As sweat trickles down my neck...

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And I prepare to add another large dose of Tylenol to continuing use of the junk because a heavy headache is setting in, I have to try to think through some things. My sleep patterns are changing, but I am still only sleeping about 8 hours a day. Perhaps I need to shift my sleeping pattern a bit more. Then again, that is not good. Sleeping in high heat, to me, is terrible. I have the worst of my dreams more frequently, I sleep poorly, headaches are more frequent, and I often feel ill much of my time after waking, even worse than now.

I am not sure what to do. I guess I just ride it through and hope. Though I am starting to think that central air might not be a bad choice.

Good night.

On fire.

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Not sure why, but fevered and with a heavy headache. I probably pushed things too far. I will relax and set up for Monday. No problems. Hmm, maybe eating a little more often and a bit better could help. No sugars though, so it should not be that. Ouch. Yeah, I will pick it up and put it down when I can. I will just deal with the failures as they happen. No plans until Monday except to be ready to jump and run when it arrives.

Have a great weekend. Good night.

Dang it.

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Nothing is working today. I have done nothing. I do have hopes of getting to some of the more important business, and maybe doing some shoveling this evening. Neatening the house, doing some dishes, and a little cooking would be good. But I simply do not know. I am not tired, I might be a little sore but that is minor (the boulders busted my mackrels... remember, I cannot sense when I hurt hard or overdo things). Still, I am in a dead zone. My mind and body are on vacation and pushing is not working. We will see.

I have been thinking about the upcoming election. Democrats, or worse, of course, are out of the question. Many if not most Republicans, and the party itself, however, are at the best troubling. However, there is only one real option. I will be voting a straight Republican ticket. Why? Because it is a direction thing. I do not believe Republicans are anything like a reversal of direction from Democrats. They are only a slower injection of the same poison... for now. Anything they might do would simply slow down what is happening. However, once the slowing begins, there is a chance to push that into a full stop. Going further, there is a possibility to reverse direction. As with engineering, economics, and every other school, politics is about increments. Incremental change is the only way, and to a degree this is how it should be. Imagine if the brakes on your vehicle were only ever either fully deployed or off. Driving would be... difficult and dangerous. Another example might be when prescribed medication, if you were only issued full dosage immediately or no dosage. Trust me, that is not good.

With a strong Republican majority, we can then begin weeding. Some areas, like our far North-East, will only ever provide token Republicans. Some areas are so fundamentally leftist that getting a candidate with an "R" after his name will be as good as it gets. They will be weak, they will split on even crucial votes, and they will be questionable about their reasons even when they vote with conservatives. The systems that have created politicians, from schools to medical care to professional unions, all play a part in why even when conservatives can be found and elected, they cannot be counted upon to act as they were elected to act. Those have to be changed, disbanded, shamed into abeyance, and financially strangled. Actually, much of this is happening due to a weakening economy. Their own creation is their own doom, in many ways. If we suffer with them, we suffer less for it.

I still think about some things. I do believe, as I wrote at the time of the creation of it, that "Bush's tax cut" was a fundamental stroke of genius. He could not get many things done, he simply did not have the power. This is one of those things that has done some of what I hoped it would. Beyond that, the sunsetting of it has caused such chaos in the ranks of both sides that it is proving to provide fruit even as it prepares to die. Another issue was putting Fannies in conservatorship. It did not, fundamentally, change anything going on with the two. What it did do was to point it out as being a problem long before it was considered a problem in the mainstream. It, in essence, gave the monster baby to those who really own it. As Riddick would have said... beautiful. Yes, beautiful indeed.

Though I have not been attending Church, I do listen to the Catholic radio Station and watch EWTN (one of the few gifts of having television). For me, going to Church with people is fine, unless half of them believe in murder. If I was in a Catholic Church in Germany in the 1930's and 1940's, if half of the attendees were devout NAZIs, I would not have attended either. Yes, abortion means the same thing to me... and the Pope... pick one. Not a Catholic and pro-abortion? That is another issue. But a Catholic who claims to be pro-abort, that is my territory. That would be like a "fellow" U.S. sailor, soldier, or marine who is a devoted communist. I was watching a show on EWTN recently which also affects this. When Christ said something along the lines of spitting out those who are lukewarm. The worst of the worst it seems. So many issues. And yet, at some point, I will have to enter the Church and find out if this Church... it's attendees, are lukewarm... or worse. Just so you know, it is on my mind almost always.

Well, I should try to get a few things done. Life is tough, doing nothing is worse. I must begin it. Good day.

Nothing.

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Done, that is. I am simply all done in. I rested, relaxed as I could, and enjoyed Sassy. She needs and wants attention, as much as she can get. She wants a cat friend even more. She now shadows Sam, takes her beatdowns, and keeps coming back for more. If it gets too hot for her, she may run off and play for a bit. Sam, for her part, is becoming more tolerant. She still squints her eyes when she realizes (or remembers) Sassy is right under her or otherwise very close. They are both in good shape, and they will become friends soon, I think. I watched Riddick last night. The first movie in that line and the cartoon in the line the night before. Sassy reminds me strongly of Jack. (Jack being a girl who initially dressed like a boy, then mimicked Riddick in the first movie, and became the catalyst for Riddick's success in the final movie, should you be forgetting or interested.)

I am going to bed early tonight. I hope I can wake up at 8:00, drag my mind to the calls I need to make, and make plans beyond that. I do need some time off, again. I will take it. If too, like I said if only in hope actually, that my off time is more active than not.

Sleep well. God's blessings, prayers, and thoughts are going out for you tonight. Do not worry about deserving them, I do not deserve to offer them. It is what I have though. Good night.

Cooked.

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I am, cooked that is. I had a tough time getting out of bed and a tougher time getting on the road. I was late, yet made it to my appointment in enough time to gain information. I have a phone number, some papers which will help me figure things out, a contact, and... that was it. I am simply finished. I will, however, perhaps, finish that last half of the last pile of dirt this evening. Other than that, nothing. Scratch that. The only other thing I will do is begin plans for what business needs to be tended, a long list just made longer, and begin making calls tomorrow, whenever I deign to lift my royal buttocks from under the sheets. I should be able to get all of it done, or at least touched on, in one day.

After the shoveling, then making a list and gathering pertinent information to complete the list, then the calls and visits tomorrow if required, I will take the weekend off. Actually, once I have done what I can tomorrow, all bets are off. I had hoped to work on the tree limbs this weekend. I just cannot get to that this week. I need a break.

