Won't be able to sleep for a while.

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Food?  I think it helped.  The nausea remains, but it is more of a thought, father back in my mind, than a physical thing.  I ate lightly, but well.

The shoes, laced up, with wraps and else, is helping too.  Both allowing more mobility and bracing the foot.  Not perfect, better than just letting it be open.  Gets a bit hot in there.  For now, that is the price.

I will be checking my walking sticks, for hiking.  And ordered a walking stick, longer length.  That is much less expensive.  And, if the walking sticks work, the pole might be good for other situations.  Perhaps I can skip the walker and knee scooter.  Trying to do these things on a budget.  Or, as much as possible.

No more buying until next month, and hopefully not then.  We'll see.

Even so, between nausea and pain, I simply can't sleep right now.  Hopefully, before long, I can get back to sleep.  Though, it looks like I would have had to cancel today anyway.  Snow.  How much?  Two, three, inches?  Maybe more, and still falling?  Maybe.

I'd sure love to go on back to bed.  I just can't.  That pain-nausea mix is just too much.  I'll try to relax, maybe play a game for a bit.  Hoping for a better day, and sleep.  So tired.  I am sure I slept, it just didn't feel like it.  And rolling would bring the pain so sharply back that I'd wake fully.  So not much good sleep.

I know, I know.  Not... complaining... just... trying to keep notes on things, make plans, and sort things out.  Without someone to talk to about things, I have notes and thinking through pain.  Yea, and more painkillers.  It's about time.  Or... close enough.  Later, or goodnight, again.

Well?

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I have ordered what I will order, at least for now.  Before going to something like a walker or even knee scooter, I may attempt a cane.  The problem with canes is the problem with else, often too short.  Hmm, the one cane, so far, I have seen, which can handle 6'6" and 300 comes in at about what the knee scooter would price to.  But, would be much more maneuverable in tight areas.  Like... my house with too many boxes?  Yes.

I haven't gotten back upstairs because, the efforts so far have been very difficult.  Nausea is coming and going, and waves of pain.  The painkillers are helping, but just some.  The effects of the pain aren't shielded, just some of the pain.  I don't want to push, and going into shock.  I'm right on the edge.

I did cancel events today.  I just won't be able to walk.  Not far.  Drive?  I think so.  I won't be to the store in a while.  Thankfully that has been managed for a few weeks.  By then, hopefully, I have at least a boot, maybe a cane if I go that way, and some stability.  Or can use the cart as my walker replacement.

Wrapping the foot helps.  Though I will probably need to take it off, from time to time.  Which, is all good.  The shower helped a lot, but was a bit dangerous.  Getting in and out, even just standing.  Terrifying, at times.  If I tipped in the wrong direction, at the wrong time, I could end up flat on my face, or worse.  At least I have a way up and down the stairs that is... safer.

Ugh.  I may try to get some food in, to combat the nausea.  Never sure if that is the best choice.  Usually a bit of food helps.  Usually.  I'll keep the waste basket near the bed, just in case that was a bad call.  Wow, I really haven't hurt this badly in a very long time, from simple physical.  Internals have hurt pretty bad, but that is spread out, and hasn't been all that frequent or recent.  As medicine starts waning, that'll be back.  Just... not yet.

All good.  A bit to eat, a bit of time to see if it's going to stay down, then I'll figure things out from there.  Later or much later.

Positive.

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The foot is broken.  Swollen, harshly, this morning.  Hurt all through the night. rolling was a serious chore.  I don't think I truly got to sleep.  Took an hour and an half to get down here, after waking.  I took a shower, hoping that will, in time, help.  I think it did help.  Just not sure the help will last at all.  Now the other foot is hurting, from having to walk weird and carry the weight.

It hurts enough I am getting nauseous.  I just took the most potent of my painkillers, and several of them.  The biggest knuckle on the toe, the one behind it, to a degree the smaller outer knuckle, and things inside on that line.  Very swollen, skin is very tight.

Not staying up much longer.  Planning to go back to bed, but wrap the foot as I do so.  When I wake next, pull the wrap, perhaps rewrap it, then put on compression socks, and maybe an outer sock as well.  And, of course, shoes.  Everything I did yesterday, though adding the wrappings.  It did fairly well, made mild mobility possible.  As is, I can't really walk.  More a forward stumble, as if I had a peg leg.  If even then, the pain is brutal.

I had plans for this afternoon.  Not sure I can make it.  Want to rest a bit, after the shower, painpills, wrap, and more sleep.  Oh my word, I haven't hurt this bad in a decade?  Probably more, from pure physical pain.

On back to bed.  Well, maybe some water, and browsing a bit, as I recover from all the activity so far this morning.  The pain is taking my breath away.  I... really got it good.  Hopefully this isn't a week or more thing.  Ah, ribs.  That was the last thing that got me this bad.  Perhaps worse, because each breath was excruciating.  And, I wouldn't take the pain pills.  Well, not what they offered, the potent, narcotic, stuff.  Felt too mushy, on it.

Later.

Almost sure I broke my foot.

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How?  That I can't tell you.  I was wearing leg weights yesterday.  Ten pounds on each leg.  And, walking in them was exceptionally clumsy.  Could I have clipped a concrete, or lathe wall?  Maybe, but you would think I would have noticed.  And, I was wearing stout boots.  Did I drop something on it?  Maybe, but the damaged area seems more like a very deeply stubbed toe.  Did I kick in my sleep?  Could have been.  But, on the rare times I do such things, I wake up hurting.

Very strange.  If I had access to maskless medical service, I would go in.  As is, I can't breath in there with a mask on.  And they won't see me without donning one.  I have tried a number of ways to get past the mask, but none work.  So... I just have to suffer through it.  Wouldn't take their pain pills, wouldn't mind a foot brace, and checkups.  It's... pretty awful.  I guess I just have to limp around, and hope it heals on it's own.  Thank you, Biden, and V.A.  Assholes.

The pain is pretty serious.  As mentioned, though, I wouldn't use stronger than what I have at home.  Rather have pain than addiction.  Look around at what they have done to people.  I did take a nap, hoping it would help.  Nope.  Not a bit.  Did it get worse?  I don't think so.  It may feel worse, but that is just pain over time.  Limping much more cautiously.

