Breakfast was just okay.

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I suppose not every meal can be tops.  Eggs and chops.  Sort of just... bland.  But, filling, and keto.  Plus, it heated up the area near the stove, and that kickstarts the kefir.  I... love opening that up, and smelling it.  It has umami, of another sort.  Not as potent as some, but... if you ever get a taste for it?  Yea, and I have a tooth for it.  Not a sweet tooth, but it's... I think it can only be described as umami.  Yogurt has it, but to a much lessor degree.

I have been thinking of how else to use kefir.  I am pretty sure you can make creme fraiche, ice cream (keto, with alternate sweeteners), you can even use it on rough skin.  Though, I'll skip the latter?  Or... might try it on my feet, heels?  Maybe.  As well, I'd like to soak meat bits in it, the slow cook.  In the Middle East, Mediterranean areas, they put sheep and other meats into it.  Though... I am as suspicious of Chinese restaurants as M.E. restaurants.  The meat cuts are... odd.  Could be rabbit.  Could be rat, cat, else.  I could see using this to cover that.

I may be skipping the game.  It looks like the ending is "going there", regarding political bull*&ittery.  So, I think I'll dump the game.  There was some dlc conent, though, that looks playable.  Oh well.

I am a bit hungry?  Or feel like eating more?  Yes, but not sure what to eat.  A few carrots, celery, and more peanut butter?  Maybe.  Not much though.  Just... a few bites.

It got down to 30 this morning, right before/at sunrise.  Yea, it got to freezing.  Just not long enough to actually freeze.  That morning dip, the coldest part of the day, down for 35 around five?  Four?  Six?  Something.  It... surprised me, though shouldn't have.  I suppose the drop was more than usual.  The morning drop is usually in the two degree F range, not five.  Still, all good.  It was up to 64 an hour or so ago.  Too tired to check again.

It is nearly bedtime again.  Good morning, perhaps afternoon where you are, and day in general.  I'll put a prayer if for you.  Be well, and goodnight as well.

Okay.

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I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get trash and/or recycling collected and out.  But, just a bit ago, I got it going, and done.  Even to the curb.  It isn't that much work, and yet it is.  But, all good.  I am not sure if today is recycling.  There are three small bags in there, but they don't seem full.  Taking up about a third of the bin.  So, if not, all is fine.  Trash... there really was only one bag, but it is a very big bag, and very full.

I did the litter box, one last shot, and took the little catcher bag out.  I keep a doubled grocery bag over there, so I don't have to fuss with getting it to the trash proper every time.  Twice a week, or when taking out the trash, I take that over to the real garbage container.

I have been keeping up on water, through the countertop r.o. system.  I have been keeping up on Sassy, feeding or treating her.  I haven't cooked anything yet today, but am sure ready for it?  Hungry, but not in a physical way.  I just... feel like eating, want to eat.  I am thinking eggs and blade chops, and just that.  I'll put the chops in the oven, wrapped, and 350, for half an hour.  At this altitude, that most just warms it, if well.  Then I'll do a few eggs on the side.  I'll use the gooder eggs, saving the storebought for casseroles and boiling.

Doing well enough in the game.  Though, it looks like there might be a few challenges I might not be able to do.  Though, possible, with practice, and a few other things, perhaps I could at least get the minimum scores to say they are done?  Oh, and there seems something that just isn't available... or currently in the game.  I am hoping, when the game is finished, I will be allowed free roaming.  Or I'll have to pick that up in a new game plus.

I am not very happy with the game.  For political correctness.  It is typical Hollywood sort of drivel, in that regard.  Either the world will go that way, to it's final, catastrophic, and unmistakable ruin, or it will turn back to civilization.  Civilization is limiting, and limited, but... it is far better than the options... if it is properly kept for those who can BE civil, excluding those who aren't or can't be, by choice, nature, or else.  It's just the way of it.

Well... it is 35 out there.  Didn't feel too cold, or else.  But sure was dark, at a quarter after six?  Well, okay.  It is getting to that part of the year.  And, I really don't mind.  I'll get meds in, put the pork in the oven, play a bit more of the game, then have breakfast shortly.  I may or may not take a nap after that.  I keep checking the kefir, which is processing.  I... love the smell.  I so want a cup, but know, if I start consuming it, at this slower, smaller, pace of production, I will... eat it all gone before I can get it going, and will have to do without for a while.  I... want to have two half gallon jugs ready, and two quart jars making full process kefir in a day or two, before digging in.  Then I can start back with whole, raw, milk.  I would guess not this week, for that, but next... the 29th.  I am excited to be back on it, soon.  I can use it for... a third to half of my food?  Yea.

On to... things.  Good morning and day.  And a quick prayer for you all.  Later.

Just Sunday, still?

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Thankfully.  I woke, several times, in total darkness.  I didn't know if I had gone back to sleeping day over day.  There are times when I would sleep for weeks.  I suppose I would wake, from time to time, for something to drink, maybe eat, but wouldn't remember.  Would almost crawl out of bed, then back, never remembering having awaken.

That wasn't... the worst of things.  But while I was trying to get through engineering school, it was terrifying.  I might have a midterm or the finals coming up, and if I missed a month of school, catching up was absolutely brutal.  Though, being lost in time was a difficult thing.  I couldn't call anybody regularly.  I was so isolated.  So tired.  