And yet, I do not want to just sit and stew. No no my friends. I believe I will get to my first hike sometime Saturday morning. After that, I may do some research regarding a number of topics. I think I have the sprinkler down, but looking over ladders, chainsaws, and a few other things will occupy my time. As well, I purchased vinegar and several sprayer bottles. I needed more serious spray fire power for the kitteh, so I have extras. I will find a little spot to experiment with vinegar on weeds. Though I am not exactly sure what proportions to use. As well, I will be experimenting in a place where, if it all goes wrong and everything dies or something, I am not going to have great pains regarding appearances.

I am not quite ready for Church. It is still too hot. An excuse, but coupled with some other real issues and conditions and my already frayed nerves after recent Church experiences, that is the way of it. If there were several Churches nearby, where I could ease into things... no, that still would not work. I will get through this, and on to Church, as soon as I really can. I do not wish to throw the baby out with the bath water, but if there is no baby left... However, finally, I think I might begin working on learning the rosary tonight. I will look for my bible and catechism, but if I cannot find them immediately, I will probably go ahead with my study anyway. It is time for this.

Later.

Sleep.

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I will need it tonight. Yet it is still quite warm, into the mid 70's F inside, the last time I looked. I never did take that shower, though I did finish the laundry, watered the lawn in several spots, watched another movie, and made popcorn. By the way, popcorn two nights in a row is more than enough. I will check the last dryer load in a bit, fold whatever needs it, take a quick body shower, and head to bed. Up late, but so it goes.

If I rise early enough tomorrow, I may try to finish moving the pile of dirt. If not, I will just go to town. I have the pictures in the Xterra, so that is set. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring. Perhaps there is no tax savings, perhaps there is. And I may find out about schooling, who I need to speak with here in Utah to get my case transferred. If I do have tax savings, I will probably need to get some paperwork, fill it out, send it in or hand deliver it, and... who knows what else. I am hoping he will know who to go to for help regarding the rebate. I should take in some paperwork for that as well. It should still all be pretty handy, in the "necessary" pile I recently created. On the way back, I have to get gas if I wish to weed whip, mow, or anything else. Of course, I am going to get a bigger spray bottle for a vinegar and water trial on the weeds. I am curious.

Oh, Sassy, the kitten, usually smells okay. Tonight, however, she smells bad. She has licked everything except her 'toilet' it seems. I think she knows how to clean herself, but she had not done a good job. I am wondering if she is getting too much milk. I try to give that to the furballs every other day. She usually drinks more than Sam, so I pour more for Sam, who then only takes a bit. The kitten may just be getting too much milk and this is causing problems. I cannot be sure, but I will work on it.

Good night, again.

Still hot.

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The house and outside are still right at 80 F. The sun is well and truly down, has been for about an hour. I suppose, regardless of the newscasters, it really did get to 99 F today, or more. I did get out there though, working until I could not. I moved a small herd of boulders, the biggest of which I barely managed to lift. Then again, I doubt if I was at peak strength. It is a monster in any book though, at least for man powered lifting and moving. I used most of the boulders to line up a parking space parallel to the east-west road and to the west of my official driveway, putting the monster on the small spit of land to the east of my main driveway, all lined up. The next biggest boulder is directly across from the monster. Both have holes which will make fine planters. I am not quite sure what to put in them, but someone will help with that I am sure. After that, I began on the, as I know now, bigger pile of dirt. This thing is huge, about 2 times the size of the other pile or more. At least there are few rocks in this pile and that does make for lighter loads. I first thought to simply move the dirt, but after a few loads reconsidered and began neatening up the area and creating a main pile from which to work. I moved 1/3 to 1/2, I think. The ground underneath the pile is uneven, so it is difficult to gauge just what I am working with. I watered the plants and began watering the lawn again. At 22:00, it will be time to move the sprinkler.

In spite of my work, I am a bit... unhappy with today. I did not call the electrician, I did not get to the bedding, I did not call the Mr., I did not take the pictures back to the insurance company, and I did not work on bills. I really have to pick up the pace and begin making lists and keeping too them. I want to pick up the pace. How much have I improved? It does not matter if I cannot keep up with simple household chores, a few simple tasks, and business. I have to pick up the pace and keep on track. How to do this is another thing. That I will have to work on. Actually, I am just finishing off yesterdays laundry, though I suggested I might let that go so it is forgivable.

I think I will look for a valve or fitting that allows me to adjust the flow, in line, with the garden hoses. Then buy another set of hoses for watering the rest of the lawn, along with a better sprinkler for the job. The one I have puts out a circular pattern, I am hoping for something that does more of a square or rectangular pattern. I know nothing of sprinklers though, so I may do some research. Yes, researching a lawn sprinkler. It is almost sad. So much to figure out, limited money and time, but no one else will do it... nor should they. I just have to figure things out.

Oh, fie. I may be disappointed, but I cannot say that I have not improved drastically. I cannot deny I have and will do a lot of work. I am even getting my hands dirty. At least they are not getting greasy, at least not yet. That has always been a pet peeve of mine. I would not have taken a job where my hands are so oily and greasy that I could not get it out, or that my hands got that way for more than a short time. No rub on the guys who do and love it, it just is not my gig. Without them, what would the rest of us do? No, it is going well. But I really do have to pick it up and move a little faster. Excuses, or even reasons, are not acceptable anywhere anymore. If I want to live, grow, learn, and become a solid man, citizen, and student I have to just do it.

Well, that is that for the night. I am a little sore, tired, sweaty. When I cool down I will take a shower. I had thought I would grill some meat tonight, but I think I will put that off until tomorrow. Hmm, POPCORN! Yes, popcorn and a movie. Well, it was pretty darn good yesterday. Sleep well. Prayers going out tonight, some named, some not. I have been praying a bit more for a named. Yes I have.

So hot!

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I did an hour of weed whipping today. First the machine ran out of gas. After filling it, the machine quit again and would not start. Still, I did a solid hour of work and that part looks much better. That fence line, though, will take a long time to work. The good news is, being as late as it is in the year, the weeds will not come back. I will try to figure out a way, next year, of battling the weeds early. I do not like the idea of chemicals, for many reasons. It may be the most reasonable option though. After that, I went to my appointment. I was running too late to take the pictures in to the insurance company. After the appointment, I stopped at Wal-Mart and now have four mini-spray bottles. Those are now filled and will be set around. Sassy does not seem to bothered by them though. Odd. I did not stop into the insurance company on the way home. Traffic was down from 50 mph to 35 mph, being far heavier than usual. As well, I read on two different signs that the temperature was 99 F. That may be why the weed whip quit. I started it up when I got home, to see if I needed to take it in. It started well, so I used it to clean up some of the area I had already hit, mostly to check it. It worked well.