Did put on a medium pressure compression sock, and an oversock... just cotton but good enough in the house, and shoes over that.  Haven't tied them, yet.  Not sure I can take it.  Will try that shortly.  I almost bet Michael would have had advice.  But I wouldn't bring him back for that!  Especially if he truly is in a better place.  And, yeah, purgatory is a better place, if... with a price to pay on the way.  A very pleasant price, when all is said and done.  It's... voluntary, too.  Though if you get close enough to understand, it... really isn't a choice anymore.

Well... on with the day.  Will tie shoes up for a bit.  Then game for a while.  Then get a shower in, maybe soak that foot in a bin, in the shower, with epsom salt?  Perhaps just sitting there, for a while, soaking.

Oh, did notice that Amazon isn't the best price for even all groceries these days.  Last I looked, the square boxes of kosher salt, at amazon, was in the $8-10 range.  At the store, they were less than $4.  And even better, lower carb, peanut butter, for occasional use, was about the same price, but in glass.  Much preferred.  I keep trying to get only glass containers, but it isn't always available, at amazon or in the store.  But, yes, I do start comparing prices.  And over several stores.  As with quality.

Though, with two main stores, one closer, sometimes proximity is needed, sometimes I will be farther away anyway.  And, my requests are heard and tended.  So... yes.  Nothing personal, just business.  I am happy, for some things, with both stores.  They are competitive.  Which isn't a bad thing.  I'd love to stick with one store, but... that doesn't always work.  But I will worth with both stores.  I lose out on some of the benefits of buying singly, but... there are advantages, if at a cost, for using both.  As well, it spreads it around a bit more.

Well, on to limping around, grumping about lost peeps, and tending my cat.  Have a good one.  Start sorting your new year.  Be well as well.  Or... go in peace.  Amen.

Strange.

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Hurt my foot badly, somehow, yesterday.  Limping as if I had stepped on a nail, which went through cleanly.  Or broke the biggest knuckle inside the foot?  Something.  Did I step on something?  Didn't twist the ankle.  Toes aren't stubbed.  No bruises from dropping something on it.  Not... sure... what happened.  When you are this sleepy, you just might not know.

Another shower today?  Maybe.  I am tossing two packages of pork.  Can't eat it lately.  Too rich.  I guess I'll have to buy the cheapest beef I can find, and eat little of it.  Just can't tolerate the pork of late.  Far too rich.  Not sure what that is about, but can't stomach it.  Can't afford steak, but have found half reasonable beef.  Gave up on chicken, too.

Oh, it... isn't just me.  I have seen pork in the $2.50 range?  But quality has crashed.  Whatever they are doing to try to replace beef, it isn't working well.  I did see more "US" fish, if the most reasonable wild caught was $9.99 a pound.  From there it went to $26 or so, for wild salmon.  Well beyond my pricing per pound, even the least.  I can afford about $7.00, for some small portion of my meat.  Say a third of what I get.  The rest has to be less.  They said they used to try to keep vets at middle class.  I... think that is gone.  We are what ss retirees used to be, now.  I can only imagine where they are at.  They are giving what we used to get to illegals, and other criminals, I guess.  Your tax money at work, and choices.  On top of it, I can only sometimes even afford what used to be cheap, chuck roast.

Yea, another shower today, cooking some meat today... burger, a chuck roast, and maybe gizzards.  No, I'll skip on the gizzards until tomorrow.  The rest can be cooked today.  Don't want to cook the gizzards until those are to be eaten... on a bed of salad.

Thirsty, in a weird, diabetic, way.  Nothing can touch it, save electrolyte powder, vinegar, and water.  Mostly water, but...  And, I have good flavor mix, raspberry electrolyte powder and red wine vinegar.  Not... bad.  Really cuts through the grail.  Can't really drink fatted coffees lately, or much else.  Somethings... wrong.  But, it goes that way from time to time.

As with Michael, I find myself in smaller and smaller mazes.  Eventually there won't be a way to figure out how to get through the thing in time.  Funny.  The truth is, even when you are young, you are doing this.  Most of the time you make it.  Or, in my day, few young died.  In normal times, the maze of life is easy.  A few died of angst, or from struggling wrongly with it.  Some died from experimentation, drugs, booze, or such.  Some couldn't handle the stress.  Most made it.  Only, through time, and continued efforts, the possibility of death becomes higher.  Some things obvious, such as the body breaking down.  Somethings you just can't see, like cancer.  Other things, like slowed response times, a lack of sensitivity... so knowing when something is going bad isn't noticed, or in time.

It's a race that can't be beat.  As Michael knew from a very child's tender age, and I knew from an adult younger age, the race has been a sprint.  It is supposed to be a marathon, but when you are struggling for good blood, or oxygen, or fluid removal... it's... always a sprint.  Trying to stay ahead just long enough.  Most don't make it.  I only did because draino, a shotgun, and other things, simply wouldn't kill me.  Bought me time for better ways, didn't spare me any suffering.

So, in some ways, I truly do hope he has it better.  If too, I regret for his wife.  I'll keep going on, I guess.  Though, and again, there is something about humble suffering, here and now.  Do your best.  I finally came to hear and listen, and begin to know.

Chilly.  But... I'll make it through.  Hope to get a nap today, around noon, maybe ten.  I think it was around 22:00 when I went down, and around 3:30 or so when I woke.  A nap would be good.  Just not quite yet?  Not sure how much of a choice I have.  Good morning, day.

A rough day.

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Still, I finally got a shower.  Then out for groceries.  I found salad packages, if not from my usual store.  Each had something at the right price.  Though, if I had seen the prices of some things at the other store first, I wouldn't have bought what I did, at each store.  Bleh.  It looks like my old store has started putting hamburger out, at the 80/20 percent.  It was on sale, if also out, however.  We'll see.  Eventually.

Headache, general body aches, a bit of a fever around the bones in my face... I think from the neck, shoulders, and back being out.  Still, was able to do just a bit of shoveling.  Up near the garage.  It warmed today, and sun came out, so I wouldn't have needed to shovel.  However, I was fearing we would get more snow.  It had been stacking in, day after day.

I couldn't shovel the whole drive.  But I did get, perhaps, the fifteen feet closest to the garage.  All good.  I did it, beside the fear of snow stacking in again, also to give the UPS guy a chance... if it remained as snowy, or worsened.  Just a bit of room for him to drive in, and safely deliver packages.  I try to help them.  He ended up parking in the frontage, and leaving things on the front porch.  No complaint, just odd how they do it this way or that, on any given day.  As long as he is okay, doesn't slip, I'm golden.  But, yes, he is quite welcome to use my drive, especially on difficult days, if it is better for him.

