Up late.

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Down even later.  To bed at... 21:30?  Still, up at 03:10.  As it has cooled and darkened, life has become... problematic.  Falling off medicine isn't helping.  I'll... call, see if they will send some.  My doc was upset I hadn't been in for a blood test in a while.  Perhaps I could get that done first, then call.  He'll have the numbers in a few days.

I have had to put my phone on the "Do Not Disturb" portion again.  This time, it isn't random telecallers.  It is the Veterans Admin.  They want me to be involved with a queer study.  They wrote me three times, texted many times, and finally started calling.

I tossed their letters.  I turned their text invites off.  I listened just long enough to know what it was about, on the phone, then hung up.  And I stopped that phone line.  They called on new phone lines every other day since.  I blocked THOSE phone numbers.  Now they are calling me from a hidden number I can't block.  So... I just blocked all numbers not in my call list.

I will speak with my doctor and with the admin, somewhere, and get them to call off their filthy dogs.  I have no interest in talking about foolishness.  If they are down to that, to peddle some form of false medicine, I'm out.  I don't want to talk about it, least of all with some quota hire bureaucratic flunky.  "Hey kiddies, want some candy"?  My mommy told me not to talk to strangers, asshat!  Harassing!  Maybe a few complaints, in the right ears, will get that whole program and study shut down, tossed.

Oh, but at least I dreamed of... one of the women who got away.  A slim thing, I knew in the Navy, early on.  Called her Mississippi, because she was from there?  I don't remember.  I thought to shorten it, to Missy, but I liked her name.  A lithe young thing.  I was at her apartment, when she was in pj's, on the couch.

Oh, I... had a thing for her.  She for me.  We were trying to take it slow, back then.  Back then, for a right relationship, it was a ring, or two, then marriage, before pie was distributed.  At least for the marrying type.  For just lovers, it was hit and run.  Maybe stopping by to see if her knees were lonely, from time to time.  But, I at least, knew not to marry a woman to let me at it without marriage.

Yes, I... really wanted to be with her, and rightly.  Long dark hair.  Little titties, but... they just need some fertilizer.  Or... fertilizer will see to what they need, for biggen's.  We hugged, even kissed, just not on the lips.  We... knew better.  Women are so... wonderful... when they are... fresh... young... ready.  She was in the Navy too.  But I think she wanted to just be a wife, a housewife.  Little did we know, that program had been canceled the generation before us, which was why she was in the Navy in the first place.  Still, it... was a sweet dream, both then, and now.

I've got to get a grip of things.  I'm waiting a bit to feed Sassy.  And cutting her food to a single can a day... dispersing it in three doses.  Though, too, leaving the hard food available, and offering her treats from time to time.  I need a shower something awful.  I did hit my teeth again, finally, after some time just dragging around the house.

A shower, a bit later.  I did do laundry.  Dried inside for the snow and rain.  I need to trim my beard.  It... is a real, and large, and white, beard.  Any dog-faced man would be proud to have such a beard, if his ego can handle it being white!  I talking Zeus level beard, maybe Odin, on his beard bearing days.  A silverback beard.  Still, it.. could use some shaping, and thinning?  Is thinning a thing, or possible?  Or... may just trimming.  I'll... go reading... in a bit.

The regular kefir is taking it's oh so sweet time.  Though, then, as I remember, this is the first batch to use whole raw milk.  It is contending with natural things in the milk.  Perhaps merging, combining, mixing a bit?  But, also, competing.  It is always this way.  And it is cooling.  So that is how things go.  But it sure smells good.

A fatted coffee, as I thumb through things and wake.  I am hungry, of mind, but my body isn't all that interested.  If I can figure out how to make a custard, in a bain-marie, I may do that.  Soft food for soft and upset innards.

Well, that is that for now.  I'll get on to... other things.  Probably gaming.  Later.

Something is so wrong.

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I made it to 16:22.  I am going to try to finish it by staying up to 18:00 and some.  But I feel off, bad, uncomfortable in my skin.  Tired, in a strange way.  Pained in ways that aren't clearly defined.

Some of it might be from the stress of the game.  It isn't... just... difficult.  It is brutally difficult, so that it stresses me right down to some core things.  Getting a bit old for these games.  Even playing it on easy is brutal.  Then again, being easy isn't... all that easy.

Oh, and I think I lost track of medicine?  Yes, Thursday morning was the last time I took meds.  I'll... catch at least one dose for today, the other dose when I wake.

Hungry, but... I can't cook.  I could heat something up, but I am not... all that interested in eating, even while being hungry.  I don't think I could handle food.  Something inside just isn't... right.  It doesn't want food.  Sardines are way out, but even chicken or pork are too much, not right, can't do.

I'll... have some water, perhaps a glass of milk.  Then play the game for a bit.  Yes, the stress of the game is part of it.  Though the cool is too.  Though it looks like the snow has all, or pretty much, melted.  Interesting.  I wasn't sure which way it would go.

I'll... keep checking the kefir and creme fraiches, but I think those will take another day.  Later, perhaps goodnight.  God be with you.

Gaming and kefir.

