A Week in the Life (give or take). Update

Wow, what a week. After studying like a maniac, then doing the homework several times, with extra problems for variety, we took our first test in engineering calculus III. I initially felt I had done well. Which is not usually a good sign. Still, it was nearly a week before I was able to look at the thing. So, I relaxed with the, perhaps mistaken, good feeling. Then, as the day was approaching, I started to have pangs of doubt. Worry crept in, ever so slightly, and those things increased until the Monday showing. Well, the results depend on how you consider things, I suppose. I must admit to being a bit disappointed. I must also admit to having high expectations. I received a raw 87.5%. My mistakes were all numerical (except one in which I did not complete the formula (though not from lack of knowing it! Arghhhh!)).

How do I feel though? First, do feelings matter regarding any matter? Maybe. Back to it though. I feel ok, but it means I have work to do. I really mean to crack this back into shape. Studying physics won’t help me integrate but it might assist in keeping numerical problems at bay. It might expand my capacity to review problems, problem solve, and it will certainly help me later. The trick to is stay on course, do a little more review, and keep balanced so I do not slip into lethargy and sloth (don’t look at my apartment!). The time I am spending on this material has cut everything else out of my life. Then again, before I started this up again, I didn’t have a life. That last makes me stop and think though, is this the way? I think my answer is, yes, temporarily. I think once I crack it back into full shape and maintain a functional ability, I should be able to back off a bit. Then it will just be homework, some study, and physics. Then I should be able to bring a few other things back on line.

Ah, but the church. I have lagged. I still haven’t been to confession (and yes, it is vital to me in my path). I am a part of a church group, and we started our group up again after a summer break. That has lit a fire, so I’m trying to figure out how to get that confession done. I have such a problem going Saturdays (our church’s usual time), but do well when I make an appointment. This bothers my conscience, as I feel I should go Saturdays. I suspect I will end up talking about this with the Father this next time. In any case, I feel the need to get in and get that going again. It has parallels with not eating right or doing something else that eventually wears one down. Now that I’m in the church, in my way, I miss it dearly when I lapse. Guilt, yes, but not in the traditional or often accepted or expected manner. My guilt is based upon disappointing perfection, not fearing retribution. And, for me, it’s a good thing within healthy bounds.

Hmmm, what else. Not much else going on. Though, I did order a trig/precalc study system to go back over some of that, when I have time. Is that a different thing though? And I am considering ordering Algebra II (and maybe I) to crack back into hardcore fundamentals again. But again, is that new?

I’ve been tossing out prayers for various of you, from time to time, randomly. Though I do not always attend church, the Lord and you are on my mind from time to time, and sometimes it’s at the same time is all.

Oh, one new possible topic has popped up. In my church group I became associated with a retreat. It’s a yearly gathering. Men have one gathering and women another. On the retreat we study in a directed manner. Up early, work all day in workshops and events through the evening, then a mid-evening bed-time. In the workshops, we discuss many topics. These topics are often based upon the witnesses of members of our group. I had been thinking about witnessing, not next, but the next next time. However, there may be a need to have me witness. I am very unsure about this, especially for a March timetable. There are things I could say that would blister the ears of a priest, psychologist, and other trained professional (trust me), so what I can do to normals is almost unnatural (just my life stories). I am going to have to be very careful. I put the price at having people help me filter. My filters are shot. Even if I am not profane, I have seen too much. Anyway, that is a new thing that isn’t college related, even if it is troubling to me.

Well, I must go. I need to kick down a bit in order to sleep and rise for a review of this last set of material, and ordering of my newer notes, a prep for the quiz Monday, and a call to my priest. Be well.

Update: I tried to get this out earlier this week, however, I was having some sort of difficulty with Blogger, account sign in, and such, and calculus has heated up. I have a handle on calculus again, and am digging into physics, so I thought I’d take some more time to figure this out. Not much has happened between then and now. No goose hunting, not much to life at the moment except math.

Yada, yada, and such.

Ok, here is the deal... First, I became a bit ill. I had a downturn and was just not doing a thing. Then my I found a trojan on my computer, tried to fix it, ended up having to wipe everything. I'm in the process of changing passwords, etc, now. Then, I did go ahead and begin engineering calculus III. After a four year lag, it's been tight. I've spent weeks doing 15 to 18 hour days of nothing but calculus review, meals, and homework. I took the first test today, over two chapters. I think I did well, but only Monday will tell. The rest of our tests will be over single chapters, so this one was heavy.

So, am I back? Perhaps not as prolifically as before, but yes. I will write what and when I can. I would like to get back to my story too, but... we will see. In real life, all of my classes are 4 years old. Which means if I wish to take physics for engineers II next term, then I will want to begin cracking my physics book a bit. These are books that bite, so I am not sure how much time I will have.

Now, I am at least caught up with the rest of the class at this point, in calculus. Yet, I do need to go over integrations another time or two and smooth that out just a bit more. And, as I said, begin looking at physics.

Oh, I have had one little bit of fun. I went duck hunting last Saturday. No, your intrepid Elmber Fudd did not get a duck (or a wabbit). But, I did get a couple of shots off and had fun with a couple of guys. Nothing like killing things to foment male bonding. Well, trying to kills things counts too, I think. Our guide did get a duck (which we grilled and ate, quickly... nummy!). I am hoping to go out again, soon. The weather was too good for the ducks to be active. Hoping for storms during the right times here, wish me luck if you will. I'll email you a "duck". lol

Well, there you go. In a nutshell, mostly.