I've been sending prayers, for Michael, and his family and friends.  We... sometimes annoyed each other.  If, more often, we enjoyed our chats, even differences.  I guess... we shouldn't expect much.  All my newer friends tend to die young.  I might even advise not becoming my friend.  I can handle it, with prayer.  But... you may not wish to die!  Is he in a better place?  Given a life of difficult health, I have to suggest he has a two out of three chance, if the odds aren't necessarily... so cut and dried?  Though, I have hope for him, and am certainly praying for him.

A friend has died.

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He commented here, from time to time.  Michael.  I received notice this morning, from his son.  I will be praying for the for the next week or two, off and on.

I hadn't heard from him, but sometimes he went away for a while.  Sickly, even as a child.  They didn't expect he would live long, probably not to his teens.  He suffered through to his mid sixties.  It was a great shot, if probably, often, miserable.  He even married, and had children, at least one.

He will be missed.  Yea, my list of friends is... certainly shrinking.  Not even sure how many people even know my name?  Maybe a dozen.  At least he has quite a few friends, some long time, some of a shorter time.  I was probably among the last of the friends he made, perhaps a decade or so ago.  On the good side, no one will miss me when I'm gone, for their sake.  It's tough to see friends go.

Just... passing it on, to those few who might know, remember him, from here.

I really feel awful.

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I have been tired all week, or the last two.  Internals feel a bit off, just not feeling well, not able to wake well, or sleep well.  On the good side, I sleep enough.  Probably too much.  But have been able to keep a regular day.  Getting to bed around 18:00 to 19:00, waking from 3:00 to 5:00.

Too much sleep, if a more regular schedule.  Waking a lot, to pee in the night though.  Frustrating.  And, yet, keeping the swelling in the feet down.  Not as good as with waterpills, but... better than usual when off medicine.  Then again, there were times, even with medicine, even medicine and compression socks, when swelling would occur.  Usually when I feel awful, like I do now.

Blood sugar is, of course, high.  But, given that I am not taking insulin, it's actually not too bad.  I want to see if kefir is elevating blood sugar, so I will begin testing through the week.  I won't list numbers, just whether kefir helps or hurts.

As is, with kefir, I ferment it for twelve to eighteen hours.  Then, with the storage jars, I drink the oldest batch, and shift everything from youngest to oldest.  Refilling what has been just refilled from the fermenting jars the last time.  So, the kefir gets fermented at room temp, then is fermented over the next few days.  With three jars, it takes two days to be shifted into the last jar, and be ready for consumption.  So, it gets a cold ferment process as well.

Then again, I drink about half a gallon of the stuff a day.  Not sure that is good for me.  Not sure if that is part of the problem.  Though, really, in deep winter?  I always, or often, feel terrible.  Usually I can't do much.  And, while it took a week, I did get a water heater fixed and back in action, and sorted a leak which sort of baffled me, both in a week or less.  Then again, those tasks pretty much pounded me pretty hard.

Though I did get three... no four... loads of laundry through since then.  Haven't gotten to the store, but did get out.  Meant to make it to the store the times I was out, but started crashing too hard.  Soon, one can hope.  I should check to see if the new slacks I bought... months ago but couldn't try before the return window, fit.  I have two or three pair to try.  If I am still waiting for dress shoes to appear before getting in to confession.  I think I have some dress shirts, wrapped still from the dry cleaners.  I wonder if they do just fine for an extended time after dry cleaning?  I'll find out.

Few remember the parable, of the invitation to the wedding.  One of the things, of great import, was to dress properly for the festivities.  Don't... take that lightly.  I'm still a bit... bothered that the churches shut down in a great time of need.  And... there are other problems.  But... I need some things, and will... forgive.  Or, some aspects of it.  I guess, last time I checked, there was still a signup sheet to even attend, after an extended period when they didn't have mass at all.  Only woke programming on y.t., of no interest or spiritual guidance value.  I am not one they would want, so I didn't bother signing up for a rare, occasional, spot.

Well... on to the day.  A few painkillers, I think.  Some gaming.  A shower when I can get to it.  I tested blood sugar, but want to check it in a few hours, then have kefir, then check an hour and two after to see if kefir is part of the problem.  Plus, a check at bedtime.  Do this for a few days a week, through the next two weeks, and see if kefir is good or bad.  It's mostly what I eat, so I really ought to check.

Now, it didn't seem to be a problem, before, on meds.  But, I was drinking a cup a day, or two.  Not six to ten cups.  We'll see.  Definitely curious, but also being cautious.  Later.

Awake.

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Have been for an hour and an half.  But, started browsing the web, got lost in it.  A bit of kefir for the day.  Should be able to reset it shortly.  I think I have made enough room to do so.  The jars can only hold just so much.  Essentially, I have to clear a full half gallon in order to have enough room for a full reset.

I must be honest, I end up a bit over full from it.  Still, it's... better than being perpetually hungry.  As well, it is as much liquid as solid?  I think.  Though, too, I think it manages diabetes... to a degree.  When eating bundles of candy, or eating out a bit too often, there are limits.  But, it does help.  I think.  It helps with lots of things.

My guess is, if you are susceptible to colds, the flu, and such?  This stuff would help with that.  It eats, if I would have to guess, even the flu.  If this stuff ever starts eating people, we will lose.  Hard to kill, too.  *grins*  The Blob, indeed.  For now, it is happy to clean my gut, colon, and else.  Even from the inside.  Amazing stuff, truly.

A bit tired, but I am sleep well.  Down at 18:30, up at 5:15, give or take.  A bit long of a sleep, if I'm not sure why.  I wasn't all that tired when I went to bed.  And I slept warm, or warm enough.  Sometimes I have to kick my feet out, to cool off.  Sometimes I have to tuck back in and under.  Not sleeping quite as well as I was on medicine/insulin.  But... not too bad.  

Peeing a lot more, too.  But my waterpill replacement is mechanical, long compression socks.  I did buy a number of types and sizes.  Was going to send the looser ones back.  But ran out of time, wasn't able to try them all.  As it turns out, that was a good thing.  It means I can use the extremely tight ones for a day or two, take them off this day, or that night, then use lighter ones for a few days.