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I check the kefir and else, when I am in the kitchen.  A bathroom run, or coffee or other sipping run.  It looked like the fruited kefir was just beginning to separate.  This is when I either split it out or refrigerate it.  Not sure, with this.  But, for this time, I just shook the jar a bit, then put the whole thing in the refrigerator.  I will try it later, when it is cool.  Not... the whole thing, just a sampling.  Eventually I will make a similar jar, but pull the fruit, when it looks done, and put that in the fridge.  Probably just eating the fruit there.  Plain berries, from frozen.  Much of the sugar is supposed to have been pulled out, by the kefir grains.  Though... will have to see about that.

The rest is nearing time to change.  But I like to let it go as long as it will, before separating, or too much.  The creme fraiche is moving very slowly.  But, everything from that was cold, and cream is so thick... will see in time.  I would like to say I'll just give it another day.  But that... isn't true.  I'll give it as long as it takes.  If it doesn't work, I may try again.  Just... things take the time they take.

Impatience is actually a gift, if you learn to manage it.  :)

I am sort of hungry, may get something shortly.  Nothing fancy.  Perhaps sardines and those keto crackers.  They really are good.  And rather low carb.  Lemon sardines, yes, that would do.  And a fatted coffee?  Or a tea?  Dunno, but something warm.

I am... not really getting better at the game, but I am getting through it.  As skill and equipment availabilities expand, life improves.  But, sometimes the game is horrible about sorting out how to do things.  A door seems like a dead-end, unless you are standing in the exactly right position.  And some of the skills required are pretty... rough.  Like aiming a baterang or such.  They inverted controls...  While they allow you to invert the inverted controls, it isn't... quite... normal even then.  Cheap game extenders.  Just... understand that.

Still, the game is... okay.  So far.  Fighting sequences still suck, but I think that is how it is supposed to be, until you get high enough "level", with more equipment and skills.  Regardless of what they say, it is mostly a button masher.  No way you can keep up on all the keys and skills, even at my current lower level, with fewer things to manage.  That is... the world of gaming, in many of these things.

Still, it is fun to play, until it gets screwy and I get frustrated... have to quit for a bit.  Later.

Pork and mashed cauliflower.

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Good enough.  The cauliflower was a bit old.  The pork was only so-so.  But... it... was food.  And the use of the oven and the stove heated the area, to help with fermenting things.  They do okay at 68, but a booster of warmth, from time to time, makes like even easier for them.

Keeping up on what Sassy needs, and wants.  Litter, food, attention.  Keeping water jugs shuffled, and full.  Four jars of water, half gallon jars, might seem excessive.  Especially when I also try to keep the collecting carafe full, and the reservoir full.  But, I usually cook with that water, drink it straight, and use it for coffee and tea.  Plus, I drink... two gallons a day?  It sure seems like it.  Well, and cook with, probably on average, an half gallon every other day?  

All I know is it takes a bit of effort to just keep in water.  I wouldn't want to try to do that for a family.  I'd either go whole house (which would probably be cheaper, and better, as fluoride in the water leeches through the skin).  Though most people use fluoride, so it isn't an issue for them.  I would do a whole house system if I could afford it, anyway, too.  But, as is, this is as good as I can do.  I tried the under-the-sink unit.  My problem is remembering to shut it off, while filling larger containers.  To be honest, I am surprised those haven't been outlawed, more for the water waste than anything.  Especially in California.  Though I suppose only the filthy rich do it there, and they run the programs, so...

I'm thinking of having a bit of kefir.  It looks like the quart jars of the stuff are fermenting quickly enough, now.  It takes the grains a while to wake and get to work.  But, when they do, they hit it pretty hard.  With the fruited kefir, I am waiting for the fruit to rise.  Or is it fall.  I'll have to recheck.  But I think, when they rise, it means the sugars have been used out of them.  Or was that only with vinegar?  I'll... look around.  The problem is, a lot of people talk without knowing.  Easy to get data, hard to get reliable data.  And, on y.t., I think they try to disseminate misinformation and malinformation as often as possible.  If it is being presented by one of the protected classes, they push it hard.

Oh, the creme fraiche doesn't seem to be doing much, not quickly.  I keep checking it though.  I am terribly curious about that.  I am hoping for a perfect dairy condiment for most of my former sour cream needs.  Plus, no chemicals, no salt, no... nothing.  I know exactly what is in this, and don't have to worry about soy, or sugars (of any sort), or else "slipping" into my food supply under the blind eyes of the FDA or other agencies.  They are just there to protect big money, and help China poison us... for a fee... at this point.

On to... gaming?  Sure.  Vehicle controls, and else, are still horrible.  That is just meant to make the game take longer, not for any other reason.  Hmm, some kefir, and gaming.  I think I have coffee already.  And some water.  I mix and match, sipping on each through the day.  Good morning, day, and else.  Be well.

Awake?

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Well, duh!  :p  And a bit feisty.  Staying up a bit later for the dairy helped me trip over the hour tickers.  I was able to stay up until 18:00, plus up to half an hour?  Or a few minutes.  When I push, I... forget, or am more prone to forget.  Then, I slept until 03:00, pretty much exactly.

