.
.
My mornings had been sliding into the 8:00 and 9:00 range. While not bad, if I can keep it in the 6:00's, I feel safer somehow. Still, I will not set the alarm for earlier than eight solid hours of sleep. If I manage to wake before that, then I will rise if my legs will work. Well, they did and I did. I beat up the sun, so to speak, and the only way I functionally am able to do so. And, man am I tired. Ha! (No, not really, a take off the old "flew from..." joke, so hush it.) Well, actually, a bit tired. But that is what mornings are all about, right? God help you, please say "Yes".
I... left some clothes in the washer for... a while. No mildew visible. And, I did not smell anything too nasty, or even nasty at all, if I also did not... poke around too much (at all). So, more soap, another wash, and a lot of hope. Even as a bachelor, and a hard luck case in that, I usually do not mess things up (like laundry left too long, burned food, or rotting stuff all over the house). This is an uncomfortable wake up call. Oh, women would fuss in my home, to be sure. But other guys think I live like a homemaker or something. Well, if you did not add in dirty dish piles. I do have piles of clothes about, but they are clean and folded and reside withing my bedroom. How do women keep house? I still think, if marriage is not to be, I should have gone back to a cave. I could have chiseled out a place for a few conveniences, jacked in some electric, and hoped the thing did not cave in. Houses were created for women, that is my theory. Marriage was actually created to tame the beast that is both man and woman. Neither is good when left "outside the box", so to speak. Neither wants to be boxed in, either, obviously. We Westerners have murdered our culture letting our worse natures have the keys to the kingdom though. Oh well. Who needs civilization anyway, when you have socialism to kill you, technology to tinker with until it is time for "lights out", and only aging and soon to be dead people who look or think or act like you. Planet of the apes indeed. Something about lying in the bed you made...
It was great, I actually woke the kitten this morning. Though if she thinks food is involved, she is happy to oblige. A little milk was offered. She still has food, if it is not her favorite. I will not offer more or other until she finishes what she has. Sam is more like me in the mornings. Then again, she has about six mornings a day or more. Slow moving, curious about... something, maybe a bit hungry but not really. She was not ready for a romp outdoors either. She just looked at me, asking if I liked a cool (cold) morning breeze in my face at the door (I held open for her) or if I really thought she would deign to exit at this hour. Oh, she thought it was a gas and was chuckling (as I often do) deep down and on the inside, still too asleep to assign the mirth to any outward signs. Brat! I love that.
Well, on to tinkering and waking up. Oh, and a call in a couple hours about the oil change. Later.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Done, done, done, and done.
.
.
Not without revision, but the plans moved forward and all was tended. My friend had an appointment which made it so that going in early would not work. So, I just arrived just on time to put the X in the shop, took a stroll, had a small bite to eat, then came back and waited. And, waited and waited and waited. Whatever was going on in the shop, I ended up waiting for several hours. Further, I noticed on the way home, they added the wrong oil. I use synthetic, I have used synthetic since I purchased the vehicle, had them put it in first thing before I even drove it off the lot, and this shop has been using synthetic in the X for the last two years. Why they "forgot" I cannot say. I will be calling them tomorrow.
After I finally got the X back on the road, I checked on my friend. Though much later than anticipated, there was still time to grab a sandwich. Tasty, as usual. I had shopping to do. Often he will go along for the ride, but his foot is hurting him so he asked to be let off. I will have to go in again soon. If no sooner, than I will stop by Monday when I get the oil changed out. I will call them tomorrow. I suspect Monday but who knows, they might ask me to bring it right in. I thought these things were all computerized, oil type and such, per customer or vehicle. Oh well.
It has been chilly all day. I was starting to think I was getting more ill. No, it turns out. I had merely forgotten to turn on the electric heat in the room. Yeah, really chilly, right down to the bone. I will probably sleep better for having had a cold day though.
Sassy is acting all crazy lately. I do not know if it is a girl thing or just a normal cat thing for her age. She was fixed before maturing, though I am not sure that means a whole lot. Hormones are one thing, instinct and... other things are a whole other part of it. It is interesting to watch. I feel helpless about it and mostly just try to avoid the more psychopathic aspects of it. Yeah, she gets into a tear and it is best to just stay out of the way. Or put her in a kitty headlock. Yeah, that too.
It is past bedtime. Good night. Sleep well. Dream well. See you in the morning, or, something.
.
Not without revision, but the plans moved forward and all was tended. My friend had an appointment which made it so that going in early would not work. So, I just arrived just on time to put the X in the shop, took a stroll, had a small bite to eat, then came back and waited. And, waited and waited and waited. Whatever was going on in the shop, I ended up waiting for several hours. Further, I noticed on the way home, they added the wrong oil. I use synthetic, I have used synthetic since I purchased the vehicle, had them put it in first thing before I even drove it off the lot, and this shop has been using synthetic in the X for the last two years. Why they "forgot" I cannot say. I will be calling them tomorrow.
After I finally got the X back on the road, I checked on my friend. Though much later than anticipated, there was still time to grab a sandwich. Tasty, as usual. I had shopping to do. Often he will go along for the ride, but his foot is hurting him so he asked to be let off. I will have to go in again soon. If no sooner, than I will stop by Monday when I get the oil changed out. I will call them tomorrow. I suspect Monday but who knows, they might ask me to bring it right in. I thought these things were all computerized, oil type and such, per customer or vehicle. Oh well.
It has been chilly all day. I was starting to think I was getting more ill. No, it turns out. I had merely forgotten to turn on the electric heat in the room. Yeah, really chilly, right down to the bone. I will probably sleep better for having had a cold day though.
Sassy is acting all crazy lately. I do not know if it is a girl thing or just a normal cat thing for her age. She was fixed before maturing, though I am not sure that means a whole lot. Hormones are one thing, instinct and... other things are a whole other part of it. It is interesting to watch. I feel helpless about it and mostly just try to avoid the more psychopathic aspects of it. Yeah, she gets into a tear and it is best to just stay out of the way. Or put her in a kitty headlock. Yeah, that too.
It is past bedtime. Good night. Sleep well. Dream well. See you in the morning, or, something.
Friday, February 11, 2011
A full day ahead of me.
.
.
I have not felt like doing anything. Exhausted, always with a headache, other aches and pains, fever always either there or almost there, on top of the general malaise! Ouch! Still, I have a window of opportunity. And when that is available, I can and have dragged my near dying carcass over the threshold. Physical sickness is only an irritation, not an impediment. If I was not disabled, I would be like those sorry s.o.b.s who goes to work every day until retirement (or darn neared). Which... makes my disability that much more of a hated miserable thing. It is always why, in spite of things, I still try to play that stupid game for hours each day. It is not just filler, it is work. I have goals, projects, a couple of things which are not necessarily more than hopes since they are based on rare finds, and I can do it when I am able. Some days I really cannot play much. Confusion does not allow what it takes.
I did get out yesterday too. I took my friend to dinner at Golden Coral, one of his favorite places to eat. It is fine, if it is not my favorite. Prices keep going up, but really, how can quantity go down when it is all you can eat? If quality is decreasing I have not noticed. I rarely eat more than two plates. At 6'4" and my friend being 6'0" or 6'1", I bet when they see us they wonder how much we are going to stow out. I think my friend often will eat more than I do. You would not think it by looking at us. Too funny.
I scheduled an oil change for mid-afternoon. And, since I am going to be in town, I asked if my friend wanted to go for lunch. There is a place that makes excellent sandwiches. The place where you order the half meat sandwich or you actually do get half meat. Which is crazy. If it had been one worker one time who did that, I would just think they had a noob or even a disgruntled. But, no, every time and both of our sandwiches. Whatever, I will always gladly pay less for more. I will have them drive me to my friend's place during the oil change. I hate just sitting in a waiting room, interacting completely non-verbally with everyone coming and going if they grab my attention or what I am reading is so utterly typically main stream that it does not hold my attention well enough to try and ignore people.
After that is done, I will do a little shopping. Milk is low. I have hamburger but could use a bit more. Other beef cuts are needed as well. Maybe some pork too. What happened to chicken hindquarters? I can get thighs, I can get drumsticks, both usually in larger packages than I would like without the hassle of splitting out. I can no longer find hindquarters. I hate the changing market. As well, I do not mind having four or five of a type of item to choose from, but do we really need 50 types of liquid dish soap? Really? I am thinking in the Navy we said if you cannot dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your... I think they are baffling. No, I am sure they are. Then again, if I hate to say it but not really, I think it is true, shopping is women's work. Whether they like it or not, making a bunch of little decisions that are almost squat nothing in difference is something their animal side brain likes to do. Started with leaves, green not purple, and maybe even grubs, fat or thin? Men just killed something big, thinking big means no work for a while. The first time they killed a mammoth they must have about caused themselves a hernia until one of them decided to move camp TO the mammoth. hehe... Yeah, I can see that one. Whoever came up with that became chief, too.
I have a bit of waking up to do. Have a good day, avoid odd things on the ground, do not waste your breath on died-in-the-wool crazies, and do not throw old spuds, just peel, pare the bruises, boil, add one part butter per two parts potatoes, and enjoy. Later.
.
I have not felt like doing anything. Exhausted, always with a headache, other aches and pains, fever always either there or almost there, on top of the general malaise! Ouch! Still, I have a window of opportunity. And when that is available, I can and have dragged my near dying carcass over the threshold. Physical sickness is only an irritation, not an impediment. If I was not disabled, I would be like those sorry s.o.b.s who goes to work every day until retirement (or darn neared). Which... makes my disability that much more of a hated miserable thing. It is always why, in spite of things, I still try to play that stupid game for hours each day. It is not just filler, it is work. I have goals, projects, a couple of things which are not necessarily more than hopes since they are based on rare finds, and I can do it when I am able. Some days I really cannot play much. Confusion does not allow what it takes.
