Hmm.

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On the good side, they did cancel the meeting I had hoped to attend.  Not sure they will reset it, but maybe.  So, I didn't technically miss it, if I would have.  So...

Nearly at the end of the game.  And they have made this last part nearly impossibly difficult.  Not sure I can make it through.  Looked for advice, but... there isn't much.  Don't die?  Git gud?  Yeah.  Still, I'll... continue trying, as I can.  But, first, a bite to eat and maybe a show.

I've been watching more documentaries, lately, than movies.  Hollywood is dead, and those trying to fill in the gaps are not only as woke, but not even as good at it.  Old movies are... old.  Even John Wayne, seen through awakened, non-modernist eyes, isn't so good.  Clint's movies are okay, sometimes.  But even he has and does go slightly to the left, one way or another, sometimes.  Not as often as many of them, but some.

Movies, for the most part, are too dated, too woke, or both.  A new movie can be dated simply by living on stereotypes, the actually bad ones (like the black guy always being a good guy, or a really good bad guy, they just... aren't - or the gay guys being womens' best friends... they just aren't, unless there is something in it for them... usually not in a good way - etc).  I guess movies days have gone the way of television.  When they couldn't advertise everything to shit and gone, they tried to advertise, and propagandize, everything in moves.  Worked for a while.  So did big tobacco.  Heck, they even sold radioactive material as health items, at one time.  And x-rayed feet to make sure shoes fit!  Not too bad, for the customer.  But for the store tech, he got killed for a minimum wage job.

The world is changing.  To be honest, if tech died, while it would hurt, life would... improve.  Same with cities.  Not that they should be destroyed, but it does look like chasing out the earners... through excessive taxation, physical and other insecurity, and such?  They are doing it to themselves.  We'll see.

Anyway.  On to a bit of roast and some veggies.  Good evening, or night really.  Maybe good morning?  I'll... keep trying to get my days and nights back around.  Ugh, but that's a bloody mess of a hurtful project at times.  Still, be well.  I'll keep at it.  Later... or goodnight.

Awake.

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Between needing a shower, snow on the drive... if the roads are clear, and the time I woke up, I can't make it to the KoC meeting tonight.  They were iffy, due to possible snow.  It looks like that either hasn't hit, or passed by without leaving much.  Can't tell at the moment.  Enough to slightly clog the drive, by the looks of it.  The roads have been maintained.

Then again, I'm still two thirds asleep.  Don't have time to shower to get in, then drive, and be there in a reasonable time, anyway.  Frustrating.  I probably still should be in bed, but I... though I could make it.  Then, as I got up and running like a rabbit from a hunter, and was half way to my dive to the meeting, reality hit.

Well, at least I have food!  Won't starve, for the week for sure.  I'll fry the gizzards for my first meal.  If hungry after that, I'll hit up some of the roast.  Nice to have three things to choose from.  Maybe more.  Still salad makings in there.  Might have a salad with gizzards.

Oh, yesterday, had a dream of a pair of serial killers.

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The first one was smooth.  He seemed kind, friendly, and would kill you while he was talking nicely... about you, the world, philosophy, religion, whatever would get you close to him.  I was a cop, working his case.  It wasn't just civvies.  He hit cops, right in our own stations.

He would go in, to file a report, and we'd find two or three bodies later in the day.  Didn't, initially, know it was him.  Thought it might have been one of our own, considering sometimes the bodies were found in places only cops could officially go.  

A genius, perhaps.  For more than his ways.  He could cripple or avoid cameras like an acrobat or the finest hacker/technician you could hope to employ or deploy.  It ended up being a number of eye witnesses who only later put it together, from a number of the stations hit that allowed, initially, a face, then name, then capture.

We know how many cops he killed, most of them targets, though some seemingly accessories, witnesses he noted, or such.  Though hard to know if he murdered, sometimes, just for the sake of it.  Even while in prison, he had to be given a special guard detail.  He almost walked out with the normal set a few times.  I was visiting the prison (for other reasons), and was the one to catch that he should be leaving... one of the times.  I am sure I am on his list.

----------

In another part of the dream, or a new dream I can't be certain, there was another serial killer.  He based himself off the first one.  Not so much a copycat, his methods were simply brutal frontal attacks, he had no charisma or social skills.  However, he could mask his intent.  He considered himself a son of the first, spiritually?  Or somesuch along those lines.

I couldn't work that case.  I had retired, and had a stroke.  I had access to police reports, and such, still.  I had continued to work as an advisor, after retiring.  The stroke hindered that, couldn't communicate.  But getting the reports, usually, helped.  On that last case though, it was torment.

I figured out who it was, but without the ability to talk or write, or communicate well, I couldn't let them know.  It took hundreds of deaths, and a few years, for them to finally catch him.  While I knew within the first few months.  A petty criminal, young kid, when I had been working.  Not sure what turned him, but whatever it was, he turned viciously.

Between the two, I'd say they killed a thousand people plus.  We were finding victims, with the typical mo, from the killers, for years after the time of my last dream.  Couldn't always prove it, but the mo and suspected dates of murder, matched.  That last, knowing but having no way of expressing, was... one of the worst nightmares I have had.

----------

Bah.  Since I couldn't make it, I'll go on to gaming.  Oh, and kefir first thing.  But I will get a shower this evening, and clean up.  Plus, feeding Sassy, and checking her litter.  There be gold nuggets in them hills!  Well... maybe not gold, exactly.  Diapers, litter boxes, and behind dogs.  Thank God for the toilet, I will say that.  And, if toilet paper isn't ecologically sound, thank God as well that we don't live under a technocracy which would have us just go, in a field or such, and live as we are.