Compression socks can be a bit... uncomfortable.  But, without them, I will drown internally in my own fluids.  So, mix, match, and keep the fluid going.  But, as mentioned, it does work.  Pills are easier, and with the other medicines help me modify intake and output better.  This is more like being wrung out, rather than altering the system so that it just works better.  But, it... works.  That and wearing shoes rather than flipflops.

It is 22 and snowing, lightly.  Just a skiff, if that may be nearing an inch?  Half an inch?  Enough to cover.  Yes, finally, we are getting snow.  I think, a few years of going without, or decades, it's good to see it coming back.  Not sure if it will continue, or mean much, but... it's... there.  Will see through the winter, and years.

Watching what is happening in China?  Yea.  Looks like the disease is much more toxic to them.  I am beginning to wonder if it had been thought to be as bad for everyone as it is for them.  But, the truth is, it was made based on local dna, which simply isn't the same.  I would guess everyone who was involved in the making of it thought it would affect everyone equally.  It... doesn't.  Or doesn't seem to.  The West overreacted, and while China seemed to have overreacted, even more so, maybe not.  It was based off Chinese dna and that just isn't the same as Western or other dna groupings.

Of course, that is assuming any news out of China can at all be believed.  Or out of the West, to be honest.  If it is true, what is coming out?  Then, yes, the Chinese are much more susceptible.  Though, how much of that is genetics, how much is the "vaccines" they used causing the susceptibility, and how much is from the basis that the virus was created basing it on Chinese dna characteristics is... all... a crapshoot.  Historians may, someday, get legitimate information from actual science... if that body of people and knowledge can be salvaged from politics and big pharma.  Perhaps, someday, maybe, it will be known, understood.  But, not for now.  Everyone is being paid, big ton o' loot, to say whatever they are told to say, or threatened, or just follow-alongers.  Someday, maybe, they may know.  But not with the political powers that be still in power.

Even though I despise the Chinese government, I do feel bad for a lot of their people, who are crushed under a regime that will kill them one way, or another, and not care.  They will never have a day in court, or anything right, for it's own sake.  Then again, we are at that point.  It's... done here, too.  When even India has far better election processes, honest, fair, right... America is falling into shadow.

I can see why many nations are turning their backs on America.  I am surprised Europe isn't, or yet.  A few very cold, hungry winters, added to insane inflation and else, might change that.  We'll see.  I hope, if they can escape us, they will burn the EU while at it, and become a collective of nations.  As is proving, even in the US, it seems a federal bureaucracy is at least as bad, if not worse, than a dictatorship.  Just another form of it.

Well... on to... something.  Gaming, for a bit.  A shower.  Laundry is going.  A bit rough, but... I'll... keep at things as is possible.  Good morning, day, or whatever schedule you are working.  Prayers and well wishes.

Been awake for a while.

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I forgot to unlock the front door.  Padlocks.  Wanted to look out, see what was happening.  Then I remembered the recycling, and got it to the curb.  Not enough trash to even gather, let alone take to the barrel.  So that just wasn't needed.  But recycling was a bit more than half full.  Good enough.

The front sidewalk wasn't scooped, so I happily got to that.  It is so much easier, when it is a length.  And the snow is light.  All good.  And, I like to be out there, sometimes.  While the thermometer reads 24, there is a solid, cold, breeze coming through.  It definitely isn't 24.  Still, it isn't negative ten, or such, either.  More like ten?  Maybe zero, F.  Wouldn't want to get locked out in it, but can handle ten to twenty without too much issue.  I'm an Iowa boy.  Old, but... still a boy.  *squirrel!*

Turned over kefir.  That's... almost a hobby.  Having to eat nearly two quarts to keep up.  May try to back it off, just a bit.  I have three ways of slowing the fermentation process.  Lowering temperature in the house, adding fewer kefir grains (probably more "less", as it is more a vague volume thing, than a number of them, but it sounds better given how it is phrased... as if you could count the grains).  I do enjoy doing it, and it provides much of my daily food.  I may be cutting back on cream though.  We'll see.

I went to bed at right at 16:00 yesterday.  Given that I had so little sleep, that wasn't bad.  I woke at around a quarter to three?  Right, I think so.  Or three thirty, I just can't be certain.  It is almost eight already.  Crazy.  I hope I didn't miss recycling though.  Hard to know.  They can be by rather early.  Depends on the week, the cycle, and all.  I'll know before long.

Wow, the sun is just coming up.  Cloudy, so there isn't a lot of sun.  I guess I forget how late the sun is to rise in mid winter.  Then again, I often sleep through this part of winter.  And, even if not, I don't remember much of it.  Sleep or winter fog of mind, keep memory from sticking.  Still, enjoy it.  Definitely enjoy winter more than summer.  If I am learning how to enjoy more of that too.

The drive was cleared.

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I even tried to pay.  But, no, not this time.  I thought... after someone left... the transfer would go through.  Nope.  Bah!  Grateful though.

Not much done, but I am up at 14:49.  I only slept four hours, so... not bad.  Can't do much.  I did try to shovel.  I got about a four foot square area, give or take, then had to just... come back in and sit.  I had hoped to push through a bit.  Wasn't possible.  Tired.  In ways that aren't healthy.  Still, that I even thought to try, and make solid plans, was... something.

I finished my first run through Mass Effect 1 through 3, and have started a second run.  I learned... bits and pieces.  Am hoping to learn more, this time.  So that, next time, I could run through on the hardest difficult.  There are a few elements I still haven't fully integrated into play, which will be required on more difficult settings.  Hope to square those circles this time though.  Maybe will happen.  Found reading material to better comprehend these things.  Just... have to be in good enough shape to read, comprehend, and develop plans of action from those first things.

Oh, I best get meat out, thawing.  Though, too, I hope to get to the store Monday or Tuesday.  Though it could end up being Friday.  Or... next week.  Sort of rough, of late, if not too awfully terrible.  Just, a bit... off.  In... a lot of ways.  I don't hurt, mostly.  Ache, occasionally.  And, this and that, including a mild fever?  Seems to.  But, not the worst of any single thing, just a lot of little nagging issues.  Painpills helped.

A call and a visit yesterday.

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Well, and a bit more.  Call?  Email.

Two invitations.  One to several events.  Can only make one, but will.  The other was for a meal and conversation last eve.

