help cover what I fail to do at night.  Though meditation is extremely challenging currently.  Yes, as a Catholic, or Christian, you may meditate.  I would recommend directing your meditation to aspects of God... say His patience, or forgiveness, or such.  Perhaps even research the bible, on these particular traits, so that when you meditate, initially, you have something to base it on.  Though, too, you can just let yourself be drawn toward that aspect and just attempt to understand.  If I think that is better for more advanced sessions... after you have learned focused meditation.  My problem, currently, is that direct meditation will cause me to sleep.  I keep a connection with God, a focus, like a laser connecting us, two way.  But that isn't... meditation.  That is... like breathing, only with God.  It's, now, just a natural automatic thing.  I only lend to that when I am sinning or when there are troubles.  I lean more on God in my sin than in my daily normal life.

Anyway... So...  A new day, a Saturday.  I'll try to get a few things done today.  Including a bit more prayer and maybe some meditation.  In my case, currently, I just open myself more fully up to God, and just... listen.  It's the laser connection, only opened as widely as my being, or what I am capable of opening, then transmitting.  But only transmitting to open the link, then put on receiving.  I don't know how else to explain it.

Well... on to some things.  Good morning, day, night... 

Quite a wonderful day.

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The sky, mostly, cleared.  There are still storm clouds to the east, along that range.  And, here and there.  But, mostly, the storm has broken?  For now.  It was only 65 out there, last I looked perhaps an half hour ago.  But it truly is a pretty day, especially with the sun and remnants of the storm collaborating on a mixed day.

I am pretty much done for the day.  I tried to get a food run, from someone, but I was an hour or two late.  They were done with such things for the day, and headed out for some fun and a local lake.  All good.  I went for pasta.  The real stuff.  Just with butter.  I know, but I was hungry for... something I shouldn't eat.  Pizza, a triple burger, but I just couldn't get out.  I worried that the pack would be too old, but it was delicious.  Some pasta is good, some of it is more like cardboard.  This really was good.  I thought about adding tomato, and shaving either parmigiano reggiano or asiago.  But, I don't have a cheese grinder.  Actually, it's in the cart.  But I have to wait for next month.  :p

I did well with the game, am resetting a few things, doing some light work.  Hopefully I can make it through the last of the brutal parts?  Well, this whole game is going to be brutal.  I am trying to learn, practicing, going back and trying different methods.  It's... well... it's just a difficult game.

With my wallet found, I can... get to some things I had hoped to do.  Difficult as it is, sometimes, I do my best.  I had hoped to shower today.  But that won't happen.  Tomorrow.  First thing I am hoping.  But, it is about bedtime.  I figured out part of why it felt so cold last night.  I actually had both fans running, near me.  The higher one is the one I prefer, while sleeping.  It offers air, but doesn't blow directly on me.  Well, in cooler weather.  In the summer, I use the shorter one, and right on me.

I turn the short one on, during the day, just to get some air to move up there.  I must have forgotten to turn it off last night.  I did quite a bit of work, though, as I was going to bed.  And I was crashing.  So, yes.  I... may well have forgotten.  Still, I am making the bed tonight.  And, while at it, I might as well flip everything.  See if that is keeping the odors at bay?  I think it is, from what I have seen.  This time, I bring the small mat I put under up on top, and flip the top mattress, while moving it to the bottom.

I may not be doing as much as I would like.  I can't.  But I am really doing more.  I have to try to push through, before it gets too cold.  There are things I really want to do.  I can hope to work into the winter, but that's always problematic.  Even working in the fall, with the weather getting so cool so fast, I just don't know.  But I will try.  Now to brush my teeth, take insulin and pill meds if needed, then go on up and sort out my sleeping pallet.  Good afternoon, day, and goodnight.  I'll... pray for you, me, and the rest, while at it.  

Finally!

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I haven't gotten to anything.  I was searching for my wallet.  High, low, in out, pants, pajamas, what I am wearing.  In the bathroom, bedroom, places I have been recently, laundry.  I... did get some things sorted, if made more of a mess than otherwise though.  In the search, I realized I am missing my flashlights!  But, that... isn't as important.  Oh, they are somewhere.  Probably.

Finally, I found it.  Yes, I was beginning to panic just a bit.  Getting the drivers license back is a serious pain.  Since I can't seem to track my social security card, or birth certificate.  I am assuming those are gone.  I should start getting those back.  And, find a way to keep them safe, and keep some sort of copy on hand rather than the originals.

But, yes, I found it.  I had fallen out of my pocket, in the living room, playing on the console.  Which... should have made it easy to find.  Except that it fell into my work boots, which I keep in there.  Both are leather, and the way it fell, it looked like the darkness of the chasm which leads into the boot.  Clever.  It's... funny, now that I have it.