I am still tired, every day, usually to exhaustion before I even wake.  But, I DO wake up.  I DO get up.  The hours might be wonky, but I do have a day, and a night, if they don't always corelate with actual day and night cycles.  I either sleep too long, or short lately.  Or am awake too long or short, or both.  But I do have more normal day and night cycles.  My heart is the clock of my home, and it's beat is warped, even on medicine.  Well, and it doesn't offer quite enough oxygen.  My blood is said to be oxygen rich, mostly.  But that... doesn't pan out in reality.

I... was afraid, when I finally woke enough to check the time.  The fear of sleeping even double days is real, for me.  Not... a terror, like getting ticks, lice, or maggots in a wound.  But the idea of failing, again.  It is more like having had a problem with peeing the bed, as a child.  And being hazed by parents something awful.  Jane even hung my sheets out, once.  It terrified me that someone might ask, find out, why.  As a teen, in school, with enough trouble with fights and teasing, I... it... was a horror.  No one ever, to me, asked or joked.  And it passed.  But it is still back there.  Now I can talk about it, now that I know I was just growing way too fast for my organs to keep up.  My bladder simply hadn't learned to hold the quart or two it can now.  Yes, upon waking, after sleeping so hard since going to sleep... I don't think I used the jug through the night, I put out two quarts just this 'morning'.  So, yes, I can.  But then I couldn't.  Now it isn't a shame, just the roll of the dice, and the cost of being... different.  There is a cost to being different in every way.  Not a luxury, or blessing.  Just... more costs.

Sleep was wonderful.  I think I was to bed between 13:30 and 14:30?  Oh, no!  After checking, it looks like I was up to more like 15:30, perhaps as late as 16:00, 16:30?  It was just 22:30, when I woke for the final time.  So only six hours down?  See?  That is just weird.  But, I am... good, no pain... on the surface.  Exhausted, but not eye watering tired, just... drowsy.  Ready to game, write, read, a bit.  Weird.  It felt like I slept a week, and deep.

Kefir.... I almost have a full half gallon jug.  I have two pints working.  At first, I thought I had lost milk.  But, then, I realized, the first two batches were tossed.  That is two quarts.  Actually one quart, as they were only half full to start.  But, there may have been another batch or two, full.  Before I decided to begin keeping it.  So, with definitely a good solid two quarts down the drain, two quarts (nearly) of kefir stored (half another batch will fill that jar, then I start on another), two pints full, and still some milk left in that gallon?  Kefir definitely adds volume to the milk.  I would guess a straight up gallon, when the kefir grains are chugging along at right speed, will convert into a gallon and half of kefir.  A good way to make milk last better.  And, yes, I can handled consuming a couple of gallons of kefir a week.  Rather good for keto, and just about everything else.  The trick is staying on top of if.

Well?  A bit of coffee, gaming, and then maybe an egg and beef casserole.  I have enough gruyere that I can try that, with cheddar, or the last of the parmesan reggiano or asiago?  Or all three, or four?  Whatever...  I have make a really nicely cheesy casserole.  The trick, with cheese, is... not too much.  So tempting to absolutely pile it in.  But that can really ruin a dish.  It just doesn't work like that.  Even mixes of cheeses.  I have found, and believe, that four cheeses may only be added in a quarter volume of a single cheese, maybe less.  Though mixes aren't always the best.  But, they can help get rid of stubs left over.  Oh, and keep the rinds of good cheeses.  Put them in with soups or other wet cooking meals.  Oh, yes.  Do that.

Anyway... time to look around, get the water heating, think more about breakfast, do some gaming, and such.  I fed Sassy, first thing.  And cleared her sandbox.  She has three, only mostly uses one.  But, the others are there in case I fail.  I could add some more fill to those, just to... top them off.  She likes deep litter.  I like making her happy.  God... designed that into us.  Even if all we have is a cat or dog, but even with people, we... try to please.  I think it was to be aimed at God, but when He left us to our devices and choices, He attenuated our services to others in hope that we would follow.  It... isn't just as a service to Him, but it is a part of His nature too.  He serves, like no other, to His life's blood.

Later.

This game is taking quite a bit longer than anticipated.

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Not a bad thing.  And, I am a finisher.  Mostly.  So I am doing every little part and collection and... getting it done.  I only have two skills remaining, if a number of suits (with their own powers) and gadget upgrades, and such.  I still haven't figured out how to do several parts of the game which seem required.  And certain challenges are probably beyond me.

It may be easier to get more things, through new game plus, than to attempt to get the highest rewards in some of the challenges.  Not my favorite, anyway.  Dry, rusty, overdone part of the game.  But with decent rewards.  Ugh.

But, I think the day is done.  It is 63 to 64 out there, but is up to 75 in this front room, with the computer going and me having spent the last fifteen to thirty minutes browsing and window shopping a few things.  No matter, it is bedtime, I think.  Just hitting 15:17.  Still, that is very good.  It's a leg up, and into the day.

Rough?  Yes, and no.  Trying to push through this last hour has been a bit harsh.  All good though.  Still don't hurt terribly.  And I have enjoyed gaming, mostly.  But I am at an end.  Had a daydream, in which my liver was shot, and also... or separately (can't quite make sense of it) cut out with a stiletto sort of dagger, or near to it.  Such strange day dreams.  At least they aren't boring.  No, didn't bother me.  Plus, I knew it wouldn't kill me, and didn't.  Sort of... dull.  Yes, it hurt.  It just... didn't kill me.  *yawn*

Well.  On to bed.  Goodnight, good after noon, good day, and all that jazz.