Went well.  And, will do a raincheck on the one I missed, or will miss.  My heart is just... too tired.  I may be crashing again, shortly.  Clean, but I don't have proper shoes.  I need to check on dress shoes, and slacks.  I bought some, but was in such a state I never tried them on in time to return them... if they don't fit.  I... guess I should try them on.  Have dress shoes on the way.  The 15's of those were clown shoes.  So I ordered 13's and 14's.  As is, I may order a second pair of which ever size fits, in another color, next month.

Oh, and the washing machine is running dry.  I started with a small load, then ran a ton of whites... a massive load.  Worked quite well.  Though, while at things, I may clear and clean that back room, so as to sweep, mop, and clear it up.  Not... today.  This week, sometime, when able.  But, yes, I will get to it when possible.

I had hoped to go shopping, while getting out last night.  Wasn't possible.  I did get some cash out, into the wallet.  Good to have a few dollars here or there.

Feeling a bit rough this morning.  Didn't get down until 23:30.  It... just took a while to cool down.  But woke around 3:30, give or take a bit.  The arteries in my neck hurt.  No... great worries.  I've had this before.  But, I will be taking a nice extra boost of aspirin, just as a precaution.  There are some aches and pains I... worry, a bit, about.  Even if I have had it worse, I've always been cautious about certain pains.  Arteries should hurt.  If they ever wise up, and get rid of the mask mandate on the V.A., I'll try again with them.  Though with the little dictator being puppeted by anti-humans, that may never happen.  If they can't get you with the disease, or so-called cure, they'll get you with something else.  They merely want us dead.  I don't have a way around it.

Still, really, I am doing better than ever before, off medicine, possibly on medicine.  Not sure if the medicine was all that much better?  Well, I am probably more susceptible to extremes, of weather, barometrics, and such.  But, when extremes are managed, I... do rather well.  It is 59 in this room, and I am doing well.  Learned how to dress just right for the cool/cold.  Summer will be another thing, but... we'll see.

I may well have another thirty even forty years, even off meds.  God may have given me an Achilles heel, but He didn't seem to make it final.  Actually, it's the only thing that allowed me to come to Him, hear Him, listen to Him.  But, he built me like a damned tank.  While I couldn't run as a warrior, chasing off to battle.  If war came to me, it would... learn what an old master could teach.  Easily a final lesson to many, perhaps most.  And, live thirty one years beyond my... retirement plans the Navy set out for me?  

They should have just done the heart, killed me early.  Stopped "finding" heart transplants.  Wasn't my call.  *grins*  *rictus grins*  And, I outlived the muzzy doctor who blatantly, medically malpracticed against me.  I don't care how he died, just glad he isn't a typical politically correct doctor pick, practicing as if life meant anything.  And, he proved my point through his actions.

I'll stay up a bit longer.  An hour, two.  Then... probably no choice but to crash.  Should be up in time to get the recycling out.  No extra trash, but recycling is nearly full?  Probably.  Will look around, check things out.  Oh, and I need to thaw some meat, and probably set up the next batch of kefir.  Good morning.

The first good sleep in... a week or two?

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No sugar, yesterday.  Well, maybe some in the morning, from the gift pack.  But no hard candy, or all day.  Yea, I know.  As well, I was being thirsty no matter how much I drank.  So I put a cultured vinegar, electrolyte, and water concoction together.  About a quart of the stuff, at fairly significant doses of the stuffs.  It was hard to take down, but worked.  Especially while removing sugar from my diet.  Well, and a heave amount of kefir.  That stuff... does things.  Good things.  So, yea.  And, with the hard candies gone, and the sweets in the gift box gone, I'll do better.  Though, probably, if a smaller whole and partial doses, I'll have another vinegar, electrolyte, and water combo again today.

It... sounded like it was raining, as I began writing this.  Raining?  On December 31st?  Nutz.  I had to go look.  Yep,  It is raining.  And things are thawing.  It is 34, so just warm enough.  Of course, that makes me nervous.  It could just freeze in a snap, become really ugly out there.  And my driveway is snowed in.  Bleh.  My system isn't put together, I probably can fix it up, and... that is that.

I got payments made yesterday, and a plan on the way.  Hmm, I need to get money in to utilities, then see about setting up and autopayment plan.  Last month I was ahead on this.  This month, though, I need to pay again.  And, as mentioned, get it set up.  My incoming check was larger this month.  So, I will, initially, be using it to get clear of a few things.  I paid two cards off, will be paying heavily on one card, while using one of the paid off cards to sort through monthly things, giving me a bit of cash on hand for the meanwhile.  Yes, financial planning is a thing.  Finally, in my life.  Even so, the goal is to have as much left, at the end of the month, to put more on a card.  No choice, really.  I had things to do, and limited maneuvering room.

I definitely need to thaw some meats.  A pork roast, hamburger, and maybe something else.  As well, I need to mop the back area.  I may not be going fast, but I am getting it done.  I suspect this will finish up quickly, dry quickly too, and be put back in place all yet today.  Probably a load of laundry in, while at it.  Hopefully it all fits and works rightly.

I forgot to put my dairy list in.  I am staying with the four gallons of milk and quart of cream.  I need to find out what my balance is, so I have an idea of what I need to add to it.  Still on last month, actually.  With four Saturdays this coming month.  And, probably, nearly a hundred in the black going in, give or take.  Still, each week is ~$40?  Something like that.  But, kefir, at this pace, really handles a lot of food wants and needs.  As does the fatted coffees or such.  And, I think the kefir has been covering for eating candy.  It... does something to that, processes it in a different way.  It could only help so much, and for so long.  But, yes, it... does help.

Now, without sugar around, I should be able to get back in shape.  I just hated throwing that out.  Without insulin, though, keeping it around was just too great a temptation.  Gone, one way or the other.  Oh, and I finally found my old glasses prescription.  And ordered a few pair.  I broke a pair last month.  Am wearing a pair which don't quite work, but... do.  If they work, I will order a few more.  If it looks like I need to get a newer script first?  Utah changed the law, so that if a prescription is too old, they won't allow you to order it online.  I really don't want the government involved with these things.  As a fact, they should back out of medicines.  If it's not a narcotic, I should be able to order it.  Docs don't seem to know or care, as long as they get their service fee.  And, they are just woke instruments of destruction, at this point.  Certainly the new ones, but often even the old ones.  We are just money, for them.  Nothing more.  Well, and woke indoctrination subjects.  Fix prescriptions, which aren't narcotic, and leave us alone if they are going to not treat us without a mask or bundle of cash.