Sassy was fed, first thing.  I checked the kefir and creme fraiche productions.  Not much going.  But, it got is 68 indoors, and 30 outside.  The snow, by the way, pretty much stopped where I described it.  If more came, some melted.  Which may have been the case.  That first snow is always so pretty, especially when it is just a dab on top of other fall colors and shapes.

Dreaming of Jeanie.  Oh, not the show girl, just a woman, who was interested.  We... explored, rightly.  It just wasn't to be.  Some women would love to be a housewife.  But that is so... expensive.  It's not really a thing these days.  Even in my days, despite all the push for it, it was a dead endeavor.  Oh, some still do it.  But it's... only if the husband can afford it, or they are willing to go without a lot of things.  It's mostly women who don't want to go there.  And, that... is... probably a form of wisdom.  Frugality will only get you just so far.  It is why feminism exists.  Nunneries aren't common, or well considered, anymore.  Academia is too filled with useless fillies these days already.  Even sex work rejects... some women.  There is no place for them.  It's low level employment, sex how and when they can get it, with whoever might offer it, and independence.

What do they call the guys who are involuntarily celibate?  Incels.  Well, a lot of feminists are just another form of incels.  They can't get, or keep, a man.  The high earners, performers, aren't interested in trading down.  Beauty is a start.  Though, even high earners are becoming incels, at least on the marriage scene.  Women aren't worth the risk, unless they come more loaded than they are.  With money.  And, those women are only looking for men with even MORE money, not some lower high status man.  The power dynamics don't work for either of them.

Then again, with everything crushing the family, personal wealth, and fertility, this will fix itself right out of existence.  When there are fifty thousand people, living mostly a tribal, hunter-gatherer existence, none of this will matter.  Those who can, will, breed, produce, be useful, or die.  The elites think they can cull a majority.  If they succeed, they will not be able to control the implosion.

I... have been praying for things.  I see the prayers doing something.  Then I see those things stopped.  I pray, further, that God deal with some things.  I... get the impression that God is letting men do what they will.  He isn't intervening.  He has handed men the keys of this kingdom, and is allowing them to explore the controls.  This won't end well.  On a worldly note.  In the final analysis, it is what must be done.  Can men back away from the brink?  Or... is the end finally nearing?

Oh, and some people seem to question why I add cream and sweetener too?

Thanks, Mike!

I still think this is more just the end of an era, an end of the Neo Rome... the fall of the Neo Jewish churches... a change of... season.  But, with nukes in the equations, difficult to say.  Some men would rather believe they are going to rule in hell, so abandon heaven.  They didn't gain power by being righteous, they aren't going to keep it by doing good.  So... you never can be sure.

Ah, but do not worry.  Until Christ returns, wars and rumors of me.  Later.

Up a bit later.

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The dairy products arrived.  I had already handled the kefir, today.  The jars were empty, save for the grains.  So I got to those quickly.  They aren't... delicate.  But, why take risks.  Kefir is really stacking in.  Should be quite good, shortly.

As well, I set up cream, in pint jars, with cultured buttermilk, and another with kefir.  These are potential versions of creme fraiche.  While I was straining kefir earlier, I set up a third quart, with kefir and fruit, hoping for a double ferment?  Not sure what I will get out of that, though possibly a double ferment, in a day, or three?  I just... am not sure.  Bubbly fruity kefir?  Or... not?  Will see.

As for milk, whole, raw, mixed with kefir, and buttermilk, in separate batches?  I'll do that tomorrow.  I want to do it in the milk jug.  But, there is a bit much in that.  I want to use two more two third quarts of kefir tomorrow.  Though one will have to go in a jar.  But... that's fine.  

I found a way to mark them, without permanently marking the jar or lids.  A napkin, a corner of which twisted under the lid as it is tightened, then printed on.  Works well.  Easier with the milk jug, I'll just write on it.

I am excited to see how things work.  And, I think I have lemon juice.  In a jar.  But that will do, for now.  To try homemade mascarpone cheese, probably tomorrow.  Life is exciting.  Food is fun, not just delicious, but... interesting.  I can't wait to get these sorted, and decide which I prefer.  Though, if they are close enough?  I'll go with the cheaper.  Just... how much better, how much cheaper?  I'll see.

 I... am dying to find out.  Though it may be cooling.  I... had a sense, something was different?  I rushed to the window, and.  I was right!  It is snowing.  The ground is covered, but the grass is still spiking through.  It isn't laying over everything, or yet.  Still, very large flakes yet fall.  Could be a short, sweet, pretty.  Or it... may be this way until spring.  Wouldn't be all bad, could certainly use the snow.  I'm afraid, with all they are doing, and this and that?  We may end up with a record fall.  It... will happen, soon or late.  But, it is what it is.

It's about bedtime.  I will have just a touch of kefir, again.  And, maybe a fatted coffee, as I look around the web and prepare to dine in dreamland.  Good afternoon, day, and goodnight.

Things... on my mind.

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Not sure I will be able to force myself into action, but... I have placed some orders, things are set to arrive, I will try.