I did get out yesterday too. I took my friend to dinner at Golden Coral, one of his favorite places to eat. It is fine, if it is not my favorite. Prices keep going up, but really, how can quantity go down when it is all you can eat? If quality is decreasing I have not noticed. I rarely eat more than two plates. At 6'4" and my friend being 6'0" or 6'1", I bet when they see us they wonder how much we are going to stow out. I think my friend often will eat more than I do. You would not think it by looking at us. Too funny.
I scheduled an oil change for mid-afternoon. And, since I am going to be in town, I asked if my friend wanted to go for lunch. There is a place that makes excellent sandwiches. The place where you order the half meat sandwich or you actually do get half meat. Which is crazy. If it had been one worker one time who did that, I would just think they had a noob or even a disgruntled. But, no, every time and both of our sandwiches. Whatever, I will always gladly pay less for more. I will have them drive me to my friend's place during the oil change. I hate just sitting in a waiting room, interacting completely non-verbally with everyone coming and going if they grab my attention or what I am reading is so utterly typically main stream that it does not hold my attention well enough to try and ignore people.
After that is done, I will do a little shopping. Milk is low. I have hamburger but could use a bit more. Other beef cuts are needed as well. Maybe some pork too. What happened to chicken hindquarters? I can get thighs, I can get drumsticks, both usually in larger packages than I would like without the hassle of splitting out. I can no longer find hindquarters. I hate the changing market. As well, I do not mind having four or five of a type of item to choose from, but do we really need 50 types of liquid dish soap? Really? I am thinking in the Navy we said if you cannot dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your... I think they are baffling. No, I am sure they are. Then again, if I hate to say it but not really, I think it is true, shopping is women's work. Whether they like it or not, making a bunch of little decisions that are almost squat nothing in difference is something their animal side brain likes to do. Started with leaves, green not purple, and maybe even grubs, fat or thin? Men just killed something big, thinking big means no work for a while. The first time they killed a mammoth they must have about caused themselves a hernia until one of them decided to move camp TO the mammoth. hehe... Yeah, I can see that one. Whoever came up with that became chief, too.
I have a bit of waking up to do. Have a good day, avoid odd things on the ground, do not waste your breath on died-in-the-wool crazies, and do not throw old spuds, just peel, pare the bruises, boil, add one part butter per two parts potatoes, and enjoy. Later.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Up before the alarm.
.
.
So many people around me live in false worlds. They are professionals, so one would think they should know better. The medical community is full of people who refuse to look at the truth of their political yearnings, for example. Actually, I suspect if they were otherwise disposed, politically, they would not be allowed through medical school without being burned by the system so as to scar them into a very harsh cynicism (which I have also seen, it seems either a burned out husk of a once conservative or a psychotic Peter Pan fantasy liberal is sitting in front of me in exam rooms). It does not stop with them. Have a "mature" discussion with a teacher, or even a blue collar worker who also happens to be in a union. Even if he does not like the union, he fears it and protects it in some odd way (just in case someone hears that he does not like it?). Where does this end? I cannot say, but it is every where.
I sometimes feel like I am speaking to a world of junkies. Afraid their dealer will hear if they diss their dealer, they all skirt the issues or even praise the dealer, the drug, or the effects. Watch the news. Listen in many churches. Talk to the elderly. At least the young are merely ignorant. It is everywhere. What makes me dangerous is not that I have firearms or that I can use them, it is that I am not vested in the system and may speak the truth. Of course, it is this which makes me insane... to the world. My problem, I have never been different, even when functional. Then again, I think that is what was going to "take me places" too. I seriously was being considered for college and OTS. I just figured out why, actually, I think. The young, and I was, do not consider these things.
I have to hope that enough people in leadership roles got there because they were independent and strongly so, and not because they were boot licking populists or yes men. Crown Princes? Well, when they have severed their ties to the kingship through selfish fetishes of a political or sinful nature, I suppose all they have left is bitter populism as a hope for thwarting the surety of their historic failure? Politicians who know they are neither correct nor gaining popularity will seek destructive means of obtaining more power and enacting their warped will. Movie stars, singers, and such... I would guess drugs and some false populism. All they see are camera flashes, and the camera men sometimes. Their world is as media whores and they tow the line, or simply do not see anything beyond that. But typical people? Is it truly submitting to their fears? Is it lying to escape their truth? I do not know. I know it is all Hell bound. God has grace, but...
It is not that God cannot love, it is that we cannot love, holding on to whatever sin we use as a filler. If we hold our sins, even when shown the difference, being in God's presence would destroy us as we are inextricably intertwined with sin and God's mere presence destroys sin, thus us. We choose, like an addict choosing to not be a part of a healthy family, to be alone with our addiction. God does not cast us out, He saves us from ultimate destruction. Why so many choose to be alone with their sin... This, this is what baffles. And insane political beliefs, trust in genocidal policy, agreeing with what one knows to be a lie, these are all choosing death over life and then trying to use logic to bolster the choice. Logic has failed at the start, there is no way it can then go on to succeed to prove what it has already shown is false, so madness is the only thing that shines through for those with eyes to see.
I am not sure what was running in the back of my mind, but this post is the result. I still feel like I psychologically stepped in a pile of something distasteful. Hopefully spitting it out by writing down the conclusions will make the day a bit smoother. Good day.
.
So many people around me live in false worlds. They are professionals, so one would think they should know better. The medical community is full of people who refuse to look at the truth of their political yearnings, for example. Actually, I suspect if they were otherwise disposed, politically, they would not be allowed through medical school without being burned by the system so as to scar them into a very harsh cynicism (which I have also seen, it seems either a burned out husk of a once conservative or a psychotic Peter Pan fantasy liberal is sitting in front of me in exam rooms). It does not stop with them. Have a "mature" discussion with a teacher, or even a blue collar worker who also happens to be in a union. Even if he does not like the union, he fears it and protects it in some odd way (just in case someone hears that he does not like it?). Where does this end? I cannot say, but it is every where.
I sometimes feel like I am speaking to a world of junkies. Afraid their dealer will hear if they diss their dealer, they all skirt the issues or even praise the dealer, the drug, or the effects. Watch the news. Listen in many churches. Talk to the elderly. At least the young are merely ignorant. It is everywhere. What makes me dangerous is not that I have firearms or that I can use them, it is that I am not vested in the system and may speak the truth. Of course, it is this which makes me insane... to the world. My problem, I have never been different, even when functional. Then again, I think that is what was going to "take me places" too. I seriously was being considered for college and OTS. I just figured out why, actually, I think. The young, and I was, do not consider these things.
I have to hope that enough people in leadership roles got there because they were independent and strongly so, and not because they were boot licking populists or yes men. Crown Princes? Well, when they have severed their ties to the kingship through selfish fetishes of a political or sinful nature, I suppose all they have left is bitter populism as a hope for thwarting the surety of their historic failure? Politicians who know they are neither correct nor gaining popularity will seek destructive means of obtaining more power and enacting their warped will. Movie stars, singers, and such... I would guess drugs and some false populism. All they see are camera flashes, and the camera men sometimes. Their world is as media whores and they tow the line, or simply do not see anything beyond that. But typical people? Is it truly submitting to their fears? Is it lying to escape their truth? I do not know. I know it is all Hell bound. God has grace, but...
It is not that God cannot love, it is that we cannot love, holding on to whatever sin we use as a filler. If we hold our sins, even when shown the difference, being in God's presence would destroy us as we are inextricably intertwined with sin and God's mere presence destroys sin, thus us. We choose, like an addict choosing to not be a part of a healthy family, to be alone with our addiction. God does not cast us out, He saves us from ultimate destruction. Why so many choose to be alone with their sin... This, this is what baffles. And insane political beliefs, trust in genocidal policy, agreeing with what one knows to be a lie, these are all choosing death over life and then trying to use logic to bolster the choice. Logic has failed at the start, there is no way it can then go on to succeed to prove what it has already shown is false, so madness is the only thing that shines through for those with eyes to see.
I am not sure what was running in the back of my mind, but this post is the result. I still feel like I psychologically stepped in a pile of something distasteful. Hopefully spitting it out by writing down the conclusions will make the day a bit smoother. Good day.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Not good.
.
.
Fever is back, the world is closing in a bit. Headache, fever, aches and pains, that grungy feeling that sickness brings, all piling up. I do not have the feeling it will get worse, only that this might be a bit of a lasting thing. No 24 or 48 hour bug. I strongly suspect the booster shots, one or both. I cannot get it cool enough or warm enough, depending on the moment. Foolishness. Time to call the day off, grab a little gullet fixin's, and crawl under the sheets. Maybe since I am sick the kids will be nice and cuddle. No, probably not. They do that at their own times and for their own reasons. Hmm, they both have the sneezes too. They have been sneezing for about a week now. Sporadically, so I have not worried. Ah well, nothing like everyone in the family being a bit sick to keep things on a level playing field.
Still hoping to get a few things done tomorrow. I am not sure how much push I have in me, but if things just happen (as I think they should and do when it is right) I may not need to push. Good night ladies and gentlemen. Sleep well.
.
Fever is back, the world is closing in a bit. Headache, fever, aches and pains, that grungy feeling that sickness brings, all piling up. I do not have the feeling it will get worse, only that this might be a bit of a lasting thing. No 24 or 48 hour bug. I strongly suspect the booster shots, one or both. I cannot get it cool enough or warm enough, depending on the moment. Foolishness. Time to call the day off, grab a little gullet fixin's, and crawl under the sheets. Maybe since I am sick the kids will be nice and cuddle. No, probably not. They do that at their own times and for their own reasons. Hmm, they both have the sneezes too. They have been sneezing for about a week now. Sporadically, so I have not worried. Ah well, nothing like everyone in the family being a bit sick to keep things on a level playing field.