I did wonder, at one time, if tp was a recent invention, how our ancestors lived without it.  Leaves?  I don't think so.  Have you ever tried using leaves?  Better to just go without, in my assessment.  Then, as I started eating more carnivore, as they likely would have for the vast majority, I realized the truth.  If you eat a meat (mostly) based diet?  There is almost no need to wipe, a majority of the time.  Now, I still do, just out of habit, and a terrible fear that I would smell... bad... or... worse.  But, mostly, at this point, especially with kefir, it's not... an issue.  Further, I would guess, if I had to hunt for the animal, then kill it and chase it's dying body down, that would add to it.  No, people, they really didn't need toilet paper.  Processed foods, and large carb loads, are the problem.

I would also guess that is how France could get away with bidets.  As they "modernize" their foods, they are going to regular toilets and toilet paper.  Too bad, really.  I used to mock them for that.  Now?  A lot of things change with age, wisdom, learning.  They lost half of their men, in two wars each, which they lost (of their own accord).  They gained nothing.  Some 1%'ers, and up, stood to make fortunes.  But the people just lost the best of their sons.

Another thing I realized?  They used to kill, the various states, those who stood out or were too small.  They wanted only average people.  As well, in war, they shared the booty (spoils of war) with the men.  It looks like they have simply combined the practices, with some twists.

Currently, they get rid of the best by sending them to wars.  They don't even really try to win them.  As well, they withdrew bounty sharing.  Now, the only people who make money are big businesses, the alphabets through drug and people smuggling, and such.  It's all, and only, for the very rich.  Don't fight for "us", that isn't us.  It's them.

Well, on to kefir and gaming.  Later.

Sounds like rain?

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.

It must be.  I did look out a bit earlier.  Before the pitter-pats of falling rain.  It was 34, and snow and ice were melting.  Rain will definitely accelerate that.  Though, I have heard it may snow today.  A lot.  Who ever can be sure.  I am not sure of the day, but I have been expecting heavy snow for a while.  Just... that sense of things.  Though today, tomorrow, or next week, I just can't say.  Sooner than not, though, I suspect.

Gaming is going well, mostly. It is taking a lot longer to get to the end.  I even considered dumping a few last missions before the end.  They were becoming excessively difficult.  But, no, I went on through.  I try to do everything possible.

I'd love to have something to eat, this morning.  But I'm just not hungry.  I think it is bedtime.  Odd how the mind can be hungry while the belly just... has no interest.  It is sort of funny, in a way.  Or the opposite can occur.  What is worse, is when both are hungry, but illness makes it so that even the thought of eating is out of the question.

Anyway.  It's on to bedtime.  I hope your day is good.  Oh... it was... about 6:23 when I went to bed yesterday.  It's 11:17, so far, today.  I should reset kefir, but I don't think I will.  Too tired.  I'd love to shower, too.  But I just can't.  I'll just be shutting down electronics and going on to bed.  I fed Sassy, and tended her litter box.  I hadn't been keeping up on that for a day or so.  Ugh.  And refreshed her water last night.

I am enjoying having kefir back on the menu.  It truly helps clear out and clean out the interior.  A bm with, pretty much, every meal of even three to four hundred calories.  Easy ones.  And, the stuff keeps me from being too thirsty.  It's strange stuff.

Oh, and it is so good to have food for the week.  Roast, chicken drumsticks, and gizzards to be fried when I wake.  Well, after kefir.  Good morning, day, and goodnight.

Cooking!

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Dinner was delivered, and a gracious dinner indeed.  I won't brag.  But... that was delicious.  I don't deserve friends.  Have them?  It... seems so.

Still, I wanted to get ready for the next week.  A beef chuck and packet of chicken drumsticks were roasted.  A small pack of chicken gizzards were steamed in the oven, and will be fried in butter, probably tomorrow.  Spices, herbs, hot and simply savory.

I took a vary small sample of each dish.  They all passed muster with flying colors, for my needs and wants.  The chicken drumsticks were probably far too hot for you normies.  But, for me?  Just right.  Enough to burn my lips, but beyond, it just tasted good.  Further, everything has already been put up.  Life is good.

Gaming is going well.  Not sure if I am at the two thirds stage, or the end stage.  These games have a way of making you think you are near the end, only to open up another dozen big and small quests.  But, I think I am just a few quests away from finishing.  I... think.  Had my first crash, out of the game.  That makes me worry that the save game has been corrupted, and so won't give me the difficulty trophy.  Or, possibly, even let me finish the game.  I have previous saved games, but this set is notorious for breaking, and often near the end, or the two thirds mark.  We'll see.

I was cooking while playing.  Did well, actually.  The only problem is this stupid game has a way of dragging on.  It's meant to be addictive.  I would guess, if they really looked into these games, they would arrest those who made them, as they are made to be just as addictive as heroin, perhaps more so.  Since I am just waiting to die, for me, it doesn't matter as much.  For a lot of kids?  Not so much.  They probably will have mental issues, and possibly physical issues.

Well, I may try to finish up the game tonight.  See how it works.  Then, try to finish trophies.  I don't do that with all games.  Just some.  First, I have to like (mostly) the game play (if not the propaganda).  Next, it has to be single player, playable offline, and not stupidly difficult for no reason.  Or, impossible.  Some games are impossible for real players, or console players (not enough variation of control inputs, or overlapping inputs, or the limits of aim, fire, or other inputs on a controller pad).  There are probably other limits, but those are the main, upfront reasons.

Yes, I do have another game after this one.  Nothing fancy.  An old game, I play again, from time to time.  Fallout 4, if you really are curious.  I doubt if my remaining readers know of that game.  Or, maybe, any game.  Michael would have, probably, known.  It was akin to his writing.  I liked his writing, but avoided it... and told him so and why.  It was... modernist, feminist inclusive.  Unfortunate.  I realize that is how the world has gone, at this point.  If, too, I realize it is both unGodly and wrong.  As... the worldly way usually is.  I liked him, enough to be straight up with him.  Like it?  Who would.  He was a boomer.  It was his way.  They are believers, in... modernism.  I... am not.