Remember when I suggested pumpkin desert?  Well... yes.  Now, the thing about one of them, is... I might be able to craft the specialty items by hand.  I... can't afford them.  Not... storebought.  But, I could, possibly, make them.  Besides, storebought wouldn't, as usual, be as good.

It was rain.

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It is raining.  Very strange.  But... rain is good.  Today sure looks and feels like deep fall.  The season is finally feeling like it.  Actually looking like it.  It is a bit warm.  No complaining, just noting.

I did send a text.  Haven't heard back.  Doing double, or triple, duty?  Busy around the house, getting ready for winter?  Avoiding the ogre?  Who knows.  I may or may not hear back soon.  Or... he'll just... do it, and tell me after it is done.  Never... can quite be sure.  But, that is his life too, so... I sort of get it.

The chicken was good.  But it was just too much.  I only really ate two thirds of it, or less.  I'll save the rest.  The meat is perfect, finished in this the second time in the oven.  That meat is superior, actually.  I just wish I knew something pulled hindquarter meat would go into well, a casserole, or...  Hmm... could make a chicken and egg casserole.  I've been meaning to make a casserole, just haven't gotten to it.  One of these would provide enough meat for a casserole.

I am getting so tired.  Not sure I'll make it much longer.  I may play the game a bit longer.  It is so very frustrating.  Having to learn everything, from scratch.  And, really, no game type lasts for long.  Sometimes you are figuring things out, or fighting, or driving, or fighting and driving... if there are two ways for the latter.  It's a more frustrating, than fun, game so far.

Still, it... is something.  And far better than The Outer Worlds.  That game was so... very... slow... and... boring!  Ugh.  This is almost too far in the opposite direction.  Still, would rather have to fight my way through than to have to fight my eyes to stay open.  I just wish it would do better tutorials, give more time to get better at different aspects... perhaps provide practice, from time to time... on my own.  But, really, it's balls to the wall, fast paced, and confusing most of the time.

I'll play a bit more, then get a shower.  Play more to dry off.  Then, most likely, crash.  I did make room in the fridge for the incoming dairy.  I think I have enough jars to get most things started.  Well, and some of it will be done in the containers they arrive in.  I am excited to see how things work out, which items I like the best, and such.  I am hoping, next week, that I can cut dairy again.  Just getting the cream weekly, milk every other week?  Will find out shortly.  Well, and some combination of and extra cream, extra milk, and/or cultured butter milk (two of those three) once per month... to create a few things.  Next month I may try homemade cottage cheese.  That might be a bit expensive, but might be worth it once a month?  Will find out.

Often, when they arrive, even if I remember to have the door open, I forget to make room for the goods.  I... feel quite guilty when I do that.  But I really am barely alive.  I... can't remember.  Or act even if I do, always.  Anyway...  On to a bit more gaming.  I have an alarm set, to let me know when the machine should be done.  Then I'll put it in the dryer, since it is raining.  Give that an half hour, then take a shower.  In case the water heater was drained a bit.  Later.

A storm.

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Settling in for a bit or moving quickly through, only time will tell.  It almost look like snow out there, in the distance. I don't even think it is rain.  Dust?  Can't be sure, odd.  it is down to 56, last I looked, but that is rather warm given the givens... time of year, bluster of weather, recent history.

Laundry is started.  As well, I heated up a piece of chicken.  I added just a touch more cayenne.  I don't want it hot, just... spiced.  Just enough to tickle the palate, lips, and tongue.  While I am only using cayenne, it is the 100k cayenne.  I... have to hunt my peculiar taste mosquitoes, in certain directions, with what others would consider a shotgun.  For me, that is a scalpel.  Just scratching the surface.  

After heating, or in this case finishing, I like to give the meat a fifteen minute rest time.  The beeping is telling me it is ready, but there is no terrible hurry.  Veggies on the side would be good, I just don't have... the energy.  Though, to be honest, these are rather large hanks of hindquarters.  I think this will do quite well.  That and a big glass of water.

When laundry is over, I am hoping to get a shower in.  I have some clothes ready, in there.  I meant to do it first, but... got confused.  I'll enjoy the chicken while watching a flick, or trying to find one I can watch.  Clean up a bit.  Then game until the laundry is done.  A shower after that.

Oh, I should check on a suggestion, or offer.  A neighbor was wondering about putting a pig on the land.  I thought that would be find, if he kept on top of it, should it get out.  I'd be willing to try to help put up the fencing.  And, could, from time to time, handle feeding and watering... but not all the time or regularly... unless I added a pig too.  Not sure if there would be a smell problem over time.  But, would... put up with it, for a short trial.  Though, would like to add a pig of my own.  For company with the other pig, and for food.  Haven't heard anything.  Probably not going to happen, but you never know.  Though, in either case, would be good to get the hydrant fixed.  He had sort of said he would do that, before it freezes.  Ugh.

Well... on to things.  Later.

I don't know about this game.

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Everything in the game seems to be something different.  There are so many different aspects to the game, it's... sort of ruinous to the ego.  Driving, fighting, fighting while driving, puzzles that seem to have no clue.  It really is a difficult game.  Not... to play, usually.  But to figure out how to play.  There aren't two, or four, or six methods to anything.  Only one method is offered.  It is easy... when you finally, somehow, figure out what buttons to press, or in which order.