Still hoping to get a few things done tomorrow. I am not sure how much push I have in me, but if things just happen (as I think they should and do when it is right) I may not need to push. Good night ladies and gentlemen. Sleep well.
Ad monsters.
.
.
I received a comment today, regarding smoke cessation. Some bit about how hard it is for people to quit and that there is a tool to help, with a link. Then a plea that the comment not be deleted because of the link. Well, yes and no. First, they tried to comment on a very old thread, second, the thread had nothing to do with smoking, chewing, or any such, and third... of course the link. Some of these little monsters are just too funny. Then again, they never make it to public viewing anyway, but that is not the point. I just love flicking those away. I am sure I might miss some, somehow. I doubt if the sponsor of blogs is ever on the side of bloggers. Bottom line, regardless of anything they say, is their interest.
Another rough day but things are smoothing out. I am hoping to get to town and have my oil changed and a checkup done tomorrow. I suppose I could do it myself. The thing is I do not really have the tools for the type of checkup needed to go along with the oil change. Further, the little details are extreme tripping points for me. Oil filter on too tight or too loose, oil plug not tightened just right, resetting the oil change button. No, I will pay and if necessary sue. Besides, I truly despise getting oil and grease under my fingernails. I really do not know how they talked me into become a machinist mate. Even as a kid I hated that. I do not remember those days so I am left to guess. I doubt if they could simply have ordered me to do it though.
We all here, the cats and myself, sense that spring is nearing. Maybe not this week, maybe not for a month, and there probably will be some serious winter between, but we know it is coming. Sassy should be ready to pounce, Sam is definitely ready for longer outings, and I am going to try and be out in the yard a bit more. Nothing fancy, just figuring out what to do with last year's leavings. It takes me a long time to figure things out. Once that happens, they might still be a little late but the tasks will then get done much better and more frequently. Figuring out how to properly dispose of yard litter, leaves branches and such, is my current problem. I suspect I could save bundles of branches, tied into rounds, and stored. Though that is a bit of a fire hazard. So a little consideration about that might be wise.
As I may have said, another rough day. A headache and muscle aches have shadowed my every step and action. Aspirin has only slightly lessened the pains. Slow and still a bit tired. But I think it is improving. A little work on dishes as well tomorrow. Yeah, I might be caught up by the end of the week. Later or maybe good night.
.
I received a comment today, regarding smoke cessation. Some bit about how hard it is for people to quit and that there is a tool to help, with a link. Then a plea that the comment not be deleted because of the link. Well, yes and no. First, they tried to comment on a very old thread, second, the thread had nothing to do with smoking, chewing, or any such, and third... of course the link. Some of these little monsters are just too funny. Then again, they never make it to public viewing anyway, but that is not the point. I just love flicking those away. I am sure I might miss some, somehow. I doubt if the sponsor of blogs is ever on the side of bloggers. Bottom line, regardless of anything they say, is their interest.
Another rough day but things are smoothing out. I am hoping to get to town and have my oil changed and a checkup done tomorrow. I suppose I could do it myself. The thing is I do not really have the tools for the type of checkup needed to go along with the oil change. Further, the little details are extreme tripping points for me. Oil filter on too tight or too loose, oil plug not tightened just right, resetting the oil change button. No, I will pay and if necessary sue. Besides, I truly despise getting oil and grease under my fingernails. I really do not know how they talked me into become a machinist mate. Even as a kid I hated that. I do not remember those days so I am left to guess. I doubt if they could simply have ordered me to do it though.
We all here, the cats and myself, sense that spring is nearing. Maybe not this week, maybe not for a month, and there probably will be some serious winter between, but we know it is coming. Sassy should be ready to pounce, Sam is definitely ready for longer outings, and I am going to try and be out in the yard a bit more. Nothing fancy, just figuring out what to do with last year's leavings. It takes me a long time to figure things out. Once that happens, they might still be a little late but the tasks will then get done much better and more frequently. Figuring out how to properly dispose of yard litter, leaves branches and such, is my current problem. I suspect I could save bundles of branches, tied into rounds, and stored. Though that is a bit of a fire hazard. So a little consideration about that might be wise.
As I may have said, another rough day. A headache and muscle aches have shadowed my every step and action. Aspirin has only slightly lessened the pains. Slow and still a bit tired. But I think it is improving. A little work on dishes as well tomorrow. Yeah, I might be caught up by the end of the week. Later or maybe good night.
The booster shots? Still paying?
.
.
Whatever! Whoever is beating on my cranium with the sludge hammer, would you please cease and desist? *OUCH* This is day two of waking up to a painful world, and a bit more painful than these days usually are. I have suffered through this nonsense up to this point. Today I decided a handful of aspirin with caffeine was the way to go and will double that down should the gremlins not get the idea. My neck is stiff and sore too. I felt like I slept well enough, and that it was not too tight of a sleep, so I am not sure what the problem is. Though, still up early, as per the alarm, and pleased about that. I do feel really tired still, but I want to push this. I want to stay on a regular joe schedule as long as I can.
I am not hungry for anything traditional. The headache is one of those. But I remembered the orange julius I had the other day. That was so tasty I decided to have another. A odd concoction to be sure. It seems to give me sustenance without irritating my need for tranquility, or peace and quiet on all fronts, or something. I am not quite nauseous, it is just something in that general neighborhood. Since they have probably started pasteurizing every darned thing, I doubt there is any danger. Even if they did not, the danger is quite small. Besides, I think people ought to start not only living with a bit of danger, but outright choosing some. It is fear of anything that might possibly hurt you, your dog, your big toe, that is driving you into the arms of a totalitarian government. That, however, you should fear. Just... saying. Then again, fear that too greatly at your own peril as well. Balanced indifference, qualified and quantified fear. Fear your Lord first and most. But know Him well enough to do so properly. Hmm, orange julius' go straight to the head, even without vodka? Oh well.
Hey, have a fine morning and day.
.
Whatever! Whoever is beating on my cranium with the sludge hammer, would you please cease and desist? *OUCH* This is day two of waking up to a painful world, and a bit more painful than these days usually are. I have suffered through this nonsense up to this point. Today I decided a handful of aspirin with caffeine was the way to go and will double that down should the gremlins not get the idea. My neck is stiff and sore too. I felt like I slept well enough, and that it was not too tight of a sleep, so I am not sure what the problem is. Though, still up early, as per the alarm, and pleased about that. I do feel really tired still, but I want to push this. I want to stay on a regular joe schedule as long as I can.
I am not hungry for anything traditional. The headache is one of those. But I remembered the orange julius I had the other day. That was so tasty I decided to have another. A odd concoction to be sure. It seems to give me sustenance without irritating my need for tranquility, or peace and quiet on all fronts, or something. I am not quite nauseous, it is just something in that general neighborhood. Since they have probably started pasteurizing every darned thing, I doubt there is any danger. Even if they did not, the danger is quite small. Besides, I think people ought to start not only living with a bit of danger, but outright choosing some. It is fear of anything that might possibly hurt you, your dog, your big toe, that is driving you into the arms of a totalitarian government. That, however, you should fear. Just... saying. Then again, fear that too greatly at your own peril as well. Balanced indifference, qualified and quantified fear. Fear your Lord first and most. But know Him well enough to do so properly. Hmm, orange julius' go straight to the head, even without vodka? Oh well.
Hey, have a fine morning and day.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Paying for it.
.
.
It took a bit longer than I had hoped to come down and get to bed yesterday, though nothing drastic. By 23:30, if memory serves, I was in bed. Sleep was not long at all in arriving. I actually think I slept so soundly that I did not roll as I should, causing the slight headache I woke with. The good news is that I woke well, mostly. I set the alarm for a reasonable time and woke to it. I was and am tired though. I just took a nap, and set the alarm to make sure that did not stretch too long. Zapped, fried, fizzled, I am paying for pushing yesterday. It is not my body paying me back for exercising, exactly, it is more like battery cells which have been run dry. Trying to work and recharge today makes doing anything strenuous tenuous.
The sun is out, and shining "big". It is good to see and feel. We did get a skift of new snow, but the sun has eaten that. First it became a water slick, now it has gone to better places (someone else's soon to be snowfield, ha). Now, I like the snow so it is all good to me. I even enjoy the temperatures around here. Yesterday was a wonderful day. I didn't need my jacket, really, and let the wind whip it around as I walked outside instead of using the tunnel. When, in idle chatter, I discussed how nice the weather was, the guy I was speaking with had no interest save hoping that it warms up. Warms up? It... well... it WAS warm. I truly must be from another planet. Or he was. Bah!
Not much will be done today. Concentration is something that becomes strained when I over exert or simply when my batteries are too low for whatever reason. Still, the chores are getting to a point where I should have my house back into some kind of shape in a few days of effort. Even eight hours, or even six, I could have the place very spiffy, should I nose in and just work. Which means it is not that bad, just needing a lick and a spit, as they say. No, I do not mean that would bring it back up to bachelor standards, I mean it would bring it up to my Mother's standards (within my capacity to do so).
I just woke from my nap, not much else is going on and I can think of nothing interesting (of course) right at the moment. So, off I go. Have a good evening.
.
It took a bit longer than I had hoped to come down and get to bed yesterday, though nothing drastic. By 23:30, if memory serves, I was in bed. Sleep was not long at all in arriving. I actually think I slept so soundly that I did not roll as I should, causing the slight headache I woke with. The good news is that I woke well, mostly. I set the alarm for a reasonable time and woke to it. I was and am tired though. I just took a nap, and set the alarm to make sure that did not stretch too long. Zapped, fried, fizzled, I am paying for pushing yesterday. It is not my body paying me back for exercising, exactly, it is more like battery cells which have been run dry. Trying to work and recharge today makes doing anything strenuous tenuous.