On another note, the guy I study with is, essentially, an engineer at the moment. He is heavy into the programming component yet integrated enough into the electrical that he is an ee. He is going to school as his promotions have stopped and he believes (and rightly so) he should be able to go on. Anyway, from talking to him, I think I might actually be able to get into engineering. It is certainly possible. And, with some allowance to work at home 2 to 4 days of the week (a bit negotiable), I think I can honestly make it into that field. I'm a bit excited about that. Well, ok, from talking to him, his thoughts on the topic, and my understandings, this 'seems true' to me.

Well, I'm off. I am thinking about popping a top or two, but first I will need to get to the store. A proper store, as I'm going with Spaten tonight. I am taking a two day pseudo vacation, working on integrals for only 3 to 4 hours the next few days until I get back to it Saturday again. Have a good week/weekend.

Sometimes to get something right, one needs to do nothing but say it.

You Are 10% Feminist

You are definitely not a feminist. In fact, you are every feminist's worst nightmare. You believe that women belong in the kitchen.... barefoot and pregnant.

Are You a Feminist?

Oddly, I received 10% feminist. Odd, I say, because nothing I put in could be construed as popularly feminist. I must assume, as with the typical multi-cultural and anti-logic crowd, they are trying to be inclusive with even this. Apparently you may not opt out of their world view. Oh, are not the kittens cute though?

Is the world my oyster?

I contemplate, calculate, derive, and wonder. The answer to the question, or at least the questions arrived at through that question complicate my day on more than one day of each week. Certainly I am not poor. Yet, I am neither rich nor secure. I am rarely hungry, that an affect of short term poor choices or just a simple negligence of tending the matter. I am not sickly, my body is powerful, my mind is very good, my will is absolute. I live by my rules, acknowledging those other rules obtained through the filters of law and morality. Beyond, I live safely, comfortable, and easily within those and yet understand both that I may stray from either of those singly or in combine and there are means of doing so both purposefully and in moments of weakness. Yet the question remains.

As I have said, the question remains. It does not remain untended. The world is only my oyster should I decide to be a consumer. This, as I have written, leads to the next level of thought and to the questions which, by necessity, follow. The world is for my pleasurable consumption should my needs and hungers dictated, then and then only. The price for this is that I too am a consumable. As I feed so must I nourish. Therefore, I pick my hungers carefully, tend to their needs and then some, yet maintain my thirsts so as not to fall pray to an inordinate cost.

I do not know if that makes me a wise man. I do not believe this will enhance or detract from my longevity. I do know that, as when a child and desiring to color within the lines for my own purposes, I find a fullness of life I could find in no other manner. I know too, others see it. This last is of no importance, so long as the prior holds. For an example of this style of living, re-read this text.

A day in the ever.

In spite of schedule difficulties, my health is finally in check. Even without being on my medication exactly right and the sugar, my check-up yesterday was excellent. My blood pressure was 128/89. Some might still put that at slightly high, but that is as close to regular as I have had it in many years, except perhaps once. That time was unsustainable however. The medicines absolutely wiped me out, and sleep requirements alone made the medicinal regimen untenable. The medical staff and myself where quite pleased. I suggested to the nurse (my usual nurse) that I probably deserved something for this and she agreed. I let my doctor know that I had been treated properly, to a rootbeer lollipop. Well, I had been good, sort of, mostly…

I have some plans for today, but I am not sure I will be able to carry them through. Nothing big, just important. This is the beginning of a realization of a day schedule and I am still a bit slow in the mornings. It is early and I am trying to figure out what it takes to drop ship my bottom to action, as always anyway though.

I have started computer gaming again, after six months to a year of not playing almost at all (minus the word game, which I now have a 52.7 million high score). It is something to do that costs nothing, is less compulsive than continually checking news and (mostly empty of late) blogs. Plus, it keeps me busy enough that I do not remember about my pipe (which I have cut to three times a day, maybe less in time, maybe not). There is not much else going on in my life.

I know my mother is arriving in a week and a half, give or take, and papers for school should be arriving soon, but most real things are future episodes. Oh, foot doctor later this month, which will be nice. As I have tried to become more active (actually have, just in a much more or a good bit more way), my feet have started to absolutely kill me. One thing at a time, I suppose. Might as well get that taken care of as soon as possible. Feet are more important than one likes to know. Eyes, sure, ears, of course, etc… but few think of feet… until they are a torture. They must have been killing me for years, I was just too out of it to know. They probably helped keep me down too. What is it, something about fixing one leak only to have a dozen more pop up after too long a wait? Yeah, ok. But I did what and when I could, so it just is. All in all, though, things are sailing along as smoothly for this re-commissioned out-of-mothball ship as can be expected. Toot-toot Toot-tooooooooooooot

Holy shishkebab, now I know why I have been lame about leaving the cave!

I did finally get going. I showered, dressed, and rolled out like a champ. I planned my needs, packed, and partially loaded the X. I went to each store on my list, purchased each item needed and then a few extras. I came home and began making a few things and realized, there is no way I am camping out tonight. The temp says 87 F as of a few minutes ago, at 17:20. Not blazing, but just not comfy. So, I call up my friend and explain the deal. Well, how about a campfire and just pay the fee if required? Yeah, I suppose that is manageable. So, part of the gig is still on.