Beside not taking the pictures in, I also failed to remember to fill up the gas tanks. I have an appointment tomorrow with the veterans' advocate. I am not sure what is on the menu tomorrow, work wise. Some of that is because today is not finished. I am cooling down and letting the world cool down before hitting it again. I am hoping to move the boulders and move the last dirt pile. I think I can, I really do. If I do those tasks, tomorrow will be weed whipping. If it does not storm. There is a chance of that. If it storms, tomorrow will be all about business. Then again, depending on what happens with the veterans' advocate, I may end up running from office to office after that visit, in order to do a bunch of other business type work. Everything is up in the air.

I will be calling the electrician tonight. The insurance company received nothing from him and I have heard nothing from him. I am pretty sure I put the material in correctly and I know I used the number he gave me to send the fax (and the material was sent and received somewhere). I will also call the Mr. I am hoping this Saturday will see some of the more troubling trimming completed and give me an idea of what I can and cannot do regarding trimming these giant trees myself. If that goes well, I will be quite pleased. Though that will mean I may need to buy a chainsaw and a ladder to do the work much more completely. I would not care to do that myself, or at least alone, so I may ask my friend to come over and be here should I fall, cut off the wrong limb, or have a heart attack.

I am almost not sure what to do after this. I have some notions, but money has become an issue. Even the purchase of a chainsaw and a ladder is dubious. For one, I do not purchase bottom dollar items. I do not by top dollar items either. What I like to do is research the items, look at variables, and make an informed reasonable decision. For example, with the chainsaw, how well does it cut, how much it weighs, whether it is balanced or how it is balanced and why that would be advantageous, cost, how easy it is to sharpen the blade and how much blades cost, and how simple the machine is to maintain. That is a whole passel of variables. There is, truly, no perfect purchase. There is only better for certain applications at a price point and lesser quality or higher price point. It is messy. The ladder... some review, talking to several people who know, discussions with a few sellers, but not as much investigation. Still, I am guessing I need two ladders. A story and a half step ladder and a two story extending ladder. I would guess the ladders could cost as much at $600 (more like $400), and the chainsaw... perhaps another $250 to $400. I have not looked, but... and that could be another $1,000.

Other things on my list include tracking the water supply in the house, tracking the electrical system, and diagramming those. It would be good to include as many components as possible too. Corners, tees, switches, valves, outlets, and all. This, at least, is free. However, it will require a lot of crawling around in questionable areas under the house. Before I get in too deep, I will make sure my cell phone works under there. Barring that, I may have to ask my friend to visit. The other thing I can add to my free list is checking out the hen house. Now, with wasp spray, I feel more comfortable checking those out. I have seen no wasps, but I have seen plenty of nests. I need to see if the hen house is worth spending money on. If I cannot afford an actual roof this year, I can afford thick plastic sheeting with the hopes of keeping it dry this winter. From what little I have seen, I think the thing is worth the work. But I need to know for sure. Money is becoming scarcer and I have to watch my step.

I had not realized how hot it was. That is why I did not understand why the weed whip up and quit earlier. It is still hot, even with cloud cover that has come over. If it is simply too hot, I might even have to call the rest of the work off today. We will see. I will just go out and get the tomatoes watered and see.

Hey, you know what though? This is amazing. Just go back a few years and read. There were times were I could not take care of grooming, could not stay up for more than a few hours at a time, could not think. Sure, this is relatively short term. Sure, this last winter I shut down for periods. But the level of work I am getting done, the daily chores I am doing, the care and tending of a pair of little friends, and the ongoing plans and such... This is very good. Another year of this, at this level and on, might really see me back in college. I will not go back unless I can actually stay awake, work regularly and heartily, and am in better physical condition than I am even now. This is very good.

Well, enough of my blathering. Work is on my mind. I need to sort it all out. That is what this whole post is about.

Good day!

Really late start.

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Should have known. I did a lot yesterday and could not get to sleep until fairly late either. Still, I am up and at it. I woke at about 10:30. After an hour, though, I think I am about ready to do something. I called the chiropractor and... they did not have me scheduled. I know the doctor had set something up, so I am not sure what that is about. Still, the doctor will not be in tomorrow so they decided to put me it. I was able to schedule for just a bit later than what I had thought anyway, so I get a little extra time for work, shower, and then a cool down before I go.

I think I will start up the weed whip and get going with that soon. I do not think I can do the whole perimeter, but I can get a decent chunk of it. Ice water for mini breaks if I need them. Still, from what I have experienced, weed whipping is not an extreme lawn sport. Still, I have no idea yet how much I can really do per hour. I neither know the work that well, nor the area itself. I am hoping, after the appointment, to do boulders or the other dirt pile. I might even get both done. Whatever weed whipping remains will remain until my next day of work. That might be tomorrow, or it might end up being next Monday for all I know.

Tomorrow is a business heavy day. Bills, autopayment checking, the insurance company needs the pictures again as they sent black and white copies but the underwriter wants color copies (hmm, will get that done today), and I best find out where the electrician is on signing the paperwork for the insurance company. Perhaps he needs to look again. However, I certainly hope his work and inspection, with the requirements therein, match up with this. I would hate to think corners were cut. Would he cut corners with an insurance company if he was willing to do so with a federally mandated inspection, or to "allow" my purchase of faulty wiring? This all can get messy fast if things were not done correctly. I only offer that as a worrying possibility.

Well, on to some work. Have a good day.

Officially a good day.

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I took my time about getting the salt in from the Xterra. I did take an hour or two to cool down. And then I got to work. One pile is all I could do for the day though. The pile was 8 by 5 by 3 1/2 feet at the peak. That pile was as much rock as dirt, littler rocks about the size of my fist or smaller. As I was finishing, I brought out a garden rake and that allowed me to get most of it up, including all but the tiniest of rocks. Actually, there are fewer rocks left in that area then what there are in the other areas. I put it right back where it had been taken from. Inspections can be such a huge waste, sometimes. One pile of "dirt" down. I still have one more pile of similar size. As well, I have a half dozen smaller boulders to move to the front lawn. I think I will make a front parking lane with them. There are holes in some of them which where created to be planters. That may end up being exactly what I use them for. The lawn is being watered, as well. The crops were watered right after that last post. I even remembered to fertilize the tomatoes, if a day late.