Well... back on to something.  Finishing that game, or getting closer.  Later or goodnight.

Up.

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I think I have been awake for several hours?  Dunno, something like that.

It had snowed yesterday.  I worried about more, had that... look to it out there.  Instead, it warmed up.  If we got more snow, it melted.  And, some of what was out there melted.  it was to 34 when I checked, after waking.  17:30? 18:00?  Sometime in there.  Which means it may have been warmer earlier.  The driveway was pretty much cleared off, front sidewalk too, after being snowed on recently, with more looking to be on the way.

All good.

Though, it looks like more snow may be coming in.  Around here, I have heard forecasts from a few inches to a few feet, depending on which source.  Believe them?  Well, no.  Not on their merits.  I believe because I... already perceived that it was coming.  I expected a heavy load, earlier than it's arrival.  But... weather is like that.  And, I don't think that will be the last one through.  If the heaviest for the rest of the year?  As I suspect things will go.

Mother called a day or two ago, and today.  Didn't want to keep her worried.  So, I called her today.  She didn't pick up, which... is how it often goes.  But, she would know I called, so am alright.  She did call back later.  Her flowers are still very good.  I really think myself or my brother should send flowers at least monthly.  Why?  Women?  Flowers?  It might not be fair, as some women put it.  But, there is something right to it.  Even for one's mom.  I went a bit pricier than usual.  But... more often I will send a simpler bouquet.  Still pricey, but far less than those "national" lines.  Those are for rich people with no local contacts, not wishing to bother.

Back to gaming.  A bit of a slog left.  But, having gone through two games, of equal length and difficulty so far, really only about two thirds to half of the last game?  I still have to go back and do some cleanup.  But, yes, the last I looked I had 100%, 95%, 90%, and 86% of the trophies.  And I have since gotten a few trophies.  Plus, I can get the last ones on easier settings.  Should be quick.  And I will be getting at least one more trophy (assuming it doesn't glitch, which seems common) by finishing on the most difficult setting.

Strange.  As it warms to above freezing, it seems much cooler?  Perhaps, with things melting, and humidity flooding the air, that is part of the problem?  Maybe.  Ugh.  I sleep well in the cold, now.  Just needing one blanket, sometimes from the start, sometimes after warming a bit.

The joint in my big toe is hurting.  I might have stepped wrong, or the stress of gaming, or I bumped it somewhere and didn't know?  More an annoying pain, though definitely a hurtful thing too.  I'll be careful with it.  And, perhaps, wrap it, again.  Those wraps both keep swelling out, and reduce pain.  Or have.

On to... gaming again.  Have a good day.

No idea when I went to bed.

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I can't even remember if it was light or dark.  Was a bit miffed about the phone "update".  And some other minor things.  Just couldn't sleep until well past when I should have slept.  Crashed so hard when I did.  But, this time, in a good way.  I mean, it helped me to sleep well.

Legs and feet are swelling.  The broken foot more than the other, so I am pretty sure it is still... having some problems.  I would guess it is nearly mended.  I just, from time to time, gets messy in there.  I stopped wearing compression socks for a bit.  They are hard on the the feet and legs, and hot to wear.  But, it's time again.  I'll take a few waterpills too.  But, with those, you have to be able to stand and go, or it will cause more trouble than otherwise.  I think?  So, I will only take those if I am sure I will be mobile.  I think I will, today.  Or at least here at first.

Gaming is going well.  Eating through it fairly well.  Not sure the third game was as good as the first or second, of the trilogy.  They cleaned up some of the game mechanics, then stupidified other sections.  Aiming/targeting, was vastly improved.  But, at times, they made it so that if you don't advance your 'toons, enemies continue to spawn.  And, they make advancing, in those areas, pretty much a pure rng (random number generation, or such).  Which, at the highest difficulty, means a few shots can kill, or a heavy weapon and short auto fire burst.  While you are out in the open.  It's... luck.  And I hate luck.

Still, I have improved, and learned enough about the combat tactics and mechanics to usually get through fairly well and quickly.  The first trick?  Don't try to use a squishy as a tank, and learn the limits of tanks.  I'm using a squishy, to get the more difficult (to now, for me) trophies.

I have been doing small amounts of dishes.  And the sprouts are ready to be cleaned in a vinegar mix, then refrigerated.  The first batch.  The other is till growing.  I figure a couple of batches a week, spread out by three days, will give me fresh green growing things to eat through the week.  This first group will go in with a salad tonight, well, part of it.  I figure about a quarter of a batch will go into some meal or other.  And I like eating them as a minor side, with a bit of vinegar, salt, and pepper, while still fresh.  That and into salads works.  I haven't tried adding them to soups and stews, but will.

I have burger crumble, but need to pull out chicken and maybe a roast.  Get those cooked tomorrow, and have enough for a meal or two a day for the week.  Usually only eating one main meal a day, but a few pieces of chicken, or a salad, plus kefir from time to time, now, again.

Well... on to my day.  Have a good one.

Being slowly crushed.

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Under the weight of the game?  With sleep out of control?  Well... and other things.  I feel like a man, in a dive suit, slowly drifting lower.  It is nearing crush depth.  The metal suit is shrinking, collapsing.  There is only just enough air to breath.  Somehow that is being maintained.  Not sure if I will be crushed, or suffocated first.

From time to time, for reasons I can't quite understand, I rise out of that zone.  But I'll be back.  I don't think I can surface.  I am sort of stuck, down here.  No one can pull me up.  It's only a matter of time, if it might be a long time.  Imagine if that was your fate.  It really is mine.

They hard reset my phone.  Lost all of my phone numbers, addresses, and such.  All of them.  I was not given a choice, as to whether to update or not.  So I don't think it was an actual update.  I may get rid of my phone.  If I can't keep them from doing things like that, it isn't my phone,  So, how do I make calls?