Yeah, ok, I guess I have been hard on myself. Getting out in 90+ F weather just for kicks is not my thing. Oh, I had also been drinking a bit (lot) more sugar, with my iced teas. Being sugar problematic, that probably was not the wisest thing. It started slowly and innocently enough, however, that I just let go of watching it. Life has been better the last few days, regular hours, more active, a cleaner cave, yet the heat does keep me down a bit. The funny thing is, for July in Iowa, this is cool weather. We should be in the 100’s. I have seen 111 F days, for sure, maybe hotter. Add high humidity and, well, that is Iowa in summer. Wow, global warming has won a friend here! (do not attempt to make that into a logical statement from the given data for debate, you cannot be that ignorant, foolish, stupid, or bored (unless you work for the government or colleges, then go ahead))

I suppose I should finish a few things up and pack it on out. Ah, the menu you ask? Why fresh buns, spinach pesto hummus, fresh sour cream cole slaw, iced mint tea, delmonico (eye of chuck) steaks (her favorite, or beef rib on the bone), and some dessert she is supposed to bring. Oh, I am packing in a couple of fine apples should the bread and hummus not be satisfactory as a refreshing or cooling hors d’œuvre as I had anticipated. Well, I best get to it. Oh, I was almost freaked when I finally made it home. I had women darn neared pawing me today. Some I might have liked, some not. What is going on their? Dang.

I have been talked into it.

I will be going camping tonight, solo. I had been talking to a friend about this and that, regarding camping and hiking, and I should have seen it coming. My friend found a place that would be exactly what I had wanted. No information about hiking was to be had, however, the trails exist, it would be up to me to figure that out. Then, I am given a suggested date. Oh, wonderful! All I have to do is get in gear to go in a day and a half and figure it all out myself. No, indeed, I am informed. Here is the registration form.

I am laughing, as this is exactly what my intent was. It is funny to me because the plans one makes are sometimes just that, in some ways. And, yet, I am going. I set a trap for myself some time ago, and it sprung on me quite well, better yet it sprang when I was unprepared and disinterested. Perfect!

And, to be honest, it is not exactly a huge effort. Now that my gear is, essentially, at the ready, this will never be a complicated task again. Well, so long as the Q.O.D. is not disturbing the water with her chaos, slowness, and weakness. She sometimes takes forever to decide, get ready, move her gear, or beg me to do those things. The worst is when she wants me to choose merely to disagree. It used to work for her, now, not so much. If she says go left after she asked me to decide and I planned on going forward, I go forward. I figure she can walk when we get where I am going. Besides, the walk back to where she wants to go would be good for her big butt, I add. No rules in warfare, I add, should she protest. Oddly, she seems quite happy with that. hehehe Me too. Well, ok, there are times when she gets babied.

Anyway, a couple of delmonico steaks, a few ears of corn if the seller is out today, cole slaw, and perhaps some mint tea. I have asked my friend to bring desert if she decides to show up for the meal. I am planning on a European type of milk-yogurt (cannot remember what it is called, exactly) and granola for breakfast. I might even stay two nights, but it depends on how much I am able to explore and find out about the trails, the weather, and maybe some other things. I should probably take a can of tuna, my last mre, a couple of fresh baked buns, and a couple of gallons of water to be sure. I would hate to have to come back into town. It sort of ruins the effect. Well, I am off… to a very slow start. Oh well, I have 5 hours before I actually want to be there. But I have some things to buy and make, so, again, I am sprinting to it like a turtle. Again, I am off.

God. God? God!

I have been thinking about what God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, or to me the trinity, means. It is not an easy concern to contemplate. Answers come to mind immediately, some need sorting out, some do not. Some of the things that have been sorted are finely nuanced, others are bold, true, fact, to my mind. This is not a topic that is ever far from my mind and heart, yet it is rarely put all together in a single moment, or in this case, essay. I had wanted this to be done Sunday, as it came together in a final collection that day, yet I could not write, so it happens today.

God, the father, the creator, the divine man-being, has been on my mind the longest. Before I understood about the Son, I looked to the Father. I suppose, not having had a father in my formative years, I wanted to know what a father is or should be. I have the vision of the kindliness of a Santa Clause face, the physique of Zeus, and the power of all things. That has not changed much, yet who He is to me has changed, as it should be. From the simpler idea of a father, He has morphed more into a lord, the Lord.

I do see him as all powerful, however, I see, too, wisdom, justice, grace, love, and other attributes within which He confines Himself. This confinement might also be called wisdom or maturity. As a human father can do much a child cannot, yet restrains that power, hopefully, to righteous actions, words, and thoughts, so too does the Father restrain His power. He watches and knows, He sees and allows. We need to grow and in order to do that, we must make mistakes and attempt to learn and change and finally grow. The hope or wish He has is that we grow toward Him, I believe. The Father does not judge us. This was never His, He decided His Son would take this action, in a way. He simply decided, it was so, and we are. In a way, it is as He IS.

The Holy Spirit has been the most elusive Nature for me to comprehend. What is something that seems to be nothing? Is He a riddle or an answer? Finally, I have come to see him as simply the Spirit of God, literally. At least in form. He is what God, should he have been a normal man, hopes for, dreams of, wishes, and wants. As God, however, He moves mountain and earth through us in faith, He lives in our bodies and minds, He compels and rejects through us and all things flesh. To some extent, we are His embodiment. Perhaps more accurately, we and all flesh are open to His will.

As for what He means to us, this is a trifling more complicated. In baptism, He graces us and inducts us to God. He cleanses us and prepares us for our growing here, with God, through God, by God, and with the chance that God may live in us. He seems to have a great deal to do with fire. In baptism, though our priest might perform the ceremony, it is He who baptizes by fire. When we are set to enter heaven, it will be he who, once again, cleanses us with fire. As well, when hell is discussed as a burning lake in which Satan, perhaps the other fallen angels, and certain others will be cast, I have a suspicion that it will be a containment by the Holy Spirit rather than a place, planet, or plane unto itself. Hell will be a separation from God maintained by the Holy Spirit. As well, the bible discusses Christ always being cloaked, essentially, by the Holy Spirit. I think this is what is necessary now that Christ has risen to perfection. He, as the Father, may no longer come into contact with sin. Beyond these things, the Holy Spirit is the giver of divine gifts. From Charity, faith, hope, to speaking in tongues, the Holy Spirit offers these. Finally, I believe the Holy Spirit is what links the Father, the Son, the world around us, and we ourselves to both the Trinity and each other. No small tasks, no minor aspect, God indeed.