I do need a shower, in spite of knowing I will take one again tomorrow before leaving home. I just hate crawling into bed grungy. Further, I should not worry so much, since I will be changing sheets tomorrow. Whatever, a shower will feel great, will cool me down, and settle my mind about such things. I ought to cook something though I am not sure what. I need to make rice. I have beans. No meat is out, however. Then again, I already had meat earlier. Still, I think I will make the rice and just put that up, making plain cereal instead. Yes, that sounds like the way of it.

My goal is to get up early and call the chiropractor tomorrow. I am almost certain the appointment is at 14:00, but I need to check. If so, I will get to weed whipping. I do not want to start that before 9:00 or 10:00. It will still be cool enough and it will be less likely to be a bother to my neighbors. If I still have time, after a shower from that and with time remaining, I will begin checking on my bills. I have been trying to get them on automatic pay, but sometimes that takes a while, sometimes it does not always go through, and I wish not to be too late on too many things. After the appointment, I want to stop at Wal-Mart again, for smaller water sprayers, for the kitteh. She has to learn. Sprinkling with the fingers simply has lost the magic kitteh annoyance factor anyway. Hmmm, super soaker? Oh, that is a thought. *evil grins* After that, I will see if I have anything left. If I did not wake and get going fast enough to weed whip, I will do that. If I did, I might start on that other pile of dirt or the big rocks.

I will get things done this week. I think I can get everything, yardwise, on my list. If I remember, I will have to call the Mr. of the couple I now have dealings and try to set up a Saturday workday. A ladder would help me get some final painting finished and a chainsaw with that would allow me to try to figure out the tree trimming situation. This might end up being my best solo week ever since I have been disabled. And you know what, it will not stop there, I think.

Though from now on, I am planning to have swimming in the schedule, set up my weights and include them in my schedule, and set up my reloading kit and begin tinkering with it. I need to create layers of work, play, exercise, and business. I actually think this is coming around fairly well. Who knows, the next time my mother visits, she may not have to pull punches. Then again, she will have to sit with me and get both of us on the same page rather than merely leading the party as well. Oh, no, that was not a problem this time, at all. I simply did not know, so I asked her to be the brain of the thing, and this she did well. Next time, if I keep this up, I will be a bit more on the ball and will be able to be a part of the planning. I actually think, for the most part, she will like that.

Ah, I did a few extras today as well. I found a drop cloth for my piano, so it does not simply sit and collect dust. As well, I am doing laundry. I might get a load or three through, though I do not wish to push that. I will not stay up for laundry. Hmm, moving the sprinkler around will coincide nicely with the laundry if I do it on the hour marks. One last thing, I did not get the kitty litter cleaned out this morning. I have two large boxes, each enough for 3 cats if I wished to push it, so I probably do not need to do them daily. Still, it is much better if I do. And I need to sweep up. Sam is neat, but Stinkerbell has no clue, yet. Then again, she is almost doing gymnastics just to get in the boxes. It is funny about the kitten, she has eaten more, in the two weeks she has been here, than Sam has eaten sum total the whole time I have been feeding her. No problem, she needs a lot of food to grow and burns off calories like a chimp. I was surprised about it is all.

Well, I am off to figure out the water, laundry, make a little food, and watch a movie. Actually, you know what? Popcorn. I think I will simply make some popcorn. I will pull some meats out of the freezer though, too. Yes, that is the ticket.

Good night. Oh, hey, if you could add some prayers for Jean tonight, along with me and others, I would appreciate it. She is in a tough spot and is sorting things out. Help her as you may.

A late slow start.

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I did not get showered, dressed, and on the road until about 13:00. I first went to DOT and changed the address on my driver's license. They merely put tape on the license with the new address written on it, to my knowledge. Perhaps they will send me another license. I could not change my registration to vote there, but they knew where I could go. After going and doing that, I asked about the county veterans office. I also went and found that. The representative was in a meeting, which was set to last until 17:00, so we set up an appointment for Thursday. After that, I drove to Wal-Mart. I had used the small camera I purchased last December to take pictures of the front and back of my home, for the insurance company. I used Wal-Marts self-serve photo center (for the first time) to process the photos. It was rather easy, with only one thing I had to figure out... you have to pass the code through first to get the system to process the pictures and then again to have the machine spit them out. I also purchased 8 bags of salt for the softener. Then, on my way home, I took the pictures and a blank check into my insurance company.

I did buy a meal at Wendy's. There fries are not my favorite, but I must admit their burgers are really good. The fries I got were fresh out of the cooker, and that did help as well. Beyond that, I love the way people around here are nice. They often go overboard to do a good job. And you know what, I love that. I like to think I would do that, but since I do not do anything, I do not. Ha! I can only hope it is the thought that counts?

I still have to get the salt down to the basement. Being in the 90's, I will not be doing a lot of work right now. However, I am still considering working on the piles of dirt this evening. Tomorrow I am having to go in to my chiropractor for a review. Thankfully, I have nothing to remember. I am doing a lot better, physically, but we will see. I am a bit nervous, because Monday was so very harsh. I am still recovering from whatever that was. We will see though. I think my appointment tomorrow is at 14:00, though I will get up early and call to be sure. If so, I may do some weed whipping early while it is cool. Other than the salt and dirt moving, I plan on moving the sprinkler around the yard again tonight, after I water the tomatoes.

I hate it when I cannot get done what I need to do, whether it is my fault or not. My list gets rearranged and I have to figure out how things will work together after that. Today's failure is no one's fault. I am waiting for the appointment with the veterans advocate to figure out where to go both with home and auto tax work, and of course the rebate. They might all, or some of them, end up finding me needing something from the advocate's office and at the same office altogether. I just have to wait but keep it on my list too. It will work.

To the salt, then some cool down time, and then hopefully the wheelbarrow will be used for the first time. Oh, I had best get the tomatoes watered too. Good day!

Up and going.

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Not exactly a bull out of the shoot, but better than I have done for a while. Sam wanted out early, or... I wanted her out. She is definitely female. She wakes me up by pestering me for... however long. Then, when I get up, put on enough clothes that I will not be arrested if someone is watching and I head to the door. What does she do? She all of a sudden, after a half hour of pestering me awake, or again and this time, needs food, water, and a potty break. Five minutes later, she saunters out like I should be happy with her wise choices. That did not wake me up, it just started the ball rolling toward waking up. I decided to let the kitten in this morning, for the first time, after Sam headed out. She has no off button. With the bell on, and her rambunctious nature, I kept dreaming of Christmas! A bit before 10:00, Sassy went into a full flight hissy fit at something. I almost thought Sam had gotten back in and was hunting the kitten. Nope, just Sassy being a fruit cake. She is going to have to be made to realize that my finger and toe nails do NOT PROVIDE MILK. Then again, Sam somehow still thinks my earlobes might be good for that.