A birthday call.

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I waited, until it was time.  Late enough, but not too late.  And, really, just in time.  A good conversation.  But, then, the wife woke, and... that was that.

Then I called my mom.  She answered too?  Weird.  All good.  They are combining, her guy friend and crew.  So, she is cooking them a meal.  I can't remember what she said, but it did sound good.  Oh, meatballs, and something?  And a salad.  I guess I was just so shocked, to speak to both of them on the same day?  All good.

Gaming.  Off and on, through, the morning.  It is 09:39.  Feeling okay, doing okay.  Will make another meal, before long.  I may boil more mushrooms, and add them to an egg casserole.  Maybe.  The idea is... interesting.  Maybe not for today, but for throughout the week.  A square or two of those is good for a meal.

Sunday meds have been started.  Sassy is being fed, her litter managed.  I might be redoing the kefir shortly.  I leave it near the stove/oven, so that when I use it the heat helps that cure a bit faster.  I haven't had a drop, but I lick my fingers when messing with it, and get some on my hands.  So... delicious.  I absolutely love that goo.  I have missed it.  The patience it takes to not just dig in, and devour, what little I have, takes every ounce of effort I can put into it.  I... like denying myself.

Even if it all got ruined, the effort failed, and I had to start over?  I would... be grateful for another opportunity.  For a bit of lessor suffering.  God takes these things, and brings us comfort.  And a tomorrow, or a chance to be with Him.  I... can easily live, or die, with that.  Though, usually, sacrifice for the day usually leads to better results for tomorrow.  I've got nearly half a bottle of kefir in fridge.  I'll be a bit before I have two, a bigger starter jar going, and a spare in the fridge.  But... I am getting there.  In it's time.

Later.

Pleasant.

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I didn't think boiled mushrooms would work out.  These were a bit dated to.  Not quite... done.  But not as fresh as I would prefer.  Still, I went with it, deciding they were still good.  And, they were.  I diced them, not very thin, sort of chunky really.  Then boiled them for 25 minutes.  I suppose one could save the broth, but I didn't, this time.

I did strain the mushrooms, then fried them in half butter, half coconut oil.  A touch of italian spice mix, a touch of garlic and onion powder (say a teaspoon, maybe more like half that), plus salt and pepper.  I... suspect boiling is better.  But, it requires twenty five minutes, just for boiling, and maybe two cooking containers.  I suppose you could fry them in the base of the boiling pot.  I didn't, but you could.  Then again, it isn't any work to clean out the boiling pot.  Just a rinse, if you are particular.  Very good.  I do think it is better than just frying them.

After, I diced half a leftover onion, and added that to hashed browns, with salt and pepper, and cheese as it waited in the cool oven for the eggs to be fried.  Then I fried four little eggs.  Grand.  Food, today, was quite good.  I have one more pack of mushrooms.  I may boil those, and make an egg, cheese, and hamburger casserole.  For the week.  Perhaps adding some of the remaining pork blade chop.  Either yet 'today', or when I wake up.  Sure sounds good.

Ah, and it's a birthday.  I will have to send out a call.  Even if I just leave a message.  Sliding into the morning at an odd angle, though.  May have to call later?  Don't want to... bother.  Hmm.  Well, all good.  Do what I can.

Back to a bit of gaming.  Coffee, first, for while gaming.  I am, by the way, getting really good with those high carbon pans.  They just require a dose of fat, or two.  And just a bit of care.  They are far more non-stick, when done correctly, than cast iron.  Not much lighter though.  I can really put out eggs, and I do flip them toward the end.  The right scraper (I prefer a fish flipper), the right fat(s) and the right amounts of those, and attention to heat and flipping.  My last... four or five fried egg meals have been very good, and easy to clean up after.

Oh, and I am getting back into keto.  Well, hashed browns, maybe not.  But, closer.  And closer.  I'll be back to mostly meat by next month.  And, being careful with which veggies and other sides, a bit more.  Still, I don't mind some potatoes, from time to time.  But, the start of this month has been atrocious as far as diet goes.  Even a dozen donuts, eaten over the first few days.  Bleh.  But, it had been a while since I had gone off the food rez.  So be it.

Later.

Doing well enough in the game.

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Struggling, no doubts.  The challenges are the most difficult.  Though getting the 'toon to swing kick, and a few other things, isn't working.  The button key suggests this, then that.  But it doesn't work.  Though, too, I am finding that combat in some areas, like little arenas, is different from open world combat situations.

Now, at first, I wondered if the things that don't seem possible wouldn't be necessary.  But, nope, I was wrong.  Some of them are required.  I am not sure if a gadget, or skill, or level, is needed for some things to work.  The frustrating thing about the game is that, in certain areas, or doing certain things, the keys don't work as they do in normal situations, beyond combat.  Very frustrating.  Imagine if you walked into a house, and doorknobs no longer worked normally.  Instead of turning, you had to pull and lift, to open doors.  But... no one tells you.  And, it's a number of things that change.  It's just how they make challenges, and some combat scenarios, more difficult.  They are just dragging out the game, creating roadblocks, or more bottlenecks... time killers.