I have been looking around most of the morning.  Gaming between, to... rest physically but push mentally.  On the good side, I have nearly made it through the most difficult part of the game... at this difficulty... from what I have heard.  Though none of it will be terribly easy.  Still... Two birds with one boot!  Later.

A call.

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I finally remembered to call.  My mother.  It's a bit after ten.  Now I see why it was so dark until well after seven, the cloud cover is, or was, very very thick, dark, dense.  But it has lightened a goodly bit.  Still seems more like winter already, by look.

Sympathy, this time, I could offer.  I miss my friend a goodly bit.  The first day, or two, after his passing, I thought I was good.  But, then, I went to call him, or was thinking of getting him out shooting, and... he just wasn't there anymore.  I know how that goes.  I always keep thinking I am over losses, then one hits, and another, and...  I'm praying for her.  And thinking of her.  Praying for her friend, and the family.

Even so, I wouldn't have it any other way.  If you don't miss anyone, you don't love anyone.  What a lonely world that must be.  Already dead.

I'll do a bit more gaming, then a shower.  Then boxes and perhaps some of the grains stored.  It's beautiful, stormy, out there.  I do love storm clouds, even rain.  Even when it is cold.  I call it terribly beautiful... like when a woman is angry.  So many fond memories, of various things, and people.  Mixing and twirling.  Later.

Raining, and nowhere close to sunup.

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Even when you know fall is upon you, the changes... happen without being noticed, until they are.  Light later, darker earlier, sleepier by the day.  All good.  If you have as many of your ducks in order as is possible, jumping and running isn't as necessary.  Some can't get their ducks in order.  It is easier for them to jump and run.  I... lived that way as long as I could.  When I tried to live like that, after I became able to duck and run?  I went hungry for weeks or months at a time.  I ended up, sometimes, freezing.  Or burning up.  When you can't function well enough to avoid, or figure, you merely suffer.  Good for humility, but... unwise, in my condition.

So... I learned how to be as prepared as possible.  And I try to maintain that.  If it weren't for thieves, I would be in pretty good shape, better shape.  I have... limited their ability to get in and steal.  But not completely eliminated it.  Much tighter, mostly.  Fewer items, not as often, etc.  Remembering to use the latches, as the locks can be bypassed.  Having the windows closed enough that getting in is more difficult.  It seems they, mostly, only enter if there is an easy way in.  They won't, so far, break things to get in.  Though I suspect the upstairs windows are an access point.

There are some limits to how much I can do.  And, I have to leave, which is when they actually can hit.  Almost guaranteed.  But, they are stealing less and smaller portions of what they steal.  Garbage bags, disposable plates if they can find them, food stuffs, insulin.  Yea.

Anyway.  A bit sleepy still.  I did figure out how to... improve some backend things in the game, so I have a better chance to get through.  It's still... difficult.  But it isn't as impossible as it was seeming.  Though the real challenge is next.  The next level is very difficult, I don't have any upgrades, there are half a dozen major confrontations, but... so be it.  I'll slog through.  I may do a bit more prep work, shortly.  But I'll save the actual heavy part for later today, or maybe tomorrow.

Breakfast would be good.  A shower and actually dressing rightly.  I am in a long sleeved tshirt, heavy pj bottoms, socks and shoes, but I would like to put on proper pants, the tshirt is fine, heavier socks, and possibly longjohns.  It is a bit cool.  Getting cold.  All good.

Friday already?  I guess I knew that, I just hadn't thought it out this morning yet.  A week of little done.  But the weather just fell through.  Still looks to have been raining shortly ago, and on and off through the night.  All good.  Sure could use that, for the lawn.  And, really, even if it is cooling things (or possibly warming things, as it had been going?), all the water we can get is worth the price.  Yes, it probably is warming things.  While it seems cool to even cold, it had been getting down to 36.  I think the rain is from warmer areas, just colliding with cold northern air to cause it to drop it's load.

Breakfast, a shower, getting dressed... and I need to find my wallet.  I hate that thing.  I was sure I had it in my pants, but it's not there.  Didn't wear a jacket, last time.  So it wasn't that.  Hmm... oh well.  I will find it.  Later.

A bit of gaming.

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A fatted coffee, medicine, some time reviewing information sources about the world worth giving a moment to, a little time grooming Sassy and making her feel like a special friend, has been a reasonable start.  Breakfast?  Not quite yet.  Perhaps chia in a bit.  On to gaming.

Gaming is rough.  The most difficult portion is upon me.  I have mad it half way through the easier section, after a lot of effort.  Oh... but... I think I have been forgetting some tools which might make it easier.  Ugh.  Okay, well there is that.  Still, the next portion is... going to get very difficult.  I will probably be hollering, might be peeved, and may well loudly curse an expletive or three.  My mother might be able to make a sailor blush with her words, I can strip paint.  :p  Until I was thirty, I didn't know the woman could cuss.  Anyway...