First, I need to gather the phone numbers again.  Then, I need to consider how to get another phone.  A landline?  Maybe.  But, keep it unplugged unless I want or need to make a call.  They wanted me to connect with google, and to upload my contacts.  I wasn't going to do that.  Better to lose them than share them with that crooked company.  Frustrating, but it will be dealt with.  At least I hadn't decided to buy a new cellphone, so I won't be out much.  Gotta keep it for a while, and collect numbers again.  Then, it becomes toast.  Or, just get one of those Walmart phones.  Just, keep it off most of the time.  Cheap.  Just to call out.  Left at home.

On to bed.  Or nearly.  Been gaming.

A potential friend texted.  I texted back.  Then the phone went stupid, pretty much factory flashed, and I don't know if he tried to contact me again.  Oh, I did note, it now has a covid thing on it.  A tracker.  If they all have that, I may simply not get another cellphone.  Trust me, you can't trust them, or such programs.  And, if you can't have a cellphone without them?  Best to go without a cellphone.

Later.  No... probably goodnight.  Maybe not immediately, but soon enough.

There for a while...

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Traffic out there had died down, a lot.  When it was staying from zero to negative 26 (the coldest I measured, possibly not the coldest it got), traffic nearly came to a stop.  It has picked back up.  Almost back to spring and summer usuals.  Then again, gas prices have come down, a bit.  Not fully, and prices still want to jump from time to time.  He'll run out of the national reserve eventually.  Idiot.

There is no way to keep prices down, when you are threatening the whole industry with government interventions, obstruction, and really a war on the industry.  They simply aren't going to invest in finding or obtaining oil if the government is going to block the sale or use of it.  It isn't in their financial interest, and that is just how it works.

But, for a while, they can play the game of lower prices even while the industry is backing away from finding, obtaining, and utilizing oil leases.  And, our once allies, change sides.  Why would OPEC be on the US's side, when the US is at war with oil?  This... doesn't take genius level understanding.  Europe too.  Going to lose that fight.  A military can't run on renewables.  Nukes aren't quickly or easily available.  We will probably end up in coal, and rebuilding the oil pipelines which were canceled.  But... all behind the eightball, while Russia, China, Iran, and India move on with reality and life.  Can't help stupid.  Or, worse, evil stupid.  They might not be good, but they aren't wanting to destroy their people... or as much as the West seems to be doing.

The burger was good, so was fried.  I made food, but just wasn't all that hungry.  I did eat some.  Might have more.  But... not all that hungry, for as hungry as my eyes seem to be.  But, yes, actually... a bit more would be good.

Game is going okay.  I've learned a few tricks.  Though each game is very different.  Almost have the trophies.  There are, I think, four sets of trophies.  I have one done, and the others in the eighty to ninety percentiles, or better.  It looks like I will have to go back, restart.  But on lower settings, thankfully.  But that was almost required.  Some toons can't do some things.  Adepts shouldn't mess with hand-to-hand combat.  And, soldiers can't really cast certain skills, at all.  Limits, built in.

Yes.  Another small meal.  Then putting the burger up.  Oh, and kefir was ready.  I have three half gallons nearly full.  Took my first portion of the new stuff tonight.  To be honest?  I'm not sure there is much difference.  Paranoid, perhaps.  But... I didn't like what I was sensing, so redid it.  It is how I do, if I don't trust what is happening.

Oh, and I really need a shower.  Yes I do.  Later, or goodnight.

Smooth.

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Whatever else may be wrong, tonight is... alright.  The heart is good.  The body is mostly at ease.  Few aches and pains.  Not even all that hungry, if I would like to eat something before too long.  Hopefully the burger is still edible.  I'll have to check it shortly, fry it if so.  I do have some burger fried and stored, which I will probably use in either case.

If the uncooked burger isn't good, I'll pull some out, and some other meats.  A roast?  Yes, and maybe some chicken.  Food has been... pretty good lately.  Meats from the store have been sufficient, fresh, good, even really tasty.  I'm telling you, unlike some?  I can't take bad meat and make it taste good.  I refuse to eat it.  Often, I have tossed it before it was even done.

I may live like a pig, given little choice.  But I won't eat like one.

Dreams, lots of them lately.  I forget them before I even wake, lately.  It's winter.  That's how it works, sometimes.  Same with deep summer.

Even so, as I have mentioned, I am keeping a day and night cycle, if a few hours off, one way or the other.  It is mostly good.  And I am keeping water out of the body, lately, and swelling down in the broken foot.  It is nearly normalized, but... just not quite.  Still, that was a... solid healing process.  Even if it isn't done, it is fast, compared to some.  Probably better without babying it.  Though, the break may have been... a good one to self heal.  Some breaks... would have been tougher to heal, even for me.

Doing well into the third game of the trilogy.  Oh, I have heard there is a fourth game, but it is even worse than these games, as for propaganda purposes.  Totally pro-multiculturalism.  And, usually, in the worst of ways.  Just... understand that.  I am merely playing it, at this point, to finish up "old business".  It's not a particularly good game.  The difficulty is mostly to enhance the propaganda.  It's... easy, for some of us, to see.  Plus, it was free, I see the poison and thus avoid it, and it is eating time so that I don't sleep.  A good thing?  Better to be awake, even if totally distracted, absorbed, than to sleep for weeks or months.

Well... on to... the rest of the day.  Hopefully a few more dishes, a load of laundry, a shower, some food, more gaming?  Oh, I had to toss the first batch of sprouts.  They weren't.  This next batch, from a newer purchase of seeds, is doing swimmingly.  So, a few days in, I am starting a second batch.  I may need to order more seeds.  I DO need to order more seeds.  Ah, and if I hadn't mentioned, I now have two nearly fully half gallon jars of "resting" kefir, plus the two fermenting jars.  And, perhaps tomorrow or Saturday, I should have a third half gallon jar full, and a third fermenting jar.  I am excited.  