The sun is out, and shining "big". It is good to see and feel. We did get a skift of new snow, but the sun has eaten that. First it became a water slick, now it has gone to better places (someone else's soon to be snowfield, ha). Now, I like the snow so it is all good to me. I even enjoy the temperatures around here. Yesterday was a wonderful day. I didn't need my jacket, really, and let the wind whip it around as I walked outside instead of using the tunnel. When, in idle chatter, I discussed how nice the weather was, the guy I was speaking with had no interest save hoping that it warms up. Warms up? It... well... it WAS warm. I truly must be from another planet. Or he was. Bah!
Not much will be done today. Concentration is something that becomes strained when I over exert or simply when my batteries are too low for whatever reason. Still, the chores are getting to a point where I should have my house back into some kind of shape in a few days of effort. Even eight hours, or even six, I could have the place very spiffy, should I nose in and just work. Which means it is not that bad, just needing a lick and a spit, as they say. No, I do not mean that would bring it back up to bachelor standards, I mean it would bring it up to my Mother's standards (within my capacity to do so).
I just woke from my nap, not much else is going on and I can think of nothing interesting (of course) right at the moment. So, off I go. Have a good evening.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sanity, from a psycopathogen?
.
.
Oh, psychopathogen is my nickname for psychiatrists, psychosteins for psychologists, by the way. Anywhile, the answer to the question of a title is, yes. That is the first conversation I have had with any medical facilitator in many a year where I thought they were not being passive-aggressive, peevish, elusive, just plain lying, or all those at once. Huh. Never would have thunk that one. I am glad I peeled myself off the psychic floor and did not quit because of the foolishness I have been dealing with elsewhere in the medical community.
After an extensive interview he even suggest my problem probably is medical, not psychiatric. Oh yes. I thanked him for it too. Of course, as soon as I thanked him, he backed off and covered his butt. No matter, I got the "probably medical" right the first time, and so did he if he was not so sure he should have said it. I think he also came up with the reason medicine will not offer Ritalin. The fear of mania. We did discuss this and I explained that both anti-depressants and extreme efforts on my part, probably lead to those episodes. Still, that would not satisfy medical. So, what he has proposed is adding a mood stabilizer. This is not to my taste, but if they will allow Ritalin with it, and then we go back to Lisinipril and the water pill I was on, I will bite that apple. I am not sure how this combination will work, it is different, but I would be willing to put my skin in the game with three out of four choices.
Now, the deal is not done. He is merely a consultant to my medical provider, which is the Ogden clinic. He can only recommend, advise. So, I will set up an appointment there and we will see how that goes. I am, sadly, quite dubious. Still, this day has offered some hope that there might be something that works in the pipeline. Of course, it does not really matter to a degree. In three or four years I will cease taking medicines period. I will only take this junk long enough to give me a chance to regain health and condition through normal means. If that does not work then I will die. I will not be on medicine the rest of my life. Of course, that is assuming I do not stroke out or have a fatal heart attach in the time between now and any possible agreement on a medication treatment.
The first sensible medical treatment I have seen in years, and from a psychopathogen. Imagine that will you? Bah. But... okay. Well, time to tinker and come down. I had to press it hard to get up, get ready, get out, and get back. I need to kick it down before bedtime or I will ruin my three days of pre-sun rises and shines... well, not shines so much, but... It has been good. Later or good night.
.
Oh, psychopathogen is my nickname for psychiatrists, psychosteins for psychologists, by the way. Anywhile, the answer to the question of a title is, yes. That is the first conversation I have had with any medical facilitator in many a year where I thought they were not being passive-aggressive, peevish, elusive, just plain lying, or all those at once. Huh. Never would have thunk that one. I am glad I peeled myself off the psychic floor and did not quit because of the foolishness I have been dealing with elsewhere in the medical community.
After an extensive interview he even suggest my problem probably is medical, not psychiatric. Oh yes. I thanked him for it too. Of course, as soon as I thanked him, he backed off and covered his butt. No matter, I got the "probably medical" right the first time, and so did he if he was not so sure he should have said it. I think he also came up with the reason medicine will not offer Ritalin. The fear of mania. We did discuss this and I explained that both anti-depressants and extreme efforts on my part, probably lead to those episodes. Still, that would not satisfy medical. So, what he has proposed is adding a mood stabilizer. This is not to my taste, but if they will allow Ritalin with it, and then we go back to Lisinipril and the water pill I was on, I will bite that apple. I am not sure how this combination will work, it is different, but I would be willing to put my skin in the game with three out of four choices.
Now, the deal is not done. He is merely a consultant to my medical provider, which is the Ogden clinic. He can only recommend, advise. So, I will set up an appointment there and we will see how that goes. I am, sadly, quite dubious. Still, this day has offered some hope that there might be something that works in the pipeline. Of course, it does not really matter to a degree. In three or four years I will cease taking medicines period. I will only take this junk long enough to give me a chance to regain health and condition through normal means. If that does not work then I will die. I will not be on medicine the rest of my life. Of course, that is assuming I do not stroke out or have a fatal heart attach in the time between now and any possible agreement on a medication treatment.
The first sensible medical treatment I have seen in years, and from a psychopathogen. Imagine that will you? Bah. But... okay. Well, time to tinker and come down. I had to press it hard to get up, get ready, get out, and get back. I need to kick it down before bedtime or I will ruin my three days of pre-sun rises and shines... well, not shines so much, but... It has been good. Later or good night.
It is a rough one.
.
.
I did get the trash out, and an old batch of beans I have been meaning to get out for... a while now. That was one of the holdups on getting another fresh batch of beans in the works. Which held up rice too. Which... spirals into nothing getting done. A few different chores in a few areas not being done in a timely manner and I fall out of touch. Some of it I probably could do, but not all of it. And, when it seems too much needing done, something just clicks "off". Anyway, one of those chores is done, and the trash taken out too. As well, the kitty litter was tended as an afterthought, though I have been keeping up on that fairly well.
By the way, as fast as I go through kitty litter and at the price of it, say $60 a month give or take (changing lightly 2 times a week and adding in extra to fill, with a complete change once, a week is all) an automatic litter box might be worth the money. At $250 or so, with expensive but rarely changed out litter, I think it would end up being not only chore saving but money saving. Then again, who really knows. I am going to begin investigating that again.
Yes, a tough one. I have had to push and push just to get the little done I have done and I still need to shower, groom, dress properly, and make it to SLC. It just is not an easy day. Am I expecting to much to expect life to just sort of happen? Yeah, the extras might need a little push. But should everything require extreme effort? This is not new, this has been the way of it for 20 plus years now. It is not age, it is not weight, it is not depression, it is a combination of a sense of the need to sleep that is nearly overwhelming and a bit of confusion at times. Staying up for more than 12 hours at a time, without extreme shoving, is a new thing to me. Only in the last 5 to 8 years has that even been possible without so much stress to it I would become suicidal. Now I can do so, and longer, but at the cost of any real activity. I almost have to do nothing to make it. Exercise can see me to sleeping days at a time. Am I really asking too much to either be left alone or to receive the one thing I have ever seen that helped? Really?
Well, anyway, thinking about that gets my gumption up. Now to use that to shower and get going. I should still be there early enough, this time, to grab a bite to eat before I have to be there but we will see. Oh, I forgot to do the 24 hour urinalysis yesterday. I may just have to do that tomorrow (cannot today for obvious reasons) and just pay my own way into SLC. Yeah, I know, but a half a tank of fuel is precious these days, especially when the tank holds 18 gallons and change. I am a bit more flush this month, so I can actually do it. Just understand, everything from energy to money, for me, is marginal. I have to watch every nickle, every action, and every word, give or take. Costs... I often feel that I know more about how the men made it back from the failed effort to land on the moon than most would dare to think they did. Where they had to switch this, turn off that, funnel this, just to limp back. They were never sure they could do it and the odds were very against them. Even with the greatest minds working on the problem, it was a minor miracle they pulled it off. It was no fun for them. I wonder how they would have liked doing that with their own bodies throughout a twenty year lifespan? Tight, that is all I am saying.
Well, off and too it. Have a good day. I will rough it, and today, even being rough, I actually think I will make it. I am getting the sweats just thinking about it so I best get too it before I fail, again. Bah! Double bah!
.
I did get the trash out, and an old batch of beans I have been meaning to get out for... a while now. That was one of the holdups on getting another fresh batch of beans in the works. Which held up rice too. Which... spirals into nothing getting done. A few different chores in a few areas not being done in a timely manner and I fall out of touch. Some of it I probably could do, but not all of it. And, when it seems too much needing done, something just clicks "off". Anyway, one of those chores is done, and the trash taken out too. As well, the kitty litter was tended as an afterthought, though I have been keeping up on that fairly well.
By the way, as fast as I go through kitty litter and at the price of it, say $60 a month give or take (changing lightly 2 times a week and adding in extra to fill, with a complete change once, a week is all) an automatic litter box might be worth the money. At $250 or so, with expensive but rarely changed out litter, I think it would end up being not only chore saving but money saving. Then again, who really knows. I am going to begin investigating that again.
Yes, a tough one. I have had to push and push just to get the little done I have done and I still need to shower, groom, dress properly, and make it to SLC. It just is not an easy day. Am I expecting to much to expect life to just sort of happen? Yeah, the extras might need a little push. But should everything require extreme effort? This is not new, this has been the way of it for 20 plus years now. It is not age, it is not weight, it is not depression, it is a combination of a sense of the need to sleep that is nearly overwhelming and a bit of confusion at times. Staying up for more than 12 hours at a time, without extreme shoving, is a new thing to me. Only in the last 5 to 8 years has that even been possible without so much stress to it I would become suicidal. Now I can do so, and longer, but at the cost of any real activity. I almost have to do nothing to make it. Exercise can see me to sleeping days at a time. Am I really asking too much to either be left alone or to receive the one thing I have ever seen that helped? Really?