Though that isn't honestly true.  Right as soon as you think you have it figured out, it then puts the keys on a timer.  You have to either hit the keys at the right time, in the right sequence, or you have to move quickly.  And, yet, I haven't found a way to run yet.  

I am not sure if the first part of this game is a horrible, long, training session, or if it just sucks completely starting out.  It throws me into things, but doesn't tell me how to solve things.  Shooting doesn't work in this one, but a different type of shooting?  It doesn't tell you how to do things, at all.  Sometimes it offers tips, sometimes not.  If the tips are useless unless you know which keys do what.

I would say this is a wreck of a game.  I'll keep going with it.  But the learning curve is exasperating.

I had another dose of kefir.  With it not being as sour as I prefer, I added a few drops of sweetener.  I could have made a fruit smoothie, and will, in time.  But, this time, I just went with a few drops.  And, yes, it did taste a bit better.  As it gets more sour, I will enjoy it more again.  I only want to make a smoothie, or sweeten it, every third or fourth dose in a week.  

Oh, but it is starting to work.  It does help get rid of anything in you.  Initially it just expands and pushes other foods out.  But, then, over time, I just moves things along much more quickly.  The biome in there becomes... ocd about managing and moving anything I put in.  As mentioned, it ripped through corn, without leaving a whole kernel, save for a backup near the end.  Magic stuff.  Actually, corn is magic.  The combination is... magic-er.

It is gusting, out there.  I was almost afraid to check, but stepped out to see.  Very strange, but it is 60 F!  A very warm day for this time of night.  For the last week, or three, it has been getting down to between 30 and 40.  My mother did mention they are supposed to get up to 80 soon, over the weakened perhaps?  Perhaps we are getting some of that.  Very strange.  It sounded so cold.  But the gusts have been just that, occasional blows, that pass and aren't sure to be by again soon.

Hmm... one fatted coffee.  Help wake me a bit.  Playing helped a bit.  But that may be it.  I have lost track of medicine.  Not sure what I can do about it, save keep trying.  Life has gotten messy, and there isn't a lot I can do about it.  Still... I'll keep at it.  Good morning, day, and maybe goodnight again, or shortly?  I'm... not sure.  Goodnight or later.

So strange.

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Again, in spite of my intentions, I didn't get to bed until 16:00 and change... small or larger I can't remember.  I looked at the time, down here, up there, it just didn't stick, other that it was after 16:00.  And I woke around 23:00, and change.  That just isn't much sleep.  And I am so very tired.  Or was when I went to bed.  And still am, a bit.  Just not enough to stay down.

Too warm?  Today, this "morning", to a degree... no pun intended.  With the door open, it was 66 up there, near me... 64 out in the main, 70 near the computer.  After it has been running for an half hour, with me here.  So, I shouldn't be too warm.  It's a sensation, not a physical fact?

I did have a cup of kefir.  Milder than I like it.  I'll work on getting it to ferment a bit stronger.  Still, it was good.  I have missed it a lot.  They have suggested adding a bit of fruit, to double ferment.  And I do have frozen berries.  I may try that.  And, it is thinner.  But that is fine, for now.  I'll begin tinkering with the stuff, again, in time.

This week I will be working on developing creme fraiche.  Study it for the next week or two.  Then I will begin working with kefir the rest of the month.  I should look up recipes which use creme fraiche.  Try it in soups, use it as a sour cream replacement on potatoes, and on taco salads, and such.

So tired.  I'll give it a shot, staying awake, but I may end up back in bed before long.  Such an oddly difficult day... morning... night.  Later.

Wow.

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That chicken was good.  The pork roast was only so-so.  But that chicken?  Out of this world.  I didn't completely cook the rest of the chicken.  Hopefully that will make it better, when I go to use it.  But the piece I finished was absolutely fantastic.

I have been looking over videos, to see about ways to improve, and the fastest ways to upgrade.  I'm really not seeing any great tips.  Or... perhaps I just am not fully understanding what I am seeing?  Will find out, in time.

I can't stay awake much longer though.  Sleep calls, commands.  I need to put the meats up.  That will be easy, and quick.

I did turn over the kefir.  It was just starting to split, the whey from the grains.  Still, it got it in plenty of time.  I now have two fuller half gallons, and another half full.  I burp the fuller ones, when filling the less full one.  I can probably start consuming kefir again tomorrow.  I want to see how quickly the kefir goes, as things are lately.  I am guessing, if it goes like the last batch, between two and three days.  Which is... probably... perfect.  

Actually, I might have a small cup.  It helps things digest so much better.  And, while I didn't have huge meals, compared to what I have been eating lately, I ate treble what I have been eating.  Two good meals though was sort of a gift.  And, keto, mostly.  But, a bit of kefir, even on a slightly overfull stomach, would do some good.