Hungry.  I might have something available.  Eggs and bacon, maybe corned beef hash?  Dunno.  Good morning, day.

She is tight!

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My checking balance.  I was afraid, with the double mortgage, and all else... from Christmas to wedding gifts, and repairs etc, I would have fallen out of grace.  I was sure they would have ended up taking money out of savings, to cover.  But... I... just hid from all that, and did what I had to do.  Nope.  Today, when the banks open, will be payday.  And I just checked.  My account stands at $1.05, and they didn't pull from savings.  Ugh.  Tight!  Pleased.

I received a gift, yesterday.  But I know not, for sure, from whom.  I checked with my mother.  Nope.  Didn't think so, but... Being in a nursing home, she just doesn't have money.  Called my brother.  No answer.  Could be someone else, but no tag, or card, or... anything.  Cheeses, meats, and sweets.  I have enjoyed some of it.  Did check the sent to name, to make sure it was sent to me, and... yes.  Dunno.

I have been eating the candy, in the house.  I had thought to throw it, but... just couldn't.  Though I thought I would be out by now.  Nope.  I think I will throw the rest, minus what I got in the gift box.  Not all that many sweets, and it's part of the gift.  But the hard candy is getting tossed.  Or it will kill me.  Ugh.  Not even half way through?  Crazy.

Well, maybe a few more.  But I threw away the vast majority of what was left.  Life Savers.  Most of the bag.  I really thought I had eaten through a lot more than I had.  Nope.  All good or oh well?

I am hoping to get a shower, then mop the wash room... at least where the washer normally sits.  Then, when that area is dry, push it back in place and clean the rest of the floor.  Sweeping and mopping.  As well, get the washer hooked back up, then start a smaller load... see if it holds.  Gah!  That ended up being a few dead ends, a few mistakes, and, yet, I think it should be good.

In spite of the frustration, I love working through problems, and solving them.  If I would really enjoy it far more if money wasn't so tight!  Though, too, I have a few more tools.  And equipment... the pump.  Items I can trust to work.  A few will be arriving soon.  Gifts, for not paying someone else a few hundred to do.  Then again, if I paid, the jobs would be done.  There probably wouldn't have been a spill on the floor back there.  Though I would have learned nothing and spent as much, or nearly.  Next time?  And, if I live long enough there will be a next time, I will be ready.  As well, for other jobs like it, I will be a bit more knowledgeable and prepared with the right tools.

It is about 25 out there.  Not bad.  Could be much cooler.  Was there for a bit, down to 2 F, as the coldest I saw.  If I haven't been checking all that often.  We had a few days up to 34 to 38, thawing.  Didn't get rid of all the snow, even with rain.  But cleared off some things, removing ice from the driveway.

Have to finish waking before I can get a shower in.  All good.  But a bit achy, tired, sore, even now.  Could be worse.  Though could be better.  Not sure.  Being off medicine, that... may be as good as it gets from now on.  All because they want to force me to wear a mask I can't breath through, which doesn't do an f'ing thing for health, nothing positive anyway.

Not even sure I can game, but may try.  Have a good morning and day.

Up and going.

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Well, not actually going.  Having done anything yet.  Did turn on the water to heat, and poured a goodly shot of kefir for my morning start.  Grabbed carrots and celery for a morning snack.  Next time I am out that way, I will check the litter boxes, make fatted coffee, and?  Maybe make something more filling to eat.

Not feeding Sassy, not yet.  Set a timer.

I did sweep where the dryer goes, and today am hoping to mop the area.  Then set the fan to dry the area before reinstalling it.  Though, after that, I would really like to clear the whole area, sweep up the rest of it, then mop over even that.  I think I can do that while still doing the last of the laundry.  

As well, a shower today.  Then, later, cleaning the bathroom like I, hopefully, have done with the laundry room.  I haven't kept up.  I won't likely catch up.  But... I... can try.  And I will try, when I can.  I think I am finally acclimated to winter.  The dark, as always, can be a little harsh.  The cold still sneaks in, even with the leaks managed.  But, I have learned to dress warmly, rightly, even differently from time to time.  And, as a treat, a day, or two, a week, I turn the heat up to 74/75.  Or take a road trip to town.  Being in a hot auto, for a while, works to warm the bones too.  So it won't be perfect, in deep winter.  But, it is better, much better.

While I haven't been terribly physically busy, I have been experimenting with things.  From kefir, which I have nearly perfected given it is a home processing thing, to getting and keeping my pee jugs clean with less use of bleach.  Can't... get away with out some, can learn to minimize.  A water closet up there would be nice, but would cost a fortune to install.  Even if I could do it myself.  Up lines (don't think I would need a pump, though.  A drain line.  A vent.  Complicated, more so than some think.  Anyway, for now, it is what it is.

Though, too, I have been doing home repairs.  While it's keeping me on my toes, it is crushing me.  Not that I mind, but it... slowly gets to me.  Having to work when I am not really ready or able.  A bit more to do, then maybe some rest.  Or, at least lighter duty.

Payday is Friday.  I think.  I'll want to get to the store, grab a few more meats.  I have been eating less, trying to store more than eat.  Though, that isn't working well, with meats being bitter of late.  Buying three packs of chicken, having to toss all of it because it tastes so old, and I fall behind.  Even pork has been rather sour of late.  And beef is simply far beyond my finances to buy.  Even with hamburger, I wait for sales unless I simply run out.  Then I just buy a few packages, hoping eventually, the prices will become sane.  We are becoming the USSR.  They make it look like it is there, but it is either trash food, or too expensive to consider.

Well... on to my day.  A bit of browsing, then gaming.  A fatted coffee, somewhere in there.  Then... to some work after I wake a bit better.  Down at 17:30, up at almost two.  I can live with that range.  Would like to sleep just a bit longer, but don't want to push or pull too much.  Scheduling is always a tight-rope walk for me.  Some boats just don't tolerate almost any rocking.

Good morning, day, still night?  Meh.  Be well, blessed, right.  Amen.

A reasonable cycle.

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Down at 17:00 to 17:30, awake at 2:30.  A reasonable sleep.  Slept warm.

Kefir and reading, looking at the web feeds.  Not much use in reading, at this point.  Just waiting for more shoes to drop, if I'm not sure that information will get out until it is too late.  It's... already too late.  The funny thing is, they'll be going after the soft targets first.  The ones who are sure nothing is the matter.  You'll... understand, in a short time.