Well, anyway, thinking about that gets my gumption up. Now to use that to shower and get going. I should still be there early enough, this time, to grab a bite to eat before I have to be there but we will see. Oh, I forgot to do the 24 hour urinalysis yesterday. I may just have to do that tomorrow (cannot today for obvious reasons) and just pay my own way into SLC. Yeah, I know, but a half a tank of fuel is precious these days, especially when the tank holds 18 gallons and change. I am a bit more flush this month, so I can actually do it. Just understand, everything from energy to money, for me, is marginal. I have to watch every nickle, every action, and every word, give or take. Costs... I often feel that I know more about how the men made it back from the failed effort to land on the moon than most would dare to think they did. Where they had to switch this, turn off that, funnel this, just to limp back. They were never sure they could do it and the odds were very against them. Even with the greatest minds working on the problem, it was a minor miracle they pulled it off. It was no fun for them. I wonder how they would have liked doing that with their own bodies throughout a twenty year lifespan? Tight, that is all I am saying.
Well, off and too it. Have a good day. I will rough it, and today, even being rough, I actually think I will make it. I am getting the sweats just thinking about it so I best get too it before I fail, again. Bah! Double bah!
Mostly good.
.
.
Three days of seeing my feet on the floor before seeing the sun on the horizon. Pleased, I say. Self satisfaction in such little things has to bore others to tears, but it is what I have. I have an appointment again today, at 15:00 or so. It should be an easy one to make if one I am not looking forward to being present at. Still, it is the way it goes. I had thought, perhaps, to get my vehicle in for an oil change. I just do not see that happening. Time and complexity and doubt make that improbable. Further, I am not sure that trying to fit too many things "out there" together in one day is wise yet. I need a carrier agent for such doings, such as my mother, my lady friend, someone who knows I have limits and will... advise, support, guide, or such. Either that or I need to be in fear or have some other adrenaline inducing situation to help. As is I blare my stereo in order to produce enough adrenaline to make it through trips.
A shower, brushing of teeth and hair, and a bit of tinkering leading up to my exit is all I can expect. Though I may be able to leave early enough for it to be a comfortable trip. So much is involved in so much of life, I really think people have forgotten how complex life is because they are simply busy living it. If they had to choose between clean body, clean clothes, eating, sleep, and a few other things, and could only pick one or two of those, how soon would the world they know break down. Those are my choices. It takes Herculean effort to have all of those dials on "go". Even then, eating might have to be addressed in a less than optimal manner, such as by eating fast food. The body must eat to function. Period. Calories, when it needs them, are calories. It does not care about balance, fat, salt, sugar, protein or such, just the bottom line.
Oh, I had best get the trash out today. This morning, now. So. Later. Have a good day though.
.
Three days of seeing my feet on the floor before seeing the sun on the horizon. Pleased, I say. Self satisfaction in such little things has to bore others to tears, but it is what I have. I have an appointment again today, at 15:00 or so. It should be an easy one to make if one I am not looking forward to being present at. Still, it is the way it goes. I had thought, perhaps, to get my vehicle in for an oil change. I just do not see that happening. Time and complexity and doubt make that improbable. Further, I am not sure that trying to fit too many things "out there" together in one day is wise yet. I need a carrier agent for such doings, such as my mother, my lady friend, someone who knows I have limits and will... advise, support, guide, or such. Either that or I need to be in fear or have some other adrenaline inducing situation to help. As is I blare my stereo in order to produce enough adrenaline to make it through trips.
A shower, brushing of teeth and hair, and a bit of tinkering leading up to my exit is all I can expect. Though I may be able to leave early enough for it to be a comfortable trip. So much is involved in so much of life, I really think people have forgotten how complex life is because they are simply busy living it. If they had to choose between clean body, clean clothes, eating, sleep, and a few other things, and could only pick one or two of those, how soon would the world they know break down. Those are my choices. It takes Herculean effort to have all of those dials on "go". Even then, eating might have to be addressed in a less than optimal manner, such as by eating fast food. The body must eat to function. Period. Calories, when it needs them, are calories. It does not care about balance, fat, salt, sugar, protein or such, just the bottom line.
Oh, I had best get the trash out today. This morning, now. So. Later. Have a good day though.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The little beasts are ruthless.
.
.
And rather bright. The cat types that is. They have learned, through trial and error, that direct confrontation with pop-o, in order to wake him, ends it little thuds and kitty marks on the walls. Nothing personal, mind you. And, whiskers in the face, while receiving no dangerous reaction, will simply find me pulling the blankets up. The tickles, however, do make me smile even in my sleep. Remember now, Sam and Sassy do not really get along. Then again, they are female, and feline, so... getting along may be something totally different for them than for me. So, when all else has failed, they have through trial and error devised a way to wake pop-o. Since they know I am careful with them, in my rolling and such, and they know that I cannot sleep well when I get too warm, they now cuddle in on both sides of me, keeping me from rolling out or shifting the blankets or such. It is cute, it really is. I have my own biological alarm clocks. I just have to remember not to put food out later in the evening. Not smart, eh? Collusion too. Sweet little pests.
A bit of a fever this morning. It has mostly lifted. A bit of a headache too, but that went untreated and is just a ghost in the back of my mind. My arms are sore, but do not hurt to use. I have been eating well enough, and drinking milk. I sure miss it when I run out and cannot get out. Milk, more than any other thing I have, is a treat every time. At two gallons a week, whole and straight and for years, one would think I would be tired of the stuff. Not so. Even in my teens I could drink half of a gallon at a sitting, if allowed. The cats love it too. Sam less so. Sassy is like her pop-o, at least for now. She gets two tablespoons of it three to six times a day and would have it more if she had the wherewithal.
Well, back to tinkering. Not much will be done today, which is fine. Tomorrow I have another appointment in SLC. They are doing a lot of tests, though this one is psych intake. I am pretty sure I am okay in this regard, but I will let them look. It cannot hurt and it should satisfy them that I allowed this to take place. Of course, they believe the whole of the problem to be psychological in nature. And they think that because they have not found what is wrong. Psychology seems to be the garbage can for medicine. Cannot find the problem, why then it must be of the mind! Admitting incompetence, or at the very least huge limitations, would be a good first start for medicine. Instead, they get people branded as lunatics for life because they do not know what they are doing too often. Bah!
The sun is out. It would be a good day to get out. I simply do not have what it would take to get out. I am enjoying the warmth and light. Of course, my computer is in the front room where all the light pours in, trying to compute. Computer games are a bit difficult to view in such situations. And, yet, I am pleased for the extra sunshine. There is no warmth like what comes from the sun either. It warms the bones, gone hard from a long winter. The sun certainly cheers the mind and spirit. Even the felines are prancing a little bit more. All is good here.
Have a good day. Get out if you can. Do one little thing outside for those of us stuck inside, would you? A little walk, an extra bit of work out there, or even an unplanned visit to your post box. I will be there in spirit. Later.
.
And rather bright. The cat types that is. They have learned, through trial and error, that direct confrontation with pop-o, in order to wake him, ends it little thuds and kitty marks on the walls. Nothing personal, mind you. And, whiskers in the face, while receiving no dangerous reaction, will simply find me pulling the blankets up. The tickles, however, do make me smile even in my sleep. Remember now, Sam and Sassy do not really get along. Then again, they are female, and feline, so... getting along may be something totally different for them than for me. So, when all else has failed, they have through trial and error devised a way to wake pop-o. Since they know I am careful with them, in my rolling and such, and they know that I cannot sleep well when I get too warm, they now cuddle in on both sides of me, keeping me from rolling out or shifting the blankets or such. It is cute, it really is. I have my own biological alarm clocks. I just have to remember not to put food out later in the evening. Not smart, eh? Collusion too. Sweet little pests.
A bit of a fever this morning. It has mostly lifted. A bit of a headache too, but that went untreated and is just a ghost in the back of my mind. My arms are sore, but do not hurt to use. I have been eating well enough, and drinking milk. I sure miss it when I run out and cannot get out. Milk, more than any other thing I have, is a treat every time. At two gallons a week, whole and straight and for years, one would think I would be tired of the stuff. Not so. Even in my teens I could drink half of a gallon at a sitting, if allowed. The cats love it too. Sam less so. Sassy is like her pop-o, at least for now. She gets two tablespoons of it three to six times a day and would have it more if she had the wherewithal.
Well, back to tinkering. Not much will be done today, which is fine. Tomorrow I have another appointment in SLC. They are doing a lot of tests, though this one is psych intake. I am pretty sure I am okay in this regard, but I will let them look. It cannot hurt and it should satisfy them that I allowed this to take place. Of course, they believe the whole of the problem to be psychological in nature. And they think that because they have not found what is wrong. Psychology seems to be the garbage can for medicine. Cannot find the problem, why then it must be of the mind! Admitting incompetence, or at the very least huge limitations, would be a good first start for medicine. Instead, they get people branded as lunatics for life because they do not know what they are doing too often. Bah!
The sun is out. It would be a good day to get out. I simply do not have what it would take to get out. I am enjoying the warmth and light. Of course, my computer is in the front room where all the light pours in, trying to compute. Computer games are a bit difficult to view in such situations. And, yet, I am pleased for the extra sunshine. There is no warmth like what comes from the sun either. It warms the bones, gone hard from a long winter. The sun certainly cheers the mind and spirit. Even the felines are prancing a little bit more. All is good here.