The Holy Spirit is still and always will remain, should my breath continue, a mystery. It is interesting to note, the one sin which is unforgivable is to sin against the Holy Spirit. Considering what I believe about the Him, this is a complicated thought. I can only imagine what actions might be construed as unforgivable, yet I think if I saw them, and I believe I have, that I know. I think those who have murdered their own nature of love are the strongest candidates, when they share this or enforce this, they become true kings of fools.

Jesus Christ has been, for me, much more simply understood. I believe this was meant to be. He came because we did not understand the written word. The Father saw that we were blind to the Holy Spirit, moving among us, and saw that we could and often did choose to be blind. He sent His Son to be a brother and absolute guide. He left no doubt in any who saw. Many turned away, many refused to believe, but more accepted. Simply understanding is not enough, however. Following is much more difficult. Accepting his simple grant of forgiveness is what took me the longest to manage. It is still a test, it is a heavy cross.

What Jesus Christ brought to us was a final chance at redemption and life. The laws had not failed, we had failed to abide the spirit of them. Christ fulfilled those laws, and set them straight. He spoke to us as brothers, men, sisters, or more, his family. I still think we miss much of the point. Yet, those who choose to abide as best they can, to surrender to God as they are able, and follow his tenets will find themselves where they should be. Many, however, are on the staircase to heaven with pockets full of fools gold. He is Love, yet make no mistake, He is also our Judge. He will arbitrate our very long life with or without God. He is our savior, our defense lawyer, our judge, and our prosecutor. These last three, however, I think are slightly incorrect, if not in action then in the performance of those actions.

I feel the need for a clarification. Does a prosecutor or judge, if honest in their performance and true to law and the spirit of law, that being justice, ever actually condemn a man? Does an honest defense attorney truly attempt to thwart justice? Does a father who scolds a child do so for his own actualized benefit? Does anyone but the accused and if guilty, pronounce their verdict by their actions? My answer is no. As it is in the flesh, in this manner, so to is it in heaven. Should one choose sin and not have remorse, if one cannot ask or give forgiveness, how can one wonder that he cannot be in fullness with a perfect God in the trinity? I think those who do not enter heaven will know this, themselves, when selfishness, greed, and lies are no longer available in which to hide.

I see Jesus Christ as the perfect brother. He is strong, wise, healthy, hale, and giving to his life and more. He lived with us, in flesh, with our desires, wants, limitations, and understandings. He also lived with choices. He had to choose, and chose perfectly, consistently, perpetually. I, too, see him now as a lord, as the Lord.

This is some part of what I think, some of what I feel, yet I could never write in such a manner as to encompass all. I felt the need to write this out, it has been on my mind, and it seemed to want to be written. No, not prophetic, simple praise I believe. A simple public acknowledgment.

Time is an odd device, it plays me a fool of late.

I have not been busy, nor have I been doing a thing or groups of things at all. I just am. I have several things in my mind, thoughts which I would enjoy forming into essays. I have activities I would like to do. Yet nothing is happening. Sleep is still off, the wrong times, too little, occasionally too much. Life is not bad in spite of that, as when I am awake, I am fully conscious, memory is good, and I can still get things done, necessary things like appointments, food prep, enough dishes and cleaning that I am not naked or eating with my fingers. Still, there is something elementally absent from my existence. I am empty, hollow, shallow in the ways of the flesh. It is at these times that I suspect when I died, not everything came back. I am just renting this apartment of flesh, yet some times, no one is home. I, myself, am just in the area and know where the apartment is should I need to rest, use the facilities, or such, but I am not staying there. Well, at least I am at peace with this now. Accidental transcendentalism is not all it is cracked up to be.

Oh, on the plus side, I had my first fresh bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich. It was worthy of the wait, as always. Thick cut bacon, bakery bread (yea, I know, I wanted it to be my bread, but this did well), a fresh tomato from my neighbor’s plant (with approval), and a nice glass of iced water. This, indeed, is one of the simpler things. And, by it’s nature, only happens once a year.

Taxation without representation!

We have a winner folks. I am not seeing a hail of anti-tax cases, yet I can hope. I can hope they keep having this outcome too. The only thing that will right the current imbalance is a MASSIVE reduction in government, and the only way to that end will be through a reduction in it’s socialistically stolen filthy lucre. Oh, people, I want this to happen so hard! But, I will be quite honest, even if it happens, that will not make life perfect. There is no such thing as Utopia, but the Utopia these nut politicians have been steering us toward is actually Ethiopia. Go visit the place sometime. Then remember those jokes about chicken bones and necks, phone booths and the population, then realize they stopped because… they were true. But, should the government stop being big brother, guess what, you will have to be your own keepers. You will have to watch Sally’s back, while George watches yours, and so on. And yes, there will be tyranny. Tell me there is not and is not more the other way, the way it is? You will be able to choose your tyranny by choosing your company. You cannot do that currently, try it. And, should you fail, you had better be humble when asking for charity. Demand like you have with this government and you will be not only rejected, you will be thrown out and maybe arrested, or the real government will deal with you more appropriately.