Strange dreams.

Yesterday, I was visiting some relatives.  My mom and myself went to a birthday party?  Something like that, or a small local festivity.  Thing is, I needed to change close, but was having difficulty getting privacy.  These are more... tribal... of my kin.  And, they aren't used to privacy.  Mostly kids and granny types in the house.  No locks on the doors, and they would burst right in.  Ugh.  Eventually figured something out, got changed in a modicum of privacy, then went on to the event.

The other one was about finding a very old ceramic nick-knack in my home, behind drywall.  Painted beautifully, mostly in whites and baby blues, with a shine to it.  Ceramic?  I would guess, or something like it.  It was guessed to be four to five hundred years old.  But, someone had installed some lights in it, and radio.  Thankfully, they didn't harm the piece in the process.  Though, even the lights and radio were first gen in there times, so were of some value themselves.

------------

I was told it was worth a literal fortune.  And, while I didn't really want to sell it, I didn't want it to fall apart under my care, or lack there off.  So, I was just... slowly... coming to the realization that preserve it, I would need to sell it.  Worth many millions, so I would have gotten over the sting shortly.

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And, last night, other dreams.  Flying.  One of my favorite.  Oh, and talking to my wife.  Never been married, but have been close.  If you are married, you know, those conversations at night, when you are arranging your next week, and maybe month?  Figuring out what events must be attended, where you each, together and alone, are expected.  Little disagreements and negotiations.

Can be a bit annoying, but sure makes life easier.  It often never quite works out the way we think, in our planning, but it makes it easier.  Some obligations are required, unless someone gets really ill, or a major malfunction occurs.  It can be an enjoyable time of life.  When a women isn't be an hysteric, and I am not being bullheaded, it is good to interact.  Women aren't... always wrong.  Nor are we.  Though, sometimes, it sure seems like we both are trying to be, or at least ONE of us.  Always the other, of course.

And, really?  It's nice to talk to the opposite sex.  I mean, just interact with them, without sex being the topic, or arguing purely, or... whatnot.  One of the things I miss about school, especially high school, was having well dressed, clean, proper, and mostly platonic relations, with a lot of women.  A winsome smile to a pretty glance, a casual tap on the shoulder, maybe even a shared blush for good or no reason, with a pretty girl.  

By the time they get to college, they often start going through a... horrible phase.  They only talk to those they consider sex with, if even them, of the opposite sex.  They become defensive, or too loose, depending on the day, their circumstances, and whatever else may affect them.  But in highschool, they were still... somewhat sane, sweet.  Mostly.  I wanted almost nothing to do with college girls.  Something wrong with them.

Well, on to waking.  A bit of gaming.  I did get through the second game in the series.  But, I think the problem, was getting through the game on harder levels.  I have to admit, the third game is a multiculti, queered up, crapfest.  They were all somewhat questionable, but in the third game they really amped it up.  I usually shit on idiots in the game.  But, whatever.

Not sure if I will still have problems with higher difficulty settings.  We'll see.  Just, to keep any updates off the machine until I finish.  They absolutely destroy playability with updates.  I guess they feel obliged to give their quota employees something to do.  So, killing an older game is what they are for.

Hungry?  I'll have a few glasses of kefir.  That stuff really does well.  Milk for diabetics.

Oh, I hear it helps with leaky gut?  When I... finally figured out what leaky gut is, I had to laugh.  Still haven't heard the official truth of it, but I think they mean peanut butter bottom?  When your no-go zone gets a bit greased?  Had to laugh.  That happens from eating too much, or the wrong foods.  It's a gut consistency problem, more than else.

Though kefir might help your gut digest things in a better way, and I think it does, it won't help if you throw garbage in.  Even too much, literally, peanut butter... especially high sugar, bad fats, sorts of peanut butters.  I go with really simple peanut butter, low carb as possible, and then only a teaspoon or two, from time to time.  If I eat a quarter of the (even then) smaller jars I have, I will get "leaky gut", no matter how keto attuned I am.

But, I larfed and I larfed.  When I finally figured out what that means.  My bum stays in very good condition, even without kefir, so long as I don't stuff down (too much) junk food.  Too much isn't very much.  But volume itself can be junk food.  Bleh!  Larfing heartily.  Something about, when I figured it out, the way they were hiding the meaning, and what it means (probably), just... I had to laugh.

Well... on to my day.  A bit of music first?  Maybe.  Good morning, day, and later... more likely tomorrow.

Had to throttle things.

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Down at 18:30 and change.  Awake at 23:30, the first time.  Pushed for more sleep, wasn't sure it could happen.  Kept rolling over and looking.  23:40, 23:45, 24:00, 24:15.  Gah!  So, I stopped rolling over to look.  Still, not much time seemed to pass.  Sassy came up.  Feed me!  But, even then, no.  I gave her a massage, scratched behind her ears, and her back, as she prefers, then slept a bit longer.

Decided it was time to give up and get up.  Didn't think I had slept long, so didn't really worry about checking the clock.  As I sat up and was preparing to get dressed, I decided to look.  More out of habit than anything.  I had made it to nearly 3:00.  Nice.  Not a perfect day and night, but not a bad one.

Why is it I can't sleep when I am nominally tired, or when I am terribly tired?  Only when my body thinks it is time.  And, if I miss that, stay up a little too long, I lose my ability to sleep for a long time, four to even eight hours out of queue.  Though, and then again, I pushed to be up to when I was awake.  If, actually, I bent the queue a bit even last night.  I had meant to be in bed by 15:00.  I pushed beyond and only got to bed when I could.

I'll check the floor in the wash room shortly.  I want it dry, so I can sweep and mop in there.  It's not terrible, it was clean water.  But it needs it.  And, while it is out, might as well hit it.  Then, let that dry, and put things together and see if a load of whites will go through?  Actually, I'll try a smaller load.  Then whites as the final proof.

Hungry.  I do have burger crumble.  I have hearts of romaine.  Not sure how good either is.  Sure would like if they would bring salads back.  Perhaps, currently, it simply isn't affordable to make.  They sold out.  I wouldn't mind if they skipped the tomatoes, until the price comes down on that.  Though the lettuce was becoming rather... hard?  The leaves.  Perhaps they just can't get quality produce?  Enough?  Lettuce, purple leafed lettuce or cabbage, and carrot shreds, would be nice.  Might not have enough employees?  Sit people idle for a few years, they realize working their asses off for a few bucks really... isn't worth the hassle.  And, you just taught them to do without.  Didn't you think there would be consequences?  Even the better pay?  