Have a good day. Get out if you can. Do one little thing outside for those of us stuck inside, would you? A little walk, an extra bit of work out there, or even an unplanned visit to your post box. I will be there in spirit. Later.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
It has been a really good rough day.
.
.
It is so odd, but when I work, when I function, I do. And it is so darned easy. I want to do something and it gets done. I can be sick and still do what I intend to do without fuss, muss, or bother. Thought translates directly to action and action leads to completion. Why it is sometimes so easy, essentially what most of you do every day, I do not know. Why it becomes so very disrupted I cannot say either. It just does. There is no secret path around it. Only Ritalin ever helped, and that tentatively, mostly, sort of... Still, today was an on day, for the most part.
I am definitely still feeling buggy. Either this evening, while I try to sleep, or in the morning, I am going to have one of those buggy bm's. Though the felines, for whatever reason, like visiting me in the 'lou', I have some doubts if they will stay when this come out. I am hoping it takes the bug stuff with it. The fever is lessened, it is just a pastel of the bright red it started as. The headache was mostly treated with aspirin, the stomach is still moody and the feel of it suggest that a sick bm is coming. The arms are feeling better too. A little shortness of breath, though, oddly.
They keep asking if I am short of breath. Well, no. What about if you lay on your back or go up a flight of steps? Actually, I use the stairs often, and since I am always on the verge of being late and many of my clinics are on the fourth floor, I can attest to the fact that I can do four floors without a hitch. Heck, I never lose my breath or feel the need to catch it when I reach my clinic. Though sometimes I do have a quick catch, though I attribute that more to worry about being late than anything physical. How odd that I am this out of shape and yet, not. Now, I cannot do sprints. But I can walk at a pace most people need to jog to maintain, and do so when I have a bit of distance to cover. Actually, I usually walk at a high pace. Odd, truly.
Well, good night. I wanted to stay up another hour, and I stretched writing this, but my stretch has ended. Sleep well, I am pretty sure I will. If that stupid bm will wait or hurry, anyway. Bah!
.
It is so odd, but when I work, when I function, I do. And it is so darned easy. I want to do something and it gets done. I can be sick and still do what I intend to do without fuss, muss, or bother. Thought translates directly to action and action leads to completion. Why it is sometimes so easy, essentially what most of you do every day, I do not know. Why it becomes so very disrupted I cannot say either. It just does. There is no secret path around it. Only Ritalin ever helped, and that tentatively, mostly, sort of... Still, today was an on day, for the most part.
I am definitely still feeling buggy. Either this evening, while I try to sleep, or in the morning, I am going to have one of those buggy bm's. Though the felines, for whatever reason, like visiting me in the 'lou', I have some doubts if they will stay when this come out. I am hoping it takes the bug stuff with it. The fever is lessened, it is just a pastel of the bright red it started as. The headache was mostly treated with aspirin, the stomach is still moody and the feel of it suggest that a sick bm is coming. The arms are feeling better too. A little shortness of breath, though, oddly.
They keep asking if I am short of breath. Well, no. What about if you lay on your back or go up a flight of steps? Actually, I use the stairs often, and since I am always on the verge of being late and many of my clinics are on the fourth floor, I can attest to the fact that I can do four floors without a hitch. Heck, I never lose my breath or feel the need to catch it when I reach my clinic. Though sometimes I do have a quick catch, though I attribute that more to worry about being late than anything physical. How odd that I am this out of shape and yet, not. Now, I cannot do sprints. But I can walk at a pace most people need to jog to maintain, and do so when I have a bit of distance to cover. Actually, I usually walk at a high pace. Odd, truly.
Well, good night. I wanted to stay up another hour, and I stretched writing this, but my stretch has ended. Sleep well, I am pretty sure I will. If that stupid bm will wait or hurry, anyway. Bah!
I think the "flu" is lifting.
.
.
Then again, with me, there are usually reverberations of the illness, sometimes for days or weeks. I do not get as ill, or as often, as most. Once every four or five years I hit it big though. What I am going through is rather typical. A day or two of fever and a few other symptoms, coming in waves, then usually all but gone after that time. I am not worried about the preservative, actually. It is what is in the boosters themselves that I am never sure about. If I were strongly into conspiracy theories, I would be looking at that closely. Alien mind control, I would say. Fortunately, I do not believe in aliens or that we have mass mind control capacity. Communist countries would never change if so. I am sure they have tried. I wonder how many were murdered to disappear the facts?
Sam and Sassy have been enjoying having pop-o back. More attention, milk a bit more often, and less grump. Their food has always been fairly well tended, and their litter boxes too, for the most part. A few slides on that last recently, but... The smell gets to me even through the fog of exhaustion. They do work to bring me out of things. And, even when grumpy, they do not fear me. Bah! What good is being an ogre if you cannot even frighten a kitten! Ah, but it is good too.
Dinner, a real one, home made, and shortly. I did have an orange julius this morning, two raw eggs beaten into orange juice with a little vanilla extract (and some sugar, hush it is a rare thing). I did not feel like eating anything else, the system did not seem interested if it could have handled it. But now I am hungry. Chicken, carrots, and something... Hmm, might be a good time to make a batch of rice. Yeah, that would work.
Well, just blathering today. Illness, or more fever, tends to do that to me. Though I have those tendencies anyway so it does not take much. Later.
.
Then again, with me, there are usually reverberations of the illness, sometimes for days or weeks. I do not get as ill, or as often, as most. Once every four or five years I hit it big though. What I am going through is rather typical. A day or two of fever and a few other symptoms, coming in waves, then usually all but gone after that time. I am not worried about the preservative, actually. It is what is in the boosters themselves that I am never sure about. If I were strongly into conspiracy theories, I would be looking at that closely. Alien mind control, I would say. Fortunately, I do not believe in aliens or that we have mass mind control capacity. Communist countries would never change if so. I am sure they have tried. I wonder how many were murdered to disappear the facts?
Sam and Sassy have been enjoying having pop-o back. More attention, milk a bit more often, and less grump. Their food has always been fairly well tended, and their litter boxes too, for the most part. A few slides on that last recently, but... The smell gets to me even through the fog of exhaustion. They do work to bring me out of things. And, even when grumpy, they do not fear me. Bah! What good is being an ogre if you cannot even frighten a kitten! Ah, but it is good too.
Dinner, a real one, home made, and shortly. I did have an orange julius this morning, two raw eggs beaten into orange juice with a little vanilla extract (and some sugar, hush it is a rare thing). I did not feel like eating anything else, the system did not seem interested if it could have handled it. But now I am hungry. Chicken, carrots, and something... Hmm, might be a good time to make a batch of rice. Yeah, that would work.
Well, just blathering today. Illness, or more fever, tends to do that to me. Though I have those tendencies anyway so it does not take much. Later.
Not just sore arms.
.
.
A grand headache, a bit of a heavy stomach, a mild fever, throbbing neck glands, and a bit of a sour note to the day greeted me when waking this morning. You just have to love booster shots. There are even slight heart palpitations. I am surprised they would give these considering my blood pressure puts me at imminent risk of heart attack and stroke. Then again, medicine is not really medicine, as we would like to think of it. It is a bunch of people doing their own little things with little interaction, foresight, or planning. The cynicism I see there is beyond contempt.
Given that most of the doctors I am seeing are women, and most of the medical I receive is more bureaucratic than scientific, I cannot but suspect that is all that can be expected. All you have to do is look at the studies regarding critical thinking and women, understand that medicine is purely about the patient, understand that emotion has little place in the medical field, and realize the gig is up. I hate to say it, but that is just the way it is. Until feminism is conquered within or from our fall, all things are going to become this way. Feminism will kill me, but I die knowing it is doomed. I guess that is enough.
I must be honest though, when I broke, I was pretty sure it was not something that could be fixed. Even animals know when they are doomed, and many have the capacity to stop eating and go away to die. I was unable to stop eating well enough or for long enough to die, so suicide was the logical next step. Given the cynicism of medicine, I am truly surprised they bothered to bring me back. I am guessing it had more to do with the doctor trying to defeat death and prove his 'godhood' than it had to do with healing a patient. Or, at least, medicine tries to be blind to who it heals as much as modern law tries to ignore as much as possible when delivering "justice". I live in a failed society, though that is nothing new.
Frustrated, every time I go there, of course. Still, I am pleased to have had a chance to find redemption. I am happy to live even this secluded, partial, odd life I have left to me. I suppose I am more frustrated that now that I have it and now that I have seen medicine can actually help, that now medicine has turned away from what did work. Or at least it worked better than anything I have ever seen in 20 years of a gimped life. I almost had a half of a full life and my blood pressure was down to 140's over 90's. That was not good enough for them, so now nothing is considered better by them. You have to see my frustration. I have considered taking matters into my own hands. As I have said, however, I know that will lead to very bad things. I cannot reliably self medicate. I have to have oversight, oversight I can trust. As I would kill to save another from damaging their soul further on this plain, I would die rather than see myself become a monster.
Well, back to tinkering. At least I was able to wake this morning. And I will probably do some more in the kitchen, finish laundry, and do a few other things. Small things, but they are the world to me. Just a little function. It is not all I want, but I will take the little gifts as I may. Good day.
.
A grand headache, a bit of a heavy stomach, a mild fever, throbbing neck glands, and a bit of a sour note to the day greeted me when waking this morning. You just have to love booster shots. There are even slight heart palpitations. I am surprised they would give these considering my blood pressure puts me at imminent risk of heart attack and stroke. Then again, medicine is not really medicine, as we would like to think of it. It is a bunch of people doing their own little things with little interaction, foresight, or planning. The cynicism I see there is beyond contempt.