Now, I was surprised I was able to crush the puzzle challenges.  Without help.  There were a few, near the end, which took some time to do.  But... yes... I do puzzles very very well.  There have been four different kinds?  And I just trounced.  For an old, ill, mostly dead guy, I do alright.  If I had a healthy body, there isn't a thing I couldn't do.  Though there are some things I have no interest in doing... brain surgery, or medicine in general.  Programming, as a rule, in general, and specific.  Though I would like to do minor programming, for computer simplification, if I was using it professionally.  A few other things, like cleaning my cellphone, clearing, and running it my way.  If using the efforts of others.  There are some things I wouldn't have a bit of interest in doing.  But, I would do many, many things.  From mechanics, to engineering, to math studies, to plumbing and house electrical.  Perfect?  Not likely possible, ask the guy installing your xyx.  He can... do well, with what is available, in the time allotted, for the right price.  But perfection became impossible as soon as other systems and mechanics became involved.  Even a singular system has limits regarding perfection, due to reality being what it is.

Well... time to go back to gaming?  Or fixing some food, eating, then going back to gaming?  Probably the latter.  It is 03:43, 40 F outdoors, and getting cooler in here.  Ugh.  I have water tested the storeboughts.  Really ought to save those for boiling, and use the gooder ones for frying.  But, for today, this is how it goes.  As well, I am going to try to boil mushrooms, see if that actually works.  Eggs have been tested, mushrooms are out and ready to be managed.

Oh, but pans have to be cleaned.  Cheese, and burned things, make it impossible to cook eggs correctly.  Onion is ready to be diced.  I do have potatoes to be browned, or maybe corned beef as a side.  And a bit of cheddar for either.  Just frying the eggs, actual over easy.  It works.  I may take a shower.  So I can warm up, then dress more warmly still.  It is getting cool.  Later.

Tissue paper.

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Kleenex, as it is often called.  I have been out of it, down here, for a week or two.  I finally went through my storage and grabbed a few boxes.  For near the computer, and in the living room, near the console.  I'm a firm believer in blowing it all out, at least once a day.  Three times, four times, even five if needed, or I can, should.  It's not quite as disgusting as some of the other methods and reasons for voiding, if it's... pretty ugly and gross.  And, yet, it's a beautiful thing, the process.  Your own personal air filtration system.  God gave us very interesting biological forms in which to inhabit.  No machine, or other organism, even comes close.

It is wonderful to have a clean air intake system, after a quick but detailed voiding.  I have missed that.  Very good.  I am thinking that someone "borrows" bits and pieces of all that I have, which really cuts into my income.  I am sure of it.  Too ill to do much more than I have about it.  But I have... limited... how much is taken.  I live amongst thieves.  The lessor I have limited.  The better, more motivated, I can't keep out.

Still gaming.  The game, in some parts, is too difficult.  For a beginner.  Which I am.  The question is, will I make it beyond being a beginner?  I don't know, not sure I want to work that diligently.  But, maybe.  It is helping me stay awake.  Not getting me to labor, physical work, but one thing at a time.

And, again, pain seems gone.  Oh, there is always a bit to a lot of it, just under the surface.  But out of sight, mostly, out of mind.

Back on to gaming... with a cleared ability to breath.  I much prefer to breath through my nose, and at a certain pace.  I have to, often, consciously breath as such.  It... is part of why I am still alive.  Being buried in dying flesh takes... discipline.  Most people don't have the... patience? resolution? something... for it.  Not that I did.  I certainly tried to shirk that duty.  I was graced with the ability to handle the pain, and called beyond that all.  Don't look at me, the gifts and will were initially a God thing.  Then I took the helm, once certitude about some things had set in.  A gift?  From a command.  Start as a slave, to His will, if you must.  Then, as the prodigal son?  Then become a servant, then a child... again.  I am the prodigal son, in ways only He may know.  All good.

Well... on to gaming.  Maybe something to eat in a bit.  Eggs, corned beef has, fresh onion, and a glass of water?  Perhaps.  Later.

Up... early?

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Yes, well.  It was 21:30, or so, when I woke up.  After going to bed, in truth, at about 16:30?  Five hours down?  Odd.  I feel good.  Not a lot of energy, but I don't hurt.

Nothing to report.  Water should be ready for coffee.  And, in a bit, I'll have eggs and blade chop, half of it?  Something like that.  Maybe some hashed browns as well.

Kefir is going well.  I am starting to see such good product, that even if it is from storebought milk, I can't let it go.  While not raw, or organic, it is... better milk.  I won't touch the kefir, until I have a week or two supply stowed.  And, then, only at replacement levels.  At this point, it is producing about a quart, between the two half quart jars, of kefir every other day.  But it is working faster.  When I moved up to a full quart, for making, or two of those, I will put spare grains, in an half quart jar, in fresh milk, in the fridge.  And, turn that over every two weeks... depending on how fast it grows.  It will be my backup.  I might make two of those.

I have frozen fruits, berry varieties... a variety of varieties... ready for when kefir is back on the menu.  I do love that stuff.  And, this time, I am sure I got the kefir started on weakened milk, so everything should be there... the various probiotics, cultures, and else.  I am excited to begin blending all that again.  I wish I could have done it through the summer.  But even now, it will do.  It is such a good food to eat.  And, while I don't believe in leaky gut, or other such things.   I do KNOW, that these things help digestion.  My gut absolutely crushed corn.  Not even a visible kernel was seen, save maybe once when I backed up for just a bit after eating... many ears, many days in a row.  I must have eaten three dozen in three days, plus a few dozen leading up to it.  :P  Loved that corn.

