.
.
I finally had to break down and use the A/C last night. My thermometers are the old fashioned water filled glass tubes with the floating glass bulbs inside. The top temperature listed is 82 F. If that floats, I can sort of get by. But all the glass bulbs were not only down last night, they were compacted on the bottom of the glass tube as tight as they would fit. I cannot say how hot it was, but even in this arid clime, I was sweating harshly with two fans blowing on me. So, I finally kicked on the A/C. And, low and behold, it did work. After I got it down to a decent temp, however, I turned the A/C over to low.
I believe I had two problems with the A/C. First, I was used to it being so cool, nothing would have really helped in this area. Or at least, in this apartment. Second, running the A/C full blast will cause a failure of sorts. It was not designed to run full out for any period of time and it is old. I will still only try to use it when it is well over reasonable limits. It then seems to work well enough.
The week, and last two weeks, have been pretty heavy. My activity level has been diminishing, which is both good and needed. As I begin to have more free time and recover from the strain, I am finding more sustainable activities and interests. Working out, going shooting, and after finally having found the Church, going to Mass when available and an scheduling option are starters. Finding where to hike is next. Fishing and hunting, due to their price, are probably out for this year. Though I may find where the local fish and game department is and ask about some things. If being 100% total and permanent service connected disabled has any benefits this way, it is one of the few ways I would like to use it. I really want to go out and try to learn fly fishing (though the water is still a bit fast, here, for that) and barring any success there, at least be able to bring in some decent pan trout from other fishing methods. I miss my fresh trout! Or, my Dad's catch and Mom's cooking of it anyway. I may have to call her and see how she cooked it.
I have decided Saturdays, and Wednesdays if needed, will be my clean days. All trash and recycling out, tidying the place and changing bedding, doing laundry, taking a shower to clean off then a bath to soak, and a day for any specific domestic chores. If a light has burned out and I have not had the convenience to replace it, Saturdays would be the day. I will have to start making a list. This will keep me on some kind of schedule, I hope.
I am still a bit tired, a bit sore, and all that. When I first arrived, I thought I would wait for that to pass and then begin digging in. But what I realized is that I will need to be tired, be sore, and then push even beyond that if I want to make it. I cannot relax and wait for healing. I need to make those traits become my new comfort level. I got in the shape and in the place I am partly by pulling back from those. My disability plays it's own role, but when it is not in effect and I can work, I need to work twice as hard as the next guy. Perhaps in time it will all even out a bit and I will find that both the discomfort and the disability dissipate, maybe not.
What a great day though. Even if I never quite do everything I propose, so long as I do the majority of it, get to the time sensitive things, and keep my cave, schedule, and life kempt, I can live with that. It is good to have accomplished the move, settling, and initial expansion of my life. I do pray, every day unless I miss it by sort of passing out, and give thanks for this chance and change. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow will bring, what else there is to do, and what improvements I can make both physically, mentally, an spiritually. And, I do look forward to becoming a part of a good community. From what I have seen, the people in these parts are good people. The college has not perverted the community to it's dictates and I do not think it ever will, here. Even at the college, I am hoping the community has some affect on it, bringing it to a better nature. The future is bright, if daunting. I would not have it any other way.
Have a great day.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Up early.
.
.
I thought this morning was supposed to be Saturday already. I guess sleeping around the heat has thrown my calender off. No problems though, there are several matters I wish to attend which require it be a weekday. I slept in fits, as is usual. The cave has not been below 82 in quite some time. Last night it went well over 82 F. I was actually dozing quite nicely until a 7:00 call from Mediacom from Coralville, telling me everything was completed and they would be sending me a refund check, only needing my mailing address in order to send the check. Oh well, who needs sleep when you can have money.
Since it is Friday, I will be working out again, when my mojo is just right. I may be able to nap a bit more before doing it this afternoon. I certainly am not up to it now. I almost thought, when I first woke up, that I would hike to the store and pick up some supplies. That is not going to happen. As I wake up, I know I am just not up for that. If, after working out, I get filled with glee, I will go hike it off. I think I want to look around in Green Valley should I find my feet needing to wander. But not this early. Though cool, outside, I am just cooked and weary.
I was able to do a surprising amount of work last night, though. I re-established several of my online business accounts, attempted to get the email with this internet connection going (if I failed that miserably), checked on some things I need, and checked airline tickets from Iowa and back for a friend. I also upgraded and updated a goodly number of software services for this computer. I need to straighten the cave a bit, and though I did some of that, the rest will have to wait, like exercise or hiking, until my batteries are a bit more charged.
I will, however, probably, get showered, make a few calls, do some banking in town, do some grocery shopping, and then consider a nap before much more of the morning burns away. It is amazing what can be done even with small bits of time. For some reason, I just could not get that going in Iowa. Perhaps I had things too automated and comfortable for me to want to or even need to, for the most part, get to it.
I keep looking in the large mirror. I can see the excess without any distortion. I am not sure how much of it I can loose between now and Christmas, but my guess is I can easily lose 30 pounds, maybe more. I do not know if it will get done, but if I can stay active, if I can continue to work out, and maybe in a month or so add swimming in, I have a decent chance. I doubt if it would even show that much, but the affirmation would be enough to drag me further into the new life. Crazy what a little hope, faith, and proof can do.
I should be off. I am going to goof for an half hour or so, then get it in gear. Have yourself as good a day as you can. If it hurts, either quit doing it or know you need it more. Intelligence, I think, will help you know which of those is right. Wisdom, though, will allow you to choose that which is right. Lord, I pray we may all have just enough of both that we do not end up needing neither!
.
I thought this morning was supposed to be Saturday already. I guess sleeping around the heat has thrown my calender off. No problems though, there are several matters I wish to attend which require it be a weekday. I slept in fits, as is usual. The cave has not been below 82 in quite some time. Last night it went well over 82 F. I was actually dozing quite nicely until a 7:00 call from Mediacom from Coralville, telling me everything was completed and they would be sending me a refund check, only needing my mailing address in order to send the check. Oh well, who needs sleep when you can have money.
Since it is Friday, I will be working out again, when my mojo is just right. I may be able to nap a bit more before doing it this afternoon. I certainly am not up to it now. I almost thought, when I first woke up, that I would hike to the store and pick up some supplies. That is not going to happen. As I wake up, I know I am just not up for that. If, after working out, I get filled with glee, I will go hike it off. I think I want to look around in Green Valley should I find my feet needing to wander. But not this early. Though cool, outside, I am just cooked and weary.
I was able to do a surprising amount of work last night, though. I re-established several of my online business accounts, attempted to get the email with this internet connection going (if I failed that miserably), checked on some things I need, and checked airline tickets from Iowa and back for a friend. I also upgraded and updated a goodly number of software services for this computer. I need to straighten the cave a bit, and though I did some of that, the rest will have to wait, like exercise or hiking, until my batteries are a bit more charged.
I will, however, probably, get showered, make a few calls, do some banking in town, do some grocery shopping, and then consider a nap before much more of the morning burns away. It is amazing what can be done even with small bits of time. For some reason, I just could not get that going in Iowa. Perhaps I had things too automated and comfortable for me to want to or even need to, for the most part, get to it.
I keep looking in the large mirror. I can see the excess without any distortion. I am not sure how much of it I can loose between now and Christmas, but my guess is I can easily lose 30 pounds, maybe more. I do not know if it will get done, but if I can stay active, if I can continue to work out, and maybe in a month or so add swimming in, I have a decent chance. I doubt if it would even show that much, but the affirmation would be enough to drag me further into the new life. Crazy what a little hope, faith, and proof can do.
I should be off. I am going to goof for an half hour or so, then get it in gear. Have yourself as good a day as you can. If it hurts, either quit doing it or know you need it more. Intelligence, I think, will help you know which of those is right. Wisdom, though, will allow you to choose that which is right. Lord, I pray we may all have just enough of both that we do not end up needing neither!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Beat up, tired, a headache, and such, but...
.
.
...it's all good. After working out yesterday, then not being able to sleep, then going shooting and driving for 7 hours this afternoon, I am beyond bushed. I probably could not drink enough water, though I tried. And I had no salt. I started eating calamata olives, after getting home, showering, trying to rest while being ill from the heat and strain, to get up knowing I needed to do something and because I was so hot. And though I finished them, the brine juice was twice as interesting. I am trying to add more water with it, but after the fact is a bit late, let me tell you. My muscles all ache, my headache is grand, and I am a bit nauseated. I already went through dizziness, and yeah, D.C. was right on the money. I did not think we would be out that long, it was hotter than even usual, and with no sleep last night, I was caught full blast in dehydration.
I went to bed at 20:00 only to wake at 22:00. The cave got hot, or my body needed salt and water, or something. So, I got up and am tending that before going back to bed. Another pint of water or two, and finishing the brine, and I will hope to sleep more. I took a shower when I got back, but may need another. It is like the flu, in ways.
But I got out, shot a lot of rounds, shot a .357 2 1/2 barreled revolver, both our .45s as it ends up, my .22 pistol and rifle, and saw an overlook of Bear Lake. My .22 rifle needs work, but the .22 pistol is dead on. Wow does it get hot out here, the effects are magnified when sleep is not to be had.
Well, back to (sick) bed for me. Good night.
Update: No good night (of sleep) for me. However, everything else has normalized, for the most part. The few remaining symptoms are in serious retreat. It is still a bit warm to sleep, though I rest when I can. That salt really helped. Either I have an amazing system, which came back by using salt far after the fact, or everybody is like that. With that salt, a half gallon of water, a shower, and a short nap, I am almost completely recovered. I am a bit tired, but then after two days up, dehydration, and a lot of work, I think that is perfectly fair.
In my search for humidifiers, I see both a bit of hope and a bit of remorse. For the thing to work, the house has to be closed off. Which means I would have to run the A/C, which itself does no good when I seem to need it most. I wonder if the A/C's thermostat senses the outside air and does less cooling rather than sensing the inside air and going off that? Something is wrong when an A/C cannot cool colder than the outside air on a cool night. There should be no competition.
Then again, I am trying to go native and be a bit more rugged by living more humbly. Though water was good, I can only drink so much of the plain stuff. So, I have set about making a gallon of tea. With a few options in what to drink, I can drink much more fluid. Milk even has two features, it gets me fluid and acts like a meal, all in one. Juices I can cut with water, about 50/50, both to reduce costs and because straight juice seems to take more water out in processing than it puts back. But that split gives me both a bit of flavor and a bit of hydration.
I swear, this might kill me. But as I said, I came here to live or die. I would rather die trying to live than to simply roll over. I know, I quit often. Or seem to. I retreat and take stock, then try it again. Engineering school has seemed like the real monster, but I know I can get through if all the right pieces are in play. And more, I want to get through. And working out, it seems like I have quit. And when I say that though I thought I could do 100 benches a day, with barbells up to a similar number, I find that I am wrong. It seems like I may be quitting, but I am not. I am reassessing. I think I will have to go every other day with that. What do I know? I know, even half or possibly mostly dead, I am still hanging on and trying to climb that rope. To where? Does anybody know? It is there so I climb, or try. I guess I am not so dead after all, just "mostly dead".
I do not know how often my friend will want to go out shooting. I think I, however, will make it a twice weekly event, or that is the plan (and you know how plans often go). I need to work on the .22 rifle. I will just have to lie down, or create a bench rest, or something. It is a heavy rifle, with a full length target barrel and heavy stock. I think, once I get in shape or when I am not so tired I will be able to hunt with it. But sighting it in, then believing in it first, are what it will take to do so. Plus, just getting out, being in the heat, walking, hiking, and exploring will help.
I am sorry to blog so much, but with no sleep to be had, and being that it is so late so that I can do no other business or activities, and with my mind rolling around in my sweltering head, this is what I can do and so I do it. Even if it is not technically private, I am sure much of this is boring and more information than you ever wanted to know. Well, too late. :p
Till tomorrow, I hope. Maybe I will skip a day? For now, I doubt that. Until I can acclimate and be gone, this is one of my releases. Anyway, good night and fare thee well.
.
...it's all good. After working out yesterday, then not being able to sleep, then going shooting and driving for 7 hours this afternoon, I am beyond bushed. I probably could not drink enough water, though I tried. And I had no salt. I started eating calamata olives, after getting home, showering, trying to rest while being ill from the heat and strain, to get up knowing I needed to do something and because I was so hot. And though I finished them, the brine juice was twice as interesting. I am trying to add more water with it, but after the fact is a bit late, let me tell you. My muscles all ache, my headache is grand, and I am a bit nauseated. I already went through dizziness, and yeah, D.C. was right on the money. I did not think we would be out that long, it was hotter than even usual, and with no sleep last night, I was caught full blast in dehydration.
I went to bed at 20:00 only to wake at 22:00. The cave got hot, or my body needed salt and water, or something. So, I got up and am tending that before going back to bed. Another pint of water or two, and finishing the brine, and I will hope to sleep more. I took a shower when I got back, but may need another. It is like the flu, in ways.
But I got out, shot a lot of rounds, shot a .357 2 1/2 barreled revolver, both our .45s as it ends up, my .22 pistol and rifle, and saw an overlook of Bear Lake. My .22 rifle needs work, but the .22 pistol is dead on. Wow does it get hot out here, the effects are magnified when sleep is not to be had.
Well, back to (sick) bed for me. Good night.
Update: No good night (of sleep) for me. However, everything else has normalized, for the most part. The few remaining symptoms are in serious retreat. It is still a bit warm to sleep, though I rest when I can. That salt really helped. Either I have an amazing system, which came back by using salt far after the fact, or everybody is like that. With that salt, a half gallon of water, a shower, and a short nap, I am almost completely recovered. I am a bit tired, but then after two days up, dehydration, and a lot of work, I think that is perfectly fair.
In my search for humidifiers, I see both a bit of hope and a bit of remorse. For the thing to work, the house has to be closed off. Which means I would have to run the A/C, which itself does no good when I seem to need it most. I wonder if the A/C's thermostat senses the outside air and does less cooling rather than sensing the inside air and going off that? Something is wrong when an A/C cannot cool colder than the outside air on a cool night. There should be no competition.
Then again, I am trying to go native and be a bit more rugged by living more humbly. Though water was good, I can only drink so much of the plain stuff. So, I have set about making a gallon of tea. With a few options in what to drink, I can drink much more fluid. Milk even has two features, it gets me fluid and acts like a meal, all in one. Juices I can cut with water, about 50/50, both to reduce costs and because straight juice seems to take more water out in processing than it puts back. But that split gives me both a bit of flavor and a bit of hydration.
I swear, this might kill me. But as I said, I came here to live or die. I would rather die trying to live than to simply roll over. I know, I quit often. Or seem to. I retreat and take stock, then try it again. Engineering school has seemed like the real monster, but I know I can get through if all the right pieces are in play. And more, I want to get through. And working out, it seems like I have quit. And when I say that though I thought I could do 100 benches a day, with barbells up to a similar number, I find that I am wrong. It seems like I may be quitting, but I am not. I am reassessing. I think I will have to go every other day with that. What do I know? I know, even half or possibly mostly dead, I am still hanging on and trying to climb that rope. To where? Does anybody know? It is there so I climb, or try. I guess I am not so dead after all, just "mostly dead".