A bit of gaming, then maybe a shower.  A bit of drying.  Then boxes.  Maybe more yet, later.  Teeth were brushed.  I like to brush, especially if I may be talking to someone soon.  Though bad breath?  I... don't think there is a way out of that.  Onions, coffee (for some), garlic, meat sticks or anything that can get stuck between teeth... if you can't floss.  Though, sometimes I am sure I have bad breath, but others don't react as such.  And, other times I just cleaned my teeth, and people avoid.  I... don't always quite understand.

So, on to gaming.  Until my balls have been broken well and good enough.  Then on to a bit of a start.  Have a good morning.  Get to it if possible.  If not, just... enjoy what life has to offer.  Maybe a short pray, in gratitude.  For what?  For your very life.  It's not what you have, really.  It is who you are.  Ask any man on his death bed, what his wealth means.  Especially if he gave everything dear up for it.  I can tell you.  I... am that man.  Just... given, under the circumstances, and eternity to... renegotiate.  So, yes.  Say a little prayer, in gratitude for a very special gift.  Then, figure out how to enjoy it, if you don't quite yet know.  Pain, even, is a grace.  Embrace what must be suffered, and offer it to God as the simple works you can do.  Offer it to the souls in purgatory.  For they certainly can use it, to bolster for the walk through fire that lies ahead.

Yes.  Good morning and day.  Be well.  God bless.

A rather good sleep.

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Rather cool.  That can be a good thing, if I have the blankets set up correctly.  Otherwise it's a bit of rocking and rolling, minus music.  Trying to keep from any part getting too cold.  Some nights, I can realize the problem, drag my butt out of the nest of covers, reset them, then sleep well.  Last night was not among those nights, so I just suffered.

Still, sleep was good.  Good enough.  Down right at 16:30, after taking care of the last bits and pieces of the day.  Sassy fed, insulin in, water obtained to take the last few pills, a few things upstairs, teeth brushed, and... maybe a few other things.  There is SO much to actually do at bedtime!  I try to get things done a bit earlier, but that doesn't always happen.  Still, last eve, before bed, I... got it all done.

Oh, but I did have the fan a bit higher.  It seemed warm when I was going to bed.  I did crawl out, if only near the end of my sleep, and turn the fan down to low.  That would have been nice much earlier.  But it is what it is.  And I did get some good sleep, just not as good as it could have been.

I turned on my phone, turned off airplane mode, and... there was a message.  My mother is a bit down.  She had been to the funeral of her friend, and... you could tell it.  We make it through their funeral, and up to it, bravely and well.  It's when we go to talk to them again, or... mean to give them something or ask for something that we realize that they aren't there.  And it just... gets us.

I realized, at some point, that part of why I am not as active is because I have had friends who used to work on machines with me, or go shooting, or this or that.  And, when I would think to do something, sometimes their absence would be there.  It is difficult, sometimes.  So, yeah, I get it.  It isn't even that one wears a brave face.  The reality of the loss isn't there until... it is.

It is raining out there, again, and 50 degrees.  Upstairs was 66/67.  Downstairs is 70/70/70.  No, the furnace isn't on.  The ground is still warm enough is all.

Today?  A shower, boxes, perhaps some of the various grains packed in mylar, then into buckets?  Maybe a few other things.  Nothing fancy.  The dark, cool, and wet seems to be slowing me down.  But, I'll get some coffee, after brushing my teeth and letting them rest a bit.  Looking around to blogs and such for a bit, after I brush.  I fed Sassy first thing.  Maybe I didn't feed her last night, as there was half a portion left this morning?  Still she got it.  Well, have a great night, or morning, and/or day.

Well?

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Not much done.  Then again, an oddity occurred.  I have been ordering things, and they have been taking a long time to receive.  So, when I ordered some things, I planned on them coming in on different days.  But no.  I received 75 pounds of grain, all on one day.  It's not major, but it was enough.  And, it wasn't all that arrived.  I had to chuckle.  They are in the house, but... I haven't put them up yet.

As well, a few last sewing items, for the month.  Stretch thread, elastic, and a few other things.  I think that is it for the month.  Wait, after a few more returns and cancelations, I think I ordered other stuff.  But, just took it out of the basket for the first.  I'm not replacing, just buying early.

Still dark, 65 outside, last I looked.  While it is 77 here, in the front room.  I have been in here most of the morning and afternoon.  Can't... get much else going.  I did game a bit, but that is stressful, on the highest difficulty.  So, just... just so much of that at a time.

Back on all medicine, again.  And it is working.  But the cool, and dark, have sort of pounded me into the dirt.  I am sure it will clear up, and perhaps warm a bit, before too long.  I had sensed rain was coming.  I thought it would be a goodly bit, and for a while.  Here it is.