Yes, doing things, making things, eating better, more wisely... on several different fronts.  Life is improving.  Difficult as it has been, and remains to a small degree, I am living well within my little husk of a shell of a diminution of a life.  Like a frog, sleeping in frozen mud, until spring.  Ha.  Or even a bear, mostly dreaming the winter away.  My dreams are merely more electronic than neural.  Good morning, day, night, what... ever.

Still very rough.

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I have gotten a lot of fluid out.  Still working on getting a bit more out, and then keeping it out.  It's a bit of a trick, but... yeah.

If you have ever, or even recently, run yourself out of breath?  Worked, or exercised, until you had to take a break.  Perhaps even overdid it, until you had to stop what you were doing, and go sit, perhaps nap.  Your breath is shallow, something is wrong with how hard you worked.  A minor fog sets in, on the mind.  Your body hurts, sometimes becomes cold.

That... has been how my world has been for the last week or so.  Having a very difficult time just being awake.  Though, strangely, unable to sleep as well as I would like, either.  For good or ill, I am sort of stuck on a day/night cycle.  Not exact, as I am waking at about 16:00.  I have lost daylight, through sleeping longer... I think.  Even so, it's still more like a 24 hour cycle, if perhaps more like a 24 or 28 hour program, so within the 24 hour day, I lose time here and there.  Depending on the day.  Can lose four hours one day, make it up for a few days, lose two hours another day, keep it even for a while.  Like a boxer after a both physically and combatively taxing match.  Win lose or draw, potentially minus a ko or even tko, tired and a bit out of focus.

Why?  Can't be sure.  Then again, it is deep winter, even now.  The temp was 14 out there.  I am still fighting fluid buildup.  And I am not sure I ever quite made up for being out so often that one week, in deep winter.

I am still doing small things.  Small batches of dishes, a bit of cooking, making sauces and dressings, taking care of Sassy, and other such.  Little things, but they add up.  Well, and playing a difficult game.  That taxes me more than I would have thought.

On the good side, my heart is not hurting lately.  Getting the water out did more to help than anything, if I had to guess.  Something was terribly wrong.  I was beginning to wonder.  Not much I could do about it.  Other than what I did.  If, to be honest, I didn't think reducing fluid buildup was going to help that.  I was wondering if I was just too old to be gaming at that difficulty.  Perhaps reducing the one allowed for the other.  Who knows.

A salad, I think.  Then I'll see what to cook later.  A few dishes, then a shower, it is hoped.  And some gaming.  Good afternoon, day, and later.

Supper and a bit.

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Brats, with sauerkraut.  It wasn't spectacular.  The brats were of the more plain variety.  Not a bad thing, just a side note.  Sometimes plain is better.  Tonight?  It did what I needed it to do.  Sauerkraut was simple, not the fermented sort.  But, it too did what was needed.

Kefir was reset.  And, yes, I think tomorrow or the day after, I should be able to split out enough of the grains for a third fermenting quart.  I am up to right around half a gallon of the stuff.  One or two more resets, and I should have nearly a gallon.  After the next reset, I'll start drinking a quart a day.  When I get to three half gallon jars, I'll be able to consume at will, again.  That stuff definitely helps with bm's.  I am slightly missing it.

Eating more of a meat diet, and going to it more quickly than I probably should, means bm's are a bit difficult.  There are good aspects.  I go after almost every meal, and pretty much every morning.  I'm not even drinking coffee or tea regularly, so it is just... a good system, with the right foods.

You can, by those, tell if you are eating correctly.  I am close.  If, too, changing foods recently... to mostly meat... and having trouble with fluid buildup, and working to get rid of that, together, cause some slight problems.  It's working out and will be in better shape shortly.

I have completed the second of third game, of the series of console games I am playing.  And on the most difficult level.  One more game to go.  Though, I would like to finish the trophy list.  I have a few more to go, but am nearly finished with those as well.  I will probably go to whichever game requires it, and play it on an easier mode to get those.

When these games first came out, I couldn't finish, at least on the harder difficulty, either of the first games.  The game would hang, stored games would disappear, or become corrupted.  Huge problems.  I never played the third game because of it.  They came out with a set, of all of them.  I got it free, through a program I am in with my console.  It looks like no one was willing to buy it after having had such problems with getting through the game.  I doubt if I was the only one who faced a game so buggy, and difficulty, that between them many of us never would pay for that again.

Still, it's getting done.  Fifteen years later, or some such.  But, done is done.  I have completed the third game, but on an easier setting.  Not sure it will be completed, on the harder setting.  But, two out of two, from before.  Worth a shot.

I may try to fry more burger tonight.  Take a shower too?  Pretty zapped.  I will be starting the last game, as well, in a bit.  When I need a break, I'll start on something else.  Then go on to bed, or... something else.  Who knows.  Later, or goodnight.

A good sleep.

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Not sure when it was that I went to bed.  It was still dark, I think.  I woke at 15:30, after trying to wake from noon on?  Maybe.  Something like that.  Sassy came up to pester me several times.  Which is fine.  Crawled in with me a few times.  Fed first thing.

It is very bright out there.  I am surprised that didn't wake me earlier.  Must have needed the sleep.  

I have been working on getting rid of fluid in my body.  Between waterpills, compression socks, and going right when I notice the need, I have wrung a lot of fluid out.,. up to a liter at a time.  Possibly more a few times.  But, my feet were both remaining swollen.

I sort of left those for last, on purpose.  When there is fluid in the way, the rest of the way up, draining the feet takes longer.  And doesn't stay drained as well.  Anyway, last night, I wrapped the feet.  This morning they look normal, if I dropped three liters last night.  So, yes.

Now, to keep up on the fluid draining, the last of it, until it is well cleared.  Then managing intake.  Part of the extra intake was a burst of carb eating.  Yea, that raises blood sugar, which then increases thirst.  Happens, often, at the first of the month.  Working on getting that not to happen.