I do not know how often my friend will want to go out shooting. I think I, however, will make it a twice weekly event, or that is the plan (and you know how plans often go). I need to work on the .22 rifle. I will just have to lie down, or create a bench rest, or something. It is a heavy rifle, with a full length target barrel and heavy stock. I think, once I get in shape or when I am not so tired I will be able to hunt with it. But sighting it in, then believing in it first, are what it will take to do so. Plus, just getting out, being in the heat, walking, hiking, and exploring will help.
I am sorry to blog so much, but with no sleep to be had, and being that it is so late so that I can do no other business or activities, and with my mind rolling around in my sweltering head, this is what I can do and so I do it. Even if it is not technically private, I am sure much of this is boring and more information than you ever wanted to know. Well, too late. :p
Till tomorrow, I hope. Maybe I will skip a day? For now, I doubt that. Until I can acclimate and be gone, this is one of my releases. Anyway, good night and fare thee well.
I am connected.
.
.
It is so good to be back online. I believe I am using DSL wireless, a new thing for me. It is a 3 Gb system, which is not a problem since I do not download much at all. I think I had 4 or 7 Gb before. But just being able to log in, finally, and regularly is swell. I did not sleep more than a few hours last night so I am hoping this will make sense.
I am about ready to get a shower, get dressed, and head out shooting in a few hours. I have my .22s ready, the ammo set out, the targets with that in case ground squirrels are scarce, and water already in the Xterra. My neighbor is getting ready as well. He is going to let me shoot a few rounds of .357, though he is taking .38 +P for most of the shooting with that pistol. He has already shot an XD, so I will not be taking my .45. And I have no ammo for my AK-47 clone but would not be taking that in any case. I am seriously hoping to get my .22 rifle and scope targeted rightly, and see if the gunsmith did his work well with the .22 pistol. Shooting with someone who has been around guns his whole life, and shoots often, should help. If I cannot see the problem, perhaps he will.
I looked up residency requirements and license fees, and I do not think I will be hunting this year. Out of state tags and licenses are a bit rich. Of course, I will spend my time practicing and scouting. That works well too. Maybe I will be in much better shape, physically, accuracy, and precision wise when it comes to bringing in meat. I do wonder, however, what size roaster a bull elk might take? And then, if All-Clad offers that size. I will look that up really soon, right after buying the Brooklyn Bridge fr0m Joe Schmo, I think that is what he said his name was.
Not much else happening. Oh, I had best call my insurance company first. Mountain driving can be tricky, with signs for everything from cattle to fauna crossings to falling rock, along with the blind curves and the heavy curves themselves. I am sure I will get used to driving there soon, if I do not find a particularly attractive cliff to drive off in the meanwhile. Slow and steady is my way, as usual, and in any case. Bah, I would probably even fall off the cliff slowly.
Have a good day.
.
It is so good to be back online. I believe I am using DSL wireless, a new thing for me. It is a 3 Gb system, which is not a problem since I do not download much at all. I think I had 4 or 7 Gb before. But just being able to log in, finally, and regularly is swell. I did not sleep more than a few hours last night so I am hoping this will make sense.
I am about ready to get a shower, get dressed, and head out shooting in a few hours. I have my .22s ready, the ammo set out, the targets with that in case ground squirrels are scarce, and water already in the Xterra. My neighbor is getting ready as well. He is going to let me shoot a few rounds of .357, though he is taking .38 +P for most of the shooting with that pistol. He has already shot an XD, so I will not be taking my .45. And I have no ammo for my AK-47 clone but would not be taking that in any case. I am seriously hoping to get my .22 rifle and scope targeted rightly, and see if the gunsmith did his work well with the .22 pistol. Shooting with someone who has been around guns his whole life, and shoots often, should help. If I cannot see the problem, perhaps he will.
I looked up residency requirements and license fees, and I do not think I will be hunting this year. Out of state tags and licenses are a bit rich. Of course, I will spend my time practicing and scouting. That works well too. Maybe I will be in much better shape, physically, accuracy, and precision wise when it comes to bringing in meat. I do wonder, however, what size roaster a bull elk might take? And then, if All-Clad offers that size. I will look that up really soon, right after buying the Brooklyn Bridge fr0m Joe Schmo, I think that is what he said his name was.
Not much else happening. Oh, I had best call my insurance company first. Mountain driving can be tricky, with signs for everything from cattle to fauna crossings to falling rock, along with the blind curves and the heavy curves themselves. I am sure I will get used to driving there soon, if I do not find a particularly attractive cliff to drive off in the meanwhile. Slow and steady is my way, as usual, and in any case. Bah, I would probably even fall off the cliff slowly.
Have a good day.
Blogging because I cannot sleep.
Thursday, July 16, 2009 2:51
.
.
The shower cooled me off for a short while, but not enough to sleep. So, I busied myself with a few minor domestic chores. The little cave is full but kempt. I will need a vacuum cleaner soon, and a good one. When I have the internet, I can begin a thorough search for the best quality at the best price. I have had four vacuums that sucked only in the bad way. Some of them I spent some decent coin on. Some manufacturers simply should not be in business. Anyway, it is no cooler or warmer without the A/C, as I said. The fans are going full bore to no avail, even with the window and door glass pulled back to the screen and with the big fan right near the window. I simply do not understand it.
I keep reviewing what I have done and what I am beginning here. I am quite pleased with this humble start and the new realities and further hopes. Everything, save the heat, has been overcome with coin, a little elbow grease, a bit of both, or asking around. I have even found out that, should I only be able to hike one way to the store, initially, there is a bus ride to be had for free back to a block or two away. I must admit to having been a bit worried about that. Not that 30 blocks is a great deal, but the shape I am in must be considered. Even so, I am a bit reluctant to try the hike. I am worried that I will get there, drenched in sweat, smelling like a goat, and will get a bad reputation. The bother of worries!
I suppose, if nothing else, I can just adjust my sleep schedule for the summer. Sleeping the cool hours, being active during the warmer time. I have been told that these apartments are not only hot in the summer, they are quite cold in the winter. The wind, or so it goes, shoots right through the walls. I will be looking for some thermal type blankets to use as tapestries on my whole east wall. I do not know how expensive that is, or how much it will help, but it is worth a shot. Electric heating is rather pricey here, just as is A/C.
Unlike when I lived in Coralville, I am keeping a very neat place. Everything really does have a place and I do my utmost to keep it that way. Toilet paper to towels, socks to jeans to shirts, jackets, guns, ammo and tools. All have been stowed in very specific places. Once used, minus the toilet paper, back it goes. I have finally even found some things that were being thrown out which server my two computer space needs perfectly. I had been thinking about going to Wal-Mart to buy items such as these. Though they are not high quality, they are as good if a bit more used than what I would have bought. Now my printer, portable DVD read/writer, and computer have a private table so that meal spills will not affect them. The other computer has it’s own complete desk, which will serve perfectly as a stand for the wireless router. It seems a minor blessing, and right before the wireless is to be hooked up!
Oh, this little computer is fantastic so far. As I said, I can type on it quite well, it is easy to plug into wi-fi or standard modems. Checking mail, surfing the net, blogging, and all other minor tasks with it are fantastic. Though I may use the other computer for gaming, I will strip all else from it and use it just for that. If I do anything else with it, I will make it a dual-boot Linux. I plan to do that to this one for certain, as Microsoft is too problematic and easy to hack. Plus, I think I can get better office ware free for Linux than what I could pay for Microsoft. The added benefit will be learning to program, even if rather lightly, should I want to go that rout. This was the best $400 investment I have ever made, computer-wise. It is a Toshiba nb200, if you need to know again. Oh, and the printer is a $69 HP printer/copier/scanner, and the DVD read/write is an HP DVD 555s external drive, which ran about $85 or a little less.
Well, my hair is dry, it is cooling just a bit, and I ought to get a few winks before I am forced out of bed. I hope you all sleep (slept by the time you read this) and are getting your own affairs in order for the day, weekend, and life. It will be nice to have blogging access again. Both for more timely updates and to get to read about your lives! I believe there is little more important to people than our stories, and that people, little and big, great and humble, religious and not so much, are very important beings. And I mean to always believe that, even if I may be cynical, skeptical, obnoxious, and such by my nature. Even if I go on to become a professional someday, I will do everything in my power not to let that go. It is one of the few things that makes me a little different that I actually like.
Good night.
.
.
The shower cooled me off for a short while, but not enough to sleep. So, I busied myself with a few minor domestic chores. The little cave is full but kempt. I will need a vacuum cleaner soon, and a good one. When I have the internet, I can begin a thorough search for the best quality at the best price. I have had four vacuums that sucked only in the bad way. Some of them I spent some decent coin on. Some manufacturers simply should not be in business. Anyway, it is no cooler or warmer without the A/C, as I said. The fans are going full bore to no avail, even with the window and door glass pulled back to the screen and with the big fan right near the window. I simply do not understand it.
I keep reviewing what I have done and what I am beginning here. I am quite pleased with this humble start and the new realities and further hopes. Everything, save the heat, has been overcome with coin, a little elbow grease, a bit of both, or asking around. I have even found out that, should I only be able to hike one way to the store, initially, there is a bus ride to be had for free back to a block or two away. I must admit to having been a bit worried about that. Not that 30 blocks is a great deal, but the shape I am in must be considered. Even so, I am a bit reluctant to try the hike. I am worried that I will get there, drenched in sweat, smelling like a goat, and will get a bad reputation. The bother of worries!
I suppose, if nothing else, I can just adjust my sleep schedule for the summer. Sleeping the cool hours, being active during the warmer time. I have been told that these apartments are not only hot in the summer, they are quite cold in the winter. The wind, or so it goes, shoots right through the walls. I will be looking for some thermal type blankets to use as tapestries on my whole east wall. I do not know how expensive that is, or how much it will help, but it is worth a shot. Electric heating is rather pricey here, just as is A/C.
Unlike when I lived in Coralville, I am keeping a very neat place. Everything really does have a place and I do my utmost to keep it that way. Toilet paper to towels, socks to jeans to shirts, jackets, guns, ammo and tools. All have been stowed in very specific places. Once used, minus the toilet paper, back it goes. I have finally even found some things that were being thrown out which server my two computer space needs perfectly. I had been thinking about going to Wal-Mart to buy items such as these. Though they are not high quality, they are as good if a bit more used than what I would have bought. Now my printer, portable DVD read/writer, and computer have a private table so that meal spills will not affect them. The other computer has it’s own complete desk, which will serve perfectly as a stand for the wireless router. It seems a minor blessing, and right before the wireless is to be hooked up!
Oh, this little computer is fantastic so far. As I said, I can type on it quite well, it is easy to plug into wi-fi or standard modems. Checking mail, surfing the net, blogging, and all other minor tasks with it are fantastic. Though I may use the other computer for gaming, I will strip all else from it and use it just for that. If I do anything else with it, I will make it a dual-boot Linux. I plan to do that to this one for certain, as Microsoft is too problematic and easy to hack. Plus, I think I can get better office ware free for Linux than what I could pay for Microsoft. The added benefit will be learning to program, even if rather lightly, should I want to go that rout. This was the best $400 investment I have ever made, computer-wise. It is a Toshiba nb200, if you need to know again. Oh, and the printer is a $69 HP printer/copier/scanner, and the DVD read/write is an HP DVD 555s external drive, which ran about $85 or a little less.
Well, my hair is dry, it is cooling just a bit, and I ought to get a few winks before I am forced out of bed. I hope you all sleep (slept by the time you read this) and are getting your own affairs in order for the day, weekend, and life. It will be nice to have blogging access again. Both for more timely updates and to get to read about your lives! I believe there is little more important to people than our stories, and that people, little and big, great and humble, religious and not so much, are very important beings. And I mean to always believe that, even if I may be cynical, skeptical, obnoxious, and such by my nature. Even if I go on to become a professional someday, I will do everything in my power not to let that go. It is one of the few things that makes me a little different that I actually like.
Good night.
If you cannot beat them, join them.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009 23:25
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.
I decided rather than to fight the heat with the poor cooling devices at hand that I would just go with it. I turned off the A/C unit, and during the cooler parts of the day even the fans. I have opened up the window on the screen door and the window proper. I can lock the screen door. I hope that is enough and that I would hear someone coming into my apartment. It is no hotter, at the hottest, and only slightly warmer at the coolest. I think I was just throwing money away. The A/C here is junk. I would find a way to replace it but it is one of those built-in units, like what you might find at a hotel, only it does not really work. That and my money situation is tight and will be for a month or two, until I spend down move costs and get my banking local. I just do not need a really high utility bill, though that aspect is an afterthought.
The outside is cool enough to help, but even with the windows open and the fans going, I get little air flow in here. I just moved to big standing fan closer to the window, maybe that will help. I did not do it earlier because I doubted it would help. Lord bless me, I am a born doubting Thomas. Hmm, you know what, I actually think that is working.
I have set up a time tomorrow to go shooting. Apparently, ground squirrels and a number of other varmints are free for the shooting around these parts. If I have it rightly, even squirrel and rabbit are free for the taking. Though since I eat those, and this is not the season to do so, I will not shoot those until it has cooled in the fall a month or two. I should be in practice by then. And, yes, I will eat most of the animal, leaving only spleen, kidneys, and intestines for the wild animals. Heart, liver, brain, and meat are all good. Though one should look at the behavior of the animal and the offal itself before simply digging in. That goes for the meat itself, though, too. If it is not too hot, I will be sighting in my .22 rifle and pistol. I believe the neighbor going with me will be taking his .22, .38/357, and .45. He has been tricking out his .45 and it feels fine. I cannot wait to get out.
I did little today. Getting a late and slow start as I did. I will just have to see how well my new program of simply dealing with the heat works. I am sure, even if I can get it to work out, it will take a few days, maybe a few weeks, to get it down. I have to be up early tomorrow. The technician who will be installing the wi-fi will be here between 8:00 and noon. I will shower tonight to try and cool off for sleep and set the alarm to give me an hour to wake and shower before he arrives. I can always lounge-nap until he arrives.
I did my first workout this afternoon. It was not much, but it is a start. I did 100 barbell presses, and 40 dumbbell lifts, without weights for now. I am going to go at this slow and steady. This week is a null set. I plan to do these daily, for now. Each week I will add 5 pounds until I hit 20 pounds, then I will add 10 pounds until I hit 40 pounds, etc. I will also add one exercise per week. After next week, I will add a blank short bar. The week after that I might add flies. Until I get in some shape, I suspect I can do daily and add many extra bare bell exercises as I go. At some point I will certainly have to re-evaluate the whole thing. I am working on breathing in as I lift and breathing out as a lower. And this should help me get balance and form down before I get to heavier weights. It is not much. It is a start.
I am not really tired. Still, I should try and get some rest. Tomorrow might end up being a long one. I do need to check to make sure my insurance on the Xterra was updated when I bought the new one and change my address with my insurance company in any case. I would also like to know if my renters insurance covers items in storage for theft or vandalism anyway. Along with the tech, the insurance, shooting, and shopping, I think I had best find out where the Church is. I doubt if the office is open on Saturdays so if I want to go to Church this Sunday, and perhaps go to confession Saturday, I had best find the place. Ackh! (times 3, or is it 4?)