Meat up, kefir down, then me down.  I'll add you to my prayers.  It... doesn't do much for age, some illnesses, this, or that.  But if you grab it, and use it, it... may do more than you think.  The task isn't to get out of this alive.  I am guessing that living forever, in a world of sin, would end up worse than any hell.  So, it's... a matter of going along with what is coming.  Facing it, embracing it, in it's time.  And... living to suffer until it is time.  Thankfully we can complain, and do?  I do.  :)   Age and terrible illness, for me, has developed into a fine whine.

Well... it's been a good day.  Maybe the new game will help me stay awake a bit better.  If I can get over the learning curve.  Have a great day.  God speed.  God's blessings.  Goodnight.

More looking.

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I went with Batman Arkham Knight, and a lot of free dlc content.  I like that.  Enough that I bought a few, precursory, for pay content.  Look, tit for tat.  Not sure... I will like the game.  I had started it before.  But was not up to the immediate fast pace and steep learning curve.

In the game, to start, combat is easy enough.  But you have to learn to glide, use devices for travel and combat, learn to drive, and more.  It's... a bit much.  Especially since I hate driving games and driving aspects of games (when they are made artificially difficult... which this game is, at the start).  Usually, as you gain skills, earn points to spend on those, and experience, it can get easier.  As well, I think the game... simplifies over time.

The first time I tried to play it, I just wasn't in shape to learn, didn't have the patience for the challenge, and else.  I'm playing on easy, and... well... that doesn't really affect driving, or other aspects of the game.

This time?  Maybe.  After learning a bit in Spiderman, while it doesn't carry over, the capacity to learn does, to a degree.  So... I have a game to play.  I just couldn't tinker along at a snails pace on the other game.  That was just so dry!  This might be too much.  Will see.  May tinker with the dlc.  Though I am finding that dlc is often made insanely difficult, and terribly annoying, of late.  We'll see about this game.

Ah, and the chicken.  I dried it.  Set it for a bit, then forgot it.  I just got it spiced, herbed, and wrapped.  I never did turn on the oven, so that is now on.  I'll give it an half hour, then put the package in.  Give the whole an half hour.  Then, pull it.  Let most of it cool, and go from there.  Though I may pull one out, and put it back in, to finish.  Having a chicken meal as well today.  Loverly.

The order for dairy has been confirmed.  I'm excited to see what can be done tomorrow.  Whole raw mild kefir is for a few days out, but will be happening soon enough.  But with an half gallon of kefir, one gallon of milk, a quart of cream, and a quart of cultured buttermilk?  I'm going to make a wonderful mess this next week.  Creme fraiche of several sorts.  I'll be grading them, as they cure.  See which really turns out the best, which lasts the longest.  Which is better on, or in, what.

Why creme fraiche?  It holds up in stews and soups, and other heated applications.  Plus, it has a slightly higher fat content.  More, when fermented, the low lactose becomes even lower, down to nothing really.  Now, it isn't quite as tangy as sour cream.  But... that I can, mostly, handle.  And, I might, over time, be able to age it to a stronger sour taste?  That is why.  Well, and the sheer joy of turning real food into other real, and haute cuisine elements.  It's... not being fancy, more artistic, and scientific.  Or... that's my story.

Oh... I think the oven just let me know it is up to heat.  No reason to wait longer.  I'll get the chicken in, and go from there.  It's... not a bad day.  Later.

Some seriously tasty roast.

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The onion offered most of the flavor.  Two small onions, halved, and put on top as it roast.  As they cook, they water the roast.  I had two small slices, but am absolutely stuffed.  And satisfied.

Next, I need to drain, then dry, the chicken.  Then get it in there. As mentioned, just an half hour, at 350.  It won't be done, so I won't (and won't be tempted to) have a piece.

Oh, and it was time... so I called my mother.  She sounds good.  Went through a rough one, mid week.  It happens.  Slept it off.  It's... what we can do.  Sometimes it's all we can do.

Not bad.  I'll drain the chicken, pat it dry.  Let it air dry for an hour, then get it going.  I may turn the oven on, and just enjoy a little extra warmth.  Otherwise I would forget to turn it on, anyway.

Oh, I promised a little prayer.  That it be dry enough that they can finish getting crop in this year.  It's been too wet.  Just one field, they have, yet to harvest.  A prayer can't hurt.

Oh, and... I want to compare making creme fraiche using buttermilk and whole milk versus kefir and whole milk.  So, I'm ordering a bit extra tomorrow.  As well, I want to try making it with cream, instead of whole milk.  So... a lot of trial balloons will be floated this weekend.  We'll see.  Yes, it'll set me back, a bit, on kefir.  But I do have to jars full, and another being worked on.  Though the quarts won't be ready until this evening or tomorrow.  Still...

I'm telling you, I am having more fun with fermented dairy than I thought possible!  I would like to try cottage cheese, but that is really expensive to make it from raw milk.  If I had a cow, and she was outproducing my usage, I'd consider it.  But I just don't have the extra.  Still, maybe next month, I may try it.  I remember mother discussing doing that as a girl, and... I've... always been fascinated.  Back then they had all the food they could possibly eat, to some degree.  But not a dime to their name, almost collectively.  The good ol' bad good times?  :)

Then, maybe, a bit more gaming, between this and that.  Good morning and day.

Gaming along.