Storing better foods, and having enough for several months on hand, will help.  Mostly meats.  Two packs a week, maybe three.  Beef crumble ready to go, a roast or several cuts of meat cooked at the first of the week.  I need to boil some eggs, and have a dozen of those for a week or two period.  And, yes, lettuce, or salad really.  Found premade, in-store, salad, and bought it.  Price is going way up, but... it stores better, and I don't end up throwing out unprocessed romaine or iceberg heads.  Just the way of it.

Oh, someone reminded me of mascarpone, or a form of cream cheese.  I won't make that really soon, but soon enough.  I'd like to make a keto cheese cake.  Imagine making that with homemade mascarpone?  Look, I can't afford a fancy restaurant.  Or even as much raw cream as I'd like.  But I can, sometimes, make little nice dishes, at a much smaller cost, and knowing what is in it and that it is good for me.

Sure, I might eat too high of an intake of carbs, and the wrong carbs, occasionally.  But at least what else is in there is actual food.  And I am not paying for a cook, the overhead, the staff, on top of tips, and else, for food that is at best questionable.  I suppose, if I want food cooked, I'd have to find a wife.  Can't afford one of those, in America, either.  Bleh.  Besides, women don't cook these days.  Or well, often, many of them.  Cheeto's spam dinner?  No thank you.

The brats were made.  I think I still have a jar of sauerkraut.  Not the best of them, but I'll use it up.  I'd like to make my own sauerkraut, but there are limits on how much I can keep going.  But, might get there someday.  I'd rather try to find a local veggie market (not farmers, that... is for rich people).  But, there is, or was, a market for fresh local grown veggies which are for real people.  Grabbing four to six heads of cabbage there, and setting that up, might be the way to go.  It's how I would grow it.  I neither believe in, or trust, "organic".  Plus, I know that is a starvation farming method, which would end up killing a lot of people.  But, those people wouldn't necessarily (correctly) go down without a fight.

So, a few of the brats fried, and some sauerkraut... that... will be dinner, shortly.  Sounds good to me.

Bright out there.  Amazingly bright.  It is 18 F.  Not too off the 20 average of late.  Sort of surprised it has stayed... mostly winterish.  Then again, maybe I am just staying awake more this winter?  It's a good winter, for me.  Life is improving.  I think, perhaps, medicines helped.  But they also hurt, in the extremes of seasons.  Perhaps they have done as much good as they can?  Now it's just... a matter of living until I die?  Who knows.  If the Veterans Admin would allow us back in, without the mask, I'd probably go back on medicine.  Though I don't see that happening.  They wanted to kick as many of us out as they could, the sickest of us... those who can't use the mask.  And, they have.  Rome used to outright murder it's vets.  Didn't know that, did you.  I've sort of been looking for that.  Though, they can do it with "medicine" too.  I've seen many go down that way.

Later.

Days and nights are trading places.

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Not much I can do about it, quite yet.  Between pushing last week, and the game beating me up... while glued to it... life is what it is.

I did do a few more dishes.  I got kefir reset, but this time started collecting the output, as it is from all raw milk at this point.  It looks like I began adding raw milk at just the right time, as the kefir grains have redoubled since yesterday, making up for the loss in half the then grains due to a spill.  In another day or two, I should have enough gains to start a third fermenting quart jar.  At which time I will refresh the jars currently in use for fresh... then wash those.

They say that kefir does well.  That it will last forever.  I'm not exactly sure what went wrong.  Did something get introduced, accidentally or through sabotage?  Was my method of separating... that is using a plastic mesh strainer, and wooden spoon, pressing the grains through harshly and quickly damage the kefir grains?  Or was it left on the counter just too long a few weeks ago, and it got so sour it started going... off?  I just don't know.  But I do know that kefir can go... off.  It wasn't toxic, or for me.  But I wouldn't have served it to a human.  Uhrm, you.

I have half, or a little less, of my first half gallon of the stuff.  I will wait until I have two full half gallons, then I'll begin having between a pint and quart a day.  While upgrading to three fermenting quarts at a time.  Eventually I will be back to one to two quarts a day.  Good stuff, if you can get used to some bite.

I'll fry burger and brats today.  I think I do have leftover burger, I'll perhaps make keto spaghetti, or go to the dark side and add beans and cheese, plus creme fraiche.  Probably the latter, to be honest.  I've been eating a lot of meat, and not sure my body is completely ready for that.  Add it over lettuce, and it should be... good enough.

Oh, and I remembered.  Couldn't be sure when Valentine's Day was.  I had been working on finding places to buy flowers, for my mom.  Get them sent.  If you try "national" services, they charge two hundred and more for a dozen roses, or near that.  But, if you can find local, you can halve that.  I can't afford hundreds.

Anyway, I ordered yesterday.  A dozen.  And, every few months, I'll send her something.  Oh, I'll let my brother know about this.  A little thing, to brighten her week.  Something physical.  It's as much as I can do, for now.  She was pleased.  Called when I was asleep.  I called back.  She's having a bit of a rough day.  Those get more difficult the older, iller, we get.  This I know.

It has been around 20 to 24 F out there for the last few days, pretty steady (from what I have seen).  It was... almost a light freezing mist, out there, with a bit of wind.  Strangely, it didn't feel nearly as cold as that might make it seem.  It was... fresh, nice.  Or... at least to me.

I have sure enjoyed messing with food this week.  And, finally, getting mayo made, and then on to ranch.  And with blue cheese dressing in my sights.  I didn't call the church again today, as I woke too late.  But, last night, between gaming, eating, dishes, and Sassy's needs, I did look for other churches which might work.  I have four, I think, which I may call in an attempt to find what I am seeking.  Might have to drive to SLC, but... so be it.  It's expensive, but if no one close is able, or willing, to help, I have to get this done.  THEN, I do begin doing regular, and perhaps learning to deal with foreign language speakers.  I'll... keep on it, as able.  I'll try to push days around before I have to, for a meeting.  Ugh.