You are often forced to work with lazy idiots, and a boss who really doesn't have the employee, business, or even consumer in mind.  Just a little play dictator.  Seriously.  I understand.  I'd love to work.  I just couldn't keep it up, or even keep on a schedule.  Just the facts.  But, that is different.  Even the higher pay?  That just ends up making everything more expensive, the whole thing, as is, is a trap.  And, you work, and pay in, and watch as the most uncouth, nasty, lazy, and such, get a free ride from your efforts.  Even if you can make a bag of cash, is it worth the hassles?  The long hours, the foolish degree that actually means nothing?

Even in engineering, they don't teach you engineering.  They try to whittle you out with stupid pet tricks, and let your employee train you.  Your degree just gets the attention of someone who thinks you might have the aptitude to learn bits and pieces, but even then never enough to diy it.  They are afraid of competition, and damned well should be.  Corpos are sloppy.  A lean company would eat their lunch, and toss them to the curb.  Can't have that.

Well, enough grump for the morning.  A bit achy this morning.  Pushing the day around sort of hurts.  Will try to maintain, at this point.  Down by 17:00 to 20:00, hopefully earlier.  Up by 3:00 to 5:00.  All give or take, if I can.  Not on meds, so slippage is more possible.  For any, or no, reason.

Hungry.  Not quite ready to dig in though.  Kefir!  I'll have some of that.  And a fatted coffee in a bit.  Good morning and day.

Not bad.

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The back room is drying well.  It was 37 F out earlier.  I had a lot of kefir today.  Will be setting up a new batch as I go to bed.  Been taking care of Sassy through the day.  Oh, even got the trash out.  Not sure what day it is?  Actually, it has to be Monday.  But I keep forgetting.  I often, these last few days, forget which day it is.  I pushed, pulled, shoved, and else.  I overdid things.  Too tired to remember, but doing things, so I... can pass on knowing what day it is, as long as I can work.

I have been gaming, to keep the stretch going.  It is almost 18:00!  But my heart hurts, is sore, tired.  Fine.  I'll be getting to bed shortly.  Just trying to finish one last push in this game.  We'll see, it seems to be... having difficulties.

I'm not sure if they got both trash and recycling, if I missed one, or if it was only trash.  I know they, pretty sure, picked one barrel up.  I heard them at it.  Him, actually.  Only one man crews, these days.  The driver, with an automated arm.

I am hoping, the next time I wake the floor will be dry.  If it is, it means I did figure out the water problem, or second one.  Then to just connect the hoses and try it out.  I need whites, to be honest.  So, there I go.

There are a few other things in the works.  And, some things I am contemplating.  I didn't realize sceptic tanks needed cleared every few years.  I'll see if they work in the winter.  I won't schedule it for sometime in January, but February.  At least have them inspect it.  With only one person, using a family unit, it may or may... no... it's been a decade and change.  So, I'll plan on them emptying it... or whatever they do.  That has to be the backup problem in the bathtub.  Bleh.  Live and learn, I guess.  I just didn't realize it had to be pumped every three to five years (if that's more for a family).  Though, even just for me, probably in the seven year range?  I hope it isn't too expensive, but... yeah.  Although that, or some of it, if it is over a couple big bills, could come out of savings.  Savings is for the house.

Well... on to a bit more gaming, then to bed.  Good day, evening, and goodnight.

Ah, probably figured out the washing machine, et el.

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Embarrassed to say.  But... I heard something, couldn't find it.  A drip?  I hoped.  It was either that or something electrical, somewhere.  The washing machine was unplugged, but... there are other things.  Including wiring in the wall.  Ugh.  But, no.  When I finally got tired of waiting for the flow to stop, I pulled the machine out, started looking around.  Even then, I couldn't just see it!

I could hear it, but the sound was dispersed.  Still haven't figured out why.  However, I did find the problem.  the cold water shutoff valve was dripping.  Not from there being a flaw, simply because it was not shut off completely.  The thing is, I know it was not leaking when I initially removed it.  Higher pressure at times?  Maybe.  Or... it just took a while to get through.

Still, I have it off.  And am just letting a fan go in there to try to dry the room better.  And, with the obvious drip from the line into the machine, for the cold water, I think I have the problem solved.  I will just let the room dry.  When it is dry, I will put things back together, then let her rip.  If those things haven't fixed it completely, it, I'll... sort it from there.  Rather strongly suspect I have figured it out.  We'll see.

Actually, this has been a better Christmas in a while.  I had enough leftover chicken, from the deli, to feed me the weekend, and well.  I got to eat, say, three times a day.  Mostly meat, some potato and salads, even a bit of desert.  Not the greatest.  Pressure cooked chicken doesn't do well for seconds.  But, it was... good enough.

As well, I went ahead and ordered four gallons of milk.  I don't get that much in return.  Unless I am really lucky, and even then only mostly.  If I can catch the kefir in ferment, just at the point where I have about as much grains made as were put in, then I get the optimal amount of kefir out.  Which is pretty much what was put in.  But, often, just because of the vagaries of fermentation, I end up getting rid of a LOT of kefir grains, and then mostly only getting whey.  Still, it works, just a bit more grainy.  If probably with even lower carbs than my twice matured kefir.

Even so, this will allow me to have more kefir, daily, than ever before.  I really like the stuff, too.  Does it do me any good?  I don't know.  But it is some solid food for me.  Food I basically trust, and generally like.  Pricey, but given the cost of other foods, not so bad.  Especially with meats tasting old, or gamey, or worse.  And veggies being just about as expensive as meats, these days.  Fresh.

I'm not sure if today is a pickup day for trash.  I could see them getting today off too, and I could see them NOT getting today off.  I just don't know.  It's time to get some out.  But I'm so tired.  Thinking on getting it out, then watching the neighbors through the morning, to see if they pull their barrels out.

Ever been teased by a fine looking woman, from a distance?  She is pretty sure not, as am I.  But, like a cat and a dog at a window... doesn't hurt to bark and hiss.  I just... had to laugh.

Merry Christmas.

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Ah, there is that too.  I... lost track, between current events, troubles, and solutions.

I hope it is a good one.  Be well, know the holy, and enjoy good food and company.