Given that most of the doctors I am seeing are women, and most of the medical I receive is more bureaucratic than scientific, I cannot but suspect that is all that can be expected. All you have to do is look at the studies regarding critical thinking and women, understand that medicine is purely about the patient, understand that emotion has little place in the medical field, and realize the gig is up. I hate to say it, but that is just the way it is. Until feminism is conquered within or from our fall, all things are going to become this way. Feminism will kill me, but I die knowing it is doomed. I guess that is enough.
I must be honest though, when I broke, I was pretty sure it was not something that could be fixed. Even animals know when they are doomed, and many have the capacity to stop eating and go away to die. I was unable to stop eating well enough or for long enough to die, so suicide was the logical next step. Given the cynicism of medicine, I am truly surprised they bothered to bring me back. I am guessing it had more to do with the doctor trying to defeat death and prove his 'godhood' than it had to do with healing a patient. Or, at least, medicine tries to be blind to who it heals as much as modern law tries to ignore as much as possible when delivering "justice". I live in a failed society, though that is nothing new.
Frustrated, every time I go there, of course. Still, I am pleased to have had a chance to find redemption. I am happy to live even this secluded, partial, odd life I have left to me. I suppose I am more frustrated that now that I have it and now that I have seen medicine can actually help, that now medicine has turned away from what did work. Or at least it worked better than anything I have ever seen in 20 years of a gimped life. I almost had a half of a full life and my blood pressure was down to 140's over 90's. That was not good enough for them, so now nothing is considered better by them. You have to see my frustration. I have considered taking matters into my own hands. As I have said, however, I know that will lead to very bad things. I cannot reliably self medicate. I have to have oversight, oversight I can trust. As I would kill to save another from damaging their soul further on this plain, I would die rather than see myself become a monster.
Well, back to tinkering. At least I was able to wake this morning. And I will probably do some more in the kitchen, finish laundry, and do a few other things. Small things, but they are the world to me. Just a little function. It is not all I want, but I will take the little gifts as I may. Good day.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Both arms.
.
.
Not satisfied with giving me one shot, I got two. A flu shot and a multi-immunization. Tb, whooping cough, and something else. Those needles go in a long way. And, of course, both arms are sore. Of course. The doctor I visited was just another primary care. Told me the same thing every doctor and nurse practitioner I have seen here has said. Sadly, I think it is scrubs again. Something about, just take your pills and be happy. And, your exhaustion is due to psychological issues. After suggesting that the happy pills do not work and that I cannot take the hbp pills, she just rinsed and repeated. They have no ears. Do they cut these doctors out of styrofoam, each exact in every way? No worries. I did do some blood work, after all. Thankfully there was no need for fasting. And, I will, now, take do the 24 hour urinalysis. High salt until I begin the thing Sunday, and throughout that day. So, really, no good news.
I did check with the clinics (available) that I missed to reschedule. I see psych on Monday, Renal was not available to visit (only exists on Tuesdays), and I tried to reschedule the MIR on one of my organs or other but they could not do so without an okay from Renal. Okay. But I did what I could.
I have figured out what mania, or my mania, actually is. It comes down to the fact that I had to try so hard just to stay awake that, when I was not "down", and I could not just turn off the drive, I would... become manic. Since I pulled back and just let things happen, I have not had mania. Oh, and being off "anti-depressants" has helped a great deal as well. Those things are nuts when not depressed. And, whatever else I am, I am not depressed. I simply do not function. Well, that is my story. Further, I am pretty sure it is correct.
I told this doctor, as I have told others, the problems are not psychological. If for no other reason than that medicines do not work. They can hit a symptom from time to time, but they do not treat the cause. The blood work I did and urinalysis is supposed to be an actual examination of the physical, looking for problems in a number of areas. Oh, this doctor asked if they had not done a solid physical check when I first became ill. I said no. I was suicidal so was branded a psych problem, medical was bypassed completely. (Why would someone who just lost their career and ability to simply wake up and function typically not be suicidal, by the way? Normal response to an abnormal situation, at least to my thinking.)
I did call my friend as I was heading into Logan. He was happy to go out for a bit. I did some grocery shopping, then, as I said, went to that Mexican eatery. He had a meal I would not have contemplated, mango shrimp. That is the second meal he has had there that has knocked his socks off and he is still twitchy about eating that food. For my part, shrimp ceviche and steak fajitas. There is no room for desert, for either of us. Then I let him off at his place, scooted on home, gave the feline terrors some milk, tinkered to relax, doing this, now to bed.
Good night!
.
Not satisfied with giving me one shot, I got two. A flu shot and a multi-immunization. Tb, whooping cough, and something else. Those needles go in a long way. And, of course, both arms are sore. Of course. The doctor I visited was just another primary care. Told me the same thing every doctor and nurse practitioner I have seen here has said. Sadly, I think it is scrubs again. Something about, just take your pills and be happy. And, your exhaustion is due to psychological issues. After suggesting that the happy pills do not work and that I cannot take the hbp pills, she just rinsed and repeated. They have no ears. Do they cut these doctors out of styrofoam, each exact in every way? No worries. I did do some blood work, after all. Thankfully there was no need for fasting. And, I will, now, take do the 24 hour urinalysis. High salt until I begin the thing Sunday, and throughout that day. So, really, no good news.
I did check with the clinics (available) that I missed to reschedule. I see psych on Monday, Renal was not available to visit (only exists on Tuesdays), and I tried to reschedule the MIR on one of my organs or other but they could not do so without an okay from Renal. Okay. But I did what I could.
I have figured out what mania, or my mania, actually is. It comes down to the fact that I had to try so hard just to stay awake that, when I was not "down", and I could not just turn off the drive, I would... become manic. Since I pulled back and just let things happen, I have not had mania. Oh, and being off "anti-depressants" has helped a great deal as well. Those things are nuts when not depressed. And, whatever else I am, I am not depressed. I simply do not function. Well, that is my story. Further, I am pretty sure it is correct.
I told this doctor, as I have told others, the problems are not psychological. If for no other reason than that medicines do not work. They can hit a symptom from time to time, but they do not treat the cause. The blood work I did and urinalysis is supposed to be an actual examination of the physical, looking for problems in a number of areas. Oh, this doctor asked if they had not done a solid physical check when I first became ill. I said no. I was suicidal so was branded a psych problem, medical was bypassed completely. (Why would someone who just lost their career and ability to simply wake up and function typically not be suicidal, by the way? Normal response to an abnormal situation, at least to my thinking.)
I did call my friend as I was heading into Logan. He was happy to go out for a bit. I did some grocery shopping, then, as I said, went to that Mexican eatery. He had a meal I would not have contemplated, mango shrimp. That is the second meal he has had there that has knocked his socks off and he is still twitchy about eating that food. For my part, shrimp ceviche and steak fajitas. There is no room for desert, for either of us. Then I let him off at his place, scooted on home, gave the feline terrors some milk, tinkered to relax, doing this, now to bed.
Good night!
Without a hitch.
.
.
Nice, or as the kids say, noice! Things are being tended, the laundry should be ready by the time I take my shower. Coffee has been going, on my second pot which will mostly go into my thermos for the trip. I called and found that I will not be having blood work, so I will be grabbing a spot to eat on the way. And, it looks like I will be doing just fine on time, though I will ask the restaurant to be zippy if they can. A shower, some clothes folded or hung up, another load in the dryer and wash, a meal, and I should be back by mid-afternoon.
Shopping and a meal on the way home. If I am not too terribly tired, I may call my friend on my way into town and ask him if he wants to join me. However, I will not dither on where I am interested in eating. Hmm, though I will offer to pay his way. I have sorely neglected that friendship, food and free food more so, might help to smooth the edges. Life and friendship is like that.
Anyway, just wanted to "Woot!" on my way. Dang it is nice when it all works as proposed! Later. Oh, have a good day.
.
Nice, or as the kids say, noice! Things are being tended, the laundry should be ready by the time I take my shower. Coffee has been going, on my second pot which will mostly go into my thermos for the trip. I called and found that I will not be having blood work, so I will be grabbing a spot to eat on the way. And, it looks like I will be doing just fine on time, though I will ask the restaurant to be zippy if they can. A shower, some clothes folded or hung up, another load in the dryer and wash, a meal, and I should be back by mid-afternoon.
Shopping and a meal on the way home. If I am not too terribly tired, I may call my friend on my way into town and ask him if he wants to join me. However, I will not dither on where I am interested in eating. Hmm, though I will offer to pay his way. I have sorely neglected that friendship, food and free food more so, might help to smooth the edges. Life and friendship is like that.
Anyway, just wanted to "Woot!" on my way. Dang it is nice when it all works as proposed! Later. Oh, have a good day.
After a gradual chipping away...
.
.
I am up before the sun. I already have a fresh load in the washer, the dryer is working on last nights last wash, and I have fresh socks for my SLC run. More, I am going to try and kick out another load or two of dishes. The kitty litter boxes are refreshed and it is my intent to keep it that way. Today, tomorrow, or Sunday, I will give the place a better than rough sweep, and then mop. Another window is here, though I have been working at both getting it and then laying the groundwork for keeping it.
I dreamed of women last night. I have some idea of what indians must have dreamed when they dreamed of buffalo. Herds of women roamed my dreams and caused all sorts of headaches, hiccups, joys, and tomfoolery. To say it was a stiff night would be an understatement. I resisted and resisted and disparaged the notion. This morning, out of harsh need, I strangled the thing like a spring chicken, twice. Just waking up, probably should not have written that, but thar she blows. No, no, puns sneak in all on their own.
I am hoping to get those two loads dry, another load in the wash (which will be the whole lot, so not too bad), get a shower and trim or shave the beard, then head for breakfast. Oh, I had best call to see if they want blood tests, and if so whether they want them fasting. Simply put, I do not remember what was which. A shower was taken last night, and will be taken again today. The shower today should be nothing but refreshing.