Oh, something I remembered about television in this last week... it is a complete waste of time. There is nothing it offers that teaches or informs or entertains at a reasonable speed. If one wishes to sit and drool, it is the perfect device. Though may I also recommend thorazine? The pairing is remarkable. Add in commercials and it is complete. To think people pay good money for that. I doubt if I will watch it again soon. Although, I now know why we have so many Democrats, Socialists, and such (all the same to me). I would guess though that television is merely an expression or example, being a cause only to the otherwise uninvolved and uneducated. The internet really is the way to go. I might have to actually read something, I might have to tie things together, I might have to remember a few names, affiliations, and a few other things... but, how can you say you know the news by watching someone tell you something they probably and often do not understand? You do realize the news is brought to you by, essentially, actors... right? Read your news and other information. You can actually check the logic of what is given you instead of looking at boobies while drooling and then thinking you are informed. Fox news is the best out there and it is idiocy.

I need to find some paperwork and some photos. I do not wish to give the photos in, so I will get copies. I have decided that going in to Logan first is the way to start. I will take my V.A. paperwork and register at the county office for veterans. There I might find out about taxes and the home rebate. Which I will track down from there, or wait until after lunch if the timing is wrong. The DOT is the next stop, for a change of license and voter registration data. Next I will buy some salt in town, 8 bags should see me with plenty for a goodly bit. And, finally, on the way back, I will stop at my insurance company with a canceled check, a couple of photos, and perhaps more news. Oh, yes, I suppose I should find out what has happened with the electrician regarding that paper I faxed to him. I did not think it had an address or phone number on it to send it on. I cannot find the paper so I am not exactly sure.

Anyway, if I get these things done, I am hoping that I will be able to move one or both piles of dirt this afternoon. I may be shooting for far too much. Running around Logan in 90 plus F weather, shopping, and dealing with a bunch of strangers about a ton of things, and the lines, all independently have a way of tearing me down. Perhaps I am being ambitious. Perhaps I cannot do it. But all written here is merely a hope. As I learn to work, learn my limits, and do more, I may someday have a better idea of what can be done. Then again, as a confirmed knothead, that may never happen.

Well, I best get off my butt and going. I still have a few things to find here at home, a shower and shave most likely, Sam to call in, and then a bit of a day of running and jumping. Good luck with your stuff.

Really tough day!

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I woke okay. I also woke with a world wide headache. I do not think it was, completely, the beer. I do not believe alcohol played more of a part than being a fast sugar fix. I had also had sugar at dinner, too much. And, I have been finishing off the sugary stuff purchased during my mother's visit. I think I toxed bad. I was moving too slow and harhsly to do more than suffer through my appointment and return home. It was also really hot today, though that may have been in part due to my reaction to the sugar spike. Very tough day. Thankfully, I am pretty much out of sugar. A few aspirin, well a handful of aspirin, well several handfuls, moving very slowly, and I am almost feeling human tonight.

I did a little straightening, made some late lunch and then late dinner, and have been watering the lawn. Little else could be done. I have not had a migraine this bad in a long while. Two straight doses of aspirin to begin to tame the thing. I had wondered if I was simply "out", so that the chiropractor work would fix it. I was really out, but that was not the whole picture. Yep, sugar high probably caused me to sleep too deep, thus still. You have to love it when you crash and then burn? Ha!

Something I noticed today was that I probably had worked pretty hard physically while my mother was here. Though I knew I worked long, I did not think any of the work was really hard. However, I see the muscle gain now a lot more plainly. As well, veins are now becoming much more apparent on my hands, forearms, and to a lesser degree on my upper arms. I would not say that I am now chiseled. But the gains are decent. I also note that I bruised myself extremely deeply shortly before my mother arrived. I did not really think it was much then, but the inner part of that bruise is just now blooming on my left forearm. It is coming out like a 4 to 5 inch dark rose. I still have no idea what I bumped into, dropped on it, or whatever.

I really have to dig in. I am taking a small handful of Tylenol tonight, going to bed a bit early, setting two alarms for no later than 8:30, and trying to get it in my mind to get up and get going tomorrow. I have business I want to tend. I need to find some pictures (of the front and back of my house) for the insurance company. I need to take those and a blank check to initiate automatic pay on insurance. I then want to go on in to Logan and talk to someone about changing my driver's license and voter information, and find out about the tax rebate and whether as a vet I have a tax exemption. I also need to pick up salt for the water softener. If I get most of that (insurance part is vital), and I return home with a little spit in my polish, I hope to move the dirt piles.

Hey, it might not happen. Simply put, life is hard and I am broken. But I have to keep the goals fresh, keep trying, and go at it when able. I have to assume I can dig in again tomorrow. It is all I have, today is gone. I know tomorrow will be hot again (though that may just be a sugar issue, or not?). I am hoping to have the weed whipping done soon too. And I need to get those big rocks moved to the front yard, or wherever. I am not sure, yet, what to do with the piles of branches and other such. But I might have figured out how to treat next years garden spots. The fellow who is cutting the alfalfa has not paid me for that yet. Instead of pay, I might ask if he could disc those areas, plowing in goat, chicken, horse, or such dung richly and deeply this fall. I cannot be sure the deal works to my advantage. But the truth is, with personal trades, it often simply comes down to "good enough". Horse trading comes with practice and use. Perhaps it would be a great deal, in "real terms", or not. But it is what I need and he already has the goods from my part. Wish me luck? On all of it.

Oh yeah, while I was shooting, I picked up 1k .22 long rifle and 400 .22 shorts (excellent at close range... quiet and accurate as heck). I may get another 1k before the month is out. As well, I picked up 12 medium sized boxes of strike anywhere matches, they were on sale. I had been looking for those anyway, and not finding them. So finding them, and lot of them, and then on sale... A no-brainer. I am keeping my eyes out for tradeables and usables. I have a heck of a collection, if there is a very eclectic and disordered nature to it. I just... do not have what it takes to run this thing with military precision. Come on, I have trouble knowing my name... or getting on simple projects, moving, or taking care of simple business. Honestly. I will get there.

I am going to hit it. For as easy a day as it has been, it has been one of the toughest days I have had in a long time. Good night.

Not much of a start to the day, but the finish was fine.