The heart hurt.  Legs were getting thick.  Feet are swelling.  Some of it is from missing medicine.  Some of it is from the stress of the game.  Some of it is from changing my menu, probably a bit too quickly.  But, I... am trying to deal with it.  I found water pills, and took a handful last night.  Oddly, it only kicked out, say, four liters?  Well, overnight.  If that is four times, and more, what is becoming more normal.  Eight times, actually?  Yes.

The water retention isn't from drinking too much, or stress.  It is because I so exhausted myself that I wasn't getting up to go as often as I should/would in normal more rested times.  So, it... just... went to ground.  In my legs, feet, torso, and elsewhere.  A few more water pills today, if not so many.  Some painpills.  And trying to get up and go, when I feel the need... before it just goes to ground, wherever.

Butter.

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Oh, storebought can be okay.  Well, not really.  I looked more closely at the ingredients on storebought butter.  I hadn't done that in a long while.  Either recipes have changed, or I wasn't as particular, knowledgeable, about food the last times I did that.

I was only able to find one brand of butter that didn't have... stuff in it.  From "natural flavors" to... really whack things.  My, to now, go to brands failed even more miserably.  And labeling?  They might as well quit labels.  You can't add sugar and have there be no carbs.  But, sugar in butter?  Yes, in some.

I'll keep at things.

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I called the church, twice.  No answer.  I've left messages, have heard nothing back.  So I don't leave messages anymore.  I'll call until I catch someone.  That is how the world works often.

I did sample the dressing on a small bit of salad.  I... was happy.  The dressing wasn't even cold.  Very good.  I think I'll have a real salad, and some chicken.  The last of the leftovers.  I might even have a spot of dressing for with the chicken itself.

I then called my mother.  Just checking in.  She sounded tired, but good.  When you hit your 80's, it's your party.  Or, when you live near death, as I do.  Not... really a choice.  The body, at some point, does what it must.  We just abide in it, if not it itself?  Then again, I'm pretty tired myself.

Yes, a good day.  And I did some work last night.  Little things.  If I didn't get to bed when I had hoped.  If you can't do what you want, do something useful otherwise?  That's my goal.  I am hoping to finish a few more small dishpans, have some food, feed Sassy and tend her elsewise, perhaps do a load of laundry too.  Maybe.

I'll keep calling.  There are limits, on my side.  But I'll do what I can.  Time is ticking away.  I don't have much else to do, but to keep at it.  God knows, I... do what I can, when I can remember, and am able.  The rest... is sort of up to Him.

Supper!  Later.

I had forgotten something.

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In the mayonnaise.  An acid, lemon juice, vinegar, something along those lines.  I knew that before beginning salting, so added some of that with the salt.  All I had, for sure, was red wine vinegar.  So I added that, and salt, stirred, and... just right.  Well, it is that gold/green look of real evo oil.  And it... tastes a bit strong.  But, I would rather that, or avocado oil, than lessor oils.  I don't always eat for flavor.  I do the best, within ability and allowances.

The vinegar and salt definitely improved the flavor.  Not that I hadn't added salt initially, but I went light.  Easy to add salt, impossible to remove it.  This mayo is about as perfect as could be made.  Plus, it has been inoculated with kefir.  We'll see if that allows it to last long.  Then, too, I would guess that means, after a bit of fermenting, even the dressings will last longer than typical?  Talk about a real gift which keeps on giving?  We'll... see.  Dressings, before, only lasted about a week, at most.

I'll be making ranch dressing this afternoon.  Two types.  One with sour cream (storebought) and one with creme fraiche (mostly homemade).  A pint per.  And, I will have some salad this evening, probably with the creme fraiche dressing this first time.  I may have a can of tuna around, to add to the salad.  Not sure I will, but maybe.

And, a call.  Haven't heard anything back from the church.  Might see about other churches as well.

Feeling slightly better?  Sleep is changing, cycling.  I can't do much about it.  But, I'll... keep at it.  Keeping at least a day and night, of as close to twenty four hour cycles, is as good as I can do.  A few hours of slippage is just going to happen, until I can cycle around to day and night again.  I seem to be able to hold that, for a longer time, these days.  But, any time I push capacity to function, I may well send the thing tumbling again.  Or, even cause me to have two to three sleep cycles per solar day cycle, or sleep days at a time.  Though, honestly, it's been a while since I have slept two to three days, or more, at a time.  Things, to a degree, have improved.  I think taking the medicine, and learning of the real cause of my illness... the heart... allowed me to... fix some things.  Not completely.  But, it's better.  And, probably, will stay better until I die.  Then, hopefully, it will get a lot better.

I wetted the first tray of sprouts.  They suggest a tray at a time, every other day.  I'm going every third day.  The sprouts are good on things raw, or in a mini mixed salad as a side, with a bit of vinegar, salt, and pepper.  I have heard they go well in soups and stews, as a finish.  I don't know, but hope to try that before long.  Even just to dress up a can of soup, as a proof of concept.

Today?  More dishes, the call(s), maybe one load of laundry, kefir reset later, a shower, and work on that small bathroom hall.  I can get a chair there, so I don't have to work as hard.  I can't work all that hard.

Sleeping so hard, that I sleep so deeply that I don't roll as I should.  That helps make me sore.  But, tensing in the game, too, makes it difficult.  That and having gotten out so often last week.  That absolutely pushed me to limits I haven't exceeded since fall.  But was in better shape, then, to tolerate.  Painpills, yes, I think so.  May offer an opportunity to push a bit more today.

Oh, feet and legs are doing very well.  Compression thigh-high socks are helping with circulation a great deal.  They DO hurt, at times, to wear.  But, my legs and feet are staying warm.  And, mostly, I am voiding fluid much more easily.  That and the pedicure really did the job.  As mentioned, they are sore from the socks, but... to have better circulation is worth a... reasonable price.