.
.
I decided rather than to fight the heat with the poor cooling devices at hand that I would just go with it. I turned off the A/C unit, and during the cooler parts of the day even the fans. I have opened up the window on the screen door and the window proper. I can lock the screen door. I hope that is enough and that I would hear someone coming into my apartment. It is no hotter, at the hottest, and only slightly warmer at the coolest. I think I was just throwing money away. The A/C here is junk. I would find a way to replace it but it is one of those built-in units, like what you might find at a hotel, only it does not really work. That and my money situation is tight and will be for a month or two, until I spend down move costs and get my banking local. I just do not need a really high utility bill, though that aspect is an afterthought.
The outside is cool enough to help, but even with the windows open and the fans going, I get little air flow in here. I just moved to big standing fan closer to the window, maybe that will help. I did not do it earlier because I doubted it would help. Lord bless me, I am a born doubting Thomas. Hmm, you know what, I actually think that is working.
I have set up a time tomorrow to go shooting. Apparently, ground squirrels and a number of other varmints are free for the shooting around these parts. If I have it rightly, even squirrel and rabbit are free for the taking. Though since I eat those, and this is not the season to do so, I will not shoot those until it has cooled in the fall a month or two. I should be in practice by then. And, yes, I will eat most of the animal, leaving only spleen, kidneys, and intestines for the wild animals. Heart, liver, brain, and meat are all good. Though one should look at the behavior of the animal and the offal itself before simply digging in. That goes for the meat itself, though, too. If it is not too hot, I will be sighting in my .22 rifle and pistol. I believe the neighbor going with me will be taking his .22, .38/357, and .45. He has been tricking out his .45 and it feels fine. I cannot wait to get out.
I did little today. Getting a late and slow start as I did. I will just have to see how well my new program of simply dealing with the heat works. I am sure, even if I can get it to work out, it will take a few days, maybe a few weeks, to get it down. I have to be up early tomorrow. The technician who will be installing the wi-fi will be here between 8:00 and noon. I will shower tonight to try and cool off for sleep and set the alarm to give me an hour to wake and shower before he arrives. I can always lounge-nap until he arrives.
I did my first workout this afternoon. It was not much, but it is a start. I did 100 barbell presses, and 40 dumbbell lifts, without weights for now. I am going to go at this slow and steady. This week is a null set. I plan to do these daily, for now. Each week I will add 5 pounds until I hit 20 pounds, then I will add 10 pounds until I hit 40 pounds, etc. I will also add one exercise per week. After next week, I will add a blank short bar. The week after that I might add flies. Until I get in some shape, I suspect I can do daily and add many extra bare bell exercises as I go. At some point I will certainly have to re-evaluate the whole thing. I am working on breathing in as I lift and breathing out as a lower. And this should help me get balance and form down before I get to heavier weights. It is not much. It is a start.
I am not really tired. Still, I should try and get some rest. Tomorrow might end up being a long one. I do need to check to make sure my insurance on the Xterra was updated when I bought the new one and change my address with my insurance company in any case. I would also like to know if my renters insurance covers items in storage for theft or vandalism anyway. Along with the tech, the insurance, shooting, and shopping, I think I had best find out where the Church is. I doubt if the office is open on Saturdays so if I want to go to Church this Sunday, and perhaps go to confession Saturday, I had best find the place. Ackh! (times 3, or is it 4?)
As expected, a late and slow start.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009 15:47
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.
Waking in the middle of the night to deal with cooling off the place and myself really takes a toll. I costs more than just a little lost sleep, it using up my weak reserves. I will just have to figure things out, and I will. Money is tight, but I may look around for a humidifier, or whatever they are called, as I think that is the ticket. Then I will tinker with everything to get this all under control. The key here is money and credit, I am not sure how much of any of it is left. Though there is always next month and I can easily suffer through a bit. I might even just get used to it, but I do not think so.
Internet will be arriving tomorrow, between 8:00 and 12:00. That will be of great use. And, as I said, I am getting wireless. I would install it myself, but I am just not up to it. A few extra dollars is worth having the thing working and secure from the start. I have not started rearranging the old computer or getting this one to work as a Linux machine. I have had too many other things going and no access, really for doing the Linux downloads and setup. I am not sure I trust the hot spots for more than minor blogging and email, if even that really.
Not much has happened today, and not much is likely to happen. My bed, as I had hoped, and on top of the heat, is lumpy. *laughs* Be careful for what you wish! Though in truth, I am pleased that it is an uncomfortable bed. It just does not allow for sleeping more than what I really need. Although today I might finally begin working out. It will not be an epic start with a meteoric scaling up. It will be in with a whimper, onward with a shrug, and maybe someday to a reasonable strength training regimen. Along with swimming, eventually, I may begin that long climb out of sloth or obesity, or both. Whatever. It will simply be the first stirrings in the reawakening of the dragon. It really is time.
Life is pretty good whatever minor complaints I have. I have made it to a place I believe I can enjoy and where I might begin being alive again. I must be honest, there are things about Iowa I will miss. There are people there I love a great deal, friends, family, and associates. It is one of the lands of my childhood. It is all I have known for a goodly part of my life. And there are things I will not like here. I will have to adapt, change, and grow here. All of those last come with a price. But in paying the price, the chance of a quickening is greatly enhanced too. The Lord knows I am a fool, but the fool knows the Lord loves fools almost as much as He loves children.
My mother called. My brother has had emergency back surgery. His slipped disc has ruptured, if I have it right. He is in pain like he has never known. She has been through this twice, I was with her for her first two weeks this last time. She describes now how desperately painful it was, but other than being sometimes bitterly grumpy (and painfully so to my delicate nature), she never really let on how much pain she was in. She amazes me, more so as time goes on. I was so glad to be there for her, even if I needed a break of a week or two before coming back for a month. She said that having me there, and near, and willing to help her in any way was a Godsend. Now, she is going to be with her son.
My brother has been harsh to my mother. As have I at times. Our youth was a difficult one, and it is difficult not to lay that suffering at her feet. Though too, she was a loving mother, if a bit of a stickler for propriety. I still say thank you and you are welcome quite often. I even toss in a ma’am, or sir, from time to time. My brother and myself have both gone through our own maturing and forgiving processes. I think, because I have died a few times and new it was my mother I wanted most of all, I matured the quicker, and found a way to forgive and love again. He was given a choice of who he wanted by him, while he recovers, and it was our Mom. I know that pain, I know that primal need. And bless her, she will be flying out to be with him as he needs. Like him or not, I will pray for him if pain has brought him to this understanding. I hope they find a way to mend bridges and find peace, as she and I have. But, too, I simply pray for his quick recovery, for a realignment of priorities, and that he may find grace in his newfound and extreme humility. It is humbling being unable. But too, it really can be a grace. I have let her know, if she, or he, needs anything, I am a short distance away now. I would not want to go, but I would if called. The rejection from my brother is quite fresh. Humility in duty, I guess, that is what I would have to face and accept.
Actually, I am using my smart phone to clear up old emails an try and begin making sense of things internet wise. It will not allow me to post on my blog, but it does allow me to see if anyone has commented, to tend some business, and to keep a few personal email contacts fresh. I am sure I could use it as a modem, but I am not sure where the cords or instructions are. And, I am not sure exactly how secure that is. So, till tomorrow, what I have will do.
Have a great day!
.
.
Waking in the middle of the night to deal with cooling off the place and myself really takes a toll. I costs more than just a little lost sleep, it using up my weak reserves. I will just have to figure things out, and I will. Money is tight, but I may look around for a humidifier, or whatever they are called, as I think that is the ticket. Then I will tinker with everything to get this all under control. The key here is money and credit, I am not sure how much of any of it is left. Though there is always next month and I can easily suffer through a bit. I might even just get used to it, but I do not think so.
Internet will be arriving tomorrow, between 8:00 and 12:00. That will be of great use. And, as I said, I am getting wireless. I would install it myself, but I am just not up to it. A few extra dollars is worth having the thing working and secure from the start. I have not started rearranging the old computer or getting this one to work as a Linux machine. I have had too many other things going and no access, really for doing the Linux downloads and setup. I am not sure I trust the hot spots for more than minor blogging and email, if even that really.
Not much has happened today, and not much is likely to happen. My bed, as I had hoped, and on top of the heat, is lumpy. *laughs* Be careful for what you wish! Though in truth, I am pleased that it is an uncomfortable bed. It just does not allow for sleeping more than what I really need. Although today I might finally begin working out. It will not be an epic start with a meteoric scaling up. It will be in with a whimper, onward with a shrug, and maybe someday to a reasonable strength training regimen. Along with swimming, eventually, I may begin that long climb out of sloth or obesity, or both. Whatever. It will simply be the first stirrings in the reawakening of the dragon. It really is time.
Life is pretty good whatever minor complaints I have. I have made it to a place I believe I can enjoy and where I might begin being alive again. I must be honest, there are things about Iowa I will miss. There are people there I love a great deal, friends, family, and associates. It is one of the lands of my childhood. It is all I have known for a goodly part of my life. And there are things I will not like here. I will have to adapt, change, and grow here. All of those last come with a price. But in paying the price, the chance of a quickening is greatly enhanced too. The Lord knows I am a fool, but the fool knows the Lord loves fools almost as much as He loves children.
My mother called. My brother has had emergency back surgery. His slipped disc has ruptured, if I have it right. He is in pain like he has never known. She has been through this twice, I was with her for her first two weeks this last time. She describes now how desperately painful it was, but other than being sometimes bitterly grumpy (and painfully so to my delicate nature), she never really let on how much pain she was in. She amazes me, more so as time goes on. I was so glad to be there for her, even if I needed a break of a week or two before coming back for a month. She said that having me there, and near, and willing to help her in any way was a Godsend. Now, she is going to be with her son.
My brother has been harsh to my mother. As have I at times. Our youth was a difficult one, and it is difficult not to lay that suffering at her feet. Though too, she was a loving mother, if a bit of a stickler for propriety. I still say thank you and you are welcome quite often. I even toss in a ma’am, or sir, from time to time. My brother and myself have both gone through our own maturing and forgiving processes. I think, because I have died a few times and new it was my mother I wanted most of all, I matured the quicker, and found a way to forgive and love again. He was given a choice of who he wanted by him, while he recovers, and it was our Mom. I know that pain, I know that primal need. And bless her, she will be flying out to be with him as he needs. Like him or not, I will pray for him if pain has brought him to this understanding. I hope they find a way to mend bridges and find peace, as she and I have. But, too, I simply pray for his quick recovery, for a realignment of priorities, and that he may find grace in his newfound and extreme humility. It is humbling being unable. But too, it really can be a grace. I have let her know, if she, or he, needs anything, I am a short distance away now. I would not want to go, but I would if called. The rejection from my brother is quite fresh. Humility in duty, I guess, that is what I would have to face and accept.
Actually, I am using my smart phone to clear up old emails an try and begin making sense of things internet wise. It will not allow me to post on my blog, but it does allow me to see if anyone has commented, to tend some business, and to keep a few personal email contacts fresh. I am sure I could use it as a modem, but I am not sure where the cords or instructions are. And, I am not sure exactly how secure that is. So, till tomorrow, what I have will do.
Have a great day!
Oh fine, so I blog too much.
Monday, July 13, 2009 17:48
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.
I finished with the clothes, folding most of them mind you, then decided the day was finished for chores. I drove to KFC, picked up enough food for a meal for each of four days. I can get by with what else I have for the rest of the week at least. I then decided to drive along the foothills and see if I could find a way into a place that is not listed on the map I have at this time. I came upon a place called Green Valley. It is located in North Logan, not by the look of it, to be confused with Logan. Signs like, watch for joggers, and a few other things tipped that this was upper scale, or exclusive a bit, or something. Then I get into the valley proper and I see more signs, no shooting, no paintball, and a few other things I think. Oh, and Green Valley has been adopted by North Logan. Fine, I can handle all that, especially since, almost begrudgingly, there was also a sign, big game hunting allowed in accordance with Utah state law! Hehehe
I did see several nice trail heads. I think I saw three different ones. Whether they merge, mesh, or are quite separate, I do not know yet. It looks like a good place to start, though it would be really nice to know, exactly, what I am getting into before starting. A ten mile or twenty mile hike is beyond my ability, currently. Those trails tend upward a mighty fine clip. A heart attack, heat stroke, or such would do me no good right about now. I could always go a ways, then head back when I have had enough. No, I am a damnable fool sometimes, and might just overwork through it just to do it. As bad of shape as I am in, I sometimes surprise myself with what I can do, and how much that can cost me.
I am quite excited to be here! I know, in time, maybe as little as a week or two, I will find myself to some trails. I would like to merge my trail hiking with where I might be hunting. That will take a little homework to merge the two. If I am ready for a hike, however, and I have not been able to combine hunting and hiking yet but have found hiking trails I believe I can do, I will just have to hike anyway. Tomorrow looks like a good day to try and make contact with two of those men I have discussed driving and hiking with. I can drive anytime. I should have enough money for gas, food, and whatnot until the end of the month without any problems. It is a bit tight though I think it will be just fine and sooner than not, money wise.
It is 76 F, in my apartment. When the sun came up, and until noon, it was around 72 F. What I do not get is why, well after the sun has set, this place goes up to 80 F? That just does not make sense. Residual heat might keep things warm, but warmer than when the sun is up as well? I really need to find some way to cool this place off without running the A/C full blast, plus two fans running top dollar. That is quickly going to bankrupt me. Then again, I am thinking I can make it up in the winter months. I hear that 20 F days are rather rare here, so it does not get nearly as cold as Iowa. I did the same thing there, saving money by letting it be cooler in the winter while cranking the A/C in the summer. I came out well ahead, even after running the A/C full blast for the last month. I think I was $60 or so overcharged, at least. Oh well, I will figure something out.
I am going to take a shower to cool off, then try to be asleep before the heat hits. Maybe I can learn to sleep through it, if I can beat the heat to bed.
Have a great day, or night, or whatever.
*poof*
.
.
I finished with the clothes, folding most of them mind you, then decided the day was finished for chores. I drove to KFC, picked up enough food for a meal for each of four days. I can get by with what else I have for the rest of the week at least. I then decided to drive along the foothills and see if I could find a way into a place that is not listed on the map I have at this time. I came upon a place called Green Valley. It is located in North Logan, not by the look of it, to be confused with Logan. Signs like, watch for joggers, and a few other things tipped that this was upper scale, or exclusive a bit, or something. Then I get into the valley proper and I see more signs, no shooting, no paintball, and a few other things I think. Oh, and Green Valley has been adopted by North Logan. Fine, I can handle all that, especially since, almost begrudgingly, there was also a sign, big game hunting allowed in accordance with Utah state law! Hehehe
I did see several nice trail heads. I think I saw three different ones. Whether they merge, mesh, or are quite separate, I do not know yet. It looks like a good place to start, though it would be really nice to know, exactly, what I am getting into before starting. A ten mile or twenty mile hike is beyond my ability, currently. Those trails tend upward a mighty fine clip. A heart attack, heat stroke, or such would do me no good right about now. I could always go a ways, then head back when I have had enough. No, I am a damnable fool sometimes, and might just overwork through it just to do it. As bad of shape as I am in, I sometimes surprise myself with what I can do, and how much that can cost me.