The funniest thing ever is that the very people who despise our government want what…? To MAKE IT BIGGER. D’oh! They call themselves intellectuals, Gandalf. INTELLECTUALS! HAHAHAHAHA. Now, you and I know that the populists who captain those ships know damn straight where they are going, but do honestly think Ward Churchill, Rachel Carson, or Betty Friedan are on the inside? Now look around a typical college town, the students are not radical, most are not even leftist anymore. It is just the professors and the locals, who both and often get mistaken for each other and bums. No offense meant to the bums, honestly. Well, the train is winding down, I had my fun, poked a hot topic or two... Oh, and for those professors who dress well, good start. Now, think like you dress and you might do a bit better. I think the only people less trusted than academics is media and congress. Hmmm, perhaps a three way dive? Hmph!

Anyway, a little tickle of free air in my nostrils and I dream like I woke up in a free land.

Into the dawn without a clue.

I got out of bed at 4:00 after having actually awoken around 1:25 or 2:25. I laid in bed, half napping, until I realized it was no use. I mobilized, turned on the machine, and spoke with my guest. I then checked the news sites for the usual nothing, then the blogs for same. I then fed the fishes and crawdad, and am just goofing now until it is light enough to mow, late enough to make a call or two, or something to trigger something else. Oh, I sent an email to the college I am intending to take a course with this fall. They did not contact me within their stated 24 hours, and I want to get registered quickly.

At least I am not feeling tired. If it is not too wet, I may try to get some mowing done today. I want to do the other cross hatch, and see what it looks like. I also need to call and set up a confession. I just cannot get to the weekly morning time, regularly, and I feel the need to get back. Oh, the wall! Sheesh, I have tons of things stacking up. I suppose it might be possible to get in tonight, but I just cannot guarantee it. Freaky sleep patterns really have me frustrated! Two days up, and working on another, so maybe I can still get caught up.

Well, I am heating some water for French press coffee, my bread recipe (from k), and then I will think about something to eat. I might finish off the jar of pickled turkey gizzards as a snack in the meantime. I liked pickled pork hocks, but something seemed to change, or my tastes have. Maybe they finally just skinnied up the hogs so much that they were no longer hoof worthy? Oh, I am still looking for a butcher who might sell beef brains. I am thinking, fried in a little butter, salted and peppered to taste, and it will be a great as… fried peanut butter without the peanut taste. I guess I will just have to see.

Oh, hey, guess what day it is?!? It is the only day you have to actually work with, so do it! Or, urhm, give it a good thinking over. *smiles*

Bland is as bland does. Blah!

I am exhausted, but I have been up all day today. I did not get much done. I took my medicines, fixed breakfast and cleaned up, and… stayed awake. The email I was expecting from the college did not come through. I may just visit their site and see what is going on. I really need to get going on some things again, this being what is already active so I need to push it.

I keep thinking about how unimportant all I think is. God does not need my faith, though it is said to please him. My government does not need my vote. My friends do not need my encouragement or wisdom. Well, my crawdad, as things sit, needs me. That’s something. And, no, this is not a downer. It is not sad. It just is. As fact, it can be a bit freeing. Well, ok, perhaps too freeing. But I am considering getting tied up, so have no fear.

Not much to say, too tired to really think. I should just fix some supper, make it to 22:00, and then try and sleep. My mind is a bit numb, leftovers from yesterday’s extended wakefulness and from the attempt at switching my schedule around. Sorry, but that’s it.

Am I awake yet? Let me think a bit longer, okies?

I was correct. I awoke at 5:45, after four to four and a half hours sleep, depending on what time I actually fell asleep, as I did take a shower and did not fall immediately to sleep either. However, I decided not to become ambulatory. Yes, I stayed in bed, and must have eventually dozed. Shortly after 7:00, I heard some clinking and clanging, but I could not quite pull out of the pillow nose dive I was facing, and it was not until 7:20 when I finally arose to find the elf doing her whatever. Oh, I can always tell when it is her out there, making noise. I think I can sense her. As I have said, even on knowledge blind days, I know she will be arriving. Anyway, she was complaining that I did not have my lawn furnishings available for use. I explained yesterday’s doings, again, which explains why I will be putting them up during my sleep time, that I have indeed used the set every day it has not rained, and pointed out that, in any case, it is going to rain so I would not be getting them out today. Humph, she indicated. Yes, logic, that pain in the butt you just cannot deny or like, but that is that, I roughly indicated. Humph, she indicated again. Yea, ok, she got the last… word? Humph. I do not care, I was still right AND she did not try to counter it.

Oh, plus, I was able to show her my score on BookWorm Deluxe. I just love the jealousy, surprise, awe, and sad feeling she emits when showing her even such a trifling gem. One more thing I can do that she cannot. The battle of the sexes rages as hopelessly as ever. The best she can hope for when the wolf is howling is to throw the scent and scatter the ideas so they cannot be feasted upon in terms even she cannot deny. She is not even so good at that, but there are times when she is weak in a way that needs some tenderness and I let the thing pass. But, not without letting her know a favor has been done. This women needs to know, face, truth. Oh, after I described yesterdays doings last night, and she asked some questions this morning, she finally agreed that my actions were “correct”. Honestly, that almost surprised me. It is cool, though. Well, she has been right, do not get me wrong. And she has been both a harsh and gentle wolf herself, lest you feel too bad. She just does not get near the number of chances.