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The game is slightly better, with fast travel sorted.  But it is still... dull.  To be honest, if I had kids?  I would keep them to the dull games, like this.  Where they have to think their way through, choose to use combat or conversational skills, or being sneaky even, to get around a problem.  You can't fight your way through everything.  And, while there are options, sometimes those cost too much morally to allow.  Life is like that.  Though, sometimes, if the option is there, perhaps skipping certain encounters altogether might be the wisest.

The thing is, I have a moral code, ethical system, religious affiliation, and such.  And... a game of this sort is not going to offer me choices I have not only encountered, but had to negotiate in realer terms.  Besides, my systems are... barely able to stay awake.  I need adrenalin and such, action, to help me stay awake, in real time.  But... for now, it will do.

The pork roast is... roasting.  It'll need much longer.  So, I turned the heat up.  At 350, it would take another couple hours.  No!  So, I turned it to 450, opened the foil, and set the timer.  I'll put the potato in for the last fifteen minutes.  Plenty of onion on the roast, and a few other herbs and spices.  I can make a truly pleasant, mild, meat roast... with just a touch of herbs, aromatics, and such, right in the meat.  Not too strong, just... an addition of a little something... like the scent of flowers, or else, just... off to the side, in the ether around one, not so direct or potent as to even be sure it is in the slice of meat.  Just... there.  I have worked on that, and still do.  Adding more variety, or just one stronger near flavor, taste, scent.

As for the chicken?  It is brining, with a bit of sage as well.  I will probably just cook that for half an hour, then refrigerate it.  Drying it very well, then just open cooking it to dry it further.  But, not cooking it fully.  These are hanks of chicken, not pieces.  These hindquarters must have been off those fifteen pound lesbian KFC chickens.  :p  I'm telling you.  I am hoping, doing them this way, will allow the skin to dry this first time, then crisp when being warmed in the oven for a meal.

I just don't have the energy to make a custard.  But it is on my mind.  And, the next chance I can stand, and work, and think, I will make a custard.

When the roast is finished, I'll get the chicken in.  But it will cook at 350, and as mentioned for just half an hour.  Then allowed to cool, get bagged, and put up.  I'd best keep an eye on the roast.  While I have it set to an alarm, I will probably check it every ten minutes or so.  At that temp.  There is the alarm?  Time flies.  Anyway... on to check it.

I am hoping to call my mom today?  No, I just called her?  That was Sunday.  I suppose I can call her again.  I try to avoid her meals.  So... in an hour or two.  Later.

Just some gaming.

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Feeling cold.  But it's not cold.  Tired, sleepy.  Joints are achy.  I don't know.

I would like to figure some things out.  I'd really like to have a meal.  Nothing fancy, just... something to eat.  To that end, I think I'll set the chicken and roast up, to be baked.  The pork roast can go in, right now.  The chicken, I do believe, I want to brine.  It's not good for the skin, but sure makes the meat better.  Salt, and a touch of sage?  Something like that, for the brine.  For the pork, just salt, pepper, and an onion, halved, or two, on top.

I want to do the custard, I just don't have it going.  It isn't... difficult.  It's... just... new?  Until I have done something a number of times, regulated the process, it takes a lot more effort to do.  I am out of the gooder eggs, but have some of the storebought.  As well as milk.  Plus, the kefir is not turning over very quickly.  The quart jars are taking much longer, even if only two thirds full.  Which... is a good thing.  I want the quarts to take two, even three days... in the cooler kitchen.

It is staying 68/69 in here, even in the front room, for now.  But this room will be chilling soon.  I need to figure out how to get the computer, and desk, and all, into the other room, set up, and ready.  It is just too cold in here.  I could handle it, of body, but not of digits.  My fingers become painful to use, and clumsier than even usually.

Hmm...  Well?  I don't know.  I will try to get those things going.  And really might try to get a smaller dose of custard going.  Eating some warmed, with a side of pork roast, would be... quite nice.  So tired though.  So sleepy.  I'm... going to try.  And, when I get the pork in, and the chicken brining, I will try to hit the dishes too.

Maybe a fatted coffee, to get things going?  Yes, that might help.  A little caffeine, some heat, some fat.  All good, maybe.  Later.

Hmm, troubles.

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I made it to 16:00.  And a bit?  I know I made it over that hour, else I can't remember.  I wasn't trying to make it that late, I just... couldn't get to bed until I did get to bed.  Sleep was so very tight, but good.  What is odd is, sleeping on the floor?  Beside my back almost never hurting (unless I use if while working), I also don't end up with parts going to sleep.  I don't sleep on an arm or leg or else wrong.

I think it is because the arrangement isn't comfortable.  Or so comfortable that laying in the same spot, for very long, is possible.  Odd how that works out.  Now, the price is that shoulder joints get a bit abused, always seem to have a crick in them.  But... a minor one, definitely compared to even having limbs be asleep a few times a week.

As for the cramps I was so used to?  Legs, usually.  Keeping my legs warmer has fixed that.  If my body is cold, putting on heavier pj bottoms while I sleep works.  Though, usually, just setting the blankets correctly works most of the time.