Well, on to gaming.  Already looked around.  If Sassy came down, I'll feed her furry face, tend her litter box either way, and make some coffee.  It's still 72, in this front room.  It was 64/65 upstairs.  And it is 67/69 elsewhere in the house.  It's good weather.  Didn't happen too fast, or drop hard, or go too dark for too long... or yet.  I am really enjoying this fall.  Oh, it's... 46 outdoors.  But... a pleasant 46.  Amen.  Another summer survived.

It is crippling me just a bit, but I am attempting to balance, and doing well.  Good evening, night, and later.

About bedtime.

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16:10, as I write this.  More gaming, but that is about it.

Well, cream arrived, though I think I already wrote about that?

And, I called my mother.  Today was her turn to miss my call.  I don't mind.  I just left a little message.  I'll call in another day or two.  Just hope she is having a good weekend.

Yes, on to bed.  Good afternoon, day, and goodnight.  At least I made it into the afternoon.  I'll let Sassy come up, if she wants.  *zzz*

Still awake.

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Will be, for a while, I suspect.  Not doing much.  Just gaming.  I take a break from that, from time to time, and attempt to break out to other things.  If nothing else, I hop on the machine and take a look around the internet.

Cream, and just that, was delivered today.  Perfect.  Both responded, in time.  To my texts.  I wasn't sure my texts went through, but they did.  May not have been checked, though.  Especially if pops was driving.  It's what I call him, even if he is a decade and possibly change younger.  Kids, raising, them, and not, will do that to both ends of the thing.  Ha!  

Actually, I have as many as he has, of which I know.  Plus the two which didn't make it.  I just didn't raise them.  It doesn't take the same out of a man, as a woman.  It takes years out of a man, not body costs.  Odd how that works.  They seem to become more fragile, literally giving parts and aspects of the their forms, while we... just... die younger, for the effort.  From what I have seen.

The game is going well.  If some parts really... sometimes what to do, or how to do it, are very problematic.  Though, playing when old, ill, and tired... up late... can cause problems too.  But, it's... getting there.  Some parts of the game I am not sure I can do, or do well enough.  Will see.  Then again, I have surprised myself at what I have been able to do.  Some of that I wasn't sure I would be able to do, but did with aplomb.  If it took a bit, some practice, some experience.

I... haven't looked up but one game process.  The rest, from puzzle mini-games, to tricky gameplay, I have figured out on my own.  And, the one thing I looked up?  I was doing it correctly, I just didn't feel like it was letting me know I was.  And it didn't, not until you finished all of a line of tasks, all similar.  Not bad for an old guy.

I am feeding Sassy a bit differently.  I am only giving her a third of a can, at a time, stretching it a bit... if feeding her more often.  Otherwise she wastes.  I think she really is enjoying the new method.  It doesn't mean she will get fed more, or necessarily less, in a day, but I am going to begin to aim at less feeding.  I have been aiming for that, for a while.  I get to it, then... get lost and return to the old average.  She is... superior at begging.

A bit more gaming, then on to bed, I think.  I did call my brother.  I don't expect a return call.  I'll probably need to call him a few times, until he is in shape, and available, for a call.  All good, truly.  I have the freedom he doesn't.  Not any better health, but... I think even a better mental health.

Well, on to it then.  Good afternoon, good day, and possibly goodnight.  I'll put you in my prayers, probably by name if you read here and have ever commented, or I know you.  Yes... have a great day.

Nachos!

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Oh, yeah.  Burger was fried up.  The one package of ground chicken I had out went bad, but the beef was just fine.  So, I fried it.  I left some in the pan, if I dumped all the juice, added black beans, and let it go.  Adding cheese when it was done, then eating the hot mess with corn chips.  A big glass of water on the side worked well.

It is 00:24.  I am not doing much.  Not quite able to do much.  I did get medicine in, for Friday.  The trick to get Saturday medicine is now a thing.  When to take it, to remember.  It's best to take the first dose around 03:00 to 10:00, that way, even if I crash for a bit, I only have one dose for later.  Though, if I stay up into the afternoon, and remember, I can get the last dose in.  Medicine, like food, and even showers, is a bit of a trick.

When everything you do in life is... a process you have to consciously think about, remember, and then apply?  Life is difficult.  Down to how much to drink, when to drink, how fast to drink.  That's just water.  If I just live, doing what seems... natural, or by how I feel, I... will end up dead very quickly.  Even just having nachos, tonight, was unwise.  But I was so hungry.  I don't mind drinking the quart of water, with it.  But did stop there.  I can easily, sometimes, drink an half gallon, even a gallon, for no good reason.

Medicines, even current ones, but definitely ones from the past, made me so devilishly thirsty I couldn't sort that part of life.  I used to drink gallons of water, soda, and beer, a day.  I couldn't do otherwise.  So thirsty, always.  It was difficult to keep in fluids, keep enough on hand.  Especially when water began to only make my thirst worse, no matter how much I drank.