Anyway, we began discussing a mother I know who is having trouble breast feeding. Yes, an odd topic. But, I am the curious sort and I end up hearing all sorts of things. The Queen asked if I knew if this woman was involved with a women’s group which focuses on the topic of breastfeeding and offers support, with a large data base on issue troubleshooting, though she stated it a little differently. I asked if it was a political group, as well, or had strong affiliations outside it’s claim to fame. She became defensive, and said something about not everything having a political agenda. And I suggested many do and she seems to run in most of those circles. She said, something like, oh yea, what about the Catholic Church. I just laughed and said, there is no secret to our agenda, unlike ACORN, NOW, WWW, Sierra Club, and dozens of other shadow political parties which act as if they are single topic or single group organizations and all obey The One Ring (she is a HUGE Lord of the Rings junky too, so this was crystal clear). She decided it was time to go home, and did not help with the last few dishes. I waived goodbye, indicating the door might hit her in her logic circuit should she be as slow of foot as mind, or something of that nature. I laughed again. Well, she was not quite through, she came in and went back out several times, collecting her laundry, mind, and other items. She, on the final pass, thanked me for breakfast and a wonderful evening last night and good day, really, she thought (I think she is trying to be nice because someone is leading her that way, other than me who she believes in not at all, or so she says… ??? dunno). And, I said, genuinely, that she was welcome and should she have really enjoyed, it really was my pleasure. Actually, in any case, it was my pleasure.

So, really, what you see here, and in comments, really is what I am. Sadly, perhaps, it is all I am. As for my part, I will take it. It is not perfect, but it suffices, sometimes more. Plus, I really do not hate people, I hate ideas, actions, and inactions which are evil. I cannot judge people but you had better bet your bottom, dollar, that I do judge. And yes, sometimes even prosecute, and more. However, I note, what I am is self centered and of a limited dimension and depth too. Why lie?

It is crash time in Iowa the east south.

My lady showed up tonight, with corn, green beans, and asked what I had to add. I happened to have 3 ribs left, and some fine butter, kosher salt, and a cooks talent. So, I went to work. I have a nice double steamer, 12-16 quart, technically, somewhere in that range. Anyway, I decided to steam heat the ribs right in with it and it came out quite well. Then a game of Scrabble, luckily, she was as tired as I was, sort of. She was starting to fall asleep, so decided to head out. Good thing too.

It has been a long time since I slept. I want to shower first though. I am surprised I am not more dysfunctional. Still, it is that time. The great thing about staying up to 1:00 is that I was pretty sure I would not sleep all that long. I might get 4, maybe 6 hours in. She will be stopping by for the rest of her laundry, and breakfast if she will help with the dishes. Not much, as we did and will again use paper plates. But there are pans, silverware (stainless, actually), and such. She scoffed at the notion until I suggested it is my bacon, my eggs, and I will be cooking. Plus, I will hold off on the French press until she begs to help with dishes. HaHa! Whipassssh! Hehe

Oh, bother. Goodnight!

Up 27 hours, 2 to go, I wonder what I will think of the thougnts, typing, and overall editing in the morning?

Two things came together as I was reading through the headlines of the NYTs. A fellow blogger, of a conservative bent, had a link to an article at the NYT’s online site which did not link and I never could find it on my own. I think he may have had the title wrong and or they figured out who linked and cut the connect, maybe buried the article, changed the title, who knows but it would not surprise me whatever happened. The article headline that I saw that caught my attention, though about a different matter, and then melded with another left idealism floating around in my mind, provided an interesting notion.

The left seems to feel that equality of outcome, at any cost really, is what should be desired. It is what they work toward in spite of reality pushing dirt in their faces. Was it not a lefty who sang “… don’t spit into the wind…” and several other common sensical songs? Do they not listen to their own music, or do they just not or choose not to understand it? I listen and understand THEIR music, go figure. Ok, to the point. The article in question dealt with a “backlash” against President Bush for not doing enough for women’s health. Now, thinking about these two things, I realize that, even should this be true, he IS doing the right thing. As a fact, we will probably, according to leftist dogma, put a cap on women’s lives to even that thing out. I mean, it certainly is not “fair” that women get to live longer then men. I know, it’s not their fault, just like it’s not men’s fault for choosing and being successful at engineering, math, science (no, engineering is not science, it uses science, sort of), sports, and good sex. (Did you catch the little joke? Goody! Sort of, anyway…) Still, women are pushed into areas they quite often do not excel, at the expense of men who do excel and are not given the opportunity, ostensibly for the purposes of equality. I just think they should, as such and because of said, also be for the equality of the grave yard in equal times?

No, I do not support this. This is just one example of why I am not a “liberal”. Then again, I am thinking, maybe their ultimate plan IS a cutoff. That retirement age they keep lowering in European countries… guess what, that will be their equalizing age… and no retirement pay-out. Luscious, well, as luscious as feasting on new born babes anyway. Sadly, we all seem to be getting a taste of that. But, please, do not tell me even they do not see it coming. Saw it coming from the start when they, as a people, helped implement it. It was in their hearts. It is what they wanted to do to the elderly then, in the beginning.

Well, enough cheer and sunshine for one day. Sort of. I suppose I should go do something fun, like waive to my neighbors… so the cops know which ones shot at me… Well, not quite yet, but it is coming. If it is God’s will, their poor aim, and my quick reaction (yeah, ok, God’s will totally, no joking), I will live and they will pay. I love playing with vipers, really really.

I am not asking if you agree, I am just curious if this is coherent? My mind is a tad lopsided.

Too tired to think, so what do I do? Yea write.