I am quite excited to be here! I know, in time, maybe as little as a week or two, I will find myself to some trails. I would like to merge my trail hiking with where I might be hunting. That will take a little homework to merge the two. If I am ready for a hike, however, and I have not been able to combine hunting and hiking yet but have found hiking trails I believe I can do, I will just have to hike anyway. Tomorrow looks like a good day to try and make contact with two of those men I have discussed driving and hiking with. I can drive anytime. I should have enough money for gas, food, and whatnot until the end of the month without any problems. It is a bit tight though I think it will be just fine and sooner than not, money wise.
It is 76 F, in my apartment. When the sun came up, and until noon, it was around 72 F. What I do not get is why, well after the sun has set, this place goes up to 80 F? That just does not make sense. Residual heat might keep things warm, but warmer than when the sun is up as well? I really need to find some way to cool this place off without running the A/C full blast, plus two fans running top dollar. That is quickly going to bankrupt me. Then again, I am thinking I can make it up in the winter months. I hear that 20 F days are rather rare here, so it does not get nearly as cold as Iowa. I did the same thing there, saving money by letting it be cooler in the winter while cranking the A/C in the summer. I came out well ahead, even after running the A/C full blast for the last month. I think I was $60 or so overcharged, at least. Oh well, I will figure something out.
I am going to take a shower to cool off, then try to be asleep before the heat hits. Maybe I can learn to sleep through it, if I can beat the heat to bed.
Have a great day, or night, or whatever.
*poof*
Monday, July 13, 2009
Really right on it.
.
.
I finally got in to do some laundry and update you all. That first week here, as you will find out, was quite busy. On top of exhaustion, what I have been doing has taken time. I have done most of those things I have been trying to do. The only thing I have left to do today is call the local priest and maybe pick up some boxes. I did not get out of bed, officially, until around noon. After staying up so late last night, probably until 3:00 or 4:00 due to the heat, I am not worried about my late start.
I am doing well, figuring out all of the problems that exist, and usually solving them almost immediately. I am happy with how I am doing, though I see so very clearly how out of shape I am. Yeah, I am getting on that. As I said, it will be a slow thing, one step at a time. And, of course, who knows how much of my disability I can honestly overcome. Crashing for 3 to 6 months does not help. If any of that will be different here only time will tell. I know I am pushing way past anything I would have thought possible. Whether I can keep that going I can only pray.
The food I am eating, for the moment, is not the best. But it puts calories in me and keeps me going. I hope, if I end up going back to college that I will have access to better food. I know it, when college food is better than what one is eating, one is at the bottom of the food chain, or close to it. I have been trying to cut out soda. I do not keep it at home. I am trying to get to water, juice when that will not do, and a couple of beers a couple of nights a week.
Whatever growth was occurring has disappeared. I will still find the closest V.A. Hospital anyway, and check some things out with a doctor there. I need to get the eye doctor and dental clinic operating for me in any case. That, I believe, I will try to get started tomorrow by phone. My previous doctors and techs suggested I call the clinics themselves, as going through the full bureaucracy may take a year or more, while the actual people in charge will pull me right in and have the things needed going in no time. So, I will follow their advice.
Well, just thought I would fill you in, put in the blog posts I had written but could not send, and hopefully please you with my little success and continuing work and push.
Be well people. Your prayers, hopes, and well wishes have helped sustain me. Perhaps it is just that which will see me through to a new life, along with my effort and God's part. You remain in my prayers and thoughts. Perhaps next month, or the one after, depending on how money goes, I might have to pay a visit to one of you. Blessings.
P.S. I would love to visit your blogs, but I am out of time here and I have a couple other things I really need to do. I will have internet in my place the 16th, sometime, so I will try to catch up then, unless I get to the laundromat again before then. I will not have to put in a bunch of posts and write another then, so it should be easier.
.
I finally got in to do some laundry and update you all. That first week here, as you will find out, was quite busy. On top of exhaustion, what I have been doing has taken time. I have done most of those things I have been trying to do. The only thing I have left to do today is call the local priest and maybe pick up some boxes. I did not get out of bed, officially, until around noon. After staying up so late last night, probably until 3:00 or 4:00 due to the heat, I am not worried about my late start.
I am doing well, figuring out all of the problems that exist, and usually solving them almost immediately. I am happy with how I am doing, though I see so very clearly how out of shape I am. Yeah, I am getting on that. As I said, it will be a slow thing, one step at a time. And, of course, who knows how much of my disability I can honestly overcome. Crashing for 3 to 6 months does not help. If any of that will be different here only time will tell. I know I am pushing way past anything I would have thought possible. Whether I can keep that going I can only pray.
The food I am eating, for the moment, is not the best. But it puts calories in me and keeps me going. I hope, if I end up going back to college that I will have access to better food. I know it, when college food is better than what one is eating, one is at the bottom of the food chain, or close to it. I have been trying to cut out soda. I do not keep it at home. I am trying to get to water, juice when that will not do, and a couple of beers a couple of nights a week.
Whatever growth was occurring has disappeared. I will still find the closest V.A. Hospital anyway, and check some things out with a doctor there. I need to get the eye doctor and dental clinic operating for me in any case. That, I believe, I will try to get started tomorrow by phone. My previous doctors and techs suggested I call the clinics themselves, as going through the full bureaucracy may take a year or more, while the actual people in charge will pull me right in and have the things needed going in no time. So, I will follow their advice.
Well, just thought I would fill you in, put in the blog posts I had written but could not send, and hopefully please you with my little success and continuing work and push.
Be well people. Your prayers, hopes, and well wishes have helped sustain me. Perhaps it is just that which will see me through to a new life, along with my effort and God's part. You remain in my prayers and thoughts. Perhaps next month, or the one after, depending on how money goes, I might have to pay a visit to one of you. Blessings.
P.S. I would love to visit your blogs, but I am out of time here and I have a couple other things I really need to do. I will have internet in my place the 16th, sometime, so I will try to catch up then, unless I get to the laundromat again before then. I will not have to put in a bunch of posts and write another then, so it should be easier.
Some nights are just too hot.
Monday, July 13, 2009 1:04
.
.
It is 80 F, with A/C and both fans running full out. It does not seem too hot, but my body will not click off and go to sleep. I am hoping I will acclimate to this type of heat before long. Until then, I will just have to stay up later and sleep later. I will be looking into vaporizers, moisturizers, or whatever the things are called that put moisture into the air… evaporators? My place is quite small so I will not need a large one. But the last time I checked they were rather expensive. I have noted, however, that some things cost less out here. Then again, some things cost more. It does not seem to make sense, so it must be based on how far the goods need to travel to get here. Some examples, beer cost the same (or at least Budweiser, 12 pack, bottles), milk is cheaper, my favored brand of butter is at least twice as expensive (Land O’ Lakes), and gasoline is higher by 40 or 50 cents. That would be Hy-Vee there compared to Albertson’s here. I am not sure if Albertson’s is a premium store like Hy-Vee was, but I am guessing so by selection, store size, and such. At 3:30, my mind tends to ramble. Oh, it is not hot like this every night. It seems to come and go. I have not figured out why this is the case, maybe in time I will learn of this odd weather.
I will still try to get up as early as I can. I have a decent sized chore list for tomorrow. I would like to visit the Church, which happens to be a little more than a block away. I had not noticed it, even though I drove by it several times. Most churches here seem to be rather… unobtrusive, almost hidden. I tried to find the other Catholic Church, but the street signs in that part of town were very difficult to read, if they existed at all, and are not the same as the address given in phone book, though it was a very dark night as well. Perhaps I simply was not quite in the right part of that town, though I think their signs are just odd. Besides making a Church visit, I will be calling the V.A. Voc. Rehab. again, calling my landlord, calling my bank in Coralville, putting a check into my account here, calling my Mom about information I get from my landlord, talking to my current landlord and putting in a repair request for a dripping sink (Doh! Again, new landlord, same problem!) and about the toilet (seeing if I put half in on a new one (real new) if they will replace the one I have now (it has a quart milk jug full of water to help it close when finished flushing, but it does not allow a full flush well, and if I force a full flush, half of the time I have to reset the stupid thing).
Most of that is phone work though. I would also like to begin working out, lifting weights at bare minimums, doing set-ups, and perhaps hiking to one laundromat or walking across the street to the other, whichever offers internet for sure, and whichever is cheaper, so that I can put my blog posts up and change my mailing address. I have plenty of dirty laundry and further would like to wash all of my clothes (save underwear) because they are wrinkled from being in a suitcase. If, and that is a big if, I get all that done and still have energy, or can push on even if I do not, I would like to do two more things. First, I would like to start finding resources for the various outdoor activities I have in mind. Second, I would like to grab three boxes from storage and begin going through all of that. My couch is not in the storage unit as it should be, making it difficult to close the storage unit, so I may have to fix that while I am there.
I am going to try to get some sleep. Good night, or probably afternoon.
.
.
It is 80 F, with A/C and both fans running full out. It does not seem too hot, but my body will not click off and go to sleep. I am hoping I will acclimate to this type of heat before long. Until then, I will just have to stay up later and sleep later. I will be looking into vaporizers, moisturizers, or whatever the things are called that put moisture into the air… evaporators? My place is quite small so I will not need a large one. But the last time I checked they were rather expensive. I have noted, however, that some things cost less out here. Then again, some things cost more. It does not seem to make sense, so it must be based on how far the goods need to travel to get here. Some examples, beer cost the same (or at least Budweiser, 12 pack, bottles), milk is cheaper, my favored brand of butter is at least twice as expensive (Land O’ Lakes), and gasoline is higher by 40 or 50 cents. That would be Hy-Vee there compared to Albertson’s here. I am not sure if Albertson’s is a premium store like Hy-Vee was, but I am guessing so by selection, store size, and such. At 3:30, my mind tends to ramble. Oh, it is not hot like this every night. It seems to come and go. I have not figured out why this is the case, maybe in time I will learn of this odd weather.
I will still try to get up as early as I can. I have a decent sized chore list for tomorrow. I would like to visit the Church, which happens to be a little more than a block away. I had not noticed it, even though I drove by it several times. Most churches here seem to be rather… unobtrusive, almost hidden. I tried to find the other Catholic Church, but the street signs in that part of town were very difficult to read, if they existed at all, and are not the same as the address given in phone book, though it was a very dark night as well. Perhaps I simply was not quite in the right part of that town, though I think their signs are just odd. Besides making a Church visit, I will be calling the V.A. Voc. Rehab. again, calling my landlord, calling my bank in Coralville, putting a check into my account here, calling my Mom about information I get from my landlord, talking to my current landlord and putting in a repair request for a dripping sink (Doh! Again, new landlord, same problem!) and about the toilet (seeing if I put half in on a new one (real new) if they will replace the one I have now (it has a quart milk jug full of water to help it close when finished flushing, but it does not allow a full flush well, and if I force a full flush, half of the time I have to reset the stupid thing).
Most of that is phone work though. I would also like to begin working out, lifting weights at bare minimums, doing set-ups, and perhaps hiking to one laundromat or walking across the street to the other, whichever offers internet for sure, and whichever is cheaper, so that I can put my blog posts up and change my mailing address. I have plenty of dirty laundry and further would like to wash all of my clothes (save underwear) because they are wrinkled from being in a suitcase. If, and that is a big if, I get all that done and still have energy, or can push on even if I do not, I would like to do two more things. First, I would like to start finding resources for the various outdoor activities I have in mind. Second, I would like to grab three boxes from storage and begin going through all of that. My couch is not in the storage unit as it should be, making it difficult to close the storage unit, so I may have to fix that while I am there.
I am going to try to get some sleep. Good night, or probably afternoon.
Sunday, a day of rest.
Sunday, July 12, 2009 20:52
.
.
I have slept a great deal yesterday and today. I needed to rest, desperately. I was supposed to go to church with the people who helped me unload. I was unable to wake and get going. I did call them and let them know not to pick me up. The voice on the other end was not pleased, but there is little I can do about it. For me, these last two weeks have been epic. I have not done this much work since I have been disabled, or at least without medicinal assistance, which I no longer consume. I have lost about 20 pounds from 2 weeks ago, if that means anything.
My apartment is pretty much rearranged now. The weight bench, bed, and couch are where I want them, for the most part. My weights themselves have been arranged for easy access. The only thing I have left to figure out is where the set-up machine will go. I still have a half dozen boxes from unpacking which first must be removed, then I will be able to figure the last of my apartment design. My clothes are so large, the little closet and drawer space I have is packed. I may need to consider extra forms of storage. I will not spend much, so plastic dressers and bins to hold some things more compactly may be in order. Once I remove the boxes, I will actually be able to invite guests in.
I am still a very tired. I suspect, at this point, that is just my disability. I am going to try to overcome that. If I can, I realize it will be bit by bit and it will take a long time. I am hoping that as I get in shape that will dissipate a bit, perhaps even totally, though I think it will always be around waiting to knock me down. I have between 6 and 7 months to get in shape for school. If I am not in shape by then, I will pass it up. I simply cannot handle the simple daily rigors of going to school if it physically beats me down to go. The good thing is, even if my workouts suffer a bit, the college is close enough that I will be walking to school. That should help a bit, until I can get on my feet and begin working out and going to school. Only time will tell.
My lady friend called today. She went canoeing this weekend. Though she sounded rather tired, I can tell it is a good kind of tired. She asked if I had changed my mail. I had not, and I explained that the only thing I saw in the post office which had anything to do with address changing required internet access, and that I simply have not had the time to do that yet. I gave her an update. She just said, “Hmmm.”, or something like that. I told her that driving two blocks south, then heading east, I took my first drive in the mountains simply for drivings sake, so far. I will find other places to go, perhaps camp, definitely hike, and begin looking around the area. I know she would love that, especially here. She actually knows more of the national parks in this state, already, than I do. She has visited many of them and has an affinity with nature so that once visited, they seem to stick with her. Before she ever visits, I would like to become a professional (at least local) guide to offroad tours, parks, rivers, and such. Actually, I am hoping to be a guide should my neighbor and his family end up out here too, for hunting though.
It has been a beautiful two days of rest. And though, as I said, I am still tired, tomorrow is a new week. I have business to tend, first and foremost, then I need to find resources regarding hiking, camping, and off-roading for a start. Maps, people who know (met a couple of people already who I intend on speaking with more), and whatever other sorts of resources I can find (such as mini-off-road, snowmobile, ski, etc. rentals). The only way this will be a new life and not a death wait is if I can get past exhaustion, pick up out of my seat, and get going. This is where I draw the line. Though, really, this would not be a terrible place to die, if that is the way of things.
I did not even shower today! I just lounged and tinkered and napped. I may have to take a shower, get in the Xterra, and go see what there is to see. Being a Sunday, it might be very quiet out there. A perfect time to find the library, Catholic Churches, organize my various primary locations, and just get out of the house before I sleep. Oh, and buy a plunger. At least it did not spill over.