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I have been tinkering today. Light tinkering, to be sure. I had no headache, I was not tired, I had little stopping me from doing anything, but I had no drive. I am fine with that. A restful day to be sure. As the morning turned to afternoon, and the appointed time to have dinner with friends, I realized my potato salad was missing onion. So, a quick dice of a good onion, a little mixing, and the task was tended. Onions add crunch, a little flavor, and it is an healthy addition to any food.

On to dinner. It is always a pleasant affair. Teasing occurs, sometimes I catch it, sometimes I do not. Sometimes I forget myself and become boorish, sometimes I remember the mantra regarding wisdom (or seeming wisdom) and button my mouth. I do catch up on news, new ideas, and being in the company of some contemporaries and a fine young lady makes for a pleasant affair. The host and hostess are interesting people, vivacious and young seeming at heart. Another lady who attends often surprises me with her interests. I never would have seen her for a rodeo fan, or a horse rider. I know she is one and suspect the other. That she has two cats lends to my ability to enjoy her. Cat people share something. As do horse people. Though too, often what we do not share adds interest as well. Two of those present are Mormon, two atheist, and I am the solo Catholic.

I have asked about borrowing a ladder and chain saw for some work, and perhaps have the Mr. help. I do not wish for him to do too much labor, though advice and equipment would hopefully be his main contribution. I have suggested that after a bit of work, we could cook out here. I am not certain what I should serve, though I am thinking a roast would do well. I am hungry from something of the beef varietal. I am strongly considering trying to cook a brisket on my barbecue. I am not sure if I wish to add wood chips or not, though I am considering that. I could cook it on the off side, using the other burner for heat and smoke. It sounds tantalizing to me. Plus they would be able to see the house now that it has been turned into a home. I will have to make sure that all who usually attend their dinners are welcomed should they wish to show up for the meal. I doubt if they would want to hang around while the Mr. and myself play catch with tree limbs and the chainsaw? :p

I had a beer while at the dinner. And, you know what? Beer tasted good. So, on the way home, I decided to get some more. A case, I thought, should be enough. And, at this point, I am more than sure it is enough. Two beers outside, and another one so far. I suppose, in the end, I might end up having a six pack plus the one at the dinner. Though over 4 to 6 hours, I should think it more pleasant than not. I certainly have become a light weight, and that is fine too. I know I could drink a ton more, but it is fine to sip, now, in my new world.

Sam is out, I am watering the lawn. I need to move the sprinkler at midnight. That will end that effort. Though I would like to get to watering the lawn on a much more regular and heavy schedule, at least for a week or two. Damn the costs, I want to see some more green. Though the front lawn, in my opinion, is a total waste this year, I am going to give it a whack anyway. The garden is doing as well as can be expected. I will have more tomatoes than I can reasonably eat and yet too few to can. Perhaps I could freeze some though. I will see.

Well, back to tinkering I think. Get a good nights sleep, or if you are catching this in the morning... good morning.

Not perfect, not bad.

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I did get a good deal of what I wanted done completed. Though taking care of the cat litter boxes made it so that I needed to sweep. Sweeping has delayed my vacuuming. A good thing too, as while I was making potato salad, I had a few minor spills. So, tomorrow is vacuum day. Dishes were completed, the trash and recycling have been tended, the refrigerator was cleaned out a bit, and potato salad was made. I had forgotten how long it takes and how much work it is to make a batch of potato salad, especially doing it all at once. I did some straightening as well, if not completely hitting the whole house. Further, I received a call from the electrician involved with the inspection. I faxed him the form my insurance company wanted, and a hand written letter, asking for some advice concerning whether bringing in the breaker box from outside and doing the kitchen wiring, from what he saw, was something I could do. Who knows if I will get a reply, or what form it will take.

I did not vacuum, as I had said. I also did not straighten the place completely. Some of the tasks I did do, however, became a bit more complicated. I did do a few things not on the list. As well, making potato salad was a major task actually. Boiling, skinning, peeling, cutting, mixing... and then cleaning up to do it and cleaning up after. All of the dishes, pots, knives, spoons, and such are clean. Oh, I still have not cooked rice. Still, not bad if not perfect. I can live with this.

It is well past bedtime. Way past it. Good night.

Another restful day.

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But enough of that. I need and want to get the house sorted out. There is nothing major to do, just a number of little things. Having swept recently, I need to vacuum today. I would like to begin my list of things to do, including a cleaning of the bathroom toilets and sinks, collecting trash for putting out Sunday, kitty litter whole change, dishes, a load or two of laundry, and then potato salad and a clean up from that so my kitchen is set up for this next week, and a basic pick up and neatening around the house. Darn it, my mother and I just spent two weeks making this place good and I will not waste that effort. It is too sweet to be in a kempt clean place to let it go. Beside that, I really need to push through now. I have rested about as much as I need, should, and beyond what I wanted for what that is worth.

Sam has really come around. She has become so very solid. She has had nothing but change since I arrived. First me and my erratic sleep and work schedule added to a house in disarray, then my mother's visit, and then a kitten. As things have settled, I can feel her body becoming more solid, her muscles built up again, some weight gain, and a more sure attitude. Between life normalizing, her becoming sure of me, and actually having a kitten to 'train', she is coming into her own as I have never seen her. I am proud to know her.

Sissy is coming into maturity as well. From a sporting wildling when she first arrived, to a still playful but more guided hellion, she is growing taller and leaner, learning limits, but still having a blast! The energy she has is addictive, and wearying. With the bell on, I had at first started nicknaming her tinkerbell, as she learned to fart, I now nickname her stinkerbell. I think Sam approves of the new nickname (I use just between Sam and myself or under my breath). Sam almost grins now, when I say it. Heh.

Though still tired, it is time to begin pushing through a bit. A week off is good. I do not know if I can push through for certain. I have prioritized well enough though, and some things will get much more of a push than other things. I think those things, the list toppers, are part of what holds me down. Uncertainty, really new things, and bigger money situations, cause me stress which can do more to freeze up my systems than physical exhaustion does or even can do. However, I realize that at any point, I might freeze up for no reason whatsoever. I can only try to push through. If I find myself sleeping late and long, I simply have to understand that is sometimes the way of things.

I am hoping to finish up the lawn care, meaning weed whipping, the mounds of dirt, and figuring out the piles from raking, this week. As well, I will be keeping on the electrician and finding out how to file for the rebate. Anything else, beyond the list of house care, will be extra when and if I can get to it. I would like, this week, to figure out who I owe, what is on automatic pay, get what is not on automatic pay on auto pay, and start figuring out my finances. It seems a bit late, but that is how it goes. I am where I am and have done what I could do. I know some people have it all on the ball. For me, this IS on the ball. It is as good as I have done in decades.