Well, after playing “tag, your ticket” and having to deal with some more aftermath of today’s jungle excursion, I did get a few more things done. A few things were sorted, a little more laundry done, an application for the math course was sent, and I had the opportunity to speak with my new neighbors. The application was an online thing, it was quick an painless. I am supposed to hear back from them within 24 hours, at which time, since it is a class requiring prerequisites, I will need to offer proof. It does not need to be formal proof, however, so no need for a few nickels I might not have at the moment. When speaking with the neighbors, I explained what had occurred, and asked that they watch for trespassers. I had feared they might not be on-board with this, I was wrong. He clearly wants no unrequested visitors. I suggested if he or she sees one or more and they do not wish to deal with it, that letting me know would be all it would take. He thought there would be no need, but should assistance be warranted, he would keep my offer in mind.

I did not make an appointment for confession. I did not make bread. I did not go target shooting. There are probably some other things I did not do either. But, it is 18:00 and I am still awake! I am going to try and push on through to 22:00. I have gotten my score to over 26,500,000 on BookWorm Deluxe. I might have to see if I can get a really high score. My previous high was 17 plus million on this part of the game (my favored part), and 18.6 plus million on the other part (least favored). I had wanted to correct that, and I am doing it in spades. The thing that worries me is; whether there is a game score limit where I might lose everything and it not be recorded; and, if something should happen, a power outage, a machine error, or a program error which would wipe out my work. I’ve almost thought of just getting to 30 million and taking a dive. That would be 30 times what the Queen can do, and 75 times what our education masters ‘friend’ can do. I just love doing it, really. Hehehe But that snotty, “So!” is worth every nanosecond.

Oh, I finally got a call from my mum. She has been busy helping to prepare for RAGBRI (and intra-Iowa bicycling tour). At each place they are routed through, venders take care of the bikers every, or well, every legal need and want. Our town is quite small, so it was just a meal pass through mostly. I am quite sure they would be welcomed to stay, and offered places to camp, beer and food to their wallets’ depths, and good cheer should they decide to stay. Though I know most go on, there are more hip spots just a spit of a ride away. Though the town certainly does not hurt for the passing. Just being a blip on their rout is a big deal. She will be coming mid-August. Oh, I have a church function picnic she might be here to attend. I really have to get that confession done and get back in there! Ack.

Have a pleasant day all. Really, it is a good summer. I am enjoying the heat and fun for the first time in at least 15 years. Even my downs are better than all but a very few up periods from before. I just wish I could shake some of the harsh feelings about liberals, evil, and such. Yeah, I am not saying why can we not all get along, mind you… I am just saying, I have carried this weight a long time and for little good. It might be time to let some of it go, even if I become assertive on specific things which do directly impact me. Anyway, have a good one. Maybe a cool one. Maybe a cold one. Just do not forget to thank, in some way, those around you who make you who you are, the best part of who you are, even if they are no longer here. It is said the shades can pray for us. Catch em’ off guard, pray first. ha

Oh, one more thing on my list of things to do. Done.

I guess the police will show up, sometimes. I saw one of my “neighbors” urinating on a building at 12:30 in the afternoon, or so, today. Happily, I saw what vehicle he drove in and got out of, got a decent look at him, called it in, then waited fifteen minutes or so. Right as the “neighbor” got in his car and was headed out, the police showed up. I pointed to his vehicle and the squad car blocked him in and flashed his lights. My "neighbor", I do believe, ended up with a ticket. After the officer left, he started razzing me. I told him, use the bathroom. He asked why I did not just talk to him. For one thing, it was too late by the time I saw it. Gotta potty train these newbies, I guess. He seemed to know enough of the tenants, if he was not one, that he could just go in easily and use the facilities. And, do not do that with kids around. I suppose the little boys know about all that, but there were two little girls in the area. He says I have “screwed with the wrong nigger”. My question to him should have been, which one is the right one? But nah, I just said, if you think I called it in because you are black, have one of your white friends there with you do that. Oh, and they were giving me the nastiest looks too, hah, I was sitting. They have not messed with a slightly zealous 300 pounder would be my guess, further, I would guess they do not ever want too. There were three of them, ha, that just allows me to use lethal force, immediately. And make no bones about it, three is a crowd and I do not like crowds. I have been there many times. Let them think I am easy, I remained seated and calm. He was saying something about if this was Chicago, and I just thought, well, if you liked it so much, go back. And, this is not Chicago. He thinks I need a job. I told him I already have one and laughed. He has no sense of my humor. Hehehe

Yeah, come on over son. Well see if your 9 marksmanship is anything like my .45 marksmanship, let alone my ability to focus on you through walls. I do not need to see you, as a fact, I may prefer not too. I will give him 1 in 10, and I am just as sure even if he gets that one, he still will not win. I have been through too much for a 9 to do more than get my attention and I can shoot just as well with either hand. It don’t make me no nevermind, as long as I get my check next payday.

Fresh breezes are blowing my ship of fools, and this captain is ready to ride. Yeeea-haaaaw

It has taken some time to get my days and nights straightened. It still is not completely regular, this being the first day I have been able to be awake up to this point in some weeks, I think. I will most likely be able to stay up the rest of the day as well. I did not sleep last night, waking yesterday afternoon around 17:00, give or take.