.
.
I have slept a great deal yesterday and today. I needed to rest, desperately. I was supposed to go to church with the people who helped me unload. I was unable to wake and get going. I did call them and let them know not to pick me up. The voice on the other end was not pleased, but there is little I can do about it. For me, these last two weeks have been epic. I have not done this much work since I have been disabled, or at least without medicinal assistance, which I no longer consume. I have lost about 20 pounds from 2 weeks ago, if that means anything.
My apartment is pretty much rearranged now. The weight bench, bed, and couch are where I want them, for the most part. My weights themselves have been arranged for easy access. The only thing I have left to figure out is where the set-up machine will go. I still have a half dozen boxes from unpacking which first must be removed, then I will be able to figure the last of my apartment design. My clothes are so large, the little closet and drawer space I have is packed. I may need to consider extra forms of storage. I will not spend much, so plastic dressers and bins to hold some things more compactly may be in order. Once I remove the boxes, I will actually be able to invite guests in.
I am still a very tired. I suspect, at this point, that is just my disability. I am going to try to overcome that. If I can, I realize it will be bit by bit and it will take a long time. I am hoping that as I get in shape that will dissipate a bit, perhaps even totally, though I think it will always be around waiting to knock me down. I have between 6 and 7 months to get in shape for school. If I am not in shape by then, I will pass it up. I simply cannot handle the simple daily rigors of going to school if it physically beats me down to go. The good thing is, even if my workouts suffer a bit, the college is close enough that I will be walking to school. That should help a bit, until I can get on my feet and begin working out and going to school. Only time will tell.
My lady friend called today. She went canoeing this weekend. Though she sounded rather tired, I can tell it is a good kind of tired. She asked if I had changed my mail. I had not, and I explained that the only thing I saw in the post office which had anything to do with address changing required internet access, and that I simply have not had the time to do that yet. I gave her an update. She just said, “Hmmm.”, or something like that. I told her that driving two blocks south, then heading east, I took my first drive in the mountains simply for drivings sake, so far. I will find other places to go, perhaps camp, definitely hike, and begin looking around the area. I know she would love that, especially here. She actually knows more of the national parks in this state, already, than I do. She has visited many of them and has an affinity with nature so that once visited, they seem to stick with her. Before she ever visits, I would like to become a professional (at least local) guide to offroad tours, parks, rivers, and such. Actually, I am hoping to be a guide should my neighbor and his family end up out here too, for hunting though.
It has been a beautiful two days of rest. And though, as I said, I am still tired, tomorrow is a new week. I have business to tend, first and foremost, then I need to find resources regarding hiking, camping, and off-roading for a start. Maps, people who know (met a couple of people already who I intend on speaking with more), and whatever other sorts of resources I can find (such as mini-off-road, snowmobile, ski, etc. rentals). The only way this will be a new life and not a death wait is if I can get past exhaustion, pick up out of my seat, and get going. This is where I draw the line. Though, really, this would not be a terrible place to die, if that is the way of things.
I did not even shower today! I just lounged and tinkered and napped. I may have to take a shower, get in the Xterra, and go see what there is to see. Being a Sunday, it might be very quiet out there. A perfect time to find the library, Catholic Churches, organize my various primary locations, and just get out of the house before I sleep. Oh, and buy a plunger. At least it did not spill over.
Achy, sore, tired, and all that.
Saturday, July 11, 2009 12:35
.
.
But feeling good. I like what I have done, where I am, and what I am gearing up to do. If this is the price, I happily pay it. I am hoping that in a few days, I will be feeling up to snuff, and may begin exploring my new fish bowl beyond tending the necessities. I am sure there is a library nearby, I have. found the address of several Catholic Churches I may begin exploring, there has to be a little diner somewhere not too terribly far away, and perhaps a hike around campus, with a map initially, will get me acquainted with the facility and might lead me to the whereabouts of the swimming pool.
I cannot believe how fast one falls out of shape. Just last fall I was in at least decent shape. Though too, I think diabetes and some other things are playing their part. I guess I am fragile, more than I would ever care to admit. Perhaps we all are if we step well outside of our comfortable or normal zones. In shape or not, lots of travel, too much sun, new or fast food, and a complete change of environment might be all that is really wrong. I rested till noon today. My neck and body is out of sorts for it, but I did need to rest.
I do believe I will get out again today. I need to fill the gas tank, and I sorely need a little more air in the tires. That done, and since it is a weekend, I might head for the hills and see if there is a path I can take for a minor excursion into the wilds. I will not be pushing either my vehicle or my own limits, or even coming close. Heck, I will even take a few blankets in case I get tired and want a nap. Perhaps I ought to take a few snack bars too. I always carry water on board, a couple of 27 ounce metal containers full, and a spare gallon in the back, more if I mean to be out longer. If not today, then perhaps tomorrow. It will depend on how fast I can get moving.
Today or tomorrow, I will finish arranging my apartment. It would be nice to start the new week all set to go. I will get the trash and recycling out today, on my way out. Little things make life a lot nicer, cleaner, and make life feel good. Those little things help me push on past, at times, into new territory, so that I have a chance at a new life here, or anywhere really. Even the moisturizer has been a blessing. My cracking skin has begun to feel normal again, healthy, painless. Every little bit helps in a harsh world with many problems, inside and out. A few Tylenol, a shower, and I am out of here.
Have a good day.
.
.
But feeling good. I like what I have done, where I am, and what I am gearing up to do. If this is the price, I happily pay it. I am hoping that in a few days, I will be feeling up to snuff, and may begin exploring my new fish bowl beyond tending the necessities. I am sure there is a library nearby, I have. found the address of several Catholic Churches I may begin exploring, there has to be a little diner somewhere not too terribly far away, and perhaps a hike around campus, with a map initially, will get me acquainted with the facility and might lead me to the whereabouts of the swimming pool.
I cannot believe how fast one falls out of shape. Just last fall I was in at least decent shape. Though too, I think diabetes and some other things are playing their part. I guess I am fragile, more than I would ever care to admit. Perhaps we all are if we step well outside of our comfortable or normal zones. In shape or not, lots of travel, too much sun, new or fast food, and a complete change of environment might be all that is really wrong. I rested till noon today. My neck and body is out of sorts for it, but I did need to rest.
I do believe I will get out again today. I need to fill the gas tank, and I sorely need a little more air in the tires. That done, and since it is a weekend, I might head for the hills and see if there is a path I can take for a minor excursion into the wilds. I will not be pushing either my vehicle or my own limits, or even coming close. Heck, I will even take a few blankets in case I get tired and want a nap. Perhaps I ought to take a few snack bars too. I always carry water on board, a couple of 27 ounce metal containers full, and a spare gallon in the back, more if I mean to be out longer. If not today, then perhaps tomorrow. It will depend on how fast I can get moving.
Today or tomorrow, I will finish arranging my apartment. It would be nice to start the new week all set to go. I will get the trash and recycling out today, on my way out. Little things make life a lot nicer, cleaner, and make life feel good. Those little things help me push on past, at times, into new territory, so that I have a chance at a new life here, or anywhere really. Even the moisturizer has been a blessing. My cracking skin has begun to feel normal again, healthy, painless. Every little bit helps in a harsh world with many problems, inside and out. A few Tylenol, a shower, and I am out of here.
Have a good day.
I did what I could.
Saturday, July 11, 2009 00:50
.
.
I realize I am a lame duck. I have worked beyond my capacity, or at least comfort, for far too long now. On the up side, I did not have a stroke or a heart attack. I suppose that means there is something left to me, something in there, some source of energy hidden away from me on reserve. As brutal as this move has been though, I know it will be a long hard even more brutal process getting to it, making it functional. I think I do have a bit of sun sickness added to my stress. I have had this before, so I am pretty sure it is part of my problem now. 6 days of full sun after months of hibernation seem to be a bad mix. Some of the medicines I have been on may have permanently increased my risk to sunburn, and vulnerability to the sun, and heat maybe, in general. Though I know diabetes increases heat issues as well. Enough whining. I just need to wear sunscreen religiously and take care with my exposure.
It is odd, but I am drinking less water in this hot dry climate than I was in Iowa. Perhaps keeping the cave there at 66 F required more water than even here, either because the A/C pulled moisture out of the air more than here, the cold requires more water than heat, or both. I am finding the need to use moisturizer here though, where as it was only indicated in Iowa. In the few days here, my feet have already started to crack. I purchased some almost immediately, but it was flowery smelling, so I went back and found something unscented. Morning and evening showers, along with solid moisturizing should manage that. I would like to get a fish tank, but it gets so hot here, I am not sure how the fish would do. But that is what helped my cracking feet in Iowa. Perhaps a formal system to add moisture to the air would do better here. It would also help with bloody noses, which I am prone to, much more so here.
Bit by bit, it is all coming together. Today, though little was done, I did need rest. I did open a bank account, I did finish unloading the Xterra, I did partially rearrange the place, I purchased some food and drink, the wrench I needed to finish assembling the weight bench, and a few other odds and ends. But mostly, today was a sleep day. I napped for what I had hoped would be a few hours. I ended up napping for six hours. I still have so much to do, but time and money are running shy, with money split between two banks and, I think, someone stealing from the Iowa account. I am, by no means, broke. I simply need to watch things here on in to next month. Food, gas, and maybe a few minor odds and ends and I will be in like Flint.
I do not know if I mentioned it, by my computer now has a DVD player and printer for it. I can still detach everything and run with the little machine, or hook it up for a complete system. I still mess up with the touch pad, and may try to figure out if it can be turned off when I have the mouse plugged in. I prefer the mouse a great deal, so long as I have a good surface upon which to use it. I also decided to go ahead and plug into the internet here at home. I went with wireless, which while a bit more expensive, is much more convenient. I can probably sit outside on cooler evenings, work from my Xterra, maybe work from the laundry here, and definitely work from anywhere in my apartment. I underestimated how vital the internet is these days. It will not be connected until the 16th, though. I suppose I will have to hit the laundromat with wi-fi between now and then.
I should make some calls tomorrow and let people know everything is good, or better than good, here. They have all invested a good deal in getting me here, or in me generally over time. Of course, I have made some contact with them over the trip, and such, but now that I am settled, unloaded, unpacked here at the apartment, and really, pretty settled in, it is time to let them know all is done, well, and offer some thanks, again, again, again.
I will be spending the next few days inside. It will be boring, so setting up the weight bench, arranging the couch, and set-up machine, tending to the boxes and trash, and just getting my mind and body cool and healed will be good. It is a weekend, and a rest is well deserved.
Good night, day, or morning.
.
.
I realize I am a lame duck. I have worked beyond my capacity, or at least comfort, for far too long now. On the up side, I did not have a stroke or a heart attack. I suppose that means there is something left to me, something in there, some source of energy hidden away from me on reserve. As brutal as this move has been though, I know it will be a long hard even more brutal process getting to it, making it functional. I think I do have a bit of sun sickness added to my stress. I have had this before, so I am pretty sure it is part of my problem now. 6 days of full sun after months of hibernation seem to be a bad mix. Some of the medicines I have been on may have permanently increased my risk to sunburn, and vulnerability to the sun, and heat maybe, in general. Though I know diabetes increases heat issues as well. Enough whining. I just need to wear sunscreen religiously and take care with my exposure.
It is odd, but I am drinking less water in this hot dry climate than I was in Iowa. Perhaps keeping the cave there at 66 F required more water than even here, either because the A/C pulled moisture out of the air more than here, the cold requires more water than heat, or both. I am finding the need to use moisturizer here though, where as it was only indicated in Iowa. In the few days here, my feet have already started to crack. I purchased some almost immediately, but it was flowery smelling, so I went back and found something unscented. Morning and evening showers, along with solid moisturizing should manage that. I would like to get a fish tank, but it gets so hot here, I am not sure how the fish would do. But that is what helped my cracking feet in Iowa. Perhaps a formal system to add moisture to the air would do better here. It would also help with bloody noses, which I am prone to, much more so here.
Bit by bit, it is all coming together. Today, though little was done, I did need rest. I did open a bank account, I did finish unloading the Xterra, I did partially rearrange the place, I purchased some food and drink, the wrench I needed to finish assembling the weight bench, and a few other odds and ends. But mostly, today was a sleep day. I napped for what I had hoped would be a few hours. I ended up napping for six hours. I still have so much to do, but time and money are running shy, with money split between two banks and, I think, someone stealing from the Iowa account. I am, by no means, broke. I simply need to watch things here on in to next month. Food, gas, and maybe a few minor odds and ends and I will be in like Flint.
I do not know if I mentioned it, by my computer now has a DVD player and printer for it. I can still detach everything and run with the little machine, or hook it up for a complete system. I still mess up with the touch pad, and may try to figure out if it can be turned off when I have the mouse plugged in. I prefer the mouse a great deal, so long as I have a good surface upon which to use it. I also decided to go ahead and plug into the internet here at home. I went with wireless, which while a bit more expensive, is much more convenient. I can probably sit outside on cooler evenings, work from my Xterra, maybe work from the laundry here, and definitely work from anywhere in my apartment. I underestimated how vital the internet is these days. It will not be connected until the 16th, though. I suppose I will have to hit the laundromat with wi-fi between now and then.
I should make some calls tomorrow and let people know everything is good, or better than good, here. They have all invested a good deal in getting me here, or in me generally over time. Of course, I have made some contact with them over the trip, and such, but now that I am settled, unloaded, unpacked here at the apartment, and really, pretty settled in, it is time to let them know all is done, well, and offer some thanks, again, again, again.
I will be spending the next few days inside. It will be boring, so setting up the weight bench, arranging the couch, and set-up machine, tending to the boxes and trash, and just getting my mind and body cool and healed will be good. It is a weekend, and a rest is well deserved.
Good night, day, or morning.
A new day not yet dawning.
Friday, July 10, 2009 7:19
.
.
I did not make it to 21:00, going to bed instead at about 19:30. Sleep was difficult. Even with the Tylenol, I was sore and a bit overtired. Rolling seemed to be half of what I did in bed, sleeping in fits. I woke very hungry at about 21:00, so I ate a bit then went back to bed, never quite having fully awaken however. I have figured out how to have my apartment cool enough and that has helped. But that is not enough to overcome the feeling that I am a salmon which has battered itself upstream. At least, unlike the salmon, I do not think I am going to breed and die. Though I think if I did breed, I might die, happy, but just as dead.
I set three alarm times, now that I found my main alarm, since my minor alarm has two alarm settings. I set the main alarm for 6:00, the secondary alarm for 8:00 and 9:00. The primary alarm woke me, but I thought I was unprepared to wake. It actually feels chill in the cave this morning, which did not lend to waking either. So, I turned the thing off and rolled back over. More sleep was not to be had, so 15 minutes later, I rolled out of the sack and onto my tootsies with all the grace of a lumbering grizzly bear.
A little breakfast, a slow recalibration, and then this. A shower is about to be in the offing. The sun is not yet up, or at least, it has not reached over the trees or mountains yet. I cannot really do any business yet, either, but I can get ready for it, make a little daily list, and perhaps unload a few more items. Who knows though, I am not quite fully awake. I am a little surprised to have waken this early, given the poor sleep, pain, and soreness. Though I am pleased. I may have to continue taking Tylenol for a bit, until I am back in some kind of normal mode. It does ease the suffering and stiffness, and might make some of the final physical work around the place a bit more tenable.
