No, nothing extra.

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I have been hanging on.  Barely.  It is 14:34, and bedtime.  I have pushed as far, hard, and well as I may.  No extra meal, no more gaming, very little of anything.  All good.  I don't hurt, I am just so very tired.  I have been since... eight or nine this morning.  A good haul, if you look at it right.

You know you are tired when your mind is numb.  When writing is a conscious effort, in the mind as well as of flesh.  I have to think it all through, it isn't just happening, as it mostly does.  A very strange phenomena.  Imagine if everything you went to ponder, in your mind, you had to work out.  There is no flow.  The imagination isn't working.  So, if you want to imagine, closing a door, it is more like reading about it.  The mind just doesn't create pictures, moving or otherwise.  That is how it is.

Of course, being that tired is... not a bad thing.  I suspect rest will be... indulgent, deep, quiet.  Not that I am dying, but it will be a bit like death.  Ah, but you probably don't know what that means.  You have never had it so quiet, so dark, that nothing touches you?  At least it isn't cold, that is the difference.  I am sleeping well, comfortably, lately.  If deeply, darkly.

Something is off, but that is okay.  Something has been off for the last thirty... it started in '87... so... thirty five years now, is it?  Wow.  I was 21, when that happened.  That's a lot of time in a shadow, of sorts.  Anyway, I've had worse.

Oh, a neat vid.  Is this possible?  I don't know.  But I really enjoy believable theories about movies I liked, or were famous, infamous, enough for me to have taken note.  As mentioned, this one was a bit more important, because I... swam in the pool there, with the director of the camp I worked at that year.  She reminded me of Velma, from Scooby-Doo.  No, she wasn't a lesbian, or... not one by choice.  Perhaps that was all that was left to her, hard to know.  We snuck in, at night, after watching the first (boring) Star Trek movie.  And... had to scoot, a major wedding party was being held, and apparently they decided to go out for a swim as well.  What a lark, but it was fun.

But, yes.  This movie has always seemed... incorrect.  I don't think it was presented as it was meant.  Though, to be honest, I am not certain there was ever an intention.  It was merely meant to be understood directly, by most, and left with enough loose ends that a lot of theories might be true.  He may have had an intention, but he didn't nail it, make it sure.  In... my opinion.  There was always an unease about what was really going on.  This... could explain it.

Though, perhaps he just used drugs, and... that... is what it produces.  Difficult to know.  I don't trust theories, if I do like them.  If, too, I don't trust goofing, with things, as intentional or not.  I would have thought, if he was goofing, spoofing, joking, or jacking, he would have come out about it by now.  Though, who knows.  But, I do think it is... believable, even if it has nothing to do with the directors actions, functions, or intentions.  The 60s, 70s, and 80s were a lot of bad years for drug use.  I'd have to hear, from the staff and cast, whether drugs were being used on set, and by the directors and producers, during the shooting.

Well... on to bed I think.  Goodnight.