I did not make it to the store last night. I often over schedule, more so the more I am doing and capable of doing. I have some kind of notion that being in three places at once, and busy in each place, is possible. Well, innit? Well, no. It isnnit. Ha. What I did yesterday was good though, and I am hoping to do the shopping on the way home. I will offer myself the treat of a meal at my favorite Mexican restaurant if I have 3 gallons of milk, a fifth of a beef, and some other things in my auto, once it is in there. Yeah.
Oh, in my dreams, I was asked by a women if I actually could love a woman. Of course, I suggested. Albeit, I told her, that love will not be how she expects or always what she expects, nor will it even be in the form that I might dreamily fantasize (not the sexual here, that is it's own animal and tends itself... of course, and from my experience my animal side does a good job). No, I can love, deal with, and as my part of it works, manage a woman quite well.
I am a bit hot about my guild in my WoW. They put together a group for dungeons last night, a guild group. Instead of taking the people who have put time into gearing their toons, leveling, and taking the hard knocks of learning their skill and doing random pickup games (pugs) in normal and heroic mode, they took their old friends. So be it. For me, it means looking for another guild. Or, perhaps, rolling my own though that would be more a long term thing I am not so interested in. If I had not been working with and for the guild a lot lately, I could even oversee that a bit. But I have been doing guild runs for lesser achieves, I have been helping other toons (characters) in the guild with this and that, and I have been working my toon heavily. They have lost a potentially excellent member. They did not even bother to tell me that the group was full. They just filled it, went, and left several of us hanging for over a half hour. Rude.
Well, on to a bit of tinkering while the drier dries, the washer washes, and pop-o and kittehs take in the full spectrum of consciousness, life, and each other... Oh... here, kitteh, kitteh, kitteh... Bah, she is being funny today and Sam is like I usually am in the morning. I ought to offer her some morning coffee too. Later.
.
I am up before the sun. I already have a fresh load in the washer, the dryer is working on last nights last wash, and I have fresh socks for my SLC run. More, I am going to try and kick out another load or two of dishes. The kitty litter boxes are refreshed and it is my intent to keep it that way. Today, tomorrow, or Sunday, I will give the place a better than rough sweep, and then mop. Another window is here, though I have been working at both getting it and then laying the groundwork for keeping it.
I dreamed of women last night. I have some idea of what indians must have dreamed when they dreamed of buffalo. Herds of women roamed my dreams and caused all sorts of headaches, hiccups, joys, and tomfoolery. To say it was a stiff night would be an understatement. I resisted and resisted and disparaged the notion. This morning, out of harsh need, I strangled the thing like a spring chicken, twice. Just waking up, probably should not have written that, but thar she blows. No, no, puns sneak in all on their own.
I am hoping to get those two loads dry, another load in the wash (which will be the whole lot, so not too bad), get a shower and trim or shave the beard, then head for breakfast. Oh, I had best call to see if they want blood tests, and if so whether they want them fasting. Simply put, I do not remember what was which. A shower was taken last night, and will be taken again today. The shower today should be nothing but refreshing.
I did not make it to the store last night. I often over schedule, more so the more I am doing and capable of doing. I have some kind of notion that being in three places at once, and busy in each place, is possible. Well, innit? Well, no. It isnnit. Ha. What I did yesterday was good though, and I am hoping to do the shopping on the way home. I will offer myself the treat of a meal at my favorite Mexican restaurant if I have 3 gallons of milk, a fifth of a beef, and some other things in my auto, once it is in there. Yeah.
Oh, in my dreams, I was asked by a women if I actually could love a woman. Of course, I suggested. Albeit, I told her, that love will not be how she expects or always what she expects, nor will it even be in the form that I might dreamily fantasize (not the sexual here, that is it's own animal and tends itself... of course, and from my experience my animal side does a good job). No, I can love, deal with, and as my part of it works, manage a woman quite well.
I am a bit hot about my guild in my WoW. They put together a group for dungeons last night, a guild group. Instead of taking the people who have put time into gearing their toons, leveling, and taking the hard knocks of learning their skill and doing random pickup games (pugs) in normal and heroic mode, they took their old friends. So be it. For me, it means looking for another guild. Or, perhaps, rolling my own though that would be more a long term thing I am not so interested in. If I had not been working with and for the guild a lot lately, I could even oversee that a bit. But I have been doing guild runs for lesser achieves, I have been helping other toons (characters) in the guild with this and that, and I have been working my toon heavily. They have lost a potentially excellent member. They did not even bother to tell me that the group was full. They just filled it, went, and left several of us hanging for over a half hour. Rude.
Well, on to a bit of tinkering while the drier dries, the washer washes, and pop-o and kittehs take in the full spectrum of consciousness, life, and each other... Oh... here, kitteh, kitteh, kitteh... Bah, she is being funny today and Sam is like I usually am in the morning. I ought to offer her some morning coffee too. Later.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A bit more, and more to do.
.
.
Dishes are dragging on, but being done a bit at a time. I have mostly pots and pans left. Ugh! When all else fails, grunt. I will do another batch or two yet tonight. As well, laundry is on the menu. I need clean clothes for my trip tomorrow. And, one last thing. A shopping trip. Milk is a needed commodity, as is meat. Both of which are missing in my home. The one pot that is clean will be used to make rice tomorrow. If I get enough other pots tonight, I might make a batch of beans as well, starting the soaking process before I go to bed. My appointment is early afternoon, so I should be good for it. All of that is already underway, so I have high hopes. The kitchen was even swept and a few other minor details tended... in a rough for now sort of way.
In my recent dreams, I have been looking at people. Mostly watching as they, and myself, make decisions. There are intricacies and personal tastes, but these usually are not compelling enough to cover for really poor decision making. If there is something that can at least be given some blame, it is that people really are overwhelmed by choices, moral imperatives, and details of how life is supposed to be but is not, leaving us gasping for just a bit of peace and quiet. When one side is not poking you in the eye, another is kicking you in the shins, and there seem to be an infinite number of sides, none of which you are on or on well enough not to get poked in the eye. Just a bit of thought.
Well, back to it. Actually, I am mid-cycle on everything so I get to tinker for about an hour. Good night.
.
Dishes are dragging on, but being done a bit at a time. I have mostly pots and pans left. Ugh! When all else fails, grunt. I will do another batch or two yet tonight. As well, laundry is on the menu. I need clean clothes for my trip tomorrow. And, one last thing. A shopping trip. Milk is a needed commodity, as is meat. Both of which are missing in my home. The one pot that is clean will be used to make rice tomorrow. If I get enough other pots tonight, I might make a batch of beans as well, starting the soaking process before I go to bed. My appointment is early afternoon, so I should be good for it. All of that is already underway, so I have high hopes. The kitchen was even swept and a few other minor details tended... in a rough for now sort of way.
In my recent dreams, I have been looking at people. Mostly watching as they, and myself, make decisions. There are intricacies and personal tastes, but these usually are not compelling enough to cover for really poor decision making. If there is something that can at least be given some blame, it is that people really are overwhelmed by choices, moral imperatives, and details of how life is supposed to be but is not, leaving us gasping for just a bit of peace and quiet. When one side is not poking you in the eye, another is kicking you in the shins, and there seem to be an infinite number of sides, none of which you are on or on well enough not to get poked in the eye. Just a bit of thought.
Well, back to it. Actually, I am mid-cycle on everything so I get to tinker for about an hour. Good night.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Pushing it.
.
.
Maybe a little too hard. I do that when I can. A good dinner, more dishes done on balance, and a shove toward a regular day to night schedule. I am twitching, mind you. Staying up way later than I wanted for the second day in a row has left me a bit out of it. But that is what has to be done. No pain no sleep no gain. Ouch, and I mean that.
Tomorrow I do hope to finish the dishes, do a few loads of laundry, and sweep a bit. Nothing much... Just more. Friday is my drive to SLC. A thing I never really look forward to doing. Something I want to do, though, and need to do, probably. My mother called. One of her dear friends, someone who visited every day, died. It is being called a massive heart attach, though she has other suspicions... if natural as well. When you are poor, they just guess and bury you. Unless you live near a "learning college", in which case they process you like a beef carcass. I, from knowing him, am sure that being ignored was the better part of things. I worry about her when certain people die. I will, as I promised her, pray for his soul. But I will pray for her too. As people age, they lose more and more. Old hurts come back. The ghosts can become all they know. The world becomes smaller. So, I pray.
Have a good night. Sleep well and all that jazz. I know I will sleep like a dead man.
.
Maybe a little too hard. I do that when I can. A good dinner, more dishes done on balance, and a shove toward a regular day to night schedule. I am twitching, mind you. Staying up way later than I wanted for the second day in a row has left me a bit out of it. But that is what has to be done. No pain no sleep no gain. Ouch, and I mean that.
Tomorrow I do hope to finish the dishes, do a few loads of laundry, and sweep a bit. Nothing much... Just more. Friday is my drive to SLC. A thing I never really look forward to doing. Something I want to do, though, and need to do, probably. My mother called. One of her dear friends, someone who visited every day, died. It is being called a massive heart attach, though she has other suspicions... if natural as well. When you are poor, they just guess and bury you. Unless you live near a "learning college", in which case they process you like a beef carcass. I, from knowing him, am sure that being ignored was the better part of things. I worry about her when certain people die. I will, as I promised her, pray for his soul. But I will pray for her too. As people age, they lose more and more. Old hurts come back. The ghosts can become all they know. The world becomes smaller. So, I pray.
Have a good night. Sleep well and all that jazz. I know I will sleep like a dead man.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)