Oh, and next week, I need to see about getting to the dam. Due to time constraints, I may merely drive there. Especially if I want to begin doing any other forms of hiking. I have found even a simpler hike than what I had initially noted here in the blog. It is longer but flatter. At 14 miles, up and back should I choose to take the whole thing, it will offer an opportunity to shape up without much risk. The hike has some very gradual elevation in it and a good deal of distance. As well, there are plenty of places to rest and I can cut it short and turn around if need be.

That is that. My short term goals, some plans to get out, and a push to get back into the game. I suppose I should get today's work done and get ready for tomorrow. Sam is out and about, so when I need a break, I will go out and see what she is doing. Every hour or so, I will check on her. I think she sorely misses having company outside, company my mother provided while she took rests from her work. Have a great day.

The iron man moves.

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Slowly, very slowly, I am doing things. Yesterday I made it into town early enough to visit my broker's office. By chance, he was there. I also saw one of the ladies who helped a great deal and the owner. By the way, those were good things. They worked very hard and long on a difficult deal with a difficult financier and difficult people (me included, I suppose). Really, if it had not been for them I would not be in my home. I checked to see if they still had information regarding the electrical inspection, which they did. Trust me, that was a huge thing. After the visit, I went to my appointment, and then picked up my friend to go shooting. We found a path we had not driven before, after checking out several of them. There is a lot of road on the top of the world. We both need more practice, for certain.

I was pretty much done after that. Actually, just doing what I did wiped me out again. I could not sleep though, not until 3:30 and sleep was elusive and light. I thought of setting my alarm for 8:00 but decided 10:00 would be better if even then a bit doubtful. Foolish me, I forgot about the other alarm I had been tinkering with. I had both alarms on it set for 8:30 and 9:00. I had to wake each time to shut each off, not being awake enough to realize what I knew, that both alarms were set on the device. Unable to really get back to sleep, I got up at 9:45, turned off the primary alarm, and started my day.

Nothing has been done until recently. Exhaustion lingers. At 14:00 I searched for the paperwork regarding the electrician who had done the inspection and found the papers. I then tried to call the company. No one answered, so I left a message. I then called the insurance company I am working with and let them know where I was with things. They seemed okay with what is going on and thanked me for keeping them abreast of where things are. Good enough, for the moment. If I hear nothing from the electrician I will call him again Monday.

No, not much will be done. I have pushed hard. Body and mind are done in. At least it was cool last night. My readings indicate it got down to 49 F outside, about 65 or 55 inside. Nice, for me. Oh I love the cool. It does help me sleep. I am hoping to be rested up to hit things again hard on Monday. I have an appointment in the afternoon. I want to check on the electrician in the morning. As well, I have other matters to attend with the insurance company. I will gather those other materials to drop them off on my way into Logan. I will also do one of the dirt piles, the other on the following day along with weed whipping on Tuesday. For the weekend, I have been invited to a meal Sunday. I have suggested I will bring potato salad. Other than making a decent supply of that, this weekend is about rest and a little bit of cleaning... those things on my list.

Sam seems to be doing a lot better with my system. Having some time at night to be safely away from the dreaded kitteh, she can then handle a little time with her inside and some time outside. Sam was getting thin and a bit weak for a bit. Finally, yesterday, she started to do better, feeling more substantial. She now feels solid and strong again. Sassy seems to be functioning well, but has learned to climb even my high rise bed. However, I have had to put my foot down with her. Hitting a cat is a foolish and wrongful thing. However, sprinkling holy water... well, okay, tap water but they do not know the difference!.. works quite well. When she scratches where she should not, attacks electrical or speaker wires, or does other little things, a little sprinkle does well. Further, after sprinkling her for a bit, I get the same effect without water. I will mix water in occasionally, for a while. But I think I know how to tame the shmeow. Ha!

Well, back to recovery. Hmm, hungry... barbecued kitteh? It is a thought. *evil grins* Ha! I think Sam would help me. Have a good day.

I pushed for too long.

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And I pushed too hard. I am not functioning well. Headaches all of the time, exhaustion, and difficulty functioning. I will improve, over time, but there are things I have to figure out how to do. Insurance business is primary, rebate is next. Everything else will simply have to take a back seat. Eating my usual foods is not helping much either, though it is not hurting. This is always a tough place to be. I am getting up in the mornings and I am going to sleep on a regular schedule. I simply am not able to push much else through.

I had wondered if the cat problems were adding to this problem, but I honestly do not think so. I think, if anything, the critters are helping. By forcing me to be aware, through interaction, through feeding and care, they are keeping me more grounded. This is a good thing for someone who can otherwise intellectually, perhaps even spiritually, simply drift into thin air. A good scratch mauling by Sassy brings me out of stupor fairly quickly and profoundly. If she wants attention, she certainly knows how to get it. And Sam seems to know when I drift and will make her presence known. I do not think Sam likes me to drift. Odd. Sassy, on the other hand, does not know or care, but she knows she likes having someone to play with and, well, I am easier to deal with than Sam.

I am, mostly, keeping up with the mundane work. I did not get to dishes last night, but there are few. The litter boxes are being well tended, food is being prepared, I am keeping the place neat to a greater extent, and this is good. But making those calls and doing work just has not happened as I thought it might. I really did push while my mother was here. With her guidance, and with great effort, almost every day was what I call a heavy day. As I said, working every other day is about what I can do, at the moment and on my own, so I blew a fuse working for 3 weeks at full pace. I now know that pushing beyond that does have a heavy price. I am paying that price. Perhaps, on top of that, it is high summer here. I am not good with heat. Even with the inside being relatively cooler, thus manageable, I think the heat does get to me. I may try showers several times a day, as I had been, to cool a bit more. It is a tough time in several ways.

I will try to contact some people today, regarding the electrical inspection. I have an appointment and will go shooting after that. Beyond that, today is, again, a wash. More Tylenol first thing, and I will be taking a few with me. *huffing and puffing* I am hoping to get a few things through while taking what seems to be an unavoidable break. Dang but this can be tough.

Have a great day though. Do what you can. And hassle some cat, they love it, trust me. *poof*

So it goes.

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A tough day indeed. Tylenol and a nap helped, but I simply could not get to things. I did not wake until 18:30 or so. Still exhausted but wanting to try and get to bed early tonight, I got up. I cooked some food at about 20:00, some meats I ordered from the locker. Along with a potato and milk, supper was good enough. It has been a tough day. I am having muscles hurt, like they had been pulled, in my right leg and a few other spots. Not sure what is up.