I have learned to drink normal water, finally, again.  I do drink r.o. water, pretty much exclusively... or mineral, carbonated, waters... which have been treated.  Actually, I used those to begin to get back to even being able to drink plain water.  It took... two years?  I think, to get back to plain water.  Three?  But, now, I am there.  Carbonated and mineral waters, the good ones, are out of my price range anymore.  I still have some, once in a while though.  But drink them more as people who drink soda more rightly drink them... a few a week or a month.

Still, dinner was fantastic.  A bit of cheese did melt in, mostly.  And, sour cream on the side.  Beans and chips are high carb, but I was so very hungry.  I have a couple meals worth of burger cooked, and ready for something else... from egg casserole to dirty keto rice, to keto spaghetti.  And, yes, I'll be keeping it keto.  Plus, I have chicken left, one or two meals (and it was and seems to remain delicious), plus a pork blade chop of enormous proportions remaining.  As well, fresh veggies to steam, and carrots and celery to have with peanut butter or ranch dressing... if I can get that going.  Good foods, ready.  And keto.  But... anyway.

Sorting out the game still.  Though I realize why I can't follow the instructions.  The dolts suggest they are offering beginner advice.  BUT?  But they have all tools and skill trees filled out.  They are also probably playing on a second playthrough with the leveled 'toons.  Idiots.  I am doing about as good as possible, with the skills and such I have unlocked.  Plus, I have completed every side part of the game, and learned how to simply travel through the game.  I can't do too much more, anyway, because the fancier travel, and tricks, are based on a skill, at least one, I don't yet have.  No, I am doing okay.  If I would like to figure something out.  I don't seem to be able to knock people upwards, then fight them in the air.  It just isn't working.  I think the game is cheating, or took things away, or made opponents who can't be lifted?  Just not quite sure, but the keys that are supposed to do some things no longer work.  Meh, I'll keep at it.  

Not bad for a guy whose body really is just trying to die.  I push, and pull, sleep when I must, rest from time to time.  But... I will do anything I can do to do what I should be doing.  I'll never get there?  But I'll never give up until it is over.  I see, with my elders, how... that is.  For the best of them.  Life really is just hard.  It is a suffering.  But... it's... a gift, too.  I do thank God, even for the pain.  Sometimes it is all I can produce, offer, my God.  So... I do.  Later. 

Up, for whatever that means.

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Currently, up is down, left is right, over is under, and the boogie man is winning?  Well, something like that.  Awake around 20:00, and maybe some larger or smaller change.  Sassy was fed first thing?  Well, after I emptied my tank.  Feeling mostly good, for what that is worth, but the world is blurry.

I... did get a call back from my doctor, his office.  An appointment is set, by phone I should check, for next month.  But, I asked them to set up a blood test.  She always argues, and says that is always available.  But I know from direct experience, that it isn't.  And, I don't get reimbursed if it isn't set up.  No, I... won't play that game.  Fact, I will call again, next week, to make sure it is penned in, as an official visit.  They games they play...  But... started.  On that.

Then I contacted the son, to see if the dad had gotten my text.  They just became available for texts, so maybe it didn't even go through?  He passed the information along, so this week, only cream.  It saves a lot of money, when you are dealing with raw, good, stuff.  And, for this and next week, if I go without, I am in better shape.  Plus, after that, I will probably cut milk to just one gallon, to start.

I have enjoyed drinking raw milk, this last week, two?  But it really isn't good for one.  When I get kefir going, I will draw two gallons, and will use most of that for kefir.  But there should be some left over for cooking.  Cheese sauces, with heavy milk, can't be beat.  Well, unless they cause problems with diabetes.  Ugh.

By the by, I am amazed at medicine.  I have been on it, pretty much straight, for five, or six, maybe seven months, now?  Oh... I... have missed a few doses.  I don't think more than three days, or even three days straight, since.  I think the stuff is working.  

It... hasn't... cured... anything.  But it has suspended the dying process.  For... what little that serves the world, true.  But, it has alleviated the suffering a great deal.  I still go through agony a weaker man would put himself down for.  I still crawl into my body, roll into a ball, and whimper like a beat dog.  I still fall, from time to time, asleep for long periods, though no longer for days, or weeks, at a time.  The improvements are vast, but I... am just suspended, inches, to feet, from the finish line.  Even now, sometimes, I pass the veil, but not so... painfully.  After all the years, I finally found a doc who, or two really, who... pushed, pulled, cajoled, and worked with me, to get me to this point.  Some... doctors can be trusted, mostly.  Then they went and pushed the vax.  Oh well.  At least they have been kept at a distance, so as not to be allowed to mandate or try that.

On to gaming, again.  Food, eventually?  Or not.  Dreamed of burger and cheese and egg(?) casserole?  Oh, then woke to see someone had looked up a recipe for that.  I wonder if I dreamed, while they were reading that post, looking at that vid?  So... weird, how things work.  Later!

Just gaming.

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Not perfect, but not horrible.  Can't do much else, even eat.  And I am hungry.  My stomach has been growling for the last five hours.  And, I was hungry when I went to bed, and through the night.  Just not hungry enough, then to now, to eat.  Yet.  I am doing okay, in the game.  But I am far from truly proficient.  I couldn't focus, to figure out a few moves.  I had been doing them before, but seem to have lost the grooves for a few things.  I'll... review how to do the ones I want.  Soon.