I need to go back to the store. I am not quite completely out of food, but I am close. The food was a trial balloon sort of purchase. And though microwavable food is not haughty cuisine, it works well enough. I suppose if I eat this most of the time, add in a Sub Way sandwich or something very occasionally, and add in cold cereal from time to time, I will do just fine. I have not found a local diner close enough to walk to, but that may change. There is a lot of area to cover and I have not really had time to investigate. Of course, if school is back on the menu, I did note they have a varied dining option and they are very close. In any case, this is supposed to be a back to basics living style for now. Which means an attempt at frugality. Oh, and due to that, fresh fruit does not go to waste, as it had been.
I think, for today, for sure, I need to open my bank account, change my address with the post office, change my disability checks to here, call the Voc. Rehab. and have my case transferred, some of which will require me to have access to the internet which means I will need to do some laundry, a little more shopping for food and cleaning supplies, and more work on the cave with the hopes of having it arranged by later today or tomorrow. Oh, and I need to get the software for my printer. It seems that all the work and money to get an external DVD drive is of no use for that purpose, and since it was the whole reason for that purchase, it was a frustration. I have become picky at Wal-Mart. They seem to accept items back without checking that everything that was there is still there. At least in Coralville. Now, I make sure whatever I buy there has not been opened and simply re-sealed when returned. Doh! I should have done that in the first place, but that is how it goes. I also need to call my bank and see if any purchases have been made in the Coralville area. I am pretty sure I have not been using my debit card, but I have “spent” a lot of money from that account. Perhaps it has been final utility bills and such, if not, I will challenge it. Though, for final utility costs, it seems way too high. Ackh! At least this time, if it is someone, they will catch them.
It is odd, for me, not having internet access, television, or anything I had before. I find myself unsure what to do with the lulls in activity. I think I will begin searching diligently for my math and science books. I suspect reviewing physics, a few other courses, and calculus would be a good way to burn those off moments, minutes, or hours. Between that and working out, I could put myself in better shape to start school again, if I think that is what I want to do. It could not hurt in any case.
Have a good day.
.
.
I did not make it to 21:00, going to bed instead at about 19:30. Sleep was difficult. Even with the Tylenol, I was sore and a bit overtired. Rolling seemed to be half of what I did in bed, sleeping in fits. I woke very hungry at about 21:00, so I ate a bit then went back to bed, never quite having fully awaken however. I have figured out how to have my apartment cool enough and that has helped. But that is not enough to overcome the feeling that I am a salmon which has battered itself upstream. At least, unlike the salmon, I do not think I am going to breed and die. Though I think if I did breed, I might die, happy, but just as dead.
I set three alarm times, now that I found my main alarm, since my minor alarm has two alarm settings. I set the main alarm for 6:00, the secondary alarm for 8:00 and 9:00. The primary alarm woke me, but I thought I was unprepared to wake. It actually feels chill in the cave this morning, which did not lend to waking either. So, I turned the thing off and rolled back over. More sleep was not to be had, so 15 minutes later, I rolled out of the sack and onto my tootsies with all the grace of a lumbering grizzly bear.
A little breakfast, a slow recalibration, and then this. A shower is about to be in the offing. The sun is not yet up, or at least, it has not reached over the trees or mountains yet. I cannot really do any business yet, either, but I can get ready for it, make a little daily list, and perhaps unload a few more items. Who knows though, I am not quite fully awake. I am a little surprised to have waken this early, given the poor sleep, pain, and soreness. Though I am pleased. I may have to continue taking Tylenol for a bit, until I am back in some kind of normal mode. It does ease the suffering and stiffness, and might make some of the final physical work around the place a bit more tenable.
I need to go back to the store. I am not quite completely out of food, but I am close. The food was a trial balloon sort of purchase. And though microwavable food is not haughty cuisine, it works well enough. I suppose if I eat this most of the time, add in a Sub Way sandwich or something very occasionally, and add in cold cereal from time to time, I will do just fine. I have not found a local diner close enough to walk to, but that may change. There is a lot of area to cover and I have not really had time to investigate. Of course, if school is back on the menu, I did note they have a varied dining option and they are very close. In any case, this is supposed to be a back to basics living style for now. Which means an attempt at frugality. Oh, and due to that, fresh fruit does not go to waste, as it had been.
I think, for today, for sure, I need to open my bank account, change my address with the post office, change my disability checks to here, call the Voc. Rehab. and have my case transferred, some of which will require me to have access to the internet which means I will need to do some laundry, a little more shopping for food and cleaning supplies, and more work on the cave with the hopes of having it arranged by later today or tomorrow. Oh, and I need to get the software for my printer. It seems that all the work and money to get an external DVD drive is of no use for that purpose, and since it was the whole reason for that purchase, it was a frustration. I have become picky at Wal-Mart. They seem to accept items back without checking that everything that was there is still there. At least in Coralville. Now, I make sure whatever I buy there has not been opened and simply re-sealed when returned. Doh! I should have done that in the first place, but that is how it goes. I also need to call my bank and see if any purchases have been made in the Coralville area. I am pretty sure I have not been using my debit card, but I have “spent” a lot of money from that account. Perhaps it has been final utility bills and such, if not, I will challenge it. Though, for final utility costs, it seems way too high. Ackh! At least this time, if it is someone, they will catch them.
It is odd, for me, not having internet access, television, or anything I had before. I find myself unsure what to do with the lulls in activity. I think I will begin searching diligently for my math and science books. I suspect reviewing physics, a few other courses, and calculus would be a good way to burn those off moments, minutes, or hours. Between that and working out, I could put myself in better shape to start school again, if I think that is what I want to do. It could not hurt in any case.
Have a good day.
Burning out.
Thursday, July 9, 2009 18:10
.
.
I did rather little today. I did stop at a bank to open an account, however, they were having technical difficulties. The woman I was working with there indicated that I would be able to stop in tomorrow morning and they would then be able to provide me with an account number. There is a $400 minimum on the account, up from the $100 I was used to. Still, I should not be a problem. I simply will not open a savings account until I have plenty of money in the savings. I also visited the post office. It seems that there is no longer a means of changing one’s address using a simple card. That is now done online, or at least here it is. I straightened and unpacked much of what I have in the apartment. I have yet to rearrange anything, but that task is fast approaching.
I slept till late in the afternoon today. I am becoming quite tired, sore, and just about done in. I really need several days of rest and relaxation. I will continue to piece things, little things, together. I will do some business. But I am officially on light duty. There is not a part of my body that is not aching, bruised, sore, or stretched. My mind is working very slowly. I cannot necessarily remember what something is called, my address, or my phone number. And, yes, I know these things, including my new information. I mean to go to bed earlier, henceforth, though. And, by doing so, I plan on getting up earlier. There is much I can do, yet, which does not strain me.
The big fan, along with a little one I had, combined with the A/C in the apartment are allowing me to keep the temp down to about 72 F. Though a far cry from the 66 F I preferred in my last place, this seems down right cool, perhaps even cold at times. Without the humidity, life is smoother. I will need to find moisturizer though. I did buy some, but it is a bit floral for my intent. I really need something that is fragrance neutral. The women’s scent is, well, feminine. The men’s scents are usually not to my taste. Oh, and deodorant, I did not need it in Iowa for some odd reason, but here my b.o. is showing.
Something I have noticed here, that is very different, is that women must not be using the pill or other such things nearly as commonly. I have been inundated with new sensations. And yes, control has been difficult. It would be like being in a sterile and sterilized greenhouse, then going into a greenhouse with flowers in full bloom! I can smell it, sense it, and it has a powerful impact. I am more and more sure I am in the right place. Women even act differently here. I doubt if I will find a wife, but should I happen to, I think this is one of the places where seeking would be good.
I need to sneak into some of the local churches, ask around a bit, and maybe investigate online. I am getting my little computer set up with the external DVD/CD player, with the printer to follow. I have received a follow up call from Vocation Rehabilitation and plan on taking care of that tomorrow, along with a call to both new and old dealerships. I still need to change addresses for my insurance. And I need to figure out how to get my checks directly deposited here, the lady I was dealing with at the bank suggested that is all done online, at this point, or at least for the V.A. There is still so much left to do beyond that. But when I look back upon what I have done, without thinking about the condition I am in, I see that I have done much, quickly, and fairly well. Adding in how out of shape, over the hill, and mentally soft, I see that I have done extremely well. I would give myself a solid B-. I know, an A or A+ would have been nicer, but I must be honest.
I had thought about a nap, but I do not wish to spoil my sleep tonight. It is already 18:00 hours. I will just tinker until 21:00 hours and then sleep well and long. I have a mini travel alarm for the moment. I am hoping to find my main alarm clock soon. Tracking time is not terribly important, immediately. But if I wish to try and get on the day schedule, and then keep to it, I best start out on the right track. That is it for now.
Be well!
.
.
I did rather little today. I did stop at a bank to open an account, however, they were having technical difficulties. The woman I was working with there indicated that I would be able to stop in tomorrow morning and they would then be able to provide me with an account number. There is a $400 minimum on the account, up from the $100 I was used to. Still, I should not be a problem. I simply will not open a savings account until I have plenty of money in the savings. I also visited the post office. It seems that there is no longer a means of changing one’s address using a simple card. That is now done online, or at least here it is. I straightened and unpacked much of what I have in the apartment. I have yet to rearrange anything, but that task is fast approaching.
I slept till late in the afternoon today. I am becoming quite tired, sore, and just about done in. I really need several days of rest and relaxation. I will continue to piece things, little things, together. I will do some business. But I am officially on light duty. There is not a part of my body that is not aching, bruised, sore, or stretched. My mind is working very slowly. I cannot necessarily remember what something is called, my address, or my phone number. And, yes, I know these things, including my new information. I mean to go to bed earlier, henceforth, though. And, by doing so, I plan on getting up earlier. There is much I can do, yet, which does not strain me.
The big fan, along with a little one I had, combined with the A/C in the apartment are allowing me to keep the temp down to about 72 F. Though a far cry from the 66 F I preferred in my last place, this seems down right cool, perhaps even cold at times. Without the humidity, life is smoother. I will need to find moisturizer though. I did buy some, but it is a bit floral for my intent. I really need something that is fragrance neutral. The women’s scent is, well, feminine. The men’s scents are usually not to my taste. Oh, and deodorant, I did not need it in Iowa for some odd reason, but here my b.o. is showing.
Something I have noticed here, that is very different, is that women must not be using the pill or other such things nearly as commonly. I have been inundated with new sensations. And yes, control has been difficult. It would be like being in a sterile and sterilized greenhouse, then going into a greenhouse with flowers in full bloom! I can smell it, sense it, and it has a powerful impact. I am more and more sure I am in the right place. Women even act differently here. I doubt if I will find a wife, but should I happen to, I think this is one of the places where seeking would be good.
I need to sneak into some of the local churches, ask around a bit, and maybe investigate online. I am getting my little computer set up with the external DVD/CD player, with the printer to follow. I have received a follow up call from Vocation Rehabilitation and plan on taking care of that tomorrow, along with a call to both new and old dealerships. I still need to change addresses for my insurance. And I need to figure out how to get my checks directly deposited here, the lady I was dealing with at the bank suggested that is all done online, at this point, or at least for the V.A. There is still so much left to do beyond that. But when I look back upon what I have done, without thinking about the condition I am in, I see that I have done much, quickly, and fairly well. Adding in how out of shape, over the hill, and mentally soft, I see that I have done extremely well. I would give myself a solid B-. I know, an A or A+ would have been nicer, but I must be honest.
I had thought about a nap, but I do not wish to spoil my sleep tonight. It is already 18:00 hours. I will just tinker until 21:00 hours and then sleep well and long. I have a mini travel alarm for the moment. I am hoping to find my main alarm clock soon. Tracking time is not terribly important, immediately. But if I wish to try and get on the day schedule, and then keep to it, I best start out on the right track. That is it for now.
Be well!
A letter home.
Thursday, July 9, 2009 14:57
.
.
I was happy to get done today what I could get done. The U-Haul truck and trailer where returned, late of course, by a few hours. The man working the turn in was kind and allowed the overage to slide by without additional fees. After a quick run through of the truck, he was satisfied. I did have to put in some fuel. I told him the truck was only ¾ full when I picked it up, so he agreed to that level of fill. Nothing happens quickly here. I think between the heat and the laid back attitude, all interactions take lots of time. Then again, I never was good at counting in time for paperwork, driving, or such. I then put utilities in my name. As usual, this task took close to an hour, without any wait in a line. I returned the various items I needed to return on my rout doing my primary tasks. I retuned everything without a problem. I dropped a few things off at the storage unit, then went grocery shopping.
Food sounds like such a simple thing to buy. And, usually it is. I had only meant to pick up a half dozen items. Instead I ended up with a cart full. Tuna, bread, water, milk, and the rest. I then remembered laundry and bought those goods. On and on, I found little things I needed or really wanted. Paper plates to napkins to olives. I returned home with these goods, well and truly tired. I unloaded and unpacked these, then grabbed a few arms full from the Xterra, the little I have left to unload is dwindling. I then took a two hour nap, setting my alarm, just in case or more just to see if I could or wanted to wake up.
I did wake up, and easily. So, I decided to do the last of my shopping chores for a while. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a tiny microwave (I have almost zero workspace), a large standing fan, real glasses in case of guests, a few towels since I cannot yet find my other towels, trash bins, and a can opener. I had wanted a tuna sandwich so badly only to realize I had no can opener, earlier. I really am amazed at how much I am getting done and how quickly it is all coming together. Even with the heat, my apartment only ever seems to drop to 80 at night, though throughout the later parts it might get cooler. Perhaps it is the heat that allows me to work, I am not sure.
Tomorrow I need to change my mailing address at the post office. My lady friend is picking up my mail at my previous apartment, currently. I also need to open a bank account and begin getting my checks directly deposited here and I need to do some laundry. Perhaps I will finish unloading the Xterra, though some of that goes to the storage unit. It will be nice to have everything unloaded, finally. I would also like to contact my old Nissan dealership. We had a deal where they would pick up my first 3 oil changes, including adding synthetic oil. I believe my dealer said he would pass that on, if I moved. I will see about that. Regardless of how that goes, I will need to schedule a service for the SUV. Oh, I remembered to call the VA Vocational Rehabilitation Officer today. I let them know that I had moved to Utah and if he wanted to get me connected out here, I would begin that. I am quite sure, whatever else, he is quite pleased to be done with me. I got the feeling they hated working with me.
There are so many other things yet to do. Finding out about the pool, where it is located, hours, and such. But first, I really am hoping to have some time, soon, where I can just focus on the apartment, getting what remains packed unpacked, rearranging my furniture and setting up my exercise equipment and furniture so that it is the most convenient and comfortable. I will get to it in the next day or two, I am almost sure. On the good side, I have been being very organized in my unpacking, storing, arranging, and such to date. My purchases are helping to keep me organized and comfortable. I think I will do fine here at this minimalist apartment, at least in the short term. I would not want this forever, but two years here would not be unthinkable if the plan is currently for a year or less. It all depends on the realestate markets, interest rates, and things. I will not be looking for about 3 months, I believe. I would like to take some time to think, save at least a little money, and enjoy myself a bit.