It's just hitting 16:00.  I'll feed Sassy the last of her allotment, take my medicine, brush my teeth, then go on to bed.  I did contact someone, earlier.  Checking on something.  Oh, and as I was looking through mail, I see I have paid water ahead a month.  All good.  Next month I don't have to pay.  I'll just add it to another bill that needs paid down.  Always good to be ahead, for once.

I finally broke down and looked for sudoku games, for the smartphone.  I am having to learn how to use these, so am slow.  And I don't remember all the techniques I used to know.  It has been... three or four years, since I played seriously?  And, these games are... a bit slow.  They aren't really built to go fast.  But I think I... may get fast again.  Not sure these will allow me to push into the five or even fifteen second marks.  But... who knows.  *flick*  *poof*  Though, too, maybe I am just older.  Moving slower.

Then again...

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Who was it, really.  I am almost certain it wasn't the manifestation of a living woman.  But... it was a woman.  You can't always tell.  But she didn't want to get caught.  Women are so like that.  Especially if they like you, but fear you.  Like cats, playing little games, or really fearing you... if for their own reasons, not because you hurt them or such.  Just because they have little internal mechanisms that... don't make sense to menfolk.  Not... fully.  Emotion based beings.

A video popped.  Though, who might have triggered it, or what might have?  Very fond memories.  And, yes, it... reminds me.  There was something about her, the experience.  A ghost, but... which one?  One I knew, one who just lived here but is... active, alive, actionable?  Two blown neon bulbs, one partly shattered, near where she was.  Lights coming on, down the stairs, triggered by movement which couldn't have been.  Sassy can't open, and close, the door.

A good morning.

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I fed Sassy a second time.  She gets two cans of wet food every day, sometimes treats, and all the dry kibbles she can eat... which is actually quite slim.  Sam "and her" went through a bag a month.  She hasn't gone through a bag on her own since Sam died.  Sam was an eater.  She was eating for herself, and two major cancers.  At least.  Poor girl.

I had a fatted coffee, using coconut milk I found.  It is... dated.  Outdated.  But... so am I.  :p  A perfect match.  Breakfast?  Perhaps in a bit.  This time, chia seed and hemp heart, with added protein.  Nothing fancy, but it does fill me very well.  Sometimes almost too much.

It is down to 51 out there.  Which really isn't bad.  It is 71/71/71 downstairs here.  Very strange.  But I have been in, playing the game on the hardest difficulty.  Ugh.  This is... going to take a bit.  Not sure how to stay alive.  But, it looks like I'll have to try a new method.  How I have been doing it, on the next to most difficult level just doesn't... work.  So be it.

Just hitting 06:30.  I started this a bit ago, though.  But... had to go check the temps, and... do something else.  Oh... brb.  Odd how that goes.

I did bring the boxes in here, what was around.  And I will get them torn down today.  Then do one more check through the house, get anything else found taken down, then try to shove them into the Xterra.  I already have a pretty good load.  Next time I go to town, then get these in to recycling.

As well, begin tearing this area down.  Right down to the nubs.  I want this room clear, down to the floor, and emptied.  The only things that will stay are the computer desk, book cases and books on them, and my trash and recycling bins here by the machine.  Everything else, from chairs to boxes to a table and cart, cleared and out.  Today?  Well, this week.  But as much as fast as possible.

Then I clean, after it is clear.  And then I begin putting boxes to go in here.  Stacked in an orderly fashion, ready for the next round of dumpster dumpings.   Perhaps, this time, just a month, and four dumpings.  They only dump once a week.  Hmm... I wonder if it is cheaper to order two, and have both dumped twice, then return them?  I'll... have to do the math.  But, if I am ready, with the boxes all set to go, then it might be worth the effort to compare prices.

Hmm, had to do the math...  The two week thing is ever so slightly cheaper.  And, would have figured that out.  Of course, that would really only truly work if I got them the day before pickup day, filled them completely in one day, and had them take them both on the second week and pickup.  Actually, with the added day, the difference becomes even less.  Still slightly cheaper, but that would mean a LOT of work for a very little payoff.  I think it better to get one, the day before pickup day, fill it, but already have a pickup set to go.  Then fill it three more times, with a pickup already prearranged the next three weeks.  It would cost, say, $2 to $3 more, but would save a heck of a hump trying to fill two dumpers on one day.  If I was in a terrible hurry, maybe.  But I am not.  And $3 dollars isn't worth that kind of humping it.  See, I can do some math.

Back on all meds, and doing better in all ways.  A bit slow and down, with the darkness, but getting past even that, as I get used to the cooler weather, and have the trim of the house down... for now.  Plus, fresh air as I sleep even.  And, sometimes, down here, during the day.  Fresh air, just a bit of movement in it, is grand.

On to breakfast, looking around the net, then boxes.  Maybe a shower, in a bit, too.  Good morning, day, or night for some of you yahoos.