On to my day.  Later.

That was it!

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Trying to use storebought eggs IS the problem.  These were fresh, from a homestead.  Non-soy feed, the works.  Plus, with all day being allowed to feed outdoors, and a really nice pasture.

I might see about other types of oil.  EVOO is a bit... stout.  In any case, I will use it for now.  I even inoculated it with kefir, as I turned the kefir over.  Spilled have the grains I had been working on growing, but... oh well.  There is always some issue or other.

I'll let it bloom overnight, maybe longer.  Add a bit more salt, I think.  But really, it came out perfectly.  Thick, rich, and tasty.  A bit more salt would be good.  The other spices and herbs did well though.  Just... a touch more salt.  I guess sometimes it will work.  Now to see if it lasts as I'd like.

I'll be using some of it for salad dressings this week.  Initially ranch, but if I can get out and back, to obtain blue cheese, I'll make some of that too.  Perhaps a pint of each, for now?  Maybe.  What is it, spices, herbs, mayo, cream, and sour cream or creme fraiche.  That last lasts a rather long time as well.  Since it is cultured.  I was a bit amazed.  Weeks, at least.  Now to see about mayonnaise.  I'm liking this game.  Goodnight.

Still awake.

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The game drew me in.  And, beat me up for a while.  Oh, I did get through things, but slowly.  Then... I'd go on another mission.  Achy for it.  Painpills, tonight.

Good even as leftovers.

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The chicken from last night was excellent, again.  Reheated in the oven.  The potato was given twenty minutes first, then the chicken went in for twenty minutes.  Worked out just right.  I had thought about cooking veggies as well, but just didn't have the energy.

Kefir was reset, using half raw, half storebought.  One more day of that and then I'll be using raw milk.  At that point I will begin storing the kefir produced.  Good thing, too.  I just ran out of the last of the kefir I had stored.  That doesn't mean I can consume kefir tomorrow.  I will want to begin storing it.  When I get to two half gallon jugs of the stuff, then I will begin eating it again.  Perhaps toward the middle or end of this week.  With only two jars, for fermenting, at the moment, it will take a while.  If, hopefully, by the end of the week, I will have enough extra kefir grains to start a third fermenting jar.

Not much else today.  I can barely stand.  Getting very tired.  And, rather early?  I'll game just a bit more, then feed Sassy... check her litter, change her water out, then go on to bed.  I can't hit dishes or laundry.  To tired.  Could barely stand the little needed to do supper.

I have kept thinking about making onion soup.  The problem is the time it takes to cook the onions!  Yes, you really have to be on top of that, or you'll end up wasting a lot.  So, yes, I keep looking at videos... sort of the way a dog watches a cat right outside it's reach on a chain.

Still a bit harsh.

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Awake at around noon?  Something.  An half hour later, and I am just sort of beginning to escape sleep.  I've been up, sitting here, reading what some say about the world.  But the broader mind is just becoming aware.  All good.

Sleep was good, deep, restorative.  Different from sleep, more generally, lately.  I have been so exhausted that I didn't really sleep well, or deeply.  And my dreams were so very real.  Last night was good.

Still a bit rough.  But, maybe, I hit the worst of it the last two nights, and am headed toward improvement.  If last night was any indication.  I think it was.  It feels as if I was put in a bag, then beat like a piñata.  Swollen and sore pretty much everywhere... actually, more legs and arms, upper and lower.  Not... sure what caused it all.  All I know is it is rough, but finally getting better.

Monday?  No, Sunday?  Strange.  All good though.  Not sure how I missed a day.  Even so, it gives me a day to get trash and recycling out.  I'll also hit dishes, reset kefir if today with a mix of storebought and raw milk, already wetted the sprouts for the morning and will do that later, possibly shower, and maybe start a load of laundry?  Oh, and maybe reset the bed.  That... hasn't been done for two weeks.  I was totally wasted, and woke so sore and foggy it... just wasn't remembered.  Still, I've been doing that well, up to now.  I'll... get it today or tomorrow.

Best feed Sassy.  Been keeping up on her and her litter box, water, and giving her attention.  Trust me, that... is serious mojo goings on, for me, in the winter.  High winter and high summer are tricky for me.  My mind has limits, and body.  Same thing?  Almost, or... associated, usually.  I think it was 20, out there, the last time I looked.  Still cold.  Sometimes we get breaks from the freeze, but not as often this winter?  Or am I just more awake and aware this year?  The latter, if I had to bet.

Crazy stuff going on in the world.  Though, if there is a nuclear exchange, understand it won't have been from this or that, but a decision by both groups to go that far.  Don't ever let them try to fool you, either side.  Though, to be honest, I sort of expected it would have happened.  Keep it to Ukraine.  If I doubt it will stay there.  We'll see.  And Taiwan?  One or two minor nukes and they would surrender.  Something not even used in most war planning.  All the ships and men in the world wouldn't help with that.  Just a minor port city, and an interior city of some importance... boom, surrender.  Plan on it.  China doesn't want to destroy the island though, but some of it is extraneous.  Plus, they want political payback to the politicians, industrial leaders, and civilians in general there.  They aren't the good guys though, unlike some seem to think.

So, who are the good guys?  Politically?  By government, or sets of those?  There... aren't any good guys.  Maybe never were.  At this point, none of them are even trying to pretend to be.  Don't believe me?  keep taking your vaxxes, wearing your masks, and shutting up about the side effects.  And, get your electric vehicles, enjoying renewable energy, and going without petroleum products.  And without food, you don't need that either, I guess.  And that is in America.  At least you aren't in Ukraine.  Yet.

On to... other things.  Gaming, if I can.  Trying not to go back to bed.  Oh, feeding Sassy first.  Later.