Good night, good day, good morning… Wherever this hits you, whenever I send it, and such.
.
.
I was happy to get done today what I could get done. The U-Haul truck and trailer where returned, late of course, by a few hours. The man working the turn in was kind and allowed the overage to slide by without additional fees. After a quick run through of the truck, he was satisfied. I did have to put in some fuel. I told him the truck was only ¾ full when I picked it up, so he agreed to that level of fill. Nothing happens quickly here. I think between the heat and the laid back attitude, all interactions take lots of time. Then again, I never was good at counting in time for paperwork, driving, or such. I then put utilities in my name. As usual, this task took close to an hour, without any wait in a line. I returned the various items I needed to return on my rout doing my primary tasks. I retuned everything without a problem. I dropped a few things off at the storage unit, then went grocery shopping.
Food sounds like such a simple thing to buy. And, usually it is. I had only meant to pick up a half dozen items. Instead I ended up with a cart full. Tuna, bread, water, milk, and the rest. I then remembered laundry and bought those goods. On and on, I found little things I needed or really wanted. Paper plates to napkins to olives. I returned home with these goods, well and truly tired. I unloaded and unpacked these, then grabbed a few arms full from the Xterra, the little I have left to unload is dwindling. I then took a two hour nap, setting my alarm, just in case or more just to see if I could or wanted to wake up.
I did wake up, and easily. So, I decided to do the last of my shopping chores for a while. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a tiny microwave (I have almost zero workspace), a large standing fan, real glasses in case of guests, a few towels since I cannot yet find my other towels, trash bins, and a can opener. I had wanted a tuna sandwich so badly only to realize I had no can opener, earlier. I really am amazed at how much I am getting done and how quickly it is all coming together. Even with the heat, my apartment only ever seems to drop to 80 at night, though throughout the later parts it might get cooler. Perhaps it is the heat that allows me to work, I am not sure.
Tomorrow I need to change my mailing address at the post office. My lady friend is picking up my mail at my previous apartment, currently. I also need to open a bank account and begin getting my checks directly deposited here and I need to do some laundry. Perhaps I will finish unloading the Xterra, though some of that goes to the storage unit. It will be nice to have everything unloaded, finally. I would also like to contact my old Nissan dealership. We had a deal where they would pick up my first 3 oil changes, including adding synthetic oil. I believe my dealer said he would pass that on, if I moved. I will see about that. Regardless of how that goes, I will need to schedule a service for the SUV. Oh, I remembered to call the VA Vocational Rehabilitation Officer today. I let them know that I had moved to Utah and if he wanted to get me connected out here, I would begin that. I am quite sure, whatever else, he is quite pleased to be done with me. I got the feeling they hated working with me.
There are so many other things yet to do. Finding out about the pool, where it is located, hours, and such. But first, I really am hoping to have some time, soon, where I can just focus on the apartment, getting what remains packed unpacked, rearranging my furniture and setting up my exercise equipment and furniture so that it is the most convenient and comfortable. I will get to it in the next day or two, I am almost sure. On the good side, I have been being very organized in my unpacking, storing, arranging, and such to date. My purchases are helping to keep me organized and comfortable. I think I will do fine here at this minimalist apartment, at least in the short term. I would not want this forever, but two years here would not be unthinkable if the plan is currently for a year or less. It all depends on the realestate markets, interest rates, and things. I will not be looking for about 3 months, I believe. I would like to take some time to think, save at least a little money, and enjoy myself a bit.
Good night, good day, good morning… Wherever this hits you, whenever I send it, and such.
Home?
Wednesday, July 8, 2009 13:19
.
.
No, not exactly. But I am unloaded, in the midst of unpacking, and everything is set. I am just creating a couple of lists, one for groceries, one for small appliances and such. I have three packages to send and two groups of items to return to stores. I have the utility turn on address and will be doing that today. And I have found my first wi-fi hotspot, a laundromat two blocks west of my apartment. I am typing this at my place, to send when I get there. No telling how long it will be before I do laundry there. I could do laundry here, as they have a laundry room. But the wi-fi makes the other place worth the walk. And, yes, I will be walking as much as I can.
The University is merely two or three blocks away, I am guessing. I drove up and around it a bit out of curiosity, but took a circuitous rout, that is why the estimation. It is rather secluded, with no town around it. It seems to have only a few ways into it as well. From what I could see, it looks like a pretty campus, if that matters at all. It was not very busy seeming, but it is summer. I saw a field house, which is just as I entered. I am guessing that might be where the swimming pool is. Another thing to find out about and then begin using in time. So much to do, but now I do have the time and space to do things at my leisure.
The young men and young woman who helped me unpack were super. Even in exhaustion, their leader asked if there was anything else he could do. I was too tired to suggest that he sleep well, so I just said no. With their great help, the unloading took no more than two hours, maybe three with the apartment work. I am sure they have to be exhausted. I know I am. Sore, again, too. As I said though, I will not be taking a week off. If I will go a bit slowly, I think I will take this as a warm up to begin my new life. My weights and set-up machine fit in my apartment. But I will need to rearrange everything to make those both functional and still have the apartment be livable.
The apartment is quite small. I have a kitchen and dining area that is about the size of my last kitchen, say 8’ by 12’, with a living area about that size. The bathroom has just enough room for the toilet and shower, the wash area is outside of it, with a few lower cupboards and drawers. It is nothing fancy. But it will do very nicely as I redesign my life around creating a new life. The area, as I am finding out, is actually always hot, that is, when it is not cold. There seems to be no middle ground. It is not as hot as Las Vegas, but it is not far off, at least while the sun is up. The elevation and mountains probably hold it back a bit. The mountains, I am told, are cooler all around. No surprise there.
Bit by bit, and with the really hard work done, my plans are being implemented. I will need to do some minor tasks, make a few contacts, explore a bit, make some calls, then figure out just what it is that I really need to be and should be doing. I will send this when I get to the laundry part. I am hoping the laundromat is open after dark, when it does get cool, down into the 60’s I would guess.
Have a great day! Stick with it, if I can do a huge thing like this, you can do your own huge, middle, or small thing. Just… just do it.
.
.
No, not exactly. But I am unloaded, in the midst of unpacking, and everything is set. I am just creating a couple of lists, one for groceries, one for small appliances and such. I have three packages to send and two groups of items to return to stores. I have the utility turn on address and will be doing that today. And I have found my first wi-fi hotspot, a laundromat two blocks west of my apartment. I am typing this at my place, to send when I get there. No telling how long it will be before I do laundry there. I could do laundry here, as they have a laundry room. But the wi-fi makes the other place worth the walk. And, yes, I will be walking as much as I can.
The University is merely two or three blocks away, I am guessing. I drove up and around it a bit out of curiosity, but took a circuitous rout, that is why the estimation. It is rather secluded, with no town around it. It seems to have only a few ways into it as well. From what I could see, it looks like a pretty campus, if that matters at all. It was not very busy seeming, but it is summer. I saw a field house, which is just as I entered. I am guessing that might be where the swimming pool is. Another thing to find out about and then begin using in time. So much to do, but now I do have the time and space to do things at my leisure.
The young men and young woman who helped me unpack were super. Even in exhaustion, their leader asked if there was anything else he could do. I was too tired to suggest that he sleep well, so I just said no. With their great help, the unloading took no more than two hours, maybe three with the apartment work. I am sure they have to be exhausted. I know I am. Sore, again, too. As I said though, I will not be taking a week off. If I will go a bit slowly, I think I will take this as a warm up to begin my new life. My weights and set-up machine fit in my apartment. But I will need to rearrange everything to make those both functional and still have the apartment be livable.
The apartment is quite small. I have a kitchen and dining area that is about the size of my last kitchen, say 8’ by 12’, with a living area about that size. The bathroom has just enough room for the toilet and shower, the wash area is outside of it, with a few lower cupboards and drawers. It is nothing fancy. But it will do very nicely as I redesign my life around creating a new life. The area, as I am finding out, is actually always hot, that is, when it is not cold. There seems to be no middle ground. It is not as hot as Las Vegas, but it is not far off, at least while the sun is up. The elevation and mountains probably hold it back a bit. The mountains, I am told, are cooler all around. No surprise there.
Bit by bit, and with the really hard work done, my plans are being implemented. I will need to do some minor tasks, make a few contacts, explore a bit, make some calls, then figure out just what it is that I really need to be and should be doing. I will send this when I get to the laundry part. I am hoping the laundromat is open after dark, when it does get cool, down into the 60’s I would guess.
Have a great day! Stick with it, if I can do a huge thing like this, you can do your own huge, middle, or small thing. Just… just do it.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
A slow morning.
.
.
I am trying to get going. I am quite tired. I really need to push for this last part though. I am so very thirsty, tired, bruised, and such. I must be honest, I am surprised I have done this well, held together, and in the bad shape I have become since I stopped working out that I have not had a stroke, diabetic coma, or heart attack. The hours awake, the physical and emotional stresses, the poor diet, the perpetual dehydration in spite of drinking gallons of stuff a day, and a number of other things really make me wonder why I am not toast. God either really has something for me or I am the luckiest (unluckiest) cuss cur that has ever swindled so much life out of one overwrought corpse!
"That don't confront me none, as long as I get my check next payday", I think that is how the song goes. I need to really hop and go as fast and strongly as I can. And, because I have done as well as I can, for this long, and over what I thought remotely possible, I have revised my first week's itinerary. I will not spend it sleeping. I will be out, first on foot looking at the University, meeting neighbors and friends, making small contacts in the community, finding out where hiking and driving trails are, getting my swimming pass, and finding out where to eat. Perhaps even working out whether I feel I have the energy or not.
Though I am sore, bruised, tired, and weak, I am so tightened up from the trip and moving that it would surely be a waste to let that pass. Seeing my bellyfat in full length mirrors has horrified me. I do not mind being ugly, I was born that way. But I do not like being like this. That is my fault. And, I mean to do something about it. Oh, I was able to bend over and touch my toes without bending my knees though! There might be some hope. Yep, this time, as soon as I am in, is the time to jump on it and push as hard as I can. When I really need a break, I will take it, but for now, I think my job is to push up and on.
I should also admit, I will be having my Mom up sometime soon. She may end up being in a hotel, the one I am staying in if I can make it happen money wise. Yeah, I know what I said. And, at the time, I meant it. As well, I can be a fool and a mean one, no doubts there. She may have her failings, she may have made mistakes, but she really has been there as she can, when she can, and as strongly as she can. She is only human, but a very loving one. She is the non-beatified saint of strays, drop-outs, and otherwise unwanted people. Her flaws are just there so that she is not eaten alive by us, sometimes quite ungrateful, lost souls. The bitter is there so that when we are able again to venture forth, that we do so. Distance and a new place help bring things into focus. If too, after a week or so here, I may well want to put her in the baggage compartment, if that is all there is, on the next plane out! *laughing* If she comes in winter, I will probably gear her up to be out of doors a bit. I will have to find a snowmobile rental place and take her on a low and slow outdoor tour, I plan on it myself anyway. Hey, she dressed me funny for years, I suppose it is my turn.
I must get going. Phone calls, contacts, hauling, driving, unloading, getting into my apartment, unpacking, and such await and the day is so very short. Oh, and another shower.
You people take care of yourselves. You really are in my prayers. Sometimes for special concerns, like you and your business Jean or your recent illness D.C.. Sometimes just because I happen upon your name as I spend quiet moments letting my mind wander during my prayers. Even those, like Brigid and Enemy of the Republic and Pretty Lady, who have left here never to return. I just cannot seem to hate or harbor ill will, if I can be a bitter pill and a thick-necked bastard. I guess I got more than cooking from my Mom, if my testosterone takes her nature to new levels. Know at least one person, for certain, is praying for you, and loves you. Good day.
.
I am trying to get going. I am quite tired. I really need to push for this last part though. I am so very thirsty, tired, bruised, and such. I must be honest, I am surprised I have done this well, held together, and in the bad shape I have become since I stopped working out that I have not had a stroke, diabetic coma, or heart attack. The hours awake, the physical and emotional stresses, the poor diet, the perpetual dehydration in spite of drinking gallons of stuff a day, and a number of other things really make me wonder why I am not toast. God either really has something for me or I am the luckiest (unluckiest) cuss cur that has ever swindled so much life out of one overwrought corpse!
"That don't confront me none, as long as I get my check next payday", I think that is how the song goes. I need to really hop and go as fast and strongly as I can. And, because I have done as well as I can, for this long, and over what I thought remotely possible, I have revised my first week's itinerary. I will not spend it sleeping. I will be out, first on foot looking at the University, meeting neighbors and friends, making small contacts in the community, finding out where hiking and driving trails are, getting my swimming pass, and finding out where to eat. Perhaps even working out whether I feel I have the energy or not.
Though I am sore, bruised, tired, and weak, I am so tightened up from the trip and moving that it would surely be a waste to let that pass. Seeing my bellyfat in full length mirrors has horrified me. I do not mind being ugly, I was born that way. But I do not like being like this. That is my fault. And, I mean to do something about it. Oh, I was able to bend over and touch my toes without bending my knees though! There might be some hope. Yep, this time, as soon as I am in, is the time to jump on it and push as hard as I can. When I really need a break, I will take it, but for now, I think my job is to push up and on.
I should also admit, I will be having my Mom up sometime soon. She may end up being in a hotel, the one I am staying in if I can make it happen money wise. Yeah, I know what I said. And, at the time, I meant it. As well, I can be a fool and a mean one, no doubts there. She may have her failings, she may have made mistakes, but she really has been there as she can, when she can, and as strongly as she can. She is only human, but a very loving one. She is the non-beatified saint of strays, drop-outs, and otherwise unwanted people. Her flaws are just there so that she is not eaten alive by us, sometimes quite ungrateful, lost souls. The bitter is there so that when we are able again to venture forth, that we do so. Distance and a new place help bring things into focus. If too, after a week or so here, I may well want to put her in the baggage compartment, if that is all there is, on the next plane out! *laughing* If she comes in winter, I will probably gear her up to be out of doors a bit. I will have to find a snowmobile rental place and take her on a low and slow outdoor tour, I plan on it myself anyway. Hey, she dressed me funny for years, I suppose it is my turn.
I must get going. Phone calls, contacts, hauling, driving, unloading, getting into my apartment, unpacking, and such await and the day is so very short. Oh, and another shower.
You people take care of yourselves. You really are in my prayers. Sometimes for special concerns, like you and your business Jean or your recent illness D.C.. Sometimes just because I happen upon your name as I spend quiet moments letting my mind wander during my prayers. Even those, like Brigid and Enemy of the Republic and Pretty Lady, who have left here never to return. I just cannot seem to hate or harbor ill will, if I can be a bitter pill and a thick-necked bastard. I guess I got more than cooking from my Mom, if my testosterone takes her nature to new levels. Know at least one person, for certain, is praying for you, and loves you. Good day.