Ah, while writing this, I remembered to call the V.A.  No appointment was set up, but a message was passed to my doctor's office.  I am sure he will require a blood test, a number of them, and possibly other things.  So, I'd like to get that in, then have the information waiting for him when he talks to me on the phone.  Now I just have to wait for a call.

It is 56 outside, or was an half hour ago.  I doubt if it has warmed.  With the furnace at 68, the house is staying between 68 and 71 up here, near the computer.  Fall is well and truly upon us.  But it is a truly pretty year, this year... the leaves... nice colors, still plush.

Pickles, capers, shampoo, and some bangles, by which to hopefully craft an arm pin cushion.  I've seen some of those, created by some of my sewing gurus, and with ideas on how to make my own.  They aren't good, and I am allergic to base metals, but I plan on layering them in cloth, even adding padding... not just for the needles, but also around the wrist if more lightly.  They were due in yesterday, but it amazon didn't suggest they were out for delivery.  Today it says these are out.

Baby pickles? Capers?  Beside for egg salads, also I really want to craft beef tartare this coming month.  I won't be able to make much.  Perhaps an half pound of meat, depending on the price.  But, yeah, I have been wanting to do that for years now.  I know I like it.  I would guess I should be able to do just as well as any chef, on the plainer side of things.  Shampoo?  Someone got most of my stash.  I had two or three bottles... gone, save for what I was using.  They left the conditioner, though.  Rather strange.

Chilly.  But I am hoping the nurse calls, and we get this set up, before long.  I am starting to get tired again.  I am not sure I can do much else, or for long.  But, I will keep the phone, a bit of paper, and a pen near the bed.  And... try to answer any calls that come through.  I do my best, but I'm sort of in a pickle.  Still, I would like to wait for the ups packages.

Hmm... something to eat.  Well, and I may check the kefir.  I did my first change yesterday.  But it might be doable again.  It had really thickened well.  Though, maybe not.  Kefir is weird.  Warm, cool, mood... it isn't always as one would think.  Remember the show The Blob?  I think it was?  I... am all but sure that is what it was based on.  Either that, or sourdough starter?  Something.

I remember that from when I was... quite young.  Asking my mom about the stuff, and whether it could be real.  She could have teased me, but was usually... usually... pretty nice to me about truths.  And, when she fibbed, she gave it away (if I don't think she had to).  She could lie, with the best, but usually didn't.  Too honest?  I think it's a family thing.

I may call my brother.  I won't reach him, most likely.  But... that's okay.  He knows.  I... don't need him to approve, or agree.  I know he is in bad shape too.  It isn't for that that I call.  It's because any one of us could be dead and gone tomorrow.  And I am not going to live with regret, when I could just call.  Like it or not, it's the way of things.  Good morning, day, and maybe goodnight.

Wow.

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Weird.  I didn't get to bed until 02:00?  Later, but how much I can't remember.  I got tucked in, and slept like a champ.  Warm, soft, comfortable, deep?  It... was a wonderful sleep.  Then, I woke around 05:30, and... I am awake.

I don't hurt, I'm not too hot or too cold.  I am not exhausted, if I am not full of pep either, exactly.  Just... ready for the day?  I guess so.  Very strange.  Friday, right?  I didn't sleep and extra day in there?  Nope, it's... Friday.  Very strange.

But, that's fine.  I'll have a coffee, before long.  Maybe make a few eggs, perhaps with corned beef hash?  Bacon?  Something.  I am just with a touch of hunger.  The hunger I went to bed with.  Not gnawing, just there.  Food more sounds good, than is beckoning, or commanding to be fed.  I could go all day with this sort of hunger, only tending it should I have the energy, or will.  No... terrible need, even with the growling stomach.

I... actually like having a growling stomach.  Especially if I am not going to do much.  The body is such a splendid and odd thing.  Mine is overweight, knows it.  Can't work hard enough, often enough, to push weight off.  But, I can let it go a bit without.  Metabolism is just too slow, even when I can work.

Well... up.  For the day?  For a while?  I just don't know.  Later.

Nearly a quarter after.

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Midnight.

Time to try to get to bed, again.  I closed the upstairs windows, and will open the door, for Sassy to visit, should she wish it.  She was up with me, when I tried to get to sleep earlier.  Probably will come up now.

I have been playing, and doing... better.  A few things I need to learn to do, a few things have been learned.  But, so many things to learn.  There are limits, especially when I am barely in shape to just... do the standard moves and combinations.  Still, I... am getting better.

A short prayer.  A quick jaunt up the stairs, and into bed.  And, hopefully, a bit of peace and quiet through the night.  Not sure why I couldn't sleep.  How is it possible that I could stay awake so long.  And, yesterday, I slept so much.  Both are difficulties which usually don't bookend each other so tightly in time.

Goodnight.

Sleep just isn't going to happen yet.

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I got up there, tucked in.  Nightcap on, over my eyes.  Warm enough, not too warm, or cold.  Blankets on, and... just... nothing.  It's 19:30, or was when I realized sleep simply wasn't going to happen.  I tried every trick I know.  But, sometimes, sleep simply won't happen.

So, back to gaming.  Not sure that is the best way to get to sleep, but don't have a lot of other options.  The internet rolls up, with it's mostly uniparty sentiments for what they are worth, shutting down for the night a couple of hours ago.  And y.t. is pretty dead, these days.  Nothing good new, very little new at all.  And less of any worth.  Flicking through that is like when I used to flick through 300 channels of dredge on the television, trying to get to sleep, or learn something.  The new MTV, I guess... a dead channel of channels.