I have several serious pieces of business to perform. The tax rebate and the insurance business are top on the list. These are vital and I have been dragging bottom getting to them. I hope to wake early tomorrow, well, 8:00. But then have a shower, shave, then be groomed and dressed and out the door by 9:00. I am hoping to stop in and see my broker. Then I would like to find out who to talk to regarding this tax rebate. I have heard it rumored that veterans might have an exemption regarding property and automobile taxes. If 100 percent service connected does not get it, then it is merely rumor.

I do enjoy Sassy, but I must admit, she is a major pain. Watching Sam today, I see that she is simply being exhausted by the interloper. My decision to let Sam out was a good one. She returned when called, so I let her stay out usually. I brought her in once to make sure she ate and drank. Then I let her back out for a goodly bit. Again, she came when called but it was nearing my bed time. Sam is so lackluster that I actually feel bad for her. I have decided to make my bedroom her safe haven until Sassy is a little more mature and for the most part. I will close my bedroom door at night, keeping Sassy at bay. And putting food, water on a mat in the bedroom, and one of the litter boxes in the master bathroom for her. My intervention, I believe, ends there. If Sassy learns to climb the bed, Sam will have to figure things out in the day. Her rest is at night. Oh, I have placed a collar on Sassy. It makes it a LOT easier to track her down, know when I get near the door if I need to look for a blur or tuft, and otherwise have a sense that their are indeed fairies. Heh. Stupid cats! Then again, quite often, that is exactly what they think of me. And, really, fairly. To think I want a wife and kids too!

A good glass of water, maybe a few more Tylenol though only a few, washing the dishes, and then I think it is time to crawl into bed. Have a good night. Never give up, never surrender (unless there are Oreos and a glass of milk involved). Good night, all.

Bad headache.

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Light is even a bit troublesome, though noise seems to be okay at lower levels. The headache has been coming on since my late start (9:00). I almost suspect I am having withdrawals from second hand smoke? Could be, but it is a doozy. Four or five aspirin along with a nap should see me back to fighting form for an afternoon of work. I hope.

I was correct about Sassy, the kitten. She finally, however, has started to realize she has a tail. From that point on, chasing the tail has become the new game of choice. When she comes over and bothers me a bit to much... I put her back on the trail of the tail by reminding her that she is being followed. Too funny. She really is just a baby still.

I have kept Sam in for quite some time, and not allowed her into my bedroom either. I, in my weakened state, gave in to her begging just a bit ago. I will check out of doors and see if she will come by. If so, I will let her out a bit more. If not, she stays in until I give in. A few days to a week, I suppose? Who knows.

Having beans back on the menu is great. I did not get to rice, or cereals this morning. I will do what I can, but I really am exhausted. The headache does not help things. I am keeping up the place though, and tending to unhappy cat types. Tomorrow is another appointment day, and some shooting.

I hope to clean the .22's I plan on taking this evening and I will be picking up a couple of big boxes of .22 ammunition on my way to shoot. I will begin stocking up on those, buying perhaps a thousand or two a month for the next three to five months. They are not dirt cheap anymore, usually running at $20 for 400 to 500. I think 10k .22 bullets is very doable. I will check my .45 ammunition, but I think I have at least 2k of those. I have about 15 to 20 boxes of various shotgun shells (could use more 00 buck, but that is really pricey). And I need a lot more AK ammo. In a pinch, the AK would take a deer, even an elk or a moose I would guess.

The next long term planning material would probably be heritage seed. There are heritage seed bulk packages, which would be nice if I had several thousand dollars sitting in my back pocket. I think I can buy heritage seeds locally, by the packet, and store them more manageable. I suspect I will pay more over time, buying them piecemeal (unless I find some great sales), but that is the reality of what I can do. Plus, I can pick things I think I like or want more than just taking what is given in a big packet.

I would like to work on making the house more secure, but that is probably beyond my finances. Building materials are pricey. Wood seems cheap enough until you get around to figuring out how much you really need, then adding that up. Doors are pricey, great doors cost a goodly bit. And, I still have to figure out the hen house roofing, if needed. I have the wasp spray, so I will be visiting that whole notion and place soon.

My preparations are eclectic. Bits here, parts there, gear here, some of it in complete sets, some of it only partially collected, an odd collection of dehydrated and storable food, with some cans thrown in for added complication of thought. I do what I can, when I can, as I can afford it, over time. And yet I live in a modern working world (for the time being) and give my nod to some of that. It is simply as good as I can do, with what I have, according to my finances, state of mind, and organizational skills.

I must admit, I thought as soon as I had a home and storage space, preparations would suddenly spring to life and it would all make sense. It simply does not work that way. Some things I have purchased will be fantastic, like shovels, rakes, trowels, and other tools. Other things will not work well, or at all possibly. Who needs a television if cable does not exist? Why have a water softener or reverse osmosis system if the municipal water system fails, or electricity does not run (for the softener)? I simply do not know. Will I be caught pretty much flat footed? That is not a serious question, as actually who will not be caught in such a state?

I seriously wonder though, about preparation. Much like the tests in engineering, those who study seem to get better grades. Cool, really. But I knew then as I know now and about this... what happens on a test with predesigned material does not carry into understanding or function, not in academics or the more the real world. Many of those kids who, initially, got better grades... after talking with them later... I realized they knew nothing about the math or physics they just got a good grade on. They simply stamped enough problems into their head that they could get a good grade. Same goes here. It will not, completely, be based on what you have. Survival will be based on your ability to use what you have, to function with what you have learned, and to face hardships you cannot imagine.

I have faced hardship, I have been tested, but I am weak in some areas and my goods are a bit light. Even for those who have everything else, the one thing this survivor of several deaths knows is, there is something inside, something that will be tested every time I approach that anomaly. Call it the psychic ability to survive a bullet. Many, even among the most ardent, will fail here. It does not have to be a bullet. It is not a conscious choice. It might well simply be an ability. It could simply be the flat realization that we will have to carry water every day for the rest of our lives, that we will have to plant our food and hope for no hail but plenty of rain at the right times, that the outdoors is our bathroom for the rest of our lives, and that everything we have known up to this point is gone. Those people we knew in California, Iowa, Ohio, and Florida... we will not know if they survived. And we will probably never see or hear from them again. Family, friends, associates... effectively gone. Are you sure you are prepared? I must admit, I almost wish I knew I could not handle that 'bullet'. But I already know I can, so I best get to preparing.