Tempation knocks.
.
.
I was sleeping well, I think, then something woke me. I do not know if it was something outside the room, outside of myself, or something internal. I woke with a terrible hunger for more than just food. I get this from time to time, and the urge to be with a woman is always strong, sometimes much more so than other times. Tonight my hungers drove me half to madness. I rolled over, tried to sleep, adjusted my pillows, and did everything else I could think to do. I wanted to see if I could master my lust without prayer. And, ultimately, barely, I did. I think I also suffered needlessly for hours and in the end woke myself from needed sleep. I think I will stay with prayer henceforth.
I dreamed, before being so rudely awakened, along a theme I have dreamed of in the past. In my dream, I am a captured soldier, sailor, marine, or something like that. My enemy is one of the communist nations. They captured me in perfectly good health, I merely ran out of ammunition and was completely surrounded. Well, that and the enemy was not out of ammunition. They took me to a prisoner of war camp. For some reason, they believed that I had information which could be vital, it could change the course of the war, or outright end it.
They put me into a form of chemically induced coma. They used various drugs, hypnosis, and electronic equipment to develop dreams. They provided actors to play various roles. My lady friend, for example, would only be half real. What I sense in my mind is an American woman. She would be my love and friend, when my dreams indicate such. But she, in truth, would be a communist interrogation expert, female of course, but also probably Chinese, Vietnamese, North Korean, or something. Everything I sense from her, such as sex, would merely be a slew of drugs, physical manipulation, and words or sounds which go along with that. Everyone in what I sensed as life was an actor, along those lines but playing their own roles.
I do not know how they would know what I am dreaming, or if they had simply figured out how to make me dream certain things. Perhaps it was electronic monitors that allowed them to "see" my dreams, figuratively or literally. Perhaps, as I said, through the drugs and acting, they were able to manipulate my dreams to their ends. In any case, my body was wasting in reality while my mind thought it was living a normal life back in the states.
I cannot be sure how long this had been going on. A dream can seem to stretch for hours, days, weeks, or far longer. I have had dreams where I have lived out a fairly long life. In spite of the time in the dream, sometimes very little actual time passes. However, I have the sense, in the dream, that I have been so entombed in fantasy for a very long time. I would not say years, more like decades. I was no longer being manipulated for information, the war was long over and whatever resolutions where had are done, whether they involved information I had or not.
At the point in the dream where I was, I was being used either as a form of computer or as a test subject. Even in the dream, I was beginning to realize I was in a fiction. The seams of the dreamscape had become known to me, to some extent. And yet, knowing my body was a wreck, that I would not get out alive, and because I could not quite completely wake up or even completely shake the reality created for me (because of addiction to the drugs, the pain of physical consciousness, or a mix of such things), I continued as well as I could within the dreams. But I did begin changing the dreams, taking control, and living out my dream life my way. Communists, being atheists, cannot quite deal with religion, chastity, or other (to them) atypical behaviors. As their means of control failed, their ability to sexually manipulate me ended, and as religion began to play a larger role in my dream life, they eventually are forced to let me have it my way. Though, this is interesting to them so they do not merely destroy me.
I dream that fairly often. I sometimes feel it could be true. But I do not worry about it too much. I actually believe, even if it was true, due to my finding God even within that, I would be saved. I also realize, if such a thing were true, that man is still greater than communism and evil. Even with seemingly no control, man still controls his destiny and chooses good or evil. Flesh, again, is relegated to the fiction of sorts that I believe it to be even should that all just be a dream. Christ already won, the rest is the winding down to the time of the calling.
If nothing else, it is a great conversation piece should it happen to come up in conversations. I just write about it here and now because it was so fresh on my mind, and because it has some odd connection with that other notion I had today, the idea that this area is not new to me. I do not know how they fit or join, though I have some ideas. And, no worries. I have not suddenly lost my mind. It has been out to lunch for decades. My mind is like a deaf dog. It does not matter what you name it, it does not come home when called. Huh? Never mind.
Well, good night. I am going to try to go back to bed. Maybe I will dream something else that, if no one else does, I enjoy the complexity, flavor, or possibilities within. Yes, indeed. Good night, again.
.
I was sleeping well, I think, then something woke me. I do not know if it was something outside the room, outside of myself, or something internal. I woke with a terrible hunger for more than just food. I get this from time to time, and the urge to be with a woman is always strong, sometimes much more so than other times. Tonight my hungers drove me half to madness. I rolled over, tried to sleep, adjusted my pillows, and did everything else I could think to do. I wanted to see if I could master my lust without prayer. And, ultimately, barely, I did. I think I also suffered needlessly for hours and in the end woke myself from needed sleep. I think I will stay with prayer henceforth.
I dreamed, before being so rudely awakened, along a theme I have dreamed of in the past. In my dream, I am a captured soldier, sailor, marine, or something like that. My enemy is one of the communist nations. They captured me in perfectly good health, I merely ran out of ammunition and was completely surrounded. Well, that and the enemy was not out of ammunition. They took me to a prisoner of war camp. For some reason, they believed that I had information which could be vital, it could change the course of the war, or outright end it.
They put me into a form of chemically induced coma. They used various drugs, hypnosis, and electronic equipment to develop dreams. They provided actors to play various roles. My lady friend, for example, would only be half real. What I sense in my mind is an American woman. She would be my love and friend, when my dreams indicate such. But she, in truth, would be a communist interrogation expert, female of course, but also probably Chinese, Vietnamese, North Korean, or something. Everything I sense from her, such as sex, would merely be a slew of drugs, physical manipulation, and words or sounds which go along with that. Everyone in what I sensed as life was an actor, along those lines but playing their own roles.
I do not know how they would know what I am dreaming, or if they had simply figured out how to make me dream certain things. Perhaps it was electronic monitors that allowed them to "see" my dreams, figuratively or literally. Perhaps, as I said, through the drugs and acting, they were able to manipulate my dreams to their ends. In any case, my body was wasting in reality while my mind thought it was living a normal life back in the states.
I cannot be sure how long this had been going on. A dream can seem to stretch for hours, days, weeks, or far longer. I have had dreams where I have lived out a fairly long life. In spite of the time in the dream, sometimes very little actual time passes. However, I have the sense, in the dream, that I have been so entombed in fantasy for a very long time. I would not say years, more like decades. I was no longer being manipulated for information, the war was long over and whatever resolutions where had are done, whether they involved information I had or not.
At the point in the dream where I was, I was being used either as a form of computer or as a test subject. Even in the dream, I was beginning to realize I was in a fiction. The seams of the dreamscape had become known to me, to some extent. And yet, knowing my body was a wreck, that I would not get out alive, and because I could not quite completely wake up or even completely shake the reality created for me (because of addiction to the drugs, the pain of physical consciousness, or a mix of such things), I continued as well as I could within the dreams. But I did begin changing the dreams, taking control, and living out my dream life my way. Communists, being atheists, cannot quite deal with religion, chastity, or other (to them) atypical behaviors. As their means of control failed, their ability to sexually manipulate me ended, and as religion began to play a larger role in my dream life, they eventually are forced to let me have it my way. Though, this is interesting to them so they do not merely destroy me.
I dream that fairly often. I sometimes feel it could be true. But I do not worry about it too much. I actually believe, even if it was true, due to my finding God even within that, I would be saved. I also realize, if such a thing were true, that man is still greater than communism and evil. Even with seemingly no control, man still controls his destiny and chooses good or evil. Flesh, again, is relegated to the fiction of sorts that I believe it to be even should that all just be a dream. Christ already won, the rest is the winding down to the time of the calling.
If nothing else, it is a great conversation piece should it happen to come up in conversations. I just write about it here and now because it was so fresh on my mind, and because it has some odd connection with that other notion I had today, the idea that this area is not new to me. I do not know how they fit or join, though I have some ideas. And, no worries. I have not suddenly lost my mind. It has been out to lunch for decades. My mind is like a deaf dog. It does not matter what you name it, it does not come home when called. Huh? Never mind.
Well, good night. I am going to try to go back to bed. Maybe I will dream something else that, if no one else does, I enjoy the complexity, flavor, or possibilities within. Yes, indeed. Good night, again.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The day is done.
.
.
I have done what I could. I did go look at some of the storage units, but none were climate controlled as my search had specified. I did a bit more digging. The climate control places are not open currently and are simply not accessible at this time. I will need to wake early and make some calls. I was not able to make contact with the man with whom my previous neighbor was trying to put me in contact. I did find a place to get a decent sandwich. Though they were closing, they allowed me to eat right there, and stay a little later. I was quite grateful. I am pretty sure I smelled 'bud'. I neither do the stuff nor tolerate it in my domain at all, but I know it when I smell it. Since they were gracious, I will stay mum. I also was able to find a place to wash my SUV. It really needed it, the windows were difficult to see through. Dust, rain, and stuff from the road really did a number on the poor creature. I also found my apartment. It is not the prettiest thing, but it will most likely do very well. It looks like a two story college student type of place. Not bad, perhaps there will be more going on and a little more access to activities. The young have a way of quickening us fossils. Perhaps with my Xterra and money to a degree, and their enthusiasm, I can become younger and they can become wiser? It could happen. :p
Driving the Xterra instead of the nasty moving truck and trailer has been fantastic. I still catch myself trying to add in room for turns, slowing down well in advance, and in most other fashions driving as if I was still in the monster. I will be driving the big truck one more time, to unload it. Then I will be free of it for some time. Next time, I will put in a reservation so far in advance, and check on it, to ensure I will not get stuck with such a large truck! Then again, without the trailer, it might be fine as is. The Xterra is still very packed, however, so I probably still need to take some care. The rear view mirror is obstructed as well, which puts me right back into the hauler truck by similarity.
While driving around the last few days, I have been having a strange feeling. I could not quite put my finger on it until tonight. I feel as if I have lived here before. There is a familiarity with the place that is uncanny. I feel like I am home, for good or ill, but mostly for the good I think. The people I have seen, the stores I have driven by, the facilities available and that I have used all bear the mark of having been from my past. Sometimes I wonder if I was simply in a terrible accident and forgot who I was. Everyone else knows, and knows me, but have been told not to tell me or I might not be able to handle it. Perhaps I was a monster, perhaps merely another, who knows. I know it is silly, but there it is. And, as I joined the Catholic Church, then moved here, I feel that I am triangulating on something. Whether that something is my future or my past, or both, I cannot tell. Being as tired as I am, my mind just tumbles through possibilities, thoughts, feelings, and such as if dreaming on my feet. I know this. But I cannot shake the feeling that this new place is indeed not new at all. Perhaps, simply, I belong here. That is a powerful thing all on it's own.
I did have an unusual experience tonight. I was getting money out of an atm. A black man drove up, it was night, I had just entered, and I got a little twitchy. Size and skill are only half of it, dealing with bad situations, win, lose, or draw, has a hefty price. He stayed in his car until I got my money then went to my vehicle. I had forgotten my receipt! And, yes, I was thinking what to do. He came out, with the receipt, and approached me in my vehicle. He looked for acknowledgment about whether to approach and I gave it. He offered me my receipt and I thanked him. Yes, it does make me think. If this is how it is here all will be good. All that I ask is decency. I may have to retrain myself. I will not need to separate good from bad if all try to be good. I may have my beliefs, theories, and such, but I am never displeased to be proven wrong or partially wrong. And I will give any man, who does right as best he is able, anything I have, including parts of my heart, mind, and soul as a brother. Though too, I will slay a thief, murder, rapist, or such without a second thought. I will have to see further evidence, but this is looking more like the place I should be at every turn. I have prayed to God for wisdom, love, and kindness. Perhaps He has lead me to where I may offer that without fear. Time will tell.
.
I have done what I could. I did go look at some of the storage units, but none were climate controlled as my search had specified. I did a bit more digging. The climate control places are not open currently and are simply not accessible at this time. I will need to wake early and make some calls. I was not able to make contact with the man with whom my previous neighbor was trying to put me in contact. I did find a place to get a decent sandwich. Though they were closing, they allowed me to eat right there, and stay a little later. I was quite grateful. I am pretty sure I smelled 'bud'. I neither do the stuff nor tolerate it in my domain at all, but I know it when I smell it. Since they were gracious, I will stay mum. I also was able to find a place to wash my SUV. It really needed it, the windows were difficult to see through. Dust, rain, and stuff from the road really did a number on the poor creature. I also found my apartment. It is not the prettiest thing, but it will most likely do very well. It looks like a two story college student type of place. Not bad, perhaps there will be more going on and a little more access to activities. The young have a way of quickening us fossils. Perhaps with my Xterra and money to a degree, and their enthusiasm, I can become younger and they can become wiser? It could happen. :p
Driving the Xterra instead of the nasty moving truck and trailer has been fantastic. I still catch myself trying to add in room for turns, slowing down well in advance, and in most other fashions driving as if I was still in the monster. I will be driving the big truck one more time, to unload it. Then I will be free of it for some time. Next time, I will put in a reservation so far in advance, and check on it, to ensure I will not get stuck with such a large truck! Then again, without the trailer, it might be fine as is. The Xterra is still very packed, however, so I probably still need to take some care. The rear view mirror is obstructed as well, which puts me right back into the hauler truck by similarity.
While driving around the last few days, I have been having a strange feeling. I could not quite put my finger on it until tonight. I feel as if I have lived here before. There is a familiarity with the place that is uncanny. I feel like I am home, for good or ill, but mostly for the good I think. The people I have seen, the stores I have driven by, the facilities available and that I have used all bear the mark of having been from my past. Sometimes I wonder if I was simply in a terrible accident and forgot who I was. Everyone else knows, and knows me, but have been told not to tell me or I might not be able to handle it. Perhaps I was a monster, perhaps merely another, who knows. I know it is silly, but there it is. And, as I joined the Catholic Church, then moved here, I feel that I am triangulating on something. Whether that something is my future or my past, or both, I cannot tell. Being as tired as I am, my mind just tumbles through possibilities, thoughts, feelings, and such as if dreaming on my feet. I know this. But I cannot shake the feeling that this new place is indeed not new at all. Perhaps, simply, I belong here. That is a powerful thing all on it's own.
I did have an unusual experience tonight. I was getting money out of an atm. A black man drove up, it was night, I had just entered, and I got a little twitchy. Size and skill are only half of it, dealing with bad situations, win, lose, or draw, has a hefty price. He stayed in his car until I got my money then went to my vehicle. I had forgotten my receipt! And, yes, I was thinking what to do. He came out, with the receipt, and approached me in my vehicle. He looked for acknowledgment about whether to approach and I gave it. He offered me my receipt and I thanked him. Yes, it does make me think. If this is how it is here all will be good. All that I ask is decency. I may have to retrain myself. I will not need to separate good from bad if all try to be good. I may have my beliefs, theories, and such, but I am never displeased to be proven wrong or partially wrong. And I will give any man, who does right as best he is able, anything I have, including parts of my heart, mind, and soul as a brother. Though too, I will slay a thief, murder, rapist, or such without a second thought. I will have to see further evidence, but this is looking more like the place I should be at every turn. I have prayed to God for wisdom, love, and kindness. Perhaps He has lead me to where I may offer that without fear. Time will tell.
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