Have you ever had a tiny sliver of fingernail, on the side of one nail, splinter off and get wedged... but so small you can't find it.  So one finger, my right ring finger, hurts to use.  Bleh.  I've tried to dig it out, even find it, to no avail, for half the day today.  Misery loves company, I prefer to be alone.  :)

Well, on to some gaming.  Maybe a cup of fatted coffee?  Or just some water?  Hungry, just not hungry enough to cook, or even heat something up.  Almost pleasantly hungry, with a rumbling belly.  Strange, but okay.  Later.

Still up at nearly 17:00?

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Had to push through.  Muscles are exhausted in odd ways.  No more food.  Medicine did go in.

I got on the game.

Something I have learned, is if you really want to get good at something?  Do it right through sleepiness, or drunkeness.  Since I am as dry as a land lubber, sleepiness will have to do.  Oh, I still don't have it.  I mean, generally, I can get around.  I can go at speed, right until I can't.  I can corner while swinging.  Have learned many things.  If, honestly, I suck at the game.

Of course, for about a dozen reasons, it is good to do what one is terrible at doing.  It is good for learning, exploring weaknesses, as well as purely for humilities sake.  Don't underestimate that last.  It's what I need more than anything else.  Heck, wouldn't surprise me if that is why I am still alive.  God has... need of that, from me?  Maybe.  I feel that is where He is guiding me.  I can't say I like that direction, only that I try to stay open to His will, and this.  Well, that's my story.

I am learning.  I am... not dying... or too often.  Though, if this is the easy path, I'd hate to see the difficult paths!  Of course I go easy, first, usually!  Just like when preparing for battle, you don't just toss raw recruits in, unless you have absolutely no choice.  I learn where to go, what to do, how to do it, before having to do it and do heavy combat, together.

Exhausted beyond almost crawling up to bed.  But, I'll get there.  I was told that some items would be here today.  I doubt it, strongly.  No worries, though, either.  Today, tomorrow, Monday... it's all good.  Some of what is arriving is for a project I have had on my mind for some time.

Oh, just about... falling asleep just sitting here writing.  I really have to get on to bed.  Lorretta Lynn?  I think she died just recently.  Not sure if I heard or dreamed it.  I'll say a small prayer for her as I sleep, and her family.  I remember, when she entertained, and life at least seemed... simpler.  Maybe life was never simple, or only for the young and dim?  But it seemed like it, once, even to me.

Goodnight.

Ouch, but...

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It is 13:02, and I remain awake.  Okay, maybe it doesn't hurt that much.  A bit uncomfortable.  But, if I can't break, and slow down, then I will hit the accelerator, or both.  Try to rock out of the predicament.  Just because I can't, doesn't mean I won't try.  How do you think I ended up with eight kids, if only six, that I know of, hit the ground screaming?  Well, I wanted to be a husband, right father.  Just had a ghost I couldn't even remember, chasing me off.

Last I checked, it was 63 outside.  Not a bad day.  I didn't check earlier, but it was 38 well after sunup, I think around 10:30.  Probably a bit cooler, but didn't have the air of having frosted.  Though... when the sun is doing it's thing, even this into fall, it might have evaporated the evidence, even by then.

I texted, about the milk.  I don't have the daughter's contact information.  The parents are... away.  Not sure it will get to them, and back, in time.  But... what is one to do?  Their best, as always.

Medicine is being taken, save insulin.  I keep losing track of that.  Oh, while thinking of such things, I may call the V.A. and set some things up.  A phoned doctor visit, and a blood test... possibly urinalysis if that is required.  I am running low, and he needs blood tests to check things.  Yes, I will call.

I may get on the game, as well.  See if I can tinker without the game getting to fussy.  I haven't, officially, made it too far, or even for sure out of, the beginning part.  But my travel ability is so weak, and combat sucks.  So, I... want to tinker.  I like it when games gives us time to go off on our own, and learn the controls.  A replayable, optional, starter guide would be great.  A one-time rough guide just doesn't cut it.

Food?  No, I am absolutely stuffed from dinner and lunch.  Chicken, and the pork blade.  I did put the other pork blade chop up though.  In a gallon zipbag.  It'll be a fine meal soon.  Though I think burger is for tomorrow... tonight to you.  A nice bowl of well spiced fried burger is handy for a lot of things, there will be plenty of extra.  I wish I could find salad makings, to my liking.  Taco salad is excellent, plus offers greens, roughage, and bits of else.  Hopefully I can get in, and check, tomorrow.  More so if I can repeat today, plus some.  Then again, not sure what today is, as it isn't over.  I don't think it is.

Later, or goodnight... if I crash in a hurry.  Later. 

10:22

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Still awake.  Not quite up to playing.  The game requires too much... focus?  And I am just not up to it.  But, I can, and have been, looking over suggestions for play.  I'm still not quite seeing the web travel, but... as with much, that will take time.  Until it is muscle memory, it is very difficult.  Thinking, then acting, takes too much time and effort.  Once it becomes remembered by the body, then improvements, added skills, and such, can be developed and used.  Frustrating.  Like having to learn to tie one's shoes all over again.