Last night was productive. I straightened the kitchen, did some laundry, roasted beef ribs and baked potatoes along with it. Then, cleaned the kitchen again. A little sweeping and mopping went with that. I straightened up a few areas which desperately needed it, stored a few things in the garage, and went to the store. Not world class, but it is the most I have been able to get done in a while. I am hoping to add to that this day, plus find out what is needed to take the math course, perhaps set up an appointment if necessary. I will not go in today, I just am not ready for that. Even putting it off until tomorrow would help me get a better grip on this tentative stride. A twelve pack the other night seems to have hit the hammer right on the head. (yes, I wrote that right, trust me)

I would also like to get out to the range and sight in my .22 to 50 yards. I have it set at 30 yards, but after having ranged it initially at 15 yards, then to 30, I noticed there is a good bit of change. Once set to 50 yards, I will then practice. I would also like to see about where I hit at the 30 and 15 yard ranges with the setting. That will be about as far as I will practically shoot while hunting. Perhaps in time, I will test out to 75 and 100 yards. But one thing at a time. I was having some difficulty sighting in at 30 yards, so perhaps all I will be able to do today is the 50 yard sighting in. Who knows, but it will be good to get out of the house. As my nights and days switched, so too did I become housebound again. Last nights foray into the city at night and to the grocery store was my first personal outing in some time. The last was a hike some time ago, and I cannot remember the time before that, even if my two friends forced me out for movies or such (thankfully, mind you).

I do not know if I had mentioned it, but I have a temporary house guest. He is a furtive little creature, interesting to watch, and I to talk to him. My neighbors left for vacation and could not take him, so I volunteered to be his host. He is a rat. The neighbors son was allowed to save for a pet. We all thought he would buy a snake, and his mother was even, sort of, set for it. He surprised us all. In any case, I now host a fine member of that particular species. I have decided I like him enough that I have shared a piece of cheese or two. He was quite pleased, to no real surprise. Though, without ever knowing for sure, one just cannot tell how something might really work. At least this rat loves cheese, cheddar and an Italian blend of cheeses anyway. I am a bit nervous about taking him out of the cage, so I will hold off on that, if I even decide to do that. Perhaps if I really organize one of my rooms so that he could not escape or chew through electrical cords, etc. I might consider it. I just would not feel good having to say he died. Anyway, I enjoy having another little friend in the house.

I have been trying to contact my mother for over a week. I have left three messages, one about every other day. Not a word back, not even a missed call. My phone registers even hang-up calls. I am a little frustrated. I do not believe she is ill, someone would have called me. I am sure of that. And, I know she would not be at her guys house this long, on vacation to my brothers, and I know she knows I called her cellular as it has the same system mine does. So, she is avoiding for no reason I am aware. Not logical, feminine, but not logical. I know she is planning a visit this August. I hope to have the cave decent, at least to my skill level. She will no doubt do this and that, and there are a few tasks I have in mind which she knows of, but too perhaps we can enjoy a little fun time. Maybe a picnic and fishing if it is not too hot. Barring that, maybe a movie, ice cream, and a stop at my favorite international beer jazz place. Jazz is not my favored, and it is not hers, yet I think the beer more than makes up for the muzak. Plus, they serve very fine Italian pie, and several other entrees should one have interest. Oh, it is so nice and dark, lights dimmed, reminds me of the better (to my taste) pubs in Scotland, England and Ireland too, if I remember right. Anyway, nice and moody.

Oh, I had been off and on with my medications. I suppose I was playing with those, trying to get my world to agree with myself, tinkering in an attempt to make it right. It seems my corpse must just find it’s way to rightness. I suppose, also, I should not tinker. I also suppose, like the fool I can be, I will tinker when I do not like the results. Go figure. You know though, for a slide into rutsville, it was not bad. If that is as bad as it gets in my bad times, and these medicines even when taken on a tilt (lightly) keep me from dipping or staying down, I can deal with that. And I can deal with that happily. Hmm, oh yeah, I aught to place a call to my priest and set up a time for confession. I really need that right about now. A little Jesus juice, a little Christ skin, and yeah, life will be premier again. I miss it when I miss it, and, yeah, I miss it. Say that three times twice and mean what I meant. Urhm, or not.

Oh, I have been working on my story, but I am not happy. Let me think on a few things. Hang loose, tight, or upright, just do not hold your breath. Well, ok, go ahead, but do not blame me for black-outs or headaches. And, if you are doing that on my account, at least capture it and send it. Nothing like hostages to make me wait a little longer. I like righteous outcomes. Ha!

Mistrust well placed.

I see I am not the only one who believes those on the “other side of the aisle” cannot be trusted. Beautiful! However, I know this was just a little tug. I, personally, would like to be ensured that they do not get their hands on ANY classified information. Let alone, as it is now, not only get their hands on it, but pass it around to their staffers with the implicit goal of dissemination, perhaps to the level of open betrayal of our troops, their movements, technology, and blind spots. Well, it was good to see someone was awake and aware, even if they will be shut down and overridden quickly.

Doldrums .

Well, I had a sip last night. Actually, I was full into my cup. I suppose, and no fouls were performed, except against my brain cells. Life has been so slow lately, that at least it was something. No, slow life is not an ‘excuse’ nor a reason, it just happens to coincide with the incident. I do not even have a headache this morning.

I have not, been doing much lately. The neighbors seem to be moved in and settled. They are younger, but that should be fine. I started the lawn yesterday, and did it the way I had been thinking. I cut half of it, at an angle. Monday or Tuesday I will cut across that, then I will begin taking turns mowing the lawn with my neighbor. I see with bumps caused by this and that, the slight hills and valleys on the lawn, my angles are not great. There are some rows, too, which are wider and some that are narrower. I am hoping that over time, this will even out, both as the rest of the lawn eventually gets mowed and as I get better at doing this.

My Mom says she will be coming up in August. I will be glad to see her. I will not be able to go all out for her, yet she will not go away hungry, or have any unmet need. Food, too, should be good. Beyond that, not much is happening or going to happen in the near future. Summers seem just as bad as winters, no one wants to do a thing.