Now, getting used to sleeping on the floor, this time, took many months of agony.  I was just about to give up, after six to eight months of suffering through, when it finally clicked.  I think what helped was when I was able to work again, and I worked hard for a few weeks or month.  Going to bed tired, so that my body just sorted it out.

Anyway... up.  For what good that is doing me lately.  Not very able.  Tired to the point of crashing most nights as I go to bed.  And, yet, not sleeping all that long?  I am only sleeping around six hours a night.  And, crashing into bed when I do finally get there.  Irritating, annoying, bothersome.  But... I have had worse.

Today?  The last of the dishes...  A shower sometime or other...  Roasting the pork butt roast and chicken?  I hope.  Oh, though I may make a custard for breakfast.  I have enough milk and eggs, I think.  And I have enough artificial sweetener.  I think I even have nutmeg, whole, with a scraper.  I am hoping to get to the wood pile today.  If it is warm enough, I may water the lawn one last time, if I can get the wood pile out of the way, clean up that area, and mow it with the rider.  Today, or tomorrow.  Then put the sprinkler and hoses up.

Sassy has been fed.  Her litter box was empty from clearing it at bedtime.  I should get her some water, fresh.  But, other than that, the old girl is having a good life.  I sure enjoy her company.  Am still thinking about getting another cat.  For... both of us.  I had thought about a dog, but that just won't work.  Too needy.  Later.

No, nothing extra.

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I have been hanging on.  Barely.  It is 14:34, and bedtime.  I have pushed as far, hard, and well as I may.  No extra meal, no more gaming, very little of anything.  All good.  I don't hurt, I am just so very tired.  I have been since... eight or nine this morning.  A good haul, if you look at it right.

You know you are tired when your mind is numb.  When writing is a conscious effort, in the mind as well as of flesh.  I have to think it all through, it isn't just happening, as it mostly does.  A very strange phenomena.  Imagine if everything you went to ponder, in your mind, you had to work out.  There is no flow.  The imagination isn't working.  So, if you want to imagine, closing a door, it is more like reading about it.  The mind just doesn't create pictures, moving or otherwise.  That is how it is.

Of course, being that tired is... not a bad thing.  I suspect rest will be... indulgent, deep, quiet.  Not that I am dying, but it will be a bit like death.  Ah, but you probably don't know what that means.  You have never had it so quiet, so dark, that nothing touches you?  At least it isn't cold, that is the difference.  I am sleeping well, comfortably, lately.  If deeply, darkly.

Something is off, but that is okay.  Something has been off for the last thirty... it started in '87... so... thirty five years now, is it?  Wow.  I was 21, when that happened.  That's a lot of time in a shadow, of sorts.  Anyway, I've had worse.

I keep thinking about custard.

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Not for daily consumption.  But, from time to time, just... a different, softer, meal.

My mother used to make it for my father, fosters.  When he would get ill, or down, this was the thing.  I got a sample of it a few rare times.  Something about it.  Maybe it was because it was a special, or rare thing?  Perhaps because it was reserved almost exclusively for my father?  All I know, is... I would like it.

Cleared the freezertop.

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Now to clean it.  But why?  Well, actually, just to try to keep it open, for when I have more dishes to do... to get some bread out... to get it, then, cleaned off... and maybe to do a bit of prep work on it.  Sometime today, in order to do a bit more cooking, of something good.  I still have to wash it, but with two pans of dishes going, that won't be a problem.

Though, next, I am going to make breakfast.  I have heard that potatoes, cooked, then allowed to cool, then heated or eaten cool, will provide carbs that aren't as bad.  I am going to test this.  I have three bigger baking potatoes.  I washed them, and stuck them into the oven.  I will eat one, without letting it cool.  Then, in a few days, test one of the others.  Reheated.  And, another, a few days after that.  Checking how much blood sugar jumps with each... in with a full keto meal elsewise.  As well, keeping the keto meals balanced.  I mean, eating about the same portions.  Curious.  It would be good, if second baked potatoes were more allowable on the diet.  Even if it's a small advantage, take it where you can get it.

Sleepy, in odd ways.  I suppose I could take a nap now, though I'm not sure it would end up being an actual nap.  It might well end up being another night down, so I don't want to do it.  Odd though.  It's only 02:51 and I feel like I really could go back to bed for a day, or day and night.   

I have only been awake since 23:30, give or take?  It feels like I have been awake for many hours.  Odd.  It is dark, but... it's... fall.  It's dark much of the day, these days.  I almost suspect that a larger breakfast will send me to bed.  It has been eating that has seen me to sleeping in the chair.  Though, larger meals, and higher carb meals.  So... yeah.  That's not all of it, the fall dark and cool, of course, are adding up as well.  Even in the mornings, with the sun up and out, it feels cool, and dark.  The angle of the sun, and how much heat it puts out, and light?

No worries.  I would like to do a few more things today.  Probably change out the kefir, wash the freezertop, do a those few dishes, have breakfast, brunch, or... whatever, and do a few more things.  A shower, brush my teeth, clean and clear another area or two?  Who knows.

Mostly just writing in the hopes of creating plans, and carrying through with them.  I sure hope to get to a few things.  But may not.  Later.